Today we are going to be talking about making your ex beg for you back.

If I’m honest this is a topic that I haven’t really talked about a lot.

Why?

Well, it’s probably due to the fact that most of the people I work with are often the ones doing the begging.

But what if I told you that there are three essential elements that can cause anyone to be put in a position of begging to be let back in to the relationship.

Would you believe me?

That’s what we are going to be talking about today.

The 3 Essential Elements To Making Your Ex Beg For You Back

Begging assumes that one person is at the mercy of another.

In the grand scheme it means you are approaching any situation from a position of weakness.

Consider the moment of two people getting into a fight.

One person will win and the other will lose.

The person who loses will literally have to beg the other person to stop “winning” or more physical harm can come to them.

In other words, the “loser of the fight” will have to beg to get the other person for mercy.

But you see, they are approaching things from a position of weakness.

This analogy can be applied to pretty much anyone who “begs.” For the purposes of this article we are going to be zoning in on relationships with exes.

I’m going to be teaching you the three most essential elements for flipping the script and being someone worth begging for.

Those three elements are,

  1. Understand The Push/Pull Theory
  2. Make Them Invest and Appreciate Your Value And Recognize They Can Lose You
  3. Gain Leverage Over Your Ex

Let’s begin to dissect these three elements.

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Element #1: Understand The Push/Pull Theory

I’ve already presented my analogy about begging being for people who are approaching things from a position of weakness.

After a breakup you’ll find that there are generally two types of behaviors people will engage in.

  1. You Have The Pushers
  2. You Have The Pullers

For our visual learners,

Essentially the pushers are people who want nothing to do with you after the breakup.

They push away all of your attempts to talk.

The pullers are the opposite end of the spectrum.

After a breakup they are the ones trying to instigate and get things moving.

Now, this is where things become a bit complicated.

Most exes will be pushers after a breakup. In other words, they’ll want nothing to do with you. They’ll push you away.

In order for you to get your ex to “beg for you back” you’re going to need to turn them into a puller.

But how do you turn someone who is a pusher into a puller.

That’s a great question.

Have you ever been fishing before?

One of the most interesting things about going fishing is how you actually catch a fish.

It usually goes something like this,

You reel the fish in by letting it think it can get away so it stays on the line and then pulling it in a little further.

You repeat this process until you have it fully reeled in.

Making your ex into a “puller” is a little like that.

You need to slowly reel them in by pushing and pulling.

Giving them a taste of both sides of the coin.

It’s thrilling because they never know what to expect from you and as a result they’ll invest more to figure it out.

This leads me to the next thing I’d like to talk about.

Element #2: Make Them Invest And Then Use The Fear Of Loss

I talk a lot about the fear of loss on this website.

Heck, it’s something I mention a lot to my coaching clients.

However, I think the biggest flaw with the way I teach it is that I already assume that your ex is invested in you and that’s not always the case.

If your ex doesn’t have any emotional or physical capital invested into your relationship they aren’t going to care about losing you.

So, before I do my big speech on the fear of loss, I think I need to talk first about investment and what that comprises.

Investment can come in many forms.

  1. Time in the Relationship
  2. Physicality of the Connection
  3. Shared Emotional Experience
  4. Thinking and Planning For the Future
  5. Financial

The important aspect of it is that you want to find a way to have your ex invest these things into you.

Without any of these kinds of investments (even if they seem small and insignificant) you aren’t going to making your ex beg for you.

You see, people don’t beg for things they don’t care about.

They beg when they feel like they are going to lose something.

Let’s go extreme with this and take my very first example about begging and fighting,

Why would someone beg in this case?

What are they losing?

After all, in an boxing or mixed martial arts fights they have referees present to ensure that the well being of both fighters is taken care of.

But what if there wasn’t a referee?

What if someone was fighting you on the street and they won’t stop.

Why would you beg?

You’d beg because you’d be afraid of losing your life.

That seems like a worthy investment worth begging over, right?

You have a lot invested into your life.

Here’s my point.

