Signs That Your Ex Boyfriend Misses You

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

It always starts off the same. Eyes met. Flirty things were said. Numbers were exchanged.

Then came the first date, complete with awkward conversation, several bouts of awkward silence, maybe some hand-holding and possibly a kiss… or two. Let’s be honest, those were probably awkward too. That went well and it progressed into date two and three, maybe even a few double dates. And eventually the two of you decided to make it official. Or as my younger friends like to call it, “Facebook Offish.”

Things were great… until they weren’t anymore.

Something happened.

He said some things.

You said some things.

Insults were tossed around like teenagers at an EDM festival.

And in the end, you went your separate ways.

And that’s it. It just ends there, right? You go about life and your ex moves on with his. I mean isn’t that how it goes?

WRONG!

I mean, as human beings, it is in our nature to read into every little thing that the people around us do. So, first of all, if you are wondering if your ex misses you, then you might be dealing with some unresolved feelings of your own.

But let’s just assume you know that already since you found yourself at this site and address the other issue at hand.

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Does your ex miss you?

Well it’s a safe bet that he misses some things. I mean whether you were together for three weeks or three years, there had to be a reason why you were together in the first place, I mean you don’t spend that much time with someone without enjoying their company. Even if you said the worst thing ever to him when you split, I promise he’s missing at least one part of your relationship if not two.

That’s just how things work. If you had a best friend and then suddenly you stopped hanging out together, there would be something missing suddenly from your life.

But if it’s absolutely driving you crazy, and you’re wondering if the severity with which your ex misses you can be gauged by looking at his actions, I can help clear that up.

Staying Connected

After a breakup, it’s usual for the people involved to go their separate ways… usually. However, aside from situations where kids or intertwined groups of friends are involved. So, blatantly fighting to keep the connection alive between the two of you is a typical sign that he’s missing what you two had. Sometimes simply holding on is a sign of… holding on.

Direct Communication

First of all, there’s the way he stays in contact and the fact that he initiates contact. Then you can pay attention to the WAY he communicates with you. If he fights with everything he has to stay on your radar, but then fights to keep the conversation alive by talking about cheese or something equally boring, it’s likely that he just isn’t ready to let go of the relationship yet. Although if you’re a cheese enthusiast or a Packers fan, the cheese conversation probably wouldn’t be such a flag.

Another sign that the conversations you two have aren’t just conversations would be a tell-tale nervousness, much like the way you would speak to someone you have a crush on, talking to fast, saying things that later he’ll kick himself for. He might also act out of character.

Phone Calls

Well, seeing as no one really even makes actual phone calls any more. The fact that he calls you at all is a pretty good sign that he’s holding a flame. Although, if calling you was a normal thing when you were together, then it is possible that he’s just doing it out of habit. If it’s messing with your No Contact or if it’s something that bothers you. Either way it’s your prerogative to make that call.

Texts

This is similar to the phone calls. It may be something he’s doing out of habit but if it goes on past a month or so, then it is very possible that he’s trying to keep that connection alive.

Like with the calls it would be up to you whether you wish to encourage this behavior or not.

Drunk Phone Calls and Texts

You know how pretty much the entire world makes jokes about drunk texts. Heck, I think there’s a whole website dedicated to drunk texts from the ex or something.

But the truth is, I really love drunk texts. There’s this old saying, “In Vino Veritas.” I mean, of course it’s old. It’s in Latin! It means “In wine, truth.” If there’s ever something you think someone’s withholding, your best bet is to pour a little alcohol on it… like a wound.

These drunk phone calls and texts might come at any moment, unexpectedly, usually at two or three in the morning, complete with slurred words and confessions of one sort or another.

I think the reason I enjoy them so much is because they can make the deciphering process so much easier.

It’s like Cinderella. For one moment, with the help of a copious amounts of alcohol, he’s completely transformed into someone who says what he’s thinking, even if it’s just a text that says

“heyyy”

or worse,

“it’s cold, I wish you were here to snuggle.”

(Because for some reason guys think if they’re vulnerable our mommy complexes will kick in and we’ll want to take care of them. Which is true for the most part when we like them and consider them ours to take care of.)

I Miss You

This one is the most direct. Although, when my ex inevitably does this with me every few months it always comes out sound like “you know I miss you, right?”

Happy Birthday

A lot of you ask if it’s okay to reach out and say happy birthday, even if you’re almost done with a very difficult No Contact. I get it. It’s hard not to take every excuse to talk to someone you’re into. I really really do. But do you realize what drives you to do that?

You feel the need to stay connected, because you miss him. For guys it’s the very same thing, possibly even more so. Why? Well, unless your ex is notorious for remembering important dates or you two have known each other for, I don’t know, most of your lives, it’s unlikely he would reach out for any other reason. So, unless you guys have mastered the art of the “let’s stay friends” situation, it’s safe to assume he actually is still carrying a torch for you and he misses you.

Reminiscing

Usually in conjunction with an,

“I miss you”

comes a smattering of

“You remember that time we…”

and talk about all of your better traits. The way you used to brush his hair out of his face or how you used to eat the cherries off his sundaes because he doesn’t like cherries. These memories are meant to tug at your heart strings and make you remember the good times you had together. That’s his goal here, to make you miss the good times as much as he does.

Plans for the Future

He may not stick to the past at all. He might try and make plans with you for the future. No, I’m not talking about settling down together, making a home, and having lots and lots of babies. That would be silly seeing as you two just broke up.

I’m saying he might try and lock you into some plan for the future. I had this one ex, a guy I had dumped for several great reasons, and after we split he kept trying to get me to go to concerts with him. Only he would ask me about 2 months in advance.

