Almost three years ago I created a guide on Ex Boyfriend Recovery which is still one of the most visited pages on this website.

What is it?

It was a page that taught women how to use text messages to get their ex boyfriends back.

Now, the thing you have to understand about that page was that I had just created this website and was in the process of still learning how every step of the “get your ex back” process worked. In other words, while the advice there was solid I know A LOT more three years later.

Heck, I have even written a book on the topic (The Texting Bible.)

Well, for the longest time there has been one thing that has been bugging me about Ex Boyfriend Recovery as a whole.

It’s the fact that there are a TON of visitors visiting that page every single day,

Screen Shot 2015-10-12 at 6.09.33 PM

That are getting out of date advice.

This annoys me because if I am going to have the best site in the world on winning an ex boyfriend back I need to make sure that my content or “my message” is out of this world and when I look at that page I don’t get an “out of this world” vibe.

Instead, I get an “out of date” vibe.

This page is my attempt to correct the shortcomings of that page as I am about to embark on a massive journey.

Ah, but this isn’t just any type of journey.

This is the type of journey where it is all said and done you are going to look at me and think,

“Holy crap… I feel like an expert on this topic.”

See,

journey

(Ok, I totally took that screenshot from the video game (Journey) but I couldn’t help it. Look how perfectly it fits into the theme.)

So, are you ready to start this journey?

I promise you won’t regret it as I teach you almost everything there is to know about texting.

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What Do You Mean You’ll Teach Us “Almost” Everything There Is To Know?

what do you you mean

I know what you are thinking.

“Why can’t you teach us everything there is to know?”

My response: Where would be the fun in that?

Ok, I am just kidding.

There are two reasons why I won’t teach you everything there is to know.

Reason #1- I Don’t Know Everything There Is To Know

That’s the truth.

I feel like over the past few years as I have built this massive following due to Ex Boyfriend Recovery you guys expect me to know everything and while I will admit that I know a lot more than the average person I definitely don’t know everything there is to know.

I learn new things about getting an ex back every single day but that’s kind of the beauty of this website.

As I keep writing for it my ideas become more refined and that ultimately leads you to have more success.

Of course, there is another more… self serving reason I am not going to tell you everything there is to know.

Reason #2- I Want You To Want More

I believe in honesty.

In other words, I want Ex Boyfriend Recovery to be the one thing in your world that you can trust and in order to do that I need to look out for your best interests.

And I think I have done that for the most part.

I give you guys a lot of information for free.

Information that others experts in my business are charging for.

However, this site cannot operate without money.

That’s a fact.

Due to EBR’s size and popularity I have had to hire designers, get a bigger hosting platform and literally spend hours upon hours constructing podcasts, website posts (and now I am even creating a professional YouTube channel!)

So, it’s almost like I have to sell some type of product on this website to keep it going.

I have found the best way to do this is to give you 60% of the information you need for free and then fill in the gaps by charging for 40% of the information that you need (with the additional benefit of going much more in-depth in the 60% I gave for free.)

Hey, I want to be up front and honest with you about how I operate this website.

You guys have done so much for me so it’s the least I can do.

So, you know what comes next, right?

It is at this point that most people will go into some long sales pitch about why they should buy their product.

But I am not going to do that.

Instead, I am just going to tell you that you may see me mention my recent book, The Texting Bible, throughout this article. I am not doing this to be spammy in an effort to make money (though I will admit I like making money as much as the next guy.)

I am mentioning it because it is relevant and I believe it can really help you.

If you are upset at me mentioning it please tell me in the comments and we can talk it out. I want to be very respectful of your needs.

Ok, now that, that is out of the way lets talk about texting an ex boyfriend.

Specifically, what has changed since the original article that I posted three years ago.

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What Is The Main Goal For Texting An Ex Boyfriend?

goals

And this is the point where I become unpopular.

Why?

Because I already know you are going to hate the answer that I give you when I answer this question.

There are two main things that I want you to accomplish when texting your ex boyfriend.

Are you ready?

Thing #1- I want you to build up as much attraction as possible

Thing #2- I want you to transition from text messages to phone calls.

Thing #1 is a given but what about Thing #2?

Well, in order to fully understand the thinking there we have to take a larger look at getting an ex boyfriend back.

Something that I talk about in The Texting Bible is this idea of the value chain.

What is a value chain?

I am glad you asked.

Take a look at the picture below,

EBR Value Chain

This is where I start to lose people so make sure that you are listening really intently.

The value chain ultimately explains my entire strategy for getting an ex boyfriend back.

It’s a slow (but powerful way) of moving from a situation where your ex boyfriend doesn’t want anything to do with you to a romantic date in person where (hopefully) he will ask you to be his girlfriend again.

There are two parts to it.

Part #1 Of The Value Chain

I want you to take note of four sections above.

They are entitled,

  1. Texting
  2. Phone Calls
  3. In Person (Small)
  4. In Person (Romantic)

I also want you to notice the order they are in because this is really important.

What this basically means is that when you try to get your ex boyfriend back you can’t just start off at the end of the value chain with an “In Person Romantic” encounter.

(Side Note: I have seen my fair share of women do this and fall flat on their face.)

Heck, you can’t even start off with something as simple as a phone call because I have seen women fail their too.

Instead, you are supposed to move up the value chain in the order I have outlined above (from left to right.)

Texting -> Phone Calls -> In Person (Small) -> In Person (Romantic)

This leads me to my next point.

Part #2 Of The Value Chain

If you scroll back up slightly you will notice that under the value chain in each of the four categories I have an arrow with a phrase.

That phrase is,

“Attraction Built”

What I am basically saying here is that before you can transition between one of the four categories of the value chain you need to build attraction in each one.

