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409 thoughts on “The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends”

  1. Avatar

    jen

    August 19, 2017 at 7:44 am

    Hi Everyone another great article (im assuming that you was talking about you & your lovely wife where the GIGS worked)

    My question is can the GIGS happen more than once? Me & my ex have been split just over 3months he entered into a rebound 3weeks after we split i think it lasted about a month and he openly admitted he had GIGS because he said he was seeing someone it wasnt right he tried to feel how he did with me and got nowhere near (safe to say i felt good lol) anyway we got really close to getting back together then he tried to have sex with me again (i stupidly did the week before) and i rejected him which hurt him more than just sexually he said when he saw me he gets butterflies and feels crazy and misses me

    couple of days later we got into an argument (he over reacted about something which he later apologised for) he accused me of game playing said he didnt want to try again didnt want a fresh start it wont work (then said sorry for over reacting) anyway that was last week hes started conversations since and even offered to do a couple of things for me however im pretty sure hes seeing someone else again and he will talk for abit then stop and we wont talk again for a few days.

    so could this be another rebound and another attempt at GIGS because he felt rejected by me?

    ive gone back into NC mainly to get my head clear again after all the hot and cold behaviour but im using social media to still “be there” (as i know he checks it because at 1 point he said he doesnt see any of my posts but then said i looked like i was moving on from my posts). Do you think its hopeless?

    1. Avatar

      jen

      August 28, 2017 at 3:16 pm

      hi amor
      i think it was more than just rejected for sex i could tell by how he acted but as i said i think hes now seeing someone else the week after we had the heart to heart. this is the 2nd no contact (i was going to do 3 weeks) did the full 30days at the beginning. its been just over a week of NC so far. ive been talking to other guys too and have got myself back on track being a UG and feel really good.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2017 at 7:36 pm

      Ah.., That’s good that you’re sticking to nc again.. Make this your last, so be very active in your life and in posting and keep doing that while slowly rebuilding rapport after.

    3. Avatar

      jen

      August 19, 2017 at 7:45 am

      also forgot to add he admitted the more he talks to me the more he misses me

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2017 at 9:35 pm

      Whatever he said, when he got upset just because you refused sex, that’s a big red flag..that means he just wants sex from you… How many nc how long were your nc before?

  2. Avatar

    Bec

    August 18, 2017 at 9:25 pm

    My ex-boyfriend must have definitely found greener grass with the girl he left me for then…. it’s been 3 years without any form of contact whatsoever. Meanwhile I’m still trying to learn to trust people again… he won this breakup hands-down!

  3. Avatar

    Jaime

    August 18, 2017 at 6:32 pm

    So I feel my ex boyfriend has grass is greener syndrome. I’m currently in NC what do I do after 30 days ends? Do I have to let the relationship play out and continue NC.? Or can I send a text and build rapport? Thanks

    1. Avatar

      Jaime

      August 18, 2017 at 6:53 pm

      Sorry forgot to mention. We date over 1 year. He broke up with me and 3 weeks later was in a relationship with a girl he met before. They are still together since it’s only been a little over 1 month since our break up.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2017 at 6:45 pm

      You can initiate contact..check this one:
      What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Moves On To A New Girl (Video)

  4. Avatar

    anon

    August 18, 2017 at 8:45 am

    Hi. Thank you. Your content has been very helpful.
    Briefly, 35 day NC with one to the point email exchange at two weeks days regarding his stuff.
    He has starting dating someone. What do I do? I don’t particularly want to talk to him until he sorts himself out in any case.

    1. Avatar

      anon

      August 19, 2017 at 1:03 am

      Yes. Broadly speaking. I’m obfuscating out of paranoia. I want to move on without moving on over a time-frame that allows him to have a break-through through a breakdown (David Hawkins). And gives me time to sort out my attachment styles, etc. This could take years. I don’t want to date anyone else, I want to sort myself out. Worried that he’ll forget about me after 66 days of NC.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 19, 2017 at 6:48 pm

      Well, set a time frame because honestly, waiting for someone to change just because you did nc is not realistic.. So, after your set time frame, move on if he doesn’t fit in your standards..

    3. Avatar

      anon

      August 18, 2017 at 6:44 pm

      Yes.

    4. Avatar

      anon

      August 18, 2017 at 8:46 am

      Can you please delete the website information I entered?

