By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 1st, 2021

This might be the most personal thing that I have ever written in my entire life.

I want you to know that the contents of this article are without a doubt my most precious experiences on this earth and if I were to die tomorrow I know for a fact that I would be at peace with how my love life has gone. I am truly a very lucky man.

In 2013 I started this website with the intent of helping women in their relationships.

So, for almost two years I have sat at my computer listening to your very personal stories without really sharing much information about my own personal life. Now, some of you may have taken offense to that but I am very guarded around my personal life and I don’t really like sharing all the details for everyone to know.

Well, today that is going to change.

Today you are going to learn my story.

Why Hearing My Story Will Help You Find Your Soulmate


I am all about showing women a mans perspective on things.

Every day someone asks me,

“Why did my ex do that?”


“Why is my ex with her over me?”


“What the heck is going on in his head???”

And every single day I do my very best to write things that will give you insight into why men do the things they do. Well, wouldn’t you like a mans perspective on what it’s like to fall madly in love with someone? Wouldn’t you like to know what it takes for a woman to make a man do this?

Something tells me you would like to know that.

I mean, what woman wouldn’t want a man to worship the ground she walks on?

Well, that’s where my story comes in.

After hearing my story you will probably do one of the following,

  1. Cry (with happiness)
  2. Be filled with hope
  3. Make some serious changes into how you approach attracting men.

(My goal is to make you do all three.)

My Story

I personally believe that I have experienced one of the greatest love stories of all time.

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Why do I have this belief?

It probably has something to do with the incredible year I have had in 2014.

Hmm… but before I get into that maybe its a good idea for me to tell you about where I was in my life before this incredible year.

Me In 2013


I remember I took this picture on December 25th last year.

Why do I remember that?

For starters, I remember “The Wolf of Wall Street” came out that day and I really wanted to see it. I also remember that it was the first day that I have ever worn a scarf in my entire life.

(Cut me a break I am from Texas.)

Turns out that it was pretty cold that day so I got to wear a scarf with my nice leather jacket out to see the movie which was actually pretty exciting for me because I love the way it looks.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Oh, you must have went to the movies with your girlfriend on Christmas, right?”

Nope, turns out that my date for the night was my mom and dad. I remember that part so clearly because I was actually quite lonely. It had actually been quite a bit of time since I had dated anyone. Now, I wouldn’t ever let my parents or anyone close know that I was lonely because to me that was like admitting defeat.

I mean, I am very self sufficient person and relying on anyone for help seemed like a weak move to me.

Besides, I would be engrossed in the stories at Ex Boyfriend Recovery and I would think to myself,

“I can’t let them know that I am lonely too. They might not respect me. I need to have it together.”

Yup, a year later I am ready to admit that during this time last year I was very lonely and sad that I was the beacon of light for so many of you when I didn’t feel like I deserved that title.

It just really sucks to be alone on the holidays. In fact, I remember that there was this one moment around Christmas of 2013 that I went for a walk at night by myself to look at the Chirstmas lights.

There was this eerie moment of clarity where I thought to myself,

“I feel like a fraud. Here I am putting on a happy face for all the people on Ex Boyfriend Recovery when in reality I am really unhappy with how my own love life is going.”

As my walk continued I stopped to look at this house all decked out with Christmas lights. The house looked like the epitome of Christmas spirit and near one of the front windows I spotted a beautiful Christmas tree with all kinds of presents scattered around it. When I saw that tree all I could think was,

“How great would it be to have someone to spend Christmas with? How great would it be to have a family to call my own and to share Christmas with?”

You see, for me there was nothing I really wanted more for Christmas than having someone to love me.

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That was where I was at in my life at the end of 2013.

I Have An Unfair Advantage

unfair advantage

This may sound a little weird but I think I have an unfair advantage over most men when it comes to relationships due to the popularity of this site.

While I may be a celebrity in some circles I am not talking about popularity here.

No, I am talking about my experience with relationships. Now, I will admit that I don’t really have a very big past. I haven’t dated too much because I am extremely picky. Some may look at that and think to themselves,

“That’s not experience at all. How can you make that claim?”

Well, my experience comes from watching people fail at their relationships. In other words, I have been through boyfriend bootcamp.

Boyfriend Bootcamp

I am going to be honest with you. It’s depressing hearing so many stories of breakups. Sometimes I really struggle with it. It’s kind of hard not to become jaded after a while. It’s hard to witness men and women do horrible things to each other. I mean, I am a human being with insecurities just like all of you and watching people cheat on each other or betray each other in the worst ways really picks at my own insecurities and can make them worse sometimes.

Of course, that is the negative that goes along with breakups. Believe it or not but there is some positive that comes from it too.

I am of the mind that I like to learn from other peoples mistakes instead of my own. So, while I always give it my all when trying to help people I am also making mental notes of what not to do and what type of personalities do certain things.

For example, because I have seen so much through this site I understand that people who are a higher risk of cheating on me are women who,

  1. Spend a lot of time with male friends.
  2. Go out partying a lot.
  3. Who aren’t strong willed.

As a result, any woman that I would meet with has these characteristics would be immediately crossed off my list for dating because I know they would probably cheat on me given the right circumstance. I have also used your breakups to my advantage by figuring out how men wronged you and doing the opposite of that.

For example, I know that the following behavior in relationships is a recipe for disaster,

  • Being controlling
  • Getting into a lot of fights over pointless things
  • Being possessive
  • Not communicating your needs
  • Being manipulative
  • Lying
  • Not spending enough time with your significant other
  • Not helping around the house
  • Fighting over money
  • Not listening

I learned all of this from listening to peoples breakup stories. So, my unfair advantage is that because I have so much experience in seeing these types of mistakes I know I have to avoid them if I ever hope to have a successful relationship. In other words, this site has been training me to treat my significant other properly.

Speaking of significant others…

How I Met Jennifer

Friday December 27th, 2013…

At the time it just seemed like a normal day. Nothing was too special about it to be honest.

However, 347 days later I consider it to be one of the most important days of my life.

So, what happened on that day?

Well, that’s the day I met Jennifer.

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What’s it like seeing your soulmate for the first time?

Like a dream.

How did I meet her?

Well, I happened to be scrolling through Facebook around the middle of the day on December 27th and I stumbled across a video of a beautiful woman giving this little girl a present for Christmas. Something about it touched me on a very deep level. In that moment I think I was just so fed up of hearing so many depressing stories of people being hurtful to each other that to see something so genuine really made me smile.

I was determined to find out more about this woman.

Turns out we had a few mutual friends but neither of us had never talked to each other.

So, I did what any self respecting man would do with a crush with a woman who he hasn’t even met would do, I looked through her Facebook.

I started with the pictures.

