When you are in a serious relationship with a boyfriend, it can sometimes feel like you are giving a part of your soul over to them. You are trusting that person to be careful with it, to ensure that it is protected at all times. When the person decides it is best to break up, you will probably be left with an empty feeling and thoughts of will I ever get over my ex boyfriend.

Let me give you my expert, quick answer to your query of how you move on from losing your ex boyfriend!

Moving on and getting over your ex boyfriend has little to do with forgetting him, but rather it largely revolves around discovering yourself in ways you never realized could be found.

Later, I am going to show you 10 Ways to Put Your Ex Boyfriend Out of Your Mind.  Out of mind, out of sight, right!

But I know its not that easy. I can’t tell you how many women I have heard from.  They describe how horrible they feel about their breakup. They say things like:

“I feel so horrible I haven’t eaten in three days.”

“I can’t even focus or think without it hurting.”

“My life is over..”

There Are Lots of Situations That Result in You Needing To Move On

Your ex boyfriend may have left you hanging on to an emotional thread, leaving you to ask:

  • How do I get over my cheating ex boyfriend?
  • What if we are both teenagers and don’t know how to get over this pain?
  • Is there a way for me to get clear of and away from an abusive boyfriend?
  • I am ready to get over my stupid ex boyfriend but he just won’t let me forget the good times we had.
  • What do you do when you can’t get over your long term ex bf?
  • Will I learn to forget my ex boyfriend who dumped me? It just doesn’t seem fair because I have to see him everyday and its tearing me up inside.
  • How soon should you move on after a breakup?  Should I be looking for closure?

Later, I will provide you with some insights into each one of these recovery questions and more.

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When Can You Be Sure It’s Time to Get Over Your Attachment To Your Ex?

There is no doubt in my mind that nothing (and I mean nothing) affects you as emotionally as a breakup. Ex Boyfriend Recovery is fast becoming known as one of the most insightful websites online teaching women how to get their ex boyfriends back. However, sometimes there are certain situations that are impossible to fix such as:

  • An ex bf who dumps you over and over again.
  • You should move forward after a breakup when your boyfriend has cheated on you multiple times.
  • Forget about your ex if he says no to commitment but yes to sex.
  • Its time to get over him when he repeatedly tells you he doesn’t love you.
  • You should move on when your ex boyfriend tells you he is wants to see other girls.
  • Hang it up and find another guy if your ex ridicules you in public (the zero tolerance breakup rule).
  • If you have dumped your ex boyfriend twice, its likely the third break up is on the horizon.  So don’t repeat the same mistake.
  • Say no to your ex boyfriend’s verbal and emotional abuse by walking away and not looking back.

In all these situations, it’s important you learn more about what you need to do to move forward.

I realize a part of you may hold out hope your man will change his ways. But I think it is important to remember that if your guy is doing any of the things listed above, the relationship is in big trouble.  So no matter how broken up you may be feeling right now, just know there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I am going to help you find that light so you can land on your feet.

I plan on being your guide to it ;).

Are You Really Over Him?

This whole process starts with you being honest with yourself.  Ask yourself if you are over him.

I am betting you are not. It’s OK if you are not. That’s normal.  The girls I worry about are those who think they are just fine and are fully recovered.

Virtually everyone who visits this website isn’t over their ex yet. With this page I am going to show you the things you need to do to set aside the past history with your ex boyfriend and embrace a better future.

HOWEVER,

I also do want to point out that once you start the steps that I outline on this page there is no going back.

I like to look at it like this.

If you are ready to move on from this painful phase of your life, then this Guide will pretty much do the trick for you. Of course, if there is still a doubt, a hungering that maybe you and your ex boyfriend have some unfinished business, then feel free to read on because if you are wrong, then you will want to know what you will need to do to personally recover.

Now, on the other hand, if you do need some help in resurrecting the relationship with your ex bf,  then you will want to check out my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. It is a fabulous  step by step Guide.

Two Main Ways of Moving On

When I was brainstorming this page, I had a lot of ideas.

Some of them were good, some of them had problems and a lot of them will probably make you cringe.

In the end, I decided that the best way to set this page up was to divide it up into two separate categories.

Why would I do this?

Well, moving on from an ex boyfriend can sometimes be very complex. Every situation is unique and will require different actions. With that being said, the two categories I am about to cover with you should cover about 90% of the breakup situations.

(Disclaimer: If there happens to be a strange situation that you can’t move on from just leave a comment and you and I can work together on it 🙂 .)

I bet you are dying to hear about the two categories!

Category 1: How To Move On From Your Ex Boyfriend (Without Looking Back)

Category 2: How To Move On From Your Ex Boyfriend (While Still Being Friends)

Each of the two categories will require a somewhat different “plan of action”.  One approach is intended to put physical and emotional distance from your ex boyfriend on a more permanent basis.  This is what works for most girls in the long run, but getting there is undeniably more difficult to pull of, but is necessary for you to be completely over him.

The second category is more situational, allowing you to maintain a relationship, provided that the two of you are mature enough and have the right constitution to pull this off.  Not everyone is cut out to end things, yet still be friends.  These two things don’t always mix well after an ugly break.

5 Critical Ways To Move On From Your Ex Boyfriend (Without Looking Back)

crazy girl getting over ex

What does this mean?

Getting over the pain without looking back?

Well, in this section we are going to be discussing exactly what you can do to move on with your life leaving no sign of your ex boyfriend.  Well, technically, some memories will linger, but you know what I mean!

Your breakup may have been long in coming.  Things may have gotten toxic with your ex boyfriend and if you waited any longer, more emotional damage would have accumulated, lengthening your recovery period.

In Category 1, you may have so hurt by him that you are ready to erase him from your mind or the breakup circumstance is such that you feel no need to be friends with him ever again.

I will say that I have found most women opt for category 2, being friends with your ex. I understand and respect that decision. However, there is something about women who opt for Category 1 that I think is amazing. Maybe it is because I run a site where I get questions all day long about how to get an ex boyfriend back. It is true that I probably see women at their most emotional peak where some have no control over what they are doing or thinking, they are simply acting on impulse.

And I am totally use to that.

But when I see a woman take control and basically say:

“I don’t need him anymore.  I am through with this toxic man and am ready to forget he ever existed”.

I literally sit there in awe.

In fact, it is women like this who typically get their exes to come back begging for them.

If you plan on cutting your ex out of your life forever follow the steps laid out in this section. Bear in mind though, once you step down this path you are accepting that you don’t want him back ever and he doesn’t even deserve to be in your life anymore.

1. Think In Terms of a Year Long of No Contact

year long no contact

This section is going to be controversial and when I say controversial I mean REALLY controversial. But that is ok, I kind of want it like that. I do want to say that just because I say something on here doesn’t mean you have to do it. In the end, the final decision is always yours.

What I propose is if you want to clear your ex boyfriend from your mind and really get over him and move forward after the breakup, then you need to fully commit and not look back. 

You know what the no contact rule is right? Well, if you have read any of my articles then you should because I talk about it a lot. Essentially the no contact rule is something I recommend doing if you want an ex boyfriend back. I put a 30 day limit to it. That means that after 30 days are up, you are allowed to contact your ex.

Now, this begs an interesting question.

Is there any place for a no contact rule when it comes to getting over your ex?

You bet your butt there is.

In fact, I would say that if you want to get over your ex boyfriend then no contact is essential. OK, now that you know that no contact is going to be a cornerstone of your plan to properly getting over an ex boyfriend, the question becomes:

How long do you stay in long term NC?

I thought about this a lot. At first I thought “well six months should be enough.” But then I got to thinking about my own personal relationships and found that I wasn’t truly over them until about a year after they were completed. So, based on my own experience of when I was truly passed the pain of a soured relationship, I am going to recommend that you consider a year long no contact period.

That means for the next year, starting today, you are going to enter into a not contact period with your ex. It really is important that you cut him out of your life this way if you want to get over him forever.

Why a year though?

Truthfully, I wanted to tell you to never contact him again. However, experience has taught me that in certain cases it is never good to burn any bridges. Now, while I will concede that cutting someone out of your life for an entire year may seem like burning a bridge and maybe technically it is “burning a bridge”, the idea is you are saving yourself.

OK!  OK!

If you can’t handle a whole year, then think of doing it for at least 6 months.  And if it it makes you feel better, (it might not), you can make your ex aware that this is what you are doing and its for YOU and your recovery.  If he can’t understand or support this, then well, that is the problem right there, isn’t it?  That is why you want to wash him out of your mind.

Oh, I can’t wait to see the comments for this! Controversy, YAY!

2. Be Prepared To Execute The Ex Boyfriend Cleanse Out Of Your Life

ex bf cleanse

So what kind of things remind you of your ex boyfriend that you should wash out of your life?

  • Pictures in your phone
  • Gifts
  • Clothes
  • Blocking of social media accounts
  • Their favorite foods
  • Get rid of their cologne
  • Favorite music

It’s amazing how all this “stuff” seems to pile up when you are in a relationship with someone. While this “stuff” may seem innocent the truth is that anything and I mean ANYTHING that reminds you of your ex boyfriend needs to go. So, if he has your stuff make sure you call him to get it back and likewise, if you have his stuff make sure you give it back.

(IMPORTANT: You ARE allowed to break the Year Long NC Rule in this case to give your ex their things back (or to get yours) but this is the only case where you are allowed to break NC in this instance.)

I like to call this the Ex Boyfriend Cleanse. Think of it like a cleansing ritual where you are letting him go once and for all. By getting rid of all the things that have accumulated over your time together you are essentially telling yourself that you are ready to move on with your life and you don’t need him anymore and this is completely ok. There is nothing wrong with feeling like that.

Oh, just in case you need some more reminders of things to get rid of, I have listed some more ESSENTIAL things that has to happen during the ex boyfriend cleanse.

