What’s up!

Welcome to episode 30 of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I know it has been a while but I have been so busy lately that I haven’t had a chance to really buckle down and record the episodes that need recording.

Luckily that is changing this week as I am getting back into the swing of things.

Today we hear from Jasmin, a woman who,

  • Used Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO
  • Things went really well with her ex boyfriend
  • Almost a little too well…
  • She ended up sleeping with him
  • And now she wonders if she has lost all value in his eyes.

Let’s see what we can do about helping Jasmin out.

What I Talk About In This Episode

  • How common it is for exes to sleep together.
  • 82.5% of people remain in contact with each other after a breakup.
  • A 50/50 chance of losing value (or not.)
  • Actions vs. Words
  • The importance of studying actions and blocking out the words
  • The importance of not sleeping with an ex again
  • What to do when you have studied your ex boyfriends actions

Important Links Mentioned In This Episode

Is He Worth All This Trouble?
Take The Quiz

What To Do When You Study A Mans Actions

study actions

So, what the heck does this graphic even mean?

Allow me to explain.

The entire graphic revolves around the premise that you need to study a mans actions.

Jasmin was wondering whether or not she ruined her chances with her ex and at this point it is too early to say for sure. So, in order to figure out where she stands its vital for her to study her exes actions.

As you can see above, I have divided his “actions” up into two categories.

Category One (Good) = All the actions that are indicative of her having a good chance of re-entering an official relationship with him.

Category Two (Bad) = All the actions that are indicative of her ex losing interest in her.

So, lets assume that Jasmin sits there, takes a step back and really does an amazing job of dissecting her exes actions. She determines that his actions fall under the good category. Well, going forward that means that Jasmin needs to focus her game plan around making her ex boyfriend commit to her.

On the flip side.

If Jasmin looks at her exes actions and determines that he is losing interest in her then she needs to figure out a way to re-assert her value.

Podcast Transcript

Welcome to Episode 30 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I want to start off by saying I’m sorry that I haven’t recorded one of these in a little while. I’ve been quite busy with a lot of different projects. Most importantly, lately I’ve been doing taxes. I absolutely despise tax season. Every single time I have to pay taxes, it sucks. I can understand what the American Revolution was started for way back when.

Focusing more on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I’ve been working hard with a designer on the redesign of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. I think that it might go live by the end of this week.

You’ll be able to see a drastic change in Ex-Boyfriend Recovery and a drastic change in how this podcast is formatted and looks. Stay tuned for that. There are some exciting things that are about to happen for the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery brand. Make sure you tune in and keep visiting the website continually. As always, thank you for your support.

Let’s get rolling on this episode. Episode 30 revolves around what to do if you sleep with your ex-boyfriend. Lately I’ve been getting a ton of questions about this. I don’t know what it is. Since the introduction of this podcast, I’ve been getting this question a lot. I’m going to further reiterate some points.

We’re going to hear from Jasmine, who makes her situation pretty well known. Let’s hear from her now:

“Hello, Chris. This is Jasmine. I have been following your program. After three months of not seeing my ex-boyfriend, I recently followed your plan through and initiated a text message, which led to phone calls. We built up some rapport.

Everything was going quite well. He was responding very positively. We met up two days ago and he was very affectionate and sweet. It was going really well. The problem is, it went a little bit too well. With the consumption of alcohol, which I know is a bad idea, one thing led to another. We ended up sleeping together.

I know that’s a big no-no, so what now? Have I blown my chances completely because I slept with him way too soon? Have I lost all value in his eyes now? Thank you for your help.”

Thank you for asking your question, Jasmine. Let’s see what I can do about helping you. First, I want to thank you for purchasing the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro program. To me, it seems like you were doing incredibly well. You followed it to a T.

You started with the no contact rule. After that, you sent some text messages. You used the text messages to lead to phone calls. You used the phone calls to lead to a date. Then-bam. You made your first major mistake. That was sleeping with your ex-boyfriend.

I know you’re wondering if you’ve lost value in his eyes. I’m just going to level with you. It’s too early to tell. I need to know more about your situation to really understand that. But I think I can give you a lot of information to help you decipher as time goes on.

A lot of the people who record messages and get answered on the podcast are continually visiting the website, hoping that their question shows up and that I’ll answer it. Jasmine, if you’re listening to this, I’m going to talk to you about how you can determine if you’ve lost value. I’m going to give you a game plan going forward on how to approach this situation.

The first thing that I want to bring up is the fact that I’ve been getting this question a lot lately. It’s an insane amount. In the past four or five days, I’ve gotten this question at least four or five times. About once a day, I get something about sleeping with your ex-boyfriend. Jasmine, you happened to be the lucky person for this.

I have talked about this issue in a podcast before. I talked about that in the “friends with benefits” episode. The first thing that I do not want you to become, Jasmine, is friends with benefits with your ex. That is definitely the opposite of what we’re trying to achieve here.

We’re trying to get you into a happy, healthy, loving relationship in which you and your ex can last a long time, potentially get married and have that happy ending that you want so badly. I’m not putting any pressure on you to get married. I’m just trying to focus on helping you get your ex-boyfriend back.

I do want to reiterate that I’m not just all about getting an ex back. I’m all about getting an ex back and having a long-lasting relationship. There is no pressure to get married. But if that were to happen down the road, I’d be so incredibly happy for you. I would feel like I’ve helped you to success.

We do not want to become friends with benefits with our exes. The piece of advice that I want to give you, Jasmine, and anyone who has slept with their ex and is listening to this episode, is to go back and listen to the “friends with benefits” episode. I’ll link to that in the show notes.

The show notes for every episode of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast is divided up into certain sections. I give the introduction where I mention, “Jasmine is here today. Here is her situation.” I break down her situation. Then I talk about the important parts of the episode.

Then there is another section under that. It’s usually called “important links mentioned in this episode.” Under that section I’m going to have all the things that I mention in this episode that I can link to. For example, so far in this episode, I’ve talked about Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro, my ebook. Jasmine, I’m assuming that you’ve purchased that. There will be a link to that.

I think this is going to be a very big benefit for you so that you can understand not only why you need to avoid being friends with benefits with your ex but what to do if you get into a situation like that. I’m going to link to the “friends with benefits” episode in the “links mentioned” section of the show notes. You can find the show notes to this episode at www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode30.

The thing I want you to understand is that sleeping with your ex-boyfriend is actually quite comment. I did some research before I recorded this episode. I found multiple different sources and articles stating that, out of all breakups, 82.5% of people remain in contact with their exes. That’s a staggering amount. That means 8 out of 10 people remain in contact with their exes after a breakup. About 22% end up having sex with their ex-boyfriend. There are a lot of different reasons why women and men do this.

I’m speaking to women here. This is what this whole show is about. It’s about helping women get back with their exes, recover from their exes and understand the mind of a man. This is what the entire podcast is about. I think, for women coming to Ex-Boyfriend Recovery who do end up slipping up and sleeping with their exes, they think that it’s going to be the thing that makes him come back.

As a woman, the greatest power that she can have over a man is sex. A woman decides in a relationship when the two people in the relationship are going to have sex.

Let’s hypothetically say that you are dating your boyfriend. I’m a big fan of examples. You live together. You’re really happy together. One night, he turns to you and gives you the look. He’s giving you the look as if to say, “Let’s have sex.” You get the ultimate power to decide yes or no. That is the greatest power that a woman has over a man, technically.

