To be quite honest with you I can’t believe that I haven’t written a guide over this sooner.

I mean, I do touch on this topic in my books, PRO and The Texting Bible and I have even recorded a podcast over the topic but that’s not the same as writing one of my world famous guides.

So, how should I start this?

Hmm…

There’s a famous quote by Sherry Argov that goes,

Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and a woman isn’t.

As much as I hate to agree with a competitor, Argov has written many books helping the same women that I help, she speaks the truth with that quote.

This leads us to your current predicament.

You slept with your ex boyfriend and you are trying to figure out how in the world you are going to get him to commit to you.

Well, let me just tell you that you came to the right place!

Today I am going to give you a very long in-depth explanation of what you are going to have to do to successfully win him back if you slept with him.

Lets go!

Understanding Your Situation

understand

I am going to be honest with you.

I struggled with coming up with a title for this section.

Initially I had written down,

“Your Mistake…”

But as more time went on I began to realize that, that may rub off on some people the wrong way. After all, it’s a bit too early in the article to start berating you for your decision.

……

Oopps…

I suppose by admitting that I just did berate you.

Ok, I’ll stop pulling punches to protect you.

By sleeping with your ex boyfriend you made a pretty big mistake.

I mean, there is a reason that one of the most asked questions I get is,

“Chris, I slept with my ex boyfriend and ever since that moment things have changed. He hardly ever talks to me anymore and when he does he is very distant.”

I suppose the best way for me to help you understand “Your Predicament” is to teach you how sex relates to chase theory.

(I talk about Chase Theory in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Sex, Men And Chase Theory

Have you ever heard my chase theory when it comes to men?

It basically goes like this,

chase theory

Does that make any sense?

No?

Ok, while no man will openly admit this most of us actually love the chase.

And the more time that we have invested into the chase the more likely our feelings are to grow for the person we are chasing.

Let me give you an example.

Lets pretend that Bob,

man chasing

Has a MAJOR crush on Carla,

woman

So he decides to make her his girlfriend.

Of course, all of his attempts to “chase” are turned down by Carla. But Bob isn’t one to give up very easily so he continues to chase. This dance of Carla rejecting and Bob chasing slowly but surely increase Carla’s attractiveness to Bob,

carlas attractiveness

Pretty soon he gets what can only be described as “tunnel vision” where every girl he ever meets is always compared to the feelings he has for Carla and no girl ever measures up.

His entire life becomes about winning Carla’s affection.

This is chase theory in a nutshell.

Men want what they can’t have, remember?

This also leads us to your situation.

Chase theory for an ex girlfriend and an ex boyfriend is a bit different due to the fact that he has already gotten you. Instead, and I realize I am going to take some major heat for this, ex boyfriends have a tendency to chase something different…

Sex.

Lets make another fun graphic to demonstrate this,

chase theory

Now, are all ex boyfriends like this?

No.

However, since this is an article about teaching women how to get an ex back if they slept with him I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you have a boyfriend who is like this.

I mean, he has already demonstrated that to be the case.

Now, one of two things is going to happen at this point.

  1. He is going to be satisfied since he caught what he was chasing and will not chase you anymore.
  2. He is going to be satisfied since he caught what he was chasing and will continue to chase but ONLY for sex.

Lets take a look at what runs through a mans mind in each of these situations.

He Will Be Satisfied That He Caught What He Was Chasing And Will Not Chase You Anymore

go away

What happens when a man catches what he was chasing?

Well, then he won’t chase it anymore. He has already achieved his goal and in this case that goal is trying to have sex with you.

I hear about this one a lot from women who sometimes ask me,

So, we slept together and it was amazing! BUT ever since then he hasn’t called, texted or anything. And when I finally do get in touch with him he wants nothing to do with me. What do I do?

So, what is going through a mans mind to make him act this way?

Well, as much as I hate to say it, it looks like a man who acts in this way is purely motivated by sex and nothing else.

Boooo!!!

Boooo!!!

I know it sucks but those are the facts.

Some of my more avid followers will know that I am a big believer of actions as opposed to words and if your ex boyfriends actions always seem to lead back to sex then it would make sense that, that’s what he wants.

Think of Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother,

Barney Stinson

This guy is the definition of a player.

All he wants is sex.

For example, he learns these elaborate pickup routines to pick up girls and ends up sleeping with them.

After he is done sleeping with them he kicks them out of his house. If that doesn’t scream “All ABOUT SEX” I don’t know what will.

Granted, he is a hilarious TV character but if your ex boyfriend is a real life version of Barney Stinson then you would find yourself in this exact circumstance (where he would never call you.)

