The Top 10 Signs Your Ex Boyfriend Is Over You

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Every woman that’s ever been through a split reaches a point where she’s not sure if it’s time to move forward or not. What makes it so difficult is that it’s impossible to know whether your ex is going to decide they want your relationship back in the next minute or tomorrow or next week. But why am I telling you? You know this already. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here reading this article. Right?

What Makes it So Difficult?

What keeps us from knowing when enough is enough?

Yeah, that’s right. I said us. I’ve been there more times than you’d imagine. And I assure you that, when I was younger, “when to say when” was something eluded me. I held onto hope for reconciliation a lot longer than I ever should have.

I’ve heard a lot of people talk about the advice they would give themselves when they were younger. And I’m telling you now, I wish I knew then what I know now.

Lucky for you, I may not be able to Marty McFly myself back to torch my entire wardrobe from 2001 and tell myself not to try and even out my bangs an hour before work, but I CAN do is let you in on the lessons that come with having insight into the male psyche. At least then, you can benefit from everything I’ve learned even if high school me can’t go back and stop myself from that… cringeworthy gothic phase.

So, when exactly is when? How do you know when it is?

Well, a lot of the time after a breakup is spent imagining what it would be like if there was a knock on your door only to reveal your groveling and begging you to come back. This kind of thinking that creates blind spots. Your brain will literally reject anything that doesn’t support that train of thought.

In order to recognize the signs that your ex is over you, you have to become your own best friend.

Yes, I guess you could take that to mean that you need to do what is best for you, which is true. But, what I really want you to take away from what I said is that you need to look at your situation from the outside.

Do you ever do crosswords or Sudoku or jigsaw puzzles?

It’s frustrating when you get stuck. Right?

I was a bit of a nerd when I was younger. I’m sure you have noticed. I did competitive crosswords with my grandmother. We were quite the team. We could finish a puzzle in record time. My mother and I did jigsaw puzzles. She taught me to always sort out the edges and do them first to expedite the process.

Now, normally, people see crosswords, Sudoku, and jigsaw puzzles as a boring way to spend their time. But, brain puzzles are a great way to distract and unwind. And the way our family does them they can almost be considered competitive. I said almost. It’s not as crazy as say… Monopoly. I mean, tables get flipped over and entire families fall apart over Park Place.

What I’m getting at with all of this is that sometimes you get stuck. You can’t figure out a seven-letter word for thug or where the puzzle piece that is a slightly grayer shade of blue sky is amidst the 5000 other pieces you’ve already been through a million times.

And when you’re stuck, your gut reaction will be to buckle down and focus so hard that solving the problem becomes almost impossible. According to my mother, and I have to wholeheartedly agree, the only way to move past something you are stuck on is to step back and give it a moment. Then, when you finally return to the problem, the key is to look at it with fresh eyes and from a new perspective.

Now, take that way of thinking and apply it to your breakup.

Whether it’s been a couple of days or a couple of weeks, if you are spending all of your freed time along with most of your not-so-free time looking for signs that your ex is coming back, then you are going to miss any signs that he’s over it.

So, I’m going to help you learn what you are looking for. I mean, you are less likely to find a puzzle piece if you don’t take a look at the picture on the box and get an idea of what it looks like. All I’m asking that you do is take a step back and look at the big picture and get a grasp on what the signs look like.

 

Making Things Simple

In order to make things simple, I want to lay the signs out for you as a set of guidelines to keep you from putting your entire life on hold while you’re waiting on your ex to come back. So, if you are ready to reclaim your life, we can go through them together.

And the upside is that you have an entire support group here and articles full of plenty of helpful tactics to make things work out however you want them to. And having a support group you can rely on is exponentially important.

So, let’s jump right in!

Reason #1

The number one reason to believe that your ex boyfriend might be “over it” is that he stopped trying to get in touch with you. Now, yes, he could have stumbled across our sister page Ex Girlfriend Recovery and taken on the No Contact tactic.

However, you know your ex better than most, but I will point out that men are far less likely to seek out help or accept it. So, if you know him to be the type to seek out help, then, by all means, disregard this one.

Generally, when someone is pining and they don’t have us reminding them that being needy is unappealing, they end up gnatting, or reaching out in any way possible.

So, the way to know if this is the real deal and he really is over it is whether he was sincerely reaching out before and then tapered off. This, combined with the other signs laid out here, is how you know.

Reason #2

He has stopped flaunting his happiness all over the place. Once you are over something, you don’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone.

