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740 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar

    Nay

    April 1, 2020 at 1:32 am

    My boyfriend and I of 2 & 1/2 years broke up because he wanted to work on himself, it was a around a week ago and we said our goodbyes and wished each other goodluck. He said he still loves me he’s just in a bad place.
    It’s been 5 days since I started no contact and I’ve received a text everyday, but yesterday I received 7-8 calls from him and a couple texts begging me to talk to him, and 12 calls today with the same texts.
    What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 2, 2020 at 4:27 pm

      Hi Nay, it is hard not to answer but good for you sticking to it! This is No Contact working in him as he worries that you have walked away from him. When a guy says that he still loves you but cant be with you right now the best thing to do is NC to show that you are not going to sit on your hands and wait for them to come back to you. You are showing how you are living your life. Keep going as you are to day 30 you are doing the right thing

  2. Avatar

    Amy Price

    March 15, 2020 at 1:01 pm

    We were together for 6 months. She left me to go back to her ex (they broke up a year ago and were together for 4 years) as she said she was never over her. Will this rule just make her and her ex/now together just stronger and more likely to forget me? They are already an item and posting all over social media together even though we’ve only been broken up a month. Should I keep in contact to keep being around and in her mind as I’m worried no contact will just mean we never speak again and concretes them being together.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 17, 2020 at 8:47 pm

      Hey Amy, so you need to complete 45 days of no contact, stop watching her movements on social media and her ex too. Work on yourself to get over the break up and familiarise yourself with the being there method. Then reach out with a text that Chris suggests to get you ex talking to you.

  3. Avatar

    Sierra

    March 12, 2020 at 12:41 am

    What if i was broken up with because of recent fighting that came from unresolved issues earlier in the relationship but he was supportive in asking for a hug after breaking up with me and he even told me he still loved and wanted to be with me but the fighting bothered him. We fought about me wanting to hangout with him more than him wanting to be around me but its hard because we have been together three years and its the first time we’ve fought so constantly. He hasn’t tried to contact me and its been over a week… should i pursue no contact or not considering we have never broken up before and we have had a very good 3 year relationship. He was even acting completely normal and happy with me up until the night of the break up. PLEASE HELP:(

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 12:58 pm

      Hi Sierra, so you need to follow the program starting with No Contact and work on yourself in that time. Reaching out to your ex after 30 days of no contact

  4. Avatar

    Amanda

    March 5, 2020 at 5:41 pm

    Hi
    I’ve recently broken up with my bf of 1 year 10 days ago. We had a pretty perfect relationship until we went away for 1 week and we had 2 small arguements. After being home for 3 days he called and said he didn’t love want me and wanted to be single. I went into fight or flight mode and did the begging and pleading to no avail. For the next 3 days we had minimal contact of once a day our normal is 6/7 times a day. We have a long distance relationship of 80 miles and so I drove to see him on Sunday to have a talk and see if I could persuade him to change his mind. It didn’t work I was cool calm and collected told him I had blocked him and wished him a good life. I am now on day 5 of nc and battling myself whether to break nc incase he feel like he wants to contact me but won’t because I blocked him(he’s now unblocked) didn’t last very long lol. Also I want to know is it likely that’ll we can get back together as he was so adamant in his feelings. I just feel we had such a stronger bond for this to be it. Any advice for this girl going out of her mind.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 18, 2020 at 1:54 am

      Hi Amanda, so to give yourself your best chance of getting your ex back is about following this process to the word, also working on yourself in that time too. Read as much as you can regarding your situation.

