By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 27th, 2021

No matter how hard you look you are going to be hard pressed to find an article covering the topic of how you can keep an ex boyfriend once you get him back. Many people make the mistake of thinking that keeping an ex boyfriend is the same thing as keeping a boyfriend that you are dating for the first time, it’s not.

There are a few distinct differences that we are going to be covering in this guide.

Oh, it might be a good idea for me to introduce what we are going to be covering on this page.

This very long and in-depth page is going to teach you exactly what you need to do to keep your ex boyfriend once you get him back. What makes this site different from the thousands of others out there is the fact that I don’t pull any punches. I am a man talking about other mens (namely your ex boyfriends) most guarded secrets.

Before I really dive into the good stuff I do need to make you aware of a few things.

Keeping A Boyfriend vs. Keeping An Ex Boyfriend


When you meet someone for the first time there are probably a certain set of rules that you apply to paint yourself in the best light possible so that person will want to date you. When you are trying to get an ex boyfriend back there are a different set of rules that you have to follow in order to get that person back.

So, when it comes to keeping a boyfriend vs keeping an ex boyfriend the same type of logic applies.

I would now like to take a few moments to highlight the main differences between each.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Keeping A Boyfriend

Ah love!

Love is definitely in the air.

One of the advantages to dating someone the first time around is that your record is completely clean. Think about it, everything is new and exciting. Your boyfriend doesn’t know what the future holds and you don’t know what the future holds. There is an excitement about that fact.

I have this theory. I have talked about it a lot throughout this site but I think it really applies here. I like to call it the newness principle.

The Newness Principle- People are always addicted to new things. New TV shows, new episodes, new video games, new relationships, the newness of a relationship, etc.

As humans I think we are all addicted to new things. Of course, I think this “newness principle” can apply especially when it comes to keeping a boyfriend that you are dating for the first time. You see, there is a certain newness that comes with a new relationship. People often refer to this as the honeymoon period but I think it goes deeper than that.

I think the fact that everything is so new and unknown can become pretty exciting in a relationship. It’s like you go through this period of obsessiveness where every little thing your significant other does just fascinates you.

Of course, there will always be a certain segment of men who jump from relationship to relationship just to feel that newness but eventually the newness will wear off and therein lies the ultimate problem.

You see, it is really easy to keep a relationship going when everything is new and exciting. However, the true test of a relationship begins when the newness wears off. That’s when things like fights, disagreements, arguments, cheating and jealousy all start to creep in. Once those things creep in you and your boyfriend are going to be tested.

Keeping An Ex Boyfriend

Why do you think I talked about the newness principle in the section above?

It’s actually really simple.

The newness principle is the biggest advantage that women who want to keep their boyfriend (that they are dating for the first time) have over women who want to keep their ex boyfriend. You see, with ex boyfriends your biggest disadvantage is that in a way your story with your boyfriend has already been written. You know what being in a relationship is like with your boyfriend and he knows what being in one is like with you. That newness factor is gone.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

So, this begs an interesting question, what is the allure of getting back in a relationship with your ex boyfriend?

In my opinion it all has to do with the emotional connection that you felt with your ex during your first relationship. Think of it like this. Every time a guy dates a girl she sets a certain standard for him. The first girl that, that guy dates is going to set the “relationship bar” only so high. However high that bar was set is going to determine that guys next pick of the girl he dates.

Well, what if you set the “relationship bar” so high that no other girl could match it. Likely your ex boyfriend would want to come back to you because he knows he can’t do better. The challenge that you are facing when you get back with an ex boyfriend is to NOT fall back into old habits.

Your New Relationship Version 2.0

(If you would like to learn more about how you can get your ex boyfriend visit this page.)

relationships logic

The number one mistake I see couples making when they get into a relationship with their ex is picking up right where they left off.

In other words, if the reason a couple broke up in the first place was because of arguments the same exact arguments will occur all over again the second time around. This is the wrong way to approach things. I always tell people that what you are trying to create here is a new and better relationship.

Lets really spend a moment and break that down.

A NEW And Better Relationship

new episode

How can you create a new relationship when you and your ex boyfriend have so much negative history already? The keyword here is forgiveness and in case you are wondering I am not talking about forgiveness from his side I am talking about it from YOUR side!

Look, here is the cold hard truth. You cannot control your boyfriend. You will never be able to. Some women refuse to grasp this concept. Believe me, if there was a way to mind control someone I would not be talking to you (I would probably just be dating Megan Fox and starring in movies everywhere ;).)

The truth is that you are going to be wasting your energies if you focus on trying to get your boyfriends forgiveness. That is something that he controls and while you can influence it with your actions I would much rather you focus your energy on things that you have 100% control of (like YOUR forgiveness.)

Forgive him!

Forgive yourself!

Forgive whoever else you need to and then just move on from it. Focus on creating a new relationship with your ex. If you have baggage from your previous relationship you are not going to be able to do that.

Now, this brings us to an interesting point. Since you can’t control your ex (or I guess now your “new” boyfriend) what happens if HE brings baggage into your new relationship.

Believe it or not this is a pretty common effect. A few months ago I was talking to one of the women who actually got her ex boyfriend back and she was explaining to me that the relationship that she was experiencing was different.

I don’t know how to explain it. It’s like he is so distant now. It wasn’t like this when he was practically begging for me back but now he is just so distant. I am afraid he is going to break up with me again because he is having doubts.

Sadly this is a pretty common occurrence when you get back into a relationship with your ex. When I first started this site I didn’t even comprehend that stuff like this could happen. I was probably a lot like many of you.

