By Chris Seiter

Updated on May 24th, 2021

Wouldn’t it be great to have a resource where you could figure out exactly what your ex boyfriend meant when he said something to you?

Well, now you can with the latest video from Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

I dive deep as I dissect the three most popular things an ex boyfriend will say after a breakup,

  1. I Hate You
  2. Never Talk To Me Again
  3. It’s Not You, It’s Me

Let’s dive in,

Video Transcript

Hey guys Chris Seiter here from Ex Boyfriend Recovery. And today were going to take a bit of a scary trip. Into the mind of the man. See you on the other side

So I thought a lot about how I was going to structure this video and I decided I was going to divide it up into two difference sections. The first section Im basically going to give you the tools to dissect what your ex boyfriends means when he says something to you. Also Im going to be covering the most asked questions.

First thing I want to do is give you a tool. (SKIT)

No not that kind of tool. Basically this is going to be the kind of tool to dissect what your ex boyfriend really means when he says something to you. And I like to call the Action Vs. Words Theory.

 The Actions Vs. Words Theory

Have you ever heard the phrase action speaks louder than words? Basically what that means is when someone says something to you, ignore what they say and look at what they do. This is what I want you to do when it comes to what your ex boyfriend is saying. Actions always speak louder than words and that is the premise of the Action Vs. Words Theory.

Now let me give you an example. If I were to say “I’m going to read you a children’s book today” or instead I did this. Alright “Today I’m going to read you Sleeping Beauty. Let’s begin” (INSERT PICTURE)  I’m so above this.

Basically what happened there, I told you I was going to read you a children’s book but when push came to shove when it was time to put up, I shut up.

So a lot of the time women who get really upset at what their ex boyfriend says to them, they aren’t looking at the actions. Because after all breakups are really highly emotional and after a breakup we say things that we don’t really mean.

Speaking of things we don’t mean, what I’d like to do is turn our attention to some of the most popular things an ex boyfriend can say after a breakup that make women wonder what he really means by that. So I suppose I should start off by saying that what I’ve done is I’ve identified the top three things women on Ex Boyfriend Recovery ask about.

1. I hate you
2. Never talk to me again
3. It’s not you its me



Whoa That scared me. And a lot of women have the same reaction when their ex boyfriend says I hate you. Now the first thing I want to tell you is we really are going to rely on the Action Vs. Words Theory. Take everything he said with a grain of salt. If his actions don’t line up with hating you, he most likely doesn’t hate you.

But what could be going on in his mind to make him say something like that. Well there are a lot of things that could be going on in his mind but what you really have to understand. Breakups are highly emotional. When emotions run high logic runs low.

For instance, Not even related to break ups. I’ve said things that I’ve hated that I didn’t hate at all. For example, if I said “I totally hated that movie.”

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Well if I said something like that, if you stuck to the core of what I really meant when I said it, its not that I hated the movie with every fiber of my being. Its that I hated the way it made me feel. I think that is applicable to breakups. Again when emotions run high logic runs low. We often say things we don’t mean. When your ex boyfriends says “I hate you” what he really means is “I hate how this entire situation makes me feel.” That’s understandable.

But what else could be going on in his mind? Well I wouldn’t put it past anyone going through a breakup to do things to bring other people down with them. The more the merrier. That’s the theory here. So it’s highly possible he’s saying I hate you to you, to pull you down with him. He’s thinking I know if I say this I know it’s going to hurt her so I’m going to say it to make her feel exactly how I’m feeling. You know, misery loves company.

Never Talk To Me Again…


Ah the good old never talk to me again. Its pretty common thing for an ex boyfriend to say to an ex girlfriend. My first piece of advice is to not get to overly emotional or upset about it. 85% of people that come to Ex Boyfriend Recovery and go through a breakup usually get back in touch with their ex at some point in the future. So the odds are in your favor so don’t take it to personally. But with that being said I need to put in a disclaimer here. There are two situations we need to talk about relating to this certain thing.

Two Situations? Are they bad?

Well one is and one isn’t.

