How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

To be quite honest with you I can’t believe that I haven’t written a guide over this sooner.

I mean, I do touch on this topic in my books, PRO and The Texting Bible and I have even recorded a podcast over the topic but that’s not the same as writing one of my world famous guides.

So, how should I start this?

Hmm…

There’s a famous quote by Sherry Argov that goes,

Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and a woman isn’t.

As much as I hate to agree with a competitor, Argov has written many books helping the same women that I help, she speaks the truth with that quote.

This leads us to your current predicament.

You slept with your ex boyfriend and you are trying to figure out how in the world you are going to get him to commit to you.

Well, let me just tell you that you came to the right place!

Today I am going to give you a very long in-depth explanation of what you are going to have to do to successfully win him back if you slept with him.

Lets go!

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Understanding Your Situation

understand

I am going to be honest with you.

I struggled with coming up with a title for this section.

Initially I had written down,

“Your Mistake…”

But as more time went on I began to realize that, that may rub off on some people the wrong way. After all, it’s a bit too early in the article to start berating you for your decision.

……

Oopps…

I suppose by admitting that I just did berate you.

Ok, I’ll stop pulling punches to protect you.

By sleeping with your ex boyfriend you made a pretty big mistake.

I mean, there is a reason that one of the most asked questions I get is,

“Chris, I slept with my ex boyfriend and ever since that moment things have changed. He hardly ever talks to me anymore and when he does he is very distant.”

I suppose the best way for me to help you understand “Your Predicament” is to teach you how sex relates to chase theory.

(I talk about Chase Theory in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

Sex, Men And Chase Theory

Have you ever heard my chase theory when it comes to men?

It basically goes like this,

chase theory

Does that make any sense?

No?

Ok, while no man will openly admit this most of us actually love the chase.

And the more time that we have invested into the chase the more likely our feelings are to grow for the person we are chasing.

Let me give you an example.

Lets pretend that Bob,

man chasing

Has a MAJOR crush on Carla,

woman

So he decides to make her his girlfriend.

Of course, all of his attempts to “chase” are turned down by Carla. But Bob isn’t one to give up very easily so he continues to chase. This dance of Carla rejecting and Bob chasing slowly but surely increase Carla’s attractiveness to Bob,

carlas attractiveness

Pretty soon he gets what can only be described as “tunnel vision” where every girl he ever meets is always compared to the feelings he has for Carla and no girl ever measures up.

His entire life becomes about winning Carla’s affection.

This is chase theory in a nutshell.

Men want what they can’t have, remember?

This also leads us to your situation.

Chase theory for an ex girlfriend and an ex boyfriend is a bit different due to the fact that he has already gotten you. Instead, and I realize I am going to take some major heat for this, ex boyfriends have a tendency to chase something different…

Sex.

Lets make another fun graphic to demonstrate this,

chase theory

Now, are all ex boyfriends like this?

No.

However, since this is an article about teaching women how to get an ex back if they slept with him I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you have a boyfriend who is like this.

I mean, he has already demonstrated that to be the case.

Now, one of two things is going to happen at this point.

  1. He is going to be satisfied since he caught what he was chasing and will not chase you anymore.
  2. He is going to be satisfied since he caught what he was chasing and will continue to chase but ONLY for sex.

Lets take a look at what runs through a mans mind in each of these situations.

He Will Be Satisfied That He Caught What He Was Chasing And Will Not Chase You Anymore

go away

What happens when a man catches what he was chasing?

Well, then he won’t chase it anymore. He has already achieved his goal and in this case that goal is trying to have sex with you.

I hear about this one a lot from women who sometimes ask me,

So, we slept together and it was amazing! BUT ever since then he hasn’t called, texted or anything. And when I finally do get in touch with him he wants nothing to do with me. What do I do?

So, what is going through a mans mind to make him act this way?

Well, as much as I hate to say it, it looks like a man who acts in this way is purely motivated by sex and nothing else.

Boooo!!!

Boooo!!!

I know it sucks but those are the facts.

Some of my more avid followers will know that I am a big believer of actions as opposed to words and if your ex boyfriends actions always seem to lead back to sex then it would make sense that, that’s what he wants.

Think of Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother,

Barney Stinson

This guy is the definition of a player.

All he wants is sex.

For example, he learns these elaborate pickup routines to pick up girls and ends up sleeping with them.

After he is done sleeping with them he kicks them out of his house. If that doesn’t scream “All ABOUT SEX” I don’t know what will.

Granted, he is a hilarious TV character but if your ex boyfriend is a real life version of Barney Stinson then you would find yourself in this exact circumstance (where he would never call you.)

Lets move on to our next situation

He Will Be Satisfied That He Caught What He Was Chasing And Then Continue To Try To Get It

want it meme

Three words…

Three simple words sum up this situation perfectly.

Friends With Benefits

It’s almost every single mans dream. To have a friend (who is a girl) that he can use for sex when he wants and then ditch her when he wants and then use her for sex again.

But what goes through a mans mind to make him arrive here?

I mean, at one point you were in a committed relationship with this guy.

So, what happened?

Well, this may be hard for you to hear but if your ex boyfriend and you are in a FWB (friends with benefits) agreement with your ex then he has no intention of being your boyfriend again.

Lets look at the facts.

