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740 thoughts on “When NOT To Use The No Contact Rule On Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Avatar


    July 29, 2020 at 6:39 pm

    Super confusing relationship here… My boyfriend of 4.5 years ( lived together the whole time) just moved out. He has depression issues and has been self medicating heavily for the last few months. We have had a fantastic relationship for years, have animals together, and his best friends are my family. The last 4 months or so he has been different, distant, pulling away from all of our friends, family, and myself. He has been telling me he is dissatisfied with himself and his life because he isnt ” going anywhere” and his money struggles stress him out. He has been saying he isnt happy and that he has been trying ( yet no communication to me about it until the break). I have been pleading and begging him to hang on and let me help him… He admitted to seeing/ kissing his ex gf.. Who has been a nightmare psycho the entire time we have been together.. He knew that would be the one thing he could do to make me let him go… He moved out last week.. He cried to me during this entire convo, sayinf that he is broken and depressed and he needs to go find himself. I am obviously crushed.. He texted me 2 days ago saying that he is really sorry. I did not respond. He has since deleated the pics of us from his main Instagram page, yet were still in a relationship on facebook … He even took pictures of us when he moved out.. I’m sooo confused, hurt, angry, sad, unsure of what to think and what will happen.. He is not the person that I fell in love with. He abandoned me, our house, animals and entire friendgroup… Help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 2, 2020 at 9:53 am

      Hey JP, it sounds as if your ex just needs some time to work on himself and sometimes people who have depression can not do that with the pressures of a relationship. Follow the program and work on yourself while he does the same

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    July 23, 2020 at 10:08 pm

    I recently broke up with my ex. He and I struggled for the last 5 months in our one year and half relationship. He started to tell me that we are not compatible and that his needs were not being met. We continued to try and did my best to meet his needs however he was not changing his feelings. We even started therapy together but he just said it was giving him clarity that we were not meant to be. I had to give up.. then when we agreed to stop and break up he finally admitted that he is still very hurt from his last relationship where the girl cheated. She left him for someone better and smarter than him so he projected this to me in order to win her. However he learned this was destroying himself and he wants time to focus just on himself and improve his mental health. I tried to tell him that I would be willing to help him and he now acknowledges this but he said he is too guilty for treating me badly and just guilty for his current situation. We stopped talking since the break up but I still have strong feelings for me and want him back. I reflected these past few days and I also learned that there were definite faults on my end too and I want to express this to him. Should I still continue the NC or at least send him an email about what my mind went through since the break up. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 24, 2020 at 11:14 pm

      Hey A, yes you should still follow a No Contact and during this time work on yourself so that you can be the best version of yourself.

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    June 26, 2020 at 6:09 am


    We are on a relationship break as my other half is confused about what he wants. He was behaving differently and admitted to kissing/ going on a date with a colleague. Does the no contact rule work for breaks In relationships and not full breakups. He says he’s confused and doesn’t know what he wants

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 27, 2020 at 8:36 pm

      Hey Ally, yes the no contact rule works as it shows him that you are not going to chase bed and plead for him to come back to you. Allow him some space and let him consider his feelings. If he decides to end the relationship then continue with a 45 day SOLID no contact where you use social media to show how great you are doing without him

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    June 26, 2020 at 1:17 am

    Hi. My bf of 2 yrs and a half broke up with me a week ago. We were LDR since we live in different countries, however we spent several months together within that period as he came to be with me and vice versa. Our relationship was really good and didn’t have any fights at all. Just the usual petty ones which can be resolved soon. But then a week before our breakup, he was acting distant and finally pulled out the plug to me. His main reason of breaking up was he’s not ready for marriage yet while I’m already on that certain age.(even though I already told him I’m willing to wait for him).. actually I’m 6 years older than him. But I still accepted his decision and he said he wanted to stay friends. So, 2 days later, he tried to call me and sent messages..but I ignored. Since I decides to do NC with him although he thought I was OK with the breakup. Now, I wonder if I did the right choice?? Should I respond to him instead since I still want us to get back together. I’m afraid I’m pushing him away by acting like this. I need your advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 15, 2020 at 8:45 pm

      Hey Chiyo, you did the right thing going into a No Contact and make sure that you use this time to work on yourself and then reach out at the end of your 30 days NC with a text that Chris suggests in his articles

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    June 14, 2020 at 12:48 pm

    There is an answer I couldn’t find in any blog, YouTube or program: what if I broke up because he didn’t wanted to take the relationship to the next level (meaning it was a good relationship for 18 months but he never talked about a future with me or introduced me to his parents). He said I didn’t understand what he was going through but finally told me he couldn’t give me what I wanted (compromise and marriage). I feel I should apply the NC but I’m confused because I feel like the dumpee.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 14, 2020 at 9:42 pm

      Hey there, you are right you still need to do the NC as you ended the relationship because it wasn’t advancing. I would suggest that you follow a 30 day NC and work on your Ungettable so that your ex can see you are not going to wait around if he is not going to introduce you to his parents etc.

