No matter how hard you look you are going to be hard pressed to find an article covering the topic of how you can keep an ex boyfriend once you get him back. Many people make the mistake of thinking that keeping an ex boyfriend is the same thing as keeping a boyfriend that you are dating for the first time, it’s not.
There are a few distinct differences that we are going to be covering in this guide.
Oh, it might be a good idea for me to introduce what we are going to be covering on this page.
This very long and in-depth page is going to teach you exactly what you need to do to keep your ex boyfriend once you get him back. What makes this site different from the thousands of others out there is the fact that I don’t pull any punches. I am a man talking about other mens (namely your ex boyfriends) most guarded secrets.
Before I really dive into the good stuff I do need to make you aware of a few things.
Keeping A Boyfriend vs. Keeping An Ex Boyfriend
When you meet someone for the first time there are probably a certain set of rules that you apply to paint yourself in the best light possible so that person will want to date you. When you are trying to get an ex boyfriend back there are a different set of rules that you have to follow in order to get that person back.
So, when it comes to keeping a boyfriend vs keeping an ex boyfriend the same type of logic applies.
I would now like to take a few moments to highlight the main differences between each.
Keeping A Boyfriend
Love is definitely in the air.
One of the advantages to dating someone the first time around is that your record is completely clean. Think about it, everything is new and exciting. Your boyfriend doesn’t know what the future holds and you don’t know what the future holds. There is an excitement about that fact.
I have this theory. I have talked about it a lot throughout this site but I think it really applies here. I like to call it the newness principle.
The Newness Principle- People are always addicted to new things. New TV shows, new episodes, new video games, new relationships, the newness of a relationship, etc.
As humans I think we are all addicted to new things. Of course, I think this “newness principle” can apply especially when it comes to keeping a boyfriend that you are dating for the first time. You see, there is a certain newness that comes with a new relationship. People often refer to this as the honeymoon period but I think it goes deeper than that.
I think the fact that everything is so new and unknown can become pretty exciting in a relationship. It’s like you go through this period of obsessiveness where every little thing your significant other does just fascinates you.
Of course, there will always be a certain segment of men who jump from relationship to relationship just to feel that newness but eventually the newness will wear off and therein lies the ultimate problem.
You see, it is really easy to keep a relationship going when everything is new and exciting. However, the true test of a relationship begins when the newness wears off. That’s when things like fights, disagreements, arguments, cheating and jealousy all start to creep in. Once those things creep in you and your boyfriend are going to be tested.
Keeping An Ex Boyfriend
Why do you think I talked about the newness principle in the section above?
It’s actually really simple.
The newness principle is the biggest advantage that women who want to keep their boyfriend (that they are dating for the first time) have over women who want to keep their ex boyfriend. You see, with ex boyfriends your biggest disadvantage is that in a way your story with your boyfriend has already been written. You know what being in a relationship is like with your boyfriend and he knows what being in one is like with you. That newness factor is gone.
So, this begs an interesting question, what is the allure of getting back in a relationship with your ex boyfriend?
In my opinion it all has to do with the emotional connection that you felt with your ex during your first relationship. Think of it like this. Every time a guy dates a girl she sets a certain standard for him. The first girl that, that guy dates is going to set the “relationship bar” only so high. However high that bar was set is going to determine that guys next pick of the girl he dates.
Well, what if you set the “relationship bar” so high that no other girl could match it. Likely your ex boyfriend would want to come back to you because he knows he can’t do better. The challenge that you are facing when you get back with an ex boyfriend is to NOT fall back into old habits.
Your New Relationship Version 2.0
(If you would like to learn more about how you can get your ex boyfriend visit this page.)
The number one mistake I see couples making when they get into a relationship with their ex is picking up right where they left off.
In other words, if the reason a couple broke up in the first place was because of arguments the same exact arguments will occur all over again the second time around. This is the wrong way to approach things. I always tell people that what you are trying to create here is a new and better relationship.
Lets really spend a moment and break that down.
A NEW And Better Relationship
How can you create a new relationship when you and your ex boyfriend have so much negative history already? The keyword here is forgiveness and in case you are wondering I am not talking about forgiveness from his side I am talking about it from YOUR side!