Here is what I found,

Jennifer picture


jennifer picture 2


jennifer 3

“Ok, so clearly this girl is out of my league…”

Was the thought that literally crossed my mind as I was looking through her pictures.

Seriously, even before I had talked to Jennifer I knew that she was drop dead gorgeous which is always a little annoying to me because I knew that if I did work up the courage to talk to her I was going to be extra self conscious about my own looks.

It’s funny, one thing I have noticed about myself over the years is that when I talk to someone who I consider attractive I am always self conscious about how I look and whenever I talk to someone who I don’t consider attractive I am never self conscious about my looks.

So, let me put this in perspective for you.

The woman pictured above, Jennifer, is without a doubt the most beautiful girl that I have ever “gone after” romantically so I knew that I was going to be self conscious about my looks if I did meet her but I am getting a little ahead of myself here.

You see, Jennifer is a goddess and with a goddess you don’t just message them out of the blue with a generic message like,

“Hey, I think your really pretty and I would love to take you out for a drink sometime.”

No, if you hope to win the heart of a goddess you have to be a little more subtle. Oh, and under no circumstances can you mention their looks. You see, women that look like that are used to those types of compliments. Besides, to me while looks do matter a human beings personality is just as important.

So, I decided to take the risk and message her on Facebook about how sweet I thought the video of her and the little girl opening the present was.

Oh, and if there are any men out there reading this then I want you to know that the only reason that I did end up getting a response from Jennifer here was because I was genuine in how I felt about the video. I seriously thought it was one of the sweetest things ever.

It took her a while but she eventually responded and we started getting to know each other.

I learned quite a bit about her but maybe I should mention the most troubling thing first.

I lived in Texas and she lived in Pennsylvania…

tx to pa

I was disappointed when I heard this because I really didn’t believe in long distance relationships but I am getting ahead of myself again.

One thing I want to make crystal clear was that Jennifer intimidated me and as weird as this sounds it attracted me to her.

Intimidation Factor 1- Her Looks

This one is pretty self explanatory.

Just look at those pictures above and that’s just the tip of the iceberg to how good she looks. Jennifer is clearly a beautiful woman and what made it intimidating for me is the fact that I have never dated anyone that comes close to looking like how she looks. As corny as this may be she for me to say she is without a doubt the most beautiful woman I have ever met.

Believe me, for a guy talking to a woman like that is intimidating.

Intimidation Factor 2- Her Job

She wasn’t playing around at a silly job just trying to make enough money for a party on the weekend.

No, she had an actual career and when she told me her job title I remember thinking to myself,

“Wow, she is going to be like the future vice president of some Fortune 500 company some day.”

In fact, it intimidated me so much that I was kind of embarrassed at my job. I mean, me saying that I help women get their exes back isn’t exactly impressive unless you say it the right way.

Intimidation Factor 3- Her Intelligence

This is going to sound horrible but the women that I have been on dates with in the past weren’t very intelligent. Sure, here and there, there were some that could be considered intelligent but I can’t tell you how many times I have sat across from a date and thought to myself,

“Wow, I am way smarter than her.”

Now, some guys may find this attractive but I never have.

What I really want is someone who is my equal. I want someone who is extremely intelligent and who has a strong moral compass and just by talking with Jennifer a few days on Facebook I found her to possess these qualities

Why was this intimidating to me?

Because I was in uncharted territory.

I haven’t ever met anyone quite like her before.

It was exciting.

A Mans Perspective On Winning The Heart Of A Goddess

jennifer goddess

Trust me when I say that it’s not easy to get a girl like the one pictured above (that’s her by the way 😉 .)

You have to put your heart and soul into the effort and even then there is no guarantee that you will come out victorious. It’s funny, some guys play games when they get an opportunity like this.

You know how it is.

They will talk to multiple women at the same time and then after a long time pick one to end up with.

I was never like this.

I have always been an all or nothing kind of guy. I would focus in on one person and only focus on that person.

What’s my reasoning for this?

I just know that I would be hurt if I found out that someone who I was developing strong feelings for was talking to a million other guys the same way she was talking to me. Besides, I am not wired the way most men are I think. I really can’t develop feelings for more than one person at the same time.

In this particular case I think my all or nothing attitude served me well as it proved to her that I wasn’t playing games.

You see, getting a woman like this isn’t meant to be easy and I am glad that it wasn’t easy.


Because, it forced me to take massive action.

Allow me to expand.

Jennifer and I had a lot of obstacles to overcome and of course that means that I had to be the one to figure out a way to overcome most of them.

(After all, I am the man and that is what a man is supposed to do in my opinion.)

The First Obstacle


Jennifer and I first made contact with each other on December 27th of 2013 through Facebook.

We have talked every day since that day (even to this day obviously.)

(Fun Side Note: I have never had a relationship where that has happened for me. Where from the beginning I was that close with someone. So, I definitely knew that she was extremely special from the get go.)

Of course, I said above that we lived in separate states which prevented us from meeting each other.

So, our first obstacle was the fact that even though we were developing feelings for each other we hadn’t met each other and neither of us was going to fully commit to someone until we were sure and that required us to meet each other.

The Solution To This Obstacle

Jennifer was actually the one that came up with the solution to this obstacle. She suggested very early on that if our feelings continued to develop for each other we should meet on neutral ground in Daytona Beach, Florida for Bike Week. You see, her parents had a house there. Now, and I am sure a lot of you are going to laugh, when she told me that she wanted to meet me for Bike Week in Daytona I literally thought Bike Week was a parade of bicycles.


Not even close.

Turns out Bike Week is pretty wild…

daytona bike week

This was definitely a little out of my comfort zone because I was not that big into parties or motorcycles and that seemed to be all that this week was about.

I remember when she first proposed the idea to me I was a little afraid for a number of reasons. Firstly, I was going to be out of my element, out of my state and thrown directly into a hornets nest where she would definitely be judging me on if I was good enough for her.

Speaking of the hornets nest, I would be meeting her parents on DAY ONE. In other words, while I had been talking to Jennifer for a month and was getting a pretty good gauge on her I hadn’t technically met her yet. So, I would meet her and her parents for the first time together, something I have never done before.

Oh, and then you add in the fact that while technically we were in neutral ground in Florida she was still at an advantage because we would be at her house. If something went wrong between us she would have the support of her family right there and I would be labeled public enemy number one.

It was definitely a big risk that I thought about a lot but ultimately I came to the conclusion that a girl like this was worth the risk.

Here is how I looked at it.

Getting a girl like this requires you to step outside of your comfort zone. If you want to have any chance of winning a girls heart like this you have to be willing to take that risk and I was.

I purchased my airplane tickets to see her on March 12th – 18th about a month in advance.

We had been talking for a total of around 60 days at that point.

