Today we’re going to be talking about what you can do to make your ex chase you.
However, before we get started on that the first thing I recommend to all newbies wondering if they have a chance of getting their ex back is to check out our Ex Recovery Chances Quiz. So, here’s everything I want you to do,
- Stop everything you’re doing
- Visit this page
- And complete the basic quiz
It’s a simple two minute quiz I put together designed to help you understand what kind of chance you have of getting your ex back.
Ok, now that we have that out of the way let’s begin,
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizHow To Make An Ex Chase You
In the video above I actually put together a presentation to teach you the basics behind how you can actually accomplish the seemingly impossible goal of making your ex miss you. I can’t recommend watching or listening to it enough.
Oh, and make no mistake about it.
Forcing your ex to chase you is not an easy thing to accomplish.
The first thing I would like to talk about are some of the biggest misconceptions that people have about making an ex chase them.
The Biggest Misconceptions People Have About This Process
The first big misconception that people have is that you can’t expect one singular strategy to get the job done. Instead, I’ve always found that it’s going to be an arsenal of strategies working together in tandem that does the trick.
I also think it’s important to leave any preconceived notions about our strategies working 100% of the time at the door.
People have this belief where they think that if they just try hard enough and they do what I say their ex is going to chase them 100% of the time.
Reality doesn’t work that way.
There are a lot of details that I don’t have about your situation that can make or break you. I don’t believe in one size fits all solutions. Human beings are much too complicated for that. But what I do believe in and can show you are the best practices to dramatically stack the odds in your favor.
The final big misconception that people have is that this is an easy process.
It’s not.
Don’t delude yourself into believing that it is because in many cases you may be watching my videos, reading my articles or listening to my podcast because you’re having an issue with an ex even wanting to be around you.
So, getting them to do a complete “180” is not an easy thing.
3 Strategies To Make An Ex Chase You
I’ve learned over the years that making an ex chase you can be boiled down into three pretty simple concepts.
These concepts are going to create a necessary foundation that you are going to use to build your entire “ex back” campaign.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz- The No Contact Rule
- Creating A Sense Of Mystery
- Utilizing The Fear Of Loss
So, the first thing that we’re going to be talking about is the most popular strategy in my area of expertise, the no contact rule.
The second thing we’re going to be talking about is creating a sense of mystery.
The third thing we’re talking about is going to be raising the stakes by creating a sense of a fear of loss.
Lets begin,
1. The No Contact Rule To Make Your Ex Chase
What is the no contact rule?
Well I’ve written about 50 articles on it.
I’ve done multiple videos on it,
I’ve even done a lot of podcasts about it and a lot of people really use my ideas of how to employ the no contact rule when they actually go about trying to get their exes back.
However, if you want a quick crash course version it’s pretty simple.
The no contact rule is simply a period of time where you ignore your ex no matter what.
This is done in an attempt to make them miss you while at the same time cultivating your own personal life.
(Side Note: there are some situations where you can break the no contact rule in certain areas)
For the most part the bare minimum definition of the no contact rule is, you ignore your acts for 30 21 45 days and hopefully by the end of that they’ll start missing you but here’s the thing that a lot of people seem to forget,
The no contact rule is the foundation upon which almost every successful “get your ex back” campaign is built on.
As you can see above, I have put a picture of a foundation being built for a house.
Why?
Well, it’s really the best analogy I can think of to describe how the importance of the no contact rule.
People who are building houses lay down the foundation first. They do this to make sure that the house is being built on something steady. After the foundation has been laid they actually start building out the rest of the house and giving it the character that every house needs.
In home building you can’t build a house on a weak foundation. The same is true of trying to make your ex chase you.
You need a strong foundation before that starts happening and that is what the no contact rule is going to do for you.
2. Creating A Sense Of Mystery
The second thing that I would recommend that you try to do is create a sense of mystery.
A lot of my coaching clients come to me and say,
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizChris how do I create a sense of mystery?
Well, the first thing I point them to is some research done by a Russian scientist named Bulma Zeigarnik.
She is perhaps most well known for coming up with a concept called the Zeigarnik Effect which I know might sound familiar to some of the avid readers of Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program.
