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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
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The Ungettable Girl
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The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
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Carl
February 25, 2017 at 12:08 am
My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Things were messy, I got angry and then later I apologized a lot and begged for hm back. I did little-no contact the last month and now we are on good terms but I am being a little bit distant and sometimes ignoring his messages. We had a trip booked together which I have paid for (he will pay me half if we go) but I’m not sure if I should go with him or not. If I follow him up on this trip does it make me seem really needy and desperate? On the other hand it could be a good opportunity to have fun and perhaps revive things.. Am I overthinking it? We are on okay terms now and I think it might go okay but I have another friend who has already said they will go with me. Part of me feels like I could make a point of not taking him – I no longer need you in my life and am not going to reward you by taking you on a trip. He is not a native English speaker and we are living together. Do you think I should go with him?
Carl
February 26, 2017 at 9:39 pm
Yes that’s right – I took it for granted then begged for him back but he had already decided ages ago he would like to be friends.
What I meant is that I can go on the trip with a friend instead of my ex. That way I can actually enjoy myself and it will not be awkward and I think it also shows to my ex that I can have fun without him and am not going to pander to his every whim just to get him back. I know it will irritate him because he will probably want to go but he might then miss me or be a little jealous.
I could go with my ex and try to have fun but I’m not 100% sure we are ready for it. Should I wait until I see him again before I decided (seeing him in 2 days)?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 27, 2017 at 3:20 pm
yeah.. I think that’s the safest choice..see him first, by then it would be easier to decide.. guage how you are with each other
Carl
February 25, 2017 at 11:16 pm
Also thank you so much for your reply and the link. I am really grateful to have someone like you to talk to about it
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 26, 2017 at 5:41 pm
You’re welcome! Actually that’s what I’m confused. You can’t be clingy and take someone for granted at the same time. Because when you’re clingy, you give so much attention and want so much attention. But I think what you meant is that before you took him for granted and then you became clingy right? If that’s the case, it’s not really being clingy, it’s like you chased him because he’s going away after you took for him granted but he’s already decided. For me, go on the trip, but don’t bring a friend, just have fun. But don’t sleep with him. If it doesn’t work out, then do the no contact rule.
Carl
February 25, 2017 at 11:16 pm
Yes because I was clingy and also I took the relationship for granted. I meant I did little TO no contact (he always messaged me once a week or so). In the relationship was sometimes a bit rude and standoffish and finally he said he couldn’t stand it anymore because he had lost feelings (he hadn’t mentioned anything to me though before the breakup so I didn’t even realise myself).
Afterward I acted really desperate trying to get back together. I know that even if we were to get back together, it wouldn’t happen until I was less clingy and he knew I had changed and accepted the breakup for now. I need to be fun and confident and change his image of me first.
That is why I can’t decide if taking him up on this trip would make me seem pathetic like I’m still trying to force the relationship. On the other hand it could be an opportunity to prove I am a changed person. I want it to be natural. Should I go with a friend and kind of make him jealous? I don’t want to annoy him or seem bitter about the breakup by not taking him though. What option do you think might be smarter in my situation?
Carl
February 25, 2017 at 12:14 am
I should say as well he told me he wanted to be friends, even best friends. I want him back and want to be more than just friends. He is not the type to overthink these things but he may subconsciously feel I am being needy and clingy still. What would be the best way to approach this?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 25, 2017 at 9:31 pm
Hi Carl,
You broke up because you were clingy? It’s either you go or not. if you’re not coming in the trip, stick to it. What did you mean that you did little no contact? Have you checked this link?