March 16th, 2014 (The Day I Fell In Love)

Screen Shot 2014-12-10 at 3.59.18 PM

I was set to meet Jennifer on March 12th, 2014.

By buying my plane ticket to Daytona Beach, Florida I had to make sure this relationship worked. I knew that she had feelings for me and she knew that I had feelings for her but neither of us were willing to make things official until we had met in person.

I think I looked at the situation much differently than her though.

You see, she looked at it as a win-win situation. If things didn’t work out between us the worst she got out of the experience was a friend. For me, if things didn’t work out the worst that I would get out of it was heartbroken. Yes, I had already developed those types of feelings for her.

I approached every interaction I had with Jennifer with that type of intensity.

If there was ever a girl worth going all out for this was the girl. I thought of everything imaginable that she could use as a reason for us not to work out and I had an answer to every single one.

Seriously, I was this intense a month before meeting her.

I almost felt like I was preparing for a test and if I failed I would literally be dead inside.

Failure was not an option.

I thought about what I would say to her parents.

I thought about how I need to go outside of my comfort zone.

I literally became obsessive about it.

I wanted her more than I think I have ever wanted anything in my entire life and I was going to do everything in my power to get her.

In fact, my feelings for her had grown so strong that I was willing to change my outlook on a major statement I had made about long distance relationships. If you pull up my article on long distance relationships you can clearly see that I am not fond of LDR’s.

In fact, I think I even go as far as saying that I would never ever do one…

Well, what can I say?

I changed my mind because I met the girl of my dreams and it just so happened that the only way we could be together was through a long distance relationship?

Ya, I think I’ll go with that.

So, I bet you are dying to know how meeting her went?

Saying “I Love You”

i love you more

Saying “I love you” is a very big deal to me.

In fact, it’s a HUGE deal.

Throwing that word around isn’t something that I do very often. You know how sometimes women will say “I love you” to their friends without it really meaning that they love them “like that?”It’s more of just a casual way of saying “I like you.”

I never do that.

I understand that some of you may not agree with my thoughts on this and that’s ok but for me I only say “I love you” to people who I truly love and honestly that is a very short list of people.

Yes, I do like a lot of my friends but I don’t love them. I wouldn’t take a bullet for them. I wouldn’t be willing to do anything for them.

When I love someone they get those things.

It’s special to me and I don’t like throwing it around that often.

Those three words are that significant for me. So significant in fact that it takes me a very long time to develop that kind of love for someone and even longer for me to verbalize it.

Four Days

Would you like to know the incredible thing about Jennifer?

It only took me four days…

FOUR freaking days for me to verbalize those words. That is how strong I felt for her.

I never used to understand people who would say,

“When you know, you know.”

Or people who would say stuff like,

“I just knew…”

I never used to understand statements like that.

It was baffling to me that someone could fall in love that fast. Well, now I understand it because I have been a slave to it. What I felt with Jennifer when I met her was so strong that I knew for a fact that she was going to be in my life forever. Whats even better is that she felt it too because when I said, “I love you” to her she said it right back.

Ah, but here is the awesome thing.

She didn’t give me the generic, “I love you too” response.

No, she matched my “I love you” with another “I love you.”

She doesn’t know this because I haven’t told her but that meant a lot to me. It was like a more powerful version of “I love you too.”

I bet you are wondering how I know the exact date I told Jennifer “I love you” on.

Well, I will always remember that day because of how happy we both were and how perfect it was. I mean, it isn’t often that you get the perfect stage to say, “I love you” on.

I took her on a Ferris Wheel as you can see in the picture below,

(It is saved in my phone as March 16th, 2014)


Below is a picture later in the night of the full moon that we had over the beach.


I told her that I loved her while walking alongside the beach with the full moon shining bright.

It was perfect but the setting wasn’t what made it perfect for me. It was having the right person there next to me to share the experience with.

A Serious Obstacle To Overcome

long distance relationship

Ok, so now that Chris and Jennifer are officially a couple all is right in the world, right?

Eh, not so much.

By this point it was clear that Jennifer and I cared for each other on a very deep and intense level but neither of us were blinded by the serious obstacle that stood in our way.

We were still separated by a considerable amount of distance (TX and PA)

I had been planning for a talk about this issue for a long time and now that both of us had given the go ahead for the relationship we were ready to work together to figure out a solution. You see, that’s why Jennifer is so great. I feel like if you put a normal couple in the same situation they pick at each other until a fight occurs.

It is never that way with Jennifer. I always feel like we work together on things as opposed to fighting on them.

Any time there is ever a problem in our relationship we both sit down and figure out how to work through it and without a doubt being forced so early into a situation where you have to figure out something like distance is a very tough test for a young couple.

We both talked and agreed that neither of us were a fan of long distance relationships so it went without saying that the distance couldn’t last for long.

That meant that one of two things had to occur.

  1. One of us had to move to the other one.
  2. We both would have to move to neutral ground.

We looked at our options and immediately concluded that it was a dumb idea to move to neutral ground as that would be harder on everyone involved. No, the logical choice in this situation is that someone is going to have to move.

Jennifer already had a career in Pennsylvania so it would be asking a lot of her to pick up her life to move to Texas when I work from home and all I really need is a laptop and an internet connection to help people with relationships. Therefore, it made more sense if I made the move up to Pennsylvania for her.

I just had one request.

If I was willing to make such a sacrifice (because picking up your life and moving is definitely a sacrifice) I wanted to know that she was just as committed to me as I was to her so I requested that we had to live together in Pennsylvania.

To my delight she agreed without hesitation.

However, like always, she one upped me.

She requested that if we do move in together to not make her wait around too long for a deeper commitment like marriage.

Oh goody, it was like we were fencing and she won by stabbing me right in the heart with a love sword (too corny?)

My point is that I was even more delighted to hear that because I was looking for that type of a commitment as well.

So, it was settled…

The plan was that I was going to move to Pennsylvania and we would live happily ever after.

Just one problem…

I could see in her face that she was skeptical.

I guess I couldn’t blame her. She had been wronged quite a bit in her past and it was fair of her to wonder if she was just setting herself up for heartbreak once again. I mean, who the hell moves for love?

I have seriously, not met anyone in my life that has done that and I am sure she hasn’t either.

I guess I just had to prove to her how serious I was.

What I Learned About Long Distance Relationships

what i learned


I was in a long distance relationship from March 19th to August 9th which is a total of 143 days.

143 days = 4 months and 21 days.

Hmm… perhaps it would be more accurate if I said that I survived a long distance relationship for 143 days.

I have to say, being in a long distance relationship is not very fun.

However, I did learn a lot about myself and my relationship with Jennifer during that time.

These are the lessons I learned.

The Dynamic Of Our Long Distance Relationship (How We Made It Work)

it works

When I look back to that time of our relationship the thing that I think really helped us thrive was the fact that we had a common goal and both of us sacrificed to achieve that goal.

