What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

Almost three years ago I created a guide on Ex Boyfriend Recovery which is still one of the most visited pages on this website.

What is it?

It was a page that taught women how to use text messages to get their ex boyfriends back.

Now, the thing you have to understand about that page was that I had just created this website and was in the process of still learning how every step of the “get your ex back” process worked. In other words, while the advice there was solid I know A LOT more three years later.

Heck, I have even written a book on the topic (The Texting Bible.)

Well, for the longest time there has been one thing that has been bugging me about Ex Boyfriend Recovery as a whole.

It’s the fact that there are a TON of visitors visiting that page every single day,

Screen Shot 2015-10-12 at 6.09.33 PM

That are getting out of date advice.

This annoys me because if I am going to have the best site in the world on winning an ex boyfriend back I need to make sure that my content or “my message” is out of this world and when I look at that page I don’t get an “out of this world” vibe.

Instead, I get an “out of date” vibe.

This page is my attempt to correct the shortcomings of that page as I am about to embark on a massive journey.

Ah, but this isn’t just any type of journey.

This is the type of journey where it is all said and done you are going to look at me and think,

“Holy crap… I feel like an expert on this topic.”



(Ok, I totally took that screenshot from the video game (Journey) but I couldn’t help it. Look how perfectly it fits into the theme.)

So, are you ready to start this journey?

I promise you won’t regret it as I teach you almost everything there is to know about texting.

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What Do You Mean You’ll Teach Us “Almost” Everything There Is To Know?

what do you you mean

I know what you are thinking.

“Why can’t you teach us everything there is to know?”

My response: Where would be the fun in that?

Ok, I am just kidding.

There are two reasons why I won’t teach you everything there is to know.

Reason #1- I Don’t Know Everything There Is To Know

That’s the truth.

I feel like over the past few years as I have built this massive following due to Ex Boyfriend Recovery you guys expect me to know everything and while I will admit that I know a lot more than the average person I definitely don’t know everything there is to know.

I learn new things about getting an ex back every single day but that’s kind of the beauty of this website.

As I keep writing for it my ideas become more refined and that ultimately leads you to have more success.

Of course, there is another more… self serving reason I am not going to tell you everything there is to know.

Reason #2- I Want You To Want More

I believe in honesty.

In other words, I want Ex Boyfriend Recovery to be the one thing in your world that you can trust and in order to do that I need to look out for your best interests.

And I think I have done that for the most part.

I give you guys a lot of information for free.

Information that others experts in my business are charging for.

However, this site cannot operate without money.

That’s a fact.

Due to EBR’s size and popularity I have had to hire designers, get a bigger hosting platform and literally spend hours upon hours constructing podcasts, website posts (and now I am even creating a professional YouTube channel!)

So, it’s almost like I have to sell some type of product on this website to keep it going.

I have found the best way to do this is to give you 60% of the information you need for free and then fill in the gaps by charging for 40% of the information that you need (with the additional benefit of going much more in-depth in the 60% I gave for free.)

Hey, I want to be up front and honest with you about how I operate this website.

You guys have done so much for me so it’s the least I can do.

So, you know what comes next, right?

It is at this point that most people will go into some long sales pitch about why they should buy their product.

But I am not going to do that.

Instead, I am just going to tell you that you may see me mention my recent book, The Texting Bible, throughout this article. I am not doing this to be spammy in an effort to make money (though I will admit I like making money as much as the next guy.)

I am mentioning it because it is relevant and I believe it can really help you.

If you are upset at me mentioning it please tell me in the comments and we can talk it out. I want to be very respectful of your needs.

Ok, now that, that is out of the way lets talk about texting an ex boyfriend.

Specifically, what has changed since the original article that I posted three years ago.

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What Is The Main Goal For Texting An Ex Boyfriend?


And this is the point where I become unpopular.


Because I already know you are going to hate the answer that I give you when I answer this question.

There are two main things that I want you to accomplish when texting your ex boyfriend.

Are you ready?

Thing #1- I want you to build up as much attraction as possible

Thing #2- I want you to transition from text messages to phone calls.

Thing #1 is a given but what about Thing #2?

Well, in order to fully understand the thinking there we have to take a larger look at getting an ex boyfriend back.

Something that I talk about in The Texting Bible is this idea of the value chain.

What is a value chain?

I am glad you asked.

Take a look at the picture below,

EBR Value Chain

This is where I start to lose people so make sure that you are listening really intently.

The value chain ultimately explains my entire strategy for getting an ex boyfriend back.

It’s a slow (but powerful way) of moving from a situation where your ex boyfriend doesn’t want anything to do with you to a romantic date in person where (hopefully) he will ask you to be his girlfriend again.

There are two parts to it.

Part #1 Of The Value Chain

I want you to take note of four sections above.

They are entitled,

  1. Texting
  2. Phone Calls
  3. In Person (Small)
  4. In Person (Romantic)

I also want you to notice the order they are in because this is really important.

What this basically means is that when you try to get your ex boyfriend back you can’t just start off at the end of the value chain with an “In Person Romantic” encounter.

(Side Note: I have seen my fair share of women do this and fall flat on their face.)

Heck, you can’t even start off with something as simple as a phone call because I have seen women fail their too.

Instead, you are supposed to move up the value chain in the order I have outlined above (from left to right.)

Texting -> Phone Calls -> In Person (Small) -> In Person (Romantic)

This leads me to my next point.

Part #2 Of The Value Chain

If you scroll back up slightly you will notice that under the value chain in each of the four categories I have an arrow with a phrase.

That phrase is,

“Attraction Built”

What I am basically saying here is that before you can transition between one of the four categories of the value chain you need to build attraction in each one.

So, here is how it looks when you add Part #2 into the fray,

Texting (Build Attraction) -> Phone Calls (Build Attraction) -> In Person (Small) (Build Attraction) -> In Person (Romantic) (Build Attraction)

That’s basically the value chain in a nutshell.

Care to take a guess at what this entire article focuses in on with the value chain?

