Welcome to episode 30 of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I know it has been a while but I have been so busy lately that I haven’t had a chance to really buckle down and record the episodes that need recording.
Luckily that is changing this week as I am getting back into the swing of things.
Today we hear from Jasmin, a woman who,
- Used Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO
- Things went really well with her ex boyfriend
- Almost a little too well…
- She ended up sleeping with him
- And now she wonders if she has lost all value in his eyes.
Let’s see what we can do about helping Jasmin out.
What I Talk About In This Episode
- How common it is for exes to sleep together.
- 82.5% of people remain in contact with each other after a breakup.
- A 50/50 chance of losing value (or not.)
- Actions vs. Words
- The importance of studying actions and blocking out the words
- The importance of not sleeping with an ex again
- What to do when you have studied your ex boyfriends actions
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
- Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO
- The Ungettable Girl
- The Friends With Benefits Podcast
- What To Do If You Sleep With Your Ex
What To Do When You Study A Mans Actions
So, what the heck does this graphic even mean?
Allow me to explain.
The entire graphic revolves around the premise that you need to study a mans actions.
Jasmin was wondering whether or not she ruined her chances with her ex and at this point it is too early to say for sure. So, in order to figure out where she stands its vital for her to study her exes actions.
As you can see above, I have divided his “actions” up into two categories.
Category One (Good) = All the actions that are indicative of her having a good chance of re-entering an official relationship with him.
Category Two (Bad) = All the actions that are indicative of her ex losing interest in her.
So, lets assume that Jasmin sits there, takes a step back and really does an amazing job of dissecting her exes actions. She determines that his actions fall under the good category. Well, going forward that means that Jasmin needs to focus her game plan around making her ex boyfriend commit to her.
On the flip side.
If Jasmin looks at her exes actions and determines that he is losing interest in her then she needs to figure out a way to re-assert her value.
Welcome to Episode 30 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I want to start off by saying I’m sorry that I haven’t recorded one of these in a little while. I’ve been quite busy with a lot of different projects. Most importantly, lately I’ve been doing taxes. I absolutely despise tax season. Every single time I have to pay taxes, it sucks. I can understand what the American Revolution was started for way back when.
Focusing more on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I’ve been working hard with a designer on the redesign of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. I think that it might go live by the end of this week.
You’ll be able to see a drastic change in Ex-Boyfriend Recovery and a drastic change in how this podcast is formatted and looks. Stay tuned for that. There are some exciting things that are about to happen for the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery brand. Make sure you tune in and keep visiting the website continually. As always, thank you for your support.
Let’s get rolling on this episode. Episode 30 revolves around what to do if you sleep with your ex-boyfriend. Lately I’ve been getting a ton of questions about this. I don’t know what it is. Since the introduction of this podcast, I’ve been getting this question a lot. I’m going to further reiterate some points.
We’re going to hear from Jasmine, who makes her situation pretty well known. Let’s hear from her now:
“Hello, Chris. This is Jasmine. I have been following your program. After three months of not seeing my ex-boyfriend, I recently followed your plan through and initiated a text message, which led to phone calls. We built up some rapport.
Everything was going quite well. He was responding very positively. We met up two days ago and he was very affectionate and sweet. It was going really well. The problem is, it went a little bit too well. With the consumption of alcohol, which I know is a bad idea, one thing led to another. We ended up sleeping together.
I know that’s a big no-no, so what now? Have I blown my chances completely because I slept with him way too soon? Have I lost all value in his eyes now? Thank you for your help.”
Thank you for asking your question, Jasmine. Let’s see what I can do about helping you. First, I want to thank you for purchasing the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro program. To me, it seems like you were doing incredibly well. You followed it to a T.
You started with the no contact rule. After that, you sent some text messages. You used the text messages to lead to phone calls. You used the phone calls to lead to a date. Then-bam. You made your first major mistake. That was sleeping with your ex-boyfriend.
I know you’re wondering if you’ve lost value in his eyes. I’m just going to level with you. It’s too early to tell. I need to know more about your situation to really understand that. But I think I can give you a lot of information to help you decipher as time goes on.
A lot of the people who record messages and get answered on the podcast are continually visiting the website, hoping that their question shows up and that I’ll answer it. Jasmine, if you’re listening to this, I’m going to talk to you about how you can determine if you’ve lost value. I’m going to give you a game plan going forward on how to approach this situation.
