What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Beg For You Back… It’s Easier Than You Think

Have you ever seen a man beg for his girlfriend back, before?

Ok… perhaps I didn’t word that question correctly.

How about this,

Have you ever seen a man who has broken up with his girlfriend completely change his mind and beg for her to take him back?

I have, and let me tell you that it’s a glorious sight to behold!

Now, I am a pretty ambitious guy so I am going to make a statement that might floor you.

Are you ready?

(That’s a picture of me by the way 🙂 .)

Yep, I am going to be the man that teaches you how to make that ex boyfriend of yours get on his knees and beg to get back together with you.

But first, you are probably wondering why I used that picture of myself.

I mean, why in the world would I use a picture where I’m not even smiling. Well, this is actually a picture of me trying my very best to hold back tears on my wedding day (I didn’t cry… ) In other words, this is a picture of me at my most vulnerable.

I figure if you see me in a super emotional moment I can prove to you that I know exactly how you feel.

You feel vulnerable…

Angry…

Depressed…

And like you are drowning in quicksand.

But I am going to get you out of that quicksand.

I am going to help and empower you.

So, who the hell am I?

Well, my name is Chris Seiter, founder of Ex Boyfriend Recovery and a professional relationship consultant specializing in breakups.

(You didn’t know I was that cool, huh?)

But you probably don’t give a crap about any of that, do you?

No, what you truly care about is how I can help you. Well, I suppose the best way to prove that to you is to show you some of the results I have gotten for people here, here and here.

But of course, you came here to learn how to make your ex boyfriend beg for you to come back to him.

I’m not going to lie, that’s a pretty ambitious goal and in order to achieve it we first need to understand the state of mind that you have to put your ex in to get him to beg for you back.

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The State of Mind You Need Your Ex To Be In To Start Begging

The other day my wife, daughter and I were at a restaurant when my wife and I got an ingenious idea.

Let’s order Lilly an Ice Cream

For your reference,

Lilly = Our daughter

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

“What’s the big deal? It’s just ice cream?”

Well, why it’s significant is because my daughter had never had ice cream in her life before.

And upon tasting it for the first time she had a look on her face like she was Christopher Columbus discovering the Americas for the first time.

And then it happened.

She started begging for more…

Now, you may be wondering why I told you this story when it has nothing to do with your ex but I am going to ask you to look a little closer.

The key to making your ex boyfriend beg for you back is wrapped up in that entire story.

Where?

Well, my daughter didn’t do any begging until she had deemed the ice cream worth begging over.

And therein lies the most basic problem that most women coming to this website fail to grasp. Currently, in your exes mind you aren’t worth begging over.

I know that may be a hard pill to swallow and some of you may fight with me on that fact but let me ask you.

Do you ever beg for something that you don’t want?

No.

The only time you ever beg for something is when you determine that it has immense value to you.

In my daughters case she tasted ice cream for the first time and immediately determined that it was a valuable taste and she wanted more of it.

In other words, make her beg for that ice cream was simply a state of mind.

She was so convinced that Ice Cream tasted good that she was going to do everything in her power to get more of it.

In your case, you need to convince your ex that you have an immense value to him. It’s only when you do that, that he will start to beg.

The only question, is how?

How the hell are you supposed to convince your ex that you are valuable?

Great question!

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Convincing Your Ex That You Are Valuable

Ever since I have started my Private Facebook Group I have been able to communicate with women going through breakups on a more personal level (sometimes talking to them through Skype) and the lessons I have learned have been nothing short of revolutionary.

You see, the really great thing about it is I am able to separate the things the successful women are doing from the unsuccessful women.

Want to know what I learned?

Well, the successful women are able to get their ex to place them back up on a pedestal. In other words, they become valuable again in their exes eyes.

That’s easy enough to understand.

However, we can also learn a lot from the women who fail specifically the actions they are taking.

About a month ago I talked to a woman over Skype (who was a part of the Private Facebook Group) about her situation and even I’ll admit that she was in a very difficult one.

Her ex was dating someone else and she may have freaked out about it post breakup and followed her ex all the way to an airport (where he was meeting his new girlfriend) and confronted the two of them.

Now, think about this for a minute.

By doing that one act she put herself in the “crazy ex girlfriend” territory. Her exes perception of her is always going to lead back to the moment that she acted a bit crazy.

In other words, he is not going to look at her as very valuable. Instead, he is going to look at her like this crazy chick that followed him around that one time.

It’s a tough place to be, no doubt but it’s something you can absolutely learn from.

Your Behavior Matters Post Breakup When It Comes To Getting Him To Beg

Our goal with this article is to make your ex boyfriend beg for you back is it not?

Here is the sad truth you are going to have to accept.

It’s a very ambitious goal that not everyone is going to be able to achieve.

It’s a hard pill to swallow, huh?

Now, does that mean that it’s impossible to get your ex back if he doesn’t beg for you back.

No, it just means you aren’t going to see him begging for you back if that makes any sense.

Take the story of the girl who confronted her ex and his new girlfriend at an airport. Her behavior after the breakup absolutely angered and freaked her ex out.

Instead of thinking,

“I wonder what (name) is up to?”

He’s probably thinking,

“God, (name) is so freaking crazy?”

Do you see where I am going with this?

It’s a lot easier to pivot into making your ex beg for you back if he doesn’t put you in the “crazy ex girlfriend” category.

In other words, if you acted batshit crazy after your breakup then the chances are going to be pretty high that you aren’t in a position to make him beg for you back.

Now, does that mean the world has ended?

Yes!

……..

….

..

Of course it doesn’t mean the world has ended.

All it means is that you probably shouldn’t get unrealistic expectations about having your ex beg for you back.