The Facts

  • You and your ex boyfriend broke up
  • The two of you slept together after the breakup
  • This lead him to continue to try to see you which always seemed to lead to sex
  • The two of you probably haven’t classified your little arrangement as FWB yet

Now lets dissect the facts,

You And Your Ex Boyfriend Broke Up

This tells us that at some point your ex boyfriend came to the conclusion that he doesn’t want to be with you. Well, either that or that he agreed with your decision to break up with him.

The Two Of You Slept Together After The Breakup

Ah the chase…

Remember, if your ex boyfriend gets what he is chasing (sex) then it’s logical to think that he will either not chase anymore since he got what he want or he will continue to chase you until he gets it again.

Lets find out which one.

He Continues To Chase Sex From You

If your ex boyfriend chases you constantly for sex over and over again then you know that he made his decision as to if he will leave the chase or continue it to try to set up a friends with benefits type of situations.

Speaking of friends with benefits…

I Bet If You Are In A FWB Relationship The Two Of You Haven’t Classified It As One

You see, in the movies and TV there always seems to be this inevitable conversation where a couple, in agreement, decides to have a friends with benefits relationship.

Real life is much murkier though.

There is a negative stigma that surrounds friends with benefits because ultimately one person will always want more. Besides, I have yet to meet a girl that wants to be friends with benefits for the rest of her life. So, what ends up happening is that there is an unwritten agreement where two people embark on a FWB relationship without a conversation ever taking place.

This is quite common.

But what about the most important question.

How do you get out of a friends with benefits situation and get back into a committed relationship?

Good question.

I suppose it starts with shifting your paradigm a bit and making some massive changes.

Lets talk about that for a second.

Big Change #1- No More Sex

no sex for you

This one is a no brainer.

From this point on you are not allowed to have sex with your ex boyfriend anymore.

Why?

Because you are trying to get your ex boyfriend used to a world where he has to work for the right to be intimate with you. Now, expect some push back from him immediately after you make this change.

From what I know about men we don’t like being told “no” when it comes to sex.

Oh, I also should mention that I am telling you this because he will probably disappear for a few weeks before popping up again.

Let me give you an example of what I mean by this.

Those of you who are familiar with this website know that I get a lot of comments.

Thousands upon thousands of people asking me questions about their particular situation. In fact, it became so overwhelming that I ended up writing a book to better answer their inquiries. Anyways, I remember receiving a private message after I had posted this podcast episode about sleeping with an ex.

The girl who private messaged me wanted to know what she had to do to get her ex back even though she was kind of in a friends with benefits situation.

I gave her really simple advice.

Cut him off from sex…

Ok, I might have been more specific than that.

I might have mentioned that she shouldn’t give him sex until he commits to her in a relationship.

So, after thinking about it for a few days the girl decided that she would try things my way.

So she did.

She informed her ex boyfriend that the two of them would no longer be sleeping together and that she was tired of being used for sex.

How do you think he took the news?

thiknking face

Are you crazy?

NO…

He went absolutely berserk.

In fact, I don’t think I can find a dictionary to cover all of the mean things that he called the girl.

Of course, after the “push back” the girl came back to yours truly to give me a piece of her mind.

“You ruined my life…”

“I should have never listened to your advice…”

“Now he will never take me back…”

I didn’t hear from her after that…

UNTIL about a month later.

Screen Shot 2015-04-27 at 6.26.42 PM

(You can click to enlarge it.)

What’s the point of telling you this story?

I want you to go into this and realize that what I am proposing here is not going to be the most popular idea to your ex boyfriend BUT it is what you are going to have to do to give yourself the best shot at success.

Lets talk about the second big change that you are going to have to make.

Big Change #2- The “Main Prize” Awaits The Man Who Commits To You

commitment dog

What do you think I mean by “main prize?”

Is it some gigantic present that a man will receive when he commits to you?

gigantic present

Well, I suppose metaphorically it is.

In case you haven’t caught on yet the big prize is sex!

In fact, I briefly mentioned this “big change” of no sex until a commitment takes place in the section above when I was telling you that story about the push back from the girls ex boyfriend.

Now, why is it so important to cut off sex until a commitment occurs?

As I am about to explain men are very motivated by sex and we can use this to our advantage in a way by dangling sex in front of him to lead him to a commitment.

Hmm…

Perhaps I could explain this better.

Ok, you know the story of the pied piper, right?

Ok, time for a fairy tale!

So there was this magic pied piper who served as a rat catcher.

exterminator

No… not like that.

He used his magic flute to lure rats away.

pied piper rats

Anyways, there was this town, Hamelin, that had a severe rat problem so they decided to hire the piper to get the rats away.

He did but when it came time for the town to pay him for his services the town flat out refused.

How do you think the the pied piper reacted to this?

The answer is NOT WELL.

In fact, he decided that to get back at the town he was going to lure all the children away with his magic flute just like he did to the rats.

pied piper children

Now, why would I be telling you this story?

Because you are going to be a pied piper yourself by using sex to lure your ex boyfriend into a commitment.

(More on that later or if you want immediate gratification check out PRO as I talk about this there.)

Of course, in order for my little pied piper theory to work you can’t sleep with him until he commits.

Get it?

Got it?

Good!

Let me expand on my pied piper theory.