“Hey I got tickets to that band you really really love. They were on sale, but I got the last ones there were. So, I figured we could go together.”

Even if I didn’t have entirely good motives for breaking up with him, his planning that far in advance was out of character. He was fighting incredibly hard to keep that connection between us alive.

And I don’t care if it was my favorite band’s reunion tour and they’re never ever going to be playing together again. I had good reason for leaving him and if I really wanted to go, I would have bought my own tickets or I would have offered to buy them off of him. There’s a moral issue, at least for me, in accepting gifts from someone you have no intention of getting back together with. If anything, it’s just cruel. Besides, he didn’t even like most of the bands he got tickets for.

Quick Response

If you text him, however, for whatever reason (I’m assuming you’re done with any No Contact you’ve started if you’re texting him), he responds almost instantaneously. It’s almost as if he’s sitting with the phone with a response prepared.

The Great Exchange

If you’ve fought every urge to see him and somehow avoided all of his advances he’ll do the last ditch effort thing and offer to return your belongings. Now, sometimes, it’s just because he’s sick of seeing your stuff around his place and having to think about you and the life you could have had together. But if he’s offering to bring you a toothbrush, some pictures and some lint, he’s just looking for an excuse to see you.

If it’s stuff you actually need back, I always suggest using an intermediary, someone to go pick it up for you.

Indirect Communication                

If you’ve taken the no contact approach and he is trying to keep the connection alive, he will do it by any means necessary.

Social Media

He started posting song lyrics and quotes after the breakup, not a usual thing for him. The songs happen to be songs that you listened to together or maybe one or two held special meaning to you as a couple.

He might start posting old pictures of the two of you when you were “happy.” And to make matters worse, he’ll start scrolling through your old pictures on your profiles. The evidence would be apparent when you get that notification that he liked that picture of back from when you first started your Instagram 12 years ago.

 

Selfies

He has started posting tons of selfies. The reason for this is that he’s afraid you’ve forgot his face. Does that sound silly? Okay it kind of is. He’ afraid that you’ve forgotten him. So, in a frenzy to make sure you haven’t completely forgotten him, he’ll fill your feed with pictures of his face.

Adrenaline

Suddenly his life has become very exciting and he’s better at chronicling everything than he’s ever been in his life. He’s posting pictures. He’s chasing his dreams. He finally bought new pants.

Hey, a friend of mine dated and dumped a guy for whom that would be very exciting news.

But if he’s posting pictures of his suddenly very exciting life, it is quite possible that he is trying to show you that something has changes. Perhaps he’s not quite sure what caused the breakup, but most guys take a leap and assume it’s because you were bored. More likely they’ll assume that you met someone else. Their first instinct will tell them to become better than whoever they think you’re seeing.

Investigating

We’ve already talked about the fact that he’s probably going through all of your old photos. But what we haven’t discussed is your mutual friends. If he is trying to keep a connection alive, any connection will do. This means staying connect by proxy. He will use the connections your mutual friends have with you to keep tabs on what is going on in your life.

So, if you’re mutual friends keep mentioning that your ex talks about you all the time or that there’s been several instances where he’s shown interest in what’s going on in your life, it’s highly likely that he’s using their connection with you to keep the two of you tethered.

Face-to-Face

Inevitably, you will eventually end up talking. IF you really want to know if he’s missing you, pay attention to how you came to be face-to-face and what it is you talk about.

Run-Ins

These are accidental run-ins  that are obviously planned. if your ex if having trouble letting go, he will do everything he can to see you. This could simply be running into you at your favorite coffee shop to showing up at all of the same parties despite not being invited. Regardless, if you wind up seeing him as much if not more than you did when the two of you were together, it’s likely that there’s still a bit of a catch on is end of the moving on process.

The Know-It-All

Suddenly, whether he’s stalking it up on social media or asking all of your friends, when you do talk he knows almost as much about your life as you do. He knows your sister was sick a few weeks ago. He knows your cousin is having her baby next weekend.  I know it sounds kind of creepy, but he’s just trying to stay a part of your life.

Love Life

When you do speak, he seems overly interested in your love life. Are you seeing anyone? Have you been dating? Do you see yourself getting serious with anyone in the future? These are all normal things for your annoying Aunt Ellie to ask at awkward family holiday get-togethers, but if he’s asking these kind of questions it’s because he’s already imagining the worse possible answers in is head.

Although when it comes down to how he approaches talking about his love life, it’s a little harder to decipher. There are three ways he might go about this. He could be dating around and avoid the topic all together so as not to ruin any goodwill he has with you. He could be dating around and rub it in your face. This could be done either to make you feel bad or looking to instigate some jealousy.

Then, there is the possibility that he’s not dating with the hopes that you’ll get back together. All of these are very possible, and the only person who can decipher these moves is him and maybe you if you know him REALLY well.

Jealousy

When your dating habits come up, look at how he responds. Is he genuinely happy for you? If he’s missing you or more importantly, if he wants you back, he’ll display some possessiveness and even some jealousy. If for any reason another guy shows you attention, gauge his reaction. Any sign that he feels like someone is encroaching on his territory is a sign that he still sees you as his. He’ll also be annoyed at you showing anyone else attention if he is trying to reestablish a connection with you. He’ll perceive any possibility of your attention wavering as an attack on that bond he’s so desperately trying to hold onto.

And if you ARE seeing someone new, he will be overly critical of him. Although, it can be cleverly disguised as just caring whether he’s good enough for you. But we both know that if he’s digging into this guy, it’s because he’s measuring himself up against him and trying to figure out that age old question.

