What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

How Do I Know If I’m Chasing Him?

When I was in college, I had a friend come to me for advice.

When she finished telling me what was going on, she asked me what she should do.

I replied,

“It’s simple. Stop chasing after him.”

She was shocked by my advice… She didn’t even realize that she was chasing him.

So how do you know if you are chasing someone or coming off like you are chasing someone?

Sometimes it is hard to know for sure if you are the one doing the chasing. You may be doing it without even realizing it, like my friend that I mentioned.

I know what you are probably thinking…

“If I was chasing, I would know it.”

However, if you found your way here… to this article, I’m willing to bet that there is a little voice in the back of your head that is telling you,

“Maybe… just maybe I am chasing him.”

Okay, alright, maybe it’s not saying that exactly. Maybe it is saying something more like,

“I feel like I’m always putting in more effort.”

Starting to sound more familiar?

No worries! I’m glad you found this article because by the time we get done we will have covered three things:

  1. The two types of chasing
  2. How to tell which scenario you fall into
  3. What to do moving forward

Are you ready?

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What is “Chasing?”

First off, what is “chasing?”

If we were to define it, chasing is the pursuit of someone or putting in effort or work to get the attention of someone.

Chances are, if you are aggressively pursuing someone, it will be more obvious to the people around you. So, if someone mentions that you might be chasing your ex… then it’s likely it’s true.

Typically, the person that is “chasing” wants to be with the other person more or considered more “needy.”

Still not sure if you are chasing him and wondering how you can tell?

How Can I Tell If I’m Chasing Him?

There are several ways to get a feel for if you are the one doing the chasing.

Below I made a list of the Top 4 Signs of Chasing for you.

Before we get into that, I want to let you know how I came up with this list. Hopefully, it deters you from wanting to chase ever again.

Years ago, this guy had a crush on me. Let’s call him “Bill.”

Bill had such an obvious crush on me. Why was it obvious, you ask? Because his chasing was obvious. See, if there was the Chasing Olympics, I’m pretty sure Bill would take gold.

When preparing to write this article, I jotted down “signs of someone chasing.”

Almost immediately, I was reminded of Bill and his efforts to win me over. Bill and his chasing efforts are the inspiration for this list.

Don’t be a Bill.

Top 4 Signs That You Are Chasing Him

1. You Initiate Most or All of the Conversations

This is pretty self explanatory. If you are always the one starting the conversations then you may be chasing.

2. You Are Constantly Asking About His Life But He Rarely Asks About Yours

If you are regularly asking him about his day, his work, a new thing he did, his post on Instagram… you get my point, but, he never takes the time to ask about anything new in your life, then you might be chasing him.

3. He Does Not Engage In Conversations or Often Stops Texting Back

If you are having a conversation and he regularly falls off the face of the planet or simply sends a series of one word answers, this is not a good sign and you are definitely chasing. This is often paired with him texting you back several hours to days later trying to pick up the conversation where it left off.

4. When He Does Text Back He Will Often Take a Long Time to Respond as Opposed to Your Quick Response

This is also pretty self explanatory. If he regularly takes a long time to respond, it is possible that you may be chasing. It may also come off like you are chasing if he regularly takes a long time to respond and you always respond immediately.

5. You Gnat Him

Last but not least, you Gnat him. Basically, Gnatting stands for “Going Nuts At Texting,” and is texting someone repeatedly with little or no response. Think about a gnat buzzing around that you want to swat away. If you are texting him non stop, I hate to break it to you but you and your repeated texts, are that gnat, and you are bugging him.

If you want to know a little bit more about gantting and other mistakes women make with their ex, check out this video.

If you are experiencing these things on a regular basis, then it is likely you’re chasing him.

Now, if my amazing list – and let’s be honest, it was amazing – is still not enough for you to determine if you are chasing, I’m going to let you in on a little secret.

What if I told you, I could take your phone from you, look at it and tell you with confidence whether or not you are chasing?

What?