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
pooja
February 13, 2017 at 6:27 am
i met a guy online, we became friends. it was seemed perfect, i told him about my boyfriend, we flirted chatted all day long. one day he came to my city to meet me, it was great we talked for hours, it felt so great. the next day while we were discussing about the meeting, i asked him if he felt love at first site,he said no , i cried . i started getting too involved, obsessed and possessive, kind of constant texting and calling. he started going away. i broke up with my boyfriend for him.two days back he told me he likes someone ,its kind of love, he knows how much i love him, he says we can be friends. i want him back badly , i want him to fall for me , and love me.i am afraid he wont come back ,or that girl might catch his heart. since its a long distance relationship, we don’t get to see each other for months. what to do?. please help me
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 14, 2017 at 1:24 pm
Hi Pooja,
For me you should move on but if you dont want to click the links below and follow the advice on both:
The Ungettable Girl
You Desperately Begged For Him Back And Failed… I’m Here To Fix That
Samia
February 11, 2017 at 8:41 pm
Hi,
I would like Chris to coach me. I do not want to share all the details in the comments section though. But will briefly mention that it felt like a confusing, unusual, and at the same time bad break up for me. It happened a slightly over 3 weeks ago and I have been applying NC for 2 weeks and one day. I think he is using NC too. Due to the complexity and layers of the situation, I feel it is best to be coached. I really do not want to mess things up. I am serious about doing things differently. I know myself and think if Chris coaches me, I will have more discipline. Please tell me how I can get him to coach me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 13, 2017 at 3:51 pm
Hi Samia,
I’ll forward this to Chris today. But I can’t promise when and if he will answer here or in your email. Have you bought the ex recovery pro? The package includes being added in a private fb group where Chris and Jen coaches the members.
Kat
February 11, 2017 at 2:46 am
My boyfriend (29) broke up with me (24) on New Year’s Eve after 2 years. We would’ve had our anniversary on New Year’s Day. It’s a difficult and very painful situation right now as we were living together and still are and he was my first actual partner where I was committed in that way. We had many fights about particular issues that always surfaced again. We both played our parts in that, and I know what I did wrong and want to fix it, but he told me that he just “doesn’t feel it anymore”, that he’s not attracted to me anymore because of what happened, that it made him fall out of love with me. I’m right now looking for a different place to live for a while, but it’s hurting me a lot.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 11, 2017 at 5:21 pm
Hi Kat,
for now, because you still live together, follow the advice on this one:
EBR 027: What To Do If You Live With Your Ex Boyfriend
Daya
February 7, 2017 at 10:39 am
My boyfriend (16) and I (17) broke up almost month ago. He broke that relationship saying he had life goals to complete. we were together for 5 months. in between this time he already had broke up with me once and 1 month later came back and i accepted him. after that we had all kind of physical intimacy and shared most of the time together. i had never forced him in anything and agreed to whatever he said. I miss him so badly everyday. he did break up over a text message and i just replied him to get lost and never come back. after that i have never test him as i was too afraid to make him hate me. since then i had no contact with him though I sometimes ask his close friend about him. He never tried to check my condition and now he is flirting with girls. Do i have any chance to get him back?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 7, 2017 at 9:50 pm
Hi Daya,
even if you had no contact, you were not focused in improving yourself at that time..Try that first. Do 30 days, improve yourself and be active in social media too..
F.L
January 13, 2017 at 7:32 am
hi Amor & the team,
i would like to say million thanks for your advices & suggestions on this site. i feel so much better now after a month of breakups. I read it every night before i go to sleep, during lunch hour. and i have been suggesting your website to my friends , in order for them to understand more about guys (whoever feel stress in their relationship and breakups. All these years i’ve tried to study about the male mindset. Guys are wired differently! if i didnt get back to my ex, definitely i will use your advises for my future relationship or in marriage. I have quite good career, and a bit of look. i can say wherever i go, guys will look at me or i will be the main attention. I’m pretty hard to get. My ex used to say that I was her dream girl, he admired the way i carry myself. Matured and independent. But only few times i showed my ‘flaws’ , i blocked him on whatsapp 4-5 times, and he was totally annoyed with how childish i was. He just falling out of love. It shows that how women can accept guys flaws but a guy can’t accept that kind of women behaviour. One thing i have learnt, don’t ever show your affection, love and care too much to a guy. they will take things for granted. 🙂
I’m improving myself a lot, moved to a new house with a very big swimming with city view, went for a beach vacation, and tomorrow i will go for hiking! Next plan is to be a diver and travel around the world (i always traveling in asean country) . I’ve posted my pictures on FB and instagram(set it as public) so that my ex can see how amazing is my life without him! (well if he stalks me haha).
What does’nt kill you makes u stronger. 😉 p/s: im on my 33 days of NC (planning to do 45 NC). *sorry for my english. Cheers from Malaysia!
