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squee
December 4, 2017 at 12:32 am
I got dumped a few days back. We have been physically together for 8 months and 2 months of long distance relationship. We met abroad while studying and we are from the same country. He recently graduated and started working while I am still in my third year. I have generally been a jealous girlfriend which makes him lie about a lot things. So after a month of ldr I started keeping track of his online activity. He asked for a break, I said I appreciate him for who he is and what he have done for me so far and that I will not let it bother me and then we made up. During that week, he was on a work vacation trip and he met his bosses’ daughters. I noticed he started following them on instagram. I questioned him about it, we argued a little then I left it for a bit. Then weeks later I felt like he was not making much effort to stay in touch with me online and when he video calls he is always playing video games. So I felt under appreciated and said let’s not waste each other time if you do not care enough to make me a priority. He said he just wanted to be alone and he can’t cope with what I want in this ldr but if we are single when I get back he want to try it again. Later I discovered that he have been chatting with the bosses’ daughter just as I suspected. He share with her things that he never shared, been hanging out together with his mates and even went for a movie. He complimented her a lot and have asked her what she thinks about him. His friend said she is just a colleague and that he told his friend it’s the girl who is interested in him and not the opposite. He is also talking to random girls a lot besides her. He asked me to forget about him for a bit, that he have a special place for me in his heart and is there if I need his help. I also found out he told his friends to check on me and at the same time was trying to keep the break up a low profile. I am feeling confused as to whether he really wants to continue being with me at some point, does he want to be with her it’s just a phase. Was i in wrong? Should I wait for him to contact me and then apologise? Or am I being delusional that he would want me back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2017 at 2:03 am
Hi Squee,
if he’s really not interested in her, he wouldn’t have continued talking to her.. do you want to try the no contact rule?
Raylene
August 3, 2017 at 4:31 am
Hi Amor,
I’m having a really hard time. My ex-boyfriend and I have a very long history. I had moved to a new town 6 years ago where I first met him. He initially really liked me and wanted to start a relationship but I wasn’t ready for that. We lost contact for about half a year, and then we started talking again and going on dates because we both realized we really had feelings for each other. After that we started dating and continued the relationship for nearly 4 years (3 years and 9 months). For the most part it was great, we had great chemistry and really loved each other. Of course like every couple we had our arguments, but we always got through it. However, during the last 9 months of our relationship I started a new program with school so we spent less time together, which made the relationship a little more difficult. He ended up ending the relationship a day before I moved away for a clinical placement with school, because he said when looking into the future he didn’t get excited anymore. We ended up talking about half way through my being gone and he said we should discuss everything when I got home and hold off on deciding either way until then (which was only 3 weeks away). I agreed and so we did our own thing for 3 weeks. After I got home we met up and talked over everything. He said he still really cares about me and that he wishes he wanted to put the effort in to fix the relationship, but he just doesn’t have a desire to be in a relationship right now with anyone. He told me over and over again that it wasn’t me or anything that I did, but that he just really doesn’t have a desire to put the effort in. He said the thing that made him re-evaluate everything was that a lot of my friends were getting married this summer and it made him start thinking about a future with me, to which he decided he is unsure of. We are very young (21) and I have told him many times that I am in no rush to get married. He seemed very set in his mind that he did not want to try to make the relationship work. However, after we finished talking he walked me back to my car, and started crying and hugging me, and saying over and over again “I’m going to miss you. so much” Every time I would try to walk back to my car and let him go on his way, he would just keep pulling me back in and hugging me and crying and saying the same thing. It really confused me. I was super heartbroken because he was my high school sweetheart and my first love. We had gone through so many great changes together, from entering university and what not, and he really helped shape me into who I am today. Since then I have implemented no contact. Today I am on day 14. But I have no idea what to do. Is it even worth trying to get him back? To me it seems like he doesn’t really need me anymore. But in my heart I know I genuinely want to make things work.
