Women who often come to Ex Boyfriend Recovery want results as fast as humanly possible.
Results = Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back
And in today’s day and age it makes sense.
We live in a society where all you have to do when you have a question about something is to whip out your phone, type a search into Google and BAM there is your answer.
Now, the interesting thing about this is that when it comes to finding the quickest way for getting your ex boyfriend back I have always been in the camp that this isn’t something you can rush.
In fact, I have found a correlation between going to fast in getting an ex back and a high rate of failure.
High Rate Of Failure = Not Getting Your Ex Back
Nevertheless, I want you to know that I understand your pain more than any expert out there.
I understand that right now you don’t give a flying f*ck if you take the patient path.
You want results…
And you want them fast…
And that’s why I put together this article.
I want to show you the fastest way that you can get a successful result.
Will this be a magic phrase that you can say to your boyfriend to make him have a sudden epiphany?
No, I am not into that.
As I am sure you know, “magic phrases” don’t work.
What works is… Well, I am about to show you.
How Fast Can You Expect To See A Result With The Method I Am About To Teach You
I am going to get a little “business like” for a moment here.
One of the interesting things I have learned about the visitors of this website is that there is typically a 90 day window in which they are interested in getting their exes back. After that 90 day window they aren’t that interested anymore.
Now, you may be sitting back and wondering,
How the heck did he figure this out?
Simple, this website ultimately started out as a place where I wanted to help people. However, in order to do that the best that I could I had to start hiring people.
- I had to hire a designer…
- A customer service rep…
- Someone to help me answer comments…
- A writer to produce more content for you…
All of this stuff costs money.
Hence, my passion project turned into a nice little business which I monetize with this book.
Now, every business wants to find the best way to maximize profits and I am no different.
Luckily for you, I have found the best way to maximize profits is to product killer content that helps you.
Of course, in my research I also noticed that hardly anyone ever buys after 90 days.
Hence, I came to the realization that after about 90 days people lose interest in their ex for one of two reasons,
- They failed to get their ex back
- They actually got their ex back
So, what does this knowledge teach us about situations in general.
Three months seems to be the cutoff point for how long it should take to get an ex boyfriend back.
I am sure there will always be outliers that will skew the data but for the most part this is the average we are going to use going forward.
Now, you came here because you want to get your ex boyfriend back as fast as humanly possible.
And I have already established that this isn’t something you can rush if you want to see positive result.
But let’s look at this in another way.
If you were to take the overall strategy that I teach women,
What would you do to tweak it in a way so that you speed it up significantly while at the same time retaining it’s effectiveness.
(Oh, and if you have no clue on what the graphic above means don’t worry, I will explain it all to you later.)
Hmm… that is one hell of a question.
Well, I think the smart thing to do before we start tweaking things is give each one of the components in the picture above a certain time allowance.
Basically, taking each component and explaining how long it will take to complete.
Let’s do that now,
For the sake of this article lets assume that you max out all the days that I have listed above.
If you do that then using the method I normally teach it should take you around 87 days to get your ex boyfriend back.
(Keep in mind that these are estimates and that everyone has a unique situation that may take them shorter or in some cases longer.)
Now, here is the good news.
We can definitely significantly shorten this method up.
In fact, the more I eyeball this the more I think that technically you can get your ex boyfriend back in 38 days without losing too much of the effectiveness of the method that I teach.
And that’s what I plan to show you to do by utilizing this schedule,
Again, if you are confused by this don’t worry, I will be going in detail for you later on.
Now, before we get started there is one thing that I want to discuss with you.
Disclaimer- Faster Isn’t Always Better
Essentially what I am trying to do with this article is merge two opposing ideals.
Generally speaking trying to get an ex back quickly doesn’t yield the best results. In fact, you will find that every strategy you try will be a little less effective the more that it’s rushed.
And yet here you are.
I mean, “how to get your ex boyfriend back fast” is one of the most popular searches in Google.
Which means that I have to find a way to merge these two opposing ideals for you.
Ideal One: Getting An Ex Back Fast
Ideal Two: A Strategy That Is Effective
And I think I have done it.
Seriously, I am not one to bullshi* you.