Lets move on to our next situation

He Will Be Satisfied That He Caught What He Was Chasing And Then Continue To Try To Get It

want it meme

Three words…

Three simple words sum up this situation perfectly.

Friends With Benefits

It’s almost every single mans dream. To have a friend (who is a girl) that he can use for sex when he wants and then ditch her when he wants and then use her for sex again.

But what goes through a mans mind to make him arrive here?

I mean, at one point you were in a committed relationship with this guy.

So, what happened?

Well, this may be hard for you to hear but if your ex boyfriend and you are in a FWB (friends with benefits) agreement with your ex then he has no intention of being your boyfriend again.

Lets look at the facts.

The Facts

  • You and your ex boyfriend broke up
  • The two of you slept together after the breakup
  • This lead him to continue to try to see you which always seemed to lead to sex
  • The two of you probably haven’t classified your little arrangement as FWB yet

Now lets dissect the facts,

You And Your Ex Boyfriend Broke Up

This tells us that at some point your ex boyfriend came to the conclusion that he doesn’t want to be with you. Well, either that or that he agreed with your decision to break up with him.

The Two Of You Slept Together After The Breakup

Ah the chase…

Remember, if your ex boyfriend gets what he is chasing (sex) then it’s logical to think that he will either not chase anymore since he got what he want or he will continue to chase you until he gets it again.

Lets find out which one.

He Continues To Chase Sex From You

If your ex boyfriend chases you constantly for sex over and over again then you know that he made his decision as to if he will leave the chase or continue it to try to set up a friends with benefits type of situations.

Speaking of friends with benefits…

I Bet If You Are In A FWB Relationship The Two Of You Haven’t Classified It As One

You see, in the movies and TV there always seems to be this inevitable conversation where a couple, in agreement, decides to have a friends with benefits relationship.

Real life is much murkier though.

There is a negative stigma that surrounds friends with benefits because ultimately one person will always want more. Besides, I have yet to meet a girl that wants to be friends with benefits for the rest of her life. So, what ends up happening is that there is an unwritten agreement where two people embark on a FWB relationship without a conversation ever taking place.

This is quite common.

But what about the most important question.

How do you get out of a friends with benefits situation and get back into a committed relationship?

Good question.

I suppose it starts with shifting your paradigm a bit and making some massive changes.

Lets talk about that for a second.

Big Change #1- No More Sex

no sex for you

This one is a no brainer.

From this point on you are not allowed to have sex with your ex boyfriend anymore.

Why?

Because you are trying to get your ex boyfriend used to a world where he has to work for the right to be intimate with you. Now, expect some push back from him immediately after you make this change.

From what I know about men we don’t like being told “no” when it comes to sex.

Oh, I also should mention that I am telling you this because he will probably disappear for a few weeks before popping up again.

Let me give you an example of what I mean by this.

Those of you who are familiar with this website know that I get a lot of comments.

Thousands upon thousands of people asking me questions about their particular situation. In fact, it became so overwhelming that I ended up writing a book to better answer their inquiries. Anyways, I remember receiving a private message after I had posted this podcast episode about sleeping with an ex.

The girl who private messaged me wanted to know what she had to do to get her ex back even though she was kind of in a friends with benefits situation.

I gave her really simple advice.

Cut him off from sex…

Ok, I might have been more specific than that.

I might have mentioned that she shouldn’t give him sex until he commits to her in a relationship.

So, after thinking about it for a few days the girl decided that she would try things my way.

So she did.

She informed her ex boyfriend that the two of them would no longer be sleeping together and that she was tired of being used for sex.

How do you think he took the news?

thiknking face

Are you crazy?

NO…

He went absolutely berserk.

In fact, I don’t think I can find a dictionary to cover all of the mean things that he called the girl.

Of course, after the “push back” the girl came back to yours truly to give me a piece of her mind.

“You ruined my life…”

“I should have never listened to your advice…”

“Now he will never take me back…”

I didn’t hear from her after that…

UNTIL about a month later.

Screen Shot 2015-04-27 at 6.26.42 PM

(You can click to enlarge it.)

What’s the point of telling you this story?

I want you to go into this and realize that what I am proposing here is not going to be the most popular idea to your ex boyfriend BUT it is what you are going to have to do to give yourself the best shot at success.

Lets talk about the second big change that you are going to have to make.

Big Change #2- The “Main Prize” Awaits The Man Who Commits To You

commitment dog

What do you think I mean by “main prize?”

Is it some gigantic present that a man will receive when he commits to you?

gigantic present

Well, I suppose metaphorically it is.

In case you haven’t caught on yet the big prize is sex!

In fact, I briefly mentioned this “big change” of no sex until a commitment takes place in the section above when I was telling you that story about the push back from the girls ex boyfriend.