EBR Value Chain

Yup, this one entire massive post just focuses in on part one of the value chain. I suggest you pick up my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System if you want to see how the whole value chain flows together.

Anyways, our main goal here is to use text messages to build attraction up in your ex boyfriend and ultimately find a way to transition from text messaging to phone calls.

I know what you are thinking.

“Great… How do we do that?”

Patience Is Going To Be Required

I normally don’t feel a need to do this but because of YOU I have developed a pet peeve.

You see, I feel I give pretty solid advice.

I put a lot of thought into these write ups and take quite a bit of time out of my week to put them together.

So, it annoys me when a woman reads one of the articles, loves it and then when it comes time to implement it they fall flat on their face.

Guess what happens next?

Guess who gets blamed?

Jennifer Chris W-018 copy

Of course, with me being me I try to figure out what went wrong in their situation.

That’s when I come to find out that not only did the woman not only follow the value chain idea that I mentioned above but she rushed things.

I am sorry to let you in on this but getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t going to be a fast process.

Anyone who led you to believe that this is going to be a super quick process where you can win your boyfriend back in the blink of an eye is lying to you.

This is not a fast process and it will really test your patience.

You see, I have been doing this for several years and one of the things that I have learned is that there are two types of women when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back.

  1. The ones who give up.
  2. The ones who don’t.

Would you like to know the main difference I have seen between the two?

The ones who give up are not patient and the ones who don’t are.

This is especially true when it comes to texting an ex boyfriend.

If you want to have any chance of success you are going to have to be patient because texting an ex boyfriend takes time and if you rush the process you WILL fall flat on your face.

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Where The No Contact Rules Falls Into This Equation

Above I explained what you needed to know about the value chain and how we are focusing on just one little aspect of the value chain, texting.

But what about the no contact rule?

Where does that fall into play here?

I am glad you asked.

Ok, in order for me to fully explain this so that you get the clear effect I am going to have to pan out even more so you understand my whole get your ex back strategy (which you can find here.)

Are you ready?

The Get Your Ex Back Strategy

Admit it…

You totally laughed when you saw the Borat thing at the end.

Truthfully though, this is probably the greatest infographic that I have ever created in the history of Ex Boyfriend Recovery because it perfectly describes my method of helping YOU win your ex boyfriend back.

I want you to specifically notice where the no contact rule comes into play.

You do it before you even send a text message or anything like that.

Thus, everything that I am going to talk about on this page is rendered useless unless you have first done the no contact rule.

So… do it.

Of course, I am a big believer in synergy and reading this guide or the material found in The Texting Bible is ideal during the no contact rule.


Because it gives you time to prepare on what needs to happen after the no contact rule.

Now, before I start getting into the specific text messages that you are going to have to send to your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule I think we should talk a little about our game plan first.

Specifically the idea of “Tide Theory.”

Tide Theory

I do a pretty quick crash course of Tide Theory on the sales page of The Texting Bible and an even more in-depth explanation within the book. However, I am going to give you a pretty good explanation here since Tide Theory is kind of a huge deal when it comes to texting an ex.

In fact, it basically describes exactly how I want you to be texting your ex boyfriend.

I suppose I should just get started.

When you think of tides of an ocean or river what the first two things that pop into your mind?

  1. Low tide
  2. High tide

If you need an explanation of what these two look like then I can think of no better picture to describe it than this one,

high tide vs low tide

The picture on the left basically describes the “high tide” where the water is super high and the picture on the right describes “low tide” where the water is super low.

But here is my question for you.

When it comes from a low tide turning into a high tide how does that work?

Does it just happen in an instant where you blink your eyes and all of a sudden the water is up to your knees?


It usually takes half a day to accomplish.

Little by little the tide moves up and up and up and up.

In fact, it happens in such an incremental and natural way that you can’t really pinpoint an exact moment where it goes from point A to point B.

What does any of this have to do with texting?

Well, I want you to think about that actual action that a tide takes to go from low to high or high to low.

The movement from low to high or high to low seem so natural doesn’t it?

What I basically want you to do is replicate this exact process while texting your ex boyfriend and make it look as natural as possible. In other words, I want you to go from a low tide, where you barely text your ex at all,

high tide vs low tide

To a “high tide” where you are texting your ex all the time,

high tide vs low tide copy

So, the question you are wondering at this point is how do I accomplish that with text messages?

How To Accomplish Tide Theory With Text Messages?

The real point of tide theory is to move from Point A to Point B in a very natural looking manner.

Now, making the text messages delivered to your ex boyfriend look natural is kind of complicated.

There are all sorts of things to take into account…

Word count…




Now, I cover all of these things in-depth in The Texting Bible but today I want to talk about the frequency of the messages you deliver to your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.

The Texting Bible

What If You Knew EXACTLY What to Text, How to Respond, and How to Make Him Go Crazy Waiting for a Reply…

Learn More

One of the most popular questions I seem to get on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is, how often should I text my ex?

Seriously… Check this out,


This is literally one of thousands of messages like this.

Well, I think it’s time to put this type of question to rest.

What I am going to do is basically outline how I want you to text your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.


Day One: 2 Text

Day Two: 2 Texts

Day Three: No Texts

Day Four: 4 Texts

Day Five: 4 Texts

Day Six: 6 Texts

Day Seven: 6 Texts

Day Eight: 8 Texts

Day Nine: 8 Texts

Day Ten: 10 Texts

Day Eleven: 10 Texts

Day Twelve: 12 Texts

Day Thirteen:12 Texts

Day Fourteen: 14 Texts

Day Fifteen: 15+ Texts

I have a much more sophisticated way of spacing the texts out for Tide Theory in my book, The Texting Bible, but I think you get the general idea of what I want you to do from the little graph above.

A couple of things I want to mention here.

When I talk about the texts above I am only talking about the texts that YOU send. In other words, on Day Ten when I tell you to send ten text messages it is conceivable that twenty text messages could be sent that day.

Ten by you…

Ten by your ex…

Get it?