“What’s he have that I don’t?”

Compliments

Hopefully he complimented you plenty when you were together. But now that you are apart, the familiarity should fade some. If, however, he is still showering you with compliments as much or more than he was when the two of you first started dating, he is trying to get back in your good graces.

Parade of Changes

He might even try to convince you he’s changed, but I’ll promise you right now, if it’s only been a few weeks or a few months since the breakup, it’s more likely that any changes he’s actually made won’t be permanent. I have my ex, who also happens to be a very close friend, trained so well that every time he tries to tell me that he’s coming to visit (He never quite makes it here. Last time he wound up in Hawaii rather than Texas. Common mistake.) he doesn’t even wait for me to respond he just goes,

“I know. I know. You’ll believe it when you see it.”

Angry Outburst

Does it feel like just when you’re getting to a good place with him he suddenly picks a fight? Well, the good news is he’s most likely not mad at you. It’s possible that he, as my ex says, caught the feels, and is mad at himself for missing you. Does it make any sense? Absolutely not. Is he going to pick a fight anyway? Yep.

So, How Do You Deal with an Ex That’s Missing You

Well, long story short, it all comes down to what you want. You have to look at the reasons you broke up. Are they deal breakers? Did you just break up because you were bored? Weigh the pros and cons of the two of you being together.

For a while after my most recent ex and I went our separate ways, I considered whether I would get back with him. You see, despite him being absolutely impossible, being with him gave me the motivation to move forward on a lot of things I had been putting off. So, even though our entire relationship was awash, I still saw it in a positive light. However, after taking a long look at it… okay it really didn’t take that long, he was a complete jerk…I realized that the upsides of our relationship were all things I could do for myself. He just happened to show me that I could.

So, in your weighing of your relationship, I suggest you take into account the REAL reasons you broke up in the first place.

The one thing I will say is that missing you, doesn’t necessarily mean he wants to get back together. It may just mean that he misses the familiarity and comfort of having someone around. So, if there were big things that he needs to work on, such as anger issues or substance abuse, something you can actually gauge improvement in, I would simply encourage him to continue down the path of getting better.

I have a friend whose wife recently left him because his psychological issues was something she just couldn’t handle. Now, he’s a great guy and I believe he truly wants to win his wife back. But when I suggested that the only way he could do that is to talk to a therapist, despite appearing to be willing to go, he never made a move to actually do it. He wasn’t willing to do what it takes… yet.

So, this is what I pose to you. Take the No Contact period and use it to work on anything going on in your life that needs to be worked on. Better yourself and work on your sense of self. It’s harder than it sounds, but getting to know yourself can be the most important thing you ever do. And it’s important to do it when you aren’t attached to someone otherwise your sense of self gets tangled with theirs.

Take your No Contact. I’d say 30 days, but if you both have difficult things you need to work on, I’d make it a week or so longer. If your ex continues to “bump into you” be cordial and excuse yourself, for whatever reason. I’m sure you can think of one. If one of my exes bumps into me at the coffee shop, I excuse myself because I usually go there to work or study. He knows both of these things are important so he wouldn’t dare argue about it.

Find your reason and excuse yourself. IF you do find yourself speaking to him for a moment ask how quittinog smoking is coming along, or whatever issue it is that he’s working on. If he’s says,

“It’s going great! I’m really making progress.”

Then you should respond with something like,

“Awesome! I hear it takes 66 days to make a habit. I look forward to seeing what you’ve accomplished at 66 days.”

Then politely excuse yourself. Believe me, this is the exact reason headphones were created.

What you have done here is you’ve set a goal for him. And you’ve set him up for a reward. He will have an excuse to talk to you at 66 days if he makes it. So, he’s more likely to actually try.

Now, leave it and go back to working on becoming the best you.

If you’re like me you feel like you have to babysit people. If you know your friend is on a diet, yet you see them looking at the cookies, suddenly you become the Cookie Police.

Not only is it not your job to make sure your ex follows through, you would fail on your own no contact if you are focused on him. As we say in our group of friends,

“You do you.”

Focus on what you need and if your ex happens to get his life together, then maybe you can consider giving him another chance. But my suggestion as always is to focus on your own life. Make it the best you can and then worry about adding people to it. You’d be surprised how different the world looks when you aren’t up to your eyeballs in shoulda-woulda-coulda’s.

Besides, if your ex knows that dealing with his anger issues was the reason you split, he’d do everything he could to fix it. If he’s not, then he must not want it that much. That is how you know.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

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What Do You Think? (77)

  1. T - 0

    T

    How should I handle it if his first time reaching out is in my last week of NC and he’s asking if I’d like some of my stuff back? I guess I do, but the items aren’t that important. Would it be best to respond after NC and arrange to trade?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi T,

      yes, respond and trade after nc..

    • T - 0

      T

      I did that and then he blew me off at the last minute. Should I restart a new NC?

    • T - 0

      T

      I mean blew off as in we had plans to meet up and trade and then at the last minute he said something came up and he could just drop my thing off (I assume he means when I’m not there).

