Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Almost three years ago I created a guide on Ex Boyfriend Recovery which is still one of the most visited pages on this website.

What is it?

It was a page that taught women how to use text messages to get their ex boyfriends back.

Now, the thing you have to understand about that page was that I had just created this website and was in the process of still learning how every step of the “get your ex back” process worked. In other words, while the advice there was solid I know A LOT more three years later.

Heck, I have even written a book on the topic (The Texting Bible.)

Well, for the longest time there has been one thing that has been bugging me about Ex Boyfriend Recovery as a whole.

It’s the fact that there are a TON of visitors visiting that page every single day,

Screen Shot 2015-10-12 at 6.09.33 PM

That are getting out of date advice.

This annoys me because if I am going to have the best site in the world on winning an ex boyfriend back I need to make sure that my content or “my message” is out of this world and when I look at that page I don’t get an “out of this world” vibe.

Instead, I get an “out of date” vibe.

This page is my attempt to correct the shortcomings of that page as I am about to embark on a massive journey.

Ah, but this isn’t just any type of journey.

This is the type of journey where it is all said and done you are going to look at me and think,

“Holy crap… I feel like an expert on this topic.”

See,

journey

(Ok, I totally took that screenshot from the video game (Journey) but I couldn’t help it. Look how perfectly it fits into the theme.)

So, are you ready to start this journey?

I promise you won’t regret it as I teach you almost everything there is to know about texting.

I Am Going To Coach You… For FREE!

And that’s where I come in!

Secret 4 Step Training

What if I were to tell you that I have put together an “On Demand Coaching Class” where I am going to coach you for free?

All you need to do if you want to join my FREE coaching class is click the green button below,

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I thought would be kind of cool to show you some of the actual results women have gotten through my “On Demand Coaching,”

Oh, and if you were wondering “Jennifer Christina” is my wife 😉 .

This is another Facebook testimonial from someone who is on the Private Facebook Group.

I’ve got about 300 more Facebook testimonials just like this.

If you are interested in joining my Free On Demand Coaching please click the link below,

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What Do You Mean You’ll Teach Us “Almost” Everything There Is To Know?

what do you you mean

I know what you are thinking.

“Why can’t you teach us everything there is to know?”

My response: Where would be the fun in that?

Ok, I am just kidding.

There are two reasons why I won’t teach you everything there is to know.

Reason #1- I Don’t Know Everything There Is To Know

That’s the truth.

I feel like over the past few years as I have built this massive following due to Ex Boyfriend Recovery you guys expect me to know everything and while I will admit that I know a lot more than the average person I definitely don’t know everything there is to know.

I learn new things about getting an ex back every single day but that’s kind of the beauty of this website.

As I keep writing for it my ideas become more refined and that ultimately leads you to have more success.

Of course, there is another more… self serving reason I am not going to tell you everything there is to know.

Reason #2- I Want You To Want More

I believe in honesty.

In other words, I want Ex Boyfriend Recovery to be the one thing in your world that you can trust and in order to do that I need to look out for your best interests.

And I think I have done that for the most part.

I give you guys a lot of information for free.

Information that others experts in my business are charging for.

However, this site cannot operate without money.

That’s a fact.

Due to EBR’s size and popularity I have had to hire designers, get a bigger hosting platform and literally spend hours upon hours constructing podcasts, website posts (and now I am even creating a professional YouTube channel!)

So, it’s almost like I have to sell some type of product on this website to keep it going.

I have found the best way to do this is to give you 60% of the information you need for free and then fill in the gaps by charging for 40% of the information that you need (with the additional benefit of going much more in-depth in the 60% I gave for free.)

Hey, I want to be up front and honest with you about how I operate this website.

You guys have done so much for me so it’s the least I can do.

So, you know what comes next, right?

It is at this point that most people will go into some long sales pitch about why they should buy their product.

But I am not going to do that.

Instead, I am just going to tell you that you may see me mention my recent book, The Texting Bible, throughout this article. I am not doing this to be spammy in an effort to make money (though I will admit I like making money as much as the next guy.)

I am mentioning it because it is relevant and I believe it can really help you.

If you are upset at me mentioning it please tell me in the comments and we can talk it out. I want to be very respectful of your needs.

Ok, now that, that is out of the way lets talk about texting an ex boyfriend.

Specifically, what has changed since the original article that I posted three years ago.

What Is The Main Goal For Texting An Ex Boyfriend?

goals

And this is the point where I become unpopular.

Why?

Because I already know you are going to hate the answer that I give you when I answer this question.

There are two main things that I want you to accomplish when texting your ex boyfriend.

Are you ready?

Thing #1- I want you to build up as much attraction as possible

Thing #2- I want you to transition from text messages to phone calls.

Thing #1 is a given but what about Thing #2?

Well, in order to fully understand the thinking there we have to take a larger look at getting an ex boyfriend back.

Something that I talk about in The Texting Bible is this idea of the value chain.

What is a value chain?

I am glad you asked.

Take a look at the picture below,

EBR Value Chain

This is where I start to lose people so make sure that you are listening really intently.

The value chain ultimately explains my entire strategy for getting an ex boyfriend back.

It’s a slow (but powerful way) of moving from a situation where your ex boyfriend doesn’t want anything to do with you to a romantic date in person where (hopefully) he will ask you to be his girlfriend again.

There are two parts to it.

Part #1 Of The Value Chain

I want you to take note of four sections above.

They are entitled,

  1. Texting
  2. Phone Calls
  3. In Person (Small)
  4. In Person (Romantic)

I also want you to notice the order they are in because this is really important.

What this basically means is that when you try to get your ex boyfriend back you can’t just start off at the end of the value chain with an “In Person Romantic” encounter.

(Side Note: I have seen my fair share of women do this and fall flat on their face.)

Heck, you can’t even start off with something as simple as a phone call because I have seen women fail their too.

Instead, you are supposed to move up the value chain in the order I have outlined above (from left to right.)

Texting -> Phone Calls -> In Person (Small) -> In Person (Romantic)

This leads me to my next point.

Part #2 Of The Value Chain

If you scroll back up slightly you will notice that under the value chain in each of the four categories I have an arrow with a phrase.

That phrase is,

“Attraction Built”

What I am basically saying here is that before you can transition between one of the four categories of the value chain you need to build attraction in each one.

So, here is how it looks when you add Part #2 into the fray,

Texting (Build Attraction) -> Phone Calls (Build Attraction) -> In Person (Small) (Build Attraction) -> In Person (Romantic) (Build Attraction)

That’s basically the value chain in a nutshell.

Care to take a guess at what this entire article focuses in on with the value chain?

EBR Value Chain

Yup, this one entire massive post just focuses in on part one of the value chain. I suggest you pick up my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System if you want to see how the whole value chain flows together.

Anyways, our main goal here is to use text messages to build attraction up in your ex boyfriend and ultimately find a way to transition from text messaging to phone calls.

I know what you are thinking.

“Great… How do we do that?”

Patience Is Going To Be Required

I normally don’t feel a need to do this but because of YOU I have developed a pet peeve.

You see, I feel I give pretty solid advice.

I put a lot of thought into these write ups and take quite a bit of time out of my week to put them together.

So, it annoys me when a woman reads one of the articles, loves it and then when it comes time to implement it they fall flat on their face.

Guess what happens next?

Guess who gets blamed?

Jennifer Chris W-018 copy

Of course, with me being me I try to figure out what went wrong in their situation.

That’s when I come to find out that not only did the woman not only follow the value chain idea that I mentioned above but she rushed things.

I am sorry to let you in on this but getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t going to be a fast process.

Anyone who led you to believe that this is going to be a super quick process where you can win your boyfriend back in the blink of an eye is lying to you.

This is not a fast process and it will really test your patience.

You see, I have been doing this for several years and one of the things that I have learned is that there are two types of women when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back.

  1. The ones who give up.
  2. The ones who don’t.

Would you like to know the main difference I have seen between the two?

The ones who give up are not patient and the ones who don’t are.

This is especially true when it comes to texting an ex boyfriend.

If you want to have any chance of success you are going to have to be patient because texting an ex boyfriend takes time and if you rush the process you WILL fall flat on your face.

Where The No Contact Rules Falls Into This Equation

Above I explained what you needed to know about the value chain and how we are focusing on just one little aspect of the value chain, texting.

But what about the no contact rule?

Where does that fall into play here?

I am glad you asked.

Ok, in order for me to fully explain this so that you get the clear effect I am going to have to pan out even more so you understand my whole get your ex back strategy (which you can find here.)

Are you ready?

The Get Your Ex Back Strategy

Admit it…

You totally laughed when you saw the Borat thing at the end.

Truthfully though, this is probably the greatest infographic that I have ever created in the history of Ex Boyfriend Recovery because it perfectly describes my method of helping YOU win your ex boyfriend back.

I want you to specifically notice where the no contact rule comes into play.

You do it before you even send a text message or anything like that.

Thus, everything that I am going to talk about on this page is rendered useless unless you have first done the no contact rule.

So… do it.

Of course, I am a big believer in synergy and reading this guide or the material found in The Texting Bible is ideal during the no contact rule.

Why?

Because it gives you time to prepare on what needs to happen after the no contact rule.

Now, before I start getting into the specific text messages that you are going to have to send to your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule I think we should talk a little about our game plan first.

Specifically the idea of “Tide Theory.”

Tide Theory

I do a pretty quick crash course of Tide Theory on the sales page of The Texting Bible and an even more in-depth explanation within the book. However, I am going to give you a pretty good explanation here since Tide Theory is kind of a huge deal when it comes to texting an ex.

In fact, it basically describes exactly how I want you to be texting your ex boyfriend.

I suppose I should just get started.

When you think of tides of an ocean or river what the first two things that pop into your mind?

  1. Low tide
  2. High tide

If you need an explanation of what these two look like then I can think of no better picture to describe it than this one,

high tide vs low tide

The picture on the left basically describes the “high tide” where the water is super high and the picture on the right describes “low tide” where the water is super low.

But here is my question for you.

When it comes from a low tide turning into a high tide how does that work?

Does it just happen in an instant where you blink your eyes and all of a sudden the water is up to your knees?

No.

It usually takes half a day to accomplish.

Little by little the tide moves up and up and up and up.

In fact, it happens in such an incremental and natural way that you can’t really pinpoint an exact moment where it goes from point A to point B.

What does any of this have to do with texting?

Well, I want you to think about that actual action that a tide takes to go from low to high or high to low.