No, I don’t have superpowers…

And seeing I can’t actually reach through the screen and take your phone from you, I’m going to tell you what to do.

1. First of all, grab your phone and pull up your conversations with him

2. Then, I want you to look at how much of the screen is represented by you versus represented by him

What do I mean?

Here take a look at two examples:

Example A:

Example B:

In both Examples, the texter is blue.

In Example A you can see that the the majority of the screen is blue, meaning that the texter is doing most of the conversing, and most of the effort.

In Example B you can see that there is a fairly even balance between blue and grey, meaning that both people are putting in about the same amount of effort.

…. Do you see where I’m going with this?

Reminder, “chasing” means pursuing someone or putting in effort or work to get their attention.

So, one easy way to tell if you are chasing is to simply look at your conversations and see if you are regularly putting in more work than him there.

The idea is to identify a pattern. if you see a pattern in your texts that indicates that you are doing most of the texting, then you may be chasing.

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Two Scenarios

Now that you have some easy ways to tell if you are the one doing the chasing, I want to give you two situations you may be dealing with. They come from one simple question…. Does he want you to chase him?

1. He Wants You to Chase Him

2. He Does Not Want You to Chase Him

I know, I know, I know. Those were pretty uneventful and may seem a little obvious. But, it is important to distinguish between these two scenarios because they are totally different and the reaction that you are getting from him may be different. So, it is important to have an idea of whether he actually wants you to pursue him or not.

Scenario 1: He Wants You to Chase Him

Why would a guy ever want you to chase him?

I guess this is a good time to talk about the biggest thing a man brings to the room… No, not that!!!
His EGO!

I’ll give you a second to get Beyonce’s song “Ego” out of your head.

Anyways… Men have HUGE EGOs.

After a breakup, whether you did the breaking up or he did, it’s normal for egos to be a little sensitive. So, If you dumped him… POW! It’s a blow to the ego. If you start seeing someone else, even years later, POW! If you pull off No Contact and the Ungettable Girl Methods then it’s likely he might think that you aren’t “that” broken up over the breakup… POW! Yes, even if he did the dumping. And yes, even if he is out partying and acting like everything okay. Even if he is talking to or dating another girl!

You see, everyone wants to feel desired, even your ex boyfriend.

This is why some guys will let you chase them, and chase them, and chase them. It makes them feel desired and reassures their ego that they are wanted. It may even make them feel good to know that they “have” you.

So, how do you tell if this particular guy likes being chased?

How To Know If He Likes Being Chased

Guys that like to be chased will often bait you in with minimal effort texts and then disappear once you are engaged. This cycle will then repeat itself days later when he wants attention or his ego boosted again.

Not sure what I’m talking about, see the below as an example.

This guy will enjoy the feeling of knowing that he has you.

He will often check in, confirm that you will chase him and then when you do, back off. See how he just dropped off and didn’t respond?

What to Do If He Likes to Be Chased?

So you think that your guy likes to be chased and you are wondering what to do?

You need to shift the dynamic.

When he checks in to see if you will chase him, don’t chase him. If you don’t do the chasing, this will force his hand a little bit into having to be the one doing the pursing.

Need an example?

Well, it’s your lucky day! Here’s one using the same example as above.

Notice that this time that the blue texter (you) didn’t pursue as soon as the grey texter (him) checked in. The blue texter also didn’t try to push the conversation. When realizing that it wasn’t going anywhere, the blue texter exited the conversation.

Overtime, this will force him to have to work to get your attention and pursue and chase you instead.

Scenario 2: He Does Not Want You to Chase Him

Scenario 2 is completely different.

Sometimes a guy simply does not want to be chased. He is not checking in or trying to bait you into chasing him.

Instead, in this scenario you are probably checking in on him and chasing him anyway… and he wants nothing to do with it.

Sorry! I know that was kind of harsh but I had to say it.

Some guys appreciate their space and truly find chasing to be unattractive. They like to do the chasing and they hate being chased because it takes away the challenge.