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmmm.. I think just do a mini nc of two weeks

  2. Joan - 0

    Joan

    My ex and I have been broken up for years now. We talk regularly. Like on daily bases. I want him back, but he says he has a girlfriend. But sometimes I feel he’s lying. Once I started a no contact, suddenly. His best friends starts chatting me up for no reason. Then I had to call him. I don’t know how to handle this guy. He says he’d be fine if we are just friends, and then if I start talking to him like a friend he gets upset. For example, he says he never wants to hear me say “I miss him”. I ask him why and he says something like… “I dont know” but for me, I say I miss you to my friends, so am wondering why he’s so personal. Another thing he does, sometimes if we are chatting…. He gets carried away and then starts getting naughty … I mean really naughty… Like we Really dating, then the next morning, he’d be acting all cold. Am just tired of the games. I still love the dude. But am tired of him blowing up and down.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Joan,

      so what’s your decision now? Are you going to move on or try a full nc first?

  3. Esmee - 0

    Esmee

    We broke up 6 weeks ago and he wanted to be friends. I found this site, So i started no contact 3 weeks ago but bumped into him 3 days in and had a convo about how we cant be friends. He did the things you said, i kept up ignoring him for 3 days but he called 7 times in one night while i was asleep. Unheard of so i answered the next day. He just wanted to hear that we are done completely. I couldnt say that and he ended the convo that he likes his no expectations. So i said well have fun i need space ill talk to you in a month. That was 2 weeks ago. Then he sent a msg about how he is distracted, he doesnt know what my end game is but hes done waiting its been too long and he feels like i have all the power. So being dumb i messaged him back and now he says he doesnt think he could take me back anyway because what broke us up was the confusion i felt for my babies’ dad and thinking i should give my him a chance. So i just gave him all the power back, and now my fears of him moving on are back to being front and centre especially since he has a rebound.
    So i know he misses me right now but how long do i have of hes ready to run away now. What do i do since he thinks my not contactinf him is some game.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Esmee

      dont tell him that you’re doing the no contact rule and that you’re going to talk to him after a certain time..right now he just wants to friendzone you, so it’s better to restart the no contact period, stick to it and be very active in improving yourself and in posting in social media…

    • Esmee - 0

      Esmee

      Ive never been very active on social media and he removed me from all of them. The stuff i was active with was always private… he showed up at lunch after these messages and acted like i didnt even exist. I tried to be positive but just kept up normal convo with the group of girls. Now has dissapeared again. I feel like hes just too stubborn to be willing to admit anything or try again
      It was a rough end because i was so confused.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you have to restart the count and to start being active and to make your posts public because that’s your indirect way of showing you’re “moving on”

  4. Elol89 - 0

    Elol89

    Okay so my bf of 6 months broke up w me. He said it was for no reason and I belive it because I know when he is trying to hide something. Anyways I wasn’t very sad about it, but rather positive because we were going to stay friends. I went out with him the other day and I was pshisically a little distant from him wich bothered him a lot but I smiled and really enjoyed it always talkin and being myself. He on the other hand, was really sad. It was and it is hard to understand it for me, because he broke up with me. I have posted since then some photos of me happy with other people enjoying life and all. Anyways he called me and we were both enjoying conversation and it was all nice, untill today I got into a fight with him because I was trying to prove he doesn’t care for me and he said that wasn’t true. Then after everything, he said it is better if he didn’t talk to me anymore and I was really upset for the first time, I cried and called him. I didn’t wanted to sound desperate but I just cried and he said he would continue talking to me. Meanwhile he said that I hurt him in a way I don’t see, and I belive that it has something to do with me enjoying life and posting pics on social media, and being distant with him on messenger app. Also he was the one who cried when he was breaking up with me, and he cried when i told him today in the fight that i dont know what have i seen in him and that i consider him as a bad person. Why do people break up with someone for no reason? What can I do to stay good friends with him? Can you advise me on this matter? It is clear he still has feelings, but how do I maintain good friendship with him so maybe one day it could be something else? Thank you for your help!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Elol89,

      maybe the relationship got boring for him and he fell out of love, or he doesn’t feel that desire and attraction anymore. Yeah, he misses you, because that’s what he’s used to do, to talk to you. But right now, if you’re going to stay to talk, you’ll be friendzoned. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  5. Blue - 0

    Blue

    I already wrote about my situation in another thread. So, my long time & long distance boyfriend called off our date almost 3 months ago. We never argued & he never officially broke with me. I know he did it because he lost his job & wasn’t able afford dating especially that he liked to pay for everything. I tried NC & I did well. He never contacted me during NC. I initiated contact via emails, he answered. We had several email exchanges since NC ended over month ago. I always initiated contact. Mostly he answers me, sometimes he does not especially when I ask him what was happening to him; it’s like he tries avoiding to tell me more about himself. Only one time, since the end of NC we exchanged several emails in one day, other than that I send him email, he answers (it takes him long, sometimes a day to do so), then I answer him back, but I get no response. So, I wait few days, shot email again, he answers & the cycle is repeating. Last time I waited 12 days before sending email, he answered & even asked me question how I was, I responded yesterday & have no answer from him.
    You told me before, that he just was being friendly. But still his behavior is weird. I just wonder if it’s influenced by his financial situation, I don’t know how he’s doing now, we leave far away. Do you think that he may miss me? Do I start looking like I’m stalking him? Thanks.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Blue

      He probably misses you.. but if he’s really set in fixing his life first, I think you should move on.. it’s been month of trying to build rapport.. it should have moved to calls from emails or atleast to texts..