Getting An Ex Back = Butterflies and Dandelions

Sadly, reality isn’t this way. Usually someone will carry resentment towards the other person for:

A. Breaking up with them.


What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

B. Not wanting them during the first relationship.

It’s like this is the dark side of getting an ex boyfriend back that no one really like talks about. So, how do you deal with this phenomenon?

I think the smartest thing you can do is to be up front and honest about your feelings. As a man I prefer women who don’t play games while I am in a relationship with them. I like it when they are honest about their feelings and when there is nothing to hide. Just lay your cards on the table and tell him “this is exactly how I am feeling and where I see the future going.”

A New And BETTER Relationship


Above we talked about establishing a new relationship. In this section we are going to spend our time talking about how you can establish a better relationship.

You failed!

Your first relationship failed. That is a fact and there is no denying it. Most women try to push this fact away. I say take the opposite approach. I say embrace it and learn from it. The blueprint for what NOT to do is already there. Your job is to not pick up where you left off.

What do I mean by that?

Think of it like this. If you were running a race and you lost you are going to want to prepare to make sure that you don’t lose again. Of course, doing the same thing you did before will likely yield the same failed racing result so you are probably going to train in a new way.

Relationship are a lot like this.

When you get into a new relationship with your ex boyfriend you cannot run the same type of a race again. Instead, you need to run a better race to give the both of you a chance to succeed. This preparation all goes into creating a “better” relationship on your second try.

I realize I cut this section kind of short but I promise there is a method to my madness. I would now like to talk a look at the type of behaviors that you cannot fall back into if you want to create that new and better relationship.

Behaviors You Need To Avoid

(Would you like to learn about how to get your ex boyfriend back? You can find out how by checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

don't make eye contact

I am a fan of making mistakes.

I know that sounds so weird to hear but its the truth. Now, I will admit I never try to make a mistake but when I do I always try to take a glass half full approach. Mistakes are a way to learn. It is because of the mistakes I have made in the past (and witnessing my friends make many of the same mistakes) that this site even exists.

It is because of your mistakes in trying to keep an ex boyfriend that you are here.

Mistakes give us the opportunity to better ourselves.

Below I have compiled a list of the most common mistakes that I see in relationships. My goal with this section isn’t to scare you but to educate you. Like I said above, I am basically giving you a blueprint for what NOT to do if you are able to get your ex boyfriend back. In other words, these are the common mistakes that people fall back into when they find themselves in a relationship with their ex again.

Fighting Or Arguing Too Much

come on dude

This is the one that I am the most familiar with because it is the one that I have a lot of experience with.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

How am I going to tackle this one?


Well, let me start off by saying that I think fighting and arguing is normal for any relationship. The real problem begins when the fighting and arguing steps over the line of “normal” and into the space of cruelty.

The first girlfriend I ever had was when I was a senior in High School. Believe me, the first three years I went to that school I was sure I was never going to get a girlfriend so I was more than thrilled that I got a girl to care enough to date me. Now, at 18 years old I was not what you would call the most mature human being in the world. I am going to admit right now that I did not treat that girlfriend anywhere near as well as I should have treated her. However, she didn’t treat me the way I should have been treated (immaturity at work.)

In fact, I remember I was so disappointed with how that relationship went that I made a pact with myself. For the rest of my life I will never yell at a woman (no matter how much she may deserve it). I believe nothing gets accomplished with yelling. Thankfully I have kept that pact but there are times where its really hard to not let out your feelings in an angry loud voice so I am not sure if I will be able to hold to it forever (hey, I am only human.)

The point of this is that the fighting and arguing that occurred with my very first girlfriend was very cruel. I am ashamed of the way I acted but at the same time I know why I acted that way. For one, I was very young and immature so I didn’t know how to properly handle the situation I was in.

Secondly, the girls parents were very strict. She was going to be in college soon but they still gave her a 9 PM bed time. They wouldn’t even let us talk on the phone during school nights. Now, I am a patient guy but I think I held a lot of resentment for the fact that I never felt I was actually “with” her. I mean, I dated her but it was like my every move was being watched by her parents. Oh, and not to mention all the other guys she was flirting with but again, that’s another story.

It was because of this and a lot of other little reasons that I took my frustrations out on her in the form of fighting and arguing. It’s like when the fighting starts you can’t stop. I remember hating how I felt during arguments with this girl but at the same time I couldn’t bring myself to stop. The most ironic part of it all is that after the argument would conclude we would always tell ourselves

“This is it, we will never have another argument again”

Three days later another huge argument would start and the process would repeat itself. Eventually I got so fed up of the endless process and what it was doing to me emotionally that I ended the relationship.

Bank Theory

My dad, who has been married to my mom for close to 30 years told me something once that really stuck with me.

I want you to think of a relationship like a bank. Every time you have a good memory or experience you are going to put money in the bank. However, every time you have a fight or an argument you are going to take money out of it.

I remember he told that to me when I was 18. I had just come home after a really bad fight with that girlfriend and he had noticed that I was down. You see, my dad and I have an interesting relationship in that I never talk to him about girls so this was probably the first time that I had ever had a serious talk with him about a girl and he laid out some serious knowledge for me.

I really want you to read that quote and think about it.

If you have a lot more good experiences than fights and arguments then the chances are high that you are in a very good relationship. However, if your relationship is riddled with more fights than good experiences then that relationship can be ruined.

Oh, and that is 30 years of marriage talking there so read into it what you want.

Over Emotional

funny lebron

Over emotional women are interesting.

I have thought a lot about what I want to talk about here so I am just going to hit you with it.