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 18, 2017 at 5:40 pm

      Sure. have you been active in improving yourself and in posting?

  5. Avatar

    Jessica

    August 10, 2017 at 12:16 pm

    So after the 5 months of my ex and I chatting and sometimes seeing each other he is still with his gf. He has basically moved in with her and she still doesn’t know about me according to his friend. His friend noticed how much I’ve changed and I can say I’ve almost become the UG. I know my ex notices I’ve become someone else but right now I’m still chasing him. How do I make it so he is chasing me? And how do I get him to break up with her and be with me?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 10, 2017 at 5:20 pm

      I think it’s time to step away. You said it yourself, you’re chasing him. At first, it’s ok to build rapport but it can’t go on for a very long so that you don’t seem chasing and you don’t become friendzoned. Ungettable girls hook and then pull away, that’s why men chase them. In your case, if it stays like that for too long, it’s like you’re not luring him anymore. You’re just there letting him eat the bait. So, now, you need to step away and let him initiate. If he does, let him invest more and focus more in your own life rather than him.. At this time you should try to date others. If he doesn’t initiate, set a time frame on until when you would wait before totally moving on.

  6. Avatar

    Jessie

    August 2, 2017 at 5:16 am

    I’m learning the more I read in every article. So my ex boyfriend allowed and said it was alright for one of my good friends to move in to his house.
    Her parents live in Texas, she didn’t have money and no where to stay (live), so my ex boyfriend felt bad for her and as being nice and so she lived with him. Well then a few months later back in 2015, they started dating. My ex boyfriend last year would sometimes call me an say how they went to a party and she embarrassed him in front of his friends. Then one time they both went to my ex’s friend’s house and drank alcohol. I don’t know how drunk his current girlfriend was but she actually kissed my ex’s best friend on front of him.
    Later I found out this by my friend, and I contacted my ex and I told him why he is still with her; he said that she didn’t mean to, it was just a accident, and it won’t happen again. (They were making out and then started to make out in the bathroom tub and slept there together. I seen a picture and yes they had their clothes on. Also his current girlfriend now, she’s the same one mentioned above, well she is making my ex boyfriend depressed a lot of times. I was wondering if there is anything I can do or say to just be a friend to my ex to help him. And also my ex started dating her right after him and I broke up in 2015. So he never really had the time to go through a healing process. My ex boyfriend misses me and wants me back, he had this, he realized that his girlfriend now is not like me. But the only way I can get my ex back is to show him my actions, since I betrayed him and lost his trust to trust my words. Thanks I really need help. I don’t mean to comment on so many articles, but I really need help, and I’m a single mother and I am not working so I don’t have money to buy anything right now. Thanks for you help!!

    1. Avatar

      Jessica

      August 12, 2017 at 4:23 pm

      I believe i have been friendzoned as well. He still comes to visit me and hangs out with me and i dont think his gf knows about it still. He started playingnonline games with me again and has hinted that he missed me but wont actually come out and say it. He has also figured out that im not who i used to be. How do I back away? and how do i get him to dump her but make it like it was his idea?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 13, 2017 at 7:18 pm

      Don’t make it “seem” like it’s his idea.. It really has to be his idea. When you back away, you just back away. Stop interacting with him.. I believe you know what to do.. You just have to have courage to do it. Most of the time, we allow the things that we don’t want to experience. If you really don’t want him to treat you the way he treats you right now, you should be walking away and focusing in yourself.

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 3, 2017 at 6:13 pm

      If you can work and have somebody else look over your child while you work, that would be better.. You need to know and cultivate your self worth.

      You cheated on him before but right now you’re chasing him. You’re accepting that you’re the one who has to prove something even though he’s telling you he wants to be with you while he’s in a relationship.

      Hanging out with other guys especially his friend is like proving to him he’s right about you..

      Staying friends with him now is lowering your self worth too because first, you’re putting yourself in the friendzone. Second, it’s starting to look like you’ve been making up for a mistake that was a long time ago and both of you should have moved on from it since he’s in a relationship now too.

      You’re showing him you’re just there, always waiting for his forgiveness..

      The better approach is to talk to him about what happened calmly. Tell him you’re sorry about what happened before but you’ve forgiven yourself and that’s not you now and it’s up to him whether he forgives you or not but you’re moving on from that for your self respect and for your child.

