Today I am going to teach you exactly how to use psychology to get your ex back.
Now, I do want to say that there is a lot more to this process than simply “using these tricks.”
A great place for you to start if you are interested in learning the foundation of every successful “ex recovery strategy” is my start here page.
The tips I’m going to be talking about today are what I consider to be some of my most advanced so if you don’t have an idea of what the foundation for getting your ex back looks like I suggest you study that before you continue to read this article.
Three Psychological Tricks To Help Get Your Ex Back
There are literally hundreds of “psychological tactics” you can use on your ex after a breakup. However, not all of them are effective. I thought it would be really fun to put together a list of the psychology techniques that I’ve seen work first hand.
I consider these to be the best of the best.
- The Interdependence Theory
- Misattribution of Emotions
- The Scarcity Principle
Now, what do you think I mean by that?
The best of the best?
Well, it means that I can literally attribute some of my success stories to these three strategies.
Like always, let’s dissect.
Psychology Technique #1: The Interdependence Theory
This is perhaps the technique that is the least known of the ones I mention on this article.
In fact, over the years I’ve even made a few amendments to the interdependence theory (more on that in a second.)
So, what is the interdependence theory?
It states that human beings make commitment decisions based on cost and benefit scenarios. In other words, we are always looking to maximize the benefits and minimize the costs.
Seems pretty straightforward, right?
The million dollar question is what criteria do we use to make these “cost/benefit” determinations?
Generally there are three main criteria.
However, after working with clients for six years I have actually added a few of my own to the criteria list.
- Fear of Loss
Here’s my thinking behind my amendment.
You can literally hit on the big three of “satisfaction, alternatives and investment” and still not get an ex to commit to you.
Sometimes an ex needs a metaphorical kick in the butt to take the action you want them to take.
That’s where my amendment criteria comes into play.
Think of it like this,
There are two categories that can really help us understand commitment decisions.
You have the factors that attack your exes reasoning for wanting to commit to you.
- Satisfaction- how satisfied with the relationship your ex is
- Alternatives- is there a better alternative to you out there?
- Investment- how much has your ex invested into the relationship?
However, as I stated above that sometimes these three factors aren’t enough to get an ex to commit. That is where the next category comes into play.
This has to deal with the factors that make your ex want to commit right now.
- Fear of Loss
Combined these six factors create a perfect cocktail for commitment.
Psychology Technique #2: Misattribution of Emotions
While the first psychology technique was all about a macro strategy of making an ex commit this technique focuses on the micro side of things.
I cannot claim credit for this technique as I learned it from a brilliant behavioral psychologist named Dan Ariely.
Misattribution of Emotions: When you experience intense emotions with a human being it’s possible for them to transfer those emotions onto something or someone that makes sense
Probably the most interesting outcome from this psychological technique is that it can make you appear more attractive to the individual you want assuming the circumstances are right for it.
Probably the most famous example of this concept occurred when an audience was asked to rate the attractiveness level of a band that was about to go on stage and perform.
The band then took a quick intermission and the audience was asked again how attractive they thought the band members were and almost every member of the band saw an increase of attraction.
Scientists attributed this amazing increase in attraction to the music played between when they originally asked the “attractiveness question” and the intermission.
The thinking was that the music affected people emotionally and they misattributed those emotions to what made the most sense, the band.
So, here’s how you can use this psychology technique to your advantage.
Whenever you go out on a date make sure you experience something exciting with your ex.
Hopefully they’ll attach those exciting emotions onto you and you’ll appear more attractive to them.
Psychological Technique #3: The Scarcity Principle
This particular technique isn’t psychological the way you think.
Well, perhaps that’s not an accurate way of putting it.
It is psychological it’s just that it’s not commonly associated with romance. Instead, it’s associated with the economy.
However, I have seen applications hold true for relationships.
Here’s how it works,
The Scarcity Principle: The scarcity principle is an economic theory in which a limited supply of a good, coupled with a high demand for that good, results in a mismatch between the desired supply and demand equilibrium.
Basically when the supply doesn’t meet the demand you have a problem in economics.
But how does this apply to relationships?
The Scarcity Principle (In Relationships): We tend to value something higher when there isn’t a lot of it to go around.
In other words, the more scarce you make yourself the more likely someone is to cherish you or try to obtain you.
How often have you heard me recommend to people to “not be too available?”
I mean, for goodness sake, every time I recommend the no contact rule to someone it essentially taps into the scarcity principle.
Of course, the million dollar question you are probably wondering is how you can make yourself look scarce.
This is where the problem becomes interested because it is essentially the reverse of economics.
Generally speaking economics runs into this problem often,
High demand and low supply.
Of course, we aren’t living in the world of economics, are we?
Instead, we have a high supply (you want your ex back) and a low demand (they don’t want to get their ex back.)
So, how can we manipulate the factors to turn this around.
Well, we need to find a way to increase the demand.
The supply (you) in your situation isn’t going to change. However, by having your ex see other people find you attractive they will start to feel the pressure and might start to take action.
If you are wondering why that is such a big deal then look no further than my talk on the uncertainty principle in this article.
Let’s do a quick recap of everything I have talked about so far.
- Don’t expect the psychological principles I talk about in this article to be a miracle fix for every problem you have.
- Make sure you get a good foundation by going to our start here page first.
- There are hundreds of psychology tricks you can use on your ex but there are three that really stand out.
- The interdependence theory
- The misattribution theory
- The scarcity principle
- You need to use each of these three psychology tricks in tandem to get the best results with your ex
Like always, don’t be afraid to ask questions or leave comments. I will respond.