What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Learn How She Got Her Long Distance Ex Boyfriend Back

Long distance relationships are tough.

Long distance relationship breakups are even tougher.

And yet despite all that the guest I have on this episode of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast overcame one of the most difficult situations and got her ex back.

I’d like to introduce you to Kris!

Side Note: This is the woman version of me!!!

Kris is actually one of the most active members of our Private Support Group so Jen (my wife) and I were thrilled when she told us that she had gotten her ex back.

But upon hearing her story firsthand I was blown away on how much she had to overcome just to get her guy to agree to be her boyfriend again.

Luckily, I recorded my entire conversation with her!

Check it out!

Interview Transcript

  • Ok,  so we have Chris here. Chris has the same name as me. So, it’s going to sound really weird because it feels like I’m talking to myself here but this is essentially the woman clone of me. What’s up Chris?

  • How’s it going?

  • Alright. So, you’ve got of a kind of an interesting story. You’re actually successful in getting your ex back and I figured what I’d do today is talk to you kind of about what you did that worked versus what you didn’t do but let’s give us kind of a quick synopsis of how awesome I am.. Go! I’m just kidding! Give us a quick synopsis of your situation so everyone listening can kind of get engaged and I guess apply what they learned from you to their situation.

  • For sure. So, my situation started off, it was actually, it was unique in that it was a long distance relationship that we hadn’t been able to really see each other a lot. So, because of the distance things did fall apart. We still did care about each other a lot but because of distance it was really difficult to keep the relationship going and there wasn’t really any set plan to close the distance or a really a set when we could see each again. We did as much as we could together online but after you meet a person and see them in real life it’s not the same. So, because there was really no progress in any direction, things really just fell apart.

  • So, who broke up with who? Was it kind of a like a mutual type thing or was he the one that said sayonara?

  • It was him who had said sayonara. At that time I have been going through a lot of personal stuff myself which due to that and I have been a little insecure just because of my own previous experiences in my life. It had to kind of compounded to really a frustrating situation and he on January 2nd said basically that we couldn’t continue this and he broike up with me.

  • So, January 2nd of this and let’s see what it is right now, June. So, it took quite a bit of time to get him back.

  • It was 5 months.

  • Yeah, almost half a year. So, that kind of gives you an idea of how long sometimes this things can take. So, what did you do then basically after he broke up with you? Did you just start panicking? Did you run around going streaking outside saying, “Ah! I’m on fire! The apocalypse is here!” or did you just act kind of cool?

  • Well, January 4th, I have all the dates pretty much memorized.

  • January 4, that’s impressive. Probably why you got him back. You’re that detailed and organized.

  • On January 4th I asked to talk to him and see like “Hey, can we try and work this out?” And so we talked some more about it and it just–things weren’t working out. He wanted to try to maintain the friendshipt because there hasn’t been a relationship it wasn’t working out. I stayed trying to be friends and talking with him for, it was almost a month and it’s just –he started getting more and more distant which obviously hurt me a lot and when I started looking around and be like, “What can I do about this?” and I came across your website and in particular your information on long distance relationships because I couldn’t find anything else.

  • Yeah, it’s interesting. So, you landed on the website. Did you end up like taking–there’s a quiz on the website which I know a lot of people take. Did you take the quiz?

  • I did. I did some reading into–like I read a few articles like on a long distance relationship and then also on the no contact which really struck a cord with met that he know that definitely makes sense to me and then like the next day, I went back and I did the quiz and I actually did went in one of your  little webinars.

  • Little webinars, so, you did webinar, and if you don’t know, she’s actually a part of our private support group and you’re a big  part of the private support group. You’ve been there, I feel almost since the beginning right? Like really early on.

  • It was early February, end of January early February I joined.

  • How many members were there at that point?

  • Just over a hundred. I think it was like around a 115 or something like that was when I joined.

  • So, I think there’s almost 800 now or something like that.

  • Yeah, so I was pretty early on in it and it was a very tight knit. It was interesting seeing–

  • Girl power and I’m the only guy so, it’s like.–

  • At that time you were anyways.

  • Yeah, there was a one guy who got in there which–poor Dylan. He’s name was Dylan and I remember saying like this is weird. Like a guy is trying to enter this group and I was like, well, let me actually go and see if he purchased. So, I looked and it was like, “Holy! He purchased.” So, it was like, how do I handle this? I was thinking the women were just going to tear him to shreds but the opposite happened. The women loved him and just would not leave him alone. It was just almost like going to–Wonderwoman’s out right now. So, those like island of Amazonians right? It was just an all girl island and then you just throw some guy in there and they just devoured him. Poor Dylan. I don’t think he’s come back since.

  • Yeah he was around for a while. I saw him periodically posting

  • he got his ex back actually believe it or not  and then he did.