      If he wants to get back with you, he has to do the right thing first, break up with his current gf. If he says it’s just because he doesn’t trust you, tell him, that’s for him to work out for himself because that was a mistake years ago. Thank him for eveything and tell him you hope that he understands and respect the space you need for yourself.

      And then do at least 30 days of nc.. Don’t tell him you’re doing nc. Don’t tell him you’re going to contact him after 30 days. If he asks if you will contact him again, tell him as of now you don’t know yet. If he asks if you’re still friends, tell him as of now that’s not workable.

      Improve yourself. Have a new routine for yourself and your child. Have your own life. Prepare your life in a way that if you don’t get him back, it will hurt but it’s his loss, not yours. You have a lot in store for yourself and in your child’s future.

  7. Avatar

    Anon

    July 25, 2017 at 8:02 pm

    My boyfriend of 1.5 years recently broke up with me because he felt he couldn’t put the effort into a relationship and wants to experience being single. We had very minimal fights and it was rare. I just felt like he was hanging out less with me. It’s strange because this was his 2nd chance since we broke up before. But he says he still loves me and I’m his best friend and hopes we can always be that way he just wants to experience being single. Any advice on what he may be thinking? What should I do as I’m still confused on how this could happen and I’m scared of there being another girl as this cause.

    1. Avatar

      Anon

      August 4, 2017 at 7:58 am

      I am currently doing the NC rule but I just started as he contacted me recently.

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 7:37 am

      That’s good.. be active in improving yourself and in posting.. check this one too:
      The Ungettable Girl

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 28, 2017 at 5:08 pm

      Hi Anon,

      Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  8. Avatar

    sarah

    July 17, 2017 at 12:53 am

    I’m not sure if he has GIGS because he tells me that “he has never loved anyone as much as me, and it will take him a long time to get over me” and since he said that I deserve someone better, it sounds like he thinks there’s a greener grass for me. But anyway, our breakup was somewhat mutual? He initiated the discussion about our relationship because we’ve been fighting for a couple of days over small problems, and said the words “I think we should break up” whereas I didn’t protest, and stated that it was for the best as well since I was unhappy. Now that I have some time to think about it, I feel like our issues are fixable if theres effort from the both of us. And so, I do want to try again.
    I don’t really know how to approach this since it is our second time breaking up. (We were together for 1.5 years, broke up for a month, got back together for 9 months, broke up again) The both times we broke up, he said the same thing… Along the lines of not wanting to fight anymore or feel stressed.
    I’m on day 4 of NC and its really tough… I just want to fix this but I don’t know what to do ..please help!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 9:05 pm

      Be active, so you can heal and improve yourself and aim to be an ungettable girl.

  9. Avatar

    Jessica

    June 30, 2017 at 2:36 am

    My ex and I have still been talking and seeing each other a few days a week and his GF still doesn’t know about it. He doesn’t message me after 5pm usually but during working hrs he blows up my phone. His GF just posted a pic of the 2 of them so it must be very serious. The other day he came to visit me and when he left he made sure to go out of his way to give me another kiss. Some days it seems like he is interested and other he is not. I’ve almost become the UG and I think he is starting to notice that. He says I’m becoming more attractive everyday. Today he called me by my nick name he used to use when I complimented him on his job. Is it time to let him go or do I keep trying?

    1. Avatar

      Jessica

      July 7, 2017 at 8:21 pm

      So my ex told me he kinda misses me and kinda misses hanging out with me. Is that his way of saying he misses me or is it just a lie?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 9, 2017 at 6:50 pm

      Why would he lie?

    3. Avatar

      Jessica

      July 2, 2017 at 8:38 pm

      I’m not really sure why stop. The other day he said he misses hanging out with him. Not really sure is this really progress? Him and his GF are closer than they’ve ever been but the honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever. I’ve continued to improve myself daily and I think he sees that now. Is it when the honeymoon phase ends that I’m supposed to make my big move?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2017 at 9:27 pm

      He’s still with the other girl..so just keep doing the being there method

    5. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 30, 2017 at 4:42 pm

      Why stop now when you’re progressing?