Sarene
February 2, 2017 at 5:29 am
I’m too much confuse. .I have someone who loved me but he always does thing which would hurt me the most…at times he says he wanna leave me but same he can’t leave without me..
My love story is totally way different then others
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2017 at 8:04 pm
Hi Sarene,
why? what did he do? Does he really love you or he just can’t leave you because he likes the feeling of being loved and the attention he gets from you?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 13, 2017 at 3:28 pm
Hi Fl,
Thank you very much! I’ll forward this to Chris! Do you have any question?
Megan
December 30, 2016 at 2:39 pm
My ex and I just broke up maybe a week ago. We had been together for about 3 years. We are just in different places in our lives. I had accepted that and was moving on. Well last night (we are still living together, he is in the process of moving out) he asked me if I was opposed to still having sex? I told him ” oh so now you want sex?” (Part of the reason I was miserable in our relationship was because of the lack of sex, maybe once a month if I was lucky.) his response was ummm…. yeah. What do I do? I feel like I should not have sex with him to have control over the situation. Make him crave me. Be the ungettable girl. I want to make him work on himself and change himself before he can have me back. What do I do?!
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 30, 2016 at 3:31 pm
Hi Megan,
dont have sex.. you’re not together, so dont be his friend with benefits
Anna
December 27, 2016 at 2:21 pm
Hi! I have been reading and following Cris’s advice and I think is working. But, I’m not sure how to tell if it is. My question is, how do I know my ex is chasing me, as opossed to just him being friendly or just bored or being polite? He texts me first, we flirt, we talk about our good times, and so on. We had a healthy relationship with great communication, so I really can’t tell the difference between him chasing me, being himself, him liking me or what. What are the signs that he is chasing me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 29, 2016 at 3:53 pm
Hi Anna,
have you checked this one?
The Six Ways To Know If You Are Close To Getting Your Ex Back?
Ivany
December 4, 2016 at 4:56 pm
Hi! 🙂
My boyfriend (26) and I (22) broke up 4 months ago after 1,5 year. I still love him. We said that we are gonna be friends and also have a coffe after a break up. Problem is, because I wrote him 1 month ago that I want him back. At first he didnt replayed and then he wrote me just “…” Like wtf?! We broke up cuz I had a really hard year with a lot of problems and he didnt give me enought of his time. We decided together to go apart because it wasnt the same anymore. I still belive that we can get back together, because Im much better now and also he arrenged his thinks. But Im pretty sure that he is not gonna write me because of his high ego. What should I do? He work in a restaurant..would it be to obvious if I go with my friends there? In the moment Im in another coutry as he is because of work. Should I write him when I come back? At the moment I have the non contact rule.. I would really like to have him back..
Ivany
December 10, 2016 at 11:43 pm
Ok thx 🙂 I will dress nice and so on 😉 Do you think that I have a chance?
He has a pretty high ego so I think that he is not gonna contact me then. He also said to me once that he likes if the girl do the first step…
So I was thinking to just invite him for a cop of tea in like 2 months. If Im not gonna be too late.
Do you think it is possible if he doesnt love me more, to fall inlove again?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 13, 2016 at 4:21 pm
If he doesn’t love you anymore, then take it as a restart. If he fell in love with you before, what more if you really improved right? The change has to be genuine. Most of the time, ironically, the girls who get their exes back are the ones that moved on and improved because they appear better than the the person the guy broke up with. I think there’s a chance for a restart.
Ivany
December 9, 2016 at 10:27 pm
Did you get my replay? 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 10, 2016 at 6:58 pm
Yes, I did :). And going back to your comment, yeah, when you said you want him back, it’s like chasing. So, right now, if he sees you, he has to think you have moved on and improved and just being friendly. He has to see you as the ungettable girl. Check this:
The Ungettable Girl
Ivany
December 6, 2016 at 8:15 pm
Hey,
Well I havent seen him like 2 months yet. But Im coming home soon and dont know what to do. Maybe he thinks that im clingy but he really didnt give me enough of his time. We always met at his place, he hardly came to me (with an excuse “I dont have a car”).
