Why Does Your Ex Boyfriend Contact You When Hes In Another Relationship

416 thoughts on “Why Your Ex Boyfriend Contacts You When Hes In Another Relationship”

Stephanie

April 11, 2020 at 7:21 pm

Hello ,
I just need some advice,
as I’m like thinking about it cause me and my ex boyfriend firstly were best friends for 2 yrs then later on admitted our feelings then in a relationship for 1yr together said and done lot of things but he called it off in January and it was okay but went downhill on terms to say. Then few days later he got into a new relationship. so been few months, just recently like 2 days ago he suddenly txted me again we talked for good while he also tried putting most things on me when asking or to bring up the negative things that happened but I told I didn’t want to get into as it ends bad but I’m a polite way , also that when In a relationship it take two people so it’s both not just one then he stopped bothering about the past. but I don’t understand how to feel cause examples of our txt convo from one day to the next. him “You haven’t talked to me in months and when you get the chance to do so you send me away damn Deep down I think I was missed Got a feeling”
As for me I been so positive ,good ,laughing When responding to him even when he mentioned about his new gf then next day Was just last night he’s like this him: “ Also post things yet won’t bother to answer a dm Probably answered to others But it’s whatever rn“ me: “ Also yes I been posting and yeah I was answering some friends here and there most waited since I was busy I told you first about what’s up plus I admitted that I figured that you were busy as well or already heading to sleep” him: “ Nah I get it and don’t make it seem as if you were thinking about me lmao It’s simple to get that. If you wanted to talk to me you would’ve but it’s easy to even replace that If I can bother to read your dm and answer then Ig I was expecting the same lmao But it’s easier to post smth , ignore it , talk to others and then come back to the last option” me: “ Ooo my , I have no words rn my mind just went poof, again I did think about you in a sense of a way that you’re busy txting others as well, doing your thing and heading off to bed is all why I stoped , also didn’t wanna constantly like spam you if you know” he got pissed off as he said and left me on seen but just idk if it’s just me that can understand or not but my way of thinking is yes be positive and good which I am nowadays normally just I see it in a way to respect that I know he has a new gf meaning I’m not gonna be spamming him as back then so why I told him that I know he’s doing his own things from what I understand and way he acted is like okay then lemme let you cool off or what did I do wrong that mad him change his vibe. Which is really confusing me cause he can be happy with me then act like he doesn’t care next then gets mad out of nowhere. any help advice I’d really appreciate a whole lot thank you for your time. c:

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 20, 2020 at 10:50 pm

Hi Stephanie, have you implemented a NC at all yet? If not you need to do so. And then start the texting phase, his up and down emotions just show he is struggling with the break up himself. Which again means you need to do a NC to give you both a break

Star

April 11, 2020 at 7:54 am

Hi! Loved this article but I still have a question. I started dating a guy, we went on 2 incredible dates & he told me he doesn’t date more than 1 person at a time. Then I went on a 1 week trip overseas. We kept in touch all during the trip & when I returned he tells me he’s dating someone new but wants to “keep in touch.” Now it’s 2.5 months later & he still keeps in touch by watching my IG stories & reaching out with very flirty, almost on the edge of sexting messages. However, he never asks to meet in person or even to talk on the phone, he always just texts. When I asked him what’s going on his response is that it’s just “friendly conversation because he has a girlfriend.” So….I don’t understand why he’s still reaching out, what’s the point?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 12, 2020 at 8:08 pm

Hi Star, so this is what we call “keeping you there” this is where if things go wrong with the girlfriend he has you there for him to move on to. I would ignore his messages for some time, and read about the being there method if you want to get him. But honestly I would suggest dating other guys in the mean time to see how you feel about meeting new people before attempting the being there method

Ell

April 10, 2020 at 2:45 am

I was on and off with my ex boyfriend for 5 years. I was 14 when we first got together and he was 16. He broke up with me September 2019 and up until January 2020 we were still sleeping with each other because we was trying to put things right and work towards getting back together. However, things just wasn’t working so we stopped speaking and called it a day.. I found out that he was speaking to somebody new about 3 weeks after we put a stop to speaking. However, since then he has contacted me a few times… 1) when he saw me on a night out 2) to say happy birthday 3) asked how I was and how my family were 4) when he saw me on a night out again 5) he sent me a video from a few years ago saying “look what I just found”. I’m just confused why he would still be messaging me now and then (usually every 3-4 weeks). Is he happy with his new girl? Does he miss me? Is he just being friendly? I don’t know. But, then again, I personally would not be happy if I had a boyfriend who was messaging his ex-girlfriend in a “friendly” manner?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