What I think happens for most women is, subconsciously, they understand this. They understand that they have this power and that they are in control. And they are. Women are in control of this. They think that, by giving themselves to their exes that they are going to convince their exes to come back to them. It doesn’t work that way.

Instead of showing value to your ex, you’ve basically showed him that you are easy. He can get you anytime he wants. The credo that I continually say on this podcast over and over again is the fact that men want what they cannot have. If they can have you sexually then that means you don’t have as much value to bring to the table.

Jasmine, I think it’s too close to call in your situation right now. I think it’s too early. It seems like you were intimate together and you’re wondering what to do now. You haven’t gotten enough information. I’m going to talk about that in a second. You’re wondering if you’ve lost value. Right now, I would say you have 50/50 odds.

There is a 50% chance that you have lost value. There is a 50% chance that you did what you need to do to get him back. Sometimes sleeping with your ex does work. We cannot deny that. This does go against what I teach. I will admit that sleeping with your ex does not work as much as not sleeping with your ex until he commits to you, which is what I recommend profusely.

That’s what I’m going to recommend to you, Jasmine. Men are very visual. Men are very sexually oriented. Sometimes it works. Sometimes it is enough to get him to commit to you in a relationship. I would say that it’s a lower percentage chance than not sleeping with him and showing value. That always has a higher success rate than sleeping with your ex.

Right now, Jasmine, I would say you have 50/50 odds. There is a 50% chance you may have lost value. There is a 50% chance that you did not.

I think the best way you can determine this is to look at his actions. The best way you can determine whether or not you have lost value in your ex’s eyes is to look at his actions. Let’s get hypothetical here again. You’ve slept with your ex-boyfriend. This can go one of two ways.

He can give you a call and try to set up another date. On that date, he could try to commit to you. He could say, “Hey, I had a great time with you last night. I haven’t felt that way about anyone in the longest time. The way you make me feel is absolutely incredible. I want you to be my girlfriend again.” If he has this type of conversation with you, every action he’s taken has been in line with him wanting you back and you having value. Men go after valuable women. It’s just the way we work.

If you look at his actions in that situation, he called you up. That’s an action. That’s a good action. He set up a date. That’s another action. He has taken charge to set up the date. He has asked you to be his girlfriend again. That’s another action. He’s trying to get into a committed relationship with you. Each one of these actions has been positive and a step towards him trying to get back with you.

Actions speak louder than words. Maybe he says these words but his actions said something completely different. He might say, “I really want to be your boyfriend but it’s just not a good time right now.” If he strings you along like that, his actions do not back up his words. Always look at a man’s actions.

Jasmine, let’s turn our attention to what you need to do in your specific situation. Here’s your game plan. Now you understand the actions and words thing. Understanding actions is essential to the game plan. Right now, you have just slept with your ex-boyfriend and you are wondering if you’ve lost value.

You’re wondering what you can do to get him back or if you’ve completely screwed up. I’ll give you credit where credit is due, Jasmine. You did a phenomenal job of getting to this point. From the breakup where you started to where you are now is night and day. It’s just that you’re at a more advanced part of the recovery process.

Congratulations on getting to this point, because it is an accomplishment. I want you to understand that. I can’t guarantee that he will come back. That’s human nature. I can’t control another human being. If I could, I would be a millionaire. You did a phenomenal job of getting to this point.

I don’t want that to go to your head, but I think you’ve done a really good job. Let’s see if we can move this process along a little bit further.

Step one to your game plan, Jasmine, is not to sleep with him again. Do not sleep with him again until he commits to you. This is until he says it out loud and makes it public to the world that he is your boyfriend and you are in a relationship together.

Do not sleep with him until then. Do not drink or do anything that may impair your judgment and make you sleep with him again. I know it’s a little bit of a sacrifice, but it will be worth it in the end. Trust me. Step one is pretty common. I talked a lot about that in the “friends with benefits” episode. That’s nothing new.

Here is where things get interesting. It’s too early into this situation to know whether or not you’ve lost value and made a big mistake by sleeping with him. It’s too early to know. I want you to firmly study his actions. Look at his actions. Take his words out of the equation completely. Words mean nothing in this game.

Actions are the only thing that matters. If he takes the action of calling you, it’s not what he says during the calls, but the simple act of calling you, setting up a date or trying to get you to commit, those types of actions show that you have not lost value to him. You are still a highly valuable creature. If he says a lot of words and his actions do not back it up or if he takes no action at all to try to get you to commit to him, then I would say you have lost value in his eyes.

If you study his actions, you might have the good side of him doing actions to try to get you to commit. Then you have a bad side of him not doing actions to try to get you to commit. Based on these two tangents, there are two different ways that you can play this.

Let’s start with the good plan. Let’s assume that your ex-boyfriend is trying to get you back and his actions are backing that up. Just keep the ball rolling. Keep going on dates. Show him the time of his life. Be easygoing. If he’s continuing the process of trying to get you to commit to him, it’s only a matter of time before he will commit to you. Just do not sleep with him. You don’t want to be in a friends with benefits relationship.

Let’s go to the bad side of things, if his actions do not back up the fact that he wants to commit to you. In this case, you need to reassert your value. That means going back into the no contact rule and maybe starting the process over again a little bit. I think a no contact rule cut in half would be good here. You need to do things to reassert your value. I have plenty of articles describing how to do that. The best way to do that is to go through my ebook again and pick out the parts that are applicable.

You want to become the un-gettable girl. I’ll link to the article I wrote on the un-gettable girl. It’s probably one of the best pieces that I’ve written on the website. I wrote it a year ago but I’m still proud of it to this day. I thought it was a brilliantly written article, if I say so myself. You need to find a way to reassert your value in that case.

That’s it for Episode 30 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I hope I helped you out, Jasmine. I hope I helped out all the listeners of this episode who may have slept with their ex-boyfriend and think they made a mistake. If you haven’t already, go to the iTunes page of this podcast and leave me an honest review. I’ll see you later.

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148 thoughts on “EBR 030: What To Do If You Sleep With Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar

    Sunshine

    December 29, 2018 at 4:21 pm

    I used no contact rule & he called me and then he asked me to date. During the date, I found that I could hold his attention and I thought that he was going to fall in love with me again.. so I slept with him. But he didn’t commit me and didn’t come back to me. What should I do, plz ?

  2. Avatar

    Breeze

    February 22, 2018 at 2:54 pm

    I’m still very heartbroken over my ex leaving me and it’s going on 2 months. He said I didn’t show him consideration or cater to him. We were together 6 years and 5 years I took care of everything bills, clothes, his daughter, which I considered my own & he even was homeless for 4 months because we lost our place because he quit a job and I couldn’t afford it so I stayed with my sister and he moved to his parents. He got into it with his dad and was kicked out. I’m 30 and he’s 31 he slept in my car and sometimes I slept with him but I never left him alone. 2017 I help him get a good job and he finally got a car (he’s been driving mine for 5 years) it hasn’t even been a whole year he has had these two things. We argued and he broke up with me before my birthday and he pulled away so hard I just knew it was another woman. It makes me sick to think about him with someone else. He was just showing me my wedding ring he would like to get me a month before. I’m afraid he’s going to start a new relationship with this girl because his mom told me he hasn’t been home since so I know he’s spending a lot of time with her. He’s a good man. Recently I convinced him to have sex with me because I was lonely. He agreed after telling me he doesn’t want to hurt me and that this would be only one time. I cried about it and we are suppose to meet up tomorrow for this “last time” I’m thinking of just falling off the face of the earth and doing no contact. He’s been acting like he’s satisfied with this new person he “dealing” with. It’s hurts so much. I have been nothing but a good person to him. I feel so down on myself feeling like a failure after investing so much of my time and sacrificing so much to lift him up to leave me like this for someone else. He’s says he didn’t leave me for anyone but literally right after he was already hanging out with her. What to do? I’m hurting so much

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2018 at 4:19 pm

      Hi Breeze
      Move on from him.. After everything you’ve done, investing more on him is abusive to you..