First thing you need to look at is If your ex boyfriend said never talk to me again during a heated moment or during the midst of a break up or any kind of highly emotional state.

The second situation is if your being flat out annoying.

So if your ex boyfriend says this in the heat of the moment he probably doesn’t mean it.

On the other hand, it’s bad news if you were being annoying he probably meant it.

I’m going to tell you a personal story about me. There was this girl that had a major crush on me and it got to the point where she was texting me a lot and it was getting on my nerves. So one day I tell her please don’t text me this much. This is the type of girl that would text me and if I didn’t respond immediately she would get angry or upset with me. So eventually I decided after this continually happened and I’ve warned her at least three times to tone it down some, I just flat out told her “Hey this is the last time we will be talking, I am going to be blocking you.” I just took the power out of her hands completely. Pretty smart on my part. I though it was pretty low key.


You know that was kinda a jerk move.

Hey no judging, this is a safe place. Heres the point I’m trying to make if your being annoying towards your ex boyfriend he may mean it when he says that he doesn’t want you to talk to him. Well ok so is there any hope if you’ve been annoying?

Yes, there is hope.

When your ex says… “oh, lets never talk again” it doesn’t mean forever. Like I said 85% of the people end up getting back in touch with their exes. It’s just if you were annoying to your ex boyfriend there is a higher chance that he meant what he said in the moment.

But its not a forever type of thing.

It just hinders your chances a bit.

Lets move on to the final thing that your wondering about.

It’s not you… it’s me.

It’s Not You… It’s Me

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I don’t know how to say this to you… so I’m just going to say it. I have no problem delivering bad news to you. In fact, I’m not here to be your friend. I am here to help you and sometimes that means telling you things that you don’t want to hear.

So here we go.

If your ex boyfriend gives you the, “it’s not you, it’s me excuse” and believe me there are many ways to say it,


It’s an excuse. He doesn’t really mean it. It’s never him and it’s always you. Flip it around.

It’s you and not him.

So what the heck happened? What went wrong in your relationship?

Well, in order to explain that I need to teach you something that I like to call the attraction scale. Now the attraction scale is basically an all encompassing scale that I like to use as a number scale. 1 – 10 with one being the lowest rating and 10 being the highest rating.

So here is an in depth explanation of the attraction scale and it’s going to tie in directly to the “it’s not you, it’s me.”

As you can see here this is our attraction scale.

So right here close to me is 10. It’s the highest point of the attraction scale. It can’t get any better than this and way over there is 1. Now, 1 is the lowest point of the attraction scale it can’t get any worse than a 1.

So let me explain what happened during your relationship that caused him to say it’s not you, it’s me.

Basically lets pretend that when you started dating your ex boyfriend you were an 8 on the scale. That’s a pretty darn solid number.

But then lets say after three months the honeymoon period fades and instead your a 6 on the scale. Well all of a sudden he starting to look and he’s saying… Hmm… she’s not as good as when I first started dating her.

Then a few more months passed by and all of a sudden your a 4 on the scale. HOLY TOLEDO look at that… You’ve cut your attraction in half to him. At this point he’s probably saying,

I think I need to find someone else. It’s a little bit of the Grass Is Greener Syndrome where he thinks he can find someone better than you.

And thats where he initiates a break up with you and he says,

“it’s not you, it’s me.”

In an effort not to hurt your feelings and you can kind of understand how he is nice in that way where he doesn’t want to hurt your feelings but I’d rather someone be honest with me instead of BS me.

So a lot of women who get this line and understand what happened here get kind of depressed and eat ice cream.

But I tend to look at it really differently.

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I look at it as the ultimate opportunity.

What an opportunity you have to move from a 4 to a 10.

Imagine if you did that.

Imagine if you ran into him one day and you had transformed yourself from a 4 to a 10. Well, he’s going to star thinking maybe the grass wasn’t so green on the other side.

Try it… See if you can accomplish it.

I dare you.

