When I was in college, I had a friend come to me for advice.
When she finished telling me what was going on, she asked me what she should do.
I replied,
“It’s simple. Stop chasing after him.”
She was shocked by my advice… She didn’t even realize that she was chasing him.
So how do you know if you are chasing someone or coming off like you are chasing someone?
Sometimes it is hard to know for sure if you are the one doing the chasing. You may be doing it without even realizing it, like my friend that I mentioned.
I know what you are probably thinking…
“If I was chasing, I would know it.”
However, if you found your way here… to this article, I’m willing to bet that there is a little voice in the back of your head that is telling you,
“Maybe… just maybe I am chasing him.”
Okay, alright, maybe it’s not saying that exactly. Maybe it is saying something more like,
“I feel like I’m always putting in more effort.”
Starting to sound more familiar?
No worries! I’m glad you found this article because by the time we get done we will have covered three things:
- The two types of chasing
- How to tell which scenario you fall into
- What to do moving forward
Are you ready?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhat is “Chasing?”
First off, what is “chasing?”
If we were to define it, chasing is the pursuit of someone or putting in effort or work to get the attention of someone.
Chances are, if you are aggressively pursuing someone, it will be more obvious to the people around you. So, if someone mentions that you might be chasing your ex… then it’s likely it’s true.
Typically, the person that is “chasing” wants to be with the other person more or considered more “needy.”
Still not sure if you are chasing him and wondering how you can tell?
How Can I Tell If I’m Chasing Him?
There are several ways to get a feel for if you are the one doing the chasing.
Below I made a list of the Top 4 Signs of Chasing for you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizBefore we get into that, I want to let you know how I came up with this list. Hopefully, it deters you from wanting to chase ever again.
Years ago, this guy had a crush on me. Let’s call him “Bill.”
Bill had such an obvious crush on me. Why was it obvious, you ask? Because his chasing was obvious. See, if there was the Chasing Olympics, I’m pretty sure Bill would take gold.
When preparing to write this article, I jotted down “signs of someone chasing.”
Almost immediately, I was reminded of Bill and his efforts to win me over. Bill and his chasing efforts are the inspiration for this list.
Don’t be a Bill.
Top 4 Signs That You Are Chasing Him
1. You Initiate Most or All of the Conversations
This is pretty self explanatory. If you are always the one starting the conversations then you may be chasing.
2. You Are Constantly Asking About His Life But He Rarely Asks About Yours
If you are regularly asking him about his day, his work, a new thing he did, his post on Instagram… you get my point, but, he never takes the time to ask about anything new in your life, then you might be chasing him.
3. He Does Not Engage In Conversations or Often Stops Texting Back
If you are having a conversation and he regularly falls off the face of the planet or simply sends a series of one word answers, this is not a good sign and you are definitely chasing. This is often paired with him texting you back several hours to days later trying to pick up the conversation where it left off.
4. When He Does Text Back He Will Often Take a Long Time to Respond as Opposed to Your Quick Response
This is also pretty self explanatory. If he regularly takes a long time to respond, it is possible that you may be chasing. It may also come off like you are chasing if he regularly takes a long time to respond and you always respond immediately.
5. You Gnat Him
Last but not least, you Gnat him. Basically, Gnatting stands for “Going Nuts At Texting,” and is texting someone repeatedly with little or no response. Think about a gnat buzzing around that you want to swat away. If you are texting him non stop, I hate to break it to you but you and your repeated texts, are that gnat, and you are bugging him.
If you want to know a little bit more about gantting and other mistakes women make with their ex, check out this video.
If you are experiencing these things on a regular basis, then it is likely you’re chasing him.
Now, if my amazing list – and let’s be honest, it was amazing – is still not enough for you to determine if you are chasing, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhat if I told you, I could take your phone from you, look at it and tell you with confidence whether or not you are chasing?
What?
No, I don’t have superpowers…
And seeing I can’t actually reach through the screen and take your phone from you, I’m going to tell you what to do.
1. First of all, grab your phone and pull up your conversations with him
2. Then, I want you to look at how much of the screen is represented by you versus represented by him
What do I mean?
Here take a look at two examples:
Example A:
Example B:
In both Examples, the texter is blue.
In Example A you can see that the the majority of the screen is blue, meaning that the texter is doing most of the conversing, and most of the effort.
In Example B you can see that there is a fairly even balance between blue and grey, meaning that both people are putting in about the same amount of effort.