Zeigarnik Effect: Basically states that people remember uncompleted tasks better than completed ones.
Let’s say that you are having a conversation over the phone with your ex and then somehow the phone suddenly hangs up.
What is your first reaction to this circumstance?
It’s to try to immediately get your ex back on the phone, right?
This is a result of the Zeigarnik Effect.
Your task, of talking to your ex, got interrupted.
It created an open loop that you would do anything to close.
That’s where this whole idea of open loops and cliffhangers comes into play in Hollywood.
Have you ever taken notice of how TV shows are structured? Each episode tends to end on a crazy cliffhanger.
Why?
Well, it’s because week by week you’re getting drip fed a new episode and they know they have to do something to make you come back.
I suppose Netflix is kind of bucking that trend lately by releasing everything all at once however, the basic principle still applies in order to ensure that someone is going to continue watching your show.
The reason “binging” is a thing is because after the episode ends on a cliffhanger you immediately want to watch the next one to find out what happens next.
So, here is my ultimate point.
Every once in a while don’t be afraid to weak a few “open loops” into your conversations with your ex. It’ll really go a long ways to creating that sense of mystery you are finding so elusive.
3. Don’t Be Afraid To Use The Fear Of Loss
The third and final thing that I believe that you need to create if you want to make an ex chase you is a fear of loss.
The best analogy I make here is to actually point at one of the most popular shows on TV currently, game of thrones.
What is it about Game of Thrones besides great writing, great acting and great directing that makes it so great?
(Spoiler Alert)
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWell if you look at the plot of Game of Thrones a lot of people die.
And I mean A LOT,
It gives you this sense that anyone could die at any moment and it raises the stakes so everything that happens carries an extra weight.
I think a lot of times when people are trying to get their exes back they haven’t raised the stakes.
They’re not willing to do everything it takes to really create a fear of loss. They aren’t willing to convince their ex that they have moved on.
I’ve often been quoted on this site as saying,
You have to be willing to lose the guy, to get the guy
I still stand by that statement because I’ve seen it work just like that time and time again.
Brenda
October 26, 2020 at 11:43 pm
My ex boyfriend came back after 2 and a half years Things are different now because he doesn’t text me the way he used to and he doesn’t want to see me like he used to He claims he’s working a lot but I have seen him on tagged dating at least once a day That’s where I met him I feel like he’s talking to someone else He said he’s not seeing anyone else just working How can I get him to chase me like he use to
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
October 28, 2020 at 4:26 am
Hi Brenda, check out some of Chris’ articles about being Ungettable. This is what you need to be doing to get your ex interested in chasing you again. Keep in mind that you have been apart for sometime, so changes in habits could be just who he is and not that he isn’t interested in speaking with you. Look for quality over quantity.
Emmanuel Benjamin
January 7, 2020 at 11:37 am
we broke last year but didn’t last we got ourselves back soon, before we full processed the breakup i guess. so just of sudden i have been noticing that, she has been saying to her friend that she doesn’t want me anymore. however, she didn’t tell me yet but i knew through her behavior of this days, so can i please consider going back to no contact?
if its ok to go back to NC, how can i let go this time around?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 7, 2020 at 10:39 pm
If she has not ended things with you yet, then you can go into what we call a limited no contact where you let them reach out to you and you reply slowly and match the effort. If you end up breaking up then you go into a proper No Contact as of then
Charlotte
July 3, 2019 at 11:18 pm
Hi,
My boyfriend of 1 year broke up with me 3 weeks ago out of the blue. We were so in love, trying on engagement rings and talking about moving in together one day to then nothing the next. I have never felt this way about anyone before and I know we are meant to be together. We argued a little bit but he always assured me we would work it out. I still don’t know why he broke up with me though. Anyway, I have decided to implement the no contact rule. I have had a few messages in the first 2 weeks about getting stuff back etc. When we saw each other to get our stuff back he said he still loves me and gave me the best kiss goodbye. I have had a few messages about organizing other things since then. But I haven’t heard from him this week though. Do I break no contact early and message him because I haven’t heard from him? Or do I stick it out and message him at the end of no contact? Do I even have a chance of getting him back? I am just at a bit of a loss and not sure what to do. If you could please provide some guidance as soon as possible, that would be much appreciated.