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 5, 2017 at 7:17 pm
Hi Raylene,
Check this one:
My Ex Boyfriend Got Bored With The Relationship
Annie
July 29, 2017 at 4:29 am
I think my ex dumped me to experience other women as you say. He only had one gf before me which was for 2 years in college and we were seeing each other for 5 years. Now he dumped me right before I’m turning 30 saying we both have “better options”. I knew this was bound to happen and the only way he will end up with me for good is when he can’t find better. He would tell me I have everything a guy could want, pretty, successful, he even called me a catch during the break up talk! It’s frustrating that I wasted so much time already and now it may take years and being with other girls for him to realize what he had. I guess it’s true you will never be good enough for a man who isn’t ready. He’s very emotionally immature. I still don’t see myself happy with anyone else and it’s frustrating knowing I can’t speed up the process. Even if I use your methods to get him back quickly he will still feel he didn’t get a chance to experience other women. He’s not even a player though only been with two girls by the age of 30. I blame society for making guys feel they can’t settle down until they have so many experiences first. Guys take longer to become successful these days and in turn take longer to start playing the field before settling down. No wonder so many men don’t even settle down by 40!
Amy
June 30, 2017 at 8:43 pm
When he came back he said he missed me and said if I am single and I said I am and he said he wants to try again and then I did all the mistakes in the book and don’t know how to reverse all these mistakes!
And now he is clearly backing off and seems like all my chances have minimized a great deal! What should I do!
Amy
July 7, 2017 at 8:53 pm
When we first broke up, I was already planning on breaking up with him that’s why I gave him ultimatums to clean his act and told him I need a break from stuff and when I went back, he said that we should break up and that’s it’s not working and I was totally all right with it and told him to block me and he didn’t so I went ahead and blocked him for several months and before the NC period could be completed! I just didn’t want to get back with him anymore but after some more time, I still wanted him but thought it completely impossible so didn’t even thought of trying that’s why so many months passed although I still had feelings for him! Then I just wanted to wish him birthday because I was curious about him! He was cold and distant with me so I exchange mainly some texts with him after 4 months!
Then after a month, he texted me out of the blue when I was just getting on with my life and talked in a pleasant and positive manner with me and it was like old times when we were really best friends too and then he said he will talk to me and then contacted me after a week and then it was constant contact but I should have left all the conversation before him and I should have left him wanting more but I didn’t do that and even had some little spats with him after some weeks and I got invested in him again and thats how all these NC periods got so prolonged!
Now he is extremely distant and I am in no contact as you advised!
I had improved alot but I suffer from depression so when I had a relapse, I went back to old habits! He was very caring during those moments and now he doesn’t seem to care at all!
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 4, 2017 at 5:31 pm
How many times have you done nc?
Valerie
June 29, 2017 at 12:29 am
Hi guys,
I recently broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years. I’m thinking this happened because, while we used to spend virtually all of our time together, he changed schools and suddenly it became hard for us to find enough time together. This was long distance by the way. I definitely was too “clingy” when it came to spending time together, and he was not communicating the issues he was having until the very end, where I did not even fathom that it might end our relationship. Buuuut he did. He seemed really upset but said it was for the best and that he couldn’t give me what I needed in a relationship. I tried 1.5 months of no contact, then I messaged him and we talked about non-relationship stuff. I tried to contact him again but he avoided talking. I am at a complete loss for what to do at this point.
EBR Team Member: Amor
June 30, 2017 at 11:28 am
How much did you improve during nc and how active were you in posting? What were the topics you used in talking to him?
Tanisha
April 29, 2017 at 2:22 pm
So I (23 Y/o) have just come out of a relationship with my boyfriend (21 turning 22) of 6 months we had known each other for 3 years before that and were friendly. He actually initiated our relationship after he liked me for 3 years on and off. I know it was a short relationship but we were extremely close, he practically lived with me while we were finishing uni, we turned into best friends and we wanted to experience new things together. So last week after months of telling me to move in with him after uni, to attend his cousins wedding, to meet the family (which I did on numerous occasions) for him to meet mine, to be put on his car insurance he told me he wanted to break up because he didn’t want to commit and knew I wanted a long term relationship. It also turns out that he thinks he might like some girl from work because she makes him happy and is fun to be around and is a good cook and we had been arguing recently as I had been away for a week. He says he loves me and likes me more but says he thinks she doesn’t want a commitment either and he just wants to give it a try and see what happens, she is leaving to go back to Poland at the end of May but will return late August early September. He also says he sees a future with me but doesn’t want a future right now. This girl found out we broke up last week when he told her and over the weekend she broke up with her bf of 4 years. They are going to a horse racing event alone something that really hits home since that was our first date and he told me he wouldn’t just go with anyone, he also spent 3 -4 hours driving to pick this girl up from the airport regularly since she is from Poland and goes home every other weekend. They work together and have begun spending a lot of time together. It really hurts because I was skeptical of getting with him and he showed me throughout how I shouldn’t be but now I feel like I never really knew him. Help, I know I am young and everyone says I have my whole life ahead of me but I don’t see why that matters. What should I do? I’m scared if i apply the NC rule it will just push him further into her because we live in opposite areas, and he sees this girl everyday and spends evenings with her.