Look, here is the cold hard truth. You cannot control your boyfriend. You will never be able to. Some women refuse to grasp this concept. Believe me, if there was a way to mind control someone I would not be talking to you (I would probably just be dating Megan Fox and starring in movies everywhere ;).)
The truth is that you are going to be wasting your energies if you focus on trying to get your boyfriends forgiveness. That is something that he controls and while you can influence it with your actions I would much rather you focus your energy on things that you have 100% control of (like YOUR forgiveness.)
Forgive whoever else you need to and then just move on from it. Focus on creating a new relationship with your ex. If you have baggage from your previous relationship you are not going to be able to do that.
Now, this brings us to an interesting point. Since you can’t control your ex (or I guess now your “new” boyfriend) what happens if HE brings baggage into your new relationship.
Believe it or not this is a pretty common effect. A few months ago I was talking to one of the women who actually got her ex boyfriend back and she was explaining to me that the relationship that she was experiencing was different.
I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like he is so distant now. It wasn’t like this when he was practically begging for me back but now he is just so distant. I am afraid he is going to break up with me again because he is having doubts.
Sadly this is a pretty common occurrence when you get back into a relationship with your ex. When I first started this site I didn’t even comprehend that stuff like this could happen. I was probably a lot like many of you.
Getting An Ex Back = Butterflies and Dandelions
Sadly, reality isn’t this way. Usually someone will carry resentment towards the other person for:
A. Breaking up with them.
B. Not wanting them during the first relationship.
It’s like this is the dark side of getting an ex boyfriend back that no one really like talks about. So, how do you deal with this phenomenon?
I think the smartest thing you can do is to be up front and honest about your feelings. As a man I prefer women who don’t play games while I am in a relationship with them. I like it when they are honest about their feelings and when there is nothing to hide. Just lay your cards on the table and tell him “this is exactly how I am feeling and where I see the future going.”
A New And BETTER Relationship
Above we talked about establishing a new relationship. In this section we are going to spend our time talking about how you can establish a better relationship.
Your first relationship failed. That is a fact and there is no denying it. Most women try to push this fact away. I say take the opposite approach. I say embrace it and learn from it. The blueprint for what NOT to do is already there. Your job is to not pick up where you left off.
What do I mean by that?
Think of it like this. If you were running a race and you lost you are going to want to prepare to make sure that you don’t lose again. Of course, doing the same thing you did before will likely yield the same failed racing result so you are probably going to train in a new way.
Relationship are a lot like this.
When you get into a new relationship with your ex boyfriend you cannot run the same type of a race again. Instead, you need to run a better race to give the both of you a chance to succeed. This preparation all goes into creating a “better” relationship on your second try.
I realize I cut this section kind of short but I promise there is a method to my madness. I would now like to talk a look at the type of behaviors that you cannot fall back into if you want to create that new and better relationship.
Behaviors You Need To Avoid
(Would you like to learn about how to get your ex boyfriend back? You can find out how by checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
I am a fan of making mistakes.
I know that sounds so weird to hear but its the truth. Now, I will admit I never try to make a mistake but when I do I always try to take a glass half full approach. Mistakes are a way to learn. It is because of the mistakes I have made in the past (and witnessing my friends make many of the same mistakes) that this site even exists.
It is because of your mistakes in trying to keep an ex boyfriend that you are here.
Mistakes give us the opportunity to better ourselves.
Below I have compiled a list of the most common mistakes that I see in relationships. My goal with this section isn’t to scare you but to educate you. Like I said above, I am basically giving you a blueprint for what NOT to do if you are able to get your ex boyfriend back. In other words, these are the common mistakes that people fall back into when they find themselves in a relationship with their ex again.
Fighting Or Arguing Too Much
This is the one that I am the most familiar with because it is the one that I have a lot of experience with.
How am I going to tackle this one?
Well, let me start off by saying that I think fighting and arguing is normal for any relationship. The real problem begins when the fighting and arguing steps over the line of “normal” and into the space of cruelty.