So, here is how it looks when you add Part #2 into the fray,

Texting (Build Attraction) -> Phone Calls (Build Attraction) -> In Person (Small) (Build Attraction) -> In Person (Romantic) (Build Attraction)

That’s basically the value chain in a nutshell.

Care to take a guess at what this entire article focuses in on with the value chain?

EBR Value Chain

Yup, this one entire massive post just focuses in on part one of the value chain. I suggest you pick up my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System if you want to see how the whole value chain flows together.

Anyways, our main goal here is to use text messages to build attraction up in your ex boyfriend and ultimately find a way to transition from text messaging to phone calls.

I know what you are thinking.

“Great… How do we do that?”

Patience Is Going To Be Required

I normally don’t feel a need to do this but because of YOU I have developed a pet peeve.

You see, I feel I give pretty solid advice.

I put a lot of thought into these write ups and take quite a bit of time out of my week to put them together.

So, it annoys me when a woman reads one of the articles, loves it and then when it comes time to implement it they fall flat on their face.

Guess what happens next?

Guess who gets blamed?

Jennifer Chris W-018 copy

Of course, with me being me I try to figure out what went wrong in their situation.

That’s when I come to find out that not only did the woman not only follow the value chain idea that I mentioned above but she rushed things.

I am sorry to let you in on this but getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t going to be a fast process.

Anyone who led you to believe that this is going to be a super quick process where you can win your boyfriend back in the blink of an eye is lying to you.

This is not a fast process and it will really test your patience.

You see, I have been doing this for several years and one of the things that I have learned is that there are two types of women when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back.

  1. The ones who give up.
  2. The ones who don’t.

Would you like to know the main difference I have seen between the two?

The ones who give up are not patient and the ones who don’t are.

This is especially true when it comes to texting an ex boyfriend.

If you want to have any chance of success you are going to have to be patient because texting an ex boyfriend takes time and if you rush the process you WILL fall flat on your face.

Where The No Contact Rules Falls Into This Equation

Above I explained what you needed to know about the value chain and how we are focusing on just one little aspect of the value chain, texting.

But what about the no contact rule?

Where does that fall into play here?

I am glad you asked.

Ok, in order for me to fully explain this so that you get the clear effect I am going to have to pan out even more so you understand my whole get your ex back strategy (which you can find here.)

Are you ready?

The Get Your Ex Back Strategy

Admit it…

You totally laughed when you saw the Borat thing at the end.

Truthfully though, this is probably the greatest infographic that I have ever created in the history of Ex Boyfriend Recovery because it perfectly describes my method of helping YOU win your ex boyfriend back.

I want you to specifically notice where the no contact rule comes into play.

You do it before you even send a text message or anything like that.

Thus, everything that I am going to talk about on this page is rendered useless unless you have first done the no contact rule.

So… do it.

Of course, I am a big believer in synergy and reading this guide or the material found in The Texting Bible is ideal during the no contact rule.

Why?

Because it gives you time to prepare on what needs to happen after the no contact rule.

Now, before I start getting into the specific text messages that you are going to have to send to your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule I think we should talk a little about our game plan first.

Specifically the idea of “Tide Theory.”

Tide Theory

I do a pretty quick crash course of Tide Theory on the sales page of The Texting Bible and an even more in-depth explanation within the book. However, I am going to give you a pretty good explanation here since Tide Theory is kind of a huge deal when it comes to texting an ex.

In fact, it basically describes exactly how I want you to be texting your ex boyfriend.

I suppose I should just get started.

When you think of tides of an ocean or river what the first two things that pop into your mind?

  1. Low tide
  2. High tide

If you need an explanation of what these two look like then I can think of no better picture to describe it than this one,

high tide vs low tide

The picture on the left basically describes the “high tide” where the water is super high and the picture on the right describes “low tide” where the water is super low.

But here is my question for you.

When it comes from a low tide turning into a high tide how does that work?

Does it just happen in an instant where you blink your eyes and all of a sudden the water is up to your knees?

No.

It usually takes half a day to accomplish.

Little by little the tide moves up and up and up and up.

In fact, it happens in such an incremental and natural way that you can’t really pinpoint an exact moment where it goes from point A to point B.

What does any of this have to do with texting?

Well, I want you to think about that actual action that a tide takes to go from low to high or high to low.

The movement from low to high or high to low seem so natural doesn’t it?

What I basically want you to do is replicate this exact process while texting your ex boyfriend and make it look as natural as possible. In other words, I want you to go from a low tide, where you barely text your ex at all,

high tide vs low tide

To a “high tide” where you are texting your ex all the time,

high tide vs low tide copy

So, the question you are wondering at this point is how do I accomplish that with text messages?

How To Accomplish Tide Theory With Text Messages?

The real point of tide theory is to move from Point A to Point B in a very natural looking manner.

Now, making the text messages delivered to your ex boyfriend look natural is kind of complicated.

There are all sorts of things to take into account…

Word count…

Tone…

Frequency…

Etc…

Now, I cover all of these things in-depth in The Texting Bible but today I want to talk about the frequency of the messages you deliver to your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.

The Texting Bible

What If You Knew EXACTLY What to Text, How to Respond, and How to Make Him Go Crazy Waiting for a Reply…

Learn More

One of the most popular questions I seem to get on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is, how often should I text my ex?

Seriously… Check this out,

texting-bible-proof-2

This is literally one of thousands of messages like this.

Well, I think it’s time to put this type of question to rest.

What I am going to do is basically outline how I want you to text your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.

Ready?