  3. Avatar

    Jena

    August 9, 2017 at 8:42 pm

    Hi,

    My ex and I almost had sex. I was good about no contact but I texted him because he owes me money. He paid me a partial amount and I told him to update me when I could get the rest. That was the conversation. However 2 days later, he gave me a ride home and it got emotional (for him) he started crying and I put up my defenses and came out as snarky. But anyway, after he took me home, we almost had sex but we didn’t. I want to do NC again but I need the money can I still text him about it?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 10, 2017 at 4:23 pm

      YOu can talk about the money again but how did you end up in a ride home with him?

  4. Avatar

    Platinum

    April 21, 2017 at 11:13 am

    Hey everyone! 😀
    I dropped by just to ask if anyone heard back from Jasmine in this episode. I wanted to know what happened after this and whether or not she was successful, because I’m going through a similar situation but with some big differences.
    Thanks!

  5. Avatar

    Platinum

    April 21, 2017 at 9:13 am

    Hey guys! 🙂
    I just stopped by to ask if anyone heard anything back from Jasmine after this episode. I am in a similar situation but with some big differences and I would like to know if she was successful or not.
    Thanks in advance!

  6. Avatar

    Lewiza

    April 19, 2017 at 8:12 am

    My ex and I have been seeing each other for a while since October last year. He came back after about two years and wanted to work things out with me but on all these occasions, we had sex in it was beautiful. I told him I moved on, I wanted him to chase after me. However the communication is poor. We do not have actual conversations, they r all very superficial, so am now doing the NC. I want him to invest in me, in seeing me back. But it seems I lost value by giving onto sex. When we meet, it’s like an actual relationship but stereo hardly hear from him. Today is day 10 of NC and I haven’t heard from him. Is there hope? I earlier asked him what he wants from our relationship but he didn’t reply. In December he did tell me that he loves me. His actions are opposite though as he never calls or texts or checks on me. It is very discouraging but I want to try, but for how long?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 25, 2017 at 9:23 pm

      it’s just been 10 days.. finish 30 days be active in improving yourself and in posting..continue improving yourself while slowly building rapport.. if it doesn’t work, then move on

  7. Avatar

    Lindsey

    February 22, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    Hi Amor,

    I think a made a huge mistake, and I’m not sure how to move forward from here. My ex and I broke up some time ago, but constantly saw each other since we had the same friends. I eventually moved out and went no contact for about 6 weeks (he didn’t reach out either). I recently saw him about two weeks ago at a friends birthday party. We both got drunk and ended up sleeping together, then spending the next day together, acting like a couple, and acting like we did before we broke up. We both had an amazing time. The next day, he called me and was being very sweet and asked me out and said we would see each other soon. Then I didn’t hear anything from him all week. Stupidly, this weekend, I texted him about something random and we ended up “sexting” a little. I was the one who actually intitated him coming over to my place for sex. He came over, we had sex, and then he left. And I haven’t heard from him since. My goal is to get him back, I don’t want to be hook up buddies, but I caved and really missed him. What should I do? Should I start no contact all over again? I’m afraid it’s too late at this point since I was doing so well before by no contact and rebuilding attraction, then I completely messed up. Did I lose all value in his eyes? How can I win him back again and get back on track?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 22, 2017 at 9:29 pm

      Hi Lindsey,

      You’re his friend with benefits now.. frankly, the chances is smaller and it’s going to be harder this time and I think this should be the last no contact period you should do..I think you should do a 45 day one, and then just really treat it as a restart.. don’t sleep with him again. Be more active in other things. I think you should text him that it was mistake sleeping with him because it’s not you to do that, but you do thank him for giving you time and then start the no contact period.

  8. Avatar

    Nancy

    February 21, 2017 at 9:45 pm

    Hi.