So, you stop feeling the need to Instagram that delicious lunch you had, the fact that you had three dates this week, or that you have dropped 13 pounds since the breakup.

So, the absence of happy posts, or really posts at all, can be a sign that your ex doesn’t feel the need to flaunt his life in your face.

Reason #3

He’s left your mutual connections behind. Now, there are a few exceptions to this rule, like truly meaningful friendships.

But if he’s still hanging out with your weird cousin that you know he could hardly stand to be in the same room as, or perhaps he’s reaching out to your mother as if they were BFF’s when you know he thinks she sounds like an annoying chipmunk, then you know he’s pulling out all the stops he can to stay connected to you.

However, if he was doing all of these things and suddenly stopped, then it’s safe to assume that he’s trying to move forward with his life.

Reason #4

He’s dating again and the new flame is nothing like you. 

Everyone has been through at least one breakup, and a majority of men go for the rebound approach. You know what I mean, distract from the pain by replacing the relationship with another one as similar to the one that was lost.

Now, if he is dating someone who is nothing like you, then it’s likely that he’s at least attempting to move forward.

Reason #5

It is normal to run into your ex from time to time, especially if you share a zip code. However, if when you happen to run into each other, your ex also happens to have no reaction to your presence  Even if someone is an impeccably good actor, they can rarely hide all emotions completely.

So, if he has no problem looking you in the eye and making normal and casual conversation without looking like he’s going to wet his pants or run away, then it’s likely that you aren’t affecting him the way you did when you two were together.

Reason #6

When you do run into each other, your ex doesn’t feel the need to reminisce about the past. In circumstances where an ex continuously brings up the past, then that is a surefire sign that they are hung up on it.

How do I know?

Well, I went through a breakup last year. If you were to ask anyone I encountered following the breakup what I couldn’t go four minutes without bringing up, then they would say my ex. I would bring up random facts as if it were completely normal.

The truth was that I was trying to act like talking about him couldn’t bother me less, when, in fact, it hurt me to even think about him at the time.

Reason #7

If you do have reason to reach out, he doesn’t feel the need to respond in a timely manner. You no longer hold priority. That’s a sign that he’s got other priorities now.

Reason #8

He used to find your silly little quirks adorable, suddenly, when you happen to bump into each other, he clearly finds them grating. Basically, he’s outgrown seeing you through the rose-colored glasses of love. That’s what happens when you start to get over a relationship. In fact, this is one of the first signs that your ex is getting over it.

Reason #9

He doesn’t go out solely for the purpose of finding someone to hook up with. Let’s face it, right after a breakup, most guys start cruising bars for someone to distract them.

Reason #10

He’s stopped blaming you for the problems in the past AND any problems after the breakup. If you have ever been in a breakup in the past, then you know how hard it can be to achieve this one.It would be one of the final stages in moving on.

How to React

Well, I’m hoping that you started reading an article about the signs that your exboyfriend is over you at least slightly prepared to entertain the possibility that he may actually be moving past the breakup. I also realize that there are some people that find themselves looking for hand-holding when they go looking on the web for help understanding. I realize that that might be the compassionate thing to do, but I would be a disservice to you if I didn’t advise you to at least consider the possibility.

So, the fewer signs he displays, the more likely it is that you can use the tactics laid out in the ExRecovery Program to get him to reconsider the relationship.

What you’re going to do is take off those rose-colored glasses and get to looking at your situation with new eyes. I know that it is the best course of action for you right now.

 

However, I will advise that, if you still care for him in any capacity and he has found a way to stop blaming you like I mentioned in #10. The reason I say this is because that is an incredibly difficult accomplishment, especially if he was invested in the relationship. A lot of the time when you blame someone for something it isn’t even because of something they did.

Sometimes it is simply to avoid admitting that you are, in some ways, culpable for the pain you are feeling, even partially. So, if someone has crossed that bridge of forgiving you, it means that they have done some serious soul-searching, which takes times, energy, and acceptance of their own short-comings. Anyone who has tried to understand matters of the heart knows that this is no easy feat. So, in saying this, I am merely asking that you taking into consideration the effort your ex would have had to put into reaching this point, not to mention the emotional strides he would have had to make.

So, if your intention is to get your exboyfriend to come crawling back to you, I ask that you remain aware of the position he is in if he is displaying some of these signs if not all of them. And in starting the No Contact period, I would suggest 30 – 45 days of No Contact, the more signs, the more time spent in No Contact.

But, I don’t want you to think that that means things are impossible. It just means that you need to decide where you priorities lie and then follow the Program without wavering. Anything is possible.

