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5,234 thoughts on “The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship”

  1. Dyan Charles

    November 6, 2019 at 10:06 am

    Hello,
    The tips are great and are helping me during this difficult time. Background:
    I was in a long distance relationship for over 2 years.So my ex and I are both young and I went to see him last year, but he was not able to see me this year due to his family and other issues etc. Not seeing him and trying to plan when we would see each other again became so stressful for us and we were constantly fighting, i was always anxious, and I started to get angrier. Time went on and he started getting distant. I noticed and I tried my best to give him freedom and not complain or bring up bad memories etc. He started meeting friends online (not cheating or anything) but it made me feel replaced because he started to value talking to them over me, and we used to talk everyday. I tried my best to compromise by saying, lets talk this time tomorrow then if you’re busy, but every time we would set up a time to talk he would push it back. I started to get really insecure at this point because every time that i would mention that him ignoring me or not making time with me hurt, he would stonewall me even more. This lasted about two months, then in between i started trying not to contact him for a few days or a week. I would always contact first and He was actually nice every time, but would start distancing himself again after a few days. And when i would ask to do something with him, he would start asking me for no contact for a week again. At the point, I had already become too obsessed with his social media while he was gone, and instead off calling him because he would never answer, once a week i usually had mutual fun convo’s with his mom (sounds crazy right). It got so bad that he fell asleep on my 21st bday, and even though i tried to express to him i wasn’t mad he still tried to ignore me two days after my bday.
    Anyways the last time he asked for a week, I expressed to him this was the last time i would do it. But it was so hard that i caved in the 3rd day because i was really sad and felt like i needed someone. He answered and spoke for 10 mins and then said he had to go out and would call me when he gets back. Low and behold 3 hours later, he’s back on social media speaking to his friends,ignoring the fact that I was really depressed that day which angered me. And all the pent up emotions i had from the last 2 months of being ignored came out and i was angry (just like how i was when we use to argue about when he would come). It really sucks because i was trying to stop that behavior during those last 3 months too. Anyways, I blew up on him, he said he wanted to break up,I said i didn’t then. I call him again out of hurt and tell him to delete my pics, and he says he aldready did and that he’s fully breaking up with me. Throughout him breaking up with me he was really rude and cruel, even when I tried to be nice.
    The day after the breakup he texted me saying he was sorry and he loves me and that he hopes i can find happiness (which thought was a way for him to not feel as guilty for being rude). i caved in and on the third day, caved in, he said he would contact me later, and he pushed me back again. So id did the worst thing ever: i blew up his phone. He eventually answered, and i was so angry went off on him again. In between he just said sorry and said his reason for breaking up was bc he had to work on himself and i said it was mutual because i wanted to as well and we both agreed to talking to each other on thanksgiving. But i didn’t believe that was the only reason, and two days later i call him again asking why and he said bc i was being needy and wouldn’t leave him alone (calling him that day made it worse). I apologized for calling again and got him to still agree to talking on thanksgiving.its been two weeks now and i feel a bit better, however he just unfollowed me on instagram after watching my ig stories everyday consistently. Which has left me confused. however he used to do this in the past (he would say it was because he was mad at me). I haven’t been posting anything sad, Ive actually been showing I’m having fun and taking great selfies. But he didn’t block me.I guess he thought it was that necessary not to see me anymore to click on my profile and unfollow me. Insure he will still try and lurk though. And today all this mad eye feel bad and i started snooping over his social media again looking at some new people he has followed (one unrealistic ig model that he looked up {but his friend follows her so maybe he just looked her up to show off, because he really is a follower],some girls that are friends of his social media friends but they are not his type), but i still feel insecure. It upset me a bit to see, but I’m glad to see he has not moved on. But damn is he petty and immature. I don’t even know why I miss someone who would rather spend his time on his phone all day on periscope. we met on that app btw , and i feel replaced by his new friends. Anyways i still want him back because he has an amazing soul, and I am working on myself, but when i talk to him again on Thanksgiving, i hope everything will go well. If he’s the same way however (always making excuses, valuing random people etc.), then i guess its best to move on. This is especially hard because we are each others first love, first bf and gf. The only thing I’m happy about is it takes us both a while to want to be with someone, so i don’t have to worry about him moving on quickly with another girl. Its just that I’m hoping he will realize that what he is doing (being on social media all day, talking to “yes” people) is not effective, and at the end of the day its me who has always been there for him despite all our problems. I may have been needy and annoying, but I never stopped showing him i cared (I’ve always supported him).
    Writing this all out actually made me feel better. I am hoping that this no contact (which will be 37 days by thanksgiving), will help me to feel better about myself, not just to win him back. If he can’t see by then how I have changed, become more confident, respected his wishes “to leave him alone”, then its his loss. He said he would be working on himself during this time, but so far he’s doing the same thing he did before. But being that he is immature and he doesn’t get out much, I guess thats his way of coping with the breakup. I’m glad to know that i am actually going out more, and still prospering despite this heartbreak. Maybe thats why he unfollowed me.He Probably can’t believe and bare to see that i look so happy and he’s probably jealous since he’s spending his time doing nothing. I guess guys dont know what they have till its gone. Since he unfollowed my page yesterday, he hasn’t viewed my stories since. It seems as though him doing that was a form of getting my attention, to see if would react. I didn’t even unfollow him back or say anything because i want to make him feel liked dint even noticed. I won’t stoop to that level of pettiness, no matter how much it angers me, or makes me sad,or makes me mis him even more.
    That being said, any advice on how to push myself better and stop having these obsessive outbursts would be nice. And also since we are speaking on thanksgiving, how should i talk to him on FaceTime as opposed to text on the first contact day? (we agreed to ft but idk if i should just text instead).