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 30, 2017 at 12:12 pm
check this one:
Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule
Lola
April 23, 2017 at 10:29 pm
Me and my bf have been together for a year and almost two months. For the longest time he was obsessed with me and so good to me. He brought me flowers every week and always put me as his first priority. He sent me long sweet messages and wrote me poems and talked about marriage. He was head over heels. Well back in January we went on a three day vacation and became even closer. But I changed when we got back. I lost feelings for him and told him I was bored and no longer felt the spark. I even went as far as making him flirt with other girls to make me jealous because I read that makes you want someone more. I broke his heart into. But after a few weeks I fell deeply back in love. Only to find that he wasn’t the same. He became selfish, he spent more time with friends than me, I can’t remember the last time he brought me flowers, he says he hates talking on the phone when I ask why he never calls. And it’s stuff like that that made me feel so insecure and constantly question him about how he feels for me. I’ve become so clingy and emotionally needy. I worry all the time. I always try to talk about us with him and he’s become so distant. So finally last night I said I needed a break and he agreed so fast. I said something else and he said “I’m not talking about it right now” and I haven’t heard from him since. He didn’t even try to set guidelines for the break and discuss it first I feel like I’ve been shoved underwater before I got the chance to take a breath. I’m so lost. Is there any hope at all?
EBR Team Member: Amor
April 29, 2017 at 8:00 pm
you mean you’re doing the no contact rule right? If you are, focus on that first. Make the most of it in healing and improving yourself.
Rachel
March 8, 2017 at 10:13 pm
I found out this guy I never even considered to have a relationship with really liked me through one of his friends. He would message me before I found this out and I never really pursued him until two months later I realized I was attracted to him . I heard from one of his friends he was looking for a relationship so that was a good sign to know he was not using me. We started talking and hanging out a few times for a month. The problem is, we are both studying abroad in a couple of months so it was really bad timing, but it did not stop me from wanting to get to know him better even though I knew it would not turn into anything too serious anytime soon. During the last week of us getting really close, he started avoiding me completely. No more texts or calls. One week later, the night of his birthday, I saw him at a party. I went up to him and wished him a happy birthday and one thing led to another and we started kissing at the party. I mentioned to him saying how he was avoiding me and he said “he was busy from finals” … As we were kissing, he said to me “I don’t want a relationship” ….I looked at him and replied, “I obviously know that. The semester ends in three days and we are both studying abroad in different countries” After I said that we started kissing again. That was the last time I heard from. Side note, at the party two of his friends came up to me and said how much they have heard about me. This was news to me since he was avoiding me for a week…. Moreover, when I got to the place I’m studying abroad (I know this may sound stupid) but he stopped liking all of my photos on social media. Even after we stopped talking, he would like my photos… UNTIL, about a week ago he liked a photo out of the blue and he reached out to me briefly messaging me about something, three days before he leaves for his country he is studying abroad at. My question is, do you think the reason why he stopped talking to me was because I was relationship material and he was getting too attached or he just lost interest? But why would he reach out to me randomly right before he leaves when I haven’t heard from him in so long? Also, why is he avoiding all of my photos when he used to like all of them? I know it may sound dumb but welcome to the 21st century and social media. Please respond.
EBR Team Member: Amor
March 12, 2017 at 10:48 am
Hi Rachel,
he probably avoided you because of the impending distance.. Even if he liked you, he might have thought it’s hard to maintain a long distance relationship.
Jackie
February 20, 2017 at 9:27 pm
My ex and I split up up after dating 7 years on and off we were very young grade school when we met love at first site a lot of things happened in our relationship finally my mom kicked me out of the house I was terrified so I asked him to come live with me. We lived together for about a year had loads of fun he met someone else thru a friends gf and we broke up he left i was devastated. He went his way I went mine I moved away for 2 years met a man and married him. So 6 years ago I found him on FB and he wants me back I am already married all those feeling of love and the really good times we had we never fought not even once we are really good together Soul mates we know each other better then anyone knows either of us I am so torn I want him back too I am terrified he came here at Christmas time to see me it was so comfortable like we had never been apart the conversation flowed as well as the tears. I am not even sure he is being truthful even tho he has said he has never lied to me or held anything back I really want to be able to trust him.I have an AMAZING husband but there is still something there between the ex and I.Weare 46 and 48 now and life is so short I am confused as to what to do
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 21, 2017 at 9:50 pm
Hi Jackie,
is it really love or it’s just the feeling of being in love with him?