  • Trash all of your physical pictures with your ex boyfriend (all of them.)
  • Delete ALL of your couple photos on Facebook (or any other popular social media sites) showing you and your ex (once again, all of them.)
  • Any letters that your ex may have written to you make sure you burn/throw away.
  • Obviously, you should return your exes things as well (don’t throw them away.) As I stated above you are allowed to break the Year Long NC for this.

3. Prepare Yourself  For the Fork In The Road

fork in road

Choice..

Up or down? Left or right?

Breakups are defined by choices. For example, someone can be unhappy in a relationship and face two choices. That person can either stay and try to work on things or choose to break up with their partner. I think you will find I have a very interesting perspective on breakups in general. You see, my perspective is completely different from yours for one specific reason.

I am not down in the trenches like you are. Since you are reading this website you are probably feeling the emotional fallout from your most recent breakup. Here is the thing though, I am not feeling any emotional fallout from your breakup. I am more like an overseer. That gives me an interesting perspective on breakups and allows me to see things that you wouldn’t think of.

Make The Right Choice To Move On

Take for example the “fork in the road” theory.

Through Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have interacted with thousands of women. Through these interactions I get to experience thousands of different relationships and breakups. One thing that I have learned occurs with a breakup is that the person (in the trenches) experiences a fork in the road and doesn’t even realize it.

Even if you embark on your journey to heal yourself and put your ex boyfriend in the rear view mirror, eventually thoughts of him will slip up on you in the side view mirror.

That fork in the road will spawn another fork in the road and so on and so forth. Ultimately, a domino effect of thousands of different choices or “forks in the road” will occur. How YOU choose to go about every fork in the road will define where you end up romantically in the future.

Since you are reading these words I know you are interested in getting over your ex boyfriend. You have already made a choice on your first major fork in the road and didn’t even realize it. You were faced with two choices after your breakup with your ex boyfriend:

  1. Do I try to get him back?
  2. Do I move on and try to get over him?

You obviously chose to move on and get over him. Now that you are on that path you are about to be faced with another fork in the road. Luckily, I caught you before you made your final decision on this next fork. You are going to be faced with two choices very soon and what you choose to do is going to be essential in your recovery process from your ex. The fork in the road that you are facing right now at this very moment is:

  1. Do I try to get over him by doing unhealthy things (that will only make me feel better in the moment?)
  2. Do I try to get over him by doing healthy things (that will make me feel better in the long run?)

Now, I gave you the correct answer to the fork in the road above if you want to get over your ex in the long term. However, me telling you what to do and you actually doing it are two entirely different things.

4. Get Over Your Ex Bf in the Healthy Way

get over your ex boyfriend

I promise you one thing, this isn’t going to be easy. There are going to be times where you will be tempted to contact your ex during your year long no contact. In fact, I have had a lot of women contact me and tell me that going through something as short as a 30 day no contact period is like going through withdrawal (and they are only doing it for 30 days, you have to do it for a year.)

In this section we are going to be focusing more on what YOU need to do during the year long no contact period to properly get over your ex boyfriend. But first, I thought it might be interesting to show you some of the behaviors to avoid.

Unhealthy Ways To Get Over An Ex Boyfriend

The following behaviors are some of the big “No-No’s” that I see women fall into after a breakup. Now, I am going to be giving you a list to go by below, but I will also expand on them after that:

  • Overeating.
  • Drinking too much.
  • Going on the rebound.

Overeating

You let yourself go…. He broke your heart and you broke your pants button.

(Sorry if that offended anyone but I just have always wanted to say that before haha.)

Usually I tell women not to let themselves go, because most men don’t like having a girlfriend who doesn’t care. However, your situation is different since you have accepted that all you want to do here is to move on from your ex. I am telling you not to let yourself go in this case for your own emotional health. You are at another fork in the road (yes, I pulled out the analogy again.) You can let the breakup beat you OR you can beat it.

Drinking Too Much

Do you like Star Wars?

No? 🙁

It’s ok, most women I know don’t.

Well, in star wars there is a famous line that the little green Jedi Yoda says:

Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.

In this case I am going to kind of steal from Master Yoda for a little bit:

Breakups lead to DRINKING. Drinking leads to being drunk. Being drunk leads to drunk dialing

I have literally heard hundreds of stories about drunk dialing. Some of them really hurt your chances to get an ex back and some didn’t. However, we aren’t talking about that here. Instead, we are looking at how drunk dialing can affect your progress in getting over your ex and rebuilding your self esteem.  Not worth dragging yourself down that path.

Going On The Rebound

What? You thought only guys did this? No, women do this too.

While there are always exceptions to every rule, I have found that women, when it comes to getting over someone, require more time than men. I asked my friend’s girlfriend how long she thinks it takes a girl to get over a long relationship and date again. She told me that to get over it and be ready to date again, it would take the amount of time that relationship lasted.

So, her estimation is that if a relationship lasted 6 months it would take 6 months to get over it. I am not sure I agree with this formula. Lets take a couple who dated for 8 years. You are telling me that for the next 8 years after that relationship ended the girl wouldn’t date anyone? She wouldn’t be ready? EIGHT YEARS REALLY?

For the next hour, she and I debated about  the definition of a rebound relationship. Our conclusions were different but I will tell you mine:

Rebound Relationship- A relationship starting at least 2 months after a breakup and lasting for only a few weeks or months.

“Ok, that’s great Chris but how does this help us understand why you shouldn’t have a rebound relationship?”

Man, you guys are picky.. Geesh..

A rebound relationship will impede your progress in truly getting over your ex. It will do little for you and probably some set you back. In fact, it often ADDS TO THE PROBLEMS you are having emotionally.

There is a certain addictive quality in being close to someone. Take that away, like a drug addict, you can go into withdrawal.  So be careful where your impulses might take you.

Besides, you don’t want to use somebody to make yourself feel better. It’s bad karma.

5. Confront The Truths About Moving Past The Memories of Your Ex Boyfriend

Moving-rock-sorcery

In this section I am going to give you a game plan that you can follow to get over your ex in a healthy way. You already know what not to do, so avoiding those behaviors will help you a lot. But it’s really not enough, you need more.

There is one truth that I have personally experienced when it comes to getting over someone who you were in a relationship with. The greatest medicine is time!

No matter how many things you do to get over him, you won’t truly get over him until you reach deep into your soul and to do that successfully, you need the benefit of time.

Each person is different. Some people can get over someone in a matter of months, others can sometimes take years. I wish I had a chart that I could give you to tell you exactly how long it will take to get over your ex but I don’t. It is an impossible thing to measure.

Now, while I do admit that nothing can help you get over an ex more than time, there are things that you can do that can speed up the process. That is what I am going to be covering below. Here are the things I recommend doing to speed up the ex recovery process:

  • Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself.
  • Get Fitness.
  • Get Social.
  • F.E.A.R

Stop Feeling Sorry For Yourself

I am going to be mean for a minute here but it has to be done.

If you are trying to get over your ex boyfriend and are committed to doing so then I want you to stop whining. I don’t want to hear how he wronged you or how you wronged him. There is only one time where I think it is OK to feel sorry for yourself and that is literally the day after the breakup or when you made a decision to drop your ex boyfriend out of your life.

Here is what I want you to do. It will be therapeutic.  Just cry it out.  Scream it out.  Let the tears flow.  Get it out.  It all won’t leave you, but some of it will and you will feel so much better for shedding some of your sadness.  Don’t hold it in.  It has to come out.

After that I don’t want to hear your complaints.

As you know, I deal with a lot of women on a daily basis. Some guys may look at that as a dream.

“I mean, hundreds of women trying to ask for YOUR help.”

If I am being completely honest, it was kind of cool at first.  But it can get frustrating!

I mean, I just wish you ladies would listen to me! I tell you to do (thing A) to move on, by golly, give it a try!

Once your exorcise some of that pain holding up inside you, the other things you will need to do will come easier.

Getting Fit Physically Helps you with Your Emotional Fitness!

The above “tactic” (stop feeling sorry for yourself) was really kind of a mean pep talk. This tactic is actually a real tactic. Remember the fork in the road? Well, one fork in the road that women are faced with all the time is the “fitness” fork in the road.

“Do I let myself go?”

or

“Do I take action and get in the best shape of my life?”

I want  you to repeat this motto three times every single day.  This is sorta a phase you will naturally go through, so throw it into your workouts. Now, a word of caution.  You can’t recover for good if you live with anger.  Eventually, you will need to part with these kinds of thoughts. But if you need a little pep talk for your first few workouts, try this a few times to get your juices flowing.

  • I will make ex boyfriend regret the breakup.
  • I will make him realize that he really screwed up.
  • I will make my ex bf obsess about having me again, but he won’t.

Look at this fitness section as a way that you can improve physically. To become the hottest version of yourself.

Now, I just thought of an interesting point.

Why am I telling you to think of making him regret the breakup when I want you move on from him?

Simple, sometimes in order to get in a better place physically you have to use your breakup as fuel. I will elaborate. Being more active when it comes to fitness is not always easy. There are going to be days where you just want to curl up in a ball on your bed and just tell everyone and everything to leave you alone.

Use your breakup as motivation to better yourself. Use it as a way to become a better person. My goal for you is that down the road in a couple of years you look back on your relationship with this person and say “Because of him and what he did to me, I became a better person. That was the best relationship I ever had.”

Get Social

If you haven’t already noticed from my silly Yoda reference above I am a bit of a nerd. One of my favorite series of movies to watch is the dark knight trilogy (Batman, hey some kids never grow up 😉 .) In the third installment of the series, The Dark Knight Rises, Bruce Wayne is a recluse at the beginning of the movie. Now, if I was consulting him on how to get over an ex, I would have slapped him upside the head.