Before you start doing things to actively make your ex think they’ve lost you forever you need to ensure that they have invested enough into you to feel that loss.

Because if they haven’t, they aren’t going to care.

Element #3: Gain Leverage Over Your Ex

If you were to ask me what THE most important element in this article was I think a huge case can be made for either leverage or investment.

Though I prefer to think of them as not being mutually exclusive.

In many cases your leverage over your ex is their investment into you.

Let me talk a little about leverage and it’s importance.

When I work with clients I always love to pick their situations apart by pointing out that they are in a very disadvantageous position.

So often I’ll work with someone who literally thinks they have a great chance of getting their exes back based on the way things are now.

You probably don’t.

Significant changes probably need to be made.

The biggest issues I see time and time again is that they have no leverage.

No reason for their ex to want them back.

It’s funny to me how often I’ll ask one of my clients,

Why would your ex want you back?

Only to have them give me that deer in the headlights look,

That’s when the light bulb goes off that they still have more work to do.

Getting your ex back is all about leverage.

A lot of people falsely think this process is about saying or doing the right thing.

I find that it’s more about grinding things out day by day to reinforce your value or to increase it by showcasing new and improved aspects of yourself.

So it is about slowly imposing your will or your leverage on your ex.

In my opinion you only have two types of leverage over your ex,

  1. Their potential reasoning for wanting you back
  2. Their overall investment in you

That’s it.

This means that most of your time needs to be spent improving these two things

Conclusion

Let’s do a quick round up so that we fully cover what I talked about today.

Remember, with this article I’m only talking about things that I deem as the most important elements for making an ex beg for you back. It doesn’t mean that they are the only strategies for achieving that outcome.

Just the most important.

  • In my opinion, there are three big elements for making someone beg for you back
  • The Push/Pull Theory
  • The Juxtaposition of Investment And Fear Of Loss
  • Gaining Leverage
  • It’s important to remember that often times your leverage is your exes investment into you
  • Without that you are probably dead in the water
  • This whole process isn’t so much about saying or doing the right things but slowly imposing your will on your ex

As always, I am here to answer your questions.

Don’t be afraid to leave a comment.

29 thoughts on “I Want My Ex To Beg For Me Back”

  1. Tori

    November 14, 2018 at 1:04 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me two months ago. He said he couldn’t stand the small fights anymore. I was so devastated and I told him I couldn’t talk to him. But he said he really wanted to stay in contact and he still liked me. We texted back and forth for three weeks and I decided to go on to no contact.

    I did no contact for 37 days. After that I texted him and asked for his address so I could send his clothes back to him. He said sure but also asked me to keep one of them?? Why would he want me to keep his stuff?? Then I started to keep up the conversation but it felt weird. I was also the one who starts the conversation and he sometimes takes hours to reply. Then I sent him a long voice mail and he was really pissed. He asked me not to do that again. I also asked him why he is being so distant now and why he seemed like he doesn’t want to talk to me.(although he would reply and tell me how his day went) He replied because I disappeared for a long time and now he just doesn’t feel like texting a lot. I asked if he still liked me and he say no. Did I make a mistake by doing no contact at the first place? I’m really confused I don’t know what to do now.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 14, 2018 at 1:50 am

      Hi Tori!

      I don’t think so. NC is also for you…your recovery and finding some healing along the way.

  2. Jess

    November 12, 2018 at 6:06 am

    So I’ve posted on here several times over the last year.. and have been following the guide- here’s an update. This week, over text I told him that he’s really important to me and my life is always better when he’s in it. I also complimented his appearance. In response my ex told me for the first time that he loves me. He also said he wants me, it’s sometimes all he can think about and he can’t make it stop. He said that he would love nothing more than to continue being friends with me but he has poor self control and I should know this. I am SO CONFUSED- why is he talking about being friends?? Is he asking to be friends with benefits? He invited me to have dinner with him in two nights, I’m not sure how to act? Have I really convinced him I just wanted to be friends? I thought it was so obvious I was and always have been completely in love with him!! I am soooo close and I’m so scared to lose him again, but i don’t know when I can finally, if ever, let my guard down and tell him how i feel after over a year of trying to play it cool. He knows I’ve dated other guys, but I have no hint that he’s dated anyone else. Please help! Where do I go from here? It’s so hard not to freak out and spill my guts to him and like rush into his arms after what he wrote.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 12, 2018 at 11:37 pm

      Hi Jess!