You could still have a really good shot of getting him back but having him beg for you back is probably not in the cards.

Ok, now that I have that out of the way let’s talk about the lucky people who behaved somewhat normally after their breakup and what they can do to improve the odds that their ex will beg for them back.

The Four Ways To Convince Your Ex You Are Worth Begging For

There has been something that has been on my mind a lot lately and I’m not sure I should tell you…

It’s not that I want to be secretive or anything but I think it could make me a lot of money….

Ah screw it, who needs money anyways (me) I am just going to tell you!

I had mentioned a bit earlier in this article that I have been working personally with a lot of women on our Private Facebook Group and quite a few of them have actually gotten their exes back.

And I find it fascinating to ask them after they got their ex back what made the biggest difference when it came to convincing him to come back.

Four things constantly get mentioned by the success stories and the more and more I picked at them I realized that these four things are essential to regaining some leverage after the breakup and putting yourself in that “value” position that you desperately need to be in to have any chance of making him beg.

The four things are,

  1. The Uncaring Vibe
  2. Competition
  3. Ungettableness
  4. Dictating The Pace

So, here’s the deal.

Based on my own independent research and experience you need to hit on these four things if you want to make your ex beg.

From the top,

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The Uncaring Vibe

Ok, I am probably about to lose any type of credibility by making this reference but what the hell.

When I was a kid there was one TV show that I loved above anything else, Dragon Ball Z.

And there was one character I adored more than anything (and it wasn’t the protagonist.)

Nope, it was this guy named Vegeta. Basically, Vegeta was obsessed with being the most powerful fighter in the universe and always put himself through this rigorous training to do so. However, he always fell short.

At point throughout the series there was a transformation that he wanted to achieve more than anything. The all powerful “Super Saiyan,”

However, no matter how hard good old Vegeta tried he just couldn’t reach it.

In fact, he got so frustrated at one point that he completely gave up his quest screaming,

I DON’T CARE ANYMORE!

And it was at this point that he finally achieved his goal.

When he stopped caring.

Now, you may be sitting there wondering,

Why did you tell us that ridiculous story?

Well, I have seen a similar phenomenon happening with women who desperately want their exes back. You see, a certain segment want their exes back so much that at times I wonder if they would cut off their pinkies to achieve the goal.

And to make matters worse when their ex shows no interest in them they only want them even more.

Unfortunately, they see no results and it’s only when that have that inevitable Vegeta moment where they find themselves screaming,

I DON’T CARE ANYMORE

That they finally start to see some progress.

Their ex magically starts to come back into the picture.

It’s a weird phenomenon but I have seen this happen time and time again.

I haven’t been able to prove it yet but my theory is that when you give up in this manner you have absolutely nothing to lose and you give off a more attractive vibe to those around you.

It’s a transformation and it’s something that you absolutely need to have if you want him to beg for you back.

I mean, think about it for a minute.

If you truly feel like you have nothing to lose you aren’t going to give a crap on if he responds to your texts. You aren’t going to care and that gives you power.

You won’t be tentative in your actions.

You’ll be powerful!

I’m just Saiyan 😉 .

Competition

I am a big believer that if I am going to recommend a strategy to you that I should have proof to back it up and that’s where this next thing comes into play.

I have been noticing a very fascinating trend on the Private Facebook Group a lot of women seem to be having a ton of success with introducing some competition.

Now, what do you think I mean by competition?

Competition = Your Ex Seeing You With Another Man

But I suppose it makes a lot of sense if you really think about it.

You’ve heard the theory on social proof, right?

Well, social proof posits that people are going to base their perception of you based on how you look socially. In other words, if you see a guy at the bar with two women hanging off of his arm then you are probably going to think he is a player.

Now, I’m assuming most women might be turned off by a “player” but men tend to think a bit differently when the shoe is on the other foot.

You see, when we see a woman getting hit on by men we automatically think that she is of higher value.

There’s that word…

Value (what you need to show your ex that you are.)

So, let’s say that you go on a date with a guy and post a picture of it to Facebook or Instagram and your ex sees that. It’s going to be an indication that other men find you attractive and that you might be more valuable than he initially thought.

Ungettableness

If you haven’t already read my guide on “The Ungettable Girl” then drop everything you are doing and read it (the way you look at men will be forever changed I promise you.)

You know, it’s really funny.

I first wrote that article about 3 years ago and I still get asked about it all the time.

I came up with the idea for “The Ungettable Girl” after my best friend and I were waited on by a pretty attractive waitress. I remember very clearly how much he went on and on about how beautiful she was and how he would have no chance with her (I agreed with everything he said by the way (this was before I even met my wife.)

The fact that she was so far out of our league made her more attractive.

And that’s when I had the inevitable lightbulb moment,

This phenomenon applied to every woman I could think of who was out of my league. I always found that I was much more attracted to women who I felt like I had no chance of getting.

Take the case of Brittany a girl who sat across the room in one of my college classes years ago.

I literally remember thinking there was no way on earth that I could ever get a girl like that and it made her even more attractive to me. In fact, it made me so attracted to her that I engaged in a set of super embarrassing attempts to talk to her and eventually settled on coming up to her like a creep to ask if I could sit next to her (even though someone was already sitting next to her.)

So, let me ask you a question.

Do you feel like you are “ungettable?”

Do you feel like your ex views you that way?

Often I find that the women I work with aren’t. In fact, they are so obsessed with pleasing their exes that it’s impossible for them to obtain the elusive ungettable status.

There’s no chase, no reason for why he would even be interested.

And if you can’t get him to view you this way then you can kiss having him beg for you back goodbye.

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Dictating The Pace

What do you think I mean by dictating the pace?