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    June 13, 2020 at 11:38 pm

    Can you please help me in my case..it is complicated, of course.I met a guy that doesn’t do relationships at all, he said it is for life..he dated before, but he thinks he is better off alone and now he enjoys his freedom being with any girl he wants. I guess he is scared of strong emotions and when he read me and found out I developed feelings, he didn’t want to hurt me and said it is not good for me and it is best if I stay away from him. We have a strong physical attraction to each other, we have a lot in common.. I think of him 24/7, but he says he doesn’t have feelings for me, but my intuition tells me it is not completely true, because he cares about me, like asking how was work, he knows it is stressful..and he cared enough not to sleep with me, because after it might be painful emotionally and before that he told me many times it is over and then sent me meaningless messages, just so to start a conversation. It is like back and forth..in one day he might ask me to come to him and then cancel, because of the consequences for me..very undecided. I don’t know..maybe he behaves like this with other people too, maybe he is a caring and considerate person with everybody..But for me it is a bit weird, because in the beginning he didn’t care about me much, was even a bit aggressive.. all he wanted was sex..and when I fell for him and was his to take, he refused..So now I want to try no contact, because I drastically lowered my standards, became clingy and asked many stupid questions..but I have doubts if it will work on him since he told me there were girls before me and he ended things because of them becoming attached..the only chance I have is if I really managed to hit his emotion buttons or impressed him in some way and I think I did..I mean I was memorable.
    Thank you.

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    June 13, 2020 at 1:06 am

    My fiancé of 1 year dumped me. We were long distance due to work, he moved, I couldn’t since I’m a teacher. It was supposed to be temporary. I am hurt. Should I mail him the engagement ring? If so, should I send it w a note? Is this considered breaking the no contact rule? Or should I leave it alone and keep the ring??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 13, 2020 at 9:58 pm

      Hi Emilia, I would suggest that for not you keep the ring and leave things while you are in No Contact

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    June 8, 2020 at 11:30 pm

    my ex and i lived together but he moved out leaving his old car at my house and he owes me money….. its been 6 months now that he has moved out… i keep telling him to move his car out and i need my money. dont know how else to approach him…. 10 days now of NC…. want to ask him again but i feel like im not being heard…

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    June 5, 2020 at 9:54 am

    My boyfriend of 7 months has lost his job due to the Covid 19 and has been offered another job 4000 miles away. Our feelings were very strong for one another and we planned to move in together this year and talked about marriage. He feels he has choice but to go and wants to break up as he doesn’t believe in long distance relationships and can’t see how it can work. He feels added pressure by it. He is extremely stressed as he would rather not go.

    We broke up yesterday. I am very confused as to his reasoning to break up and not to wait and see: But agreed to keep contact and text etc. Does the no contact rule apply?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 12:08 pm

      Hey Nicola, yes the No Contact rule applies here too. He needs to feel that life without you in it is like.

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    May 24, 2020 at 11:48 pm

    I’ve been with my guy for four years. Our relationship has changed over those four years from being exclusive to him waking up one day and telling me that he always wants me around but he wants to build a “stable” of women to have sex with whenever he feels like a threesome. I let him know that there is no way that I will lay next to him every night knowing he is out there having sex with multiple women. He told me he wasn’t. I overheard him talking to a female friend of his setting up a three some with some other woman and saying that I was too emotional. That led to a huge incident later in the week where he told me that if I felt disrespected that I needed to leave when what he did was clearly disrespectful. I left. Eventually (about a month later), we reconciled. Then 45 days later when I was at his house, he left at 11PM to take Some specific photos and me asked if I wanted to go along. It would’ve be quick. I stated that I didn’t because I was tired from the night before when he kept me up sending videos and pictures to another female. So he left and I fell asleep. When I woke up, it was three hours later and he still hadn’t returned home. I promptly packed my things and went home. I haven’t spoken to him for thirty days as of today. Not sure what I should do next because it isn’t the first time he’s done something like that and I need his behavior to change. He claims to love me so much but has not reached out to me during this period of me going no contact. What should I do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 9, 2020 at 9:57 am

