By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 1st, 2021

To be quite honest with you I can’t believe that I haven’t written a guide over this sooner.

I mean, I do touch on this topic in my books, PRO and The Texting Bible and I have even recorded a podcast over the topic but that’s not the same as writing one of my world famous guides.

So, how should I start this?


There’s a famous quote by Sherry Argov that goes,

Before sex, a man isn’t thinking clearly and a woman is thinking clearly. After sex, it reverses. The man is thinking clearly and a woman isn’t.

As much as I hate to agree with a competitor, Argov has written many books helping the same women that I help, she speaks the truth with that quote.

This leads us to your current predicament.

You slept with your ex boyfriend and you are trying to figure out how in the world you are going to get him to commit to you.

Well, let me just tell you that you came to the right place!

Today I am going to give you a very long in-depth explanation of what you are going to have to do to successfully win him back if you slept with him.

Lets go!

Understanding Your Situation


I am going to be honest with you.

I struggled with coming up with a title for this section.

Initially I had written down,

“Your Mistake…”

But as more time went on I began to realize that, that may rub off on some people the wrong way. After all, it’s a bit too early in the article to start berating you for your decision.



I suppose by admitting that I just did berate you.

Ok, I’ll stop pulling punches to protect you.

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By sleeping with your ex boyfriend you made a pretty big mistake.

I mean, there is a reason that one of the most asked questions I get is,

“Chris, I slept with my ex boyfriend and ever since that moment things have changed. He hardly ever talks to me anymore and when he does he is very distant.”

I suppose the best way for me to help you understand “Your Predicament” is to teach you how sex relates to chase theory.

(I talk about Chase Theory in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

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Sex, Men And Chase Theory

Have you ever heard my chase theory when it comes to men?

It basically goes like this,

chase theory

Does that make any sense?


Ok, while no man will openly admit this most of us actually love the chase.

And the more time that we have invested into the chase the more likely our feelings are to grow for the person we are chasing.

Let me give you an example.

Lets pretend that Bob,

man chasing

Has a MAJOR crush on Carla,


So he decides to make her his girlfriend.

Of course, all of his attempts to “chase” are turned down by Carla. But Bob isn’t one to give up very easily so he continues to chase. This dance of Carla rejecting and Bob chasing slowly but surely increase Carla’s attractiveness to Bob,

carlas attractiveness

Pretty soon he gets what can only be described as “tunnel vision” where every girl he ever meets is always compared to the feelings he has for Carla and no girl ever measures up.

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His entire life becomes about winning Carla’s affection.

This is chase theory in a nutshell.

Men want what they can’t have, remember?

This also leads us to your situation.

Chase theory for an ex girlfriend and an ex boyfriend is a bit different due to the fact that he has already gotten you. Instead, and I realize I am going to take some major heat for this, ex boyfriends have a tendency to chase something different…


Lets make another fun graphic to demonstrate this,

chase theory

Now, are all ex boyfriends like this?


However, since this is an article about teaching women how to get an ex back if they slept with him I am going to go out on a limb here and say that you have a boyfriend who is like this.

I mean, he has already demonstrated that to be the case.

Now, one of two things is going to happen at this point.

  1. He is going to be satisfied since he caught what he was chasing and will not chase you anymore.
  2. He is going to be satisfied since he caught what he was chasing and will continue to chase but ONLY for sex.

Lets take a look at what runs through a mans mind in each of these situations.

He Will Be Satisfied That He Caught What He Was Chasing And Will Not Chase You Anymore

go away

What happens when a man catches what he was chasing?

Well, then he won’t chase it anymore. He has already achieved his goal and in this case that goal is trying to have sex with you.

I hear about this one a lot from women who sometimes ask me,

So, we slept together and it was amazing! BUT ever since then he hasn’t called, texted or anything. And when I finally do get in touch with him he wants nothing to do with me. What do I do?

So, what is going through a mans mind to make him act this way?

Well, as much as I hate to say it, it looks like a man who acts in this way is purely motivated by sex and nothing else.



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I know it sucks but those are the facts.

Some of my more avid followers will know that I am a big believer of actions as opposed to words and if your ex boyfriends actions always seem to lead back to sex then it would make sense that, that’s what he wants.

Think of Barney Stinson from How I Met Your Mother,

Barney Stinson

This guy is the definition of a player.

All he wants is sex.

For example, he learns these elaborate pickup routines to pick up girls and ends up sleeping with them.

After he is done sleeping with them he kicks them out of his house. If that doesn’t scream “All ABOUT SEX” I don’t know what will.

