Sweaty Betty has been cheated on by her husband…

OUCH!

Being cheated on is without a doubt one of the most painful things that you will ever experience when you are in a relationship with someone.

What’s worse is being cheated on by a husband who shows no remorse at all for what he did.

Well, this is what Sweaty Betty is experiencing in this episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.

In this episode of the EBR podcast I cover,

Things I Talk About In This Episode

  • The reasons why men cheat.
  • A movie I saw LAST NIGHT that perfectly explains cheating.
  • The differences between men cheating and women cheating.
  • How to do the NC rule if you live with someone.
  • Obviously I talk about how to make a man regret cheating on you.

IMPORTANT Links In This Episode

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IMPORTANT PLEASE REVIEW THE PODCAST

I mentioned in the episode that I was doing a blitz of trying to get people to review the podcast.

Well, here is the blitz again!

I would be forever grateful if you visited my Podcast in iTunes and left an honest review for me.

My Podcast in iTunes

It would seriously help me out so much!

I want to see if the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Nation can take over iTunes so I kinda need your help to do that!

Thanks!

Lets get to today’s game plan.

Make Him Regret Cheating Game Plan

Cheating

Part 1- Determine If You Want Him Back

Cheating is a big deal.

Not everyone can handle it. So, if you determine that you can’t forgive him for what he did then you are going to have a hard time having a successful relationship in the future. Though if you can’t get over it don’t feel bad because I am not sure I would have the strength to get over that kind of betrayal.

Part 2- Do Limited Contact At Home

We are all familiar with the no contact rule.

But what about the no contact rule if you live with someone?

Are you still able to do it?

Yes, you just have to make some…. alterations. Listen to part 2 of the game plan in the podcast to find out exactly which alterations.

Part 3-See If He Will Jump Through Hoops

It is important that he shows his remorse by jumping through two hoops.

  • Hoop 1- He has to cut off all communication with the girl he cheated with. He has to cut her out of his life.
  • Hoop 2- He has to prove he’s different by not hanging around other women for the time being…

Part 4- You Can’t Be Intimate For A While

Make him work for it.

Seriously, it will do wonders for your relationship if he has something to work towards.

Part 5- Use Jealousy

If you really want to make him remorseful show him what he is missing out on by going on a “hang out” with another guy.

FYI if my wife did this to me it would crush me with jealousy.

That’s the truth!

Part 6- Be Willing To Walk Away

Remember what I said in the episode.

In order to get the guy you have to be willing to lose the guy.

Do You Want To Ask Me A Question For The Show?

It’s really simple to leave me a voice mail for the show.

All you have to do is go to the contact page on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

Once you are there you simply record your message and wait for me to feature you!

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 7 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Today we’re going to be talking about a very intense topic, cheating. More specifically, we’ll talk about how to make a man regret cheating on you.

Before I get into that, I’m doing a blitz lately of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. As many of you know, it just went live on iTunes. I’m doing everything I can to try and get reviews for the podcast. I want it to do well on iTunes. That will increase the life of the podcast.

I really want this to be a success. If you can, take five minutes out of your day, go to iTunes and leave a review for the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery podcast. I will put information and instruction on how to do that in the show notes of this episode.

With that out of that way, let’s dive right in and hear a voicemail from the woman I chose today. It’s pretty interesting. She did not give me her real name. She gave me a fake name to use. The fake name is Sweaty Betty. This episode is dedicated to you, Sweaty Betty. Listeners, I hope you enjoy.

“Hi, Chris. I’m contacting you because my husband of 10 years has been cheating on me. I caught him about a week ago. I haven’t decided whether I want to take him back or not. I do want him to beg me to take him back. That hasn’t happened yet. I’m feeling a little down because of it.

I don’t see any kind of remorse. That kind of hurts my ego even more. I do care a lot for him but I’m unsure of my feelings at the moment. I do know that I want him to want to come back. My problem is that he has to pop in and out of the house because he’s carrying out some work. I don’t know how to deal with the no contact period. It would be nice if you could help me out with that. Thank you so much. I purchased your book last night, so I’ll be reading that.”

Ouch. Being cheated on is probably one of the worst things that a human being can experience in a relationship. Sweaty Betty, I’m really sorry that you are going through this. I can’t imagine how you are feeling. Hopefully we can do something to improve your situation.

For the listeners who didn’t catch her situation, she caught her husband of 10 years cheating on her. She hasn’t decided whether or not she’s going take him back yet, which is important. I’ll get to that a little bit later. She really wants him to beg for her back. If she follows the advice in this episode, she might be able to do that. He hasn’t begged for her back yet.

He really hasn’t shown any remorse. That’s really hard, Sweaty Betty. I’m honestly really sorry that he’s not shown any remorse. He honestly should be ashamed of himself. I’ll lay into him a little bit later in this episode. She obviously wants him to come back. She doesn’t know if she wants to take him back, but she wants to see some sort of effort on his part.

Let’s see what we can do about improving Sweaty Betty’s situation here. She did mention that she wants to try the no contact rule but there’s a bit of an issue because they do live together. They’re husband and wife. I’ll talk a little bit later about how to navigate the situation of the no contact rule if you are living with the person.

Before I get into any of that, let’s go into general knowledge of cheating, more specifically, the reasons why men cheat. There could be thousands of reasons why men cheat. I’m going to take the top five reasons why men cheat and expand on them.

Reason number one is a lack of intimacy. I’m going to go a little off topic here. Last night, my wife and I rented a movie called Home Sweet Hell. It had Catherine Heigl in it. She played this woman who was very straightforward. She had goals in her life. She was obsessed with being a perfect family with her husband.

She wouldn’t sleep with her husband unless it was scheduled ahead of time on a calendar. She would say things like, “We’re not going to sleep together until the 9th. I have that scheduled for the 9th.” Obviously, the guy was not too thrilled with this. He would only be able to sleep with her six times a year. He cheated on her. The movie gets whacky from there.

The point I’m trying to make is, if you are not intimate enough with a man, men have needs. He may begin to look elsewhere. That’s an unfortunate reason. I know not every woman is in the mood all the time. You do have to take into account that there is that aspect to a man’s mind.

Another reason that a man could potentially cheat on you is that some of them are weak minded. If a woman throws herself at a man, he might not have the strength or power to push her off and say, “No, what are you doing? Stop this.”

Let’s be honest. Some men like attention. When women walk down the street, they get attention from guys. They’ll have men whistling at them. When a man walks down the street, women don’t whistle at men. We’re always craving that attention.

Speaking of craving attention, another reason that he may cheat on you is that you don’t make him feel wanted enough. You haven’t given him enough attention, so he begins to look elsewhere for it. That’s another common reasons that I see on the website.

Women comment and tell me, “My boyfriend or husband cheated on me.” When I dive deeper into the situation, I find out that they’re not exactly the best in the relationship either. They don’t give their man enough attention. Men need attention. They need to feel wanted. Always remember that. I want to feel wanted by my wife all the time, every day. It’s almost like a drug.

Another common reason is revenge cheating. Let’s say that you are dating your boyfriend and you cheat on him. Then he finds out that you cheated on him. He’s going to go through the thought process of, “How can I hurt her the most? I know. I’ll do what she did to me so she can feel how I feel.” So he starts revenge cheating, which never works out for him and the new girl or him and you. It’s a dumb idea. Unfortunately, it does happen.

The final reason that I want to talk about with regards to cheating is excitement. Men think cheating is exciting. About a year ago, I watched this YouTube video of a woman who dedicated a book to cheating and finding out why people cheat, not just men, but people in general. The overwhelming majority of people who cheated said that the reason they cheated was because it made them feel excited inside.

It was exciting. They grew bored in their own relationships. They were looking for something more. That is weak, in my opinion. It’s what she found. That’s real research right there. I wish I remembered her name or the video I watched so I could send the listeners to this video so they can see for themselves.

Those are five common reasons why men may potentially cheat. Here is the interesting insight that I want to leave you with. The reasons behind why men and women cheat are completely different. When a man cheats, it’s more physical based. It’s more of a one-and-done type of deal. There are always exceptions to the rule. If you’re thinking, “I’ve been cheated on and his affair lasted for more than a year,” that may be the exception to the rule.

Generally, it’s a one-night-stand type of deal. It’s a physical thing. They cheat for physical reasons. They get horny. Women are different, on the other hand. Of course, there are exceptions to that rule as well. While women can get horny, their reason for cheating is more emotional. Their emotional needs aren’t met in the relationship and they look elsewhere for it.

Often times, when a woman cheats, it starts out as emotional cheating. Her boyfriend or husband isn’t there for her at a specific time in her life. Maybe a guy friend is, so she latches on to the guy friend. Instead of going to her significant other for advice, talking about her feelings or working through things, she turns to this guy friend.