  5. Avatar

    Tinisha

    March 1, 2020 at 6:01 am

    My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We had an amazing relationship, he was most importantly my best friend. Any argument we had we resolved it in a healthy way and moved past it. However these past few months he has been suffering from anxiety and sadness in his life and I was the only person he would talk to about it and I was helping him get through life. In the middle of his dark thoughts he would struggle on treating me how I deserve, in which I would bring to his attention, usually he understands and rationalises it, however last week when I brought up how he treated me he completely shut me down, we had an argument and he came over and broke up with me. It wasn’t just a ‘breakup’ it was back and fourth for two hours that he loves me and wants to make it work, but he can’t get better with me in his life etc. The week prior he said to me I am his rock. The week before we also paid for our first overseas trip together, he said his biggest regret in life would be to leave me during this time of mental health issues and I find another partner. Fast forward a week later he randomly broke up with me with no thought process, no good reasoning. A month before we went away together and had the best time ever. I am so confused, this came out of the blue! I want to be with him because we have had the most amazing relationship but I don’t know what to do. Even after he broke up with me I told him I will be by your side during this difficult time and I am not leaving him, and he just shut me down and told me not to contact him. He was treating me like I did something to him when in actual fact I have been his rock when no one else was. He has shut himself from a lot of social situations but I am the only person he got rid of in his life. We were just talking about the future, moving in together etc. I feel very confused and shocked how sudden this happened. He has my laptop and also we have a overseas trip in 1 month. What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 9:28 am

      Hi Tinisha so you can ask for your laptop back (only get in touch for that reason) and then you go into No Contact where you do not speak with him for 30 days if you still choose to go on your trip with him that’s up to you but you will have to make sure that you are not emotional or intimate during that time. If he has mental health issues going on then it is not a bad thing that he wants to be alone to deal with them at this time. Sometimes people need that alone time to get better, without the added stress of worrying about someone else feelings.

  6. Avatar

    Ze

    March 1, 2020 at 3:26 am

    Hello,

    Me and my ex has been together for 4 year in a sometimes long distance relationship, the other times we lived together. He recently told me that he couldn’t do long distance anymore & was heart broken but needed to end things. That happened last December since then we’ve gotten back together once, then he split it up again due to the distance knowing deep down he couldn’t handle it. It’s been 4 weeks since our spit and we haven’t stopped talking everyday, he’ll call & send sweet messages even last week he said that maybe we could work things out into an open relationship to help with the distance. He told me he’d kissed another girl one weekend and had felt really guilty. He’d be hot & cold with me often.

    A few days ago I initiated no contact as the thoughts of him begun taking over my life. My heart felt broken everyday & I found myself waiting for his calls everyday. Since the definition of our relationship was still unknown I became depressed and dependant so I thought giving myself time to breath regardless of our emotional closeness was nessacary. I fear that after initiating no contact that I’ve messed up our chances greatly.

    I want to work it out with him & maybe try opening our relationship but now I fear I’ve messed up our chances because I initiated no contact. I’ll be heading home to where he lives I’m 2 weeks so I guess I’ll be reconnecting then.
    I hope I haven’t made a huge mistake ;(
    Thank u

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 9:29 am

      Hey Ze, so no you have not messed up your chances by following a No Contact, if anything you have started your progress in getting him back. When you move back to his area you do not reach out unless you are out of your 30 day NC. Read the Ungettable articles and apply this to yourself during your NC and then reach out with a text that Chris suggests after 30 days

  7. Avatar

    Helen

    February 27, 2020 at 5:22 pm

    Hi there, I am very confused whether I should do the no contact rool or not. We have been together for 8 months and always struggled with communication/expressing his feelings. The last 3 months I felt he wasnt making any effort or caring about my needs while I had to accept a lot of things. In the end I made him a list and told him I accept 70% of your list of 12 items and my list had 4 all around him being more expressive and attentive and asked him if he can at least accept 50% of my list so we can be happy. He said I exceeded all of his expectations but he couldnt even try to do the things that would make me happy no matter how small like sending a thoughtful good morning text. I picked up my things and left in the heat of the moment and he said he is tired of arguing and he needs time and maybe we were compatible up to a certain point. Anws the first two days. after the breakup we were talking and I asked why he wasnt willing to try since he loved me, i begged him to reconsider and I didnt want to end things but all he said. was I’m sorry and I. dont know. I. told him that I need us to not talk for a while because him not knowing and me hoping he will make an effort is only hurting me more. I want him back and I want him to realise that relationships are work and compromise. He told me I am awesome and he feels this has been his fault but has done nothing. about it. What should I do? still 30 days NC?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 27, 2020 at 10:51 pm