April 20, 2020 at 3:08 pm

Hi Ell it sounda s if your ex is trying ot talk to you, if you are interested in being friends with him then communicate back. If you want to get him back as a boyfriend then you need to read an follow the information about the being there method

Mina

March 27, 2020 at 11:22 pm

Hello,
I have a slightly different case where I need some advice.
My ex and I dated for two months, he was extremely nice and a gentleman to me at first, we were talking on the phone or messaging each other almost every day.
after a while he started to pay less attention to me, fewer phone calls, fewer messages, we are both very busy with work so I never been too pushy and understood he doesn’t always have the time to talk. Sometimes I would send him a message and he would reply only the day after, or once when I wanted to chat he said he’s at work but later he was actually was going out with friends. I was thinking maybe he’s just using me since he was sometimes talking to me only about things he needed, so I comforted him, told him I don’t want to talk about those topics, then, on that day, he broke up with me and later that day called to apologize for being too angry. A few days later I grew tired of his recent apathetic behaviour and decided to break up with him. He didn’t even respond.

Three days later I called to check out on him and he sounded very angry, told me he has a new girlfriend now, then blocked my number. Here, almost two weeks later, he called me on a group call (which is very weird, we used to do group calls with friends but those people I don’t know), then a few hours later he called again but I didn’t pick up. I know that if he was serious then he would call me one on one to talk and I don’t know why is he doing this which is really confusing. Should I answer? Does it mean he is only using me? Does he want to show off his new girlfriend to me? Please give me some advice, anything would be appreciated! 🙂

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 29, 2020 at 6:00 pm

Hi Mina, I would not answer his calls as you need to do a 45 day No Contact if you want to try and get your ex back, and make yourself aware of how the being there method works. Spend some time working on your Holy Trinity and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests in his articles and videos.

Bonnie

March 10, 2020 at 4:21 pm

Hi
I was with my ex for 18 years we broke up 9 months ago he met someone new just months after we broke up has been with her evey since. He texts me still its usually every 3 -5 days never goes longer then that it’s never sexual he asks me how l and the kids are asks me what l am doing? Tells me about what’s going on with him if he is sick etc just wondering what this could mean.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 12, 2020 at 1:25 pm

Hi Bonnie so your ex wants to still speak to you because he can not break that habit. As he is in a new relationship you need to set some boundaries. If you want him back then you need to go into a Limited no contact, where you only speak about the kids not about you and you certainly do not listen to him moaning about being unwell!! Let him feel the loss of you from his life

Sheree Mazzucchelli

March 8, 2020 at 11:49 am

Hello. My bf contacted me after 30 years by liking one of my fb posts. We are now 50 years old. We were a couple for 4 months when we were 19. I dumped him for another guy. He has never gotten over me. He told me he is in a 4 year relationship with someone much younger than him whom wants a baby now. He told her he didn’t want kids at start of the relationship, she said she didn’t either. Now she does, it has put a lot of strain in their relationship, she apparently has given him the cold shoulder and no sex for the last few months as wel as they have started to builD a home together. Initially we were texting back and forth for 24 hrs having a good ole laugh and with him reminiscing about how good the sex was when we were a couple and that I still look good. He initiated a couple of times that we have to catch up for coffee. Then the next day I didn’t hear from him , so I gave it 5 days I decided to contact him as I was originally the dumper 30 years ago and I was thinking he hadn’t contacted me coz maybe he didn’t want to get hurt again. I said in the text yes let’s catch up. He said for sure this weekend? I said I can’t fit 3 weeks, let’s get back in contact closer to then. We had no contact for that 3 weeks, so I gave in again and said are still up for a catch up tomorrow? His txt was a bit cold and he said he can only see for about 2 hours in the arvo. He’s had 3 weeks to organise at least a few hrs more, I was really hurt. So then I though a spanner in the works and said what’s the latest with your Gf. ( this a texting by the way) he said nothing has changed in that department I will look forward to seeing you tomorrow. I said I can’t now while you are still with her and that I was holding onto some hope that he was going to pull the pin on her. I said it’s all been bad timing and maybe he should contact me in another 30 years when maybe our situation might be diff again
His Text Response: No probs all good. Take care of yourself and if I Seeya round I will say gday.

