What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him

To be quite honest with you I can’t believe that I haven’t written a guide over this sooner.

I mean, I do touch on this topic in my books, PRO and The Texting Bible and I have even recorded a podcast over the topic but that’s not the same as writing one of my world famous guides.

So, how should I start this?

Hmm…

There’s a famous quote by Sherry Argov that goes,

Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and a woman isn’t.

As much as I hate to agree with a competitor, Argov has written many books helping the same women that I help, she speaks the truth with that quote.

This leads us to your current predicament.

You slept with your ex boyfriend and you are trying to figure out how in the world you are going to get him to commit to you.

Well, let me just tell you that you came to the right place!

Today I am going to give you a very long in-depth explanation of what you are going to have to do to successfully win him back if you slept with him.

Lets go!

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Understanding Your Situation

understand

I am going to be honest with you.

I struggled with coming up with a title for this section.

Initially I had written down,

“Your Mistake…”

But as more time went on I began to realize that, that may rub off on some people the wrong way. After all, it’s a bit too early in the article to start berating you for your decision.

……

Oopps…

I suppose by admitting that I just did berate you.

Ok, I’ll stop pulling punches to protect you.

By sleeping with your ex boyfriend you made a pretty big mistake.

I mean, there is a reason that one of the most asked questions I get is,

“Chris, I slept with my ex boyfriend and ever since that moment things have changed. He hardly ever talks to me anymore and when he does he is very distant.”

I suppose the best way for me to help you understand “Your Predicament” is to teach you how sex relates to chase theory.

(I talk about Chase Theory in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Sex, Men And Chase Theory

Have you ever heard my chase theory when it comes to men?

It basically goes like this,

chase theory

Does that make any sense?

No?

Ok, while no man will openly admit this most of us actually love the chase.

And the more time that we have invested into the chase the more likely our feelings are to grow for the person we are chasing.

Let me give you an example.

Lets pretend that Bob,

man chasing

Has a MAJOR crush on Carla,

woman

So he decides to make her his girlfriend.

Of course, all of his attempts to “chase” are turned down by Carla. But Bob isn’t one to give up very easily so he continues to chase. This dance of Carla rejecting and Bob chasing slowly but surely increase Carla’s attractiveness to Bob,

carlas attractiveness

Pretty soon he gets what can only be described as “tunnel vision” where every girl he ever meets is always compared to the feelings he has for Carla and no girl ever measures up.

His entire life becomes about winning Carla’s affection.

This is chase theory in a nutshell.

Men want what they can’t have, remember?

This also leads us to your situation.

Chase theory for an ex girlfriend and an ex boyfriend is a bit different due to the fact that he has already gotten you. Instead, and I realize I am going to take some major heat for this, ex boyfriends have a tendency to chase something different…

Sex.

Lets make another fun graphic to demonstrate this,

chase theory

Now, are all ex boyfriends like this?

No.

However, since this is an article about teaching women how to get an ex back if they slept with him I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you have a boyfriend who is like this.

I mean, he has already demonstrated that to be the case.

Now, one of two things is going to happen at this point.

  1. He is going to be satisfied since he caught what he was chasing and will not chase you anymore.
  2. He is going to be satisfied since he caught what he was chasing and will continue to chase but ONLY for sex.

Lets take a look at what runs through a mans mind in each of these situations.

He Will Be Satisfied That He Caught What He Was Chasing And Will Not Chase You Anymore

go away

What happens when a man catches what he was chasing?

Well, then he won’t chase it anymore. He has already achieved his goal and in this case that goal is trying to have sex with you.

I hear about this one a lot from women who sometimes ask me,

So, we slept together and it was amazing! BUT ever since then he hasn’t called, texted or anything. And when I finally do get in touch with him he wants nothing to do with me. What do I do?

So, what is going through a mans mind to make him act this way?

Well, as much as I hate to say it, it looks like a man who acts in this way is purely motivated by sex and nothing else.

Boooo!!!

Boooo!!!

I know it sucks but those are the facts.

Some of my more avid followers will know that I am a big believer of actions as opposed to words and if your ex boyfriends actions always seem to lead back to sex then it would make sense that, that’s what he wants.

Think of Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother,

Barney Stinson

This guy is the definition of a player.

All he wants is sex.

For example, he learns these elaborate pickup routines to pick up girls and ends up sleeping with them.

After he is done sleeping with them he kicks them out of his house. If that doesn’t scream “All ABOUT SEX” I don’t know what will.

Granted, he is a hilarious TV character but if your ex boyfriend is a real life version of Barney Stinson then you would find yourself in this exact circumstance (where he would never call you.)

Lets move on to our next situation

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He Will Be Satisfied That He Caught What He Was Chasing And Then Continue To Try To Get It

want it meme

Three words…

Three simple words sum up this situation perfectly.

Friends With Benefits

It’s almost every single mans dream. To have a friend (who is a girl) that he can use for sex when he wants and then ditch her when he wants and then use her for sex again.

But what goes through a mans mind to make him arrive here?

I mean, at one point you were in a committed relationship with this guy.

So, what happened?

Well, this may be hard for you to hear but if your ex boyfriend and you are in a FWB (friends with benefits) agreement with your ex then he has no intention of being your boyfriend again.

Lets look at the facts.

The Facts

  • You and your ex boyfriend broke up
  • The two of you slept together after the breakup
  • This lead him to continue to try to see you which always seemed to lead to sex
  • The two of you probably haven’t classified your little arrangement as FWB yet

Now lets dissect the facts,

You And Your Ex Boyfriend Broke Up

This tells us that at some point your ex boyfriend came to the conclusion that he doesn’t want to be with you. Well, either that or that he agreed with your decision to break up with him.

The Two Of You Slept Together After The Breakup

Ah the chase…

Remember, if your ex boyfriend gets what he is chasing (sex) then it’s logical to think that he will either not chase anymore since he got what he want or he will continue to chase you until he gets it again.

Lets find out which one.

He Continues To Chase Sex From You

If your ex boyfriend chases you constantly for sex over and over again then you know that he made his decision as to if he will leave the chase or continue it to try to set up a friends with benefits type of situations.

Speaking of friends with benefits…

I Bet If You Are In A FWB Relationship The Two Of You Haven’t Classified It As One

You see, in the movies and TV there always seems to be this inevitable conversation where a couple, in agreement, decides to have a friends with benefits relationship.

Real life is much murkier though.

There is a negative stigma that surrounds friends with benefits because ultimately one person will always want more. Besides, I have yet to meet a girl that wants to be friends with benefits for the rest of her life. So, what ends up happening is that there is an unwritten agreement where two people embark on a FWB relationship without a conversation ever taking place.

This is quite common.

But what about the most important question.

How do you get out of a friends with benefits situation and get back into a committed relationship?

Good question.

I suppose it starts with shifting your paradigm a bit and making some massive changes.

Lets talk about that for a second.

Big Change #1- No More Sex

no sex for you

This one is a no brainer.

From this point on you are not allowed to have sex with your ex boyfriend anymore.

Why?

Because you are trying to get your ex boyfriend used to a world where he has to work for the right to be intimate with you. Now, expect some push back from him immediately after you make this change.

From what I know about men we don’t like being told “no” when it comes to sex.

Oh, I also should mention that I am telling you this because he will probably disappear for a few weeks before popping up again.

Let me give you an example of what I mean by this.

Those of you who are familiar with this website know that I get a lot of comments.

Thousands upon thousands of people asking me questions about their particular situation. In fact, it became so overwhelming that I ended up writing a book to better answer their inquiries. Anyways, I remember receiving a private message after I had posted this podcast episode about sleeping with an ex.

The girl who private messaged me wanted to know what she had to do to get her ex back even though she was kind of in a friends with benefits situation.

I gave her really simple advice.

Cut him off from sex…

Ok, I might have been more specific than that.

I might have mentioned that she shouldn’t give him sex until he commits to her in a relationship.

So, after thinking about it for a few days the girl decided that she would try things my way.

So she did.

She informed her ex boyfriend that the two of them would no longer be sleeping together and that she was tired of being used for sex.

How do you think he took the news?

thiknking face

Are you crazy?

NO…

He went absolutely berserk.

In fact, I don’t think I can find a dictionary to cover all of the mean things that he called the girl.