What was the goal?

For us to move in together by having me move from Texas to Pennsylvania

This goal kind of shaped our mindset while in the relationship so that we were both convinced that this distance was only temporary. In other words, it gave us something to work towards rather than both of us just wasting time. Now, one thing that we have been good at is that we were in constant contact with each other.

This is how a typical day would work for us during that time.

I would wake up around 10:30 A.M. and immediately glance at my phone hoping that there would be a “good morning” text from her. Usually there would be one. This would kick our day off and while we both worked we would text each other constantly. Usually on her lunch break she would give me a call and we would get to talk on the phone for a good 35 – 60 minutes. After that phone call we would usually text each other for the rest of the day until she got off work at 5 P.M. her time (4 P.M. my time.)

When she would get off work she would usually call me and we would talk on the phone for another hour or two. By then she had gotten home and wanted to get some dinner so we would give the other person some time to enjoy the rest of the day and then usually we would call each other an hour or two before bed and talk.

That was literally the dynamic of our relationship for 143 days.

Now, this begs an interesting question.

Having a digital romance can only last for so long. Eventually each person involved in the relationship is going to get antsy and want to see each other in person. So, how often would we actually see each other in person?

In the four months that we were in a long distance relationship together we made a total of four trips to see each other. So, we averaged about one trip a month to see one another which is about the national average for a long distance couple I learned.

In all I took three trips out to see her and she took one trip to see me. It only made sense that I visit her more since our common goal was for me to move there. Our trips to see each other usually lasted anywhere from three to five days.

Now, above I did mention that the common goal we were both working towards was moving in together. I also mentioned that we both made sacrifices to make this goal happen. One of the sacrifices she had to make was leaving her current living situation and finding a new one for us.

So, while in our long distance relationship together we both began looking at apartments that we could live together in. Eventually she found a few candidates that we both agreed were suitable and during one of my trips up to Pennsylvania we went apartment hunting. After some thought we both agreed on one and things were extremely exciting.

There was just one problem…

When we went apartment hunting it was at the beginning of May and we wouldn’t be able to move in together until August 9th…

It crushed me.

I was so in love and I was tired of waiting.

I have been waiting to be this happy for pretty much my entire life and there it was, happiness, being dangled right in my face but I had to wait before my dream of living with the perfect woman was a reality.

The Sadness And Darkness Of Waiting


What I am about to tell you are the things that they don’t tell you about long distance relationships.

There is a sadness and a darkness about them.

I am not going to lie to you. Being in a long distance relationship changed me. I actually think it changes everyone who has ever experienced one. It’s the ultimate test of will and patience and looking back I don’t think I did well in that test. Jennifer always praised me for my patience but the truth is I wanted to scream half the time I was in Texas because of how impatient I felt.

To me, it literally felt like I was living moment to moment and the only cure for the pain was hearing Jennifers voice.

It calmed me and made me think everything was going to be ok in the end.

Never before had I felt like such a slave to love.

My heart leapt with joy every time she texted.

I just about had a heart attack of happiness when she would call. I looked forward to her calls after she got off of work every day. In fact, towards the end of the day I was growing so impatient with waiting that I would literally pace around my room constantly staring at my phone hoping that her call would come soon.

This is the pain of a long distance relationship.

It prevents you from focusing on healthy activities like working out, doing well at work or even socializing with friends or family at times. All you want is to see that one person in your world that you know can make things better and for me that was Jennifer.

For the first time I finally understood what women on this site were feeling when they missed their loved ones. Though I hadn’t technically lost Jennifer in a way it felt like I did. Every day I didn’t see her was another day that I was fighting to hold myself together.

I can honestly say that I have never met anyone that has had that affect on me.

I have dated before but no one ever came close to how I felt about this woman.

All I would have to look forward to during that time were the times I would get to see her in person (which was only four times in four months) and the fact that on August 9th we would be moving in together.

I know in the grand scheme of things four months doesn’t seem like a long time to wait but to me it felt like an eternity.

It’s like there’s this darkness that fills you up and follows you around wherever you go and the only medicine for it is administered by a woman whose name is Jennifer.

When You Know, You Know

I remember the exact moment when I knew that I was going to ask her to marry me.

The funny thing was that we hadn’t even moved in together yet and I knew. I know that sounds crazy but I just knew.

What was the moment?

It was actually when she came to visit me in Texas. One of the days she came down there I decided that I was going to take her to one of the most romantic places I could think of (which to be honest there aren’t too many in Texas.) The romantic place I chose was the Riverwalk which is located in San Antonio.

San Antonio's Riverwalk is festooned with lights at Christmastime.

We spent the entire day walking around, taking in the sights and just enjoying each other.

At night she spotted this horse carriage and made a comment about how she had never been in one before,


I took that as a challenge because I definitely wanted to be the first and last person she ever rode in a carriage with so I grabbed her hand and together we tracked down where the carriages were coming from.

Do you think we found it?

Of course!


As we rode in the carriage both of us were enjoying the moment. I remember thinking to myself,

“I can’t believe this is happening. I can’t believe how lucky I am to have found someone like her. I’m going to marry this woman.”

Of course, I was also very curious as to what was going on in her mind so I asked her,

“What’s are you thinking?”

I won’t ever forget her response.

“I think we are going to end up together in the end.”

I was so glad to have found someone that was on the exact same wavelength as me.


The Proposal

I started planning Jennifer’s proposal on May 20th of 2014 and it wasn’t fully completed until August 22nd of 2014.

That means I was planning this thing for a total of 94 days or just a little over three months.

At the beginning it was just supposed to be a simple proposal. I had initially just planned to make a nice little video recapping our relationship and propose to her that way but then I did the worst thing ever. One day out of curiosity I went to YouTube to see what some of the other guys out there were doing in their proposals and I stumbled across this…

I watched the whole thing and after it was over it became blatantly obvious to me that I couldn’t do some silly little video for Jennifer.

No, this was my soulmate. The one person in the world that I was planning on spending the rest of my life with. There was no way that she was going to get some weak proposal that just any guy can do. I wanted to make a proposal that touched her as much as the woman was touched by the proposal in the video above.

I wanted to be the man who gave her a proposal story that none of her friends could even come close to topping.

The question was how?

How can I make a proposal on that level?

I know, I’ll make one of her dreams come true.

No, it needs to be better than that.

I think I need to make all of her dreams come true!

What Are Jennifer’s Dreams?

Before we started dating and Jennifer and I were still in the “talking” stage of our relationship we had a conversation that would forever shape our future together.

What was the conversation about?

It was about her dreams in life.

She really had three main ones and after I heard them I will admit that I had this strong urge to be the one to make them come true. The conversation always stuck with me and I definitely used it as inspiration for my proposal to her.