Day One: 2 Text

Day Two: 2 Texts

Day Three: No Texts

Day Four: 4 Texts

Day Five: 4 Texts

Day Six: 6 Texts

Day Seven: 6 Texts

Day Eight: 8 Texts

Day Nine: 8 Texts

Day Ten: 10 Texts

Day Eleven: 10 Texts

Day Twelve: 12 Texts

Day Thirteen:12 Texts

Day Fourteen: 14 Texts

Day Fifteen: 15+ Texts

I have a much more sophisticated way of spacing the texts out for Tide Theory in my book, The Texting Bible, but I think you get the general idea of what I want you to do from the little graph above.

A couple of things I want to mention here.

When I talk about the texts above I am only talking about the texts that YOU send. In other words, on Day Ten when I tell you to send ten text messages it is conceivable that twenty text messages could be sent that day.

Ten by you…

Ten by your ex…

Get it?

Another thing I want to mention is that in order for this to work you need to be getting responses from your ex. So, if you don’t get a response from your ex you aren’t allowed to count any texts past that point.

Hmm…

Perhaps I should give you another example.

Alright, lets look at “Day Thirteen” where you are supposed to send 12 texts.

Lets pretend that you send your ex five messages.

 (1) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(2) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(3) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(4) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(5) You: 1 Message

But after that fifth message you send your ex doesn’t respond.

Well, if that’s the case then that means that you technically aren’t allowed to move on to day fourteen where you are allowed to send 14 text messages. Instead, on the fourteenth day you have to again get to 12 text messages before you can move to the next level.

Get it?

One final thing, on day fifteen do you notice how I am allowing you to send more than 15 messages?

Yup, by the fifteenth day you can send as many text messages as you want.

If you want to send 100 text messages then you can send 100 text messages as long as your ex is responding to them.

Spacing out your text messages in this way is going to allow you to create the desired effect of Tide Theory!

So, that’s it in a nutshell.

What’s next?

Well, I suppose we should start talking about the type of text messages you want to send.

The First Contact Text Message

first contact

This is the first text message that you are going to send to your ex boyfriend since the no contact rule has concluded and it has to be good.

Hmm…

I don’t think that quite sums up what I am going for here.

It can’t just be good…

It has to be phenomenal.

Nope…

Still not enough.

This has to be the best text message that you have ever sent someone in your entire life.

YESSS….

That pretty much says what this text message needs to be.

But how?

Hmm…

That’s a good question.

Well, before I get to the details I feel like it would be a good idea for us to touch base with the tide theory strategy above since that has such a huge bearing on what type of text messages you are supposed to be sending (again you can check out The Texting Bible for a full list of messages.)

According to the Tide Theory doctrine on days one and two after the no contact rule you are only allowed to send two texts.

(You can see that here,)

Tide Theory Spacing

What Texts Do We Send On Our Two Text Limit?

This begs the question.

What should these two texts be?

Simple, text one should be our first contact message and text two should be our conversation ender.

I am going to do a huge section on the first contact text message so lets start with the conversation ending message since that is a lot easier to explain.

The Conversation Ending Text Message

The purpose of this message is to end the conversation with your ex boyfriend in a friendly way.

Though I will admit that I sometimes prefer the harder way of ending the conversation by simply not responding to him.

But more on that in a second.

Here is an example of a friendly way to end a conversation with your ex boyfriend,

convo ender

Notice how there wasn’t any ill will at all in the message?

It was just a legitimate excuse to end the conversation that your ex boyfriend shouldn’t have any problem with.

Now, there is one part of the text message that I like to add in but it is completely optional.

Care to take a guess at what I am talking about?

convo ender

“Rain Check?”

With those two little words you are accomplish a lot.

It’s basically a passive way of making your ex boyfriend expect that he is going to hear from you again.

Like I said, this is optional to include in your own conversation ender but I like putting it in because you can kind of have an in to text him again on day two of this process.

So, that’s the conversation ending text message in a nutshell.

Lets turn our attention to the first contact message now.

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Constructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

perfect

I have thought a lot about this and what I am about to say may sound a little crazy to you but it makes sense if you listen to my logic.

Would you like to know who I personally think would create the best first contact text messages?

Comedians…

You see, comedians are master story tellers and while their stories are meant to make you laugh you have to admit that a master comedian is also a master story teller.

This is an ability that  you need to acquire.

Because if you have nothing interesting to say in a text then you shouldn’t have the right to say anything at all.

Constructing the perfect first contact text message is all about telling a fascinating story in a refined manor.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Ok, but what should my story be over?”

This is where knowing what your ex likes will come into play.

Lets use a simple example.

Lets say your ex boyfriend is in love with football.

Well, that means that we can use football to our advantage by working it into an interesting story.

So, I am going to tell you a funny story that is completely made up by me but we are going to use it as a mock example to construct a perfect first contact text message.

Are you ready?

Ok, lets begin.

The Fake Story We Are Going To Use

Have you ever watched the show Game of Thrones?

Well, I am a huge fan and it has taken over as my favorite show of all time.

(But that’s besides the point.)

I particularly like Tyrion Lannister. Now, I am not going to spoil anything for you guys if you haven’t seen GOT yet but Tyrion is a dwarf.

Seriously…

impin

Well, what if I told you that I was walking down the street and saw the actor who plays Tyrion, Peter Dinklage hanging out with Football Quarterback Tom Brady?

Dinklage Vs. Brady

The two were walking and having a fun time and then Brady decides that he wanted to challenge Peter Dinklage to a throwing contest.

Particularly who could throw a football further.

Dinklage definitely didn’t look pleased by the challenge but decided that just for the sake of being nice he would accept.

Brady is going to obviously win, right?