    We had great month together even if he is 23 and me 32. We had great connection, we were speaking for many h, we were compatible, had great sex and we were ready for it all of the time. I met him in the club. He was looking after me whole night even if he knew I don’t want to go home with him. On first real date he told me he never had real relationship, the longest was two months, he don’t like texts, cuddling over night… on sacond date after we had first sex he told me he wants to try to really be with me. We texted whole day each day, saying to each other each step, he started that and I was giving him feedback doing same thing even if I’m at work. I wanted him to feel safe with me. Also we had talk about our ages, he was thinking that maybe we are not fair to each other as he is young and he can lose all the fun and he don’t have to offer me what he thinks I need now (money, kids…)… I was telling him not to think that way as I don’t need those things I just want to have nice time with him and if we enjoy than we don’t need to worry about anything. He was also telling me that he feels like we are meant to be, but that time is not good for us… I told him that if we are meant to be than time will be always good. After two weeks of dating he didn’t change his way of treating me, but he stop hanging out with friends, stop drinking and going out, studying… he was waking up early (before my time for work) which I knew as he texted me in mornings, and going to sleep early. During day he was just playing video games and texted me. One night I went out with my friends and he stayed home even if his friends were out having fun. He asked me to come over if I want after I’m done. To wake him up. I came we talked, had sex and I stayed at his house over night. In the morning he made me coffee, we talked, played together games, and than I went. In that time his friends from other towns called him to check him and I figured out that they all know about me, same as his sister and mom. Before that we even set in his friends house once, my friend, his friend, me and him. Once he called me for celebration with his friends, just me, but I didn’t went. Anyhow, 3 days after I sleeptover at his place (before he was staying at mine as I live alone and he have a roommate) I asked him will we see each other and he said that he feels mentaly bad and he would rather stay home and play games and we will see each other some other day. I said ok and told him that I will probably go to my birthplace for the weeked. He told me that he is not into mood for anything and that he thinks that I need to understand that. And I did which I said to him. Than we texted how he feels I was telling him that he needs to go out, chill with friend, do something fun.. Tomorrow he came to my place and he was under depression still, he felt asleep, but after he woke up we had sex two times, talked, made jokes till morning when I had to go to work and he followed me and than went home. Usually we have 4-5 time sex. But it was late that night and I wanted him to do whatever will make him feel better. I bought some costume as I’ve heard that he would like to try it, and tomorrow we texted and I told him to have fun that day with family and as I am not going home maybe the day after tomorrow me, or better to say we can prepare something and gave him a shy emoj. He didn’t understand, I guess he tough I want us to sit at home on Saturday and make dinner. I got text that it’s maybe better that I don’t make anything as we maybe need to talk, and as he is going with his sis now we can go tomorrow for a drink and to chat. I asked him is something wrong and he told me that he don’t want to text, he wants to see me. I said to him ok and wished them to have nice shopping. After few h he said they didn’t found anything and we texted for a bit. Tomorrow he called and we meet. He came kissed me on my lips, took my hands and we went at some cafe. He was sad, and he told me that story “it’s not u it’s me” but really me, I really don’t know to be in a relationship, I am young I needs to go out have fun his time to have as many girls he can cause all friends are doing that. He thinks he dont need relationship now or maybe ever and that relationships are bad they destroy people (mostly guys are destroyed after they cared for someone) and he don’t wants to be destroyed..he needs fun, and he don’t even know that he will need a wife in the future, he don’t see himself that way he was even thinking that in future he can pay a women to take a birth and he would take care of kid by himself… he told me that he knows that we are perfect, that we had great connection and that only bad thing were maybe those texts, he said like he feels we need to brake up when things are the best. That me and one other girl (that don’t wants to be with him, and they are friends) are the only girls he felt he could be with. Of course she is pushing him so that is the difference- I was natural and didn’t want to fake anything. He told me he don’t want to lose me, he cares about me, he thinks about me. He was sad and I was positive, telling him that I don’t want to cry and that but that I do feel bad as I like him and I wanted to be with him and tought we are going well. He said we did, but he is not ready.. I said ok, u got in that bad phase, u were doing things with me that u don’t like (texting, hugs and cuddles over night- he never hugged girls and he was holding me as baby, holding hands… taking me out) and stop doing things u done before we met. Relationship should be bonus for our lives, lives we lived before we met… But I understand that we both rushed into our and wanted all at once as we had the connection as nobody has (when we meet we don’t watch movies, we speak, for 10 h non stop and we speak about everything, we laugh, we dance, we sing…). We agreed to take 17 days of brake so we could both think. We went out took a walk together, holding hands, I was telling him I will go out that night, and at the good by we were confused should we kiss or just hug or… That night we sow eacother in the club but as I was passing I just smiled to him and said hi from distance. A guy flerted with me and my friend was stending next to me and told me that he came to pickup a girl behind my back, but as he and his friend left the club before us we all have seen that they went out alone. I only contaced him once, 3 days after, as his friend sent text on my phone calling him to hang out. I forward it and he said thanks a lot 🙂 We met each other in some club, 3 times after, and we said hi to each other and one night he stand with me and told me that things haven’t change he dont have time as he started some practice, his handball training started and all is worst i said ok than do you want us to meet and speak on 14th february or there is no need. He said that we will see each other that day. We met one more time after that just said hi to each other and that was it. Each time boys were coming to me, trying to dance or kiss me asking me for number and all. I look good and boys are around me. I am outgoing and chaty, I like to dance, drink, laugh… Than day of meeting came, and i texted him “does agreement stands for today? we can drink wine and chat somewhere”. He said that it stands and we will see about wine as he have training in the morning and that he will call me when he gets back from it that night to make details. I said ok. Than he called and asked me to move it for tomorrow as tomorrow he is not working (in Serbia we had Constitution day and we both didn’t work on 15th and 16th) and he would like to go out with friends and tomorrow we can have the conversation or if I prefer that day than we can meet but for short. I said thats is all ok, I will go out too, so it’s better both to get ready now and tomorrow afternoon I will call him. He said that we have a deal, and I wished him to have great night. I went out with my friend, and we went into the club and had table with the security at the entrance. I had great time but maybe more than two cocktail and shooters. After an h he came with his friends. He came kissed me on chick said hi and went down somewhere. It was far so I didn’t know where they are standing. I obviosly passed next to his table when i was going to the rest room and havent seen him. When I was going out of it I sow him standing in front. I asked is he coming in he said no he is waiting for me. I asked whats up and he said that we can maybe speak now as he is tired from work, trainings and all. I said that we had an agreement and that I am buzzed now and that club is not the place for conversations. Atleast not for seriouse. He asked to go out or if i want we can do it tomorrow. I said if You dont want to talk to me its fine we don’t have to do it, but Im out now having fun and its not place and time for a talk as I have to tell him things too its not all about him and what he had decided. I told him if he thinks that Im out cause of him he is wrong, and this is place where Im going out, where I feel like home and that he can ask people who should leave it if thats the case. He said he never tough that and that he doesnt knows whats into me. I said u are getting in my space in time that is not for conversations and you are breaking a deal, so thats into me. And I went. But as my friends brother came in that club I was forced to stay behind my ex. He was talking with some girl, I could see its not a hook up talk, but i punched him on his shoulders and said “bravo Nikola, great choice”. And than I moved on. His best friend wanted to hook up my friend and he stand there with us so my ex came to stay with us too. But we haven’t talked I look on one side he looked up, than he turned around to talk with some girl than he turned back to me and stayed there. My straw falled he went to bring me another, he watched for my bag when I went to rest room again… Than we all went out. His friend asked us to go to his place, I said no so my friend left with him and my ex and I stayed there alone. He wanted to make a bad joke I told him that Im so mad that I could punch him. He started walking with me, but I was buzzed and he was still trying to speak with me. He asked me to go to my place or his to speak i said no we can’t and if he don’t wants to wait till tomorrow than fine with me. But we stood out on cold for an h speaking I don’t remember what. I remember telling him that he is a kid, he was playing with me, that even people from our club were asking me what am I doing with him as he is a chick that haven’t went out of his shell yet. Thats all true but I would’t tell him that if he wasnt so pushy. And at some point I told him that I dont want stend there with him and turned around and went alone. Tomorrow afternoon I texted him that last night things happend- it was not place and time that we could say hi, stand there together have a drink but without serious talks. That the lest thing that I wanted for us is to argue and fight, that I don’t even remember what we told to each other but I guess he remembers better. I also told him that I didn’t want us to analyze and go back on things that were, that I wanted us to keep that great connection, comunication and respect that we had. He answered me in same minute, like he was waiting for my text saying that he remembers everything, and that I have a point that he is back from trainning and in bed now cause he couldn’t sleep whole night and if I want we can talk today and to finish that story, But later when he wakes up. I said ok, that Ill be free after 6pm and to give me a call when he wakes up. At 6:30 he texted that he couldn’t sleep and asked me were do I want us to meet. I said that I don’t know, time can be 8pm if its good for him, and about the place Im not sure or some calm cafe or his/mine place. He asked me do I want to sit on river bench cause he didn’t planned to stay long and I said that it’s to cold outside and we can go at some peaceful cafe or those two options.He came to my place. I made him a tea. We set next to eachother and I asked him what happened last night with us. He said he dont know, he did made a mistake coming after me, he did realised that but I mad him angry when I said that thing to him after, when he was speaking to that girl. I told him that I was buzzed and I felt like he is destroying my fun on purpose coming there after me so I want to show him how it is when someone do that to him. He said that he didnt came to me when I was standing with security, its not the same. I said for me it was, its the club. He started saying me that he was not flerting with that girl but with other he did cause of me. He even told her infront of me that he wants to meet here tomorrow without attention to text her as he knew that he will meet me. I said its ok that he don’t need to justify his acts. He told me that he knows he is not ready for relationship that all he need is to go out and have fun, its not about me he think that same would be with that other girl he liked. I told him it probably could be like that cause its different to be someones friend than having a relationship with that person when contact cant be just friendly and when you see who he/she really is. That only difference is that he don’t need to chase me cause he got me, but he havent got her. He said he have with me all he needs, lover, friend, someone to talk with, who supports him..that he knows that we are ideal for eachother and he never faked anything like I said last night, but he is not for relationship. I told him that all is ok, I had time to think too and realised that no matter how great we were in that short time I want him to go and search for what he needs. To figure out what is that. That all I want is for him to be happy. That I know that I need somebody who is 100% sure that he wants to be with me who is not afraid of relationship who will look on it like on some bonus in life he is having. That I would be bonus with who he can have fun with, wild sex, long talks, respect, drunk nights, wild memories. And if we are meant to be time for us will always be right, but now I want him to be happy alone as he wants to be and maybe Ill be here if he finds out one day that I can be his happines. His eyes got wet and red. I told him that I want him the best not to make him sad. And if we are ment to be than we are ment to be. We opened a bottle of wine and continued to talk. He mentioned that one girl, before he broke up with me told him bad things about me, not saying me what. I told him that I never spoke with that girl, and she don’t know me as I dont know her. That he had met a real me without faking- i could fake to act cold and as I don’t like him but as he never had an relationship I wanted to gave him things he needed and that I want too. I am not inlove in him, to be inlove we need time, we were getting to know echother and we enjoyed in that. Even texts bothered me too, I work, but I didn’t want to tell him that as I tought that its how he likes us to be. That during that month everything was smooth but we should tell each other what bothers us and to go slow. We rushed things. And its ok if he trust to that girl, who betrayed him telling me his age while she was telling him that she cover his back for him. He said that she is not his friend that he was saying those things to his roommate, roommate to him and that it had a bit of influance on him. But he thinks he knows me best, and trust me more. Than we started looking pictures on our phones and I’ve seen he saves all our texts and pictures that I sent him and he sent me. When we looked those there was a picture that I haven’t know for- me sleeping in his bed covered with blankets. I asked is that me he said yes I didn’t want to show you this but its in my heart, having you there sleeping like a baby in my bed, I had to take a picture. When he was looking mine pictures he was saying which one he likes the most and that my smile on those is the most preciouse. Like a milion dollar. And my eyes… Also we were not fb friends but he forced his friend to add me so he could see my fb. He tried to fix my lights, he was fighting with me as i told him the night before that I would punch him, he told me that he can see my boobs trough t shirt… I asked him did I hurt himwith something last night and than explained that he beeing kid for others doesn’t meens he is that for me, I did liked him no metter what other thinks. We set there from 8pm till 1am.
    Than we went out in that club, just two of us. Like friends. I told him that some of people who were saying that he is a kid and not for me wanted to be with me. With one of them I was kissing years ago but he had a gf and still does and that two nights ago he asked me to save me from boys and to go with him but I refused with joke “not tonight, next Saturday”. And than we sow that guy, who shaked hand with my ex and just kissed me on my chick. On his face we could see anger. My ex was like what was that about he have a gf but got angry seeing us together. Ok he envys me as I have what he cant. Its clear that u are a price for them all but I am here with you. Than we danced, talked, sang, drunk beer and had lot of fun. He took care of me, spent lest money to pay drinks. At the end he was next to me huging and kissing my nose and forhead. He said how this night is great and asked me do I know that he wants to be with me now and I said yes. He told me again that he is not ready for relationship but he cant be there with me without asking me to go and spend night together. We actually broke up back than but I think that he was feeling like we were still together and I am sure that he was only mine till that night. I told him that Im not sure how smart is that. He said he wont be mad if i dont want to, he wants me but… And we left back home. We had sex 2 times in the row (after first time he cum but his erection lasted 30 min after cum, and it happened to him first time so he was teasing me that I pure him something in drink), than fell asleep and he cuddled me, if our faces were not next to each other than he was hugging me holding my hands. Than we woke up had sex, fall asleep and woke up again set, chat a bit, had sex, showered and got dressed. I told him not to text me and he said yes its not a relationship i showed you i dont know how to be in one. In the elevator he was looking us in the mirror staying there hugged and I asked him “what” he said nothing, I asked “are u looking how pretty we are together” he smiled shy and said yes and kissed me. We were holding hands till the crossroad and than we had a long kiss for good bye .
    After 3 days I sent him a text wishing happy first b-day to his niece with picture of prince that my lil nephew painted for her and he answered “tnx a lott :)” and second “niece is saying tnx too :))” after few h I replied “thats sweet 🙂 btw, your smoothy jar didn’t came to it’s owner again :p”. Jar was part of his b-day gift anI told him not to forget to remind me to give it to him that night. And we both forgot. He had a toothbrush at my place, but that I gave him on the day of brake up when we were in that cafe talking.
    So that is my story. What to do now?I do like him. We are special couple (as we agree on everything, we speak for without getting bored, we don’t need movies to spend time together) and he does feels it to…that night before we went out he even said that he feels like destiny is sending to us signals (he is studying college that I’ve finished, my index no was 844 which shocked him as his is 1844, our dates of births are similar (12.10. and 12.01.) … and those are things he noticed, not me. I like our talks, I like sex… but I want him as my bf not as a friend or friend with benefits.Is there a way that we can be together again and how? Do you think he cares about me?