And it’s no secret that men like a challenge.

The point of this tangent is that, some men will not want to be chased by you because they want to do the chasing and they like the beauty of the challenge, so don’t take that away from him.

How To Know If He Does Not Want to Be Chased

So, what does this look like exactly and how do you know if he doesn’t want to be chased?

A guy that does not want to be chased will often be unresponsive to your efforts to chase him or even respond negatively.

Remember, he doesn’t like this so he’s not going to encourage it like the Scenario 1 guys.

You know what, let me show you.

See how this guy is showing zero interest in being pursued? He wants to do the work and you aren’t letting him by doing it for him.

How sweet that you invited him to a hockey game but he probably wants to invite you out when he’s ready.

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Secret Scenario 2B

I want to take a moment to really quickly talk about one exception to the above.

If you gnatted your guy, it is very possible that he does not want to be chased for that reason. He may like to have his ego boosted from time to time but he may fear that if he checks in or encourages the chasing that you will gnat again.

If you gnatted and think you fall into this case, proceed just as if you always fell into Scenario 2, whether or not he has wanted to be chased in the past.

Got it? Good!

What Should I Do If He Does Not Like to Be Chased?

I’m willing to bet that you know the answer to this.

If you said “stop chasing him,” then you are right on the money!

Now, it is important as part of the EBR program that you text your ex to build rapport, so it is going to be a bit tricky to strike the perfect balance.

In this scenario it is even more important that each text that you send to your ex has a purpose and is interesting. It is also really important that YOU end the conversations FIRST and at the HIGH POINT.

If you can do these two things, this will help shift the dynamic so he doesn’t feel like you are chasing him.

Should I EVER Chase Him?

Okay, I know I said before that I bet you already know the answer but now I’m REALLY willing to bet now that you already know the answer to this.

Simple… No.

Instead of wondering

“Does he want me to chase him of leave him alone?”

Just assume that you should never chase him.

Yes, even if he wants you to chase him.

Will He Notice If I Stop Chasing Him?

Yes, if he has any interest, he will notice.

Now, with every EBR method, it is important to recognize that this is a process and will take time. If you have one conversation after reading this article and don’t come off like you’re chasing him, that is probably not going to do it.

However, over time, he will notice the change.

I will also let you know that Scenario #1 guy is more likely to notice more quickly because remember, he likes that ego boost and being chased. If he is not getting that constant reassurance that you will always be there for him and cue ready to chase him, he will notice.

How to Stop Chasing Him

Alright, so now that we have talked a bit about whether your ex wants you to pursue him or not and the fact that most men don’t find being aggressively pursued attractive, we need to talk about how to go about pulling back. Because, lord knows, there are definitely wrong ways to handle it.

  1. Dropping of the face of the planet
  2. Announcing that you are done
  3. Being indecisive or a pushover

And you find yourself wondering if he will even notice if you stop chasing him.

What Happens If You Stop Chasing Your Ex All Of A Sudden?

Okay, first let’s talk about dropping of the face of the planet. There is only one time that dropping completely out of contact is really understandable… can you guess?

Yep! It’s right after the breakup when you begin No Contact.

Why?

Because you just went through a breakup. It makes sense that you would need to take some time to yourself.

Now, yes, we do have situational exceptions for which we have laid out extensive game plans. Think about it. You have been chasing and chasing and chasing without letting up since the breakup and then suddenly you just stop.

What is your ex going to do if he likes you chasing him.

HINT: we talked about it earlier.

That’s right! He’ll engage just enough to keep you chasing, but won’t ever give you what you want… to get back together.

What do you think he’ll do if he doesn’t like it?

He’ll pull a Houdini of his own and end up even further away.

And that is something you don’t want.

What Happens If You Make a Big Announcement That “You’re Done!”

Let’s be honest… if you are thinking about doing this, you are hoping to scare him into chasing you back.

It doesn’t work that way.

