Did you know that you can tell a lot about your ex boyfriend based on his body language?
Seriously, the body language of an ex who is “into you” will be slightly different than an ex who is NOT “into you.”
Now, I am the first person to admit that I don’t have a degree in psychology or the study of body language but I like to think I do know a thing or two about how to perceive a mans body language.
Well, because I am a man and while this may not be the case across the board I link to think that my body language is comparable to other men’s body language.
Specifically your ex boyfriend.
So, when I combine my own personal knowledge of men with research from highly respected outside sources about body language you are going to get a very in-depth and insightful guide about how to dissect your exes body language.
Here is what this page is going to go over,
What This Page Covers
It’s funny, when I started looking around for other articles on Google covering body language and ex boyfriends I found the typical results.
Slideshows with little explanations…
Poorly written short articles…
Forum questions with unthoughtful answers…
Articles covering unrelated topics…
My point is simple, the results that Google is serving on this topic are not what a woman in your position is probably looking for.
Sure, every once in a while a result from some highly touted psychology website is ranked but even the articles there are super boring and UN-personal.
I know what you want.
You want a guide that decodes all the intricacies that go along with your ex boyfriends body language and how it relates to what he is thinking.
Well, look no further because I have the guide for you.
I have divided this comprehensive guide up into three main sections,
Within each of these sections I am going to be decoding all the types of body language that is associated with the section. For example, the “Face” section is going to include the following types of body language,
The “Body” section will include,
- Crossed Arms
- Weight Gain
And finally the “Positioning” section will include,
The whole purpose of this guide is to give you incredible insight into your exes body language so you can further understand what is going on in his mind which can help you win him back.
Let me talk a little about that now.
Body Language = Insight Into Your Exes Mind
You may be wondering why it is so important to understand your exes body language.
Well, the truth of the matter is that it is very important.
Have you ever played poker before?
Well, if you have then I am sure you have heard the term “poker face” and no I am not talking about the Lady Ga Ga song.
Poker Face- an impassive expression that hides one’s true feelings.
Sometimes trying to understand your ex boyfriend is a lot like a game of poker where he has a long lasting poker face on at all times.
Of course, just like in the game of poker your ex boyfriend will have certain “tells” that allow you to understand when he is bluffing or in this case allow you to understand what is really going on in his mind.
These “tells” are his body language.
For example, if your ex boyfriend says that he has no feelings for you anymore then you are probably going to be disappointed and a little hurt by his statement.
However, lets say that after the breakup you meet your ex boyfriend out for a cup of coffee one day and the cup of coffee ends with him tightly hugging you and kissing you passionately.
Well, in this case his body language is telling a different story than what he told you initially with the “I have no feelings for you anymore,” isn’t it?
In this example, his body language was clearly stating that he still has feelings for you.
It served as insight into what was really going on in his head.
That is why I like comparing body language to a poker tell. You can really get a gauge on whether or not your ex is bluffing when he says stuff to you or he means it.
I want to give you one last scenario before we get into the meat of this article.
Lets take the same example that I gave you above and alter it slightly.
So, we still have the ex boyfriend telling you that he doesn’t have feelings for you anymore but instead of the coffee date ending with a passionate make out session it is going to end with him sitting far away from you, leaning away from you, never smiling at you and not even touching you at all.
What is his body language telling you at this point?
Probably that he isn’t too interested in you anymore.
So, in a strange way body language can tell you a lot about a person.
Things that, that person isn’t willing to verbalize.
SECTION ONE- The Face
You can tell a lot about a person by the expressions they have on their face when they talk to you.
For example, if you are talking to someone and they look disgusted in what you are saying you can probably tell that they look disgusted by the expression they have on their face.
In this section I have divided the face up into three main categories.
- The Smile
- The Eyes
Remember, the entire purpose of this guide is to help you understand your ex better from a body language perspective.
So, lets get right to it.
I want you to imagine something with me for a second.
Imagine that you and your ex boyfriend are out on a date.
What’s the date?
Lets say that the two of you are eating at a restaurant. At the restaurant you are enjoying each others company and you tell him an interesting story that makes him smile. Upon seeing him smile you think to yourself,
“Wow, I think he is really into me again..”
