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517 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Want To Come Back After A Breakup?”

  1. joline

    June 3, 2014 at 12:03 am

    Hi Chris, i implemented NC on my ex. A week before it ended he texted me about my book that I asked him to return way back. I found it a complete okay reason to reply to him but he changed the topic to a random one and then I followed your advice on the ways to reply to an ex.

    After a week he texted me again and suddenly asked me to watch a movie with him. I rejected because there was not even a constant communication between us before he asked me out.

    He didnt even bother texting me again to return the book too..

    What does his action mean? Does it mean he thinks of me and there are chances that we may go back together? Was he testing the waters? Or was he just bored?

    1. admin

      June 5, 2014 at 5:09 pm


      Testing the waters…

  2. Anonymous

    June 2, 2014 at 7:11 pm

    Hey Chris,

    What if the “ex” wasn’t a serious boyfriend but more of a casual friends with benefits for 2 years – would your advice / strategy apply in the same way? And what if you didn’t really emotionally connect because you were guarded, is there a way to connect with him now? thanks!

    1. admin

      June 5, 2014 at 5:01 pm

      I think it would be very similar yes.

  3. gwen

    June 2, 2014 at 3:38 pm

    Hi Chris. I’ve tried posting before but kept getting computer problems. Here’s my issue. My ex and I broke up a few years ago and he and I both have been in relationships after the breakup. While he was with his last girlfriend He told me how he wishes that he had given me another chance and how much he still loved and missed me. They have since broken up (quite some time ago). About 2 months ago he asked when we could hang out again. We decided on a place but never said a time/day. That was 2 months ago and I haven’t heard from him since and I know that he’s on dating sites. This is probably the dumbest question that anyone has ever asked you, but since I haven’t heard from him in at least 2 months and he’s on dating sites is this essentially his way of saying that he’s no longer interested?

    1. admin

      June 5, 2014 at 4:55 pm

      Hi Gwen,

      Hackers tried attacking my website a few days ago so you werent the only one who had a hard time posting.

      Not necessarily. He may be distant but he may also still be interested down the road.

      What have you done so far to get him back?

    2. gwen

      June 5, 2014 at 6:21 pm

      Hi again Chris, thanks for the reply. Well for the past few years I have done EVERYTHING WRONG, including but not limited to being a text gnat, asking how he feels about me constantly, trying to be the initiator of plans (long story short I was chasing him). He would always say that I pressured him too much, which is true. After doing everything wrong for so long I have been trying to do the right things. I haven’t been blowing up his phone or email and I was actually surprised when almost 2 ½ months ago he asked when could we hang out. Now he’s on these dating sites so I figured that he’s no longer interested since we 1- broke up so long ago 2-he’s been in serious relationship after we broke up (he’s no longer in) 3- he’s on dating sites. I really don’t want to initiate contact here since I have so much in the past, but after 2 ½ months isn’t this more a show of his disinterest in me? I feel so lost.

    3. admin

      June 6, 2014 at 5:16 pm

      How long was his serious relationship for?

    4. gwen

      June 6, 2014 at 5:26 pm

      Their relationship was about 7 months long, and throughout it he kept telling me what a mistake he made with getting into a relationship with her, how he now had the clarity to see what we could have and should have worked on, how he missed me (etc).

    5. admin

      June 7, 2014 at 4:39 pm

      And hes done with her now?

    6. gwen

      June 7, 2014 at 6:48 pm

      Hi Chris. Yes, he broke up with her quite some time ago.

    7. gwen

      June 8, 2014 at 11:37 pm

      So what’s your honest opinion?

    8. admin

      June 9, 2014 at 3:11 pm

      About what specifically?

    9. gwen

      June 10, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      I’m replying to your last question here at the top instead of where you posted since it won’t give me the option to reply at the bottom: To answer your question I haven’t made any attempt to contact him since he asked when we could hang out. I figured at this point if he’s interested he’ll initiate, especially since it was his idea to hang out. Do you agree?

    10. admin

      June 11, 2014 at 4:24 pm

      Yes, but he could be thinking,

      “Why do I always have to initiate with her..”