…. Do you see where I’m going with this?
Reminder, “chasing” means pursuing someone or putting in effort or work to get their attention.
So, one easy way to tell if you are chasing is to simply look at your conversations and see if you are regularly putting in more work than him there.
The idea is to identify a pattern. if you see a pattern in your texts that indicates that you are doing most of the texting, then you may be chasing.
Two Scenarios
Now that you have some easy ways to tell if you are the one doing the chasing, I want to give you two situations you may be dealing with. They come from one simple question…. Does he want you to chase him?
1. He Wants You to Chase Him
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz2. He Does Not Want You to Chase Him
I know, I know, I know. Those were pretty uneventful and may seem a little obvious. But, it is important to distinguish between these two scenarios because they are totally different and the reaction that you are getting from him may be different. So, it is important to have an idea of whether he actually wants you to pursue him or not.
Scenario 1: He Wants You to Chase Him
Why would a guy ever want you to chase him?
I guess this is a good time to talk about the biggest thing a man brings to the room… No, not that!!!
His EGO!
I’ll give you a second to get Beyonce’s song “Ego” out of your head.
Anyways… Men have HUGE EGOs.
After a breakup, whether you did the breaking up or he did, it’s normal for egos to be a little sensitive. So, If you dumped him… POW! It’s a blow to the ego. If you start seeing someone else, even years later, POW! If you pull off No Contact and the Ungettable Girl Methods then it’s likely he might think that you aren’t “that” broken up over the breakup… POW! Yes, even if he did the dumping. And yes, even if he is out partying and acting like everything okay. Even if he is talking to or dating another girl!
You see, everyone wants to feel desired, even your ex boyfriend.
This is why some guys will let you chase them, and chase them, and chase them. It makes them feel desired and reassures their ego that they are wanted. It may even make them feel good to know that they “have” you.
So, how do you tell if this particular guy likes being chased?
How To Know If He Likes Being Chased
Guys that like to be chased will often bait you in with minimal effort texts and then disappear once you are engaged. This cycle will then repeat itself days later when he wants attention or his ego boosted again.
Not sure what I’m talking about, see the below as an example.
This guy will enjoy the feeling of knowing that he has you.
He will often check in, confirm that you will chase him and then when you do, back off. See how he just dropped off and didn’t respond?
What to Do If He Likes to Be Chased?
So you think that your guy likes to be chased and you are wondering what to do?
You need to shift the dynamic.
When he checks in to see if you will chase him, don’t chase him. If you don’t do the chasing, this will force his hand a little bit into having to be the one doing the pursing.
Need an example?
Well, it’s your lucky day! Here’s one using the same example as above.
Notice that this time that the blue texter (you) didn’t pursue as soon as the grey texter (him) checked in. The blue texter also didn’t try to push the conversation. When realizing that it wasn’t going anywhere, the blue texter exited the conversation.
Overtime, this will force him to have to work to get your attention and pursue and chase you instead.
Scenario 2: He Does Not Want You to Chase Him
Scenario 2 is completely different.
Sometimes a guy simply does not want to be chased. He is not checking in or trying to bait you into chasing him.
Instead, in this scenario you are probably checking in on him and chasing him anyway… and he wants nothing to do with it.
Sorry! I know that was kind of harsh but I had to say it.
Some guys appreciate their space and truly find chasing to be unattractive. They like to do the chasing and they hate being chased because it takes away the challenge.
And it’s no secret that men like a challenge.
The point of this tangent is that, some men will not want to be chased by you because they want to do the chasing and they like the beauty of the challenge, so don’t take that away from him.
How To Know If He Does Not Want to Be Chased
So, what does this look like exactly and how do you know if he doesn’t want to be chased?
A guy that does not want to be chased will often be unresponsive to your efforts to chase him or even respond negatively.
Remember, he doesn’t like this so he’s not going to encourage it like the Scenario 1 guys.
You know what, let me show you.
See how this guy is showing zero interest in being pursued? He wants to do the work and you aren’t letting him by doing it for him.
How sweet that you invited him to a hockey game but he probably wants to invite you out when he’s ready.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSecret Scenario 2B
I want to take a moment to really quickly talk about one exception to the above.
If you gnatted your guy, it is very possible that he does not want to be chased for that reason. He may like to have his ego boosted from time to time but he may fear that if he checks in or encourages the chasing that you will gnat again.