      Hi Helen, yes folllow the rules of No Contact for at least 30 days

  8. Avatar

    Chris

    February 24, 2020 at 10:26 am

    Hello does no contact work if we agreed to be friends and still talk to each other after the break up and so far this has been going well/amicable? Will it be rude or ruin my chances to suddenly go into NC?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 26, 2020 at 10:10 pm

      Hi Chris, if you want your ex back then you need to complete a No Contact. It is not rude to take some time for yourself after a break up

  9. Avatar

    Christine

    February 23, 2020 at 6:55 pm

    Hi!

    Being dating this guy, and from the first time we met, we both have been talking about how easy and good it felt to be with each other.

    We’ve been dating for about three months, and basically I’ve been living at his place as long as we’ve knows each other. He is 30 and I am 25.

    We have had deep conversations, where he has brought up several times phrases like “if we marry …”, “our children”, “the dog we should have ..”. I never have initiated to conversations like that, but I’ve responded to his phrases and form then we’ve talked about it.
    We’ve had deep conversations where both have opened up, including that he has told me that he has been hurt twice by former girlfriends who have been unfaithful and lied to him.

    On Sunday two weeks ago we were in bed and he told me that he has got feelings for me and that he cares for me and that these feelings are scaring him. We talked about our families and that he could see himself introducing me to his mom etc.

    A few days later he was quiet and I felt that our “honey moon” period was over so I let him get some distance because i felt too that I needed it myself. He contacted me on Friday again and I went to him after and we had a really good time. A few days later I asked him if there was anything and then he said that he did not feel the little extra spark and that he would be single and not want to commit to a relationship at this moment.

    Now I have gone a week without contacting him (no contact rule) and he has made contact to meet. I have the feeling that he has panicked, and I also feel that he is afraid of his feelings.

    Really, I feel it can work out, but I don’t want to push him. I respect his feelings, but I wonder what you’re thinking. He asked to meet and I replied that I couldn’t until next week to have some space.

    Do I have to wait until he makes contact again, wait out the entire 30-day period or should I say in a positive way when it suits me to meet?
     
    I miss him but feel good and I have moved on and wish him well.

    If it’s meant to be it will be, but I also don’t want to be with anyone who doesn’t see my value.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 2, 2020 at 11:08 pm

      Hi Christine, so you should complete the 30 day no contact before replying to himeven if he does reach out but you need to try and make your first contact a text like Chris suggests in his posts. Work on yourself in that time and remain social with friends to show you are not sat at home waiting for him to get in touch with you

  10. Avatar

    Hana

    February 23, 2020 at 3:39 pm

    Hi,
    My ex broke it off with me just one month after we officially got together.. This was a LDR, we only communicated thru texts during the past 7 months but we met up three times, the first two he flew over and I made the third trip and that was when we decided to give it a shot. He seemed genuinely happy and more open with his affections, we had made plans to get together again. Two weeks prior to the break up he became distant, I knew there was a lot going on on his job and it was stressful. He’s always been career focused so I didn’t want to make a big deal out of it but I did notice the change. Then he texted me and said he didn’t think things were working out between us, that he couldn’t balance between his work and personal life. I asked him what happened and that we could figure it out together but he just said that it’d be better if we remain friends. I said I got it and we haven’t talked since. I’ve been keeping up the NC for almost three weeks now, giving him space to focus on his job which isn’t going too well atm, but I’m just confused and really miss him. Everything was going well right up to the last two weeks. There are no hard feelings, I just don’t know what happened except he gave up on us. Should I reach out to him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 3, 2020 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Hana, you can reach out to your ex after 30 days of No Contact and during that time you can work on yourself and the Holy Trinity that we speak about in the articles to improve yourself. Then when you reach out to your ex you can tell them all the amazing things you are doing with your life