The first girlfriend I ever had was when I was a senior in High School. Believe me, the first three years I went to that school I was sure I was never going to get a girlfriend so I was more than thrilled that I got a girl to care enough to date me. Now, at 18 years old I was not what you would call the most mature human being in the world. I am going to admit right now that I did not treat that girlfriend anywhere near as well as I should have treated her. However, she didn’t treat me the way I should have been treated (immaturity at work.)
In fact, I remember I was so disappointed with how that relationship went that I made a pact with myself. For the rest of my life I will never yell at a woman (no matter how much she may deserve it). I believe nothing gets accomplished with yelling. Thankfully I have kept that pact but there are times where its really hard to not let out your feelings in an angry loud voice so I am not sure if I will be able to hold to it forever (hey, I am only human.)
The point of this is that the fighting and arguing that occurred with my very first girlfriend was very cruel. I am ashamed of the way I acted but at the same time I know why I acted that way. For one, I was very young and immature so I didn’t know how to properly handle the situation I was in.
Secondly, the girls parents were very strict. She was going to be in college soon but they still gave her a 9 PM bed time. They wouldn’t even let us talk on the phone during school nights. Now, I am a patient guy but I think I held a lot of resentment for the fact that I never felt I was actually “with” her. I mean, I dated her but it was like my every move was being watched by her parents. Oh, and not to mention all the other guys she was flirting with but again, that’s another story.
It was because of this and a lot of other little reasons that I took my frustrations out on her in the form of fighting and arguing. It’s like when the fighting starts you can’t stop. I remember hating how I felt during arguments with this girl but at the same time I couldn’t bring myself to stop. The most ironic part of it all is that after the argument would conclude we would always tell ourselves
“This is it, we will never have another argument again”
Three days later another huge argument would start and the process would repeat itself. Eventually I got so fed up of the endless process and what it was doing to me emotionally that I ended the relationship.
My dad, who has been married to my mom for close to 30 years told me something once that really stuck with me.
I want you to think of a relationship like a bank. Every time you have a good memory or experience you are going to put money in the bank. However, every time you have a fight or an argument you are going to take money out of it.
I remember he told that to me when I was 18. I had just come home after a really bad fight with that girlfriend and he had noticed that I was down. You see, my dad and I have an interesting relationship in that I never talk to him about girls so this was probably the first time that I had ever had a serious talk with him about a girl and he laid out some serious knowledge for me.
I really want you to read that quote and think about it.
If you have a lot more good experiences than fights and arguments then the chances are high that you are in a very good relationship. However, if your relationship is riddled with more fights than good experiences then that relationship can be ruined.
Oh, and that is 30 years of marriage talking there so read into it what you want.
Over emotional women are interesting.
I have thought a lot about what I want to talk about here so I am just going to hit you with it.
I think over emotional women are misunderstood. You see, even a year ago I would have told you that I can’t stand over emotional people but this site has changed my mind a little bit. You see, at their core over emotional people just want one thing, to be accepted for who they are.
They want to feel loved by their boyfriends. In their minds all of their crazy actions are justified by one simple thought:
“By doing this (crazy action) it will have to show him that I love him and in turn he will love me for it.”
I want you to know that if you are an over emotional person I understand you. I really do. I talk with you all day (through this site) and I finally understand you.
The problem is that other men won’t. They are going to see you as crazy, “psycho” or whatever other words are being thrown around out there now-a-days. Not many men have the advantage of understanding women like I do. I know before this site I didn’t have much insight into you at all.
Two years ago I encountered an over emotional girl on my birthday. It was before this site was even in existence. I remember thinking that she was actually not bad looking so I quickly got her number… BOY WAS THAT A MISTAKE!
She got way too emotional way too fast. I remember thinking that there must be something wrong with her because no normal person is this emotional this soon.
(Oh, that’s an interesting subject. Lets touch on that.)
Did you know that there are some girls a guy will meet that he will just think to himself “there is no way I will ever date her?” It all ties back into how emotional she will get. The more over emotional a girl gets the less likely a guy will want to date her.
Now, when you are focusing specifically on women being emotional in a relationship I see two main “over emotional types.”