The movement from low to high or high to low seem so natural doesn’t it?

What I basically want you to do is replicate this exact process while texting your ex boyfriend and make it look as natural as possible. In other words, I want you to go from a low tide, where you barely text your ex at all,

high tide vs low tide

To a “high tide” where you are texting your ex all the time,

high tide vs low tide copy

So, the question you are wondering at this point is how do I accomplish that with text messages?

How To Accomplish Tide Theory With Text Messages?

The real point of tide theory is to move from Point A to Point B in a very natural looking manner.

Now, making the text messages delivered to your ex boyfriend look natural is kind of complicated.

There are all sorts of things to take into account…

Word count…

Tone…

Frequency…

Etc…

Now, I cover all of these things in-depth in The Texting Bible but today I want to talk about the frequency of the messages you deliver to your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.

The Texting Bible

What If You Knew EXACTLY What to Text, How to Respond, and How to Make Him Go Crazy Waiting for a Reply…

Learn More

One of the most popular questions I seem to get on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is, how often should I text my ex?

Seriously… Check this out,

texting-bible-proof-2

This is literally one of thousands of messages like this.

Well, I think it’s time to put this type of question to rest.

What I am going to do is basically outline how I want you to text your ex boyfriend after the no contact rule.

Ready?

Day One: 2 Text

Day Two: 2 Texts

Day Three: No Texts

Day Four: 4 Texts

Day Five: 4 Texts

Day Six: 6 Texts

Day Seven: 6 Texts

Day Eight: 8 Texts

Day Nine: 8 Texts

Day Ten: 10 Texts

Day Eleven: 10 Texts

Day Twelve: 12 Texts

Day Thirteen:12 Texts

Day Fourteen: 14 Texts

Day Fifteen: 15+ Texts

I have a much more sophisticated way of spacing the texts out for Tide Theory in my book, The Texting Bible, but I think you get the general idea of what I want you to do from the little graph above.

A couple of things I want to mention here.

When I talk about the texts above I am only talking about the texts that YOU send. In other words, on Day Ten when I tell you to send ten text messages it is conceivable that twenty text messages could be sent that day.

Ten by you…

Ten by your ex…

Get it?

Another thing I want to mention is that in order for this to work you need to be getting responses from your ex. So, if you don’t get a response from your ex you aren’t allowed to count any texts past that point.

Hmm…

Perhaps I should give you another example.

Alright, lets look at “Day Thirteen” where you are supposed to send 12 texts.

Lets pretend that you send your ex five messages.

 (1) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(2) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(3) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(4) You: 1 Message

Ex: 1 Message

(5) You: 1 Message

But after that fifth message you send your ex doesn’t respond.

Well, if that’s the case then that means that you technically aren’t allowed to move on to day fourteen where you are allowed to send 14 text messages. Instead, on the fourteenth day you have to again get to 12 text messages before you can move to the next level.

Get it?

One final thing, on day fifteen do you notice how I am allowing you to send more than 15 messages?

Yup, by the fifteenth day you can send as many text messages as you want.

If you want to send 100 text messages then you can send 100 text messages as long as your ex is responding to them.

Spacing out your text messages in this way is going to allow you to create the desired effect of Tide Theory!

So, that’s it in a nutshell.

What’s next?

Well, I suppose we should start talking about the type of text messages you want to send.

The First Contact Text Message

first contact

This is the first text message that you are going to send to your ex boyfriend since the no contact rule has concluded and it has to be good.

Hmm…

I don’t think that quite sums up what I am going for here.

It can’t just be good…

It has to be phenomenal.

Nope…

Still not enough.

This has to be the best text message that you have ever sent someone in your entire life.

YESSS….

That pretty much says what this text message needs to be.

But how?

Hmm…

That’s a good question.

Well, before I get to the details I feel like it would be a good idea for us to touch base with the tide theory strategy above since that has such a huge bearing on what type of text messages you are supposed to be sending (again you can check out The Texting Bible for a full list of messages.)

According to the Tide Theory doctrine on days one and two after the no contact rule you are only allowed to send two texts.

(You can see that here,)

Tide Theory Spacing

What Texts Do We Send On Our Two Text Limit?

This begs the question.

What should these two texts be?

Simple, text one should be our first contact message and text two should be our conversation ender.

I am going to do a huge section on the first contact text message so lets start with the conversation ending message since that is a lot easier to explain.

The Conversation Ending Text Message

The purpose of this message is to end the conversation with your ex boyfriend in a friendly way.

Though I will admit that I sometimes prefer the harder way of ending the conversation by simply not responding to him.

But more on that in a second.

Here is an example of a friendly way to end a conversation with your ex boyfriend,

convo ender

Notice how there wasn’t any ill will at all in the message?

It was just a legitimate excuse to end the conversation that your ex boyfriend shouldn’t have any problem with.

Now, there is one part of the text message that I like to add in but it is completely optional.

Care to take a guess at what I am talking about?

convo ender

“Rain Check?”

With those two little words you are accomplish a lot.

It’s basically a passive way of making your ex boyfriend expect that he is going to hear from you again.

Like I said, this is optional to include in your own conversation ender but I like putting it in because you can kind of have an in to text him again on day two of this process.

So, that’s the conversation ending text message in a nutshell.

Lets turn our attention to the first contact message now.

Constructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

perfect

I have thought a lot about this and what I am about to say may sound a little crazy to you but it makes sense if you listen to my logic.

Would you like to know who I personally think would create the best first contact text messages?

Comedians…

You see, comedians are master story tellers and while their stories are meant to make you laugh you have to admit that a master comedian is also a master story teller.

This is an ability that  you need to acquire.

Because if you have nothing interesting to say in a text then you shouldn’t have the right to say anything at all.

Constructing the perfect first contact text message is all about telling a fascinating story in a refined manor.

Now, I know what you are thinking.

“Ok, but what should my story be over?”

This is where knowing what your ex likes will come into play.

Lets use a simple example.

Lets say your ex boyfriend is in love with football.

Well, that means that we can use football to our advantage by working it into an interesting story.

So, I am going to tell you a funny story that is completely made up by me but we are going to use it as a mock example to construct a perfect first contact text message.

Are you ready?

Ok, lets begin.

The Fake Story We Are Going To Use

Have you ever watched the show Game of Thrones?

Well, I am a huge fan and it has taken over as my favorite show of all time.

(But that’s besides the point.)

I particularly like Tyrion Lannister. Now, I am not going to spoil anything for you guys if you haven’t seen GOT yet but Tyrion is a dwarf.

Seriously…

impin

Well, what if I told you that I was walking down the street and saw the actor who plays Tyrion, Peter Dinklage hanging out with Football Quarterback Tom Brady?

Dinklage Vs. Brady

The two were walking and having a fun time and then Brady decides that he wanted to challenge Peter Dinklage to a throwing contest.

Particularly who could throw a football further.

Dinklage definitely didn’t look pleased by the challenge but decided that just for the sake of being nice he would accept.

Brady is going to obviously win, right?

I mean he is a NFL quarterback for heavens sake!

So, Brady steps up to the line and lets loose a throw,

brady

Wow…

That’s really impressive.

Next up is Dinklage…

dinklage

Holy…

You know what this means, right?

It means that Peter Dinklage the dwarf from Game of Thrones literally threw a football further than Tom Brady.

Now, that is one heck of a story, right?

Let’s package it up and make it into a first contact text message now.

Using A Story For Your First Contact Text Message

So, the story that we are basically going to tell here is the fact that Tyrion Lannister,

tyrion

Out threw Tom Brady…

tom brady

How the heck are we supposed to package this into a first contact text message?

Remember, the only reason that we are telling this story is because your ex boyfriend is obsessed with Football.

Alright, here is what I propose,

story text message

Notice how I packed the story really neatly into a medium sized text message.

Now, the story is completely fabricated but I fabricated it based on the fact that your ex boyfriend loves football.

The key here is creating a story around things that you know your ex boyfriend would respond to.

Oh, and you will also note that the story is ridiculous.

In real life there is no way that Peter Dinklage can out throw Tom Brady but the idea of it should make an ex boyfriend respond just to prove you wrong.

Let’s move on.

Should You Be Sending First Contact Text Messages Every Time You Start A Texting Conversation?

I get this question a lot.

And it’s a good question.

So, to answer it I am going to have to turn back to the tide theory graphic I created above.

Tide Theory Spacing copy

Between “Day One” and “Day Five” I would like you to utilize the first contact text messages.

From “Day 6” on I don’t think you will have to anymore.

Why?

Because by that point if you have gotten your ex boyfriend to respond to you four times in a row (remember we skip day three) then you will have proven that you can get them to respond to you so you won’t have to go out of your way just to get a response anymore.

However, that doesn’t mean you can let your foot off the gas.

What should you send them to start a conversation after day five?

Well, it has to be more than a simple generic,

hey

As to what you want to say exactly…

Well, I am going to hold that piece of information hostage and just give it to the readers of The Texting Bible 😉 .

Lets move on and talk about building rapport.

Building Rapport Text Messages

Alright, where are we at in the tide theory graphic?

Lets see here…

Tide Theory Spacing copy

So, between day’s four and ten I want you to pick a point in the conversation every day to sprinkle in a certain type of text. The text that you sprinkle in is meant to do one thing.

BUILD RAPPORT!

Now, what is rapport?

Good question.

The dictionary defines rapport,

as a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well.

In other words, I want you to capture your ex boyfriends interest so that he is always wanting to talk to you day after day.

We are going to do this very strategically by doing something different every single day.

Take a look,

Tide Theory Spacing copy

Now, I outline how to build rapport like ten times better in The Texting Bible but I am going to do my best for you here.

According to the graphic above there are four types of text messages that need to be used between days four and ten.

What I would like to do is take an in-depth look at what each one is so you really have a good idea of how to construct your very own text messages.

Days 4 & 5 – The Funny Text Message

We aren’t trying to re-invent the wheel here as all we are trying to do is make your ex boyfriend laugh.

There are a lot of ways to do this but I am going to give you my top two ways.

I suppose we can start with the easy way which basically means it doesn’t require a lot of work from you.

I like to call this “The Meme Message.”

The Meme Text Message

One of the things that you may notice about my site, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is that I have all these funny memes plastered everywhere.

Have you ever stopped and asked why?

It’s actually quite simple.