  11. Avatar

    Kim

    February 19, 2020 at 8:07 pm

    Hi I kicked my boyfriend of 3 and half years out over a week ago because of his behaviour. He’s lived with me for over 2 years and I feel we have a toxic relationship but we both love each other and can’t seem to be apart for long. His drinking and drug use has been increasing over the past year which has led to me kicking him out a few times but never for long. He lies to me saying he’s coming home then stays at the pub all night and does the drugs then turns up the early hours in the morning. He’s turned up drunk in his van to pick his son up and he’s left his son all night with me while he’s out partying without asking. I finally stuck to the decision and kick him out blocked him and then he kept turning up for his stuff so I unblocked him and last Friday he was begging for me back but I resisted then failed the next morning when he turned up at my friends knowing I was there and said he wanted to chat. We went back to mine and he’d been on cocaine all night and let’s just say we didn’t chat cause he was all over me and I gave in. Then he left and obliviously I felt used! He then wanted to chat to me at his sisters with her there and I knew they were going to try and persuade me into him living separately from me but we don’t have enough trust for that and I stuck to my guns and said get your own place but that means we are over. He broke down a few times but was adamant he can only sort his problems out if he’s not at mine, he’s never tried to change when he’s lived with me which was my response so how can he change apart from me. I know he loves me and I love him but the mental torture this relationship has caused me is unbelievable. I want changes but I still do want him I’m trying to be strong but it’s killing me. He picked the rest of his stuff up yesterday and we spoke briefly but I have told him he can’t contact me again and he doesn’t come down again. What do I do in this situation? I’m lost.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 28, 2020 at 8:16 pm

      Hi Kim, so you ask what it is you do in your situation if you want your boyfriend to stop with the drink and drugs then you are going to have to stick to this break up until he realises that you are serious and that he has to make these changes in order to be with you.

  12. Avatar

    Kal

    February 17, 2020 at 1:51 pm

    Hi, I posted a question over at “Signs My Ex Is Over Me For Good,” and in a few short hours after posting, my ex sent 3 text messages about mundane things. In the first couple of texts, he said he could not find a box of his books (he’s moved out of my house), and asked if he could have left them at an old roommate’s apartment. In his third text, he said he had found one of my missing slippers.

    He is usually the one to initiate contact, generally to inquire about mail or packages he has received at the house. I am unsure in these cases–and in the specific recent cases mentioned above–whether I should break the NC principle. I started it for the first time on Valentine’s Day (we had met up the day before, when I gave him some very expensive late Christmas presents and V-Day presents).

  13. Avatar

    Belle

    February 13, 2020 at 5:19 am

    My ex and I were together for 10 months. While we were dating he lost over 100 pounds, returned to school, overcame his anxiety, and gained self confidence. I cheered him on throughout all of it and loved him unconditionally. We rarely argued and when we did, it was over small things. This was also our first breakup. He broke up with me because he wanted to talk to other girls. I was his first long term girlfriend and he didn’t know what else was out there. I’ve implemented NC for 2 weeks now, but this article has me rethinking things. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 15, 2020 at 5:27 pm

      Hey Belle, that is a really hurtful reason to be broken up with when you have supported him through so much so make sure you take some time to heal yourself. And during that time, read about the ungettable girl, and what it would take to make you, your exes ungettable girl. Basically become the best version of yourself so that he realises hes lost someone amazing while wasting his time with other girls. And most DEFINITELY stick to no contact in this situation!

