Every woman that’s ever been through a split reaches a point where she’s not sure if it’s time to move forward or not. What makes it so difficult is that it’s impossible to know whether your ex is going to decide they want your relationship back in the next minute or tomorrow or next week. But why am I telling you? You know this already. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here reading this article. Right?
What Makes it So Difficult?
What keeps us from knowing when enough is enough?
Yeah, that’s right. I said us. I’ve been there more times than you’d imagine. And I assure you that, when I was younger, “when to say when” was something eluded me. I held onto hope for reconciliation a lot longer than I ever should have.
I’ve heard a lot of people talk about the advice they would give themselves when they were younger. And I’m telling you now, I wish I knew then what I know now.
Lucky for you, I may not be able to Marty McFly myself back to torch my entire wardrobe from 2001 and tell myself not to try and even out my bangs an hour before work, but I CAN do is let you in on the lessons that come with having insight into the male psyche. At least then, you can benefit from everything I’ve learned even if high school me can’t go back and stop myself from that… cringeworthy gothic phase.
So, when exactly is when? How do you know when it is?
Well, a lot of the time after a breakup is spent imagining what it would be like if there was a knock on your door only to reveal your groveling and begging you to come back. This kind of thinking that creates blind spots. Your brain will literally reject anything that doesn’t support that train of thought.
In order to recognize the signs that your ex is over you, you have to become your own best friend.
Yes, I guess you could take that to mean that you need to do what is best for you, which is true. But, what I really want you to take away from what I said is that you need to look at your situation from the outside.
Do you ever do crosswords or Sudoku or jigsaw puzzles?
It’s frustrating when you get stuck. Right?
I was a bit of a nerd when I was younger. I’m sure you have noticed. I did competitive crosswords with my grandmother. We were quite the team. We could finish a puzzle in record time. My mother and I did jigsaw puzzles. She taught me to always sort out the edges and do them first to expedite the process.
Now, normally, people see crosswords, Sudoku, and jigsaw puzzles as a boring way to spend their time. But, brain puzzles are a great way to distract and unwind. And the way our family does them they can almost be considered competitive. I said almost. It’s not as crazy as say… Monopoly. I mean, tables get flipped over and entire families fall apart over Park Place.
What I’m getting at with all of this is that sometimes you get stuck. You can’t figure out a seven-letter word for thug or where the puzzle piece that is a slightly grayer shade of blue sky is amidst the 5000 other pieces you’ve already been through a million times.
And when you’re stuck, your gut reaction will be to buckle down and focus so hard that solving the problem becomes almost impossible. According to my mother, and I have to wholeheartedly agree, the only way to move past something you are stuck on is to step back and give it a moment. Then, when you finally return to the problem, the key is to look at it with fresh eyes and from a new perspective.
Now, take that way of thinking and apply it to your breakup.
Whether it’s been a couple of days or a couple of weeks, if you are spending all of your freed time along with most of your not-so-free time looking for signs that your ex is coming back, then you are going to miss any signs that he’s over it.
So, I’m going to help you learn what you are looking for. I mean, you are less likely to find a puzzle piece if you don’t take a look at the picture on the box and get an idea of what it looks like. All I’m asking that you do is take a step back and look at the big picture and get a grasp on what the signs look like.
Making Things Simple
In order to make things simple, I want to lay the signs out for you as a set of guidelines to keep you from putting your entire life on hold while you’re waiting on your ex to come back. So, if you are ready to reclaim your life, we can go through them together.
And the upside is that you have an entire support group here and articles full of plenty of helpful tactics to make things work out however you want them to. And having a support group you can rely on is exponentially important.
So, let’s jump right in!
The number one reason to believe that your ex boyfriend might be “over it” is that he stopped trying to get in touch with you. Now, yes, he could have stumbled across our sister page Ex Girlfriend Recovery and taken on the No Contact tactic.
However, you know your ex better than most, but I will point out that men are far less likely to seek out help or accept it. So, if you know him to be the type to seek out help, then, by all means, disregard this one.
Generally, when someone is pining and they don’t have us reminding them that being needy is unappealing, they end up gnatting, or reaching out in any way possible.
So, the way to know if this is the real deal and he really is over it is whether he was sincerely reaching out before and then tapered off. This, combined with the other signs laid out here, is how you know.
He has stopped flaunting his happiness all over the place. Once you are over something, you don’t feel the need to prove anything to anyone.