  6. Cara - 0

    Cara

    THANK YOU CHRIS AND AMOR!! I’m so happy and confused at to how to reply to my exes text. I just got an apology text from him as we haven’t communicated for the past 6 months but i know he has been diligently watching my facebook the entire time. First, I have been patiently following all the methods in EBR and I’ve written in many many times describing my situation. I have worked on becoming the ungettable girl as much as possible and followed most of Chris advice. I have been at my wit’s end as our NO contact has always been prolonged. I think my ex is definitely a commitment phobe and that was his main issue in the back and forth relationship in the past. He didn’t know what he wanted, and he definitely had GIGs.
    My ex and I dated off and on for about a year. He JUST texted me now (day after Valentines’ day interestingly) to apologize for talking to my girlfriend about me and betraying my trust. In the text, he referred to our “Friendship” and then later our “friendship/relationship” , saying that apologizing doesn’t make him more of a man but hopefully reinforces the fact that i’m a good woman. ” Not sure what he meant by that. Deep down, I really do want to get back together with him. I think I’ve improved. I’ know he’s been seeing a counselor.
    But my question is how do I reply? He didnt’ ask me a question but I want to reply thanking him for the apology and ask him a question so as not to close the door on any possible future relationship? To recap, he basically replied to a text I had sent him 6 months ago today with an apology. My text called him out on a couple of things.
    My question is what would be his motive to send that apology text 6 months later? Just for closure? How do I know if he’s trying to possibly get romantically involved again (because that’s what I truly want) . I fhe wanted to get involved again then’ it makes sense he’d have to apologize to me first anyway. Please help on how I should reply . And THANKS again for all your help. I would not have made it this far without you guys!!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cara,

      maybe valentines day made him look at your message again and made him think. For me, that’s a good move. Thank and then ask a question. You would only really know what his true intention is, once you get to talk to him more.

  7. Amanda - 0

    Amanda

    Sorry…lost my previous comment…So I messaged him and a called him since the 5 days since his message that he was cancelling our date and taking time to think. We had had a fight 🙁 He completely ignored me since then. He read some of my messages or at least WhatsApp showed it was read. He read the messages right after I sent some of them, plus logged onto Tinder right when I sent a message thru it to him. Don’t know if that means anything, or necessarily that he actually read them. He didn’t block or delete me tho…
    We never even talked about the issues we were having…I had no idea it was so upsetting for him…he doesn’t really talk about feelings good or bad. But the next day he just went on Tinder like it was going outta style (as the app shows your activity). Anyway, can I even expect I will here from him ever again? Cuz I went a little crazy with trying to contact him. Why would he message me after 30 days…he might worry I’m still psycho…We live in different cities so I won’t ever even run into him. I just wanna chance. Did I ruin it all will my crazy texting and calls? Will he even miss me?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amanda,

      i dont see any previous post, or did you use a different email add? or this is your first time to comment? do you mean you’re just about to do nc?

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      So the new guy I met is no longer an option. I still love my ex and I am trying to rebuild our friendship. I am not giving up on him through because I know he likes me. He just needs to trust me again. How do I show him he can trust me and free safe with me again? We still talk but there is tension between us.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just know that building rapport and trust takes time.. Especially trust. So, before trust, build rapport first. Just keep taking and avoid doing the things that made him lose trust in you.

  8. Lexie - 0

    Lexie

    Hi Amor.

    I can’t find my last post but to recap. My ex never asked me out on a date because he said he is not ready for a relationship. We both like either and he treated me like his girlfriend. I told my ex that I want space. He was mad at first and ignored me.l. Its been close 3 weeks since I started the no contact. We work together so we have to have to be friendly but I have been keep him at a distance and keeping it professional. The last couple of days, he has been trying to have small chats at work but I keep them short. He finds excuses to ask me questions that he could ask someone else or already know just to talk to me. I am friendly but it on the go when I see he wants to talk. He complimented me. He even held my hand and squeezed it tightly in a flirtatious way. I did not squeeze back. I pulled my hand away and he looked surprised and started to comment about something irrelevant. I guess he just wants to talk. He held my hand again 2 days ago but he did not squeeze this time. He had the sorry puppy love on his face. What does it mean when he squeezes my hand when he holds it? It’s flirtatious and playful. I still care about him but sometimes I’m not sure if I want to be with him. He has not tried calling or texting since the no contact started. I was the one who asked for no contact and so I guess he is sticking to it. I can tell he miss me but he has not reached out outside of work. I still look at his social media everyday and I think I am beginning to lose interest. I am active on social media. He does not reach out but I know he looks at my posts and pictures. I wanted to unfriend or block him but decided not to. I even created a new account and added our mutual friends but I did not add him. Was that a good move?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lexie,

      nope.. yoi shouldn’t social media stalk him.. it’s working that you’re ignoring him because he’s trying to flirt but you have to be focused in moving on without totally moving on, in having your own life.
      howanu new activities have you done in the past amd how many new people did you meet?

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      I will stop stalking him on social media and start to get involved in new activities. Was it a bad move for not sending him a friend request on my new social media account? I added our mutual friends so I’m sure he feels shut out. Meanwhile, I still post on the account he is on.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      no, that’s ok! it would be better to add him once you’ve built rapport already

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      Today I complimented him of his achievement. He was very happy about that and we had a good chat. He asked how are things with me and I told him that we need to talk. We were both happy to be speaking again. Did I break the no contact rule by telling him we need to talk?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it was actually already broken when you complimented him..

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      Thanks Amor for your help. I had a chat face to face with him to find out exactly how he feels and if he is interested. He could hardly look me in the eyes but I made him tell me that he does not want me. So he says for now he is not interested. He says he sees me as a friend and he knows I am ready to tie the knot. He even said he don’t know if he can trust me as a friend anymore because of the emotional Rollercoaster of put his on with the no contact. So I am moving on. I actually met someone who wants to settled down.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok Lexie.. I agree you should move on because that’s a big thing to disagree on

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      My ex and I are also texting again. I sent him the first text since the no contact and he seemed excited. I asked him to do something for me so he will get back to me with his thoughts on that project.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Just know that building rapport and trust takes time.. Especially trust. So, before trust, build rapport first. Just keep taking and avoid doing the things that made him lose trust in you.