    Thanks a lot.

    1. Avatar

      Nancy

      March 4, 2017 at 12:31 am

      Thank you, Amor.
      Think you do have a point that he was avoiding all activities that could lead him to cheat me. I remember once we were still together, and in the club, but I left it to go further, he wanted to come after me but all his boys hooked up girls so while I having fun he went home texting me that he didn’t have company to come and he went home and he is playing games. We texted till I haven’t finished my clubbing, till 6 am.
      I actually haven’t contacted him or seen him for 2 weeks and on this Wednesday we met at the club. I was already there when he came.I was there with a female friend and a guy friend. He came immediately and started talking with me (it was like he was giving me the report about his activities for 2 weeks). He didn’t introduce himself to my male friend, who btw looks great. So then he went to find his. One of them, his best friend was staring at me all the time, while I was dancing, chatting with people… I haven’t seen my ex till I was coming back from the restroom when he gave me a sign to come to him. I came he introduced me to his friend as “this is my Nancy” and that boy left us there alone after few min. We stood there, talked, laughed, I was teasing him… but it was so comfortable for both so I decided to tell him that my friends are probably worried so it’s better for me to go there now and he should join his friends too. He said: “ok, see you later then”. Trough the crowd I could see that all his friends were after girls and he just stood there like he is not having fun. He looked that sad, that I felt sorry for him. After while he went home, all alone, while all his friends stayed till the end. He told me while passing next to me that he is going home as he is tired and kissed my cheek.
      Huh, I hope I acted well for not staying there with him longer than 10 min as that would lead maybe to something more, as I felt he liked me standing there with him. I liked it too of course. But that sadness towards him, I don’t know what is that? Like I was sad that he is not having fun, he looked miserable from that distance. I haven’t texted him after and he is not texting me too. Should I keep going like this? P.S. He always turns off his Viber while he is sleeping (till that night he was off it was couple days in the row, but that night after he got home he turned it on and hold it like that for the whole night).
      It’s nice to chet with you Amor 🙂

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 4, 2017 at 5:40 pm

      This is just another perspective, but what if what he actually meant is wanted to see more girls, to be able to date other girls and he can’t do that if he’s with you, what would your decision be?

    3. Avatar

      Nancy

      February 24, 2017 at 8:10 pm

      Hi Amor,

      He doesn’t have a girlfriend he was just saying that there were two girls that he wanted to try a relationship with- me and that friend from school. His opinion is that he is not a guy who needs a girlfriend at all, he thinks if he had one he will miss all the fun cause fun is in number and beeing with me meant for him that he needs to stop every activity- he stopped drinking, going out … I didn’t ask for that, I was even telling him to go out and do all of those things, but he didn’t. He was just playing games and texting me. Maybe he really doesn’t know how to act in a relationship and moved to fast into ours which lead us to break up. That night after the argue when we went into club all alone he did treat me nice like I go out of the restroom my hands were wet and he drained them with his hands, looked at me all the time in the eyes and watched how I move and when we decided to go back home together he acted for the first time like mine home is his, he even put sheets on bad for me, played his favorite songs…and after sex, during the night he was or hugging me or he was putting his lips to touch mine. So confusing for me.