The first thing that I want to bring up is the fact that I’ve been getting this question a lot lately. It’s an insane amount. In the past four or five days, I’ve gotten this question at least four or five times. About once a day, I get something about sleeping with your ex-boyfriend. Jasmine, you happened to be the lucky person for this.
I have talked about this issue in a podcast before. I talked about that in the “friends with benefits” episode. The first thing that I do not want you to become, Jasmine, is friends with benefits with your ex. That is definitely the opposite of what we’re trying to achieve here.
We’re trying to get you into a happy, healthy, loving relationship in which you and your ex can last a long time, potentially get married and have that happy ending that you want so badly. I’m not putting any pressure on you to get married. I’m just trying to focus on helping you get your ex-boyfriend back.
I do want to reiterate that I’m not just all about getting an ex back. I’m all about getting an ex back and having a long-lasting relationship. There is no pressure to get married. But if that were to happen down the road, I’d be so incredibly happy for you. I would feel like I’ve helped you to success.
We do not want to become friends with benefits with our exes. The piece of advice that I want to give you, Jasmine, and anyone who has slept with their ex and is listening to this episode, is to go back and listen to the “friends with benefits” episode. I’ll link to that in the show notes.
The show notes for every episode of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast is divided up into certain sections. I give the introduction where I mention, “Jasmine is here today. Here is her situation.” I break down her situation. Then I talk about the important parts of the episode.
Then there is another section under that. It’s usually called “important links mentioned in this episode.” Under that section I’m going to have all the things that I mention in this episode that I can link to. For example, so far in this episode, I’ve talked about Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro, my ebook. Jasmine, I’m assuming that you’ve purchased that. There will be a link to that.
I think this is going to be a very big benefit for you so that you can understand not only why you need to avoid being friends with benefits with your ex but what to do if you get into a situation like that. I’m going to link to the “friends with benefits” episode in the “links mentioned” section of the show notes. You can find the show notes to this episode at www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode30.
The thing I want you to understand is that sleeping with your ex-boyfriend is actually quite comment. I did some research before I recorded this episode. I found multiple different sources and articles stating that, out of all breakups, 82.5% of people remain in contact with their exes. That’s a staggering amount. That means 8 out of 10 people remain in contact with their exes after a breakup. About 22% end up having sex with their ex-boyfriend. There are a lot of different reasons why women and men do this.
I’m speaking to women here. This is what this whole show is about. It’s about helping women get back with their exes, recover from their exes and understand the mind of a man. This is what the entire podcast is about. I think, for women coming to Ex-Boyfriend Recovery who do end up slipping up and sleeping with their exes, they think that it’s going to be the thing that makes him come back.
As a woman, the greatest power that she can have over a man is sex. A woman decides in a relationship when the two people in the relationship are going to have sex.
Let’s hypothetically say that you are dating your boyfriend. I’m a big fan of examples. You live together. You’re really happy together. One night, he turns to you and gives you the look. He’s giving you the look as if to say, “Let’s have sex.” You get the ultimate power to decide yes or no. That is the greatest power that a woman has over a man, technically.
What I think happens for most women is, subconsciously, they understand this. They understand that they have this power and that they are in control. And they are. Women are in control of this. They think that, by giving themselves to their exes that they are going to convince their exes to come back to them. It doesn’t work that way.
Instead of showing value to your ex, you’ve basically showed him that you are easy. He can get you anytime he wants. The credo that I continually say on this podcast over and over again is the fact that men want what they cannot have. If they can have you sexually then that means you don’t have as much value to bring to the table.
Jasmine, I think it’s too close to call in your situation right now. I think it’s too early. It seems like you were intimate together and you’re wondering what to do now. You haven’t gotten enough information. I’m going to talk about that in a second. You’re wondering if you’ve lost value. Right now, I would say you have 50/50 odds.
There is a 50% chance that you have lost value. There is a 50% chance that you did what you need to do to get him back. Sometimes sleeping with your ex does work. We cannot deny that. This does go against what I teach. I will admit that sleeping with your ex does not work as much as not sleeping with your ex until he commits to you, which is what I recommend profusely.
That’s what I’m going to recommend to you, Jasmine. Men are very visual. Men are very sexually oriented. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it is enough to get him to commit to you in a relationship. I would say that it’s a lower percentage chance than not sleeping with him and showing value. That always has a higher success rate than sleeping with your ex.
Right now, Jasmine, I would say you have 50/50 odds. There is a 50% chance you may have lost value. There is a 50% chance that you did not.
