I am about to save you from the biggest mistakes that you could make when you run into your ex.

Understanding how you act around your ex is an essential part of getting your ex back and in this post I am going to give you 6 powerful tips that you must read so you are prepared before running into your ex.

I get questions everyday in our private Facebook community about how to act around an ex if you accidentally run into him or her during a no contact period, the first meet up and in the rebuilding attraction phase.

If you are unfamiliar with the value chain or rebuilding attraction after no contact read about it because it’s crucial to understand when getting your ex back.

So, with that in mind let’s begin!

How You Should Act Around Your Ex 

Here is a comprehensive list of the six tips mentioned in the video above,

  1. Act Indifferent
  2. Don’t Talk About The Breakup
  3. Don’t Be Mean
  4. Don’t Be Too Nice
  5. Don’t Ask If They’ve Been Thinking About You
  6. Look Good

Don’t be intimidated if you are looking at this list and have no idea what it means or how you should employ it. I am actually going to give you a detailed explanation of each below,

1. Act Indifferent 

Indifference is the magic key to a successful meet up with your ex.

Acting indifferent will make your ex feel as though they’ve lost you forever which seems counterintuitive but it will spark a curiosity that they won’t be able to let go of.

This works on both men and women because people are hard-wired to be drawn to curiosity.

A perfect example of indifference is if your ex boyfriend plans to meet up with you for coffee and he mentions a girl he’s dated and you act unaffected.

  • You might look at your watch
  • You might act bored.
  • You can change the subject
  • You might respond with a generic statement like “that’s nice” and move on

This will send him the signal that you don’t care that he has been on dates and you’re not jealous.

It may come as a big shock to them if you had established a pattern of being a jealous person during your relationship.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

2. Don’t Talk About The Breakup

Talking about the breakup during a meet up is a devastating mistake that will set you back in this process.

Don’t bring up past fights or try to tell your ex how you’ve changed.

It’s more effective if you show your ex that you’ve changed.

Remember, show don’t tell.

The no contact rule is a great way to reset things with your ex but when you bring up the past it reminds them of why they left you in the first place.

So, here’s the fix.

Instead of talking about the past with your ex make sure you come prepared with 3-5 incredible stories.

These stories should show you in a positive light.

For example, you might say something like,

“While I was volunteering last month at the animal shelter, a labrador retriever puppy was dropped off. He was so skinny from not eating. I worked with him for a few weeks and he’s doing great now and someone just adopted him yesterday. I know how much you love dogs especially Labs. Would you like to see the pictures of him?”

Important Tips To Keep In Mind About Your Story

Your story should be centered around your exes interests. A common mistake that I see my clients making is focusing stories around themselves.

Remember, your ex doesn’t care about you so much, they are more self interested by nature.

In the example above, the story is made with the intention that the ex loves dogs. The result is that they would find the story heartwarming and sweet.

Funny stories are also a great way to connect with your ex.

It’s actually been scientifically proven that shared laughter is correlated with relationship satisfaction (Kurtz & Algoe, 2015 and Dianne Grande Ph.D. 2017.)

It’s not imperative that you make your ex laugh but it will help you bond with them more deeply.

Make sure your jokes or stories aren’t sarcastic or hurtful. Good stories will stick with your ex and make them think about you even after you’ve left your meet up.

3. Don’t Be Mean 

This seems like a simple concept.

It’s actually not…

You’re probably thinking “why would I be mean to the person I love?”

Well, what happens when you actually see your ex in person and some of the issues resurface?

You lash out…

Similarly if your ex brings up your flaws you may act unfavorably and try to defend yourself.

If a situation like that arises and your ex says something like,

“You still seem like the same old person you were before,” you need to respond in a clear calm way.

At this point you can show your ex that you’ve changed.

Simply say, “I’m sorry you feel that way” and move on to another topic.

The stories you prepared above are perfect to use here as your new topic.

4. Don’t Be Too Nice 

Being too nice is a very common mistake that I see with the members of our support group.

They think if they go out of their way for their ex or are overly nice the ex will fall in love all over again.

This is a huge mistake.

So, here are a few “off limits” behaviors I’ve surfaced a lot in our private support group,

  • Don’t buy your ex gifts
  • Don’t stroke your exes ego too much
  • Do not sleep with your ex

Subtle jealously is important but if you come on too strong you are going to scare your ex and they will run for the door.

You’re also risking the possibility that your ex will mistake your kindness for a weakness.

This will create an unbalanced friendship where you are constantly going out of your way for your ex and they are using you emotionally or sometimes even physically.