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 25, 2017 at 8:39 pm

      I think what he really meant is, he had to stop seeing other girls.. That’s what “every activity” probably translates.

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 22, 2017 at 9:22 pm

      Hi Nancy,

      if you don’t want to be friends with benefits, don’t be. Don’t sleep with a guy that is not committed to you.. Do you want to try a full no contact period? I think you need a 45 day one, and just focus in healing and improving yourself before rebuilding rapport with him. You have to assess your standards too.. If he’s still with the other girl, then decide if you still want to try to rebuild rapport with him.

  9. Avatar

    Pippa

    February 18, 2017 at 5:07 pm

    I confess – I made this mistake about a couple of weeks ago. I didn’t want to admit it and I haven’t told anyone else. It was the night he asked me to forgive him and to get back together but days later he called it off again and said he can’t control what he says or does when he’s around me and had a few drinks and is sorry for leading me on but still wants us to be in contact.
    All I keep thinking is how stupid I’ve been and I’m trying to rationalise it and figure out what to do now. I don’t know if to restart NC and go through the process again but this time I think I’d have to be very wary of him so as not to repeat my mistake – or should I just forget the whole thing and accept that I’ve blown it?

    We split up in mid-October and I finished NC 29 Dec then gradually started texting, which went well, but maybe I met up with him too soon? I think maybe I should get him to miss me a bit more than he did last time but then act as if I only want friendship and nothing more, like the theory that men want what they can’t have – what do you think?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2017 at 6:30 pm

      HI Pippa,

      I agree with your plan Pippa..

  10. Avatar

    Alex

    January 30, 2017 at 6:11 am

    Hi, me and my ex broke up about 9 months ago. I did do the no contact and began talking to him, everything seemed to go well. We ended sleping with each other a couple of times during these months. I want to ask him if he is willing to give our relationship another try but I am scared of him saying no. Btw we were together 8 years. He is not dating anyone at the moment. We usually hang out like go eat and watch movies like a couple and not to mention the sex. It is so much better than it was when we were in a relationship. What is your advice ?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2017 at 3:12 pm

  11. Avatar

    Jamie

    January 29, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    Hi,
    Exclusively dated for 6months and broke up bc he was not making enough time for me with his work schedule as an entrepreneur and sports coach. I did NC for 60 days! I wasn’t ready to reach out to him after 30 or 45 days. He immediately responded and was so happy to hear from me and we talked and he said his heart is for me and other nice things. He started calling and invited me to see one of the games he was coaching. He kept asking when we would see each other. 2weeks later we were on the phone and he came over that night at 1am and we had sex. The next day he didn’t say much during the day but called to talk in the evening but he didn’t mention anything about our night. The next day, I texted him and asked if we were seeing each other that night (originally we were going to see each other Saturday night) and he took forever to respond which annoyed me and we didn’t meet up. I am thinking now that he must’ve told me all of those nice things just to hook up and now he got what he wanted. I guess I’m stumbling with this because the things he said felt genuine and we fell back into him calling me and us just talking like old times. Should I assume he only wanted sex or could something else be at play and how do I find out without coming across needy? I don’t want to have wasted the effort of the 60 day NC. :(. Just really care about him but don’t want to be stupid. Thank you xoxox

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 30, 2017 at 12:13 pm

      Hi Jamie,

      maybe he realized it was too early foe that.. rest for two weeks before initiating again..

  12. Avatar

    Marie

    January 4, 2017 at 2:58 am

    Hi,
    I slept with my ex 6 days ago, it felt great, we had both missed it. But now I hope I didn’t screw it up more to get him back.
    We dated 6 months…We separated mid November. I did 25 days no contact in which time he texted me twice and so I decided to text back after second message. He would respond positively to my texts but I initiated the writing mostly. I did another week no contact, he texted merry Christmas.
    We started texting again and as we were both in vacation, I said I needed his help with my laptop and he said I could come over whenever, which showed me he had no one new in his life. I was right. We talked when I got there about life, work, his divorce proceedings ( he was separated for two years when we met).. then we started getting flirty and what happened happened. We talked more after and then I left as he had plans with his friends and I didn’t want to overstay.
    I texted the next morning, he replied and then wished him a happy new year with sexy photos of me as he gave me a gift card a for lingerie as Christmas present as I sent him a card a bit naughty lol a week before. I know I didn’t follow all the rules.
    He replied to that with something flirty but also a more serious message wishing me health and patience. The second part about patience through me off.
    You have to understand he is undergoing bad divorce, is all confused and separated from us to protect me from the situation, himself, his kids. He is convinced he is a bad guy when he is so good but thinks I deserve better. His cheating ex really messed him up. Anyhow when I saw him he was sending mix messages of move on but don’t move on. So I am confused. Him wishing me patience is like him asking me to wait for him for things to be better on his side.
    I texted him a hello yesterday, he saw the message but has not replied. But I also see he has not reconnecred on whatsapp since. It is like he is thinking…Analysing. This was yesterday morning. Maybe seeing me, sleeping with me was a lot for him. We did have a great time for three hours talking, laughing…
    I want to text him Friday to wish him a merry Armenian Christmas and if he does not reply to that start no contact again??
    We should be together, we are great together. He even said it himself Wednesday, we were happy together.
    Now that I have slept with him I don’t know what to do. Continue texting even if no reply? Do not contact for several weeks to give him space? Give him time for his divorce to wrap up. But maybe he will forget me.
    I have bought the ex pro but I don’t find specific advice for my situation. I am confused and getting advice from too many people and places around me. I know I am not with him but I really feel we have not lived a tenth of our story. We were great until his ex decided to harden divorce proceedings. I miss him…What do I do now? I know he adores me, maybe even more, but like he said, he feels his heart is closed. He said he doesn’t want to know how I feel if not he would not let me go. Maybe I should tell him I am in love…As you see I am lost, and more now that I slept with him once, but determined not to do it again.
    Any advice?
    Happy new year 🙂

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 6, 2017 at 5:30 am

      HI Marie,
      he said he would not let you go if he knows how you feel? Then tell him. But honestly, take that with a grain of salt. Let’s see what his reaction will be after you tell him.

  13. Avatar

    Jo

    September 26, 2016 at 4:27 pm

    I have a son with my ex and we have been broken up for 6 weeks. I begged him at first to try to fix this for our son but not in an annoying way and then did the no contact rule. Ive lost 32lbs and have gotten into amazing shape. My ex and I just met at a music festival over the past weekend and spent an incredible weekend together. On sunday he even introduced me as his gf to someone we met at the festival. Sunday when I got home he came over with my son and stayed the night. We have had sex every night and morning since friday… today is monday. Did sleeping with him ruin my chances? I kissed him goodbye this morning after we you know… but it felt like I was the only one who wanted the kiss… i later sent him a text saying that I understand his reluctance in coming back. That I know he doesnt want to be with the girl he left but that Im not that girl. That time away has made me realize who I am and that I am the girl he fell in love with and so much more. That I know happiness is within me… i told him that I want him in my life but am going to give him the space he needs to figure out if he wants me in his. We have a son together… he left because I was so unhappy with myself but since uve lost weight and everything its like im back… its like I woke up. Is it too late to get him back for good? What should I be doing…?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 27, 2016 at 2:33 pm

      Hi Jo,

      You started out so great Jo! And it’s obvious he was attracted back to you because of that and then you slept with him. Yes, it’s a mistake. Because you invested everything when he was just getting interested again but hasn’t really invested or worked for you again.
      I think this time, you need to continue with your new routine but you can’t sleep with him again. Don’t be friends with benefits with him.. Just keep improving while letting him be.. He has to feel that you’re serious that you’re not going to chase him anymore.

