Today we are going to be talking about making your ex beg for you back.
If I’m honest this is a topic that I haven’t really talked about a lot.
Well, it’s probably due to the fact that most of the people I work with are often the ones doing the begging.
But what if I told you that there are three essential elements that can cause anyone to be put in a position of begging to be let back in to the relationship.
Would you believe me?
That’s what we are going to be talking about today.
The 3 Essential Elements To Making Your Ex Beg For You Back
Begging assumes that one person is at the mercy of another.
In the grand scheme it means you are approaching any situation from a position of weakness.
Consider the moment of two people getting into a fight.
One person will win and the other will lose.
The person who loses will literally have to beg the other person to stop “winning” or more physical harm can come to them.
In other words, the “loser of the fight” will have to beg to get the other person for mercy.
But you see, they are approaching things from a position of weakness.
This analogy can be applied to pretty much anyone who “begs.” For the purposes of this article we are going to be zoning in on relationships with exes.
I’m going to be teaching you the three most essential elements for flipping the script and being someone worth begging for.
Those three elements are,
- Understand The Push/Pull Theory
- Make Them Invest and Appreciate Your Value And Recognize They Can Lose You
- Gain Leverage Over Your Ex
Let’s begin to dissect these three elements.
Element #1: Understand The Push/Pull Theory
I’ve already presented my analogy about begging being for people who are approaching things from a position of weakness.
After a breakup you’ll find that there are generally two types of behaviors people will engage in.
- You Have The Pushers
- You Have The Pullers
For our visual learners,
Essentially the pushers are people who want nothing to do with you after the breakup.
They push away all of your attempts to talk.
The pullers are the opposite end of the spectrum.
After a breakup they are the ones trying to instigate and get things moving.
Now, this is where things become a bit complicated.
Most exes will be pushers after a breakup. In other words, they’ll want nothing to do with you. They’ll push you away.
In order for you to get your ex to “beg for you back” you’re going to need to turn them into a puller.
But how do you turn someone who is a pusher into a puller.
That’s a great question.
Have you ever been fishing before?
One of the most interesting things about going fishing is how you actually catch a fish.
It usually goes something like this,
You reel the fish in by letting it think it can get away so it stays on the line and then pulling it in a little further.
You repeat this process until you have it fully reeled in.
Making your ex into a “puller” is a little like that.
You need to slowly reel them in by pushing and pulling.
Giving them a taste of both sides of the coin.
It’s thrilling because they never know what to expect from you and as a result they’ll invest more to figure it out.
This leads me to the next thing I’d like to talk about.
Element #2: Make Them Invest And Then Use The Fear Of Loss
I talk a lot about the fear of loss on this website.
Heck, it’s something I mention a lot to my coaching clients.
However, I think the biggest flaw with the way I teach it is that I already assume that your ex is invested in you and that’s not always the case.
If your ex doesn’t have any emotional or physical capital invested into your relationship they aren’t going to care about losing you.
So, before I do my big speech on the fear of loss, I think I need to talk first about investment and what that comprises.
Investment can come in many forms.
- Time in the Relationship
- Physicality of the Connection
- Shared Emotional Experience
- Thinking and Planning For the Future
The important aspect of it is that you want to find a way to have your ex invest these things into you.
Without any of these kinds of investments (even if they seem small and insignificant) you aren’t going to making your ex beg for you.
You see, people don’t beg for things they don’t care about.
They beg when they feel like they are going to lose something.
Let’s go extreme with this and take my very first example about begging and fighting,
Why would someone beg in this case?
What are they losing?
After all, in an boxing or mixed martial arts fights they have referees present to ensure that the well being of both fighters is taken care of.
But what if there wasn’t a referee?
What if someone was fighting you on the street and they won’t stop.
Why would you beg?
You’d beg because you’d be afraid of losing your life.
That seems like a worthy investment worth begging over, right?
You have a lot invested into your life.
Here’s my point.
Before you start doing things to actively make your ex think they’ve lost you forever you need to ensure that they have invested enough into you to feel that loss.
Because if they haven’t, they aren’t going to care.
Element #3: Gain Leverage Over Your Ex
If you were to ask me what THE most important element in this article was I think a huge case can be made for either leverage or investment.
Though I prefer to think of them as not being mutually exclusive.
In many cases your leverage over your ex is their investment into you.
Let me talk a little about leverage and it’s importance.
When I work with clients I always love to pick their situations apart by pointing out that they are in a very disadvantageous position.
So often I’ll work with someone who literally thinks they have a great chance of getting their exes back based on the way things are now.
You probably don’t.
Significant changes probably need to be made.
The biggest issues I see time and time again is that they have no leverage.
No reason for their ex to want them back.
It’s funny to me how often I’ll ask one of my clients,
Why would your ex want you back?
Only to have them give me that deer in the headlights look,
That’s when the light bulb goes off that they still have more work to do.
Getting your ex back is all about leverage.
A lot of people falsely think this process is about saying or doing the right thing.
I find that it’s more about grinding things out day by day to reinforce your value or to increase it by showcasing new and improved aspects of yourself.
So it is about slowly imposing your will or your leverage on your ex.
In my opinion you only have two types of leverage over your ex,
- Their potential reasoning for wanting you back
- Their overall investment in you
This means that most of your time needs to be spent improving these two things
Let’s do a quick round up so that we fully cover what I talked about today.
Remember, with this article I’m only talking about things that I deem as the most important elements for making an ex beg for you back. It doesn’t mean that they are the only strategies for achieving that outcome.
Just the most important.
- In my opinion, there are three big elements for making someone beg for you back
- The Push/Pull Theory
- The Juxtaposition of Investment And Fear Of Loss
- Gaining Leverage
- It’s important to remember that often times your leverage is your exes investment into you
- Without that you are probably dead in the water
- This whole process isn’t so much about saying or doing the right things but slowly imposing your will on your ex
As always, I am here to answer your questions.
Don’t be afraid to leave a comment.