Another thing I want to mention is that in order for this to work you need to be getting responses from your ex. So, if you don’t get a response from your ex you aren’t allowed to count any texts past that point.


Perhaps I should give you another example.

Alright, lets look at “Day Thirteen” where you are supposed to send 12 texts.

Lets pretend that you send your ex five messages.

 (1) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(2) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(3) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(4) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(5) You: 1 Message

But after that fifth message you send your ex doesn’t respond.

Well, if that’s the case then that means that you technically aren’t allowed to move on to day fourteen where you are allowed to send 14 text messages. Instead, on the fourteenth day you have to again get to 12 text messages before you can move to the next level.

Get it?

One final thing, on day fifteen do you notice how I am allowing you to send more than 15 messages?

Yup, by the fifteenth day you can send as many text messages as you want.

If you want to send 100 text messages then you can send 100 text messages as long as your ex is responding to them.

Spacing out your text messages in this way is going to allow you to create the desired effect of Tide Theory!

So, that’s it in a nutshell.

What’s next?

Well, I suppose we should start talking about the type of text messages you want to send.

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The First Contact Text Message

first contact

This is the first text message that you are going to send to your ex boyfriend since the no contact rule has concluded and it has to be good.


I don’t think that quite sums up what I am going for here.

It can’t just be good…

It has to be phenomenal.


Still not enough.

This has to be the best text message that you have ever sent someone in your entire life.


That pretty much says what this text message needs to be.

But how?


That’s a good question.

Well, before I get to the details I feel like it would be a good idea for us to touch base with the tide theory strategy above since that has such a huge bearing on what type of text messages you are supposed to be sending (again you can check out The Texting Bible for a full list of messages.)

According to the Tide Theory doctrine on days one and two after the no contact rule you are only allowed to send two texts.

(You can see that here,)

Tide Theory Spacing

What Texts Do We Send On Our Two Text Limit?

This begs the question.

What should these two texts be?

Simple, text one should be our first contact message and text two should be our conversation ender.

I am going to do a huge section on the first contact text message so lets start with the conversation ending message since that is a lot easier to explain.

The Conversation Ending Text Message

The purpose of this message is to end the conversation with your ex boyfriend in a friendly way.

Though I will admit that I sometimes prefer the harder way of ending the conversation by simply not responding to him.

But more on that in a second.

Here is an example of a friendly way to end a conversation with your ex boyfriend,

convo ender

Notice how there wasn’t any ill will at all in the message?

It was just a legitimate excuse to end the conversation that your ex boyfriend shouldn’t have any problem with.

Now, there is one part of the text message that I like to add in but it is completely optional.

Care to take a guess at what I am talking about?

convo ender

“Rain Check?”

With those two little words you are accomplish a lot.

It’s basically a passive way of making your ex boyfriend expect that he is going to hear from you again.

Like I said, this is optional to include in your own conversation ender but I like putting it in because you can kind of have an in to text him again on day two of this process.

So, that’s the conversation ending text message in a nutshell.

Lets turn our attention to the first contact message now.

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Constructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message


I have thought a lot about this and what I am about to say may sound a little crazy to you but it makes sense if you listen to my logic.

Would you like to know who I personally think would create the best first contact text messages?


You see, comedians are master story tellers and while their stories are meant to make you laugh you have to admit that a master comedian is also a master story teller.

This is an ability that  you need to acquire.

Because if you have nothing interesting to say in a text then you shouldn’t have the right to say anything at all.

Constructing the perfect first contact text message is all about telling a fascinating story in a refined manor.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Ok, but what should my story be over?”

This is where knowing what your ex likes will come into play.

Lets use a simple example.

Lets say your ex boyfriend is in love with football.

Well, that means that we can use football to our advantage by working it into an interesting story.

So, I am going to tell you a funny story that is completely made up by me but we are going to use it as a mock example to construct a perfect first contact text message.

Are you ready?

Ok, lets begin.

The Fake Story We Are Going To Use

Have you ever watched the show Game of Thrones?

Well, I am a huge fan and it has taken over as my favorite show of all time.

(But that’s besides the point.)

I particularly like Tyrion Lannister. Now, I am not going to spoil anything for you guys if you haven’t seen GOT yet but Tyrion is a dwarf.



Well, what if I told you that I was walking down the street and saw the actor who plays Tyrion, Peter Dinklage hanging out with Football Quarterback Tom Brady?

Dinklage Vs. Brady

The two were walking and having a fun time and then Brady decides that he wanted to challenge Peter Dinklage to a throwing contest.

Particularly who could throw a football further.

Dinklage definitely didn’t look pleased by the challenge but decided that just for the sake of being nice he would accept.

Brady is going to obviously win, right?

I mean he is a NFL quarterback for heavens sake!

So, Brady steps up to the line and lets loose a throw,



That’s really impressive.

Next up is Dinklage…



You know what this means, right?

It means that Peter Dinklage the dwarf from Game of Thrones literally threw a football further than Tom Brady.

Now, that is one heck of a story, right?

Let’s package it up and make it into a first contact text message now.

Using A Story For Your First Contact Text Message

So, the story that we are basically going to tell here is the fact that Tyrion Lannister,


Out threw Tom Brady…

tom brady

How the heck are we supposed to package this into a first contact text message?

Remember, the only reason that we are telling this story is because your ex boyfriend is obsessed with Football.

Alright, here is what I propose,

story text message

Notice how I packed the story really neatly into a medium sized text message.

Now, the story is completely fabricated but I fabricated it based on the fact that your ex boyfriend loves football.

The key here is creating a story around things that you know your ex boyfriend would respond to.

Oh, and you will also note that the story is ridiculous.

In real life there is no way that Peter Dinklage can out throw Tom Brady but the idea of it should make an ex boyfriend respond just to prove you wrong.

Let’s move on.

Should You Be Sending First Contact Text Messages Every Time You Start A Texting Conversation?

I get this question a lot.

And it’s a good question.