I mean he is a NFL quarterback for heavens sake!

So, Brady steps up to the line and lets loose a throw,

brady

Wow…

That’s really impressive.

Next up is Dinklage…

dinklage

Holy…

You know what this means, right?

It means that Peter Dinklage the dwarf from Game of Thrones literally threw a football further than Tom Brady.

Now, that is one heck of a story, right?

Let’s package it up and make it into a first contact text message now.

Using A Story For Your First Contact Text Message

So, the story that we are basically going to tell here is the fact that Tyrion Lannister,

tyrion

Out threw Tom Brady…

tom brady

How the heck are we supposed to package this into a first contact text message?

Remember, the only reason that we are telling this story is because your ex boyfriend is obsessed with Football.

Alright, here is what I propose,

story text message

Notice how I packed the story really neatly into a medium sized text message.

Now, the story is completely fabricated but I fabricated it based on the fact that your ex boyfriend loves football.

The key here is creating a story around things that you know your ex boyfriend would respond to.

Oh, and you will also note that the story is ridiculous.

In real life there is no way that Peter Dinklage can out throw Tom Brady but the idea of it should make an ex boyfriend respond just to prove you wrong.

Let’s move on.

Should You Be Sending First Contact Text Messages Every Time You Start A Texting Conversation?

I get this question a lot.

And it’s a good question.

So, to answer it I am going to have to turn back to the tide theory graphic I created above.

Tide Theory Spacing copy

Between “Day One” and “Day Five” I would like you to utilize the first contact text messages.

From “Day 6” on I don’t think you will have to anymore.

Why?

Because by that point if you have gotten your ex boyfriend to respond to you four times in a row (remember we skip day three) then you will have proven that you can get them to respond to you so you won’t have to go out of your way just to get a response anymore.

However, that doesn’t mean you can let your foot off the gas.

What should you send them to start a conversation after day five?

Well, it has to be more than a simple generic,

hey

As to what you want to say exactly…

Well, I am going to hold that piece of information hostage and just give it to the readers of The Texting Bible 😉 .

Lets move on and talk about building rapport.

Building Rapport Text Messages

Alright, where are we at in the tide theory graphic?

Lets see here…

Tide Theory Spacing copy

So, between day’s four and ten I want you to pick a point in the conversation every day to sprinkle in a certain type of text. The text that you sprinkle in is meant to do one thing.

BUILD RAPPORT!

Now, what is rapport?

Good question.

The dictionary defines rapport,

as a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well.

In other words, I want you to capture your ex boyfriends interest so that he is always wanting to talk to you day after day.

We are going to do this very strategically by doing something different every single day.

Take a look,

Tide Theory Spacing copy

Now, I outline how to build rapport like ten times better in The Texting Bible but I am going to do my best for you here.

According to the graphic above there are four types of text messages that need to be used between days four and ten.

What I would like to do is take an in-depth look at what each one is so you really have a good idea of how to construct your very own text messages.

Days 4 & 5 – The Funny Text Message

We aren’t trying to re-invent the wheel here as all we are trying to do is make your ex boyfriend laugh.

There are a lot of ways to do this but I am going to give you my top two ways.

I suppose we can start with the easy way which basically means it doesn’t require a lot of work from you.

I like to call this “The Meme Message.”

The Meme Text Message

One of the things that you may notice about my site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that I have all these funny memes plastered everywhere.

Have you ever stopped and asked why?

It’s actually quite simple.

I like them and they make me laugh and I think that when you deal with such a depressing subject like breakups it kind of is nice to have a sense of humor about it. Besides, I don’t think you’d connect with me at all if I acted just like a doctor quoting statistics and looking at the facts.

What I think you should do is send your ex boyfriend a funny meme of your choosing that you think would make him laugh.

Here are a few of the best I have seen recently.

The “Ex” Box

ex box 360

The “Carlton”

carlton meme

The “Clone”

the baby

Now, that last one is particularly relevant to me since my wife and I had a newborn so any baby meme’s crack me up and therein lies my next point. If you do decide to use the meme text. I want you to make sure you send him a relevant meme.

For example, if the two of you are talking about super Mario in a text message then you should send a meme like this,

mario

And if the two of you were talking about The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones…

walking dead game of thrones

I think you get the idea.

Lets move on to the other type of funny text that you can send.

I like to call this one the knock knock text.

The Knock Knock Text

Who doesn’t love a good knock knock joke?

Well, this text is meant to accomplish two things.

Thing #1- Use humor with your ex in a playful way in order to build rapport.

Thing #2- Get a response from your ex.

Now, thing #2 shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish due to the nature of a knock knock text.

Let me give you an example.

When I say,

“Knock, Knock..”

What do you instinctively want to say back?

“Whose there, right?”

And there’s the beauty of the knock knock text.

It has a built in way of getting your ex to respond.

Of course, that leaves thing #1…

In order to accomplish thing #1 you are going to have to come up with a good knock knock joke.

You are on your own there…

BUT…

If you wanna use one of mine I guess that’s ok 😉 .

to

Day’s Six And Seven- Memory Text Message

I talk a lot about memory text messages on this website and of course in my book, The Texting Bible.

So, what is a memory text message?

Well, a lot of women seem to mistake it for a message where you bring up a super romantic time…

Something like say….

This..

I love you...

Ya…

Don’t do that.

While I a memory text is supposed to make your ex boyfriend remember the good times of your relationships I don’t want you touching anything romantic yet.

More rapport needs to be built first.

So, the ideal memory text that you should send to your boyfriend should revolve around a fun experience the two of you shared.

Think of the funnest time that you had with your ex and use that.