  10. Avatar

    C

    June 1, 2017 at 6:07 pm

    Hey, my ex and I broke up because he has GIGS. We’re both 20 and were together for over 2 years. He started dating a girl and is currently in a ldr with her (never met in person but I think they plan to within the next few months.) Our breakup was really smooth, I never begged for him back and applied 30+ days of no contact immediately (even though he said he wanted to remain best friends) because I was hoping that would bring him back to me. He contacted me in the beginning and then I deleted the app we used to message on (unfriended and unfollowed him from all social media) because I was so hurt that he had moved on within a day. I’ve done research on GIGS and to be honest a lot of it is so disheartening. People who have experienced it talk about their exes never coming back, moving on from the new girl to an even better girl or realising the grass wasnt greener after a year and by then the dumpee has moved on. I contacted my ex and things have been going well, he even wants to call to catch up and binge watch a favourite tv show of ours that we watched together during our relationship. I’m concerned that he’ll never come back to me and will only want to stay friends. Because we don’t have mutual friends and I only use one messaging app to talk to him I’m not sure if he’s still with this girl he left me for, it’s been just under 2 months since the breakup. I’m desperate to find out exactly how to get back a boyfriend who has GIGS because he always used to talk about our future together and how much he loved me and he wanted me to move in with him etc. Im at a dead end and I can’t seem to find any resources to help actually get him back, everyone just says “move on” and “work on yourself” but I’ve been moving on without moving on, and been working on myself and posting it on “my day” on messenger where he looks at it everyday to show him that my life has been great. But I need to know if there really is a way to get back a guy who has GIGS!

  11. Avatar

    Ana

    May 29, 2017 at 9:56 am

    Hey! What can be done if the no contact rule can’t be followed because of external reasons like working together or being in the same social group or same hobby group?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2017 at 4:33 pm

  12. Avatar

    Jessica

    May 12, 2017 at 8:35 pm

    So my ex BF is still with his GF after a few months of officially dating. He still talks to me everyday but seems to
    be taking longer in between responses. Our conversations seem to be on going for days and he still comes to visit me
    at least a few times a week. When we are together it seems like he is interested and still has feelings for me. He
    kisses me and gives me big long hugs. He still won’t talk to me on the phone though. Not sure why but I’m trying to
    work on it. Since he left me for her and our situation is the grass is greener syndrome. How do I get him to realize
    I’m the better catch?

    1. Avatar

      Jessica

      June 16, 2017 at 10:32 pm

      My ex and I are still in constant contact but he his still with his gf. He comes to visit me a few days a week still but it’s becoming more frequent. I am still in the process of improving myself and sometimes I fall off track but I just remind myself about the UG syndrome. I stop the conversations at the high points, I am almost in great shape, I just got a new job and love it so far. I make good money now and I almost have my own place to live. So I guess you can say I am almost the UG. My ex has been messaging me more and more throughout the nights and is still interested in knowing about my life. I did find out that his GF lives in a crappy house and isn’t the UG. The other day he made plans with me outside of business hrs as it seems like up until recently he wasn’t responding after 5pm. How do I show him that the grass isn’t greener? And is he starting to have interest in me again?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 19, 2017 at 3:55 pm

      Just keep doing what you’re doing.. It looks like youre doing good, just dont rush

    3. Avatar

      Jessica

      May 29, 2017 at 6:23 pm

      Yes, I am being distant. I wait for him to message me first and I take long to reply back. And no, he doesn’t mention anything about my status with him. I’m still working on becoming the UG and it seems to be working but I can’t seem to attract him. Only sexual

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2017 at 6:03 pm

      that means he’s aiming to be your friend with benefits.. that’s good that you’re distant..

    5. Avatar

      Jessica

      May 27, 2017 at 12:10 pm

      So I went to visit my ex’s best friend last night and he says that my ex is still hooked on me. My ex asks his best friend if he chats with me every once in a while and gets jealous if I talk to him or other guys. He still talks to me almost on a regular basis and see’s me 2-3 times a week. His gf still doesn’t know we talk or that we hang out. He did go to lunch with me one day which I’m surprised he did. How do I hook him more? and will his gf eventually find out what he is doing? I mean you can’t hide this stuff forever.

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 29, 2017 at 3:40 pm

      yeah but he did it for a long time.. are you being distant now? how much? does he mention anything about your status with him?