Gil
June 24, 2019 at 1:51 am
Hi my boyfriend and I broke up for the 2nd time around. I was able to get him back from his rebound last time because I messaged a girl and showed her screenshots proof that she’s just being his rebound. Now he has a nother rebound. His ex from years ago whom he haven’t had a good relationship with for just around 3 months. He kept saying that this girl is better than me. He keeps on tweeting good things about her (which he never did to me when we were still in a relationship) I keep on texting and begging him to come back since we officially broke up 2 weeks ago. I am planning to do the no contact rule. What else can I do aside from these 3 things written above to make him come back to me? I know he still loves me tho but the love he has for me is kind of buried in anger. What should I do?
Chris Seiter
June 24, 2019 at 3:03 pm
HI Gil….so I do think an extended NC period is appropriate given this second breakup and his second rebound. You should consider picking up my Program, EBR Pro Bundle, in order to be better prepared to understand how to proceed during this post breakup period
Lol
March 16, 2019 at 2:30 am
I’ve been following this whole thing exactly and it’s working.
Me and my ex were having issues since Oct. There was a lot of push-pull stuff going on and I felt myself becoming needy as he drifted away. It all came to a head on Jan 18th. Even though we see each other at work occasionally I initiated NC immediately by telling him I was taking some time out to work on myself.
I did 56 days straight. No contact at all except for a brief moment where we met at work and he fell over himself to make me a cup of tea. I accepted his offer, thanked him but didn’t give him a hint of anything beyond professionalism.
During NC I’ve been busy in my garden, looked up social groups to join and landed myself an amazing new job with lots of perks and status. This is very recent news. I haven’t started the job yet and I’m still in the process of telling my colleagues about it.
Today I went in to work and he was there. Another colleague announced he had a new job right in my ex’s earshot. So I said ‘hey you know what? Me too!!’ We has this great conversation, congratulating each other, talking about the benefits of moving on etc. All the time my ex was there, listening. It. Was. Beautiful. So perfectly timed and executed it was like I had a guardian angel or something.
My ex caught me alone and asked, with some wavering emotion, why I was leaving my job. I said it was a great opportunity for me, better prospects, more money and there was nothing keeping me at my current job anymore so why not? He looked crushed. There were tears in his eyes. I felt myself getting tearful too so I said my goodbyes and left the building.
And. He. Chased. Me. Into. The. Car. Park.
He literally ran to catch up with me while I carried on walking (I was totally playing the game here). He started babbling about how I had a good job here, didn’t need to leave, he was worried about me blah blah blah. I politely thanked him for his concern but said it wasn’t necessary.
I said ‘this will probably be the last time our paths cross so best of luck with everything.’ He replied ‘well…that’s s?!t!!!’
My last words to him were – with a shrug of my shoulders – “your choice.”
And I got in my car and left him standing there.
Now this doesn’t mean I’ve got him back. But I’ve reversed the psychological power and now he’s chasing me. We’ll see what happens over the next few days.
Shanice
December 30, 2018 at 10:20 pm
Hi Chris!
Thanks for all the advice so far it’s been really helpful!
Just a quick one,
Me and my ex are in a good place, we are exclusive and taking thing slow ect
I decided the other day I should maybe not be too available all the time and noticed he wasn’t replying to me straight away so I decide to leave it a full 24 hours until I replied to him thinking he would be really happy when I did reply but he wasn’t happy at all, instead I got things like
‘I seen you was online ignoring me’ ‘I texted you last night’ ect.. then then I did message him back he didn’t respond…not sure where to go form there I guess I’ll give a few days to chill out and reach out to me?
Thanks 🙂
Chris Seiter
December 30, 2018 at 11:02 pm
Hi Shanice…I agree, just roll with it.