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154 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Actually Meant (Video)”

  1. hah

    June 6, 2019 at 7:36 am

    my bf and I broke up 10 days ago. He was the one who broke up with me. We were in a LDRS for1 months. before these we have been together. almost sharing our thoughts and goals. We had arguments over a thing and he broke up me with a text saying that sorry for everything. You deserve more than meb. Thank yoi for everything.. like this words he also told me that he wanted to live freely without anyone. throughout all these years he had been good to me.. I became clingy gf these days. Now I regretted that I argued with him and I was reluctant to take him back. I was reall? desparate right now. I tried to contact him day by day from time to time.. There has been no response. I wondered why he made such a decisiom immediately. Can u give me advice that whether i still have a chance to get back together.b

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 6, 2019 at 10:05 pm

      Hi there…it’s usually best to make use of a sensible ex recovery plan as it will optimize your chances.

  2. Jaunita

    April 27, 2019 at 4:16 am

    Hey, so for the last one “it’s not you, it’s me excuse”, how exactly do you go about going from that lower number to the higher one? My ex and I moved really fast in our relationship, and I believe that is what lead to him feeling that way about me and saying that I deserve better and that he doesn’t feel anything for me anymore and it hurts him and he’s confused, but he definitely loves me. As he was breaking up with me, he even asked what if he was making a mistake and would never get this again and told me to stay single forever and wait for him, when he knows he wants to commit himself to me completely. We agreed on a month of space and he hasn’t asked for his things from me or for me to get mine. He said he wants to use this month to better himself because he is unhappy with his life right now. So, will doing no contact and the holy trinity help build the attraction back up for me in his eyes, or is this just a him thing? Thanks !

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 27, 2019 at 11:35 pm

      Hi Jaunita….I knows it frustrating when you hear that because he is probably not really communicating fully with what is going on in his head. He might not even know fully. So yes, I do think implementing No Contact and the Holy Trinity will you in many ways.

  3. Tess

    May 3, 2017 at 8:40 pm

    The guy I’ve been seeing for about a year and a half found out I was talking to other guys. We never initiated a full on commitment. He found out about the guys by going through my phone while I was asleep. He left & started texting me about how “hurt he is,” “disappointed,” & overall got very angry. We are on day 3 of no contact.. he keeps looking at my snapchat stories, but he hasn’t cracked yet. Will he crack though? His friends have told me before the breakup that he loves me & wants to be serious, he’s just not 100% sure because I am a single mom. They’ve said he’s crazy about me multiple times. But when the break up occurred, he told me we weren’t anything & he thought we had a mutual agreement. It seems like he’s playing games when I type this out, but his actions prior to all of this have shown he cares. And I really, really feel a deep connection.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 4, 2017 at 2:46 pm

  4. Elaine

    October 23, 2016 at 10:20 pm

    What does it mean when an ex says, “I’m sorry things had to happen this way. This isn’t what I wanted. I hope you have a happy life and can find someone to make you happy” just 3 weeks after a breakup?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 25, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      it’s ok to initiate contact especially if you’ve changed and not that emotional anymore.. what’s more important is how you text and how you end it..There’s a link below for a first contact text..

      maybe he said that because he’s not expecting you to really be silent.. what I’m not sure is if he just wants to be friends or if he’s missing you..

      of he really changed, you’ll know it because he wont be doing the same mistakes and he will give more effort for you

      EBR 053: Deconstructing The Perfect First Contact Text Message

  5. Danielle

    September 30, 2016 at 8:31 pm

    So help me decode this break up. My ex and I broke up in July. It was messy. I immediately began no contact. On Day 14 he texted me “hey” to which I did not respond. On day 21 I sent him a text saying “I was doing this ___ is made me think of when we did ___ I’m happy we did that.” And from there things were natural. We started texting. Then calling. then facetiming then decided to get back together. Looking back… we definitely jumped into getting back together as I did not make him prove anything to me.

    There was some residual insecurities on both ends when we got back together at the end of July and we spent August and most of September not really being able to make it work cohesively. I went back to my old ways and so did he. We finally broke up again last weekend. He initiated it but I agreed that we needed time to be on our own, work some stuff out in our own lives because we owe that to ourselves.