Now, why is it so important to cut off sex until a commitment occurs?

As I am about to explain men are very motivated by sex and we can use this to our advantage in a way by dangling sex in front of him to lead him to a commitment.

Hmm…

Perhaps I could explain this better.

Ok, you know the story of the pied piper, right?

Ok, time for a fairy tale!

So there was this magic pied piper who served as a rat catcher.

exterminator

No… not like that.

He used his magic flute to lure rats away.

pied piper rats

Anyways, there was this town, Hamelin, that had a severe rat problem so they decided to hire the piper to get the rats away.

He did but when it came time for the town to pay him for his services the town flat out refused.

How do you think the the pied piper reacted to this?

The answer is NOT WELL.

In fact, he decided that to get back at the town he was going to lure all the children away with his magic flute just like he did to the rats.

pied piper children

Now, why would I be telling you this story?

Because you are going to be a pied piper yourself by using sex to lure your ex boyfriend into a commitment.

(More on that later or if you want immediate gratification check out PRO as I talk about this there.)

Of course, in order for my little pied piper theory to work you can’t sleep with him until he commits.

Get it?

Got it?

Good!

Let me expand on my pied piper theory.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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The Pied Piper Theory

pied piper

I am going to throw some science at you here.

I am sure you have heard that stat where they say that,

Every seven seconds a man is thinking about sex.

So, here is my question to you,

Do you think it’s true?

Well, I AM a man and I can tell you that, that isn’t true.

However, what I can tell you about my kind is that we do think about sex, a lot. In fact, we think about it every day.

According to the Kinsey Report (Sexual Behavior In The Human Male) 54 percent of men think about sex every day or at least several times a week. Oh, and when you add in the fact that 43 percent of us admit to thinking about sex at least several times a week you have a lot of thoughts of sex.

This is where the pied piper theory comes into play.

We are going to use these thoughts of sex to our advantage by dangling the idea of sex in front of him and using it to get what you want, a commitment.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“How the heck do I do that?”

Well, the first thing you have to do is NOT sleep with your ex boyfriend.

That’s the only way that this will work.

Next, you are going to have to learn to dangle the sex properly.

I often get this picture of a cat and a ball on a string.

You know what I am talking about, right?

How you can hold a ball on a string in front of a cat and the cat is constantly taking a swipe at it and then right before the swipe hits the ball you pull it away. The more you do this to your cat the more that the cat becomes invested and really wants that ball.

Do you see how this analogy works?

No?

Ok, let me pull out my inner designer and create a fun little graphic for you,

ball on a string game with cat

You will notice that in this graphic you are the one dangling the ball (which represents sex) in front of your ex boyfriend (who is the cat.)

The idea here is that you are forcing your ex boyfriend to become more invested in trying to get you.

Still confused?

Hmm…

Ok, think back to what I was talking about with the pied piper and how he used his flute to get the rats and children away from the city.

Well, we are doing something similar here with your ex boyfriend except we have an end destination, a commitment.

Now, are we actually using a flute on your boyfriend?

No.

However, our flute is going to be replaced by the ball on a string game that I was showing you above.

By doing this you are keeping your ex boyfriend engaged as you navigate the treacherous terrain to a commitment.

Here’s another fun graphic detailing this,

pied piper rats

So, according to this graphic the most important thing that you need to accomplish is to hone your “ball on a string” since it is doubling for your “flute” and the flute is the most important thing for leading your boyfriend to a commitment.

Lets talk a little about that now.

Honing Your Flute (AKA The Ball On A String)

flutes section

I want you to take a look at that graphic I created for you above where you are essentially dangling sex in front of your ex and waiting for him to take a swipe.

This skill is one of the hardest for women to wrap their minds around because they place such an emotional emphasis on sex.

What do I mean by that?

You want your ex boyfriend back more than anything in the world right now, right?

Well, you are at this website so I am assuming that you do.

When you are in a situation where you are trying to get him back and you are deciphering his every move which means that anything positive that he does that can lead to a commitment in the future is going to make you one happy gal.

So, if he does something on purpose just to get sex but you perceive it as him wanting a commitment while you are dangling sex in front of him.

Well, that’s when a lot of women break down and give in to their primal desires.

I guess what I am saying is that the temptation is there and it’s awfully easy to screw all of your progress up. So, half the battle is not giving in to your “want” to have sex with your ex.

No, as far as dangling it in front of him…

My personal belief is to let him bring it up first and work off of that.

We already know that sex is going to be on his brain and the chances that he will bring it up is going to be high due to the fact that he has recently slept with you.

I guess what I am saying is that him bringing up sex is the closest thing to a forgone conclusion that I can think of so just be patient and let it happen on it’s own.