I think over emotional women are misunderstood. You see, even a year ago I would have told you that I can’t stand over emotional people but this site has changed my mind a little bit. You see, at their core over emotional people just want one thing, to be accepted for who they are.

They want to feel loved by their boyfriends. In their minds all of their crazy actions are justified by one simple thought:

“By doing this (crazy action) it will have to show him that I love him and in turn he will love me for it.”

I want you to know that if you are an over emotional person I understand you. I really do. I talk with you all day (through this site) and I finally understand you.

The problem is that other men won’t. They are going to see you as crazy, “psycho” or whatever other words are being thrown around out there now-a-days. Not many men have the advantage of understanding women like I do. I know before this site I didn’t have much insight into you at all.

Two years ago I encountered an over emotional girl on my birthday. It was before this site was even in existence. I remember thinking that she was actually not bad looking so I quickly got her number… BOY WAS THAT A MISTAKE!

She got way too emotional way too fast. I remember thinking that there must be something wrong with her because no normal person is this emotional this soon.

(Oh, that’s an interesting subject. Lets touch on that.)

Did you know that there are some girls a guy will meet that he will just think to himself “there is no way I will ever date her?” It all ties back into how emotional she will get. The more over emotional a girl gets the less likely a guy will want to date her.

Now, when you are focusing specifically on women being emotional in a relationship I see two main “over emotional types.”

The Two Over Emotional Types

This whole guide was created with one goal in mind, to teach you how you can keep an ex boyfriend. This means we are talking about a situation where you are already in a relationship with your ex. When you are in a relationship with somebody there are two types of emotional women that can turn a guy off.

The first type is what I like to call the too fast too soon type.

Too Fast Too Soon

These are the types of women that tend to go too fast too soon in a relationship. This means they want things to happen really fast (before they really should happen.)

Let me give you an extreme fake example to illustrate my point.

Matt and Jenny just started dating. Everything was going great through the initial “talking process” but Matt began noticing these tiny little red flags once he started dating Jenny. For example, within day 3 of their relationship Jenny had already told Matt that she was in love with him the problem was Matt wasn’t anywhere close to feeling the same type of feelings that Jenny was. Things began to get weirder when within first month Jenny had told Matt that she wanted to marry him. What she thought would be a sweet sentiment actually had the opposite effect. It creeped Matt out so much that he broke up with her.

The key thing to take away from this example is that a relationship is about 2 people and that means you need to run the race in tandem with them (not ahead of them.)

The Overreacter

The overreacter!


Gosh it sounds like a comic book villain doesn’t it?

The truth is that this is the type of girl that I am most familiar with (though I have had my fair share of too fast too soons as well.)

So, what is the overreacter?

Well, I would like to call upon our favorite new couple Mike and Jenny to act out another example for us.

Lets say that both Mike and Jenny like each other a lot. They are on the same wavelength on a lot of different things and both see themselves being together for a long time. However, throughout the course of the relationship Mike begins to notice these red flags with Jenny. For one, she overreacts a lot over very silly things like him going out to see his friends one night instead of spending it in with her. This little overreaction turns into an over emotional outburst which eventually leads to an argument.

Overreacters are often drama starters.

They overreact over something very tiny and have this overemotional outburst which in turn starts drama. Too many of these little overreactions can harm a relationship.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

Trust Issues

funny trust

Personally, I think this is the biggest mistake that gets made over and over again in a new relationship.

One of the hardest things to do when it comes to relationships is being able to have the ability to say “I trust you” to someone.

I want you to think about that for a moment. Being able to trust a man you are dating essentially means that you are comfortable with him being in a room full of beautiful beautiful women. You are comfortable with it because you know that since he is dating you he will have the self control to not pick up any of those girls’ numbers.

Now, I don’t know about you but most women I know are NOT comfortable with the mock situation I just presented you with. So, I would like to do something that I have never done before. I want to go into the mind of a man when he is around other beautiful women.

Your Ex Boyfriend Around Other Beautiful Women

So, you want to learn about men huh?

Well, be careful what you wish for because what I am about to reveal is not going to be easy to hear BUT the important thing to remember is that there is a bright side to it all (as you will see.)

The first thing I would like to touch on is the fact that men are going to look at other women no matter what. It is inevitable. Look, I am one of the most loyal people in the world and I am not just saying that to say it. When I date a girl I get laser focus on one thing, that girl.


While I am an extremely loyal type of person I will admit that I might look at another woman here and there. Oh, and its not just me that will do this. The entire race of men will.

I hung out with my best friend a few days ago. My friend has been dating his girlfriend for about 5 years and let me tell you that they absolutely adore each other. They are seriously a perfect match. Despite all of this my friend still looked at other women and even fantasized about them.

Here is the important thing to remember though, most of the time this fantasizing is harmless. It’s just a thing guys do to feel good about themselves. You see, deep down it is a mans desire to be loved by all women. Oh, and this includes men who are in happy and stable relationships as well.

The fantasizing is a way of living out that desire. The main point I want you to take away from this is the fact that even though your ex boyfriend may be fantasizing about other women YOU are the one that he wants to be with at the end of the day. So, let him fantasize and don’t take it personally. Just realize that it is a part of being a guy… it’s a guy thing.

Of course, there will always be those guys who can’t be trusted.

If He Cheated On You

Firstly, I want to apologize for his behavior.

I am not exactly an expert at this particular subject because I have never cheated on anyone. So, I can’t really dive into personal experience. However, I can dive into a few of my friends experiences.

Most men are going to cheat because they are horny. I have said that multiple times but I also think there is more to it than that. While I agree that some men cannot control themselves I also think a man can cheat if:

  • He isn’t getting his sexual needs met.
  • He doesn’t feel admired anymore.
  • You were a flat out ***** to him (fill in the blank 😉 .)