He might react the way you hope at first but have you ever been given an ultimatum? Generally, even if you do what the person doing the demanding wants, you end up resenting them for it.

Is that really how you want to get your ex back? Do you really want him resenting you for the rest of your relationship, however long it lasts?

Being Indecisive Or A Pushover

Chances are pretty likely that he will engage enough to be polite or keep you hanging on to stroke his ego.

If you stop chasing him you have to be prepared to stick to it. Don’t just roll over because he responds once or twice. And definitely don’t start gnatting or chasing again just because he showed a slight interest.

How And When To Stop Chasing Your Ex

Well, the best time is always RIGHT NOW.

You’re probably asking yourself,

“But, if I’m not just supposed to drop off the face of the planet, how am I supposed to go about this?”

Well, my friend, you are going to want to do it gradually.

First of all, stop messaging or answering at night and on weekends. He shouldn’t take precedence over your sleep or your weekend plans. (Even if you are just Netflixing, just let him think you are busy. Trust me.)

Secondly, you are going to stop flirting with him. Just quit it. He’ll notice and the first place a guy’s mind goes when a girl stops acting interested is…

“Holy crap! She’s found someone else!”

Thirdly, maybe once every other week, or even every third week, send him something you know he won’t be able to resist responding to. (Check out our articles about reconnecting with your ex. They have some great suggestions for how to write engaging texts OR The Texting Bible)

Lastly, when he reaches out, don’t flip out and respond instantaneously.

The idea here is to gradually pull away and leave him chasing you.

The Break Down Of This Article

Yeah I know this article was pretty information-heavy. Just remember that chasing is pursuing someone or putting in effort to get someone’s attention. The general idea is just to stop trying so hard.

Now that we have that out there, I want to do something for you. I want to discuss your specific situation in the comments below. Let me know:

  1. A little bit about your breakup
  2. How long you have been chasing your ex
  3. What methods you will be implementing after reading this article

Hopefully, we can give you a little EXTRA insight on what you should do moving forward.

Sound good?

Let’s go!

		

Written by EBR Teamate

Sarah Drees

47 thoughts on “How Do I Know If I’m Chasing Him?”

  1. Andra

    January 16, 2018 at 6:42 pm

    Hi Amor,
    Countless times. But we always used to come back to each other, but now…

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2018 at 6:56 am

  2. Sam

    January 16, 2018 at 3:17 am

    I decided to go NC in mid December after the last time my ex and I had prolonged interaction. He texted me on NYE and I responded a few hours later with a short reciprocating message. There was no further contact from either of us afterwards. Should I consider my 30 days of NC ending in mid January or end of January due to NYE?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2018 at 6:19 am

      Hi Sam,

      end of it January because you responded in NYE..

  3. Carol

    January 15, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    EBR Team,

    It’s been 11 days since we last spoke. (but who’s counting, lol)

    Thank you!

  4. Andra

    January 14, 2018 at 4:43 pm

    Hello!
    So here’s my story. My ex bf and I dated for 6 years and we were pretty much on a on and off relationship. The last two years of the relationship were long distance due to his work. Our fights started deepening after his departure and frustration grew deeper. About 3 weeks ago he returned home during the holidays and we had a fight and broke up. I started NC for 2 weeks but I was the one that broke it by sending him a text to which I didn’t get any response. Five days later I texted him again and he responded and we strated sort of talking but something felt totally different and off to me. During our 6 year relationship he never ignored my messages and used to respond so quickly but know it took him up to 3 hrs to respond to a message and to be honest he got me confused. Some messages were decent with normal answers like continuing the convo and others were one worded. Not to mention the fact that once I stopped the conversation he never texted me back. I asked him if he has another gf and he said NO. I am totally confused. He said that he feels like shit and that he is not happy but instead of talking to me or getting back togheter he treats me like crap, making me feel like I am the only one responsible and that he is the victim.
    As I mentioned something feels totally off, he never behaved like this during our previouvs break-ups, he used to be so happy when NC was over and he could hear from me again, now it is like he does not even care about me anymore. What should I do next, I am so confused and hurt, because I feel that there is something that he is not telling me and is dancing around maybe because he does not want to hurt my feelings? Help! I am lost!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 12:58 pm

      Hi Andra,

      Because the more you do nc, it’s effect lessens.. How many times have you broken up?