I like them and they make me laugh and I think that when you deal with such a depressing subject like breakups it kind of is nice to have a sense of humor about it. Besides, I don’t think you’d connect with me at all if I acted just like a doctor quoting statistics and looking at the facts.

What I think you should do is send your ex boyfriend a funny meme of your choosing that you think would make him laugh.

Here are a few of the best I have seen recently.

The “Ex” Box

ex box 360

The “Carlton”

carlton meme

The “Clone”

the baby

Now, that last one is particularly relevant to me since my wife and I had a newborn so any baby meme’s crack me up and therein lies my next point. If you do decide to use the meme text. I want you to make sure you send him a relevant meme.

For example, if the two of you are talking about super Mario in a text message then you should send a meme like this,

mario

And if the two of you were talking about The Walking Dead and Game of Thrones…

walking dead game of thrones

I think you get the idea.

Lets move on to the other type of funny text that you can send.

I like to call this one the knock knock text.

The Knock Knock Text

Who doesn’t love a good knock knock joke?

Well, this text is meant to accomplish two things.

Thing #1- Use humor with your ex in a playful way in order to build rapport.

Thing #2- Get a response from your ex.

Now, thing #2 shouldn’t be too hard to accomplish due to the nature of a knock knock text.

Let me give you an example.

When I say,

“Knock, Knock..”

What do you instinctively want to say back?

“Whose there, right?”

And there’s the beauty of the knock knock text.

It has a built in way of getting your ex to respond.

Of course, that leaves thing #1…

In order to accomplish thing #1 you are going to have to come up with a good knock knock joke.

You are on your own there…

BUT…

If you wanna use one of mine I guess that’s ok 😉 .

to

Day’s Six And Seven- Memory Text Message

I talk a lot about memory text messages on this website and of course in my book, The Texting Bible.

So, what is a memory text message?

Well, a lot of women seem to mistake it for a message where you bring up a super romantic time…

Something like say….

This..

I love you...

Ya…

Don’t do that.

While I a memory text is supposed to make your ex boyfriend remember the good times of your relationships I don’t want you touching anything romantic yet.

More rapport needs to be built first.

So, the ideal memory text that you should send to your boyfriend should revolve around a fun experience the two of you shared.

Think of the funnest time that you had with your ex and use that.

Here I will give you an example,

hot air balloon

Notice how the emphasis of the text revolves around how much fun it was to ride in the hot air balloon.

Generally speaking that’s what we are shooting for.

We want to remind your ex boyfriend of all the fun times the two of you had.

Day’s Eight & Nine: The Story Text

By day’s eight and nine of the tide theory process you have a lot of room to work with to implement the story text.

This is actually my favorite type of text to send because you can do some really creative stuff with it.

The premise of the story text is really simple.

You are going to tell an epic story over three texts.

Now, the story you tell needs to be engaging and really interesting to your ex boyfriend. You will also be utilizing something I call “check in’s.”

(I will explain what that is in a second.)

First things first, I need to give you a story text example.

story part one

Notice how we cut the story off right as it was getting good.

Why did we do this?

Simple, because we are splitting this story up into three texts and this was text #1.

Also, it adds anticipation to the next text,

story part two

Two things I want you to notice.

The first text in this graphic was clearly a continuation to the story I started above.

The second text though is the “check in” I was talking about above,

story part two

It’s this subtle check in that you use to make sure your ex is still engaged. If he is then he will respond with something like this,

response

Once you get the “A-Ok” from the check in you complete your story,

story three

Day Ten- The Compliment Text

You shouldn’t be too bewildered by this text.

Basically you are going to give your ex boyfriend a compliment but it’s not just any old compliment. You are going to give him what I like to call an “in depth compliment.”

What’s an “In Depth Compliment?”

Simple, it’s where you go the extra step of elaborating.

Let me give you an example of a regular compliment in a text message.

pretty eyes

Pretty basic, right?

You are essentially complimenting your man on his eyes.

But where is the flair?

Where is the flash?

Where is the romance?

That’s where the “In Dept Compliment” comes into play,

in depth

Do you see the difference between the two?

These are the type of compliments that you need to be giving your ex boyfriend.

Now, if you want more examples of the compliment texts I suggest you grab “The Texting Bible.”

Lets move on.

Transitioning To The Phone Call

I want to pull out our handy dandy graph again for a second here.

Tide Theory Spacing

Notice how between days eleven and fifteen I am recommend that you can do a transition text message.

Confused?

Ok, by “transition text message” all I am saying is that you can send a special type of text message that can help you transition from texting to a phone call.

And you can send this message when you feel the time is right.

Look, some women may find that by day eleven their ex is actively wanting to talk to them on the phone while other women still may not feel that confident even by day fifteen.

Figuring out when you send your transition text is entirely up to you.

My only piece of advice here is to feel it out.

Let your gut tell you if it’s time or not.

When you do feel it’s time I want you to employ the following method.

The Transition Text

The way this works is that you are going to start telling your ex boyfriend a very long story.

(Kind of similar to the fortune teller story I told above.)

However, before you have a chance to end the story you are are going to send something like,

“Actually… you know what. Can I call you to finish this? It’s too good to text.”

Here is how it’s supposed to work.

(Side Note: I am going to use the fortune teller story above to illustrate this.)

transition text

The key to making this work is to telling a compelling story.

So compelling that your ex boyfriend will have no choice but to accept the call.

Oh, and it’s aces once you get him on the phone. You will have successfully moved on to the phone call section of the strategy.

February 1, 2017

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What Do You Think? (758)

  1. Keysha - 0

    Keysha

    Hi,
    I’m confused now because my ex boyfriend say he wants to be together but before we do he wants to move slow and date get back to where we were before. He claims he wants me to show him im not going to leave when times get rough. I used to break up with him when we have heated arguements. He’s always available to see me, answers the phone whenever I call, still bring me around his family, speaks a future with me etc. However he isn’t willing to commit again so easily because hes afraid of losing me if he gives his all. He wants to work things out but while we aren’t together then eventually get back together . I already told him let’s just move on. But its hard to move on. I rather be together before I invest my time into fixing things. I did the 30day no contact before successfully and it worked when we had problems previously. But now I’m not sure if I should no contact again or just start at the texting method 15 day thing because he is responsive to me in a positive way now. Please help me out!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if he’s responsive in a positive way, has time for you and is faithful that’s almost like commitment..It just needs time.. just like what we always say, just don’t be too available and don’t chase.. invest what’s right and then let him invest the same amount, after some time ask him again.If he still doesn’t want it to be official, walk away and move on

  2. Amy - 0

    Amy

    My ex and I broke up about 2.5 months ago. When we first broke up I did NC but failed after two weeks, and we started talking again and said we would take things slow, but I realize now that I had to basically convince him to do that. After a few weeks of talking he started to get distant and then eventually said he wanted to finish out the rest of the school year being single and not talking (he graduates the end of May, and I graduated last year). When we broke up he said we could try to get back together after summer but that it probably wouldn’t work before then, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to talk much this summer either. My birthday is in a week and a half, so if he texts me should I try and start a conversation? Or should I wait until he graduates and send a congratulations text and start tide theory from then?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you can start a conversation if you want, but did you improve yourself in the past months? and how active were you in posting?

  3. Sandra - 0

    Sandra

    Text day 4: the funny text was a disaster. Ended poorly, We were just very confused. I planned it out to much. What do I do now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      did you fight with him?

    • Sandra - 0

      Sandra

      No. No fighting. It was just very awkward texting, he didn’t understand what I was trying to joke about and I said “lol,nevermind”. Then ten minutes later I text “I was attempting to make a fun conversation and it didn’t work out” (something like that I text…and that was it. ) Haven’t communicated since which was yesterday.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ah, you can initiate again after 2-3 days..

  4. Sandra Pennington - 0

    Sandra Pennington

    I messed up text #4 “funny” text. It backfired and got extremely confusing. And then I text I was attempting to make a fun conversation but it didn’t work. No response back and I feel I definitely ruined it. What should my approach be now?

    Reply
  5. Kb - 0

    Kb

    Hi
    So I have been texting an ex but we only dated for a few months. So I am not sure if all the same applies? Anyway I texted him last Friday and we ended up texting all day lots of back and forth. So I texted him Saturday morning and said it was good talking to him and he replied it was good talking to me too. So all the contact I am initiating but he replies and we usually have a convo. He brought up some things about us when we dated and we basically told each other the things we liked about each other. So last I texted him was yesterday I don’t want to be annoying but not sure what else I should or shouldn’t do. Do I stop because he isn’t initiating anything or do I say I’d like to see him or something? I have never done this before soo not sure what to do? Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      when did you break up? Have you done the no contact rule?

    • Kb - 0

      Kb

      It was in October and yes no contact and I have been working on myself. We ended up texting that week he was very responsive and we texted a lot so I thought this was all great. So Thursday I get up the courage to see if he would want to meet so I texted him..soo I was thinking he replied almost immediately saying he was in a meeting he would text me in a bit. Soo I didn’t hear back at 1st so I thought ok he doesn’t care. Friday morning he texted me saying he was sorry that he had a ton of meetings then ended up going to the draft. Ok so we talked about ir he sent me a picture of him at the draft. So then he says soo what were you thinking? I said it would be nice to see you. Then he drops the bomb. I would love to see you but I am dating someone and you know I am super attracted to you and If I saw you that wouldn’t be good. So I was like oh ok we talked some more then he says if I end up being single again you will be the 2nd person to know. We ended that with me saying take care.
      We did text again and he was borderline flirting but not too much then we talked about why we stopped talking which was a miscommunication so he said he was glad about that and again with how attracted he is to me then he said Is it ok if I reach out to you if I am single again. I didn’t directly answer I didn’t know what to say he basically told me he had a gf so what’s with the constant telling me how attracted he is to me and the if I am single I will call. He’s said them both a good amount of time but yesterday was the last we texted and that’s how it ended with him saying he would like to reach out if he’s ever single again? And why did he talk to me for a week. Ugh. I never thought he was with someone because of that. I am soo bummed.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you should move on.. it’s been too long of trying to build rapport..