Granted, he is a hilarious TV character but if your ex boyfriend is a real life version of Barney Stinson then you would find yourself in this exact circumstance (where he would never call you.)

Lets move on to our next situation

He Will Be Satisfied That He Caught What He Was Chasing And Then Continue To Try To Get It

want it meme

Three words…

Three simple words sum up this situation perfectly.

Friends With Benefits

It’s almost every single mans dream. To have a friend (who is a girl) that he can use for sex when he wants and then ditch her when he wants and then use her for sex again.

But what goes through a mans mind to make him arrive here?

I mean, at one point you were in a committed relationship with this guy.

So, what happened?

Well, this may be hard for you to hear but if your ex boyfriend and you are in a FWB (friends with benefits) agreement with your ex then he has no intention of being your boyfriend again.

Lets look at the facts.

The Facts

  • You and your ex boyfriend broke up
  • The two of you slept together after the breakup
  • This lead him to continue to try to see you which always seemed to lead to sex
  • The two of you probably haven’t classified your little arrangement as FWB yet

Now lets dissect the facts,

You And Your Ex Boyfriend Broke Up

This tells us that at some point your ex boyfriend came to the conclusion that he doesn’t want to be with you. Well, either that or that he agreed with your decision to break up with him.

The Two Of You Slept Together After The Breakup

Ah the chase…

Remember, if your ex boyfriend gets what he is chasing (sex) then it’s logical to think that he will either not chase anymore since he got what he want or he will continue to chase you until he gets it again.

Lets find out which one.

He Continues To Chase Sex From You

If your ex boyfriend chases you constantly for sex over and over again then you know that he made his decision as to if he will leave the chase or continue it to try to set up a friends with benefits type of situations.

Speaking of friends with benefits…

I Bet If You Are In A FWB Relationship The Two Of You Haven’t Classified It As One

You see, in the movies and TV there always seems to be this inevitable conversation where a couple, in agreement, decides to have a friends with benefits relationship.

Real life is much murkier though.

There is a negative stigma that surrounds friends with benefits because ultimately one person will always want more. Besides, I have yet to meet a girl that wants to be friends with benefits for the rest of her life. So, what ends up happening is that there is an unwritten agreement where two people embark on a FWB relationship without a conversation ever taking place.

This is quite common.

But what about the most important question.

How do you get out of a friends with benefits situation and get back into a committed relationship?

Good question.

I suppose it starts with shifting your paradigm a bit and making some massive changes.

Lets talk about that for a second.

Big Change #1- No More Sex

no sex for you

This one is a no brainer.

From this point on you are not allowed to have sex with your ex boyfriend anymore.


Because you are trying to get your ex boyfriend used to a world where he has to work for the right to be intimate with you. Now, expect some push back from him immediately after you make this change.

From what I know about men we don’t like being told “no” when it comes to sex.

Oh, I also should mention that I am telling you this because he will probably disappear for a few weeks before popping up again.

Let me give you an example of what I mean by this.

Those of you who are familiar with this website know that I get a lot of comments.

Thousands upon thousands of people asking me questions about their particular situation. In fact, it became so overwhelming that I ended up writing a book to better answer their inquiries. Anyways, I remember receiving a private message after I had posted this podcast episode about sleeping with an ex.

The girl who private messaged me wanted to know what she had to do to get her ex back even though she was kind of in a friends with benefits situation.

I gave her really simple advice.

Cut him off from sex…

Ok, I might have been more specific than that.

I might have mentioned that she shouldn’t give him sex until he commits to her in a relationship.

So, after thinking about it for a few days the girl decided that she would try things my way.

So she did.

She informed her ex boyfriend that the two of them would no longer be sleeping together and that she was tired of being used for sex.

How do you think he took the news?

thiknking face

Are you crazy?


He went absolutely berserk.

In fact, I don’t think I can find a dictionary to cover all of the mean things that he called the girl.

Of course, after the “push back” the girl came back to yours truly to give me a piece of her mind.

“You ruined my life…”

“I should have never listened to your advice…”

“Now he will never take me back…”

I didn’t hear from her after that…

UNTIL about a month later.

Screen Shot 2015-04-27 at 6.26.42 PM

(You can click to enlarge it.)

What’s the point of telling you this story?

I want you to go into this and realize that what I am proposing here is not going to be the most popular idea to your ex boyfriend BUT it is what you are going to have to do to give yourself the best shot at success.

Lets talk about the second big change that you are going to have to make.