It is a common problem, women becoming recluses after breakups.

DO NOT DO THIS!

What happens when you are alone? Well, you get lonely. When you get lonely what happens? Well, you call up your ex “feeling sorry for yourself.”

First off, you aren’t supposed to have any contact with your ex for a year so already you messed up and there is no way you can get over him if your mind is constantly on him. It is time to put that period of your life behind you. Now is the time for you to get social!

I want you to go out with your friends. I want you to make new friends. I want you to do things that are OUTSIDE your comfort zone. Lets talk a little about that now.

Doing things outside your comfort zone is the scariest thing in the world to some people and I don’t understand why. I like to compare it to riding a scary roller coaster. You stand in line, really nervous, watching people go on this roller coaster. The closer you get the more your heart beats. The second you get in the roller coaster you begin to doubt yourself and then BAM!

In the blink of an eye the ride is over, your getting out of the car and you and your best friend look at each other and say “LETS DO THAT AGAIN!!!”

It all has to do with the fear of uncertainty. That fear of not knowing what will happen to you in the future or how you will feel about it. That is why people resist going outside their comfort zone. However, experience has taught me something that I think you will find interesting.

The most complete people I have ever met were the ones who figured out how to push that uncertainty out of the way and step outside their comfort zone. They gained a lot of interesting experiences and became more complete human beings. I want that for you!

Which Kind of F.E.A.R. Will Your Embrace?

I alluded to it above when I talked about the fear of uncertainty. Fear lives in all of us. Even I have ridiculous fears that are still with me. Interested in hearing about a few?

I get nervous any time I talk to a really pretty girl. Yup, as talkative and conversational as I am there are times where I can be in front of a girl and freeze up because I have a fear of what this girl is thinking about me. Heck, I have even been too scared to talk to a girl who I have had a crush on. Now, most guys probably wouldn’t admit that to you but I want you to realize that everyone in this world is carrying fears around with them.

After a breakup you are going to face another fork in the road ;). This one has to do with Fear. You are going to have to choose between two paths.

Face Everything And Run

or

Face Everything And Rise

People who choose to run away from their fears tend to exhibit the unhealthy ways of getting over a breakup that I talked about before. They will drown their sorrows with alcohol, meaningless sex, countless rebound relationships and let themselves go in the process.

People who choose to face their fears are the ones who can get over an ex in a healthy and timely way. So, lets lay all of our cards on the table here. What you are really afraid of is that you are going to end up alone right? Maybe you are afraid that no one you date really loves you? They just wants to use you for sex? Perhaps it is the fact that you have low self esteem?

Whatever your fears are I want you to face them. I want you to look fear in the eye and give him the finger (fear is definitely a guy by the way.) This is a time to get strong by facing those fears AND DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT. You see, it isn’t enough to just face your fears. You need to take positive action AFTER you face it.

Examples:

  • If you are afraid you are going to end up alone I want you to take a massive action and go out and date more people when you are ready. Don’t let your breakup with your ex affect you to the point where you actually believe this non sense of “No one loves me.”
  • If you are afraid that guys just want to use you for sex, then maybe you need to sit back and rethink your selection of men. There are some good ones out there, you just need to choose them.
  • If you have low self esteem, then I want you to work on becoming more confident. Look confident, act confident, feel confident. Fake it if you have to.  That really works by the way.

3 Critical Steps To Take in Order To Move On From Your Ex Boyfriend (While Still Being Friends)

why can't we be friends

Well that last section was long wasn’t it?

I promise you that this one will be shorter. So, all of the information from this point on will be aimed at giving you a strategy to getting over your ex while still remaining friends with him.

I really included this section because I know there are a lot of moms out there that can’t just cut their ex out of their lives forever (because of their children.) In addition to that there will always be women who want to remain friends with their ex because it is the right thing to do.

Hey, no judging here, I am just doing my best to help.

1. Recognize That You Walk A Fine Line

You are about to walk a very fine line.

On the one hand you want to be friends with your ex. On the other hand as long as you are friends with him the door is always there for a reunion. This simple fact complicates things and makes it harder to truly move on from a boyfriend.

So, the real riddle we are trying to solve here is:

How can you successfully move on from an ex boyfriend when the friendship door is always open for a possible reconnection?

Well, being successful is pinching yourself and making sure you understand that this is not going to be easy.  Be prepared to take the other path if this approach is causing you pain.

2. Define The New Relationship

dtr

The trick to answering the question I posed above is to set specific boundaries when it comes to you and your ex boyfriend.

By now you should already realize that being friends with your ex can complicate things when it comes to moving on from him. The trick to avoiding complicating things is to define your new relationship with him.

Here is a list of things that you need to avoid if you want to properly define your new relationship with him.

  • NO SEX
  • No kissing OF ANY KIND
  • No (extended) long hugs
  • Do not tell him you love him.
  • Do not tell him you miss him.
  • Don’t go on double dates with your ex boyfriend

When you do talk to him in person or over text message, I want you to make it clear to him that you are friends and nothing more. Seriously, say “We are friends and that is all we will ever be.”

Make sure he is aware of how your new relationship is defined.

3. Is There A Place For No Contact?

dont talk to me

Another intriguing question!

There is a lot going on here and a lot of factors to consider. For one, you have already made a conscious choice to attempt to get over your ex. At the same time you want to be friends with your ex and an extended no contact rule could potentially harm your chances of making that happen. Also, what if there are kids involved?

How does no contact factor in then?

Ok, lets take this really slowly because this is kind of important.

Right now, your number one priority isn’t “what is he thinking?” It is to heal from the breakup. Essentially in this case it is ok to be a little selfish and not think of your exes feelings. After all, this isn’t even about his well being it’s about yours.

I am going to recommend that you enter into a no contact period for 60-90 days. That means I don’t want you to talk to your ex in any way shape or form.  You can tell him what you are doing and he may still get mad. Heck, he probably will, but you know what? Who cares? I don’t and you shouldn’t either.  What kind of friend might he be if he can’t support your self recovery efforts.

It’s probably his own fault that he pushed you to this. Besides, now is the time to focus on YOU getting to a better place in your life and you can’t do that by constantly worrying about him.

If you have kids with your ex, your no contact situation is a little different. Obviously you can’t just disappear off the map for 3 months. So, here is what I want you to do. I want you to enter into a limited contact period.

What is limited contact?

Well, that is pretty simple. It is similar to no contact except with a few difference. On occasion you will be allowed to break out of the no contact period is if you, your ex,  or your child has an emergency that you have to absolutely talk to your ex about or if there are pressing financial issues or other matters that pertain to your joint responsibilities.

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6 Frequently Asked Questions Regarding How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend

1. How soon should I move on after my breakup with my ex boyfriend?

In most cases, your decision to permanently move on should not be made until some passage of time.  Breakups happen very frequently in relationships and the causes are many.  Give yourself and your ex time to process what has happened before making any firm decisions on how you want to proceed.  Perhaps the relationship still has potential.  Maybe it is doomed.  But arriving a decision soon after a breakup is impulsive and potentially damaging.

2. How do you forget about an ex boyfriend who says he still loves me?

Perhaps you don’t want to forget, quite yet.  As discussed above, you need to make sure you no longer love your ex or that you feel certain that the relationship is not what you want for your life, before you decide to put it permanently behind you.  Once you make that decision to move past the pain and hurt that accumulated in the relationship, know that the road is long and arduous.  It’s going to require a full commitment from you emotionally and physically.

3. How do I forget an ex that has moved on?  He gave up on me and I am not sure if I will ever stop loving him.

You man not feel at this moment that you won’t be able to get over this painful chapter in your life, but you will.  There are multiple things you can do to help yourself with the pain in the short term and several things you can do over the long run that will help you bounce back from the feelings of rejection you are experiencing now.  Remember, ex recovery isn’t necessarily about getting your old boyfriend to love your again or love you more.  The process I teach helps you with learning how to heal yourself and that will take a commitment you make to yourself.

4. I was dumped unceremoniously by my ex and feel utterly embarrassed.  All I want is to forget.  How do I put those memories out of my mind?

I advise my clients that when they are filled to the brink with pain and bad memories of an awful breakup episode, they should go some place private and just physically and emotionally let it all hang out.  Whether that means you punch a bag for 30 minutes, while hollering and screaming, or just let loose with the longest sobbing episode of your life, the key is you have to exorcise these demons. One way or another, this lump of pain in your body has to get out.  You won’t be completely healed, but you will feel better.  Then you will find that all the next steps you need to take to get past your suffering and actually heal, will be more easily attainable.

5. I just found out my ex boyfriend thinks he is gay.  How does a girl get over something like that?

My advice is turn it all around.  I know it confusing and painful in ways that are hard to process, but if your ex has been struggling with his sexual identity, then turn it around by being supportive and understanding.  Your empathy to him will be serve to help you with your own healing.

6. How do you get over a long term ex boyfriend breaking your heart?

Rejection is always hard for anyone to experience and when it happens with a partner you have been with for a long time, it can be even more devastating.  First, don’t give up until you know there are no realistic avenues to pursue.  People who have been together a long time have put down a lot of roots and that counts for something.  That is something you can work with.  So make use of the best tactics I teach to ensure you have made every effort to make the relationship work.  But if your ex boyfriend is determined to end things despite all your best efforts, know that no one should rely on any one person to be happy.  Sure, the process of getting over what feels like abandonment will take some time, but everyone has the ability to do that because it is in our genes to adapt and survive.

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1,525 thoughts on “How To Get Over Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. Thembi

    October 18, 2013 at 8:31 am

    Im so glad I finally read this. Its been about 2months now since the breakup.. and I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, and now Im on Ex recovery process mission about I’d say #wish me luck {Keep up the good work}

    1. admin

      admin

      October 18, 2013 at 7:04 pm

      Good luck!