March 19, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (51)

  1. Astrid - 0

    Astrid

    My situation is a trust breaker but doesn’t fall into the categories outlined.

    I was dating a co-worker who is very reserved, quiet and shy. To make a long story short, we became very close and I was the first person he told about a serious issue he has which prevented him from dating.

    When the relationship went sour due to his fear of getting close, being hurt (he hadn’t dated in a certain amount of years) and his problem – I felt lead on and hurt. I tried remaining friends but he started avoiding me.

    I ended up venting to a co-worker/friend and out of anger slipped what his problem was. It got back to him and now he never wants to talk to me again. I’m not like this and it was an honest mistake.

    I truly feel like I lost my best friend and want to know how I can get him back. He has an item of mine, but has said- he’ll give it to me when he feels like basically.

    He’s been hurt before and truly want this person in my life. I’ve already started the NC rule after he told me to buzz off.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Nc is the right way to give him time..he’s just emotional..focus in improving yourself

  2. Abigail - 0

    Abigail

    Hi,
    This might have nothing to do with the article but I’m devastated like most of us in here.

    I’ll try to make a long story short. My ex-fiancé and I were high school sweethearts. We were together for 7 years. We never broke up and we’re inseparable. It was all perfect and everyone would gush over our relationship.

    3 years into our relationship he got into a real bad car accident that left him with a broken back, shoulder, and partially paralyzed stomach. He lost a lot of opportunities (full ride to college on a football scholarship and his chances of being in law enforcement). He endured a lot of surgeries and doctors appointments and went into a deep depression where all he did was stay home. Nothing made him happy. I stood by his side the whole time. And made it seem like I was the only person who made him feel whole and that he needed.

    Fast forward to December of last year we planned to start a family. Well sure enough I got pregnant. He was excited and happy but then out of nowhere decided to tell me that he needed to take a break to “find himself and be free and wasn’t sure if at the end of him finding himself hed want to be with me.” It was a complete shock for me. I didn’t really think he was being serious but it’s been 3 months and we’re still not together. At first he wouldn’t call me everyday see how I wasn’t doing still say he loved me and occasionally would call me by pet names. He’d even ask to hangout and when we did he was still affectionate. He’s now really distant and I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.

    I was told by a mutual friend that he broke down crying stating he is thinking about co parenting and loves me and cares for me but isn’t in love with me and hasn’t been happy for a while. Unfortuanely he won’t tell me this himself. He recently started battening and I feel that gen wants to live the party life.

    As of yesterday I told him to stop contacting me and I’d let him know any updates with the baby as he is lindan involved with what’s going on with the baby.

    Is there hope for us 🙁

    Reply
  3. Jessica J - 0

    Jessica J

    Sorry if I posted this twice.

    Me and my boyfriend of 1 year and 8 months . (On and off )Broke up the 26th because for 3 weeks before then I’ve been very emotional and confused, I kept breaking up with him every like 4 days and then would come right back the next day .& just kept starting arguments between us , I think it was because I was upset about something I found out and month ago and was holding it in and it finally started bothering me . Finally on that day he said he’s tried of it and it’s annoying and said we needed a break for a while I said ok and didn’t contact him the rest of that day or the next day but the 3rd day (yesterday) I texted the conversation was fast & neutral . Later at night I messed up by texting him and asking him to come have drinks with me and some friends , he ignored me .
    Today I texted him , I asked if we were ok he said “yeah we’re ok”
    Then I asked are we still on speaking terms he said he “I need to be alone for a while ”
    I asked what did I do to make him not like me anymore , he said “Its not that I don’t like you , I just want to be alone don’t make this into something it’s not ”

    Then I asked was he done for good and should I move on he said “yes , I’m sorry if that’s not what you want . But that’s what I want and need ”
    When I started asking why , he said “this is an prime reason Right here , all you do is push and push , and it’s just pushing me to not want to talk ” then ended the conversation saying “About to go do errands ill ttyl sometime”
    I texted back saying of course I’m acting like this because I love you and it hurts for you to tell me to move on .
    He didn’t reply.

    I decided to start no contact after that message but should I do no contact to try and get him back at the end ? Or should I cut contact to move on like he said ?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do no contact to heal and improve.. if after no contact you want to build rapport go ahead while continuing to improve yourself.. if it doesn’t work, move on

    • J - 0

      J

      How long should I do no contact ? Is 21 days long enough ?