  • Awesome! Congras to him!

  • And then he didn’t want her back.  Weirdest thing.

  • interesting.

  • Yeah, but anywho before I start–

  • Digression.

  • This is a problem with us, we were talking like 30 minutes before we actually started recording. We should probably really get recording hrere but anywho continue your story.  You did the webinar, you probably bought the product, you’re on the Facebook group.

  • Yeah, it was like -I’m a really big skeptic about anything like this and it was like, you know what I am going to take a chance with this. Usually I do not do stuff like that. I’m like haha, close window , done. I actually took a chance with this because it was like, you know what why not? This is a situation for me that was very, very different than any other situation I had ever been in, like any other previous relationship. For me, when it’s done, it’s done. It’s broken. I’m not fixing it. No, thanks. This particular situation was so significantly different to me.

  • So, would you say in those situations before when you said I’m done, I’m not going to try, were you always the one to end the relationship or were they always the one to end the relationship?

  • Both. I have a vast experience in dealing with some pretty dumb situations that have had happened. Everything from being cheated on. For me I’m very cut and dry where it’s if I’ve been cheated on, done.

  • I like it.

  • Like not happening. I have huge amounts of self value and I do not tolerate that and that’s happened to me. I inadvertently without knowing it, have been the other woman. That was a particularly ugly situation and that I found out from the guy’s fiance after the relationship ended. That one was ugly because I had no idea that he was on a long distance relationship. He was in the States and his fiance was in Scotland.

     

  • That sucks.

     

  • Yes, I found out from her.

  • How do this men think that–women aren’t dumb. Like especially if you really make her mad, they’re going to go digging. They’ll pick up his phone. They’ll look and see who’s texting. How do this men think they will get away with this. Like I’m sure some do but I’m feeling generally if they make the woman upset enough where she has this desire, this feeling like oh, I’m being cheated on. She’s going to steal his phone and look through it. I think that’s a normal thing for any probably person to do.

  • The one where I was cheated on was actually friends of mine who I trust implicitly saw him out with the other woman.

  • Ouch.

  • I was like, ok, that’s gone. He tried to get me back even just as recent as 6 months ago. That particular guy tried to get me back.

  • Got a bit of the grass is greener syndrome but anyways let’s get back to our current boyfriend.

  • Current situation.

  • Right. So, you’re in the group–this is the problem. This is why I don’t talk to myself often

  • I’m actually very glad I did take the chance with this because it’s been really just a huge learning experience for me and a great opportunity just networking, meet new people who are in very similar circumstances because otherwise I was going through this entire thing myself and that’s hard.

  • I was actually going to point out to you that a lot of the women on the group— I think my wife, she like asked to post the other day or something asking like hey what do you do for a living, just like in general. There are some really amazing women in this group, really amazing. Like shocking to me how powerful some of them are. So, just to let you know, we’re going to take over the world.

  • One broken relationship09:56

  • Right. 09:58 the world with our power! Just kidding!

  • So, yes that’s pretty much my story on how I came to be in EBR after my relationship after my relationship had broken down.

  • Ok, let’s get to good stuff now that you’re at the bottom, how did you get back up to the top. That’s probably what people want to hear about.

  • Well, what I did was I took very seriously the what to do during no contact and like I was very adamant of I need to work on me. Previous relationship, like they had had broken up, I had worked a lot on me. I had talked to a counselor and things like that, that was after I had broken up with my ex who’s the father of my daughter. It took me a good year to be able to actually fully rebuild myself and so I knew that working on me was such a prominent thing I needed to do.

  • May I ask? Only because I have a daughter, and I know how much of time suck it can be just to watch them. How did you find time to do that? To work on you?

     

  • Well, when I left my ex I actually ended up moving into my dad’s house. So, he is retired and so he was able to watch her a lot. So, I was actually able to rebuild–basically I rebuilt from the bottom. Like this situation, single, at that time my daughter was 4 years old, thousands of dollars in student loan, a car that was breaking down, like I was on rock bottom and an emotional wreck after a 5 year failed relationship in that one that I would never go back to and a looming court situation which was an ugly one as well. It was just –I’m just rebuilding basically to -how I was saying, it was like no I’m going to be kris version 2.0. And that’s really just what I stuck with, was just I’m going to be bigger and better and better than ever.

     

  • Ok, so how long. So, right now, currently in this moment, do you feel that way? Like do you feel kind of at the top of do you feel like you still got work to do?

  • I feel like–to continue that story. Finished with that situation, I stayed single for  a year and  a half after that and then I met my current boyfriend. He and I, we did meet online and by that point, I wasn’t looking for a relationship. He wasn’t looking for a relationship, we just hit it off.

  • It just clicked.

     

  • Yeah, it was so spontaneous where it was just–to sound cliche and yeah, it was magical if you will.