Katie
February 19, 2017 at 3:24 pm
Hello. I was dating my ex for 1.5 years. We went to Mexico for the new year and had a great time. When we got home I had to spend more time at my place and we both had school and I’m not the biggest fan of his friend/roommate so we just did our thing. We went out in weekends, to a nice dinner and even tried new things in the bed room. The following week I asked if I could take him out and we went out to dinner. We discussed that we’re content with everything we own for our birthday and how we should just do dinner on Valentine’s Day. The next day I got a text that said he was tired of me telling him everything I want and he’s not made of money. I got upset/mad and only short responded to him for the next two days. On Thursday I made a bad choice and kinda just let him know how mad I was over text and how he never comes over so I’m.
Not going over there anymore. He didn’t respond and the next day I came home to all my stuff from his place in my room. I went over there crying that night and he just kept telling me to go home and maybe he miss understood the argument (thought I was breaking up with him). He said at minimum we need a break. The next morning I called him to know what was happening and he said he wanted to break up. He was freaked out about how I would move in (I re assured him that i though we both knew that that wasn’t ideal this year) and he didn’t see me in his future. Shocked all I said was okay. And that’s about it.
That was Saturday feb 4 I planned on messaging him on his birthday march 2, and after an intro asking to take him out for a drink or dinner,
Help?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 20, 2017 at 10:42 pm
Hi Katie,
Are you talking right now? I’m not sure taking him out right away after a break would be the best, since the latest argument is connected to spending money right?
Christine
February 7, 2017 at 3:34 pm
I have been dating this guy for about 3.5 months, things seemed to be going really well…he met my parents without me being around, took care of me when I was sick, we spent lots of time together, etc. He was definitely the pursuer in this relationship and her would say things like, if we make it to that stage or when there…, naturally i got attached. Work started getting crazy for him and he would tell me about how much he hated his job and needed to find something else along with the financial issues he was having as a result. After a great weekend of spending time together recently I was blindsided by a period of limited contact (when i asked if he was ok, he said he promises he was just has a lot on his plate and on his mind). The rest of the week i got the usual “have a good day/good night” messages, but nothing in between and I noticed he posted a quote on social media “the only thing true in this corrupt world is love” and deleted it the next day…this was the last day i heard from him. I finally reached out 3 days later and told him it was ok to talk to me about his issues and I will just listen. 3 hours later i got a break up text…without warning (i swear everything seemed fine up until this point) telling me that “he has too much on his plate and he just doesn’t think it is going to work between us…he’s tried and tried to make himself want it, but can’t. He doesn’t want to lose me and i have been there more than anyone ever has, he wants to keep me but can’t force something and resent me later.”
I was so shocked that i asked what i cold do to fix things and he just kept repeating he doesn’t wan to lose me but can’t do this.
I really care about this guy and want so badly to work things out. I know he is dealing with so much and i think he has some depression going on.
Do i have a chance of getting him back and what steps do i need to take?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2017 at 11:14 pm
Hi Christine,
if he’s just overwhelmed, I think there is a chance..do you want to try the advice above?
Andrea
January 31, 2017 at 7:12 am
Hi Amor, so my ex broke up with me because he wanted to see if he misses me when I’m out of his life and doesn’t know what he wants. He also repeated how I should move on and if I meet someone go for it, he repeated this a few times. How he didn’t want to hold me back. Does that mean that he has no inclination of getting back together? I’m doing 45 days NC and at day 23.
Andrea
February 5, 2017 at 5:53 pm
Thank you, Amor. I have improved myself a lot this last month, except I keep thinking about him. Should I extend my NC time period?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 5, 2017 at 10:39 pm
I think 45 days is enough, just make the most out of what’s left
Andrea
February 1, 2017 at 3:27 am
Do I even have a chance of getting back together with him? Thank you.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 1, 2017 at 2:45 pm
it’s small if you dont improve yourself. As he said he wants you to move on. So the higher chance of getting him back is if he’s convinced you’re moving on and he sees you’re improving, which can make him regret not being with you
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2017 at 3:47 pm
Hi Andrea,
yes, but it can also be out annoyance..