    As we broke up, he hugged me several times. Long, drawn out, hugs that usually included a kiss on my neck, cheek, forehead, hair, whatever his mouth was closest to.

    He said things like: “it’s not like I hate you.” “It’s not like I never want to see you again” “I just don’t feel the connection anymore” “I just want to make this a clean break”

    He dropped stuff off at my place the next day, forgetting the one thing I wanted which was a necklace of mine (not sure if this was on purpose or not). The last contact was me asking if he had it and him saying he would “get it back to me soon”.

    I feel like I’ve truly found my soul mate in this man, but both of us need time in our lives right now to get our heads straight, work on our careers, heal from past pains, etc.

    After the last text I immediately began no contact. I didn’t even wish him happy bday two days later. But what does everything he said REALLY mean?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 3, 2016 at 1:18 pm

      Hi Danielle,

      It probably means there’s no feelings of being in love anymore. No more desire. Especially that nothing changed in your relationship when you got back together.

  6. Confused

    July 5, 2016 at 12:06 pm

    What does he mean when he says, “Regardless, probably best that we do not continue to have contact. Too difficult and boundaries are being crossed that should not be.”? This was after I stopped by his house after a night of drinking. He then jumped to the conclusion that I was driving by his house repeatedly to see if he had anyone over. Basically, stalking him. I’m NOT! Not worth my time. I’m one week into NC after two months of contacting him intermittently.

    1. Confused

      July 6, 2016 at 1:17 pm

      Anyway of getting him back at this point?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 7, 2016 at 1:26 pm

      be active in building your own life and improving your health, wealth and relationships aspects.. set him aside and aim to be independent

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2016 at 6:35 am

      That’s what it really means..he thinks you’re overstepping boundaries

  7. Keisha

    June 13, 2016 at 11:00 pm


    My ex broke up with me 6 weeks ago and I initiated NC straight away, during this period he was actively avoiding me, as we work together. After 35 days I sent a text saying that I didn’t want to be things to be awkward between us and hope that all was well. However I saw him on a night out last week and stupidly confronted him about why he’d been avoiding me and the reason for the break up. Eventually he said that he ended it because he didn’t think i was “the one”. We’d only been dating for 5 months, our relationship was really good and he was the one that made it official. I’m just really confused because it’s different to reasons that men normally seem to give like “i’m not ready for a relationship”. Does this mean there is no chance of reconciliation?

    1. Keisha

      June 14, 2016 at 12:41 pm

      Thank you for your response! Given that we argued when we saw each other and I told him to never speak to me again, should I implement NC for another 30 days before sending a text?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 15, 2016 at 10:09 am

      you’re welcom and yes to your question

    3. Jennifer Seiter

      June 14, 2016 at 12:32 am

      It sounds like the text you used wasn’t the ideal text. Have you read Chris’ post on using text messages after the no contact? I think there’s still a chance to get back together.

  8. Betty Salt PLEASE HELP

    April 19, 2016 at 9:51 pm

    A little history, I am 25 and my ex is 30, we dated for about 10 months before a messy breakup. Anyway, I implemented all of the strategies on this website (the no contact rule helping me most), and my ex contacted me again. During our no contact period (between Feb 4th and march 13th) he was in a non-serious relationship, which only lasted about 3 weeks. So anyway, when he contacted me again, he was interested in working things out. We have tried for about a month now, not labeling ourselves, but just hanging out and having fun. Things were fine. The other day,I finally asked him if he considered us exclusive, and he got frustrated with me. He was angry that I wanted to put a label on it, and said he didn’t like the idea of hopping from relationship to relationship. It really hurt me. I called him up this past friday, hoping to tell him that I was okay with continuing to do what we’ve been doing without labels, and he told me he needed to be left alone for the weekend, that he was busy and frustrated. I haven’t said a word to him since… and he hasn’t said a word to me. Now it is tuesday, and I’m very upset. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 21, 2016 at 2:13 pm

      Let him be.. because the more you ask and worry, the more he will drift away..