  • Magical!

  • It was something else. Fast forward a year and a half later, we break up. I rebuilt from there. In the time that I was doing my no contact, what I did was I had an exam that I was working on for my investment funds which qualified me. Like I had to pass that one and it qualified me for a promotion at work which came with the $12,000 raise, etc, etc, full time hours, better benefits, pension, all fun stuff, good stuff.

  • I like that stuff. Who wouldn’t?

  • I passed the exam first try.

  • Did you get that promotion?

  • I did. Like I passed the exam on February 28th, by that point I was out of no contact. Like my no contact had been done for a little while, about a week, just over a week and I just kept working on that. Things were, we talked a little bit, game stuff mostly and so we were building rapport to try to like figure out like how do we talk to each other. He still wanted to be friends and a part of him really wished that everything like–that we could go back to before the relationship when we were just like really, really close friends. You can’t do that, not after a relationship. It doesn’t work. It does never work.

  • I have never had that happened before.

  • It takes years.

  • Yeah, I’m with you on that. I kind of fall into your camp. I’m sure there are like exceptions to the rule but I think in generally most cases, that’s one party usually harbors something.

     

  • One of my exes, who I do game with still, we stopped talking for 5 years before we could actually start talking again and now we’re great friends. We paly dnd together, we’re in guild wars together, we’re in a lot of different games together, but it took 5 years before we could talk.

  • Wow a lot of time. So, you’re currently talking with the ex boyfriend right now in the story, trying to figure that out, I’m assuming you’re kind of having trouble.

  • Yes, so I just spent the time focusing on me, worked on my exam, got my exam done and just kept working on what I needed to do for me to improve my situation for me. Like In many ways, I have to be really selfish because no matter what I have to be ok with me. Guys come and go, that’s a huge factor. Yeah, they do. Yeah, I did want my ex back, however I have to be ok no matter what.

  • Right, which is I feel like I’m preaching that all the time on the group but some people just have that hard, they have a hard time believing that that would work. Like they don’t–they say I understand like working on me is good for me but how will that work to get my ex back? But it does, it does have a positive effect going forward.

  • If you’re in a situation where you’re ok, you’re positive. Another person doesn’t want to come into your life to have to pick you up, dust you off, and put you back together. You don’t attract anything like that other than grief or a person with a superhero complex and yeah, that does never grow up.

     

  • Alright, I kind of want to get to the struggle. because I know you kind of struggled a little bit here and there. What did you do? Because-let’s see in the story right now we’re in February right of the exrecovery mountain. So, what happened along the way? What were some of the struggles? What did you do to handle the struggles?

  • He would be–he’d talk with me sometimes and then he would not talk with me. So, I ended up doing like periodic little– I want to say mini no contacts.

  • So, you kst kind of like disappeared for a little while.

  • Yeah, I just worked on my own stuff whether it be in game working on achievements or learning how to do stuff, making new builds, doing my own stuff around here. I just kept working on everything here and making my life interesting for me. And still reaching out periodically and talking and like I had actually set it out where I wasn’t going to be getting him back for a long, long time. So, the fact that I got him back in 5 months, that was unexpected. I was anticipating like a year.

  • Ok, so you had already mentally prepared yourself that this is going to take a long time but I’m just going to see how it all kind of plays out.

  • yeah I had a full on game plan for like a year.

  • Oh wow. So, at somewhere along the way, did you also kind of like–because I know right when you get broken up, that’s when you’re kind of you’re the height of your emotions and that’s when you’re the height of wanting your ex back but I noticed a lot of women sometimes when they actually do what you’re doing, over time they’re kind of like, yeah I’m not so interested anymore. Did that happen at all or were you always kind of still?

     

  • Oh, I was all over the place.

  • Ok, so it’s like one minute, screw him I’m not going to get him back, the next minute it’s like come back to me.

  • Oh, yeah at one point, I was like really angry where I was like the full emotional range, I went through it during this.

     

  • Ok, it’s like being pregnant again right?

  • Oh, yes. It was glorious just how all over the place I ended up at some points. There were a few times where it was like I was ready to just like drop the band hammer and like banish him from my life forever. Not hard to do when the person is online. Delete and block literally everything and just disappear and never to be heard from again. Oh, I almost did it a few times. I almost did it atleast like 5 or 6 times, just like walk away from the keyboard. 19:15 shut the computer off.

  • So, you’re clearly going through a range of emotions here but at one point did you start to see`–we’re you kind of like always seeing like a little consistent progress, not maybe as fast as you wanted or was it like one particular thing happened to create this sort of snowball going forward?

  • Well, at the end here there was definitely one giant catalyst but–

  • Yes, and that’s what I want. That’s what I’m moving towards here.  