  5. Carol

    January 13, 2018 at 1:04 am

    Ex and I broke up 3 months ago. We never fully completed NC one of us would reach out at about the 10-14 day mark. At first it was all me then it seemed to shift he would reach out here and there. We communicated more than usual over the holidays and I even suggested we meet for drinks. He accepted and we went out for a few hours. It was friendly we caught up had some good laughs, and that was about that. Left on good terms and we haven’t really spoken since. We texted briefly the next day while he was at work, nothing was mentioned of the night before. What do I do next, if anything?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 12:32 am

      Hi Carol,

      when was the last time you talked? I think you need to restart nc ,do at least 30 days and check the links below:
      How To Make It Through No Contact Period
      How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

  6. Chloe

    January 12, 2018 at 10:51 pm

    Thank you Amor. I’m not breaking NC, but I’m desperate about him possibly dating another girl. I think we forget me for good and I don’t know what to do. He may even not notice that I’m doing NC.
    My social media game is almost perfect, the image I give is a good UG but without interaction and with him maybe meeting another girl or girls, that’s useless. He’s not missing me, he didn’t even notice NC

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 1:23 am

      it’s not useless.. you’re improving yourself for yourself.. that’s what a true ungettable girl does.. if you don’t get back together, it’s his loss.

  7. Carol

    January 12, 2018 at 6:41 pm

    Ex and I broke up 3 months ago. I was the dumpee- admittedly we never completed no contact. early on I would reach out. We’d have a nice talk via text and end cordially. I NEVER begged since the day after the broke up with me, never pleaded nothing! We have usually gone about 10-12 days and then someone reaches out. I was more at first, then it shifted a little, and over the holiday’s it was prettyequal. I suggested we meet for a drink last week. We did and it went nicely. No drama, no “talks”, no pressure. Just caught up for a few hours, laughed and enjoyed each others company. We spoke once since and that was it. What do I do now? Beginning to think, it’s been too long, forget it but it’s hard.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 12:32 am

      Hi Carol,

      when was the last time you talked? I think you need to restart nc ,do at least 30 days and check the links below:
      How To Make It Through No Contact Period
      How To Properly Start A Conversation With Your Ex After No Contact

  8. Lucille

    January 12, 2018 at 5:38 pm

    Hi,

    I’m back with a question again,

    An email came through to do with the flights and I forwarded it straight on. I didn’t say anything in the email and he replied to say thank you. Which I didn’t reply to.

    This happened a lot earlier than I expected and there’s another email due to arrive soon which I’ll have to send on.

    Have I broken no contact? I’m overthinking it all. I don’t feel like I have, but I’m also concerned he’s likely to think I’ve used this as a way to contact him, although I’ve not done anything like this in the past.

    Thanks for your help and advice on different articles so far.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2018 at 10:56 pm

      nope, because you kept it only about that.

  9. Kay

    January 11, 2018 at 7:05 am

    After NC, i initiated two conversations, both that went fairly well! I do not want to become a gnat, so should i wait for him to start one now or go again for a third texting convo. In person, we don’t really talk much… im always confused on whether to completely ignore him or have convos. i see him twice a week bc we’re in the same friend group.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2018 at 7:35 pm

  10. Stirling

    January 11, 2018 at 3:16 am

    The last time I talked to my ex, it was because he suggested we stopped talking. Then he blocked my number, but I’m not really sure. I just know when I texted him, there was no reply. So yesterday after two months of not talking. I reached out to him. It was a positive response, but he wasn’t suprised I texted because he said he was used to me reaching out. I was a little offended. So I told him that he has my new number and if he is not seeing someone he can reach out to me. His response was “ok”. I was confused and starting over thinking his response. I asked if he said ok, just to shut me up? Or if he would really text me? His response was I just said okay. What does that mean is happening here?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2018 at 5:07 pm

      Hi Stirling,

      It means he’s used to you chasing him.. and telling him he can text you if he’s not seeing someone also shows that.. I think you should move on..