So, to answer it I am going to have to turn back to the tide theory graphic I created above.

Tide Theory Spacing copy

Between “Day One” and “Day Five” I would like you to utilize the first contact text messages.

From “Day 6” on I don’t think you will have to anymore.


Because by that point if you have gotten your ex boyfriend to respond to you four times in a row (remember we skip day three) then you will have proven that you can get them to respond to you so you won’t have to go out of your way just to get a response anymore.

However, that doesn’t mean you can let your foot off the gas.

What should you send them to start a conversation after day five?

Well, it has to be more than a simple generic,


As to what you want to say exactly…

Well, I am going to hold that piece of information hostage and just give it to the readers of The Texting Bible 😉 .

Lets move on and talk about building rapport.

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Building Rapport Text Messages

Alright, where are we at in the tide theory graphic?

Lets see here…

Tide Theory Spacing copy

So, between day’s four and ten I want you to pick a point in the conversation every day to sprinkle in a certain type of text. The text that you sprinkle in is meant to do one thing.


Now, what is rapport?

Good question.

The dictionary defines rapport,

as a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well.

In other words, I want you to capture your ex boyfriends interest so that he is always wanting to talk to you day after day.

We are going to do this very strategically by doing something different every single day.

Take a look,

Tide Theory Spacing copy

Now, I outline how to build rapport like ten times better in The Texting Bible but I am going to do my best for you here.

According to the graphic above there are four types of text messages that need to be used between days four and ten.

What I would like to do is take an in-depth look at what each one is so you really have a good idea of how to construct your very own text messages.

Days 4 & 5 – The Funny Text Message

We aren’t trying to re-invent the wheel here as all we are trying to do is make your ex boyfriend laugh.

There are a lot of ways to do this but I am going to give you my top two ways.

I suppose we can start with the easy way which basically means it doesn’t require a lot of work from you.

I like to call this “The Meme Message.”

The Meme Text Message

One of the things that you may notice about my site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that I have all these funny memes plastered everywhere.

Have you ever stopped and asked why?

It’s actually quite simple.

I like them and they make me laugh and I think that when you deal with such a depressing subject like breakups it kind of is nice to have a sense of humor about it. Besides, I don’t think you’d connect with me at all if I acted just like a doctor quoting statistics and looking at the facts.

What I think you should do is send your ex boyfriend a funny meme of your choosing that you think would make him laugh.

Here are a few of the best I have seen recently.

The “Ex” Box

ex box 360

The “Carlton”

carlton meme

The “Clone”

the baby

Now, that last one is particularly relevant to me since my wife and I had a newborn so any baby meme’s crack me up and therein lies my next point. If you do decide to use the meme text. I want you to make sure you send him a relevant meme.

For example, if the two of you are talking about super Mario in a text message then you should send a meme like this,


And if the two of you were talking about The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones…

walking dead game of thrones

I think you get the idea.

Lets move on to the other type of funny text that you can send.

I like to call this one the knock knock text.

The Knock Knock Text

Who doesn’t love a good knock knock joke?

Well, this text is meant to accomplish two things.

Thing #1- Use humor with your ex in a playful way in order to build rapport.

Thing #2- Get a response from your ex.

Now, thing #2 shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish due to the nature of a knock knock text.

Let me give you an example.

When I say,

“Knock, Knock..”

What do you instinctively want to say back?

“Whose there, right?”

And there’s the beauty of the knock knock text.

It has a built in way of getting your ex to respond.

Of course, that leaves thing #1…

In order to accomplish thing #1 you are going to have to come up with a good knock knock joke.

You are on your own there…


If you wanna use one of mine I guess that’s ok 😉 .


Day’s Six And Seven- Memory Text Message

I talk a lot about memory text messages on this website and of course in my book, The Texting Bible.

So, what is a memory text message?

Well, a lot of women seem to mistake it for a message where you bring up a super romantic time…

Something like say….


I love you...


Don’t do that.

While I a memory text is supposed to make your ex boyfriend remember the good times of your relationships I don’t want you touching anything romantic yet.

More rapport needs to be built first.

So, the ideal memory text that you should send to your boyfriend should revolve around a fun experience the two of you shared.

Think of the funnest time that you had with your ex and use that.

Here I will give you an example,

hot air balloon

Notice how the emphasis of the text revolves around how much fun it was to ride in the hot air balloon.

Generally speaking that’s what we are shooting for.

We want to remind your ex boyfriend of all the fun times the two of you had.

Day’s Eight & Nine: The Story Text

By day’s eight and nine of the tide theory process you have a lot of room to work with to implement the story text.

This is actually my favorite type of text to send because you can do some really creative stuff with it.

The premise of the story text is really simple.

You are going to tell an epic story over three texts.

Now, the story you tell needs to be engaging and really interesting to your ex boyfriend. You will also be utilizing something I call “check in’s.”

(I will explain what that is in a second.)

First things first, I need to give you a story text example.

story part one

Notice how we cut the story off right as it was getting good.

Why did we do this?

Simple, because we are splitting this story up into three texts and this was text #1.

Also, it adds anticipation to the next text,

story part two

Two things I want you to notice.

The first text in this graphic was clearly a continuation to the story I started above.

The second text though is the “check in” I was talking about above,

story part two

It’s this subtle check in that you use to make sure your ex is still engaged. If he is then he will respond with something like this,


Once you get the “A-Ok” from the check in you complete your story,

story three

Day Ten- The Compliment Text

You shouldn’t be too bewildered by this text.

Basically you are going to give your ex boyfriend a compliment but it’s not just any old compliment. You are going to give him what I like to call an “in depth compliment.”

What’s an “In Depth Compliment?”

Simple, it’s where you go the extra step of elaborating.

Let me give you an example of a regular compliment in a text message.

pretty eyes

Pretty basic, right?

You are essentially complimenting your man on his eyes.

But where is the flair?

Where is the flash?

Where is the romance?

That’s where the “In Dept Compliment” comes into play,

in depth

Do you see the difference between the two?