My husband, Chris Seiter writes about something called the benjamin franklin effect,

Benjamin Franklin Effect: if you ask someone to do a favor for you they are likely to do more favors.

Don’t become the “friend” that your ex uses for favors of any kind. You can start to do favors for your ex when you are back together but until then you do not want to end up in a friend-zone.

5. Don’t Ask If They’ve Been Thinking About You 

Nothing shouts desperation like asking your ex if they’ve been thinking about you.

It will seem like you’ve been worried about the breakup the entire time and it may actually hold you back from your overall goal of getting your ex back.

My husband often compares going through a breakup to going through a withdrawal period.

In fact, he’s located research stating that the part of the brain that lights up when someone is heartbroken is the same part of the brain that lights up with a drug addict is looking for a fix.

My recommendation is to find a way to occupy yourself so that you aren’t obsessing about your ex so much.

Remember, we don’t want to look desperate.

6. Look Good For Your Ex

You need to look good if you think you may run into your ex.

Have you ever heard that old phrase,

When you look good, you feel good and when you feel good, you do good.

It’s true!

Your confidence will be much higher if you feel you look better than ever before.

Attitude is everything when it comes to getting an ex back.

I’ve done an entire video on what to wear when you see your ex,

If you don’t have the time to watch the video here’s a quick crash course.

  • It’s important that women wear the color red and men wear either black or blue.
  • It is scientifically proven that red attracts men more then any other color.
  • Black will help you exude confidence and mystery.
  • If you cheated in either case you will need to wear blue since that will subconsciously make your ex trust you more.

Chris writes about the 11 ways you can scientifically make your ex fall in love with you here and I recommend that you study that before meeting up with your ex as well.

The Importance Of Body Language

One of the things that people rarely take into account is their body language.

Body language sends more signals than words can in many cases.

So, when you approach your ex do the following,

  • Relax your hands
  • Stand up straight
  • Keep an open posture

And make sure you avoid the following,

  • Avoid closing your fists
  • Crossing your arms
  • Slouching

I’ve seen it all with my coaching clients. Just the other day a member of our private Facebook group signed up for coaching because she ran into her ex and the encounter went like this.

“I left the house in a stained t-shirt from painting all day to go to the food store right before closing to grab some milk for my morning coffee. You’ll never guess who I ran into… my EX. He was standing there looking handsome as ever and there I was standing there with a stained shirt, messy bun and sweat pants. As soon as I saw my ex I put my head down, grabbed a random box of Cheerios hoping he wouldn’t see me. Within minutes he’s standing next to me and says “Hey.” With a flushed face I say “Hey” back and he walks away. Is there anything more embarrassing then that? Can you help me fix this? Do you think it’s over for good now? I feel so hopeless and devastated! Should I restart no contact?”

After coaching with her I was able to help her turn that situation around with the tips I just gave you.

Conclusion 

I also want you to know that if you make one mistake during the re-attraction phase it’s not something you need to worry about too much.

We are here to guide you in the right direction and have seen pretty much every mistake you can think of when it comes to getting an ex back.

You can always turn your situation around no matter how difficult you think it may be.

And if you are that worried all you have to do is leave a comment and my husband and I will get back to you as soon as possible.

What to Read Next

I Regret Breaking Up With My Ex Boyfriend; How Can I Get Him Back?

By Chris Seiter | 118 comments

Doing This Can Make Your Ex Come Crawling Back Ahead Of Time

By Chris Seiter | 0 comments

You Should Let Your Ex Come To You; Here’s Why!

By Chris Seiter | 163 comments

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

41 thoughts on “How To Act Around Your Ex”

  1. Avatar

    Moneque Lipscomb

    February 20, 2021 at 10:09 pm

    I made a mistake telling my ex I missed him.so much he didnt say it back I felt real stupid and mad at myself for saying it we’ve been having sex and he is seeing someoneelse we still talk every day

  2. Avatar

    Jose

    January 7, 2021 at 12:23 pm

    I went to meet my ex after some months of no speaking at all. The meet up went great! From my view at least. We talked, we shared, we joked laughed etc… I kept it cool and avoided all complicated topics, I was just trying to have a good night with her, but there were moments of little awkward silence… but over all I think it went pretty well. But I’m a lil nervous she doesn’t think the same

  3. Avatar

    Lucie

    January 5, 2021 at 4:45 pm

    My ex and I broke up over the phone when I was visiting my parents. Due to Corona, I won’t be back in the country until the end of the month. During the breakup, we agreed to see each other to give our stuff back and talk about it again (he said he’ll reply to all my questions but I don’t have any). Should I restart the NC rule after that? Or will the month of NC be sufficient?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 6, 2021 at 8:48 pm

      Hi Lucie, so you do not break NC if you are only collecting your things. You can continue with your NC and avoid replying if he reaches out to you. When you collect your things look good and be happy. Avoid speaking to him about any emotional topics or the break up etc

  4. Avatar

    Aaminah patel

    December 30, 2020 at 10:30 pm

    I want to show my ex boyfriend that i have really changed.