     

  • we’ll get to that. It wasn’t even cirque du soleil. Actually that one was another one where I almost dropped the band hammer.

  • No, that’s where I want to get to.

  • There was at one point where being very upset where the whole potato thing came about.

  • Ok, let’s explain those–

  • You are talking to the person who is the one of the two creators of the potato thing.

  • I’ve actually interviewed both, if you haven’t already, go listen to the other one.

  • Yes, thank you Anna!

  • Yup. I got both the culprits here. So, apparently, let me kind of give this a backgroud. So, please have an idea of what we’re talking about because someone may like fast forward to like 20 minutes into thing and it’s like they’re talking about potatoes? This has nothing to do with exes. So, basically on our private support group, there is a–I want to say, every single woman refers to their ex as a potato. Go.

  • Ok, so I was having one of my very upset emotional my ex is not talking to me, is being super distant, is not responding to me, sitting in the ground doing nothing–come back to the surface and actually be like a person or something. You need to evolve. You can do it and that’s where it’s all started. Was the can you stop being a raw potato in the ground?

  • The funniest part about this is when I –because when I interviewed Anna originally, I didn’t know what that was about. It’s just like I logged on one day and all of a sudden everyone is starting to talk about like potatoes and like what the heck is going on here? Every time I do a Facebook live people would be talking about potatoes. I was like what is this potato thing, explain this potato thing to me but when I finally got Anna on, she went into this like super in depth, like it was so well worth it, but confused me so much like the potato, like explanation.

    So, it’s interesting to hear your side of things because that–just go watch the other episode with Anna where I interviewed her about getting her ex back because she like goes to this–it’s hilarious. This huge long winded response explaining this idea where she was like, if you really think about it, like men are just like potatoes. Like they’re really like potatoes and then she was like, just think about potatoes just sit there on the ground. They don’t do anything.

  • That’s literally what it was. It was like this like, just respond. Stop being a potato. Just like send the response. Answer my question. Answer me. Do we have DnD on Saturday? You can do it. Out of the dirt. Answer. Use your phone. Use your muscles.

  • Well, he sprouted eventually. Let’s get to that part now. So, you said, there was a couple of catalysts. So, we got the potato out of the way, let’s move to the catalyst.

  • We chatted a bunch and it was off and on. It wasn’t until really Tia had done her article after she had succeeded getting her ex back. She had written her article–

  • Excellent article by the way. Tia, God bless her.

  • If the only thing you take from that article is make the list of what your ex liked and what your ex didn’t like–

  • That is the easiest thing but so smart.

  • It is. It’s phenomenal where you actually sit there and be like, hey wait a minute. This is what he liked about me. This is what he didn’t like about me. Why was I doing the stuff he didn’t like when he liked all this stuff about me? And I started writing about all the stuff that he likes and stop doing–resolve the stuff he doesn’t like. That right there and that–

  • So, you obviously did that little exercise?

  • Oh, did I ever? I think I spent about 24 hours on it, just going through, rehashing it over and over and over again.

  • That’s so funny!

  • And trying to resolve what was I doing? Alright, insecurity. Yeah, I hadn’t deal with that. What is the root cause of that? And just working to–even if I didn’t get him back, how to not screw up eveything else in the future for me with that same thing? I took it as kind of like an exercise of I’m going to try my best to get him back, if I don’t how can I improve me? Because it’s always  a really big exercise in that. I like seeing the whole picture. The other thing that she did was the different communications with your ex. Like at that chart.

  • Yes, that was actually my favorite part of the article. Like to me the listing, the quality he liked versus the quality he doesn’t like, I tell people that. Make a list. Make a list of topics to talk about or something like that. But to me charting out the responses was so–and the chart she did, I was blown away when she turned this thing in. I was like, holy crap. I was thinking, why didn’t I think of this? And I’m supposed to be like the person who knows you know.

  • It was like end of May. I didn’t start my chart until like the end of May, just before like my major catalyst here happened and I had been like ready to drop the band hammer again.

  • Right, the band hammer, I love it.

  • There’s a whole gaming story behind that one and I was like is this worth it? Is this really worth it? That’s what I was wrestling with. It’s like, ok so, even if I do succeed, is this worth it? Is this feasible? It’s like yes, it is. So, finally I broke down and just did the exercise and like I spent an hour on it and then I could actually see the progress I’ve made. I only went back like two weeks of communication and it was like, no we’ve got like some really consistent communications going here. I was like, hey wait a minute. So, getting caught in the but he’s not responding, he’s not responding. It’s like wait a minute, no he actually is.

  • Yeah, and also you can get a really good look at the specific things he’s responding to

    which is really important to know because that like increases your chances of getting him to respond more in the future. So, you’ll limit those like ending the conversations he’s not responding anymore, he’s taking forever to respond. It’s really cool to have it like charted out infront of you and sometimes that’s all people need to see. They’re just so far into like the next text, if he’ll respond to the next text.