  14. Avatar

    Erin

    February 7, 2020 at 5:15 pm

    My situation is complicated and I’m not sure if using NC will actually work.
    After my divorce, I was single for 5 years up until a couple months ago when I met an amazing man (through a dating app) who had a failed marriage and two young children like I do. We had many things in common, our dates and conversations were amazing and we shared many of the same passions and goals.
    After some weeks of dating, I began spending time at his apartment. He had a home that he still owned with his ex, and she lived in it (while he lived in a rental apartment) although they had split up a year and a half ago. This bothered me, but the process of selling a home and/or one party buying out the other is complicated and could take years.
    I also discovered that he hadn’t finalized his divorce because of this property that him and his ex still owned. This bothered me but I let it slide, because these things are complicated.
    I also noticed he kept things friendly with his ex and would be at her beck and call often because she would make his life miserable if he wasn’t.
    Eventually though, my insecurities got the best of me and I blew up at him and accused him of still being emotionally involved with his ex. I told him that I felt like since he wasn’t actually divorced, there was a huge chance he could go back with her, considering they owned a home together. I drew parallels between his and my divorce letting him know that when I first separated from my ex husband, I would have put my family back together if my ex husband would have changed.
    Anyhow, after that fight, he was upset and sad, and then grew cold and distant. He felt insulted over my accusations and although I apologized over and over again, things were not the same between us.
    I had a feeling he was back on dating apps, so shortly after, I created a fake account on a dating app and found him on there and spoke to him. He took the bait.
    I then confronted him about it and he told me that he wanted to see where things would go with me before seeing other people. Basically, what I understood from that (from reading between the lines) is he wanted to keep me around while seeing if there was anyone better for him out there.
    When he admitted the truth, all I responded was that it was ok, no hard feelings and that I loved the pic he used on the app, it was my favourite. Didn’t talk to him for 2 days after that.
    Then he started texting me (several texts which I did not respond to) that he was sorry, that I must think he is horrible and that he hopes that I don’t only remember the bad in the relationship. He said he wishes me all the best. He also messaged me that he wanted to sincerely apologize for his behaviour. Since he left 2 bracelets at my home, I replied only once to his texts and told him that it was ok, not to worry about anything and not to feel guilty and that i could send him his bracelets back (not very expensive jewelry, but it’s his, so…).
    He told me, he wasn’t worried about the bracelets and that one day, if we see each other again, I could give them to him.
    Shortly after, at the end of the day, he texted me asking how was my day, to which I did not respond.

    Should I be doing NC?? Our relationship did not last very long and I do blame myself because my insecurities caused him to become cold in the first place.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 7, 2020 at 9:25 pm

      Hey Erin yes you need to do a No Contact and you also make sure you work on the Ungettable work during that time

  15. Avatar

    Madison

    January 30, 2020 at 11:33 pm

    Hi there, my fiancé broke up with me about a month ago. Unfortunately I did beg and plead and act very needy and desperate about the whole situation, and I know that he felt it was all too much. He has said that he wants and needs space and he does not want a relationship right now because there’s too much going on and he does not see us getting back together in the future. He broke up primarily because of mental health problems as well as stress from work and family. I was just wondering, if I start the no contact rule today, will it still work because he is the one that has Chosen to have complete space and distance from me right now, and he unfriended me on Facebook and wants nothing to do with me. Will the no contact rule still get the point across since he Has been very clear that that’s what he wants anyways at this point? Will it really be proving anything to him since it’s what he wants? Will he still have that fear of losing me even if he told me that he wants space for me? Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 8:56 pm

      Hey Madison, No contact is definitely the best way forward and taking that time to work on yourself. Even though your ex asked for space he is not going expect you to not reach out to him at all for the next 30 days.

  16. Avatar

    Anonymous

    January 28, 2020 at 7:29 pm

    My boyfriend and I were only together for about 3 months, which I know doesn’t seem like a long time. From the very beginning though, we were head over heels for each other, we couldn’t get enough. It was like we had finally found the person we’d both been looking for. He absolutely felt the same way too. I’ve got really bad history with men, always being cheated on, lied to, used. Which started to cause problems in our relationship. I had a hard time trusting him, even though he never did anything to make me doubt him. I started running away easily, and pushing him away. I broke up with him over something really stupid, my fears got the best of me, and I just broke his heart. He was devastated. I regretted the break up pretty much immediately, and we got back together. But after that, he didn’t really seem to feel the same about me as he did before, and we started fighting a lot. Starting the cycle of breaking up and getting back together. He’s not perfect by any means, but I know that I screwed up repeatedly in our relationship. I love him very much, but don’t know how to handle my fears and concerns of being hurt or left again. A little over a week ago we had gotten into another bad fight, and I ended it. I didn’t know what else to do. But then of course I regretted it, and tried reaching out to him, only to get very negative responses from him. He seems to be completely done. He has done a soft block from what I can tell. I tried reaching out for 4 days, and just made a complete fool out of myself. I acted like a total spazz trying to get him to talk to me. Today is my 5th day of no contact. I want to give this man some peace, I don’t want to make his life miserable. But I also know that if I can work on my issues, he is my person. I start therapy today, so I’m taking a big step to try to get this worked out. I’m confused about how to handle things though, because obviously I’ve pissed him off to the point where he wants nothing to do with me, so NC seems like the right thing. But since I’m the one that technically ended it, NC might not be the best answer? I’m not sure. His happiness is most important to me, so if I need to just move on, I will work on that. I just can’t stand that I pushed away the most incredible man I’ve ever met. He deserves so much better than what I gave him, but I want to be the person that gives him all those things. I’m so lost right now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 7, 2020 at 8:20 pm