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 10:52 pm

      Hi Dyan, so you need to learn something called emotional control. This is where you control the obsessive outbursts by taking a small step back from reacting and telling yourself to stay composed. It does take some work, and some people even need therapy to do this. When talking on Facetime make sure you look good, plenty of positive talk and smiles. But as youve said it is the first time you’re going to be in contact you do need to have a short and positive conversation first, and build those up through texting rather than jumping straight to phone calls as you need to build up a rapport and interest from him to you.

  2. Nikki

    October 31, 2019 at 5:30 pm

    Hi. This is Nikki again. I left out part of my story on purpose. I‘m not exactly sure why, but maybe it explains why I tried to contact him for those two months. When my ex and I met and he freaked out on me, he actually abandoned me. I was left standing on the street in the middle of the night, downtown in a city I was unfamiliar with. He wouldn’t take me with him to the airport…told me that I would have to find my own way home. He said that he couldn’t deal with anything and then he just left. I tried calling him several times wanting to know what had happened, but he wouldn’t answer. When he finally did call later that week, he still didn’t give me an explanation or an apology. I kept trying to contact him after that and that’s when he blocked me. We had been so close and spent so much time together, I couldn’t understand. Still can’t. I thought that if I wrote to him, he would see that I was interested in trying to work things out and just wanted to talk. More than anything, I just needed to know why. I’m wondering if he feels guilty or sorry for what happened and is just too scared to talk or if he just doesn’t care about me anymore. I’m now on day 10 of No Contact and although I’m using this time to heal emotionally, I still would like to hear from him. Even though the thought of “who does something like that?” is always on my mind and it’s something that I can’t and shouldn’t ignore, I still miss him. I’m not sure what to do at this point.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2019 at 10:02 pm

      Hi Nikki so NC is needed especially for the way he treated you. As far as getting him back I think you are going to need to be very very emotionally and mentally strong to be with someone like that. Something that erratic and out of the blue is not going to show signs of a secure relationship with someone.

      When you are done with NC reach out as a friend rather than a girl trying to get her ex back

  3. Nikki

    October 29, 2019 at 7:49 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I’m writing to you, because I would really like a guy’s perspective on my situation.

