How do you make an ex come crawling back?

Well, that’s what we are here to explore as today I am going to give you my four best tips.

Oh and for reference going forwards when I say “crawling back” I’m not referring to making your ex do this,

“Crawling back” refers to the fact that they came back.

That’s it, plain and simple.

Are you ready to rock?

4 Ways To Make My Ex Come Crawling Back

Exploring ways to make an ex come crawling back is always exciting.

Why?

Because most of the clients that I work with are trying to get exes back that want nothing to do with them.

But what if I were to tell you that if you understood four simple tricks your life would be ten times easier with your ex.

Sounds too good to be true, right?

It’s not!

Here’s what I want you to focus on,

  1. Understand Leverage Theory
  2. You Have To Be Willing To Lose Your Ex To Get Your Ex
  3. Cultivate An Image They Adore
  4. Be Excited When You Talk To Them

Let’s dissect these four tips.

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Tip #1: Understand Leverage Theory

People always ask me how to make someone who doesn’t want to cooperate, cooperate.

My answer is always the same, find leverage.

I’m not going to lie to you.

Most of the people that I work with fail to get their exes back. It’s not because they get bad advice. On the contrary, they get great advice.

They fail simply because they don’t understand that they have no leverage.

When your ex doesn’t have a reason to want to get back with you they aren’t going to.

Have you ever heard the phrase,

You don’t parley when you’re on the back foot?

It was muttered in a show called Peaky Blinders by the ultimate bada$$ Tommy Shelby,

I know I just quoted a fictional character but I think there is a lot of truth to the quote.

The interpretation for the quote is very simple.

If you approach life from a position of weakness you’ll get eaten alive.

In other words, find leverage over everyone you deal with in some way, shape or form and the world is your oyster.

Leverage can come in many forms.

  • Envy (having others envy you)
  • Expertise
  • Beauty
  • Brains

Here’s all that you care about in this context.

Whatever leverage you have over your ex needs to directly relate to them wanting you back.

I’ll give you a quick example.

As shallow as this will be this is a great example of leverage,

Again, it’s super shallow but it’s something you can work with.

If your ex thinks that you were the most beautiful person they ever dated then you know for a fact that is going to factor into their reasoning for potentially wanting you back.

Go all in on this and find ways to accentuate your beauty.

Tip #2: You Have To Be Willing To Lose Your Ex To Get Your Ex

Someone comes to my website and signs up for a coaching session with me or one of my coaches.

In other words, they have pulled out their pocketbook and literally paid me money to help them get their ex back.

They are willing to invest into solving this problem.

I get on the phone and tell them,

You want to get your ex back too much and that puts you in a position of weakness.

This upsets them because they can’t just “turn off” their feelings for their ex.

It’s a problem I encounter every single day.

Last week I produced a video where I talked about the common themes and trends I’m noticing among the success stories,

There was actually one common trend I see that I forgot to include in the video.

The fear of loss

Often that fear of loss can even be used as leverage.

Allow me to explain.

I’ve always been fascinated by car salesman.

More specifically, I am fascinated by peoples disgust with them. I think it stems from this silly idea that people don’t like to be “sold to” and that is all car salesman do.

Consider for a moment how much the average car salesman makes.

There’s a vast discrepancy between great salespeople (who sell 20+ cars a month) and bad salespeople (who might struggle to sell 8 cars in a month). A salesperson who moves 20 cars a month is probably going to earn $6-$8k, while a salesperson who can only move 8 cars a month is likely to earn minimum wage.

(Source)

Think about this statement for a moment.

A car salesman who can sell 20 cars a month consistently will probably make six figures a year.

A car sales man who sells half of that will barely crack $36,000 a year.

People walk in to buy a car with the wrong mentality completely.

We think that the salesman has all the leverage when in reality we do.

When I was 11 years old my father was in the market for this hunk of junk,

He took me to about three different car dealerships trying to work the prices down so the gas guzzler would be more affordable.