Of course, after the “push back” the girl came back to yours truly to give me a piece of her mind.

“You ruined my life…”

“I should have never listened to your advice…”

“Now he will never take me back…”

I didn’t hear from her after that…

UNTIL about a month later.

Screen Shot 2015-04-27 at 6.26.42 PM

(You can click to enlarge it.)

What’s the point of telling you this story?

I want you to go into this and realize that what I am proposing here is not going to be the most popular idea to your ex boyfriend BUT it is what you are going to have to do to give yourself the best shot at success.

Lets talk about the second big change that you are going to have to make.

Big Change #2- The “Main Prize” Awaits The Man Who Commits To You

commitment dog

What do you think I mean by “main prize?”

Is it some gigantic present that a man will receive when he commits to you?

gigantic present

Well, I suppose metaphorically it is.

In case you haven’t caught on yet the big prize is sex!

In fact, I briefly mentioned this “big change” of no sex until a commitment takes place in the section above when I was telling you that story about the push back from the girls ex boyfriend.

Now, why is it so important to cut off sex until a commitment occurs?

As I am about to explain men are very motivated by sex and we can use this to our advantage in a way by dangling sex in front of him to lead him to a commitment.

Hmm…

Perhaps I could explain this better.

Ok, you know the story of the pied piper, right?

Ok, time for a fairy tale!

So there was this magic pied piper who served as a rat catcher.

exterminator

No… not like that.

He used his magic flute to lure rats away.

pied piper rats

Anyways, there was this town, Hamelin, that had a severe rat problem so they decided to hire the piper to get the rats away.

He did but when it came time for the town to pay him for his services the town flat out refused.

How do you think the the pied piper reacted to this?

The answer is NOT WELL.

In fact, he decided that to get back at the town he was going to lure all the children away with his magic flute just like he did to the rats.

pied piper children

Now, why would I be telling you this story?

Because you are going to be a pied piper yourself by using sex to lure your ex boyfriend into a commitment.

(More on that later or if you want immediate gratification check out PRO as I talk about this there.)

Of course, in order for my little pied piper theory to work you can’t sleep with him until he commits.

Get it?

Got it?

Good!

Let me expand on my pied piper theory.

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The Pied Piper Theory

pied piper

I am going to throw some science at you here.

I am sure you have heard that stat where they say that,

Every seven seconds a man is thinking about sex.

So, here is my question to you,

Do you think it’s true?

Well, I AM a man and I can tell you that, that isn’t true.

However, what I can tell you about my kind is that we do think about sex, a lot. In fact, we think about it every day.

According to the Kinsey Report (Sexual Behavior In The Human Male) 54 percent of men think about sex every day or at least several times a week. Oh, and when you add in the fact that 43 percent of us admit to thinking about sex at least several times a week you have a lot of thoughts of sex.

This is where the pied piper theory comes into play.

We are going to use these thoughts of sex to our advantage by dangling the idea of sex in front of him and using it to get what you want, a commitment.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“How the heck do I do that?”

Well, the first thing you have to do is NOT sleep with your ex boyfriend.

That’s the only way that this will work.

Next, you are going to have to learn to dangle the sex properly.

I often get this picture of a cat and a ball on a string.

You know what I am talking about, right?

How you can hold a ball on a string in front of a cat and the cat is constantly taking a swipe at it and then right before the swipe hits the ball you pull it away. The more you do this to your cat the more that the cat becomes invested and really wants that ball.

Do you see how this analogy works?

No?

Ok, let me pull out my inner designer and create a fun little graphic for you,

ball on a string game with cat

You will notice that in this graphic you are the one dangling the ball (which represents sex) in front of your ex boyfriend (who is the cat.)

The idea here is that you are forcing your ex boyfriend to become more invested in trying to get you.

Still confused?

Hmm…

Ok, think back to what I was talking about with the pied piper and how he used his flute to get the rats and children away from the city.

Well, we are doing something similar here with your ex boyfriend except we have an end destination, a commitment.

Now, are we actually using a flute on your boyfriend?

No.

However, our flute is going to be replaced by the ball on a string game that I was showing you above.

By doing this you are keeping your ex boyfriend engaged as you navigate the treacherous terrain to a commitment.

Here’s another fun graphic detailing this,

pied piper rats

So, according to this graphic the most important thing that you need to accomplish is to hone your “ball on a string” since it is doubling for your “flute” and the flute is the most important thing for leading your boyfriend to a commitment.

Lets talk a little about that now.

Honing Your Flute (AKA The Ball On A String)

flutes section

I want you to take a look at that graphic I created for you above where you are essentially dangling sex in front of your ex and waiting for him to take a swipe.

This skill is one of the hardest for women to wrap their minds around because they place such an emotional emphasis on sex.

What do I mean by that?

You want your ex boyfriend back more than anything in the world right now, right?

Well, you are at this website so I am assuming that you do.

When you are in a situation where you are trying to get him back and you are deciphering his every move which means that anything positive that he does that can lead to a commitment in the future is going to make you one happy gal.

So, if he does something on purpose just to get sex but you perceive it as him wanting a commitment while you are dangling sex in front of him.

Well, that’s when a lot of women break down and give in to their primal desires.

I guess what I am saying is that the temptation is there and it’s awfully easy to screw all of your progress up. So, half the battle is not giving in to your “want” to have sex with your ex.

No, as far as dangling it in front of him…

My personal belief is to let him bring it up first and work off of that.

We already know that sex is going to be on his brain and the chances that he will bring it up is going to be high due to the fact that he has recently slept with you.

I guess what I am saying is that him bringing up sex is the closest thing to a forgone conclusion that I can think of so just be patient and let it happen on it’s own.

Once it does happen…

Well, that’s when the fun begins.

So, rather than getting to into the specifics I think this would work better if I did a bit of role playing.

Does that sound like something you would be interested in?

Yes?

No?

Maybe?

So?

Ok, I am done now…

Lets say that your ex boyfriend brings up sex to you in a text message,

what we did

(Perhaps now would be a good time to mention that I came out with a book that deals only in text messages and what to say to your ex boyfriend called The Texting Bible… Ok, pitch over.)

So you get a text message like this from your ex.

What now?

Well, now it’s time for you to flirt back.

Lets go with something simple like,

tell me more

Now this is where things get graphic so I will spare you the specific details by censoring the text.

Hey, we are only PG:13 here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery,

censored

Anyways, once you feel like you have your ex boyfriend fully engaged in the “sex conversation” you can consider him to be winding up for a swipe.

Now, when you think of the ball on a string game with a cat what happens when a cat starts to swipe at the ball?

You move the ball out of the way at the last second, right?

Well we are going to do the same thing here except we are going to do the texting version of this.

How do you do that?

Simple, you end the conversation.

rain check

Doing this consistently will more than suffice when it comes to your “flute” and leading your ex boyfriend down the path to a commitment.

Of course, I know that you still probably have a lot of questions about this process and how it works for other mediums of communication.

The same basic template always applies no matter what.

The Basic Template:

template

So, that means that if you are talking on the phone you move from step one to two to three.

Oh, and while it’s a bit trickier to do in person it’s very possible and the results you get from doing this in person are AWESOME!

Trust me, just stick to this template and you will be able to captivate your ex all the way to a relationship.

Now, there is one last thing I would like to talk to you about, the big picture of how this leads to a commitment.

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How This Leads To A Commitment

I don’t know if you heard the good news but Father Chris,

father chris

(That was supposed to be a picture of father time but I couldn’t really find a great one.)

Anyways, the good news is that “Father Chris” is actually a Daddy!

Yup, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at 11:16 AM on September 4th.

Here is a picture since I know that’s a big deal to you women,

father chris & baby

Now, while I wouldn’t consider myself to be an “expert dad” the first month of having a child has taught me a lot.

First, sleep is a luxury.

Second, babies cry…. a lot.

Third, I think the reason so many parents love their little babies so much is due to the fact that they invest so much into them.

Think about it, my wife and I love our little girl so much and this is compounded by the fact that we pretty much spend our every waking moment tending to our needs.

The more time we invest in something the more we become addicted to it and ultimately love it.

The Pied Piper Theory utilizes this thinking as this ball on a string game forces your ex boyfriend to invest time with you which ultimate leads to a commitment.