And I am about to prove that fact as I tell you this next statement.
The strategy that I am about to present to you is not the most effective strategy for getting your ex boyfriend back.
In fact, I would say that sometimes having a bit of patience and seeing things through the right way (aka the slow way) will yield better results.
I felt it would be wrong of me to explain this fast strategy to you without first explaining that.
Now, if you are interested in the full strategy then I suggest you check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
That epic read has pretty much everything you want out of a “get your ex back” book.
Ok, now that we have that out of the way let’s begin with the “fast strategy.”
Fast Strategy Part One: The No Contact Rule
For those of you who aren’t paying attention that is this part of the strategy,
Now, you may notice that the no contact rule has a timeframe of 21 days.
Some of you may see that and be shaking your heads.
After all, the name of the game here is to get your ex boyfriend back fast, right?
Ya, about that…
Out of this entire “fast strategy” the no contact rule is the one component that is non negotiable.
In our independent research using women just like you we have found that the no contact rule has been present in over 70% of successes. Ironically, the most non negotiable component of the strategy also takes the longest. But it’s important to remember that this is by design.
Now, some of you may be sitting back and wondering,
“What is the Gatsby Method and The Holy Trinity there on the no contact rule graphic above?”
Well, those are very important concepts that you are going to utilize while you are in the midst of a no contact period.
Unfortunately, I am going to keep those a secret from you.
I have to keep something for my paying customers 😉 .
But don’t worry I’m not going to leave you crying in the rain on my doorstep,
Allow me give you a quick overview of what the no contact rule is.
The No Contact Rule- A period of time (21 days) where you are going to ignore your ex. If he reaches out to you then you ignore it. If you feel an urge to reach out to him then you don’t do it. This is radio silence and you better abide by it. Of course, there are certain conditions where you can alter the no contact rule (read about them here) but those are pretty rare in most cases.
Now, the no contact rule is one of those rules that I always get push back on so I am going to give you a brief synopsis of why it works.
Generally most experts out there will tell you that the no contact rule will increase the chances of your ex boyfriend missing you. However, what they won’t tell you is that they don’t understand WHY it increases your chances of making an ex miss you.
The no contact rule utilizes something called psychological reactance which basically states that when a human being has a fundamental freedom that they fell is being threatened they will react in a way to attempt to get that freedom back.
In other words, by removing the freedom that your ex has of talking to you, your ex is more likely to react in a way to get that freedom back.
But believe it or not I have found that this isn’t the most effective part of the no contact rule.
One thing you have to understand about breakups is that your body is literally going through similar withdrawal symptoms that a hardcore drug addict would go through.
Oftentimes trying to get an ex back when you aren’t at your best is not the smartest way to approach things.
And this is why I say the no contact rule time frame is non negotiable.
I need you to be the best version of yourself if you are going to have any type of chance of getting your ex boyfriend back and in order for you to accomplish that you need time.
Second, I need you to feel more confident with yourself.
If you read PRO, you will notice that I am very big on self improvement during the no contact rule.
It’s simple, I want you to be very confident by the time you are ready to talk to your ex boyfriend.
The Short Version Of What You Need To Do In This Step
- I want you to do the no contact rule for 21 days.
- I want you to really work on doing things to improve your life during this no contact period.
Fast Strategy Part Two: Texting
You will notice that the texting portion of the strategy is where things start getting sped up pretty significantly.
Usually the texting portion of the strategy will last 14 days.
However, since we are trying to get a positive result as soon as possible we are going to recommend that you only engage in the texting strategy for 7 days,
So, how is this going to work.
Well, I am really big on this idea of “tide theory.”
Tide Theory: Slowly but surely increasing the frequency and intensity of the text messages you send to your ex boyfriend.
But how should you properly implement this in just seven days?
Now, before I map this all out for you I want to reiterate that I generally have a much less aggressive schedule for getting an ex boyfriend back. However, since the name of the game here is speed I have gone as aggressive as possible with this.
What I’d like to do for you is take you through each texting day and give a brief explanation of what you are trying to accomplish.
Now, one thing I do want to say here is that I am not going to get overly technical with this.