The guy friend takes that role on. The guy friend takes advantage of it. Feelings start to develop between her and the guy friend. All of a sudden, there’s a full-blown affair. When women cheat, more often than not, it’s not a one-night-stand type of deal. It’s a longer, drawn out process.

That’s an interesting thing when you look at cheating in general and the differences between men and women. When men cheat, it’s more physical. When women cheat, it’s more emotional. That’s what I’ve found, not only in my research, but when I read people’s questions and comments on the site.

A lot of the women at Ex-Boyfriend Recovery don’t know this but I have another site for men called Ex-Girlfriend Recovery. Believe it or not, there was a girl who went to Ex-Boyfriend Recovery and wanted her boyfriend back. Her boyfriend went to my other site, Ex-Girlfriend Recovery. They ended up using the same tactics against each other. They wound up together in the end. I found it kind of funny.

One day, I was looking through all the comments. I get hundreds of comments a day and I have to moderate every single one of them. I get so many spam comments as well and I have to figure out which ones are from a real human being. I was looking through the comments one day and this woman said, “My boyfriend used your tactics against me.”

I asked her, “What do you mean?” She said, “He used your tactics against me on your other site.” I said, “Ex-Girlfriend Recovery?” She said, “Yes, he was on Ex-Girlfriend Recovery.” I thought it was kind of funny that they were both using the tactics against each other. They ended up getting each other back. That’s completely off topic for cheating. I thought it was an interesting story and I wanted to share it with you.

We’ve discussed why men cheat. We’ve discussed the difference between men and women cheating. Let’s get into the game plan for Sweaty Betty. For those of you who don’t remember, Sweaty Betty hasn’t decided if she wants to get her husband of 10 years back who cheated on her. She wants to make him regret cheating, show some remorse or have some sort of reaction.

So far, he hasn’t shown any. To be honest, that’s really not a good sign. I don’t like that at all. If a man doesn’t feel remorse for cheating, that means he doesn’t think he was wrong in the first place. Sweaty Betty, I think you should do things to make him feel what he did was wrong. My whole game plan that I tailored for you is for your wellbeing. It’s not for the wellbeing of your relationship. It’s for the wellbeing of you.

Of course, I know you probably want this relationship to work out. You’re listening to a podcast and you’re on a website called Ex-Boyfriend Recovery that specializes in getting your ex back. I’m going to keep that in mind as I talk about this game plan. Your wellbeing is my number one priority right now.

I spent about 15 to 20 minutes on your game plan today. I divided it up into six parts. Part one is, before anything, you need to determine if you want him back. Can you forgive him? Cheating is the most devastating thing that can probably happen in a relationship.

Nothing will hurt more than that, probably. I say “probably” because there are always exceptions. In my opinion, nothing is going to hurt more. Can you forgive him for that? I want you to think about this. Most women cannot forgive their exes.

Let me give you an example. Your husband cheated on you. That is the worst thing that he can do to you in a relationship. Let’s say that you do patch things up. Let’s say that you do get him back. You follow the advice I’m about to give you here. You read the ebook that you bought yesterday. You follow the advice in there. You really put it into action and it works.

Good for you. There’s just one problem. As time goes on and you become intimate with him, you can’t get this other girl out of your mind. You start thinking thoughts like, “Wait, he must have done this with her. How far did he go with her?” Thoughts like that are devastating. They won’t get out of your mind. Someone who has forgiven the cheater can still have those thoughts, but they’re not prevalent. You don’t hold them against your partner. If you can’t forgive him for this, then it’s not worth trying to salvage for your own wellbeing.

I don’t know if you have kids together. You didn’t say anything about children. I don’t think two parents should try to hold a relationship together just for the kids. I understand the allure of that. I don’t think kids will get anything out of two parents who really despise each other. I think kids get more out of two parents who really love each other. Part one of the game plan is, if you can’t forgive him, don’t get him back. Figure out if you want him back or not.

Here is part two. You said you wanted to do the no contact rule. That’s a little bit challenging when you live with your ex, or in your case, your husband. I’m recommending that you do a form of limited contact. It’s a little bit different. You don’t want to be flat out rude to him. You want to be upbeat and positive.

You want to make sure that there’s a difference between regular interaction and interaction now. The interaction that he’s used to at home with you needs to change. You do not start any conversations with him. If he comes up to you and tries to start a conversation, be nice but keep it short. Cut it short and say, “Hey, I need to go.” Make him sleep on the couch if you have to. He’s the one who did something wrong.

Make him sleep on the couch. Make him sleep outside if you have to. If he insists on sleeping in the bed with you, that’s a little bit weird. I guess you can turn your back to him and don’t let him hold you. He needs to feel that something is wrong and he is wrong for what he did. He needs to feel that.

You need to have limited contact. Don’t text him at work. When you do see him at home, don’t instigate any conversations. If he instigates a conversation, be nice to him but keep it short and then leave the conversation. Part two is to have limited contact at your house.

Part three is to see if he will jump through hoops for you. He cheated on you. He’s wrong. Plain and simple. You need to see if he’s going to jump through hoops for you. He needs to completely end the relationship that he had with the girl he cheated on you with. He can’t have any contact.

He needs to cut her out of his life entirely. You need to make him do it. If he’s not willing to do it, he’s not worth getting back. If he’s not going to jump through those hoops for you, don’t get him back. In the long term, history will repeat itself in your relationship. He needs to work to prove that it’s going to be different this time around.

Also, you’re going to be a little bit paranoid about him hanging around other girls. For the time being, don’t let him. Make him prove that he’s not going to hang around other girls and that you’re the only girl for him. I know that may be a bit controlling. I’m not saying to do it forever. I’m saying to do it now, in the immediate time.

See if he’s going to jump through those hoops for you. He needs to prove himself. Give him some hoops to jump through. If he jumps through the hoops, great. That’s really good. He’s showing effort. He’s showing remorse. He’s trying to work to make the situation better. If he’s not, I’ll get to that in a second. Step three is to see if he will jump through hoops for you.

Step four is not to be intimate with him for a while. The only time you should ever be intimate with him is when you agree that you’re going to continue your relationship. Make him wait, even then. I talked a lot about this in the last episode about friends with benefits and how they shouldn’t sleep together. It’s kind of similar to that. Don’t sleep with him until he proves himself. Don’t be intimate with him until he proves himself.

Part five is to try some jealousy. If you really want to make him remorseful, try some jealousy. You go out on dates with other men. Don’t kiss them. Don’t lead them on. Don’t cheat. Don’t fight fire with fire here. Go on a hangout with a friend or maybe a group of friends where there are guys involved, and he’s not invited.

Make him feel some sort of jealousy if you really want him to feel remorse. Men often have double standards when it comes to this kind of stuff. They think, “I can do this to you but you can’t do it to me.” If he thinks that, he’s going to start waking up a little bit. He’ll think, “Wait, she’s going to potentially cheat on me? I can’t believe her.” You’re not really going to cheat on him. You just want to tap into his jealousy feelings a little bit. That’s really going to help him feel remorse.

The final part to this game plan is that you have to be willing to walk away. You have to mean it. There is this phrase that I constantly repeat on the website. In order to get the guy, you have to be willing to lose the guy. He cheated on you. Don’t be afraid to walk away. Have the strength to walk away. If he’s not going to jump through those hoops for you, be willing to walk away. Don’t put up with this. You’re better than this.

You can find someone who is faithful. Trust me, they are out there. You do not deserve to be cheated on or treated this way. If he’s not feeling any remorse for what he did, leave him. I promise you, he will start to feel some remorse. I guess I can’t promise that, but it will substantially raise your chances.

That is the game plan for Sweaty Betty. Tell me what you think about it, listeners. Go on the show notes of this episode, www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode7. Leave a comment. I’ll answer it.

More importantly, take some time out of your day to go to iTunes. Type in “Ex-Boyfriend Recovery” and leave a review for this podcast. I really can’t stress how important those reviews are. Not only does this podcast need them, but you would be doing me a massive favor if you did so. I will put instructions on how to find the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast in the show notes of this episode.

Tomorrow, I’m going to have another interesting episode. Make sure you stay tuned for that. Until then, thank you for listening to the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I really appreciate it. Review this podcast. Subscribe to it. Leave a comment and I’ll answer it. If you want your question featured on the podcast, simply go to the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery contact page. I’m going to put information in the show notes of this episode on how to do that. I’ll see you later.