If you gnatted and think you fall into this case, proceed just as if you always fell into Scenario 2, whether or not he has wanted to be chased in the past.
Got it? Good!
What Should I Do If He Does Not Like to Be Chased?
I’m willing to bet that you know the answer to this.
If you said “stop chasing him,” then you are right on the money!
Now, it is important as part of the EBR program that you text your ex to build rapport, so it is going to be a bit tricky to strike the perfect balance.
In this scenario it is even more important that each text that you send to your ex has a purpose and is interesting. It is also really important that YOU end the conversations FIRST and at the HIGH POINT.
If you can do these two things, this will help shift the dynamic so he doesn’t feel like you are chasing him.
Should I EVER Chase Him?
Okay, I know I said before that I bet you already know the answer but now I’m REALLY willing to bet now that you already know the answer to this.
Simple… No.
Instead of wondering
“Does he want me to chase him of leave him alone?”
Just assume that you should never chase him.
Yes, even if he wants you to chase him.
Will He Notice If I Stop Chasing Him?
Yes, if he has any interest, he will notice.
Now, with every EBR method, it is important to recognize that this is a process and will take time. If you have one conversation after reading this article and don’t come off like you’re chasing him, that is probably not going to do it.
However, over time, he will notice the change.
I will also let you know that Scenario #1 guy is more likely to notice more quickly because remember, he likes that ego boost and being chased. If he is not getting that constant reassurance that you will always be there for him and cue ready to chase him, he will notice.
How to Stop Chasing Him
Alright, so now that we have talked a bit about whether your ex wants you to pursue him or not and the fact that most men don’t find being aggressively pursued attractive, we need to talk about how to go about pulling back. Because, lord knows, there are definitely wrong ways to handle it.
- Dropping of the face of the planet
- Announcing that you are done
- Being indecisive or a pushover
And you find yourself wondering if he will even notice if you stop chasing him.
What Happens If You Stop Chasing Your Ex All Of A Sudden?
Okay, first let’s talk about dropping of the face of the planet. There is only one time that dropping completely out of contact is really understandable… can you guess?
Yep! It’s right after the breakup when you begin No Contact.
Why?
Because you just went through a breakup. It makes sense that you would need to take some time to yourself.
Now, yes, we do have situational exceptions for which we have laid out extensive game plans. Think about it. You have been chasing and chasing and chasing without letting up since the breakup and then suddenly you just stop.
What is your ex going to do if he likes you chasing him.
HINT: we talked about it earlier.
That’s right! He’ll engage just enough to keep you chasing, but won’t ever give you what you want… to get back together.
What do you think he’ll do if he doesn’t like it?
He’ll pull a Houdini of his own and end up even further away.
And that is something you don’t want.
What Happens If You Make a Big Announcement That “You’re Done!”
Let’s be honest… if you are thinking about doing this, you are hoping to scare him into chasing you back.
It doesn’t work that way.
He might react the way you hope at first but have you ever been given an ultimatum? Generally, even if you do what the person doing the demanding wants, you end up resenting them for it.
Is that really how you want to get your ex back? Do you really want him resenting you for the rest of your relationship, however long it lasts?
Being Indecisive Or A Pushover
Chances are pretty likely that he will engage enough to be polite or keep you hanging on to stroke his ego.
If you stop chasing him you have to be prepared to stick to it. Don’t just roll over because he responds once or twice. And definitely don’t start gnatting or chasing again just because he showed a slight interest.
How And When To Stop Chasing Your Ex
Well, the best time is always RIGHT NOW.
You’re probably asking yourself,
“But, if I’m not just supposed to drop off the face of the planet, how am I supposed to go about this?”
Well, my friend, you are going to want to do it gradually.
First of all, stop messaging or answering at night and on weekends. He shouldn’t take precedence over your sleep or your weekend plans. (Even if you are just Netflixing, just let him think you are busy. Trust me.)
Secondly, you are going to stop flirting with him. Just quit it. He’ll notice and the first place a guy’s mind goes when a girl stops acting interested is…
“Holy crap! She’s found someone else!”
Thirdly, maybe once every other week, or even every third week, send him something you know he won’t be able to resist responding to. (Check out our articles about reconnecting with your ex. They have some great suggestions for how to write engaging texts OR The Texting Bible)
Lastly, when he reaches out, don’t flip out and respond instantaneously.