    My ex and I have been in a LDR for the last 18 months. For the first few months, it was strictly texting and then we started talking on the phone. Pictures were eventually exchanged. We had instant chemistry and talked everyday, sometimes for several hours. He always told me that he had never met anyone like me and that he felt an instant connection. I felt the same way. He had never been in a relationship before due to emotional and physical problems and I was the first girl he felt comfortable with. We were essentially FWB and after about six months, he said he loved me. We told each other everything and we said things that we had never told anyone else before. We were that close. Because of cultural differences on his part, I knew that we couldn’t be together but we still wanted the relationship. We finally met up in August and everything was going really good and it felt natural between us. We both agreed about that. Then five days in, he basically freaked out on me. He said that he didn’t want this anymore with me and needed some time. When I got home, he waited for a few days to call me and said that he didn’t want me to contact him and he wasn’t going to change his mind. He’s very stubborn. I didn’t take it very well. I did the unthinkable and for two months, I wrote him letters (never negative) and tried texting and calling him. I always let him know how much I care about him and that I would like to work things out together. Most of the time, the letters were just casual…letting him know what I was doing, feeling, etc. Knowing that he doesn’t like drama or complicated, I kept pushing. Looking back, I wish that I had reacted differently. It wasn’t the way I was used to dealing with things, but this really confused and hurt. Still does. I’m not proud of my behaviour, but it happened. He eventually blocked my number, but I don’t think he blocked my email. I’m now on day 8 of No Contact, but I haven’t heard from him since he called two months ago. I’m determined to go through with this, but I have to admit that it’s been frustrating…the not knowing. I miss him very much. I’m also afraid that I may have pushed too hard and pushed him away for good. Is it too late or should I continue doing No Contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 3:55 pm

      Hi Nikki it isnt too late to give it a try but the two months of begging is going to factor in here. You need to give him 45 days NC and massively work on being more emotionally controlled and being the best version of yourself so when you talk you will give out the vibes of being in a better place

  4. Gracie

    October 14, 2019 at 7:45 pm

    My long distance ex and I were together for two years and broken up for 3 months. We broke up because we weren’t happy due to the distance and other things that were mostly circumstantial. Neither of us knew if breaking up was the right thing to do but it was a decision he made in the end. He was so bitter about the fact that we hadn’t spoken for 3 months saying people who love each other wouldn’t go 3 months without speaking. We started talking recently and it’s been a lot of me initiating and trying to make it work. I told him I wanted to see where his head was at and told him I’m noticing a lack of interest on his end. He said it was because he was busy and part of him didn’t know if he saw this going anywhere. Eventually, it led into a discussion about how he doesn’t really trust me (he couldn’t even tell me why he doesn’t), feels like he wants to be with someone who he wouldn’t be okay going 3 months without speaking to and while he still loves me and cares about me, says he feels differently about me and has been pretty okay without me as much as it has sucked. Of course it broke my heart hearing this, but he still is communicating with me even if it’s not much. I am so confused about where he’s at and what I should do. I know he doesn’t fully know what he wants but he doesn’t really seem eager to make things work either. I can’t keep feeling like I’m doing this on my own and I’m hurting but I also love him and would love to give it another shot.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 7:09 pm

      Hi Gracie so if you decide you want to get him back then you need to follow the program, read some articles that apply to your situation so you know how it works

  5. Nathalie

    October 14, 2019 at 4:20 am

    Need some help….

    My boyfriend just broke up with me a week ago. I have not spoken to him since. He and I started dating a year ago, and he just moved away in mid-September. We’ve had our issues, but we always figured things out. Everything was going great between us since he moved away. He moved because he’s in chiropractic school and he is working for a doctor there. He is living is a friend’s basement. He took me with him to move to help him, and enjoy his time with me. We had a blast. He is still a student, and he graduates in December. He also has his last exams coming up in a month, has to work 40 hours a week, and some weekends. He told me he just wanted to be alone. He said that he still loves me and cares for me. It wasn’t a bad break up at all, but I was devastated. I haven’t eaten more than 300 calories per day, I can’t sleep through the night, and I cry all of the time. My mom has been helping me get better each day, but I still feel in my heart that our relationship could make a comeback, and be better than ever. There was not really anything negative. My mom keeps telling me that absence makes the heart grow fonder…is that right in my situation? He has always told me I’m the best thing that’s happened to him and planned to move me there with him in the early new year. When he was explaining why he wanted to be alone, he said his mom and friend both said, “Why would you want to leave her?” I have that feeling and I just want to know what I should do!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 7:55 pm

      Hey Nathalie, you need to do your NC and focus on healing and getting stronger before you complete your NC you need to work on getting emotional control… Read about being Ungettable and how to deal with LDR