These are the type of compliments that you need to be giving your ex boyfriend.

Now, if you want more examples of the compliment texts I suggest you grab “The Texting Bible.”

Lets move on.

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Transitioning To The Phone Call

I want to pull out our handy dandy graph again for a second here.

Tide Theory Spacing

Notice how between days eleven and fifteen I am recommend that you can do a transition text message.


Ok, by “transition text message” all I am saying is that you can send a special type of text message that can help you transition from texting to a phone call.

And you can send this message when you feel the time is right.

Look, some women may find that by day eleven their ex is actively wanting to talk to them on the phone while other women still may not feel that confident even by day fifteen.

Figuring out when you send your transition text is entirely up to you.

My only piece of advice here is to feel it out.

Let your gut tell you if it’s time or not.

When you do feel it’s time I want you to employ the following method.

The Transition Text

The way this works is that you are going to start telling your ex boyfriend a very long story.

(Kind of similar to the fortune teller story I told above.)

However, before you have a chance to end the story you are are going to send something like,

“Actually… you know what. Can I call you to finish this? It’s too good to text.”

Here is how it’s supposed to work.

(Side Note: I am going to use the fortune teller story above to illustrate this.)

transition text

The key to making this work is to telling a compelling story.

So compelling that your ex boyfriend will have no choice but to accept the call.

Oh, and it’s aces once you get him on the phone. You will have successfully moved on to the phone call section of the strategy.


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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868 thoughts on “Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)”

  1. Marie

    January 30, 2018 at 11:55 pm

    Hi EBR team,
    what if i didnt text on the 2nd day of the tide theory because i forgot to. i thought it was on day 3 ill text him? will i start over again on day one or just go on with day 2, then 3 so on and so forth?
    can we have a private email conversation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 5:57 pm

      It’s ok to either start over or continue since it’s only just day 2. You can email [email protected] if you want.

  2. Ani

    January 11, 2018 at 3:45 pm

    I’m on like day 7 of texting my ex and he is replying but I’m not 100% confident with myself right now so I feel like I should do a mini NC so that I can get myself together and see if I still want to pursue this. Our conversations have been going well but I’m not trying to be put in the friend zone and need more confidence in order to keep that from happening. Thoughts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 11, 2018 at 7:56 pm

      Hi Ani,

      try to let him initiate instead and still be the one to end the conversation at high point.

  3. Alia

    December 28, 2017 at 6:02 am

    Hi Amor,

    Do I acknowledge his second text message, or should I initiate another first text message? Correct me if I’m wrong, but the goal is to get my ex to respond on the same day, right? My efforts should be honed in on not having to wait a few days to reply so that I don’t look desperate, right?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2017 at 7:06 pm

      if you can continue the conversation, you can do it but if not just initiate a new topic.. yep, the goal is that you will have a conversation on that day.

  4. Alia

    December 27, 2017 at 4:52 pm

    I reached out to my ex three days ago, and received a positive response. I sent a second message, but he did not respond to it for another 24 hours. It was neutral, and didn’t warrant a reply. I have decided to wait a couple of days before I initiate another first text message.

    How do I adapt the tide theory if, like with my second text, he takes a day to respond? Do I start day one again and again until I can reach two text messages? I don’t want to come off as clingy, hence why I am weary of responding straight away, and taking a couple of days to reply. Is that bad? In the meantime, I have made sure to be posting pictures of me and what I am doing on social media.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 27, 2017 at 10:40 pm

      Hi Alia,

      You can still text him 3 days after your second text

  5. Anonymous

    December 19, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    I have a situation that doesn’t exactly fit a break-up. I ended up matching with a guy on a dating site who seemed like my ideal guy. We chatted a bit but while I was asking him a lot of questions and trying to get to know him, he didn’t seem to make much effort to get to know me and I got frustrated. I asked if he accidentally liked me and he asked why I thought that. I explained and he said he generally goes with the idea of engaging answers and responsiveness. So I asked him well, how has that been working out for you. He didn’t take well to that and said I don’t know how we got here this fast but I don’t think this is gonna go anywhere, good luck in dating and travel. So afterwards, I tried to apologize but got no response and he never unmatched me. I don’t know much about him but we have similar work backgrounds, he’s new to my city, he’s into sports and likes to travel. I would at least like an opportunity to meet him but not sure how to rectify the situation. I feel the only starting line I could use is ask how he has been liking the city so far and ask if he has had a chance to explore. Any advice on how to handle this kind of situation?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 9:15 pm

      Hi Anonymous,

      You nagged him, and of course it was a turn off for him.. at this point, you have to let time pass, so you don’t look like you’re chasing him.

  6. Sara

    December 12, 2017 at 12:14 am

    Hello! I sent my first text yesterday, had great response. He texted today before I sent my second text, saying he likes not to be “blocked” anymore and beeing able to talk to me, asked a few questions about my work and hollydays.
    What do I do with my second day text? Tomorrow is day three so I wont text him. Should I use the funny text on day 4 or use the other contact text I was supposed to use today. I’m confused since he’s beeing so nice and interested.
    Also, on day 4, should I just send the meme or should I start conversation in another way?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 13, 2017 at 3:58 pm

      Guage it on how the last conversation went..and then use which text style looks more natural to send after that conversation