      Hey there so I get why people think they shouldn’t do no contact when they ended things but you do need to follow the no contact rule. Mainly to give you both the space to have time to deal with your emotions and think about what you want for yourselves. So follow the process and stick with it

  17. Avatar

    Ann

    January 22, 2020 at 11:16 pm

    We (both previously married and long divorced) dated for two months, lots and lots in common, many of same values…he was a gentleman in so many ways. He asked me if I would ever want to get married again to which I said yes, eventually. About a month ago he started to act aloof. Asked if he still wanted to date (he said yes and that we would talk about our relationship). We never did talk about it as he said he wasn’t quite ready to. Wished him a merry Christmas and that I understood we were at two different places in our relationship. He quickly responded Merry Christmas and that he would reply in more detail to my comments on our relationship, but he never did. On 1/9/20, I texted him to invite him to grab a quick bite to eat as friends. He texted me back promptly to say that I was a very kind person and an amazing woman. And that he has some issues that he did not want to drag me into.
    On 1/13/20 I texted him to invite him to go grab dinner on the 16th, but he had to work that night and that maybe we could try another night (he works several evenings a week until 8:30-9:00). Told him “that’s too bad” and I wished him well. He apologized that he had to work. So I replied with my last text to him, saying that he could let me know when he knew his schedule better and that I would be happy for us to plan a time to eat dinner that worked for both of us. That evening I started NC.
    He texted me last night that he was saying hi and asked me how I was. Keep doing the NC? 21 or 30 days? Thank you for any insight you can provide.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 23, 2020 at 10:29 am

      Hey Ann I would do the 30 days NC just because of the recent interactions being you asking him to meet etc. Spend some time focusing on yourself and learning to show yourself love and build your confidence, be open to casually dating too

  18. Avatar

    Elly

    January 21, 2020 at 6:35 pm

    I was with my boyfriend for just four months. We had a lovely time together, had loads in common, children the same age and similar relationship experiences. He never cancelled on me and always went out of his way to come and see me and plan nice things. He seemed super attentive and into me. I thought things were moving maybe a bit too quickly but he treated me so well and I loved his company. It was a normal relationship. I’m 47 (he’s 51) and divorced and also had a 6 year relationship which was totally dysfunctional so I have to admit I found being treated so well quite hard to deal with at first. My friend died just before Christmas, I was totally stressed out with work and my daughter who is quite difficult and I was suffering from insomnia. I didn’t really talk to him about any of this as previous partners never listened to me or were supportive in that way, so I stupidly assumed he wouldn’t understand either. I Ended the relationship with him and regretted it instantly. He took it very well and he suggested we met for a drink where I tried to explain that I’m quite guarded because of previous bad relationships and I hadn’t meant to be distant and push him away. I asked him to reconsider and think about giving us a proper chance. The next day he messaged me and said that he really just wants to be on his own for a while. He did say several times that he really thought an awful lot of me and reiterated that he doesn’t want to lose contact with me. I messaged him after 13 days, just to see how he was and to tell him that I miss him and think about him a lot. We exchanged some very nice messages and he said he may regret it himself, but time on his own is what he needs right now as he hasn’t been single for a long time and it’s much needed time out. When he met me he said he’d been out of a four year relationship for two months but I recently found out it was only about a month, if that, although he said it was over long before they split. It’s been a week since we messaged. I’ve decided to leave him to it if time on his own if what he wants. I don’t see how doing no contact will get him back if being on his own is what he feels he wants and needs. And he’s Probably just saying keep in touch to be nice. As it was such a short relationship I think he’ll just move on and forget about me. I do believe he cares about me but I broke trust. It’s such a shame that I didn’t realise how much I care about him until I made the utterly stupid mistake of assuming he wouldn’t Understand about my problems and ending our relationship. I’m so sad and upset and angry with myself.