  • It was like, we discovered like–we did some really interesting like analytical —just analyzing everything that was going on in my situation and we noticed that there was very, very distinct pattern where he wouldn’t talk during the week, but on weekends there would be a flurry of activity and this happened for a while and then it changed to -it progressed to it was like he’s messaging almost everyday and like the first week where he messaged literally almost everyday, he started almost every conversation on that one. So, it was like there’s huge progress and then he retreated, and it was quite the retreat because I think he got a little like I think he kind of overwhelmed himself with it in a little bit.

  • Well, probably he started to get freaked out like, well I’m falling for her. You know like–I don’t know if I want to and he’s kind of backing up perhaps.

  • And that is literally exactly what happened. So, I ended up here we are–one of the catalysts. We have finally made it.

  • Yes, finally made it to the catalyst.

  • I had been looking around seeing if like there was anything, like any activities happening like close within his region, like within drivable range that I could invite him too. Because it would be like something really cool to go to and I found Cirque du soleil where it’s going to be happening. And if anyone is not sure what Cirque du soleil is, look it up. It is phenomenal. It is amazing.

  • It’s cool.

  • Like I’ve been wanting to go this for ages. turns out it’s supposed to be today and I’m not going to be there but that’s beside the point.

  • Yeah, you got him back. It’s worth the price you paid.

  • So, I invited him and he actually responded that while he really–first the drive was going to be too much for him. It was going to be a 4 hour drive. Yeah, I do understand that.

  • I think let’s back up. I think Jen probably helps you out more with this than me but I do remember her telling or like asking me like if –I remember if you should even ask him. Like you were trying to worry, should I do this, should I ask him, is that too bold or something?

  • I asked him and it was like Ok. He had responded and it was like what do I respond with? or do I just like stopped talking because he said no and it’s like what do I do? Because I was flustered in that and what he had responded with that I was struggling with, was that the drive was actually–it would have been a 4 and a half hour drive across an international border. So, I do understand yeah, that’s a pretty long drive. I’d have to do drives like that. It’s not fun.

    That was the first thing. He really want to go and see something like that, he was concerned of what would happened between us and that one of us might get it in our head s that, hey we should try again and he was concerned about that because he wasn’t sure he could be happy with that and if he said no, and it was me who was asking that I’d end up miserable which ties back to how the relationship ended. I was very well aware of  exactly like where he was coming from with that but it was like I didn’t want to leave it at that but how do you respond to that? So, that was where I was struggling with that and you guys are fantastic help. I am so thankful for your help with that

  • Well, tell them what you did.

  • So, I did respond and basically it’s like, yeah, I know I totally understand. It was a combination of a few people. We sat there and we broke everything he said down and we analyzed every single sentence, every single word, broke it down and fashioned this response and sent it back to him. I never heard back a response. I gave him another week of hey, if you change your mind let me know. Never mentioned it again.

  • Right, right. He’s trying to stay away from it.

  • Oh, did he ever stay away from that one. From there, he actually got quite distant.

  • Well, yeah he’s probably–

  • He was reeling.  He was stuck in a situation of it’s like, I just turned her down from this absolutely awesome event that I did want to go see because well, I’m scared. That’s flat out basically what it was.

  • That is exactly what it is. So, there’s your catalyst. What happens next?

  • So, it’s a few weeks later, I don’t mention Cirque du soleil at all. It’s like off the table. I decided I was going to take my brother with me and well that apparently is not happening now.

  • I’m sorry.

  • It’s all good. Well, literally it’s supposed to be in like yeah, 5 hours.

  • Hey, you can still drive. Go along and bring your kid.

  • From here to Hamilton is at least an 18 hour drive. Teleport!

  • Not quite there yet.

  • Working on it.

  • You might be able to make it.

  • So, I just left it and continued gaming together but it was instead of like ok yeah he’s being more distant, ok, so I just continue doing my thing and being  as pretty much ungettable and awesome in your face as I can be in game, whether it be in DND.

  • I love how you act like it didn’t bother you because in the back of his mind, he has to be thinking like something about this but the fact that you didn’t bring it up and the fact that you’re just sort of moving on like it didn’t even bother you is probably just getting to him a little bit.

  • I think it was because I logged into Guild wars whereas like a lot of our interactions over this period happened where I’d say hi to a whole guild and like hey, how it’s going and just talk to random people and one of his best friends is on there who I had been very insecure about, her name is Mindy. I had actually been jealous about her because they have a very, very strange. She friendzoned him hard years ago.

  • Oh, I see. So, you’re worried he might still have something there for her but don’t worry I’ll beat her up for you. It’ll be easy. No, I’m just kidding.