  2. Thembi

    March 30, 2018 at 7:37 am

    Im so glad I finally read this. Its been about 2months now since the breakup.. and I’ve been feeling sorry for myself, and now Im on Ex recovery process mission about I’d say #wish me luck {Keep up the good work}

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 8:30 am

      Good luck!

  3. Missy K

    October 15, 2013 at 11:09 am

    Your website has much valuable advise, I have found this website to be a helpful tool for for moving on or getting an ex back, very informative and impressive.
    I think if anyone wants to dig in further, I recommend readying the actual e-book on “ex boyfriend recovery pro”.
    Thanks for your valuable time Chris.

    1. admin

      admin

      October 16, 2013 at 2:05 am

      Here Here!

  4. Missy K

    March 30, 2018 at 7:37 am

    Your website has much valuable advise, I have found this website to be a helpful tool for for moving on or getting an ex back, very informative and impressive.
    I think if anyone wants to dig in further, I recommend readying the actual e-book on “ex boyfriend recovery pro”.
    Thanks for your valuable time Chris.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 8:30 am

      Here Here!

  5. Olivia

    October 11, 2013 at 4:56 pm

    Hi Chris, I’ve been following you page for over a month now, it has been so helpful I can’t thank you enough. I managed to follow the no contact rule for nearly three weeks till last Friday when my mum sadly passed away with no indication of ill health. I was with my ex for nearly seven years from a young age (15) and I depended on him for a lot of things but now more than ever I need his help and support but he is too scared that I will get attached and he believes I want him there as a boyfriend and he is only prepared to be my friend. I saw him two days after she had died and he was being really awkward and I knew he had no idea what to do but he’s now ignoring me and not letting me see him which I am finding 10x worse. I have friends that want to support me but I just keep finding myself needing him, I don’t know if I should just try and let him go completely or try no contact again after her funeral? I know I shouldn’t be concentrating on him right now but I can help it.

    1. admin

      admin

      October 13, 2013 at 8:01 pm

      Wow, over a month! Thanks 🙂

      Hmmm… this one is tricky but I am in the try NC after the funeral camp.

    2. Noelle

      November 29, 2013 at 6:39 am

      Olivia I’m going though the same thing as you it’s honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced,you feel so lost and the pain is so deep it’s like grieving for 2 people instead of one and the pain is almost unbearable. in my case I’m grieving for 3 people because I lost 2 family members together and now my boyfriend who I thought would always be there for me.

    3. Noelle

      November 29, 2013 at 6:40 am

      So sorry for the passing of your mother x

    4. admin

      admin

      November 30, 2013 at 4:21 am

      ? What happened now?

  6. Olivia

    March 30, 2018 at 7:37 am

    Hi Chris, I’ve been following you page for over a month now, it has been so helpful I can’t thank you enough. I managed to follow the no contact rule for nearly three weeks till last Friday when my mum sadly passed away with no indication of ill health. I was with my ex for nearly seven years from a young age (15) and I depended on him for a lot of things but now more than ever I need his help and support but he is too scared that I will get attached and he believes I want him there as a boyfriend and he is only prepared to be my friend. I saw him two days after she had died and he was being really awkward and I knew he had no idea what to do but he’s now ignoring me and not letting me see him which I am finding 10x worse. I have friends that want to support me but I just keep finding myself needing him, I don’t know if I should just try and let him go completely or try no contact again after her funeral? I know I shouldn’t be concentrating on him right now but I can help it.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 8:30 am

      Wow, over a month! Thanks 🙂

      Hmmm… this one is tricky but I am in the try NC after the funeral camp.

    2. Noelle

      March 30, 2018 at 10:58 am

      Olivia I’m going though the same thing as you it’s honestly the hardest thing I’ve ever experienced,you feel so lost and the pain is so deep it’s like grieving for 2 people instead of one and the pain is almost unbearable. in my case I’m grieving for 3 people because I lost 2 family members together and now my boyfriend who I thought would always be there for me.

    3. Noelle

      March 30, 2018 at 1:09 pm

      So sorry for the passing of your mother x

    4. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 2:02 pm

      ? What happened now?

  7. Joyce

    October 3, 2013 at 8:10 pm

    First off, I love all of your posts!

    Second, I’m not sure if this is the right spot to make this post, but I am trying to get over my ex, or understand what the heck he is doing.

    Here is the short version (well kind of) of what happened between me and my ex. We have broken up and gotten back together multiple times through a 3plus year span. I did the NC for about a month earlier this summer (at least tried too) but he would showed up to my home unexpectedly. After the month had passed, I went to him and wanted to work on things. That lasted a few weeks until he got upset with me and completely ended things. I was too stubborn and upset to work on things so I tried to move on. I had no contact for about 6weeks until we both ended up at a wedding together. Obviously you can assume how the evening ended up and devastated me the next day after I found out he still wanted nothing to do with me… BUT I obviously didn’t want to accept that and a few days after, I met with him to talk. We came to an agreement to work on things and hang out without others influencing our decisions. Which only lasted a couple of weeks because he said he wanted to continue to “hang out” with other women, but still be with me intimately. I couldn’t stand the thought of being around his roommate at night one night and knowing that he potentially was bringing other girls home (he claimed he wasn’t, but yet he still wanted to?) – Needless to say, I have too much respect for myself and told him I couldn’t do it.

    His response was, “Sorry we couldn’t come to an agreement” ….

    Honestly that comment made me feel like we were making a business transaction. So needless to say, it has been about a month now with NC, but he is now officially dating a girl that looks just like me!

    I am completely torn to pieces, because I wanted things to work out soo bad, but he continued to tell me that he wasn’t going to date me or anyone else for at least 6months. BUT here he is in a FB relationship with my doppelganger a month later!?!?

    Is it a lost cause?

    1. admin

      admin

      October 4, 2013 at 1:19 am

      The girl that looks like you. Do you think he is replacing you?

      I don’t think it is a lost cause but I think the more important thing is what is better for you in the long run? I mean, sometimes the best way to get an ex back is just to move on from them.

    2. Joyce

      October 14, 2013 at 10:09 pm

      Honestly, I have no idea what he is doing. He might just like a certain type of girl… but I don’t know.

      But moving on is trying to forget about him, how would that help me get him back?

    3. admin

      admin

      October 15, 2013 at 2:39 am

      Well, he liked you at one point so maybe you are the certain type of girl.

      Sometimes moving on just helps b/c getting an ex back can take months and years at times.

  8. Joyce

    March 30, 2018 at 7:37 am

    First off, I love all of your posts!

    Second, I’m not sure if this is the right spot to make this post, but I am trying to get over my ex, or understand what the heck he is doing.

    Here is the short version (well kind of) of what happened between me and my ex. We have broken up and gotten back together multiple times through a 3plus year span. I did the NC for about a month earlier this summer (at least tried too) but he would showed up to my home unexpectedly. After the month had passed, I went to him and wanted to work on things. That lasted a few weeks until he got upset with me and completely ended things. I was too stubborn and upset to work on things so I tried to move on. I had no contact for about 6weeks until we both ended up at a wedding together. Obviously you can assume how the evening ended up and devastated me the next day after I found out he still wanted nothing to do with me… BUT I obviously didn’t want to accept that and a few days after, I met with him to talk. We came to an agreement to work on things and hang out without others influencing our decisions. Which only lasted a couple of weeks because he said he wanted to continue to “hang out” with other women, but still be with me intimately. I couldn’t stand the thought of being around his roommate at night one night and knowing that he potentially was bringing other girls home (he claimed he wasn’t, but yet he still wanted to?) – Needless to say, I have too much respect for myself and told him I couldn’t do it.

    His response was, “Sorry we couldn’t come to an agreement” ….

    Honestly that comment made me feel like we were making a business transaction. So needless to say, it has been about a month now with NC, but he is now officially dating a girl that looks just like me!

    I am completely torn to pieces, because I wanted things to work out soo bad, but he continued to tell me that he wasn’t going to date me or anyone else for at least 6months. BUT here he is in a FB relationship with my doppelganger a month later!?!?

    Is it a lost cause?

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 8:30 am

      The girl that looks like you. Do you think he is replacing you?

      I don’t think it is a lost cause but I think the more important thing is what is better for you in the long run? I mean, sometimes the best way to get an ex back is just to move on from them.

    2. Joyce

      March 30, 2018 at 12:32 pm

      Honestly, I have no idea what he is doing. He might just like a certain type of girl… but I don’t know.

      But moving on is trying to forget about him, how would that help me get him back?

    3. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 2:49 pm

      Well, he liked you at one point so maybe you are the certain type of girl.

      Sometimes moving on just helps b/c getting an ex back can take months and years at times.

  9. Sarah

    September 26, 2013 at 2:21 am

    I’m at that stage in the post break up trauma where I know that I can never be in a relationship with my ex again. I got too much respect of myself and know I can do better, but I still want to remain friends with him….I care for him, still love him… although I am debating whether I try to be just friends or striving for ungettable girl status. It’s hard deciding which path to choose !
    We aren’t talking, it’s almost been 30 days of my second no contact attempt. The first attempt I messed it up, I contacted him first. I was pissed at him, I had to put some ppl in their places haha.
    I think I’m ready to give this 90 days…. It’s crazy I can feel the tension between us, even though it’s been about 3 weeks since we talked, but we did not end on good terms. He got very emotional with me. I’m patiently waiting for his stupid rebound relationship to end so I can reason with him, he’s acting different because she is there. I want closure…maybe. Do I give it a year? Lol that seems like a long time.

    So basically I’m having issues knowing how long to wait to contact my ex, or to even contact him at all.

    1. admin

      admin

      September 27, 2013 at 3:24 am

      Haha well lets take one step at a time. Maybe after 90 days you put out some feelers.