  19. Avatar

    Dalia

    January 20, 2020 at 6:01 pm

    Hi Chris and Shaunna,
    My partner (30) of almost 7 years just broke up with me (27) and I would be really grateful for a word of advice. He’s from Australia, I’m from Europe, we started living together 6 years ago but have also been long-distance multiple times due to my career. Overall, he’s been incredibly supportive and considerate, we pretty much never fought and I thought our relationship was solid, despite some difficulties. I just came back to him to Australia 3 weeks ago, after being apart for 8 months (our longest time LD). Although we’ve both been pretty unhappy for the past 2 weeks and not communicating well with each other, this breakup came out of the blue for me. We had never communicated about our issues or tried to resolve them together, so I’m baffled he decided to give up so abruptly, not wanting to give it another chance. He said we periodically have ‘bad’ times, and drift apart, after which we temporarily fix things by putting more effort into the relationship (without communicating about it), which works for a while, but in the end the same thing keeps happening again (It’s true). He said we have grown apart too much while I was away for 8 months and that we’re not able to communicate/have fun anymore, and that he doesn’t want to pursue this anymore.

    He was supportive even during the breakup, staying with me while I cried, asked questions and pleaded for hours, before going to sleep at a friend’s place. He’ll be back at our place tomorrow to return the car and I don’t know how I should act. Of course, I’m done with the begging. I would prefer to move out quickly to give us both space to think (and to work on being ungettable!), but I don’t know if I should do No Contact? If not, how should I interact with him? I’m afraid it is a lost cause, since he’s the type of person that can keep silent for ages and is very good at distracting his thoughts. Also, I don’t have any other business here in Australia, so if I stay too long, it’ll be obvious that I’m hoping for something (but if I go back to Europe, there will be no return).

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 7:23 pm

      Hey Dalia, so yes you should do No Contact but if you share a living space then you need to do limited no contact where you act as polite and emotionally controlled when you see him and have to speak to him about the shared living space. As for staying in Aus, I suggest that you work and spend some time with friends around the area that you are and see how things develop. Even if he does keep silent for 30 days you can reach out to him via text and be friendly to see what sort of response you get, make sure you work on yourself and start focusing on how to be happy in life without him and start dating casually too showing you are not hanging around hoping to get him back, just living your life down there before moving back up to EU

  20. Avatar

    Gem

    January 19, 2020 at 7:40 pm

    Hi there, so this was the first break up between me and my guy. We were together for 4 1/2 years, we were talking about moving country together and so on. We didn’t fight alot, nor did we possess toxic traits. I’m just so confused on what to do now. The above states I probably shouldn’t use the no contact rule if the relationship has been lengthy and successful. I mean, by no means were we perfect, but we weren’t horrible together either, and everyone loved us. If I don’t use the NC rule, how will I initiate the process of getting him back ? I’ve tried using it, but I’ve broken it a few times this week, because we lived together and needed to talk about how we will divide the items in our house. Or he just keeps coming over for his stuff. Could someone please guide me in the right direction ? Its been a week since our break up.. should I give him more space then ? Then follow your texting guides/videos? Just any help would be greatly appreciated, thanks so much!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 2:43 pm

      Hey Gem, so yes you need to give them space this is why we do No contact, during which time you can work on yourself, get over the break up and the upset of everything that has happened and plan your first few texts. Where he gets time to understand his emotions, start to wonder why you are not reaching out to him, and starts to miss you just in time for you to reach out.

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