  11. Alice

    January 10, 2018 at 6:21 pm

    Hi, my ex came back and suggested we be friends but that turned to ‘dating’ we were just texting but I found out he kissed a girl while we were apart and that he has feelings for this girl and not me so I said I wasn’t going to be second best so he’s left and says he’s going to try and be with me this other girl. I feel completely devastated. He broke up with me over 2 months ago so I feel like maybe it isn’t a rebound. I don’t know what to do next or whether to just move on. Please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2018 at 7:02 pm

      Hi Alice,
      have you done the nc rule? If yes, how long?

  12. Stirling

    January 10, 2018 at 2:55 am

    The last time I talked to my ex, was in October. Only because he suggested we stopped talking. Then he blocked my number, but I’m not really sure. I just know when I texted him, there was no reply. So yesterday after two months of not talking. I reached out to him. It was a positive response, from him, but he wasn’t suprised I texted because he said “he was used to me reaching out”. I was a little offended. So I told him “that he has my new number and if he is not seeing someone he can reach out to me”. His response was “Ok”. I don’t want to over think anything. What does that mean? “Ok”.

  13. Emma

    January 9, 2018 at 10:58 pm

    Hi, my ex says he wants to date and take things slow and that there isn’t much emotion there for him right now. He likes this other girl who he worked with (she recently quit) and he told me they kissed on a night out so now I’m worried that he’s dating me as a second choice and that if she wanted him he’d be with her so I don’t know what to do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2018 at 4:56 pm

  14. Al

    January 9, 2018 at 6:45 pm

    Hi, we broke up on October 29th last year and he got back in contact on 27th December. We broke up over a stupid thing I said some things I didn’t mean and he took it to heart but he now says he knows I didn’t mean what I said. He says we’re ‘dating’ and we’re having a fresh start I just don’t want to push things. He doesn’t want to tell his family until it becomes ‘permenant’ I don’t want to ask him if we’re back together because I don’t want to scare him.

  15. Chloe

    January 9, 2018 at 12:23 am

    I posted a few days ago. Now I’m afraid he is starting dating another girl. I don’t know for sure, just a fear…If he is, this is something very recent, this week or so. But I’m terrified. WHat can I do? As I told in the other comment, I decided to stop chasing but he starts dating another gir (I hope this is only my imagination but…) what can I do? We were flirting until a few days ago, until I stop chasing him, we were in a flirting / friends situation. If it weren0t for the distance,, who knows, but… And if he starts dating this girl or another from his city… I don’t know what can I do. Should I keep my kinda NC (stop chasing)? I’m still improving my UG game but now I’m desperate and scared

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2018 at 8:15 pm

      Hi Chloe,

      it is a no contact period if you’re not initiating and not replying to him.. but if you do, that’s not an no contact period anymore.. so there’s “kind of” in nc.. There is limited nc but that is only if you’re coparents or coworkers. Him dating other girls is not going to stop even if you continue chasing him.. so, focus in improving yourself instead.

  16. Ellie

    January 8, 2018 at 9:43 pm

    So my ex wanted to start a friends with benefits sort of situation but I put my foot down and said no and he was okay with it because I said if I was sleeping with him I didn’t want him sleeping with anyone else and he said he wanted me too much to sleep with anyone else. But I stayed strong and said I wanted commitment so he asked how much commitment and I said to start over and take things slow so we are, we’re classed as ‘dating’ I don’t know whether we’re back together as he seemed adamant that we wouldn’t be together. He hasn’t told his family yet and says he will if it turns permenant but he’s told his friend. I’m wondering what I should do next as I want him to become fully committed. Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2018 at 2:34 am

      Hi Ellie

      don’t sleep with him unless you’re really officially back together.