    2. Sarah

      September 27, 2013 at 4:50 am

      I mean the guy talked to me a week later after our break up and we were on great terms. Then I found out he cheated and now he doesn’t wanna everrr talk. HAH. What does that mean? lol.

      Ok my 30 day mark is up on Oct 4….so I’m gonna see how I feel then but I have a strong feeling I’m gonna extend another 30 days just because I don’t feel right about contacting him yet he’s messed up.

    3. admin

      admin

      September 28, 2013 at 2:40 am

      It means most likely he is afraid you will “end” him haha.

      Let me know what you decide 🙂

    4. Sarah

      September 29, 2013 at 2:33 pm

      it doesnt make sense in my head though. why is it after I find out he’s with an ugly b*tch he now is not talking to me and acting legit insane when I did try to talk to him?!? That just makes me wanna end HIM lol….

    5. admin

      admin

      October 1, 2013 at 1:40 am

      END HIM!

      haha jk jk.

      Maybe he feels a little entitled now that he has a new girlfriend. I don’t know. I wish I had more time to like hear the situation in-depth. I mean specific behaviors.

    6. Sarah

      October 1, 2013 at 12:04 pm

      I kinda do need to just end him!!! haha. my guy friend asked me if he’s come back yet…I’m like noo….and he was like Oh He Will.

    7. admin

      admin

      October 2, 2013 at 12:27 am

      Hahaha I like that guys attitude!

  10. Sarah

    March 30, 2018 at 6:37 am

    I’m at that stage in the post break up trauma where I know that I can never be in a relationship with my ex again. I got too much respect of myself and know I can do better, but I still want to remain friends with him….I care for him, still love him… although I am debating whether I try to be just friends or striving for ungettable girl status. It’s hard deciding which path to choose !
    We aren’t talking, it’s almost been 30 days of my second no contact attempt. The first attempt I messed it up, I contacted him first. I was pissed at him, I had to put some ppl in their places haha.
    I think I’m ready to give this 90 days…. It’s crazy I can feel the tension between us, even though it’s been about 3 weeks since we talked, but we did not end on good terms. He got very emotional with me. I’m patiently waiting for his stupid rebound relationship to end so I can reason with him, he’s acting different because she is there. I want closure…maybe. Do I give it a year? Lol that seems like a long time.

    So basically I’m having issues knowing how long to wait to contact my ex, or to even contact him at all.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 8:30 am

      Haha well lets take one step at a time. Maybe after 90 days you put out some feelers.

    2. Sarah

      March 30, 2018 at 12:27 pm

      I mean the guy talked to me a week later after our break up and we were on great terms. Then I found out he cheated and now he doesn’t wanna everrr talk. HAH. What does that mean? lol.

      Ok my 30 day mark is up on Oct 4….so I’m gonna see how I feel then but I have a strong feeling I’m gonna extend another 30 days just because I don’t feel right about contacting him yet he’s messed up.

    3. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 2:49 pm

      It means most likely he is afraid you will “end” him haha.

      Let me know what you decide 🙂

    4. Sarah

      March 30, 2018 at 3:33 pm

      it doesnt make sense in my head though. why is it after I find out he’s with an ugly b*tch he now is not talking to me and acting legit insane when I did try to talk to him?!? That just makes me wanna end HIM lol….

    5. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 3:48 pm

      END HIM!

      haha jk jk.

      Maybe he feels a little entitled now that he has a new girlfriend. I don’t know. I wish I had more time to like hear the situation in-depth. I mean specific behaviors.

    6. Sarah

      March 30, 2018 at 3:33 pm

      I kinda do need to just end him!!! haha. my guy friend asked me if he’s come back yet…I’m like noo….and he was like Oh He Will.

    7. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 3:48 pm

      Hahaha I like that guys attitude!

  11. Sue

    September 11, 2013 at 5:26 am

    Thanks for writing this post. It helps with the healing.

    1. admin

      admin

      September 12, 2013 at 3:02 am

      I hope you got something out of it!

  12. Sue

    March 30, 2018 at 6:32 am

    Thanks for writing this post. It helps with the healing.

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 8:30 am

      I hope you got something out of it!

  13. Leslie

    September 10, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    I am really glad you posted something about getting over an ex. At one time I wanted so badly to be with him and have this wonderful relationship. We are both in our late 30’s. He spent the past year and a half with me, but at the same time he would keep “disappearing” on me and going back to his ex who he had a lengthy relationship with before me. So yes, I am now past the “getting him back” and trying phase, to me that is just outright terrible for him to have done that to me. I should not have put up with it as long as I did. There was just so much shadyness and lies involved. He left this time with no explanation and still tried to be friends with me at the same time and went back to her..again. No closure. Then he just started ignoring me. His girlfriend knew about me and has posted pictures of them on facebook on trip together with his family this past weekend. He and I broke up in June. The real bad part about it is he made friends with my best friends across the street since we broke up and makes appearances over there. He even has his mail packages sent over there and has to come pick them up…grrrr! Lol. (It’s like don’t you have any other friends to mail your stuff to?) The whole thing just sucks and hurts, but I know there is nothing I can do but to sit there and take it and do my best to move on finally. My guy friends say that he will try to contact me again because of his past history of “returning” and that he is just using her because he is bored and trying to forget me. Is that true? That is certainly what I don’t want because I am trying so hard to forget him and the last thing I want is a text or email. I can’t ignore texts or phone calls, that is just my nature, no matter who it is or what the circumstance is and he knows that. I’m a wimp 🙂
    Btw, thank you for all the time you are putting in to guiding all of us…you are really doing a great thing!

    1. admin

      admin

      September 11, 2013 at 2:22 am

      I am really glad someone is happy I posted this. I have been a little worried people would be angry I’d be talking about this.

  14. Leslie

    March 30, 2018 at 6:37 am

    I am really glad you posted something about getting over an ex. At one time I wanted so badly to be with him and have this wonderful relationship. We are both in our late 30’s. He spent the past year and a half with me, but at the same time he would keep “disappearing” on me and going back to his ex who he had a lengthy relationship with before me. So yes, I am now past the “getting him back” and trying phase, to me that is just outright terrible for him to have done that to me. I should not have put up with it as long as I did. There was just so much shadyness and lies involved. He left this time with no explanation and still tried to be friends with me at the same time and went back to her..again. No closure. Then he just started ignoring me. His girlfriend knew about me and has posted pictures of them on facebook on trip together with his family this past weekend. He and I broke up in June. The real bad part about it is he made friends with my best friends across the street since we broke up and makes appearances over there. He even has his mail packages sent over there and has to come pick them up…grrrr! Lol. (It’s like don’t you have any other friends to mail your stuff to?) The whole thing just sucks and hurts, but I know there is nothing I can do but to sit there and take it and do my best to move on finally. My guy friends say that he will try to contact me again because of his past history of “returning” and that he is just using her because he is bored and trying to forget me. Is that true? That is certainly what I don’t want because I am trying so hard to forget him and the last thing I want is a text or email. I can’t ignore texts or phone calls, that is just my nature, no matter who it is or what the circumstance is and he knows that. I’m a wimp 🙂
    Btw, thank you for all the time you are putting in to guiding all of us…you are really doing a great thing!

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 8:30 am

      I am really glad someone is happy I posted this. I have been a little worried people would be angry I’d be talking about this.

  15. Lisa

    September 10, 2013 at 11:20 am

    Dear Chris,

    Thank you so much for this post. I was in tears when I read it. It really hurts to lose someone you have truly loved, cared, and trusted. It also hurts to decide to let him go…

    I have left a couple of responses on your other posts recently.. The man decided to break up with me two months ago but would like to stay good friends. During this time, i never contacted him, he did text me periodically to check in. I have been a “good girl”, trying all the health ways to heal myself, and take good care of myself.. Just like you said, I have realized that only time and having good times can help me heal. I have already had a lot of both on my sides, so i am not that “worried” about myself :-). I am also determined to “love myself bit more” especially during down time like this..
    One day he did not get a response after he texted me, he kept calling me several times. When he finally got a hold of me, he said he was mad at me because he was worried.. I said i am sorry but I was traveling (i lied 🙂 He asked some questions, blah blah. Anyway, i took it as he actually missed me maybe just a bit but did not want to admit it. During this time, I would say that I am 80 percent on track with my life by now. In the beginning I had close to zero productivity in my job, but now i am close to full speed… On the surface, perhaps nobody can tell I have been through the most difficult period of my life… I do have made peace with the fact that he will never be back again and I also truly believe that all in all I should come out of all these to be a stronger person. But I still miss me dearly. Even now there are moments when i am alone, i am still so sad and can’t help crying. But even with all that, I did not want to contact him even after the 30-day no contact period was over. Although he did show interest in a way, I kind of don’t know how serious he is. I guess deep down in my mind, I need him to show me he is sincere and he needs to try hard to get me back, if that is what he wants…And if he does not show me that sincerity and determination, I would rather lose him for good and swallow all the pain by myself than I need to work hard to get him back. I was wondering whether i am thinking logically here, or am I having too much self-proud? In a way, I feel like he wants me to re-initiate contact with him, because he is a very proud person as well. He told me about something quite important for me but leave it like, please follow up with me if I forget to update you next week ….But i am a bit taken back by that and don’t want to accomodate… I guess you can tell i am not over him yet.. I would really like to hear your opinion on what I should do..
    Thanks again!

    1. admin

      admin

      September 11, 2013 at 2:01 am

      Hi Lisa,

      I am proud of you if that makes any difference.

      I suppose it all comes down to what your ultimate goal is. If you want him back then contact him (but before you do that I really recommend Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO so you can get your ducks in a row.) If you want to move on then don’t contact him.

    2. Lisa

      September 11, 2013 at 6:23 pm

      Dear Chris,

      Thank you very much for your reply and your encouragement. I can always use a sincere pat on the back 🙂 and it is especially comforting to hear it from someone like you.