  9. Krista

    April 15, 2016 at 11:10 am

    Hello, my ex messaged me 11 days into no contact and sounded interested in getting back together. So I let him in. Now he’s being wishy-washy and says he does not want a relationship. But then some days acte like he is interested. What would you suggest? Should I do 30 day no contact and ignore him? Because the back and forth game of his emotions is annoying.

  10. Vivienne

    April 8, 2016 at 10:16 pm

    My ex texted me the other night after a year since we had ended things (due to his immaturity in which he could not commit to one girl) and expressed his remorse for our breakup, that he is no longer an idiot, and that he’s been thinking about me because he is so sorry. I’m very confused because we have texted during our breakup here and there, but we have not seen eachother in a YEAR. He randomly expresses his guilt to me and tells me he is sorry and that I’m too good for that.

    I miss him and would be open to giving him another chance but I am confused at what he wants from me.

    what do you think?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 9:51 am

      Hi Viviene,

      then take it slow.. let him prove to you that he really has changed

  11. Vivienne

    April 8, 2016 at 9:58 pm

    My ex texted me the other night after a year since we had ended things (due to his immaturity in which he could not commit to one girl) and expressed his remorse for our breakup, that he is no longer an idiot, and that he’s been thinking about me because he is so sorry. I’m very confused because we have texted during our breakup here and there, but we have not seen eachother in a YEAR. He randomly expresses his guilt to me and tells me he is sorry and that I’m too good for that.

    I miss him and would be open to giving him another chance but I am confused at what he wants from me.

    Anyone able to help?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 9:51 am

      Hi Viviene,

      then take it slow.. let him prove to you that he really has changed

  12. ANN

    March 23, 2016 at 4:16 pm

    hi, i need some words of wisdom.
    5 years ago, i said yes to my first boyfriend and yet we’ve been so happy but then after 2 years, we broke up because of having a miscommunication which led our relationship weak. For a year passed by,i had moved on. Then one day, we saw each other and it feels like we still love each other. And yes.we’ve move on for a second chapter of our relationship, but sadly we came on a situation that we’re always on an arguments. He always don’t listen to me so that i became mad at him again and again. I became cold at him because i feel like he’s irritating. ’til one day, i’m with him,and my bestfriend asked him if it’s ok to have a girldate with me. Then he said yes. As i am with my bestfriend, he’s always texting if i’m with whom but i can’t reply on him as my load got expired. We’ve argued about that and apologized to him but he didn’t respond and then i am surprised when he updated his status on his fb account saying know my priorities…i got hurt because for me it sounds like, i have to choose between him and my friends. Because of my emotions, it led me to break it up. I dumped him over the 10 months of second chance. On the other hand, i became closer to my friend and suddenly we fall for each other.. My attention was caught by this 2nd guy and i forgot my first with a belief that ‘i will never be have to look back at him’. And that news was heard by my first and he leaved hurtful messages on me and for him, i broke our relationship because of third party. I spent almost a half year with this 2nd guy and we fail. Spending time with him is not that easy at all. He’s attitude is quite negatively far to my first so i found that hard to adjust as sometimes i am comparing them (i’m sorry). We fail because he betrayed. As i had moved on to my 2nd, i can’t explain what i am seems like my feelings for my 1st boyfriend backs as i can’t feel the annoyance i felt on him before. Until, i feel like i am regretting. and i said to my mind.”No one else makes me feel like he do. He’s still the one and there’s no one can defeat my standards on him”. As i view flashback i thought i’ll never ever look back at him, but i was wrong. I don’t understand i’m wishing for him to come back, hoping for a 3rd chance. But i’m afraid to hurt him again. i don’t understand on my guts why i am so hopeful that there’s a big chance. i visited his profile and thought he’s making status about me until now.,about the pain he felt. i know i can’t repent him for being angry. One thing, i was blocked by him since the break up.
    What should i do? Do you think i have a big chance of getting him back? What to do if for him i cheated him and i’m not that loyal? and how would i know if he’s still waiting for me or moved on?
    Thank you for reading.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 1, 2016 at 1:32 pm