But now I think he would see that Im independent and that I can live without him, my thinks work out so I also look much happier.
I just think that I made a really big mistake when I wrote him that I want him back 🙁
Do I have any chance? What should I do if I will see him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 5, 2016 at 11:43 am
HI Ivany,
Correct me if I’m wrong. It sounds like you broke up because he thinks you’re clingy. If he sees or talks to you, would he think you have moved on, improved and became independent?
Rukayyah
November 11, 2016 at 9:22 pm
Hey uhhmm I wanna tlk about how I broke up with my ex boyfriend last 3 years ago…am 19 years old so is he is told him that am gonna finish my exams early and I call me after that … after that 3 days passed no call from him in was very angry soo of decided to call his best friend which i did . We tlk to sometime and finally ended the ..after 2 days again no sign of him in decided to text him and tell him that we’re over and I did it about 30 minutes passed I saw his call and he was asking me if I am serious I told him yes before he end the call is told him not to call me nor text me again..Which he did
After 1 months of our break up in started missing him soo badly I can’t sleep at night..Soo I called him and told him that am sorry I was very angry that day ..he just ended the call i was shocked .I know I’ve hurt him soo bad I called in
Him again and he said have you forgotten wat you said that I should not call or text you again and again he ended the call and that is were in realized that I love him sooo much.
After 3 years we became friends but he doesn’t call or text him .
I did all that ..I don’t know why his doing this to me after 3 years I really love him soon much and if I post a pic on instagram or Snapchat he comments on it..I WISH I CAN GET HIM BACK AGAIN
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 14, 2016 at 8:41 pm
Hi Rukayyah
check this one:
Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart
Blue
October 18, 2016 at 3:39 pm
I tried all and did not work. then last thing I did was offered him to stay friends.
He did not like it and blocked me from FB, phone and etc. What’s next? I did not expect it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 2:01 pm
Hi Blue,
That means you have to move on..
Blue
October 18, 2016 at 3:38 pm
What if I tried all and did not work. then last thing I did was offered him to stay friends.
He did not like it and blocked me from FB, phone and etc. What’s next? I did not expect it.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 2:02 pm
Hi Blue,
That means you have to move on..
sandra
October 15, 2016 at 2:20 pm
hi,my ex and i dated for 1year den breakup sm nonths ago he came back negging i fotgived him. He wokeup tellx me i jave not changed that i dont respecy him. I have been begging for 3 weeks now no response and when he does he says he is not interested. I started the NC rule yesterday.n he changed his dp n said I MISS MY BAE and his status I am sorry dunno if he has moved on.Pleas advice.me on.what to do
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 16, 2016 at 6:07 pm
Hi Sandra,
How old are you both.. That’s good that you started doing the no contact rule.. And I think you need to stick to it.. Try what’s advised in both the articles you posted in..
Sofie
October 11, 2016 at 7:05 am
Hey.
My boyfriend broke up with me last Saturday. It came as a shock to me and I didn’t see it coming at all. We had been together for 1 year and 3 months, and it was the best time of my life.
I’m 18 (19 in December) and he’s 23, so there is a 5 year gap between us. He hadn’t said anything about his feelings slipping away, which is why it came as such a shock. I noticed him being a little more distant, but just thought it was because he was stressed about university. I should maybe also mention that he has a depression, which gets a lot worse in the dark months (November-January). And last year, we fought a lot around this time. But haven’t really done it the last few months.
He told me that the reason he broke up, was because he’s not in love with me anymore, and that he feels like the relationship isn’t evolving. Kinda like we’re just doing the same thing over and over. I can understand that because I missed doing new things too. He also said that he still loves me but are just not IN love with me and that the reason he broke up, was not because he wanted to date another girl.
He was my first relationship, and I hadn’t really done anything with a boy before we became a couple. Sometimes I think this is also why he broke up. I know I was depending on him too much, because I don’t really have a life on my own, and I know how damaging this can be to a relationship, which is also why I’m trying to make new friends. (Also for my own sake)
As you might know, I’m not over him yet, and I’m still convinced we can make this work again.
Even though we have broken up, we agreed to see each other rarely, and do something together with other people present. As a way to see if we can get the spark back. While we try this, it is not like we are dating, so we are free to see other people (not that I want to). We a kinda just trying again as friends, and see if something is still there (on his side).
