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The Complete Guide For Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back
How To Make Him Miss You After A Breakup
The Ungettable Girl
The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)
The Male Mind During The No Contact Rule
The Male Mind AFTER The No Contact Rule
What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Really Means
Here’s Exactly What He’s Thinking During The No Contact Rule
What To Do If Your Ex Boyfriend Blocks You
Signs My Ex Wants Me Back
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Sarah
February 18, 2014 at 11:00 pm
Hi Chris. So you and I have been emailing a few times. The first time was four months ago and with your help I did get my boyfriend back for several months. (This website is so helpful and a lifesaver!)
Then my boyfriend and I broke up. I blame the super bowl and alcohol. You and I have already takes about this. I took your advice and tried contacting him. I didn’t get a response so I let it go and have been going to the gym to workout my feelings.
Then I get this message from him on Gmail Chat. Just so you know I deactivated my Facebook, I didn’t block him.
“Just so you know I don’t really care that you blocked me on facebook, just don’t unblock me because I will surely just block you again forever. We are not friends anymore Sarah, and as much as your still trying to hold on to that, you should just let go. And this is the last time you will hear from me. Goodbye”
Where do I go from here? I know I shouldn’t respond, that won’t make anything better. Should I start NC again?
admin
February 19, 2014 at 7:18 pm
Ya start it again. Sorry this happened to you. He isn’t being classy about the situation.
marsha
February 11, 2014 at 3:39 am
Dear chris, please write about men’s self defense in deeper explanation. Because i think it’s related, i think it is the reason why he still ignore after the NC, the reason why some man started fight after the break up, the reason why he said bad things about ex, etc.
The reason i like about your article is that your writings make sense. Love is not logical but you make it sound logical with psychology approch.
thank you Chris
admin
February 11, 2014 at 6:12 pm
Actually, I am kind of going to write something about that for this week.
Erin
February 10, 2014 at 5:07 pm
What is your next move if you text him and get no response?
admin
February 10, 2014 at 7:00 pm
Wait a few days and try again with a more compelling message.
Erin
February 10, 2014 at 7:37 pm
I want to meet with him. How can we do that if he won’t answer texts that are even a little personal? He’ll answer texts about a funny pic of him in my phone, or about his dog, but if I ask him about how his weekend went, nothing!
Sarah ann
February 3, 2014 at 2:33 pm
After nc should my first text be short or very detailed on different pages it says different?
admin
February 3, 2014 at 6:24 pm
It should be detailed without being too long.
chelsea
January 29, 2014 at 3:44 am
My ex and I have been broken up for a few months obj bad terms With him saying never contact me again and he is dating someone. I been in no contact and finally texted him for his birthday saying “happy birthday, best of wishes I hope it’s a good one. I want to be friends but it’s not my choice. hope to hear from you for my birthday”. He texted me for the first time since the break up saying “happy early birthday” I was OK with it. However now he texted Me saying “want anything for a birthday present?”….I haven’t replied I feel like this is a trick. Any response suggestions?
cycy
January 23, 2014 at 10:06 pm
OK. I implemented the NC before reading your site (i’m kind of proud of myself right now lol). But my question IS: why if he is also doing the NC?
Abi Jaiy
February 2, 2014 at 8:28 am
Thats what I asked myself. My ex ignored my message therefore hes doing the NC on me aswell as Im doing the NC on him *smh*
Alissa
January 11, 2014 at 3:45 pm
Hi Chris, I’m still in NC but I successfully ignored (yay!) a pic-text from my ex boyfriend of my car yesterday (he saw it while driving).I’m not sure what to say if he calls me out on ignoring his message. I thought you might have said something on it but I couldn’t find it after looking for about an hour. What should I say if he calls me out on the nc? Thanks
Liz
January 10, 2014 at 8:10 am
Hello again. So I have completed NC successfully. Actually it’s been a little more than 30 days. I had decided to not try to win him back and I was finally feeling like I am doing great when suddenly he text me. First it was a simple “hey” but after 2 hours of me not responding he text back saying he wants to give me back my tv and DVDs and that he doesn’t want me to think he’s holding my stuff hostage. He also said that the tv is too heavy for him to lift and he can’t move it on his own. I’m at a loss as to what to say back. I had been planning on waiting another week to contact him and tell him my friends (guy friends) were going to pick up my tv for me but he completely caught me off guard by contacting me about it first. What do I do now when I feel like I’m in limbo between kind of wanting him back but not wanting to hold onto any hope and pretty much already in the mindset of moving on? Should I just send my friends for my stuff and that way avoid facing him? Do I make him wait a few days before I even respond?
admin
January 11, 2014 at 1:51 am
No I think you can respond. Don’t make your friends get your stuff.