I think if your ex boyfriend cheated on you then you are going to have a hard time trusting him. I mean, I know if someone cheated on me I would have a very hard time trusting them again. So, I think you need to ask yourself:

“Was this a one time thing?”

Look, we are all humans here and one thing I have learned about humans is that we all make mistakes. It is plausible that your ex boyfriend made a mistake and it was a one time thing and that was it.

However, if this wasn’t a one time thing then we have a much deeper problem.

No matter what there will be some guys that don’t treat women the way they should be treated. These are the types of guys that will cheat on their girlfriends and have no problem with it. In other words, they are compulsive cheaters. How do you spot a compulsive cheater?

If he cheated on you three times with three different women I want you to take a good hard look at your relationship. I am going to tell you straight up that this guy is bad news. Its not very likely that he is going to change his ways no matter what he says. I hear from women all the time who say that their ex boyfriend has changed, that he is more committed now, only to hear back from them a month down the road with the:

“He cheated on me again..”

The truth is that some guys just aren’t made for relationships. These are the compulsive cheaters. So, lets all do ourselves a favor and NOT date them. That’s pretty much all I am going to say about that.

If You Cheated On Him

You didn’t think you were home free yet did you?

No, now we have to talk about how YOUR past actions could have affected your ex (or I guess your new boyfriend.)

Men are going to have a hard time trusting you if you cheated on them. That is just common sense. The best thing you can do before anything is to sit your now new boyfriend down and repeat the following phrase to him WORD for WORD:

“I know I made a mistake in the past. But things are going to change. I promise you that from this point on YOU are the only man for me. I won’t even bother looking at another man because I am going to be so dedicated to you.”

You may think that this is a little demeaning to say but I assure you there is a method to my madness.

Sometimes an ex boyfriend who has been cheated on will have a lot of doubts so you need to clear his mind of those doubts. When it comes to trust, men just want what you want, someone they can count on. Now, your actions, since you cheated on him, showed him that his trust in you may not be the best investment but if you sit him down and give him the “your the only one for me” speech then he is going to warm up to trusting you.

Gaining back his trust isn’t going to happen overnight. It won’t happen in a week either. It is probably going to be a long drawn out process that is going to require one thing from you, patience.

The Perfect Girlfriend

(Learn more about how to get your ex boyfriend back by checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

perfect girlfriend

Wow, 5000 words and we are just now getting to the perfect girlfriend part of this. To be honest, I didn’t think it would be this much work to get to this section but here we are. On THE section!

This is it!

This is really the section that you need fto pay attention to. This is where I talk about the “keep” in the how to keep your ex boyfriend.

I thought a lot about how I wanted to structure this very long section. I thought maybe I could list qualities one by one that you need to display but where is the fun in that? Then it came to me:

What if I literally wrote an entire section in the guide on how to become the perfect girlfriend? A girlfriend that is so perfect that a guy will never want to leave her.

Well, here it is. This is the perfect girlfriend from a mans point of view. I hope you enjoy it (or don’t yell at me if I say something you don’t like haha.)

How A Perfect Girlfriend Keeps A Man Intrigued

awesome gf

Understanding how to keep a man intrigued isn’t really that hard.

Actually keeping a man intrigued is.

So, what does the above statement tell you?

Well, it basically means that after you read this section you are going to understand exactly what you need to do to keep your boyfriend intrigued. However, while you may understand what you need to do actually doing it is not going to be as easy as you think.

Keeping a man intrigued is all about creating good memories.

Oh, and I am not talking about good memories like that one time that you both went to the movie. I am talking about emotional memories that you know for a fact give him butterflies. The point of creating these emotional memories in him is that they evoke an emotional response.

In the last guide I did here I talked a lot about the importance of leaving your ex boyfriend with “good feelings.” You see, humans are attracted to things that make them feel good. On the flip side, we oppose things that make us feel bad.

So, how do you keep him intrigued?

Simple, consistently create these “good feeling” memories that evoke a positive emotional response from him. The keyword there is consistently. You see, any pretty girl can give a guy butterflies but it takes a really special one to be able to consistently do it.

Imagine if every time your boyfriend thought of you he thought of that ONE time where you gave him butterflies.

Now I want you to imagine if every time your boyfriend thought of you he thought of the HUNDREDS of times where you gave him butterflies.

See the difference?

Look & Smell


In this section I would like to tackle an area that may be considered a little controversial, how men think a perfect girlfriend needs to look.

Women have a tendency to look amazing when they are single but they kind of don’t when they are dating a guy. Look, I understand why you ladies do it. When you are single you are constantly working to attract a guy. Your main goal is to get a boyfriend. However, when you finally do get that boyfriend slowly but surely you stop dressing up, you stop looking nice because you don’t see the need to anymore.

One of the biggest complaints that my male friends and I have when we are in relationships is the fact that women no longer dress up for us.

Look, I am not saying that you have to dress up every single time you see your new boyfriend. In fact, I wouldn’t recommend it.

I want you to think of it like this.

If you dressed up super nice for your boyfriend every single day then there is no intrigue anymore. Most likely, he will think something like “I have seen her dress up like this a million times. What’s the big deal?”

Adding in some variation is important to keep things fresh. If you were to dress up nice only every once in a while (but enough to keep your boyfriend thinking that you still dress up for him a lot) you have found a sweet spot that will cause him to just fall for you even more.

A Word On Smell

Yes, smell matters to men.

We may say it doesn’t but it totally does.

