Sweaty Betty has been cheated on by her husband…
Being cheated on is without a doubt one of the most painful things that you will ever experience when you are in a relationship with someone.
What’s worse is being cheated on by a husband who shows no remorse at all for what he did.
Well, this is what Sweaty Betty is experiencing in this episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.
In this episode of the EBR podcast I cover,
Things I Talk About In This Episode
- The reasons why men cheat.
- A movie I saw LAST NIGHT that perfectly explains cheating.
- The differences between men cheating and women cheating.
- How to do the NC rule if you live with someone.
- Obviously I talk about how to make a man regret cheating on you.
IMPORTANT Links In This Episode
- Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO (Sweaty Betty bought it!)
- The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast iTunes Page
- EBR Episode 6
- How to Get An Ex Back From A New Girl
IMPORTANT PLEASE REVIEW THE PODCAST
I mentioned in the episode that I was doing a blitz of trying to get people to review the podcast.
Well, here is the blitz again!
I would be forever grateful if you visited my Podcast in iTunes and left an honest review for me.
It would seriously help me out so much!
I want to see if the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Nation can take over iTunes so I kinda need your help to do that!
Lets get to today’s game plan.
Make Him Regret Cheating Game Plan
Part 1- Determine If You Want Him Back
Cheating is a big deal.
Not everyone can handle it. So, if you determine that you can’t forgive him for what he did then you are going to have a hard time having a successful relationship in the future. Though if you can’t get over it don’t feel bad because I am not sure I would have the strength to get over that kind of betrayal.
Part 2- Do Limited Contact At Home
We are all familiar with the no contact rule.
But what about the no contact rule if you live with someone?
Are you still able to do it?
Yes, you just have to make some…. alterations. Listen to part 2 of the game plan in the podcast to find out exactly which alterations.
Part 3-See If He Will Jump Through Hoops
It is important that he shows his remorse by jumping through two hoops.
- Hoop 1- He has to cut off all communication with the girl he cheated with. He has to cut her out of his life.
- Hoop 2- He has to prove he’s different by not hanging around other women for the time being…
Part 4- You Can’t Be Intimate For A While
Make him work for it.
Seriously, it will do wonders for your relationship if he has something to work towards.
Part 5- Use Jealousy
If you really want to make him remorseful show him what he is missing out on by going on a “hang out” with another guy.
FYI if my wife did this to me it would crush me with jealousy.
That’s the truth!
Part 6- Be Willing To Walk Away
Remember what I said in the episode.
In order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.
Do You Want To Ask Me A Question For The Show?
It’s really simple to leave me a voice mail for the show.
All you have to do is go to the contact page on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
Once you are there you simply record your message and wait for me to feature you!
Welcome to Episode 7 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Today we’re going to be talking about a very intense topic, cheating. More specifically, we’ll talk about how to make a man regret cheating on you.
Before I get into that, I’m doing a blitz lately of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. As many of you know, it just went live on iTunes. I’m doing everything I can to try and get reviews for the podcast. I want it to do well on iTunes. That will increase the life of the podcast.
I really want this to be a success. If you can, take five minutes out of your day, go to iTunes and leave a review for the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery podcast. I will put information and instruction on how to do that in the show notes of this episode.
With that out of that way, let’s dive right in and hear a voicemail from the woman I chose today. It’s pretty interesting. She did not give me her real name. She gave me a fake name to use. The fake name is Sweaty Betty. This episode is dedicated to you, Sweaty Betty. Listeners, I hope you enjoy.
“Hi, Chris. I’m contacting you because my husband of 10 years has been cheating on me. I caught him about a week ago. I haven’t decided whether I want to take him back or not. I do want him to beg me to take him back. That hasn’t happened yet. I’m feeling a little down because of it.
I don’t see any kind of remorse. That kind of hurts my ego even more. I do care a lot for him but I’m unsure of my feelings at the moment. I do know that I want him to want to come back. My problem is that he has to pop in and out of the house because he’s carrying out some work. I don’t know how to deal with the no contact period. It would be nice if you could help me out with that. Thank you so much. I purchased your book last night, so I’ll be reading that.”
Ouch. Being cheated on is probably one of the worst things that a human being can experience in a relationship. Sweaty Betty, I’m really sorry that you are going through this. I can’t imagine how you are feeling. Hopefully we can do something to improve your situation.