It was like watching an artist paint his masterpiece.

I’ll never forget that at one point one of the salesman wouldn’t budge on his price and my dad, who had me, my brother and my mom with him just got up and left in the middle of the guy talking.

It was so powerful that they guy didn’t know what to do.

He lowered the price right before we exited the building.

Fear of loss is powerful.

My dad understood that while a new car would be nice he didn’t absolutely need it.

The salesperson did.

That’s the problem I see with a lot of my clients.

They aren’t willing to go to a level where they will lose their ex.

But that is what is required.

You can’t win at chess without sacrificing a few pieces.

Always remember that.

Tip #3: Cultivate An Image They Adore

This tip really works best if you understand my leverage theory above.

Once you know what kind of leverage you have over your ex it’s your job to cultivate it to its fullest.

For some people it will be beauty.

Like I said above,

But that won’t be everyone.

Others may find that their exes are attracted to their life.

A few days ago I watched a movie called, “A Star Is Born” which was written and directed by Bradley Cooper.

It was good.

It was really good.

For me any movie that can make me feel multiple emotions in the span of a few hours is doing it’s job. I’ve always been fascinated at the essence of how this occurs.

Where does the writer get their inspiration to come up with these ideas.

As an aspiring writer myself I like to go down that rabbit hole.

That’s when I stumbled across this interview from Mr. Cooper,

In it he talks a little bit about his experience when he first moved to Hollywood and became friends with people who were very successful.

A night out with these very popular celebrities wasn’t like a night out at home where he grew up.

He talks about how thrilling and a little jarring it was to experience it first hand.

I found it interesting to bring up in this discussion because that’s kind of what I used to think about the people who I was attracted to from afar.

I’d see them go to these amazing parties and experience these amazing things and I always felt a little left out.

Like I was on the outside looking in.

This is the exact experience that you need your ex to go through.

There is a longing to be part of the excitement.

So, the more you can cultivate your life to be this way the more you are setting yourself up for success.

Tip #4: Be Excited When You Talk To Them

One thing I’ve learned in my 29 years on this earth is that often the most poignant and intelligent ideas are the simplest.

How does that old phrase go?

There is brilliance in brevity.

Perhaps my most ingenious and simultaneously simple theory is the good feelings versus bad feelings theory.

It’s pretty simple to define.

People tend to gravitate towards things that make them feel good and repel things that make them feel bad.

The interesting thing is that even if the thing is ultimately bad for them they will still gravitate towards it if it makes them feel good.

In other words, we are a slave to our emotions.

It annoys me when I talk to a coaching client on the phone only to have them tell me that they were rude or started a fight with their ex.

By doing this you only reinforce the fact that talking to you makes them feel bad. Therefore, they are likely to avoid another conversation.

Here’s my best tip for you.

You need to be like a shot of excitement and energy every time your ex talks to you.

They need to leave the conversation feeling good.

If they don’t they will probably not want to talk to you again.

1 thought on “I Want My Ex To Come Crawling Back”

  1. Jenny

    November 13, 2018 at 2:14 pm

    Hey Chris. my ex of a year and a half broke things off with me in september. i did complete no contact for about 2 weeks, and it turned into a fight, him saying how could i ignore him, how could i leave him to be sad. i was so confused, then he said something along the lines of “leave me alone for months”.

    however when i messaged again he was very responsive and eventually we started hanging out again. we’ve been talking basically every day and going out to eat and watch movies. we slipped up and had sex once but i vowed never again. when i seem even slightly unwilling to talk he gets cold and upset but you said to try pushing and pulling.

    also when we talked about seeing other people he said he didn’t plan to, but i could as long as i let him know first…

    i think my leverage is my looks, he talks about how good i look all the time. also he’s leaving town for a while in a few months so he’s probably holding back from committing to me. please help me make him realize i won’t be here forever.

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