Please help and tell me, am I in with a chance of getting him back or……??

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

March 20, 2020 at 8:16 pm

Hi Sheree, so the fact that you have been broken up for such a long time then it is likely that your ex has reached out to you because you were on his mind and he reached out. So I would suggest that you reach out with a message about something that you would know he would be interested in speaking about – hobbies, interest, movies etc. And build up your rapport with him again.

Maxine

February 12, 2020 at 9:22 am

Was with my ex for 6 yr married for 2. In november I caught him messaging another woman and we split up. He had only known her 2 weeks and was texting and calling her while he was at work and the odd texts on a weekend, now I know for a fact that he hasnt slept with her because I was constantly with him.
Anyway when I found the messages on his phone he flipped said I had invaded his privacy, we have always looked on each others phones for the full 5 yr we were together, anyway he told me he love her and wanted to be with her and i told him to get out of the house, he went up to see her on the saturday night but didnt stay over bit went up to be with her the following weekend and for another weekend before she went on holiday for a week. To say I was devistated is an understatement.
We still kept in contact called and texted all through this time. We got back together after 6 weeks and he cut all contact with her or so I thought.. she was emailing him as he had blocked her on everything. She them messaged me to tell me all this but dented it to him.. again we split up a month ago.. this time we have kept intouch but not as much last Friday night I told him I dont want to message anymore as I need to move on and it should be for only important stuff, ie mail ,our dog and financial dealings. Also stuff he still has at our house to pick up.. he messaged me Saturday morning asking to pick up some glasses he left here.. he them got intouch again last night ( tuesday) to say he would pick them up. He came we talked for 20 minutes.
An old friend of hz messaged on the night at about 10.30 to ask if what hed heard was true. Told him it was and he asked for his number, so I messaged my ex to no reply
Then first thing this morning I recieved a text saying sorry he was asleep and missed my text , which is understandable as I know he starts work early..
Then he has just called me and weve spoken for an hour, asking what I’ve been up to at the weekend then telling me that this new woman hes with paid for him to go ip to hers at the weekend as he wasnt going to go and she booked a hotel and paid for everything until he came home sunday night..
Why is he telling me all this and keeping intouch when I said we wouldnt.. what is he playing at

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 22, 2020 at 10:59 pm

Hey Maxine, so even though he was the one talking to another woman it sounds as if he isnt letting you go either. It really depends on what you want to do achieve going forward, if you want your ex back you need to decide if you can trust him agian and forgive him for what he has done. And then follow this program at the same time. The fact he has done wrong and keeping in touch I feel that he thinks he can “talk you round” if he wants to get back together

Cindy

January 29, 2020 at 6:50 pm

Hello, me and my ex were together 9 months and broke up almost 2 years ago, we never lost contact completely and would always joke around and talk. About 4 months ago he came back to me because the current girl he was dating was pregnant and he wasn’t ready for a new baby at all, his feelings were hurt and he was very vulnerable. So I was there as a friend to listen and be a shoulder for him until we started to become intimate and inseparable again. The previous girl had a miscarriage but my ex was still dealing with me while she cut communication with me. I had told him that he couldn’t deal with me and her because it wasn’t fair my heart was in too deep again. So i decided to walk away and he didn’t like that. I removed him on Facebook and instagram and when he found out he got so upset and blocked me on Facebook. I told him I feel used and that it wasn’t a cool move when I was genuinely there when he needed me the most and he didnt like that at all. Now he is back dealing with her and has posted it all over Facebook for someone to get back and tell me everything. I love him a lot but I know the situation is very toxic but I cut all contact. He wants to date both of us but im not okay with that. I dont know what to do now because even thought I walked away I do miss him a lot.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 7, 2020 at 10:34 pm

Cindy you did the right thing to tell him to choose between you both! He can not have his cake and eat it!! So work on yourself for some time, read about what it means to be Ungettable, and use your social media to show how great you are doing, as people are telling you about him, people will be telling him about you! So make sure the right information is going to be getting back to him