Once it does happen…

Well, that’s when the fun begins.

So, rather than getting to into the specifics I think this would work better if I did a bit of role playing.

Does that sound like something you would be interested in?

Yes?

No?

Maybe?

So?

Ok, I am done now…

Lets say that your ex boyfriend brings up sex to you in a text message,

what we did

(Perhaps now would be a good time to mention that I came out with a book that deals only in text messages and what to say to your ex boyfriend called The Texting Bible… Ok, pitch over.)

So you get a text message like this from your ex.

What now?

Well, now it’s time for you to flirt back.

Lets go with something simple like,

tell me more

Now this is where things get graphic so I will spare you the specific details by censoring the text.

Hey, we are only PG:13 here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery,

censored

Anyways, once you feel like you have your ex boyfriend fully engaged in the “sex conversation” you can consider him to be winding up for a swipe.

Now, when you think of the ball on a string game with a cat what happens when a cat starts to swipe at the ball?

You move the ball out of the way at the last second, right?

Well we are going to do the same thing here except we are going to do the texting version of this.

How do you do that?

Simple, you end the conversation.

rain check

Doing this consistently will more than suffice when it comes to your “flute” and leading your ex boyfriend down the path to a commitment.

Of course, I know that you still probably have a lot of questions about this process and how it works for other mediums of communication.

The same basic template always applies no matter what.

The Basic Template:

template

So, that means that if you are talking on the phone you move from step one to two to three.

Oh, and while it’s a bit trickier to do in person it’s very possible and the results you get from doing this in person are AWESOME!

Trust me, just stick to this template and you will be able to captivate your ex all the way to a relationship.

Now, there is one last thing I would like to talk to you about, the big picture of how this leads to a commitment.

How This Leads To A Commitment

I don’t know if you heard the good news but Father Chris,

father chris

(That was supposed to be a picture of father time but I couldn’t really find a great one.)

Anyways, the good news is that “Father Chris” is actually a Daddy!

Yup, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at 11:16 AM on September 4th.

Here is a picture since I know that’s a big deal to you women,

father chris & baby

Now, while I wouldn’t consider myself to be an “expert dad” the first month of having a child has taught me a lot.

First, sleep is a luxury.

Second, babies cry…. a lot.

Third, I think the reason so many parents love their little babies so much is due to the fact that they invest so much into them.

Think about it, my wife and I love our little girl so much and this is compounded by the fact that we pretty much spend our every waking moment tending to our needs.

The more time we invest in something the more we become addicted to it and ultimately love it.

The Pied Piper Theory utilizes this thinking as this ball on a string game forces your ex boyfriend to invest time with you which ultimate leads to a commitment.

While it won’t happen overnight it will happen at some point if you keep at it.

What to Read Next

Her Ex Broke Up With Her Out Of The Blue And She Got Him Back

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531 thoughts on “How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him”

  1. Avatar

    Sally

    July 30, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    Hi chris, please I need your help
    About 2 weeks ago my ex contacted me after 5 months of no contact, he said he wants to be friends and I said ok..after a week of that we slept together but after that he just stopped texting me, calling me, paying attention to me and ignoring me.. I sent him a text message saying (I gave you a chance to fix everything and start from the beginning just like you asked but you’re not trying to fix anything) he didn’t reply..so I stopped talking to him..I met him the next day at the college and he acted like everything is cool and said hi to me but I didn’t reply because I was so mad at him…I still love him and I want him back..what should I do?? I lost him once, I can’t lose him again.. please tell me what to do

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 3:42 pm

      Hi Sally, you need to now go into a No Contact – do not try to be his friend and do not sleep with him again outside of a relationship. You need to compose yourself when he is around and pretend you dont even realise hes there. If he says hi to you, say hello back happily keep walking past him. Read more articles to help you understand the program and what it is you need to do

  2. Avatar

    Arundhati

    June 30, 2020 at 6:32 am

    Hi Chris,

    Please – this guy was all over me – obsessed with me – he wanted to marry me – and didn’t even know me well-

    I refused the marriage on grounds of not knowing each other – but agreed to spending time together and getting to know each other –

    And after a week or so we had sex – after a few nights he started to avoid me – and when I confronted him he blocked me –

    After two weeks of no contact we spoke and that night we had sex –

    He hasn’t unblocked me – and in the morning he told me – he doesn’t want me – but will talk to me – be cordial –

    From wanting to marry me and no one else – he went to not wanting me in a few days time –

    Please Chris please – I want this to work –

    Please please help me get out of this mess and save this from salvaging- please

    Please I really need your help –

    Please –

    He can’t stop when he is with me – says all the right things when having sex and once done – he forgets me and lets me bleed to death coz of the ache –

    Please tell me how to get him back please

    Please please

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 3, 2020 at 11:38 pm

      Hey Arundhati, so the first thing you need to do is a no contact and stop replying if he reaches out. You must stop sleeping with him if you want him back as a boyfriend.