The Pied Piper Theory

pied piper

I am going to throw some science at you here.

I am sure you have heard that stat where they say that,

Every seven seconds a man is thinking about sex.

So, here is my question to you,

Do you think it’s true?

Well, I AM a man and I can tell you that, that isn’t true.

However, what I can tell you about my kind is that we do think about sex, a lot. In fact, we think about it every day.

According to the Kinsey Report (Sexual Behavior In The Human Male) 54 percent of men think about sex every day or at least several times a week. Oh, and when you add in the fact that 43 percent of us admit to thinking about sex at least several times a week you have a lot of thoughts of sex.

This is where the pied piper theory comes into play.

We are going to use these thoughts of sex to our advantage by dangling the idea of sex in front of him and using it to get what you want, a commitment.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“How the heck do I do that?”

Well, the first thing you have to do is NOT sleep with your ex boyfriend.

That’s the only way that this will work.

Next, you are going to have to learn to dangle the sex properly.

I often get this picture of a cat and a ball on a string.

You know what I am talking about, right?

How you can hold a ball on a string in front of a cat and the cat is constantly taking a swipe at it and then right before the swipe hits the ball you pull it away. The more you do this to your cat the more that the cat becomes invested and really wants that ball.

Do you see how this analogy works?

No?

Ok, let me pull out my inner designer and create a fun little graphic for you,

ball on a string game with cat

You will notice that in this graphic you are the one dangling the ball (which represents sex) in front of your ex boyfriend (who is the cat.)

The idea here is that you are forcing your ex boyfriend to become more invested in trying to get you.

Still confused?

Hmm…

Ok, think back to what I was talking about with the pied piper and how he used his flute to get the rats and children away from the city.

Well, we are doing something similar here with your ex boyfriend except we have an end destination, a commitment.

Now, are we actually using a flute on your boyfriend?

No.

However, our flute is going to be replaced by the ball on a string game that I was showing you above.

By doing this you are keeping your ex boyfriend engaged as you navigate the treacherous terrain to a commitment.

Here’s another fun graphic detailing this,

pied piper rats

So, according to this graphic the most important thing that you need to accomplish is to hone your “ball on a string” since it is doubling for your “flute” and the flute is the most important thing for leading your boyfriend to a commitment.

Lets talk a little about that now.

Honing Your Flute (AKA The Ball On A String)

flutes section

I want you to take a look at that graphic I created for you above where you are essentially dangling sex in front of your ex and waiting for him to take a swipe.

This skill is one of the hardest for women to wrap their minds around because they place such an emotional emphasis on sex.

What do I mean by that?

You want your ex boyfriend back more than anything in the world right now, right?

Well, you are at this website so I am assuming that you do.

When you are in a situation where you are trying to get him back and you are deciphering his every move which means that anything positive that he does that can lead to a commitment in the future is going to make you one happy gal.

So, if he does something on purpose just to get sex but you perceive it as him wanting a commitment while you are dangling sex in front of him.

Well, that’s when a lot of women break down and give in to their primal desires.

I guess what I am saying is that the temptation is there and it’s awfully easy to screw all of your progress up. So, half the battle is not giving in to your “want” to have sex with your ex.

No, as far as dangling it in front of him…

My personal belief is to let him bring it up first and work off of that.

We already know that sex is going to be on his brain and the chances that he will bring it up is going to be high due to the fact that he has recently slept with you.

I guess what I am saying is that him bringing up sex is the closest thing to a forgone conclusion that I can think of so just be patient and let it happen on it’s own.

Once it does happen…

Well, that’s when the fun begins.

So, rather than getting to into the specifics I think this would work better if I did a bit of role playing.

Does that sound like something you would be interested in?

Yes?

No?

Maybe?

So?

Ok, I am done now…

Lets say that your ex boyfriend brings up sex to you in a text message,

what we did

(Perhaps now would be a good time to mention that I came out with a book that deals only in text messages and what to say to your ex boyfriend called The Texting Bible… Ok, pitch over.)

So you get a text message like this from your ex.

What now?

Well, now it’s time for you to flirt back.

Lets go with something simple like,

tell me more

Now this is where things get graphic so I will spare you the specific details by censoring the text.

Hey, we are only PG:13 here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery,

censored

Anyways, once you feel like you have your ex boyfriend fully engaged in the “sex conversation” you can consider him to be winding up for a swipe.

Now, when you think of the ball on a string game with a cat what happens when a cat starts to swipe at the ball?

You move the ball out of the way at the last second, right?

Well we are going to do the same thing here except we are going to do the texting version of this.

How do you do that?

Simple, you end the conversation.

rain check

Doing this consistently will more than suffice when it comes to your “flute” and leading your ex boyfriend down the path to a commitment.

Of course, I know that you still probably have a lot of questions about this process and how it works for other mediums of communication.

The same basic template always applies no matter what.

The Basic Template:

template

So, that means that if you are talking on the phone you move from step one to two to three.

Oh, and while it’s a bit trickier to do in person it’s very possible and the results you get from doing this in person are AWESOME!

Trust me, just stick to this template and you will be able to captivate your ex all the way to a relationship.

Now, there is one last thing I would like to talk to you about, the big picture of how this leads to a commitment.

How This Leads To A Commitment

I don’t know if you heard the good news but Father Chris,

father chris

(That was supposed to be a picture of father time but I couldn’t really find a great one.)