While it won’t happen overnight it will happen at some point if you keep at it.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

367 responses to “How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him”

  1. Clarisa Sweeten says:

    So should I tell my ex that I won’t be sleeping with him anymore? He asked twice, I caved once, he’s asked a couple more times after that night, but I “had to work early the next day” both times. After my 2nd time not giving in he had another girl over. Actually, it’s the girl he dumped me for months ago. They are strictly FWB-no strings attached, but I do believe he has developed feelings for her. So do I just do No Contact again, cold turkey with no warning? Should I start doing Being There? Should I tell him that I won’t be sleeping with him, but continue to build rapport? Thanks!

    • Clarisa Sweeten says:

      To clarify, when I say “he asked” I’m referring to him inviting me over to his place, for sex.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Yes, you have to say you’re not going to sleep with him anymore, because it’s not you to be sleeping with someone you’re not committed with and then thank him for everything and then restart nc..

    • Clarisa says:

      NC and playing hard-to-get make me feel like I’m sending the message that I’m not interested. I want him back so bad! I also feel like when I turn him down he may just have another booty call with somebody else. I want more than a booty call and I want him to cut off all his FWB for me.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      don’t play hard to get.. be hard to get.. if you want a guy to treat a certain way, you have to let go of a guy who doesn’t treat you the way you want him too.. That’s why it’s very important to have standards.

  2. Michelle says:

    Hi Amor,

    My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. We dated 3 1/2 months. He broke up with me over text saying he needed a little time. I waite 9 days (no contact that whole time) and text him telling him I respect that he needs space and was willing to honor that as long as he needed but asked that he tell me why he needed a little time bc I wanted to have a better understanding since we were always so natural and happy together. I also added a few good memories. I ended the text by saying again I just needed some clarity and understanding why he needs a little time. I used the NC rule for 12 days and then I ran into him at a local bar we both frequent. I was there with other friends that day to celebrate my ex’s brother’s birthday (who passed away last year). I saw him drive around the corner and wasn’t sure if he stopped. Sure enough he did and walked up to his car. We had a friendly light conversation. There were a few instances where it almost got deep but I quickly changed the subject. HE stared at me with the most loving deep stare. I decided to stare back into his eyes to see what was going on in his mind. He looked so in love and wanted to say sorry. He has always been bad at verbally communicating and often wouldnt. After 20 mins we went inside the bar together. We stayed till closing time. At that time we both said we were going home. I said it a few times but for some reason changed my mind when he asked to come to his house as we had in the past when we first met at a birthday party at this same place. I agreed and went to his house. We had very small talk. He asked me why I hadn’t looked at him anymore like I used to. I was but sometimes would look away bc after a while when we were together he no longer liked that I looked at him and would ask why was I looking at him (he used to love it). We went to his freezing cold bedroom. At first I kneeled at the end of his bed and reluctant to get under the covers. He asked me If I was cold and asked me to come under the covers and he would keep me warm. I did. He held me for so long as if to say he missed me and was sorry. Then he took my head in his hands and just stared at me for the longest time and finally kissed me but lightly. He held back and then finally kissed me so passionately as to say he loved me, missed me and was sorry. We made beautiful passionate love, not sex. He held me after for so long then we fell asleep. The next morning we woke up I didn’t leave right away but he seemed calm but a little distant. We had breakfast. Right after i wanted to leave and tell him but he immediately went into a cleaning frenzy as if to avoid talking about what happened or even to tell him I’m going home. I finally told him I was going home. I asked him what his plans were for later. He told me he was going out with his brothers for a drink to honor his brother who passed. I said great enjoy the night. We will talk later. We never spoke that night and had no contact for another three days when he finally text me at 11 PM saying can’t sleep. He’s done this in the past but this time try to play it off like he sent it by mistake. Then he began saying he found it funny that I’m liking certain posts from a page Situationships 101 that he felt were directed toward him. They actually weren’t. He asked why when he thought I never like that page before. I told him it wasn’t about him and that I had like that page even while we were in a relationship. He then told me he had friends messaging him telling him I was liking those posts and asking if it was about him. I reassured him once more it wasn’t. From there, about an hour later he messages me again asking why I friended at least a dozen guys that were his friends that I didn’t know or never met! I never did that! I told him that. He kept insisting that I didn’t . I told him I never requested or accepted friend requests from anyone I didn’t know or meet. Mind you during this time, I was focusing on me and improving myself mentally and physically and also posting on Facebook my activity with my friends and family. I was getting a ton of comments and yes there were a few friends that friend requested me since we broke up both girls and guys but when he saw these guys commenting he became jealous. He kept insisting that I had and I kept telling him I’m not that kind of girl. He tried to say that was one reason why he bailed and couldn’t be with someone who uses social media to Facebook date and that he’s not into those kind of girls. Once more I said I’m not that kind a girl and you know me better than that. To which he finally replied he thinks I’m a great person and appreciates everything I’ve done for him and that he can’t say a bad thing about me and never would but there are issues but at this point it’s not what he wants. Mind you, I actually saw him friend requesting women similar to my profile right in front of me. However, I never brought any of what he did up in the conversation and still haven’t. He also accused me of being a chronic Facebook dater which I had never dated a single person by meeting through Facebook. He basically tried to flip the blame on me and make it as if I’m not that ungettable girl anymore when in the last couple weeks of the relationship he was slowly finding reasons to not see me, texting less where I had to text him first to completely ignoring me. This text conversation went on till 4 AM. His last text was he was sorry he brought it up and it wasn’t his place to and was sorry. I ended the conversation by saying I was not that kind a girl and asked him why he never spoke to me about these issues and that during that time he was the only one that I wanted and still want. and asked if he can talk more to me about our issues. Its been 6 days and no contact. I am confused at what stage of the how to get my ex back I’m in. What do I do next?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Michelle,

      just avoid posting photos of you dating guys. Are you actively improving yourself?

  3. KayKay says:

    So my ex and I have had some issues. We was together for a year. On and off break ups over little things, we would talk about it and would get over it. But the last straw was when random males would message me. He would get very upset and would say if I talked back I would be feeding their egos. (They just want to have sex with you). Some are genuine friends and some are people who I used to be interested in and stopped talking to because I was with him. So we broke up having a big fight over how he doesn’t trust me at all. He says has to protect himself because he is always thinking I am doing something with someone and it stresses him out. How all women are sneaky and i look sneaky. He used to say I Love You everyday! So i know he does even had me as his future wife in this phone. We both have had dreams of marriage and kids. And have a very strong sex connection. So he was very mean and cold for the first 2 or 3 days of breaking up( blocked me from everything including txts and phone calls). I went over to grab my stuff. It was always we kind of just stared at each other periodicly. When i asked him “why?” With eye contact he made a puppy face and just kissed me. he called me that evening. He then called me every day multiple times a day. The one time I didn’t answer he panicked and called me 20 times within 30 mins. Once I answered he seem relieved. The next day we talked and I said i wass going to the park. He tried to meet me up there but I was running behind (he invited himself). He constantly complain how no one calls or txts him but his mom. We talked and met up at his place. After leaving that night I saw that he has unblocked me. We talked and hung out yesterday night he looked really nice (hes a tshirt and sweats man). Smelled really good. Went out to dinner walked and talked. Saying he doesn’t want to let me go but he has to. If i move on he just gonna have to deal with the anger and jealousy. That night had oral sex and said what am I doing tomorrow because he wants to see me again. He has called me today during his lunch and wants to meet up. I dnt know what to do? I love him and want to be with him but he doesn’t want to deal with his relationship anxiety

  4. Vie says:

    My ex and I have been keeping in contact everyday since a few weeks after we split. He would ask me to come over and stuff and I would just flirt back before, I did have sex with him once but then I felt really bad and came across this article. Since finding this article I’ve hung out with him two times and done nothing more then some steamy kissing sessions I haven’t brought up that I don’t want to have sex with him unless he commits and I’m not sure how to make him want to commit. I know he wants sex but I don’t know how to use it to my advantage

  5. rori says:

    hey ^^
    i just red this article and you re so right .. now that i slept with him he doesn t wanna commit and he is distent .. i wanna tell him that im about to start a new relationship with someone els and i wont be able to sleep with him anymore … but i dont know if this will make him jealous enough to commit or he will just leave … is it a wronge way to be that ungettable girl but i dont know if i should do this what do you think ?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Nope dont.. Just tell him you’re not going to sleep with him again if he asks

  6. P says:

    Hi,

    I slept with my ex boyfriend around a day ago and afterwards he said he was trying to play hard to get with it. When I was leaving his place, about an hour after we had sex he said we shouldn’t do it again for a while or unless we get back together. He said he would still talk to me and hang out with me, but I was wondering if any of this indicates I am on the right path to getting him to commit to me. Thank you!