      HI Ann,

      It’s been a year since your second break up right? Honestly it’s going to be hard because of the reason of the break up. If you see each other start to be friendly again. If not, try to message him and ask how things are

  13. Maddy

    March 18, 2016 at 6:59 pm

    We broke up last week and talked last night for the first time in person. He was very nice and understanding. He said that he needs to get his life were it needs to be financially. He is very busy with work on top of a second job he does in the evenings. He said that at the time his feelings are confused and he needs time to think. He doesn’t want this to be a break because we know they don’t work but he also said that he doesn’t want us to run out and jump into new relationships either. I’m just really confused because I feel like he could be the one but I can’t say that for sure. He does basically everything I want in a husband other than making time for me. That’s what he plans on working on. I just don’t know if I should wait or what. He said I could be the one but when people ask he always says he doesn’t know. Someone help???

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 19, 2016 at 4:12 pm

      Hi Maddy,

      that means he really doesn’t see as the one because if he did, that would be an easy answer. He doesn’t want yoi to be with another because he’s human. It hurts to see what you once had is no for me, let him work for you if you really want your relationship to have a change

  14. Vivian

    February 27, 2016 at 12:12 pm

    Me and my ex have been together for almost a year, and he broke up with me about a month ago.

    We both had problems but it started off with me. My problem was that I tend to focus too much on the other person when in a relationship, and that often results in me putting too much of myself onto that person or trying to make our lives become one or being needy or clingy or controlling all the time. That results in him feeling pressured, confined and feel like that he cannot do what he wants with his own life. For example, he feels he’s obliged to say that he’s free to hang out even though he might be planning other things just because I might get upset otherwise, and he didn’t want me to get upset. I admit that I was quite awful on my part. On the other hand though, his problem was that whenever he encounters a problem, he has a habit of not trying to figure out what was wrong but dropping it immediately instead. So whenever he felt something off in the relationship (maybe I was extra clingy for that period of time) he would just say that we should break up, without trying to find out why it was off, what the problem was and seeing if it can be fixed before breaking up, and often later regretting. So for almost a year we’ve been together, there has been 3 cases where he would say break up, THEN we would discuss the problem (or argue) before saying that break up wasn’t a good idea or him regretting after a day.

    And because of this pattern, the problem is hardly ever discussed or talked through in full. Maybe only some details were mentioned, such as you have been clingy lately, by which I would try and improve on. But because the core problem was never discussed, the problem was never really solved. So when he his grades hit, and with the relationship being off at the back of his head, he broke up with me. (his grades were really bad and he had to graduate this May and he failed last semester too, so it was quite a shock).

    So after the break up, I went through the usual (but wrong) phases of post-breaking including first arguing about this talking about why, trying to say that his decision wasn’t right, being sad, being angry. All that. After all that, we finally went face-to-face to talk about this for the last time (because he broke up with me on text, I know.) When we talked calmly, the conclusion we reached was that he enjoys the time we’ve spent together, and he still thinks about those times but because of my prolonged problem, his feelings have slowly gone off or deteriorated and even though he wants to be together and happy, he cannot control his own feelings and cannot control that they’re deteriorating. (And also work) I too, said sorry and that even though I did not mean to do all that of my problem, I cannot control the fact that I’ve done that already even though it was not my intention.

    So after the talk, we were both in good terms, and we still kept contact. I was on my way to moving on and not focusing on it, and trying to make myself better and not come across as needy and all that. It was going rather well, but he kept doing weird behaviours which got into focusing and being upset about it again. That’s why I’ve opted to the no contact now.