    • Lexie - 0

      Lexie

      So we became friends again and gained his trust but I noticed he started to flirt with other people. He shows interest in me and says he is not ready for a relationship with me because he knows I am looking for a serious marriage minded relationship. He still stares but does nothing about it. I found out from reliable source that he slept with another coworker last year and they may still be sleeping together. Btw we never slept together and he never made a move because he respects me. He tells me that I am classy and amazing. He hates talking about the other woman. She is throws herself at him and she talks down at him in front of everyone. She is also making the work environment unhealthy for me because of the tension she has towards me. This makes me uncomfortable. I confronted him about it, he denied sleeping with this woman and claims it’s all rumors. I tried reaching out to him nonetheless regarding other matters just to be cordial and supportive. I wanted to be supportive because he is going through some personal challenges but I don’t think he appreciates me. He refuses to answer my calls or my messages. This tells me he is guilty and ashamed. I have decided to block him from everything. Outside of work, he cannot contact me because of the drama and his denial. I love him but I think I deserve better. He continues to stare at me but I am ignoring him.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah, I agree that you should move on because you don’t have the same priorities as of now.

  9. Karen - 0

    Karen

    My long-distance bf of 14 months broke up with me 4 months ago, basically because we both had too much stress & were taking it out on each other. At first we took a NC break for about 3 weeks, and then he ended it because he said he fell out of love with me during the break, but he said that he still loved me as a friend and wanted to stay in my life. After a couple weeks of trying to just be his friend, I did NC for about 2-3 weeks (not part of your ‘program’, I was just trying to get over him). When we started talking again, we immediately fell back into talking for hours practically every day. I didn’t (and still don’t) initiate contact with him and yet immediately, our friendship was basically the exact same as our relationship was, minus the “I love yous” and whatnot. It was too hard for me to just be friends when he wanted it the exact same but without being ‘in a relationship’ so I stopped talking to him again for about a month (also not related to your program). And again as soon as we started talking, it was for hours at a time, we’d stay up all night talking, etc. I stumbled upon your program about 2 weeks ago and have been trying to implement NC because ultimately I do want him back, but I haven’t been successful for more than 2-3 days at a time because we are each other’s closest confidant and he’s been under a lot of stress/pressure lately. I feel bad if I’m not there when he needs someone to talk to, plus tbh I am afraid NC may do more harm than good. I just read this article and he’s been doing several of these, especially in the past month. I started NC again on Monday and he texted me tonight, so my question is should I continue with NC even though we are on such good terms and so close to each other? There are a lot of other pertinent details (imo) to all of this, but I tried to keep it as short as possible.
    Thanks in advance for any advice you can provide 🙂

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Karen,

      it looks like he friendzoned you.. yes, you did a lot of ncs, so there’s less chance of it working for you now but how much did you change during and after those nc? How much did you improve? And I think you need to date others this time because there’s a chance you already come across as someone who’s just always there

  10. Molly - 0

    Molly

    Well my bf and I, is in a rocky position. He wants to break up but one of his friend somehow fix it but he is distance from me. On the other hand I didn’t talk to him for two days and he was really mad at me because I ignored him and went out having fun. So he told me you are better off without me. I don’t see that you aren’t capable of living without me. So then he said I am giving you another chance but he is not getting close or anything he is acting distance. When I’m not around he misses me so when I come online he acts like a kid and a jerk then he continued his distance phase again. In ten days our anniversary I really don’t know what to do. Few advice will be a great help.

    Reply
  11. Lou - 0

    Lou

    Hi been with my man for 8months we had laughs ad fun but he went quiet this 2 weeks and came round bust into tears ad said he doesn’t know if he just wants to be friends he wants time and he still care’s for me I asked him if there is anyone else but definitely not
    He has problem’s down below but that was before me and I’ve always support him…
    I just don’t know how to play this because I do want do be with him
    Any advise please

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lou,

      you mean he broke up with you? or just a break?

  12. Amy - 0

    Amy

    Hi Amor.

    I’ve been following this site for about 9 months after my boyfriend and I broke up nearly a year ago. He has had a few, short relationships since then and a few weeks ago, after being on/off friends (after 6 months of nc), he admitted to me he still thought of me, he missed me A LOT. However, all this only came out after his gf of a month broke up with him. Due to this, I have some suspicion as to whether I am a rebound or not.

    Now, he has had a history of drugs and alcohol (we are only 16 and 17). This does seem to be better as well, as far as I know he doesnt touch drugs and drinks at weekends. I do have suspicions with this as well though.

    We have already met up, held hands, cuddled and kissed. We have admitted our feelings for each other. He speaks to me everyday and I do see an effort being made on his part.

    Is there any moves I can make or lead the conversation in a certain way in order to fully regain his attraction/love towards me to lower my chances of being his rebound?
    Thanks to this website, I am closer than ever to getting my bf back!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amy,

      first, don’t sleep with him.. Check this one:
      EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

    • Amy - 0

      Amy

      Hi again Amor.

      I checked the link and from what the article says, I’m leaning more towards the possibility that I am not a rebound. However, I do agree in changing something within our relationship in order to make it work and I know for a fact that that’ll have to be him changing his life around, getting a job, quitting weed etc. But I remember reading how ultimatums turn guys off completely, so how do I get this across to him without seeming controlling? Thanks again x

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you really have to talk on what makes you uncomfortable and if he still does it, walk away.