  5. Avatar

    Kevin

    December 10, 2020 at 9:37 pm

    My girlfriend broke up with me few months ago because of religious reasons but we have been communicating all along . I really want her back so much but I think I have been too nice to her . I bought her expensive gifts , send money to her account almost every month but nothing seems to work . We meeting up in few days time and I really don’t know what to do or talk about anymore. Please help!!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 12, 2020 at 8:47 pm

      Hi Kevin, so her religious reasons for ending things – can those be changed? If not then I would suggest you think about moving on because asking someone to change their religious beliefs are very different to changing someone’s “impression” of you. 100% stop sending her money and gifts… this does not work if anything you just make yourself look needy and desperate, which isn’t the idea here. We need her to think that you are done and walking away. I would suggest that you cancel your meet up and go into a No Contact for 30 days minimum.

  6. Avatar

    Em

    November 28, 2020 at 3:20 am

    So I work with and rent a house from Mark, we split up 3 months ago after a serious 4 year relationship (longest for both of us) we have a 15 year age difference which honestly never caused issues. My question is, now that I have done modified no contact to the best of my ability how do I use our work interactions for the best?? And he comes over to my house to work on it like cleaning the gutters or working on the air conditioner/heating. He’s an electrician. When he comes to the house how can I use that to my advantage??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2020 at 9:48 pm

      Hi Em, so you need to be professional in your place of work, but look your best. Be happy and easy going. When he comes to the house – sometimes be in looking amazing, other times don’t be home when you know he is coming around let him wonder where you may have gone. You also need to start the texting phase so make sure you read some of Chris’ articles to help you understand the types of texts you need to be sending.

  7. Avatar

    Anna

    November 17, 2020 at 5:59 pm

    Hi l really need your help
    We’ve been togeather for three years and we brok up three months ago he thougth our relationship wont work and l know part of it is because of my wrong behavier and l know l can fix it
    I did whatever you said and we start texting after no connect period and we get better after a while and now he texts me some times and somehow he made a plan to see me but when l ask him out he said ok lets go out with our friends group because all of our close friends are mutual and he have’nt seen them for a while
    I dont know what to do is it a bad thing? What should l do ? Should l go out with him with our friends for the first time or not?l really dont no what to
    Does he want to see me just in group or what?what can l do to make situation better ?
    Please answer me

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2020 at 9:31 pm

      Yes go with your mutual friends, make sure you look good and happy. Make an effort to speak with all your friends not just your ex.

  8. Avatar

    Maria

    November 14, 2020 at 10:42 pm

    I just wondering if you guys can help to coaching…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 15, 2020 at 12:36 pm

      Hi Maria, here is the link for coaching, keep checking for available slots

      https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/coaching/

  9. Avatar

    Ana

    September 15, 2020 at 6:03 am

    My ex boyfriend and I were together for a year. Over a month ago I broke up with my ex and had no contact with him for that entire month. Prior to the break up we didn’t see each other for a month. I asked him a few weeks back if we could meet for dinner somewhere. Yesterday we meet for the first time since the break up. It started out great. He complimented me and was very kind the entire time. We went to a nice restaurant and had dinner and wine. One conversation led to another that led to me bringing up our past relationship, which caused me to be upset and become emotional. He was open to the conversation and did partake in discussing the relationship. We never even got to eat our meals because the situation became to involved and emotional. After leaving the restaurant we spoke more outside and one of the questions I asked him was why he loved me.. he replied because your beautiful, smart, sexy, fun and a great person. But he also said at dinner that just because two people love each other doesn’t mean they can be together. In the end, he drove me home walked me to the my door…came inside and gave me a hug and a kiss. He then left. I sent him him a text asking if he got home safe. He replied early the next morning that he got home safe.. and immediately passed out. I know the meeting went wrong and so I asked if we can have a do over. He agreed. The next meet will not be in a restaurant setting. I very much love him, but I also know we see things through different lenses regarding the relationship. Our chemistry is amazing when we are together… always excited to see each other. During no contact I have learned a lot more about myself and have established a better understanding on how he views certain things that created some of my concerns with building a relationship with him. Any advice of how to approach our next meet and rebuilding the relationship going forward?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 6:55 pm

      Hi Ana, so your next meet up needs to be fun, enjoyable and let him leave you feeling your experience was a positive one. Do not allow it to be a deep and emotional conversation as this is going to cause a negative vibe between you both. You need to be a person he has positive feelings around if you want to get back together.