  17. Lucille

    January 8, 2018 at 4:25 pm

    Hi, this is a reply to Amor

    The information is to do with flights, I plan on just forwarding the flight details on to him and then if he says thank you, not replying. I will be sending the information onto him after 21 days of no contact, but I’m seeing I need to put more time into no contact (I have no choice but to send the emails on) he may need to contact me for further information about a week later, which for the sake of professionalism I will provide but then I will just give him that information and not say any more.

    How do you mean slowly build rapport? I will be in the place he works twice before the end of January, and I can make sure he sees me, but if I’m doing no contact how can I build rapport?

    Thanks so much for replying.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2018 at 12:32 am

      ah, if it’s only about that you can send it during nc as long as you don’t talk about each other. Slowly, typically means texting first and then calls and then meet ups but since you’re coworkers check this one:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

  18. Avery

    January 8, 2018 at 3:19 am

    I have dating my guy for over a year (not relationship status a but sexually exclusive).He’s been scared to commit due to finances/debt. I’m aware of it all. He still provides for me very well. His previous girlfriend left him due to finances, as he was in school for 5 years to get into the medical profession. I booked a solo vacation and he was disappointed. He said his life is a mess and that he wants a girlfriend but he needs to get on his feet first. It slipped out that he loves me. He then suggested that we be friends and not be intimate anymore. I said ok. Before I left on vacation I called him and left him a voicemail saying I do want a relationship and that I think we can do this together. We were still texting after, but he didn’t mention the voicemail. While on vacation I asked if he received my voicemail. He didn’t respond. Do I go NC now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 9:59 pm

      Hi Avery,

      Yes, and don’t sleep with him again, because even if it’s exclusive that’s still called being friends with benefits.

  19. Lauren

    January 6, 2018 at 10:35 pm

    I really need help with the situation I have on my hands with my ex.
    We broke up over a fight (he dumped me) 7months ago. We decided to keep in touch and stay “friends” which leaded to a fwb.

    I’ve been trying to break it off and dump him for good many many times. I even did no contact for 1,5 months but it ended him contacting me and the fwb just continued.

    He’s telling me he isn’t interested getting back together, but he still wants to see me few times a week. We have sex everytime we meet up, but he likes to spend hours together and even spends a night sometimes. I still have feelings for him, I feel he’s just using me for sex until he meets someone else.

    Sometimes he doesn’t respond to my calls and texts, which makes me gnat and feel very low about myself. I told him just a few hours ago i can’t keep doing this and we need to stop seeing each other.

    I haven’t moved on in 7 months, I have no interest dating other men and seeing him only keeps up false hope. I’m scared of letting go, because I think if i stop chasing he will be gone forever. I want a real relationship and real love and reading my own writing now makes me feel so sad about my situation.

    The time we spend together is really awesome and I still hope he might have feelings for me. I really don’t know what to do. Everytime I make a dedicion to stop seeing him and he contacts me I just can’t say no to him.

    Any advice or help will be appreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 8:21 pm

      Hi Lauren,

      The decision is yours. You have to take responsibility for it because no matter what we say you’re the only who’s going to say yes or no to him in being a fwb. You have to remind yourself of what your standards are and that we get what we allow in our lives.

  20. Al

    January 6, 2018 at 8:56 pm

    My ex came back into my life and said he wanted to be friends. Didn’t say anything about wanting to get back together but he now says he wants to be friends with benefits but I said no because I know that isn’t right and he now says he wants me and that he won’t sleep with anyone else and doesn’t want me to either but hasn’t said anything about us being officially in a relationship again and I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to say are we back together and scare him off. What do I do next??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 6:04 pm

      Hi Al,

      When and why did you break up?