He also said that he needed time to think about himself, and that he couldn’t do that if we were still together. I’m willing to give him space, and I’ll try my hardest not to text him. Then hopefully when we see each other in a month, we will have more to talk about, and maybe we can work on this.
Do you have any advice for me? What I can do to help this relationship. I know I can’t make him fall in love with me right away, and I’m willing to wait, and really work on it.
Sofie
October 11, 2016 at 7:08 am
Maybe I should also mention, that we live 4 hours away from each other and that it can be really hard sometime. But it also gives us time to miss each other.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 11, 2016 at 4:49 pm
Hi Sofie,
I think you should read this one:
The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship
Juliannie
October 7, 2016 at 3:42 pm
I’ve become desperate so far I think I have managed not to show my ex I feel that way here’s our story I really hope you can take the time to help about 6 months ago I just had a brake up with someone long distance I was devastated because he didn’t say anything to me just blocked me on everything you could think of a month later his cousin told me he was cheating on me and left me for her I was really sad for a little but then my anger kicked in I was so mad I didn’t care about guys anymore (I have a problem with relying know them to make me happy) I felt confident with myself I met a guy at a gas station I had an interview for he worked there and was talking to me and asked for my fb after a few days he kept saying how he wanted to hang out and I told him we could but it will be nothing more than hanging out because I had enough with men this probably made his instincts come In so everyday he kept asking me to take me on a date and he wanted to prove to me that not all guys are the same and I could trust him after a month I finally agreed to go to the movies with him but told him I won’t see it as a date of course it really was and my past relationships were long distance so a lot of this was new to me he was flattering me he asked to hold my hand and as much as I wanted to continue to be cold to him I gave in and it was the best decision I’ve ever made we ended up watching 2 movies that night now I was happy but he didn’t quite have me yet I was still pulling away a little my best friend was suppose to take me home but her car stopped working so I had no choice but to let him take me home he asked if I wanted my first kiss and I just looked at the floor and he decided to do it and that’s when he hooked me he was my first everything and I mean everything even tho I’m already 19 a few days after he wanted to be my bf I warned him many times how I can become very clingy and go I have some mental issues (history of attempted suicide and self harm) he didn’t care so I agreed fast forward 4 months from then and things are a complete disaster he left me a few days ago because he lost feelings for me we both know it was because of how emotionally dependent on him I was and I was having trouble getting a job so I spent most my days at home doing nothing he said he felt that way for a month he just lost feelingsand felt we were not really going anywhere so he felt he will never fall in love with me too and because he’s is a man with a brick wall when it comes to emotions I believe that and feel I really lost him forever trying to get him to feel a type of way is close to impossible because be pushes his emotions so far down he said he liked me enough to stay friends which is rare for any ex of his I’m completely lost I don’t know what method I can use in him because of how he is like I feel if I do NC he will think nothing of it and move on but if I don’t to NC he will always only see me as a friend we moved to fast with our relationship and I really regret it I am just really stuck right now as to how to even aproch geting him back he’s also supposed to teach me to drive so seeing him will hurt more I’m sorry I pretty much worse a lot but please help me I would love very much to be able to share a success story with you because out of every website I’ve been on yours is the most helpful It bothers me when he doesn’t talk to me when hes talking to other people because it makes me feel like I have no chance
Juliannie
October 7, 2016 at 3:48 pm
I’m so upset I couldn’t even type my words right lol I apologize
Nina
October 3, 2016 at 8:45 am
My ex and I have still kept in contact. I still love him. And he knows that. In a way he’s holding back because we were young and we fought a lot. But I grew up and changed. He always tell me he can never love me like before. But will drop little things like ‘I feel so empty’ , ‘I got teary looking at our photos’. I’m so confused. Please help
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 5, 2016 at 9:52 pm
Hi Nina,
do you want to try the no contact rule?
Dawn
September 24, 2016 at 7:39 am
Me and my boyfriend have been together for 22 weeks (almost 2 years)
And he broke up with me yesterday,
I didn’t expect it at all, and when he came over to tell me, he was crying too.