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144 thoughts on “EBR 007: How To Make Him Regret Cheating”

  1. Avatar

    Shirley Wair

    May 15, 2020 at 5:03 pm

    What if i just blocked him completely because i already know what he’s was doing? Will he realize his mistake and then try to come back or continue with the other woman..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 15, 2020 at 5:41 pm

      Hi Shirley are you blocked on all platforms, the firs thing you should do if you know he has someone else is complete a 45 Active No Contact Rule. Where you work on yourself before starting the being there method

  2. Avatar

    Amanda

    February 23, 2020 at 8:57 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I have a weird situation that I really need some help.
    My ex-boyfriend had a one night stand, he was drunk he does not remember. The next day he broke up with me, telling stuff that did not make sense, telling me signs of the grass is greener, he does not know about us, well he was lost.

    I told him everything that I have learn from here prior to another break up. So i told him we plateau, we re always surrounded by people, it was after Christmas time, so time was just dull in general.I told him that he was making a mistake and that this relationship was not appealing to me because if i walk i am not coming back.
    I walked away, but I saw him 2 weeks after, he told me the real reason why he broke up, told me I was right about everything, that he fucked up that everything was his fault… went on for awhile. He cried, never saw him cry. I did not cry, I just said that I wish he would have watered his own grass before giving up.
    I slept with him that night. we were together for 1 year 2 months.
    we are best friends, he opened up to me about personal stuff and vice versa. we have this chemistry and we have a beautiful relationship, except the fact that he has the grass is greener syndrome and actually did went to see. (was not greener, i am a very good girlfriend probably the best he had according to your website, 9/10, he is now a 4/10 for sure so…the worst part is I know he loves me and I always had a feeling about this man that he will always be in my life)
    I really need some advice! I have not seen him since that night it is only been 3 days.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 2, 2020 at 11:07 pm

      Hi Amanda, if you want your ex back and you have still not reached out since your one night stand, make sure that you do not reach out in an emotional way, I would reach out in a friendly way and treat him as a friend and not bring up your night together. There is a better way to make him wonder why you are not asking to see him again and this should make him want to chase you. But it is so important that you do not sleep with him again unless you are officially back together again

  3. Avatar

    Kayleigh

    August 8, 2019 at 12:46 pm

    I’ve just found out that my boyfriend of 7 years, and father to my 1 year old, has cheated. We broke up in March and I followed this site on how to get him back. In June he begged for me back and cried when I said yes. Things seemed better but I had a suspicion he wasn’t being 100% honest with me. He just wasn’t himself. Two days ago I ring him and he admits that while we were no longer together he got talking to a girl he works with and they got intimate and still were after we got back, claiming he “was selfish and wanted us both” and “I can love more than one person” I have spoken to her like a grown up about the fact he was still seeing her while he was back with me and she’s disgusted and will no longer be talking to him let alone touch him. He does tell me he’s sorry and is now sinking in to a deep depression by the looks of it. Using drugs as an escape. He’s always been good at hiding his emotions and putting up a “I don’t give a damn” attitude to everyone. He’s immature I won’t lie. I think the people he’s now hanging around have influenced him negatively because he was so against the thought of cheating etc when I got with him. He even talks different. I am so lost now. Sleeping and eating are unknown because I can’t do either no matter how much I try. I love him more than anything. I trusted him and tried my best to make things work. I personally think he needs psychological help because he hits himself and throws terrible tantrums. I’m trying with all my mite not to dwell too much in to him and am on this site on what to do to cope and how to make him really regret this. We had a special bond but our relationship was going down slowly but was on its way back up until now. I don’t know what to do. My heads a real mess. My friends are all telling me not to be a mug etc…and it’s putting a lot of pressure on me. I haven’t seen him face to face yet but will be when I’m ready and when he’s ready to face me again. I really don’t know what to do. I am so stuck. He’s always been impulsive. Personally I think he needs to see a doctor. I’ve even told him I forgive him but for my peace of mind more than anything. He was the love of my life and he’s going down a dark road. I’m letting him go and do what he needs to do and I’ll leave him be. This is hard. I was so unprepared for this, especially from him. m I doing the right thing?? I love the thought of having him back in the future (If he seeks help for his problems and grows up)

  4. Avatar

    Anonymous

    July 24, 2019 at 6:52 am

    Hi dear, my ex boyfriend who was with me for more than 3 years and broke up with a lot of time, now he is talking with me like just a friend even he doesn’t text me until I text him Idk why, and when he started talking with me again he said that he’s knew other girls and they are always talking together on WhatsApp even though he knows that I hate to hear things like that Idk why he told me. I swear I was with him when he was depressed and anxious about his life and himself, I motivated him and made him to trust himself, I was with him when he didn’t have anybody but now he’s ignoring me for other girls!!!! Last night he was online on WhatsApp from 6:00pm until 1:35am!! I ignore every guy just because I love him, I left the girls that were my friend just because he didn’t like them! I did everything he told me to do, he still knows all my account’s passwords, I really love him.. what should I do to make him interested in me again? Or what should I do to make him back? Please please please I really need your advice..

  5. Avatar

    Kema

    May 21, 2019 at 6:40 pm

    My boyfriend got angry with me bcos I forgot to wish him birthday on Monday on Tuesday I got to his apartment I saw a cake rapped I ask him who celebrated birthday then he answered me rudely that am I asking him who celebrated birthday it took me five minutes to remember that yesterday Monday was is birthday I started pleeding with him for over Twenty minutes he just told me that he has heard me he did not say he has forgiven me then I started suspecting that something it his behavior I kept calm he went to bath I quickly checked his inbox on his phone the first text I saw was from a lady sending him love text message he came out from d bathroom I pretended I did not see d text on his phone this text came in about four days ago as he was about leaving to work I told him that I saw d text a lady sent to him he did not answer him he just left to work so I went to my house and I text him that am not interested in the relationship ever since the day I text him am not interested he has not called or text me back today will make it one week I saw him four days ago jogging on the street he passed me without talking to me please I need your advice…

  6. Avatar

    Daisy

    May 23, 2017 at 4:30 am

    Hi, I feel like my situation is a little different to all others that I’ve read and need some advice:

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me just over a month ago and ever since then we were on and off speaking to each other and he would tell me he missed me and wanted to sort things out and then last weekend it turns out he has kissed another girl multiple times whilst drunk but then continued to message her then next following days. As he was messaging her, he was also ringing me telling me that he was happy we were sorting things out and I asked him where I stand in this relationship and he went on to say that we were seeing each other and just seeing how things go between us. In this phone call he failed to tell me that he had kissed this girl and left me to find out from one of his friends 2 days later and I also then found out he’d apparently been asking her to meet up. He at first denied kissing her but then admitted it, and then when it came out he asked her to meet up, he denied that too. He’s denied it ever since but I don’t know what motive the girl would have to make that up? We saw each other yesterday and turns out he had been messaging her for longer than I knew (whilst we were meeting up) and that their conversations had been flirty, what makes me angrier is the fact that after I found out he kissed her, he kept saying that it was the biggest regret of his life etc but continued to message her?
    He’s never done anything like this which makes me want to forgive him but I just can’t get it out of my head and I don’t know what to do and how to know if he’s really telling the truth about not asking to meet up?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2017 at 6:34 pm

  7. Avatar

    Courtney

    March 8, 2017 at 4:36 pm

    My boyfriend (who was recently my ex-boyfriend) just now confessed to me that while we were broken up, he was flirting with one of his girl friends. Technically, I think that he cheated on me and disrespected me highly because he said that she initiated flirting with him when him and I were still together (then several hours after midnight, he broke up with me when he was drunk). He admitted that after he broke up with me, he and his friend continued to talk/flirt. Then after about a week, they stopped because they both felt bad and regretted it. He said it didn’t mean anything and that they were both in a bad place or something. I think the thing that angers me the most is how she was the one who felt guilty enough to want to try to talk to me about it. And he didn’t. I had to drag it out of him.

    He even admitted to me that one of his best guy friends told him that he should have been honest with me before begging me to take him back practically. He said that he was scared and didn’t want to tell me because he was afraid of losing me or something, but I think that is extremely selfish and disrespectful if he actually thought that. He knew that it would have been better for him to tell me from the get-go especially when he was the one saying how he wanted us to be honesty with each other from now on. I am so upset, frustrated, disappointed, and angry at him. He said he is willing to do whatever to fix things, but this whole thing is hard for me. Ugh, my head is kind of all over the place. I feel skeptical of him since he lost my trust. Any type of advice or feedback would be great to be honest, thank you

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2017 at 9:08 am

      Hi Courtney,

      It’s ok to take time. You need time for yourself to heal. And of course, you have to let him earn your trust. He has to prove to you first if he really wants to work it out.