Liz
January 15, 2014 at 9:17 pm
Okay I responded to him. He said he just wanted to see me face to face to return my stuff and wish me the best in life so that if we ever run into each other we don’t feel angry, sad or awkward and that he’d “always care about me”. I agreed to meet but that it had to be in a location I picked and on a day I wanted to. He said he would rather meet somewhere close to my house so that I wouldn’t have to drive anywhere. He also said that he’d bring my DVDs and maybe try to bring my TV but “we could figure that out later when we talk”. I find it curious that he’s not bringing the TV and wanting to discuss it once we talk. I said I was ok with the plan but only for now. I still feel I lost control of the situation. How do I fix it? I don’t know what the next move is because he seems to want to talk.
Liz
January 11, 2014 at 5:28 am
So you suggest that I go retrieve my things myself? I feel like that kind of makes me look weak. Especially since our breakup was bad in how he couldn’t face me and it was a big fight and he sent his roommate out with my belongings and when I was in a car crash he refused to help me. Even in this situation, I shouldn’t send my friends? Sorry, I’m just slightly panicking. Still haven’t responded to him at all.
angel
January 2, 2014 at 6:05 pm
hey chris i really need your help im very congused hy my ex boyfriends behaviou…we were talking on and off since two months after he said he needed space but he didnt officially broke up with me. he called me on new years eve which was totally unexpected and he talked like ecverything was fine betweene nd him meaning fine as in we are still in a relationship and he said i will mssg you tomorrow..but its been two days since and i havent heard from him i dont know if i should initiate contact but i dont want to come off as desperate person wanting to get back with him asap..but i do want to atleast talk to him and find out what is going around in his mind.. please help chris! 🙁 :/
admin
January 2, 2014 at 6:48 pm
Have you atempted a NC yet?
angel
January 2, 2014 at 7:10 pm
no i havent since we have been talking on and off
angel
January 2, 2014 at 7:55 pm
i just dont know what should i do now that he has given me hope for everything to work out and he has disappeared on me again 🙁
Abi Jaiy
February 2, 2014 at 8:30 am
What Chris was trying to say (Use your brain) is do the NC rule.
Youre not in a good state
jw
December 29, 2013 at 5:28 am
hey chris, i have been reading your articles for around a month now.. and finally bought your book a few days ago.
my questions (at the bottom of this comment) are pretty straight forward but here is a brief background:
the guy i was talking to told me he couldnt “be my boyfriend right now”. i didnt know what he was thinking but from my experience in the past, i knew 2 things.. 1. that he would miss me, and 2. if i chased after him at this point now, he will run far far away.
with that said i did a 15 day of nc. for 4 days, he continually liked my statuses and the things his friends posted on my wall after he dumped me.. the 15 day of nc broke when he texted me and asked how i was.. then a few days later i asked him to hangout and he said yes but never got back to me.
that was when found your website.. and started the 30 day of nc w a plan. he texted me a funny video of common interest 2 weeks into nc.. i ignored him.. 2 days ago i bought your book because my nc actually ended today and i wanted more guidance.
my questions:
i texted him today w the first text after nc. i said “oh my god guess what i just thought of” he replied “??” and 3 minutes later: “???”
one hour later, i tell him a memory. and he response was something short and very neutral. but as i was taking my time to respond he adds another comment 15 after the neutral response. then another one 5 minutes later.
question 1: although the initial response was neutral, can i consider this as a positive response since he went back a few times to the conversation?
question 2: would you say my chances of getting him back are pretty good so far, judging by how he reached out for a few days right after he dumped me, and was fairly engaged in our first interaction after 30 days of NC?
admin
December 29, 2013 at 7:06 pm
1. I think so yes haha.
2. I would say they are not bad. Good job.
wondering
December 19, 2013 at 12:43 am
Hey, thanks for posting all of this stuff. Definitely helpful!