  6. Patricia

    October 13, 2019 at 10:50 am

    Hi,Chris
    I’ve just broken up with my 10 month-LDR boyfirend, we met during my vacation in Thailand and he was working there temporarily. I traveled back and forth there after we committed to the relationship to spend time together. I also live in Thailand but about 1 hour by plane plus 2 hours boat trip far from that island. I went there about 4-5 days/ 2 times a month. Everything seemd wonderful and happy without argument at all.
    After 5 months he had to go back to his country (France), the first two month was okay, he came to see me in London while I was there. We had a good time there.
    After that everything went a bit down hill, he went to a music festival with his friends and was not responsive, however I vitsited his home town in the end of August. He introduced me to his family and closed friends and brought me to his childhood places. After my visit, our situation seemed to come back to normal. We texted back and forth everyday but we didn’t do the video calls that much because he was so skeptical about his not so good English and he personally didn’t like to do it.
    After his trip to see his mom, he became distant and cold, I ended up ask him that everything still okay and made a trip to see him for 2 days. We talked over and he said he was stressed and worried about future, he thought It was super difficult to make it together. Since he didn’t know what’s gonna happen in near future. He’s gonna come back and work in Thailand for 6 months starts from November but after that he doesn’t know anything at all…
    We made up at the end and let just see what’s happen and we’ll deal with that. He still told me that he loved me and I was the one who always understand him.
    Just a week or so after the talk, he went super down hill, distant, cold and all, It continued like that for two weeks. I ultimately asked him about that and asked if he still wanted to continue this relationship, he finally said he wanted to end it, he didn’t love me anymore and his feeling faded away, he was not ready to be in the relationship and he was not willing to give more. He thought that I was a super good girl but he was not seeing his future together.
    So we ended everything with that video call. I didn’t beg him, just told him that I accepted that and said goodbye. I didn’t contact him since. It was just 3 days ago though. I’m doing NC now. He still didn’t cut all my social medias out.
    I know that he’s a good guy and want to give it a try.
    But may I ask you if it’s possible to get him back since he said he didn’t see his future with me?
    And if he’s back to Thailand, and we have to meet up over there ( on the island which I’m not sure considers LDR or not) , will it be possible? If we have to continue LDR again when he is not sure about the future, will that worth a try? Or I should move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2019 at 9:02 pm

      Patricia, if its what you think you want then it is worth giving it a go, and as for that EBR is your best chance at getting your ex back. You just need to read about the system and how to implement the texting phase and the information that applies to your relationship and situation

  7. Gaby

    October 6, 2019 at 7:34 pm

    Hi, my ex and I were in international distance and met twice a year. When he broke up with me 18months ago,a super messy, name calling,hurtful one and I insulted him on the phone. He claimed ldr was unsustainable, he gotta focus on his job,money was the concern and i argued with him lots being needy,insecure etc. I did no contact for 2mths then contacted him twice without any reply since then. I still hope for him back after 18mths but with my situation,I feel hopeless. Does it mean I’ve no chance and better try to move on ?I just hope for guidance since I don’t know what else to do ,it hurts day and night missing him

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 7, 2019 at 8:30 am

      Hi Gaby, so with it being such a long time since the break up, your chances are lower (I want to be honest) But I would read the process for how to get an ex back when you’re long distance and apply that if you really want to try to get him back your texts need to be really captivating to get him to want to talk to you about certain subjects.

  8. Jessica

    October 1, 2019 at 5:42 pm

    Hiii

    So I’ve known this guy since I was in middle school. We always flirted and even hooked up when we were in HS. 9 years passed and we hooked up again at a friends wedding this February. Things escalated quickly and we kind of stared dating in May but I live in Boston and he lives in Orlando. We talked about making It work and we both said we would try. I annoyed him about coming to visit me but I always go down so It wasn’t a big deal. Two weeks ago I was on the phone with him and even though everything had been perfect and everything seemed fine, out of NO WHERE he blurted out he didn’t think he should have a long distance gf. So I’ve been trying to implement NC but he always sends me stuff on instagram and snapchat. I really miss him and I feel like It was an impulse thing what he did because we were talking about him visiting me so he got upset and blurted that out. He is going through some personal stuff right now and trying to get his life on track but we had such a crazy connection and we were both so happy that I feel this is a mistake… I am from Orlando and I am going down this week for some family matters and I don’t know if I should tell him. I really would love to talk to him in person about this and I feel like if we saw each other it may change things? I don’t know. Should I tell him ahead of time that I will be in town? Or should I tell him once I’m there? I’ll only be there for 2 days so.. hella confused… I’m super free and open so I was thinking maybe we can try casual dating like we were in the beginning. I def don’t want him out of my life…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 1, 2019 at 9:14 pm