After working personally with thousands of women I have noticed that more often than not the person who controls the rate at which the relationship develops often wins out in the end when it comes to getting an ex back.

In other words, the person who controls how fast things are going/progressing and controls the landscape is going to put themselves in a great position to succeed.

But that is often a problem because it requires a great amount of discipline and women who are going through breakups are among the least disciplined creatures on earth.

So, I figured I’d give you a really great example of someone who I feel mastered dictating the pace and got her ex to actually ask for her back.

I’d like to introduce you to Anna.

Now, Anna was kind enough to hop on a skype call with me for the podcast and allowed me to pick her mind and I have to say I came away very impressed with her approach.

So, after talking with her (which again, you can listen to here) I realized that she did an incredible job of controlling the pace.

I’ll give you a direct example.

The woman literally had her follow him around a house from room to room just so he could look at her butt!

Now, I know that might not seem like much but let’s dissect it a bit.

By having her ex follow her around a house she is literally creating a situation where he is chasing her. Yes, it’s on a small scale but all this stuff adds up.

You want another example on how she controlled the pace?

Well, as they met each other in person for the first time since the breakup she had him hooked in a conversation and then abruptly ended it and had him follow her to a room.

Again, I know this seems like small stuff but trust me when I say that it’s not.

All this seemingly insignificant adds up.

This is what it takes to make your ex boyfriend beg for you back.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

74 responses to “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Beg For You Back… It’s Easier Than You Think”

  1. Victoria says:

    Hello
    I’m really stuck, I broke up with my ex because he lied about his age (29 not 30) which is rediculous after over a year. Anyway when I confronted him hoping he would tell the truth and we could move on he continued with the lie and we broke up. Two days later he admits to his real age apologising saying he was scared to loose me because of my past where another ex-boyfriend also lied about his age, (why do men do that?). Anyway I thanked him for being honest and voiced my feels of hurt and anger in a non confrontational way and said I just want to move forward. He too wants to move forward but how do you do that when trust / emotion is up in the air? I want us to work and get back together but although it was his mistake which he fully accepts he seems just as wary as I am surly he should be doing more if he really wants to ?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it’s normal that he’s wary.. if you’re back together, just take baby steps

  2. Krista says:

    Hi Amor, I think I’m having a somewhat unique situation. My ex boyfriend and I broke up about 6 weeks ago over him having money issues. We were only together for 2 months when he asked me for quite a bit of money. almost $7,000! I will admit that I lied and at first told him I would help him because I was at his house and he came in from work like usual and I could tell something was wrong by the look on his face and he said that his bank screwed up and took money out of his account and he needed $6,500 to make up for it. I sort of panicked and told him that I would help him because I felt like what was I going to say oh I’m sorry you’re about to lose your house and everything? Needless to say when the truth came out and I told him I did not feel comfortable giving him that much money because I didn’t know him that well he got really angry and dumped me. For about 3 days he ignored my messages and then finally said I don’t know what you want me to say because I won’t start a relationship based on lies ever period I could understand him being upset about me lying but after a while he calm down and we started talking again. He’s talked about hanging out in us even working things out in a few months when he got more stable financially period but then he wanted me to wait around for him to decide to have time to hang out with me when he used to always make time for me before no matter what. Well I understand that we were no longer together and he had no obligation to me I finally told him that I was not going to wait around for him if he was not going to make me a priority because he was the one talking about want to hang out and work things out and that I wasn’t going to let him use me for sex and I also told him that I wish we had never been together but I said it out of anger to which he responded wow you have lost your mind. He said I have never said anything mean to you and I don’t appreciate this and I hope you find love and happiness someday but I’m done with you so I decided to go 30 days no contact which I completed on Tuesday. I texted him I found myself thinking about you today and it put a smile on my face. I’m really glad you were in my life. Hope all is well. He responded well thanks I’m really glad we got to know each other better and I’m sorry that things ended on such a bad note. I wrote back that I was sorry too and that I hope things worked out for him. He was still having Financial issues so I told him that I was here for him if he needed to talk. I still feel like he’s keeping me at arm’s length even though he’s been answering my text pretty fast. I told him I wouldn’t bother him again but he said to keep in touch. This sounds crazy but I know he’s the one that got away and I don’t know what to do about it. I sort of feel like I’ve messed up texting because I don’t want him to think I’m needy or desperate so is there any way that I can start over in a way? I haven’t texted him since yesterday. Please help.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Not really..he’s being honest that he misses you but that doesn’t mean he wants to go back with you..

  3. Gwen says:

    Hi Amor,

    I’ve finished NC and right now I’m in the “funny text” part. This time hasn’t been like the past time, the other time I did NC I got him chasing me very fast and he was very interested then eventually we went back together. However now I’m not seeing him very interested in answering my messages. I prepare my texts for leaving him in a cliffhanger but he has being answering the next day (he is being nice not angry or whatever but desinterested) so it’s him and not me who is leaving me in a cliffhanger 🙁 I’m really trying to make my texts interesting but well we have being talking for just 4 days maybe my fears make no sense and I just need time to build rapport… and I wanted to ask if leaving him some hours is ok just sometimes (because of the zeignarak effect I mean) or if it’s better if I do it more naturally, because I think that’s my problem, that I wanna stick to the plan too much… anyway I also wanted to ask if posting videos or pics about love on social media is going to make him think I’m after him and that will make him friendzone me or something. For example I found a video that talks about having courage when you like someone and telling them instead of keeping it to yourself. I posted it with a quote that says “protected hearts end up becoming stone” (well I hope that makes sense I didn’t post it in English) so, for example would that be ok or is it better if he doesn’t see those kind of publications??