He was obviously really sad and frustrated, since he also didn’t know why his feelings went away.
He was also saying things like “I’m not good enough, someone else is better for you”
But after asking about that, he said it wasn’t that. But it was really about the issue of him just having lost feelings.
What can I do to get him back?
Our relationship was awesome, and this was all so unexpected.
And he WANTS to love me, but just lost his love.
We both would want him to love me again.
So if you have any ideas I can do to make him fall in love with me again. Thank you so much! It means allot to me…
Dawn
September 25, 2016 at 7:18 am
Relationship went very very well
We didn’t fight
If someone got annoyed then after a minute I just started crying, we cuddled, talked it over and then we were ok.
We’re together every weekend.
We’re 16 but very mature
Was some sort of routine, but that was a nice thing. From time to time he also went to friends a weekend to switch that routine up a bit.
And no it didn’t get boring at all.
Pretty much, everything was perfect, apart from me having some insecurity issues, and him not really knowing how to handle that.
But we’re still close.
He promises it’s ONLY that the love just disappeared.
The rest is still there.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 25, 2016 at 2:49 pm
When he said that the love disappeared, that more probably means the desire dissappeared which means the relationship got boring for him. I understand that maybe for you it wasn’t but it’s more likely that for him the attraction was gone because there was no spontaneity anymore and maybe he got tired of dealing or handling the insecurity issues. It’s not all your fault. It’s normal for your age that you would be dealing with insecurity issues and it’s normal for him too that he would get tired of it. Yes, you are matured compared to your other friends in the same age but the truth is, these are all firsts for the both of you right? So, he would really get tired of dealing with relationship woes.
So, are you ready to try what’s advised above?
And you should check these ones too:
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?
The Ungettable Girl
Dawn
September 24, 2016 at 7:42 am
Also, my birthday will be in 2 weeks, and he wasn’t only my bf, but also saw him as an amazing friend.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 8:46 pm
Hi Dawn,
how was your relationship? Were you together everyday? how old are you both? Was it a routine? Did it get boring?
Dawn
September 24, 2016 at 7:40 am
22 Months*
Beachrose
September 23, 2016 at 4:27 am
I was thinking of taking a more indirect approach here…
For ex., I know that a lot of my ex’s most heartfelt memories involve our trips to the desert, including to my cabin. I unfriended him on FB, but my photos are public. Also, I know we’re mutual members of certain FB groups. So, I re-post other people’s photos there/ to our mutually-followed desert group – really beautiful, evocative artsy sunset landscapes, desert rainstorms (mmm, the smell of the rain there!), cool old desert scenes, etc. He can comment on those… I know those show up in his feed… and I get DOZENS of likes on them, comments, etc.
That, in addition to posting really nice photos of “moi” having fun (especially in the desert ) to my FB page. (He can lurk, but he can’t comment there.) 😉
I know he’s been sad and disappointed he hasn’t seen me recently, but he’s been so lazy about it. I won’t let him just drop by for 15 mins to see me on the way to some other errand, etc. Guess he’ll just have to get sadder. (He’s got GIGS, too. But mostly that’s fantasy – he’s an older guy , not rich, etc)
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 4:58 pm
Good strategy! Well, yes, he has to be sadder.. if he was happier without you, then that would different.
Emma
September 21, 2016 at 3:28 pm
Dear Chris,
My ex broke up with me in February, we’ve been together for almost six years in a long distance relationship. It’s not the fist time he’s broken up with me, in 2006 we had a year long relationship and he broke up with me due to the distance, after a couple of months he got into another relationship that lasted three years and eventually came back to me in 2010 (I was in another relationship as well at the time).
He treated me poorly, breaking up with a passive aggressive message on facebook (he started drifting away from me around this time last year, while I was having very bad stomach issues and eventually ended up going in and out the hospital for treatment, I don’t want to sound mean but he kinda caused/worsened my issues since they were stress induced) and last year has been just horrible for both of us (he lost his job and had an accident, I lost my grandmother and my mother had some health issues that took a while to get rid of).