My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Have been doing NC since then. We were together for almost two years. It was the best relationship either of us had ever been in, and I thought for sure we would be heading down the aisle soon. We had talked about getting engaged this fall, but at the end of September, he expressed doubts about moving to the same place (we have been long distance, but see each other a few times a month) and also about me and marriage. After taking a few days apart, he came back saying that he wanted to be with me 100%, have us move to the same place, and he could see us being married soon. Then in mid-November, his doubts re-surfaced. I broke up with him, saying I couldn’t handle his doubts, and I deserved to be with someone who wanted to be with me 100%. He drove to see me and talk a few days later, but we left it at an impasse. He said he thinks I’m the perfect girl, but he still feels unsure in his heart.
Since then, we have been in NC. He hasn’t tried to contact me, but I have heard from a mutual friend that he has been debating about it and is missing me a lot. I recently heard from our friend again that he is thinking about calling me, but is unsure about the whole situation and is planning on talking to family and friends over Christmas to seek advice. If he does call, it probably won’t be until January.
As the month has gone on, I’ve realized just how much he means to me and how special what we had was. I had always felt like he is the one, and I still feel that way, but I’ve come to realize that he still has a lot of growing up to do.
I guess my question is…should I reach out at all, or should I just wait to see if he will make a move?
admin
December 19, 2013 at 7:16 pm
Set a date… if he doesn’t reach out by then, then you can reach out.
wondering
December 22, 2013 at 6:43 am
You mean in January or before then?
admin
December 22, 2013 at 7:48 pm
yup
Nicole
December 3, 2013 at 7:37 am
Last night I called my ex, we talked for about an hour & a half. He was sleep when I called, but he still was willing to talk. I ended up yelling at him & saying harsh things. When he came back to the phone, he asked me if we could still be friends. I was shocked & I proceeded to yell at him. He got upset & I ended up hanging up. Today I got my braces off, so I sent a group message with a picture of me without braces. I included him in the message & he even replied. I posted the same picture on Instagram & he liked it. Then he surprisingly called me today, but I missed his call. I haven’t replied to his text or call. I actually think it’s better that I don’t. I’m starting to realize that he’s not the last guy on earth.
I only think he replied to my text, liked my picture, & called me today because of what I told him last night. I told him I’m not going to be his friend if he’s going to ignore me, but talk to my mom like everything is ok with us. So maybe he actually understood something I said.
I don’t really understand guys. So do you think his random call has any significance? Why does he want to be friends, but not make the first contact?
We agreed to be friends & I’m actually happy about that. He has a lot of maturing to do & I do too! I’m also going to be focused on school for the next few years, so I won’t be able to devote ample time to a relationship. I’m also moving 30 minutes away from him & I don’t really have any reason to visit that city. I’m really uptight about my gas in my car & I don’t want to use most of my gas going to visit him. My point is I’m going places in life right now & he’s still trying to find himself.
Right now I’m focusing on just living for me. If we’re meant to be together then that’s fine. If we’re not that’s fine too.
admin
December 3, 2013 at 7:59 pm
My favorite part of your comment was this “right now I’m focusing on just living for me.”
THAT is the smartest thing you could possibly do right now haha.
Nicole
December 4, 2013 at 5:02 am
I completely agree……..but I think about him entirely too much. I asked God to remove him from my thoughts, if we’re not meant to be. (Maybe God thinks we’re meant to be just not right now.) I don’t know what God has planned for me, but I do know that I will get through this. This is our second time breaking up. Last time we were apart for 2 months. I’m not going to say we’ll never be together again, but right now he needs to know that I’m not going to deal with his games.
I know there are many reasons why guys keep their exes as friends. The last time we broke up, he wanted to be friends. I just left his friendship there & didn’t talk to him for a month. When I came back & tried to be his friend, he started coming onto me. Then the next day he made it seem like he didn’t want to be with me. Then he came over that same night & we got back together. I don’t want us to get back together like that ever again. If we get back together, I’d like us to sit down & talk about how we’ve changed. From there we could slowly start a new relationship. I think that was a big problem too, we didn’t really leave our old relationship in the past.