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      don’t post anything that conveys that you’re trying to get him back or that he’s negative or that you’re emotionally hurt because of somebody.. you don’t have to stick to the texting plan, do what your gut tells you is right.

    • Gwen says:

      Okk thank you Amor.

      I have another question. I asked once when I was doing NC sometime ago if was it wrong to start always the conversation and you told that what’s important is ending it myself in a cliffhanger.
      However I have the doubt if it is chasing him or if isn’t so good if it’s just me who starts the conversation everyday, because I’d like to start talking little by little with him as before, I mean like just a few texts then more and all of that but everyday, and I don’t know if it’s a good idea writting every single day or if it’s better if someday I don’t text.
      So, maybe if I leave him one day without texting waiting for him to text is that ok or should I write everyday to keep building rapport?

      Btw he complimented me it wasn’t something weird, we were just joking about someone who I don’t know and called me beautiful and he told me “well it’s true that you are beautiful” and then when I ended the conversation he didn’t want me to stop texting and he told me he would write me more on his vacations this week. I don’t know if that’s a good sign I don’t want to imagine things anyway but I think he is starting to be more interested in talking with me.

      Also I wanted to ask if it’s like begging for him telling him to come and visit me or if it’s too soon (it’s LD) because last time when I was building rapport I started telling him like joking to come and visit me and he answered with a very good reaction telling me he really wanted to see me again, although finally he couldn’t but maybe should I try it again the same way?? Because I think he could come this month but I’m not very sure.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      yes, it’s ok to rest to let him initiate.. and it’s not really begging to invite him to visit but if there’s not enough rapport, he might decline it

    • Gwen says:

      Ok thank you Amor

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      you’re welcome!

  4. Mada says:

    Hey, i need an advice.. Me and my boyfriend broke up, last year, about 10 months ago..sometimes i wrote him a message, and sometimes he replied, sometimes he did not..i acted needy..and then about month ago i decided to start with NC for a month.. I make it..and work on my self..I also went on dates.. So, last week i wrote my ex.. Day 1:2 tetx from me, day 2:2 text..day 3:zero..day 4: 3 text from me..and the last one was from me, and i did not get reply, so I decided to wait one day before initiate again..so after that i started to initiated again..and again it was 3 text from me..and it was the last from me..and not replied.. And yesterday was also like that, so I again decided to wait todayand start initiate tommorow..is this okey? Because i am on day 4, where should I make with him 4 text..tetx is always positive, funny, interesting..he also always look at my instagram stories..I do not know what is happening..Am I not that interesting to him or why he text me back 2 text, and then not anymore…I do not have any secret weapons..should I when i will text him, just send him 2 text, and with second end on high point or should I still try for 4 texts? But I am happy that he texts me back, even if it is not like i want..this is progress..but how to handle that he will text me back more than 3 text from my side? Tnx!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it’s just the first week of texting.. it will really take time.. if you want, rest for a week from texting and compile topics that are interesting for him.

    • Mada says:

      Tnx.. and then if I rest for a week, then i start fresh with day 1 of texting? so 2 text maximum, and second one end on a high note? And more… during of this week of no texting, I have a birthday.. if he will text me to wish me happy birthday, should i text him back, thank you.. or should I not reply during this week? Thank you!!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it’s ok to thank him.

  5. Shannon says:

    The story between my ex and I has been complicated as all heck. When we broke up he did the I never loved you thing, alright, I did the crazy stalker thing after the split, chased him, begged him, the whole nine yards. Then I found this site and realised I needed to do NC. So I did, for 5 days before talking to him. As soon as we started talking again, trying to be friends he would randomly start ignoring me. Wouldn’t start the conversation, left me hanging all the time. So I put up with it for a month, him saying ” oh we will work on us, I’m not available to anyone else. We are working on something very complicated. ” Even asked him to game and hang out and he kept blowing me off and saying no. So after I ask if we are still on the same page, I go onto his facebook and seeing him flirting with one of the girls he works with, like 500 comments on a post flirting, so I snapped and asked him did him not being avalible to other people exclude the girl at work and he ignored it. So he strung me along promising to work on things while moving on to a new girl, for two months. So I finally was like alright ” fuck you, I loved you after you hurt me and you strung me along. She can have you. Have a nice life, bye. ” which he ignored so I deleted him off facebook and everything else which I didn’t do when we first broke up. So yeah, now he is moving on and I let him string me along. I still love him even though he is an asshole. So do I just go back into NC? Does that work if he was the last one to ignore me? I’m sick, phsycially and he promised to be my friend and be there for me through this, but then all the him flirting with someone else me deleting him happened. And I don’t know what to do from here ….

    • Shannon says:

      25 * Days of NC, not 5. During the time he only messaged me once to say thank you for valentines presents that were bought before the breakup and I sent anyways cause I had no use for the presents.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      for me you should move on..

    • Shannon says:

      Yeah, I think so too sadly. I guess I came back to this site for comfort while dealing with it. Like I don’t know if doing NC and just cutting him off will be best for me to move on. He was meant to be my friend, was my bestfriend before we dated, so I lost two in one and it kind of messed me up.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      pain is good because it means you’re alive and it makes you grow.. It’s time to make new friends. You dont have to have a new bf but you have to meet new people and make new connections

  6. Siera says:

    Hi Amor!
    Ok so my ex and I broke up towards the end of October. We talked a little, I tried getting back with him, nothing worked. We saw each other in December, we even had sex a couple times.. in January I finally decided to try the NC rule, I was a little scared because I had waited so long, but I tried anyways and follow what it said to do in the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. His birthday is February 5th, and I knew it was important NOT to tell him happy birthday. and NC ended like a week or so after his birthday. Well he did text me a few times during NC, and I never replied. It was a week before his birthday he was messaging me on fb messenger, instagram, everything he could message me on saying he is ready to fight for me. Just give him a chance, please contact him he wants me in his life, he will do whatever it takes to win me. So NC worked! BUT, I guess I didn’t follow what the book said to do once you got him back, and now he just wants to be friends.. he does keep going hot and cold, one minute he says let’s just be friends, and the next minute he’ll tell me every time I get close to leaving it scares him like hell. So what do I do? NC again? I feel like it’d work, bc I know he’s scared to lose me, he just goes through these hot and cold spells. I need help, I want him back! Help me what do I do?