He said “there’s no going back” and that “it can’t work out for us/maybe we’re not meant to be together”, when I demanded to meet with him to get closure, or some answer (I know, bad move) since he really didn’t give me any reason about the break up; he just said “My father gave me my grandparents house and I had to move there, it’s a new start and I’ve decided to get a hold of my life”, which sounded like total bullshit. This place is so much closer to where I live and it broke my heart thinking that he felt that way instead of “oh, we live closer now, I’ve my own place, we can be together more easily!”.
When we met he kept at a distance (phisically), telling me things like “find someone better” etc. and even joking about little things he knew would’ve annoyed me (like making fun of my nose…)
He contacted me in May asking about my health and after that I contaced him in July. The thing is: he started dating another woman around May (at least, this is what he said), this made me feel so bad I eventually stopped talking to him and after 2 months of no contact he removed me from facebook because “you obviously don’t care about our friendship and you posted a picture with a stone wall behind you that looks like the one I’ve in my new house, I know you were here on vacation and I leave the front door open”.
He basically called me a stalker. I was so offended (I’m not a crazy girlfriend, never stalked anyone in my life) and I got utterly mad; the stone wall was actually at my aunt’s place (she lives an hour and a half from him, they both did renovations last year and it was just a weird coincidence), so I had to explain it to him and show him proof (he’s 31, I felt like talking to a child).
The other part is, well, bullshit. He knows I care deeply (he suffers from MS and this is why I care about having him on facebook so I can check up on him from time to time without having to bother him and make myself look desperate) and I had to tell him “listen, you are with someone else, it made me feel unconfortable. It’s not that I don’t care, is that I care about myself too. You knew I was treating my health issues and yet you never asked about it because when you don’t want to do something you just don’t do it, you’ve always said that. You’re also very rude to me when I contact you so why should I do it? I care about being friends with you on facebook so that I can see how you’re doing without having to annoy you and make myself feel unconfortable. It’s about respect for you and for myself as well!” and not only he ignored what I said but replied with “you didn’t even wish me happy birthday (early June)! And I wanted to do it for yours (actually next week)!”. He kept saying “I panicked, get over it! You’re making drama for nothing! You don’t give a f about what I do, you said it!” and I eventually got tired and said “I don’t care about who you do, it’s different” and he said “I don’t do.” and I really still don’t know what he meant with that…
Long story short, I told him I was seeing someone else as well so my attentions weren’t out of jealousy or else, and that I was being annoying because I care about him and his health, regardless of the feelings. So, since then, I started asking him how he’s doing (it’s happened twice) but so far he’s still being incredibly cold, using short answers etc.
With him is either black or white but with me he’s always said white and done black, even know… And of course I love him, never loved anyone like I love him, but I just don’t know what to do. I’ve always had this huge gut feeling that he’s the one, never felt the same with anyone else…
He’s doing the exact same things he’s done the first time he broke up with me, even the girl he’s dating resembles his ex! I’m so confused…
Sorry for bothering you with this dumb story!
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 3:53 pm
We were and are once again friends on facebook, and I’m sorry but to check up on him or any of my friends from time to time to see how they’re doing is not stalking. I don’t log in with his account, never did, if this is your concern!
When we were together he asked me to show him all my social media accounts, (tumblr as well), he used to look at them daily and ask me about this or that if something bothered or pleased him, if someone had to be called a stalker, maybe he’s the one here (and I swear, he didn’t like getting a no as a response, he begged over 20 minutes for me to give him the link to my tumblr).
As for the dating, I’ve started dating someone, yes, but I’m taking it very slowly.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 24, 2016 at 1:40 pm
That’s good! I’m sorry I didn’t mean to upset you.. Be consistent on what you have started now, and don’t check his account during nc, so that you get upset and to help you heal faster too.
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 23, 2016 at 8:57 am
Hi Emma,
are you really in a relationship with someone else or you just said that to him?
I know you don’t like being called a stalker, well no one does but checking up on his social media account is stalking. It’s understandable. You’re hung up on him, so you would really do that.
I think you need to check these:
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy
EBR 003: Does Having Your Own Life Help You Get Your Ex Back?
The Ungettable Girl
Crumbling
September 19, 2016 at 5:15 am
The father of my child and I were together for almost 5 years. We were young when we had our daughter and it happened a little too quickly.. We broke up 4 years ago. It took a few years for us to rebuild a friendship and be able to be around each other in a civil manner. But we nailed it and had become the best of friends more so over this past year.