Panni
October 25, 2018 at 10:59 am
Hi Chris,
We were together for 11 months and he broke up with me in July. He broke up with me saying its not worked out for us, we are different people. I started an altered no contact in September, because we work together and seeing each other every week lot of times. It included not itiating from my side and I was “always busy” when he asked what am I up to so I could get out from the situation. Couple of times he was so annoyed during that, that he was like being aggressive to get me answer him. He went for holiday during this no contact period and after he was reaching out like what am I doing in person, and wanted to share things with me in conversation etc(, so I thought I am strong enough now to handle the situations, and actually I feel like I am confident enough now). I kept like getting the conversations done as soon as possible though. I have worked on myself and good things started to happen, I am pretty happy now. He is getting me mixed signs and I am not initiating still at all. Actually I would want to begin to get the text messages part begin, but I am not sure, If I should wait until he reaches out on messenger. I was too needy and clingy in our relationship, thats why I am not initiating. He is on holiday now again, last time he was a bit asshole to me (he asked me sth here, I started to tell him sth and he just turned away speaking to an other person (I think its not nice) who he was training and then AFTER this, later he asked me again what am I up to, and I was like freezed, not answering to him. He was again being like “ANSWER ME!!” with big round eyes even bowed on me after he was like this with me -.-“). Though he is on holiday though, I started to post little stories on my facebook and since he is my friend again on FB there he has watched all of them (he is not active at all on FB and this story viewing stuff didnt happen when we were together). I dunno if I should behave like in the no contact still so he can come to me, or should I start to give mixed signs to him, to get him to talk with me via texts again. What would you do? He is stubborn too.
Chris Seiter
October 25, 2018 at 8:23 pm
Hi Panni!
I think you will benefit if you picked up my 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. You really want to know how it all works and the best ways to build value with your ex and when and how to reach out when it’s time.
Sam
October 23, 2018 at 9:52 pm
Hi Chris,
So my boyfriend just broke up with me and he said he cares about me but doesn’t love me anymore. How can I get him to regain those feelings for me again? We used to be so happy then we would disagree a lot which was probably one reason why he left me. I love this guy I can’t stress that enough we were together for about 3 years and 8 months and it feels so wrong being without him. I don’t know what to do. I want to try this NC thing but the thing is I am in college and we have classes together so I am going to see him 3 times a week. How do I do NC in that situation? Do I go ahead and ignore him in class and after class? Or do I let there be conversation? Please help I just want him back.
Chris Seiter
October 24, 2018 at 3:22 am
HI Sam!
NC can work even in college. Just limit the convo in class if he initiates, but be pleasant and yourself and avoid getting into relationship talk.
Elise
September 6, 2018 at 3:40 pm
Hi Chris. How to make my ex feels that I have already moved on? I know jealousy may help but I don’t think it’s a good idea in my case.
Chris Seiter
September 7, 2018 at 3:46 am
Your right Elise…jealousy is not always the right move for each situation. It depends on various factors. But you don’t want you ex to think you have moved on really. Rather, you want him thinking how much more valuable you are to him and appreciate that which he now longer has. I encourage to get engaged with my program by either picking up an ebook, reading my posts, attending my free webinar as there are a lot of tactics you can make use of!
Rachel
September 6, 2018 at 1:02 pm
Hi Chris
My fiance and I have been on a break for about a month now, he wanted a break because he was unsure of his feeling because he thinks that he likes someone else to but loves me, this doesn’t make sense to me but anyway, we talked during this month and he just went back and forth with with his decision, first he wanted to break up, then he wanted to be with me and so on. Now we haven’t talked for 4 days and I’m trying with the NC, the thing is he has read the last thing I sent to him but did not answer. And he keeps on looking at my stories on social media. And the thing that drives me crazy is that I don’t know if he’s spending time with this other girl or if he even misses me. Please help me understand this mess. He really is my soulmate.
Chris Seiter
September 7, 2018 at 3:53 am
Hi Rachel….so your guy is just all over the place. Unfair to you. You can’t control what he does, so don’t think about negative stuff about him and another girl. Stay true to your NC. But make sure you employ it fully in the way I discuss in my program.
Alex
August 28, 2018 at 9:30 pm
Hi Chris,
I have been reading your blog posts and think you have some pretty solid advice on here I would like to try. But I’m not sure where to start because my ex and I broke up a few months ago and didn’t speak for an entire month (no contact). He finally reached out and apologized and said he wanted us to be part of each other’s lives. We have seen each other in groups settings, text occasionally (though I usually initiate), and have hung out one on one a few times. I want him to start initiating more and missing me more (he is very hot and cold right now)… where do you recommend I start?