      Hi Jessica, so as you need to do a NC, no I wouldn’t tell him you are going to be in town. Make sure you post on social media that you are there but do not ask to see him. He wanted the break up, so let him have it and feel what life is like without you in it. He needs time to miss you.

  9. Oviya

    September 26, 2019 at 5:52 am

    Hi, I had a LDR with a guy for 11 months tho I knw him for 15yrs and lost touch. .hes in late 30s and I’m in early 40s. I visited 3times to his country and got intimate. many times he had proposed marriage and agn retract back saying age issue this and tht. He nvr had physical gf before and was involved in online ex gf frm another city for 2 yrs who rejected his marriage proposal and I came into his life after tht. He can’t seemed to forget her and his family is not happy abt it bcoz he’s nvr met her before and she refuse to show up when he went to visit her in tht city ! He has nvr met her ever! Fast forward she has occupied his heart and mind though he kept proposing to me. His family loves me and wants me to marry him. In Aug, I agreed to his proposal and suddenly he backed out saying he can’t forget her and though she rejected him he can’t let go of it and feel he will marry half heartedly and won’t make me happy if he go ahead. I love him so much and willing to move to his country and marry him but now he’s saying find someone who truly loves you as I’ll only marry for the sake of marriage. I heard frm his cousin last Friday, he regretted doing this to me and cried saying he made mistake by coming into my life when he can’t be 100 percent into it. He also said she blocked me and is angry and in few months she’ll forget me and get a new person.. ! I want him badly and can’t forget him .. I’m devastated and now in 22 NC and he did reach out and email me 14 days NC ( as I blocked his Whtsapp and not in any other SM ) he sd how r u and hope you r doing well and out of anger. Pls send regards to ur mum and take care. Pls do send ur bank acct details. ( he wanted to settle a small owing he had when I visited him ) I replied his email saying I’m doing great and thanks for the wishes and wish ur parents are doing fine. Gave him the account no. And still didn’t unblock his WhatsApp. Should I unblock him now ? When he withdraw his proposal in Aug, I felt terrible and said nasty things. Didn’t know abt this videos then.. should I apologise for those ugly words said to him or leave it like tht and reach as normal after NC period is over ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 26, 2019 at 9:09 pm

      Hi Oviya, you need to complete a full NC where you have no spoken to him under no circumstances.

  10. Victoria

    September 22, 2019 at 5:05 pm

    Hey Chris! My boyfriend and I were dating for 3 years and 7 months – long distance and were first best friends for 3 years. We spent two weeks in person where we worked out a bunch of our issues, set boundaries, and expectations. We both planned once a week date nights and were looking forward to this healthier version of our relationship. He was even sending me cute texts and voice recordings telling me how much he loves me. He is doing his masters degree and I know he is under a lot of pressure from his professors and his self esteem has recently dropped. Then on our first date night he breaks up with me out of nowhere – he completely emotionally snaps. Crying and saying that he can’t do this anymore – when we were good – we had already worked things out and I was respecting his boundaries. There is definitely something else going on that he hasn’t told me and I know it’s not another girl. He was crying and even said there isn’t anyone else out there for him when I asked if he wanted someone else. I found out he just got off a call with his mother – who has been controlling in the past – and I’m worried that she pushed him over the edge when she found out about his struggles with his degree. After only two short calls that day – he hung up crying when I told him that I didn’t agree with what he was doing. I told him that he’s wrong, that I was already changing my unhealthy behaviours and he’s going to realise that this isn’t how you cope with stress. It is day 3 of NC, which I started immediately after our call. I’m trying to keep myself from looking at his online profiles, but on day one I could help myself and noticed he was listening to love songs of ours on Spotify. And even today, he hasn’t changed his relationship status – it still says we are together. I know he is doing this on impulse and anxiety. This is not how he usually behaves. The longest we have ever gone without speaking (due to no wifi) was 3 days. I was his best friend and his girlfriend. Is NC still the best option?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 23, 2019 at 6:04 pm