I grew up in a house full of men. I have a dad, a brother and of course there’s me.

The only woman in the house was my mom and I seriously don’t know how she put up with us all. I am well aware of the smell of “men” and I have to say given a choice I will pick the scent of a woman 100% of the time.

Here is the deal though, I am a guy, I know NOTHING about perfumes or whatever it is that makes you ladies smell so good. So, I can’t exactly give you any advice on smelling good because I wouldn’t know where to start. I think I just wrote this small section to make you aware that it’s ok for you to smell good around us men.. we like it!

The Friends Factor


I think everyone who has learned a thing or two about living in this crazy world tries to surround themselves with a small inner circle of friends.

Men especially.

It is through this group of friends that a man can vent his frustrations on problems, get advice, tell stories and do what all guys do (of which I can’t reveal anymore due to the bro code ;).) Any time a member of this inner circle of men gets a new girlfriend everyone is going to have an opinion. Some men may like the new girl while others may hate her.

I don’t know how else to put this other than YOUR LIFE WILL BE SO MUCH EASIER IF THE INNER CIRCLE LOVES YOU!

Have you ever seen that movie Hitch?

You know, the one with Will Smith and Kevin James?

Well, in the movie there is a scene where Will Smith is teaching Kevin James what he needs to do to successfully date a woman. I don’t remember the line he says exactly but the gist of it was this:

“The first date you take her on is not about her… it’s about her best friend. If her best friend loves you then you are IN!”

This rule absolutely applies to the inner circle that men surround themselves with. Think of it this way. If the inner circle hates you they will without a doubt sabotage you.

Personally, my inner circle comprises of a few men and a few women. They are my best friends and I take their advice seriously because I know they care about my well being. Likely your ex boyfriend (or new boyfriend) has the same feeling about his inner circle. Whenever they tell him something he is going to perk up and listen and sometimes even make decisions based on their recommendations.

So, I want to ask you…

Have you done anything to make the inner circle like you? If not, you better get on that.

The Importance Of A Personal Life

personal life

If you were to ask the average male what he wants in a girlfriend I am pretty sure he would mutter one simple phrase:

“I want a woman who is fully committed to me.”

It’s an interesting phrase to me because there are times where I think to myself:

“Man, I really wish a girl would care enough about me to just drop everything and go on a spontaneous road trip. Just her and me! It would be so great.”

So, is this what all men want?

To have you be the center of his world?

No… I am afraid it isn’t. It’s a total lie. Men only think they want that. I would now like to present you with a scenario to prove my point:

What if you did everything you could to be fully dedicated to him. You were there for him when he wakes up in the morning, you cooked for him, followed him around to parties, had sex with him whenever he wanted. You went above and beyond for him. Do you think he would like it?

I mean, most guys say that is what they want, right?

One thing I have learned through interacting with tens of thousands of women on this site is that being at a mans beck and call can be a dangerous proposition. Having him as the center of YOUR world is not a good idea because a couple of things are going to happen.

Firstly, he is going to get bored with you. He may be happy at first but in my experience somewhere down the road (and it may take years) he is going to wake up one day and realize “this is boring.. she is doing everything I say.

But I think the biggest issue with having a man be the center of your world is that if he does leave you the effect it can have on your life is devastating. I have had to talk too many women down from the edge in my life because of men trouble and quite frankly I am tired of it.

Have a personal life.

Every once in a while tell your boyfriend that you can’t hang out with him because you have to catch up with the girls. Remember that “inner circle” I talked about for men above? Well, go out with yours. Sometimes a bit of distance away from a boyfriend can be a good thing.




It’s such a simple word isn’t it?

Who knew that such a simple word could have such a huge impact on almost every relationship you have in your life.

I am going to get bold for a moment and say that over half of the relationships that I deal with (through this website) could have been saved if one person was a better communicator. It’s funny though, before this crazy ride started I was under the impression that women were incredible communicators.

I was wrong….

Look, communication is a two way street.

That means that for you to have a long lasting relationship with your boyfriend BOTH of you have to learn to communicate. Unfortunately, this dynamic isn’t always easy to achieve. When I look at relationships I am all about stacking the odds in your favor to succeed. In order to do this you have to take a step back and think to yourself, “what are the factors that I can control?”

Well, you can’t control your boyfriend. His decisions are his own just like yours are your own.

So, when it comes to communication I think you need to focus your efforts on being the best communicator you possibly can. What I have found is that if one person is a good communicator it opens the other person up a lot more and allows them to communicate better. So, maybe your boyfriend was a bad communicator in your previous relationship but you have to stop and ask yourself “were you a good communicator.”

Sometimes men are frightened to communicate their feelings. However, if YOU open up first it is more than likely that he will follow suit.

So, how can you become a good communicator?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Honesty Is The Best Policy

What I am about to talk about may not technically apply to your situation but the overall idea does. So, I want you to pay attention.

I am a nerd…

I play video games, watch cartoons and sometimes even go on the marathon movie watching sprees for Star Wars and Harry Potter. In high school I remember I was too afraid to even talk to a girl. I think I spent maybe 70% of my high school career as the quiet kid in the corner not saying a word.

Times have changed.

Now women constantly look to me for advice and on more than one occasion I have had women actively pursue me romantically. Despite all of this I still feel like that nerd deep down inside and I am ok with it. I am proud of who I am and everything I have been able to accomplish this far in my life.

I am a loyal person. Seriously, when I date a girl I get tunnel vision for that girl only. Sure, I may find other women attractive but deep down I am a loyal man to my woman.

Would you like to know something else about me?

I really want to date someone and go on a spontaneous road trip with them. I have never done it before.