For the listeners who didn’t catch her situation, she caught her husband of 10 years cheating on her. She hasn’t decided whether or not she’s going take him back yet, which is important. I’ll get to that a little bit later. She really wants him to beg for her back. If she follows the advice in this episode, she might be able to do that. He hasn’t begged for her back yet.
He really hasn’t shown any remorse. That’s really hard, Sweaty Betty. I’m honestly really sorry that he’s not shown any remorse. He honestly should be ashamed of himself. I’ll lay into him a little bit later in this episode. She obviously wants him to come back. She doesn’t know if she wants to take him back, but she wants to see some sort of effort on his part.
Let’s see what we can do about improving Sweaty Betty’s situation here. She did mention that she wants to try the no contact rule but there’s a bit of an issue because they do live together. They’re husband and wife. I’ll talk a little bit later about how to navigate the situation of the no contact rule if you are living with the person.
Before I get into any of that, let’s go into general knowledge of cheating, more specifically, the reasons why men cheat. There could be thousands of reasons why men cheat. I’m going to take the top five reasons why men cheat and expand on them.
Reason number one is a lack of intimacy. I’m going to go a little off topic here. Last night, my wife and I rented a movie called Home Sweet Hell. It had Catherine Heigl in it. She played this woman who was very straightforward. She had goals in her life. She was obsessed with being a perfect family with her husband.
She wouldn’t sleep with her husband unless it was scheduled ahead of time on a calendar. She would say things like, “We’re not going to sleep together until the 9th. I have that scheduled for the 9th.” Obviously, the guy was not too thrilled with this. He would only be able to sleep with her six times a year. He cheated on her. The movie gets whacky from there.
The point I’m trying to make is, if you are not intimate enough with a man, men have needs. He may begin to look elsewhere. That’s an unfortunate reason. I know not every woman is in the mood all the time. You do have to take into account that there is that aspect to a man’s mind.
Another reason that a man could potentially cheat on you is that some of them are weak minded. If a woman throws herself at a man, he might not have the strength or power to push her off and say, “No, what are you doing? Stop this.”
Let’s be honest. Some men like attention. When women walk down the street, they get attention from guys. They’ll have men whistling at them. When a man walks down the street, women don’t whistle at men. We’re always craving that attention.
Speaking of craving attention, another reason that he may cheat on you is that you don’t make him feel wanted enough. You haven’t given him enough attention, so he begins to look elsewhere for it. That’s another common reasons that I see on the website.
Women comment and tell me, “My boyfriend or husband cheated on me.” When I dive deeper into the situation, I find out that they’re not exactly the best in the relationship either. They don’t give their man enough attention. Men need attention. They need to feel wanted. Always remember that. I want to feel wanted by my wife all the time, every day. It’s almost like a drug.
Another common reason is revenge cheating. Let’s say that you are dating your boyfriend and you cheat on him. Then he finds out that you cheated on him. He’s going to go through the thought process of, “How can I hurt her the most? I know. I’ll do what she did to me so she can feel how I feel.” So he starts revenge cheating, which never works out for him and the new girl or him and you. It’s a dumb idea. Unfortunately, it does happen.
The final reason that I want to talk about with regards to cheating is excitement. Men think cheating is exciting. About a year ago, I watched this YouTube video of a woman who dedicated a book to cheating and finding out why people cheat, not just men, but people in general. The overwhelming majority of people who cheated said that the reason they cheated was because it made them feel excited inside.
It was exciting. They grew bored in their own relationships. They were looking for something more. That is weak, in my opinion. It’s what she found. That’s real research right there. I wish I remembered her name or the video I watched so I could send the listeners to this video so they can see for themselves.
Those are five common reasons why men may potentially cheat. Here is the interesting insight that I want to leave you with. The reasons behind why men and women cheat are completely different. When a man cheats, it’s more physical based. It’s more of a one-and-done type of deal. There are always exceptions to the rule. If you’re thinking, “I’ve been cheated on and his affair lasted for more than a year,” that may be the exception to the rule.
Generally, it’s a one-night-stand type of deal. It’s a physical thing. They cheat for physical reasons. They get horny. Women are different, on the other hand. Of course, there are exceptions to that rule as well. While women can get horny, their reason for cheating is more emotional. Their emotional needs aren’t met in the relationship and they look elsewhere for it.
