Popular posts
The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
Recent posts
How Do Avoidants Sabotage A Relationship?
Dismissive Avoidants And The No Contact Rule
The Power Of Silence After Rejection
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How Long Does Avoidant Deactivation Last?
How To Let Go Of An Avoidant Partner
How Do Avoidants Create Distance?
What Is An Avoidants Biggest Fear?
What Does A Fearful Avoidant Need?
Post categories
DesignRobot
August 28, 2015 at 6:55 am
Hi Chris,
Me and my ex broke up 3 weeks ago, and i started the NC 2 days after that. It’s been 17 days. In the mean time, he messaged me 4 times. First time was because our mutual friend is leaving the country, second time he asked me out for dinner, third time he asked me out for coffee. For the last time, he realized I don’t want to talk to him, he said he thought we were in good terms, he misses “talking to me”, and it’s depressing not to be able to do that. He said he will not send me message again until I do so. Of course I didn’t respond to any of these.
Question: Do you think the NC is working or he’s just trying to be friend? I’m a little worried that he said that he wanted to stay friends with me. Is that a success in NC to bring it down to 21 days?
Suggestion: It may be helpful to start a search functionality for the site, so that people can find similar stories on their own, and find your suggestion in the comments. (Or it may hurt your book business? š )
Anyway, thank you for your site, it gave me a lot of strength to move on and be a better self.
S
September 13, 2015 at 3:59 pm
Chris, please respond. I’m in the same boat. We even have plans to go to events as friends post breakup!
Courtney
August 27, 2015 at 9:20 am
Hi Chris,
Would you please be able to help me.
My boyfriend broke up with me, about a week ago. We was meant to be going on holiday last friday with his family, but he broke up with me on the tuesday night. I saw a comment on his sister facebook telling her boyfriend that my boyfriend mentioned he did not love me anymore. So i confronted him and he said he said he wasnt happy. He then went on to tell me that he did not love me, he had no feelings for me for two months but did not want to hurt me. He said he still cares for me but he just cannot be in a relationship with me. At this moment in time he is on holiday and I have said to him not to contact me until hes ready to be friends. He is going into the police and I believe he is going through depression or some sort, He is very stressed out. If he contacts me should I ignore him until the 30 days are over? I am going on holiday for 2 weeks of the 30 days.
Please help me!!
Courtney
XO
Chris Seiter
September 2, 2015 at 3:07 am
Yes no contact means ignoring him if he contacts you during that period.
Dena
August 26, 2015 at 4:02 am
That’s awesome news – I can’t wait to read! I will keep my eye out for it. FYI, today is Day 19 of NC for me. I’ve had my moments, but tracking well overall. Have been hitting the gym very hard and looking quite lovely (if I do say so myself!). Getting slightly nervous at the thought of getting back into contact to be honest, but just taking one day at a time š
Chris Seiter
September 1, 2015 at 8:57 pm
Great job!
Lucille
August 26, 2015 at 3:35 am
Hi Chris! Just when I thought it would be the best choice to move on (even though I still love him) he texts me, moments later calls me and after catching up, he spills his feelings for me. Saying he couldn’t find anyone like me. The idea of being with someone else didn’t feel right. I was shocked honestly because that’s exactly how I felt. It has been 5 months since the breakup. It was pretty emotional. Anyways, what REALLY caught my attention is when i asked him how I could believe him & he answered: “I can tell you all these things right now, but it’s something I’m going to have to prove to you over time because actions speak louder than words” Okay this reminds me of Flirttraction?! So he told me he really wanted to see me this coming weekend. I agreed. We were texting and getting along well these past few days. One night he texted me goodnight & said he had to return to work the next day but would text me after he was off. It’s been over two days and I haven’t heard from him. Is he still interested? Is he just busy? Should I text him? Thanks
Dena
August 25, 2015 at 12:23 pm
Hey Chris, I hope you’re well. When is your “Texting Bible” due for release? Thanks in advance š
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 3:24 pm
Hi Dena! The texting bible will be available this week. Just finishing up the last touches.