Now I’m not ruling out a reconciliation, but he needs to grow up. I hate the fact that we keep breaking up & getting back together. But I believe that we can work if we both spend time apart & grow mentally. I think by him saying that he wants to focus on school right now & not be in a relationship is similar to what I’m saying. He wants to find himself & I want to prove to myself that I can live without (again) for awhile. The only thing that scares me is that some days I’m going to be crying, not eating, socializing, or even living my life to the fullest. I’d rather not discuss my thoughts with anyone else other than my mom or on this blog. I don’t like to keep things bottled up inside, but I don’t want to constantly put myself through hell talking about it either.
Can you tell me how I can keep the focus on myself? I already know working out helps, but I need more than that. I need to know what to do when I’m at school, work, or home & he runs across my mind as I’m doing something. I think about him when I’m doing something too. So I need to find a way to delete him out of my thoughts.
Thanks for all your help!
admin
December 5, 2013 at 1:05 am
Getting him out of your thoughts is going to be tough. Thatll just have to happen with time I think.
I love working out to get away from things. But if I was you I would pick up a new hobby. Maybe painting or poetry or something like that where you can experess yourself but also have it act as a therapy.
Nicole
December 4, 2013 at 5:33 am
I also wanted to know if you think I should do no contact for maybe 60-90 days? Do you think the ‘Warning Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back’ article would be helpful to my personal situation. Right now I just need to know what I can do to not think about him as much. I just want to spend some time apart from him.
Is it possible that he said he only wants to be friends with me because he’s hurt or upset that I broke up with him? Do guys lose some self esteem when their girlfriend breaks up with them? I noticed in the ‘Warning Signs That Your Ex Wants You Back’ article that you said anger doesn’t mean that they don’t want you back. He didn’t really yell at me on the phone, but when I brought up our relationship in examples he got mad. When I asked him several questions about why he did/didn’t do something, he got mad again. I feel like I can’t win.
So can you please tell me if his actions mean that he possibly does want to get back together, but he’s just so upset/hurt by me breaking up with him. He also didn’t rule out a reconciliation. He just told me “As of right now, I don’t want to get back together with you.”
I don’t even know why I care so much, but this is my first love. I can honestly say that I love him & I’m still slightly in love with him too. (Yes, I know there’s a difference between the two.) He is so forgiving too! I can yell at him about anything. (Not saying that I do it on purpose.) He always seems to forgive me within a short time too. I mean I just yelled at him on the phone Sunday night & he was asking me if we we’re still friends. Yesterday I texted him in a group message & he acted like nothing had changed. I still would like to know why he called me too. I know you said I should focus on myself, but I’m dying to know his reason.
I don’t think he butt dialed me, because when I talked to him Sunday night, I called him on my mom’s house phone. I also don’t think someone else called me. His phone has a lock on it & he won’t even let me know his password. Can you tell me why he called me? I don’t plan on calling him back, I just want to know why he called me. He didn’t leave a voicemail, so maybe it wasn’t important.
My birthday is on the 16th & part of why I wanted to get back with him was because he was taking me somewhere special for my birthday. (I know that’s a horrible reason, but it was only part of why I wanted to get back with him. The main reason is because I love him & he’s my best friend!) But I will definitely see what happens on my birthday. Until then I will try to focus on me & everything will pan out from there.
admin
December 5, 2013 at 1:08 am
60 days is a long time so I think that would be ideal and achievable.
Nicole
December 2, 2013 at 7:16 am
I just finished talking to my ex who I broke up with last Monday. I ended the conversation by yelling at him. I’m just so fed up with how he doesn’t show that he has any feelings for me. He told me that he doesn’t want to get back together at this time. I’m trying to accept that, but it’s just so hard. I’m in between moving on & trying to get back with him. Every time he upsets me, I think I should move on. Then when I calm down, I want him back. I just don’t know what to do. What would you recommend me to do?