Lyric

January 27, 2020 at 10:27 pm

Hi Chris,
I’m so glad I came across your article. It helped me navigate what I’m currently going through, but I am still left with questions. My ex and I broke up at the end of May 2019 because I lied to him about things. Keep in mind that he had lied to me in the beginning of our relationship but came clean about his lies 6 months into our relationship. That would have been the perfect opportunity to come clean myself, but I was so afraid of losing him that I didn’t. I finally couldn’t keep things from him any longer and told him the truth. He told me that had I just told him when he came clean we could have remained friends. We didn’t talk for a of month after the break up as I started No Contact. After that month I emailed him a letter apologizing for my actions and gave explanations as to why I did what I did. I told him that I wished him all of the happiness in the world because he deserved it and asked for a response so I knew if I needed to move on or if we could at least explore the possibility of a friendship, because he was/is very important to me and I couldn’t imagine not having him in my life. He responded that he’d read my letter and does not hate me. He said he would definitely like to still remain friends. We haven’t really talked that often, but every now and then he either messages me to see how I’m doing and vice versa. A couple of times he’d asked me for advice on how to talk to a couple of different girls and I felt that if I truly cared about him and we were really going to try and be friends and true friend would be there for him and give him the advice he was asking for even though it ripped my heart out of my chest. I love him still and think I always will but still feel like not having him in my life at all would be worse. I know that makes things harder on me, but I have always been a person that values the people I love and want to be the best for them. I had messaged him on Thanksgiving wishing he and his family a blessed holiday and he read the message but didn’t respond. I took that as him not wanting to talk any longer so I began to mourn his loss and move on with my life. He then messaged me a little after Christmas wishing me and my family a blessed holiday and we spoke for a little bit. This was when he asked for more advice about a new girl he was interested in. I again gave him the best advice I could even though it was really hard on my heart. After that we really hadn’t spoke until I messaged him this weekend to see how he was. We talked for a little bit over text just catching up and joked around a bit and made plans to hang out that evening for a little bit. It ended up not happening and he said we could definitely reschedule for the next day. That didn’t happen either and I haven’t heard from him since. I found out why…he is now in a relationship with someone as of this weekend as well so I am really shocked and hurt and confused! But I know I love him enough to want his happiness and if that is not with me then I have to accept that. I guess I just need to know what my next step should be. He doesn’t know that I know he is in this new relationship. Do I go No Contact again and see what happens or do I just cut my losses and move on. I don’t think I will ever forget him or stop loving him. This hurts more than I thought it would. Any help would be appreciated Chris. Thanks for your time!!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

February 1, 2020 at 3:27 pm

Hey Lyric, so what has happened is that you have been friendzoned so this is where you need to go into a No Contact for 45 days to allow their relationship period to pass the “new” stage where he is going to be more focused on her than anything else for a while. If you want him back at the end of that 45 day period then you need to work on yourself in that time to become Ungettable and then reach out and start doing what we call the being there method

Marie

January 12, 2020 at 6:38 pm

Hi,

So my ex boyfriend has a girlfriend. He initially told me things weren’t serious before ultimately telling me they were officially dating. He and I have been in contact and he agreed that we should speak on the phone/Skype every Sunday. He told me that he wasn’t going to tell his girlfriend we were in communication. He told me he was 100% going to break up with her but he didn’t know when and I should just concentrate on the end result. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:09 pm

Hey Marie, so if your ex is still playing happy in his current relationship and is not willing to end things then you need to tell him that you are not willing to wait any longer. Many people do this to have a “safety net” so that if their current relationship ends they have someone else to run to when they are alone. I suggest you start looking as if you are dating, would get in touch with your ex at random times, specifically if you know he is with this girl. And not be available when he says he is for your skype/ calls and tell him you wont be home until a later time, and then not call him. Let him wonder where you are, and who you could be with. As right now you are sat there waiting for him and he is in no rush to take action.

Lulu

December 6, 2019 at 7:44 pm

Here’s a phenomenon I’d like to understand better, so maybe you can help? When children are involved, obviously, you can’t just walk away and never speak to your ex again. The question I will pose to you has not only happened in my own relationship but I have heard about this happening to others as well.
Why is it that when my ex has a girlfriend he is very mean and nasty to me but when he does not have a girlfriend he is as sweet as chocolate?
And no, neither of us want to get back together.
I thought it would have been the opposite because he’s happy when he has a girlfriend and that happiness would carry over and make him nice in all areas of his life but it’s totally the opposite; whenever he has a girlfriend he looks for anything to complain to me about, anything to cut me down about, and I just want to punch in his face. But when she doesn’t come around for a while I suspect they’ve broken up he’s totally nice, flexible, and compromises well. And when he’s like this I’m relieved and remember the reasons that we were together for 12 years.

