By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 2nd, 2021

Sometimes all you want to do after a relationship is forget your ex and everything associated with your relationship together. While temporary measures such as having girls’ nights with lots of ice-cream can help for a bit, today, I’m going to walk you through the best way to do that for good without hurting yourself in the process.

They say that “time heals all wounds” but that doesn’t really give us the full picture and still leaves much to be answered.

For example, how much time will it take to forget your ex and fully heal the wounds of your breakup?

Will time heal your wounds on its own, or do you need to do something else to help the process along?

This article will help you answer all these specific questions that old sayings just can’t help you with.

Society Has Unrealistic Expectations About Breakups

The one thing that no one acknowledges is the fact that society has unrealistic expectations for how long it should take you to get over a breakup.

I see this a lot when I’m working with clients, and they express embarrassment if they’ve been hung up on their ex for “too long “.

Who defines what’s too long to be sad about a past relationship?

For the most part, its peer pressure from friends and family members who constantly push you to “move on” and keep asking questions about why you haven’t gotten over it yet.

These questions can get annoying really quickly and may actually push you into thinking about your ex more, which is not the goal.

It’s impractical to expect someone to get over a breakup before they’re truly ready to do so. So, don’t let others push you into healing from a wound that they can’t even see and have no idea about.

If it isn’t obvious yet, I do not agree with the famous “time heals all wounds” quote.

It is too arbitrary and vague to actually help anyone.

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Two Fundamental Questions We Need To Answer

But today I’m going to take the guesswork out of this idea and help you answer two fundamental questions:

  1. How long should it take for you to forget your ex?
  2. Is time alone all it will take?

Ultimately, these are difficult questions to answer because no one can truly tell you when you’re ready to get over a breakup. That’s something super personal to you, so only you can truly know when.

I know that’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but deep down, I’m sure you know that it is your decision alone, and no one can guide it because they are not in your shoes.

As far as the second question is concerned, time is NOT the only thing necessary to forget your ex.

Simply having time go by won’t cure your wounds even if it’s been years. You need to use that time well to enhance the healing process, so what you DO with that time is much more important than just letting time pass.

Putting Your Ex On A Pedestal Is A Mistake

Whenever I work with clients who want to get over their ex, I notice a clear lack of discipline and confidence, stopping them from being successful. They lack the discipline or the confidence to prioritize themselves over their ex.

So, the question I put to you is:

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Are you placing your ex on a pedestal they do deserve to be on?

As humans, we tend to obsess about things that we hold in high regard, and this applies to people just as it does to tv shows or books.

However, the feeling gets magnified when you’re dealing with someone that you are deeply in love with or were deeply in love with.

You might look back at your time with your ex as this amazing experience that you’ll never be able to replicate after your breakup.

Such feelings of reminiscence become a self-fulfilling prophecy that makes you constantly think about them and put them on a pedestal.

This then seeps into your dating life because no matter how hard you try to like someone else; you keep comparing them to your ex. Thus, an endless cycle of self-sabotaging begins.

So, the million-dollar question is, how do you get your ex off that pedestal and stop thinking about them 24/7?

The Three Layers of Confidence

The answer is deceptively simple – confidence.

I know it sounds vague because people always say that becoming more confident will make your life better, but I’m going to show you how to be confident.

Let’s get philosophical for a bit.

When I say confidence, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind?

Will power?


Often times, confidence-building does not work that simply.

In my opinion, there are three layers of confidence.

The three are like layers on a cake as each one builds off the other to enhance your confidence.

Let’s start from the top outer layer and go down to the foundation:

1. Surface layer:

This is all about perception and how you come across to others. The goal is to always exude a positive perception about yourself by carefully controlling what you post on social media, how you look, and how you walk, etc. This is definitely the most superficial and easy to achieve layer, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important. People’s perceptions of you are incredibly powerful and can influence your day to day mood.

2. Lifestyle layer:

This layer goes deeper than outward perceptions and is all about what you DO as opposed to how people view you. What skills and hobbies do you have? What are your friends and family like? How do you spend all your time? This layer revolves around your surroundings, and how you choose to live your life, so it goes beyond just the impressions you give on social media, etc.

3. Internal layer.

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Mastering this internal layer of confidence can make you feel emotionally invincible. It gives you the belief of knowing that no matter what hardships you face, you WILL get through it. This is the layer where you purposefully prioritize yourself and your well-being over your ex so you can forget about him.