Dream #1- Drinking Wine In Front Of A Fireplace With Her Husband

This one was going to be pretty easy to achieve since the apartment we got has a fireplace and by proposing to her (and her accepting my proposal) I would be her husband. So, all we needed then was the wine which is pretty easy to get.

Dream #2- Riding In A Hot Air Balloon With Someone Special

Ever since she was a little girl Jennifer has always dreamed about riding in a hot air balloon. Making this dream come true wasn’t as challenging as the third dream below (more on that in a second.) Really the biggest challenge with this one was deciding on whether to do a regular hot air balloon flight (with up to 8 other people in the basket) or to do a private hot air balloon flight.

Which one do you think I opted to take her on?

The private flight of course!

Dream #3- To One Day Visit Paris

This one was a b*tch to plan.

I did it but I am not going to lie it was extremely hard. This is part of why it took so long to plan out the entire proposal.

How did I do it?

Well, this is a video (that I created for Jennifer) describing how I did it,

Basically I created a website, got it established and sold it for around $6,000 which was enough money to stay in Paris for 5 days.

I bought the tickets for us and everything two months in advance of the trip which I scheduled for October 17th to October 21st.

How I Proposed

I had been planning this proposal for what seemed like forever and I was determined to make sure everything went perfectly.

Here was my plan.

(The exact plan I had before we moved in together.)

On August 22nd, 13 days after we had moved in together I was going to propose to Jennifer and attempt to catch her completely off guard.

My plan was that she would get off work around 5 P.M. and when she got home she would be greeted with a path of rose petals

path of rose petals

These rose petals would guide her to a TV that would play a video that I made basically set everything up. It was narrated by me and recapped our entire relationship, told her that I was about to make all of her dreams come true.

You know how these things are ;).

Anyways, at the end of the video I directed her to go to the bedroom where she would be greeted by something that looked like this,


On the bed there was a note explaining to her that I had gotten her a private flight in a hot air balloon on September 27th. Then at the end of that note I directed her to walk to my desk.

As she got to my desk she would notice that there was another note that directed her to turn on the computer. It gave her special instructions and led her to a website that I had created just for her,

Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 11.17.56 AM
Screen Shot 2014-12-11 at 11.18.16 AM

Basically the website told her that her dream of going to Paris had just come true and explained how I pulled the whole trip together. After she finished reading the website I directed her to go over to the fireplace in our apartment so I could make her final dream of having a husband and drinking wine by a fireplace come true.

I got on one knee right there. A place that I knew held a lot of sentimental value for her.

So, now that you have heard how I planned my proposal to Jennifer how do you think it went?

How The Proposal Went

God, wouldn’t it be horrible if she said no?

I mean, in total I have written 7,351 words up until this point and what if I told you this epic love story for nothing. Well, I am happy to say that this love story does have a happy ending.

She said YES!


I bet you are wondering about the other dreams come true right?

Well, lets start with the husband and the fireplace. You have already met the husband (me) so here is a look at our fireplace.


Notice the wine and two wine glasses to the left there.

The hot air balloon?

Here are some of our adventures in the hot air balloon,

our hot air balloon

Yep, this is actually our hot air balloon. Turns out that there was another hot air balloon that went up at the same time as ours and we made friends with a few of the people on that hot air balloon. They took pictures of our balloon while we took pictures of theirs.

Here is a picture of Jennifer showing off her ring in the hot air balloon,

(You can see the other hot air balloon in the distance.)

ring hot air balloon

Probably the coolest part about going on a hot air balloon for me was the landing. Our pilot literally landed us in someones backyard. I’m not kidding!

To make things cooler was the fact that the backyard we landed in was an 8 year old’s birthday party. Here is a picture of all the little kids helping us put the balloon up,

we landed at an 8 year olds birthday party

It was truly an experience like no other.

Oh, and Paris?

Have you ever heard of this love lock tradition in Paris?

Apparently in Paris it is tradition to put a lock on a bridge to symbolize your everlasting love. Once you put your lock on the bridge and lock the lock you throw the key into the river below. This is a tradition that Jennifer and I took part in. We think we found a pretty good spot to put our lock too!


Can you see our lock on the bridge?


Allow me to give you a closer look,


Obviously, Seiter is my our last name. However, I bet you wondering what the 11-11-14 means?

That is the date that we had our wedding planned for!

The Wedding

Have you ever heard the phrase,

“It’s 11:11 make a wish.”

Jennifer and I thought it would be perfect to have our wedding on November 11th or 11/11/14 since our relationship has been so magical it would literally become a dream come true.

The only question was where we should have it. Neither of us were super religious so we didn’t really want a wedding in a church. One thing that both of us did love though was the beach. We figured it would bring things full circle if we had a nice small ceremony for family and friends on the beach in Key West.

So, on 11/11/14 Jennifer and I tied the knot in a beautiful small beach ceremony.

(Photos Taken By Acromatico)















Truly a happy ending!

My Parting Words

I have never loved anyone or anything like I have loved this woman.

Those are the truest words that have ever come out of my mouth.

She is my north star, my reason for being, my life!

Even now at times I have to pinch myself to make sure that I am not living in some sort of dream because it all seems too good to be true. As of this exact moment I am sitting at my desk writing this article and occasionally staring out the window.

It’s snowing out there…

In fact, this is the longest I have ever seen it snow in my entire life. Remember, I moved to PA from Texas so we aren’t used to snow down there. I have never really seen snow like this before. I have to say that it’s very majestic and captivating. There must be millions of snowflakes out there each with its own singular purpose. Some snowflakes are bigger than others while others flutter in the wind to their own tune.

My wife is at work you see and every single weekday from the hours of 7 A.M to 5 P.M. I feel like I am in a long distance relationship again for a short span. I look forward to her every text, her phone calls. Heck, even when I am in a rotten mood I still appreciate her phone calls.

So, you’ll believe me when I tell you that as I am looking out the window right now I can only think one thought,

“I wish she was here…”

Seeing snow for the first time and all I can think about is her. That is the power she has over me. She is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing I think about when I go to sleep.

I know that I will never find anyone better than her. I understand this with perfect clarity.

She is a woman that comes around once in a lifetime and I was fortunate enough to not squander my opportunity with her.

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178 thoughts on “How To Find Your Soulmate – A Complete Guide”

  1. Yen

    February 2, 2016 at 7:10 am

    how long do you guys have been married now?

    my goodness… FOREVER EXIST 😀

    1. Jennifer

      September 29, 2017 at 5:21 pm

      3 years! ❤️

  2. lily

    November 17, 2015 at 5:51 pm

    Chris. This is such a b’ful story. All through this, someone revolved around my mind. The person i lost who loved with all his heart. I let him go!
    Chris, do you think is possible to get him back? It’s been a few days ;(

  3. Nelly

    June 22, 2015 at 11:44 am

    That’s an awesome story *literally crying*.I’m looking forward to finding my soulmate.I wish you a happy ever after.You deserve it!