Exciting times, right?
Eh… not so fast.
Lets back up and dissect that smile.
How do you know if his smile was real or fake?
I am a guy and I can tell you that I have without a doubt faked a few smiles in my life to avoid awkwardness.
In fact, I think the last time I did it I was in a very uncomfortable situation where someone told a joke that I didn’t think was funny but I smiled and laughed anyways to avoid any awkwardness.
What if your ex was doing this to you?
What if he really didn’t think very highly of you on the date but he was just smiling to avoid any awkwardness?
You’d want to know, right?
Well, I am going to show you how you can spot a real smile versus a fake one in your ex boyfriend.
How To Spot A Fake Smile
Can you do me a favor?
It’s only going to take a minute of your time.
Watch this quick video by (in 59 seconds) on fake smiles.
Did you watch it?
You better have 😉 .
That video holds the key to spotting a fake smile.
What’s the secret?
More specifically, in a fake smile your eyes DO NOT crinkle up.
This is a pretty visual thing so I’d like to illustrate this using a few pictures.
Look at the picture of the actor James Franco below,
Do you notice anything about his eyes?
Perhaps some crinkling?
Ok, here is the same picture but this time I have pointed out exactly what I am talking about,
Do you see his eyes crinkling now?
This is a sign of a REAL smile.
Ok, now I want you to take a look at a fake smile and notice the difference,
Do you see the lack of the crinkles surrounding the eyes of this woman?
What does this tell us?
Well, it tells us that she is giving us a fake smile.
Lets go back to that restaurant example I gave above about your ex above. With your new found knowledge about real smiles vs. fake smiles you should be able to gain insight into what your ex is really thinking in the moment with his smiles.
For example, if he smiles at you after you say something to him and there are no crinkles surrounding his eyes then that tells you that he is giving you a fake smile and he most likely feels uncomfortable or doesn’t like what you are saying.
Of course, on the other hand if there are crinkles surrounding his eyes then that means you are doing extremely well.
Lets stay with this train of thought about the eyes…
In addition to giving you insight into smiles the eyes can be an incredible tool for making your ex boyfriend more attracted to you.
I am going to throw out a scenario here for a moment and you tell me if it sounds familiar.
You are on a date with this man,
Now, even I will admit that, that is a good looking guy right there.
Ok, so you are on a date with this guy and there is a moment during the date where your eyes lock and neither one of you pulls away.
He stares into your eyes as you stare right back into his.
“God, he looks so dreamy!!” you think to yourself.
The longer your eyes are interlocked the more it seems your connection intensifies. In fact, it becomes so intense that you can’t even do it anymore.
You look away…
Tsk.. tsk… tsk….
You lost the look away battle.
Well, I am going to let you in on a little secret.
You know that intense chemistry you feel when you really like someone and you get stuck in one of these look away battles?
Men feel it too!
I am going to tell you a funny story about me and the eye look away thing.
The first time I saw my wife in person (before we were married) I remember thinking,
“If we get into an eye stare down I am going to win. I am going to make HER look away.”
Well, when it came to crunch time who do you think got who to look away first?
In fact, I don’t really like to admit this but my little 5’2″ wife was intimidating to me.
She was smart, sophisticated and beautiful.
And the little look game just fascinated me.
Like a typical guy I wanted the girl I felt I couldn’t have and that was the girl that made me look away.
My point here is simple.
If you really want to make an impression on your ex boyfriend and put yourself in the drivers seat make sure you win the look game when it comes down to it.
At all costs win…
Men will never really admit this but they like women who make them look away.
That’s just a fun little body language tip 🙂 .
Your Ex Boyfriend And Kissing
Here’s a fun scenario.
You and your ex boyfriend have agreed to go on a one on one date on Friday night. You are so excited for the date that you can barely concentrate throughout the week. Now, your ex boyfriend, being the gentleman that he is, has agreed to pick you up at your place on Friday night. When the time does finally arrive and you see him in person he greets you with a kiss on the cheek.
“Does it mean anything?”