  7. Jam says:

    My bf decided to have a breakup this Wednesday, we are almost turning 1 year this April 19. He said the reason for breaking up is, he wants space and he wants us to improve ourselves. He also said that he is getting tired of our relationship. But before our breakup, he is not answering my calls and is not replying to my text messages and fb messages. By that time, i have this strong feeling, that he’s cheating on me with another girl.

    So, this Wednesday, I confronted him. I forced him to open up his phone, and I forcedly get his phone, I went to their bathroom, checked his inbox and call logs, and I am correct, he’s cheating on me. They’ve been texting and calling each other, before we even break up. I hid the phone inside my bag. Went directly to him, I hit him, threw my shoes, punched out of anger. I shoutedly asked him what’s her name. He shouted and forced me to give his phone back. We hurted each other physically.

    After we got tired, we calmed. That’s when he finally said that he doesnt love me anymore. I begged for him. I cried endlessly. I told him that please dont let this relationship end. I cant face the truth. I cried desperately for him, said things, “I cant live without” “I love you with all my life” and stuffs like that. He said that he doesnt love that girl he is texting and calling. He said the problem is him, he wants to be alone. He only wants to be alone and nobody but him. I told him that, “If that’s true then why would even bother to find another girl to text and call.”

    But then, he said that I’m immatured, I stopped, and think about what he said to me, I realized that maybe he is right. That’s where I gave up, begging for him. I decided to finally give his phone back, because of the fight, my lotion scattered inside my bag, phone got some lotion too. So i took it out, wipes all the lotion while crying but in a calm manner telling him, “Maybe in my actions, yes, im quite immature, but the way you played with my feelings, even though you know that I’m seriously loving you, i dont who’s more immature.” I calmly handed his phone back to him. I also told him while tying my shoes, and crying, getting ready to leave, I am sitting on his bed, “I never knew that’s what you think about me.” “If being immature is loving someone with all my heart, i’d be forever immature.” He’s just sitting there, looking at me. So I stood up, after i tied my shoes, picked up my bag and jacket beside him, as im turning my back ready to get out of his room, he pulled me, I thought he was going to hit me again but then, he kissed me on my lips. I was shocked. I dont what to feel. His look on his face, is like he’s about to cry. But I ignored him, and I quickly went out of his room crying. I just cant accept what happened us.

    I unfriended him as soon as i got home. Removed our nickname on Messenger, deleted him on my contacts, because I dont want to make the same mistake of bombarding him with phone calls and text messages. Now, im currently doing the NC rule for 2days. Im finding ways to improve myself. I realized that I think that Im the reason why this breaking up happened. Do you think that he will come back to me after improved myself? How will he know that I’ve improved if I unfriended him on Facebook, he can no longer see my future posts. How will I contact him after the NC rule, if i deleted his phone number? Please help me, it’s only been 2days since our breakup, and im panicking what if he doesnt contact me, how am i going to contact him? How will i show him that improved myself?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Jam,

      there’s no guarantee that it will work but you have to put yourself first.. make your posts public and if you’re friends in other social media accounts, you can use that for first contact. check the links below too:

      The Ungettable Girl

      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • Lily says:

      Yesterday we talked a bit about a new movie and when the conversation was dying I stopped answering (I didn’t want to force the things and we don’t say hello or goodbay anymore, these last times we just jumped into the conversation). I have the feeling that things are better since I stopped forcing conversations and that was when he started to texting first last week, so I think this is the correct way to break his walls. Now I want to wait and let him text first again. (But I really hope that he do it…)
      About your question, well, this is a busy month in my job, so I don’t really have many new things to talk about (last month yes but we weren’t talking…but he saw it all on social media). And in this new stage we aren’t talking about our lives, I wish we do but I feel thal I should let him set the pace. A few weeks after breaking up he asked me to be calm and not forcing conversations, because he didn’t feel like telling me as much as before, so I prefer to let him drive this. But I wish that he keeps increasing the contact, I should feel better now but I am still afraid of not making it.

  8. Lily says:

    It’s been three months after the break-up (it started as a “Pause” but…). Our last month together have been quite bad and I was being needy and negative. At first we remain friends, we started to be close again… later he started to be distant and ignore me… When I asked him why, he told me that he has moved on (not with another girl, he just said that he left 2016 behind) and that if we met (we live in different cities, one hour by train, but I will probably move to his city for work in less than two months) we could go to the movies or something but “another stage, another pace”. I told him that it was fine for me (It wasn’t but what could I say? Reasoning with him for getting another chance was my mistake after breaking up and obviously it didn’t work). I thought it was the end of the conversation but he told me some news about a common interest and keep talking a little…After that he suddenly told me that he still had the last pictures I sent him (days before the break-up) and he asked me if he could keep them or I wanted him to delete them. I told him that that was his decision, because the pictures were a “gift”. He said “oh well, I’ll take good care of them, they’re amazing”. The conversation ended and I thought that it would be the end (last months he was so distant that I stopped to text him because I was making it worse). But a few days later he sent me something about our favorite tv show (we used to watch it together) and we texted a little (five or six texts each) during two days, always about the show, an “empty” conversation but we kept it going… I decided to make him wait one night for my next answer (it was Tuesday night) and texted him yesterday (Wednesday) morning. He read it inmediately (since the break up he used to wait minutes, hours or even two days once) but he didn’t answered. I thought that delaying my response would demonstrate him that I’m not needy anymore but I think that I messed up… What can I do? I miss him and I want him back

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      do you want to do the no contact rule?