Maria
December 1, 2013 at 9:42 pm
Hi Chris,
I might have made a trouble talking to my ex:
After NC, we were talking in a simple and friendly way. He’s even helping me with some paper works. He knew I am dating again (rebound). However, one day I posted a photo of the new date cooking for me. And earlier that day, my ex messaged me, I replied the next day telling him I replied late because “I didn’t spend the night at home”. But I didn’t spend the night with the new date but at a girlfriend’s place. Before that, I hinted once I was going to new guy’s hometown, but it was purely a trip with other friends. Then he hasn’t replied me for 5 days. Usually we reply at least every other day. Even worse, he only wrote a simple sentence, ignored the questions I asked about the paper work.
If it’s a girl, she’d suggest I spent the night with the new guy and visited his hometown with him. However, I don’t know how male mind interpret such info.
Given he’s NOT very sensitive, but based on his reaction, do you think he may have interpreted my msgs wrong and become angry? If so, shall I do nothing, let the accidental jealous flow or do something to make it up?
Thanks a lot!
Maria
Maria
December 2, 2013 at 8:15 pm
shall I do something to make it up (hint him I haven’t moved on)? or leave it there (maybe jealousy works)
admin
December 3, 2013 at 7:23 pm
For now just leave it there.
admin
December 2, 2013 at 6:43 pm
He may have interpreted the messages wrong…
Sandy
November 27, 2013 at 7:21 pm
My ex-boyfriend and I broke up two months ago. We spoke often of marriage and had been together a year long distance. We maintained respect even as we broke-up. Our break-up was more or less mutual although he pulled the final trigger. I know it would not be wise for us to get back together as the same issues still exist, so I am trying to heal my heart by keeping busy with other things. We mutually continued talking for a month after the break-up once or twice a week and then he said he wanted no contact. He said he felt it was a slippery slope and we should both move on seperately. He was very clear he did not want me to phone, text, etc. and wanted a clean break. I did not contact him as requested, but I never got a chance to wish him well. I wrote him after a month of no contact and told him I enjoyed our time together, think he’s a great guy, and wished him good things even if things didn’t work out for us being together. I asked if when he is ready we could be in contact occassionally to see how one another is doing or provide a happy birthday wish. That is my hope for us in the future. No reply from him after a couple weeks. I’m wondering in a few more weeks if I can send a Christmas card or I should just not contact him at all. Thoughts? I have no ill feelings toward him and I don’t think he does not toward me either. I just want to occassionally be in touch and be kind to each other. Do you think I should not contact him at all unless he reaches out? It hurts to think he never would. I don’t want to irritate him. This has been the hard aspect for getting over this break-up for me. I think it is likely in his head he thinks he is doing the right thing for not just himself but for me by maintaining no contact, so we can both move on. Somehow it fels like its making it harder for me not knowing if we will ever be in touch on any level. Maybe its just too soon, but when is it too late to re-establish a cordial level of contact?
admin
November 28, 2013 at 5:11 am
Is your name really Sandy?
Have you done NC yet?
Sandy
November 30, 2013 at 7:11 am
Thanks for the reply! The site is really helpful and written with a nice dose of humor. Sandy is a nickname. Grease movie fan. I did nc for a month, sent I’m open to contact message, then back to nc for about three more weeks now. I just want to be positive and friendly with one another moving forward. Too soon?How do I contact him again so he knows I understand we are done and transition to friends?
admin
November 30, 2013 at 7:09 pm
I like Grease too!
(sad for a guy to admit but I think that movie is hilarious.)
You may need to find better text messages?
Sandy
November 30, 2013 at 9:06 pm
Yes, that movie is just cheesy fun.
Thanks for the idea! An outside perspective helps. I’ll try keeping it short and friendly. No relationship talk. I seriously think he’s nervous if he talks to me we will end up rekindling something because its happened before. I just need to keep moving forward with my life and if he comes around someday that’ll be nice.
admin
December 1, 2013 at 6:15 pm
Good luck! Keep me updated.