Big Change #2- The “Main Prize” Awaits The Man Who Commits To You

commitment dog

What do you think I mean by “main prize?”

Is it some gigantic present that a man will receive when he commits to you?

gigantic present

Well, I suppose metaphorically it is.

In case you haven’t caught on yet the big prize is sex!

In fact, I briefly mentioned this “big change” of no sex until a commitment takes place in the section above when I was telling you that story about the push back from the girls ex boyfriend.

Now, why is it so important to cut off sex until a commitment occurs?

As I am about to explain men are very motivated by sex and we can use this to our advantage in a way by dangling sex in front of him to lead him to a commitment.


Perhaps I could explain this better.

Ok, you know the story of the pied piper, right?

Ok, time for a fairy tale!

So there was this magic pied piper who served as a rat catcher.


No… not like that.

He used his magic flute to lure rats away.

pied piper rats

Anyways, there was this town, Hamelin, that had a severe rat problem so they decided to hire the piper to get the rats away.

He did but when it came time for the town to pay him for his services the town flat out refused.

How do you think the the pied piper reacted to this?

The answer is NOT WELL.

In fact, he decided that to get back at the town he was going to lure all the children away with his magic flute just like he did to the rats.

pied piper children

Now, why would I be telling you this story?

Because you are going to be a pied piper yourself by using sex to lure your ex boyfriend into a commitment.

(More on that later or if you want immediate gratification check out PRO as I talk about this there.)

Of course, in order for my little pied piper theory to work you can’t sleep with him until he commits.

Get it?

Got it?


Let me expand on my pied piper theory.

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The Pied Piper Theory

pied piper

I am going to throw some science at you here.

I am sure you have heard that stat where they say that,

Every seven seconds a man is thinking about sex.

So, here is my question to you,

Do you think it’s true?

Well, I AM a man and I can tell you that, that isn’t true.

However, what I can tell you about my kind is that we do think about sex, a lot. In fact, we think about it every day.

According to the Kinsey Report (Sexual Behavior In The Human Male) 54 percent of men think about sex every day or at least several times a week. Oh, and when you add in the fact that 43 percent of us admit to thinking about sex at least several times a week you have a lot of thoughts of sex.

This is where the pied piper theory comes into play.

We are going to use these thoughts of sex to our advantage by dangling the idea of sex in front of him and using it to get what you want, a commitment.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“How the heck do I do that?”

Well, the first thing you have to do is NOT sleep with your ex boyfriend.

That’s the only way that this will work.

Next, you are going to have to learn to dangle the sex properly.

I often get this picture of a cat and a ball on a string.

You know what I am talking about, right?

How you can hold a ball on a string in front of a cat and the cat is constantly taking a swipe at it and then right before the swipe hits the ball you pull it away. The more you do this to your cat the more that the cat becomes invested and really wants that ball.

Do you see how this analogy works?


Ok, let me pull out my inner designer and create a fun little graphic for you,

ball on a string game with cat

You will notice that in this graphic you are the one dangling the ball (which represents sex) in front of your ex boyfriend (who is the cat.)

The idea here is that you are forcing your ex boyfriend to become more invested in trying to get you.

Still confused?


Ok, think back to what I was talking about with the pied piper and how he used his flute to get the rats and children away from the city.

Well, we are doing something similar here with your ex boyfriend except we have an end destination, a commitment.

Now, are we actually using a flute on your boyfriend?


However, our flute is going to be replaced by the ball on a string game that I was showing you above.

By doing this you are keeping your ex boyfriend engaged as you navigate the treacherous terrain to a commitment.

Here’s another fun graphic detailing this,

pied piper rats

So, according to this graphic the most important thing that you need to accomplish is to hone your “ball on a string” since it is doubling for your “flute” and the flute is the most important thing for leading your boyfriend to a commitment.

Lets talk a little about that now.

Honing Your Flute (AKA The Ball On A String)

flutes section

I want you to take a look at that graphic I created for you above where you are essentially dangling sex in front of your ex and waiting for him to take a swipe.

This skill is one of the hardest for women to wrap their minds around because they place such an emotional emphasis on sex.

What do I mean by that?

You want your ex boyfriend back more than anything in the world right now, right?

Well, you are at this website so I am assuming that you do.

When you are in a situation where you are trying to get him back and you are deciphering his every move which means that anything positive that he does that can lead to a commitment in the future is going to make you one happy gal.

So, if he does something on purpose just to get sex but you perceive it as him wanting a commitment while you are dangling sex in front of him.

Well, that’s when a lot of women break down and give in to their primal desires.