  8. Avatar

    Ellen

    February 14, 2017 at 1:39 pm

    Hi, Would love some advice about my situation, because I can not seem to fully wrap my head around it.. I have been in a relationship for 7 years. We had a great relationship, did fun things, did not fight a lot, had our own lives but shared a lot (the good and bad), we really were in love.. But last year he broke up with me, abruptly without a warning. At that time he was working in a different country (for a year) but we made it work (I thought) by flying to each other and talking/skyping to keep in touch. Three weeks before he broke up with me, he was still talking about living together, growing old, marriage, showed me appartments, sending me cards/ flowers etc.. But then a week before the break up he went quiet. So i asked him what was wrong, if something happened or if he was ok.. then I got a text saying that his feelings for me were gone and he wanted to break up with me. Just like that. I was in shock, did not know what happened and couldn’t wrap my head around it. I tried to call him but he was on duty so he couldn’t answer. A week (!) went by, did not hear anything back from him untill he finally called (for 5 min, because he was on his way to lunchmeeting (!)). He explained that he was not in love with me anymore and that his feelings were changed, no further explanation (“I don’t know” was his main response to my questions). He denied that there was someone else (we talked about this before he went away, that this could be a risk/possibility that we would fall for someone else but we made a deal that we should at least be honest about it), so he made it abundantly clear there was no one else (although I had some suspicions but he denied). 4 weeks later I went on a holiday that we had planned together, but now with my dad (the sweetheart).. It was time to come to a rest, find peace with the situation and be (with) myself again. When I returned I heard from his mother that he was coming home earlier than expected. I tried to contact him asking if we could meet up to talk, but he never responded. A month went with me asking two times more to meet up but the only response I got was: “I am busy with moving, new job etc”. And then, on OUR anniversary he changed his profile, another shock: he was in a relationship with someone he knew from over there. As if he deliberately wanted to hurt me.. at least that’s how it felt. Later I heard, that they were living together and that he was cheating me with her during our relationship. I was angry, hurt, felt stupid for believing him but I did not call/text him, since I could not see the point of it me getting mad at him (although I really wanted to). The following months he blocked me from social media, communicated via his friends and family for getting his stuff and I haven’t heard from him since then. It has been a year, and the last months I have tried to accept the situation and moved on, focussing on my friends, my career, myself and I felt great. But there was still one item remaining at my house which he needed to pick up himself. Two weeks ago he contacted me promptly asking if he could come and get it.. (no “Hey how are you, just Hi, I left this at your place can I pick it up at xxx”). Although I felt a tantrum coming up, wishing him all the x$%&#.. I planned a date and time which suited me… I felt so strong the last couple of months, but the moment I got his text, I felt the heartache all over again. In a few weeks he will be on my doorstep and I have (and partly want) to see him. I am stressed, nervous and not sure what to do/how to act. I want to keep my cool, but I also want to make him clear that he should not treat people the way he did and show him what he broke and what he has given up. I don’t want him back, because I can not be with a person that has wronged someone for so long..and I would not let people treat me the way he did. But I want him to say sorry (at least). I know this is a (dreadful) long text.. but I would love your advice and help how to prepare myself, and if it is possible to ask some questions about what happened (for example: why he shut me out etc..because this really hurt) and how to achieve this. Or that this situation is just absurd (because he is :P) and I should just leave it.. Thank you in advance, Ellen

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 9:19 pm

      Hi Ellen,

      the only answer to that is the one you’ll get from him.. Just ask. Because no matter what I say, if you dont ask him, you’ll keep wondering

  9. Avatar

    Lisa

    January 23, 2017 at 7:03 am

    Hie, mine is not a comment as such but a problem that needs a solution.

    I met this guy over the holidays at camp and we met a few times after camp, and just had a lovely time together but we never got intimate. We decided well we going to date then, but I was a bit sceptical about the whole situation because he lives in another country and i live in another country its a long distance type of relationship of which i recently found out from a friend that the guy is dating somone else. My friend researched on the it because the guy I’m dating is the friend to the guy that cheated on my friend…. So she told me about this, we been togehter for about some weeks now, I really love/like this guy a lot but anyways why would a person ask somone out knowing fully well they have someoneon the side now I really dont know what to do in this instance. Tell him of the new found information, but i don wanna sound paranoid or anything, or just go on about it in a different way so as for him to show that his really into me and willing to do anything to keep us together, or just let the guy be and leave him before i get a serious heart break.

    Please help!

    1. Avatar

      Lisa

      February 20, 2017 at 1:50 pm

      Yes i still want to try…..

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2017 at 6:07 pm

      ok, then try the advice above.. Be very active in improving yourself during and after nc..

    3. Avatar

      Lisa

      January 24, 2017 at 7:59 am

      Well found out he has a girlfriend, apparently they sing together in the same group and they have been going out lately last they were together at a wedding togehter singing there……guess there was more to it than just going to sing…

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2017 at 9:09 am

      maybe because she’s probably a rebound..do you still want to try?

    5. Avatar

      Lisa

      January 24, 2017 at 6:24 am

      I found out they spent sometime togther at a wedding where, they went to sing togehter at that wedding. My friend once asked if my boyfriend had broken up with hsi grilfriend and he said they broke up but the rest of the group they sing with doesnt know and doesnt have to know about it!

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 6:04 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      find out first if it’s true that he has a gf..

  10. Avatar

    H

    January 13, 2017 at 8:28 pm

    Hey Amor,
    I have several issues going on with my ex right now. We dated last year for a few months and we broke up because I had an ex that wouldn’t leave me alone and my boyfriend told me he didn’t love me anymore. We work together so it made our work relationship very strained. he started talking to someone three days after our breakup and I did a week after. so the whole time he made it out like he wasn’t talking to anyone and I had hurt him so bad. Eventually we got back together at the end of last october, but only for a month. Around thanksgiving he started ignoring my calls and not wanting to text me back. He had gotten close with the guys at work and I thought that was why.
    I had told him I didn’t want him talking to any girls since I had found out he went to talking to one of his old friends that way after we broke up last time. and I wasnt talking to any guys so I thought that would work. I told him if I caught him it would be the end for us because I still didn’t trust him and I had so many problems going on I needed him to be there for me through it.
    so anyways. I kept getting upset about him ignoring me and I asked him if he was talking to any of his old girl friends. and his only response was I can if theyre married right?
    Then he promised me he wasn’t.
    i went to the break room one day while he was on break and his phone lit up in his hand. he had a text from a girl. I got really upset. I told him I was through. After work he showed me the messages from that day. Shes apparently married and was complaining about her husband to him. confiding in him about her problems and talking to him about how she misses his family etc etc. sending him heart faced emojis and being very flirtatious. so when i saw he had called her on thanksgiving and once after that, I realized that he had been talking to her for at least 3 weeks. he had lied to me. so I ended it thinking he would care but he was like maybe we should take a break for a week. saying he didn’t want to be with anyone he just wanted space. then he came out and said we werent getting back together. I honestly believe he was cheating. because when we were still talking about a break he had told the guys at work we were done. then told one of my friends when she asked, that yes, that was an old friend from florida he used to sleep with on a regular basis. and the day I ended it he downloaded facebook messenger to his phone. he said he never used it but when he was at home he was always on. and I think the girl he is currently talking to and calling at work now was the one he was hiding from me.

    so somehow all of the guys at work were mad at me even though he did what he did. and it made my work environment very hostile. I have anxiety issues and I was already having problems at work with them taking advantage of how much I do without the hostility from the male workforce. he was coming through my area several times a day without cause. deliberately coming to me to ask questions he could ask anyone else.
    he told me he didn’t want to be with me so why even act that way when?
    so my home life was in shambles, my work environment was horrible and my relationship ended. I had a meltdown. I had a meeting with a supervisor at work and told him about everything I had been struggling with at work and at home. and he said he would work on getting me moved and would have a talk with him about leaving me alone.

    so as I ignored my ex. he started blocking my social media. first facebook, then as I used my other social media he kept going until he blocked all of them .
    I will admit, I have lashed out a lot at him throughout all of this. I don’t understand what I did to deserve this from him or why. I did 4 days of no contact and I always end up caving by the 5th day and sending really horrible texts. I’ve been making sure I come to work put together and stay cheerful. And the other day he came in wearing the shirt I got him as a early christmas gift and tried to help me with my work. I don’t understand him. I dont
    know what he is doing but I do know that he is still talking to the girls that ended out relationship and he has came to me and told me he lied about how many girls hes actually been with. and that he isn’t talking to that girl anymore. He told his friend that it upset him having to work with me. so I’m assuming he still has feelings.

    I messed up because I messaged him yesterday since he cant block my texts, asking him to please switch a day with me so I wont miss any of my classes at school and he ignored me. so I ended up getting really mad and cussing him out.
    can you shed any light on what I can do to make his better and make him regret what hes done? Or whether it is even worth the time to even try to be with him again? What do I do in this situation?
    I understand that I need to start no contact again but should my goal be me moving on? What do I do when I am blocked? ive tried dating and all it does is upset me more so i’m just stuck.