    11. gwen

      June 9, 2014 at 3:19 pm

      Is the fact that since I haven’t heard from in 2 ½ months and the fact that he’s on dating site essentially mean that he’s not interested in me anymore since our breakup was so long ago?

    12. admin

      June 10, 2014 at 3:29 pm

      It could mean that. Youve made attempts to contact him during this time?

  4. jess

    June 2, 2014 at 3:06 pm

    After 6 weeks NC my ex texted me and asked me out for coffee. I gave a somewhat cold reply declining. After that I saw him once on the street and I slowed down my pace but he was on the phone and walked right past. I feel he may have purposely ignored me. It’s been two weeks since that incident. Can I text him?

    1. admin

      June 5, 2014 at 4:51 pm

      Absolutely you can… Honestly, I would have taken the cofee!

    2. Jess

      June 8, 2014 at 9:36 am

      Thanks for your reply! So I did text him and I told him I watched a movie that reminded me of him and he asked what movie and then replied “lol”. I then congratulated him on the birth of his neice and be said thankyou and that was it. I feel a bit awkward making conversation again, especially a “down memory lane” text because I feel a bit snubbed by his lack of effort in continuing the conversation. How do I approach this?

    3. admin

      June 8, 2014 at 8:25 pm

      Give it time… you are going to have to prime him and ease him into it a bit.

    4. Jess

      June 12, 2014 at 2:23 am

      Thankyou again 🙂 alright so we breifly met up, I initiated it but it seemed like he wanted me to. It wasn’t a long meet up, when I was leaving he tried to hug me and I pulled away but he was like “no” and he pulled me to him and kissed me on the cheek. Then he was like “see you soon”. We both go to the same university. I don’t want to be “chasing” again, should I wait for him to intiate contact or should I “casually” :p bump into him or should I wait a few days and drop a normal text?

  5. LR

    June 2, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    We’ll I find myself in a bit of a pickle here. My ex and I broke up at the end of March after dating for nearly two years. He moved on to a new gf a week after we broke up and they’ve been dating ever since. Because of this we’ve been in no contact for the duration of our break up, other than 1 or two ‘logistical msgs’
    We’ll I recently found out that his new gf has been cheating on him since they started dating. A mutual friend of ours told him about her cheating but he didn’t believe him, his response was it is just rumors people are starting because they don’t like his new gf. I’ve seen prove and I know that it’s very true
    Now personally I’m on the fence about if I even want him back, I miss him and love him and care for him deeply but I was really hurt by how he moved on so quickly and easily with this girl as if I never even existed, he hasn’t once even tried to contact me during our break up. But regardless of that I still feel nobody deserves to be humiliated and cheated on and I want him to know and believe the truth so he can stop wasting his time with her before he gets more involved and more hurt.
    I don’t know what to do though. I feel I can’t be the one to talk to him because he won’t believe me either, he’ll probably just see it as a way for me to try and hurt him or as a ploy to get him back. I’m willing to do just about anything for him to know the truth though, do you have any advice at all about how I’m supposed to handle the situation and what I could do.

    1. Taryn

      June 3, 2014 at 5:33 pm

      Hey girl!

      Sounds like this new girl is a rebound. And it is very likely that truth will come out to him on it’s own. This girl will not last him long. Unfaithful reminds never do. He will find out. And it will hurt him. But all you can do, and what Chris would suggest, is do your 30 days of NC. Work on yourself. Become an ungettable girl. And win him back yourself. It’s not necessary for you to tell him about her cheating. If he didn’t believe the other person, he won’t believe you either. He will think you are desperate and trying to ruin what he has. But his new girl will ruin herself. You will be there for him after the fact. If you follow Chris’s program.

      There is hope!

    2. Taryn

      June 3, 2014 at 5:34 pm

      Unfaithful rebounds*

  6. Natalie

    June 2, 2014 at 10:47 am

    Hey Chris I cannot find the page I left my previous comment on. But I feel more confused than ever. I told you about my short term ex that broke up with me. I followed your NC then txted and talked about he was very short but quick to reply. You said to make it more interesting.

    Shortly after he started going out of his way to chat to me. I was going to his town so asked him for coffee, and he turned it into lunch at a nice restaurant and paid! We kept chatting casually. I visited his town again and we went for dinner. He walked me to the train station with his arm around me and waited an hour for my train, watching me leave. He kept touching my arm or leg or waist so all good signs right?