    The weird things he did included: (some of which might be just overthinking)
    1. When we were together, we used an app for couples, and after the break up, he asked if he could deleted that app, which was strange because I’d already deleted it because he was the one who broke up with me, then why ask if he can delete it.
    2. He waited for me to delete photos on social media before he then went on to delete his.
    3. After the talk, I was trying to go to the state where I wouldn’t mind if we stop talking, so I wouldn’t mind if the conversation would end. Thus, I would not avoid to say things that will end the conversation. But, in my attempts to end the conversation, he would often keep trying to talk more on that topic or start a new topic when the other topic has died out.
    4. On instagram, he would like all my photos, except for one of me and another guy friend.
    5. There was a exhibition in a park, and that park happened to be the same park we went to for our half year anniversary. I decided to go to the exhibition before knowing that it was the same park. So that afternoon, before i went, I bumped into him, by which I just nodded and smiled. I went to the park that afternoon and posted a photo. That same evening, he posted a photo of the same exhibition at nighttime. He originally didn’t like my photo of that place, but when I saw the next day of his post, I liked it, then he came back to like mine.
    6. (this might just be overthinking but)Sometimes I will go on days without talking to him just because I needed break, and he would deliberately turn of the Facebook chat but still go on Facebook or sometimes he will wait 12 hours after I send a message to reply even if he was the one who started a new topic.

    Because of the weird things, I have started to focus on it again, so I have opted for the no contact at the moment.

    I feel like that he doesn’t want to cut off everything from me and he still cares about me and want to have connection with me. But there’s a problem stopping the connection (the problem in the relationship) but he doesn’t want to risk to try if it can be fixed or maybe this is not a good time to do so. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to completely done with me.

    I’m slightly confused with the situation and is now trying to follow the no contact and become positive whilst improving myself as a person. But I also would like to know if there’s anything i can do because I really feel like it isn’t a huge problem and that it is not the end of the road for us.


    1. Vivian

      February 28, 2016 at 5:23 pm

      Thanks! That’s why I’m not sure what he means and with what he say not always being what he actually thinks makes it even more confusing. I have no idea what’s on his mind.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2016 at 12:51 pm

      Hi Vivian,

      You should contnue no contact so that, if he really wants to pursue you.. he’ll see that he has to commit..

  15. Really Confused...

    February 24, 2016 at 1:07 am

    So I’m confused about my ex’s actions. He doesn’t really call me (I do most of the initial contracting), but when we talk, it’s like nothing’s changed between us. However, it’s been almost a year since he broke up with me, but nothing is going forward. At first, I kinda kept my distance, some had to do with school, but I asked him to be a tester for a project I’m working on, and he was all for it. But I also feel like he’s trying to keep his distance…he’s ok with helping me, but keeps minimal contact, while being fine with talking to me. What does this mean? Am I getting the run around? What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 24, 2016 at 12:13 pm

      It looks like you’re being friend zoned…
      have you checked this post out?
      EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

  16. Ciara

    February 19, 2016 at 10:05 am

    What if he says “you deserve better” and “I don’t want to hold you back” ? They aren’t coming from a place of low self esteem thats for sure. He also got very emotional when breaking up with me, more emotional than me. And wanted to make sure that he could still provide for me and look after me.

    1. Ciara

      February 20, 2016 at 12:21 am

      He owns a shop where I would get a lot of things I needed and I got a good discount, he said that he still wanted me to use that because he wanted to make sure I was looked after. We also had a dog together and he would get and pay for the dog food, he said that he still wanted to do that. But I said I didn’t need him too that I’d be fine on my own.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2016 at 10:13 am

      If he said, you deserve better that means he is either insecure or he’s just making it an excuse…But even if he’s insecure, you can still try attract him bacj

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2016 at 11:27 am

      that depends on when he said that.. but if you broke uo, why would he want to provide for you?

  17. MH

    February 18, 2016 at 3:01 am

    After my ex bf broke up with me, he texted me he was sorry for everything. It was the first day I started the NC. I’m dying to know the reason behind him saying something like that. It’s been a week and he hasn’t texted again or anything.

    1. MH

      February 18, 2016 at 4:47 pm

      So do you think I still have a chance? If he is really sorry, is that a bad or good aftertaste?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 19, 2016 at 7:59 am

      if he’s really sorry that’s good , it means you have a chance

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2016 at 1:45 pm

      Hi Mh,

      if he’s really sorry and not just missing you.. he’ll say it

  18. redhead

    February 15, 2016 at 9:14 pm

    how do I know if by the desperate messages he’s sending, he still has feelings for me or he’s just trying to satisfy his guilt for leaving ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 16, 2016 at 9:17 am

      Hi Redhead,

      do you mind sending some so we can have an idea and a better advice?