  7. Jewels says:

    My ex had asked me about a friends with benefits relationship four months after he had broken up with me. I had done a 16 day no contact period but broke it off. Three months after our relationship ended we did something sexual and he said he still had feelings for me, but two days later he confessed his feelings to a friend. He had told me what we did wouldn’t happen again and then he apologized. I still don’t understand why he asked after doing that. I agreed because I thought it might give me a chance to win him back, but if anything it just created a weird distance. He compliments me and still seems highly attracted to me but I don’t think he has any romantic feelings. We talk everyday, call each other by pet names, and have each other added on the social media accounts we use the most. One time when he was upset about something and I tried comforting him he basically told me I would never understand. What should I do? Is there no way this will work out?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      either you’re friendzoned or he’s keeping you to be fwb again later on..restart nc and do at least 30 days and do it properly..

  8. Lina says:

    I slept with my ex and now he hasn’t contacted me in 5 weeks since then, what should I do? Is it impossible to get him back now?

  9. Nayara Pereira de Oliveira says:

    My ex brokeup with me almost 5 months ago because I were fighting a lot, since I was too needy, clingy, insecure and jealousy. I chased him for a month, then did the no contact rule for almost another month and changed myself for a better version. Got a new job, lost weight, became christian, made new friends and a lot of other stuff. For the past three months my ex been chasing me. We talk almost everyday by texts and sometimes he calls me. I NEVER begun the contact. He always asked to have lunch with me at his house, or come to my house after his college and stuff, but never really asked me out (I like to believe that’s because he’s unemployed). I got sick and he came home to bring me pills, that was the first time I saw him. Then last week I went to his house to have dinner and we slept together, and yesterday we did it again. I tried to resist, but I couldn’t, since he’s super needy and clingy (he never been that way). I also know that he just ended his rebound relationship. What do I do now? He act like as we are back together, but wr are’nt. I need to get him to commit.

  10. Sarah says:

    Hi, so my ex broke up with me 2 months ago. Initially he was veey rude to me and for the whole time of one month when i was chasing and begging him he kept telling me how he didnt love me anymore and i should leave him alone and move on cus he has moved on.
    I went for no contact and did end up breaking it a couple of times, but what i did notice was a change in him. He wasnt rude to me anymore and was actually talking to me nice. When i asked him if he misses me he said he didnt want to answer which clearly showed that he did miss me.
    I started no contact again… and ended up breaking it AGAIN after a week or so.. but i did see some improvement, he finally admitted he did have feelings for me but he doesn’t want to get back together with me.
    Now i dont want to chase him anymore because i dont want to look desperate, i want him to somehow make up his mind on his own to get back with me- any way to help accelerate the process?

  11. Sophie says:

    Also, he said to me once the next person he commits to he wants to have kids with settle down etc he’s 38 this year, I’m 31 and I know he wants kids more than anything in the world. He’s successful and set up and has admitted he overthinks things and has fears etc but I don’t want to get into a fwb situation now so will never sleep with him again. Do you think he’ll contact me again? Or has he just ghosted which he’s never done before in the past :-$

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      5 days of nothing from him is ghosting.. There’s a probability he will contact but you should start the no contact rule and do at least 21 or 30 days.

  12. Sophie says:

    Hi, just need some quick advice…
    In a nutshell:

    We dated for 3 months, I wasn’t attracted to begin with (met through a mutual friend) but he chased and we ended up dating. We went away together during that time over New Years for a week and I met a lot of his family / friends. He didn’t want to do that at first because he was concerned about it being more serious than it was even though in the beginning he was saying he wants to make me happy, all he needs is for me to fall for him, blah blah. Anyway, we went away, learnt a lot about each other, I’d give him feedback on his behaviour that upset me and he’d thank me wanting to improve, and we also had heaps of really good times together overall. When we came back we were basically acting like an item and I spent a lot of time at his place like almost a week straight. (We was on hols and was sick so there was a bit of nurturing) but i still went out and did my thing, caught up with friends etc at some point nearly every day.

    We ended when I felt myself falling for him and questioning our status. He said he wanted to continue seeing me and he was happy with the way things were progressing and also once said he thought we had the potential to be something amazing. But he couldn’t call a spade a spade in the end and I said well it should over I’m sorry. He was annoyed And said but we’d gone away together and “why do we have to put labels on things type thing” and that he wasn’t a commitment phone and that it would have lead to commitment naturally after another month. I still ended it and went into nc.

    He kept occasionally liking an Instagram post and eventual made positive contact 2 months later through Instagram. I replied politely but not as warm and there was no further reponse.

    I moved on,’ met someone else still missed him but was glad I stuck by my guns.
    I knew he’d has his heart broken just before me so thought that might have impacted on his lack of committal.

    4 months afterthoughts breakup I ran into him with my current ( not now) partner and friend!.
    Sparks flew,, we shared an intimate greeting hug, I didn’t introduce my partner as my partner so he wouldn’t have known we were together. He stayed chatting to me and cornered me a bit. I left the bar as my partner wanted to and didn’t look back at him or say goodbye. HE texted 15 later saying it was nice to see me and I replied. We flirted hard over text that night and the next day and he said he was hoping he’d run into me and how he wasn’t enjoying this whole being blocked experience and that he wasn’t sure how he’d feel when he saw me or how I’d be but it felt really nice and natural. That night he’d tried to get me over and I refused. (Friday night).

    I heard nothing until the following Tuesday, we chatted and it wasn’t sexual, just wanted to see how I was, I’d been out for dinner. We flirted and I said goodnight.

    Then Friday came along and he contacted me at 6.30. Wanted to know how my day had been, he chatted about a show we’d watched recently and our thoughts on that, it lead to me gling over there for a snuggle and I did. HE chatted and watched a movie, then before I know it were making out hard and it’s lead to sex. I kept trying to refuse. He wanted metal stay over even jus the to cuddle. but I eventually got caught up in the head of it. We stopped halfway through. I cried saying this isn’t what I came over for. HE said he didn’t want to make me cry, and asked me “do you think that’s all I want?” Then I said yes and insisted then and there that we talked about some of why it ended and that we wanted to see each other again. That’s hes not emotionally unavailable and that he wouldn’t be open to me (after I asked). So we slept together and I left the next morning.

    That night he asked how’s my day was babe around 9pm. I said it was great etc how was his and he said he was out with friends having a few drinks 🙂 then asked what I was up to. I said I was out too x
    HE didn’t ask where I was trying to hook in or anything. I sentence him a video of people dancing and within the hour I ran into him at my venue. We hung out, kissed, talked, he greeted me with a kiss in front of everyone, had a great night and went home together.
    We chatted in his kitchen more about what happened. He said he just wants me to be happy, that he didn’t know how id react if he told me his reservations about when we went away, didn’t realise I’d react well, as I did. I told him I want to evolve with someone too…. I gave him enough feedback in the time we were together. He said I’m not really as prickly as he said I was. HE said when I started questioning us etc it became hard work so he let it go. I said, you realise I’m still the sameness person though? ANd he said “im here aren’t I?” We chatted and went to sleep no sex we were tired .

    I had to leave First hung Sunday and that night he asked how ny day had been. I replied the next day and he sent me pics of clothes he bought that day.

    Tuesday he CALLED for the first time and left a voice message saying it was him was checking to see how my week was going. I called him back and we chatted and laughed on the phone for over half an hour then went to sleep and he said good luck getting up at 6am and that he’d speak to me soon.

    Since then nothing! I have not contacted him.
    HEs always been the initiator.

    What should I do? I’m sure I stuffed it by sleeping with him I know that and he knew I didn’t want that. I still haven’t the adjusted my social media settings ie. still blocked on Instagram etc I haven’t initiated contact once since we started chatting and behind the scenes he doesn’t know I also ended it with the guy I was seeing for two months saying I still had feelings for him. I was honest.