  7. Maz

    December 8, 2017 at 4:23 am


    My ex and I were together for 1.5 yrs but we were friends before we dated. We both have a group of friends where we both belong. He said he does not feel the same way about me anymore when he was breaking up with me but he said he still cares for me. I think this is after honeymoon stage and we got comfortable with each other a lot. My initial reaction to the breakup was to panic and beg and I’ve kind of managed to talk him through to “try” again but as you may know that is painful since I know that he is being distant and there is an underlying uneasiness to it. That’s when I decided to implement the no contact without telling him. I just did not reply to him texting good night and good morning and I think he got the message on that this trying is not gonna work. I focused on processing my feelings and improving myself(holy trinity) during the NC. I was active on instagram story after a few weeks posting funny or happy stuff when I feel like it and he always view all of them. On the lat couple days, I had new photos up in my FB with my friends eating. I completed NC in 31 days and in day 32 I sent my first text. He replied within minutes and I know ive read that I am supposed to end the conversation in my 2nd text but I got caught up he asked me abt my job and all and he was really engaging for a conversation. My initial plan was to just not reply but I guess I was waiting for a high point and I just got lost on locating that so I ended up having 10 texts. I always keep mins/hrs intervals before replying and I make suer I dont reply before he replies. We ended with some jokes and I just stopped replying when I felt like his reply is not r”reply-able” if theres word. I’m worried I ruined the first conversation. I need advice on how to approach this. When should I send my next text? and should i follow the tide theory or keep days of intervals per text convo? PLS HELP THANK YOU!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 8:45 am

      Hi Maz,

      Don’t overthink…you’re doing fine..you can still follow the tide theory..

  8. Maz

    December 7, 2017 at 3:55 pm


    My ex said he doesnt feel the same way about my anymore but cares for me when he was breaking up. My initial reaction was to beg and panic and Ive kind of talk him through to “try” again although we’re still talking after he was being distant it was painful. That’s when I decided to do the no contact without telling him. I just stopped responding to his text saying good night and good morning. On day 12 he emailed me a sorry-thank you email saying it wasnt my fault this happened, wishing me all the best and said a little inside joke at the end. I ignored everything and kept working on myself. I compeleted 31 days NC processing my feelings then taking steps to make myself feel better and improving my life (holy trinity). I am active in instagram story posting only positive or funny things when i feel like and he always views all of them. Also in my last week of NC I had new photos up in my facebook of hanging w few friends. So I sent my first message to him on today day 32 and he responded positively wihin minutes. Ive read that I should have ended the conversation with the second message but I didnt want to make excuses why Im ending it. My plan was to reply whatever and not reply for the next text. He ended up replying with questions abt my job and I replied so thats my 2nd message. But then he replied with 3 messages telling stories and askung questions again I got caught up so basically we had a good conversation and I eneded up sending 10 texts. He was actively replying as well and I wait mins/hrs before replying. I was waiting for a high moment to really end it but I guess idk how to locate that or I got lost so I just end up not replying to his last reply that didnt a repliable message. I’m worried now that i did the first conversation in a wrong way. How long should I wait to send my next text?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 8:45 am

      Hi Maz,

      Don’t overthink…you’re doing fine..you can still follow the tide theory..

  9. Sam

    November 11, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    Hi Amor,
    So after 21 days of NC, I reached out to him and said congrats on a work thing and that I hoped he got to celebrate- he never replied. I also friend requested him on FB and he declined. This is the same guy who I had been talking to for 3 months and who seemed into me, but then asked for space. I had sent him that angry text, then apologized and he blocked me from instagram and snapchat. I’m not sure what to do..I feel heartbroken and feel like he absolutely despises me. I feel horrible. What can I do? Will any amount of waiting or anything help at this point? If so, what would I say..? He seems to not want anything to do with me and I’m sure he’s interested in someone else..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 1:31 am

      In reply to Sam.


      it’s still here, I just haven’t reached it yet.. Well, you’re not supposed to send a friend request if there’s no rapport, unless you don’t have any way of contacting him than that.. Other than moving on, try nc for one last time and do it for 45 days..

  10. Sam

    November 11, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    Hi Amor,
    So I got anxious and sent him a text after 21 days of NC congratulating him on a work related thing and said I hope he got to celebrate. Again, this is the guy who wasn’t an ex, who I had spoken to every single day for 3 months, and who blocked me after I tried to apologize when I sent him an angry text after he had asked me for space and I asked him where we stood and he ignored me. I also sent him a friend request on facebook. I found out that he declined my facebook request and didn’t respond to me. What can I do? Again, last we spoke was September.. I feel so down and upset that he has treated me this way… and I miss him a lot. I’m not sure what to do. I feel like even a simple response from him would make me feel much better because I hate the ugly way things ended..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 13, 2017 at 1:29 am


      it’s still here, I just haven’t reached it yet.. Well, you’re not supposed to send a friend request if there’s no rapport, unless you don’t have any way of contacting him than that.. Other than moving on, try nc for one last time and do it for 45 days..

  11. Sam

    November 9, 2017 at 7:28 pm

    Hi Amor,
    So I actually read your response late. I got anxious and believed him to be talking to another girl, so since today was the 21st day of NC, I sent him a text wishing him congratulations on a work related thing and said I hoped he got to celebrate with banana bread and baseball (two of his favorite things). I sent it 5 hours ago and he didn’t respond. I’m feeling pretty bummed and not sure if this is something that’s repairable at this point or if there is anything I can do regarding communicating. I know I messed up by sending him an angry text before I started apologizing and eventually got blocked, but I don’t think I deserve to be ignored especially since he blocked me and I sent a kind text. What should I do? As of now, it seems texting and messaging or sending a Facebook friend request are my only options if I even want to take them.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 8:29 pm

      do a mini nc of at least 2 weeks.. and be productive, don’t just wait.

  12. Lilly

    November 9, 2017 at 6:13 pm

    Hi Amor ,
    Yes we are still texting , but as it LDR sometimes we don’t have connection . My ex has initiated a conversation a couple of times asking me what I’m doing & if I ask him questions he replies but sometimes it’s just one word answers . I don’t answer straight away either , I tried a memory text but he didn’t reply to that text . What should I do next ?
    Many thanks Lilly

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 11:37 pm

      a memory text is better used if you’ve already built rapport or when he shows signs that he’s interested. And you have to initiate conversations using his topics of interests

  13. Sam

    November 7, 2017 at 4:43 pm

    Hi Amor,
    I sent those apologies before I started NC/before the blocking. I’m also pretty anxious because I think he may be talking to/interested in someone else. I’m trying my best to not think about it, but it’s still anxiety inducing especially since I’m still on week 3 of NC- I kind of feel helpless. Any advice to ease the anxiety? It’s just that the last time I heard from him was late September and the last he heard from me was mid October :/.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 5:55 pm

      ok, what matters now is how much you improved yourself and how active are you in posting and making the posts public even if you’re blocked.. if you haven’t done that, do that first and extend at least another two weeks.