    • Kb - 0

      Kb

      Oh wow so all that talking and flirting and him saying all that doesn’t mean anything? We talked about how we have a connection and he could feel my energy the past few months. Which we talked about when we dated. I figured I had to move on because he is with someone but I thought the way he responded to me meant something.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      even if does mean something,by now he’s just stringing you along because he’s not committing

    • KB - 0

      KB

      Soo it ended with more talking but he basically picked his GF but if he’s ever single he would like to reach out to me. 🙁 I am so sad I never thought he was with someone given how much we were texting back and forth it sort of got my hopes up thinking we would start something again. he keep saying over and over you never know people break up all the time they get married they get divorced…things like if we reconnect in the future. So I am guessing thats all bad too. like he just wants to keep me hanging on if things don’t work out between him and her. Then says I maybe shouldnt hang out with his ex wife(long story met her by accident through a friend after we stopped talking) that it would make things awkward if we reconnected. I just feel bummed and I keep trying to pull my energy from him and it isnt working I just want to move on I am saddened by this whole thing. Thank you.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yup, move on.. don’t be his back up.

  6. Marie - 0

    Marie

    What if he’s really inconsistent about responding to texts? And he seems to respond more to generic texts.

    example: The 2 days ago I tipsey texted him “what’s up?” and he actually replied to that. And we had a brief (5 texts each) exchange about him playing some video games (with some gentle teasing, me calling him a dork). Then yesterday I sent him a a goofy text with a bit more personality and he never replied to it.

    Should also mention, he’s never been much of a texter (except before I first met him or if our conversations were NSFW). So I’m not sure how to escalate texting when even before we stopped talking, he never texted much. The only time I could think of we had a long texting conversation that wasn’t sexual was when we talked about previous relationships, how he really liked me but wasn’t sure about a relationship due to some past relationship pains (and soon after that he ended things, then I got things going again for a while, and then I ended them after he basically called me a booty call).

    So, I genuinely have no idea how to get his interest without being super-sexual (which I think is how I ended up in semi-booty call area anyway).

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if he’s more responsive to generic texts use that as first text and then lead on to other topics and then end at high note.

  7. Caitlin - 0

    Caitlin

    Hi!

    So I feel very worried that I screwed up. In a no response kind of situation.

    A little background: we were together for a year and a couple months and talked about a future and all that, calling each other “puzzle pieces” (super cheesy, but I felt happy). We are graduating from college this May and I think that’s really taken a toll on him, the unknown, and in addition to that he wasn’t getting a lot of sleep and he was down because he doesn’t have a job lined up yet(he’s very driven) so when we broke up he said that he felt we were going in different directions, but I have a feeling he just freaked out (literally 2 weeks before, he was telling me how happy he is with me and how much he loves me. And he kept contradicting himself during the breakup and admitted to overthinking). I definitely wasn’t perfect in the relationship but during my NC I realized a lot about myself and am still working towards being a better person but I feel like I’m in a much better place so it was a blessing in a way.

    So after the breakup(which was the beginning of March) I did NC for about 26 days but I hadn’t yet stumbled accross this website so I didn’t know any of these tactics in this article or the ebook. I feel I made a mistake when, two weeks after the breakup, he came to an art show of mine that I had invited him to before the breakup. Now the problem is I didn’t know beforehand this was a business networking type of event, not an actual show, so they required a name at the door to get in so I saw him on his way out. We chatted for a little, I thought it was polite but I felt so shocked to see him I didnt know what to do. He explained that he couldn’t get in and I told him I didn’t really understand what type of event this was. I didn’t contact him. I fear that was a mistake since he’d come all that way to support me. So in addition to his pride getting hurt because he was rejected at the door, he must have felt a little rejected by me.

    Flash forward one week to mistake #2: he asked a mutual friend if we could drop each other stuff off at her place so he could “respect that [I’m] not ready to talk.” I agreed, I was angry and didn’t really know what to do. It got weird after that.

    Mistake #3: after the NC, I called him, chatted, and asked him for coffee after taking the advice from a friend. He said yes but given that finals were coming up we couldn’t pick a day to meet up and left it at him letting me know (obviously he didn’t let me know). So a week or two later I sent him a quick text wishing him luck with crunch time to which he replied, rather quickly, “thank you.” Which I fear was another mistake.

    So I came across this book and site a couple days ago, bought the book, read this article and a couple others, and now I’m just freaking out. 3 days ago I started the texting timeline as outlined above and the first day was okay, he reacted with a neutral response but it was a 50/50 split and quick response times. The next day was awful because he didn’t reply at all. Today I actually ran into him, he wasn’t warm but he wasn’t necessarily cold either and we chatted for maybe 2 minutes. He told me how busy he was with finals, homework, and graduation coming up then I mentioned my senior art show that’s happening tonight and he said he wasn’t sure but he’d see if he can make it.

    So my question is did I completely screw it up? I just don’t know how to fix this, specially since I didn’t see this site until this week. Do I need to do another NC? I’ve decided he’s worth fighting for but I just don’t know how to do that since I found this late.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you didn’t improve before..just do that now while slowly building rapport

  8. Tash - 0

    Tash

    Hi sorry to disturb you, it’s me again. I really need some good advice. So like I said before I completed the nc for 30 days then the ex and I met up, he told me he missed me, he’s been depressed apparently because of pressure from his father, slept with him a few times. He told he’s booked a holiday with his sister and mother for 2.5weeks and he’s currently on holiday. Before he left, he texted me before he boarded the plane, saying he would catch up with me when he gets back. He said he would bring back a souvenir, however how likely is it that he will forget about me on holiday? Like I don’t know what to do, get scared thinking that…. he may come back off holiday next week and won’t want to contact me again. It was his birthday before he went, I got him an expensive watch and a card and he said that it was the best card ever. I’m so confused about what to do. Like I haven’t contacted him ever since he’s gone on holiday, he posts updates on snap, after a few days of him being on holiday, I haven’t viewed them, so please can you advice me? What should I do? On a good note I’ve lost 2 stones 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Use this time to be busy again..establish that you have your own life..he should be the one curious about you, not the other way around

  9. Kelly - 0

    Kelly

    My ex and I have been broken up for a while, but started talking again fairly consistently over the past few months, starting when he reached out on my birthday. The conversation had been going on/off for a while, sometimes every day or a few times a week before I let it sit for a bit. He texted to tell me he got into graduate school and we picked up talking. He stopped responding but when I sent something the next week, he apologised for not responding and we continued chatting before he stopped again (although he was on vacation). We’ve been building really good rapport and sending lots of details so it feels very confusing when that happens. Is this a mind game or being busy? Since it’s been a while is it worth asking to meet up yet?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you said you’ve been talking for months? before that did you improve yourself in nc? because it looks like you’re not progressing and you’re either friendzoned or about to be.

  10. Jane Doe - 0

    Jane Doe

    Hi Amor,

    I am struggling to build rapport with my ex. It feels like our conversations mostly go nowhere and I am struggling to move beyond the 4 text stage. Today he even replied with a one word answer. I am putting in a lot of effort to come up with engaging texts but I feel like he sees it as me chasing him?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      mirror his replies and then rest from initiating..check the links below too.
      The Four Best Ways To Respond To Your Exes Text Messages

      How Do I Break Down My Ex Boyfriend’s Emotional Wall?

    • Jane Doe - 0

      Jane Doe

      Thanks Amor! I am trying to mirror his replies. Recently he has been initiating but only with pictures or links to funny things so its impossible to get a conversation out of it. Should I mirror this and reply with a funny picture or should I leave it as the conversation has no substance?

    • Jane Doe - 0

      Jane Doe

      Hi Amor,

      Not sure if my previous reply sent? What should I do if he initiates conversations only with funny memes or links in which there is nothing really substantial to reply to? Should I mirror his behaviour and simply send a funny picture back or should I leave it unanswered as it is not an opportunity to build rapport? I worry that if i try to make a conversation out of it, it will be trying to hard/not mirroring properly?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes you can mirror that.. better if you send a funnier one relating to it.

    • Jane Doe - 0

      Jane Doe

      I have been mirroring his messages and our last interaction seemed quite interesting however he randomly stopped replying. I rested the day after on initiating contact but now I am wondering if I should continue to rest and see if he initiates or should I initiate a conversation? Also do I have to start tide theory over again? I reached day seven

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you don’t have to follow the tide theory strictly.. if you need to adjust it, that’s ok.. if you feel you need to rest to let him initiate, that’s alright too.

  11. mary - 0

    mary

    what should I do if I know he has a scheduled trip on that day? should I still text him? and does the texting needs to be like every other day? the day 1 day two thing? everyday or do I have to skip days suppose I am getting positive feedback?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Mary,

      When and why did you break up? Have you done the no contact rule? If yes, how long and how much did you improve yourself? If you’re in texting stage now, try the tide theory.. If he has a scheduled trip, I don’t see why won’t text him..

  12. Zlata - 0

    Zlata

    Hi Amor!
    You advice is great and I am updating you a little on my situation.
    Me and my ex are in contact phase for almost two month. I could see in progressing from distant texts like two ppl who almost forgot it each other,to knowing each other again and having romantic spark. He would sometimes compliment me a lot, say he wants to see me and hug me or kiss me,sometimes go naughty and sometimes coming back to be just friendly and that’s it.
    Sometimes it takes him hours or even a day to respond and sometimes seconds. He initiates much more tho. Sometimes he initiates twice a day.
    I tried to transit text to calls but he would use excuses not to do that. I tried twice I guess( so I stopped it). I tried transit to meet-up but he said it would be great and then disappeared ( so you adviced to lay low and never bring it up again). And came back like nothing happened. He says I make a better person out of him but I still see only little progress and then 3 steps back.
    I don’t know honestly. Should I just keep doing what I am doing . or should I friendzone him and disappear for a while? I am out of ideas:(

    Reply
    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      I did stp initiating for 5 days now. He initiated, but tried to be the one to disappear and was not more than friendly

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      He intiated 3 times but made it look like continuing the talk, apologizing for late replies

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI ZLata,

      what did you reply when he apologized? Just to clarify, what I meant with come back like nothing happened, is to just be friendly, don’t ask a meet up again.. not until you have progressed to calls. Because if he’s uncomfortable with calls, then all them more if you asked for meet ups.

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Yes, I did get it. Well, last two times he knew I was on a trip so I replied to his text after 2 days,being polite. He mirrored me and initiated in exact time but I replied faster and he started texting pretty fast even it was Friday asking me not to go to bed but talk to him, he brought up an emotional memory to which I replied : It was beautiful. I always told you that effort is a key.
      He replied 2 days later saying : Zlata, you know that everything you say is just amazing. I definetly learn that effort is a key:) Because of you. I hope you are having a great trip and I am so sorry for late text, it has been crazy busy.
      I replied very friendly,as his text was friendly. I said I was glad to hear it and said I have met a friend who we were recently talking about.
      Usually he would reply to it but after that he went silent and it’s 2-3 day now.
      So I can’t figure out why he is cold and hot. Idk why he is scared to move further and as I see he became more of friendly and now is distant out of the blue I don’t get if he is friendzoning me. Cuz 5-4 days ago he was still “hot”.