In other words, it’s your job to fill in the blanks.
Day One: First Contact & Engaging In A Small Conversation
The important thing to remember here is that you just ignored your ex boyfriend for 21 days. It might be a little weird if you just texted him out of the blue with something like this,
Which is why I recommend sending a special type of text message immedately after the no contact rule.
I call this text message the “first contact text message.”
And after a lot of refining I have really identified the fact that first contact text messages really only require three things to be successful.
- Knowledge Of Your Exes Likes And Dislikes To Create A Theme
- A Story
- An Action Phrase
For example, I recently conducted a live coaching session with a woman who asked a very simple question,
“How do I handle the first interaction with my ex boyfriend after the no contact rule?”
And I walked her through this exact process. In fact, rather than reading it here it might be easier to watch the whole session to get an idea of how to construct a perfect first contact text message,
In fact, after our session had concluded she actually put her newly formed first contact text message into practice and got a pretty awesome result,
But what do you do after you send the first contact text message?
Well, generally I say to leave it at that.
In other words, end the conversation immediately. Of course, we are in a unique situation where we have to be a bit more aggressive.
So, in this case I want you to engage your ex in a conversation. Don’t go overboard with it. The idea is to just get him used to talking to you.
This isn’t meant to be an all day/all night conversation where you are trying to accomplish everything overnight.
Day 2: Build Rapport & Dive A Bit Deeper In Your Conversation
Rapport is something that you are going to hear me talk about a lot.
Rapport is defined as a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well.
Without rapport no attraction can be built.
You see, a lot of people think attraction just falls out of the sky magically but if you really stop to think about it you aren’t going to be truly attracted to someone who you have no rapport with.
I’ll give you an example.
One of the worst dates that I have ever been on in my life was with a girl who I couldn’t seem to establish any rapport with.
I literally remember trying everything to get her to respond to what I was saying but there was simply no luck.
I would tell a joke and she wouldn’t laugh…
I would tell a story and she wouldn’t seem engaged…
No matter how hard I tried we just weren’t able to connect.
No rapport was built therefore no attraction was built.
I want you to think of rapport as a foundation for building attraction.
Hmm… Perhaps I should get visual with this,
Once rapport has been successfully built with your ex you can use that rapport to build attraction. And we all know that once enough attraction has been built your ex boyfriend will take actions to make things official with you again.
At least that’s what we hope happens 😉 .
But it all starts with rapport.
So, how do you build rapport?
Well, I dive into this a lot more with my Texting Bible book but here is the gist of what I want you to do, find your exes hot points and go to town on them.
I’ll use myself as an example here.
I am a huge fan of Buffy The Vampire Slayer,
Every other year (usually around October for some strange reason) I re-watch every episode from start to finish in all it’s glory.
It’s kinda girly for a macho man like me but it’s a tradition that I hold strong to.
And it just so happens that this is the year that I am doing my great Buffy marathon.
(Yesterday I just hit season 3!)
Now, here is the thing.
No matter how hard I try to get my wife to watch it with me she won’t. She has preconceived notions about the show (which I will admit I used to have UNTIL I WATCHED IT.)
Anyways, let’s live in fantasy land for a while and say that my wife wanted to find a great way to build rapport with me.
Well, Buffy is one of those hot points that I will automatically open up to.
Plus there is that shock factor that she put in the time to actually watch Buffy if she were to send me a text message like this,
Human beings are wired to search for connections and since Buffy is one of my favorite shows this is something I could absolutely connect to.
In fact, I wish she would send me a text like that.
I feel like we would have an amazing conversation just based off of that.
Establish that connection, building rapport off of it… that’s what we are looking to do here.
Now, once you do start building rapport with your ex boyfriend I want you to keep the conversation going a little bit longer than you did when compared to day one of this process.
I hope you see what we are doing here.
Essentially every day we are getting deeper and deeper into texting conversation with your ex boyfriend.
Day 3: Break
“Break” simply means that you aren’t going to be texting your ex boyfriend on this day.
This is only for one day and it’s meant to break things up so he won’t catch on to the pattern of texting that we have established.