  • Oh no. She’s in a relationship, buying a condo with her current boyfriend and so, —

  • Oh, good. Let’s get them married. Bring her here. I’ll teach her how to get him in.

  • Everything is well in that universe. So, I became her friend.

  • Ok, keep your friends close, your enemies closer.  I love it.

  • And it was just like, Oh because he knew I was really insecure about her. So, now, I’m like best friends with her. Changed that dynamic.

  • Wow, that’s actually really clever. Women, you guys come up with the most clever stuff.

  • Yeah, I can thank your wife for that one.

  • Oh god. My wife, she’s a scary woman.

  • In the mean time, I really didn’t have much of a sphere of influence with him. So, it was like, that’s why it’s like alright, I’ve got to be a 100% charismatic awesomeness in front of Mindy. I ended up -a while back, I already started this like group chat on Facebook with a few of his friends and me. It was just something silly about like, do you remember like way back when there was like way back when oh my god. There was a movie about December 21st 2012 and how it was like the end of the world and they made this like big cataclysmic movie?

  • 2012 right? It had John Cussack in it or something. Horrible movie, but yeah.

  • This whole conversation started with like some big picture of and it was a meme that was like, basically what he wanted was all of his friends have kids. Almost all of them with the exception of my daughter were born after 2012. So, the whole point was, ok you need to tell your kids that they came after this.

  • That’s hilarious.

  • So, it was like, ok golden opportunity. Let’s add a bunch of them as So, it was like, ok golden opportunity. Let’s add a bunch of them as friends and just kind of like expand this sphere of influence. So, it’s like he sees me interacting with  a lot more of his friends,friends and just kind of like expand this sphere of influence. So, it’s like he sees me interacting with  a lot more of his friends,

  • Yeah, also` I think there has to be something there about the fact that he’s seeing you everywhere. It’s like in advertising. You know how –like Mcdonald’s will pay for a commercial even though your’e not going to buy that minute but they just want the brand recognition. It’s sort of like your own little brand. Everywhere he turns you’re there. You’re friending his friends. You’re just everywhere. He can’t get away from you.

  • Yes. Oh, we’re still in Guild wars. We’re in all the same guilds, in discord we’re in all the same guild chats. It was really hared to wrestle with why I was like so cold struck with band hammers because it’s like he also was everywhere and It was like he didn’t change it, I didn’t change it. It was still there and it’s how do you continue on with this? It was very frustrating. So, I had influenced a bunch of his sphere of influence and friended a bunch of his friends which actually worked out really well with the recent events of his car crash last Friday.

  • I saw pictures. They’re crazy pics, like that’s a totaled car. That’s a bad totaled car.

  • Oh yeah, he was lucky. We’re not sure what triggered it but he ended up hitting the barricade on the i-90.

  • Oh no. That’s like a movie stunt.

  • Oh no. That’s like a movie stunt.

  • I know. He hit the barricade on the I90 with the driver’s side of the car. The impact pushed the battery into the entire front end of the driver’s side of the car into the driver’s side wheel. The driver’s side wheel got pushed back into the side panel of like the door, split the tire–

  • He was lucky to be alive basically.

  • Airbag goes off in his face, causes whiplash and concussion. The impact, just where it was ended up causing his –like the front end of the car rolled along the barricade. So, just like destroyed the bumper and then the passenger side ended up hitting the barricade and ground along the barricade and that’s what stopped him.

  • Wow! That’s a bad crash. The pictures looked bad that you posted in the group. They did. They looked bad.

  • So, it was like, uh, that’s not good. That happened Friday like 8 o’ clock in the morning,on is way to work and his family didn’t found out til like 2:30 that this had happened. The insurance couldn’t track him down, couldn’t find it like 3 out of 4 phone numbers were not existent phone numbers anymore. So, it was a nightmare trying to track him as parents.

    I found out the next day, like the next morning that he has been into a car accident. So, that afternoon, I ended up booking a flight and flew down there because that was–I missed–during our relationship, I had missed a lot of things where I really wish I could have been there but in that situation I wasn’t able to. Like I had court happened in there, I had a lot of other stuff happened in there, I couldn’t travel.

  • I see. That probably took a strain in the relationship.

  • That was the biggest thing right there. I was going through a lot of stuff and I couldn’t be there for the things that he needed.

  • Did you ever like rely on Tia because I know she’s in a long distance relationship? She probably has a lot of good advice.

  • She probably has a lot of good advice but I haven’t actually talked a lot about it with her.

  • It’s completely up to you but going forward, she might have. You guys might want to network and at least bounce ideas off each other because you’re both in long distance relationships.

  • That is definitely is a great idea.

  • You don’t have to do it so, no pressure.

  • No pressure!