Here I will give you an example,

hot air balloon

Notice how the emphasis of the text revolves around how much fun it was to ride in the hot air balloon.

Generally speaking that’s what we are shooting for.

We want to remind your ex boyfriend of all the fun times the two of you had.

Day’s Eight & Nine: The Story Text

By day’s eight and nine of the tide theory process you have a lot of room to work with to implement the story text.

This is actually my favorite type of text to send because you can do some really creative stuff with it.

The premise of the story text is really simple.

You are going to tell an epic story over three texts.

Now, the story you tell needs to be engaging and really interesting to your ex boyfriend. You will also be utilizing something I call “check in’s.”

(I will explain what that is in a second.)

First things first, I need to give you a story text example.

story part one

Notice how we cut the story off right as it was getting good.

Why did we do this?

Simple, because we are splitting this story up into three texts and this was text #1.

Also, it adds anticipation to the next text,

story part two

Two things I want you to notice.

The first text in this graphic was clearly a continuation to the story I started above.

The second text though is the “check in” I was talking about above,

story part two

It’s this subtle check in that you use to make sure your ex is still engaged. If he is then he will respond with something like this,

response

Once you get the “A-Ok” from the check in you complete your story,

story three

Day Ten- The Compliment Text

You shouldn’t be too bewildered by this text.

Basically you are going to give your ex boyfriend a compliment but it’s not just any old compliment. You are going to give him what I like to call an “in depth compliment.”

What’s an “In Depth Compliment?”

Simple, it’s where you go the extra step of elaborating.

Let me give you an example of a regular compliment in a text message.

pretty eyes

Pretty basic, right?

You are essentially complimenting your man on his eyes.

But where is the flair?

Where is the flash?

Where is the romance?

That’s where the “In Dept Compliment” comes into play,

in depth

Do you see the difference between the two?

These are the type of compliments that you need to be giving your ex boyfriend.

Now, if you want more examples of the compliment texts I suggest you grab “The Texting Bible.”

Lets move on.

Transitioning To The Phone Call

I want to pull out our handy dandy graph again for a second here.

Tide Theory Spacing

Notice how between days eleven and fifteen I am recommend that you can do a transition text message.

Confused?

Ok, by “transition text message” all I am saying is that you can send a special type of text message that can help you transition from texting to a phone call.

And you can send this message when you feel the time is right.

Look, some women may find that by day eleven their ex is actively wanting to talk to them on the phone while other women still may not feel that confident even by day fifteen.

Figuring out when you send your transition text is entirely up to you.

My only piece of advice here is to feel it out.

Let your gut tell you if it’s time or not.

When you do feel it’s time I want you to employ the following method.

The Transition Text

The way this works is that you are going to start telling your ex boyfriend a very long story.

(Kind of similar to the fortune teller story I told above.)

However, before you have a chance to end the story you are are going to send something like,

“Actually… you know what. Can I call you to finish this? It’s too good to text.”

Here is how it’s supposed to work.

(Side Note: I am going to use the fortune teller story above to illustrate this.)

transition text

The key to making this work is to telling a compelling story.

So compelling that your ex boyfriend will have no choice but to accept the call.

Oh, and it’s aces once you get him on the phone. You will have successfully moved on to the phone call section of the strategy.

What to Read Next

The Psychology Of An Ex During The Texting Phase

By Chris Seiter | 6 comments

What It Means When Your Ex Responds So Quickly

By Chris Seiter | 10 comments

Should You Text Your Ex To See How They’re Doing?

By Chris Seiter | 10 comments

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922 thoughts on “Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)”

  1. Avatar

    Hay

    May 6, 2020 at 12:39 am

    Hi Chris and team,

    My ex broke up with me March 21 because he was “lost and confused and our spark died and he just doesn’t want a relationship anymore.” I did the no contact rule for 30 days but when it came close to being over, I decided to do 45. After the 30 days but before the 45 were over, my ex was in town from work (he works every other week on the other side of Texas) and we went to the same party together. I walked in ready to be mature and cordial and give him a friendly hug and say hello simply because he is not the kind of person to make situations awkward or weird. I am assuming the way he acted was because I never replied to the two totally insignificant messages he’d sent me just a couple days after the breakup. Maybe he thinks I want nothing to do with him? Anyhow, he acted like I was a ghost. He got completely hammered this night (he never drinks heavy). I caught him staring at me a couple of time, he ended up chunking a football at me when I was in the pool, complimented my new hair. He drunkenly asked “hey when did you get here” to which I said “you knew I was here the whole time don’t play that” and went about my business. My best friend ended up having a convo w my ex about her bf whom she’d just left the day before. I (sober) ended up in the convo. It was like my ex and I were having a convo of our own through my friend, without ever directly speaking to each other. Without too much context, he went on to tell my friend how awesome it was her and I are having fun together, shotgunning beers and living (which means he noticed her snapchat story the night before of her and I doing just so). He went on to tell her “just because you breakup doesn’t mean you don’t still love each other. I still love her (me).” He rambled on to her that “we’re only 19, we’re not supposed to have all the answers…… But I need a girl like her (me).” “She didn’t deserve anything I did to her,” I then said to my friend “I didn’t deserve a damn thing he put me through not for a second, I deserved so much better” and he said “she absolutely did.” This one sticks with me the most. He was rambling on and on slurring words when he ended a sentence with “I still remember the last time her and I talked, it was March 22 at 11o’clock” he sounded sober for a second. My ex forgets absolutely everything big and small, I couldn’t believe he remembered that. As it was time for me to leave, my ex was standing about to throw up but I went over to ask if he was ok and if he has his ride home situated. His friend told me he’d take care of him and walked me out. As I was walking away my ex says all drunk and confused “where is she going?? No she can stay here she doesn’t have to go. Haley come back please. Haleeeey.”