  19. A-

    January 19, 2016 at 9:27 am

    Minimum contact! But how can do you the no contact rule when you pretty will be seeing them everyday? Also any advice on the matter? It was so very sudden! I’ve read so many blogs and seen so many of my friends end the relationship and just sit on the couch and cry. Personally, I find that ridiculously. I’m realizing now that it’s not because I miss him that I want him back. Not because I feel like by life is missing part of me. But the friendship we shared and jut the little things I’ve started noticing. My aunt told me that I should just give up and not get my hopes up but we never fought and we were genuine happy!! I think we just need to work on somethings!! Is that normal in every relationship even just after a few months??

    1. A-

      January 19, 2016 at 6:49 pm

      I have been doing very well at the no contact rule and I think his realized how well I’m doing even if I’m not doing too good! I contacted him to get some of my things! That was the only time I made conversation with him. I’ve made sure that I don’t talk to him and I think it made him think. Not too long ago, I met up with a guy friend just as friends but I do believe it made him realize. The fact that I was still being me laughing and focusing on some things! I did let him know that I wanted to talk to him to let him to how I feel and that was all! He messaged me back with a date! I was surprised so soon! But than I was even more surprised that he actually talked to me first about getting together and talking! Do you think that is a good sign?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2016 at 11:38 am

      Ofcarz! 🙂 I’m happy everything’s doing great for you.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 19, 2016 at 10:33 am

      HI A-,

      I’m sorry I didn’t catch what you were saying. DO you want to go no contact but you see him everyday? and you’re relationship was happy and you just need to work on some things? If you can work on them without having to go under no contact, then better right?

  20. A-

    January 19, 2016 at 1:40 am

    I need some advice. My boyfriend and I were friends before we started dating. We dated for months and he broke up with me out of the blue! In a way, I seen it coming but I thought it was all in my head because I have anxiety and worry about a lot. We barely fought. So when he gave me the news the emotions started running high. I said some things I didn’t mean and I’m sure he did the same. I’ve not contacted him to see how he his feeling because I know to give him some space! One of the main reasons was its not you its me. I’ve had time to think it over and I’ve realized things I’ve done or said in the relationship that I want to change! Better myself. Personally, I want the relationship to work But I know it will take time and I’m willing to give him some space (NC rule). I want to tell him I’m sorry before doing that and explain to him what should be done. I’ve been reading almost all the blogs it’s been very eye opening. I’d like to after the no contact rule when we are both ready to meet and discuss what we both liked and disliked in the relationship so we can improve on it and hopefully move forward! However, a big issue is that we have a lot of mutual friends and go to the same school! I’m doing better and I’m focusing on me but I know deep down its not easy for him either. I don’t like people who rebound so I feel is a good thing that I won’t do that! Not long after the break up I had a dinner date but it was just with a guy friend I had lost touch with! Since we have mutual friends I know my ex overheard me talking! I did tell that friend that is was simply a friendly date! When the time came I had a great reunion with that friend! We laughed and talked just about anything! It was good for me to laugh and catch up with him. We were in a public place and it ended being a couple of other people that joined us! I had a great time! However, my ex showed up sat at a nearby table and just didn’t do anything from what I could see! I know he seen me laughing and enjoying myself. Towards the end I kept looking at him and he looked really upset! When the guy said goodbye to all of us because he had to leave my ex left not to long after without saying anything to anyone. Again which was weird. I want to give him space since we both were our first for everything but I wanna tell him why we need space and to say sorry about what has been said! Hope to get some advice from you thanks!!

    1. A-

      January 19, 2016 at 1:44 am

      Also, how can I do a no contact rule when we basically have the same friends and our together as a group a lot?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 19, 2016 at 5:14 am

      Hi a
      so that means you’re not in no contact yet. wWy don’t you just tell him what you need to saay? Tell it to him in a calm way

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