      Yep, guys and their behavior can be confusing. IF you are feeling emotional about the meetup, then look for ways to find some more emotional balance….yoga, meditation, fitness workouts, etc. Not everything rides on a single meetup. Just think little steps!

  3. Joy

    November 11, 2018 at 4:40 am

    what to do when he broke up with me just because I confirmed a. girl he is is cheating on me with he lie to her that we have broken up ,

  4. Nouha

    November 9, 2018 at 10:25 pm

    Hey dear chris.
    In fact i am doing the N.C and i’m thinking abt how can i make my ex invest. As i know he is very selfish and he won’t do that easily!

    Is there any strategy that would fit?
    Plz tell me!
    God bless you

  5. Heartbreak in Africa

    November 9, 2018 at 4:23 pm

    Hello to you! .
    I was so touched to find your advise correct,
    My question is what you mentioned can be the same case to the separated married couple with one kid ?, in africa yes you can have leverage in a relationship. But still materialism is challenge a woman leave you for someone else with money, even a good. Car, job etc…,
    It happened to me what would be your advice .
    I apologize also for poor English.

  6. Elizabeth

    November 9, 2018 at 4:10 pm

    He’s dating someone else, and said never to us getting back together. It’s his birthday this Sunday. Should I wish him? It’s been a couple of months of no contact.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 10, 2018 at 2:06 am

      Hi Elizabeth!

      I wouldn’t advise more than 60 days of NC in most situations. So B-day wishes might be a way to initiate. Are you following my program teachings covered in my books!

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 10, 2018 at 2:06 am

      Hi Elizabeth!

      I wouldn’t advise more than 60 days of NC in most situations. So B-day wishes might be a way to initiate. Are you following my program teachings covered in my books!

  7. Eliza

    November 8, 2018 at 7:22 pm

    We dated for 5 months. He has full custody of 2 teenagers and an elementary school child with an ex GF who he has twice a week. All was great until the last 6 weeks and his work and life responsibilities seemed to overwhelm him. I could feel him pulling away. I tried to give him space and he said he appreciated it but then ultimately said he feels nothing and doesn’t know why(after pushed for some clarity on his saying thanks for space and don’t take it personally if there is “less back and forth”) and then after a 10 day “break” that he just doesn’t “see it”. Since then i have been in strict NC for about a week. Is there any hope? So far from him only a like on FB on a great pic of me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 11:39 pm

      Hi Eliza!

      So NC is probably the right move. Just follow thru with your effort and make sure your are doing it the way I teach. Tap into my eBooks, videos, podcasts…any and all of that to get up to speed.

  8. Tonya

    November 8, 2018 at 5:05 am

    I’m currently in NO Contact after my ex left me after 4 years. Now he is in an rebound relationship. We broke up October 28, 2018. I feel really hurt, it’s hard when people just hurt you, and move on. I’m praying for recovery.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 11:43 pm

      Hi Tonya…you will find healing and recovery. It starts with going to the mirror and hugging yourself. You and everything inside you can recover.

  9. Anonymous

    November 8, 2018 at 1:13 am

    Great article, how do you utilize elements 1 and 2 when their is an OW involved? Can you give me an example? Thanks!

  10. Beth

    November 8, 2018 at 12:03 am

    So Chris, HOW do you get your ex to invest in you if they’ve already broken up with you? How do you “impose your will on your ex” when they aren’t even talking to you? My ex doesn’t have social media, so please don’t offer that as an option 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:00 am

      NC can be a useful strategy working behind the scenes….friends network….random like encounters pre-planned to create attraction. Some of the investment happens when the connection is slowly reestablished.