Anyways, the good news is that “Father Chris” is actually a Daddy!

Yup, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at 11:16 AM on September 4th.

Here is a picture since I know that’s a big deal to you women,

father chris & baby

Now, while I wouldn’t consider myself to be an “expert dad” the first month of having a child has taught me a lot.

First, sleep is a luxury.

Second, babies cry…. a lot.

Third, I think the reason so many parents love their little babies so much is due to the fact that they invest so much into them.

Think about it, my wife and I love our little girl so much and this is compounded by the fact that we pretty much spend our every waking moment tending to our needs.

The more time we invest in something the more we become addicted to it and ultimately love it.

The Pied Piper Theory utilizes this thinking as this ball on a string game forces your ex boyfriend to invest time with you which ultimate leads to a commitment.

While it won’t happen overnight it will happen at some point if you keep at it.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (313)

  1. Wendy - 0

    Wendy

    My ex broke up with me four days ago. We were together for 7 months. Live together as well. We went through so much together. We’ve had ups and downs and fought here and there, but always managed to make up and try to rebuild what we had. He is moving for a new job tomorrow and the plan was for me to move up there a month or two after he settles in. I asked him four nights ago, if he has a loose date of when I should move to him. And fair enough…I know I’ve asked that multiple times and I guess he got annoyed and fed up. But we made up again and I thought everything was fine, then the next day when he got home from work, he broke up with me. Saying that he has been unhappy with the past fights, how he cannot see past them. How the latest argument just pushed him over the edge and he can’t deal with the stress. I tried reasoning with him. He won’t budge. Says he wants a NC for 3 months to do his thing and I do my thing. Says we can touch base again after 3 months as friends to catch up. I want more than that though. He says he still loves me and cares for me deeply, but he can’t see pass the haze of he fights to see a future he used to see clearly when things were great between us. I feel lied to and shocked. Please help…Any advice is appreciated. Thank you.

    Reply
  2. jane - 0

    jane

    Long distance ex boyfriend and I broke up a month ago. I followed the NC rule for two weeks until he relentlessly texted me about rekindling our friendship–we did not have a terrible breakup, and broke up on circumstances (long distance). I visited him a few days ago and we met up several times, and ended up having sex the last night I was in his town. I feel like I screwed up my chances of ever getting him back or him being slightly interested in me. Should I even be hopeful towards us anymore? I am increasing my NC to 45 days and even deleting all social media apps so I cant check on him. I feel as if I have ruined all chances of him being attracted to me emotionally again.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      I think it’s not yet too late.. Try the advice above first..that’s good that you’re sticking to nc, but later on, maybe after a week, reactivate your social media accounts because you need to be active in posting..

  3. Gabby - 0

    Gabby

    Hi guys, just out of curiosity… when you say ‘sleep’ with your ex, are you ONLY referring to all the way? For example what if someone had made out with their ex, it escalated to other things yet it didn’t go to ‘fourth base’? Thought that would be interesting to know 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Gabby,

      yes, that means all the way.. Don’t go all the way nor have oral sex..

  4. E - 0

    E

    Okay so me and my ex broke up and I was playing hard to get and it was working, he was messaging me for a whole week and I was ignoring him to make him see what he was missing. I wasn’t sure if it was that he just wanted sex or to try again, I really want him back!! and then I was emotional one day and chose to reply to him… then he said he wanted sex and friends and not a relationship but I stupidly gave him what he wanted and we slept together. He got emotional and he stayed the night too. It’s clear he just wants friends with benefits but I really want a relationship and I think he might too down the line. I kind of want to carry on friends with benefits because I love spending time with him so much and it might make him fall in love with me all over again. When I was ignoring him it was like I was no longer an option so he got scared and did the chase. But I stupidly then gave him what he wanted… and now he might not commit?? I don’t know what to do because but I do really really want him back. I have read the article but what I don’t get is how do you do the first change saying no sex but then also do the second change of teasing them and dangling sex in front of them. Dont they contradict each other? Any help appreciated

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi E,

      don’t sleep him with him again, because it’s already hard to get out being friends with benefits, if you keep doing it you’re devaluing yourself. Teasing him means talking about sexy stuff sometimes when there’s already rapport built but if he asks, say no. You can say no in a cheeky way like, “Well, that’s actually reserved for the VIP only. Unless you want a VIP pass?” kinda like that.

    • E - 0

      E

      Hi Amor,
      So I am not having sex with him again and I told him that. Cause the conversation got a bit funny I ended up telling him that for me it’s a relationship or nothing. I don’t know if I should have done this but now I’m scared cause he told me straight out he doesn’t have any intention of going back into the relationship. I really want him back and can tell his feelings are confused cause yes he seems very desperate for sex but he doesn’t want it with anyone else and says its so good with us cause of the feelings. I am now trying non contact rule again with him but finding it so hard because I am cycling round and round in my mind whether I made the wrong decision calling it off! Cause if I’d have agreed to be friends with benefits, or carried on as we were which was chatting every so often as friends and then I was replying like “it’s possible” or “I’ll have a think” when he offered sex…. then maybe I would be closer to him coming back. It’s just I took the advice that I shouldn’t give him what he wants cause then he has now reason to commit. I’m so so stuck on what to do cause everyone is telling me he’s being a jerk just wanting me for sex when I want him for so much more than that and he’s taking advantage of my feelings but I do know he’s not that kind of guy and I just really want him to see that what he’s asking for: friends, exclusive, sex, emotions is basically the same as a relationship so I don’t understand why he’s so scared of one. How do I get him back?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope, it’s better to start the no contact rule because staying to talk will more probably make you friendzoned and doing the no contact rule drives the point that you value yourself and your standards. Be active. Improve yourself, do new things, be productive and be active in posting in social media. Even if there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work, it’s always a better option to choose your values.