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      So I did go back to friendly and thank you for this cuz I would ignore him otherwise and I think it would not be good.
      But this : “I am definetly learning effort is a key 🙂 Cause of you. ” from him freaked me out a little. Of course I got jealous thoughts like ” does he meant he uses efforts to approach other girls and thanks he as a friend. Or it means he tries it to built better communication with me. Hopefully. But then why would he go silent? Idk. Any advice would be appreciated.
      And as I mentioned his text in this post, can you please not post it? The first part is ok to post i guess. Thank you in advance!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do what he’s doing.. go cold a few days, because that would leave him wanting more after a very good conversation.. he’s doing the push pull.. do better than him..

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Hi Amor!
      Thank you for the support. I need your opinion again…
      I did push pull. I didn’t do it aggressively,just went distant. He felt it right away and next time I texted ( I sent a song) he replied a day later saying that the song is awesome and he was on a trip.
      I just said it was cool, and wished him good night as it was late.
      I went silent for 3-4 days then initiated and he replied immediately within seconds, calling me by pet name and telling everything about his trip and sending me pics of it and would respond to each text within seconds.
      But then during the convo he out of the blue said- “You are really one of a kind and I will always be there for you. You are the only one who really understands me. I am glad I have you in my life”
      I playfully said I am not perfect but thank you. And he said – ” I like you not because you are perfect or not. I like you cuz you are real and I feel your emotions to my very core”. Then we went a little playful and he started giving shorter answers, so I left the convo wishing him a good day.
      It was yesterday and I haven’t heard from him today.
      Amor, do you think that saying all these things he was friendzoning me? Or no? Should I get in NC again now? Or just lay low or continue to built rapport( i feel a little weird to be honest about it)

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Hi Amor.
      My ex called me today out of the blue at night. I was with a guy friend that time. I didn’t even look at the number so I just pucked up.And my ex asked me what I was doing. I said I was with a friend and could not talk. He asked what we were doing and then said: oh you guys were having sex? Sorry for interrupting.
      I was confused and said- why would I reply then? He said – Well I just wanted to say that I listen to your song every day. And told me about his day and finished saying- I am just driving to my friend rn. Wanna talk while I am driving?
      I said I had to go. And wished him good night.
      Still confused:(

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good, he’s getting curious. keep being more active with other people or other activities for a week or two for now..

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      So no initiating for a week or two?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes 🙂

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Hi Amor,thank you for your advice!
      He actually initiated twice and on Saturday initiated a meet-up which went alright cuz I looked great and he couldn’t take my eyes of him. He couldn’t get why I was so calm I guess and as I played hot-cold on a cold moment he asked if he should leave cuz he said he felt a wrong vibe. I said that that’s ok and he decided to stay so obviously he was trying to provoke my emotions.
      Then he said- sometimes I don’t understand you but I still like you. He kissed me and higged and stuff. And I guess I got softer after that.
      But after that he said – it’s going to be different now, I am not going to disappear. We are going to keep talking and I will text you soon (I hope you will not ignore me and blah-blah) and I will see you soon.
      But next day- no texts.
      Should I just play cool and let it be? I bet he is thinking I am waiting for him to text( and he is right:) so idk

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Hi Amor
      So after our date he disappeared for 4 days. It’s 5th day still nothing. Even he said-I ll text you soon.
      Now I am thinking if I did say something wrong to him. Do I text him or now all I do is just wait as he promised and let go if he never does?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Let him be for now..let him be the one to initiate

  13. Lila - 0

    Lila

    So I was using tide theory, and everything seemed to be going okay, we were making progress, and now I’m having trouble keeping him engaged, he doesn’t always respond right away, or read my message right away, even when I see he’s been active on Facebook (ouch) how can I reengage him, and make him want to talk to me more/ right away? I’ve already been using the mirroring technique, and when he doesn’t respond to my text, it’s hard for me to remain in control of the conversation if I can’t end it. Help? Also note I was about to emplore the story text, but haven’t been able to use it due to his lack of response. Should I start all over again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      rest for 3 days,. use topics of his interest and choose the time that he commonly replies to you

    • Lila - 0

      Lila

      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for the quick response! I was thinking of waiting 3 days myself… however, what if he reaches out to me before then, how long should I wait to respond? Should I still wait the full 3 days?

      Also, I will continue to try to bring up his interests. But where should I resume in the tide theory?

      Thanks!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you can respond in the same day if he texts you.. and you can start the tide theory now..

    • Lila - 0

      Lila

      Hello,

      I was using the tide theory, but never made it to the story text part (day 10) so should I resume there, or back track?

      Thx!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      back track so you can build rapport again.

  14. Lila - 0

    Lila

    Hello, just a question about tide theory. Am I supposed to be implementing each category two days in a row, or just one or the other day? For example, if I send a memory text on day 6 do I send another on day 7 as well? Or do I just pick one or the other? I’ve noticed that a lot of our texts transition as well, like from funny into a memory, what do you think about that? There was one day we did not talk at all, I waited 1.5 days, initiated and we talked, then he initiated the next day! We talked throughout the day (i sent the last text ending on a high note without actually ending the convo, is that ok?) No response from him today, maybe he was in shock (good shock) by that last text. So should I initiate tomorrow since he didn’t today? Wondering if I should send another memory text (don’t want to overwhelm him with memories bc a lot of ours have hybrid, meaning my funny was also part memory) or should I move on to a story text now? Thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi lila,

      it’s not a hard rule to keep following everything but the key is don’t overdo and dont make it predictable. Be spontaneus.. Since you already sent a memory text before, skip that for now. If you meant you ended it in cliffhanger style, that’s good.

  15. Jennifer - 0

    Jennifer

    Hi! What do you think of this as a first contact message? Background info: he’s a serious athlete and hasn’t been doing well lately and trying to find a reason (sleep, diet, etc..), he always knew I loved to read/research.

    Btw this will be sent after 45 days NC

    “Hi! So I was doing research for something and I read something that may be helpful for you. I remembered that you usually had tiny red bumps on the back of your arms, and I just figured they were from irritation or skin sensitivity. But I read that they are often a sign of gluten intolerance! Doesn’t mean you’re allergic, just sensitive to it and could make you feel kinda bleh after you eat it. Just something to consider. Hope all is well.”

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jennifer,

      Dont put all in in the first text. He can just seenzone that because it’s not conversational. Try with “Hey, I found something for you!” and then reply the rest if he replies..

  16. Grace - 0

    Grace

    Me and my boyfriend broke up 4 months ago. I did on and off limited contact (class together at school) for about 3 months, and about 2 weeks ago went into full blown “get him back mode”. At school we’ve had some great convos, and have even texted and snap chatted more than during the end of our relationship, which is all great!

    However I have a few problems Im not so sure how to solve.

    1) At the end of our relationship he wanted to “still be friends”, and is friends with other girls hes dated, Im afraid he thinks thats my only intention , and will not want to get get back together.
    2) He often will disappear mid convo, which makes me think he’s not as into it as I think
    3) He’s pretty busy so im not sure how to ask him out so he wont say no, becasue the more he says no the more desperate I will look. We didnt chat on the phone much during our relationship, so that may come across as odd to him.

    Thank you,

    I aperciate your help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Grace,

      what about hanging out with friends? Did you continue improving yourself? Are you going out with others?

    • Grace - 0

      Grace

      I have gone out with another guy, and have worked to improve myself. But, am still not really sure how to approach him about hanging out

    • Grace - 0

      Grace

      I have gone out with another guy, and worked to improve myself physicaly and mentaly. However, Im not sure the best way to aproach him about going out, or how to show him that im intrested in being more than just friends

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you have to build more rapport first.. because the goal is for him to fall in love with you again.. Invite him friends or if you see him about to go for lunch invite him to have with you.
      or tell him you’re going with him since you’re hungry too and then talk on the way, while buying, and when you go back

  17. Natalia - 0

    Natalia

    Hello Amor,

    I’ve read ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO book and this article. The ‘texting’ phase is showed here a bit different than in the book, which one should I follow?

    And second question: How to not fall into friend zone during the ‘texting’ phase? Most txts I’m gonna send should be friendly and rapport-building but I’m afraid he will eventually say smth like ‘I like how our converstations goes, I’m really happy we remained friends’. How to avoid this situation?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s why you’re not going to stay in the texting phase. You have to move to calls and then meet ups later on to build more rapport and attraction. The texting above shows more options right? Follow which one you’re more comfortable with and what you gut tells you that you can execute more naturally.

    • Natalia - 0

      Natalia

      Thank you Amor

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome!

  18. Hannah - 0

    Hannah

    Hey so my first contact went great and i followed the two text rule. He even made a joke. But it took him like half an hour to reply to both messages and i hate to over analyze things but could the amount of time my ex takes to text me back indicate anything? I mean, i did expect him to be a bit excited to hear from me after a month of NC (i know, i should manage my expectations lol) btw how long should i wait before texting him back or does it not matter? And what IF it’s just always me who’s initiating contact after this, will it bother him? How would i know if he’s bothered or not :/ we used to text fast during our relationship so im not used to him being like this

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Hannah,
      It’s ok that you’re the one initiating, what’s more important is that you’re the one ending the conversation at high point. It’s common that the ex would be like that after nc, because he can be unsure why you’re texting him and unsure if you’ve really moved on.. So, he’s being careful. You can mirror his time of reply or reply after 15-30 minutes.

  19. Zlata - 0

    Zlata

    Hi Amor!
    I need your advice and I would highly appreciate your help!
    So I did an extended long nc rule,around 50 days, because after break up me and my ex would be still in contact, with me trying to change him mind for several month.
    During nc he just texted me once to wish happy holidays. After nc I texted him and got a positive reply. I followed the tide theory, he was either neutral or positive,mostly positive. On day 6 he even initiated contact and during it said that we should meet up one day. On day 10 I failed. He called me,we had a talk, he said he is coming by and I said alright. We had a nice talk with him reminding me of our relationship. We ended up sleeping together. Next day I texted him and he replied only in 3 days at night. I replied next morning,he reacted positevely, i replied again and silence again. It’s been a day since.
    Did I lose all my chances? What do I do now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Zlata,

      I don’t think it’s all lost..but maybe dont talk about the relationship for now, continue talking about other things and dont sleep with him again.. go back to being more active in your life too..