The idea here is to gradually pull away and leave him chasing you.
The Break Down Of This Article
Yeah I know this article was pretty information-heavy. Just remember that chasing is pursuing someone or putting in effort to get someone’s attention. The general idea is just to stop trying so hard.
Now that we have that out there, I want to do something for you. I want to discuss your specific situation in the comments below. Let me know:
- A little bit about your breakup
- How long you have been chasing your ex
- What methods you will be implementing after reading this article
Hopefully, we can give you a little EXTRA insight on what you should do moving forward.
Sound good?
Let’s go!
Kelish
January 13, 2023 at 11:05 pm
Hi, me and my boyfriend broke up since 8months
now, and have been chasing him since 2months
now, our brake up was just a slight
misunderstanding yea! You took me wrong without
hearing from me first then cut me off. We stopped
talking for 6months, then 2months of chasing him,
3rd month counting actually, I have tried everything
and I still haven’t gotten the attention yet, I’m tried
of chasing him and now I feel the need to stop but
them I’m scared cause I still want him, after reading
this article the method I will be applying now is to
stop chasing him, and not to feel too excited when
he replied once in a while, I hope he engaged back
cause I’m honestly tried and will take me a long
time to let go.
Joanna
July 18, 2022 at 3:05 am
we broke up 8 months ago, I went NC and had blocked him for me to take time to myself for 4 months til I felt okay enough to unblock. literally 2 days later he was already watching my stories & about a week later started liking everything and responding to them. we gradually started talking more & ran into eachother on a night out. anyways we ended up hooking up and after that he got alot more inconsistent with his messaging/texting. I would rarely start a conversation with him. sometimes i would ignore his messages other times i responded. but sometimes we would end up hooking up if we were both out and knew it. anyways I started to dislike how things were going and how he would treat me and not talk to me for days after & he would post really disrespectful things on his stories too. I figured we were turning into a FWB situation so after about 5 times of that over the course of 2 months I unfriended him to stop seeing it and stopped everything. we ran into eachother after & we got in a little argument that I regret having but still went home together and havent talked since. thats been 2 weeks now. I think he enjoys the chase and getting what he wants with low effort from him & now I am not sure what to do other than i feel like i need to go NC completely again to work on myself more. this interaction we have had has set me back so much emotionally & i had a hard time with self control when we are both out drinking. anytime he messages me it was hard not to respond bc most of them were funny and really engaging even if it only lasted for a little bit. What should I do from here? I think I should have rejected him the very first time but it was hard we had been talking alot about memories and I missed him & we have a lot of chemistry there but i messed up. I also think he does like to be chased a little bit but I do not want to be putting alot of effort.
Josephine
April 16, 2022 at 4:03 am
My ex broke up with me through text and it’s been around 6 years since then. We haven’t spoken a whole lot in between then and when i’m writing this. Except the other night my friends hyped me up to try and get him back because he’s single and so am I. So I listened and the past couple days we’ve talked for a solid hour or two each day. I want him back but I have no idea if he would even want me back. He responds relatively quick and the conversations are balanced but he abruptly ends conversations without saying a goodnight or any indication like “i’m heading to bed’ and it makes me think that he’s just being nice by responding instead of responding because he actually wants to talk. I’m afraid that if I stop texting first then he won’t text me..
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 21, 2022 at 12:25 pm
Sounds as if you have only just started reconnecting, keep going and just do not put pressure on the situation or on him to commit too soon. 6 years is a long time apart, get to know him as a new person.
Lisa
January 25, 2022 at 8:39 am
Hey! My ex broke up with me about 1 month and 3 weeks ago. Gnarled a little the first day after the break up, even though I did let him go, and said that I did not agree on his decision but if it was best for him I would let him go. I did 30 days of no contact. I broke it on day 14 because he wanted me to get my stuff. I did answer that I wanted to not have any contact. I did 30 new days of NC. I did ask him for advice on day 30 with a positive response. We kept texting back and forth, and then I stopped. I did ask him how he was doing 3 days later, and noticed him being more neutral this time. So where so I go from here? 14 days NC? I have a feeling he will reach out, so maybe just wait?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 29, 2022 at 10:21 pm
Hey Lisa, no I would not suggest a 14 day NC after a neutral response. I would suggest that if he does not reach out to you before day 5 that you do so that day. Ask him for some advice on a matter that you know he would be interested in speaking about, for example if he is great with DIY ask for advice how to do something.