  5. LL - 0

    LL

    Hey,

    I’m doing no contact after seeing my ex after the break up. First time I saw him again he said he didn’t have the same feelings anymore but did have fun.. I think I turned him off with being needy for 3 weeks after the break up. I don’t think he’s feeling a spark anymore and said he couldn’t say why , just that I have my life and he has his and they didn’t seem to connect ( it was ldr) .

    Is it even possible for him to change his mind? I told him I understood and would let him go this time, but I can’t really.. is it even possible to get someone back when he isn’t feeling it anymore?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ll,

      I’m not sure if you saw my reply in your first post. So, I’m going to paste my answer there here. To add to your question, yes, it’s possible to get an ex even after they fell out of love or moved on.

      Hi LL,

      try the no contact rule first.. even if you stopped 2 weeks ago, if it was not focused in improving yourself restart the count, and then do at least 30 days.. after that slowly rebuild rapport.

  6. Patti - 0

    Patti

    Hey guys,

    So me and my bf met in Asia a year ago (we both are from Europe, different countries). We’ve been together since then, mostly traveling and he broke up with me over 3 months ago (reason: he didn’t want to be in any relationship). I did 30 days nc, we’ve been texting on and off since then, but it was hard to meet since we’ve been living in different countries.

    The big suprise is that now I just came back to the place where we’ve met and it turned out that he is here to! He reached out to me first, asking for a meeting. But then he start giving me mixed signals, we went out once and then he didn’t want to hang out that much. I wasn’t pressuring, but I was suprised what’s going on, he couldn’t verbalize his thoughts and then suddenly he throw himself at me kissing me and hugging, felt like he missed me big time and we ended up having sex. It was great, and he told me that I’m the the only one in the world who makes him feel so passionate.

    But the next day he didn’t want meet at all, he went out to a bar with his friend. So my question is – we have just 6 days left in this place, and it will be probably long time till we’ll be in the same city again. How should I act? Try to meet with him again or ignore?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Patti,

      frankly, that doesn’t look good.. It’s like he just wanted a booty call.. If he does ask for a hang out again, go, have fun, but don’t sleep with him again.

  7. Arya - 0

    Arya

    I was dating a guy for 2 months and we broke up a month ago. Our relationship wasn’t great and was more driven by sex from his side. I on the other hand was completely into him

    He recently contacted me saying he wants a casual sex situation with me and is not ready for a relationship.

    I dont know what to do because i dont want to end up getting hurt again by being a friends with benefits

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Arya,

      then dont..dont agree to that.. are you going to do the no contact rule?

    • Arya - 0

      Arya

      I did the no contact rule before he started contacting me. But i have realized I have engaged too much in conversation with him and I should have just ignored him.

      But obviously, because I was so attached to him it is hard to do no contact. And after me begging him to take me back, it feels good to see him coming back to me, even if it is just sex. Sounds stupid, I know.

      Should i go back to no contact? I have just told him i’ll think about it. Which i won’t because I dont want fwb, but just to keep him on the edge.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yeah, I think you should restart nc and focus in improving yourself.

  8. Allie - 0

    Allie

    Hi. My ex recently contacted me last year after not hearing from him for 2 years. Our relationship ended in 2015. However, in the back of my mind I always hoped we would get back together. Our communication has been sparse since then. He recently moved back home and we started talking more. We hung out over Christmas and this past weekend. However, he doesn’t respond to many texts. We were together this weekend and everything seemed fine. Today I told him good luck at his new job and that it was good seeing him. I’m now blocked. I still have big feelings for this person and want to see where things could go. When we were together we had talked about marriage and were always happy. I don’t know how to get through again especially without feeling used and now that I have no way of communicating.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Allie,

      proceed to 30 days no contact period.. Be active in posting even if you’re blocked.. He’ll probably realize he made a rash decision of just blocking you.

  9. Fifi - 0

    Fifi

    Hi EBR, within the two months period post breakup, im having limited contact periodically. in this period i’ve traveled together with my ex and spend the weekend and slept together over the spending time together too. however he is acting distant to me. On weekdays we were not talking at all, and to some weekend. i tried inviting him one day for dinner and the response i got was kinda cold (No thx, not tonight). since this text replied i got last thursday, i stopped contacting him. should i go on for a NC? Will i have a chance to win him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Fifi,

      yes, you should go for full nc.. It’s not too late.

    • fifi - 0

      fifi

      Thanks Amor. I decided to go for 30days NC. Right now its been 12 days. Anxious with the outcome later on. I still have his spare apartment key though. do you have any thought why he never ask back?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      probably because it’s still awkward for him and maybe he’s avoiding drama..