By the way he doesn’t really bring his girlfriend around me or flaunt her to try to make me jealous.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 6, 2019 at 9:40 pm

Hey Lulu, so this hot and cold behavior is common for some reason. Personally I think some new partners do not like the fact that he is going to be seeing the “mother of his children” and an argument or cross words has probably happened before he turns up which puts him in a bad mood. And then takes this out on you which is 100% unfair but its just my theory.

I suggest that you remain yourself and composed as you can and when he is rude, you need to politely remind him that he does not get to speak to you that way as it is not healthy for the children to be witness to their father being rude to their mother. Explain how they need to learn how to show respect to one another.

Candice Cishe

December 1, 2019 at 10:59 am

Hi ,so I have been dating my ex for almost 2years it was on and off …and finally he broke up with me 3weeks back and I was so hurt cause I truly love him and thought things were okay apparently they were not …after 10days of breaking up with me he told me his seeing someone else ..I was so hurt but I pretended as if I was happy for him and I started to completely ignore him …today he asked me about academic related staff seeing we are both doing the same course in the same University and we in the same year…I don’t know why but I saw this as an opportunity to tell him that I was also seeing someone (am not) …what do I do …I still have some feelings for him

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 1, 2019 at 11:13 pm

Hi Candice, so the ideal situation right now is that you do a no contact where you don’t speak with him for 45 days so that when he is out of the honeymoon phase he starts to compare her to you and ends up missing you. Speaking when you are in class together amicably so that you do not look like the bitter ex is fine, but you need to keep it short friendly and just a quick “hello” and carry on. After you no contact you need to reach out as a friend and start doing the being there method if you still want him back by that time. Look up the being there method, and the ungettable girl posts that Chris has done so that you know what sort of work you need to be doing

Jay

November 29, 2019 at 2:19 am

Hi.My ex and I been friends for 7 years before we start dating if u can call it so,for about 4 mounts,(the whole summer time),but he was extremely bipolar with his decisions,in a really strange way,and what I mean by that,he could say one day -that he’s really happy and comfortable with me and that we are together as bf and gf,the other day-he could say he fells bad with me and that we aren’t even dating,when in fact it wasn’t like “friends with benefits” thing at all,we were a couple and it felt like it,but we haven’t got much in common ,we don’t share the same interests,but still there was something that brings us closer,so he was changing his mind all the time and tried to convince me that he’s just confused and needs time.Then one day he dumped me out of the blue over text,saying that we should stay friends,without any manifestation of romance.Then I‘ve realized a week after he got into a rebound relationship really quick and started acting out of his character and posting something on Instagram with her,I’ve tried the no contact rule,he reached out to me-i ignored him,then he unfriend me.Then after some period of time.Lets say about a month and couple of weeks apparently things got a bit messy with his rebound,i saw they unfollowed each on everything and after this he immediately send me friend request with a message attached “I want to text you,but I’m not able,please add to your friendlist”.I decided,ok,let’s see what he’s up to now,and he said something about how good pics are and liked my pic.,then when my Birthday comes out,he said “Happy Birthday”,and i simply replied with a “thanx”.Then I’ve noticed he reconnected with his rebound but it’s not stopping him from texting me with some random stuff like sending me some memes and stuff like that,the thing is I do not longer feel like talking to him cause I see him as a betrayer and sociopath and I just don’t understand what he’s actions are about and why is he still contacting me while he’s in the rebound ,I already said to him before I am not interested in being friends or any stuff like like that.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

December 4, 2019 at 7:08 pm

Hi Jay, so if you are not interested in being just friends with him. Do you want him back as a boyfriend? IF you do then follow the program and start doing the being there method after you have spent some time in no contact. IF you want nothing to do with him at all, then you need to just block him and focus on moving past what emotional time he put you through