Of course, let’s play devils advocate here and pretend that you decide to do your break on day three but he texts you with something like this,
Are you supposed to ignore it?
This isn’t the no contact rule.
Really the only reason I put day three as the “break” is if YOU are the on reaching out. If he reaches out then that’s great progress and you shouldn’t do anything to interrupt that progress.
Day 4: Build Rapport And Conversation Lasts Even Longer
This is simply a re-hash of day two.
Of course, the only main difference here is that you are going to try to extend the conversation even longer than you did on day two.
Again, this plays into this idea of slowly but surely increasing the intensity and frequency of the conversations.
Now, there isn’t too much “new stuff” I can add to make this day stand out.
Instead, the “new stuff” is going to come with day 5.
Day 5: Begin Subtle Flirting
Flirting through text messages is a little difficult as you don’t have some of the most powerful weapons at your disposal.
What do you think I mean by that?
Well, science has proven that one of the most effective ways to flirt is by not saying anything at all.
It’s by having the correct posture, making the right type of eye contact, working in gentle touches and so on and so forth. Of course, we are at the texting stage here so we can’t exactly do these kinds of things.
You do have something that will make his mind do most of the work.
Here’s what I mean by that.
One thing I know about men (because it’s true for me) is the fact that I am very visual.
Words are powerful, yes, but pictures are even more powerful to me.
I mean, I could attempt to explain the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen with in my life with words but do you think that will ever be as effective as showing this picture,
Well do you?
Of course not!
(FYI, that is a real picture I took above in Maui, Hawaii and is the most beautiful sunset I have ever seen.)
The same principle applies over text messages.
I can sit here and tell you to,
“Send this exact text or say this exact thing.”
But it usually won’t evoke the kind of emotional impact that you are looking for when compared to sending a picture.
Of course, you know what is even better than a picture?
So, try this tactic on for size.
There was a study done in the 70’s where scientists found that when someone does a favor for you it makes them more likely to do a favor for you again.
This is interesting because common sense says says that if someone does you a favor then you are more likely to do them a favor in the future.
The opposite is true of course and we are going to use this to our advantage in a flirty way 😉 .
So, here is what I want you to do.
With your phone, I want you to record a quick 30 second video of yourself looking as sexy as you possibly can asking for a really simple favor from your ex boyfriend.
Here are a few great examples of favors I would recommend,
- My internet is not working. Can you tell me what time (X) comes on?
- Jennifer and I are having an argument over (X) can you settle it for us?
- Can you tell me I am not crazy for loving (X)
We are doing this favor technique for a few reasons.
Firstly, if your ex boyfriend does the favor for you it will raise the chances that he will do another favor for you again.
Secondly, we are priming him to talk on the phone with you.
Even though you are sending him a video he will be hearing your voice and that is a good thing as you will find out in a few days.
Day 6: Slowly Ramp Up Flirting
Essentially you are going to do more of what you did on day five during day six. However, the big difference here is that you are going to do more of it.
Don’t go overboard but maybe you can make a few videos of yourself and send them your exes way.
Remember, men are visual.
Day 7: The Transition Text Message
Day 7 is all about “the transition text message.”
Now, if you are about ready to jump off a cliff in confusion let me stop you.
When I refer to “transition text message” all I am talking about is the text message that you send to your ex to get him to talk to you on the phone.
What if I told you that I had found a very clever way in which you can transition from text messages to phone calls.
Would that be something you would be interested in?
Of course it would.
So, here is what you are going to do.
And in case you caught a sudden case of the “can’t reads.”
The template above needs to be strictly followed if you want to pull off a successful transition.
Step One: Start Texting Your Ex A Story
Step Two: Interrupt The Story
Step Three: Ask For Transition
Here is how that is supposed to look.
Let’s say that you started a story by texting your ex something like this,
To which your ex responds,
It’s at this point that I want you to interrupt the story and ask for a transition. That looks like this,
Do you see how it works?
Now, the only downside of this method is that you need to have one hell of a story to tell your ex when you get on the phone with him.
Fast Strategy Part Three: Talking On The Phone
This is where I think your biggest disadvantage is for rushing the process.