This is me in a nutshell.

Do you see what I did there?

I was very honest about myself. Sure, not all of the honest things I said I wanted to talk about (namely the nerd stuff..) but you know what. In the end people appreciate honesty.

If you want to be a good communicator you need to be honest. Any time I meet a new person that I am interested in romantically I am incredibly honest. Admittedly I have an advantage because I know women a bit more than the average man but still, most women are used to men lying to them or just saying things to get them in bed.

My philosphy is to be honest with them, and this is the important part, ACTUALLY MEAN IT!

For example, above when I said that I am loyal to the women I date I really mean it. I have never cheated on anyone and I never will (it’s more of a certainty that the sun rising and setting every day.)

From now on, any time you talk to your boyfriend just be honest with him. Don’t hide things, just give him the hardcore truth and I promise you that he will respect you for it.

What to Read Next

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

231 thoughts on “Keeping Him Once You Get Him Back”

  1. Sarah

    June 16, 2021 at 1:11 pm

    This was an amazing article! I just got my ex boyfriend back after three months and him dating a new woman for one month! It was tough! But I really needed this to not mess up again! Thank you!

  2. Audrey

    August 8, 2020 at 7:14 am

    Also they’ve been fighting (last time) and he came to me saying he still loves me..and that being with her just isn’t the same but now that they’ve made up i asked who does he love more..he doesn’t wanna answer me..and he said its going great with her and that being with her “feels better”, “regardless of what he and the other woman are doing in their lives.” Does it not matter..? cause it felt like it does..

  3. Audrey

    August 8, 2020 at 7:10 am

    Hey its me again thanks for replying..well i understand emotional control is very important sometimes i do struggle a lot with it..but i do try my best to control it like i broke no contact so many times..also i’d like to there a way that i can set the bar higher then her once we talk again? In a romantic way i guess? Or is it very unlikely

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 8, 2020 at 11:09 pm

      Hey Audrey, replying to both comments in one here…

      Yes you can change that bar – think of it this way. If they are not fighting. He is going to start comparing you to her, and her to you. One thing people do when they reach this point is that they start romanticising their past relationships. So even things were not great with you at the end, your positive memories are going to help you. The important thing for you to do now is that you work on the Ungettable, so when he does look at your social media, or you as a person that you are positive, happy, confident… everything he is looking for in a woman. Every mans version of “ungettable girl” is different you know what it is your ex likes in woman, so make sure that you have those things down.

      If he is still talking to you and you have not yet done a no contact then you are going harm your chances so please go into a 45 no contact now!

  4. Audrey

    August 7, 2020 at 5:51 am

    Hey its me ahain i think i cam re word it better this time..what if she set the emotional connection bar higher then ours was? Can i still get him back? Also can i set the bar higher later with him if somehow i win him back..cause they’re physically together and i’m not..we never met tho we dated on and off for almost a year..i really love him and i really wanna get him back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 7, 2020 at 10:02 pm

      Hi Audrey, if it is the case that she is setting that bar higher than you, then it is more about the length of time you and he were together. Then when the “honeymoon” phase passes and they know each other, along with the falling outs that can happen in relationships. I hope that you understand that the most important factors in this is that you gain emotional control and work on yourself to show that you are the best version of yourself, regardless of what he and the other woman are doing in their lives.

  5. E

    February 28, 2020 at 11:09 pm


    My bf and I we’re together for 2 years. We lived with each other for a year and a half. He loved me a lot, it was apparent but in the beginning he lied about random things or would be sneaky and tell half the truth so my trust got broken early on. Everytime I started trusting him again he would do something else (not cheating tho). It took me the last 6 months of out relationship for me to trust him and I saw he stopped the bullshit however behind my back he got his job transferred to another state where his family lives, he packed one week (I didn’t even notice) and he drilled in my head that week how much he was in love with me. I admit I didn’t listen to him when he said he needed some space and we literally did everything together. I did becoming a bit controlling bc of my no trust and my fears… I let them get the better of me. So he left the day before vday. He kissed me and said he was walking to dog and he didn’t come back. He called to tell me he was leaving me. I was shell shocked, devastated… I of course pleaded with him… for a few days. I finally stopped talking to him and after a few days he texted me and asked how I was. We talked some, at first he just wanted to be friends and nothing more bc he said he wants to focus on only work and reach his goals in life. He asked to see me, we hung out and it was like we were together again holding hands, kissing, having a blast (we are really best friends). I let him know I can’t be friends with him bc it’s too painful for me bc I love him. Later I started pulling back not taking calls when I was busy. He got upset at why I wasn’t responding, he was worried, and he wanted to know what I was doing. Then he said he thinks we should work on ourselves to make ourselves better to be together and talk it slow, to show him I don’t just want a title of a bf but actually want him. He came over last night, brought me my favorite flowers, cooked us dinner and stayed the night, we talked some about us and how we love each other. I mentioned again I can’t just be friends with him tho and brought up a LDR and he said he didn’t think I would go for that so he didn’t mention it but if I’m willing to do that then we should try that. So I guess we are back together and going to try a LDR once he moves in a month… heres my concern… I’ve never done a LDR and I know it’s going to be hard for me to not see him much, I know his family might not be too happy we are back together just like my family and friends may not be and I’m hoping that won’t ruin things… how do I go about keeping our new relationship in a LDR? His daughter is here and so he will be visiting as much as he can to see her and now me since we are trying again… I just don’t want to ruin things with my fears again! I want this to work! Ty!