    • Lily says:

      Well I tried once, I broke it and started again but then he texted me this week, the time I told… I don’t want to text him first again (I’ve made that mistake several times and he was distant and cold, before we had that conversation and after that he seemed to be better but not enough, as a matter of fact I don’t understand why he sent me those things this week). He had told me not to force the things, so I’m not going to text him. But I miss him, I miss us and I am always afraid thinking that I won’t be able to make him back… I was clingy and needy at the end, so no contact should at least show him that I can change that behavior. I can’t do anything else…

    • Lily says:

      He texted again, one more time about our favorite tv show (which is “old”, it ended up like twelve years ago). My friends tell me that we is making some approachment with this and that I sould be happier but… I don’t want to be stuck in here. I know that texting me twice in a week is a big improvement, the last two months he only andwered if I texted and very cold and distant. So yes, I should feel better now. But I can’t help needing more. I know that I mustn’t rush or force things but I would like to start talking about other things, know how his life is going, rebuilt our ways, our conection… I can’t force him, so I don’t want to ask him more, I’m letting him drive this… But I would like to make him miss me and need me more, just like before… Because I am afraid of not getting him back. What can I do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      use more current topics and are you doing new things that could be interesting to talk about?

  9. Kimberly says:

    My boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me because he felt that he was going to end up hurting me. It was really sudden and this is after we had made plans of our future. We are currently apart right now but will live in the same city again in about two months. When he broke up with me, I took it with calm and told him that if this was his decision then so be it. I wished him good luck. Ive been fine since then but recently he messaged me. He told me he missed me and he wanted me back. I followed the no contact rule as well as other advice I had seen on here. He told me he wants to speak with me the moment we both get back to the city. Eventually (after a couple of drinks) I gave in and texted him back, but I did not make a fool out of myself. I told him that I needed a lot of time to think about what is going to happen. After that whole conversation, he stopped messaging me and hasn’t contacted me since then its been about 4-5 days? Should I think anything of it? Im kind of stuck honestly.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You’re allowed to break nc if your ex says he wants to get back together because that’s one of the purpose of nc. Right now, I think he’s just respecting your space

  10. Maiken says:

    I failed the NC and I texted my ex and he told me he missed talking to me and I asked him if he would go to prom with me and he said “okay”, and I hugged him at school and said “I miss you” and he said it back.. but then my friend told me that I should give him because he had talked to her and she told me that she feels like he’s moving on. So I went crazy and texted him again and asked if there was hope and he said “no maiken move on”, should I take his word for it and try to entirely move on? Or should I still have hope and start the NC again? I’m devastated..

  11. Charlotte says:

    Thank you Amor. He did not say anything else after my message letting him know that I’m doing well. Should I initiate the next text or wait for couple of weeks? Do you have any advice on what I should text him next?

  12. Charlotte says:

    Hi Amor,
    My ex and I ended on pretty bad terms, he said he would like to stop all communications with me because his new girlfriend did not like it and he wanted to focus on this new relationship. I went no contact for 2 months then reached out to him via text many times but he never responded.  I accepted the hard truth and tried to forget the relationship but could not. A year went by and I reached out to him the other day, asking how he is doing. He responded a day later and asked about my well-being too. 
    Is it a good sign? Is he just being polite?
    I responded with a simple ‘glad to hear you’re good, I’m doing well too’ and did not ask about anything else. Was it an appropriate response? How should I initiate the next conversation? I really want to ask him if we can still be friends and if I can text him from time to time? Is that too emotional for starting a conversation?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Charlotte,

      Don’t ask to be friends, just be friendly. Remember you’re starting out now as strangers. Consider it as a restart and that he has moved on.

  13. Chrysanthemum says:

    My ex and I have become really good friends in the last couple of days and he actually looks for me to talk to me about the silliest of stuff etc and things aren’t how they used to be with me hunting him down- that was sad- anyway I don’t want to get too excited and start acting batshit crazy so how do I get to that point where he feels compelled to ask me out and sees me as valuable in his life

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Chrysanthemum,

      have you done the no contact rule? If yes, how long, when and how much did you improve?

  14. Kelly Lim says:

    Hi! I have been doing no contact with my ex fiance for a week now and he was calling me last 2 days for total of 3 times but I didn’t pick up the phone. He just asked me if I’m in the office and if we could talk. He told me last monday before we started no contact that he cannot commit to me and he wanted to cool off. He needed space and wants to be single again. I don’t know why he wanted to talk but I feel scared that he is going to drive closure. Would it make him even more agitated if I ignore him? Maybe the glass is half full and he wanted to reconcile but me ingnoring him will just push him further away for the lean chance he thought of? We have broken up last Jan but still see each other until last week. He called it off because he felt I’m controlling and becoming demanding.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Kelly,

      since you’re not really broken up, talk to him.

    • Kelly Lim says:

      Thanks! Well, in my mind I thought we have broken up because he called off the engagement and even untag himself in the FB photo. He asked for cool-off which is like a euphemism for break up?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      ok, if you take it that you’ve broken up, start nc rule after this.