Well, you only have three days left to convince your ex boyfriend to see you in person. Of course, we aren’t going to ask him to see you in person just yet. However, everyone knows attraction has to be built before you go on the date with your ex for this to even work.
Three days isn’t a lot of time.
Luckily, you have my brain working overtime for you here.
Here is the template I want you to follow for these three days,
Why do you think I am putting such an emphasis on time?
Well, if you are an avid reader of my website then you would know that I am a big believer in something called the interdependence theory. Essentially this theory explains why human beings commit to one another based on three main factors.
Satisfaction (Meaning they will commit if the person satisfies them)
Alternatives (Meaning they think they think that you are the best and there is no one out there better.)
Investment (Meaning they have dedicated a lot of resources to the relationship, time, money, etc.)
Which of these three components do you think we are attacking with phone calls?
Well, with text messaging we were attacking satisfaction and alternatives by building rapport and attraction.
Phone calls is all about investment.
Right now the more time that you can get your ex to invest with you the better.
That’s why each day aims to make him stay on the phone longer.
Of course, if you really have things firing on all cylinders you will also satisfy the other components. However, investment of time over the phone is the number one predictor on getting a yes on the date but more on that in a second.
Let’s take this day by day.
Day 7: Transition Call 25 to 35 Minutes
We are picking up right where we left off.
Remember the transition text into the phone call?
Well, I want that phone call to last anywhere from 25 to 35 minutes.
Why so short?
Well, in addition to being a big believer of the interdependence theory I am also a big believer in the zeigarnik effect.
Oh, I am so glad you asked.
The Zeigarnik Effect of ZE (for short) basically states that human beings remember interrupted or incomplete tasks better than completed ones.
In other words, the more you can hook your ex boyfriend into a phone conversation with you and then abruptly end it the more he will crave to talk to you again.
It’s the same thing as creating an open loop or an unanswered question.
Except we are doing it on a much smaller scale.
So, just to give you a visual this is what you are looking to do,
Again, you are abruptly ending the conversation between the 25 minute and 35 minute mark.
Day 8: Phone Call That Lasts An Hour
The name of the game is to get your ex boyfriend to invest as much time as possible with you over the phone.
If you can get him to do that then you are in a really good spot for getting him to commit to you.
Of course, just because this section is entitled “phone calls” doesn’t mean that we are going to throw texting out the window completely. I still want you to build rapport and attraction.
After all, the more your ex texts you the more time he is investing in you and that is a good thing.
But in addition to all of the texting I want you to hop on the phone with him again.
Except instead of hopping on the phone for 25 to 35 minutes with your ex boyfriend I want you to make the phone call last an hour.
Now, if you are sitting there wondering why there is such a big time difference here I would like to remind you that with my normal strategy I would like to have a few more conversations on the phone around 25 to 35 minutes to really hit that zeigarnik effect home.
Of course, we are strapped for time since we are looking at the fastest method possible.
So, stay on the phone for an hour with your ex.
Day 9: Phone Call That Lasts An Hour And A Half
In addition to getting him to invest more time with you (30 more minutes as compared to yesterday) you are going to have another goal in mind here.
Generally speaking, you can’t get your ex boyfriend back if you don’t see him in person. Of course, we have the typical gender roles to contend with here.
It’s easy for men.
Men just have to ask a woman out.
But it’s unheard of for a woman to ask a man out?
Actually… that’s not entirely true.
Women drop hints.
Hints that they hope a man will pick up on his own.
And usually that is enough to get him to ask you out. Unfortunately, one of the disadvantages of speeding this process up is the fact that you don’t have time to wait around for him to pick up the hints.
That’s why I am going to recommend something unheard of.
I want YOU to suggest a date.
You are going to have to take a moment to let that sink in.
So, while you are taking a moment I would like to tell you a story.
Many of you may not know this but before Jennifer and I got married we were in a long distance relationship. Of course, before that we were just two strangers talking over Facebook and then eventually over the phone.
Of course, when we both took a liking to each other which of us do you think asked to see the other first?
She did actually.
Now, your woman logic makes you think that, that is too strong of a move. However, I found it to be incredibly hot. I liked that I found a woman who wanted to take charge.