Brianna
August 25, 2015 at 1:26 am
Hi Chris,
Iāve been reading through a bunch of your articles for the past few days and a lot of them have really made me feel better. I entered into a LDR back in December of 2014 (Iām in Maryland, heās in Michigan) and everything seemed to be going well until maybe two or three months ago. He became distantā¦ started responding to less of my messages and blamed it on a number of things (family issues, lots of hours at work, school, his phone being stolen, etc.). I excepted that life makes people busy and things started to go back to being okay a few weeks ago but then I found out that he was cheating on me with someone up in his area. Not just hooking up but actually being in a relationship with someone else. I immediately confronted him about it and he tried to play it off, like I was being paranoid, but he eventually came clean. He said that he turned to her because I stopped talking to him (completely untrue. He stopped talking to me) and then told me that I was far away and that he was happy and wanted to focus on her. I sent him a letter the day that we ābroke upā before I found out that he was cheating because he is into receiving letters. Other than the letter, I have not made any contact with him in two days. If by Day 31 of NC I decide that I still want him back, do you think that it will be possible? I listened to episode 15 of the podcast about the lady in a situation similar to mine and you gave her a 10% success rate, if thatā¦ If I decided to try after NC, do I follow the same advice that you gave Leslie (Re-assessing the situation, implementing the no contact rule and finding a hook)? Thanks so much for your help and also, thank you for creating this site.
Brianna
October 6, 2015 at 4:28 am
Hi Chris! I bought Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO and finished NC successfully. Then I did first contact. He responded somewhat positively and I think that it went well. I waited a few days and sent him a text saying that our favorite band would be playing near me and that it reminded me of when we first met but I got NO RESPONSE š (I’m guessing that it raised a red flag?). I did some more reading and I think that I was supposed to send him a meme first? So I waited a week and sent him a funny meme. Still no response. I just read your article about what to do after the dreaded no response. Have I blown through my three shots? Do I just kind of sift through the examples and do one that I haven’t done yet? Thanks a bunch for your help so far!!!
Chris Seiter
October 11, 2015 at 7:02 am
The only reason I think it could have raised a red flag is that he may have perceived it like you were dropping a hint for him to ask you to go see the band with him.
Brianna
August 27, 2015 at 12:52 am
Thank you!!!! But would you say that my chances are horrible…?
Chris Seiter
September 12, 2015 at 1:08 am
Not great but not horrible.
Somewhere in between there.
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 4:56 pm
Yep, exactly!
Minnie
August 24, 2015 at 3:00 pm
Yes. I got my ex back, for a while, exactly 2 months. When I first met him after the break up (I had done no contact before…), he asked me about our problem, whether I really want him to back to not. I said yes, of course, and I also said that I need 1 more chance to do everything better. He agreed with me so we came back together. The next 20 days was really happy. But after that, he suddenly changed his mind. He ignored me, didn’t answer my call and messesages. I really didn’t know what happened. Then I tried to met him and asked what happened to him. He said that he was tired. It wasn’t my mistake but he couldn’t see we could get along with each other. I cried, and begged him. He agreed to continue being my boyfriend, but he didn’t call me, and still tried to ignored me as much as he could.
Then I found out he recently flirts another girl although we were still in a relationship. He told his friend that he wanted to in a relationship with that girl. I was really angry. I know that he tried hard to make our relationship ok but …I said that I was very sad because such a long time he hadn’t show any care about me, didn’t call or text me first. He said that he was tired too, he was out of interest and didn’t love me anymore. So, we broke up, once again, 2 weeks ago.
Now I am really confused. I still really hurt whenever I see him, even I try my best to live happily and forget him. He is not good, but I cannot hate him. I’m not sure if I can meet someone make my heart smelt like him did. His family cares about me too. They are really good. I remember every single thing that we did together. But come back to him seems impossible now. I had done almost things before and maybe he will know what I am going to do to get him back. BUT I DON’T WANT TO BEG HIM, I WANT HIM TO BEG ME TO COMEBACK!
Minnie
August 28, 2015 at 5:56 pm
He said that he was out of the love with me. He had tried to be with me once again, but it failed. He was tired and cannot be in relationship anymore. :-< Especially he seems to forget me and doesn't care about me any more (He blocked me on facebook but I was so needy and he was tired of seeing me crying so he unblocked). He also try to chase another girl and wants to be in relationship with her. Is your method (no contact, trying to gain attraction…) still effective in this case?
I really want know how to apply it correctly. I had did wrong one time.
Minnie
August 25, 2015 at 4:36 pm
How can I start re-build attraction again when he has already known my plan? I had tried almost everything before.
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 4:40 pm
By working on yourself during no contact. You will have to be hot and cold. Are you part of the Sarah Vs. Kai email? That explains this well.