      So I am actually not sure what my ultimate goal is for now. I guess it depends.. I am looking for true love, the kind of love I can trust, depend on and worth for fighting for.. However, although I have no doubt that our mutual feeling to each other was real, now I am kind of observing how he behaves or acts to determine whether he is worthy of me to get him back (even though he breaks up with me…).. I guess in a way, i am telling myself, if he can’t show me he is sincere and he can follow things through on small things he mentioned, why should I trust him again with my heart and my life? So deep down, I do want to get back together with him one day, but I will only do it for the right reasons, and I need him to impress me with his actions. That’s why i don’t want to contact him..

      I hope i am making sense here 🙂 Please let me know if you have any thoughts, if what I am thinking does not make sense or is silly…Thank you again, for your help and suggestion!

    3. admin

      admin

      September 12, 2013 at 3:42 am

      You make perfect sense to me!

      I wish more women were like you. Just straight up telling you what they thought. Haha I think you should try to get him back but at the same time be prepared to live life without him if you have to.

      Essentially: you want to date him but you don’t NEED to.

    4. Lisa

      September 13, 2013 at 11:49 am

      Dear Chris,

      Thank you very much for your reply! It really helps me to put things into perspective. I did not have a whole lof of experience on relationships. I also tend to keep a lot of feelings/emotions to myself. So sometimes I kind of feel heavy with all the thoughts going on inside of my mind and was not sure whether they really make sense.. I felt I become “light hearted” after I read your comment 🙂 Thank you so much again! I think you nailed my mental state now.. I want to date him but now I don’t feel like I need to date him. I don’t feel the urgency that I “need” to meet him again or get him back, as I prob died to do right after he breakup. I want to heal myself first and get over him first…
      I want to purchase your eBook, but perhaps my main motivation for now is not focusing on getting him back, but rather I really want to become one of the “unforgettable women” perhaps one day down the road. Whatever the end result of this relationship turns out to be, hopefully all the experience and learnings will enrich my life and make me a better person.
      Have a wonderful weekend!

    5. admin

      admin

      September 13, 2013 at 6:24 pm

      I will have a wonderful weekend thanks for saying that!

      And whatever happens you will always have a friend here.

  16. Lisa

    March 30, 2018 at 6:37 am

    Dear Chris,

    Thank you so much for this post. I was in tears when I read it. It really hurts to lose someone you have truly loved, cared, and trusted. It also hurts to decide to let him go…

    I have left a couple of responses on your other posts recently.. The man decided to break up with me two months ago but would like to stay good friends. During this time, i never contacted him, he did text me periodically to check in. I have been a “good girl”, trying all the health ways to heal myself, and take good care of myself.. Just like you said, I have realized that only time and having good times can help me heal. I have already had a lot of both on my sides, so i am not that “worried” about myself :-). I am also determined to “love myself bit more” especially during down time like this..
    One day he did not get a response after he texted me, he kept calling me several times. When he finally got a hold of me, he said he was mad at me because he was worried.. I said i am sorry but I was traveling (i lied 🙂 He asked some questions, blah blah. Anyway, i took it as he actually missed me maybe just a bit but did not want to admit it. During this time, I would say that I am 80 percent on track with my life by now. In the beginning I had close to zero productivity in my job, but now i am close to full speed… On the surface, perhaps nobody can tell I have been through the most difficult period of my life… I do have made peace with the fact that he will never be back again and I also truly believe that all in all I should come out of all these to be a stronger person. But I still miss me dearly. Even now there are moments when i am alone, i am still so sad and can’t help crying. But even with all that, I did not want to contact him even after the 30-day no contact period was over. Although he did show interest in a way, I kind of don’t know how serious he is. I guess deep down in my mind, I need him to show me he is sincere and he needs to try hard to get me back, if that is what he wants…And if he does not show me that sincerity and determination, I would rather lose him for good and swallow all the pain by myself than I need to work hard to get him back. I was wondering whether i am thinking logically here, or am I having too much self-proud? In a way, I feel like he wants me to re-initiate contact with him, because he is a very proud person as well. He told me about something quite important for me but leave it like, please follow up with me if I forget to update you next week ….But i am a bit taken back by that and don’t want to accomodate… I guess you can tell i am not over him yet.. I would really like to hear your opinion on what I should do..
    Thanks again!

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 6:40 am

      Hi Lisa,

      I am proud of you if that makes any difference.

      I suppose it all comes down to what your ultimate goal is. If you want him back then contact him (but before you do that I really recommend Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO so you can get your ducks in a row.) If you want to move on then don’t contact him.

    2. Lisa

      March 30, 2018 at 7:38 am

      Dear Chris,

      Thank you very much for your reply and your encouragement. I can always use a sincere pat on the back 🙂 and it is especially comforting to hear it from someone like you.

      So I am actually not sure what my ultimate goal is for now. I guess it depends.. I am looking for true love, the kind of love I can trust, depend on and worth for fighting for.. However, although I have no doubt that our mutual feeling to each other was real, now I am kind of observing how he behaves or acts to determine whether he is worthy of me to get him back (even though he breaks up with me…).. I guess in a way, i am telling myself, if he can’t show me he is sincere and he can follow things through on small things he mentioned, why should I trust him again with my heart and my life? So deep down, I do want to get back together with him one day, but I will only do it for the right reasons, and I need him to impress me with his actions. That’s why i don’t want to contact him..

      I hope i am making sense here 🙂 Please let me know if you have any thoughts, if what I am thinking does not make sense or is silly…Thank you again, for your help and suggestion!

    3. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 12:27 pm

      You make perfect sense to me!

      I wish more women were like you. Just straight up telling you what they thought. Haha I think you should try to get him back but at the same time be prepared to live life without him if you have to.

      Essentially: you want to date him but you don’t NEED to.

    4. Lisa

      March 30, 2018 at 3:28 pm

      Dear Chris,

      Thank you very much for your reply! It really helps me to put things into perspective. I did not have a whole lof of experience on relationships. I also tend to keep a lot of feelings/emotions to myself. So sometimes I kind of feel heavy with all the thoughts going on inside of my mind and was not sure whether they really make sense.. I felt I become “light hearted” after I read your comment 🙂 Thank you so much again! I think you nailed my mental state now.. I want to date him but now I don’t feel like I need to date him. I don’t feel the urgency that I “need” to meet him again or get him back, as I prob died to do right after he breakup. I want to heal myself first and get over him first…
      I want to purchase your eBook, but perhaps my main motivation for now is not focusing on getting him back, but rather I really want to become one of the “unforgettable women” perhaps one day down the road. Whatever the end result of this relationship turns out to be, hopefully all the experience and learnings will enrich my life and make me a better person.
      Have a wonderful weekend!

  17. Ashley

    September 9, 2013 at 8:20 pm

    After my boyfriend moved away to another state we became long distance and we’d fight almost every phone call over what we should do to keep things alive (ironically) until my boyfriend said he’d rather not. To wich I replied “you’ll never hear from me again” and he just said “great” We broke up the night before my birthday and then (of course) on my birthday I didn’t hear from him which hurt. I’m on day 3 of no contact and I really doubt he’ll reach out because he’s busy with his new job and his roommates and all these new experiences. He’s excited. And this long distance was the only pain in his life so that’s why he cut me off. I feel like what I should do (and will do) is make everything I really want for myself a reality. Start living my dreams as well. However, I can’t help but miss him and hope that after a year we’ll get back together. I don’t want to contact him at all. And I’m not sure if he’d ever contact me… Maybe after 6 months or maybe after a year when he comes back. Or maybe never. But I’m determined to never reach him again unless he reaches out. And he’s veeeeery prideful. He’s got a huge ego. He’d much rather suffer secretly that admit things and fix them. At least it’s never happened before. Maybe because of what you say… That guys don’t feel the burn till after about a month. We’d breakup all the time only to get back together the next day. It was heavier for me for that reason. And he always took me for granted cuz is always do the work in mending things. Which is why I never want to reach out again. But maybe after a year of no contact, if he really hasn’t tried contacting me, and I’m still not over him, I’ll contact him and tell him about how much my life has changed and how I’m living my dreams. I’m just afraid he’ll be completely over me by them. Since he’s on top of the world right now. Do you think a year of no contact would ruin any chance? Is it too long? I’ve heard love needs to be nurtured but I’ve also heard it takes guys months to feel the breakup in full effect. What do you think that will do? Any advice? I’m not thinking a year precisely, I’m just thinking as long as it takes me to make my dreams come true. But I do think he comes back home in around 9 months – a year. I KNOW that the contrast of coming back home where things are slow and familiar will make him miss me. But I’m not sure if so much time without speaking would hurt or help that. I don’t want him to forget I want him to miss me more as time passes. Is that really how it works for guys? (We really were in love. He had asked me to marry him. I know it was the most meaningful relationship either of us has ever had.) so do you think with time it’ll start to affect him? Is there a limit I should not pass on no contact. The heart is meant to heal! It does move on. I don’t know what to do! But I’m definitely gonna work on my personal plans, for sure. But I’ve begun to forgive him after being such a jerk. At first I wasn’t planning on getting him back. But today I’ve realized I’ve completely forgiven him and I love him and I miss him. :/

    1. Ashley

      September 9, 2013 at 8:45 pm

      When do you think it’ll start to hit him? That’s definitely something that’s comforting to know… I’m still doubting it ever will because he might repress it till its gone. Given the circumstances. How he’s so busy and pleased with his new dream career. I just wanna hear that after a month or two he’ll be miserable lol! I mean, I’d take him back. Its not that I wish him harm!
      I do think this a period where were both supposed to grow as individuals but I really do hope we can get back together one were more mature and happy with our lives and our selves. But I would totally spend the rest of my life with him. I’ve never thought that about any one before.