The Two Over Emotional Types
This whole guide was created with one goal in mind, to teach you how you can keep an ex boyfriend. This means we are talking about a situation where you are already in a relationship with your ex. When you are in a relationship with somebody there are two types of emotional women that can turn a guy off.
The first type is what I like to call the too fast too soon type.
Too Fast Too Soon
These are the types of women that tend to go too fast too soon in a relationship. This means they want things to happen really fast (before they really should happen.)
Let me give you an extreme fake example to illustrate my point.
Matt and Jenny just started dating. Everything was going great through the initial “talking process” but Matt began noticing these tiny little red flags once he started dating Jenny. For example, within day 3 of their relationship Jenny had already told Matt that she was in love with him the problem was Matt wasn’t anywhere close to feeling the same type of feelings that Jenny was. Things began to get weirder when within first month Jenny had told Matt that she wanted to marry him. What she thought would be a sweet sentiment actually had the opposite effect. It creeped Matt out so much that he broke up with her.
The key thing to take away from this example is that a relationship is about 2 people and that means you need to run the race in tandem with them (not ahead of them.)
DUH DUH DUHMMM!
Gosh it sounds like a comic book villain doesn’t it?
The truth is that this is the type of girl that I am most familiar with (though I have had my fair share of too fast too soons as well.)
So, what is the overreacter?
Well, I would like to call upon our favorite new couple Mike and Jenny to act out another example for us.
Lets say that both Mike and Jenny like each other a lot. They are on the same wavelength on a lot of different things and both see themselves being together for a long time. However, throughout the course of the relationship Mike begins to notice these red flags with Jenny. For one, she overreacts a lot over very silly things like him going out to see his friends one night instead of spending it in with her. This little overreaction turns into an over emotional outburst which eventually leads to an argument.
Overreacters are often drama starters.
They overreact over something very tiny and have this overemotional outburst which in turn starts drama. Too many of these little overreactions can harm a relationship.
Personally, I think this is the biggest mistake that gets made over and over again in a new relationship.
One of the hardest things to do when it comes to relationships is being able to have the ability to say “I trust you” to someone.
I want you to think about that for a moment. Being able to trust a man you are dating essentially means that you are comfortable with him being in a room full of beautiful beautiful women. You are comfortable with it because you know that since he is dating you he will have the self control to not pick up any of those girls’ numbers.
Now, I don’t know about you but most women I know are NOT comfortable with the mock situation I just presented you with. So, I would like to do something that I have never done before. I want to go into the mind of a man when he is around other beautiful women.
Your Ex Boyfriend Around Other Beautiful Women
So, you want to learn about men huh?
Well, be careful what you wish for because what I am about to reveal is not going to be easy to hear BUT the important thing to remember is that there is a bright side to it all (as you will see.)
The first thing I would like to touch on is the fact that men are going to look at other women no matter what. It is inevitable. Look, I am one of the most loyal people in the world and I am not just saying that to say it. When I date a girl I get laser focus on one thing, that girl.
While I am an extremely loyal type of person I will admit that I might look at another woman here and there. Oh, and its not just me that will do this. The entire race of men will.
I hung out with my best friend a few days ago. My friend has been dating his girlfriend for about 5 years and let me tell you that they absolutely adore each other. They are seriously a perfect match. Despite all of this my friend still looked at other women and even fantasized about them.
Here is the important thing to remember though, most of the time this fantasizing is harmless. It’s just a thing guys do to feel good about themselves. You see, deep down it is a mans desire to be loved by all women. Oh, and this includes men who are in happy and stable relationships as well.
The fantasizing is a way of living out that desire. The main point I want you to take away from this is the fact that even though your ex boyfriend may be fantasizing about other women YOU are the one that he wants to be with at the end of the day. So, let him fantasize and don’t take it personally. Just realize that it is a part of being a guy… it’s a guy thing.
Of course, there will always be those guys who can’t be trusted.
If He Cheated On You
Firstly, I want to apologize for his behavior.
I am not exactly an expert at this particular subject because I have never cheated on anyone. So, I can’t really dive into personal experience. However, I can dive into a few of my friends experiences.