Minnie
August 25, 2015 at 7:24 am
It feels like … I mean that because I had done no contact before, then start to contact him, ….. Maybe this time when I start talk to him, he knows me, he may think ‘Oh, I know what you are going to do next, you are trying to get me back’, like that.. And then he will ignore me again. I am really stressful whenever I think about doing everything again. He said that everything cannot be worked out. Now he seems really want to chase that girl. You know, it’s hard to continue and it’s even hard to give up.
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 4:22 pm
I know it’s tough but you only have a few options at this point.
Chris Seiter
August 24, 2015 at 5:17 pm
Your going to have to go into no contact for 30 days again. When you get back with him this time, you have to remember its like starting all over in a new relationship. You have to rebuild attraction and take things slow.
Skarlet
August 24, 2015 at 9:34 am
Hello Chris
I am in a very sad situation and desperately need your help. I commented on this post because it is the most recent and thought you would see it. I have a very complicated situation and I’m not sure you’ve covered some of the things that I’ve experienced. I really want to tell you my story but it’s too long and complicated to write here. I thought that maybe you could use it as more research for your site and maybe at the same time help me with my situation?
Please let me know I would be eternally grateful
Skarlet
Skarlet
August 24, 2015 at 7:20 pm
I’ve written about 8 pages to tell my story please would you read them?
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 5:47 pm
I don’t get to comments on other forms of media because I get about 200-500 on here a day. I didn’t see it on any of these forums…?
Lucy Smith
August 24, 2015 at 7:21 am
Chris, I’ve recently discovered i had a miscarriage -i didnt even know i was pregnant in the first place, this was with the guy i was dating. I havent told him yet i only just found out from my doctor. We’re both in college and i havent seen him since we stopped dating a few weeks ago we havent stayed in contact at all. I dont know whether its like a big enough deal or not for him to know? Do you think i should tell him, it’s made me feel really strange like finding out i was pregnant with his baby then losing it. Does he deserve to know? He’s a good guy.
Chris Seiter
August 24, 2015 at 5:25 pm
Do you want him back? If you do, do the 30 days no contact and after rebuilding the attraction and getting back together you can tell him. If you absolutely don’t want him back you can tell him now if you want.
Nicole
August 22, 2015 at 6:46 pm
Hi Chris,
I actually agree and support a lot of your points, but I do sometimes worry that you are giving a lot of people who are in a hard place false hope. I know you promote the idea of moving forward, but I wish there as a little bit more focus on here about getting over a breakup, moving on. I personally was in an on/off relationship for about a year and a half and came to this site often. I like your tough love no- nonsense approach, and your posts are really funny! I’m having trouble gaining the confidence to date again, even though men are interested in me! It’s hard with the hookup culture but even harder for me, because I have been very happy having sex with no strings also and that is tempting! But I do have a heart somewhere in there, I may not be rushing for babies and a husband, but I do want a partner. I think having a place on this site to support moving on and advice about that, would really be healthy and great for those women who CAN’T get, or DON’T want their boyfriend back.
Also, I like your podcast, and I think you have great potential as a podcaster. Having a guest to bounce off of would really enhance things. It’s hard to talk to yourself (i mean i do it all day, ha!). Not just a voicemail, but a true conversation with a real person (with a fake name) going through this. Hearing a conversation and true personal story, helps people connect, and inspires.
thanks for it all and having a place for people to talk!
Nicole
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 6:14 pm
Thanks for your feedback. This site is mainly focused on helping women get back with their exes as the website is called ex boyfriend recovery.com but I also help women with getting over their exes and moving on. The post is called How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend. Again this is not a huge focus because the purpose of the site is to help women get their exes back.
I can say the best way to start dating again is to go on a lot of dates until you meet someone you could see yourself with. Never have sex with a man until he is committed to you if you want an actual relationship. It sounds like you might be a little jaded from your experiences which most people go through after a few break ups. Take some time to yourself first and then find a good guy. š
Nicole
August 22, 2015 at 7:02 pm
Oh! And I’m aware you did write a post or two on that, I’m suggesting more of them and more detail!
I would love to hear your advice on the best strategy (aside from don’t contact him every second) when you are first dating someone and you are in the first month or two. There are always so many communication breakdowns, awkward situations, accidental mistakes we all make and some of these send men heading for the hills! I need the non cosmo magazine truth of what makes a man want to move from dating to being exclusive. I feel like so many women latch on so quickly and loose their chance!