Sari
January 16, 2017 at 9:41 am
Hi,
What if before 30 days no contacts, he text me or call me first? Remembering he owe me some money and he pay me by monthly and he used to send me a screenshoot.
What should I say to him if he does? Just say thanks and continue 30 days no contacts, or I just read his message without say a word?
Please help me, I just broke up with him last Wednesday and really want him to come back.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 16, 2017 at 8:07 pm
Hi Sari,
yup, just say thanks..
Char
January 9, 2017 at 11:46 pm
Hey,
Jan 10th 2017.
My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me before Christmas and it was the hardest thing I have ever been through. We had some time apart and learnt a lot about each others mistakes. During this break time he was messaging a girl from his work who likes him and is very forward. We have since reconciled, deciding we love each other and want to be together, but he is still messaging this girl, saying he will ‘sort it out’ and that he is ‘just being friendly’. How do I deal with this? Everything is so new and fragile again and I don’t want to come off being bossy and controlling? I have said I trust him but I want it to be clear she will not be in the picture.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 10, 2017 at 8:18 pm
Hi Char,
set a time on until when you would let him do that and then talk to him at that time if he’s still talking to him.
Jing
January 8, 2017 at 2:38 pm
Hey my ex broke up with me 2 days ago saying that we’re not compatible. However, before our final parting, he held me close kissed me touched and didn’t want me to leave. I was the one who told him I had to leave because I don’t see a point in dragging it on if he’s not going to changing his mind. At the end I told him if he does change his mind in the next week he can text me. Should I text him at the very end of the next week or should I do no contact right away ?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 8, 2017 at 10:07 pm
Hi Jing,
if he doesn’t text, that means he didn’t change his mind..then that’s when you do nc
Jay
December 17, 2016 at 6:46 am
Hi,
My partner of 4 1/2 yrs and I were doing well before but due to environmental factors, were forced to be in a long distance relationship since Jan of this year. 4 months ago, we started having more frequent arguments due of which I sensed he was having somebody on the side. Communication became infrequent. 3 months ago, he went MIA for 3 weeks and I found out he was flirting with someone at work. Broke up with him thru e-mail, got back together after 3 days (didn’t plead but told him how I still loved him), everything went ok. 2 months ago, he started the same communication problem, heard rumors about him having women on the side. I went back home for a vacation but worked on the side (still on LDR) to keep my mind busy. Plan was for him to be spend his vacation with me but that changed the day he was supposed to have arrived. Got an e-mail that he decided to go home to clear his thoughts. I told him he doesn’t know what he wants in life so this would be good plus it would also help me think about things. Did NC since then. A few days ago (exactly a month of NC) got an e-mail from him that we should both move on as I was right about being apart making people grow apart and that he hopes I would understand. Didn’t reply as I didn’t feel it was right to reply with emotions. Still doing NC and I don’t know if there still is a chance for us. I’m slowly trying to move on with my life and improving myself. However, the pain of what he did sometimes still dampens everything — especially when I start being hopeful that someone is out there meant for me. He hasn’t attempted any contact after that e-mail either. I’m thinking the reason he maneuvered all these things to happen is because he already has been seeing someone else even before we broke up — which explains the lack of communication and rumors. The dumb part of me is still half hoping though. Does anyone think he will in the future?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 20, 2016 at 1:42 pm
Hi Jay,
You’re probably right. He just used the one month nc as excuse.. It’s more likely that he did cheat.. its like a grass is greener case.. check the link below.. But right now, even if you’re still in nc, how much did you improve?
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
chasha
November 25, 2016 at 12:48 pm
my boyfriend and me we were so happy…because of my past experiences guys who never loved me for real i expected more love from him…his ex girlfriend cheated him with other guy and this he came to know when we were in relation.he loved me for 5years.after that he fell in love with another girl(his ex).but she left him.after that i realized his love on me and i said ok.but now he brokeup saying i always cry im over expecting and his ex cheated him.he thinks that he cant satisfy me.i know he loves me.but he dont want to love anyone.none his friends nor my friends are happy with his decision.because they know about his love.will he come back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 27, 2016 at 5:46 pm
Hi Chasha,
Sorry, I don’t understand. Please correct me if I’m wrong. You were together for 5 years, during that 5 years he found out his ex cheated on him, and then after 5 years he loved another girl? But he broke up with you because you’re clingy? When did you actually break up?