Stefanie
June 30, 2021 at 5:28 pm
Hi.
I broke up with my boyfriend of six months. We got along well, had fun and we’re compatible, but he wasn’t very open. Didn’t like talking about his feelings even if during the relationship the issue was about emotions or we needed to talk. We went through no contact for 1.5 months. I really missed him, but worked on me and areas I needed to focus on. I’ve used the EBR value ladder to gradually reach out to him with texts, then a meet up or two and then a date. Because I’m initiating all of this, I female, feel like I’m chasing him. He hasn’t yet initiated a text to me, a call, a visit, a date, but he seems to go along if I get it started. That’s when I do hear from him or see him.
Sarah
February 16, 2021 at 12:14 pm
Hey, great article. I just wanted to confirm if I actually chase this man that on new year eve in a festival. We spend the weekend talking, drinking and hooking up. When the festival was over, he did not ask for my phone number (social media). After 1month and a half I decided to add him on my instaa I wanted to see him again casually… (But I did not mention that) He accepted and followed me back. I sent him a text message the same day,which he answered and we chatted the next day for a while, the conversation finished as I was going to a party. He did not follow up with any other messages after that…
Did I chase him badly?
I feel akward because I added him and texted first??…
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 16, 2021 at 7:46 pm
Hi Sarah, this is not an ex boyfriend is that correct? If so then yes you are chasing a little too much I would suggest that you let the guy chase you a little and if he does not reach out to you then you can try to apply the ungettable girl information to yourself and show him what he’s missing out on
Amanda
November 11, 2020 at 9:32 pm
I was with my ex for 4 1/2 months, everything seemed to be going great, then he disappeared, after 2 days I messaged him saying I haven’t heard from you in a few days I hope you are ok, no response, another 4 days later I messaged him again asking if he was ok but also said if you are no longer interested that’s ok I would just appreciate you letting me know, again no response.. at about 9 days of not hearing a word from him is where I blew it, he had a key to my house so I found him at a place I knew he would be and he started apologising and said I didn’t deserve this and that he just had a lot going on in his head, he hesitantly handed me my house key and said he would call me the next day to have a proper conversation, no call. I have to admit I tried to call him about 4 days later to see if we could have that talk but no answer. A week later I sent him a final text just saying I think he is a great guy and all I ever wanted was to make him smile like he made me and I hope he finds what makes him happy.. through the time this was happening, one of his friends had messaged me saying he keeps telling them he will contact me to talk and he never has.. I know it’s over although I wish it wasn’t, but he was so attentive when we were together, always asking to see and spend time with me, introduced me to his family and friends and even asked to see me the day before he disappeared but I unfortunately had other plans on that day already.. how do I tell if he lost interest or if he was scared of having a relationship? And how can I tell if there is a chance of working this out? I feel as though he is possibly scared to reach out to me now because it’s been a month since he disappeared on me.. it’s also been now 2 weeks since I last reached out, is there any chance for us?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 12, 2020 at 6:30 pm
Hi Amanda, it seems strange that he just dropped out. But if you work through the articles and the program then you give yourself your best chance at getting him back, but it all starts with a no contact period of at least 30 days.
Sarah
June 14, 2020 at 2:18 am
We were getting to know each other. He’s going through a lot and asked me if I could be patient getting to know him. I understood it as be patient not drop from the face of the planet!! So since then, we spoken a couple times and I’ve initiated all conversations. I would like to continue getting to know him but he makes it so difficult!! What to do?!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 16, 2020 at 8:13 pm
Hi Sarah, so you need to give him more space and slow down. You area moving too fast for what he is ready for by the sounds of things
amanda
July 20, 2019 at 4:52 am
After my no contact my ex came back to me wanting to be friends. He keeps leading me on by saying things like “I would get back together with you” or admitting he is still attracted to me. He’s tried to pull out of our friendship multiple times, but every time he does I basically convince him to stay, so he knows he has me wrapped around his fingers. I slept with him a few times after the breakup so I’m definitely a pushover when it comes to him. He recently even tried to permanently pull out of our friendship. We met for the “last time” and we talked and it ended with him driving off and me left at a coffee shop crying. The next day he texted me asking to continue hanging out until September and then we will stop talking to each other, and I said sure. I’m totally chasing him while he is stringing me long, how can I stop this?