    • Jessica j - 0

      Jessica j

      How long should I do no contact ?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do at least 30 days

  4. Alessia - 0

    Alessia

    Hi,
    I need advice on what to do regarding my ex because we are in a very tough situation. Me and him met in high school and dated for a total of about 1 1/2 years. We were very compatible and really become each others best friends. Although we did fight frequently during our relationship it was always just over stupid things and these things never actually felt threatening to us staying together. Also during the time we dated we went through some really tough times together and if anything they made our bond closer. Currently we’ve been broken up for about 9 months. We broke up because after we graduated high school we ended up going to colleges 3 hours away from each other. Before we left for college we were both still really committed to the relationship and agreed that we were going to make the distance work. We were both devastated to leave each other. Only one week after we arrived at our colleges however he completely out of the blue calls me and ends things. After it ended I quickly found out there was another girl at his college that he became interested in and it seemed like she was interested in him too. This was obviously very upsetting to me but I’ve tried to look at things from his perspective and I can see how for an 18 yr old boy dating a girl in the same place as him would seem a lot more appealing then a girl he’d only see 4 months a year. I tried doing no contact for about 40 days and during that time he never reached out to me (I’m assuming because he was focused on this other girl). For about a month after no contact I tried reaching out to him and he always responded and participated in the conversation but it really wasn’t going any further than that so I just gave up. About 2 weeks after this the girl he was interested in at his college ended up starting to date someone else and right after that happened he reached out to me. I thought this was good but after that one time he reached out he seemed to lose interest all together. Obviously this was confusing. When winter break came and we were both home in the same place again we got in contact over something random that happened and during the convo he assured me that there was no negative air between us and I brought up hanging out while we were both home and he seemed opened to the idea and said he would let me know. I never heard from him after that. I became kinda obsessive and started going to places I knew he would be all the time (i know this was bad). Anyway nothing ended up happening over the break and we both returned to our separate colleges. Over the past semester I’ve made a lot of progress with myself and I think I have moved on a lot. I want to date other people and get my life together again however my ex is always in the back of my mind. I feel like even if I got into another relationship I’d still be thinking of him. No matter what I do I can’t seem to get over him. I know we are young but I genuinely love him so much and I really just have a feeling that he’s the person Im meant to spend my life with. With summer break coming in a week we will once again be living in the same place for the next 3 months. Neither of us have dated anyone sense the breakup and I really want to reconnect with him. Because nothing negative happened between us that ended our relationship and because we were so close I feel like if we could just spend some time together we could pick things up again. However I feel stuck because we haven’t had any sort of contact for the past 3 months, he’s the one who ended things and I became a little obsessive in January so I feel like theres not a whole lot I can do without seeming needy. We don’t have mutual friends or common activities so theres not a lot of ways for us to casually run into each other. And then even if we could reconnect wed still be faced with having to do a long distance relationship whenever we went back to school. I know all these things seem to be pointing against us and everyone keeps telling me I just need to get over it but like I said I just have this feeling that me and him are meant for more. Am I being crazy here..is this a lost cause? Like I said I really feel like if we were just together again all the feelings would still be there and I really need any suggestion of what I could do to make this work. What can I do to make him realize having me back in his life is worth it??
    Thanks

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4
    • Alessia - 0

      Alessia

      Thank you so much! I found these 2 articles very helpfully only question now is that if I create myself into the “ungetable girl” how do I get him to actually see that? Like I mentioned even though will be home in the same place we don’t do the same activities or have common places wed have to see each other. The only way I feel like he’d get to see the new and improved me (besides accidentally running into each other) would be to actually make plans to see each other. He’s barely ever reached out to me since the breakup so I feel like it would have to be me to initiate something but if I initiate something wouldn’t that not make me the “unbeatable girl” since id be the one trying to talk to him?? How could I make this happen?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you have to be active in posting in social media. If you’re blocked or unfriended, make the posts public

    • Alessia - 0

      Alessia

      Okay so just to clarify it wouldn’t be a good idea to reach out to him? I should just do the social media thing and wait for him to make a presence…right?