  14. Avatar

    hill

    May 27, 2016 at 3:36 am

    After no contact for a week my ex reached out to me. I broke no contact and we ended up hanging out and having sex. I heard from him some the next day, but that has been 2 days ago. So, he is ignoring me now. Do I re-start no contact? Is it too late? I’m so confused about his actions.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2016 at 4:12 am

      Hi Hill,

      yes you should restart no contact.. and be strong in completing it and improving yourself 🙂

  15. Avatar

    Katie

    May 9, 2016 at 9:07 pm

    Hello Chris,

    i am in a kind of friends with benefits situation with my ex boyfriend…we broke up last summer, then we did not see each other for about 6 month,,,he reached out to me during that time and we got to see each other again in december 2015. He came over to me to have dinner…unfortunatly we ended up sleeping with each other…ever since then we spend time with together about 1-3 times a month, sometimes just doing some activity like going to the cinema, restaurant and of course we had also sex…its very passionate between the two of us and i know he still likes and cares for me…when ever I need him , he is there! its just that he told me that he is highly scared of disappointing me again and hurting me like in the past… what led to the break up last year…. I want him to commit to me again, what should I do ???? Tell him that i friend zone him and no contact and then start meeting him again ???

    1. Avatar

      Katie

      June 27, 2016 at 12:35 pm

      he has aways been attracted to me..he told me so sometime in may..thats not the problem..
      if he would be still interested, that i don’t know..right now it does not seem that way, i know that there is a party in july where he will attend, i thinking of going there too, do you think its a good idea?
      i also wonder,, should i wait for him to reach out for me first?? since i don’t think it would be a good idea to send him a message after the NC because he was the one who said he wanted no contact anymore… what is your advice amore?
      maybe taking the chance and bumping into him ´´by accident´´ somewhere is better to check how his reacting towards me ?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 5:37 am

      then that’s good at least what you need to take care of now is to build rapport.. go to that party.. it can be your first stop to reconnect with him

    3. Avatar

      Katie

      June 22, 2016 at 2:22 pm

      i heard from a friend of mine that he seems to look for a new girlfriend… it does not give me much hope amor 🙁
      is there still a chance that he might change his mind and come back ? because if he wants someone new in his life, then he might not reach out for me anymore , what do you think?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 27, 2016 at 7:43 am

      You have to focus on what you can control only. If he’s looking for a new date then so be it. But if he looks or talks to you, what would come in his mind? Would he be interested in you? Attracted?

    5. Avatar

      Katie

      June 15, 2016 at 3:33 pm

      hi armor,

      bad news on the front… he told me few days ago that he thinks its better not to have contact anymore since it is to much for him… what ever that means… i am pretty depressed about it… what can i do?? he said he does not think that we can be friends… i can pretty much start all over again, from 0…if that is even possible

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 5:03 am

      give him space.. continue to do what you started during nc, and when he’s ready, I think he’ll reach out.

    7. Avatar

      Katie

      May 20, 2016 at 6:03 am

      if I go in no contact, how long should i wait to talk to him again? 30 days or just 21 days?
      i also wonder, how can I make him chase me again,,,because its not what he is doing at the moment, because i am a bit concerned that he does not chase me even if i go in no contact…

      the other thing is that i left chris a voice message, but how is he responding?? via email or also voice message ?

    8. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 25, 2016 at 9:47 am

      try to do 30 and be focused in improving yourself and widening your world.. with the voice message, it depends if your voide message will be picked.. you’ll receive a reply from Chris..

    9. Avatar

      Katie

      May 15, 2016 at 1:50 pm

      Hi Amor,
      hmm i don’t think he will check my page…i asked him add me again on Facebook but he refused…so i have no possibilty showing via photographs… i also took out lots of his friends from my facebookaccount… so there is possibly not much possibility that he even can ask a friend to check my account… i also wanted to know whether he might not be honest towards me regarding his feelings…like i said bevor. we were kissing and hugging passionately and that for minutes….i ask him about it wether it meant something…he told me that it just happened and that it were a normal thing???? !!!! i don’t know but i certainly don’t kiss anybody that way if there are not feelings involved..what do you think Amor? Is he lying to me???

    10. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2016 at 6:55 am

      it’s better not to ask, it’s like a form of chasing.. and asking about his feelings is like cornering him too.. so, it’s better to just act like you’re moving on… because if you keep chasing, then he would avoid you more

    11. Avatar

      Katie

      May 12, 2016 at 4:02 pm

      Hi Amor,

      i also want to know wether i should go on the nc….it is just like that we are stuck somehow..it does not improve, i have the feeling that he withdraws himself when we text for example, if we meet in person everything is ok but when we text, he does not flirt,,he is quite neutral….which bothers me,,when we meet in person we passionate with each other,,,it confuses me…
      i just don’t know how to get past his barrier …. its also like that he does not want to talk everyday like we used to in our relationship,,,i think he scared–he used to say a couple of times that he is scared hurting me again and seeing me crying.. i am very frustrated,, Amor please help me :(((

    12. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 15, 2016 at 1:24 am

      wait, have you talked to him first? If yes and you’re still stuck then proceed to no contact and follow Chris advice on the how to make him recommit to you blog post.. Don’t tell him you’re dating anybody else.. just post it.. he might still be checking your account through a friend or a mutual friend might ask him about it when he/she sees your photo posts.. Just don’t be too forward in the posts.. Don’t post kissing photos or hugging.

    13. Avatar

      Katie

      May 11, 2016 at 8:13 am

      Hi Amor,

      i just wonder how do i show im that i go on Dates with other men?? I took him out of my friends list on Facebook so,,,yeah, i possible can’t just tell him that i go on dates because that he might just see as an attempt to make him jealous…
      the other thing that i wonder about is that,,, i just want an opinion , me and him just met each other on the weekend,,,we were standing in front of his house and suddenly kissing each other passionately and hugging each other,,,and it went on for at least 5 min…it just came over us,since we haven’t seen each other in a month,,, do you think he still has possibly feelings for me???
      he sais he hasn’t but i am not so sure about it anymore….its also that night of course we were intimate but its always very passionate and i don’t feel he is taking advantage of me…

    14. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 10, 2016 at 3:02 am

      Hi Katie,

      try to talk again when he’s in the best mood and talk about what could assure him that you’re actually happy now.. and that all relationships go through that.. but if he still says he’s still afraid, that’s ok.. Don’t force him.. most of the time, a guy commits when he’s having fun and yet he sees you as the ungettable girl and he’s afraid that he will lose you.. so, if he knows you’re all over him, then you will just likely stay like friends with benefits.. start to focus on other things and excel in it.. go out with your friends, have your own life.. and check this blog post too.
      EBR 021- How To Make Him Re-Commit To You

  16. Avatar

    maria

    May 7, 2016 at 2:43 am

    Hi my bf brokeup with me suddenly after five yrs. he say’s he loves me and always will but has been feeling disconnected and for him thats something that cannot be forced. I started the no contact rule lasted a week then we bumped into eachother at a bar we normally go to and hooked up that night. he was extremly affectionated the next morning as he normally is. what should i do should i text or should i just not say anything and continue the no contact??? please help! i dont want to be fwb i want the loving realationship we had up to just a few weeks ago.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 8, 2016 at 6:13 pm

      HI Maria,

      how are you now? did you text or you restarted no contact?