Sandy
December 2, 2013 at 4:21 am
So I’m having a bit of a I miss him meltdown. The big reason we broke up (in my view is) that he never fought for me and our relationship. His words just don’t match his actions! He would say how much he loved me and wanted to be with me, but he seemed to have a lot of excuses why we couldn’t spend more time together/a visit (we were in a LDR). Yet he’d call and text me everyday multiple times a day. We’d grow closer for awhile and then when it would be time to take the next step forward (like my moving closer) he’d pull away. Then he’d chase after me again and tell me he wants to marry me. Mixed signals. I read your information about trust and had an epiphany (thank you!!). I think he thought I was being controlling. Okay, in a way I was by asking him to see me more since we were in a LDR, but that’s sort of reasonable to want at the same time especially when you love and miss each other. Anyhow, what do you make of this behavior from a guy’s perspective? Since he broke up I haven’t heard from him at all. Am I being foolish if I text him and try to reconnect? Brute honesty appreciated.
Maria
December 3, 2013 at 12:39 am
Oh, Sandy, guess we’ve met the same type of guy. I can totally understand how you feel. All my support for you!
Sandy
December 4, 2013 at 4:37 am
Maria – Thank you for the kind words of support! It really brightened my day and I wish you all my support right back. I’m very sorry anyone else has been on the same rollercoaster with their guy. It is comforting to not be alone in dealing with a sad heart and I’m thus thankful for this site! It is insightful, supportive, and elicits smiles.
Sandy
December 11, 2013 at 2:33 am
Chris, I just wanted to thank you for the good advise on your site. You say to keep moving on with your life and stay busy. The minute I started doing just that I met a nice guy and ironically my ex before my most recent ex contacted me too and wants to get together. Morale of the story is if my recent ex decides to talk to me again at some point great, but I have to keep enjoying my life whatever happens. Your advise is good. It’s nice to be smiling again!
admin
December 12, 2013 at 1:37 am
It’s nice to be able to give someone the ability to smile again so the feeling is mutual.
Sandy
December 6, 2013 at 3:16 pm
Sent my first text since the break-up. Had a reason arise to evoke a little memory, be friendly, no relationship, no emotion included. Result was no response. In my view, for him this was better than a nasty reply, but still not a step forward. I was hoping by now he would have softened a bit out of his stubborn nc, but not very surprised he has not. I’m sad, but I seem to be handling it better than even I anticipated. The thing is I feel like I’m empowered by being the bigger person here. I will try again in a couple weeks. I honestly don’t understand why we can’t work toward creating some basic level of friendship and positivity. To me the fact, that someone who clearly cares about you can just flip a switch and pretend you don’t exist says to me they aren’t the right person for you, especially in a generally respectful break-up case like we had. It also shows me he doesn’t want to work together or make the changes we both need to make to be successful if we were to get back together. Given that, I still see no reason why we can’t exchange a how are you doing note occassionally. Just because our roles have changed doesn’t mean we have to stop wanting the best for each other. Help! How do I let him know its okay to talk to me just as friends? Do I just keep my next text friendly? How do I help him feel comfortable?
admin
December 2, 2013 at 7:04 pm
No I think you should try before you give up completely you know?
Sandy
December 2, 2013 at 8:30 pm
Thanks for the input. I think I’ll feel better if I know that I at least tried. I’ll let you know if I get a response or need to evoke a Grease sing-along recovery session (kind of like the pint of ice cream method, but less calories).
admin
December 3, 2013 at 7:24 pm
Hahahaha best comment ever!
Carmen
November 20, 2013 at 7:53 pm
Is made an impulsive desicion of leaving my boyfriend whom I had moved into a mere month ago due to my own impulsive nature and cause I wanted everything to be they way I expected it, no flexibility whatsoever. I now see that and have learned the hard way. I left him and later repented but he was so hurt by it that he didn’t want to forgive me and give another go to our relationship. Almost a month and a half have passed… I’ve grown so much from this experience and your site has definitely played a huge role in me not messing the relationship anymore, but instead working in a smart way in order to get him back. He recently told me he should’ve never changed our FB relationship status but I didn’t want to elaborate on that out fear. But just yesterday he sent me another text sending me a screenshot of a pic of mine saying that he still has all my pictures in his desktop and that I keep him company while he works (he’s a doctor)… I do t want to jump to conclusions or get all excited and mis construct this actions for later to be nothing.