I guess what I am saying is that the temptation is there and it’s awfully easy to screw all of your progress up. So, half the battle is not giving in to your “want” to have sex with your ex.

No, as far as dangling it in front of him…

My personal belief is to let him bring it up first and work off of that.

We already know that sex is going to be on his brain and the chances that he will bring it up is going to be high due to the fact that he has recently slept with you.

I guess what I am saying is that him bringing up sex is the closest thing to a forgone conclusion that I can think of so just be patient and let it happen on it’s own.

Once it does happen…

Well, that’s when the fun begins.

So, rather than getting to into the specifics I think this would work better if I did a bit of role playing.

Does that sound like something you would be interested in?





Ok, I am done now…

Lets say that your ex boyfriend brings up sex to you in a text message,

what we did

(Perhaps now would be a good time to mention that I came out with a book that deals only in text messages and what to say to your ex boyfriend called The Texting Bible… Ok, pitch over.)

So you get a text message like this from your ex.

What now?

Well, now it’s time for you to flirt back.

Lets go with something simple like,

tell me more

Now this is where things get graphic so I will spare you the specific details by censoring the text.

Hey, we are only PG:13 here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery,


Anyways, once you feel like you have your ex boyfriend fully engaged in the “sex conversation” you can consider him to be winding up for a swipe.

Now, when you think of the ball on a string game with a cat what happens when a cat starts to swipe at the ball?

You move the ball out of the way at the last second, right?

Well we are going to do the same thing here except we are going to do the texting version of this.

How do you do that?

Simple, you end the conversation.

rain check

Doing this consistently will more than suffice when it comes to your “flute” and leading your ex boyfriend down the path to a commitment.

Of course, I know that you still probably have a lot of questions about this process and how it works for other mediums of communication.

The same basic template always applies no matter what.

The Basic Template:


So, that means that if you are talking on the phone you move from step one to two to three.

Oh, and while it’s a bit trickier to do in person it’s very possible and the results you get from doing this in person are AWESOME!

Trust me, just stick to this template and you will be able to captivate your ex all the way to a relationship.

Now, there is one last thing I would like to talk to you about, the big picture of how this leads to a commitment.

How This Leads To A Commitment

I don’t know if you heard the good news but Father Chris,

father chris

(That was supposed to be a picture of father time but I couldn’t really find a great one.)

Anyways, the good news is that “Father Chris” is actually a Daddy!

Yup, my wife gave birth to a beautiful baby girl at 11:16 AM on September 4th.

Here is a picture since I know that’s a big deal to you women,

father chris & baby

Now, while I wouldn’t consider myself to be an “expert dad” the first month of having a child has taught me a lot.

First, sleep is a luxury.

Second, babies cry…. a lot.

Third, I think the reason so many parents love their little babies so much is due to the fact that they invest so much into them.

Think about it, my wife and I love our little girl so much and this is compounded by the fact that we pretty much spend our every waking moment tending to our needs.

The more time we invest in something the more we become addicted to it and ultimately love it.

The Pied Piper Theory utilizes this thinking as this ball on a string game forces your ex boyfriend to invest time with you which ultimate leads to a commitment.

While it won’t happen overnight it will happen at some point if you keep at it.

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554 thoughts on “How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him”

  1. Natasha

    November 7, 2023 at 8:53 pm

    So my ex and I had a breakup conversation and that same day had lunch together, after all we broke up in good terms and we hug, told each other I love you, he gave me a foot massage a gave him a back massage and we ended up having sex then we watch a movie had dinner together and spent the night, he then texted me saying that he really had an amazing time, that it was really nice. I did not reply his text back because I haven’t even done not contact. I’m doing the right thing? Or should at least text him back saying that I had a good time too and then start the non contact ?

    1. Coach Shaunna

      November 12, 2023 at 7:15 am

      Hi Natasha, so this is where things are going to get difficult for you where you fall into a friends wth benefits situation, you need to complete Nc if you want him back but this means that you need to also be sure that you do not repeat this day again with him down the line.

  2. Zoe

    May 7, 2023 at 1:55 am

    Hi, please help me get my my ex boyfriend back.i have been friends with his guy for 2.5 half years and about a year ago we started dating. So we were in a lovely relationship for 5 months, been in incontact for a month after break up then i did NC for 3 months. So it happened 2 weeks later after i broke NC that we met. And almost had sex….i felt guilt i didnt give in but a few days later i asked him to comeover and we did it. A week later we only spoke once but soon he went radio silence….felt used and had bit of regrets. So almost 2 weeks later i told him how Good he was on last meet up! He proposed we do it again….of which it happened a week ago. I want him to commit to me not jus be in FWB like relationship…Till now we havent spoken for a week…but he did text my bestfriend to say hi to me…..what should i do?