This is the question I would like to answer for you in this section.
After all, a kiss is technically considered “body language”
Lets first start with the meaning behind a kiss on the cheek.
What Does It Mean If Your Ex Boyfriend Kisses You On The Cheek?
If you are on a date with a man you haven’t ever dated before (NOT your ex boyfriend) and he kisses you on the cheek the meaning behind it is a lot different than it would be if your ex kisses you on the cheek.
For example, a man you are dating for the first time is looking for encouragement. He may be scared to go in for a full on kiss so he kisses you on the cheek to feel you out. It’s his way of seeing if you want to be kissed by him.
Your ex boyfriend though…
Someone you have kissed a lot.
When he kisses you on the cheek it is different.
He isn’t looking for encouragement to kiss you because deep down he probably knows that he can.
It’s a much more raw thing.
It means that in the moment he felt something.
A tingle of the past…
Does it mean he wants to get back together.
So, don’t get too far ahead of yourself.
(It is a positive sign though.)
SECTION TWO- The Body
Have you ever heard that famous song for kids,
“Head, Shoulders, Knees and Toes?”
I feel like that with this body language guide.
Except instead I’m singing,
“Face, Body, Knees and Positioning”
My humor might have gotten too nerdy there, huh?
Anyways, welcome to the “body” section.
This particular part of the guide is going to be divided up into another three categories,
- Crossed Arms
- Weight Gain
Lets start with number one!
I need to set the stage for this one.
Lets imagine that you see your ex boyfriend in a public place.
What is a common place that exes can run into each other?
OH I KNOW!
Ok, lets say that you and your ex run into each other at the mall. Lets also pretend that you are among friends because realistically you aren’t going to go to the mall alone.
Upon running into each other your ex takes a very defensive posture and has his arms crossed like this,
You try a simple ice breaker to lighten the situation up but your ex doesn’t bite on anything.
He is clearly angry that much is clear.
But what is really going on in his head?
That’s what I would like to find out.
The Importance Of Crossed Arms
It doesn’t take a genius to realize that an angry face and crossed arms equals an angry human being.
But did you know that crossed arms is synonymous with a person who is defensive and closed off?
Well, it’s true.
But what is going on in that closed off persons head?
You remember the fun mall example I gave above, right?
That was actually based on a true story.
In fact, I lived it because I was the angry closed off ex with crossed arms. What I would like to do for you now is give you access into my mind and what I was thinking at that moment.
Again, this might take a little “set up” so bear with me here.
The year is 1955…
Fred Seiter is born, my father.
He was a… Actually, perhaps I should probably speed this thing up to my breakup, huh?
Ok, I broke up with this girl and it wasn’t one of those well behaved type of breakups.
No, it was one of those angry type of breakups.
Needless to say, I had a lot of resentment towards her.
Well, one day I was walking around the mall with my buddy and he informed me that my ex and her friends were at the mall as well. It was the first time that we had been in the same place for at least a month and I felt really weird about it.
Of course, my buddy being the guy he is pushed me to go talk to them (he had a crush on one of the friends my ex was walking around with.)
“There is no way I am going to talk to her or her dumb friends”
(I was mean… I know.)
Anyways, my friend decided that he didn’t need me to break the ice and he marched over to them and struck up his own conversation.
This act made me feel left out so like a wounded deer I carefully made my way over to the group where my ex was located.
Her friends were relatively cordial with me.
But my ex and I didn’t lock eyes once.
I didn’t know what to do and she didn’t know what to do so I did what felt safest to me,
I crossed my arms and closed myself off as much as I possibly could.
Was it out of anger?
Was it out of nervousness?
I didn’t know how to approach the situation.
I didn’t know what to say.
I wasn’t in control.
I felt… vulnerable.
It was a feeling I hated (still do.)
Look, I am not saying that every ex boyfriend is like me but I do like to think I am a pretty good gauge. So, when I sit here and tell you that if your ex boyfriend gives you the crossed arms position it doesn’t just mean that he’s angry it also probably means that he doesn’t know how to handle the situation yet, you can know that it is coming from a credible source.