Most men are going to cheat because they are horny. I have said that multiple times but I also think there is more to it than that. While I agree that some men cannot control themselves I also think a man can cheat if:
- He isn’t getting his sexual needs met.
- He doesn’t feel admired anymore.
- You were a flat out ***** to him (fill in the blank 😉 .)
I think if your ex boyfriend cheated on you then you are going to have a hard time trusting him. I mean, I know if someone cheated on me I would have a very hard time trusting them again. So, I think you need to ask yourself:
“Was this a one time thing?”
Look, we are all humans here and one thing I have learned about humans is that we all make mistakes. It is plausible that your ex boyfriend made a mistake and it was a one time thing and that was it.
However, if this wasn’t a one time thing then we have a much deeper problem.
No matter what there will be some guys that don’t treat women the way they should be treated. These are the types of guys that will cheat on their girlfriends and have no problem with it. In other words, they are compulsive cheaters. How do you spot a compulsive cheater?
If he cheated on you three times with three different women I want you to take a good hard look at your relationship. I am going to tell you straight up that this guy is bad news. Its not very likely that he is going to change his ways no matter what he says. I hear from women all the time who say that their ex boyfriend has changed, that he is more committed now, only to hear back from them a month down the road with the:
“He cheated on me again..”
The truth is that some guys just aren’t made for relationships. These are the compulsive cheaters. So, lets all do ourselves a favor and NOT date them. That’s pretty much all I am going to say about that.
If You Cheated On Him
You didn’t think you were home free yet did you?
No, now we have to talk about how YOUR past actions could have affected your ex (or I guess your new boyfriend.)
Men are going to have a hard time trusting you if you cheated on them. That is just common sense. The best thing you can do before anything is to sit your now new boyfriend down and repeat the following phrase to him WORD for WORD:
“I know I made a mistake in the past. But things are going to change. I promise you that from this point on YOU are the only man for me. I won’t even bother looking at another man because I am going to be so dedicated to you.”
You may think that this is a little demeaning to say but I assure you there is a method to my madness.
Sometimes an ex boyfriend who has been cheated on will have a lot of doubts so you need to clear his mind of those doubts. When it comes to trust, men just want what you want, someone they can count on. Now, your actions, since you cheated on him, showed him that his trust in you may not be the best investment but if you sit him down and give him the “your the only one for me” speech then he is going to warm up to trusting you.
Gaining back his trust isn’t going to happen overnight. It won’t happen in a week either. It is probably going to be a long drawn out process that is going to require one thing from you, patience.
The Perfect Girlfriend
(Learn more about how to get your ex boyfriend back by checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
Wow, 5000 words and we are just now getting to the perfect girlfriend part of this. To be honest, I didn’t think it would be this much work to get to this section but here we are. On THE section!
This is it!
This is really the section that you need fto pay attention to. This is where I talk about the “keep” in the how to keep your ex boyfriend.
I thought a lot about how I wanted to structure this very long section. I thought maybe I could list qualities one by one that you need to display but where is the fun in that? Then it came to me:
What if I literally wrote an entire section in the guide on how to become the perfect girlfriend? A girlfriend that is so perfect that a guy will never want to leave her.
Well, here it is. This is the perfect girlfriend from a mans point of view. I hope you enjoy it (or don’t yell at me if I say something you don’t like haha.)
How A Perfect Girlfriend Keeps A Man Intrigued
Understanding how to keep a man intrigued isn’t really that hard.
Actually keeping a man intrigued is.
So, what does the above statement tell you?
Well, it basically means that after you read this section you are going to understand exactly what you need to do to keep your boyfriend intrigued. However, while you may understand what you need to do actually doing it is not going to be as easy as you think.
Keeping a man intrigued is all about creating good memories.
Oh, and I am not talking about good memories like that one time that you both went to the movie. I am talking about emotional memories that you know for a fact give him butterflies. The point of creating these emotional memories in him is that they evoke an emotional response.