      Thanks so much by the way this has all been really helpful!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, set a limit until when you would wait for him to initiate

    • Alessia - 0

      Alessia

      Hi you were really helpful with the advise you gave me above! I have been home back in the same place as my ex for almost a week and I’ve been trying to post pictures of myself a lot more on social media to be the “ungetable girl”. A situation has arose and I’m not sure what to do about it and I feel like it could possible have a big impact on everything. A few weeks ago with summer break coming I applied for summer jobs at a ton of places. I applied to where my ex works kind of as a last resort but I never expected to hear back. I just thought why not Im applying to so many places it won’t matter anyway. The problem that has just arose however is that out of all the places I applied to of course with my luck the only place I hear back from is the place where my ex works! I have no idea what to do here. I really need a summer job and this is the only place I’ve heard back from. On one side I want to take the job cuz I need it and then I think us working together might help us reconnect but on the other hand I worry that me taking a job at the same place as him might turn him away or freak him out or something. It wasn’t my intentions to try and work with him (I wasn’t expecting to get any offer there at all) but Im afraid it might look like Im trying to force him to see me if I do. Ive thought about texting him and asking if he’d be alright with me accepting the job but as I mentioned earlier I’m trying to be an “ungetable girl”. What should I do??? Taking this job would be good for me personally and would give me a place to see him regularly which would make me acting like the “unbeatable girl” a lot easier. I worry though that taking the job in the first place or texting him to ask if I can take the job might ruin the whole “ungetable girl” thing before I really even get the chance to start it. If it comes down to it I’m sure I could find another job somewhere but who knows how long it would be before one comes along. Am I over thinking this? I need to get back to the company on whether or not I want the job very soon…. So I just text him, fill him in and ask if its alright or would that be bad? What is the best thing to do?
      Thanks!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      don’t ask him if it’s alright to work there.. unless he owns the company… check this one:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • Alessia - 0

      Alessia

      okay so I just show up one day and start working there?…wont that shock him since we haven’t talked in months and then one day I just randomly show up at his work? I really just want to get him back. If if comes down to it Id much rather just look for a different job if taking this one could hurt my chances for getting back together with him. Do you think taking this job and working with him is a bad idea? I really just want to do what will give me the best chance of getting him back.
      Thanks for all your help!

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you have to set your priorities.. if you can find a different job do so, but if this is the only job and you already got it, he should’t be running your life.. if you have to set him aside the first day, or text him to clear out do so..

  5. Phoebe - 0

    Phoebe

    Hi Amor,

    My ex broke up with me 4 weeks ago, he said he wants to be alone, missed being single, thinks our relationship is like a chore now. I was blindsided and took it in without really knowing what made him decide this decision. I called him a few hours later asking him to work it out, trying to acknowledge my wrongdoings and apologzed for them, he said he knows I have a timeline (for getting married) and that he said he doesn’t really know if that’s what he wants and that I should respect his decision. A week after was our friend’s birthday we were both there and we tried to pretend like nothing happened but it was kind of awkward. I then messaged him the next day to ask for my stuff back but I aborted mission and made up an excuse to not go and started NC. It’s been 4 weeks since we broke up and I just found out a few days ago that he had deleted all of our pictures on instagram and facebook. He’s been truly dear and nice to me, and he will be dropping off my stuff today, how should I approach it? Should I talk to him about the relationship and find out what exactly caused the breakup? I will be going to a party next week and he will be there, not sure what I should do now…

    Reply
  6. Saron - 0

    Saron

    Hi! Just want to know your opinion. I’ve been doing no contact for 20 days. He is the most emotional man I’ve ever dated – very sensitive about things normal people wouldn’t react to. When we were arguing during the time leading to the breakup, I told him that I understood we had some differences and that our relationship will only succeed if we both make an effort to make it work – he had a tendency to just always be the victim and never take responsibility for our misunderstandings. I asked him if he wanted to try again and work on our relationship or if he wants to break up. He’d said he couldn’t answer that moment and that he was feeling pressured. I understood and told him that if he decided that he did in fact want to continue what we had, that he knows how to reach me and that I won’t be reaching out while he takes his space. Then the following day we were chatting on whatsapp (which he initiated and on a negative note – he was again telling me another thing about me that upset him) and now started arguing again. We texted back and forth and then he angrily wrote that he finally has an answer for my question and it’s that he doesn’t want to be with me and that he wishes me to find what I’m looking for – though I’m not the one who decided to end it. But I said ok and didn’t try to say anything else. Then In the first week after we broke up, he was liking my posts on fb which was hurting me, so I unfriended (not blocked) him on facebook and instagram because it was too painful to see him there and it would help me not to cyber stalk him. He continued to follow and watch my instagram stories until 2 days ago (day 18 no contact) when I noticed he has now unfollowed me too. So I’m just wondering if this is a bad sign. Did he unfollow me for the same reasons I unfollowed him? Or is he over me now? And how will be see my life during no contact if we don’t see each other on any social media? All we have are 3 mutual friends on facebook. I’d been making really great progress in my personal life like finally getting my own apartment, meeting new people, taking a fancy car on a test drive and trying new cuisine – which was all evident on my social media. Of course I didn’t over-do it or post unusually more than I normally would.