    Norbert I’m just wanting to know why There’s been no contact for almost 5 days. (It’s Sunday today).

  13. Sandra says:

    So I’m stumped. Made it through NC and through the 3 dates and we text daily see eachother often and are intimate. I can’t figure out how to bring up the feelings part!!! How to find out where he is in that aspect with me. I don’t know if coming out and saying “how do you feel about me or where do you see us?” Is the right approach. Any suggestions on how to approach this without scaring him ?

  14. T says:

    Please help me. It just happened. My ex came over and we started off great we were together for 7 years. We started to have sex but I told him to stop because something wasn’t right I felt like he didn’t really want to be there. I cried a little and he said he had to go home and that he was fine it’s okay. I’m crying right now. I’m overwhelmed please help anything. I’m so upset. We live in small college town for school. He said everyone has it easy and all I could say it’ll be okay. But that triggered him in some way since he was just saying he needs to go

  15. Laurie says:

    My ex and I still live together. He moves out next month. We always had a strong sexual connection and I messed up (several times) and slept with him. I know it needs to stop. Since we are still living together – do you recommend I just don’t sleep with him – and dangle – or outright tell him I won’t?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Just don’t sleep with him because you’re making yourself friends with benefits with him

  16. Katherine says:

    So long story short, my ex says he still loves me just can’t do a relationship right now. It’s been a month since we broke up and he’s been initiating almost all the texts on and off throughout the month, being friendly. Recently he told me he misses me so we met up and I made the mistake of sleeping with him. He wants to start seeing me once a week (probably for sex, although he didn’t specify). Should I just come right out and tell him that I will not sleep with him again or should I not say anything and just go right into pied piper theory?

  17. Megan says:

    Soooo, I have this ex that I am still in love with for the past year that we have been broken up. I broke up with him for reasons that I didn’t think through at all. We were definitely in love and I know he is the guy for me. I mess up. Since I promise I would never leave him….I ended up doing that. He has bad problems with people leaving him so he kinda shut himself down. After we broke up we kinda had sex for a while. I made the mistake of sleeping with his friend and couple others…I was so depressed I was trying to find someone who made me feel the way my ex did since my ex wouldn’t take me back. In that process I began dark and crazy. One night he kiss someone else in Front of me and I freak out…I shouldn’t of because when I did stuff with his friends he didn’t even get mad at me…he understood. After that he hated me, to the point where if I came close to him he was going to shoot my tires out. We didn’t talk for months and I lost friends from it. Recently we started hanging around either other again because we have a common friend. We didn’t talk at all at first but slowly we eventually did and he came around more. Now the other day he invited me other with his good friend and we ended up doing it. We was planning on doing it before hand because he talked to someone I knew and they told me after the deed was done. So I don’t know what to do. He has a girl he has been messing with so why would he want to do stuff with me after a year? Does he miss me? I felt like he did. I need some device before I go crazy.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Megan,

      honestly, I think it’s because he knows you would sleep with him.. that’s just it.

  18. Briana says:

    My boyfriend and I break up a month ago, because he didn’t want to continue anymore, but last weekend we had sex. He didn’t text or anything, so I text him and he answered but then ended the conversation. I think that he is hanging out with a girl. The question is if he doesn’t text back, should I try again? If i text him, he will answer but very short…. a want to have a conversation but how? What should I say??

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Briana,

      dont sleep with him again because you’ll be friends with benefits.. try the advice above, do the no contact rule..

  19. Wendy says:

    My ex broke up with me four days ago. We were together for 7 months. Live together as well. We went through so much together. We’ve had ups and downs and fought here and there, but always managed to make up and try to rebuild what we had. He is moving for a new job tomorrow and the plan was for me to move up there a month or two after he settles in. I asked him four nights ago, if he has a loose date of when I should move to him. And fair enough…I know I’ve asked that multiple times and I guess he got annoyed and fed up. But we made up again and I thought everything was fine, then the next day when he got home from work, he broke up with me. Saying that he has been unhappy with the past fights, how he cannot see past them. How the latest argument just pushed him over the edge and he can’t deal with the stress. I tried reasoning with him. He won’t budge. Says he wants a NC for 3 months to do his thing and I do my thing. Says we can touch base again after 3 months as friends to catch up. I want more than that though. He says he still loves me and cares for me deeply, but he can’t see pass the haze of he fights to see a future he used to see clearly when things were great between us. I feel lied to and shocked. Please help…Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

  20. jane says:

    Long distance ex boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. I followed the NC rule for two weeks until he relentlessly texted me about rekindling our friendship–we did not have a terrible breakup, and broke up on circumstances (long distance). I visited him a few days ago and we met up several times, and ended up having sex the last night I was in his town. I feel like I screwed up my chances of ever getting him back or him being slightly interested in me. Should I even be hopeful towards us anymore? I am increasing my NC to 45 days and even deleting all social media apps so I cant check on him. I feel as if I have ruined all chances of him being attracted to me emotionally again.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Jane,

      I think it’s not yet too late.. Try the advice above first..that’s good that you’re sticking to nc, but later on, maybe after a week, reactivate your social media accounts because you need to be active in posting..

  21. Gabby says:

    Hi guys, just out of curiosity… when you say ‘sleep’ with your ex, are you ONLY referring to all the way? For example what if someone had made out with their ex, it escalated to other things yet it didn’t go to ‘fourth base’? Thought that would be interesting to know 🙂

  22. E says:

    Okay so me and my ex broke up and I was playing hard to get and it was working, he was messaging me for a whole week and I was ignoring him to make him see what he was missing. I wasn’t sure if it was that he just wanted sex or to try again, I really want him back!! and then I was emotional one day and chose to reply to him… then he said he wanted sex and friends and not a relationship but I stupidly gave him what he wanted and we slept together. He got emotional and he stayed the night too. It’s clear he just wants friends with benefits but I really want a relationship and I think he might too down the line. I kind of want to carry on friends with benefits because I love spending time with him so much and it might make him fall in love with me all over again. When I was ignoring him it was like I was no longer an option so he got scared and did the chase. But I stupidly then gave him what he wanted… and now he might not commit?? I don’t know what to do because but I do really really want him back. I have read the article but what I don’t get is how do you do the first change saying no sex but then also do the second change of teasing them and dangling sex in front of them. Dont they contradict each other? Any help appreciated

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi E,

      don’t sleep him with him again, because it’s already hard to get out being friends with benefits, if you keep doing it you’re devaluing yourself. Teasing him means talking about sexy stuff sometimes when there’s already rapport built but if he asks, say no. You can say no in a cheeky way like, “Well, that’s actually reserved for the VIP only. Unless you want a VIP pass?” kinda like that.

    • E says:

      Hi Amor,
      So I am not having sex with him again and I told him that. Cause the conversation got a bit funny I ended up telling him that for me it’s a relationship or nothing. I don’t know if I should have done this but now I’m scared cause he told me straight out he doesn’t have any intention of going back into the relationship. I really want him back and can tell his feelings are confused cause yes he seems very desperate for sex but he doesn’t want it with anyone else and says its so good with us cause of the feelings. I am now trying non contact rule again with him but finding it so hard because I am cycling round and round in my mind whether I made the wrong decision calling it off! Cause if I’d have agreed to be friends with benefits, or carried on as we were which was chatting every so often as friends and then I was replying like “it’s possible” or “I’ll have a think” when he offered sex…. then maybe I would be closer to him coming back. It’s just I took the advice that I shouldn’t give him what he wants cause then he has now reason to commit. I’m so so stuck on what to do cause everyone is telling me he’s being a jerk just wanting me for sex when I want him for so much more than that and he’s taking advantage of my feelings but I do know he’s not that kind of guy and I just really want him to see that what he’s asking for: friends, exclusive, sex, emotions is basically the same as a relationship so I don’t understand why he’s so scared of one. How do I get him back?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      nope, it’s better to start the no contact rule because staying to talk will more probably make you friendzoned and doing the no contact rule drives the point that you value yourself and your standards. Be active. Improve yourself, do new things, be productive and be active in posting in social media. Even if there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work, it’s always a better option to choose your values.