  13. june - 0

    june

    Hi,
    My ex and I broke up a year ago because after 4 years the honeymoon was over and we felt the distance wasn’t worth it while we’re both studying thousand miles away from each other. After a few months of NC, we met again with mutual friends in our home town and really connected again, but we decided not to start a relationship again and just stay friends. I don’t know if he’s just being friendly but he often writes to me, likes my Facebook photos, asks what I’ve done during the week, sends memes screenshots. He also sent me a Christmas card thanking me for ‘making everything so uncomplicated’ and that he’s happy we stayed friends.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi June,

      I think you’re friendzoned.. And this is not to sound all knowing ok? The honeymoon period doesn’t last 4 years, it ended before the relationship ended and then you entered a comfortable phase with each other. But I think what you meant is that he lost attraction and desire..

    • June - 0

      June

      I’ m a bit confused: it makes sense that he lost attraction and desire, but he also often tells me how beautiful I look but says he doesn’t love me anymore. When we were in our home town, he kissed me a few times but we were drunk so I don’t know how to interpret it.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that probably means he sees your physical improvement but he knows you’re still the old person he knows

    • June - 0

      June

      We both change in a year, but it’s like he thinks he knows everything about me, but he just knows the ‘year ago me’. How can I get him to know who I am now without sounding like I brag about who I’ve become ?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      dont be like before.. if you’re nit the same girl he knows, dont act the same way as before..that means dont make it easy for him.
      be friendly but dont be too available

  14. Unknown - 0

    Unknown

    The current situation is that me and my boyfriend broke up last summer after dating for 9 months. After separating for 2 and a half months, we both had self improved and decided to give things another shot in September. We had the best relationship, not arguing at all really, always happy, spending time together and telling each other how happy we were being back together. Last weekend, he broke up with me because he said he had a lot of stuff happening and that he needs to focus on himself and find himself. We had a very emotional break up with us not wanting each other to leave, us hugging and I could tell he didn’t want to break up with me, but it was something he had to do. I proceeded to act stupid and get drunk most nights for the following week, on a couple of them even calling him and texting him saying I love you. One afternoon I had a break down and texted him saying that I really needed him and he came and looked after me. I then later on that night saw him again in a night club and was emotional and once again called him and acted unfairly. I wrote him a message in the morning saying how sorry I was and that I will give him space. However, we both go to uni together and the next day I saw him and we had a brief chat and hugged. I then later on messaged him saying he looked lovely and he said that I did too. I know I must start the NC rule and I will, but have I ruined things by reacting the way I did or is there still hope? He is the love of my life, I know this. What do you think I should do?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Unknown,

      I think there is still a chance especially if he’s just stressed..

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Thank you so much for responding, it means everything to me. What would you suggest that I do now?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome! Be active during the no contact rule. If he sees you have your own life and that you have improved, he might regret the break up and see that you’re not an added responsibility.

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Thank you so much once again for responding to me, you’ve really helped me clear my head. I’ve been doing No Contact since Monday and will continue to do so. I decided to not be active initially, so to disappear for a little bit to give me a few days to clear my head and also disappear from him too. However, from tomorrow onward, i’m going to start being more active gradually uploading some pictures, changing my profile picture, uploading snap chat stories etc…. Is there anymore advice you can offer me?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just enjoy..it will be hard, but overthink..just remind yourself that it’s a process..

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Hi there,
      I’m on day nine of the NC Rule, I have a few other questions. When the break up occurred, along with everything else that happened as I previously discussed, he said that he doesn’t know if wants a girlfriend right now and that he doesn’t know with the place that he is in whether he can fully love me. He also said that us getting back together before was us trying again. However, we were literally both so unbelievable happy as I previously said and there were no issues between us, could the problems he is facing along with the stress cause him to react in the heat of the moment?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, it’s a possiblity..

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Hi there,
      I had successfully been doing NC for two weeks and being active on social media. I went out on Friday night and because of this my friend posted some pictures of us out together with some of our mates on Instagram, following this I saw that my ex unfollowed both myself and our mutual friend. I got really upset as i’ve been struggling with the no contact the last week, never caved but i’ve been finding it difficult to focus on myself, as I also have loads of other stuff going on in my life. I decided to text him saying can we meet to have, not closure, but come together to figure out where we stand and deal with us potentially seeing eachother around the uni etc.. I had to do this because I felt like the break up was so open ended, I was confused and I just didn’t know what to do. Anyway, I texted him and he hasn’t responded, i’m not going to text him again asking to meet, as I know hes upset too, I’m just not sure where to go from here, I still want him back, i’m not going to text him anymore either. I just had to for some peace of mind.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh, too bad.. actually that could be a good sign because it shows he’s still affected.. just restart the count of nc..

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Hi there,
      I’m on two weeks on NC and he hasn’t messaged me, reached out to me or anything like that. He is still unfollowing me on insta and also he avoids my watching my snapchat stories as it shows you who views them. Is this a sign that it still bothers him to see me and that he misses me? Also my friend ask about me to him and he said that he just isn’t ready to commit right now as he needs to focus on himself with everything going on, as I previously stated, I’ve been self improving, do you think there is still hope? Also because I still have him on social media, I’ve seen him recently beginning to like more of his female friends photos, and I saw a picture of them going out for food together today (By this i’m not actively searching for this, I just happen to see it) when he never really did that before, my friends assure me that they are just mates and that hes just spending more time with her now because he is no longer hanging out with me, but I can’t shake this gut feeling that there is something more going on, even though they are probably just friends and flatmates.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, it can still be a good sign that he’s checking your snaps, means he’s still curious.. That’s ok if he doesn’t message you during nc.. A lot of the girls experience that. You can still initiate contact after nc. Focus in improving yourself because whether or not he’s got a rebound, he has to see you better than your old self.