  15. Swtluv says:

    A week ago my ex broke up with me. His reasons were because I deserved someone better who will take me out and give me the attention. He said he loves me very much and that’s why he has to let me go. That we will still keep in touch and he can still come over and visit me and my family. However, Idk if the result of the breakup was due to stress. Back in February he told me that he was sorry for being a bad bf because he doesn’t take me out and all due to school. He said school has been challenging for him (he has a year and a half left and is majoring in Public Health). A few days after that he said he didn’t feel like he was where he should be in his life. That he has so many thoughts and he feels disconnected with everyone and has been isolating himself including me. One day I showed up to his place and he looked stressed out. He said he had been playing catch up with school that’s why he has not be texting me or calling me since he’s been very busy. That he cannot juggle school and everything else at the same time. And he said he wasn’t going anywhere. Well the following week we spent time together and went on a date. Two days after that I texted him and since he didn’t reply back I got mad at him. I realized I should have backed off, but it’s now too late for a few days after that he broke up with me. I know he is not good with stress and doesn’t know how to handle things when stressed. I feel bad cause I feel like I put on more pressure on him which caused the break up. I don’t know if the ages matter but he’s 27 and I’m 33. Is there any advice that I can get maybe in getting him back? If there’s even a chance? We’ve been together for 4 years. Two days after breakup he called me to ask me how I was doing? And that was it. I texted him this past sunday and his response was short. Any thoughts? I’d appreciate it.

  16. Maiken says:

    Hi Chris!
    My boyfriend broke up with me on March 23 because a friend thought it would be funny to send my ex a text message that referred to when we actually dated,so my ex told my boyfriend (now ex) that I wanted him back and he got really upset and he wouldn’t believe me and wouldn’t even hear me out.. I spammed him with calls and texts but no response. It had been 4 days without him talking to me, but we go to the same school and we crossed paths yesterday and I straight up gave him a quick hug , kissed his cheek, and told him to talk to me. So after school (yesterday), we talked in person and I explained everything that had happened, and for some reason he didn’t trust me. He told me that his mind was set and he’s not taking me back. Obviously, I was balling my eyes out and for a moment we just sat there in silence, but then he moved and sat next to me putting his arm around me and comforting me.. my friend was on her way to pick me up from his house so I told him that this was my last goodbye (very dramatic.. but thats me), I then asked for a one last kiss and he said that it wasn’t a good idea and I said “ok” and started walking off, but then he grabbed my arms and kissed me. We got to the front of the door and I told him that he should really think about this and then he shut the door. I made a promise to myself that I would follow through the “no-contact rule”, and today will be the 1st day without talking to him. Do you think there is another reason why he broke up with me? we had a perfect relationship (barely fought) and also, do you think theres a high chance of getting him back? Not to sound cocky, but I know that I was a very good girlfriend to him, I would surprise him with his favorite foods, always support him, always be loyal to him and always be there for him. Also, he is a sophomore in high school and I am a senior. hope to hear from you. Thank You

  17. Allison says:

    Hi Chris!
    My ex and I had a smooth 1 year relationship. When we fight we talk about it and later forgive ourselves. We understand each other and know what the other is thinking or feeling about. Last week he had an issue in college and it made an impact on him. He asked me to give him space so I did and after one week he called me for the first time again, telling me the good news that he got enroll in his college again BUT HE BROKE UP with me.
    The following day I asked him again if it was official because I cant accept the fact our “beautiful” relationship suddenly fell apart. He told me the real reason while he was literally crying and between those reasons he kept saying “i love you so much, but i have to do this. It pains me as well that I’m letting you go”. So he really broke up with me yesterday and said he still wants us to be friends…
    I understand his situation even though its hard for me but I love him and respect his decision. Right now im starting the NC rule…
    Do you think I still have the chance to make him change his mind? If so I need some advice, please.
    Thanks you so much!

  18. Ali says:

    Hi, I was wondering if Chris could possibly write an article about ex boyfriends that go out of their way to avoid you/avoid you at all costs. My ex is currently go to great lengths to avoid me (even moving further away on the street when he sees me), even though he ended it with me 6 months ago because he’s young and I think how much he liked me scared him and he said he felt like he needed to be single. In my opinion he isn’t over me as I still seem to cause a noticeable emotional reaction but I might be reading too much into it. Everything I do to try and repair our interaction doesn’t seem to work and he’s had me block for 2 months but when I see him (which is a lot as we live in the same small town) he seems sad and uncomfortable

  19. Abb says:

    Hello there!

    My boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago after dating for almost 5 years.

    After 30 no contact, we started texting. Then we met up, we had a great time. He saw how much I changed for the better. I told him I really want to show him how I changed, because I really wanted him back! He said that me meeting him was his way to give me ‘small’ second chances. But he also said he only wants to meet up like once a month.. Isn’t that weird? I texted him a few days later, but that’s a week ago, and he still didn’t reply. What do I do now?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Abb,

      how long have build been building rapport when you told him that? That and his reply, showed he has more power over you.. the power has to be equal..but right now, it looks like you’re just chasing him..

  20. Ann says:

    Hello there. I’ve read the book twice and now i was reading the articles on this site.
    I did the nc rule more then one month, just because I wasn’t ready after only 30 days so i went on 50 days, after that i had send him a text messege, he responded an hour after says that he was very happy to hear from me, telling me about himself and what he’s been up to , asking me the same and at the end of his text telling me that he is still ok with the decision he took that he doesn’t want us back together.
    What are my chances in this situation..?

  21. U says:

    Hello,

    My ex and I broke up a little more than a week ago. We had hung out that day though we both weren’t in the best moods. That night, he called me and ended things. He said he couldn’t see a future with me and that it was near impossible because I wasn’t of the same ethnicity. He gave me a couple other reasons but I felt like they weren’t the real reasons he was leaving. I ended up crying and he ended up crying so we both were just crying on the phone for a while before he hung up. We haven’t talked since then and we are no longer friends on social media though I think he is still following me on Insta. Currently trying NC and am on day 9. I’m worried and scared he’s going to move on. What do I do?