    1. Coach Shaunna

      August 16, 2023 at 2:08 pm

      Stop sleeping with him! If he knows he can come to you for casual sex and no commitment he is going to continue doing so. Stop the friends with benefits and just focus on showing him the UG work that Chris explains in his videos and articles

  3. Alexandra

    November 6, 2022 at 11:13 pm

    Hi Chris!!! I need help!!

    long story short, my bf and I dated for 2 years, broke up 3 months ago and did NC for those 3 months successfully. Last week he reached out to me and we ended up meeting for dinner. We had long discussions about everything, he spilled his heart out to me saying how much he loved me and he wanted this relationship to work. He said he wanted to take it slow with no expectations so neither one of us get hurt again. We ended up hooking up and spending the night together….we texted and talked for two days after that…i now have not heard from him in 5 days, i have not attempted to reach out. Help me, what should i do next???

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      January 12, 2023 at 10:59 pm

      Hey Alex, it is likely that your ex was missing you and wanted that reassurance that you are still an option to them. As your ex hasn’t replied since you spent the night together. You need to now re enter a NC and star the program correctly. You jumped the value chain by spending time and sleeping with them so soon after your NC. You need to build value and rapport with your ex.

  4. S

    June 5, 2022 at 11:37 pm

    We have been broken up for 3 months and it was very amicable. I have made so much progress during that time. (Started working out, achieved important work goals, and changing the way I react to certain situations. I even got hair extensions!)
    But I only completed 2 weeks of no contact. And I made the mistake of hooking up with him one time. Now when he tries to have sex I nicely shut him down. We have spent time together (obviously lol) and talk on the phone frequently. I make a point not to text him too often and let him be the last one to respond, which I think drives him crazy because he always texts again.
    How do I get him to want to commit? Do I keep doing what I’m doing or do I need to actually knuckle down and do 30 days no contact? Or would a mini no contact be better since there are no hard feelings?
    He is clearly not afraid of losing me.

    1. Coach Shaunna Nicol

      August 6, 2022 at 7:33 pm

      Hi S, it sounds as if you are taking the right steps to get him to re commit but you have not completed a NC, you slept with him out of a relationship, so he thinks there would be a chance to have this again. I would spend some time working on yourself and spending time with your friends showing him that you are “moving on” even though you’re not at this time, allow him to think you are.

  5. Kasturi

    September 11, 2021 at 11:52 pm

    Hey there, actually I was friends with a guy from last couple of years whom I loved secretly. One year back we turned into Fwb and that was my worst year …I felt like a living hell without any kind of love or affection from him even after so many continuous efforts…all he wanted was sex and booty calls…we even lost our friendship somewhere in month back he shifted to another city and now he doesn’t even respond to my calls and texts…what next?? He blocked me everywhere possible…I try to contact him each day but still get no response,what should I do?? Please suggest he’s my only happiness

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 16, 2021 at 7:18 pm

      Hey Kasturi, so you say that he is your only happiness, this is your first major issue in the relationship. Chris speaks of being the Ungettable in his articles and it is so important that you do this work for yourself so that you are content and happy in your own company with our without him in your life FIRST. Only then can you work on becoming a secure attachment to be in a healthy happy relationship.

  6. nandini

    September 1, 2021 at 1:05 am

    my boyfriend dumped me saying that he has lost interest in me due to the fact that i was having trust issues and became kind of dominating.ours was a 3 year long relationship..i am thinking of no contact but what if he never comes back?what if he never misses me because he has already problems going on in his life related to his career.why would he think about me when he has such a messed up life already
    what do i do?

  7. Me

    August 9, 2021 at 1:35 am

    Ime, reverse psychology can work here too. I have a very high sex drive, and I’ve dated guys who have joked that it’s even higher than theirs. I tend to have sex early in relationships, and I’ve fallen into a few of these informal FWB’s situations now – either after a break-up, or before a DTR. I’ve been told on many the occasion that I’m pretty good at it as well LOL.

    It’s actually been the guy who’s taken sex off the table in several of these dynamics. I don’t know if it’s just the type of guy that I tend to fall for – masculine, but on the shy side. Not the typical player type. I’ve definitely been realizing lately that I’ve frequently fallen into the anxious (me) – avoidant (them) trap that this site mentions.