  6. Sam

    April 10, 2019 at 6:29 pm

    Hi I have been with a guy for more than 2years butcwe broke up 3weeks ago because he said our relationship was stale and he feels something is missing. We argue a lot because he’s the type of guy who does not communicate well. We broke up specifically last March 10.After 2days he met a girl from a dating app. They dated for a few days and i just followed the no contact rule for 3 weeks. But after that 3weeks my ex and i met at one event and his bestfriend told me that my ex felt really sad seeing me happy and felt that he lost me already. To cut the story short he wanted to get back together. Everything felt so good for a few days but then we have been arguing for 2consecutive night now because he does not want to cut ties with the girl he met on the dating app. He ended things with here but he said its rude to cut ties with a decent person who respects what we have. He told me that he clearly told the girl that he wants to fix things with me and the girl understood. During our arguments i saw that he did not change a bit. He’s still the guy who things highly of hinself and he still has the attitude of being dismissive for the sake of ending the argument. And i end up adjusting him. How can i redeem myself again? Its beent 2consecutive days now that i hve been adjusting and disregarding what im feeling. Im scared he might regret getting back together. He might take me for granted again because im too available for him. How do i redeem myself and return to how he is when he wanted to get back together with me? Please help

  7. Ann

    November 18, 2018 at 7:02 am

    My partner and I got engaged and had a huge fight after. The engagement got broken but we hung on for a number of months that we’re hard. We broke up but got back together after three weeks no contact yesterday. He’s still a little wary I think and says it’s likely only going to be a short term relationship and he doesn’t know if he feels the same as before/ will ever want to live together again or commit. What’s the best way for me to ease those doubts and get us back to where we were

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 18, 2018 at 7:31 pm

      Hi Ann….just think little steps. Probably avoid any serious relationship talk. Allow for emotions to settle back in.

  8. lhm97

    April 2, 2018 at 5:02 pm

    The part about all guys fantasizing about other women all the time is horseshit, lol. The only reason you say all guys do that is to justify yourself. You’re not fooling anybody.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 3, 2018 at 2:13 am

      I’m sure it’s not all the time but I think science/statistics might disagree with you.

      But ok!

  9. Gina

    March 22, 2018 at 10:49 pm

    My ex and I got back together, just dating no titles. We broke up because he was afraid he was changing me. I know he’s been with a few girls that really didn’t care too much for his interests, and I genuinely am… But it seems to scare him instead. He went through a really bad breakup last year, got his heart broken. Then he had a falling out with his sister, she treated him like crap over a family argument. His parents are the take it slow as in years of dating before any type of commitment and his best friend just ruined his relationship with his wife and child because he was cheating. He surrounded by awful examples of relationships, and I think that’s part of the problem. I’m giving him time and space, letting him contact me first, and he does frequently. He says he’s having a hard time connecting with people, not just me. I really care about him, and I don’t want him to just give up.

  10. Pippa

    February 12, 2018 at 11:50 am

    Hi Amor

    Thanks for replying. He sent me a message later that same day to say he’s going to watch football with a friend and staying out all weekend – we don’t live together so that’s not a problem anyway. I still haven’t heard from him and it’s hard being patient but from what I understand he has to contact me first? What if he doesn’t? Should I assume we’ve broken up and do NC again?

  11. Pippa

    February 8, 2018 at 10:10 pm

    Using what I’d learned from this EBR site, me and my ex got back together 6 months ago and it’s been going ok until recently – he’s going through a rough patch with his business. I know the stress is hard for him and that’s why he’s distant and so far I’ve been doing my best to stay calm and not pressure him. I messaged him via FB earlier and he hasn’t read it so I phoned a few hours later and got his voicemail but I didn’t leave a message, just sent him a text saying I hope he’s doing ok and getting some rest. But now I’m kicking myself for calling and wonder what to do about the situation – do nothing? No messaging? But have I already ruined things?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 12:53 pm

      Hi Pippa,

      just don’t repeat it, let him be for now..

  12. Lou

    January 28, 2018 at 1:51 am

    Been 5 weeks back w ex after a year apart and 2 year relationship. It’s also 100 miles distance between us we both are divorced and have kids, he came back but is now distant he knows I want marriage again some day! We have had 1 disagreement he apologizes I accepted it and let it go, he has now gone cold and distant. I don’t know what to do, he has come around my kids but I have yet to be allowed around his. I feel scared

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 12:41 am

      Hi Lou,

      I’m sorry, just to clarify, you’ve been together for 5 weeks now after being a year apart right? Have you been pushing to get married? If not, how is your life? Do you have your own life or have you been clingy?

  13. Anon

    December 19, 2017 at 9:01 pm


    My BOYFRIEND and I are officially back together!!!

    Thank you so much EBR!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 7:51 pm

      That’s good! We’re happy for you! 🙂

  14. Anon

    December 18, 2017 at 10:10 pm

    Precisely. So what should I do? NC is not a good option, right? He is talking to me and told me he wants to see me. I don’t want to put too much pressure on him and scare him away but at this point if he decides to end it then so be it?

    But right now is there anything I can do to help salvage the relationship?

    Thanks Amor.

  15. Anon

    December 15, 2017 at 8:13 pm

    Dating, not official. Like when we tell people we say we are back together and dating but we never said gf/bf. He was hesitant to give it a title because of the above

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 18, 2017 at 6:00 pm

      At this point if you continue seeing him like that, without commitment, you’re letting him string you along

  16. Anon

    December 13, 2017 at 7:43 pm

    Hi Amor,

    Its been a while since I was on here.