  22. Jessie says:

    Hi,
    I had a 7 year relationship and the guy cheated on me. I lost my virginity to him in my 20’s. After an year i got into relationship with my my very close friend, who had known all of my past except the physical relationship part. He had had a secret crush on me, but didnt let that to me and just remained a good friend until we got close after the breakup. I was waiting fr the right time to tell him abt this physical relationship thing and fortunately or unfortunately he came to know about it while he saw a mail to my ex which i had sent while i was trying to fix it with my ex two years back. we were pretty close for an year until my parents wanted to get us married. His parents said they are fine with it if my bf is happy to take it to next level. But after few weeks i started to sense that they werent interested in the marriage. We planned to go for post graduation and after that planned to get married. In few days i saw my bf starting to avoid me but he was with me. We started having arguments for small things. and he told me that he couldnt my past affected him so much and he couldnt get that out of his head. he started trying to impress me thinking that he was not better than my ex. I could see the efforts he took to make sure i stayed satisfied, i assured him i love him more than anything which i still do. My bf is a bit immature kind highly emotional, and unstable too. we planned to go to the same place have a live in while we study there. And in one small fight we had his parents took advantage and just told that this is not going to work. they made sure he doesnt talk to me,, they even emotionally cornered him that they would go to the extent of suicide. But even then we kept going back to each other. Either of us would start talking back but i saw he was going away from me eventually. With few fights his parents again came in and wanted us apart. i started the no contact period but in 5 days he contacted me and i couldnt see him being hurt i just started talking back to him. we went good but he didnt want me coming to the same university where he is going, he said we could meet on the weekends or even stay together. But not the same university that he would get distracted if i was in the same class with him as we have opted for the same course. thing is i was not ready to compromise on the university as that was the best university and it had been my dream to take it up there. this time his father called me and blasted me that i am not coming into his life again, and he wont come out to study with me. My bf told me not to respond to his parent’s calls, but by mistake i did. It looked like he doesnt want to give up on me nor his parents. and now all of a sudden he again started this blocking stuff in the name of trying to move on. He responds to my texts but with “leave me this wont work, i dont want you” stuff. Something that he is very sure is that i will be waiting for him, last time when he stopped contacting me, he had planned to take time convince his parents and get back to me. but he never admitted that his parents are trying to bring us apart, he says it is his decision and since we work for the same company he comes back to me each time he sees me and when i initiate a conversation. of late, he had been trying to irritate me by going on dates and he does all that would irritate me, thinking i would hate him. Everytime he blocks me he would leave a channel for me to contact him. This time i texted him in fb and he sounds serious about breaking up. I want to make him realize what he wants and how to make him stand up for what he wants. and he is that type of guy who is not ready to compromise his ego for anything.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Jess,

      check this one:
      EBR 054: My Exes Mom Made Him Break Up With Me

    • Jessie says:

      HI Amor,
      Thank you so much.

      I think I did a terrible mistake, before the no contact period the last that I spoke to him was like that I spoke with my ex, that was just too make him feel jealous, but the fact is I never spoke to my ex. After that conversation we never really got to talk, n I think my bf thinks I m still in contact with my ex, which I don’t actually n now m in day 4 no NC

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      send a clean slate text..clarify that, thank him and tell him that you understand now that this is the best decision and then restart no contact

  23. R says:

    Any tips on how to manage jealousy during NC? My guy has started touring with a beautiful, fun, amazing girl. Just amazing. Like out of his league amazing. I wanna be friends with her amazing. But I’m reeeeeeal jealous &I feel like I’m nothing compared to her. He used to say I was the most beautiful girl he’d ever met, now I feel worthless. I’m starting by banning fb/insta stalking. Any other tips/self esteem boosts? Thanks!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi R,

      definitely dont social media stalk him. You had memories, they dont yet. Unconsciously he’s going to miss you and check on you, so you have to make your posts public so that he can see your improvement

    • R says:

      Thank you so much for your thoughtful response, Amor. Oh the social media chestnut… I’m not so good at social media. I get anxious about the amount of likes and don’t like posting selfies cos I care too much what people think. Is there any work around? Thanks again.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      the posts are for him to see your improvements..so, it doesn’t really matter how many likes it gets. If you dont see him often like in work, that’s the the only option..

    • R says:

      Okay that’s cool, thank you. What sorts of things do we post? You’re amazingly helpful btw.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You’re welcome! Post your activities by yourself or with your friends.

  24. Abby says:

    My ex hasn’t contacted me, it has been 2 months. He broke up with me because I had a “guard with his family” (not true). I cut off all contact with him, I needed time to heal. I recently found out he is seeing someone else, and it pains me. I honestly can’t and don’t want to reach out to him, especially when he just gave up. It was so sudden and we had a very good run in the relationship

  25. Christina says:

    Hi, Chris! Thank you for all your articles, they have been super helpful so far in understanding what may have been going through my ex’s head before the breakup. There’s one thing I’m a little confused about though. How do I show him I’m an ungettable girl and have him chase me and let me set the pace when I’m the one that is supposed to be initiating all the texts immediately after no contact? Does all of this apply more once he has started initiating conversations? (I’m only on day 4 of texting after 6 weeks of no contact, and he’s responding very positively, but I have no idea how long it’ll be before he starts texting me first.) Thanks for the help!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Christina,

      you have to keep improving yourself and being active in posting and you have to the one ending the conversation at high point..

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