      Hi Brook, I think you should consider moving on as he is not going to give you the relationship you want. Hes openly told you he feels he has the right to sleep around and you have expressed you are not happy with that. As people in a relationship you are not compatible. He wants an open relationship it seems. I suggest that you work on your Holy Trinity, and the Ungettable girl information. When you start to feel up to it I would also suggest that you start dating casually so you can see how other men treat women. This is disrespectful to you as you said, and it seems he doesn’t see a problem in his behavior

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    May 16, 2020 at 4:11 am

    I had been with my ex for six months. A few weeks ago, I noticed that he was being less attentive, affectionate and quite frankly, weird. I wanted to be sure that I was not making it up in my head and over-analyzing before I brought it to his attention and asked him what was on his mind/what was going on after I had noticed it for the three weeks. (I had an idea that there could also be something else on his mind, that he had disclosed to me at a a much earlier time and thought it could have been a recurrence.) He admitted that he need space, and I asked him a few questions about it, but he is an adult and made up his mind, so naturally, it followed that we could not be together. I have texted him once in the past few days, only to get my spare keys back, and to say to him: ” I totally get that you want your space and I can respect that. I have to ask so that I know for me and for the future, what was it? What could have been different? You can text or not, but regardless, I won’t text you back to respect your wishes.” He has not responded, and I’m staying strong in not texting back. (The ongoing conversations I’m having with myself makes me feel like I have multi-personality Disorder AND schizophrenia.) Trouble is, I’m heartbroken. He is truly an amazing person, and someone that I’ve never had such a natural connection and conversation with, and I say this with ten years of dating experience!! I feel like I’ve lost one in a million. We also LIVE in the same apartment building but do not live together. Doing NC feels tricky and I’m losing my marbles because I’m doing everything I can to listen and try to do what every cell in my body is saying: DON’T TALK TO HIM, but what happens if I run into him? How can he understand that I’m doing NC if we are similarly avoidant or unable to avoid each other? Signed Girl Next Door

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 10:51 pm

      Hi Jo if you bump into each other when you you are allowed to be civil and say hello, you do not stay around and have a friendly conversation for 10 mins. You just say hello and carry on

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    May 14, 2020 at 9:11 am

    Hi, my ex broke up with me when I was 36 weeks pregnant. Our daughter is now 6 weeks old and because I want him to build a connection with her, we often take her for walks together and talk as friends. Would this be considered a breach of the no contact rule?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 1:40 pm

      Hi Alanda, I would say it is if you are having conversations about your relationship getting back or the break up yes. Or any other emotional conversations. I would suggest that at 6 weeks old he could have time with her by himself. Make sure her baby bag is sorted and there is a feed for her. He could have alone time with her and allow you to have a break from being a new mother.

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    May 6, 2020 at 6:09 am

    I was with my ex for several years.. We broke up last October. He’s not a very verbal person when it comes to expressing himself unless he’s upset about something and even then he’s not the most verbal but what he does manage to say is more than a mouth full. He’s this way with his mom, sisters and others as well as me. We definitely had our ups and downs during the course of the relationship but he is the one who decided to separate in the end.. Since separating in October we talk pretty much everyday and he comes over to see me at least once a week every week (not a just for sex visit) either. This past Saturday we had a bit of a tiff because I was in an emotional place when I called him and he didn’t answer, though he called back about twenty minutes later but by then I was already annoyed. The frustration for me is the fact that he wanted to separate but now talks to me on the almost daily basis, comes to see me and we tell each other we love each other but he hasn’t made mention of working through the separation.. When I finally responded to him the other day I texted him and expressed to him I was annoyed and told him I needed to focus on myself and healing my heart so I can get to a healthy place emotionally.. In my case with us talking everyday and pretty much getting along better than we have in years should I had of started the no contact rule? It’s just very frustrating to me that he wants to be around me and talk to me everyday but not discuss a reconciliation.. I know he has a new found freedom with me not being in the home at this point and him feeling like he doesn’t have to answer to me which he never really did anyway but PLEASE HELP!! I feel like my life is a mess minus the drama that comes with most breakups!! It’s been three days of not talking to him and I miss him like crazy but I feel like I am doing myself a disservice if I continue with things like they are with giving him the benefit of a relationship without him not wanting to commit to one right now or at least with me anyway. I feel extremely shortchanged and exhausted at this point emotionally..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 12, 2020 at 7:51 pm

      Hey Rachelle, I wanted to tell you got it right and that you are going to need to complete NC and not give him the benefits of a relationship when he ended things. Good luck and keep us updated 🙂

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    May 3, 2020 at 5:51 pm

    Hello. I did have a very healthy and loving four year relationship with my ex boyfriend. He broke up with me in order to grow up and develop on his own. And he wanted to start his first career on his own. The first three months I would reach out to him sometimes. But now I am doing no contact and its been three weeks.