    • Fifi - 0

      Fifi

      So he texted me after 21 days NC. He wants to meet to get his house key back
      I just responded “not this weekend”. Gas he moved on? Or just want to meet for another round of sex?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      let’s not read too much.. maybe he’s just really wondering why you’ve been distant..

    • fifi - 0

      fifi

      noted with thanks. Your feedback is neutral or positive ones as opposed to the thoughts i got from my girlfriends. should i initiate meeting to return the keys after completing 30 days NC this weekend, or i can just meet him one of the days this week and add up additional 15 days NC then initiate conversation again?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re welcome! better if it’s done after nc..use that as an opportunity to leave a good impression

    • fifi - 0

      fifi

      Noted, thanks again Amor! I actually purchased EBR Pro book and gone through post 30 days NC and to text them back. The issue with my ex is that he isn’t a text person. he prefer to meet in person. I actually a bit puzzled on how to initiate contact before i could do the mini meetup. we usually meet and talk over dinner or lunch. do you have any take on this situation for me to initate the text post NC for this type of boyfriend who is not a text person?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      as in you don’t text at all? do you call?

    • fifi - 0

      fifi

      we text when we was in a relationship. now we rarely text since broke up. only text to arrange meet up. or its always me who will have to initiate contact post breakup

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok, then that means the texting waned off when the interest waned off too.. That means it’s ok to text after nc, take it like how you were when you were just starting off before.

    • fifi - 0

      fifi

      Right, so I met him last night after completing the 30 days NC because he insisted to get his keys (texted me every night since Friday). We met over dinner and talked about whats missing over the last 30 days of NC. However, we did not touch about our past relationship / breakup at all. He asked a lot about my family, especially my grandmother because they both have soft spot for each other. I jokingly lied to him that the key is not in my possession at the end of our meeting and asked if he is really sure that the key is isn’t at house, then i forgotten to pass the key to him lol! Obviously, he is using the key as an excuse to see me again. He’s acting indifferent, he said he’s not doing much within the NC period and he’s careful with what he said around me. I am still unsure if I will have the chance to get him back, or how to execute communication and building rapport after the meet up. Do you have any suggestion or advise to this situation?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      start with texting because even if you didn’t text much at the end of your relationship, take this as a restart..dont stop improving yourself even after nc and being active. So, that you have something to share to him.. but mostly use topics he always loves talking about..check this:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

    • fifi - 0

      fifi

      I texted him on Wednesday about something of his interest, then he just said thanks and asked if I am participating myself. His response seemed “Neutral” or “Bad”. i’ve stopped texting after that maybe I should cool down myself. What is your opinion on this? Do you have any recommendation on how to deal with an introvert INTP ex-boyfriend? On the other hand, I’ve improved since the initiated the NC and ill keep doing what I am doing.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he asked you back, that’s not a bad reply. I think you should check this one first:
      Introverted Ex Boyfriends Vs. Extroverted Ex Boyfriends (How To Approach Them)

    • fifi - 0

      fifi

      So i tried texting him twice over week, however it is not a 2 text per day. he responded timely in one sentence manner (ok, thanks, bad, i did that…etc). i talked about topics of his interests in these two conversation (rugby, trail run), but both conversation did not end in a high note. could you advise on this situation on your opinion? should i restart the first contact from now, or i can just keep the conversation as it is like what i’ve been doing?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      continue initiating and just make up in the next conversations by ending it high note.

    • fifi - 0

      fifi

      so after a few days of initiating contact with some gaps in between, he responded with one worded reply, but i still managed to keep him in the conversation despite the one worded reply. I started to feel hopeless…not until today when he sent me a photo of something he thought was mine when he did spring cleaning at his apartment. seems like he is using that stuff to initiate the conversation with me today! then i realised i actually have a chance to win him back (todays conversation made me feel like he started to open up with me!) im definitely gonna keep texting and rekindle the good memories we had together of our relationship until we go to the next level! i definitely see my patience is rewarding! definitely update you in this comment and will ask if there is any tips needed later on..

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s good Fifi! Keep it up!

    • Fifi - 0

      Fifi

      We met on Sunday to return his keys and talked about what we’ve been up to Since the last time we met.He is more comfortable and opened up now. At the end of the meeting He said he’s happy to hear all the news & updates from me since the last time we met over the last 2 weeks. It seems more positive than the last time we met! I Told him dont be a stranger. He flirted with me needed to see me naked when I asked if I lost weight. (Is this a sign of wanting sex?)
      I caught him staring at me a few times too! (What is your opinion on staring?)

      In overall it is a good second meetup. However I felt it’ll take a long time if he ask or chase me back to be in the relationship. What is your opinion?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it will really take time..thats5 why you can’t stop what you started during nc to establish that you’re really not the person he used to know… those are all good signs..you can flirt just dont sleep with him..

    • fifi - 0

      fifi

      thanks Amor! most people told me to just moved on but im still putting a hope to make things work..

      recently i traveled out of the country and let him use my car when he agreed for it…he sent the car to the garage when im away and paid for the service fee whilst using it daily when im away.

      upon returning the car, he gave me an expensive bottle of wine, without me knowing about it! beside, i surprised him with the souvenirs i bought from my travels

      additionally,he seek my advice on hotel booking for his weekend travel and booked the hotel based on my recommendation.

      looks like a good progress…when should i initiate the talk. should i keep going this way or start preparing for the talk? im in no rush. but im worried his feeling will fade away..

      hope you could advise.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      keep building up rapport for now..check this one:

      How To Ask Your Ex Boyfriend To Be In A Relationship With You

  10. Emma - 0

    Emma

    Hi,
    I need advice or help or whichever! Ha!