  23. LL says:

    Hey,

    I’m doing no contact after seeing my ex after the break up. First time I saw him again he said he didn’t have the same feelings anymore but did have fun.. I think I turned him off with being needy for 3 weeks after the break up. I don’t think he’s feeling a spark anymore and said he couldn’t say why , just that I have my life and he has his and they didn’t seem to connect ( it was ldr) .

    Is it even possible for him to change his mind? I told him I understood and would let him go this time, but I can’t really.. is it even possible to get someone back when he isn’t feeling it anymore?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Ll,

      I’m not sure if you saw my reply in your first post. So, I’m going to paste my answer there here. To add to your question, yes, it’s possible to get an ex even after they fell out of love or moved on.

      Hi LL,

      try the no contact rule first.. even if you stopped 2 weeks ago, if it was not focused in improving yourself restart the count, and then do at least 30 days.. after that slowly rebuild rapport.

  24. Patti says:

    Hey guys,

    So me and my bf met in Asia a year ago (we both are from Europe, different countries). We’ve been together since then, mostly traveling and he broke up with me over 3 months ago (reason: he didn’t want to be in any relationship). I did 30 days nc, we’ve been texting on and off since then, but it was hard to meet since we’ve been living in different countries.

    The big suprise is that now I just came back to the place where we’ve met and it turned out that he is here to! He reached out to me first, asking for a meeting. But then he start giving me mixed signals, we went out once and then he didn’t want to hang out that much. I wasn’t pressuring, but I was suprised what’s going on, he couldn’t verbalize his thoughts and then suddenly he throw himself at me kissing me and hugging, felt like he missed me big time and we ended up having sex. It was great, and he told me that I’m the the only one in the world who makes him feel so passionate.

    But the next day he didn’t want meet at all, he went out to a bar with his friend. So my question is – we have just 6 days left in this place, and it will be probably long time till we’ll be in the same city again. How should I act? Try to meet with him again or ignore?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Patti,

      frankly, that doesn’t look good.. It’s like he just wanted a booty call.. If he does ask for a hang out again, go, have fun, but don’t sleep with him again.

  25. Arya says:

    I was dating a guy for 2 months and we broke up a month ago. Our relationship wasn’t great and was more driven by sex from his side. I on the other hand was completely into him

    He recently contacted me saying he wants a casual sex situation with me and is not ready for a relationship.

    I dont know what to do because i dont want to end up getting hurt again by being a friends with benefits

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Arya,

      then dont..dont agree to that.. are you going to do the no contact rule?

    • Arya says:

      I did the no contact rule before he started contacting me. But i have realized I have engaged too much in conversation with him and I should have just ignored him.

      But obviously, because I was so attached to him it is hard to do no contact. And after me begging him to take me back, it feels good to see him coming back to me, even if it is just sex. Sounds stupid, I know.

      Should i go back to no contact? I have just told him i’ll think about it. Which i won’t because I dont want fwb, but just to keep him on the edge.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      yeah, I think you should restart nc and focus in improving yourself.

  26. Allie says:

    Hi. My ex recently contacted me last year after not hearing from him for 2 years. Our relationship ended in 2015. However, in the back of my mind I always hoped we would get back together. Our communication has been sparse since then. He recently moved back home and we started talking more. We hung out over Christmas and this past weekend. However, he doesn’t respond to many texts. We were together this weekend and everything seemed fine. Today I told him good luck at his new job and that it was good seeing him. I’m now blocked. I still have big feelings for this person and want to see where things could go. When we were together we had talked about marriage and were always happy. I don’t know how to get through again especially without feeling used and now that I have no way of communicating.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Allie,

      proceed to 30 days no contact period.. Be active in posting even if you’re blocked.. He’ll probably realize he made a rash decision of just blocking you.

  27. Fifi says:

    Hi EBR, within the two months period post breakup, im having limited contact periodically. in this period i’ve traveled together with my ex and spend the weekend and slept together over the spending time together too. however he is acting distant to me. On weekdays we were not talking at all, and to some weekend. i tried inviting him one day for dinner and the response i got was kinda cold (No thx, not tonight). since this text replied i got last thursday, i stopped contacting him. should i go on for a NC? Will i have a chance to win him back?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Fifi,

      yes, you should go for full nc.. It’s not too late.

    • fifi says:

      Thanks Amor. I decided to go for 30days NC. Right now its been 12 days. Anxious with the outcome later on. I still have his spare apartment key though. do you have any thought why he never ask back?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      probably because it’s still awkward for him and maybe he’s avoiding drama..

    • Fifi says:

      So he texted me after 21 days NC. He wants to meet to get his house key back
      I just responded “not this weekend”. Gas he moved on? Or just want to meet for another round of sex?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      let’s not read too much.. maybe he’s just really wondering why you’ve been distant..

    • fifi says:

      noted with thanks. Your feedback is neutral or positive ones as opposed to the thoughts i got from my girlfriends. should i initiate meeting to return the keys after completing 30 days NC this weekend, or i can just meet him one of the days this week and add up additional 15 days NC then initiate conversation again?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      you’re welcome! better if it’s done after nc..use that as an opportunity to leave a good impression

    • fifi says:

      Noted, thanks again Amor! I actually purchased EBR Pro book and gone through post 30 days NC and to text them back. The issue with my ex is that he isn’t a text person. he prefer to meet in person. I actually a bit puzzled on how to initiate contact before i could do the mini meetup. we usually meet and talk over dinner or lunch. do you have any take on this situation for me to initate the text post NC for this type of boyfriend who is not a text person?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      as in you don’t text at all? do you call?

    • fifi says:

      we text when we was in a relationship. now we rarely text since broke up. only text to arrange meet up. or its always me who will have to initiate contact post breakup

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      ok, then that means the texting waned off when the interest waned off too.. That means it’s ok to text after nc, take it like how you were when you were just starting off before.

    • fifi says:

      Right, so I met him last night after completing the 30 days NC because he insisted to get his keys (texted me every night since Friday). We met over dinner and talked about whats missing over the last 30 days of NC. However, we did not touch about our past relationship / breakup at all. He asked a lot about my family, especially my grandmother because they both have soft spot for each other. I jokingly lied to him that the key is not in my possession at the end of our meeting and asked if he is really sure that the key is isn’t at house, then i forgotten to pass the key to him lol! Obviously, he is using the key as an excuse to see me again. He’s acting indifferent, he said he’s not doing much within the NC period and he’s careful with what he said around me. I am still unsure if I will have the chance to get him back, or how to execute communication and building rapport after the meet up. Do you have any suggestion or advise to this situation?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      start with texting because even if you didn’t text much at the end of your relationship, take this as a restart..dont stop improving yourself even after nc and being active. So, that you have something to share to him.. but mostly use topics he always loves talking about..check this:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

    • fifi says:

      I texted him on Wednesday about something of his interest, then he just said thanks and asked if I am participating myself. His response seemed “Neutral” or “Bad”. i’ve stopped texting after that maybe I should cool down myself. What is your opinion on this? Do you have any recommendation on how to deal with an introvert INTP ex-boyfriend? On the other hand, I’ve improved since the initiated the NC and ill keep doing what I am doing.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If he asked you back, that’s not a bad reply. I think you should check this one first:
      Introverted Ex Boyfriends Vs. Extroverted Ex Boyfriends (How To Approach Them)

    • fifi says:

      So i tried texting him twice over week, however it is not a 2 text per day. he responded timely in one sentence manner (ok, thanks, bad, i did that…etc). i talked about topics of his interests in these two conversation (rugby, trail run), but both conversation did not end in a high note. could you advise on this situation on your opinion? should i restart the first contact from now, or i can just keep the conversation as it is like what i’ve been doing?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      continue initiating and just make up in the next conversations by ending it high note.

    • fifi says:

      so after a few days of initiating contact with some gaps in between, he responded with one worded reply, but i still managed to keep him in the conversation despite the one worded reply. I started to feel hopeless…not until today when he sent me a photo of something he thought was mine when he did spring cleaning at his apartment. seems like he is using that stuff to initiate the conversation with me today! then i realised i actually have a chance to win him back (todays conversation made me feel like he started to open up with me!) im definitely gonna keep texting and rekindle the good memories we had together of our relationship until we go to the next level! i definitely see my patience is rewarding! definitely update you in this comment and will ask if there is any tips needed later on..

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      that’s good Fifi! Keep it up!