Nina
June 22, 2019 at 8:12 am
He broke up 2 months ago and we continued talking everyday but just 2-3 messages a day. After a month and a week we had a conversation about our break up and he said this wasn’t a farewell yet, he said he still cared about me and didn’t want me to do stupid things and he wished me luck. We continued talking. After two more weeks he started initiating conversations, talking about sex, flirting, calling me pet names. Then one day he wanted to talk so badly and he was sending me pictures and all and after 30 minutes I said I had to go and he reacted as if he didn’t want me to leave, but I did. The next day we talked the whole day, but I mostly let him initiate the conversations. The day later he was less responsive, but I was cool with it. The day after that I was a complete mess. I did tell him I wasn’t feeling okay. And he was nice to me, BUT I KNOW HE HATED WHEN I WAS DESPERATE. The day after we had a conversation about some stupid stuff we never agreed on and I commented smth about our relationship on which he didn’t react positively but we didn’t fight or anything. That same day, hours later he texted me smth about my instagram post and few messages in he left me on read for the first time ever. Since we were talking every day for the last year and a half, I was triggered by it. So I texted him later next day looking for answers. He was kinda rude and all. And then I said ”Okay if I deserve this kind of an end to talking” on which he said ”its not the end its just less talking” and I didn’t respond. Two minutes later he said ”hmm ok” on which I didn’t respond again. It’s been 5 days since then without talking. Did I do it wrongly? What should I do now?
Ann
April 16, 2018 at 1:54 pm
My boyfriend and I dated for 9 months. We had a perfect relationship for 7 of those months. I mean, we would argue, but we always ended them respectfully and felt stronger as a couple afterwards. Then, my boyfriend started to struggle with depression and started to have doubts about our relationship. The night he broke up with me, I confess that I GNATted him. But, we met the next day to exchange stuff, I apologized for my behavior and instituted no contact for 21 days (I didn’t tell him I was doing it–I just did it). For the past week or so, we have been texting, and he always seems happy to hear from me (responds positively and right away). However, he never initiates texts. Should I stay the course and follow the texting timeline on this site or maybe institute another week of no contact to “cool off”? Thank you.
Chris Seiter
April 18, 2018 at 3:19 am
I Ann…there are lots of good suggestions on the site. But if you want something more comprehensive, consider some of the ebook resources available here on my site (Menu/Products link). It is helpful to have a cohesive blueprint that you can follow and be able to adjust accordingly. Since you have re-established positive contact, that is a good sign. So just go slow, remember you want to leave little breadcrumbs to get him chasing. Consider the Texting Bible (which I also wrote) if you are looking expertise on all sorts of possible texts you can send.
Chris Seiter
April 18, 2018 at 3:19 am
I Ann…there are lots of good suggestions on the site. But if you want something more comprehensive, consider some of the ebook resources available here on my site (Menu/Products link). It is helpful to have a cohesive blueprint that you can follow and be able to adjust accordingly. Since you have re-established positive contact, that is a good sign. So just go slow, remember you want to leave little breadcrumbs to get him chasing. Consider the Texting Bible (which I also wrote) if you are looking expertise on all sorts of possible texts you can send.
hwall
March 19, 2018 at 12:55 pm
I’m a guy & I have had a crush on my friend who is also a guy for the past 5 years. So I confessed to him last December & he was fine with it. But I can’t help but notice that I’m always the one initiating something like going out to eat or going to a concert together. & he always gives mixed signals lately like he would feed me with his spoon or lean his head towards me when I opened my arms to hug him. But then … he would flirt & be touchy with his “girl” friends & saying stuff like ‘I love you’ to her I front of me::
So I asked if maybe I’m chasing him hence I found your article . Maybe I need to stop talking to him. It hurts and emotionally exhausting. Thank you for this article <3
Andra
January 16, 2018 at 6:42 pm
Hi Amor,
Countless times. But we always used to come back to each other, but now…
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2018 at 6:56 am
check this one:
How To Get An On Again/Off Again Boyfriend Back
Sam
January 16, 2018 at 3:17 am
I decided to go NC in mid December after the last time my ex and I had prolonged interaction. He texted me on NYE and I responded a few hours later with a short reciprocating message. There was no further contact from either of us afterwards. Should I consider my 30 days of NC ending in mid January or end of January due to NYE?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 18, 2018 at 6:19 am
Hi Sam,
end of it January because you responded in NYE..