    Reply
  7. Unknown - 0

    Unknown

    Dear Amor, please help me decipher my ex’s behavior:
    – It was a very messy breakup. His reasons were because all my fault, and that we always fight + different mindset. We had a fight during the breakup. He verbally + mentally abused me. And not until we ended it completely did he tell me that he couldn’t face me, he regret choosing me because he felt like he always hurt me, that he doesn’t deserve my love. I still don’t understand, he broke up with me because of me or because his insecurity?
    – He said he have no feelings for me, tole me to stay out of his life.
    – He didn’t reply my texts (that was before I know of the NCR, I wasn’t needy, but I was desperate for details of why he breaking up), sometimes he used one-word replies. His tone were cold and distant, opposite of the guy who I fell in love with.
    – He told me he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore, unfollowed my FB.
    – After we part, he seems having fun tagging, liking, commenting on his female friend’s posts.
    I have started the NC for a week, but sometimes couldn’t help my curiosity, I haven’t unfollowed his FB up until yesterday so I saw what he liked and commented. But the thing is, will NCR work if the ex doesn’t even wanna talk or meet, that he thought he did a right thing breaking up with me? He doesn’t seem to care about my life or what I’m up to. I… I don’t know…

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he sounds like he’s fed up.. just keep posting and improving yourself.. avoid social media stalking him..

    • Erika - 0

      Erika

      Hi Amor I’ve been following your advice for almost 2 years since I broke up with my ex. (we only dated a couple of months, an broke up after a weekend away as “he realised he couldn’t do a serious relationship just now”, and had commitments to the two kids he was looking after (they have both nearly left home this year and are 18 and 21). I Did the no contact got his interest back, shut my mouth and not nag about our relationship. But when is enough? so we see each other every couple of weeks to catch up, he has waves of texting me everyday down to only once a week. rollercoaster! then I decided enough, two years being the nice girl not hassling him. So my “talk albiet via text” Yes he misses me sometimes, If he didn’t like me he wouldn’t be talking to me. Then I pushed it more – well it’s been two years! no sex, just a peck on the lips goodbye. I said “i’d like you to date me again” – silence – then i asked him why silent, his response “very serious” So I said I needed to get things off my chest, so I said I liked him, and I’d like to date again, and take it slow. The reply he gave me was “Still enjoy chatting but as i said before I don’t know if it will be more than friendship”. Geez, I’m gutted. Why keep me hanging on for two years? why say he misses me sometimes? Is it time to let go or do the no contact again for 30 days. I can’t give up. I believe if he didn’t want me at all he would not be seeing me and texting me. Am I kidding myself?

    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      that’s normal because you’re hoping but you’re friendzoned.. that’s just it. YOu need to move on if you want more than that and if he says he wants to get back with you, don’t be easy. Let him prove it first.

  8. Rachel - 0

    Rachel

    Hi there!
    My ex boyfriend and I broke up a few months ago and made a pretty big mess of it all but after a few bumps and giving each other space and no contact, in the end after he reached out to me again, we remained very close and friendly, he lives in another country so the closer we got to our goodbye after 2 years together we probably became more sentimental. We even started telling each other we wanted to end up together later in life, he brought it up once and so did I and he said “I know 🙂 somewhere I hope that as well”. I still love him and I’d go back to him in a second. But how likely is this? I know he is not ready and basically only cares about sex and his career. We’ve talked about moving on openly and the chance of ending up with other people as well. Now I’m confused and don’t know where I and our chances stand, especially because he is so far away, it’s hard to stay in the picture. Do I need to give him space and let him come to me? Like.. give him a chance to miss me? I know I’m special to him but is that enough for him to come back to me? I don’t want to wait around for someone who isn’t coming. What do you think?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      try a 30 day nc, be active,post in social media..use it for yourself.. so that you can reflect on if you still want to build rapport after nc

  9. Lizzy - 0

    Lizzy

    Hello!
    What to do if your ex seems to move on and get over you fine? He dumped me suddenly after convincing me everything would be fine between us a few days before When I asked about us Because lately we would be dysfunctional and he was a bit harsh sometimes in the end, but it could switch between sweet and sour. We was about to move in and come visit that week. We were in a LDR. Then something, Maybe a irritation at the moment perhaps, or things that ha maybe had thought about a long time triggered a sudden breakup over text from everything normal just the same morning. We were very different and struggled alot. But I always thought that he would care and stay a good friend no matter of the situation. But he just became cold and distant When he broke up, like he never cared. Why is that? And he didn’t spoke to me since. I initiated contact 2 days later just so I could Tell How disappointed I was about him treating me and the situation like that. He sent a “proffesional” explenation about that his life is a mess right now. Been in NC ever since (one week). His adress is registred on me since hi were about to move in.