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Hi there once again,
      Thanks so much for all your advice, I once again have another update. Today I saw my ex boyfriend update his profile picture and it is clearly someone taking it of him, I didn’t like it or anything like that and just proceeded with my day. Later on that evening I saw that he had removed me off FB. Its been a month and a half since we broke up and i’m two weeks into NC. Two weeks ago, he unfollowed me off instagram and I didn’t unfollow him but today after he unfriended me, I unfollowed him off Instagram because it was hurting me to see his posts and he wasn’t seeing any of mine. Do I extend my NC period? Why did he unfriend me completely randomly, after updating his profile picture? All I have been doing is self improving and employing the tactics taught in these articles. I’m so confused and hurt.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      no need to extend, he probably did that to see if you would react.. to see if you’re still checking the online connection.

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Hi there,
      Thank you for all your responses. I do agree I think a) he is almost playing a bit of a game and b) its too tough for him to look at my pictures because i’ve been actively posting, not over doing it but changing my profile picture, posting pics of nights out. Anyway, last night I went out and put up a picture of me and my two friends. He looked at it this morning and removed me off there also. So now he has unfriended me off FB, removed me off Snapchat and unfollowed me off Instagram, i’m still nearly three weeks into NC. But why didn’t he remove me straight away off social media, it seems like each time I post stuff he removes me off each site but he has does this during the NC phase? How do I get him back if he can’t see me being active on social media?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      believe me, he’ll keep checking if he’s that affected.

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Hi there,
      Thanks ever so much for responding to all these questions! I’ll keep actively posting as I usually do and see how that goes. My NC comes to an end next Sunday, should I still text him even though hes unfriended me off most social media sites? I just don’t want to message him too soon and him not to respond?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome! It’s ok to extend a little bit more if you’re uncomfortable and if he still hasn’t cooled down.

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Yeh I think i’ll see how I feel on the Sunday and potentially extend by one more week. The thing is, yesterday he removed me off Twitter now, so hes removed me off all social media. I just feel like the timing is weird, like if you wanted to remove me off social media, just do it all at once, why would he unfollow me, wait two weeks and then day by day remove me off the rest? I feel like he is trying to get my attention almost, see how I react but I don’t understand because he is the one who broke up with me and I’ve left him to his own devices with this NC period? In your opinion, do you think that he may respond and also that he could be trying to get my attention?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s a high possibility.. that can be his way because of his ego.. So, yeah, there is a chance that he will reply once you initiate.

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Hi there,
      My NC finished on Sunday however, last Friday I had sex with someone else, I went on a night out, got a bit drunk and it went from there. I know i’m perfectly in my right to do so as I’m single and my ex could do so too if he really wanted. I’m not sure what to do in terms of initiating NC as I still want him back but I feel like its a bit different now that I’ve slept with someone else.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s still the same procedure of slowly building up rapport.. if you want to be honest with him, I think reserve that for the meet up stage because it’s better to do it person..

    • Unknown - 0

      Unknown

      Hi,
      So the update is that I sent the first text today after a NC period of about a month and one week, i kept it brief, brought up an old memory that we shared and how it made me think of him, nothing too intense, however, he hasn’t responded. I spoke to a mutual friend of ours and said i was feeling a bit rubbish because I messaged him and he didn’t respond and he said hes distancing himself because he still needs time, whether he just knows this or my ex mentioned that to him I don’t know, what do you think I should do now? I’m terrified of loosing him but i’m still moving forward and improving etc…

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      wait for a week before initiating again of he doesn’t reply…dont talk to his friend about that because that probably reaches him..

  15. Britt - 0

    Britt

    Hi Guys

    My ex (who I’m trying to get back) has shown maybe a couple of these signs, mostly him posting lots of photos of things he’s been doing and him responding quickly to my messages sometimes (or sending long replies).
    But I get a bit confused with these combined with his other behaviors such as not responding to my messages and ignoring my social media (things like Instagram and Snapchat that I can see if he’s looked at something). Recently, after having a good conversation where his replies were long and he sent multiple messages, he made sure to check my Instagram and Snapchat as I posted things on my stories for 4 whole days. I thought he might be cool if I initiated another conversation, but he replied nearly half a day later with a one sentence reply. He then started ignoring my posts, and when I initiated contact a few days later again he just ignored the message entirely.

    Since I did NC, his replies have been interested in what I have to say or he’ll reply fairly quickly, and he would check my social media (again, what I can see he has looked at). In this last week it’s like he has frozen me out for some reason.

    I wanted to ask whether he could be missing me, and what I should do. We have been talking again off and on for close to 2 months, but his hot and coldness has made it hard to keep our messaging consistent. Could I do a mini NC period or would that give him the chance to completely forget about me?

    Thanks!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi britt,

      during those two months, was it all just text? did you progress to calls?

    • Britt - 0

      Britt

      Hi Amor

      No, it was all text. I haven’t felt comfortable enough yet in our communication to progress because of how hot and cold he can be. Like I said, some times he’d be eager to talk and be responsive but others he’d wait a long time to reply. For the most part he has been engaged with what I’ve been saying, he has only totally ignored a message twice now.

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh.. it dragged in too long.. since he’s not replying now, rest for two weeks.. if he does initiate, reply but be the one to end the conversation

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