Often times, when a woman cheats, it starts out as emotional cheating. Her boyfriend or husband isn’t there for her at a specific time in her life. Maybe a guy friend is, so she latches on to the guy friend. Instead of going to her significant other for advice, talking about her feelings or working through things, she turns to this guy friend.
The guy friend takes that role on. The guy friend takes advantage of it. Feelings start to develop between her and the guy friend. All of a sudden, there’s a full-blown affair. When women cheat, more often than not, it’s not a one-night-stand type of deal. It’s a longer, drawn out process.
That’s an interesting thing when you look at cheating in general and the differences between men and women. When men cheat, it’s more physical. When women cheat, it’s more emotional. That’s what I’ve found, not only in my research, but when I read people’s questions and comments on the site.
A lot of the women at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery don’t know this but I have another site for men called Ex-Girlfriend Recovery. Believe it or not, there was a girl who went to Ex-Boyfriend Recovery and wanted her boyfriend back. Her boyfriend went to my other site, Ex-Girlfriend Recovery. They ended up using the same tactics against each other. They wound up together in the end. I found it kind of funny.
One day, I was looking through all the comments. I get hundreds of comments a day and I have to moderate every single one of them. I get so many spam comments as well and I have to figure out which ones are from a real human being. I was looking through the comments one day and this woman said, “My boyfriend used your tactics against me.”
I asked her, “What do you mean?” She said, “He used your tactics against me on your other site.” I said, “Ex-Girlfriend Recovery?” She said, “Yes, he was on Ex-Girlfriend Recovery.” I thought it was kind of funny that they were both using the tactics against each other. They ended up getting each other back. That’s completely off topic for cheating. I thought it was an interesting story and I wanted to share it with you.
We’ve discussed why men cheat. We’ve discussed the difference between men and women cheating. Let’s get into the game plan for Sweaty Betty. For those of you who don’t remember, Sweaty Betty hasn’t decided if she wants to get her husband of 10 years back who cheated on her. She wants to make him regret cheating, show some remorse or have some sort of reaction.
So far, he hasn’t shown any. To be honest, that’s really not a good sign. I don’t like that at all. If a man doesn’t feel remorse for cheating, that means he doesn’t think he was wrong in the first place. Sweaty Betty, I think you should do things to make him feel what he did was wrong. My whole game plan that I tailored for you is for your wellbeing. It’s not for the wellbeing of your relationship. It’s for the wellbeing of you.
Of course, I know you probably want this relationship to work out. You’re listening to a podcast and you’re on a website called Ex-Boyfriend Recovery that specializes in getting your ex back. I’m going to keep that in mind as I talk about this game plan. Your wellbeing is my number one priority right now.
I spent about 15 to 20 minutes on your game plan today. I divided it up into six parts. Part one is, before anything, you need to determine if you want him back. Can you forgive him? Cheating is the most devastating thing that can probably happen in a relationship.
Nothing will hurt more than that, probably. I say “probably” because there are always exceptions. In my opinion, nothing is going to hurt more. Can you forgive him for that? I want you to think about this. Most women cannot forgive their exes.
Let me give you an example. Your husband cheated on you. That is the worst thing that he can do to you in a relationship. Let’s say that you do patch things up. Let’s say that you do get him back. You follow the advice I’m about to give you here. You read the ebook that you bought yesterday. You follow the advice in there. You really put it into action and it works.
Good for you. There’s just one problem. As time goes on and you become intimate with him, you can’t get this other girl out of your mind. You start thinking thoughts like, “Wait, he must have done this with her. How far did he go with her?” Thoughts like that are devastating. They won’t get out of your mind. Someone who has forgiven the cheater can still have those thoughts, but they’re not prevalent. You don’t hold them against your partner. If you can’t forgive him for this, then it’s not worth trying to salvage for your own wellbeing.
I don’t know if you have kids together. You didn’t say anything about children. I don’t think two parents should try to hold a relationship together just for the kids. I understand the allure of that. I don’t think kids will get anything out of two parents who really despise each other. I think kids get more out of two parents who really love each other. Part one of the game plan is, if you can’t forgive him, don’t get him back. Figure out if you want him back or not.
Here is part two. You said you wanted to do the no contact rule. That’s a little bit challenging when you live with your ex, or in your case, your husband. I’m recommending that you do a form of limited contact. It’s a little bit different. You don’t want to be flat out rude to him. You want to be upbeat and positive.