Chris Seiter
August 30, 2018 at 4:11 am
Hi Alex….just go it slow…it sounds like things are moving along OK. Look to have another casual meetup (e.g. coffee, help you with an errand).
Karen
August 24, 2018 at 1:43 pm
Not sure about any of this. It has been 13 months since the break up. We were long distance then and are still. We have had contact over the 13 months. Has been a roller coaster, hot, cold, hot,cold, but, he is always there if I need help or advice, no delays in text responses, immediately there.
He now has a GF, found out last week, and he felt bad that I found out and apologized a couple of times.
After last weeks hit, finding out about the GF, I started no contact. Do not know if I can get him to chase me again or not, he is stubborn AF.
Chris Seiter
August 25, 2018 at 12:00 am
Hi Karen!
That is what NC is in part meant to do, particularly if you understand well how to fully employ it. Check out some of my books and Podcast and posts that get into that. I actually wrote an eBook, called, “The No Contact Rule Book” that covers off on just about everything.
Janine
August 23, 2018 at 2:27 am
Hi,
My boyfriendd told me a while ago that he was ready to think about getting back together..we didnt talk seriously about it yet because we not in the same city..we will be in a few weeks.. We have been talking regularly about other things a part from us. Recently though, one of my friends (one he doesnt know) saw him on tinder and swiped..and they matched! I wasn’t surprised he was on tinder per say but I thought he wasn’t active anymore AFTER telling me hed like us to get back together. My friend had just gotten her tinder account. He tells me he doesnt take it seriously,dont meet up with anyone and “tried” to “prove” it but I just dont know how to take this (we not together yet but..isnt he supposed to be focused on getting back with me):$ Am I exagerating?
Chris Seiter
August 23, 2018 at 11:03 pm
Hi Janine!
My gut tells me he is telling you his truth. Guys can be that way. Playing to their fantasies. Checking out prospects. Thinking with the sexual brain. But he can also be legitimately interested in exploring the re-connection with you.
So you cleared the deck by bring it up to him. I think its worth seeing how things jell going forward.
Alice
August 22, 2018 at 7:32 pm
Hi, I recently dated a guy… for a Little over a month and spoke daily through whatsapp 2 months before we actually met (we talked on the phone, sent videos and pictures) it was pretty sweet. Then we met and he kind of wanted to rush into a relationship, I figured he just really liked me. Some days seemed really good and genuine and we spent lots of hours together. Then sometimes he seemed a little depressed. He said it was stress from work, I believed him. But I read the signs and I knew he still missed someone from the past.
I confronted him, I told him I liked him, but I know you haven’t let go of the past. It’s selfish if you do this to people. You need to go through the process on your own. And if we meet again and are both single than we can maybe reconnect.
He said that I was right, he did want to forget someone, but he also said, he didn’t use me, he genuinely likes me. He’s sorry that the timing is wrong.
We haven’t talked in 2 weeks. (We talked every day for 3 months)
What are my chances for him to contact me back? And how long will it take and what should I do? Should I make it harder for him, once he contacts me again?
Thank you
The
Chris Seiter
August 23, 2018 at 11:13 pm
Hi Alice!
I think you just stay in No Contact and use the principle in the way I teach it in my program as discussed in almost all of my books!
Adrienne
August 21, 2018 at 1:14 pm
Broke up with my ex boyfriend again. No contact worked last time but I didn’t work on myself enough and same with him. Since we got back together we had little arguments but it was mostly good, we both agreed our split of 2 months made us feel physically sick. Recently we had a big (petty) argument that escalated, although we did make up a day after the argument and he was sending nice messages as was I, but 2 days later he broke it off. No contact on both sides ever since for 6 days now, I am going to start counselling, is it possible to get back again? How long should I do no contact for?
Chris Seiter
August 21, 2018 at 10:28 pm
HI Adrienne!
I do see upside here. Just be sure to execute your ex recovery plan. Take a look at my program (see my home page for more details) and by all means, take advantage of the counseling you talked about! You are going to get thru this and it will get better for you over time.