Jane
October 22, 2016 at 8:58 pm
Hello, so my ex of 3 1/2 years broke up with me for the fourth time about 20 days ago. We have been on an off in those three years, due to trust issues of mine, because of his lying here an there. No cheating at all but when we do argue, I do have a bad temper and things escalate quickly and he shuts down and doesn’t want to talk about anything or communicate at all. He is 30 and I am 24. We have been on for about a year, which was an awesome year for us. We traveled to many countries and states, do all the same sports together and just have everything in common. I also recently adopted a dog for us as well which he now has. Anyways, he broke up with me the same was as always, we have a heated arguement, he doesn’t want to talk about it, i don’t want to leave bc I want to get through the conflict, he makes me leave. I left him alone for a weekend. Let things cool off and tried to reach out to discuss what happened. He sends a text saying he doesn’t want to be with me and that we are unhealthy, and that I am never going to change, and that I showed him what he doesn’t want in his future. Blah blah. So I left him alone, was going to start no contact, which I have done every time and so far it has worked wonders on him… But I saw him add all these girls he used to talk to on his Instagram and Facebook. Which I think he did to be spiteful bc we did exchange some harsh words the night of the arguement.. Which by the way was bc I caught him lying again. Even if their small lies I just don’t understand why he can’t be honest. To when I find out something like that I feel that he hasn’t changed, so how am I supposed to grow and better myself if he is Doing things he knows may cause me to get upset. Every time we break up, I go straight nc, I never break nc ever. I’m pretty stubborn about it. Anyways, this time two days after the break up I saw him adding these old tinder girls back online that he used to talk to during our last break up, and I bugged out and he blocked me from everything and told me to leave him the f alone. So I stopped talking to him. He’s been going out a lot to bars with friends as I see they always post pictures of him at bars, which he never likes going to bars bc he feels he’s too mature for those younger places.. Every time I go no contact for roughly a month, he eventually starts to come back. Last time I didn’t bug, he messaged me for two weeks, begging for me back. Made me a scrap book, tried to take my parents out for dinner, tried to see me in places I would go, just all around being more crazy then I have ever been about getting him back. So eventually after he cried saying he wanted five minutes of my time after he knows he messed up, I left him speak, he said all those girls are just a distraction, he tries to move on and keep busy. He really doesn’t have that many friends.. And that’s the truth so I can see why he would talk to so many random people who give him attention. He said he didn’t want to lose his best friend, he wants to get engage in Italy where I want to be proposed, he wants to be apart of my family and have children with me one day. He said he would go to therapy wth me and do whatever it takes. Which we did go to therapy. For most of that year he had improved a lot. And so did I. But every now and then he would slip up, and I did as well with my temper. So here we are he’s back to dropping me and cutting me off. I’m 22 days nc. I’m also leaving for Thailand tomorrow for an entire month.. Which I’m pretty sure he should remember that I was going on Sunday.. Also our dogs first birthday is on Tuesday which was very important to me and I was actually going to go to Thailand late just to be there for that and Halloween. I know this is a cycle, and not a good one. Every year for the past three years he has left me in the last week of September.. I think I was getting a little nervous and anxious and I even discussed that wth him before this break up that I felt uneasy and worried. He told me he thought about breaking up but he’s not going to bc he loves me. Then sure enough we have a fight and he makes these emotional rash decisions to leave when things get a little rocky. One time he came back after three months.. That was our worst break up. He was seeing a girl, and I had pretty much moved on.. He then broke up wth her and contacted my family to see if it would be appropriate to reach out to me. We rekindled and were great. Second time it took him about a month I think. And then some time in between we broke up for a week. It was a petty fight. And the last time he came back in 34 days but I didn’t take him back for a little while bc I wanted him to know I was hurt. I am of course worried he will find someone else, or that he will try to be wth those old girls or exs. I’m also worried he’s scared to reach out bc I barely took him back last time, and or maybe he thinks I won’t change. I have been working on me since I realized my anger problem. I have been doing it for me the whole time. I am young and am growing and maturing. I have potential to better myself. And he knows that. He just loses patience. I’m sure my chances are lower because it’s been so many times, sometimes I feel my chances are higher because it has been a cycle. But either way, I’m wondering how do I get him to want to be with me, and stay with me. He fully commits when we do get back together everytime but I don’t want things to slowly fall apart. Is the no contact going to even work at this point since its been done before years ago. I know he needs space any way to cool off. But once again he is taking he same actions to block me and talk to other people until he realizes he doesn’t want to be with out his best friend. At least that’s what he told me. I want to be with him, but I’m afraid taking him back each time will only make him think I will every time. And that is not fair to me to be taken advantage of.