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 29, 2015 at 6:37 pm


      Its out there.

      I know that cliche but speaking from someone who experienced it firsthand its really out there.

  4. Alice

    May 3, 2015 at 5:41 pm

    Hey Chris,
    Just read your story, and its awesome.
    I just read d whole story and felt spellbound to it until I read till the last line.
    You are a true gentleman and indubitably a perfect husband any girl can get. 🙂 🙂

    I too had a love story, a person in my life who actually cared for me d way you do for Jennifer,but I let him go just like dat due to some family issues and till today it is d biggest regret i have in my life.
    I wish I cud just get him back,but i know dats not possible coz he is gettin married in 5 days.
    I wish if there was some way. 🙁 🙁

    Anyways, you are doing a great job by helping people get the love of their life.
    Please continue with the good work.
    May God bless u both and u stay together happily ever after. 🙂

  5. Ashley

    March 21, 2015 at 12:38 am

    Hey Chris!

    I know I comment a lot (not really sorry about that though 😉 ), but I absolutely had to comment on this one. I LOVED reading your story about you and your wife. I know that you didn’t have to share it, but the fact that you did is amazing. It is such a beautiful story, and so romantic! I do not know you guys, but I can bet this is definitely the kind of relationship to strive for. And I know many hope to have a marriage with as much love and commitment as yours. 🙂 I know I am a few months late, but I wish you guys a lifetime of happiness!

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 4:46 pm

      I read that comment to my wife and she told me to tell you that what you said was incredibly sweet!

      (I agree of course.)

  6. Jess

    March 19, 2015 at 4:11 pm

    i’m glad I read your story. I’ve been reading a lot of your guides and gaining perspective but wasn’t quite sure that man that disappeared on me really fit the mold of a typical male. His needs are the same, but his history had me worried about how he might respond to some things that seem manipulating in nature. His ex wife cheated on him. He’s a monogamous man who is looking for his next goddess so that he can put everything into her. When I read your story, the things you pointed out about yourself (pickiness, putting everything into one person intensely when you knew you met your dream girl, the types of behaviors you’d steer away from if you saw the, in a person)…that’s all him to a T. He is very similar to you. We only dated a month. I was his dream girl and I was quickly falling for him as well. Then I got scared and acted less then classy by clinging to my singleness. Went out a few nights a week more than the norm, added a little bit more social fun to my calendar, didn’t go on dates with anyone else but made it clear they were present. Nothing agregious, but enough to scare off a guy who had been seriously scarred by someone less than 2 years earlier (and I might add I would be his first real successful connection with a woman since.) Add me having a tough week at the office and the emotions of signing my own divorce papers…and I got a little needy. When he didn’t have time a few days in a row, I asked if he really had time to date because I felt he had been pulling away over the past week…..and that was it. Ghosted. He never answered another text or call. Four texts and two emails later I walked away…so I wasn’t too over the top, but the damage has been done. I’m confident in how he felt about me and that at some point I will be running through his head, but I don’t know if he’s the type to let himself act on it. Do you think your system will work for someone like him (as im compelled to say he’s just like you)? We aren’t Facebook friends, but he can see mine if he wanted to. I think I have to be very careful about what he is fed about my life or how i approach him down the line to clean up the mess I left by making him feel insecure. It was only a little over a month together, but it was intense. We didn’t say love, but we both knew it was something big. I’d hate to give up on it even though he has for the moment. It’s only been 2 days of NC, so I know I have some work to do. Any thoughts would be great (and I am planning to buy your book…can tell me how to not scare him with jealousy tactics…as I think those are what scared him.). Thanks!

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 3:40 pm

      Yes I like to think I am the prototype of the typical male.

      And what I think other men think.

  7. Jin

    March 6, 2015 at 5:36 am

    Congratulations! It’s my first time to see any other foreign articles that talks about complementary relationship. I know some well-known Korean writers who posts about love tips on their blogs but I have never seen any one married yet. I guess you know marriage is just a beginning of new life. Hope your joy never end 🙂 Wish I could find mine and be happy like you in the future.

    1. admin

      March 7, 2015 at 5:49 pm

      Hi Jin!

      Thanks for the kind words.

      Guess that makes me a bit more of an authority when it comes to relationships now then huh?

  8. Ericka

    February 25, 2015 at 1:57 pm

    Hello Chris!,

    Congratulations on your marriage to the woman of your dreams. You two make a beautiful couple and I wish you many years of true love and happiness. I understand exactly how you feel about Jennifer in the article you have written above, because I feel that same exact way about my ex fiance. I have read most of your articles on this site today, and I have a serious question for you.

    Him and I were together for two and a half years and A LOT has happened between us since then. Email me if you would like more details so you can understand my situation better then what you are reading in this comment.

    At the moment we are just beginning no contact rule, its been two days since I last spoke to him.

    What do you do when you and your soulmate want to be together but you’re both afraid to afraid to reignite the relationship because you’re afraid of getting hurt, the past happening again, and your family never liked that person when they have no reason not to like him/her?

    I feel like I’m at a dead end here and everyone wants to be stubborn, and not work everything out and I’m the one suffering the most from it all. Please help.

    By the way we have been long distant for the past year, he moved to a different state. Im not sure if that will help you answer my question.

    1. admin

      February 25, 2015 at 10:04 pm

      Well the good news is that you are so early into NC that you shouldnt panic yet.

      Well, do you have that overarching plan in place to end up together?

    2. Ericka

      February 26, 2015 at 3:13 am

      You’re right. However I’m so afraid that everything that went on in our relationship while we were together pushed him to the point of no return, from everything that happened between my mother and him, a mistake I made, and a mistake he made. Hes my soulmate and I’m his as well and I feel like I’m really losing him. The situation is so complicated and its a very long story to explain on here and its extremely personal thats why I did not go into detail with it in my last comment.

      I dont necessarily have a plan to get back with him because I’m not really sure what to do, its a difficult situation and I’m not sure what will work since my situation is so bad. :'(

    3. admin

      March 1, 2015 at 6:00 pm

      Ok, lets create a plan for you to work with then!

  9. sabrina

    February 24, 2015 at 12:39 pm

    you story is quit romantic!! congradulations for finding your happy ending!
    i on the other hand feel the same way about my ex (i felt the same as i do now broken up as i did when we were together..) how do you thionk someone feels when they have every emotion you have towards a person who rejected them and hasn’t made any sign that they want back together….
    i really don’t know anymore… maybe i can feel like this with someone else and it’s true that what’s ment to happen happenes?