      Hi Victoria, yes NC is best in this situation. Let him have this time and you focus on you. Also dont look at what songs he is listening to or what activity is like online it does not help you, it will only make you assume things

  11. Marie

    September 17, 2019 at 12:31 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Wouldn’t the NCR just cuase them to move on faster? My ex is allready into some other girl but says it will take him a while to make a move. We have plans to have coffee when we both come home from thanksgiving in a couple months, but what if he is allready with someone. Wouldn’t sending him streaks in his favorite outfits of mine make him miss me more than No contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 19, 2019 at 4:56 pm

      Hey Marie, strangely enough No Contact allows your ex some time to process their thoughts and start to miss you. When they move on and get into rebound relationships etc this doesn’t stop them thinking of you as such, it just slows the process down. Make sure your NC is 30 days minimum and work on being the best version of yourself.

  12. Meemang

    September 8, 2019 at 8:30 am

    Hi!Chris,
    I was in a relationship for almost 7 years and in a LDR for 4 years with the same guy.He is out the country for his further studies.He would come visit me every once in a year.We were so much in love. The last time he came to visit me was about 4 months ago. I was so moody and didn’t give him enough time as I had my exams going on for which i had to prepare.We both are from medical field.I am not so expressive at showing love. I also applied for the same university where he is in but my letter got rejected and we couldn’t stop our long distance.When i messaged him he dint used to reply on time and he used to say he was busy with writing thesis and all.So i gave him space. Its been 20 days he hasn’t contacted me and said he wants to move on and told me to move on.He said he wanted a break up and has blocked me from every possible social sites.I tried to contact him but all in vain.Since then i am searching ways on the internet to get your boyfriend back and i got to know about you.he is returning to the country only after 10 months and i am thinking about visiting him after 2 months.I would be so grateful if you could help me !

    1. Shaunna

      September 12, 2019 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Meemang, so at this moment in time he isn’t showing interest in getting back with you or seeing you. I would do a NC and then start the texting phase to catch his interest and build rapport again. When someone wants a break up the best thing to do is give them that space so they have the chance to miss you. And think about the positives of having you in their lives again. Hope this helps 🙂

  13. Andie

    August 26, 2019 at 2:39 pm

    Hey Chris!
    I am in a super weird situation just wondering what way you would go about this. Me and my now ex boyfriend had been living overseas in the UK for the past two years (me Canadian and him Australian) We were best friends for 6 months before things turned romantic and we fell in love and even lived together over there. I even went on vacation with his family and he came and lived at my family home for a month in Canada before going on a European 2 week vacation with my family and I as well. After this we spent an amazing final 3 days in Rome before going separate ways at the beginning of August which was the biggest mess at the airport, we could not let go of each other hah. We talked about plans for me to move to Australia on a work visa in 3 months time from when i start working, then eventually partner visa as weve discussed we couldnt be apart and its a place ive always wanted to go. We then had done a LDR for only 3 weeks talking and facetiming constantly and he even said to all his friends and family i am moving and they added me on social media and were super excited. But then after a few weeks I could feel him getting cold and he kept saying its just very weird being home as it had been 2 years away which I do understand, and then resulted in a phone call in which he was crying and saying he loves me but he is thinking of doubts for me going over there and needs to figure out what he truly wants and doesnt want to drag me along and pretend he doesnt feel this way. I made sure to take it well told him i understand and I will miss him and love him and truthfully hope he finds what he is looking for and he said he even hopes that in a little bit of time he hopes he realises I am exactly what he wants. He continuously told me he is sorry and he loves me so much and its so difficult for him to do this but needs to try and get himself sorted to figure out where he wants to be and what he wants in life.

    I am just so confused as he was seeming so sad like he didnt want to do it, and while I do understand him needing some time to get his life sorted it seems abrupt and out of nowhere. And he also has always been the one who is very cautious in our relationship so I dont know if thats a good sign he might come around as it is quite typical he overanalyses every move he makes and might just be stuck in his head.