    How do I handle this? And why did he do me like that? Where did the love and care and my best friend go?
    /Lizzy

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lizzy,

      that was just a week ago? Nobody moves on in just a week.. Either he started moving on before breaking up with you or he just said that out of emotions.. Stick to nc, be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.

    • Lizzy - 0

      Lizzy

      Thank you for the reply Amor!
      That’s the thing, I think that maybe he had these thoughts of breaking up for a longer period.. we had some problems at the end But he always ignored them and assured me we would do fine and that it would begome better when he moved in. So he led me on in that way, and then suddenly switched after that last dysfunctional joke/conversation. Like he had enough and had made up his mind or something. Not sure. But I know lately he had trouble in his life. He is going to court in a few months and it is hard to Tell about his future… before all that the plan was moving in with me and get his life together.

      He is not that active on social media, he barerly checks his Facebook. And is checking snapchat every now and then. And to be honest, I’m not much of a Facebook-poster either. The only thing I have to get in touch about is the adress change, if it stays the same after the NC

  10. Alexis - 0

    Alexis

    Hi my boyfriend of 13 years broke up with me last Friday and I havent heard from him at all. I know that he has been spending time with a girl that he had a crutch on sinc high school. What do I do I texted him once just saying that I respect the decision to break up but i don’t know what to do.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Alexis,

      do you want to do the no contact rule?

  11. Cece - 0

    Cece

    Thank you so much for all this advice this is very help full but I think my case is a little different and I really need help coping with the pain.
    Weve been broken up now for a month after a year’ long relationship and well I guess I broke the no contact rule literally a week later I texted him but it was only to tel him that I wasn’t mad or hurt anymore and id like to be friends knowing that that wasnt true but I wanted him to think that I was over him.
    But we haven’t talked since and it’s been almost 2 months now
    I guess what I’m having trouble with is how to really move on and let him go. Because the thing is he broke up with me claiming that he wasn’t ready for a relationship or commitment but I know that was a lie because we were together for that long and talked about the future together and we never fought about trust issues or other girls or guys in the picture.
    My problem with him was getting him to care. But what do I do because I’m sooo tempted to text him or call him because I never got to tell him how I felt or get any closure from him and I tried relying on my friends and family and they have really helped but I still feel so hurt and sooooo much pain and I feel like I need to talk to him. Should I???

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cece,

      you have to be clear first. Do you want to try or move on?

  12. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Hi Amor, what does it mean when an ex no longers sees your snapchat stories and then he unfriended you ?

    Reply
  13. soni - 0

    soni

    He broke up with me about a month ago.Then after 14 days I tried to apologize him and beg him not to leave me.But he told me he is not angry with me, don’t love me anymore and I should move on and should start a new life. I love him alot. What to do to get him back?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Soni,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  14. CT - 0

    CT

    Hi there, I wanted to ask what your thoughts are about my situation. My boyfriend and I, of 3 years recently broke up. His decision, basically because he didn’t want to spend time with me anymore (“would rather be alone”), he wasn’t overly happy with me, and it’s pretty much because we argued a lot. Little arguments, but there were plenty of them, and sometimes, immaturely, I would tell him that we shouldn’t be together (which I obviously stopped doing and would take it back right after…. but I know, screams UNSTABLE/EMOTIONAL). I am only 23, I am learning and growing. Anyway, he broke up with me at the end of January, I had let him know that it wasn’t what I wanted and I think he regretted it because the next day he acted as it if didn’t happen, however, following this he didn’t act the same, we would only spend time together sometimes (like once a week, when we use to spend EVERY day/night together), and he was very short with me over text (not how he usually is). So at a later date I asked him if he was sure about his decision in staying with me and he said “I don’t overly want to break up with you, but I feel bad that I would rather be alone”. I obviously cried, told him I don’t want to break up and so we decided to go on “a break”. Recently (March 8) he told me that he still feels the same (about wanting to be alone I assume) and doesn’t want to waste my time (this was over text because our schedules didn’t work out AND he wasn’t being very accommodating in meeting up). I replied saying “Ok :(” and he replied saying “I know :(“. We haven’t talked since then. HOWEVER, he (or I) hasn’t removed/changed his relationship status from facebook and I don’t know what to think of that…. I know that for some people this may seem silly, because it’s just facebook, but he is always on his facebook. He’s also been going out a lot recently with his friends and his friends who I still follow on social media are always posting pics with him AND/OR he will post some here and there. (ALSO… Even though we were kind of going through this then, he messaged me happy valentines day I love you and picked me up that morning to bring me to school and brought me flowers).
    I have no idea what to think of this situation so I felt professionals such as you could help me understand and tell me your honest opinion. I just don’t know if this means that maybe he’s over me OR.. if the NC is really what he needs (but he hasn’t tried to contact me either in 18 days)
    Although we did argue a lot, we also had many AMAZING times and memories, loved doing everything together and were very supportive of each other and liked most of the same things.
    I know that this was a super long post and not 100% clear because I tried to make it was short as possible, but I appreciate the help.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi CT,