  14. Nastya

    November 7, 2017 at 3:13 am

    I’ve followed the NC rule more than 30 days. Also posted some positive pics on social network. And my ex didn’the send anything to me that time. Then I send a message about football match. Which was supposed to be interesting for him. But only couple of days later he asked me if it was me, why I used different phone number and such questions and no words about that topic that I’ve mentioned. Then couple of days later I wrote again message about sport, just add some other details and rephrase my question. Also ignoring. Then 2 days later couple of words like “yes quite good game” and then he said that he was taking tickets to my country. Usually I went to his. And he never been here where I live. But he didn’t said that it’s because of me. At the same time if he has different reasons to come here why then he let me know about it? I don’t know how to react, how to control the dialog. I just replied with one word “Interesting. ” To let me to think what I have to write. I think I should use “Building rapport” tactic? Cause it’seems kind of our 2-3 day of texting not counting gaps. Should I ask him the reason why he wants to come here? And how to do it in such manner to keep the dialog nice and usual? How to be “Ungettable” and at the same time not to be to cold in the dialog , cause I’m afraid that if show him that I don’the care a lot he will get offended and cancel visit.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 6:04 pm

      suggest places he can go to and the things he should bring that can help his stay here more comfortable, whether for the weather, or just logistics..like if your place doesn’t have much atm machines, he should bring more cash, etc.

  15. Sam

    November 7, 2017 at 12:49 am

    Hi Amor,
    Thanks for getting back to me so quickly : D. I sent those texts before I got blocked. After I got blocked I started NC so now it’s been 3 weeks since I last contacted/got blocked.

  16. Sam

    November 6, 2017 at 1:28 pm

    So I’m on week 3 of NC. I planned a text on sending him for after NC. He got pretty mad at me when things fell apart- he asked for space, I sent him a text, got ignored, sent him an angry text, and then apologized to him several times for the angry text over the following weeks only to get blocked on a few social media apps (I have no idea if he even bothered to read those apologies). So at the end of NC, should I apologize to him again, or just go straight into that first attention grabbing text?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:29 pm

      Hi Sam,

      don’t apologize anymore because you’ve already done that.. yep, go straight to normal texts.. and when did you send those texts? was it during nc or you started nc after you got blocked?

  17. VIcky

    October 31, 2017 at 7:38 pm

    Hi so I did the NC rule for 30 days an sprach starting the texting phase few days ago. My Ex is responding to me and engaging with me. We’re doing a lot of small talk but today I realized I was putting Moreno effort then him. I asked him how everything is going and he told me about his school and asked me how I’m doing. And then I asked him another question and he didn’t truly ask me anything about me. So I ended the conversation as soon as I realize du I out more effort. What should I do next? Should I wait a few days? Btw he is in a rebound relationship.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 1, 2017 at 8:55 pm

      Hi Vicky,

      It’s ok to initiate, as long as you’re the one ending the convo at high point

  18. Lilly

    October 28, 2017 at 12:20 pm

    Hi , I finished 25 days of no contact with my LDR now ex boyfriend (he blocked me after a disagreement so went straight into NC) ,it was his birthday the day I stopped NC as it was 25 days I thought that would be OK, I sent a funny video compilation for his birthday and wished him happy returns ,he replied straight away ‘Thankyou ‘ It was night time to waited until the morning to reply that he was welcome and thought it would make him smile,he replied an hour later ‘you do ‘ I replied with It is now the next day ,what text should I send next as he didn’t respond to But I am not blocked now ? Many thanks in advance

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 31, 2017 at 7:05 pm

      Hi Lilly,

      Are you still texting now?

  19. Vicky

    October 22, 2017 at 9:05 am

    Hi guys

    me and my ex were dating for 6 months. He moved in with me 1 month before he broke up. I am on my 21st day of NC and during this 21 days he txt me about 5 times because of his stuff and came to my house 3 times. I always handled it like a business as you guys mentioned I should. Finally he took all his stuff yesterday. I even helped him and his friend pack everything.

    So should I start the texting phase in 9 days? Or should I wait a little longer?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 4:27 pm

      Hi Vicky,
      Yes, you can start the texting phase after nc..

  20. Jenny

    October 19, 2017 at 10:00 am


    I have done no contact with my ex bf and we have been texting. He has remained distant but has been responding. I asked to call him one evening so that I could apologise for how I was behaving before and after the break up (really needy and negative). I said that I had been working on myself a lot which is going really well and I felt that I should apologise. He said I did not need to and that he had no bad feelings towards me. Then he changed the conversation and was bringing up memories of funny things we did and we had a nice chat. I tried to text to him the next day but he was quite unresponsive so I left it. Then the next evening I sent him a follow up message thanking him for speaking to me and saying I meant what I said that I am ok with everything now. I ended the message saying that I did not want him to feel like he had to speak to me so if he would prefer not to then just let me know. I did not expect him to respond and he didnt, I thought I should give him a few days space and then try engaging him in friendly convo again. Does his non response mean he is fine with talking? If he wanted me to stop he would say as I gave him the opportunity?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 23, 2017 at 11:40 am

      Dont overthink..just rest a few days from initiating and then continue building rapport.. Dont apologize again

  21. Rese

    October 18, 2017 at 8:26 pm

    Okay, so today is day 31 of NC and I sent my ex an action text with a almost immediate response… she’s at work and I know how busy she gets so the fact that she texted so quickly says something. She’s also an avid texted and according to tide theory I should nip this convo in the bud with my second text…. to keep her interested I suppose? I want to tread carefully because I did make some of the mistakes when we first broke up. But I think during NC I have seen how they were perceived negatively. She has a lot of personal hang ups when it comes to our relationship but it’s weird I think she’s the one for me and I don’t wanna waste this glimmer of hope that I’m getting. I would appreciate any advice. I’m also waiting for her to ask me why I went silent for so long as well. Maybe some help on how to approach that question. She mentioned needing time to process so that’s why I went NC I figured it was the only way she would actually take the time and think about her decision and us moving forward

    Thanks again

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 22, 2017 at 6:53 pm

      HI Rese,

      did you end it at the second text? And instead of waiting for her to ask you why you were silent, build rapport instead. Talk about topics she loves talking about.