    Me and my ex split almost a year ago and it was hard I still had feelings for him and he knew this, anyways 3 months after our split we tried seeing each other exclusively and it went really well we went out on little walks we flirted and one night we got drunk and ended up sleeping together. It was what we both wanted so I’ve never regretted it tbh.
    Anyways is seeing each other that didn’t work he ended it saying he couldn’t see us getting back together and that he had drunkenly kissed someone else so we went back to just friends.

    A few months later we both got into different relationships and kind of stoped talking to each other after about a month and a half of no contact we started talking again slowly.

    Anyways those relationships both failed mine rather quickly his took a lot longer. I was in a emotionally abusive relationship and got out of it as quickly as I could and so was my ex but he didn’t really understand it and kept making excuses.

    We’ve gotten a lot closer we talk every day texting and phone calls. We’ve been out going the pictures and for walks and having a good time with each other we both flirt with each other badly he has a habit of touching and tickling I’m really tickilish and I do the same to him I touch his arm leg just stupid stuff like that really.
    Lately we’ve been casually sexting and flirting both on the phone and texting and he’s admitted that he would love for us to sleep together I told him that I would too but I’m not going to sleep with him without us being in a relationship and he agreed.
    So a few days ago he was on a night out and drunkenly phoned me as he always does and asked if he could come back to mine I said no it wouldn’t be right it would be awkward in the morning.
    He said that he has feelings for me and cares for me but if we were to have sex that’s all it would be just sex he can push his feelings aside as he’s done it before. I told him that I won’t be used for sex which it what it sounded like as if anything ever were to happen with us it would mean a lot to me and nothing to him so I would rather not.
    He knows I want a relationship with him but he doesn’t want to be in one after his last one with his latest ex.. I don’t want to be used for sex and I’ve told him that I’d wait until he was ready for a relationship but I refuse to be used for sex..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Emma,
      that’s good.. dont give in because once you do, you’ll be friends with benefits..just continue on with what you’re doing but dont sleep with him

  11. Danielle - 0

    Danielle

    So I have a rather unique situation. My ex and I have been on and off for the past year. When we started, it was electric. We fell hard and fast and each of us experienced feelings of the other being ‘the one.’ But we each brought in a lot of emotional baggage from our pasts that neither of us had dealt with. Being with each other and feeling like we had found our soulmate but not being able to sustain a healthy relationship due to these issues made for some pretty up and down times until we ended things right before Christmas. It was the first time we ended things and he said he didn’t want to be vague and that we had ‘no hope for a future together.’ I immediately initiated no contact, he reached out at day 15 to ask when i wanted to retrieve my things to which i ignored. He reached out again on day 19 saying ‘do you not want everything left here’ to which i got worried he would throw my things out and responded “i have a lot going on this week i will reach out when i can get my things.’ Fast forward to day 23 and I went to get my things. We ended up talking and he told me how our kiss was extremely special to him and that he’s shared some of the most genuine nights of his life with me. He told me he didn’t know what the future held but he knew this wouldn’t be the last time we’d see each other. He gave in and kissed me very passionately– picking me up and putting me against the door passion– to which eventually led to sex. he tried to stop the sex a few times saying he didn’t want me to leave feeling used or for him to feel confused because we both feel we need to be single in our lives right now to get our stuff together and focus on ourselves. Afterward, we talked about things, he told me he cared for me deeply and that he loved my passion. He told me our kiss was the reason he hadn’t been on dates yet because he didn’t want to have an awkward first kiss. When i left he texted me “We will arrange a time for me to pick up my drill later. I really do wish you the best.” to which i didn’t answer. I guess I’m just confused as to where i go from here. Do I re-start no contact? Try to build rapport? I’m not sure

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Danielle,

      try the advice above.. try to follow the pied piper theory..

  12. Melissa - 0

    Melissa

    Hello..my ex and I have been on and off for over a year. This last time things were great, he made me a priority and I thought we were happy then out of the blue we had a small fight after thanksgiviing and he wanted space until Christmas. We fought here and there for a 3 weeks I never stuck to nc. Anyways we spent Christmas together and he got me a beautiful necklace and nice gifts for my daughter. We slept together and the next day he said thank you etc. It’s been 2 days and I haven’t heard from him. Do I start nc? Or what? Thank you

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Melissa,

      the more you do nc, the less the effect.. talk first

  13. stacey - 0

    stacey

    Hi Amor,
    I need your advice.. Ive been sleeping with my ex for the paat weeks now and it is incredibly nice. I want him back but he doesnt seem to wanting to talk about that topic.. I dont know if he wants me back but i am going crazy not knowing. I want to play it cool but it starts to control my daily life. I want to get him back by having sex and making him want me. We even go out to dinners and act like we did before so i just want him to see how nice this is and that he can have this again if we be official again. Im just afraid to lose him if i dont sleep with him anymore, i think he might be starting to look at other girls.. What would you advise me?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Stacey,

      My take is that, why would he want to commit when he’s already getting what he wants without it?