In the last guide I did here I talked a lot about the importance of leaving your ex boyfriend with “good feelings.” You see, humans are attracted to things that make them feel good. On the flip side, we oppose things that make us feel bad.
So, how do you keep him intrigued?
Simple, consistently create these “good feeling” memories that evoke a positive emotional response from him. The keyword there is consistently. You see, any pretty girl can give a guy butterflies but it takes a really special one to be able to consistently do it.
Imagine if every time your boyfriend thought of you he thought of that ONE time where you gave him butterflies.
Now I want you to imagine if every time your boyfriend thought of you he thought of the HUNDREDS of times where you gave him butterflies.
See the difference?
Look & Smell
In this section I would like to tackle an area that may be considered a little controversial, how men think a perfect girlfriend needs to look.
Women have a tendency to look amazing when they are single but they kind of don’t when they are dating a guy. Look, I understand why you ladies do it. When you are single you are constantly working to attract a guy. Your main goal is to get a boyfriend. However, when you finally do get that boyfriend slowly but surely you stop dressing up, you stop looking nice because you don’t see the need to anymore.
One of the biggest complaints that my male friends and I have when we are in relationships is the fact that women no longer dress up for us.
Look, I am not saying that you have to dress up every single time you see your new boyfriend. In fact, I wouldn’t recommend it.
I want you to think of it like this.
If you dressed up super nice for your boyfriend every single day then there is no intrigue anymore. Most likely, he will think something like “I have seen her dress up like this a million times. What’s the big deal?”
Adding in some variation is important to keep things fresh. If you were to dress up nice only every once in a while (but enough to keep your boyfriend thinking that you still dress up for him a lot) you have found a sweet spot that will cause him to just fall for you even more.
A Word On Smell
Yes, smell matters to men.
We may say it doesn’t but it totally does.
I grew up in a house full of men. I have a dad, a brother and of course there’s me.
The only woman in the house was my mom and I seriously don’t know how she put up with us all. I am well aware of the smell of “men” and I have to say given a choice I will pick the scent of a woman 100% of the time.
Here is the deal though, I am a guy, I know NOTHING about perfumes or whatever it is that makes you ladies smell so good. So, I can’t exactly give you any advice on smelling good because I wouldn’t know where to start. I think I just wrote this small section to make you aware that it’s ok for you to smell good around us men.. we like it!
The Friends Factor
I think everyone who has learned a thing or two about living in this crazy world tries to surround themselves with a small inner circle of friends.
It is through this group of friends that a man can vent his frustrations on problems, get advice, tell stories and do what all guys do (of which I can’t reveal anymore due to the bro code ;).) Any time a member of this inner circle of men gets a new girlfriend everyone is going to have an opinion. Some men may like the new girl while others may hate her.
I don’t know how else to put this other than YOUR LIFE WILL BE SO MUCH EASIER IF THE INNER CIRCLE LOVES YOU!
Have you ever seen that movie Hitch?
You know, the one with Will Smith and Kevin James?
Well, in the movie there is a scene where Will Smith is teaching Kevin James what he needs to do to successfully date a woman. I don’t remember the line he says exactly but the gist of it was this:
“The first date you take her on is not about her… it’s about her best friend. If her best friend loves you then you are IN!”
This rule absolutely applies to the inner circle that men surround themselves with. Think of it this way. If the inner circle hates you they will without a doubt sabotage you.
Personally, my inner circle comprises of a few men and a few women. They are my best friends and I take their advice seriously because I know they care about my well being. Likely your ex boyfriend (or new boyfriend) has the same feeling about his inner circle. Whenever they tell him something he is going to perk up and listen and sometimes even make decisions based on their recommendations.
So, I want to ask you…
Have you done anything to make the inner circle like you? If not, you better get on that.
The Importance Of A Personal Life
If you were to ask the average male what he wants in a girlfriend I am pretty sure he would mutter one simple phrase:
“I want a woman who is fully committed to me.”
It’s an interesting phrase to me because there are times where I think to myself:
“Man, I really wish a girl would care enough about me to just drop everything and go on a spontaneous road trip. Just her and me! It would be so great.”
So, is this what all men want?
To have you be the center of his world?