Carol
January 15, 2018 at 1:23 pm
EBR Team,
It’s been 11 days since we last spoke. (but who’s counting, lol)
Thank you!
Andra
January 14, 2018 at 4:43 pm
Hello!
So here’s my story. My ex bf and I dated for 6 years and we were pretty much on a on and off relationship. The last two years of the relationship were long distance due to his work. Our fights started deepening after his departure and frustration grew deeper. About 3 weeks ago he returned home during the holidays and we had a fight and broke up. I started NC for 2 weeks but I was the one that broke it by sending him a text to which I didn’t get any response. Five days later I texted him again and he responded and we strated sort of talking but something felt totally different and off to me. During our 6 year relationship he never ignored my messages and used to respond so quickly but know it took him up to 3 hrs to respond to a message and to be honest he got me confused. Some messages were decent with normal answers like continuing the convo and others were one worded. Not to mention the fact that once I stopped the conversation he never texted me back. I asked him if he has another gf and he said NO. I am totally confused. He said that he feels like shit and that he is not happy but instead of talking to me or getting back togheter he treats me like crap, making me feel like I am the only one responsible and that he is the victim.
As I mentioned something feels totally off, he never behaved like this during our previouvs break-ups, he used to be so happy when NC was over and he could hear from me again, now it is like he does not even care about me anymore. What should I do next, I am so confused and hurt, because I feel that there is something that he is not telling me and is dancing around maybe because he does not want to hurt my feelings? Help! I am lost!
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2018 at 12:58 pm
Hi Andra,
Because the more you do nc, it’s effect lessens.. How many times have you broken up?
Carol
January 13, 2018 at 1:04 am
Ex and I broke up 3 months ago. We never fully completed NC one of us would reach out at about the 10-14 day mark. At first it was all me then it seemed to shift he would reach out here and there. We communicated more than usual over the holidays and I even suggested we meet for drinks. He accepted and we went out for a few hours. It was friendly we caught up had some good laughs, and that was about that. Left on good terms and we haven’t really spoken since. We texted briefly the next day while he was at work, nothing was mentioned of the night before. What do I do next, if anything?
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2018 at 12:32 am
Hi Carol,
when was the last time you talked? I think you need to restart nc ,do at least 30 days and check the links below:
How To Make It Through No Contact Period
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact
Chloe
January 12, 2018 at 10:51 pm
Thank you Amor. I’m not breaking NC, but I’m desperate about him possibly dating another girl. I think we forget me for good and I don’t know what to do. He may even not notice that I’m doing NC.
My social media game is almost perfect, the image I give is a good UG but without interaction and with him maybe meeting another girl or girls, that’s useless. He’s not missing me, he didn’t even notice NC
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2018 at 1:23 am
it’s not useless.. you’re improving yourself for yourself.. that’s what a true ungettable girl does.. if you don’t get back together, it’s his loss.
Carol
January 12, 2018 at 6:41 pm
Ex and I broke up 3 months ago. I was the dumpee- admittedly we never completed no contact. early on I would reach out. We’d have a nice talk via text and end cordially. I NEVER begged since the day after the broke up with me, never pleaded nothing! We have usually gone about 10-12 days and then someone reaches out. I was more at first, then it shifted a little, and over the holiday’s it was prettyequal. I suggested we meet for a drink last week. We did and it went nicely. No drama, no “talks”, no pressure. Just caught up for a few hours, laughed and enjoyed each others company. We spoke once since and that was it. What do I do now? Beginning to think, it’s been too long, forget it but it’s hard.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 15, 2018 at 12:32 am
Hi Carol,
when was the last time you talked? I think you need to restart nc ,do at least 30 days and check the links below:
How To Make It Through No Contact Period
How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact
Lucille
January 12, 2018 at 5:38 pm
Hi,
I’m back with a question again,
An email came through to do with the flights and I forwarded it straight on. I didn’t say anything in the email and he replied to say thank you. Which I didn’t reply to.
This happened a lot earlier than I expected and there’s another email due to arrive soon which I’ll have to send on.
Have I broken no contact? I’m overthinking it all. I don’t feel like I have, but I’m also concerned he’s likely to think I’ve used this as a way to contact him, although I’ve not done anything like this in the past.
Thanks for your help and advice on different articles so far.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 14, 2018 at 10:56 pm
nope, because you kept it only about that.