      I erased your previous comments..do bc for yourself not more for him
      do at least 30 and start the count after this..be active in improving yourself and in posting in social media

  15. Cara - 0

    Cara

    Hi again , Can Chris do an article on what it means if your ex apologizes?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      thanks Cara! I’ll forward this

  16. Cara - 0

    Cara

    Hi, so does it mean he’s over me if he recently texted me to apologize? Most of these points kind of apply BUT he did text to apologize . Does that mean he’s trying to get closure for himself? An experienced friend of mine says men don’t need closure that he’s laying the groundwork for maybe seeing me again . We’ve been in prolonged no contact for various reasons. Long story short, I called him out 6 months ago by text on something wrong he did (going to an ex friend of mine to essentially spy on me if I was dating or not) . Last month the day after Valentine’s Day and also the day after our 1st date anniversaryhe texted me with a sincere apology and admitted what he did wrong . But a lot of the points made in this article also fit but I’m not sure ? I did thank him and accept his apology by text the next day but I chose not to ask a question as 1) I didn’t want the convo to fall flat as he’s really good at dropping convo on me and 2) I didn’t want to look overeager that he texted me. Since then , nothing . But I can tell he Facebook monitors me . My plan is to like something he posts but he hasn’t posted yet lol. If the rest of this article applies does that mean he is truly over me?

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cara,

      if he monitors you in social media, that means he’s not totally over you..

  17. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    I did the no contact after breaking it a few times in the first weeks. Now I wrote a “cool text” and then another one that I need his help with something that was work related and asked for coffee.
    No response at all. we talked once about the vacation we had to cancel. He was ice cold and his voice was shaking – he said he wont talk to me for a long time, take care. Then I did the 30 days and no answer…What can I do at this point? We were 5! years together and both had a lot of individual problems but also a lot of fighting. I know he had struggled with his issues but also he said he fell out of love. I was so stressed because of work and not fun anymore and know its probably my fault. How can I show him that I actually changed in the past 2 months if he does not talk or answer? Thank you!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      if you chased and broke nc many times, it would be better to do 45 days.. during this last nc, how much did you improve and how active were you in posting in social media?

  18. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    I did the no contact after breaking it a few times in the first weeks. Now I wrote a “cool text” and then another one that I need his help with something that was work related and asked for coffee.
    No response at all. we talked once about the vacation we had to cancel. He was ice cold and his voice was shaking – he said he wont talk to me for a long time, take care. Then I did the 30 days and no answer…What can I do at this point? We were 5! years together and both had a lot of individual problems but also a lot of fighting. I know he had struggled with his issues but also he said he fell out of love. I was so stressed because of work and not fun anymore and know its probably my fault. How can I show him that I actually changed in the past 2 months if he does not talk or answer? Thank you!

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      if you chased and broke nc many times, it would be better to do 45 days.. during this last nc, how much did you improve and how active were you in posting in social media?

  19. Wendy - 0

    Wendy

    Hi. I broke up with my BF and read the signs you described above. Some of them fit, others don’t so I am not sure how to react.

    He stopped initiating all contact but noticed he placed a question on the EX GF recovery site saying he was trying to do no contact to get me back but it wasn’t working. Then asking for advice.

    When I did initiate he always answered very quickly and responded most of the time. On one or two occasions he didn’t but then I followed up later and he would write back. Our text conversations were always lengthy and lovey dovy talk, that he loves me, etc.

    What would you say to this? Was he interested or not? One of the signs above says he is over you if he never tries to get in touch, so I am confused about this in my situation.

    Thanks.

    Reply
    • EBR Team Member: Ashley - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Wendy,

      if he asked for advice in exbgf, that means he wants you bacm

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