    I later found out he told a mutual friend very early in the night “I f*cked up big time, she didn’t do anything wrong it was all my fault.”

    When I got home, I texted him for the first time and said “you ok?” he said the next morning “I think so” I said, “hungover?” he said “nope. that’ll be a good story to tell.” I left him on read. The next afternoon, he texted me “hey.next time I come through town, I’ll bring your stuff back by to you. My apologies for it taking so long.” I said Okay thank you, he said “yee.”

    I don’t know what to do. I feel like I didn’t start the texting phase correctly, we kinda skipped around it feels. I don’t know what to take from all the drunken words that night, or why he suddenly wants to give me my stuff back. I’m so terribly confused now.

  2. Avatar

    Kiki

    April 21, 2020 at 3:11 am

    I’m a little confused. Are day 1 and day 2 back to back? In another article it says after sending our 1st text after NC, we are supposed to wait 2-3 days or more depending on the response we get. So, after those 2-3 days, does the next message we send count as day 2?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2020 at 11:00 pm

      Hi Kiki, yes depending on the response from your ex, wait two to three days before sending your second text. IF you get a negative response, go back into a short NC or if it is neutral to positive a few days. If no response at all then you give it a little longer before trying again

  3. Avatar

    Evelyn S

    March 19, 2020 at 11:54 pm

    Did 30 days no contact. During last week of Feb, I sent first message to ex-boyfriend like Chris suggested (~3 weeks ago). Great positive response! He even wanted to see me later that day. I kindly replied I had other plans. Proceeded with next messages as Chris suggested. Continued positive responses. Two weeks ago, I happened to mention in passing that I was looking for some extra work, to which my ex actually offered me some part-time work in his small business. I didn’t respond to him right away. Waited several days and then texted him I would be interested in possibly working for him and would like to discuss a little more. He responded “Great, let’s do it”. That was 9 days ago. I texted him 2 days later to see how he was doing with the coronavirus situation, and mentioned at the end of the text that I was still interested in the part-time work. He answered the first part of my text, but not about the part-time work. He has not initiated any texts since 2 days ago. Sent one last text yesterday asking how his business was holding up with coronavirus situation and to say I was still interested in working with his small business if he was. No response. Did he possibly freak out about offering me some work? Do I do no contact again? I won’t ask him about the work again. Got that message loud and clear. Thank you for any insight.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 6:42 pm

      Hi Evelyn, so I think if he is a small business then he is going to be having to close his business for the short term so more than likely didnt know how to tell you that he possibly wont be able to hire you any more as he is going to face some financial difficulties due to the pandemic going on right now. I would suggest that you go into a NC if he does not reply to your text, a shorter NC the second time around as you are going to want to reach out as you have started building up momentum. Be sure to add in some flirting and pulling back to see how he responds to your lifting.

  4. Avatar

    Liz

    February 24, 2020 at 9:09 pm

    Hi Chris am Liz from Kenya .. I have read all your articles and implemented the NC period for 21 days… After a day I contacted him via text and we chatted for about 5-6 minutes.. However today I sent him a photo he had sent me while we were dating as a way to start the conversation, but he never responded.. I haven’t sent any other message to him.. Should I give him more time or try and make contact with him after a day or two..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 26, 2020 at 10:06 pm

      Hi Liz the reason he is not going to answer is because you have attempted to get emotional too soon you need to work up the value ladder before sending photos that are going to make him think about the past relationship.

  5. Avatar

    Lilly

    October 29, 2019 at 8:01 pm

    Bought your book! I did NC for 30 days, during which time he sent me messages noticing that I had been “avoiding” him and apologizing if he did anything wrong. After the 30 days, I wished him a happy birthday, but it’s been 3 days an no response. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 12:47 pm

      Hi Lilly as you have the book re visit the texting stage it will help you with a reach out text. However texting happy birthday as a first text is not planned. This is why the conversation died.

  6. Avatar

    Emma

    September 14, 2019 at 9:01 am

    Hi Shauna,

    Sorry I don’t know how to reply back to the comment. How do I get to your page?
    I tried reaching out and engaging as advised on the guides I have come across the website however he’s just not interested. He gives me closed answers and shuts the conversation down. I followed this with a mini period of 3 days of NC and messaged him, he responded and then I continued the conversation but he just leaves it a whole day to respond and cuts the conversation. Not really sure what the next steps are? I’m worried he’s already over me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 15, 2019 at 12:45 am

      Hey Emma, so what I would recommend doing is upping your “Ungettable” self focusing on being the best version of yourself and posting this to social media where you know he or a mutual friend will see. Subtle jealousy photos of you dating someone, doing exciting things (especially something you know he would like to have done) be interesting and fun. The conversations are running dry because you’re possibly not peaking his interest or letting them carry on for too long. Look up what Chris calls the Peak/End

  7. Avatar

    Emma

    September 9, 2019 at 6:27 pm

    Hey Chris, what would you advise if an ex responds to the texts but takes like 8 hours to respond on day 7? I responded to a message at 10pm and he has not responded today at all, should I contact him again or do NC?

    1. Shaunna

      Shaunna

      September 12, 2019 at 9:06 pm

      Hey Emma, If you have been texting and building rapport and no reply, reach out again after a few days gap. Look through my texting advice and youtube channel there is plenty of information to work with

  8. Avatar

    Annabelle

    July 26, 2019 at 8:48 pm

    I started day 1 texting before I saw this schedule. He was very receptive and I sent 5 messages (and he sent 6). Now that it’s day 2, should I just do 2 texts, or none at all??