    We were supposed to do something this week when I am back. He kept ignoring or brushing over my question if we were doing something in chat, then said he was too busy. I was fed up of the game so said I would see him in 3 months when I return to his town for studies but he has to ask to see me from now because I am sick of him ignoring me. I told him I was confused by what he wanted and he said “i never told you I want anything” to which I asked why he kept touching me like that and told me I should live in his apartment when I come back for studies if he wanted just friendahip.

    I am 26 and he is 31. I wanted to be mature and upfront about it but he turned so cold and then ignored me when I wanted to talk about it.

    Why the hot and cold behaviour? Did I ruin all progress by telling him I was sick of him ignoring me?

  7. Sofia

    May 31, 2014 at 7:08 pm

    Help! He hasn’t talked to me and completely ignored me for 3 months!!!!! Three!!
    He was really mad at me because I became a text gnat after the break up. Do you think he’s still angry? Is he over me? Is it time to move on?. I’m so incredible depressed

    1. admin

      June 2, 2014 at 2:37 pm

      I think the fact that hes ignoring you means he is still thinking about you.

      The only way thats not happening is if you did something so horrible that he wants to cut you out completely.

  8. cris

    May 30, 2014 at 6:52 pm

    let’s say i’m better than most guys. that’s i’m in a phd programme and i’m doing my best in becoming the one of the best in the world in my domain. and my ex… is not that enthusiastic about me being my best. because he is smart, but not that ambitious/willing to work hard. be could be better than me in his domain, but just would not even try it.

    i almost felt (when i was in college and we were together) that he envies my power of studying and my scientific results.

    what do i do to get him back? if i’m my best, i obviously annoy him. how can i be a normal, just-a-bit ambitious gal?

    1. admin

      May 31, 2014 at 3:51 pm

      Is he insecure about your success or something?

    2. cris

      June 2, 2014 at 4:53 pm

      i don’t know.
      he kept on telling me when i broke up with him (3y ago) that i will not do a thing with my vet med school and that i’d better quit and get a job (i was in top 5 in my class and co-author to several scientific papers).

      and that annoyed me a lot, since he met me when i was in my first year of study (c’mon, didn’t i told him i had six years ahead?).

      he’s great – smart, pretty, not fat – and i never thought he could be jealous on me, because of our different work interests.

      that is why when i got a job (decent, nice one, like his), i was curious about his opinion, which seemed better and we hooked up nicely. but maybe i’m too much…

      maybe he’s torturing me to get revenge. or he’s moved on to a normal girl… :((

      i really need a (real) man’s opinion.

    3. admin

      June 5, 2014 at 5:00 pm

      He’s pretty?

      Hahaha that made me laugh.

      Let me ask you something. Is he the type that would go for revenge?

    4. cris

      June 8, 2014 at 6:17 am

      i really can’t tell.
      i don’t remember him going for revenge. he used to ignore those bothering him, but those weren’t exes trying to communicate with him.

  9. ray

    May 30, 2014 at 1:05 pm

    I was very hurt from d way my bf treated me from last couple of years. I told him 1000 times not to do dis but it had no impact on him. He takes my every feeling whether i m hurt or disappointed, as a joke. He keeps on asking “whats wrong wid u” even whn he knws d reason.
    I also wanted to feel pampered and loved by him, but he always think about his priorities and need and comfort etc. I m almost nothing. He sometimes never calls even whn i notices my call or msg. Whn i ask, he shouts at me and switches off. Blocks me. I dont like all dis. I always wanted love from him but he did dis.

    From last 3 days, i was nt attending his calls. But he started calling me continuously. I told him” i cant take it any longer. I cant tolerate ur behaviour towards me even after telling u so many times”. He said “ok. Bye”
    He never contacted me since den. This breakup was initiated by me coz i was very hurt and he was ok wid it. He didnt stopped me a single time. But i still love him and want him.

    Do i have a chance still, if i go NC? Pls advice me chris.

    Thanks a lot in advance.

    1. admin

      May 31, 2014 at 3:49 pm

      Yup keep in NC.

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