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 13, 2017 at 2:35 pm

      if it’s been months of like that now, it’s time to step away a bit.. it’s starting to look like you’re just there and you might have been friendzoned.. he has to think he’s going to lose you if he doesn’t choose you…be less available and start dating others

  13. Avatar

    Aszure

    April 10, 2017 at 5:22 pm

    So I went out with this guy we went out for about 4 months but we saw each other once a week. I gave and gave in the relationship and he put less effort into it. I had got into a car accident and I went through money problems and I asked him to pay for a ticket, he said yes. Then a month later we went out to dinner for his birthday and I paid for everything. Then a few days later I reminded him about a ticket and I get no response. I haven’t heard from him in 4 months. He was my first and sometimes it still hurts that he just ghosted me and he said he loved me. Even though when I look back I saw red flags in the relationship but I was toxic. Will I ever hear from him again?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 10, 2017 at 8:54 pm

      for me, you should move on from him..

  14. Avatar

    Monique

    April 6, 2017 at 5:52 am

    So, everything was going great. We were planning our next weekend when something just set him off. After 2 years together he dumped me over the phone. I was in such shock and so sad I couldn’t even fathom what was happening. He deleted everything of ours– pictures etc. I was a great girlfriend and always giving. I stood by him through depression and unemployment. My question is, why did he do this? I know he posted a picture grinding with another girl (which is so unlike him) about a month after we ended. I couldn’t believe who this person was. How he could leave me for someone he worked with. Will he realize the grass is not greener? Its been since February.

    1. Avatar

      Monique

      April 13, 2017 at 5:31 am

      Well, I wish I had known that. About a month and a half after no contact I sent a brief email to which I got what seemed like a drunken lengthy response of bullshit.

    2. Avatar

      Monique

      April 11, 2017 at 1:10 am

      What do you mean? Do you not have an answer other than don’t contact him?

    3. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 11, 2017 at 10:14 pm

      yep, you have to do nc and to improve yourself because he’s in a grass is greener case..

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 7, 2017 at 7:16 pm

      Hi Monique,

      do you want to follow the advice above to increase your chances of him seeing you as the better option?

  15. Avatar

    Katie Greenleaf

    March 27, 2017 at 4:13 pm

    So I have been NC with my LD ex bf for about 8 days now and he has reached out to me a few times. Some to ask me if I have moved on and also to ask me multiple times for his stuff back. I sent him his stuff and I havent had any other contact since then. He posted a picture on social media about how he will be back in town in 5 days for work and at the same time, deleted all the captions off the pictures he posted of us. The pictures are all still up, but the sweet notes underneath them, all gone. I have been active posting on snapchat when going out and I know he’s seen that. I’m wondering why he waited a week to delete the captions? Does he want a rise out of me? Does he want me to text him? or has he moved on to another girl? There is one that i feel like he moved on to but I have no idea why he would delete the caption and not the pictures. To me, thats just evil. What do you think his reasoning may be? and what should i do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2017 at 5:24 pm

      Hi Katie,

      when did you break up? ignore it, that’s just to see if you would react..

  16. Avatar

    Jessica

    March 25, 2017 at 4:28 pm

    We broke up in Nov and they officially started dating in March.

    1. Avatar

      Jessica

      May 7, 2017 at 6:38 pm

      My ex has still been in contact with me almost every day. When he is with his GF he even messages me while at her house.
      He surprises me a few times a week but still has his GF that he goes home too. I know that she doesn’t know that we
      talk or that he seems me and when she does find out she will flip. He even texts me when he’s drunk. When we are
      together and he gives me a hug he doesn’t want to let go. I’ve made myself a better person and have changed and he
      sees that. I’ve given him bits and pieces of the new me but I make him come back for more. When I had a family situation
      come up he went out of his way that day to make sure I got my hug and he sat there with me and talked with me about it.
      Even said he was there for me if I need to talk. Some days he is very flirty and others he is not. Is he falling for
      me again?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 10, 2017 at 10:05 am

      looks like he’s starting to.. keep doing what you’re doing..just keep in mind not to be too available and maintain having your own life

    3. Avatar

      Jessica

      April 14, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      So my ex and I have been chatting pretty much every day but he still has his new GF. He actually surprised me the other
      day and came to see me. We chatted for a bit and he gave me a few long hugs and some kisses. We both didn’t want
      to let go while hugging. His gf doesn’t know that we talk nor does she know we met. He sees that I have changed and
      somedays he is super flirty and other days he is not. Do I just keep staying in his life and move on but not really
      move on? Do I just keep being his friend and eventually his new GF will find out?