    • Fifi says:

      We met on Sunday to return his keys and talked about what we’ve been up to Since the last time we met.He is more comfortable and opened up now. At the end of the meeting He said he’s happy to hear all the news & updates from me since the last time we met over the last 2 weeks. It seems more positive than the last time we met! I Told him dont be a stranger. He flirted with me needed to see me naked when I asked if I lost weight. (Is this a sign of wanting sex?)
      I caught him staring at me a few times too! (What is your opinion on staring?)

      In overall it is a good second meetup. However I felt it’ll take a long time if he ask or chase me back to be in the relationship. What is your opinion?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it will really take time..thats5 why you can’t stop what you started during nc to establish that you’re really not the person he used to know… those are all good signs..you can flirt just dont sleep with him..

    • fifi says:

      thanks Amor! most people told me to just moved on but im still putting a hope to make things work..

      recently i traveled out of the country and let him use my car when he agreed for it…he sent the car to the garage when im away and paid for the service fee whilst using it daily when im away.

      upon returning the car, he gave me an expensive bottle of wine, without me knowing about it! beside, i surprised him with the souvenirs i bought from my travels

      additionally,he seek my advice on hotel booking for his weekend travel and booked the hotel based on my recommendation.

      looks like a good progress…when should i initiate the talk. should i keep going this way or start preparing for the talk? im in no rush. but im worried his feeling will fade away..

      hope you could advise.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      keep building up rapport for now..check this one:

      How To Ask Your Ex Boyfriend To Be In A Relationship With You

    • fifi says:

      Hi Amor, so i am still trying to build a rapport with him, however i found out he traveled to Indonesia together with a girl (not sure if they’re just friends or dating) and stayed together in the same hotel. He mentioned to me he was traveling alone for this trip…Then on Saturday I asked how is his solo traveling, he said he will let me know…on the other hand, i met a guy from tinder and was hanging out twice with him, only to find out that he is connected to one of my ex good friend in town (he stayed at my friend good friends house over the weekend). This tinder guy even told his friend that he is meeting me on his last night in town before he travel to China. Obviously this news will fly to my ex soon. Will he be jealous (he is introvert and it wasn’t my intention to make him jealous) when he found out, and will completely moved on once he found out? I think i am in a complicated situation now, and my ex is not knowing that i knew he was with that girl on his weekend travel in indonesia. really appreciate if you could advise me on this. Thanks!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      he’ll probably get jealous but he’s with another girl too, so he’ll probably think it’s just fair that you date around

    • fifi says:

      So i invited him for dinner on Wednesday for a catch-up, but only to find out on Wednesday noon that he asked to postponed, he mentioned he prefer to meet next week. I just told him “Cool, lets see next week then”. Should i wait for his text for the meetup next week or I could ask him in the middle of the week of next week?
      Some friends thought that i should just move on, because he doesn’t really show a sign of wanting me back after 3 months breaking up, and it is always me who ended up initiating conversation

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      dont adjust to his sched.. have a laid out sched for yourself..if he asks again, tell him you’re not available that day and then mention a different day thats good for you.. If it’s not good for him, that’s ok. Go out that day and post.. Have the upper hand. It’s ok to initiate.. what matters more is how the convo went and how you ended it

    • fifi says:

      Thanks Amor, I am just gonna wait until he text me next week for this meeting (and wait for sometime to reply to him) and all meet up will be based on my availability. He probably backed out for this meeting this week cos he is guilty for not letting me know that he was actually with a girl during his trip in Indonesia, cos he told me he was alone). Even if i made it on the agreeable date & time im gonna squeeze in between going somewhere to show him that i am a busy person.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      ok, you’re welcome!

    • fifi says:

      So, he texted me yesterday and asked for a dinner (i agreed to meet him since I am available last night, although it took me 3 hours to reply him with a ‘yes’). we had good conversation over dinner speaking about what we’ve been up to since the last time we met. he told me of the girl whom he was with in Indonesia for the weekend (it was his good friend in his home country sister traveling that joined him), but i didn’t talked about anything of my date whom his good friend knew (i feel that his good friend told him about me going out on a date whilst he was away, maybe it could be the reason why he decided to have dinner with me!). In overall, he is getting more comfortable and open up with me since our last met. he asked opinion on moving to different places, and we took the same ride home before we parted ways from his apartment compound. I got kisses from his lips to my cheeks when we parted ways. Is there a possibilities or chance to be back together at this stage?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      if you could build up the rapport and attraction, yes.

    • Fifi says:

      So, i stopped contacting him for a week since the last time i talked just to test the water and to let him chase me after our last meet up…and i got a missed call from him midnight last night…

      I actually called him in the morning,
      He knew I’m not the person who play game but I’ll definitely wait a few days the next time…

      So I asked “I thought I saw a missed call from u…”
      Then he said “Yes. I was gonna ask you about something then I found out….I hope it doesn’t wake u up…”
      Then I’m like…”I was already asleep…”
      Then he was like….”alrighty…we catch up at some point later?”

      I said “Sure”

      Then he said “you have a good day!”

      I told him same to u!

      Conversation ends
      His voice tone isn’t cold at all…..I was wondering why he still wanna catch-up and ask some random things midnight… what is your thought on this?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      let’s wait for 2-3 days.. how long have you been trying to build rapport?

    • fifi says:

      From Mid-Feb til to date….its been such a long time….and on Thursday I texted him “Suddenly i feel like I’m missing you”… and he didn’t reply to this…what should i do now?

    • fifi says:

      …..beside, after 2-3 days if no respond at all…what should i do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      the average span of the success stories are actually 4-6 months.. so, it’s not that long yet.. but I think, since you said that to him, he has to think, you know that you’re not really rushing.. go back to being more active in your life while slowly building rapport with him..

    • fifi says:

      Well noted…I am really glad your thoughts on all of my curiosity with my ex! appreciate it a lot!

      I am actually active with my life, on top of slowly building rapport with him…

      Tried to contact him again on some event yesterday (i thought he would be interested to go since our friend performed for the show). It was a missed call, as soon as he received the call he called me right after. Throughout our conversation, he doesn’t sound cold (i really thought he would not return my call due to me revealing my emotions with the “I miss you” text)… He really wanted to join us, but he couldn’t so he suggested I took a video of the show and send it to him (which i did!).

      My flatmate told of the emotional “I miss u” indifferent reaction from him – he think he is no longer interested and i should just move on…

      Another friend suggested -I still have hope with my ex for the fact that he ignored the “I miss u” text and still talking to me normally (I got a free pass, but to not reveal my emotion again in the future)… and i should show my ex i don’t need a man to be happy, and make it seem that I don’t need him.

      What do you think?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      The second advice is better

  28. Emma says:

    Hi,
    I need advice or help or whichever! Ha!

    Me and my ex split almost a year ago and it was hard I still had feelings for him and he knew this, anyways 3 months after our split we tried seeing each other exclusively and it went really well we went out on little walks we flirted and one night we got drunk and ended up sleeping together. It was what we both wanted so I’ve never regretted it tbh.
    Anyways is seeing each other that didn’t work he ended it saying he couldn’t see us getting back together and that he had drunkenly kissed someone else so we went back to just friends.

    A few months later we both got into different relationships and kind of stoped talking to each other after about a month and a half of no contact we started talking again slowly.

    Anyways those relationships both failed mine rather quickly his took a lot longer. I was in a emotionally abusive relationship and got out of it as quickly as I could and so was my ex but he didn’t really understand it and kept making excuses.

    We’ve gotten a lot closer we talk every day texting and phone calls. We’ve been out going the pictures and for walks and having a good time with each other we both flirt with each other badly he has a habit of touching and tickling I’m really tickilish and I do the same to him I touch his arm leg just stupid stuff like that really.
    Lately we’ve been casually sexting and flirting both on the phone and texting and he’s admitted that he would love for us to sleep together I told him that I would too but I’m not going to sleep with him without us being in a relationship and he agreed.
    So a few days ago he was on a night out and drunkenly phoned me as he always does and asked if he could come back to mine I said no it wouldn’t be right it would be awkward in the morning.
    He said that he has feelings for me and cares for me but if we were to have sex that’s all it would be just sex he can push his feelings aside as he’s done it before. I told him that I won’t be used for sex which it what it sounded like as if anything ever were to happen with us it would mean a lot to me and nothing to him so I would rather not.
    He knows I want a relationship with him but he doesn’t want to be in one after his last one with his latest ex.. I don’t want to be used for sex and I’ve told him that I’d wait until he was ready for a relationship but I refuse to be used for sex..