Jane
October 29, 2016 at 4:22 am
Okay. Two weeks seems so soon to me. We have gone like this for almost three months once before. I don’t even know what I would say to him after all this time, and after what he has done. Apart of me feels he doesn’t deserve for me to reach out after what he did to me…
Jane
October 27, 2016 at 3:16 pm
Debbie,
I never contacted him at all during all or break ups. He is very stubborn as well and set in his ways too. I never gave in ever, not for a holiday or a birthday. And even when he did message me, I didn’t respond for at least a week sometimes. I made him wait and regret giving me the silent treatment. Only thing is, none of my break ups were totally my fault. I mean he says he broke up with me because I got nasty and fought with him, but the reason for that was because I caught him lying or doing stupid shit that made me mad. And he realized, don’t do stupid crap and she won’t get mad. Lol so idk how your situation would be but in my opinion not contacting him is the best option because if it was your fault then give him time to cool off clear his head and or get over what has happened.
Jane
October 27, 2016 at 5:22 am
I agree with you as well. I’m in Thailand now with a friend for a month and enjoying my time here. I definitely will extend no contact. But how long should I let it go on for. He is very stubborn so I feel he may be playing a game. He always tries to find new people to talk to and ends up coming back.. Hopefully he doesn’t find someone to fulfill him more then me. Do you think he will come around? Or should I eventually reach out first?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 10:01 pm
maybe another two weeks? Let’s hope he does, especially if he sees that you’re really moving on..
Debbie
October 25, 2016 at 11:14 pm
Hi Jane, thanks for the reply. I just wanted to ask though…..has he come back to you all the times or have you initiated contact? I’m just worried because he is an older guy, very stuck in his ways and VERY stubborn! I’m not painting him out to be something he’s not but this was 100% my fault. I just want him to remember how good we were and at the moment he is burying his head in the sand. I was NC for 4 days and when I did contact him again he was quite receptive. He just wasn’t initiating contact with me
Jane
October 25, 2016 at 8:53 pm
Thank you for responding Amor! I aopreciate it. Should I just stay in no contact until he reaches out then? I’m not going to lie I am pretty upset and feel I would feel stupid to try and talk to him after he won’t let me see our dog on his birthday today, and for adding all those girls, I feel like I would be a fool to reach out and try to be civil. I just don’t want him to think this is acceptable for him to do and tha I will forgive that. I know it’s not a game, but I’m not ready to give in and speak to him since he made this choice. Also do what do you think it means when he’s posting so many pics of social media and adding so many people. Girls and guys? Is he bored, seriously interested? Or actually getting on with his life? Or trying to put up a front because he still has all my friends and family on there.. Also he still has all our photos on his Instagram. Usually he deletes that stuff right away.. I know there are no mind readers, but I’m wondering if he is playing a little game here
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 10:23 pm
You’re welcome! Yeah, he’s probably bored but that can also mean he’s trying to find another person to talk to, make new friends to have fun with.. which is something you should actually do but in a more healthy way… like in volunteering or in the new things that you are doing. If you want to extend no contact, that’s ok.. I actually think you should, because it looks like you need more time for yourself to heal and improve..
Jane
October 25, 2016 at 3:55 pm
Hi Debbie! The first time he left me three years ago it was for about 3 months, and he was seeing someone else at the time. The then the second time he came back in a week, third time he took 34 days, and this time who knows . Each time was just as hard. But once I got through the first two weeks, I literally told myself that it takes two to break it and we were both at fault. Also I did beg for him back the first time and didn’t leave him alone and all that did was annoy him and turn him off and make him take longer to miss me and have his own thoughts gathered. It was hard, I cried all the time, slept all day, but then I started to keep busy, I went out a lot, even just drove around town just to get out and clear my head. I started doing yoga, I started going to my mma classes a whole lot more and made myself too busy to worry. Also I thought to myself if it’s meant to be he will come back. And if he finds someone else, maybe that person will make him miss me.. And it did both times.. Or maybe he’s not ready to settle and left and came back. Who knows. But I’m not as naive now and I had the ball in my court the last time and made him beg me. You have to stay strong. Just remember the more you break Nc the less chance it’s going to work. You are prolonging the missing eachother part, and you don’t want him to feel like he made the right decision bc you won’t leave him alone. I’m having a hard time now only because I’m thinking oh maybe he’ll be back bc he always comes back, but then I’m like oh don’t get your hopes up bc maybe he won’t this time bc we have tried so many times, and I know he is talking to an ex and some girls from dating sites. Just keep busy, keep your head up. The world doesn’t stop spinning for anyone.. So don’t stop living your life and being happy. I have been telling myself lately, I don’t want to be with someone who makes me feel like I’m hard to love. Be confident that you are a good catch and that they are missing out. They will soon realize.