    He has contacted me a few times. But I have no idea what to do with this situation. Every time I talk to him he has been very distant. Because he doesn’t want to hurt us and he hopes to one day get back together. I just don’t know if the pandemic gift one year is actually going to be enough for him to do what he wanted to do. I’m waiting for him to talk to me, but I told him I couldn’t talk to him while he acts this way.

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    May 2, 2020 at 2:23 am

    Hi, I need some serious advice, please. I honestly don’t know how well no contact will work in my situation. I’ve listened to both positive and negative outcomes regarding it and am keeping my fingers crossed it works for me. I was with my boyfriend for about 10 months everything was going great probably one of the most amazing men I’ve ever been with until he lost his job and finally had to find one out of state (1400 miles away) and had to move which left our relationship in limbo. Before he left I told him I was skeptical about having a long-distance relationship even though he told me he plans to come back in a year and a half because he hates where he was stationed. The marriage topic was brought up (a total wrong move I know) and he said he didn’t want to take the relationship there because it would seem forced plus I have a teenage son and family here where I live and he said he didn’t want me resenting him if I moved because of him. So we kinda just left the relationship up in the air (not broken up but no fully together). Anyways, he moved the following week and I didn’t hear from him for 3-4 days. I figured he was getting settled at his new place and the new job. I then started getting calls, video chats, and messages about how much he misses me, how much he wants to see me blah blah blah. We stayed in communication following all that for about 4 weeks talking and texting every day and I thought this whole long-distance thing might actually work until I got sick and thought I had a Covid scare and unintentionally stopped communication with him. I noticed he up and disappeared on me as well and I haven’t spoken to him in about 3 weeks. I haven’t bothered to reach out since he disappeared on me 3 weeks ago and figured because he hasn’t I should initiate the no contact rule. Its been 20 days since No contact and my question to you is, does NC work in long-distance relationships and should I continue to not reach out for at least 30 days? or is this just a lot cause?
    Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 8, 2020 at 10:08 pm

      Hey Shar yes there have been many successes with long distance relationships and all of them start with a 30 day No Contact. Where you focus on you and give your ex time to miss you

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    May 1, 2020 at 6:37 am

    it’s been more than a month since my bf broke up with me we’ve been ldr eversince we live in different countries. Last dec he said that hes confused and falling out love i told him if he needs space and he said no. I tried my best to make efforts come february he messages me saying hes really happy on whats good changes happening in our relationship I understand him and for not giving up with him. Then march came he suddenly broke up with me.

    I ask him so many questions why hes breaking up with me everything i ask him. Apparently our families connected not gonna tell but there’s connection in both families. They told me that he got suffocated in our relationship wherein in my part whenever he wants to hangout with his friends before that, hes always saying hes tired and don’t have enough sleep. So I suggest why not to stay and take some rest like that but at then end I’ll let him go hangout with his friends.

    If only he said last dec thats he’s feeling really suffocated in our relationship and help me to change my off personality and teach me. Its very unfair on my part and of course all of our families thinking i really suffocated him.

    We never broke up during our relationship we only had little fights. And this the 1st challenge in our relationship he’s the one who’s always saying that whatever challenges we may face we will never give up.

    I really want to fix our relationship hes my first bf i and I really love him. Right now i have no communication with him I’m giving him the space he needs. Also, I’m into working out keeping and myself busy.

    He never seen my messages. I emailed him for the last time saying sorry and thank you.

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    Natasha Pate

    April 28, 2020 at 9:46 am


    My boyfriend and I broke up 2 months ago (I initiated it even though it felt mutual) because I wanted to do a year away. We continued to speak after the break up on and off, I reached out to him after a week telling him I don’t want to do a year away anymore, he seemed offended it took us breaking up to realise this. So I didn’t pursue it.

    We both had a stag/hen party and didn’t talk for 6 days, he then reached out asking how I was. We got talking again like normal, I then thought it would be a good idea to get my stuff from his and fix things. When I did he was annoyed it took me a month to realise I want to get back with him and not go travelling, he said he closed the door and moved on. I ended up being an emotional mess. I tried to remediate this by sending him a mature text but his stance still stayed firm. I felt so guilty like its my fault, I did try asking how he was a week after or so. We spoke on facetime 16 days ago, I wanted to make sure he didn’t think I was a crying mess, so we had a bit of a chit chat and talking about the relationship his stance still says firm and thinks we both should move on. I was shocked he said this, he said he doesn’t believe me that I don’t want to do a year away and thinks I will resent it in the future.