So, you stop feeling the need to Instagram that delicious lunch you had, the fact that you had three dates this week, or that you have dropped 13 pounds since the breakup.
So, the absence of happy posts, or really posts at all, can be a sign that your ex doesn’t feel the need to flaunt his life in your face.
He’s left your mutual connections behind. Now, there are a few exceptions to this rule, like truly meaningful friendships.
But if he’s still hanging out with your weird cousin that you know he could hardly stand to be in the same room as, or perhaps he’s reaching out to your mother as if they were BFF’s when you know he thinks she sounds like an annoying chipmunk, then you know he’s pulling out all the stops he can to stay connected to you.
However, if he was doing all of these things and suddenly stopped, then it’s safe to assume that he’s trying to move forward with his life.
He’s dating again and the new flame is nothing like you.
Everyone has been through at least one breakup, and a majority of men go for the rebound approach. You know what I mean, distract from the pain by replacing the relationship with another one as similar to the one that was lost.
Now, if he is dating someone who is nothing like you, then it’s likely that he’s at least attempting to move forward.
It is normal to run into your ex from time to time, especially if you share a zip code. However, if when you happen to run into each other, your ex also happens to have no reaction to your presence Even if someone is an impeccably good actor, they can rarely hide all emotions completely.
So, if he has no problem looking you in the eye and making normal and casual conversation without looking like he’s going to wet his pants or run away, then it’s likely that you aren’t affecting him the way you did when you two were together.
When you do run into each other, your ex doesn’t feel the need to reminisce about the past. In circumstances where an ex continuously brings up the past, then that is a surefire sign that they are hung up on it.
How do I know?
Well, I went through a breakup last year. If you were to ask anyone I encountered following the breakup what I couldn’t go four minutes without bringing up, then they would say my ex. I would bring up random facts as if it were completely normal.
The truth was that I was trying to act like talking about him couldn’t bother me less, when, in fact, it hurt me to even think about him at the time.
If you do have reason to reach out, he doesn’t feel the need to respond in a timely manner. You no longer hold priority. That’s a sign that he’s got other priorities now.
He used to find your silly little quirks adorable, suddenly, when you happen to bump into each other, he clearly finds them grating. Basically, he’s outgrown seeing you through the rose-colored glasses of love. That’s what happens when you start to get over a relationship. In fact, this is one of the first signs that your ex is getting over it.
He doesn’t go out solely for the purpose of finding someone to hook up with. Let’s face it, right after a breakup, most guys start cruising bars for someone to distract them.
He’s stopped blaming you for the problems in the past AND any problems after the breakup. If you have ever been in a breakup in the past, then you know how hard it can be to achieve this one.It would be one of the final stages in moving on.
How to React
Well, I’m hoping that you started reading an article about the signs that your exboyfriend is over you at least slightly prepared to entertain the possibility that he may actually be moving past the breakup. I also realize that there are some people that find themselves looking for hand-holding when they go looking on the web for help understanding. I realize that that might be the compassionate thing to do, but I would be a disservice to you if I didn’t advise you to at least consider the possibility.
So, the fewer signs he displays, the more likely it is that you can use the tactics laid out in the ExRecovery Program to get him to reconsider the relationship.
What you’re going to do is take off those rose-colored glasses and get to looking at your situation with new eyes. I know that it is the best course of action for you right now.
However, I will advise that, if you still care for him in any capacity and he has found a way to stop blaming you like I mentioned in #10. The reason I say this is because that is an incredibly difficult accomplishment, especially if he was invested in the relationship. A lot of the time when you blame someone for something it isn’t even because of something they did.
Sometimes it is simply to avoid admitting that you are, in some ways, culpable for the pain you are feeling, even partially. So, if someone has crossed that bridge of forgiving you, it means that they have done some serious soul-searching, which takes times, energy, and acceptance of their own short-comings. Anyone who has tried to understand matters of the heart knows that this is no easy feat. So, in saying this, I am merely asking that you taking into consideration the effort your ex would have had to put into reaching this point, not to mention the emotional strides he would have had to make.
So, if your intention is to get your exboyfriend to come crawling back to you, I ask that you remain aware of the position he is in if he is displaying some of these signs if not all of them. And in starting the No Contact period, I would suggest 30 – 45 days of No Contact, the more signs, the more time spent in No Contact.
But, I don’t want you to think that that means things are impossible. It just means that you need to decide where you priorities lie and then follow the Program without wavering. Anything is possible.