  11. Lia

    November 7, 2018 at 5:51 pm

    What is your ex has a new girlfriend and you were in a long distance relationship? How do you prove your value to them?

  12. D

    November 7, 2018 at 7:56 am

    Sparkling article. For a moment, it did raise my hopes.
    He broke up with me a month ago saying he wants to date other girls. I tried to…beg, as you said, trying to contact to his reasoning that he should not just give up on that and we should fight this because the connection we had for so many years and all the things we went through were not just shallow rain.
    However, he said that I should give up on him, that he did care about me and that’s that.
    He left me and he took a part of me with him and I still can’t believe or accept this. Our relationship was way too good, I guess and I don’t know what I did wrong.

    Thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:13 am

      Thanks D…i hope you enjoyed the video too.

      Guys say stupid things sometimes…so stick with your ex recovery plan that I roll out in my books and throughout the site.

  13. Mister B

    November 7, 2018 at 6:55 am

    This seems a bit like emotional manipulation, using leverage against your ex to get them back seems kind of scummy to be honest.

    As much as I would love to have my ex back, I just have to live with the fact it will most likely never happen and that they are happier with someone new, using emotional manipulation even if it will bring them back to you is wrong.

  14. june

    November 7, 2018 at 5:25 am

    I really find this useful but in my case that Mr and my ex has been broken up for already going on 8 months but we still talk and sleep with each other but that about it. Is there something I must do to make it come back instead of just having each other for company

  15. Jalaya

    November 7, 2018 at 4:34 am

    I believe this is a great article for people who still have contact with their ex. I wish this could work in my situation but it’s impossible me and ex haven’t spoken in 8 months now. So I just learn to live life without him.

  16. Suz

    November 7, 2018 at 4:09 am

    Chris,
    How do you implement this when an OW is involved? He has been traveling from Perth WA to Indonesia every 3rd week to see her and I believe this weekend he just introduced her to his brother, sister in law and niece.
    Please help me

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:19 am

      Hi Suz….certainly that makes it more challenging. I wrote a post about what I call the Being There approach. Ummmmmm. Don’t have this moment to get into it all but if you go to my Contact Form and email me a message I can give you more details!

  17. Alondra Dorsey

    November 7, 2018 at 12:18 am

    Hey Chris so my exams I were together for 6 years. Two weeks after our breakup he got a new girlfriend. We have had a couple run ins, once while he was out with her! He hasn’t reached out or made any moves to even try to talk to me. I am wondering if this means he has really moved on. We broke up 9/30/18.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:24 am

      Hi Alondra!

      So that is a solid amount of time to be together and builds traction which is good. Are you following my Program. I have lots of resources on this site….please tap in!

  18. Allison Welka

    November 7, 2018 at 12:16 am

    We have a 2yr old child together, and through it was me that ultimately made the last mistake (no cheating on either side), I have not been able to apply the “no contact” rule. What else can i do? I’m working very hard, both workwise and counseling wise, but he wont admit HIS faults within the relationship making him convinced it was ALL me. He is the love of my life and I believe if we can work through our problems we could have a beautiful life together as a family. But hes also hot-n-cold….one time hugging me and giving me a kiss on the lips, then the next time telling me he wants nothing to do with me. And he goes back and forth like this for months now. What do I do? I’ve been very positive and reaffirming and have not said anything negative to him during this whole time. Hes been severely hurt by his exes in the past, and I believe hes projecting all his issues onto me. What do I do? How do I treat this? Where do I go from here? The best I can do is just keep proving to him that I AM a God person who sometimes makes mistakes, and that I’m working on being the best “me” I can for myself , him, and our daughter, and to just give it more time. Any other pearls of wisdom or sage advice? I would appreciate it.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:27 am

      Hi Allison!

      God bless you and your beautiful 2 year old child. Proud of you on working to be the best “you”. Remember, you are not doing it just for him…but for yourself and those you love. I have no doubt that a person like you will land on their feet no matter what happens. And he is wrong. No single person is all at fault. Be kind to yourself and others and many wonderful things will happen for you.

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