  • No pressure but do it! Just kidding!

  • No pressure but strengthen that network! And so, I ended up going down there. He didn’t know I was going. His family didn’t know I was going and here’s where we tie back to-those friends that I had been befriending from the whole 2012 movie–

  • Yeah, that group chat thing.

  • There’s two friends in particular, –I ended up–they both offered me their couch because I was just like, no I’m coming down there. And they just both offered me their couch, like hey if you need a place to stay, here you go. So, I just kind of flew down there. One of them came and got me from the airport to drop me off on the way to the hospital. One of them didn’t even know we were broken up.

  • Oh I see. It really is kind of weird for you to go like for them to thinking like, oh they have to be dating because she’s coming, like why would someone who’s broken up come? But, paid off for you big time.

  • I do random stuff.

  • You’re spontaneous which is great.

  • Spontaneous, charismatic, that is me.

  • It’s like I’m talking about myself really!

  • So, I randomly showed up at the hospital. He had a time he couldn’t see. It took him almost for him to actually get his sight back.

  • Oh my god. That concussion!

  • That concussion and the whiplash basically triggered–it was an almost seizure. So, he was having an almost seizure while unconscious in the hospital.

  • So, you saw him when he couldn’t see you basically?

  • At that point he couldn’t see. Like he had the left eye peripheral vision and that was it. So, I showed up and just had a smirk on my face looking like look what happened here. Just like some random line and he couldn’t look at me. Like he couldn’t look at me. He spent the entire like first hour of me being there looking at his other friend and still trying to process. I could actually see him trying to process that I was there. Actually I asked him about that. It was like so, what was your firs thought when you saw I was there? He was like, how are you here?

  • He had to appreciate it.

  • He did tell me a few times that he was really glad I did go. It’s like I did explain to him just flat out it’s I wasn’t able to be there for a lot of the the things that I really should have been there before. I’m not. Why would not be here for this?

  • I mean this is probably–he could have been killed, very very serious. So, I’m assuming he had to got his eyesight back at some point and he’s able to see you at some point.

  • Yes, he can also do things like eat and gets discharged from the hospital. We have progress. So, I flew in Sunday. Monday afternoon he was discharged. We ended up talking a bunch, well some. It was Monday night after he was discharged, his entire back and neck was really sore. He was just like come over here and I gave him  an hour and a half long massage. Just trying to help loosen up some of the tension in the muscles.

  • Oh, that’s what you were doing. I see. Loosening up the tension hmm.

  • As we’re sitting there, watching a movie, he’s sitting on a 42:50 . It was just like alright and we talked after that. Like just a little bit and yeah things changed. He finally, finally let his guard down.

  • So, it took a near death experience and a back massage to loosen him up.

  • Oh, it was after the back massage. It was like  I was staying in the guest room and he was in his room. So, I helped him because he was still wobbly and still veering right. He almost tripped over a bucket in one point in the hospital because he kept veering right.

  • Poor guy, cant’ see anything.

  • Like seriously, if he had been a big room, that was just like open, he probably would have done circles veering right.

  • Not funny, but it is funny!

  • I cracked that joked right to his face! We finally did talk. He sat on his bed, I was standing there close and like seeing if there’s anything else I can help with basically and he just grabbed with around the waist and put his hand on hip and just helped me.

  • Oh, that’s kind of cute.

  • That was when he finally started to open up a bit and finally started letting the guard down. After that, I sat down for a bit, we just talked and he gave me a hug and he ended up kissing me.

  • Alright, so now the fireworks are happening.

  • We talked and we didn’t get back together then. It was actually the next day before we went to bed, it was like, ok we really need to talk. We ended up laying there and just held each other for a while and just enjoying each other’s company and that’s where he ended up telling me that he was really glad that I had come down there. That he didn’t think he’d ever see me again and just a lot of things like that. Fast forward, really like nothing happened. I was there and then the next day, he’s still really sore. He had slept terrible. He was up like every two hours.

  • Yeah, to have like any medicine to knock him out basically?

  • No, he didn’t

  • That’s probably why.

  • So, it was like just from all the tension and because he wasn’t able to move for those first two days, he had heparin shots in his belly and everything like that so, everything was really, really sore. And so next day because he slept terribly, he was kind of tired, cranky and irritable and grumpy and yeah, so, at one point we had been invited with a bunch of his friends to go out for lunch with them and he opted to not go. So, I still went and left him passed over the couch, like I’m going. I’m not there to sit there and baby sit him. I’m still going to go and have fun.

  • Right. How did that go?

  • He slept on the couch and he got a little bit of sleep and then he woke up and watched some tv and just relaxed.

  • How did it go for you?