    2. admin

      admin

      September 11, 2013 at 1:29 am

      Well, I wish I could tell you if he will be miserable but I don’t know.

      He may

      He may not.

      Time has the answer and it will come with patience I suppose.

    3. admin

      admin

      September 11, 2013 at 1:27 am

      Hey, check out the long distance relationship post!

    4. Ashley

      September 11, 2013 at 10:29 pm

      One thing, you posted a picture somewhere that showed a breakup between HIM and HER and how girls feel sad at first, guys feel free and happy and then after a month it shows guys feel sad and girls are now free and happy. The point is, if it takes a guy around a month to feel sad, why should we contact them after a month? We would have suffered a month and they would only start to feel it now and we’d rescue them. Shouldn’t we let them feel sad for a month and call it even? So perhaps it’d be better to do no contact for TWO months instead on one. What do you think? Just a thought. Or does that mean that by doing no contact for two months were allowing them to get fully over us? Maybe it’s best that we “rescue” them after a month when they really do want is back. Hmm…. I’ve also heard stories about guys you realize they miss their ex after six months. I know my ex wont contact me because of his ego but I’m thinking of contacting him after the no contact. I’m just wondering when would be the most promising time. Today is the fifth day so I’m sure right now he’s still in the “good riddance” phase. Should I really contact him after 30 days? Is that really the best amount of time? Thanks so much for you wisdom and kindness….

    5. admin

      admin

      September 12, 2013 at 3:57 am

      My mind just got blown!

      Holy CRAP! That is genius!

      Well, the only problem with it is that I know women. Through this site I know a lot about them haha. And I know that they cant even go a month without talking to their exes. Most of them can’t I mean. So, me even asking a month is a lot for them. I need to give them an acheiveable goal and 2 months might be too hard for them.

      Besides, that picture is a meme and every situation is different.

      BUT, I want to test it out. Seriously I really really want someone to test it out. 2 months NC and then see the results.

    6. Ashley

      September 13, 2013 at 12:00 am

      Well, I might do that. But then again, I might never contact him again. I miss him. Today more than ever but I’m starting to realize it may have been an abusive relationship. He used to threaten to leave me about once a month only to get back with me and tears would be flowing from both of us (a lot more from me) He had daddy issues. His dad was very cold and never accepted him. I think since he’s rejected by his dad, he tries to reject me all the time. I think that’s pretty sick. I still have feelings for him and wish we could be *happy* back together. But I’m also starting to think he makes the worst boyfriend ever. So I’m not sure. But I do miss him. So much. Not sure whether to let go or hold on. At this point the only way we could get back together would be if he contacted me after a month, two months, six months, a year… But I don’t think I should contact him ever. He would have to lower himself to me and show me that I’m more than just a form of relief from his daddy issues. Show me that he cares enough to bust his ego to get me back. This can only work if the tables turn which I don’t think they ever would if I contacted him. To be honest, I’m almost certain he’ll never contact me either so I should definitely move on. In the back of my mind I just wish he’d text me during the 30 days so I could ignore him and after no contact we could have turned the tables and I’d even consider visiting him. But I think the deciding factor is if he contacts me. I hope one day he regrets what he did and learns to love so we can be happy together forever. This is my sincere wish. But I don’t think it’s realistic. 🙁
      Just like I had kinda hoped he’d call on my birthday, but knew he wouldn’t. :/ He’s terrible. Why did I have to fall in love?!

    7. admin

      admin

      September 13, 2013 at 4:19 am

      Hahah relax, you are just going through normal human stages after a breakup.

    8. Sarah

      September 24, 2013 at 12:04 am

      OMG Ashley this is exactly what I’m going through, except my ex has mommy AND daddy issues….it’s the worst. He is a compulsive liar b/c of it. Had to cut me out very quickly after 1yr and 6months. Who knows if they will contact us, he needs therapy and help like my ex. They cannot love us if they hate themselves. We have to let them acknowledge it …ugh which sucks b/c i wanna reach out and help my ex so bad but I’m not his responsibility anymore. One thing I know is if they get help they will contact us….sad bc the ego and the pride and these type of men have the ability to supress these emotions…but it’ll catch up to them sooner or later.

    9. Akruti

      June 30, 2014 at 2:38 pm

      I really like your reasoning about the Him n Her BReakup meme :). Sounds good, and fair to me. Assuming 1 month is an exact time frame, which it isn’t. One month NC is difficult as hell. I’ve planned a minimum of 3 months NC because I’m not sure whether I want him completely out or to be friends with my ex. I just want to rue the day he realizes he made a mistake breaking up with the Ungettable Goddess. Right now I’m in a ‘I’ll show you’, state of mind. But I want to be able to do that in a calm n peaceful way as well :). Im into 2 weeks NC right now

    10. admin

      admin

      July 3, 2014 at 12:37 am

      Good for you! Ungettable goddess! I like that.

  18. Ashley

    March 30, 2018 at 6:37 am

    After my boyfriend moved away to another state we became long distance and we’d fight almost every phone call over what we should do to keep things alive (ironically) until my boyfriend said he’d rather not. To wich I replied “you’ll never hear from me again” and he just said “great” We broke up the night before my birthday and then (of course) on my birthday I didn’t hear from him which hurt. I’m on day 3 of no contact and I really doubt he’ll reach out because he’s busy with his new job and his roommates and all these new experiences. He’s excited. And this long distance was the only pain in his life so that’s why he cut me off. I feel like what I should do (and will do) is make everything I really want for myself a reality. Start living my dreams as well. However, I can’t help but miss him and hope that after a year we’ll get back together. I don’t want to contact him at all. And I’m not sure if he’d ever contact me… Maybe after 6 months or maybe after a year when he comes back. Or maybe never. But I’m determined to never reach him again unless he reaches out. And he’s veeeeery prideful. He’s got a huge ego. He’d much rather suffer secretly that admit things and fix them. At least it’s never happened before. Maybe because of what you say… That guys don’t feel the burn till after about a month. We’d breakup all the time only to get back together the next day. It was heavier for me for that reason. And he always took me for granted cuz is always do the work in mending things. Which is why I never want to reach out again. But maybe after a year of no contact, if he really hasn’t tried contacting me, and I’m still not over him, I’ll contact him and tell him about how much my life has changed and how I’m living my dreams. I’m just afraid he’ll be completely over me by them. Since he’s on top of the world right now. Do you think a year of no contact would ruin any chance? Is it too long? I’ve heard love needs to be nurtured but I’ve also heard it takes guys months to feel the breakup in full effect. What do you think that will do? Any advice? I’m not thinking a year precisely, I’m just thinking as long as it takes me to make my dreams come true. But I do think he comes back home in around 9 months – a year. I KNOW that the contrast of coming back home where things are slow and familiar will make him miss me. But I’m not sure if so much time without speaking would hurt or help that. I don’t want him to forget I want him to miss me more as time passes. Is that really how it works for guys? (We really were in love. He had asked me to marry him. I know it was the most meaningful relationship either of us has ever had.) so do you think with time it’ll start to affect him? Is there a limit I should not pass on no contact. The heart is meant to heal! It does move on. I don’t know what to do! But I’m definitely gonna work on my personal plans, for sure. But I’ve begun to forgive him after being such a jerk. At first I wasn’t planning on getting him back. But today I’ve realized I’ve completely forgiven him and I love him and I miss him. :/

    1. Ashley

      March 30, 2018 at 6:40 am

      When do you think it’ll start to hit him? That’s definitely something that’s comforting to know… I’m still doubting it ever will because he might repress it till its gone. Given the circumstances. How he’s so busy and pleased with his new dream career. I just wanna hear that after a month or two he’ll be miserable lol! I mean, I’d take him back. Its not that I wish him harm!
      I do think this a period where were both supposed to grow as individuals but I really do hope we can get back together one were more mature and happy with our lives and our selves. But I would totally spend the rest of my life with him. I’ve never thought that about any one before.

    2. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 8:30 am

      Well, I wish I could tell you if he will be miserable but I don’t know.

      He may

      He may not.

      Time has the answer and it will come with patience I suppose.

    3. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 10:58 am

      Hey, check out the long distance relationship post!

    4. Ashley

      March 30, 2018 at 11:28 am

      One thing, you posted a picture somewhere that showed a breakup between HIM and HER and how girls feel sad at first, guys feel free and happy and then after a month it shows guys feel sad and girls are now free and happy. The point is, if it takes a guy around a month to feel sad, why should we contact them after a month? We would have suffered a month and they would only start to feel it now and we’d rescue them. Shouldn’t we let them feel sad for a month and call it even? So perhaps it’d be better to do no contact for TWO months instead on one. What do you think? Just a thought. Or does that mean that by doing no contact for two months were allowing them to get fully over us? Maybe it’s best that we “rescue” them after a month when they really do want is back. Hmm…. I’ve also heard stories about guys you realize they miss their ex after six months. I know my ex wont contact me because of his ego but I’m thinking of contacting him after the no contact. I’m just wondering when would be the most promising time. Today is the fifth day so I’m sure right now he’s still in the “good riddance” phase. Should I really contact him after 30 days? Is that really the best amount of time? Thanks so much for you wisdom and kindness….

    5. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 12:27 pm

      My mind just got blown!

      Holy CRAP! That is genius!

      Well, the only problem with it is that I know women. Through this site I know a lot about them haha. And I know that they cant even go a month without talking to their exes. Most of them can’t I mean. So, me even asking a month is a lot for them. I need to give them an acheiveable goal and 2 months might be too hard for them.

      Besides, that picture is a meme and every situation is different.

      BUT, I want to test it out. Seriously I really really want someone to test it out. 2 months NC and then see the results.