  22. Sirah

    August 22, 2017 at 3:16 am

    Hi! I met a guy on a trip back home, met him the last night I was there. I had another trip back home planned 5 weeks after we met, we text almost every day from when we met to when I took my second trip (novels) and two FT “dates”. He was infatuated with me, mutual friends back home even contacted me letting me know he was talking about me to anyone who would listen. During the five weeks of texting I decided to extend my trip home for several reasons, hanging with him being one of them (which we talked about). When I got there we went on an amazing first date, then two days later we hung out and it was pretty good but laid back (watched TV at his house). The next day we went to dinner but it was a little off, we were both exhausted. The next day I brought him lunch at work. It was fine, but I kept thinking that If I lived there, four dates in five days would not have happened! I think I came on a little strong while I was there and expected too much, like it all needed to come together in the week I was there. Then a few days before I left he sent me a text saying he didn’t feel the same as he did in the beginning and didn’t want to lead me on. I did send a casual/cool response to his text and didn’t get emotional. I can see exactly where I pushed too hard and probably pushed him away. I was in an international LDR a couple of years ago and my insecurities started to come out. If we lived in the same town I would’ve just let him lead and gone with the flow. He’s a great guy and I trust him completely, I just pushed too hard too fast. Is this a lost cause?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 10:12 pm

      HI Sirah,

      try nc first.. if it doesn’t work, then continue to move on.

    2. sirah

      August 22, 2017 at 11:04 pm

      Doesn’t sound promising, as I suspected. NC is worth a shot, for how long?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 24, 2017 at 9:44 pm

      try at least 21 days.

  23. Crystal

    August 18, 2017 at 10:30 pm

    How do you go about the texting phase if you work with your ex? Do yo still ignore them for that day? How do you stay consistent in person and in texting? Do you flirt with them in person or ignore them…?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2017 at 8:53 pm

      Yep you can replace it with in person conversation

  24. Crystal

    August 18, 2017 at 10:28 pm

    So my question is how do you go about doing this if you work with your ex? Do you still keep them at a distance in person? Can you replace one of these days with in person conversations?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2017 at 8:52 pm

      Yep you can replace it with in person conversation

  25. Amy

    August 15, 2017 at 4:42 am


    So here’s some background info about me and my ex:
    -We dated for 9 months
    -He initiated break up on 6/8- about 2.5 months now
    -I was texting him the day of breakup, but started 30 day NC immediately the next day
    -Extended 30 days to 42 days of NC
    -I reached out to him after 42 days, and his response was positive.
    -We exchanged about 2-3 texts all pretty positive, and then no response all of the sudden.
    -The last text I sent him included a photo and two texts, and that was on 8/6 (over a week ago).

    I’ve improved myself dramatically, and still working on myself plenty everyday… any tips on what to do? Do I wait 2 weeks and text him and see? Or wait the total 30+ days of NC again?

    He’s also blocked me on FB messenger, but we’re still FB friends..

    Thoughts? Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 15, 2017 at 10:42 pm

      After not responding, he just blocked you a week ago?

  26. Veronica

    August 4, 2017 at 1:56 am


    I completed no contact despite my ex sending multiple messages about loving and missing me. So far I have had very positive (almost too engaging) of responses from him on my first 2 days of contact. It is my 3rd day and he texted me a question. Do I have to follow the texting guide of no contact day 3 or is it ok to respond in a friendly way?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 6:15 am

      It depends on the situation but the reason why you need space some days is because you have to create desire..

  27. sarah

    July 31, 2017 at 5:30 pm

    Hi Amor,

    So after NC, I have two weeks to start building rapport through text, but then he leaves for the UK with his family for the next two weeks… Should I still text him frequently when he’s away or should i wait until he gets back? I feel like he’s going to be busy during the family vacation and so will not be able to answer…. what do you suggest?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 1, 2017 at 3:32 pm

      It’s on to text…pick a time that he’s more likely to reply

  28. rori

    July 18, 2017 at 1:31 pm

    hey guys ^^ thnx alot

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 2:20 pm

      if you already had a break up, there’s no need to say anything else.. if you kept talking, just tell him what’s currently happening is not working for you and you’re moving on. That’s it. and then start nc.. it would be better if you do nc now and be very active in improving yourself and in posting and then start slowly building rapport while he’s abroad..

  29. Karen

    July 18, 2017 at 6:03 am

    Is it too important to follow the tide theory? I tried it but I think It was to annoying at the start, so I tried other advices like making texting a game (which takes more messages than what the tide theory says it should that day) but he hasn’t given me any negative respond, so I keep with the conversation and then I say we’ll talk later(I’m always the one who ends the conversation but I’m also the one that starts it). We have talked for just 4 days, but as I said it has been from neutral to positive, mostly positive, and we have had talks of even 40 messages. Is it ok? And how can I make him text me first?
    Ps: i think I should add that when we broke up he said he wanted to be friends, so maybe he thinks we are texting to be friends again and I’m scared about showing him so much interest or ending in the friendzone…
    Also I would like to give you a suggestion: you could make a post about what to answer to the emojis (?) bc they can be neutral but also confusing…idk

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 2:15 pm

      it’s not a hard rule.. it’s just a guide. You can follow your gut.. And you have to maintain the new routine and still have your own time while building rapport.. if you’re always available and dont have time for anybody else, there would be no mystery, then you’re not interesting anymore. Emojis can be neutral but can be positive too.. mirror his reply, and add in a new topic in the same message.