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Emma,
      that’s good.. dont give in because once you do, you’ll be friends with benefits..just continue on with what you’re doing but dont sleep with him

  29. Danielle says:

    So I have a rather unique situation. My ex and I have been on and off for the past year. When we started, it was electric. We fell hard and fast and each of us experienced feelings of the other being ‘the one.’ But we each brought in a lot of emotional baggage from our pasts that neither of us had dealt with. Being with each other and feeling like we had found our soulmate but not being able to sustain a healthy relationship due to these issues made for some pretty up and down times until we ended things right before Christmas. It was the first time we ended things and he said he didn’t want to be vague and that we had ‘no hope for a future together.’ I immediately initiated no contact, he reached out at day 15 to ask when i wanted to retrieve my things to which i ignored. He reached out again on day 19 saying ‘do you not want everything left here’ to which i got worried he would throw my things out and responded “i have a lot going on this week i will reach out when i can get my things.’ Fast forward to day 23 and I went to get my things. We ended up talking and he told me how our kiss was extremely special to him and that he’s shared some of the most genuine nights of his life with me. He told me he didn’t know what the future held but he knew this wouldn’t be the last time we’d see each other. He gave in and kissed me very passionately– picking me up and putting me against the door passion– to which eventually led to sex. he tried to stop the sex a few times saying he didn’t want me to leave feeling used or for him to feel confused because we both feel we need to be single in our lives right now to get our stuff together and focus on ourselves. Afterward, we talked about things, he told me he cared for me deeply and that he loved my passion. He told me our kiss was the reason he hadn’t been on dates yet because he didn’t want to have an awkward first kiss. When i left he texted me “We will arrange a time for me to pick up my drill later. I really do wish you the best.” to which i didn’t answer. I guess I’m just confused as to where i go from here. Do I re-start no contact? Try to build rapport? I’m not sure

  30. Melissa says:

    Hello..my ex and I have been on and off for over a year. This last time things were great, he made me a priority and I thought we were happy then out of the blue we had a small fight after thanksgiviing and he wanted space until Christmas. We fought here and there for a 3 weeks I never stuck to nc. Anyways we spent Christmas together and he got me a beautiful necklace and nice gifts for my daughter. We slept together and the next day he said thank you etc. It’s been 2 days and I haven’t heard from him. Do I start nc? Or what? Thank you

  31. stacey says:

    Hi Amor,
    I need your advice.. Ive been sleeping with my ex for the paat weeks now and it is incredibly nice. I want him back but he doesnt seem to wanting to talk about that topic.. I dont know if he wants me back but i am going crazy not knowing. I want to play it cool but it starts to control my daily life. I want to get him back by having sex and making him want me. We even go out to dinners and act like we did before so i just want him to see how nice this is and that he can have this again if we be official again. Im just afraid to lose him if i dont sleep with him anymore, i think he might be starting to look at other girls.. What would you advise me?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Stacey,

      My take is that, why would he want to commit when he’s already getting what he wants without it?

  32. Silvia says:

    Oh i really messed up. My ex and I broke up 2 months ago, for the first month I did no contact then slowly started texting him again, every time he responded positively but didn’t engage in much conversation afterwards so after maybe 3 weeks of texting I just gave up and decided i wanted to move on. Since I made this decision I’ve been bumping into him a lot and we always say hello when we see each other. last night I bumped into him again. We were out with friends and he kept coming over to talk to me, just small talk. Then he said he was going home and he would like me to walk with him so that we could talk (we’re neighbours) so I left with him and he said ‘I’ve seen you around a lot recently and you seem really happy and I just wonder why you weren’t that happy when we were together, was it because of me…’ etc etc. Anyway we got back home and went to his flat to finish our conversation then he kissed me and I asked him ‘what do you want?’ And he said to spend time with you then we ended up sleeping together. After we slept together we just had a general chat and I asked him what his goals were and his response was ‘my goal tonight was to sleep with you’. Anyway I stayed the night then we spent the next day together and he gave me a massage (lol, something I always wanted before but he never did) and had lunch together then watched a movie, and it was nice but now I dont know what to do because I’m confused about what he wants. I’m thinking of going into no contact again, what would you suggest?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Silvia,

      nope, I think you should keep talking but dont sleep with him again.. So, you can establish that you dont want to be friends with benefits

  33. miras says:

    Hi Amor,

    me an my ex broke up last yer of December2015.. after that month we just had sex.. so i already made a mistake and it happen again on March and April 2016… i did that because he said he doesn’t had a Gf ..,but he lied.. So after that i block him at FB but after May2016 his mom just add me on Fb but i just ignored it then by Aug2016 .He was asking “how am i doing?, on my cousins and relatives ” then Sep2016 again he chat my relatives again telling them that he want to talk me for some important issue which i told them to just ignore him… then another month is on Oct2016 ,..This is we’re he made a Fake Fb just to add and chat me…
    i thought someone i knew so i add it then i realize its my ex bf.. then he chat me.. asking how am i doing now then if we could talk the saying sorry and i also forgive you.. but i block that Fb then he just made an Fb in just 2mins… chatting me to dont block him…pls

    then just this last week of nov2016 ,, i already unblock his Fb and accept his mom.. because i want to forgive them and to let go… when he suddenly told me.. can we talk in personal?
    i keep trying to tell him i will passed for now.. let me think when i will be free, but the truth is i dont want to see him..so day by day we talk normal.. like just friends..then he suddenly brought up the topic that “do you miss it?” … i just answered what do mean by that? then he said “u know what i mean… then i change the topic..

    then the next day he did that again then he told i miss doing it so much with you.. and somehow i cant take it anymore.. and told him yes kinda miss it.. then we continue on having a sex on chat… but after that i told him “Forget what happen a while ago.”

    then he ignores it told me…”have a great dinner”

    then i just replied the next day at by afternoon…

    pls help…. i want to make him chased me then get back to me… but seems like i made a mistake … i just dont know which part?…. but we didnt still have sex or even a meet up … after that long 7months of not talking to him and blocking him on fb….

    should i just block him again on fb or maybe i should not chat him not until he talk to me… or maybe a week?

    pls help Amor

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Miras,

      if you really want him to chase dont have sex chat nor be friends with benefits in person.. You were already in a good start but clearly thats5 what he wants to be, just friends with benefits..and then he tried to see if you were still that person..if you want, continue to talk but dont ever have sex chat with him

  34. Char says:

    Hi Amor,

    I think I really messed things up now. I spoke with you before about doing no contact with my Ex but then needing to get my keys back from him.
    He called me on Friday and said he would drop off my stuff. And when he came over we started to make small talk about work etc. And then one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. I realize that is a big no-no but it happened. He was really sweet and cuddly after it all but for the first time in 6 months, he didnt spend the night. He only stayed for a couple of hours.
    We talked briefly before he left and he said he was still angry with me and wanted to wait and see how I was doing for a while first, before anything else (I am in AA). I jokingly said “well dont fall in love with anyone else in the meantime…” and he said “I’ll try!” Was that not a good response…hopefully he was joking too!!????
    He said he would call me sometime when he was leaving….but now im not sure what to do…wait for him to reach out or for me to just call him. I texted him yesterday just to see how he was doing but as usual he ignored me. Was that just break up sex or does it mean that he still cares about me and will reach out again?
    Your thoughts?? How should I proceed.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Char,

      That’s more likely a break up text. Do you want to restart the no contact rule?

    • Char says:

      Break up sex? yes I figured as much. I messaged him again last night that he could call me anytime….I cant get over this guy. I need to restart the no contact rule….how do i do that??? AM I BEYOND HELP NOW??? does he completely think im beyond sanity now???

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Yes, Break up sex. Sorry for the typo 🙂 We don’t know what he exactly thinks. But maintaining the no contact rule is in your control, it’s your decision. So, if you really want to finish it, you can do it. You can control yourself. It’s a matter of discipline. It’s hard but it’s not impossible. Check this:
      How To NOT Break The No Contact Rule With Glenn Livingston

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