  3. Avatar

    Arundhati

    June 30, 2020 at 4:51 am

    Hi,

    We had a fall out I’m not petty issue and then we got back and had sex –

    He has blocked me – I want to get him back – Please please – tell me what I can do to lure him back – the no contact rule didn’t last me more than – two weeks – I messed up –

    Please please help me get him back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 1, 2020 at 10:00 pm

      Hey Arundhati, you need to complete a full No Contact of 45 days now, without breaking it this time no matter what

  4. Avatar

    Bella

    June 13, 2020 at 11:29 pm

    Hi Chris, so my ex and I were dating for about 8 months. Our relationship had always been rocky and we would have arguments often. We would break up and then always sort it out. I hate to admit it but it was a pretty toxic relationship. I can own up that we both were pretty bad towards each other. After 2 weeks apart, I have realized a lot of things that I did to contribute to our relationship ending. I feel as if I have already changed and would be completely different towards him if he gave me another chance. There was a time where he expressed that he had lost feelings for me but we still continued to see each other. We had sex, and then after he continued to tell me he needed time because he didn’t know what to do. We still talked after this and hung out. I went to his house, we cuddled, watched a movie, took a nap together, and he was acting fine. We then started to make out but I expressed to him that I didn’t want to have sex. After that, he didn’t say anything or didn’t move at all. He then told me he wanted to take me home. He told me he was lost, so I said I couldn’t go back and forth anymore. So we both agreed, and he asked me to try not to contact him. I haven’t and it has been about 2 weeks. Yesterday, I had to contact him because someone told me he had lost something so I reached out to him to let him know. He was very unappreciative, responded with one word answers, and didn’t say thanks. With this said, in the past I would usually beg for him back but I finally learned that, that wouldn’t work forever. I know I have changed a lot since but I’m wondering if it’s to late. I miss him a lot, and I want to talk to him. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 17, 2020 at 10:34 am

      Hey Bella, so if you are going to follow this program it starts with a period of NC where you work on yourself and your Holy trinity, and then you start reaching out to your ex with texts that Chris recommends, which can be found in the articles on this website.

  5. Avatar

    Chi

    May 15, 2020 at 12:12 am

    Hello Chris…I still have feelings for my ex and I want him back,we broke up a year ago but we ve been seeing each other and having sex too. He made it clear that we can’t be together and I don’t know if he has a girlfriend. He still takes care of me monetarily and dats makes me more confused..why would he give me lots of money if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 21, 2020 at 9:55 am

      Hi Chi, I would say that he is enjoying having the benefits of a relationship but also the freedom of no title. If you want to change this then you need to explain how you feel and explain that you either want a real relationship or be willing to walk away

  6. Avatar

    Elizabeth

    May 10, 2020 at 12:20 am

    My situation is complicated but to break it down: my ex and I were together 3 years in the meantime we had our son- we’ve been split a year now- we both had rebound relationships that didn’t work out- he said he invested a lot into the rebound relationship and it was hard for him to end it- he confessed our relationship ending was his fault- and he should’ve done more because I deserved it- well during our split and our rebound relationship I continued to work on myself- I lost weight and built the confidence.. my ex was messaging me almost daily about our son- or sending me video messages of when we were together- mixed signals really… well we had a night where we having a good time laughing and joking and one thing lead to another- I played it cool I haven’t said anything about us hooking up or even tried to reach out to him- granted it’s only been a day- but do you think I ruined my chances ? What should I do now? I am trying to play cool about it but I’m unsure as to his intentions from the start – like was he trying to sleep with me this whole time? Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 19, 2020 at 1:59 pm

      Hi Elizabeth, so it is good that you have not brought it up again since, is he still with the new person? I would suggest that you start doing the being there method if so and if you want to get him back. I don’t think you have messed things up you have most likely just delayed things. Don’t be his “other woman” so make sure while you still flirt and have a connection that you do not allow him to sleep with you again while he is in a relationship with her. You need to make him think its his idea to end things with her and be with you. This is why it is so important that you read and understand how the being there method works.