    1. admin

      February 24, 2015 at 9:51 pm

      Is what meant to happen, happens?

      Hmmm.. I have to think about that one.

  10. Mary

    February 12, 2015 at 11:45 am

    Hey, Chris! I think it was a blessing that I found your site. Although I had hope before, now I have even more and I can concentrate on other things in my every day life and not cry all day long. At least I hope I’m right…
    My boyfriend of 6 years (we are 22-23) told me in December that he loves me and I make him the happiest, but he doesn’t feel the butterflies in his stomach anymore, nor the same excitement to see me, kiss me, hold my hand on the street. We haven’t broke up, we met few times, even sped the New Year’s Eve and Christmas together. I asked him if he thinks it’s a good idea to take a break, to save our relationship and he said yes. He told me that he believes in us(after I asked), that we can get through this and that he sees a future with us together, meant to be forever. Is it a good thing? Should I worry less knowing that he believes in our love, in our bond? I have to say we get along really well, have the same passions in life, the same tastes. Should I listen to my heart, my intuition when I’m down? I feel that we are meant to be, and this period of time will make our love even stronger. Is that possible?

    1. admin

      February 16, 2015 at 10:17 pm

      Hi there!

      Well, after six years things can get stale but did you two do anything to spice things up at all?

  11. Chris

    January 26, 2015 at 5:14 pm


    CONGRATS! She is gorgeous and you two are totes adorbs :D. I hope you’re blessed with many years together!

    I wrote you beginning of last year as a desperate Psychology PHD student trying to get her marine back. I never missed anyone THAT bad in my life. I literally woke up from nightmares and crying missing him. I never thought love and hurt could run that deep.

    ((((Later his wedding bio would let me know that he cheated on me most of the relationship. So when he said it was completely my fault and broke up with me out the blue I legitimately thought it was my fault…. I didn’t get the ‘why’ until I was long over him)))

    So in desperation, I bought the e-book and clung to the pages of hope. I tried EVERYTHING. However, in the midst of trying to gain my ex back, along came my now fiancé. At first I thought, sure, a little jealousy never hurts?

    I guess part of becoming the UG is understanding in your heart you’re valuable. This site helped: I mean I didn’t sit in front of T.V. with a pint of ice cream – I hit the gym. I set goals. I conquered them. I stayed positive. I helped others. I learned to make every guy chase me. I always looked good lol. I did and said everything right and it worked. It worked REAL well… with multiple guys. However, I pushed them all away waiting…. waiting for my ex.

    But then came Charles who fell for me rather hard. Every kiss, hand hold, I love you (even though I didn’t say it back), flower, kind gesture, open door, laugh, smile…. made me realize I might be falling too. Oh nope, time to Taylor Swift him hahaha!!!!!

    So sitting in my car, I tried to call off the whole thing between Charles and I. I mean… he wasn’t my ex- Edward (who I was determined to win back) and I wasn’t try to hurt the lad. Obviously it was going too far already. He looked… no stared… at me with a look that was all too familiar. Hurt. I began to get choked up on my own words. I couldn’t finish what I was saying. I had to turn away from him and I said, “I just can’t be what you want me to be”. Expecting him to curse me out or just walk away and be done with it he said, “I’ll chase you until the end of time”. I couldn’t bring myself to look at him, so with my head still turned I said, “that’s a very long run”. Then he left my car.

    If only I could express to him what a big ball of emotions and walls I had up at that moment.

    So anyways… I had a choice to make…. chase a dream or live the dream.
    I messaged him on 5/3/14 at 3:52pm hoping he didn’t throw me away already. It read: I’ll slow down the pace, if you can keep up. He replied, “I’m Superman”. LOL.

    The rest is history. Our wedding is set for September (but it might be moved up if he deploys). He’s the best thing that has ever happened to me. No. I didn’t get my ex back because of this site. I got something far better than I imagined.

    Thanks Chris!

    1. admin

      January 27, 2015 at 2:30 pm

      Well good for you! I am so glad you are happy.

  12. Sahara

    January 26, 2015 at 5:05 pm

    Hi, congratulations!!

    I’ve met someone whose not an ex but someone completely new and amazing! Problem is he’s also my trainer (horseback riding) and he’s been pretty badly hurt before. I’m pretty sure he likes me but is kinda shy about it, how do I show him I like him, I’m worth taking a chance on and make it so I don’t lose a fab trainer if it doesn’t work out?

    Thanks, Sahara

    1. admin

      January 27, 2015 at 2:20 pm

      Thanks Sahara,

      Sounds promising.

      Actually it sounds like something out of a movie. A horseback riding trainer.

  13. anon

    January 14, 2015 at 3:51 pm

    Hi chris! I have a qns. Sorry if it may seem personal. But would you invite your ex, or a lady you used to date, to your wedding? If yes, why? If no, why? Also. If an ex had invited you to their wedding. Will you go? Why would you? Or why wouldn’t you?

    I’m just asking for a man’s opinion in general 🙂

    1. admin

      January 19, 2015 at 3:43 pm

      No I would not invite an ex or anyone I was involved with to my wedding ever. I feel that, that day is between the two people at the alter and no one else.

      Also, if I was invited I would not go because I am sure my wife would be hurt and to me that is more important than anything, her feelings.

  14. Annie

    January 7, 2015 at 2:39 pm

    A massive congrats Chris! You both look amazingly happy. I was in contact with you a year ago… Trying to get my ex back. I was a mess! I got mixed signals from him – he knew exactly what he was doing. I then cut off all contact. The most empowering thing EVER. I work with him so was a bit challenging but I did it (avoided common areas etc) And then I met someone else… By chance! I’m with Andrew for about six months now.. Didn’t realise that relationships were meant to be so easy- everything is so much fun, he adores me (and I likewise) and I love being with someone where there’s no high drama/games. He’s a better match for me in so many ways. The ex came running back but it’s too late… I’ve moved on and am happier than I’ve ever been. Thank you for everything… I wish you and your wife a life time of happiness xxxx

    1. admin

      January 19, 2015 at 2:59 pm

      Good for you!

      This made my day.

  15. Carrie

    January 6, 2015 at 4:51 pm

    Congratulations on your marriage! Is there any way you can write an entry on how to get a boyfriend/ex boyfriend to commit or come back if he’s still in love with HIS ex? :/

    Or any response to this post is fine!

    1. admin

      January 7, 2015 at 5:25 am

      Wait, if your ex is in love with his ex?

  16. N.M

    January 4, 2015 at 4:48 pm

    May all your dreams come true. You deserve every bit of happiness that exists.
    God bless.