You want to make sure that there’s a difference between regular interaction and interaction now. The interaction that he’s used to at home with you needs to change. You do not start any conversations with him. If he comes up to you and tries to start a conversation, be nice but keep it short. Cut it short and say, “Hey, I need to go.” Make him sleep on the couch if you have to. He’s the one who did something wrong.
Make him sleep on the couch. Make him sleep outside if you have to. If he insists on sleeping in the bed with you, that’s a little bit weird. I guess you can turn your back to him and don’t let him hold you. He needs to feel that something is wrong and he is wrong for what he did. He needs to feel that.
You need to have limited contact. Don’t text him at work. When you do see him at home, don’t instigate any conversations. If he instigates a conversation, be nice to him but keep it short and then leave the conversation. Part two is to have limited contact at your house.
Part three is to see if he will jump through hoops for you. He cheated on you. He’s wrong. Plain and simple. You need to see if he’s going to jump through hoops for you. He needs to completely end the relationship that he had with the girl he cheated on you with. He can’t have any contact.
He needs to cut her out of his life entirely. You need to make him do it. If he’s not willing to do it, he’s not worth getting back. If he’s not going to jump through those hoops for you, don’t get him back. In the long term, history will repeat itself in your relationship. He needs to work to prove that it’s going to be different this time around.
Also, you’re going to be a little bit paranoid about him hanging around other girls. For the time being, don’t let him. Make him prove that he’s not going to hang around other girls and that you’re the only girl for him. I know that may be a bit controlling. I’m not saying to do it forever. I’m saying to do it now, in the immediate time.
See if he’s going to jump through those hoops for you. He needs to prove himself. Give him some hoops to jump through. If he jumps through the hoops, great. That’s really good. He’s showing effort. He’s showing remorse. He’s trying to work to make the situation better. If he’s not, I’ll get to that in a second. Step three is to see if he will jump through hoops for you.
Step four is not to be intimate with him for a while. The only time you should ever be intimate with him is when you agree that you’re going to continue your relationship. Make him wait, even then. I talked a lot about this in the last episode about friends with benefits and how they shouldn’t sleep together. It’s kind of similar to that. Don’t sleep with him until he proves himself. Don’t be intimate with him until he proves himself.
Part five is to try some jealousy. If you really want to make him remorseful, try some jealousy. You go out on dates with other men. Don’t kiss them. Don’t lead them on. Don’t cheat. Don’t fight fire with fire here. Go on a hangout with a friend or maybe a group of friends where there are guys involved, and he’s not invited.
Make him feel some sort of jealousy if you really want him to feel remorse. Men often have double standards when it comes to this kind of stuff. They think, “I can do this to you but you can’t do it to me.” If he thinks that, he’s going to start waking up a little bit. He’ll think, “Wait, she’s going to potentially cheat on me? I can’t believe her.” You’re not really going to cheat on him. You just want to tap into his jealousy feelings a little bit. That’s really going to help him feel remorse.
The final part to this game plan is that you have to be willing to walk away. You have to mean it. There is this phrase that I constantly repeat on the website. In order to get the guy, you have to be willing to lose the guy. He cheated on you. Don’t be afraid to walk away. Have the strength to walk away. If he’s not going to jump through those hoops for you, be willing to walk away. Don’t put up with this. You’re better than this.
You can find someone who is faithful. Trust me, they are out there. You do not deserve to be cheated on or treated this way. If he’s not feeling any remorse for what he did, leave him. I promise you, he will start to feel some remorse. I guess I can’t promise that, but it will substantially raise your chances.
That is the game plan for Sweaty Betty. Tell me what you think about it, listeners. Go on the show notes of this episode, www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode7. Leave a comment. I’ll answer it.
More importantly, take some time out of your day to go to iTunes. Type in “Ex-Boyfriend Recovery” and leave a review for this podcast. I really can’t stress how important those reviews are. Not only does this podcast need them, but you would be doing me a massive favor if you did so. I will put instructions on how to find the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast in the show notes of this episode.
Tomorrow, I’m going to have another interesting episode. Make sure you stay tuned for that. Until then, thank you for listening to the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I really appreciate it. Review this podcast. Subscribe to it. Leave a comment and I’ll answer it. If you want your question featured on the podcast, simply go to the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery contact page. I’m going to put information in the show notes of this episode on how to do that. I’ll see you later.