    It’s usually presented in a way like that they do see my worth as commitment material, and want to set boundaries while we try to (re)build the emotional connection. In all honesty, I tend to just get bored at that point and move on (while hearing from them for years afterwards in some cases, trying to set up genuine dates). I’m not trying to employ reverse psychology, I just don’t want to invest romantically without sex. But it does seem to work on particular personality types, in making them actually want more.

    I’m employing NC with an ex who did that now, and planning to reach out at the end – rather than just attempt to hamfist seduction and leave otherwise like I normally would. With him, for maybe the first time, I do want to genuinely rebuild the holistic attraction at the expense of immediate gratification. But yea, this can work on either gender, depending.

  8. Chrissy

    January 11, 2021 at 9:05 pm

    I decided to take your advice after sleeping with my ex last week and not getting one text or phone call afterwards. I saw him today due to business and dangled the carrot. Then after that he kept asking what I’m doing for the rest of the day. I told him I was busy but would take a rain check and call him later. I didn’t have any intentions of calling him when I said that because I want to have my power back by not calling him now. So my question is what do I do next??!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 18, 2021 at 10:34 pm

      Hi Chrissy, you need to reach out to your ex and then leave him hanging, look up the conversations that Chris speaks of where you drop out at the peak end.

  9. LA

    November 10, 2020 at 1:28 am

    So I dated this guy for 3 in a half years we broke it off it was copacetic however it was more where he is at in life. He stopped talking to me all together for 2 weeks. I texted him and called him admittedly too much trying to be amicable I guess he was not capable of that. I see him out and we talk and we end up going to my place and having sex. The silence is now broken but I feel like he still didn’t seek me find me you know? And he ignored me for a few weeks. You have to understand this was a highly committed relationship and we saw each other a lot! What do I do now? I want him to seek me. He’s not much of an initiator.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 10, 2020 at 10:44 pm

      Hi LA, so if you want to follow EBR then you need to complete a 30 day no contact and work on yourself in that time. We also encourage clients to reach out first, but not skip the value chain.

  10. Loveth

    October 31, 2020 at 1:27 pm

    My ex boyfriend of 8months brake up with me for 3 months now. He told me he has a new girlfriend now but I can’t get over him I want him back please help me am frustrated. I love him so much

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 31, 2020 at 3:01 pm

      Hey L, read some articles, complete a 45 day no contact and start following the information about the being there method

  11. Alexa

    October 8, 2020 at 5:16 am

    My ex boyfriend of 10 months and I broke up about 3 months ago and I recently reached out to him about an item I left at his place. I ended up going over and we slept together. I think it’s nice but I still might have feelings for him but he doesn’t reciprocate them. How do I make him fall for me again? We have sex but he doesn’t like me texting him or calling him. He doesn’t want to explain the situation to his friends and overall he has his guards up around me, but when we’re together it’s a different story.

  12. Camille

    September 28, 2020 at 10:58 pm

    I was/am friends with a male coworker. He is 16 years younger than me. He has often expressed an attraction to me but I never paid him any attention in that manner. We work closely together and became emotionally close, sharing stories about present and past relationships. He asked to come over and one thing led to another. He would FaceTime me everyday, which we didn’t before. We had sex maybe two times after the first time, within a two week time frame. In this time frame, we both were off from work. When we returned back to work, two weeks later. It’s as if we didn’t spend time together and he stopped calling me. He would still flirt with me at work but no differently than he did before we had sex. I am really confused. I asked that he watch his physical boundaries at this point (he is touchy feely) because it’s causing me to be confused. Our relationship is back to the working relationship that it was but I can’t say I wasn’t hurt by his actions. How do I get him back interested?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 1, 2020 at 9:25 pm

      Hi Camille, if you want him to show interest in you again, then you need to appear that you are no longer interested in him. People can tell when someone is chasing them, by the sounds of things you have got some feelings towards him since sleeping together and he is likely picked up on this