    It has only been a couple of days but we are not speaking (which i cant even remember the last time we didnt 🙁 )and I am planning on at least a few weeks to get myself working as I am still interviewing just now. But what would be a way to go about this do you reckon? and do you think he will come back to me?

    sorry its so long winded. I appreciate a lot though

  14. Mikayla

    August 9, 2019 at 4:29 pm

    Hi Chris,
    My boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. We broke up because of distance. He was moving to a new state, and although we had done long distance before, the stress of the move was too much for him. The past month has been hard. We’ve had minimal contact (congratulating on a new job and asking where to send clothes), but I have grown so much as a person. I have been exercising, volunteering, praying, hanging with friends, and living my life. I know I don’t need him in my life, but I want him in my life. I’m at a point financially where I would be able to see him as often as we had planned, and now have a timeline as to when the distance could end. I just want to talk and take it Day by day, but I’m not sure how to start. Thanks!

  15. Mikayla

    August 9, 2019 at 4:01 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thank you so much for all of the info. My ex and I broke up about a month ago because of distance. He was moving to a new state, and even though we had done long distance before, the stress of the move was too much. The past month we have had little to no contact (the congrats on starting a new job and where to send his clothes), and I have grown a lot as a person and have been spending my time exercising, volunteering, praying, hanging out with friends, going on an occasional date, etc. I know I don’t need him in my life, but I want him there. I want to be able to talk to him and take it day by day. I am now in a better place financially, and would be able to see him as often as we had originally hoped, and would have some time frame as to when the distance could end. I just don’t know if that’s the right way to go about talking to him. Thanks!

  16. Nina

    August 7, 2019 at 3:14 am

    Hi Chris, thank you so much for this information I really appreciate the time and dedication you put in helping us women. My breakup is very fresh right now, we broke up August 4th after 1 year of being together. We’ve been long distance but we have seen each other in person at least 7 or 8 times. My situation is difficult and it’s very confusing for me. Our relationship was great, getting to see him once in a while was amazing. But a lot happened in his life while he was in a relationship with me, his father passed away, he’s been having trouble in school and is afraid he won’t pass, he’s gotten in a car accident, a lot happened to him while being in this relationship. I’ve always been there for him and we used to call whenever we got the chance. Like I said our relationship was very healthy and it was over all great. But unfortunately he says that he’s lost the feeling of love for me. He says he’s fallen out of love and that completely shattered me. We decided to go on a break for 1 week. And sadly it did nothing for our relationship, he’s “fallen out of love and doesn’t think it’s going to work out anymore” he says he doesn’t see a future with me like he used to. Of course all of this was just so much for me, he’s my first ever relationship and right now heart break. I am very devastated. I love him and I want this to work. We broke up over call and he told me he still cares and loves me. That’s when I went in panic mode, I felt desperate and I looked up ways to get your ex back online. I was going to do the no contact rule, for myself mostly. I don’t know if me and him will ever get back together even though I have hope that we do. He says he wants to remain friends and he would really like to be in my life to watch me succeed and all. But I love him. Starting the no contact rule I decided to remove him off of Snapchat and Instagram. I kept his phone number because it’s the only way of contact without having to see and view what he’s doing in his life. He messaged me the same day after I removed him and I responded saying it’s nothing personal and I will add him back when I’m ready. I am starting the no contact rule now In hopes I will feel better and maybe hopefully he’ll come back. If you’ve read until now chris, please tell me if there is a chance in getting him back. I understand LDR is hard and the distance can be a big part of it. But I really love him and want this to work.

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 7, 2019 at 3:57 am

      Hi Nina…I think you made the right decision to start up No Contact. NC is really about taking care of “you” and finding not just the healing and recovery that will make you feel better, but the personal growth that comes along with having various life experiences. Always a chance. The future is always moving with possibilities. Just know that whatever happens, you will be fine. You are a special person and you will find a good path.

  17. LB

    July 31, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Thank you so much for putting this together! I started no contact with my long distance ex, and coincidentally have a trip planned to go to his city for a wedding at what will be about 3.5 weeks of no contact. Right now I am about at two weeks in.