He has dated others and so have I over the course of our break up but nothing to serious. Last year, after starting to hang out with him a bit more thought that maybe we could give it another go but was worried that too much time had pasted and I couldn’t reconnect my feelings for him like I use too. He jumped in with two feet and it scared me a bit so I backed off.
A few months later he ended up needing a place to stay as his apartment building burnt down. I couldn’t leave the father of my child and best friend homeless..
The first few days he slept in the spare room and we just carried on as friends. Then one night we ended up being together in the bedroom.. He again wanted to jump into with 2 feet but I had mixed feelings about it. But because we were in the same house I fought through my anxieties and thought well maybe I can get my feelings back for him.
He was advised tho that he would still need to get his own place and if we were going to work on things it would be much better if we did it slowly.
He did a month or so later found a new place and moved in. We still would do dinner most nights throughout the week and would stay at each other’s places a few times a week. As the weeks passed on, he seemed to drift away, and when I asked him about it he said he couldn’t feel the passion from me that he was needing.. I tried to show him what he wanted but couldn’t deliver because of my own anxiety and fear.
In turn, we drifted away again but still remained friends and were able to co-parent our daughter.
He has had this one girl that he has been on and off again over the years of our separation. I was never bothered too much by it because their relationship was just that, on and off. Recently they started doing the on thing again, usually it wouldn’t bother me and I would step back. This time, I couldn’t, I ended up telling him that I was in love with him and had been for quite some time but just couldn’t admit it to myself.
He then told me that he would say goodbye to her and give us shot because having his family back was important. We spent every evening together, not the night, but supper and spending time with each other after the work day was done. Too me, it seemed like things were heading in the right direction, although I still had doubts of his feelings that he had toward this other girl regardless of what he said to me.
One night he didn’t come to his place for supper and ignored my calls and texts. It turned out it was her birthday and he had decided to go be with her for the night.
The next day I was irate and very hurt that he did this too me. Seeing me so upset and invested in him, he then told me that we need to work on getting our friendship back to where it was before we could go any further. That I could do! A few weeks pasted and everything seemed good, he was close again and seemed checked in this time instead of our. We ended up spending the night one night together and he was all on board for making this work. And I couldn’t be happier because I finally wanted it like he had several months back.
A few weeks later, I could feel him distancing himself from me a bit. One day at work he had sent me a text saying that he needed time for himself because he had such strong feelings for the other girl. I was of course upset and very angry. I said a lot of mean things and then of course calmed down hours later to beg him to not do what he was doing.
Two days later I drive by his place as it is on the way to my daughters school and seen her car out front. I seen red and blew his phone up while he was at work… Which never gets me anywhere because he won’t talk to me when I’m that mad.
We had been invited to a wedding months back and it just so happened that the wedding was only days away after this happened. It took all the courage in the world to go with him but I did. That night, he invited me to stay the night. I didn’t even care at this point if we were going to have sex or not, I just wanted to be beside him. He ended up telling me he had a great time with me at the wedding and I broke down and cried like a 3 year old. He held me and squeezed me tight. He knew the hurt he had put me through that last week was hard on me. We ended up making love and spending the next day together.
That day tho, I had noticed his phone was dinging a lot and she had been calling him. I then got very emotional again and ended up leaving, knowing that he would be going to spend time with her. He tried to tell me that he was just going to watch a movie together and that was it. Well she was still there the next morning when I took our daughter to school.
I’m afraid that if I am too emotional it will push him away. But on the other hand, he’s my best friend and I need that friend to cry too although I know he’s not the right one to do it to.
I want so badly for him to fall back in love with me and choose me. if I just let him go be with her my hope is that history will repeat itself and they will break up again but my biggest fear is that if I do that, he won’t come back to me.
I’m not sure how to approach this but I feel like I need to fight for this
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 21, 2016 at 8:54 am
Hi Crumbling,
well, he will still be present in your life no matter what.. So, why not take a differenr step this time. Try minimal contact. Make it seem like you’ve accepted the situation and then focus in improving yourself..try doing 30 days