I think the best way you can determine this is to look at his actions. The best way you can determine whether or not you have lost value in your ex’s eyes is to look at his actions. Let’s get hypothetical here again. You’ve slept with your ex-boyfriend. This can go one of two ways.
He can give you a call and try to set up another date. On that date, he could try to commit to you. He could say, “Hey, I had a great time with you last night. I haven’t felt that way about anyone in the longest time. The way you make me feel is absolutely incredible. I want you to be my girlfriend again.” If he has this type of conversation with you, every action he’s taken has been in line with him wanting you back and you having value. Men go after valuable women. It’s just the way we work.
If you look at his actions in that situation, he called you up. That’s an action. That’s a good action. He set up a date. That’s another action. He has taken charge to set up the date. He has asked you to be his girlfriend again. That’s another action. He’s trying to get into a committed relationship with you. Each one of these actions has been positive and a step towards him trying to get back with you.
Actions speak louder than words. Maybe he says these words but his actions said something completely different. He might say, “I really want to be your boyfriend but it’s just not a good time right now.” If he strings you along like that, his actions do not back up his words. Always look at a man’s actions.
Jasmine, let’s turn our attention to what you need to do in your specific situation. Here’s your game plan. Now you understand the actions and words thing. Understanding actions is essential to the game plan. Right now, you have just slept with your ex-boyfriend and you are wondering if you’ve lost value.
You’re wondering what you can do to get him back or if you’ve completely screwed up. I’ll give you credit where credit is due, Jasmine. You did a phenomenal job of getting to this point. From the breakup where you started to where you are now is night and day. It’s just that you’re at a more advanced part of the recovery process.
Congratulations on getting to this point, because it is an accomplishment. I want you to understand that. I can’t guarantee that he will come back. That’s human nature. I can’t control another human being. If I could, I would be a millionaire. You did a phenomenal job of getting to this point.
I don’t want that to go to your head, but I think you’ve done a really good job. Let’s see if we can move this process along a little bit further.
Step one to your game plan, Jasmine, is not to sleep with him again. Do not sleep with him again until he commits to you. This is until he says it out loud and makes it public to the world that he is your boyfriend and you are in a relationship together.
Do not sleep with him until then. Do not drink or do anything that may impair your judgment and make you sleep with him again. I know it’s a little bit of a sacrifice, but it will be worth it in the end. Trust me. Step one is pretty common. I talked a lot about that in the “friends with benefits” episode. That’s nothing new.
Here is where things get interesting. It’s too early into this situation to know whether or not you’ve lost value and made a big mistake by sleeping with him. It’s too early to know. I want you to firmly study his actions. Look at his actions. Take his words out of the equation completely. Words mean nothing in this game.
Actions are the only thing that matters. If he takes the action of calling you, it’s not what he says during the calls, but the simple act of calling you, setting up a date or trying to get you to commit, those types of actions show that you have not lost value to him. You are still a highly valuable creature. If he says a lot of words and his actions do not back it up or if he takes no action at all to try to get you to commit to him, then I would say you have lost value in his eyes.
If you study his actions, you might have the good side of him doing actions to try to get you to commit. Then you have a bad side of him not doing actions to try to get you to commit. Based on these two tangents, there are two different ways that you can play this.
Let’s start with the good plan. Let’s assume that your ex-boyfriend is trying to get you back and his actions are backing that up. Just keep the ball rolling. Keep going on dates. Show him the time of his life. Be easygoing. If he’s continuing the process of trying to get you to commit to him, it’s only a matter of time before he will commit to you. Just do not sleep with him. You don’t want to be in a friends with benefits relationship.
Let’s go to the bad side of things, if his actions do not back up the fact that he wants to commit to you. In this case, you need to reassert your value. That means going back into the no contact rule and maybe starting the process over again a little bit. I think a no contact rule cut in half would be good here. You need to do things to reassert your value. I have plenty of articles describing how to do that. The best way to do that is to go through my ebook again and pick out the parts that are applicable.
You want to become the un-gettable girl. I’ll link to the article I wrote on the un-gettable girl. It’s probably one of the best pieces that I’ve written on the website. I wrote it a year ago but I’m still proud of it to this day. I thought it was a brilliantly written article, if I say so myself. You need to find a way to reassert your value in that case.
That’s it for Episode 30 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I hope I helped you out, Jasmine. I hope I helped out all the listeners of this episode who may have slept with their ex-boyfriend and think they made a mistake. If you haven’t already, go to the iTunes page of this podcast and leave me an honest review. I’ll see you later.