  7. Avatar

    Michelle

    May 2, 2020 at 3:14 pm

    Hi EBR Team!
    So after nearly 4 years of my ex breaking up with me but still remaining friends for this time I approached him with the idea of having a friends with benefits situation (without thinking I would fall for him again). But yet it happened and after a month of mutual enjoyment I confessed that I maybe was starting to catch feelings for him again. We both agreed that we should stop having sex since he assured me that never again for a 100% he could see himself in a relationship with me again. Yet he still praised me how much better of a person that I’ve become and that he still likes me very much as a friend. He also said our relationship was the best je ever had but I should still, very definetly, loose my feelings for him. We are in the same friend group so I still see him regularly. I confessed about 3 weeks ago. I am devasted since then, now after 4 years I’ve realized that he’s the one for me but by sleeping with him and confessing I’m afraid that I’ve ruined my chances forever! I need someone to tell me that isn’t the case…should I forget him completely after all?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 7:46 pm

      Hey Michelle so whats happened is he was content with having the benefits without the commitment. I would suggest that you work the Ungettable information and spend some time in NC so that your ex can start to miss you, however dating is going to be a key part in you getting his attention, the more attention you get online from other men and compliments etc the more he is going to see your value and he will start to worry that someone else is going to want to be with you properly. This does take time, and you need to be strong to not sleep with him unless he has first committed to a real relationship with you this time around

  8. Avatar

    KR

    April 26, 2020 at 11:34 pm

    I just had sex with my ex, and things got a bit wierd and I got emotional in the end. I haven’t heard from him in a week should I text him to meet up to do something casual so we can talk or wait till he texts me to talk about it? I thought that I could do the friends with benefits thing but I still want him back so I don’t want him to think I’m easy now. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 29, 2020 at 9:13 pm

      Hi KR so I would definitely not sleep with him again while broken up or you will end up in a confused friend with benefits situation. I would suggest that you reach out to him with a text that is suggested in the articles to get you talking and start re building connection so that you can work up the value chain

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    Lucia

    February 23, 2020 at 10:17 am

    Hi EBR
    So the situation is that my ex was back for some time after the initial break up and NC for 2 months, we had dates, long walks and chemistry..we didn’t argue – I am very chilled in comparison to how I have been. Really expensive behaviour, proud of myself of not slipping into blame and arguments.
    Then we have a really really good date, he opened up a lot to me emotionally, for example about his fears… which is not typical for him to talk about. He shared something I don’t think he shared with anyone.
    Next day we kissed goodbye before work and he followed up texting me compliments I responded, everything seemed to be going well.
    Since then I never heard anything from him. It’s just crazy-how someone can be that affectionate and then disappears (3 weeks now).
    No explanation nothing – just gone.
    But thanks to your website I am working to become an ungettable girl, so I did not follow up. I believe if someone wants they will find the time…
    I know my value.
    But it still hurts me how he behaved.
    Any piece of advice? Thank you, EBR

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 26, 2020 at 10:43 pm

      Hi Lucia, so as your ex has not reached out for 3 weeks even though things seemed naturally good. I would post a photo that could hint you went on a date and then see how long it takes for your ex to reach out and if he does I would take your time before replying. REALLY take your time. And as for working the Ungettable girl, there is now a workbook that is available on amazon along with the book if you are interested 🙂

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    Rachel

    February 4, 2020 at 6:02 am

    Hi, this is a great read but I have a question. My ex and I are in a long distance and I have tried no contact only for him to not be able to go 4days without. Long story short but he bought me a flight to spend a few days with him. I already mentioned a few weeks back that the next time we have sex it has to mean something and I won’t be giving my body to him Or any man unless they are my boyfriend. What do I do now that I’m supposed to be seeing him in a few days and staying with him? Do I have the talk before or when he tries to have sex with me (which he will)? Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 6, 2020 at 7:35 pm

      Hi Rachel so the point of no contact is that you do not reply to him. It doesnt matter what he says (unless he tells you he wants to get back together) you do not reply no matter what. So you going to see him, knowing he wants to have sex with you is a bad idea…. You need to either go and make sure you do not give in to having sex with him or any intimacy. Or do not go. You need to complete a real 30 day no contact if you want your ex to get you back. Right now he is trying to have a friends with benefits situation right now

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    B

    February 3, 2020 at 1:30 pm

    My ex and I have been talking again for 3 months. I did think things were going somewhere as we had talked about the future… and he’d expressed that he wanted to be with me. Fast forward to now, he’s made no move to commit to me. The other night, he said something about the fact that I was still single… and I realized that we hadn’t been going anywhere after all. While we hadn’t actually had sex in person yet, we have exchanged numerous pictures, texts, etc. of that nature. I decided to cut them off and told him I was no longer interested in doing those things casually and without meaning attached to the situation. That I wanted a dynamic with someone that was going somewhere. He never replied. That was 3 days ago. While I didn’t plan on cutting off all contact, I have disengaged a bit. Should I wait for him to get back in touch with me? We follow each other’s social media and he’s definitely acting out a bit from what I said.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 15, 2020 at 4:36 pm