    He knows I’m coming over there, but when he broke up with me I told him I did not want to see him while I was there if we were not going to repair our relationship. Obviously I would like to use the opportunity of me being over there and see him, but am afraid that if I break no contact after 3 weeks and have not heard from him, that he will just see right through it and know that I want to see him and am secretly hoping we will repair it.

    After the (bad) breakup there was a bit of me trying to convince him that our relationship could be salvaged. He told me that he hopes we end up together in the future, but needs space to work on himself right now because our relationship was stressing him out.

    Do you think I should reach out at 21 days, which will be 3 days before I head over? Any ideas on how to get to the meet up sooner than normal?

    Thank you again for all of your resources!

  18. Amee

    July 29, 2019 at 7:29 am

    Hi Chris,
    I met a European (divorced) guy online (I’m from Asia) through a professional site. He reached out to me, introduced himself and said he wanted to get to know me. We have known each other for two months. At first, I was just answering his questions (if I had a family, what my hobbies were, etc.) I was sort of going with the flow, but eventually, our conversations went deeper and romantic. We did not not have an actual labeled relationship, but we exchanged messages like that of lovers. Until he said he has already fallen in love with someone else – same nationality as his and same age. He said he wants us to stay in contact, as friends. But I want to get him back. After all, he was really interested in me before he met that girl. Is there a chance that I could win him back? Is it a good idea that we stay friends in hopes that he would come back to me when things don’t go well with the girl? I am currently doing NC – it’s been 5 days now

  19. Sealtiel

    July 17, 2019 at 8:17 am

    Hi Chris,

    I just purchased the ERP yesterday.
    I really wish it goes well for me.

    My boyfriend and I broke up just last Sunday (July 14). We were in a long distance relationship for 5 and half years. We do see each other once a year or every 2 years.

    I am a nagger and overthinker. When he is out with friends he tend to ignore me and for him I am a nuisance or bother for him. His break up message was devastating he said he dont want to include me anymore in his life and that he wants to be free.

    He is not an outgoing person but just this year 2019 he started going out and that’s when our relationship went into a roller coaster ride. He doesn’t want to admit that he is a late bloomer. He does not want me to message or call him and often times he will lie about being with his friends. He choses them and does not even consider my feelings. He is 25 by the way. He has this female friend that he is always with. I am always jealous of her but he said she is just a friend but then he keeps hiding all that is about her.

    We always video call and communicate and update each other until this year when he started going out with that set of friends. I felt like that is why he fall out of love because he always hangs out with these people and does not want to include me. He told me that he was not happy anymore and that for him everything is already a routine or a task.

    I felt so devastated. What has happened to him? He changed a lot. Also, We have plans that I will be moving into his country. And suddenly he told me that I do not live there. When I tell him that it is just temporary he wouldn’t go back to his A Game and choose me.

    I love him even though he is an asshole sometimes. He doesn’t assure me of his love and does not share about his whereabouts anymore.

    Is there still a chance to win him back?

    I really want him to be my life partner.

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 18, 2019 at 12:13 am

      I hope it goes well for you as well. Just follow the game plan I lay out and don’t forget the importance of focusing on your ongoing recovery and personal growth.

  20. Alice

    July 16, 2019 at 6:43 pm

    I was in a long distance relationship for nearly 5 years. We mutually split because we didn’t see a way to ending the distance but I then said I didnt want it to end and she said she didn’t want it to carry on. In April we started no contact and on my birthday in may she contacted my friend to say she hasn’t forgoton but doesn’t want to message me directly so not to give me false hope. I messaged her ten days after to tell her I have moved into a new place and was doing well and she replied. The beginning of July was my sons birthday and she messaged me to ask me to wish him a happy birthday and to send her love (he is 3)
    I am going to her city for work. I messaged her to tell her that I will pop her front door key through her door and that she doesn’t have to see me if she doesn’t want too. She replied that would be great xx
    I was planning on leaving her a bag of stuff that I know she can’t buy in her city- just a few token bits that I know her and her kids will like- but I am stumped. She obviously still cares- but I don’t want to go fast or suggest anything but am also worried if I don’t show her I come in peace she has quite a big ego and will never be the one to break the no contact. I really need some help. Please

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