  14. Silvia - 0

    Silvia

    Oh i really messed up. My ex and I broke up 2 months ago, for the first month I did no contact then slowly started texting him again, every time he responded positively but didn’t engage in much conversation afterwards so after maybe 3 weeks of texting I just gave up and decided i wanted to move on. Since I made this decision I’ve been bumping into him a lot and we always say hello when we see each other. last night I bumped into him again. We were out with friends and he kept coming over to talk to me, just small talk. Then he said he was going home and he would like me to walk with him so that we could talk (we’re neighbours) so I left with him and he said ‘I’ve seen you around a lot recently and you seem really happy and I just wonder why you weren’t that happy when we were together, was it because of me…’ etc etc. Anyway we got back home and went to his flat to finish our conversation then he kissed me and I asked him ‘what do you want?’ And he said to spend time with you then we ended up sleeping together. After we slept together we just had a general chat and I asked him what his goals were and his response was ‘my goal tonight was to sleep with you’. Anyway I stayed the night then we spent the next day together and he gave me a massage (lol, something I always wanted before but he never did) and had lunch together then watched a movie, and it was nice but now I dont know what to do because I’m confused about what he wants. I’m thinking of going into no contact again, what would you suggest?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Silvia,

      nope, I think you should keep talking but dont sleep with him again.. So, you can establish that you dont want to be friends with benefits

  15. miras - 0

    miras

    Hi Amor,

    me an my ex broke up last yer of December2015.. after that month we just had sex.. so i already made a mistake and it happen again on March and April 2016… i did that because he said he doesn’t had a Gf ..,but he lied.. So after that i block him at FB but after May2016 his mom just add me on Fb but i just ignored it then by Aug2016 .He was asking “how am i doing?, on my cousins and relatives ” then Sep2016 again he chat my relatives again telling them that he want to talk me for some important issue which i told them to just ignore him… then another month is on Oct2016 ,..This is we’re he made a Fake Fb just to add and chat me…
    i thought someone i knew so i add it then i realize its my ex bf.. then he chat me.. asking how am i doing now then if we could talk the saying sorry and i also forgive you.. but i block that Fb then he just made an Fb in just 2mins… chatting me to dont block him…pls

    then just this last week of nov2016 ,, i already unblock his Fb and accept his mom.. because i want to forgive them and to let go… when he suddenly told me.. can we talk in personal?
    i keep trying to tell him i will passed for now.. let me think when i will be free, but the truth is i dont want to see him..so day by day we talk normal.. like just friends..then he suddenly brought up the topic that “do you miss it?” … i just answered what do mean by that? then he said “u know what i mean… then i change the topic..

    then the next day he did that again then he told i miss doing it so much with you.. and somehow i cant take it anymore.. and told him yes kinda miss it.. then we continue on having a sex on chat… but after that i told him “Forget what happen a while ago.”

    then he ignores it told me…”have a great dinner”

    then i just replied the next day at by afternoon…

    pls help…. i want to make him chased me then get back to me… but seems like i made a mistake … i just dont know which part?…. but we didnt still have sex or even a meet up … after that long 7months of not talking to him and blocking him on fb….

    should i just block him again on fb or maybe i should not chat him not until he talk to me… or maybe a week?

    pls help Amor

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Miras,

      if you really want him to chase dont have sex chat nor be friends with benefits in person.. You were already in a good start but clearly thats5 what he wants to be, just friends with benefits..and then he tried to see if you were still that person..if you want, continue to talk but dont ever have sex chat with him

  16. Char - 0

    Char

    Hi Amor,

    I think I really messed things up now. I spoke with you before about doing no contact with my Ex but then needing to get my keys back from him.
    He called me on Friday and said he would drop off my stuff. And when he came over we started to make small talk about work etc. And then one thing led to another and we ended up sleeping together. I realize that is a big no-no but it happened. He was really sweet and cuddly after it all but for the first time in 6 months, he didnt spend the night. He only stayed for a couple of hours.
    We talked briefly before he left and he said he was still angry with me and wanted to wait and see how I was doing for a while first, before anything else (I am in AA). I jokingly said “well dont fall in love with anyone else in the meantime…” and he said “I’ll try!” Was that not a good response…hopefully he was joking too!!????
    He said he would call me sometime when he was leaving….but now im not sure what to do…wait for him to reach out or for me to just call him. I texted him yesterday just to see how he was doing but as usual he ignored me. Was that just break up sex or does it mean that he still cares about me and will reach out again?
    Your thoughts?? How should I proceed.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Char,

      That’s more likely a break up text. Do you want to restart the no contact rule?

    • Char - 0

      Char

      Break up sex? yes I figured as much. I messaged him again last night that he could call me anytime….I cant get over this guy. I need to restart the no contact rule….how do i do that??? AM I BEYOND HELP NOW??? does he completely think im beyond sanity now???

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yes, Break up sex. Sorry for the typo 🙂 We don’t know what he exactly thinks. But maintaining the no contact rule is in your control, it’s your decision. So, if you really want to finish it, you can do it. You can control yourself. It’s a matter of discipline. It’s hard but it’s not impossible. Check this:
      How To NOT Break The No Contact Rule With Glenn Livingston

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