    Please help give me some direction.

    1. Avatar

      H

      January 29, 2017 at 3:37 pm

      Wont another 30 days give him even more opportunity to be with the other girl though? He already said it’s been long enough we should be over it. Won’t another month be even more of an excuse to not talk about us. He already started seeing her and enough is going on that she’s wearing lipstick for him. Now he knows that seeing her upsets me. Is there something a bit more proactive I can do in the mean time to make him not want to sleep with her?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2017 at 12:19 pm

      after knowing your jealous with her, that means he can relate your actions to chasing him because your jealous

    3. Avatar

      H

      January 29, 2017 at 6:40 am

      Amor,
      i think I may have made a mistake.
      Today he and I almost got into a fight at work. Not a big one but it wasn’t good. I wont go into the details but I’m not sure who initiated it. but it happened.
      So I told him I needed to see him after work. I had gotten it in my head somehow that it was a good idea to give him some of his things he had returned to me out of his christmas presents, back to him. that was my only intent. to give him those thing as a sort of peace offering. so he would know I’m not trying to be mean to him.
      After work he needed to go to the store and after he asked me if I had anywhere to be he had me go with him. so after we sat in his car and talked. He told me we needed to stop this at work and I agreed. Then he told me I had an attitude. and claimed he hadnt done anything out of the way towards me. I asked him about him trying to report me for answering my phone and about all of the other stuff. I told him I wasn’t going to go out of my way to be his friend. that he had hurt me. I couldn’t stand his sideways remarks at me and his tone. and the fact that he had tried get me into trouble on the job…. and then parading that girl around in front of me… he spent a long time trying to convince me that he hadn’t been trying to single me out about my phone at work. I stood firm with him on the fact that he had no right. not with all of the texting he does at work. That I had seen them fire people for talking on the phone and I felt that out of respect for our relationship and the fact that we were together that he shouldnt have went out his way to get me in trouble. I hadn’t done that to him. so he said maybe I was right.

      anyways. he started off saying that it had been long enough that we should be over it. after that he doesnt’ completely make sense. Maybe you cant give me an idea of exactly where he is at with me emotionally.

      he said that he hadnt been cheating when we were together but he didn’t know how to convince me of that. he made it sound like he had tried really hard, but he didn’t. Tried to tell me that he hadnt talked to her again. like it was important to him that he told me he hadnt. He told me that I had blown it up way out of proportion and that he had talked to his mom about it and she told him that him talking to his ex didn’t mean he had done anything wrong. but hes missing the fact that he lied about it and thats why I was mad. He kept trying to imply that I was dating. and I didn’t really say anything to prove otherwise but instead asked him about the girl.

      he tried to tell me that the girl that’s been visiting him at work is just a friend. But when I held up a tube of lipstick he had in his car console he tried to say it was just a friend’s. before he finally admitted it was hers. I asked him why he had that if she was just a friend. Girls don’t usually leave that behind unless they were doing something. and he kept telling me she was just a friend. I told him I felt that it was unfair. that he had already hurt me enough without her at work with him, that I knew she wanted to be with him and obviously he did her. He kept saying he wasn’t sleeping with her. and reiterating that she was just a friend. I told him obviously he had something going on with her and the lipstick was proof of the fact that something was going on. so he got loud and said something about me flirting with the direct tv guy at work. after I told him he was a friend from college that I knew he took the lipstick from me and asked me who I was wearing the eye shadow for. (Ive been dressing nice for work because I thought it would make him see what he had lost…) I didn’t say anything at first because i didn’t want to tell him that, so I finally came out and told him I had stopped caring who it was for after I had saw her.

      this is where I messed it all up really bad. I told him to go ahead and sleep with her because I knew that was what he wanted. I got out of his car and left.

      What do I do now? What is he thinking? Like I can tell he doesn’t want me with anyone else but now he knows I don’t want him with anyone either. Hes talked to his mom about it and I’m not even sure what that’s about.
      i don’t think hes over me but I think hes trying and that this girl is all he has right now. How can I stop this? tonight was the first time in two weeks ive tried talking to him like this. I broke no contact because the work situation got so bad today and I’m really stuck about my game plan at this point. help me understand where he is at emotionally and what to do. please.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 29, 2017 at 1:37 pm

      just avoid fighting with him and restart the count.. the more you fight, the more you’re pushing him away. Let’s say he’s just using the other girl and he’s still possesive of you, that’s good. That means he’s still emotional. So, dont stop improving yourself and be the rational one if he starts problems at work again

    5. Avatar

      H

      January 25, 2017 at 11:43 pm

      It hasn’t been the first time shes come see him at work, its just the first time ive been there to see her. I cant get the idea of the two of them out of my head. is there anything I can do to put my mind at ease util 30 days are up?

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 26, 2017 at 12:35 pm

      you have to continue improving yourself even after 30 days..dont say anything negative about the other girl.. what matters more is how you make him feel when he talks to you or is with you.. and dont be desperate.. You have to set limits too

    7. Avatar

      H

      January 25, 2017 at 10:59 pm

      What about this other girl hes had at work?
      Is there a way to win out over her or is he serious? How can I make him regret losing me when hes seeing her?

    8. Avatar

      H

      January 24, 2017 at 9:03 pm

      What should I do now? What should my plan be after 30 days?

    9. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 25, 2017 at 1:42 pm

      after 30 days, you have to slowly be more friendly to him while continuing your own routine and improving yourself..

    10. Avatar

      H

      January 24, 2017 at 4:58 am

      amor,
      Update:
      Today he had the girl hes been talking to come into work. she followed him around for a good hour or so. she used to be a demo girl in the store.
      I remember him telling me when we were together that a demo girl asked him if he had a girlfriend. and I got angry when he said he didn’t tell her it was me he was with. he said they were asking everyone if they had girlfriends…. now I’m certain that I was right about him cheating. he’s been seeing her. I’m really peeved about this. The fact that he had her there flaunting her around. right in front of me. after he was trying to flirt two days ago with me. Why would he do that? she knows he and I used to date, I caught her checking to see if I noticed her. I caught him looking too. with her right there, trying to see if I was watching.
      I feel that this is hopeless. I am still ignoring him. I still havent contacted him. I don’t know what is going on here. he would hate me if I had someone around in front of him. Why is he doing this?
      I know I ended things. it just sucks having it confirmed that he had someone else he was talking to when we were together. not only that, she’s not anywhere near as attractive or mature as I am. Its embarrassing because she is coming in while we are working and everyone is seeing now why we didn’t work out.I feel like it makes me look like I was nothing. how can I know that she doesn’t mean anything? what is a sure way to know he’s not over me? is there a way to find out?

    11. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 24, 2017 at 3:18 pm

      he’s just embarassing himself..hes probably just doing that to annoy you..or to see how you would react

    12. Avatar

      H

      January 19, 2017 at 3:19 pm

      amor,

      I have left him alone at work. I wasn’t given the opportunity to be civil with him or polite. I caught him multiple times looking for me and watching me at work today. I had a phone call at work from my school about my financial aid. I answered it because I knew it was important and wouldnt take long and I looked up to see him standing there watching me. I made a face to show it was important and turned to my work.
      later I was approached by my supervisor. who told me to be mindful of my phone usage at work because he had said something to her about me and another person at work talking on the phone instead of doing our jobs. She said she knew what was going on with us so she understood he was making a direct jab at me so she handled it by asking him if I was calling him. and when he said no she asked him why it was his business. I explained it was from my school and she told me not to worry about it because he was obviously jealous I wasn’t talking to him.
      He’s getting to a point where he’s going out of his way now to get me in trouble at work. I am concerned because where some people are seeing where he is being petty not everyone will understand like my supervisor today did. I don’t know why he’s doing this. I approached him after at work about why he felt the need to risk my job like that and all he could say was I shouldn’t be on my phone. Which is ridiculous since he is always on his. I asked him if he wanted to know why I was on the hone and he said no. so I asked him if he wanted to know who I was talking to and he said no again. So I told him to let me handle my business. and I walked off.
      I feel like I made a mistake by saying anything at all about what he did. but I’m just really protective of my job because that is my livelihood he is jeopardizing. I know he must be jealous and thinking about me or he wouldn’t be escalating his pettiness. But why isn’t he trying to get me back instead of sinking to new lows? Why isn’t he talking to me or trying to initiate some positive contact instead of this? I know he’s doing it to get a reaction. But it’s gone too far at this point and its putting my job in the mess. how do I turn his childish behavior into him showing some sort of remorse? I want him to show me that he knows he made a mistake. I can’t do anything it seems like because he’s trying to hurt me even more. ..