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Ok, I will do that! Thank you! A little update. I initiated contact after a day of our last convo and during it he was neutral/positive, not that engaged tho. So I finished that fast. But during convo I sent him a funny pic of previous experience and he said smth like- I remember that day like it was yesterday,it was fun, you looked amazing and it made me happy to see it again, brought happy memories. Still I guess he was just polite. Bad sign? So I guess it was a little bit about about relationship stuff again and I just said that I found old stuff and decided to share a smile that’s it. And that I have to go. Do I wait a week now to let things cool down?

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Ok, will do! Thank you!
      I initiated a text a day after our last convo and his response s were positive/neutral, he was not engaged tho so I ended it fast. However, during the convo I sent a pic of previous experience and he said smth like- I remember that day like it was yesterday,you looked amazing, It was fun and it made me happy to see it again,brought happy memories, good stuff you found there. But I guess he was polite. Is it a bad sign? I said I just found it and wanted to share something good. Then I wanted to change the topic and ask for a guys advice and he said-advice on what. I didn’t feel good about it so I said- oh you mind if I ask later, something came us. He said sure. But vety abruptly. So should I rest a week before initiating again?

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      And today he gave me a one word reply so I didn’t even continue

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok, rest for initiating for a week.. you can reply if he does initiate..

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Hi Amor, I did wait for a week and sent a text. Idk if he initiated that week cuz my phone was off and I don’t get text after I turn it on. Anyways, it went great, I got super positive responses, i would send 1 text and he would reply with 4, complimenting me and flirting. He also asked me to update me about smth next day after I said bye. So next day I did but it took him tge whole day to response. He also ended his text with “I hope you are doing great” I texted back and I didn’t get a response yet and it’s been several hours again. How do I pick the frequency for my texts? Mb every day is too much? And how do I understand that it is not working at all? I mean I get very positive immediate responses, then neutral sometimes, then responces after hours or no responces (rarely). I am so confused

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      And he initiated only once through this two weeks.

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      He replied in a sexual manner

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Now? What did you say? What did he exactly say? It’s ok to text for once a day at the start.. or go back to tide theory..

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      yes, I did use a tide theory, with resting for a week tho. So far I got to 10 texts for a conversation. It goes 50/50 or more texts from his side. As soon as I feel i can lose control over a conversation- i end it.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      So, that’s why he’s being sexual in the texts. Don’t sleep with him again. It’s ok to initiate, just be the one to end the conversations at high point. Open the links too:
      Sleeping with Your Ex Boyfriend… Does It Work?

      EBR 030: What To Do If You Sleep With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      But is it ok being sexual in the text sometimes? Or it’s a no-no? And should I make all stages longer now( texting and calling) ?

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      I mean to support it a little and then pull away. And do you think that a week of nc was enought to give me a little chance to add value to myself? I am not sure if to do more cuz initial nc was super long

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It was not enough but you just have to support that now with being active in other activities. It’s ok to be naughty, just don’t do explicit sexting. Just be cheeky, but don’t engage in it totally. Like, “I know you miss it. Can’t blame you ;)” And then if he asks for it, tell him, “Hmm.. somebody needs more points for the VIP pass.. haha!” Kind like that..

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Hahaha:) thank you,these are awesome examples!
      I continued to be active and even went out on a date:) Talked to my ex again and got him really interested in a convo. He gave looong replies with smiles, would put witty comments while waiting for my reaponces and then at night said: “have a great weekend and good night gorgeous”
      I rested day after and but he didn’t initiate. I actually want to rest for 2 days. Is it ok to take 2-3 days of Chris Full Moon Rise? I just try to remain light and friendly. I was stressed before cuz I was trying to get results just like suggested-phone calls on 15th day. But i screwed a little and had to fix things slowly my gut feeling is saying its ok to take things slower if I see they are still slowly progressing? And according to his behavior do you think ice started to break? He still replies either very fast or hours later

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes it’s ok to take 3 days for the full moon.. if he replies always and positively, that’s good.

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Hi Amor,
      I became confused. We would text almost every day, he would initiate now, still less than me but already started. Tge flow was growing until we came to unlimited texts. So he would start texting with long messages saying how much he admires me and call me pet names,laugh, saying romantic stuff like how much he wants to kiss me gently right now, he would open up and tell a lot of stuff about himself and stuff he never told me before,share his emotions. Still trying to send sexy text about how much he wants me and stuff. It all started looking like a relationship texts. He would say- I want to be that man that gives it to you, we should go for this, we should do this, we should eat this and blah-blah. But it doesn’t go any further. It’s like getting it all through texts, but he doesn’t suggest actual date plans and when I tried phone call he was not able to take a call, that was a work day so I understand. It was yesterday. So idk what to do. It went very far with text but doesnt go any further. He started reminding me of our beautiful memories and finally opened up about what he felt and that he still keeps all the things connected us. Because it was “the most beautiful time in his life”.
      But even if he opened up emotionally it doesn’t go any further and I am stuck and dont know what to do

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      After our gentle and emotional talk, he didn’t text for a couple of days. Neither did I. Was it too early to be emotional? He dragged it tho. And I was just sweet to him.

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Or mb we did too much of texting and over texted. We just got a really interesting conversation that was hard to stop and I guess I did a little late.

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      It started bothering me that sometimes he answers almost immediately,but sometimes it takes him 2-3 hours. And I totally get it when it’s during the day but at night. I started to think what if he dates someine now? And how do I handle it? Ask him or just keep it cool and continue building rapport or lay lower?
      Thank you

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      dont ask.. that looks like you’re confronting him.. Lay low for a few days from initiating.. reply if he does but continue being the one ending it high note and don’t stop your own activities that improve you..

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Thank you, yh I agree I feel like it is becoming too much of every day. How long would you recommend to rest? I guess it might need more than 3 -5 days. A week or more?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just max of 5 days..

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Thank you Amor!
      I implemented it and didn’t initiate for 3 days. He initiated on 1st being flirty and positive, i repkied politely but it was a little late and I was out so I had to finish it fast. Then I went silent for 3 days and texted him today and got No Response for the first time:(

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just initiate again the next day..if he doesn’t, then rest for a week..

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Thank you Amor,
      He actually did respond and then initiated himself.
      I wanted to ask as it is not covered anywhere I guess. Is it ok to send flirty texts if you feel there is much rapport?
      Like- “idk why but I was thinking about you in the morning”. Or ” I am wearing that dress today that you like. Makws me think of you.” And then go friendly again.
      Or I should not use flirty tezt at all until after a couple of dates?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, it’s ok… I like the first one

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Thank you, Amor.
      Everything was going great, we would text almost every day and he brought up that he would love to go somewhere with me one evening but he was stuck at work. He would constantly compliment me,call by my name as i said I love to hear my name more than pets name.
      As he seemed like he wanted to meet I suggested getting a bite saying that I don’t really have much time on me but why not. He replied 2 hours later saying- to get a bite sounds amazing. So I said I was going to be free in an hour or so and he van hit me up.
      He didn’t reply to it. He obviously just takes his time to avoid it and then comes back like- oh, sorry, i was so busy.
      What do I do now? Should I say- oh it’s totally cool and rest for a week or so? 🙁

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      I mean he did reply hours latee again saying he was very busy. And it was after 11 p m so I did not reply yet and I don’t know what to do:(

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      Hi Amor,
      My ex did reach out apologizing and i said it was alright. He said I always bring smile any time we talk.
      We had a sweet conversation and I reminded him he wanted to tell me something for a while.
      It was at night for he told me to get comfortable and listen to him. He asked for my sexy pic, I refused being all flirty. He said- haha ok. Then I told him- ok, I am ready and listening.
      And that was it. I never heard back. It’s been almost two days.
      Is there still any chance? I didn’t expect this.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      rest from initiating..dont suggest a meet up again but go out more on your own or with friends

    • Zlata - 0

      Zlata

      But if he initiates can I reply? Cuz he did and idk if it’s ok to reply

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you can but be the one to end it at high point.

  20. Liv - 0

    Liv

    Hello,

    So my ex and I went on a “break” in August, and then made it officially done in November. I saw the second break-up as a surprise because I thought things were getting better from the point of the “break.”
    Here’s our backstory. We dated for almost two years, and we had a great relationship until one day I was super drunk and cheated on him. I felt eternally sorry, and cried my eyes out for days. He accepted that it happened, and we tried to move on, until one day he did the same thing back. I forgave him because I saw our relationship as more than the two mistakes.

    I started reading this website in December, when I decided that I wanted to get him back. I went for the 53 days with no contact rule, until one day in January I asked for his help with writing something since I knew he had experience. Surprisingly, he offered to meet up to help, so we did. Then we dropped contact for another 30 days, until I decided to message him and ask him about this trip we went on (because I read that it was good to bring up a memory that we had together). He answered and kept up the conversation for about 6 messages. Today is technically day 3, no texts, so I didn’t respond to him. I’m trying to cater my messages toward his interests.
    I really want him back in my life, as he was my best friend. From the sounds of it he has been seeing this new girl, so that’s something to get him over.

    What should I do to keep up the conversations without being like “whoa, this girl is messaging me like crazy?”

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Liv,

      if you want, try the tide theory above and just text once a day.. What’s more important is that you have good conversations, you’re the one ending it at high point and you continuosly improve yourself

  21. Violet - 0

    Violet

    Of course I want to tell him what I think now but I guess that’s not how women with dignity do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you’re moving on both is ok.. You can tell him a goodbye message, or just really stop talking to him..

    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      Thank you,Amor!
      Through this time you were a great support!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re very welcome!!

  22. Rachael - 0

    Rachael

    Hey 🙂 So the last time I called my ex was a good 3 years before we started dating at least (we were friends a lot longer than in a relationship) Every now and then i tried to get him to have a conversation with me on the phone, but he hates doing that so we always kept it to texting. So while i do prefer to call and would really like to, i was wondering if it is really necessary because i would imagine it would just annoy him if i tried more than anything, and if i don’t call him, should i just implement the texting for like a week longer and skip the calling? I’m not exactly sure what to do here, as i’m sure many people could potentially relate, because especially with teens or young twenties (like myself) the majority of us seem to have a fear of talking on the phone.
    anyway thanks for the help 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachael,

      you could do texting only and yes, it would take longer than usual to make up for the calling phase

    • Rachael - 0

      Rachael

      also i think its good to mention that he replied almost immediately. But yeah, im not sure if I should take this interaction as a good one or not

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think it’s a neutral one.. and he knows you know he’s looking one. So, he’ll probably think later on that that’s the reason why you texted.. You can initiate again 3-5 days from now if you want.