  17. sammy

    January 4, 2015 at 5:41 am

    Hi Chris, Congratulations!!
    and a wish both of u a very happy new year!!
    such a nice article u have written, it gives hopes to me.
    By visiting your website I came to knw that there r so many other people like me who are dealing with breakups and I am not only one who is feeling this bad feeling.
    I have red ur every article and those articles really gives hopes.
    whenever I feel miserable I always read ur articles and I feel better. Right now I am moving on without moving on!!
    Even I have realised during this time that love is a 2 way path..If only I want to better d relationship that is not going to help..his part is also important in saving it.
    I hope that in this new year I wil find my soulmate also and I wil also share my story.

    and thanks once again for all your articles.
    looking. forward for more articles in this new year..
    Have a good day!!

    1. admin

      January 6, 2015 at 1:48 pm

      I have a lot of good articles planned this new year. Hope you find some value in them.

  18. M

    December 29, 2014 at 9:26 pm

    Congratulations Chris!
    Your story gives me some hope for the future.

    Can you give me some advice for my situation. I broke with with my ex in July due to him trying to pursue another degree on top of a stressful workload he couldn’t deal with being a good boyfriend. So after a face to face talk we ended on good terms that he will try to reach out in march to see where I’m at and maybe start talking again. But clearly his actions don’t match his words. He hasn’t tried reaching out once during the 5 months. I completed NC and reached out 3 times twice which he didn’t respond to twice..and once he had a neutral response. I took that as a sign he wasn’t ready to talk so I’ve been in another NC for 3 months. This week I ran into him out..and he didn’t say hi and was ignoring me till I walked to say hi first. I called him out for not saying hi to me and we had a brief convo about what we last initially talked about… I said I believe what you said but your actions aren’t justifying it. And he stated again that was his honestly and still is.. I feel like at this point its all excuses to run away without hurting my feelings. So I decided to move on for good…but truth hurts. I know what the right this to do is move on forever and don’t look back.

    1. admin

      January 5, 2015 at 2:33 pm

      Thank you!

      Hmm… I am really sorry about your situation. He doesn’t seem to be responding too much does he.

      Why did you two broke up initially?

    2. M

      January 5, 2015 at 3:29 pm

      He has a demanding workload with his job and with him trying to pursue another degree he had to start studying so he claims that he can’t handle trying to juggle a relationship. He’s been through the same case with his previous relationship so I think he’s afraid to commit knowing how it didn’t work out before. I guess the best thing for me to do is move on and if he does come around in March and keeps his words consider from there on 🙂

  19. Girl in love with a bit

    December 24, 2014 at 12:57 pm

    Hey chris great article!
    So my ex of three years and I haven’t spoken in about a year until last weekend.
    We talked the whole weekend he saidhe had feelings for me, missed me and he complimented me and I said I missed him too. I would send him snapchats and he would reply right away now he just opens them and doesn’t reply.. He tweeted yesterday finally going to sleep with a smile on my face.. Then I look at a girl who I think he has feeling for.. And they were snapchating. Should I ask him what his feelings are towards me? (Just to clarify) what do I do? He said he wanted to hang out in January or February. but now in really confused what he wants..( like a relationship, just to be friends ect.) I really don’t know, but I really like him. How do I bring this subject up? How do i gain his attention and love to me, where he’s texting me, where he wants to hang out all the time?
    Thank you chris

    1. admin

      December 29, 2014 at 2:32 pm

      Honestly I think you should just stick to the basics of this site and youll be fine.

    2. Girl in love with a bit

      December 30, 2014 at 11:45 am

      Could you give me a guide to refer to?? What does this mean? He said he missed me, wanted to hang out, missed everything in our old relationship,and complimented me but now he doesn’t respond.
      Because he ask me as a serious question it was:” can we start over can we start talking again?”
      I said only if you’re serious about it
      He said he wanted to start off as good friends
      That’s because we haven’t spoken in a year.
      But what should I do? Idk if he’s dating anyone he is best friends with two other girls on snapchat. He tweeted hearing I miss you from the right person
      I said I missed him but this was two weeks ago.
      Please help

  20. Darcy

    December 23, 2014 at 1:19 am

    Hi Chris,

    Firstly, congratulations to you both! Such a beautiful story, I hope you’re both very happy for life.

    I was hoping for a little advice. I have been using your site for a while now and all was going great. I had some brilliant conversations with my ex, got him to start calling me and even met for a date. This is where I messed up… Or he did… Or we did?

    We met in the middle of a night out, him with his work friends and me with my girlfriends and we had a few drinks together as a group. We talked and laughed and at the end of the evening he kissed me and asked me to go back to his. I politely declined and told him I didn’t want to go there yet (I meant sex obviously) and he reassured me that he only wanted us to go back so that we could spend a bit more time together and maybe “cuddle” (corny I know). Stupidly I agreed.

    After a while he started to try it on and I told him no. He continued to push it until I got upset, I didn’t get angry or cry but I told him I knew he was using me and that I wouldn’t stay, I asked him to call me a taxi and (the bit I’m most worried about) not to reply if I were to break down and text him again. He said he wasn’t trying to make me feel used and that he wanted me to stay but when the taxi came I thought I should leave before emotions overflowed.

    He seemed sad to see me go and even kissed me goodbye (something he rarely did before, he is not overly good at the whole lovey dovey stuff).

    I have decided to do a no contact period but I’m interested to know if you think I ruined all my hard work and if the comment about not texting me back was as bad as I thought. Did I jack it up? Thanks. Darcy.

    1. admin

      December 23, 2014 at 3:22 pm

      I don’t think you ruined it… I think you made him want you more possibly.

      Don’t go into NC for a super long period of time.

    2. Darcy

      December 24, 2014 at 2:42 am

      Thanks for the reply. I wrote the message about a thousand times and missed out the most important part. We were never girlfriend/ boyfriend. We were very good friends that turned into friends with benefits. He told me he had fallen for me once but then took it back when we fell out. I didn’t see him for six months, found your site about two months in and have been using it to try to start from scratch. I lost a ton of weight, changed my hair etc. I took up new hobbies and started a psychology course. Does this change your thoughts? I know it’s virtually impossible to escape the whole friends with benefits thing but do you think it’s ever possible?

      Sorry to be a pain asking more questions. Thanks again. Darcy.

    3. admin

      December 29, 2014 at 2:28 pm

      Definitely a step in the right direction.

      I am proud that you have been so dedicated!

      I am actually impressed.

    4. Darcy

      January 20, 2015 at 1:14 am

      Thank you so much Chris. I’m actually quite proud of myself too, haha! Nine of it would have been possible without you though, I’ve come to look at you like my guardian angel! Everything you say makes so much sense and yet, I never would have had the presence of mind to do most of the things I have without your guidance. You truly help so many of us and I am truly greatful.

      You mentioned once that you might want to write a piece on friends with benefits and I was wondering of you were still considering it? I’d absolutely love to hear your thoughts.

      Thanks again! Darcy.

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