In my experience there are two different types of hugs you can get from your ex boyfriend.
Hug 1- The Friend Hug
Hug 2- The More Than Friends Hug
What I would like to do now is give you an explanation of what each of these hugs look like.
Lets start first with the “friend hug.”
The Friend Hug
How can I put this simply?
A friend hug is a hug with no passion.
It’s that awkward hug that you give your friends that you don’t hold on to for very long.
You are just sort of going through the motions.
I’ll leave it up to Lord Voldemort to demonstrate this for us,
It’s that awkward hug that friends give each other when they see one another.
I don’t know how else to put it other than that.
But what does it mean if your ex boyfriend gives you this kind of hug?
Is it a bad sign?
Does it mean he just wants to be friends?
These are interesting questions seeing as how your ex boyfriend definitely did not have any problem hugging you passionately when you were dating.
It is because of this fact that most women think that their ex may not be into them anymore but I would caution these women to stop and really look at things from your ex boyfriends perspective.
Both of you just broke up with each other.
He is probably still haunted by that fact.
So, when he gets put in a position where he may have to hug you he may not know what to do with himself.
It is not uncommon for a man to get nervous in these type of social situations.
For example, the very first time I went on a date with my wife I thought to myself,
“Should I hug her normally? Or should I try to hug her passionately and imply I want to be more than friends?”
I struggled with this decision for days.
Ultimately I arrived at the conclusion that I would hug her passionately.
Of course, planning something out and actually being in a position to execute it are two entirely different things.
When it came down to it…
When the moment actually arrived to hug her passionately what do you think I did?
I copped out and gave her a half a** hug.
I was nervous and I folded.
(AND THIS WAS THE WOMAN I WOULD MARRY.)
My point is simple.
Just because your ex boyfriend gives you a friend hug doesn’t necessarily mean he isn’t interested. It could mean that he is overwhelmed by the social situation and doesn’t know how to act.
Nervousness is a hell of a thing.
Sure, there is always that chance that he just wanted to hug you as a friend but there is an even greater chance that he is too frightened about the situation to know how to act.
I was with my wife.
The More Than Friends Hug
There are hugs and then there are HUGS.
The “more than friends hug” is definitely a hug that you don’t forget very easily.
It is the type of hug that you think about for days.
You know the one.
Where a man looks deeply into your eyes, pulls you close and you feel your body fill up with butterflies.
It’s the type of hug that you never want to end.
It is the definition of “making a girl weak in the knees…”
This is the type of hug that transcends a simple kiss.
It’s stronger and more important.
But what does it mean when your ex boyfriend gives you this type of a hug?
Does it mean he wants to get back together with you?
It definitely means he has strong feelings for you.
You don’t give this type of a hug to a friend.
You give it to a lover!
But before you take out the champagne and start celebrating I need you to realize something. Just because your ex boyfriend still has strong feelings for you “in that way” it doesn’t mean he’s ready to commit.
You are going to have to do more for him to do that.
Nevertheless, if your ex boyfriend does give you the “more than friends” hug it is a very good sign because it means he is on the right path to committing.
Lets say that you are walking down the street two months after your breakup with your ex boyfriend and you happen to run into him.
Now, when you were dating him he was a pretty good looking fellow,
(Dang… seeing that picture makes me think I need to work out more.)
Anyways, when you see your ex boyfriend in person you are absolutely floored to see that he has put on some weight,
Ok, maybe that is exaggerating things a bit.
The point I am trying to get at here is that if you see that your ex boyfriend has gained some weight then that is likely a sign of depression.
Why would he depressed?
Hmm… I don’t know? Maybe the fact that he just went through a breakup with YOU.
Maybe he has come to realize that life isn’t so great without you.
Speaking personally, I know that when I get upset about things I tend to stuff my face.
(I just felt the need to prove that I am not fat at all.)
Lets move on to my favorite topic, positioning.
SECTION THREE – Positioning
We are coming down the homestretch here.
While this section may appear thin (as it only includes “mimicking”) I assure you that it’s not.
Mimicking is a complicated theory to describe and I am going to be giving you real life examples to prove that it does exist and it’s not just some myth.