  13. Eleonore

    September 22, 2020 at 2:05 pm

    Hi Chris, a little help here if you could;
    My reached out to me a couple of months ago, we hadn’t spoken in a year and a half since the breakup (I’ll spare the details but basically, 2 month relationship, he fell back into a drug habit, ghosted me and now here we are).
    We started hanging out every couple of weeks, sometimes less, sometimes more. Basically we saw each other maybe 5 times across a 2 month period.
    On the sixth hangout he came to my neighbourhood, we hung out all day and he stayed over. The next morning as we parted he immediately asked when we could see each other again. My mistake here I think was suggesting a few days later only. That day he sent me a couple of sweet messages wishing me good luck for my day, and later asking me how it had gone etc.
    I suggested we meet up again a few days later, and we did, and we had sex again (I’m very private but dammit a lot of it).
    This time the next day we separate, he doesn’t ask when we should see each other again, no text either. I end up texting him and wishing him a good day, thinking I shouldn’t expect him to do everything.
    He answers in the evening, asking how my day went (he knew it was a rough one), and although I didn’t ask about his mentioned he had slept several hours after we separated and then had worked (perhaps to justify his late response?). We had a short exchange and he wished me good night.
    We haven’t spoken since (its been 4 days now, but my gut is screaming at this point), and I think I might have made a mistake but letting the sex take center stage in our relationship at this point, that perhaps as you said now he’s had it he’s over it.
    I’m quite confused tbh, because it had seemed like we had bonded even more this past week (he has a lot of issues that are currently a little easier for him to handle I feel, his relationship with his family, also he’s transgender and wants to take hormones and someday have an operation, and asked me if that would change things for me in our relationship, which I said it wouldn’t).
    I’m sorry, its a very dense story, despite being a relatively short one.
    I care about him deeply and have always felt like he cared about me, albeit not quite in the same way. I don’t want to lose him over something as silly and materialistic as sex.
    Him being in my life is way more important to me.
    Please help, if you can 🙂 thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 7, 2020 at 1:11 pm

      Hey Eleonore, it does sound as if he has pulled back since having sex, but it is not uncommon for people to do this, when there is no established relationship. I would suggest that you read some more of the materials and work on yourself, do not reach out to him for 21 days and then start a conversation. But this time around you need to avoid sex until you are officially together

  14. Sally

    July 30, 2020 at 3:10 pm

    Hi chris, please I need your help
    About 2 weeks ago my ex contacted me after 5 months of no contact, he said he wants to be friends and I said ok..after a week of that we slept together but after that he just stopped texting me, calling me, paying attention to me and ignoring me.. I sent him a text message saying (I gave you a chance to fix everything and start from the beginning just like you asked but you’re not trying to fix anything) he didn’t I stopped talking to him..I met him the next day at the college and he acted like everything is cool and said hi to me but I didn’t reply because I was so mad at him…I still love him and I want him back..what should I do?? I lost him once, I can’t lose him again.. please tell me what to do

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 3:42 pm

      Hi Sally, you need to now go into a No Contact – do not try to be his friend and do not sleep with him again outside of a relationship. You need to compose yourself when he is around and pretend you dont even realise hes there. If he says hi to you, say hello back happily keep walking past him. Read more articles to help you understand the program and what it is you need to do

  15. Arundhati

    June 30, 2020 at 6:32 am

    Hi Chris,

    Please – this guy was all over me – obsessed with me – he wanted to marry me – and didn’t even know me well-

    I refused the marriage on grounds of not knowing each other – but agreed to spending time together and getting to know each other –

    And after a week or so we had sex – after a few nights he started to avoid me – and when I confronted him he blocked me –

    After two weeks of no contact we spoke and that night we had sex –

    He hasn’t unblocked me – and in the morning he told me – he doesn’t want me – but will talk to me – be cordial –

    From wanting to marry me and no one else – he went to not wanting me in a few days time –

    Please Chris please – I want this to work –

    Please please help me get out of this mess and save this from salvaging- please

    Please I really need your help –

    Please –

    He can’t stop when he is with me – says all the right things when having sex and once done – he forgets me and lets me bleed to death coz of the ache –

    Please tell me how to get him back please

    Please please

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 3, 2020 at 11:38 pm

      Hey Arundhati, so the first thing you need to do is a no contact and stop replying if he reaches out. You must stop sleeping with him if you want him back as a boyfriend.

  16. Arundhati

    June 30, 2020 at 4:51 am


    We had a fall out I’m not petty issue and then we got back and had sex –

    He has blocked me – I want to get him back – Please please – tell me what I can do to lure him back – the no contact rule didn’t last me more than – two weeks – I messed up –

    Please please help me get him back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 1, 2020 at 10:00 pm

      Hey Arundhati, you need to complete a full No Contact of 45 days now, without breaking it this time no matter what