  21. Laura

    January 6, 2018 at 6:00 am

    This was very eye opening for me with my ex situation. We dated for six months three years ago. I was a rebound in this case, but we kissed and spent some time together while he was broken up with his girlfriend (they are now back together, he seemed happier when they were apart). He doesn’t like to be chased and has always been pretty terrible at texting.

    I know to back off, and respect his relationship despite knowing that I’m not the only one concerned for his well-being, because he seemed unhappy with her while they were together and now he is avoiding his friends. I’m still trying to make myself present on social media and we share a friend group again. Are there any steps I should take besides UG for when his relationship does fail again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 12:56 pm

      Hi Laura,

      Dont ask if you could try again if their relationship.. Just slowly be more engaging with him and don’t sleep with him

  22. Shannon

    January 5, 2018 at 4:39 pm

    We broke up because I had lied to him once and since he wanted to break up til I actually said I couldn’t do him not giving me he’s all so since I went on NC he contacts me after it’s over texting me asking me how things are he does this daily a whole two weeks til I called to speak to him after that call he text me once

    I text him on New Years to wish him a happy holidays he text back but since nothing

  23. Lucille

    January 5, 2018 at 4:35 pm

    Hello,

    I definitely started chasing my ex and I definitely fall into the scenario where he does not want to be chased.

    The problem is, I did drop off the face of the earth one week or so ago after saying I’d never speak to him again.

    I also removed him off Facebook at the same time.

    I will be seeing him in a meeting soon and plan on being polite but professional and cold (for want of a better word) although we will have no reason to speak and I have no reason to believe he will speak to me.

    First, Do you think no contact will work for me considering I broke all the rules before I found this website?

    Second, I will need to send him some information soon, do I say anything when I send it on or just send it and see if he initiates contact from there so I can ignore him for a bit?

    This is all new to me and I want to be sure I do it right if this is to work.

    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 7, 2018 at 11:35 pm

      Hi Lucille,
      It’s not guaranteed to work in any situation. One week or month is not enough to establish you’re not chasing. So, you need to keep doing more of what you’re doing during nc while slowly building rapport.. What is the information about? And if you’re sending it during nc and expecting him to initiate a conversation after it, that means you’re breaking it..

  24. Nee

    January 5, 2018 at 3:24 pm

    Did Nc ex text me day out of it Say (how are you ) I answered coldly kept it sweet left him on seen , he texts me 2days later asking me if I could tell him one thing what would it be , so I tol him I missed him we started texting text for text I would write if he didn’t I thought things were going well he will even leave off texting every night to every morning until he suggest us seeing each other now he got sick day of weather was bad but crazy I text get better no here respond back from him 3 days went past til I wished him a happy new year he replied but haven’t heard frm him since what do you think ??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 7, 2018 at 11:23 pm

      Hi Nee,

      Restart nc, and do at least 30 days..

  25. Chloe

    January 4, 2018 at 9:01 pm

    I just want to say a big THANK YOU. This is my exact situation. I’be been chasing lately (a few months ago he chased sometimes but not since three months) and he is the type which was liking to be chased. So I’m following your advice. I didn’t text back after his last response and I’m not texting until he does (I hope he will). Then I’ll take my time to respond and play less interested. I hope this and playing the Ungetable Girl works. When we started dating, he was the one chasing, even if I really liked him since before we started flirting. If I make him chase again, recovering the “power”, I may win. I hope it works.

  26. Lizzie

    January 4, 2018 at 8:12 pm

    Hi,

    I think I’ve really messed up!! My ex contacted me out of the blue asking to be friends. I went with it and things turned sexual (I initiated it) and so we went to friends with benefits. He’s going out partying at the weekend and I asked him not to sleep with anyone else. He got mad and said he should be able to as we’re not together anymore. I said I can’t just be friends so he’s left. I don’t know what to do now? I feel like I pushed too soon and now I’ve ruined it. Is there any hope? He also repeatedly told me he doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to get back together. I feel like there’s no hope

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2018 at 12:13 am

      Hi Lizzie,

      It’s not too late to start the nc rule.

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