  9. Avatar

    Gigi

    July 7, 2019 at 12:43 am

    Hi Chris,

    So I tried no contact (emphasis on tried) and broke after 17 days since the break/breakup. I figured I was close enough to the 21 day mark to begin texting, so I used a first contact example you gave and got a response. It’s been a day since my last message was sent and my text hasn’t responded (day 2 of texting). Do I re-enter no contact and complete a period as a should have initially, or do I try to keep going with texts (he hasn’t been super enthusiastic with his responses but they haven’t been negative at all)?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 7, 2019 at 4:02 pm

      Hi Gigi…what three or four days more, then try another suggested text to see if he will warm up

  10. Avatar

    Kat

    May 19, 2019 at 4:42 pm

    Hi there,

    What if the relationship was intense but short? How long for no contact? It was only a month. I made some pretty big mistakes (neediness) and he ended up not responding to my last few texts, and so I thought he was ghosting me. The last text I sent him I called him out on his ghosting and said something along the lines of man-up, I deserve better (the truth) after all this time. And I immediately deleted him from social media because he was still watching my IG stories and it was a painful reminder that he was ignoring me. It’s been a week since I deleted him, and almost 2 weeks since his last response to me. I would like another chance but not sure how to go about establishing contact again after such a bad ending. Any advice is greatly appreciated. Thanks,

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 19, 2019 at 9:23 pm

      Hi Kat….I still think my Program (EBR PRO Bundle) can help, even in a situation when the relationship was brief.

  11. Avatar

    Pam

    September 30, 2018 at 7:03 pm

    My ex broke up with me on the 9th on this month. We haven’t spoken since then. It’s been almost 3 weeks and I feel like I want to text him. How long should the NC last?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 1, 2018 at 3:29 am

      Hi Pam!

      NC ranges from 21 to 45 days, so depending on your situation you may be getting close to reaching out. Be sure to follow my detailed advice in my eBook on how to handle the texting phase and the things to follow.

  12. Avatar

    Greta

    September 26, 2018 at 4:42 pm

    Hi Chris
    So I did the NC and then stsrted texti g. First it went really well, but Im on the day 14 and we already called too, but its like he is losi g interest. Should I always be the first one to start conversation? As I havent today and he didnt wrote by himself. Granted he is on business trip abroad and there is 5 hour time difference and everything.. it just feels like if I dont write he wont contact me again.. should I pull back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 28, 2018 at 3:20 am

      Usually better to stick with NC.

  13. Avatar

    Trisha

    September 12, 2018 at 3:27 pm

    Hi Chris,

    So I met with my ex today and it was short but arequate-around an hour. I haven’t heard back from him yet and I don’t know how to proceed. Should I send a follow up message or wait for him to initiate some contact.
    He and I don’t stay in the same country and he’s in town only for the next two days…

  14. Avatar

    Catherine Prothero

    September 5, 2018 at 6:31 am

    Hi, I have done no contact and started texting my ex. They replied really quickly at first but now they are taking ages…about 12 hours sometimes. They are still really friendly but I don’t know if they are hinting that they need some more space. How should I carry on? Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 6, 2018 at 4:05 am

      Hi Catherine!

      You do have my eBook, right, as I get into this. These things happen. It can get hot an cold with some guys. So sometimes, you just pull back.

  15. Avatar

    Serenity

    July 31, 2018 at 2:49 am

    Hey Chris,
    So I did 23 days of NC and am now on day 6 of texting. I sent the 1st “memory text” over 4 hrs ago and I feel like he should have responded by now. Hes been very open so far and already initiated that we should hang out soon. But last night he found out through me that ive been hanging out with another guy frequently. It started during NC. I think it made him jealous. He even asked me I ive slept with him which i havent..we broke up just 2 months ago. Should i stop seeing this guy so I can ease his conscience and build better rapport?? Im worried i might lose him but it might all be in my head. Any advice?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 31, 2018 at 3:58 am

      I think that would be a good idea…ease his conscience and let him know you are pulling back from this other guy so as not to create any confusion. Just make a casual reference to it when it feels right.

  16. Avatar

    Amy

    April 23, 2018 at 5:57 pm

    Hi! I completed three weeks of NC which was really good for me. I started new hobbies, had little gatherings at my house, got a haircut! After a few weeks…. I was truly excited to reconnect. I tried texting, he is receptive and friendly, but also not making much of an effort and even mentioned how busy he was. I do feel like I’ve been trying too hard and it doesn’t feel that natural right now. I wish i could just be straight up and say “hi! let’s meet up!” However, I might need to try no contact again. I respect that he may not be interested in rekindling things, but we live in a small town. Should I just focus on myself and stay positive and move forward with another round of NC? I truly feel like there is just no desire or chase for him right now. I’m a little lost but don’t feel like fully giving up on us yet. I’m just sitting here like huh?! Now what?!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 8:46 pm

      Good for you Amy…Do things for yourself is soooo important! It helps you get balanced to stay engaged in other activities and being kind and sweet to yourself is a form of dating yourself, which is very therapeutic. In the best of worlds, we could all be mature and straight up and treat each other with love and respect. But that is not always the case in our world. So be pragmatic…do tings to realize the best version of yourself. IF you think you can benefit from getting Private Coaching or joining my Private Facebook Support Group….then look into that! You don’t have to give up..but its important to keep moving forward. The feeling of being lost is really normal, but as you get rooted in new routines, those feelings will subside! I am proud of you Amy!