      Hey B, so with situations like yours it isn’t going to “lead somewhere” as you were happy to partake in sending the photos. Since you told him you are no longer interested in that and want something serious. You need to mean what you say, and say what you mean. So do not reach out to him and try to have a conversation as him not responding to your message shows he was not wanting to get into a serious situation right now. So I would use social media to show that you are going out on dates and socialising around other men to make him realise that you are willing to move on to find what you are looking for

  12. Avatar

    Esther Karimi

    January 11, 2020 at 11:38 am

    Dr Chris. You happen to share the same name with my ex. I was in a situationship with him for 3 years. At the end of 2018, I cut off all contact with him. I happened to text him back 2 weeks ago when I was lonely. We met up yesterday had some drinks and I found myself sleeping with him again. After the sex, I told him I would no lomger sleep with him since my feelings for him are coming back and he doesnt want a commitment but we could remain friends. What surprised me was that when I met him he tagged along his friends yet we hadn’t seen each other in a year. I slept with him then went home. What also hurt me was the fact that he didn’t call or text to ask if I reached home safely . He also cropped out a photo we had taken with him and his friends and left the one that I wasn’t in. I feel so down, I honestly dont know what to do

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    Ari

    December 22, 2019 at 7:58 pm

    Hey Chris i REALLY need help! So i was dating my ex for 6 months and it has been 6 months since the break up. I decided to break up with him and after my decision i begged to take me back and he said no. I went completely no contact for 3 months . We didn’t speak all summer and i saw him a couple of times. Around September he texted me to see how i am doing if i take care of myself and if i need something he is there for me, somehow we started talking again and as time went by we were texting every day, he always initiates first the conversation and calls me things like love, baby, sweet etc. he was flirting with me and when we talked on campus he kissed me. When I asked him why he said he missed me and he thought i was sad so why not. I thought he wanted me again and when i talked to him about the relationship he said he doesn’t want one because the first time we tried it didn’t end well, and we don’t want the same things and he is not looking for a relationship right now. The thing is that he has said he loves me 5 times and cares about me, he finds me attractive and likes the fact i am so insistent but he doesn’t love me as his girlfriend anymore. We are in a FWB situation (we just make out). But i want him to commit. I was his first and only commited relationship. I think he is afraid to commit now. We haven’t been to an actual date yet and we meet each other in campus. He says he has usually time but i see him doing all these things with his friends. He really keeps us low-key. He is a nice guy and when we were together he was fully in love with me. I think he is using me now and he somehow he admitted it and said is not a bad thing i am afraid he have taken me for granted. When i told him i don’t like the fact that we never go out he playfully says but we are not tougher right? I don’t know what to do! What is your suggestion?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2019 at 7:20 pm

      Hi Ari, so I would suggest that you tell him you do not want to fool around etc any more that you want to be official as you want a boyfriend not a friend. If he is not willing to give you that then you need to stop making out with him and look like you are moving on starting with a no contact. IF you are not sleeping with him, is he dating other people? I would suggest dating casually to show that you are actively looking for someone to be with in a relationship.

  14. Avatar

    Leila

    November 24, 2019 at 6:15 am

    Thanks Shaunna.
    I already decided not to sleep with him. My question is about how to do that.. we usually speak very straightforward to each other, and don’t play games. Should I tell him that sleeping with him was not a good idea, and I will not do that again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2019 at 6:19 pm

      Hi Leila, so if he is going to come to you for sex again, wait until it is at the point where you know thats what he wants and explain that you are not willing ot sleep with him again out of a relationship because you dont want to be in that situation with someone.

  15. Avatar

    Leila

    November 23, 2019 at 9:10 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thanks for the great article. Here is my situation: we broke up 4 months ago, I did NC for about 2 months, I initiated contact afterwards. I always receive positive answers, but he very rarely initiates contact. Today we slept together. After reading your article I decided not to sleep with him again. My question: Do I tell him that I don’t want to have sex again, because it confuses me and I want to protect myself. Or do I act uninterested or do I make excuses? Changing the subject when it comes up would only help me for a very limited time.
    Thank you very much.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 11:10 pm

      Hey Leila, while you are not in a relationship do not have sex with him, you do not give him boyfriend privileges without being a boyfriend. You need to reattract him but you also need to make it clear where your boundaries are, when you sleep with an ex without commitment you are setting a line that you are willing to cross and they wont feel the need to make you their girlfriend again