    6. Ashley

      March 30, 2018 at 3:28 pm

      Well, I might do that. But then again, I might never contact him again. I miss him. Today more than ever but I’m starting to realize it may have been an abusive relationship. He used to threaten to leave me about once a month only to get back with me and tears would be flowing from both of us (a lot more from me) He had daddy issues. His dad was very cold and never accepted him. I think since he’s rejected by his dad, he tries to reject me all the time. I think that’s pretty sick. I still have feelings for him and wish we could be *happy* back together. But I’m also starting to think he makes the worst boyfriend ever. So I’m not sure. But I do miss him. So much. Not sure whether to let go or hold on. At this point the only way we could get back together would be if he contacted me after a month, two months, six months, a year… But I don’t think I should contact him ever. He would have to lower himself to me and show me that I’m more than just a form of relief from his daddy issues. Show me that he cares enough to bust his ego to get me back. This can only work if the tables turn which I don’t think they ever would if I contacted him. To be honest, I’m almost certain he’ll never contact me either so I should definitely move on. In the back of my mind I just wish he’d text me during the 30 days so I could ignore him and after no contact we could have turned the tables and I’d even consider visiting him. But I think the deciding factor is if he contacts me. I hope one day he regrets what he did and learns to love so we can be happy together forever. This is my sincere wish. But I don’t think it’s realistic. 🙁
      Just like I had kinda hoped he’d call on my birthday, but knew he wouldn’t. :/ He’s terrible. Why did I have to fall in love?!

    7. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 4:15 pm

      Hahah relax, you are just going through normal human stages after a breakup.

    8. Sarah

      March 30, 2018 at 12:32 pm

      OMG Ashley this is exactly what I’m going through, except my ex has mommy AND daddy issues….it’s the worst. He is a compulsive liar b/c of it. Had to cut me out very quickly after 1yr and 6months. Who knows if they will contact us, he needs therapy and help like my ex. They cannot love us if they hate themselves. We have to let them acknowledge it …ugh which sucks b/c i wanna reach out and help my ex so bad but I’m not his responsibility anymore. One thing I know is if they get help they will contact us….sad bc the ego and the pride and these type of men have the ability to supress these emotions…but it’ll catch up to them sooner or later.

    9. Akruti

      March 30, 2018 at 12:13 pm

      I really like your reasoning about the Him n Her BReakup meme :). Sounds good, and fair to me. Assuming 1 month is an exact time frame, which it isn’t. One month NC is difficult as hell. I’ve planned a minimum of 3 months NC because I’m not sure whether I want him completely out or to be friends with my ex. I just want to rue the day he realizes he made a mistake breaking up with the Ungettable Goddess. Right now I’m in a ‘I’ll show you’, state of mind. But I want to be able to do that in a calm n peaceful way as well :). Im into 2 weeks NC right now

    10. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 12:34 pm

      Good for you! Ungettable goddess! I like that.

  19. Allie

    September 8, 2013 at 5:40 am

    So….this may sound like a crazy question….based on the statement early in this post that for women who say “I don’t need him anymore” are the women whose exes come begging their girlfriends to take them back. It’s been YEARS since I watched any of the Star Wars movies. It seems that there is some kind of theme about letting your thoughts influence your outcome/mind over matter, etc. (correct me if I’m wrong). You’re familiar with my situation (bonafide LDR, have a baby together, he’s in what I hope is only a rebound relationship, I haven’t let myself go, haven’t been a text or phone gnat AT ALL, etc…). I agree with becoming the ungettable girl again-even if only for my own benefit-but would it be beneficial or “effective” to try to convince oneself that “I don’t need him anymore,” adopt that kind of mentality (hard to demonstrate long distance & LC) & that could draw him back towards me? I know it’s nutty, but does it sort of go along with fake it til you make it? There are days that I feel like giving up all hope, am angry at him for the crap he’s put me through, then I miss him & long to have a relationship with him again. Sometimes I wonder if I need to adopt the mentality described above so that it isn’t quite so painful & quit holding out hope for something that may not happen. I’ve heard they want you back when you quit chasing or when you want nothing else to do with them. I don’t think I’ve chased him. Anyway…just curious of your opinion on whether changing your thoughts could change the outcome (crap…don’t turn into Tony Robbins or one of those other motivational speakers on me!! Truth only-haha!).

    1. admin

      admin

      September 8, 2013 at 5:12 pm

      Tony Robbins hahaha.

      I do think it is beneficial to adopt the “I don’t need him anymore” mindset. Not because it will increase your chances drastically of getting him back but it will put you in a place mentally where you won’t be as hurt if things don’t go your way which lets face it, can happen.

      Of course, it does do something towards achieving that ungettable girl persona. The “I want what I can’t have” type of a deal.

      I have found a correlation in all the success stories I have dealt with personally. Well, not all but most of them. Women who have accepted that their exes may not come back and are content with moving on tend to have better results. I don’t think that is nothing..

      So, in recap adopting that type of a mindset.

      Can put you in a place where you won’t be as hurt if things don’t go your way.
      Can help you achieve your ungettable girl persona.
      Slightly increase your chances.

    2. Allie

      September 12, 2013 at 9:42 pm

      Ok-I’m not asking this sarcastically at all. Basically, I have a little better chance when I finally give up hope? How Do you really move on to dating someone else Assuming that is when you have really moved on? I know that if I were actually in a relationship, it would definitely be a rebound and just killing time. Where I live, there are really not any good dating prospects, just to go out on casual dates. It’s actually kind of embarrassing to be seen with some of these guys! :-). I’m still keeping busy, and then good shape, etc. So do I just keep telling myself that there is no hope and to get over it once and for all?

      Oh, and in regards to Ashley’s remark above, I went seven weeks Before texting and nine before we spoke on the phone. I am the alley that has a child with my ex who is also dating that swim fan girl. I will email you sometime to tell you about our conversation. It was okay. It was hard going that long, but it can be done. He and I had been breaking up over many months and then done other periods of sort no contact. Maybe suggesting to women that they go to months would mean that they could actually make it for a month? 🙂

      Sorry for not proofreading. I’m doing this on the phone.

    3. admin

      admin

      September 13, 2013 at 4:23 am

      Women who move on technically do have a better chance because they can prepare themselves if things go wrong and can manage their emotions better. A lot of the success stories are like this.

      Dang, I wish I had actual data to back it up.

      Of course Allie! You are the Seiter Sister 😉

  20. Allie

    March 30, 2018 at 6:32 am

    So….this may sound like a crazy question….based on the statement early in this post that for women who say “I don’t need him anymore” are the women whose exes come begging their girlfriends to take them back. It’s been YEARS since I watched any of the Star Wars movies. It seems that there is some kind of theme about letting your thoughts influence your outcome/mind over matter, etc. (correct me if I’m wrong). You’re familiar with my situation (bonafide LDR, have a baby together, he’s in what I hope is only a rebound relationship, I haven’t let myself go, haven’t been a text or phone gnat AT ALL, etc…). I agree with becoming the ungettable girl again-even if only for my own benefit-but would it be beneficial or “effective” to try to convince oneself that “I don’t need him anymore,” adopt that kind of mentality (hard to demonstrate long distance & LC) & that could draw him back towards me? I know it’s nutty, but does it sort of go along with fake it til you make it? There are days that I feel like giving up all hope, am angry at him for the crap he’s put me through, then I miss him & long to have a relationship with him again. Sometimes I wonder if I need to adopt the mentality described above so that it isn’t quite so painful & quit holding out hope for something that may not happen. I’ve heard they want you back when you quit chasing or when you want nothing else to do with them. I don’t think I’ve chased him. Anyway…just curious of your opinion on whether changing your thoughts could change the outcome (crap…don’t turn into Tony Robbins or one of those other motivational speakers on me!! Truth only-haha!).

    1. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 7:38 am

      Tony Robbins hahaha.

      I do think it is beneficial to adopt the “I don’t need him anymore” mindset. Not because it will increase your chances drastically of getting him back but it will put you in a place mentally where you won’t be as hurt if things don’t go your way which lets face it, can happen.

      Of course, it does do something towards achieving that ungettable girl persona. The “I want what I can’t have” type of a deal.

      I have found a correlation in all the success stories I have dealt with personally. Well, not all but most of them. Women who have accepted that their exes may not come back and are content with moving on tend to have better results. I don’t think that is nothing..

      So, in recap adopting that type of a mindset.

      Can put you in a place where you won’t be as hurt if things don’t go your way.
      Can help you achieve your ungettable girl persona.
      Slightly increase your chances.

    2. Allie

      March 30, 2018 at 12:32 pm

      Ok-I’m not asking this sarcastically at all. Basically, I have a little better chance when I finally give up hope? How Do you really move on to dating someone else Assuming that is when you have really moved on? I know that if I were actually in a relationship, it would definitely be a rebound and just killing time. Where I live, there are really not any good dating prospects, just to go out on casual dates. It’s actually kind of embarrassing to be seen with some of these guys! :-). I’m still keeping busy, and then good shape, etc. So do I just keep telling myself that there is no hope and to get over it once and for all?

      Oh, and in regards to Ashley’s remark above, I went seven weeks Before texting and nine before we spoke on the phone. I am the alley that has a child with my ex who is also dating that swim fan girl. I will email you sometime to tell you about our conversation. It was okay. It was hard going that long, but it can be done. He and I had been breaking up over many months and then done other periods of sort no contact. Maybe suggesting to women that they go to months would mean that they could actually make it for a month? 🙂

      Sorry for not proofreading. I’m doing this on the phone.

    3. admin

      admin

      March 30, 2018 at 2:49 pm

      Women who move on technically do have a better chance because they can prepare themselves if things go wrong and can manage their emotions better. A lot of the success stories are like this.

      Dang, I wish I had actual data to back it up.

      Of course Allie! You are the Seiter Sister 😉

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