Mercy

November 28, 2019 at 9:41 pm

Hi, I broke up with a guy almost 2 years ago we met in different countries and I didn’t know he was married. Shortly before his wife arrived he broke up with me no talk no Nothing just like that vanished. I kept quiet left him but later came back tried to be friends. I would not talk to him but just hi when I meet him and end there. He went on vacation with now his official wife and came back only to keep pushing telling me he missed me. I later found some one and married. But he once told his friends girls like him even though he’s married including me. His friends told me and advised me to be careful while talking or texting him. Which I had not even done in a long time. Anyway I stayed away from him even if he sends me messages I don’t reply including one for a baby shower for his new woman. Then some how met my new man at a party talked to him and is trying to get so close to him calling him all the time and even asked him to take his wife’s bump pictures. I felt bad because I left him alone but he keeps pushing. Is he trying to make me jealous or he’s just wanting to penetrate my family?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

November 28, 2019 at 9:58 pm

Hi Mercy, I would say this man is going to harm your relationship if you do not explain to your guy that he is an ex and that you don’t trust his motives for being friendly. Explain that he reaches out to you and you ignore him and he keeps trying. You and your other half should stay away from him and let him play games with someone else as he is only going to end up breaking you and your husband up.

Mimi

October 27, 2019 at 2:05 am

Hi! Thank God I found this article! ❤️

I need some help. Please.

So, I had a boyfriend wayback 2013 and we only lasted for months. I broke up with him. 6years had past I started talking to him again last September 2019. At first, I was happy. I feel like I still love him even if we never spoke to each other for 6 years. (I had 2 boyfriends after him) I knew he has a girlfriend but the thing is, he’s chatting with me and is insisting to see me and to catch up. I agreed (my mistake) because I thought at that time, nothing’s wrong with being friends with him again and catching up a little. The second time we go out, he became clingy to me. He gave me a backhug in public and is leaning on my shoulder. I knew at that time it’s wrong and we have to stop it. I knew he just wants to have sex with me (He’s a virgin btw) I don’t know why but he wants me to be his Fuck Buddy (which I never wanted) but end up sleeping with him. (No intercourse but I gave him a BJ) *Sighs* I was so dumb and was over powered by my feelings for him that time that’s why I agreed.

Now, he’s messaging me how good I was. He wants to see me and wants to do it again. I tried to be frank and talk to him that we will never gonna do it again, he will agree then after a couple of days, he will message me again saying he wants to see me. What do I do?

Sorry for my English*

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 27, 2019 at 3:31 pm

Hi Mimi, so you in this situation are the “other woman” as he has a girlfriend, if you want him to be your boyfriend then you need to explain he needs to remove the girlfriend and become committed to you in a relationship before any more sexual interaction is made. Do not have sex or oral before you are official again or it is not going to happen when he is getting what he wants without the commitment

Svetlana

October 12, 2019 at 4:23 pm

We were in a LDR since 2017, and broke up so many times each one lasted a few months.
Our last breakup was 9 months ago it was so bad and I decided to never get back with him.. A few months later i found out he got a new GF I was okay trying to move on and so..
A few days ago he replied to my insta story and tried to start a conversation, I asked him why he’s talking to me, he said he wants to be friends and he misses our friendship (we were good friends before getting into a relationship) I refused to be friends with him. So he said “I want you to forgive me I know I’ve hurt you so many times” I forgave him.. Cause I know he’s very sick, a very serious condition (he didn’t tell me about it, a mutual friend told me) .. At the end I refused to be friends with him. He has a gf I can’t just be a friend..
I’m so frustrated, I can’t stop thinking..
Why would he want to be friends with his ex.. Is he still in love with me?? What should I do plz help me…

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 12, 2019 at 10:59 pm

Hi Svetlana, him wanting to be friends may be genuine but he can also want to be talking to you to keep you as an option in the future. If you want him back then be open to being his friend and read the being there method.

Justine Hernandez

October 2, 2019 at 5:46 pm

My ex of 5 years broke up with me 2 months ago and got a new girlfriend 2 weeks after breaking up. I realized that he didn’t want me anymore so I began to move on. Fast forward to the present he gets into contact with me saying he misses me and how he still loves me and that nobody could ever replace me. We have been texting nonstop for a week, but he is still with his new girlfriend and it hurts me. I’ve tried to pretend that it doesn’t hurt me. He says he wants to be in my life even if we can’t be together. He wants to be my friend and be there for me. I don’t know what to do. He has hurt me so much but talking to him makes me miss him more than wen we weren’t talking. Is he serious about being friends with me or his he trying to get into my pants?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

October 2, 2019 at 6:16 pm

Hey Justine, if you want him back then you need to do some reading on the being there method and how to follow the process. If he tries to get intimate with you then refuse to because you are not in a committed relationship he can not have his cake and eat it too.