  16. Avatar

    Adriana

    October 19, 2019 at 5:55 pm

    Hi chris,
    So me and my ex boyfriend have been broken up for about 6 months now we met up about 2 months into the break up and then realized we still needed more time and took another 4 months off. We ended up meeting recently and we clipped have a great conversation had a great night one thing led to another and I didn’t leave until the next morning. Mistake I know but we have such great chemistry. We talked a bit that next day and he messaged me only once the following just to say, “hope work was good and have fun and that he was off to his kids football game” then nothing. So into the day after that and nothing. I really want to spend more time with him and you could feel it felt right when we caught up but I dont want to overwhelm or push him as I know hes a single dad 2 kids and a busy work life so I’m not reaching out after i responded to that very last text of “hope work was good…” but i want him back and to be in each others lives again and it’s hard for me not to reach out and text him but i know that maybe isnt smart. But can you please help me? I just dont know what to do from here? Text…dont text… give it time space etc what he may be feeling as it’s hard for me to wrap my head around the amazing night we had and not have the urge to be more or wanting to be more involved. Because that’s how I feel. But I’m single and he single but with kids and a crazy work life so its different. I just want to know what to do from here and maybe what he might be feeling? So I can understand.
    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 20, 2019 at 8:32 am

      Hi Adriana, so if you want him back you need to not sleep with him again – not until you’re “official” anyway. I would reach out as there is no negative feelings after your interaction…

      As you’ve said hes a single dad of two and works, so he probably doesn’t rest until gone 10pm (speaking from experience) by that time he may not reach out because its late. So initiate, be friendly and dont put pressure on response time – even if it takes all day to have 3/4 message exchange its still something. Building up the attraction and rapport between you is key where you DO NOT HAVE SEX just get him back emotionally first.

  17. Avatar

    Nora

    June 20, 2019 at 2:51 pm

    Dear Chris,

    Thanks for all the help you provide for us. I’m grateful. So my ex bf broke up with me almost four months ago due to GIGS. He said everything was good with me but he couldn’t stop thinking about getting to know more girls and date more before settle down. We haven’t contacted each other for a month and then I followed your program and we started going on small dates and everything was fine. I could tell he’s still attracted to me and he talked about good old times and even showed a little regret by talking about what ifs. But we slept together last week and he didn’t contact me the whole week. The sex was just okay because I couldn’t feel the emotional intimacy anymore and I felt awful after that. He just texted me that he wanted to “talk with me about whatever and whatnot.” And I’m wondering what he wants to talk about and what kind of vibe should I give off while talking to him. Should I tell him it was a big mistake? What if he asked me how I feel about him now? Should I tell him honestly I still want him back? And should I tell him I didn’t like the sex that much because of the lack of intimacy? He’s the kind of guy that asks lots of questions so I’m freaking out a bit. Thanks for your help!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 20, 2019 at 10:07 pm

      Don’t freak out Nora. It going to be OK. Just be calm and kind and honest. If he is not receptive to your replies or overwhelms you with too many questions or emotions, then just tell him you are feeling upset inside and need some alone time, ending the conversation. I would recommend you pick up my Program, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro Bundle” to help your through this whole process.

  18. Avatar

    Sarah

    June 17, 2019 at 1:47 pm

    Hi I would like to know how often this leads to success? Or does the guy just get bored and look somewhere else? What percentage of success am I looking at here ? Thanks

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 17, 2019 at 3:12 pm

      Hi Sarah..great question. I did a study on this – actually wrote an article on the site – and of course the success of an average ex recovery plan is predicated on many factors but if you are looking for an average we are talking about 55%, more or less. I would like to think that my Program increases those probabilities.

  19. Avatar

    Kacey

    June 9, 2019 at 11:15 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I followed your no contact period (for 1 month) and I ended up going on a major trip to a developing country. When I got back, no contact was over and I reached out to him. I had got him a small present from my trip and he agreed to meet. I made a mistake and slept with him. The thing is that he had blocked me before the no contact period. But when I called him today I called from my new phone, so I got through. Anyway, he told me today it was more painful to block me because I didn’t respect past boundaries, than it was for me being blocked. I told him I will listen to his boundaries now and then we slept together but I’m not sure what to do now. He said he thinks things were too broken but said “we’ll see” about things. But that he doesn’t know what he needs from me and doesn’t know if he can ever trust me again (I cheated on him a long time ago.) But yet we ended with that he finally felt relaxed and happy again with me today. What’s the next best step?

  20. Avatar

    Sarah

    June 8, 2019 at 2:09 pm

    Hi after a month of NC my ex contacted me first and we went for a walk.We have been here twice before and we ended up having sex.The last 2 times this has started us being on again and all good,we have been together for 6 years.This time he then didn’t contact me for 5 days ..no WhatsApp msg at all …which is not like him at all.So today I have followed your advice of engaging with sex talk then saying I had to go out and ending the conversation. What I’m wondering is how do you continue doing this but making clear I’m not interested in being used for sex? Advice pls

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