We all know that girl (or we are that girl) who constantly dates but never progresses into the relationship she wants so badly.
Anonymous
August 22, 2015 at 5:18 pm
Hi Chris! My ex and I broke up and had NC for 6 weeks. Out of nowhere he sent me an email accusing me of not wanting to be with him and asked why I couldn’t commit and why I was actively sabotaging the relationship. I was pretty pissed off that he came out swinging at first contact but I remained calm and offered to talk about in person. B/c none of this is true.
It’s been a week and no reply. So yesterday I emailed him again asking for my stuff. Still no reply. Can you help me understand what’s going on?
Great Ebook btw. Afraid I couldn’t follow it in this case. First contact from him was loaded, heavy, and brought back negative emotions. So saddd. Feel like 6 weeks of NC went down the drain
Anonymous
August 26, 2015 at 1:13 am
Roger that!
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 6:17 pm
Don’t worry go back into no contact for a week and try again. But don’t ask him for your stuff, try a text that will get a positive response. š If he starts any negative convos again just go back into no contact for another week. keep doing this, its your way of training him not to talk negatively about the relationship.
Marie
August 22, 2015 at 2:47 pm
I am just getting out of the no contact period with my ex. We have friendly conversations in person and I always catch him staring at me. He asks about my life and is still very protective of me. He responds to my messages but how do I get him to initiate conversation???
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2015 at 6:42 pm
Be a little more hot and cold. How long did you do no contact for?
Jessie
August 21, 2015 at 9:53 am
Chris you have helped me SO MUCH!!! After over 3 months of struggling, my ex-husband came back to me! And now he’s chasing me so much, like when we started dating!! I read pretty much all your articles and you’ve worked wonders for me! He says things like he’s so happy we’re back together and he has brought up wanting to go on a second honeymoon!
My only concern is that he has not told his friends and family we’re back together yet and we’ve been together again for 3 weeks. Can you give me some tips, or maybe even make a blog post, about what to do when he’s keeping it a secret that we’re back together??
Marisa
August 21, 2015 at 2:46 am
Hey Chris. So my ex-boyfriend has been flirting with me and I’m not sure if he’s leading me on in order to feel good about himself (whether it’s intentional or not) or if it’s flirtraction. I honestly don’t have a good feeling about it :/ He’ll compliment me, has turned a hug into picking me up and spinning me around, and has made efforts to hang out. But what sort of actions are you saying are required for it to be flirtraction? Can you give a few examples?
Marisa
August 28, 2015 at 6:24 pm
Last weekend we went out for drinks and then he asked me if I wanted to watch a soccer game together the next morning before we went to church. Are those the kinds of actions you are talking about in flirtraction?
Z
August 17, 2015 at 5:16 pm
I would like advice on getting my ex to come back. we had a really good relationship, no cheating, when we fought we wouldn’t speak for days until we could talk it out. He even wanted to start a life with me. When we broke up a few days ago, he said the reason was because he doesn’t love me the way he used to. I still don’t understand what caused him to feel that way. He said he still cared and he wanted to be friends because he enjoyed being around me. I refused. He’s not very confident and he’s introverted and rarely initiates to anything, he rarely gets jealous either. we go to the same school and work close so we will see each other, so how can I use this information in my favor?
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2015 at 7:38 pm
It’s not good that he wouldn’t talk to you for days after a fight, its one thing to cool off but it shouldn’t be longer than 1 day. You ever hear the saying never go to bed angry? Anyway, no contact for 30 days should help. Read the post on no contact…
ExDDsGirl
August 17, 2015 at 5:09 am
I’ve had comments awaiting moderation in exboyfriend recovery 2.0 and if your ex wants to be friends for almost a week. Is this site usually this inactive? I’ve read the books, but it doesn’t completely pertain to my situation.
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2015 at 8:11 pm
I didn’t see your comments? What is your question?