No… I am afraid it isn’t. It’s a total lie. Men only think they want that. I would now like to present you with a scenario to prove my point:
What if you did everything you could to be fully dedicated to him. You were there for him when he wakes up in the morning, you cooked for him, followed him around to parties, had sex with him whenever he wanted. You went above and beyond for him. Do you think he would like it?
I mean, most guys say that is what they want, right?
One thing I have learned through interacting with tens of thousands of women on this site is that being at a mans beck and call can be a dangerous proposition. Having him as the center of YOUR world is not a good idea because a couple of things are going to happen.
Firstly, he is going to get bored with you. He may be happy at first but in my experience somewhere down the road (and it may take years) he is going to wake up one day and realize “this is boring.. she is doing everything I say.”
But I think the biggest issue with having a man be the center of your world is that if he does leave you the effect it can have on your life is devastating. I have had to talk too many women down from the edge in my life because of men trouble and quite frankly I am tired of it.
Have a personal life.
Every once in a while tell your boyfriend that you can’t hang out with him because you have to catch up with the girls. Remember that “inner circle” I talked about for men above? Well, go out with yours. Sometimes a bit of distance away from a boyfriend can be a good thing.
It’s such a simple word isn’t it?
Who knew that such a simple word could have such a huge impact on almost every relationship you have in your life.
I am going to get bold for a moment and say that over half of the relationships that I deal with (through this website) could have been saved if one person was a better communicator. It’s funny though, before this crazy ride started I was under the impression that women were incredible communicators.
I was wrong….
Look, communication is a two way street.
That means that for you to have a long lasting relationship with your boyfriend BOTH of you have to learn to communicate. Unfortunately, this dynamic isn’t always easy to achieve. When I look at relationships I am all about stacking the odds in your favor to succeed. In order to do this you have to take a step back and think to yourself, “what are the factors that I can control?”
Well, you can’t control your boyfriend. His decisions are his own just like yours are your own.
So, when it comes to communication I think you need to focus your efforts on being the best communicator you possibly can. What I have found is that if one person is a good communicator it opens the other person up a lot more and allows them to communicate better. So, maybe your boyfriend was a bad communicator in your previous relationship but you have to stop and ask yourself “were you a good communicator.”
Sometimes men are frightened to communicate their feelings. However, if YOU open up first it is more than likely that he will follow suit.
So, how can you become a good communicator?
Honesty Is The Best Policy
What I am about to talk about may not technically apply to your situation but the overall idea does. So, I want you to pay attention.
I am a nerd…
I play video games, watch cartoons and sometimes even go on the marathon movie watching sprees for Star Wars and Harry Potter. In high school I remember I was too afraid to even talk to a girl. I think I spent maybe 70% of my high school career as the quiet kid in the corner not saying a word.
Times have changed.
Now women constantly look to me for advice and on more than one occasion I have had women actively pursue me romantically. Despite all of this I still feel like that nerd deep down inside and I am ok with it. I am proud of who I am and everything I have been able to accomplish this far in my life.
I am a loyal person. Seriously, when I date a girl I get tunnel vision for that girl only. Sure, I may find other women attractive but deep down I am a loyal man to my woman.
Would you like to know something else about me?
I really want to date someone and go on a spontaneous road trip with them. I have never done it before.
This is me in a nutshell.
Do you see what I did there?
I was very honest about myself. Sure, not all of the honest things I said I wanted to talk about (namely the nerd stuff..) but you know what. In the end people appreciate honesty.
If you want to be a good communicator you need to be honest. Any time I meet a new person that I am interested in romantically I am incredibly honest. Admittedly I have an advantage because I know women a bit more than the average man but still, most women are used to men lying to them or just saying things to get them in bed.
My philosphy is to be honest with them, and this is the important part, ACTUALLY MEAN IT!
For example, above when I said that I am loyal to the women I date I really mean it. I have never cheated on anyone and I never will (it’s more of a certainty that the sun rising and setting every day.)
From now on, any time you talk to your boyfriend just be honest with him. Don’t hide things, just give him the hardcore truth and I promise you that he will respect you for it.