Debbie
October 24, 2016 at 2:25 pm
Hi Jane, I hope you don’t mind me contacting you. I’ve just read your situation and it is similar to mine with the way you are about trust and him lying. I was with my guy a year and he dumped me for the first time two weeks ago. I only managed NC for 5 days then I broke and messaged him. I was just wondering how long it took your ex to come back to you the first time he dumped you and how you did it? Its obvious that my ex is still blaming me and feels like the victim but I want him to start realising how good we were together and miss me!… You sound like you are a lot stronger than me!
Jane
October 24, 2016 at 5:37 am
Okay. Do you think he will even come back? A lot of people say they always do.. But in my case, because he has done this a lot, do you think the chance is still there that he will? I am nervous this trip to Thailand will hurt my chances for some reason. Thank you for responding!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 8:04 pm
with on and off chances there is a higher chance that he will go back..the question is, will the cycle change..
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 11:54 pm
hi Jane,
You need to think about that during nc.. think about until when you want to give him chance
Irene
October 21, 2016 at 5:19 pm
Hi
Suppose I post a picture on facebook having a fun time party with some girls and guys. What if my ex thinks that I have moved on and that he should move on too. i.e. what if my ex doesn’t even take a single effort to get me back since he was the one who broke up with me?
Lynn
December 23, 2016 at 1:54 am
Jane, what ended up happening!!?
Your story is somewhat similar to mine
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 22, 2016 at 2:17 pm
Hi Irene
even if you did the no contact rule and now that it’s your second, it will not be that effective if you were not actively improving yourself and being active in social media too..like that, yes you have to post that because it would be better that he thinks you’re moving on instead of him thinking that you’re still waiting for him
Michaela
October 18, 2016 at 3:38 pm
Me and my ex have been together off and on for 2 years. He always seems to leave me for another girl. This last time he said he’s done and he’s never coming back.. we have a child together too. I want to make things work because I do love him and we are so alike and we were best friends. Do you think we will ever be happy or get back together? I don’t know if I put too much stress on him because he has to take care of his little siblings like they are his own and then I get mad at him for not helping me with our child? Everyone loved us together. My family loved him and his family loved me. Now it just seems like he is done for good but I don’t want to be. He has a new girlfriend now. They started dating a couple days after we broke up. Idk if he is happy or not. We don’t talk anymore. If we do its that he wants to see his son. And that’s it. We had gotten into a big fight when we broke up this last time. What do you think?
Debbie
October 20, 2016 at 4:25 pm
Well I have an update…….Unfortunately I broke NC yesterday after 5 days!……I rang him about a birthday present I’d given him. It was a voucher for a day out and I wasn’t sure if he had it or I did. Anyway, we texted all afternoon and the convo was good. I threw in a few nice messages about fun times we’d had. He told me he was trying not to think about what had happened between us, which I was slightly concerned about at first, that he wasn’t moving on and this hadn’t been easy for either of us. When I asked about the relationship he said that we are both “have wounds that haven’t stopped bleeding” When I mentioned him moving on he threw the fact I had been out for lunch with my male friend last week….but then said….its not an issue…..you are welcome to do what you want with your mates, i’ve never got arsey.
I called him this morning and we had a really nice chat for 45 minutes. We didn’t talk about the relationship. He was very chatty and it was me who eventually said I had to go because I had things to do and he told me to have a nice day…..as though he was expecting me to keep in touch. I’m not sure what I should do now. I though maybe go NC for another few days then speak again. I don’t know if I’m just being optimistic but he seems to be coming round….maybe he just needs the few days space. What do you think I should do? He has never ignored my texts or calls and has never told me to leave him alone. I’m not “bombarding him” with texts or calls and I’m keeping things very light and friendly.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 1:27 pm
Hi Michaela,
You need to listen to this.
EBR 056: My Ex Boyfriend Cheated On Me Multiple Times… What Do I Do?