    13. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 20, 2017 at 4:02 pm

      I agree that you had go confront him but other than that, ignore.. As long as your supervisor is in your side, that’s good.. the more you act like you’re not affected by his actions, the more he will stop them because it’s not working..it’s probably ego..

    14. Avatar

      H

      January 16, 2017 at 2:01 am

      amor,

      I understand what you’re saying and I agree. Can you explain to me how to handle him at work?
      I’ve been ignoring him. It usually works pretty well, since he has me blocked everywhere else and makes it a point to show he’s happy without regrets. On occasion though he goes out of his way to single me out in front of others. He never talks to me when I am alone. he doesn’t contact me outside of work. we have a mutual friend at work that I talk to a lot. And tonight I was helping him with something he hadnt finished and I walked up on them talking. I didn’t say anything to him and made sure not to acknowledge him. As i went to walk off, he says hola to me really loud before saying my name and saying como estas. with a big smile.
      I just looked at him. I don’t know how to feel and I don’t know what he is doing or how to counter it. so I just made eye contact for a few seconds in a blank stare and turned away.
      As my friend and I left work together he stopped and I didn’t realize it was to go and talk to my ex and i said nooo really loud and my ex thought it was because I didn’t want him talking to him. he snapped at me wanting to know why he couldn’t talk to me. and I just stood there like an idiot before walking off. Making sure to be nice to the guy telling me to be safe driving home before walking to my car alone.
      I’m not entirely sure I even want him at all anymore. I know I am hurting. I just don’t understand what he is doing by going out of his way like this with the remarks and pointed comments. I am doing my best to try to be happy, especially in front of him. I have enrolled in school and I am making an effort to put my wounded ego back together.
      I feel like he is messing with me. I don’t feel like he regrets what he has done. Do you have any insights on why a guy would act this way? Is he just playing with me? what should i do when I don’t want him anywhere near me because of what’s happened? how do I counteract his behavior right now when I am still hurting?

    15. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2017 at 6:53 pm

      Just be civil and polite.. if he initiates a greeting, smile and then walk away.. if you cant away, listen but give direct polite answers.. When you’re civil, respectful but not engaging, it can help make him stop the things he’s doing to annoy you..

    16. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 14, 2017 at 2:58 pm

      Hi H,

      fix yourself firs before trying to fix a relationship.. especially that your relationship with him now has become toxic.. so, in short, move on. When everything in your life, the health, wealth and relationships with other people are great, you can start being friendly again with him

  11. Avatar

    A

    October 19, 2016 at 5:32 pm

    I have been going out with my boyfriend for 12 years, last December I found out that he had been cheating on me. He tried to cover it but the women knew about me, and was angry that she was dumped. Told me her side of the story. And said that she would do anything to win my boyfriend over.
    After confronting him about the other version of the story he was angry at me and said I don’t trust him.

    We separated, and about 2 weeks later he begged me to take him back. Which I did. Sometimes, I feel like he is talking to her behind my back, I feel like that he wants me on their other side he still wants her, cause he knows that she doesn’t mind being in a secret relationship. He has assured me that he regrets what he did, and that he will never put himself in a position to lose me. That he loves me very much and is grateful that I am willing to forgive him and start over after he hurt me.
    I don’t know weather I am paranoid or what.
    How can I make him forget completely about her and the affair?
    Plz help

    1. Avatar

      H

      February 13, 2017 at 4:56 am

      How do I get his attention again when he’s sleeping with someone else and saying he didn’t love me that way? It feels hopeless. He said he’s moved past it and wants me to the same. It feels so counterproductive.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 1:19 pm

      dont chase.. I’d rather tell you that it’s a very small chance, to move on than to chase just to get his attention. It’s redundant but, the best option is to just be your best self. If a person doesn’t appreciate that,.let that person go. People respect and admire the person who always respect him/herself. Be kind, be friendly, but don’t be desperate to get the favor of another person, especially when it comes to romantic relationships

    3. Avatar

      H

      February 12, 2017 at 8:27 am

      I talked to him finally. He is sleeping with the new girl. Said she brings him food and likes to see him. I basically told him how I felt and he didn’t give me an emotional response at all.

      I told him I didn’t want to try and get back together now. Because I still have a lot I want to work on with myself. I asked him if we could keep going on good terms and if he decided he was ready and interested again. That he would make me aware.

      He said that he thought I hated him. That I kept pushing him to leave me alone at work til he just couldn’t even assume I still loved him. That he still had every text message i sent when i was mad at him. He said he didn’t know what to think about it. That the past few days with us being nice to each other at work had been great. He just didn’t know. He mentioned my ex boyfriend that broke us up the first time. And told me that he hadn’t really felt the same way about me since. That he didn’t love me the same way I loved him. He asked me how I knew my ex loved me which is odd because it wasn’t relevant to the conversation… told me he hated how I acted when I ignored him at work. Said he couldn’t stand it because I held my head up high and just acted like he wasn’t there.

      Did I do the right thing telling him?

      I don’t know what I accomplished. Finally deciding that I wanted him back and that I still love him. Or if telling him was even the way to go after the past two months…. I don’t know that I have a shot at having him again while he’s got someone he’s starting to move on with. He told me he didn’t love her but he also wasn’t sleeping with her a week ago. Idk what to think now. I hate the image of the two of them in my head. I want him.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 12, 2017 at 5:17 pm

      let’s see how things unfold first. dont chase..at least you’ve fekt freer now because you’ve said what you want to.. just dont forget to respect yourself..

    5. Avatar

      H

      February 11, 2017 at 4:18 am

      Alright. He’s agreed to meet me after work tomorrow. What do I do now?

    6. Avatar

      H

      February 6, 2017 at 7:19 pm

      He has her though. I don’t think it’s possible. I don’t know what else to do. To do anything there has to be an opening. An opportunity. If he weren’t preoccuping himself with someone else I would have a chance. I feel defeated since I put myself out there and got rejected. I don’t need to ask him to do anything else or go out of my way to approach him again. I don’t know how to get his attention

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 7, 2017 at 3:50 pm

      he has to see you’re the better option.thats why the grass is greener sydrome happens to some that are in a relationship because even if they have somebody with them, they see another person as a better optiob

    8. Avatar

      H

      February 6, 2017 at 4:16 am

      I don’t know anymore. I’m pretty sure he’s gotten serious with the new girl or he wouldn’t be blatantly ignoring me all of a sudden. I’m doing everything wrong as far as he’s concerned. I’m still blocked. He’s moving on. And I’m stuck. Trying to get him to remember feelings for me instead of moving on. It feels so hopeless. I don’t even know how to move on. It would be easier if I didn’t work with him. …
      I don’t know what else to do. I do love him. He’s not ever going to come after me though. I had to chase him last time because I messed up. I don’t want to chase him again. And every time I see him all I can do is hide how conflicted I am inside about it. I feel so bitter because he didn’t want to fix what he did. But I want him. I keep thinking about him saying we should be over it because it had been long enough…. I’m completely at a loss about what I can do at this point. He’s spending his time and money on this girl. And it’s not even someone that’s halfway decent. I’ve tried everything I can think of to move on and nothing has worked. It’s just the image of them in my head. I remember how he was with me when we dated and I can only imagine how good he is to her.
      Yesterday he told me not tonight. But didn’t mention when would be a good time. I don’t want to ask and be rejected again. I hate feeling needy and clingy. I feel that I’ve already made it seem that way. I can’t ignite any kind of a spark when I’m still having to keep my gaurd up around him.

      I got him back last time by breaking down and telling him about how the last guy I dated had hurt me. He came into work the next day and hugged me and we started over from there. That won’t work this time. I’m blocked and he isn’t giving me any openings.
      I don’t see what else I can do.

    9. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 6, 2017 at 2:23 pm

      dont get him to remember, because there’s nothing to remember. Think of it that he has moved on. Take it as a restart, and that he’s somebody that doesn’t have feelings for you.. and then thinknof attracting that kind of peeson

    10. Avatar

      H

      February 5, 2017 at 6:05 am

      He ignored me all day at work. He wouldn’t even look at me. I’m not sure what’s going on. When I went to leave work I asked him if he wanted to do anything after work and he asked me what. He kept laughing. Told me he didn’t have any money and he didn’t want to. It was too cold outside and he wanted to go home. I said something about his hair and he shrugged and smiled and walked away from me.

      I don’t think he’s interested in me anymore. I think it’s done.