    I haven’t reached out to him since and i know he will message me on my birthday this thursday.

    What do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 5, 2020 at 9:35 pm

      Hi Natasha, so you should follow a No Contact where you do not have these friendly chats with him as you want him back in a relationship. If you are sure you are not going travelling and you stay home he is going to see that you were serious about getting back together and will be sorry – if you are not already back before then. During your No Contact you would need to work on your Holy Trinity which you can read about in the articles on this website to help your ex question if he has made the right decision, before you reach out with your first text

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    April 24, 2020 at 10:10 am

    Me and my ex boyfriend broke up last April 1 due to some circumstances,we’ve been almost 3 years being together in a long distance relationship. He asked me from my friend last april 10 if how am I doing? And he knew I was sick. He chatted me concerning i am sick. The next day we chat almost whole day about us we said our iloveyou’s to each other but in the end of the conversation we decided to stop communicating and thinking its for the best. During that day I start initiating no contact rule. After 4 days of no talk he send me a message but I ignored in the 8th day of NC he sent message again telling me that he loves me and I replied back of Iloveyou.Then the next few days he keep on sending me a message one message a day. I am confused I want to diligently follow the NC but every time my ex send me a message I cant help my self to reply. Is it a good idea that I keep on NC? Hope you can help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 8:48 pm

      Hey Mays, Yes it is a good idea, it is essential part of this program to getting an ex back

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    April 10, 2020 at 3:05 pm

    Hi. We were together for 9 months, long distance. We had taken a break for a month before, but never any fighting- just too painful to be apart. He just told me that he’s been talking to somebody else and had his first date with this person. That he’s sorry to hurt me and that he loves me and wants to be friends and doesn’t want to lose me in his life. I explained in one message how this hurt me, and in next that I couldn’t talk to him anymore. That I want him to be happy, thank you for the good times, and best wishes for the future. I said Goodbye. Then I deleted my account, but not all doors. It’s been almost a week of no contact. Did I put the nail in the coffin by saying goodbye? Will these terminal words prevent him from coming back? I made it so final. I feel I had no choice to keep my self-respect?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 10:56 pm

      Hi Kristen, no you ruin your chances of him coming back, it sounds more like he has grass is greener syndrome so stick to NC and work on yourself in that time getting over the break up. Reach out after 45 days and start the being there method if you want him back by that time.

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    April 2, 2020 at 1:49 am

    Hi! So my boyfriend and I broke up a month ago today. We had been dating for almost 4 years and hadn’t had any issues until march of last year when he kissed a girl at a party (this was his first time drinking tho). After that it started to get toxic back and forth of him being really nice then getting really mean. (Nothing abusive just not as loving as it used to be). It only got worse after he started going out drinking more… he has had a couple instances where it’s been so bad I’ve almost left and hes had to beg for me to come back because he said really mean things to me. it’s gotten really bad the past couple of months and ultimately led to our break up. It was almost mutual but he broke it off first. He said he was so sorry and that he just cant treat me like this anymore and needs time to figure out his own stuff which I understand, I did freak out and spent the whole time crying begging him not to leave, but after I got out of the car we both said we loved each other. This is our first breakup and we had a really good relationship before hand, hes a good guy I think he just needed to figure out his own stuff. He messaged me the day after the breakup and apologized and tried to make sure I was okay. That went on for a couple days then he came to see me 2 weeks later. But he didn’t say anything about the relationship and said he just wanted to check up on me. He then went out and partied all weekend which really made me upset. He didn’t message me the whole weekend and only messaged on the tuesday just to check in and see how my weekend went. Then a week passed with no contact (and I didn’t message either) and the next tuesday he messaged me again just to check in. The conversations we had were short and normal to me. I’m just confused as to what to do because he still hasn’t changed any of his social media even after a month. He also said 2 days after we broke up he doesn’t think we can get back together but then another 2 days passed and said that he hasn’t fully dealt with it yet and that he keeps hoping we are gonna get back together. I started the NC and have done a week so far and heard nothing from him so far.. I’m just wondering if NC is really the right choice? We have such a long history together and neither of us have changed our social media.. I dont know whether to try and talk to him about why he hasn’t changed it or not or if I should just leave it and let him come to me… please help!!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 9:03 pm

      Hi Gem, yes NC will still be necessary in this situation too, it gives you both a rest bite from each other. I would suggest that you do nothing regards to social media for the time being let him make the first moves. Change your DP to one of yourself, or you and friends.

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