Kate

September 12, 2019 at 6:17 am

Hi Chris,
I was wondering if you could help assess my current situation with my ex.

We were together for nearly 1 and a half years and I would honestly say that we were head over heels for each other during that time. I moved in with him pretty much straight away and things were good, we spoke about having kids, getting married, etc… There were a few things in our relationship which did cause arguments and a slight lack of trust for instance smoking and lying about it (my part) as well as communication with an ex partner, it was non sexual however he had referenced that we were not together, even though I was living with him during this time. We had moved forward from things and I later found out I was pregnant. We both made an extremely hard decision and agreed that it was not the right time. As expected, this was a very emotional time and 2 months after he ended things.

We continued to sleep with each other and be privately “on and off” for a year, until eventually we decided to get back together. That year was an emotional roller coaster as he felt he couldn’t commit as he “wasn’t ready”, but I don’t know if this was just because of the seriousness of the past event which scared him? After 2 months he ending things again, which I then later found out he had met someone else.

I decided to move away, however shamefully we slept together twice leading up to me leaving.

Since I have left we have spoken quite a few times. Some of which have been sexual, however other times have been our normal conversation, making each other laugh, sending new songs, catching up, etc. This started to effect my emotional state again though and laid it all out on the table saying that we couldn’t talk anymore, especially whilst I am away, for both of our sakes. He said he understood, told me he’d always love and care about me and that was it. 4 weeks later he messaged again and I was friendly but stern and said that I was moving on with someone else. I haven’t heard since in the last few weeks but noticed that he checks up on my social media, even though we are no longer friends.

He ended things and didn’t want to try to make things work, chose somebody else over me, cheated on her with me and even after me trying to stop it happening, he continues to want to talk to me which could completely ruin the relationship he chose to have. This is what I don’t understand and cannot get my head around..

Shaunna

September 12, 2019 at 7:55 pm

Hi Kate, you need to start a NC and I would say for 30 days, you need to show you’re there to entertain him when hes not with his other woman. As you are now long distance, do some reading on this topic to help.

Jenni Buchanan

September 7, 2019 at 4:17 pm

Wow. This was terrible. You obviously can’t spot abuse red flags with your own friends.

1. Look up the history of “nagging wife”. Oh yeah, it’s brutally oppressive.

2. Your friend left one for “nagging” (probably over servitude) woman, but then didn’t want the other because she wasn’t subordinate enough. He’d rather take the complaints of servitude over the lack of servitude.

That shit sticks out like a sore thumb, and you missed it. Which tells me you shouldn’t be giving relationship advice. No one should without an education on abuse and the power dynamic behind it.

Chris Seiter

September 9, 2019 at 8:10 pm

Thanks for your comment!

Quinn

August 28, 2019 at 11:41 pm

So I was seeing this guy (long distance) for 7 or 8 months. We never made anything official but saw each other a few times, texted each other a lot, talked on the phone/facetimed a bunch. We never asked each other about other people. I was sort of talking to someone by me during this time and I figured he was seeing other people too. We kind of lost touch for a bit and then I reached out to him in July and we talked and he said he knew I was seeing someone else but I explained it wasnt serious and I was no longer seeing him anymore…but I was confused as neither one of us discussed what we were but it sounded like he was upset about it. Needless to say he said something along the lines of “you know I love you” and I was kind of taken back. Anyways…fast forward to 3 weeks ago I texted him about an intimate memory we had and he said “of course I remember but I’m in a relationship now so I have to be cool…but yes I remember and it was seriously hot”…obviously I apologized and said I had no idea about his relationship and I wish him all the best, etc. etc. So fast forward to last night…it was his birthday and I just sent him a happy birthday text (not expecting a response or anything just was being nice). He immediately responds and says that hes up north and passing through my area on his way home from his vacation and said “wanna grab a drink”? Obviously I was extremely taken off guard and did not expect a response, let alone an offer to get together. So I said sure that sounds fun, I can buy you a birthday drink. Then he said ok sounds good I’ll try you on Thursday (which is tomorrow!). So I guess my questions are…why ask to see me if he has a girlfriend? He is a super friendly guy so it could just be that he wants to be friendly and is passing through my area and just wants to catch up? Or maybe things didnt work out with his gf? Even though its only been like a month since he told me he was in a relationship? I am super confused and just need some advice….Thanks!

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