Gaby
August 16, 2015 at 5:55 pm
OK so i believe my ex has been using flirttraction on me. Hes always telling me i look gorgeous, trying to touch me and hell also kiss me at random times very intensely. he says he loves that were taking things slow and hes falling for me again. Ive also caught him staring at me a few times. that being said he isn’t ready to get back just yet. he says hes sure of his feelings for me but hes afraid hell ruin things and he has to be sure of that. this weekend he is going on a trip with all our friends (excluding me of course) which im finding very difficult. i will not text him once as i think his move should be the next move. before leaving i told him to have fun and he said thank you well definitely talk soon and have another date. i think things are going very well but my mother and best friend are worried about me and making me doubt things. but in my heart seeing him slowly and things feeling like the beginning in an entirely new way is absolutely worth it.
what do you think? are my chances of getting him back fairly good?
also congratulations on your new baby!!! and thank you in advance!
Gaby
August 17, 2015 at 3:34 am
hes been making lots of efforts and complimenting me and we’ve discussed what things should change and why if were were to get back so i also feel like things are going great and i have a good chance but i don’t wanna get my hopes up either.
and yes i was thinking that id try no contact a little bit while hes off with our friends and i wont text him until he contacts me as before he left he mentioned he wanted to plan another date. so i want to leave things up to him and see if he messages me.
my only current problem is my useless mind who overthinks everything and drives me insane ….
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2015 at 8:30 pm
That happens to everyone. Make sure you don’t mention him at all to your mutual friends, dont ask about him etc. It will get back to him. Try doing stuff with family or redecorating your room, something that will take your mind off of him.
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2015 at 1:53 am
Thank you!
You may have to go into no contact for a little bit. Have you tried that yet? While he is deciding on when he wants to get back with you, you should be in no contact because you don’t want him to use you. It sounds like you have a good shot at getting him back.
Khadijah
August 16, 2015 at 5:35 pm
So my ex and I have been broken up for a month and are just getting back into contact. After the breakup I made a lot of mistakes to get him back like using his deep dark secrets against him and bashing him to friends which ultimately led him to block me! Now we are building rapport and he’s been complimenting my new look as well as staring at me often (we work together). What type of advice do you have for me to get unblocked and win him back
Chris Seiter
August 16, 2015 at 11:51 pm
Great job so far! Don’t worry about getting unblocked for now. When your back in a relationship you can talk about that then.
Lisa
August 16, 2015 at 11:07 am
Hi Chris, so my relationship with my ex, which ended about three weeks ago, was great, no big fights or anything, but we broke up because he cheated on a biz trip and he thought it made him realize he didnāt have that much interest in me. So I conducted NC on him after the break-up conversation initiated by me, but after about four or five days, he reached out a few times and liked my FB posts for a couple of times during the NC period, but I did what u said, I ignored him, and then he messaged me saying āSo now u are playing ānever replyingā? Fineā and ever since then I have heard nothing from him. Just wondering what he was thinking. Did he start missing me coming back to reality after the biz trip? Will NC push him away and make him closer with the new girl he met? What should be my next step of the game plan after NC? Thanks!
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2015 at 9:45 pm
The NC is supposed to do exactly what it’s doing to your ex. He’s just mad because he’s used to getting everything he wants when he wants it. i.e. The girl on his business trip… you etc. So this is a shock to him and you are becoming that ungettable girl. Your next step after NC is to send him a test text.
Alina
August 15, 2015 at 9:20 pm
Hi Chris, I have a bit of a challenge for you… Interracial relationships. My boyfriend of 7 years broke up with me about a month ago and one of the reasons was because he didn’t see us having a future together, as we’re from different cultures. However, this was never really a huge problem during our relationship, we never really had many differences, if at all, that differentiated us. I noticed he would only bring these issues up in arguments, but if I ever brought these culture issues in a normal conversation, he’d change the subject and not really want to talk about it. I’m Asian, he’s English, so it’s mostly my side with the “problems”.
During the break up, he lashed out on me, citing the culture issues as one of the reasons. He got angry at me because I found out he had been lying to me, so he pinned the blame on me and projected other issues in the relationship to make me look like the bad guy. I know I’m making the relationship sound awful, but it wasn’t and I would love to give it another shot.
I’m currently in NC, he’s sent some texts, been quite rude and demanding but I have ignored him completely and haven’t heard from him for over a week now.
Would be great to get some insight on this and to see if I have a chance to work on the relationship after we’ve both had the time apart.
Chris Seiter
August 17, 2015 at 10:39 pm
Great job with the no contact so far. Yeah sounds like he’s using that as an excuse for your arguments. Your decent shouldn’t have to much to do with your relationship. Sometimes religion etc can play a role in breakups if from different descents but other than that shouldn’t matter.