  10. Avatar

    Maggie

    August 28, 2020 at 9:10 am

    Hi, my ex and I broke up about a month ago. Since then I used the no contact rule and he reached out to me like 5/6 times always asking me how I was doing even thought sometimes I ignored him, answered very shortly and told him not to reach out to me if his only goal was to be friends. So the day before yesterday he asked me if I wanted to see him one of these days just to talk about what’s going on in our lives. I said that I would have think about it. I don’t think he would ask me to reconcile, I think he wants to take thing slow and so do I. I want to make sure that he is changed. Do you have any particular advice of what I should do to re-attract him and get him back? Of course i’ll do all the things you said in this article, hope it works. Thank you!

  11. Avatar

    Jessica

    August 12, 2020 at 3:27 am

    Hey!
    My ex actually texted me wanting to meet up after 4 weeks of no contact as I had mentioned to him before we went our separate ways that I would like to give the relationship another go. He texted me saying he is ready to talk about what I had suggested and we will be meeting this Sunday. I am not sure what to expect. Do you have any advice for me? Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 3:14 pm

      Hi Jessica, from what I can work out your meet up is tomorrow, make sure that you go looking good be happy and confident. Do not appear upset or if he feels that it is not right to get back together – agree with him. Even if you do not feel this way. You need to take things slow as ideally you would have spent some time texting and building rapport with your ex instead of going straight for the meet up. However, emotional control and confidence is key for tomorrow.

  12. Avatar

    Jeatro

    August 8, 2020 at 1:19 pm

    Hi, I’m incerdibly thankful for writing and commenting in this plspecial platform.

    Advise please!!
    I just reconnect with my ex recently. And I don’t know how to ask her for a lunch, coffee etc, please advise. I visited her to collect something she s been selling. And she was comfortable to speak to me, and now I can call her anytime and she responds positively, but I want to propose a lunch or coffee with her, I need tips

    Regards
    Jeatro

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 8, 2020 at 11:03 pm

      Hey Jeatro, if you have been back in contact for more than 4 weeks then I would suggest that you ask her if she would like to go get some coffee – lunch may be too much too soon. You need to start small and work your way up to longer meet ups. Also do not call it a date… Just ask, “Would you like to meet for coffee?”

  13. Avatar

    Meg

    August 2, 2020 at 9:59 pm

    Hi, I love reading all the advice you guys give! So true! Was about 2 weeks into no contact and I asked him to come to my place to talk and he agreed. It’s the day after tomorrow…. I originally wanted tomorrow but he mentioned the following day.

  14. Avatar

    Anon

    July 25, 2020 at 1:55 pm

    wondering how to approach the situation if they’re in a new relationship and you’re going to be at a party they will also be at (we’ve been broken up for awhile but i still have feelings for him etc)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 2:08 pm

      In this situation, you make sure you are confident, contain your emotions, do not get drunk if you feel that you could end up having conversations or making a show of yourself. Be polite and happy around your ex and new partner if they are there too. And just act as if he is an acquaintance.

  15. Avatar

    tinashe

    July 13, 2020 at 9:51 am

    Am actually gonna be doing that today.
    i will update you once i hit my doormate back home

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 13, 2020 at 4:25 pm

      Awesome!

  16. Avatar

    Anon

    June 20, 2020 at 12:26 pm

    Recently been dumped by the father of my child. It ended due to me been very aggressive due to previous relationship and now Ive ruined this one. As the last few months I wasn’t getting wat I needed it led me to cheat which he also found out. I really want to get him back. Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 20, 2020 at 12:36 pm

      Hi there, so I would suggest that you visit a local therapist or doctor for some counselling advice on how to move past your previous issues. You are going to have to deal with those issues before you get into another relationship or you are going to repeat the same patterns.