It also took the pressure off of me.
Now, I am not saying that you ask your ex out on a date. I am simply saying that you suggest a date to him.
Of course, in order to know what date to suggest we have to jump a little ahead and talk about the dating section.
Generally I am a big fan of women going on three dates with their ex before a commitment is made in a relationship,
- A Small Date
- A Medium Date
- A Romantic Date
Of course, we aren’t in the business of being politically correct here since we are trying to speed this process up which is why I am only going to recommend that you go on two dates with your ex,
- The Small One
- The Romantic One
In other words, all you have to worry about right now is suggesting the small date.
I am going to suggest a cup of coffee.
So, at some point during your one and a half hour conversation with your ex I want you to suggest getting a cup of coffee and plan a date if he accepts.
Once you have done that we can get to the fun stuff.
Fast Strategy Part Four: The Two Dates
I am going to switch gears a little bit here.
I have already discussed the idea behind going on two dates instead of three.
But how do you act on these dates?
If the idea is finding a way to make your ex boyfriend fall in love with you how do you do that?
Luckily, I have an answer for you,
Utilize scientific insights to get him to fall for you again.
Believe it or not but when scientists studied what makes human beings fall in love they found some really interesting discoveries,
- Similarity Is Important
- Reciprocal Affection
- Physical And Emotional Arousal
- Readiness For A Romantic Relationship
Let’s take a deeper look at these discoveries.
Similarity Is Important
Opposites attract, right?
Research suggests the opposite. And it makes sense. I can’t tell you how often I have muttered the phrase,
“Human beings are wired for connections.”
And part of connecting with someone is finding out the areas where you are similar.
I am much more likely to open up to someone who is a fan of Buffy The Vampire Slayer because I have a huge connection to that show.
So, how does this apply to your dates with your ex?
Well, I want you to emphasize your similarities.
If you both love golf then talk a bit about golf.
If you both love politics then talk about that.
This one is easy to understand.
Someone is more likely to fall in love with you if they feel loved back.
Part of the problem that my clients have is that the no contact rule (assuming they did it correctly) has taught them to not show affection. However, the opposite is true on the date.
You need to show affection towards your ex.
Look, don’t go overboard just give him signs that you are interested.
Touching is great for this.
A slight touch of the hand…
Making a hug last a bit longer than normal…
All of these are excellent examples.
Physical And Emotional Arousal
This is really interesting.
And arguably the most important concept to hit on.
Any type of situation that affects us emotionally is more likely to make us fall in love.
Take this famous study done by Dan Ariely,
“We did this one funny study on music,” Ariely says. The study compared how attractive audience members rated musicians before they started playing compared with at intermission.
“And what we found was that everybody got a big boost, aside from the drummer.” (Drummers did get some boost in their attractiveness ratings, but not as much as the rest of the band members.)
Why does this happen? Ariely thinks it might have something to do with “misattribution of emotions”: “Sometimes we have an emotion and we don’t know where it’s coming from, so we kind of stick it on something that seems sensible.” In other words, your strong feelings about the music might make you think you’re having strong feelings about the lead singer.
In other words, if you put your ex in a situation where he feels something positive he could stick that emotion on to you.
This concept can actually apply to something as simple as television shows.
If you couldn’t already tell I am a huge Buffy The Vampire Slayer fan.
No, fan doesn’t quite explain it. I am what you would call a super fan!
If you didn’t already know Buffy has 7 seasons.
Now, each and every season has it’s moments.
However, after watching every episode multiple times (believe me I have done it.)
It’s clear that some seasons are better than others.
Of course, do you want to know which seasons rank the highest in my humble opinion?
It’s always those seasons where something happens that affects me on a deep emotional level. Without a doubt the seasons where that happens multiple times are the best.
(Hint Hint: Season one is not one of those types of seasons.)
Anyways, the point I am trying to make here is that if you can arouse your ex in a positive physical or emotional way then you are going to be in a good spot.
Readiness For A Romantic Relationship
Is your ex ready for a romantic relationship again?
Well, if you followed my plan above then he should be.