So, rather than having me just ramble on for another hundred words lets just get right down to business.
A few years ago I took a psychology class in college and the professor played a very interesting video that always stuck with me.
Perhaps that’s not entirely accurate.
Only one part of the video stuck with me.
What was the part of the video that stuck with me?
The video basically said that human beings can sometimes mirror another persons body language and it gave two examples to back it up.
Smiling and yawning.
Let’s start with yawning.
If you see someone yawn or someone just writes the word “yawn” down on a page it makes you want to yawn.
“Crap, I just yawned…”
(Comment and let me know if the yawn thing worked on you 😉 .)
Smiling is also another mirror trigger.
For example, oftentimes when I am talking to my wife she will look at me and smile.
I swear to god she smiles more than anyone I know.
Anyways, even if I am not in a good mood seeing her smile makes me want to smile and subsequently puts me in a good mood.
That video I watched in psychology class that day always stuck with me and it got me thinking.
Do we mimic the body language of people we have feelings for?
Sure, anyone can make us yawn by saying the word yawn but when it comes to less obvious body language signals wouldn’t we be more likely to mimic people who we have strong feelings for?
Proof Mimicking Exists
So far I have come up with a hypothesis on mimicking.
Hypothesis= We will mimicking the body language of people who we have strong romantic feelings for.
Of course, a hypothesis means nothing until you prove it right or wrong so I decided to do a little test.
I decided to determine if mimicking existed by using yours truly as a crash test dummy.
How was I going to do this?
By studying people who I knew had feelings for me.
Lets take a look at that now.
Mimicking In Someone Who Had Feelings For Me
When you meet someone for the first time there is usually a feeling out process.
I mean, usually you exchange numbers…
You text back and forth…
Ask each other some questions…
Maybe you talk on the phone…
And then if enough attraction has been built you agree to go out on a date.
That was never the case for CeCe (not her real name but it will serve as a decent placeholder.)
From the get go she made it pretty clear that she wanted to be more than friends with me (I didn’t.) In fact, I don’t think I ever felt right about any girl I ever met until I met my wife.
With her it was like I just knew…
Of course, we are getting a bit off topic here.
I did end up going on a date with CeCe since she wouldn’t ever leave me alone about it.
I remember we were eating at a restaurant when I first noticed the mimicking.
I was sitting back in my chair like this,
And after a while she started to sit the exact same way.
I noticed it and thought it was interesting so I decided to change things up a bit so I sat forward like this,
(I apologize for the mannequin picture but it was the best one I could find to illustrate my point.)
Well, sure enough after some time she mimicked my pose exactly.
I tried placing my hand on the table…
She put hers there too.
“My god… It’s like I have mind control” I thought to myself.
It seemed too good to be true so I tried some more poses out.
I crossed my legs. (Mimicked)
I smiled at her. (Mimicked)
I rested my head on my hands like this,
She mimicked that too!
It was amazing.
Whatever I did she copied.
Your Ex Boyfriend And Mimicking
My hypothesis above about mimicking seems to be true in certain cases.
Now, obviously the flaw in my experiment is I don’t have a lot of data to say definitively that it’s 100% accurate but I do know for a fact that mimicking in someone who has strong feelings for you does exist.
So, lets throw out a hypothetical situation here.
Lets pretend that you are on a date with your ex boyfriend and you do what I did above to look and see if he is mimicking your body language or posture and you determine that he is indeed mimicking it.
What does that mean?
Does that mean that he has strong feelings for you?
While I hesitate to sign the whole farm over to you I will admit that it does appear to be a good sign.
Any time I have experienced this phenomenon in my life someone has always had strong feelings for the other person.
For example, I mimicked my wife when I first met her and what’s worse is I was even aware of it while it was happening.
I remember I would just get lost in her eyes and then I would snap out of it for a split second and realize that I was mirroring her posture exactly but then she would look at me with those eyes again and I would be lost.
I guess my point is pretty simple.
If you do find that your ex boyfriend is mirroring you it is a strong sign behind the fact that he still has feelings for you.