    • Rachael - 0

      Rachael

      hey 🙂 thank you so much, i will do that.
      1. i just found out about an hour ago he is “seeing” someone else. hear say, idk for sure, but shes also 10 years older so im sure its a rebound. do you still recommend waiting 3-5 days?
      2. would you mind deleting the message with the texts in it just to be sure? just in the odd chance he might stumble upon this, or someone he and i know sees this

    • Rachael - 0

      Rachael

      sorry i just realized the previous message had my last name in it, kind of counter productive lol

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s ok I edited it and I erased the comment with texts. Yes, you should still continue to try to build rapport.

    • rachael - 0

      rachael

      Thank you so much! So im contemplating how to send my second -first contact text. Since i initially messed up by asking him if he wanted that dog instead of my initial plan, i wanted to see if you thought this would be a good idea for a first contact text. Mind you i am waiting to send it until i totally cool down from finding out about him re-bound girl. Also he enjoys and saw the entire series of Doctor Who so thats why i decided to pick it as a topic of conversation. Here is the potential text…

      Oh my god, I caught up to all my shows and decided to start watching Doctor Who! I watched the episodes with the last remaining dalek. It was so good! It reminded me of when you first showed me the episode! How are you?

      do you think its good? or should i somehow alter it? (I can’t exactly say the whole it made me think of you for the first time in a while seeing as i messaged him the other day… sadly)

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I don’t think the first one is bad.. It’s a normal text.. It might even help this second text because it wouldn’t that awkward anymore. I think that’s good one. You can send it.

  23. Mara - 0

    Mara

    My ex and I have been texting back and forth for a few weeks now, using all the methods here! It’s been going pretty well, he normally responds asap and lately has been following up if I don’t respond right away. We’ve been talking a lot about his business school applications, which have gotten pretty intense the week or so — he was rejected from two top choices which I’m sure is an blow to his ego. We’ve still been talking but he hasn’t responded since Friday. We weren’t talking about anything out of the ordinary, just b school stuff and I was giving some help/recommendations, when he stopped responding and I haven’t heard anything since. This is the first time he’s done this — I haven’t reached out since so what should the next step be?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mara,

      give it a week before initiating again and I think you should transition to calls soon..

  24. Sami - 0

    Sami

    Hi,

    We were together 3.5years he broke it off because he felt something was off and didn’t see too much of a future. I completed NC and started texting and everything is going quite well in building rapport etc through texting and even a few quick calls but how do we make the transition to physical meeting? I feel like a lot of the time our conversations are heading that way it just never gets to making the last hurdle…it was so easy just asking when we were together now I’m so hesitant and scared that I’m moving too fast since he’s the one not asking. We never scheduled things we always did them spare of the moment if we were free we’d both just go off and do it now it’s like it should be scheduled and it feels weird.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sami,

      why does it feel like it has to be scheduled?

    • Sami - 0

      Sami

      Hey, we’ve both got things going on. When we were together it was a given that we’d work around our schedules if either of us had an idea or wanted to do something spare of the moment. Now I feel like I shouldn’t be going out of my way to do so unless it’s been preplanned so I can reschedule or at least make sure I do things earlier/later. Maybe it’s too much pressure.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think it would be better if it’s spontaneuous..too much planning tends to fall off

  25. Violet - 0

    Violet

    Thank you,I will:) he just doesn’t have any social media. So I only have texts, but anyways even if I have to move on after I have to thank your team for what you do here! Because after implementing everything you feel like you have all the power and if not this relationships,but the future one will work cuz now you know what to do:)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Thank you! That’s good..that’s the right mindset

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome!for me, just max 3 days because they’re positive. Try funny or conversational/informational texts like just talking about topics he likes talking about like games or shows

    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      Got it:)
      Can I ask you to remove my previous comment as I mentioned an actual text in it? Just in case:)
      Thank you!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      sure!

    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      Hi, Amor!
      I followed your advice and it went great, for a couple of days and he would be nice. Now Valentines came and we were texting and I just texted- that’s a beautiful holiday, have fun tonight, Happy Valentines day.
      And he said something like “ppl should show love every day not only today, you are funny, happy valentines to you too take it easy.” And stopped replying.
      Mb he got an idea I want him to have a date with someone tonight or I have a date or it was an emotional moment. I hace no idea. Mb he just wants me to “get lost”? He was very positive before. Idk what to do now to be honest

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he stopped replying? what did you say after he said that?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I don’t think it’s negative.. I think there’s just nothing anymore to say..

    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      Yeah,I got it. Cuz he called in the evening and was passing my place so he invited me for a small walk. He kissed me and told me something new. That before meeting me he was dating a girl for 9 years, commited to her even he didn’t really want to, was “forced to love her” (like he said). But after 9 years it didn’t work and he was so depressed and promised himself to never commite again because it hurts. He met me a week after they broke up so I guess I was a rebound. Cuz we only last 7 month s. And now it’s been 7 months after tge break up. Of course, he says the opposite,that after a while he fell for me and this time it was natural,not forced and he never felt this way before or after. He said he wants to have me in his life and he cares a lot. But that he is not even sure if he needs a woman in his life cuz it hurts. And every time things get serious he wants to run away.

    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      He also mentioned his family ( they are divorced) was a hard experience for him as a kid. I just got it throught some stories. And he never wanted to commit but his ex made him and it still ended up badly.
      I just felt sorry and didn’t know how to react

    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      And after he started bringing up all the memories we had together and it was emotional and we ended up sleeping. When he was leaving,he suggested to talk later and spending some day time together. Texted me he got home safe. I replied several hors later and didn’t hear from him next day. Does it all sound to you like I should give up loving this man?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      For me, if I was in your place, yeah I would move on… Because even if I love him.. The moment I hear he’s afraid to commit, to me, he will not commit. And that’s a deal breaker for me. I’m not going to take all of his time, but what he said translates to me that he doesn’t want to make effort for me. And I’m like, “Ok, then I don’t have time for you too.” Because I can invest while I maintain my own life. I will be expecting the same for my man. That’s going to be hard but it’s not impossible. I’m not perfect, nobody is, but hearing that somebody isn’t as committed as I am, makes me feel like I’m going to be wasting time.

    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      Yeah,I hear you. So if I want to move on should I just stop contacting him now and just ignore his attempts to contact me? Or if he contacts just civilly say I am not interested. He was my first feeling so I just don’t know. And thank you for your insight.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you’re moving on both is ok.. You can tell him a goodbye message, or just really stop talking to him..

  26. Violet - 0

    Violet

    Hi Amor,
    I have made a post previously and tried hard to find it,but I can’t. Hope it’s ok to make one here. Sorry, if it’s a little long. So the story was that we broke up and for 6 month after the break up we would still talk and he would be cold and hot. I was desperate and needy,begged him back and chased him. Well, I did all the wrong things possible,I guess:) so when I told ypu the story you suggested a long NC to let things heal and make an impression of moving on. I did 63 days and then contacted him,using all the suggestions that Chris made. So here what I have:
    Day 1 (first contact) went pretty well. I mixed the thing he is interested in with my life update. He reacted pretty fast and had a very positive response! He was exited and asked me questions. I replied in a light and positive manner,not asking he anything. He replied again positively, complimented me and asked a question again. At the end I just finished a convo by not replying. Total: 3 texts from me, 3 texts from him ( I didn’t follow tide theory,got a little exited:( ,but was the one to finish the convo.
    Day 2 I replied to the text I didn’t reply the night before, didn’t ask him anything. He didn’t reply. Total: me-1, him-0
    Day 3 He replies to the text of day 2 in a very positive manner and asks questions again and compliments me again in a flirty way. I reply in a positive manner,not flirting. Conversation was going but his last text was short and I waited too long to finish it,was busy. Total: him- 6 texts, me-3 texts ( Tide theory broken again and I didn’t finiah on high note).
    Day 4. No contact instead of day 3. He didn’t text either.
    Day 5. I sent a text sharing a positive thing happened. Didn’t get any responce. Althought later I realized it was not that interesting. Had to prepare better.Total: me – 1, him-0.
    So idk if it’s going ok or I screwed up, breaking some rules ( tide theory and high point) or it’s fine,just have to slow down now? I wonder what to do if he doesn’t respond to my last text, how soon should I initiate not to look like I am chasing him again? And should I start tide theory again? Just not sure if it’s ok to text him every day as suggested. I got that my mistake was that I wasn’t prepared enough. So the next text I think to say : Just wanted to let you know that “his fav singer” has a new album. Couldn’t let you miss it:) is it fine?
    Thank you for ypur help and patience so so so much!

    Reply
    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      And I forgot to mention that I am not sure if texting him every day is alright cuz he is commitment phobic.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Violet,

      the usual rules is if you dont get replies from 3 first contact texts you should move on but you’re getting replies..You just need to work on your topics, how you text and that you end it at high note.. If he didn’t reply,wait for a day before initiating again.. if he still didn’t reply nor initiated, wait a week..

    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      Thank you, Amor!
      No,he didn’t respond and I guess it’s his protection to not let old me come to close to him, or he is not yet believing that I have changed. I think now I am getting it!
      So my plan was to rest for several days cuz i want to make an impression that “no reply” did not bother me much (funny,but I really don’t worry anymore,thanks to nc, you are genius:) So I have to show through the text that I have changed,right? What do you think if in several days I just text something like : “hey, I just heard something cool in the gym! So..blah-blah,his interest. ???
      So it shows that I spend time actively( which is true now) and also didn’t worry much about him not responding to last text.

    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      I never did sports before so it’s something new about me too

    • Violet - 0

      Violet

      And also I pretty sure he might take my attempt s to talk as my try to get him back. Cuz yeah I did nc for 60 days and I improved but still before nc I was trying to get him back for 6 month using all wrong stuff. So should building rapport being even slower? Like not texting often but like once a week? Or tide theory if fine?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, show in texts but more on posting your actvities.. but also, if he doesn’t reply for 3 times, that means you have to move on.. If he does reply, that means you just build rapport like normal..use the tide theory if you want..