    We have been back together for 5 months now after being broken up for 6 months. It took me 5-6 months using EBR Pro to get him back. We were together for 6 years before the break up. I have continued working on my improvements made during the break up. Since getting back together, he has not said “I love you”. Tonight we had a talk and he expressed these doubts:
    A) although he really likes me, does not know if he feels love like he once did
    B) that if he does love me, what if he falls out of love again, subsequently hurting me again.
    These amongst others. He is not sure where we are going and what he really wants. He says I make him really happy and wants to be with me but not sure that he should. He is so confused.
    We ended up suggesting taking a physical break apart and can still talk as per usual. Is this a good idea? Or should I go full NC – seems a bit weird since we are dating. What if he expects me to message him first all the time and if I don’t, he won’t talk? I do not want to look desperate. What should/can I do now?

    Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 15, 2017 at 2:16 pm

      Are you really back together officially or just dating?

  17. LJ

    December 12, 2017 at 11:40 am

    I’ve been reading on this website in the past couple of months and most of it makes sense. The No Contact period does its wonders and gets your ex to contact you, and that certainly stubborn men (like my ex; as Chris deacribed them in his previous post) would contact between the 21st to 30th day of NC.

    But hold up a bit, regarding the past baggages stated above, I quite strongly believe in what I’ve read from other experts, that to have a better new relationship with your former ex, both should recognize, accept and commit to address their past issues/mistakes in the previous relationship before they should even jump back into getting back together. I mean of course forgiveness & not bringing it up for blaming in the future new relationship given as well.

    Isn’t that what is supposed to be done?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2017 at 1:28 pm

      Hi Lj,

      Yes, that’s right..

  18. Fiofio

    November 22, 2017 at 7:24 pm

    Hello ! First i want to thank you for your articles . They really helped me to get to this stage.

    My ex broke up with me 2 months ago atfer a year and a half of relationship , it was our second breakup , we had one in april , after he begged me for three months i was doubt free and accepted to get back with him , but after few months we broke up again.

    I Went to talk to him 2 weeks after that (i didn’t know about the NCR ) and he said we were never getting back together because he was tired of fighting and arguing with me .

    I applied the no contact rule , he contacted me 6 days later (to check on me, i kept it very short and said i was okay ) so i had to restart NC all over again and this time it worked ! 36 days after, he contacted me again saying he misses me and wanted to see me.

    So i went to meet him , he said he loves me and he tried to move on but he couldn’t , even tried seeing other girls but he always thought about me and just couldn’t keep me out of his life . He was surprised by the fact that i could cut contact with him for so long.
    I finally thought we were getting back ( he hugged me , said he was so happy to be with me and that he coulnd’t love anyone else after me) , two days later he said he wasn’t ready because he is having doubts and is afraid to break my heart or commiting to a relationship that would fail just like the first time . I said that i understand his doubts , and i learned a lot from my mistakes and won’t make them again in my future relationship … i suggested that we should meet more often to see how things goes and how we feel about each other and not just talk on the phone . HE agreed and set another meeting for next Sunday.

    How do i make his doubts go away ? How do i convince him that i’m the one ? I was so close to get him back ! I know he loves me but i don’t know why he is questionning our relationship and i don’t want to set ultimatums .. should i start NC again ?


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 11:34 am

      Hi Fiofio,

      If it’s really just about the fights, then dont push things.. Take it slow..rushing things makes you look like a chaser and it makes him think nothing really chaged between you and him

  19. Sandra

    September 2, 2017 at 1:45 pm

    We got back together after the 21 day no contact and have been together again for 4 months now. He has recently started pulling away then comes back, pulling away then comes back….distances himself… I have no idea what to do about this? Any advice

    1. Sandra

      September 27, 2017 at 9:06 am

      I have done a coulple of things in my personal life without him but mostly we spend all the time we have together. He is on the verge now of leaving again and this time it is because of my male friends, in which he has met them and knows them for two years now but may not all of a sudden be able to handle that i have male friends. Any advice before he is gone again.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2017 at 11:15 pm

      decide whether you can handle that.. because it’s impossible to just not have male friends at all.. either you talk to him or move on..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 4, 2017 at 7:36 pm

      did you maintain your routine that you started in nc? are you maintaining having your own life?

  20. Codi

    August 4, 2017 at 12:17 am

    Hy Chris
    I cheated on my bf we broke up in Feb just got back together on the 25th of June so it’s been roughly a month, things were going great the only problem started right after my birth day when he didn’t get me a gift, although 12 noon he called with his brothers and sisters to sing me a happy bday which was romantic but I was hoping for gift mybe a card hence I got him a R2000 watch for his, so I confronted him about it and he said I should wait I don’t know what he has I’m store for me …Ok no problem so 2 weeks has gone past I asked him to get me these designers shows hence they were on sale but internet connection didn’t allow so nothing then a week passed he made me a promise so I gt upset and asked him not too because till now I’m still waiting for my gift he said well he was supose to get it this weekend togther but somthing came up and ect…so since then I’ve been sceptical about the relationship doubting alot, another problem is that I feel he doesnt want to take me out like we chill in doors he will order pizza, or anything I like it chill with his friends out doors but when there is big events he doesnt want me to be with him well his friends invite me but he suggests i don’t go, like I asked him this other day when is he taking me out for movies ? And he said soon???? Like he says he is in the relationship while heartdly and he loves me, but why is he doing all of this or am I bring pushy??? He wants me to be with him Monday to Friday weekends he wants to go out with his friends and I must wait for him to come back. Am I being used here, like I’m confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 6:10 am

      I dont think so..but it looks like he’s taking you for granted.. Talk to him..if he doesn’t want to do things with you, then do it yourself or with friends.. Waiting for him to do it and getting angry is not going to change anything..

1 2 3 5