  17. Avatar

    Anon

    May 4, 2020 at 2:29 pm

    I haven’t seen my ex in a couple of months until recently. We had a pretty messy breakup, back in August, but weren’t really over until October. After that we tried to be friends but it was very difficult, so ultimately we just ended up not talking at all. We were recently at a mutual friends party, first time seeing each other in a while. I’ve lost weight, and I looked good. I did all of the above and I’ve actually been doing well overall since the breakup, but I can’t deny that I still hurt and I still miss him. So anyway I did all of the above well, but at the end of the night when we all left, I sent him a text and asked him if he wanted something back that belongs to him that I’ve had since the breakup. he responded and said that he did want it back and then when I said he could get it whenever, he didn’t respond. I was really drunk and it was like 2:30 in the morning, and I really just wanted a moment alone with him to talk, but I think he sensed that I wasn’t over him. ALSO, I should mention that he’s dating someone else now. How does all of this sound to you guys?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 12, 2020 at 11:08 am

      Hey there so if you are looking to get your ex back then you need to start with a 45 day NC because he has met someone else. While you work on your Holy Trinity during that time. Then reach out following the advice of the being there method

  18. Avatar

    Alex

    November 24, 2019 at 3:34 pm

    I’ve been with my extra for a year, we have met yesterday after 8 months of no contact and she seemed really happy, we spent the whole afternoon together, a day after I felt like I miss her and texted her to ask if she was free on weekend for a dinner, she agreed, but she seemed cold when I texted her and asked about her, I don’t know if she still think about getting back together or not

  19. Avatar

    Nono

    October 20, 2019 at 11:03 am

    Hi there I been seeing a guy for the last two months.We we’re not dating, it was just looking up.In my mind I always knew that I liked him even if it was just looking up IDK if he felt the same way.I tried several times to see where his head was it and he made it clear that he doesn’t do the whole realtionship thing .I said okay it’s fine ,then he said we will see where this takes us I agreed .We had sex 3 times and deep down I was not okay with the fact that we are just having sex awith no title.
    I found out that he actually told one of his friend (which I was kinda flity with) to have me I was broken when I found out so I decided it’s best if I leave him but at the same time I wanted my revenge because I felt like he used me and now his done with me.I kept on hearing stories about him wanting a girl in my circle .It hurt me because I feel all he ever said to me was a lie now he is hooking up with the very same girl in my circle (when my friend ask him about me he makes an excuse saying that I kissed his friend).The maina reason why I did it’s coz I wanted to spite him but I don’t think it worked coz he told his friend to slide .

    I was hurt by all of this but his best friend is also my friend and all he does most of the time when his with me is to mention him.Although his still hooking up with the girl in my circle his best friend still considers me as his girl IDK why

  20. Avatar

    Sayan

    September 9, 2019 at 2:46 pm

    Hi I am Sayan from India. I had a breakup over a month ago and I was trying hard to get my ex back, but it didn’t work, then I read your guide and got some idea. My situation is – Up until she went to her hometown and it became long distance, everything was going fine. But suddenly she stopped talking to me and I enquired it repeatedly and then she blocked me for a day and then unblocked me, then again I asked very nicely many times that what was her real problem, why she acted in such a way. She at first ignored my messages but then suddenly said that she couldn’t forget the day I hit her and doesn’t want to talk to me. But I couldn’t understand that why she is bringing this matter now which happened almost several months ago, and for that I already apologized to her a thousand times, I even brought her surprise gifts. I again said to her that for that incident I will feel guilty forever but why couldn’t you remember all the good memories. She didn’t listen to my logic and friendzoned me. I accepted it as I thought it was my only ground left to talk to her. After a day I found out she was abusing me and giving some false allegations regarding me to our common friends and I asked her about it and we had a fight, she abused me and I abused her and then she blocked me from everywhere and its been a month now. Our one common friend, in the meantime, tried a few times to convince her to talk to me and sort things out, but she said to him that she wouldn’t like to hear about me and see my face ever again as she hates me the most in this world, but then he tried again and she blocked him too. Then I read your guide and told my common friend to not to speak about me to her from now on, maintain the silence from everywhere. But I really don’t know what to do man, how to recontact her and I am stressed out at the possibility that she might got another guy and is totally forgetting me. I am thinking to text her from a new number after 10 days from now, some pictures of us from our good old times and saying that I was deleting the old stuff. What do you think? Could this work? What other things can I do to get her back?
    Please help out, please give me some advices. She is the love of my life man and I can’t let her go

    1. Shaunna

      Shaunna

      September 12, 2019 at 9:11 pm

      Hi Sayan, yes the program can give you, your best chance at getting your ex back.

1 2