  27. Nadine - 0

    Nadine

    Hi Ex-BF experts,
    I recently successfully completed the 30 no contact. During that time I worked on increasing my social circle and improving my self-esteem, and I’m feeling pretty good about it.
    Anyways, first contact text was a ‘confession’ with a good memory. He did respond appropriately with “what?” but then nothing. I waited a day and then sent another text to him that was positive, not emotional, that I was sure would get a response and it did. I’d say a neutral/positive response in that it was more than one word and informative but not overly warm. It led immediately into a second conversation about an activity he enjoys but I was not disciplined enough to end it right away, so no Z effect. That was about 46 hours ago.

    I’m confident that he will respond again, but I want to maximize the benefit out of the next encounter. Do I wait another day, or treat it like a positive response? it was a 50/50 text convo except that the first and last were mine. Also, in case it makes a difference, we are LDR since I moved away (kinda led to the breakup) but I visit every 6-8 weeks.

    Thanks for your help.

    Reply
  28. Ollie - 0

    Ollie

    Hi! I haven’t spoken to my ex since June 2016. Two days ago sends me a message on the company group chat. We both work for the same company–I never see him. Him and I were into a chain email along with other coworkers by accident. In order to get the thread to stop, I replied all and CC’d IT to stop the thread. Some minutes after and he didn’t reply to me via email but sent a DM saying “Thank you! =]” I replied: “you’re welcome? Lol. Thanks for what?” It’s been 3 days and he hasn’t responded. When we stopped talking he stopped talking to me. He never gave me a reason. He didn’t reply to my text or anything he just left me. I want to get him to talk to me again because I’d like to eventually find out why he just decided to stop talking. Should I send him another text saying: You left me in suspense? Or wait until he replies?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ollie,

      wait first,.maybe a week if he replies.. if he doesn’t, dm him..

    • Ollie - 0

      Ollie

      Hey Amor,

      Thanks for your reply! What should I DM him after a week? And do you have an idea why he’s contacting me now? Any guess as to why he hasn’t replied?

      Thanks in advance.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I think the thanks was just for whatever you have talked about in the chain mail.
      if you didnt talk about anything, then it was probably just for being civil.. initiate a to talk about..use a topic that he always loves talking about

    • Ollie - 0

      Ollie

      Hi Amor! I text him and he replied but didn’t reply to that last one. I made a bet with him that my hockey team would beaut his hockey team when NHL started back up and i told him that I was going to give him a chance to impress me. “Set the rules and prize for the winner and don’t disappoint.” But he didn’t reply today–sent it last night. Since I’m on da 2 and we have 3 text msgs should I even bother and follow up with something cheeky like “scared?” Or should I just let it go. I don’t want to come off like I’m begging (bc I’m not and I won’t) or too eager so idk what to do. Sorry to keep bothering , But thank you for replying you’re the best ever!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      for me its ok to be cheeky like that

    • Ollie - 0

      Ollie

      Hi Amor,

      I wanted to say thanks for following up with me. It means a lot. I sent that cheeky message last week and didn’t hear from him. I’m leaving my current job for a new opportunity and even told him to follow up with me over text if he still had my number bc I was leaving the company, but not text. That’s what he did to me the last time we were together. Said he’d call to talk and ever did. I think he’s just not interested in patching things up like I thought he might be. I’m not sure why he even reached with that thank you to begin with–any thoughts on that? I gave him the opportunity to start talking to me after he ended things badly by just cutting me off without notice and by not replying to my text. He should be thankful and feel privileged that I even open the line of communication again. The “break up” wasn’t even that serious to stop talking to me all together. If you want the scoop, I’d love to share. It may be valuable for the readers of this site. I think I just realized that he simply just doesn’t care about me. I’m not giving up and I have patience, I’m just simply not going to wait around for him again. It’s his loss. My life is great and I’m doing well! I recently graduated, I currently work for a Fortune 500, and I’m now going run an entire business in the new Job I’m taking. Out of love and respect for the relationship we once had I wanted to hash it out like adults. If he wants to come around, he can but I’m no longer interested in trying. It’s his turn to fight and try with me…if he wants and if I even care enough about it all by the time he comes around. I’m moving on to better things.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      maybe that was his form of closure.. That’s good.. At least you know your worth and you have great things ahead of you

  29. Drea - 0

    Drea

    Hi!

    So my ex and I have been broken up since the end of November. Post breakup I sort of begged and he called me and we argued for an hour but ended the conversation with laughs and I love you….

    Fast forward I initiated NC for 45 days. I went on vacation, picked up a pilates class, read 2 of the 4 books I have just bought within that time and have began working out and making my social media account the best! Im even getting double the likes now that he’s not on there lol

    Anyways I initiated contact Day 1 with a friendly good luck for his upcoming interview I had saved on my calendar. He responded almost immediately and very positively. He asked about me and my grad school applications. He kept using a bunch of smily faces which isn’t normal for him… I responded an hour later and then made an excuse about having to go.

    This might be a little manipulative, but about 2 weeks ago before NC was over, I “accidentally” sent him a wedding invitation (that was originally his) with another persons name on it. He forwarded it back to me saying I sent that to him on accident and tried to initiate a conversation with me (overall was positive and used lots of smiley faces)….but it was NC so I ignored the email.

    I want to build rapport slowly and effectively…Im hoping I didn’t ruin anything my accidentally inviting someone else to my best friends wedding.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi drea,

      nope..that was two weeks ago..it doesn’t matter now..

    • Drea - 0

      Drea

      Hi Amor,

      After initiating contact with my ex I realized he unfollowed me on Instagram(which he hardly used to begin with!). That kind of pissed me off so I stopped texting him to build rapport. Since he was the one who dumped me (for no reason at that) and then unfollows me on social media, I kind of feel like I should initiate the NC rule again. I don’t want him to even have the slightest idea that I’m chasing him. Would that be a good idea?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, that’s ok..but the more important thing is that you dont stop having your own life even while your building rapport again later on

    • Drea - 0

      Drea

      Hi Amor,

      Brief update. It is now March and I did not continue to contact my ex after NC 🙁 it was too hard and made me way too emotional. However, he has texted me a couple times within these last couple of months asking me how things are going with my life and even using insiders we use to laugh at together. I’m not quite sure how to approach things from here. I think I’m still pretty pissed he dumped me for no reason and hurt me so badly, I want to talk to him but at the same time I don’t even think he deserves my friendship so I’m very torn.

      I guess my question is how do I slowly build rapport again after these couple months? Texting never really was his thing and I feel contacting him everyday would be excessive.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you’re going to try calling, you can still try the tide theory..at least you still have rest days with that method..

  30. Wanda - 0

    Wanda

    My ex and I were in a long distance relationship. I know he’s dating someone who lives in his city. Yesterday was day 30 of no contact so I sent my first text. He did not respond. What should I do next?

    Reply
  31. Namie - 0

    Namie

    Hello,

    I’m with my ex boyfriend in relationship for 3 years and planning to get engaged but all of a sudden he broke up with me saying he doesn’t love me anymore. currently i’m in no contact in day 20. after the no contact end should i text him? because he really want me out of his life. should i extend the no contact?

    Please help, i need advice

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Namie,

      how much did you improve during no contact? After the break up did you chase him?

  32. Dana - 0

    Dana

    Hi, there. I recently contacted my ex after about 45 days of NC. I used texted him and he immediately texted me back. I texted him more than twice on that first day and he ultimately ended up calling me. We spoke for about 2 hrs. We’ve been texting everyday since that happened (3 hrs ago). He was being really flirty through texts and when we spoke over the phone. He kept insinuating that he was open to getting back together, but he never explicitly said so. Am I moving too fast? Should I be cautious?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dana,

      how many days have you been texting and calling?

  33. Alice - 0

    Alice

    Hi,

    So my ex and I were together for 7 years and broke up six months ago. We’re both 23. I did 2 months of no-contact since we were long-term and sort of on-and-off over the years (although longest break up before this was 2 months). It took him a month to respond to my first text (so 3 months after the breakup, this is in September now).

    At first his texts were really positive, kind of flirty and he would talk a lot about how he missed me. Here’s my problem…I wanted to try to meet up with him in person a little while after we started texting, but then he asked me to see a movie that’s coming out this week (December) so I thought I should just maintain the texting and wait until the movie came out to see him. For two months (September and October) the texting was really good. But then around November he stopped replying as much. I should mention that I saw him at the mall at the end of October—we were not close enough to say hi and I didn’t approach him, so I’m not sure if he saw me too, but this is around the time when he stopped responding to me.

    At the beginning of December I decided to try sending another short text, just to see if he would respond. He did, so we’ve been texting a little again.

    However, now the movie that he asked me to see is coming out, so I asked him if he still wanted to go. He didn’t respond for a couple days and then said he wasn’t sure if it was a good idea anymore. I asked him why he felt that way, and he basically said “I think we’ve both made progress, and I think if we see each other one-on-one in that sort of setting it might undo the progress that we’ve made.”

    What should I do now? I feel like I totally messed up by waiting until now to try to initiate something in person, but he asked me to see this movie so I felt like I should wait for this. Also, his answer is confusing to me. He’s basically saying that he thinks if we meet up and hang out one-on-one, something might happen between us (or maybe I’m interpreting it wrong). I just have NO CLUE how to respond or how to move things forward with him right now….

    Maybe I could suggest we do something else—just meet for a coffee?—rather than go see a movie together? Something that might feel less like a date?

    Thank you for the help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alice,

      So, you didn’t reply to that? Yep, if you’re going to meet, just make it short. Try,

      “I understand! well, I have a window hour at (day and time), if you want a harmless coffee catch up, just let me know. Don’t worry, I’ll make sure you wont put a love potion in my drink ;)”

    • Alice - 0

      Alice

      Hi Amor,

      Okay, thanks for the advice! I’m going to try sending this text tomorrow, since I haven’t replied again since then since he sent his last text.

    • Alice - 0

      Alice

      Amor,
      Thanks so much for the suggestion. I used basically what you said and he said he felt like meeting for a coffee was a good option. Now I just have to go read all your articles on first time meeting up with an ex in person!
      Happy holidays and thanks again. 🙂

  34. Barb - 0

    Barb

    Hello- I’ve been using your messages, and I’ve been getting very positive and flirty messages. Recently he ends with “have a great weekend” What does this mean? Should I want to contact until Monday?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Barb,
      Maybe he just really wants you to have a great weekend.. Don’t over analyze.

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