  17. Bella

    June 13, 2020 at 11:29 pm

    Hi Chris, so my ex and I were dating for about 8 months. Our relationship had always been rocky and we would have arguments often. We would break up and then always sort it out. I hate to admit it but it was a pretty toxic relationship. I can own up that we both were pretty bad towards each other. After 2 weeks apart, I have realized a lot of things that I did to contribute to our relationship ending. I feel as if I have already changed and would be completely different towards him if he gave me another chance. There was a time where he expressed that he had lost feelings for me but we still continued to see each other. We had sex, and then after he continued to tell me he needed time because he didn’t know what to do. We still talked after this and hung out. I went to his house, we cuddled, watched a movie, took a nap together, and he was acting fine. We then started to make out but I expressed to him that I didn’t want to have sex. After that, he didn’t say anything or didn’t move at all. He then told me he wanted to take me home. He told me he was lost, so I said I couldn’t go back and forth anymore. So we both agreed, and he asked me to try not to contact him. I haven’t and it has been about 2 weeks. Yesterday, I had to contact him because someone told me he had lost something so I reached out to him to let him know. He was very unappreciative, responded with one word answers, and didn’t say thanks. With this said, in the past I would usually beg for him back but I finally learned that, that wouldn’t work forever. I know I have changed a lot since but I’m wondering if it’s to late. I miss him a lot, and I want to talk to him. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 17, 2020 at 10:34 am

      Hey Bella, so if you are going to follow this program it starts with a period of NC where you work on yourself and your Holy trinity, and then you start reaching out to your ex with texts that Chris recommends, which can be found in the articles on this website.

  18. Chi

    May 15, 2020 at 12:12 am

    Hello Chris…I still have feelings for my ex and I want him back,we broke up a year ago but we ve been seeing each other and having sex too. He made it clear that we can’t be together and I don’t know if he has a girlfriend. He still takes care of me monetarily and dats makes me more confused..why would he give me lots of money if he doesn’t want to be with me anymore??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 21, 2020 at 9:55 am

      Hi Chi, I would say that he is enjoying having the benefits of a relationship but also the freedom of no title. If you want to change this then you need to explain how you feel and explain that you either want a real relationship or be willing to walk away

  19. Elizabeth

    May 10, 2020 at 12:20 am

    My situation is complicated but to break it down: my ex and I were together 3 years in the meantime we had our son- we’ve been split a year now- we both had rebound relationships that didn’t work out- he said he invested a lot into the rebound relationship and it was hard for him to end it- he confessed our relationship ending was his fault- and he should’ve done more because I deserved it- well during our split and our rebound relationship I continued to work on myself- I lost weight and built the confidence.. my ex was messaging me almost daily about our son- or sending me video messages of when we were together- mixed signals really… well we had a night where we having a good time laughing and joking and one thing lead to another- I played it cool I haven’t said anything about us hooking up or even tried to reach out to him- granted it’s only been a day- but do you think I ruined my chances ? What should I do now? I am trying to play cool about it but I’m unsure as to his intentions from the start – like was he trying to sleep with me this whole time? Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 19, 2020 at 1:59 pm

      Hi Elizabeth, so it is good that you have not brought it up again since, is he still with the new person? I would suggest that you start doing the being there method if so and if you want to get him back. I don’t think you have messed things up you have most likely just delayed things. Don’t be his “other woman” so make sure while you still flirt and have a connection that you do not allow him to sleep with you again while he is in a relationship with her. You need to make him think its his idea to end things with her and be with you. This is why it is so important that you read and understand how the being there method works.

  20. Michelle

    May 2, 2020 at 3:14 pm

    Hi EBR Team!
    So after nearly 4 years of my ex breaking up with me but still remaining friends for this time I approached him with the idea of having a friends with benefits situation (without thinking I would fall for him again). But yet it happened and after a month of mutual enjoyment I confessed that I maybe was starting to catch feelings for him again. We both agreed that we should stop having sex since he assured me that never again for a 100% he could see himself in a relationship with me again. Yet he still praised me how much better of a person that I’ve become and that he still likes me very much as a friend. He also said our relationship was the best je ever had but I should still, very definetly, loose my feelings for him. We are in the same friend group so I still see him regularly. I confessed about 3 weeks ago. I am devasted since then, now after 4 years I’ve realized that he’s the one for me but by sleeping with him and confessing I’m afraid that I’ve ruined my chances forever! I need someone to tell me that isn’t the case…should I forget him completely after all?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 7:46 pm

      Hey Michelle so whats happened is he was content with having the benefits without the commitment. I would suggest that you work the Ungettable information and spend some time in NC so that your ex can start to miss you, however dating is going to be a key part in you getting his attention, the more attention you get online from other men and compliments etc the more he is going to see your value and he will start to worry that someone else is going to want to be with you properly. This does take time, and you need to be strong to not sleep with him unless he has first committed to a real relationship with you this time around

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