What do u feel about this? We have spoken 2 times already (he called me, not me to him. After brief text messages, he surprising lulu called to speak, but honestly the same thing he told me, he could’ve told me trough text as well). So I don’t want to make any conclusions here, and I definitely want to handle this the right way so I don’t mess up and I can definitely guide this in such a way that he is the one behind the idea of us getting back together. I see an opening here due to his latest behavior… But sadly it can be also that he just miss me and not necessarily that he wants to go back with me. I’m soooo confused!
Can you give a ‘lil advice here pls? What’s your opinion of all this? Thank youuuuuu!!!!
admin
November 21, 2013 at 6:10 pm
How long have you been in NC? Have you tried talking to him yet?
Carmen
November 22, 2013 at 2:51 am
Yes, after NC we spoke twice (he called me after exchanging brief messages that he prefieres to talk instead if texting).
2 days ago he sent me a text saying that he still have all my pics in his laptop desktop and that I keep him company while he works… I didn’t know what to reply so I just sent him a blushing face , but I didn’t reply. With words. So I don’t know how to behave from now on…
Does his latest text means he wants to get back or what? I’m so confused!
admin
November 22, 2013 at 7:35 pm
May I ask how you felt when you heard that?
I wouldn’t say it means he wants to get back yet but he still has feelings deifnitely.
anomous
November 15, 2013 at 7:00 am
My ex b oyfriend and I we hvent spoken to each other for 2months I dnt know if its bcause his guilty or she had sthing to do with it
admin
November 15, 2013 at 7:28 pm
Well maybe you should try texting him?
sarah
November 14, 2013 at 5:31 am
Chris,
4 weeks today and 30 days ago on friday my bf of four years broke up with me. we have been in NC the entire time since. we met in college, he was a year younger, and dated for a year and half in college, another year and a half with me in the same college city as him working, and then last year long distance with me in law school and him 4 hours away, and then we were dating this year with me in grad school and him 3 hours away at a different grad school. we are extremely compatible and share many interests and a general chemistry, and had discussed our life together back in our college town (where i recently was able to line up my job for when i graduate in a year and a half). We have been struggling some with losing our connection due to the distance and a stressful summer with lots of moving, but I thought it was a rough patch we were coming out of. He just started his own first year of grad school this past fall and has been super stressed and trying to make friends and not doing as well in school as he hoped. we were on a B&B vacation and at the end of it he was supposed to come back to my grad school town with me when he said he just needed to go back to his own place and do work and I got very upset because he hasn’t visited me yet this year and it turned into a big fight that turned into us breaking up. He told me his main priority needed to be getting a good GPA, he felt like he was never meeting my expectations, and he didn’t think he was in love with me anymore. He said we needed to break up because he didn’t want me to have an expectation of getting back together, like I might with just a break, and he said he would mail me my things. He ended the convo though saying I am his best friend and he thinks we could be friends down the road and we could later talk to plan meeting up over xmas break but now needed to go NC. I have gone NC for 30 days now and I want to initiate some contact but not overwhelm him and really just have a friendly convo and let him know I am here and supportive and then hopefully we will meet up over Xmas and I can tell him more of my reflection on my role in the relationship and break-up and improvements then. I have figured out a few opportunities where I could be in the same place as him for part of his remaining grad school time and still have my job lined up in the city we want to end up in, and I feel like I really need to share this with him. I mailed him a painting I did from one of our fav movies today which will get there friday (we used to give each other gifts and he loves my paintings) and then on Friday I was going to text him “hey hope things are going well. I understand your reasons for breaking up and would like to share my reflections with you in person sometime later, such as Xmas break. I fully understand how stressful this time is in grad school and don’t want to ever add to that stress in any way. I sent you a drawing you’d like though, so you should check your mailbox :)”
admin
November 14, 2013 at 7:33 pm
See if you can shorten it and make it less emotional.