    11. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 5, 2017 at 9:39 pm

      let’s say he isnt.. then that’s it? interest is sparked. You wont expect it from somebody you dont know to be just all over you right? you dont expect them to just have that something for you without something about you or what you do that sparks their interest. It’s like that..Fire needs to be sparked. Think if it, that he has that fire for you before but it’s gone now..so, don’t act like it’s still there. Act like you have to spark it. The only difference is that you have to be aware when it’s time to stop trying to spark a fire

    12. Avatar

      H

      February 4, 2017 at 2:27 am

      Its been three days and the two of us havent even spoken to each other at work. the day after we talked last he tried to shove a mattress we were loading over on me. and after he tried to joke around and apologize. His supervisor saw him.
      later he pulled meto the side and told him that he didn’t need to be playing around with me like that. it wasn’t fair to me. He told him where he might think it was cool to joke and play, that he had to understand what it was seeming like to me.
      so theres that. he hasn’t talked to me since.

      My friend at work said he is dating the girl. they arent together but they are dating. He also told me that he didn’t think he really liked her that way because he literally never talks about her.

      I want so badly to talk to him. for him to come back to me. I still havent contacted him outside of work. But I keep thinking of valentines day coming up. I havent been given the opportunity to do anything at all to make him even think of me. he’s stopped trying to get my attention all together and I’m scared ive lost him completely.

    13. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 4, 2017 at 12:40 pm

      it’s ok to talk, just dont be all over him…that’s a good encounter because he was playful, were you playful too? remeber you need to leave good, fun encounters to leave a good impression.
      Smile or greet when you pass by each other

    14. Avatar

      H

      January 31, 2017 at 9:37 pm

      So don’t contact him outside of work. but at work I should act like I like him but I don’t want or need to be with him? leave him a little confused? and that will take his mind off of her?

    15. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 1, 2017 at 11:54 am

      not like- like as in chasing him or still hung over him.. but you know, be cool. It’s not a guarantee that it will take his off the other girl. Because he’s probably thinking about both of you but more of what impression you leave on him.. just have fun.. dont think too much especially about the other girl

    16. Avatar

      H

      January 30, 2017 at 7:36 pm

      So there’s nothing I can do but basically watch them slowly get together? Anything I do is going to push them closer. How do I get him to focus on me when he’s determined to move on?

    17. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2017 at 2:54 pm

      I know ot sounds redundant, but it’s really improving yourself. Always look good and when he talks to you be polite. Attraction is the key. Men get attracted to women who they view as beautiful, independent, fun, has charisma and that they know they can’t have or dont have yet. If he knows your jealous, that means he knows he has you and it’s stroking his ego.if you can be funny and cheeky, even of its just a short reply then better

    18. Avatar

      H

      January 27, 2017 at 1:36 am

      I Don’t feel like my odds are good since he blocked me everywhere and I can’t tell from one day to the next how he will act towards me at work. I don’t want to lose him but I feel that I have. Everyone is telling me to move on since they saw the girl. I don’t even know how.

    19. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 27, 2017 at 11:37 am

      it would be better if you accept that he has moved on. So, if you want him back, your goal is to reattract him

    20. Avatar

      H

      January 26, 2017 at 9:55 pm

      Is he done with me? Is that why he’s doing this?

    21. Avatar

      H

      January 22, 2017 at 3:31 am

      amor,
      He’s started trying to flirt with me at work today. I’m doing my best not to feed into it, I feel that its his way of trying to feel like hes been forgiven more so than him wanting me back. Ive done no contact outside of work for a week now and I feel like I have come full circle. he kept asking for my walkie he kept trying to be super playful and saying thank you with a bow. When I didn’t encourage it he told me he was just trying to be friendly. he was in my department every chance he could get. constantly trying to approach me with work questions. I was standing on a table hanging signs and he came up behind me asking me if I needed a spotter. He acted like he was concerned I might fall off and told me this was an opportunity he could push me off if he wanted.
      I acted normal with him and didn’t go out of my way to make him feel special but my main fear in this is the fact that the more I act civil or tolerate him, the more I feel that he wont regret what he did. that ill be just another ex he can be friendly with. I do want him. I want to be chased by him. I want him to apologize and make it right. I just don’t know that I can make that happen now. Him being friendly today and giving me attention was nice. what can I do from here? how can I make him regret this and get him to focus on only me as opposed to that other girl hes been talking to? what can I do now?

    22. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 11:43 am

      just continue being civil.. and improving yourself.. at least he’s not trying to destroy your career anymore..success is always the best revenge because that way you gain respect and if you really want him to regret what he did, dont be like him and dont make things easy for him.. Make him earn your trust

    23. Avatar

      H

      January 16, 2017 at 6:50 pm

      amor,

      I understand what you’re saying and I agree. Can you explain to me how to handle him at work?
      I’ve been ignoring him. It usually works pretty well, since he has me blocked everywhere else and makes it a point to show he’s happy without regrets. On occasion though he goes out of his way to single me out in front of others. He never talks to me when I am alone. he doesn’t contact me outside of work. we have a mutual friend at work that I talk to a lot. And tonight I was helping him with something he hadnt finished and I walked up on them talking. I didn’t say anything to him and made sure not to acknowledge him. As i went to walk off, he says ola to me really loud before saying my name and saying como estas. with a big smile.
      I just looked at him. I don’t know how to feel and I don’t know what he is doing or how to counter it. so I just made eye contact for a few seconds in a blank stare and turned away.
      As my friend and I left work together he stopped and I didn’t realize it was to go and talk to my ex and i said nooo really loud and my ex thought it was because I didn’t want him talking to him. he snapped at me wanting to know why he couldn’t talk to me. and I just stood there like an idiot before walking off. Making sure to be nice to the guy telling me to be safe driving home before walking to my car alone.
      I’m not entirely sure I even want him at all anymore. I know I am hurting. I just don’t understand what he is doing by going out of his way like this with the remarks and pointed comments. I am doing my best to try to be happy, especially in front of him. I have enrolled in school and I am making an effort to put my wounded ego back together.
      I feel like he is messing with me. I don’t feel like he regrets what he has done.
      Do you have any insights on why a guy would act this way? Is he just playing with me?
      what should i do when I don’t want him anywhere near me because of what’s happened?
      how do I counteract his behavior right now when I am still hurting?

    24. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 16, 2017 at 9:37 pm

      Just be civil and polite.. if he initiates a greeting, smile and then walk away.. if you cant away, listen but give direct polite answers.. When you’re civil, respectful but not engaging, it can help make him stop the things he’s doing to annoy you..

    25. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 21, 2016 at 3:03 pm

      Hi A,

      if you’re not sure, it would be unfair to do something.. but if you could get more facts and really confirm that he’s still talking to her, then you have to talk to him about it and you have to assess your standards..

      If you’re right that he’s still talking to her because she agrees to a secret relationship, dont do the same thing.
      Even if it hurts, you have to leave, because if you dont, you’ll end up being like her. Settling for less means you’ll get less..

  12. Avatar

    Abc

    October 2, 2016 at 1:21 am

    Hi
    M 18 +
    I and my ex were dating from last one year and intially he was the best person ever i actually mean by that
    Bt then 6 months earlier he said that there is a girl in his college and he finds her sweet and said that if ill cheat him ever he ll date her
    And den we had a fight i end up abusing him , even did he
    Then i pleeded him to come back he actually came bt was nt happy
    So once i said i need a break up he chnged his id pass and starting flirting with some random girls and i caught him we broke up
    And after a month he started naking excuses to get me back
    And told dat he dated a girl for four days and proposed a gurl to whom he was talking then
    Then we actually came back and I couldn’t get over the past i often abuse and doubt on him coz i found him stalking other girls and i cant resist it
    And every time we break up he look for other girls and at the same time he says he loved me
    M actually confused if he does or not
    Wen ask him y do you tlk to other girls then he says coz u abuse me and always ask for a break up ( which is true )
    Coz m really confused wt to choose
    M preparing for pre medical test and i have only 6 months to go
    M scared if he cheats me again ill not be able to study and i ask for break up only coz of this
    But this actually very confusing on the one side he says he loves me and on other flirting to other girls
    What should i do plzz tell me
    M in mess

    1. Avatar

      Abc

      October 2, 2016 at 1:23 am

      I wish i get fast replies coz i jdt want to declare my decision
      Plzx help me i guess m too small for all this

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 4, 2016 at 6:32 pm

      HI Abc,

      if he really loves you, he wouldn’t have cheated on you.. but anyways, do you want to do what’s advised above?

  13. Avatar

    Ali

    September 26, 2016 at 5:35 pm

    I was with my ex for 5 years and almost got engaged when he said he was cheating on me and we broke up. It’s been 9 months since we broke up, and at least 3 months since we’d talked… when I ran into him at the store and we started talking again.

    I made the mistake of jumping into bed with him right off the bat. He said he wants to take things as they come, and I said I’m not looking for a relationship right now…

    My question is, how do I get him to jump through the hoops? I plan on stopping the sex immediately. But besides that, do we just text for now? We’ve already gone out twice.