  17. Avatar

    Zoey

    April 15, 2018 at 8:26 am

    sorry chris yesterday i was so much angry and anxious!
    well,his behaviour really surprised me,i told you in my messages that the first time i contacted him,he replied so fast as someone is waiting for it but his response was neutral… when he noitced i am not angry not jealous and do not care,he started being angry as someone wants to attack me and this is what he did last night when he blocked me on insta,i sent to him blaming him then i ended by this word i really do not care,either stay or not please delete all my messages! he blocked me too on phone…even when i posted my photos on insta,he did also! in spite of he is not active on social media!! Anger!Anger!Anger this is what i felt during these three of my trial to contact him after 36 days of nc period!
    could i fix this situation or not?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 4:20 am

      HI Zoey…it sounds like he is still working thru some stuff. Just back off for now. Nothing usually good comes from people who are angry.

    2. Avatar

      zoey

      April 18, 2018 at 8:27 am

      hi Chris..yes,this is exactly what i am doing now,i add new friends and take some space…what i really want now is making him regret for doing this….every time when we had argument,he blocked me and every time i forgave him because i think social media is stupid thing and relationships are not depend on them !! i wish i have a way to make him regret..should i do nc for 30 days too?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 11:14 pm

      Hi again Zoey. NC can produce results. The length varies. 21 day is usually a sweet spot. In the No Contact Rulebook ebook, I cover all of that. You can use this time to your advantage.

  18. Avatar

    Zoey

    April 8, 2018 at 9:03 am

    Chris,i agree with you this is a good article ,but do you think he will think i am just trying to contact him daily! maybe he will stop replying too!! ??
    i also agree with you in that when we were at the beginning of friendship then relationship,he liked alot talking to me when i have alot to say with no stress, less expectations and alot of fun!
    so do not you think he will dscover my plan of texting so he will stop replying?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 4:03 am

      That’s why you need to sprinkle in a few days of NC throughout the process. Also, a lot of this article assumes things are going right. That your ex is engaging and responding perfectly. Reality works out a bit differently I find.

    2. Avatar

      zoey

      April 11, 2018 at 9:16 am

      Well,Since the first time i contacted him,i get 68 messgaes from his side against 84 from me!!! haha i am really super in counting messages now!
      For this I did NC for 4 days and started again 2 from me and 2 from him but he tried to close the conversation so i sent the last one with open question but do not worry it is not low value question…thanks alot i will tell you the updates later 😉

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:44 pm

      Hi ya Zoey. You are making progress. Give yourself a pat on the back. Keep things positive and just keep taking these little steps and let attraction grow slowly and naturally

    4. Avatar

      zoey

      April 12, 2018 at 8:53 pm

      i followed your advice of being active on social media,so i posted my photos so that he would see them first at the morning…yesterday,he posted three photos of lightening on insta…i clicked like on them and again he posted today two on insta and one on fb….be patient i know you will think this silly but he is not active on social media,it is so much good if he posted one photo per month but since yesterday i noticed there is compitition! i posted one photo ,he posted one hour later or within 30 min.! should i stop posting or go on my plans of texting and posting?

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 9:55 pm

      Hi Zoey…good job! I like the combo of texting and posting and keeping the vibe bright and positive. People are attracted to that which is bright and positive.

    6. Avatar

      Zoey

      April 14, 2018 at 8:19 pm

      bad news! he drives me crazy while he is talking to me then he blocked me on instagram only then we fought again,made so much angry 🙁
      sorry Chris,i let you down!
      could i correct this?

    7. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 4:45 am

      Hi Zoey! You didn’t let me or anyone down. Just take some space. Start a journal. Write down your thoughts. It will make you feel better and I bet you learn something about yourself and what you want. Just know that guys can do stupid things.

    8. Avatar

      Zoey

      April 14, 2018 at 6:08 pm

      dear Chris
      i think it is not working with him
      the last three messages he sent to me have these words”i do not know”
      i sent to him three questions about things he could reply and discuss but he ended it by “i do not know” and the last one i felt insults me because he said “if  you do not have aknowledge enough about this,you could consult to another one it is not easything to ask just by phone”..
      i feel sometimes he hates me and wants me to go away!

      at the beginning when i sent to him after NC rule;i felt he is better but when he saw i ignored him and not being angry for him and not be jealous and not send to him everyday and everyminute,i feel he becomes angrier!
      what suppose i do?what about my plan of texting?if he always says ” i do not know”??

    9. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 9:55 pm

      Hi Zoey…good job! I like the combo of texting and posting and keeping the vibe bright and positive. People are attracted to that which is bright and positive.

  19. Avatar

    Zoey

    April 7, 2018 at 6:49 pm

    Chris, you are unbelievable!! this is exactly what i was searching for and i have just seen it accidently in comments…if i made mistakes and just got neutral responses from ex ,could i take a break for 5 to ten days then start again according to your plan?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 9:46 pm

      BAM!!!!!

      Glad we got something figured out that you could follow. This is actually a really good article. I’m surprised Google doesn’t rank it higher… What the heck Google?

  20. Avatar

    Pippa

    March 24, 2018 at 10:47 am

    Well this just gets better – I woke up this morning to a message from a cheap looking tramp saying “stop texting my boyfriend!”
    It came through as a FB message request so I didn’t open it but I deleted it and blocked her. I’ve no doubt at all that’s it’s a rebound thing but where does it leave me with texting him? I still haven’t got my keys back, prior to this he said it’d be nice if I stopped by to see him one day but I’m thinking not if he’s got a guard dog! I haven’t said anything to him or I’ll get annoyed and come off as unhinged as her. But I don’t know what to do now.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2018 at 6:46 pm

      It was too early for memory texts.. Just let the other girl be.. Go back to light and funny texts

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