    4. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 16, 2017 at 11:12 am

      yeah eventually.. and he has to see that you’re better than the other girl.. and that he will lose you if he will not choose you because he can see through your activities that you have your own life.

    5. Avatar

      Jessica

      March 29, 2017 at 12:03 pm

      Where do I send you my email address?

    6. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 30, 2017 at 7:34 pm

      Thanks! I forwarded the email to Leia, our email assistant. I’ll for her reply. She may either contact you directly or relay the message to me to get back to you..

    7. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 29, 2017 at 3:16 pm

      You can comment it. I won’t publish it.

    8. Avatar

      Jessica

      March 28, 2017 at 7:56 pm

      I bought the book the end of Feb and did not register for the FB group chat. I wish I did. Also, I have been trying to
      build the rapport for 3 weeks now but one of the weeks he was gone away. He keeps looking to see if I messaged him.
      Does this mean I still have a chance or should I just give up now? Not sure what to do.

    9. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 29, 2017 at 11:53 am

      you can still be included if it’s the premium one. What email did you use? I can ask Jen if you are qualified, because from what I know, she will send an invite. If she has sent you before and you declined, she can send it again if you want. It’s just been three weeks, don’t rush. The average time span of the successful stories is after 4-6 months. If you squeezed in texts, calls and meet ups in three weeks, that means you’re rushing.

    10. Avatar

      Jessica

      March 28, 2017 at 8:48 am

      I’ve been doing what you said and have made my social life better and in doing so I added his best friend and we got
      talking. The best friend wanted to meet the new me so he has my ex who has a gf I could go over and he was not happy
      about the situation. The best friend mentioned that the new gf would flip out if she found out we were messaging each
      other. Do I still have a chance at getting him back if I do the “when your ex has a new gf” plan? Just be in his life
      and build the rapport? Also when I bring up the good times we’ve had he says he misses them. Does this mean he misses
      me or am I wasting my time?

    11. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2017 at 5:04 pm

      when did you purchase the pro? is it the premium one because that includes access to the fb group. how long have you been building rapport?

    12. Avatar

      Jessica

      March 27, 2017 at 1:25 pm

      I have purchased the ex recovery pro, the texting bible and have read the UG, listened to many podcasts and am still
      unsure of what I can do. I am still in the texting phase as he still have his gf and am just trying to become present
      in his life and be there for him. I know you have said he is missing me but how do I get him back? Could you please
      help me.

    13. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2017 at 2:02 pm

      Hi Jessica

      yes, he is missing yoy but she’s more of a grass is greener case because he left you for her