  17. Avatar

    Clair

    April 17, 2016 at 2:22 pm

    Hi,
    So I did not really know what page to ask this on. But I have been on a few dates with my ex, we didnt sleep together, but made out hardcore, and he calls me pet names.
    Yesterday he send me a nude, and half the time seems to be really into sexting. What should I do? (other than not sleeping with him)
    Thanks Amor!

    1. Avatar

      Clair

      April 18, 2016 at 1:16 pm

      Thanks Amor!
      So I should make light of it, and not sext him back?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 5:33 pm

      it’s better not to do it unless you’re already together.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 1:02 pm

      Hi Clair,

      he’s flirting.. what did you say? compliment him or use humor to convey what you can’t say comfortably.. if he insists in sexting.. tell him,

      ooohh, I think you’re missing our past status? or are you imagining our future? hahaha

  18. Avatar

    Sam

    April 12, 2016 at 3:16 am

    Hi,
    We broke up like 4 months ago, I did no contact and everything. He has asked me out a few times, and we have been out around 4 times; we made out on one of the dates. I ran into him after class and we ended up talking and making out with some HEAVY touching in the back of my car. This same time he told me he missed me, and that we should go camping together, and that he wants to cook me dinner. He hasn’t asked me to be his gf yet. I kinda think that it probably needs more time for him to ask me to be his gf (opinions?). But in the mean time, the real question that I have is; did I let it go to far? Should we just stick to kissing?
    Thanks so much!
    Sa,

    1. Avatar

      Sam

      April 16, 2016 at 2:27 pm

      Hi, Thank you for the reply. Should I tell him that I do not have sex with anyone that I am not in a committed relationship with?
      Thanks

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 18, 2016 at 6:34 am

      If he’s asking yes, tell him you didn’t have sex.. but if not, you don’t have to open that topic up.. If another month is when you’re more comfortable texting him, that’s okay.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 13, 2016 at 7:54 pm

      Hi Sam,

      as much as possible don’t have sex if you’re not committed to each other.. since you said it was just touching.. stop when it gets there again

  19. Avatar

    J

    March 29, 2016 at 10:57 am

    Hi,

    I was in a relationship with my ex for about over a year then he broke up with me. At first he told me that it wasn’t me, it was him and all that. Then I begged and I pleaded with him to stay. He got annoyed then blocked me for a day on whatsapp, and then unblocked me the next day. We didn’t speak for about 3 months. A couple weeks ago, he messages me and asks to meet up again. He wanted to salvage our friendship. I agreed to hear him out. He apologised and we had a drink then went to have a snack. His friends dropped by also and we agreed it felt very nostalgic, exactly like how we used to hang out. At the end of the night, he told me that we can’t get back together and maybe next time when we hang out it should just be the two of us, so his friends won’t drop by making it so weird (because they know we broke up).

    Anyway, fast forward like 2 weeks later, I set him up to work for an event which I was working at as well. We were stationed at different places so we didn’t have to see each other the entire day but we were bored at our individual stations so we were texting. After the event was over, we hung out and I drilled him for the truth. He told me that he delved into our relationship because he thought having a girlfriend could solve all his problems and I was just someone who came along and fit that bill. He told me that he didn’t love me (although I think that at the start he really did because he put in all the effort and stuff) and we should be friends because we were really good friends. He also said that he didn’t feel the connection that I felt with him. I really do believe that he felt some moments with me but he doesn’t want to hold me back. He said that we’re young and we should just live our lives. He knows that I think that he could be my “end game”, like actually end up with him. But he says he could never see that with me. I think it’s because he’s scared of commitment and he doesn’t think that he will end up with anyone because everyone leaves (due to his parents divorcing and he has been living with his mum since he was 13?).

    After our conversation and I acknowledging that he didn’t love me, we decided to be friends with benefits. We went back to his place and did the deed and I went back once more a couple days later. He flew off on a 2 week holiday after that and we have been in contact via whatsapp since. We spoke on the phone as well while he was over there.

    Today, however, we were texting and he told me that we’re young and if I find someone else I should go for it and not let him (because he’s my fwb) stop me. I really don’t want to let him go but I feel like he’ll realise that he’s making a mistake once he sees that the other girls out there aren’t as great and come back to me. What should I do now?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2016 at 5:53 am

      Hi J,

      the fwb really has to stop.. If you want, you can try nc, to see if he will realize that he’s making a mistake.

  20. Avatar

    Anne

    February 29, 2016 at 10:45 am

    Hi Chris,

    Thanks for all the great advice! I’m a bit confused at the moment and was wondering if you can give me some advise.

    My Ex and I broke up about 3 months ago after 2 years of dating because I think he was became afraid of commitment since I was becoming more dependent on him – I saw my friends less etc. After two months, we caught up again to talk through things and he said he doesn’t want to be in a relationship right now but still want to stay friends with me. One thing led to another and we ended up being friends with benefits – we would call each other everyday and we would see each other once or twice a week. He was very affectionate and we were going on dates. I just felt like I was putting in a lot of effort (things felt very one sided) but at the same time hoped that things would develop into a committed relationship again.

    after listening to your podcast, I decided to stop the whole friends with benefit thing. we went on one more date after that but he didn’t take it well because he felt I was teasing him and playing mind games. Since then he hasn’t contacted me (it’s been a few days).

    I was wondering if I should try contacting him again? Or did I do the right thing? Or how long should I wait for him to contact me again before calling him?

    1. Avatar

      Anne

      March 3, 2016 at 12:33 am

      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for your reply! I posted a reply but it disappeared for some reason. After texting him that I didn’t want to have a fwb relationship anymore he called me a few days later. I made the mistake of answering his call and we ended up meeting up again. Although things got intimate, we didn’t bave sex or anything.

      I was wondering if it’s too out if the blue to start the NC period now? How long should the NC period be this time?

      Thanks for your help!

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 3, 2016 at 11:52 am

      I saw your first post, it went through, I’ll approve it too. 🙂 Nope, it’s not too late, try 21 days first

    3. Avatar

      Anne

      March 2, 2016 at 11:15 pm

      Hi Amor,

      Thanks for your reply! I texted him about not wanting to be fab anymore. He contacted me with a quick phone call and I made the mistake of answering it and we met up again (although things got a bit intimate, we didn’t have sex or anything). Do you think I should start the NC period again ? How long should this NC period be? I’m just worried that it’s (the NC period) very out of the blue for him since we just met up and everything was friendly between us.
      Or should I just continue to friendzone him without the NC period?
      Thanks for your help!

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2016 at 9:52 am

      Hi Anne,

      if he’s not contacting you, then text him and say you don’t want to be fwb anymore in the calmest way, and then treat this as nc and start to focus on yourself..don’t reply if he messages you within nc..

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