sarah
November 15, 2013 at 10:50 pm
i sent the text this 4 hours ago this afternoon, when i knew he had gotten out of class for the weekend. i made it less emotional and added in another line about if he was excited for our fav band to play at our fav concert venue (show upcoming in a month), to try and leave things on a very ‘lets talk about the things we normally do’ note. it was still sort of long, but we send long texts usually. no response. my gut is telling me he is not going to respond. he is capable of being very disciplined and compartmentalizing his feelings. The next four years of distance without any indication of us living in the same city was a big problem for him and I think even if he wanted to respond he would stop himself because he would be like why jump back into this… I feel like I really need to tell him about the opportunities I have to be in the same city as him for substantial chunks of time during his remaining grad school time. If he doesn’t respond, how long do I wait before sending another text and how long until I can mention the opportunities for me to be in the same place as him? Thanks for your time and advice!
admin
November 16, 2013 at 9:15 pm
Usually you wait a wee before you send a text if he doesn’t respond.
sarah
November 18, 2013 at 6:13 am
he replied yesterday: “Wow that was such a nice text. I think it’s probably best if we don’t talk though. There are things that I have to work out and I just don’t feel the same about us as a couple. While I do truly wish to be friends, I think it’s too soon to contact each other because I need more time to get over the breakup and heal. I hope you’re doing okay though and good luck with exams” …any further advice beyond move on? give him a few more weeks of space and then try to reach out again in a friendly way? Thanks for your time and advice!
admin
November 18, 2013 at 6:52 pm
I think go back into NC for a while he doesn’t want to talk right now.
Em
November 13, 2013 at 9:44 pm
Hi Chris, just wanted to start by reiterating the general feeling here – this is a great blog and I must say it’s been keeping me sane for the last week or so! Wondered if you could give me a bit of advice…my boyfriend broke up with me just over a week ago and it was pretty messy. Said he didn’t love me in the right way any more blah blah but couldn’t give me a proper reason. In truth I think he got scared and pulled away. On the first day I went to drop something at his and bumped into him by sheer dumb luck (genuinely wasn’t meant to!), but we had a quick chat and held hands and it was calm but nothing resolved. He said he needed time but we would talk at some point. Next day I broke and sent a really long message, nothing angry just a bit sad and lost..he replied saying he would reply when he could and I guess I got a bit shocked when he didn’t reply that day. Then I found your blog and went into no contact. Since then I’ve been educating myself in every way I can, about how to deal with this and also figuring out what went wrong. Dealt with some personal issues by speaking to a counsellor and I know a huge part of our breakup was because I turned into a clingy fool, and I know I have self image issues which I’m now working to resolve. If not for our future then for my own! Anyway, I’m feeling pretty at peace already. Quite resolved in myself and been writing lots of stuff down. Couple of days ago he got in contact to say he’s sorry he hasn’t replied sooner but he hasn’t known how to put stuff into words, but he will reply and for now he’s sorry and feels awful and hopes I’m ok etc. So it would seem he’s finally facing it a bit. Thing is, my perfect scenario of course would be that we get back together and have a new and better relationship than ever before, which I fully believe we are both capable of. But I’m just a bit confused as to what to do at this point. Partly because I’m not even sure I want to know the reasons any more as I already feel I’ve got a pretty good handle on them. It all adds up pretty neatly. What’s the best way to go about this? Carry on with NC or just send a civil text as I’d rather he call me if he wants to talk. Like I say I’m already pretty Zen. And things can get too easily misconstrued by text in my experience. I also don’t want him to think I’m being childish by not replying. He’s a pretty decent guy and I don’t think he wanted to hurt me like he did, I just think he’s a bit lost at the moment. This settling down stuff is new to both of us. Really don’t want to get this wrong though. Sorry for long message. Thanks for your help.x
admin
November 14, 2013 at 6:44 pm
Right now carry on with NC for a little bit and then maybe send that civil text.
Sarah W
November 13, 2013 at 9:11 pm
Hmm I am not sure you ll comment since Its been a while ago. I have read a few blogs of yours and I find them great. I want to keep it short, I was in a long term relationship with my ex, we met online and in real life. We were together for 1 year and 3 months before he broke it off, due to doubts he had.
Anyway what I am still confused about is, when do you know you have tapped into his emotions and hes ready for the next step?
Thanks a lot and I appreciate your help and this website 🙂
Best regards
Sarah W
admin
November 14, 2013 at 6:33 pm
Its impossible to know for sure b/c HE only knows that but if he talks to you a lot, initiates conversations, has long responses in text messages. All of those are factors.