Now that you know that prioritizing yourself means having a robust internal layer of confidence, you might be asking how do I even create that strong layer?

In my experience of years of dealing with clients going through rough breakups, there are two ways to affect your internal layer of confidence: to work from the outside in and have a paradigm shift.

Working from the outside means improving the surface and lifestyle layers and letting the trickle-down effect from those two enhance your internal layer of confidence and self-image.

But only doing those two will not bring about the kind of change you need in your internal layer to fully forget your ex. For that to happen, you need to have a paradigm shift.

A paradigm shift might sound complicated and difficult to achieve, but it basically just means being able to look at your life a little differently.

You know how the brightest minds of ancient Greece used to think that the sun revolved around the earth, and it was just a universally accepted “fact” until science taught us otherwise? That’s a perfect example of a paradigm shift where looking at a situation in a new light can help you understand things you couldn’t before.

As far as your relationship with your ex is concerned, you need to do the same thing – change the way you think so your ex is no longer your number 1 priority. Once you do that, it’ll be so much easier for you to move on from them.


Now that you’ve made it to the end of the article, you’re doing one thing right and one thing wrong.

What you’re doing right is that you’ve decided you’re ready to forget your ex.

What you’re doing wrong is deliberately TRYING to forget them, and that’s making you think about them even more.

The key to forgetting an ex is putting yourself first and building up your confidence to the point where your ex is no longer a priority for you.

Don’t ever let anyone rush you into forgetting your ex either because, more often than not, peer pressure to forget an ex doesn’t actually help.

So, don’t be afraid to acknowledge that you’re on your own timeline, and there is no point in rushing yourself into something until you have the confidence and resolve to see it through.

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6 thoughts on “How Can I Forget About My Ex?”

  1. Haeldu

    April 3, 2020 at 5:40 pm

    I just went through the end of my relationship a week ago. The day after he texted me & said he’d definitely like to be friends he just thinks more than anything he would like some space. I didn’t respond for a couple days, then had a moment and sent 2 texts one day and another 2 the day after. One was questions, and the others were apologizing for texting after space was asked for. He never responded to any, but still has me on all social media and watches all my stuff, hasn’t blocked my number, and isn’t with anyone else. I noticed yesterday that an item of mine was missing and the last place I remembered it being was at his house, so I texted letting him know I wasn’t trying to bother him I just wanted to know if my item was there. That was 4 days after the last time I contacted him. Still no response. Which is irritating because I just want to know if my things are there. Still has me on everything, hasn’t removed me or blocked me. Have I ruined my chance of getting him back? If I start no contact now do I still have a chance to recover from the texts after he stated he thought space was best?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 10, 2020 at 12:37 am

      Hey Haeldu yes but I suggest that you start with a NC of at least 30 days where you work on yourself and this includes the Holy Trinity then start the texting phase where you keep short positive conversations that are not about your relationship, getting back together or the break up

  2. Ronnie

    March 13, 2020 at 3:02 pm

    Hey, I’ve just found this page as I’m looking for some explanation. Me and my ex fiancé broke up about 5 months ago ( he found someone else) while I was pregnant with our second child. We were on and off since, but now we’re trying to make it work as “friends” he started making comments about us having a sex. But unfortunately he’s in A relationship with that woman he was cheating on me. Basically he moved in her house within 2 weeks from our break up. We could be sometimes on phone for hours and then he’s got days when he won’t even answer my message. I know there is something wrong with him but he won’t accept it, please would you mind give me some explanation about this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 1:12 am

      Hey Ronnie, so it sounds as if he is trying to keep you and also have a relationship with her. I would follow the being there method where you put yourself in the friend zone almost. But flirt from time to time. But make sure you do not give him any intimacy during this stage. If he wants to be with you then you make it clear he must leave the other woman and not speak to her again. Not sleeping with him until he is committed to you is how you are going to change the dynamics of this, at the moment he thinks he has you both where he wants you

  3. ikechukwu ibe

    March 12, 2020 at 5:52 pm

    Thank you so much for this article…. I would really appreciate it if you’d drop more ideas cause I really want to get over my ex and my hearts been aching like forever. If you could please reach out to ne. I would need your help on letting go of her. I have decided it’s the best thing to do and with my will power I have decided to change ge my perspective and move on. I would like for any little help you can hand out to me. thank you once again for this lovely article. I would drop my email if you are willing to help me out. Bless you sir.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 11:22 pm

      Hey there you can look into the one to one coaching if you are looking for more in depth help