  17. Avatar

    Broken

    March 2, 2017 at 3:23 am

    Hello,
    My boyfriend of 2.5 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. We lived together for the majority of our relationship, in a condo that he owned. He’s now 23 and I am 25. We worked extremely well together, had a great connection, shared the same goals and dreams, we talked of marriage and kids often and planned for our future, we were always goofy and silly and laughing together. We were lovers and best friends. We are both family oriented and I got quite close to his family, we would go on trips and go camping together every summer and spend christmas and holidays together. We’ve done road trips and trips to mexico and weekend getaways just the 2 of us and with friends, always having a great time. We have a lot of mutual friends that we’ve made through each other and have an active social life together and apart. As for intimacy, we are both very loving and affectionate with a passionate sex life. As for the bad parts, we have had our share of fights, which have been about finances (hes the strict one when it comes to savings), we’ve fought about my family (he feels that my parents don’t try to be involved enough in my life, like his parents do), we’ve had petty arguments about house chores (i’m a neat freak, him not so much), and then sometimes we each get worked up about small minuscule things and turn them into something big. All in all we communicate very well, we never stay mad at each other for more than a few hours and always talk things through, there is no jealousy, no abuse or name calling and no cheating.
    This past New Years Eve, we were out drinking with friends and got into an argument over something petty and my boyfriend said some hurtful things to me. I was hurt and I wouldn’t let it go. We ended up going back and forth and ignoring each other for the majority of the night, and resolved the argument the next morning. He said that he had felt like ending things that night, because he was so frustrated but decided against it because he loves me and cares about us. For the next month everything was great, we had no arguments, we went on movie and dinner dates, made homemade pizza together and did all the things that we normally do as a couple. I had started taking 2 courses for school and working full time so I was a little bit more unavailable than usual. During this month my boyfriend seemed much more needy than usual, calling me more often at work, being much more affectionate, constantly telling me how special I am and how amazing I am etc. The night he broke up with me, we had a conversation about buying our future house together, he seemed very stressed about it. He also brought up past relationships, how its so hard to find a good girl like me, and what it was like when he was single and always looking for someone. He seemed a little anxious while talking, and brought up other random things about work stress and saving money. After this I could tell something was really wrong. He started crying and told me that he felt like something was missing and he didn’t know what it was, and that he needed space. I was blindsided, completely shocked and trying to fight it. We both cried through the night, I asked him if it was anything I did wrong and he said no, I’m the sweetest girl hes ever met and all I’ve done is love and care for him. The next day after he thought more, he told me he felt like I thought I was “settling” for him and that I might be unhappy in the future (I have never given him reason to think this), then he switched and said that he didnt want to do something that he would regret later in life when we had kids, then he switched again and said that he was unhappy with himself and needs time to “figure himself out” without me. He cried his eyes out the whole time, I’ve never seen him so distraught. The next few days we still talked a bit, he told me this might not be forever and he still wants me to have hope, but that I shouldn’t put my life on hold and still move on. We saw each other one more time a few days later and we kissed, cuddled and talked. He said we should cut off contact for a month, but that I should know that I’m always in the back of his mind and that hes not going to forget about me. We havent spoken for 2 weeks now and I’m dying inside. So utterly confused. I love this man to death and I want him back. I also have reason to believe that my he has been talking to other women since a week after we broke up, one in particular that he met at a party 2 weeks ago with his single friends. He’s been trying to meet up with this girl and go for a hike (I know this from social media).
    Any advice or reasoning? I am so lost and broken 🙁

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 2, 2017 at 11:37 pm

      Hi Broken,

      Do you want to try the no contact rule and the advice above?

  18. Avatar

    Jo

    February 23, 2017 at 2:41 pm

    Hi – I have been on here before because over the summer my boyfriend broke up with me because we were fighting and after the NC rule he came back after a month and things were amazing for 6 months (We have been together 3 years). Recently, we spent a wonderful weekend together, he was very affectionate and loving and then something flipped and he brought up a girl from the past that he had been talking to while we were broken up. He stated “There is something missing in our relationship and I don’t know what it is, but she has it.” “I will never love someone the same way I love you (not even her), but whatever is missing is going to pull us apart” It was VERY out-of-the-blue and I am still in shock. The previous times he’s had these “cold feet” feelings he has always come back and proven himself to be a great boyfriend for a period of time, but then all of a sudden it switches again. I am currently in the NC period, but based on passed behaviors I am guessing he will text me or call me asking to take me back. I have never felt a connection with someone this strong and I really care about him and I know he cares about me, but I don’t think I can continue this cycle of hurting and making up again. Advice on if this is just a phase, and if he does text back, what should I say/do? We are also pretty young (early 20’s) so we have been dating throughout college.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 23, 2017 at 9:22 pm

      Hi Jo,

      did you tell him what you felt?

  19. Avatar

    Tess Alexandra

    February 22, 2017 at 10:17 am

    Hi Chris, were you yourself the one searching for an upgrade? I.e. are you the ‘acquaintance’ mentioned in the story?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 22, 2017 at 11:29 pm

      Hi Tess,

      I’ll forward this to Chris.

  20. Avatar

    angeli

    February 14, 2017 at 3:44 pm

    hi i made a comment but idk if went through sorry if i repeat. lets say when i dated my ex, he maybe rated me like 5-7 at the end of the relationship. we broke up 2-3 years ago but remained good friends. he now has a girlfriend and it’s very new so the honeymoon phase is still going on. lets say he rates her maybe 8 or something or even 9-10 as of now. when the honeymoon phase ends, and she’s down to an 8 or lower, can i show my ex that i am a 10 while being friends?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 5:00 pm

      Hi Angeli,

      that’s ok.. of course you can set the bar higher.. Your posts are you way of showing your improvements indirectly..

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