    His dialogue got much shorter after we had sex, which I understand from these articles that that’s how it usually goes. Do I tell him flat out no more sex, or do I wait for him to initiate? What do I do after that?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      Hi Ali,

      You have to say it.. and then start the no contact rule.. I think you need to do 45 days but don’t tell him that you’re doing the contact rule.. Just tell him you’re not going to sleep with anymore and you need to space to really move on, when you’re ready to be friends again, you’ll reach out.

  14. Avatar

    Meili

    September 8, 2016 at 9:00 am

    Hello, my boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months, 3 days ago I just came to study in another city cause I got the scholarship here, but after I left the city just only 1 day his ex girlfriend for 7 years relationship who’s not get over him came to and right now they’re living together, his ex girlfriend asked him for give her 1 months for let her try to get him back. Actually his ex girlfriend has been saying to him many times that she wanna suicide her self, then he said to me he needs time to try to make everything right, and he asked me for 1 months, and, he told me that his ex girlfriend promised to leave us if after 1 months she can’t makes him feel in love with her again, so I said yes, I gave him his time but that’s really hurting me, I feel like my heart is broken, because there’s nothing can guarantee that after 1 months he will not change his mind, Can you please guide me what should I do, maybe I made the wrong decision for gave them a time, please tell me what should I do? I’m so lost now

    1. Avatar

      Meili

      September 13, 2016 at 2:13 am

      Hello

      Last night me and my boyfriend were talking about everything then we decided to stop our relationship, now everything was clear, yes I still love him and he said he loves me too but his ex girlfriend never stop to try to get him back she never stop to make a trouble, last 2 night she called her mom and said that my boyfriend doesn’t love her, she wanna die then her mom called his mom and they were blaming him about it seems like the situation is getting worse because the family is came to the middle of the program, so I think I don’t wanna give him money pressure, I don’t wanna do the same as his ex girlfriend is doing now, we can’t force someone to love or stay, we can’t control the person’s life. Before we hanged up the call he said I’m his best girlfriend he ever had in he life, I changed his little and he had learned to how to love, how to take care the person who he loves from me, and he said he really wish we can be together one day, he said if we’re meant to be together in the end we’ll find the way to end up together again. I’m decided not to contact with him for 1 months, I want both of us to spend this time to thinking about it.

      Thank you so much for your advice, I’ve learned a lot of things from the article that you guide me to read, I think I made the right decision to do this. And I hope that everything is going to be better 🙂

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 14, 2016 at 3:38 pm

      I hope too.. I hope he learns to fight for you.. which actually I think he will if you keep on loving yourself and not doing what the other girl is doing.

    3. Avatar

      Meili

      September 10, 2016 at 2:57 pm

      Yes, please let me know what should I do, please give me an advice, should I do a no contact rules?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 12, 2016 at 8:43 am

      That’s good.. Review the article.. follow what Chris advised. Do no contact and improve yourself. Aim to be the ungettable girl. Check this article too for that: The Ungettable Girl

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 9, 2016 at 11:38 am

      Hi Melli,

      do you want to try what’s advised above?

  15. Avatar

    Esther

    August 24, 2016 at 11:31 am

    Hello,
    My boyfriend and i have been together for 3 years, we had our ups and downs but still stayed together.
    I checked his phone few days ago and saw that he had cheated on me, i confronted him and took all my things from his house and told him i was leaving.
    He called me and sent text messages to me in which i ignored but agreed to see him after 4 days, he apologised, he said although it went on for few months when we had some issues but it was only a kiss and never slept with her, and i agreed but made him realise i was still hurt but willing to give us a chance and just before we parted he got angry and accused me of invading his privacy and thinks i will be of harm to him and his family because he can’t trust me again and we both left in anger, i was really confused.
    when he got home he sent a text to my mum saying i was a big risk to him and his family and it won’t work between us and all sorts in which my mum remained calm and didn’t take it personal. and also sent me a text to return his house keys, will send the rest of my things and also will be changing the alarm code to his house.
    i sent him a text in the morning apologising for going through his phone but i was still hurt from yesterday , he started sending me text messages apologising again but i ignored him.
    I think that upset him and he sent me a text this morning (day 6 since found out he was cheating), saying he has had sleepless night and the pain is too much for him and he is finally letting go and will be starting all over again, he said but he wants me to know i let a good guy leave and he’ll rather accept it sooner the later that i have left because i ignored his messages and calls, he also said he has deleted and blocked myself and every member of my family from his contact and on social media (which i confirmed he has done).
    A part of me still loves him and I’m disappointed he couldn’t wait longer to fight to get me back after what he did.
    what are the chances of us getting back and what steps can i take?.
    Thanks

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2016 at 2:15 pm

      Hi Esther,

      he did that to regain power… which is very lame.. he’s the one who cheated and yet he acts as if he’s the victim.. anyways, dont bite into his game.. yes, you were wrong that you checked his phone but the truth is, he’s just doing all this because of pride..

      I think you should do atleast 30 days
      live a happy life.. dont be let him get to you.. improve yourself and make the most of 30 days before initiating contact

  16. Avatar

    Milani

    August 23, 2016 at 9:39 am

    Hi. We broke up last April. I started NC last May 2016 which only lasted 21 days. I went for the three weeks because I thought the breakup was abrupt, and I thought the separation was clean or it’s just a misunderstanding. 4 months later, this August we were heading to the romantic stage already, he already wanted me back – when he suddenly admitted that he cheated that’s why he broke up with me last April. I was devastated. And I wanted to to NC again to make him feel remorsed. Is it okay if I do it again? OR the NC will have a less impact on the second time? PLEASE REPLY. He wanted me back, he begged but I’m not really sure. I don’t want to look so easy.. THANK YOU

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 27, 2016 at 8:33 am

      Hi Milani,

      it will have less effect.. talk to him first.. if you need space, tell him you just need space to think

  17. Avatar

    Monique

    June 30, 2016 at 2:45 pm

    My boyfriend cheated on me, but I want him back. On the day of the breakup, he was mad at me because I went through his phone. I told him then that I saw the video of him cheating (saw this one week prior) on his phone.

    He drove me home and on the way home he got pulled over by a cop because he was driving insanely since he was so upset. When I got home, I called a number I retrieved from his phone. It turns out the number belonged to someone he works with (not employed by the same company but he works with at least once a month). He called me very upset and told me to get a police officer escort to retrieve my stuff from his house.I was over it at that point and had already texted him to bring my stuff. 

    The next morning he brought most of my stuff but not all. He helped me take the stuff out the car and simply said when he came back from work later he would bring the rest of the stuff from the list I texted him. I texted him the list, and he said ok to bringing the stuff, but he never did. 

    The next morning he texts me asking me if I knew where his Apple Watch was. I didn’t respond and enacted No Contact then. I have had 1.5 weeks of no contact so far. At what point should he be showing remorse?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 1:16 pm

      HI Monique,

      If you will really be actively improving yourself during no contact and the sees that, there’s a good chance that he will during it.

  18. Avatar

    LRenee

    May 16, 2016 at 1:47 pm

    My ex and I have been together for a year and recently I found out that he has been cheating on me for several months. We haven’t seen each other in a few weeks and we’ve been arguing about that. I wish he would have just broken up with me instead of cheating but this is heartbreaking for me . I’m not contacting him at all . I just want to make things right.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2016 at 9:19 am

      Hi LRenee,

      Just like what’s stated in the other blog post you commented on, it all depends on why you would want to get back with him. If you have a valid reason, are you open to following Chris’advice on that blog post?

  19. Avatar

    lawrencia

    May 1, 2016 at 3:12 pm

    Hi, I have been in a relationship for three years now. He is in school he comes he during vacations he change when he goes to school ,like we dont usually talk on phone or chat when I ask him he will be like am in school and school is different from being home I agree because I trust him. From how things were going I thought he had a girl in his school so I asked him if he doesn’t want or need me any more he told me he loves me if he doesn’t he would tell me he doesn’t .I still suspected him and I confirmed from one of his friends saying I should move on in life or cheat on him which means he has another girl in his school I called him and he told me they are lies just that he has female friends over there ,I still thinks is true he has a girl over there what should I do .

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 1, 2016 at 5:03 pm

      Hi Lawrencia,

      that’s hard.. because what if you’re wrong? ok.. for now, you’re still together right? don’t blame him more.. rest from that and then try to be calmer, try to make it seem yiu din’t suspect him anymore and then go there.. surprise visit him

  20. Avatar

    Aby

    October 16, 2015 at 11:48 am

    Chris, I think you write about what if you accused your boyfriend for cheating whilst he didn’t do anything and broke up with you because he was so mad of your trust issues…

    Thank youuuu

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