  • It was fun. It was interesting. A lot of the time on this visit, it was there’s this ongoing narrative in me of am I doing the right thing being here? And I shouldn’t have come to just basically like back and effort of I shouldn’t be here and it was like no, this is where I have to be. So, it was really interesting.

  • So, like total days, how many days were you there?

  • I flew in, I landed in about 1:45 on a Sunday and I left 8 o’clock in the morning on Wednesday.

  • Ok, so 3 and a half days you were there. How did the actual conversation go where you just agreed to get back together? Did you say anything like revolutionary or was it just naturally unfolding?

  • We did grocery shopping and at one point he didn’t have a lot of feeling in his right arm. So, I ofcourse had to poke and he’s like yeah, I don’t really feel that. I can barely feel that. So, I poked him and then I just grabbed on his hand. He held it so hard so tightly. Later on, going to bed, he was going to bed, I laid on his bed and I was like, I need to talk to you.

  • Ok, so you’re the one who brought it up clearly.

  • Yeah, he wasn’t going to. Like a 100% he wasn’t going.

  • Oh men are cowards just in general. Sometimes we need a strong woman to kind of set us straight a little bit.

  • I was like, what did I say? I’m really glad I did come down here. It’s been great to see you again. I am leaving in the morning and he’s like, yeah, yeah, you are. And can we try again?

     

    It was just flat out, can we try again, “Yeah, we can try again but I don’t know how it’s going to work.” and then I just discussed a little bit of like strategizing how to get this to work. The first thing being, visiting more frequently.

  • Yeah, that’s kind of an important thing.

  • Yes, because and I explained like my entire situation had changed. That’s February, with that promotion I got, my entire situation changed.

  • So, basically it gives you a little bit more money to travel I’m assuming or–

  • and when I’m ready to move, my employer is ok.. all moving expenses, paid first three months of rent, find me a job, etc.

  • Ok, I’m seeing where you’re going with that.

  • In my previous job where I had been promoted from, for my role in almost all of ontario, I was number 4 out of 1200 people doing my job. The first question I get asked is, are you mobile? Like can we move you to a bigger center where you can do more? That’s the first question I get and I’ve had it like 5 times. Tuesday, I’m going to get it again because we have some 49:45 coming in.

  • Enjoy tuesday I guess. how are things going now though between the two of you? Because it seems like you’re working a strategy out but are things going pretty good the two of you?

  • Well, because of the nature of the situation, It’s like there wasn’t this huge enthusiasm because it’s like there’s still a lot of fear and a lot of trying to resolve a lot of things.

  • I also imagined he just had this huge horrific car accident. So, that has to be laying on his mind as well.

  • He’s not able to drive for the next 6 months etc, etc,. There’s a lot of things in his mind. His job, the contract he is on ends in the end of June. So, there’s a lot going on and I’m aware of this but he’s actually telling me this things.

  • Which he didn’t before.

  • Yes, so what I’ve been working on is mostly like just trying to us back into like doing stuff together. So, I flew back wednesday.

  • Wow, saw him again fast!

  • Oh no, no, no. I flew back here on Wednesday. 50:58  and while I’m traveling, 51:04 like, hey give you a call tomorrow? And just so that I can establish more like having an actual interaction with us again. So, just trying to rebuild the interaction. So, we start building tomorrow. I’m looking at when I’m next going to be traveling. I’ve got actually possibly the next 3 trips figure out.

  • Awesome. So, space wise, how much time will go by where you guys don’t see each other before the next trip.

  • Ah, between 4 to 6 weeks.

  • I could swing that. Jen and I, when we were in our long distance relationship, it was like that. Every 4 to 6 weeks we would see each other, and we see each other for like 3 or 4 days and then that would be it, we’d go back.

  • And that’s pretty much exactly what I’m looking at. It will be between like 4 to 8 weeks but I’m also trying to implement more of like using discord more, talking facetime, things like that.

  • We did texting all throughout the day, and then after she would be done with work, she would call me every single day and every once in a while she wouldn’t call me after work and I remember it drove me nuts because I was like, I had gotten to this routine of she’s going to call me right at 5 pm. I was at central time zone and she was in eastern. So, I was like right at 4 pm, she’s going to call me and then the call would come–I remember I was pacing really angrily, like stupid now that I think about it, 3 years later but again at that time, it was such a big deal to me to have her call me. So, but yeah, essentially we used to talk for usually like an hour to every single and then we just end the conversation to go to bed pretty early and I always stayed up super, super late but I remember eventually we kind of figured out that we wanted to give it a try and I decided that I would move to her because I can do what I do what I do basically anywere as long as long as I have an internet connection and then a laptop. So, I remember I moved there but I remember the whole month leading up to it I was a nervous wreck because I had always lived with someone like my parents at that time. So, it was like  such a shell shock. I was going to this place where I didn’t really know anyone except her. There was no guarantee that it would work out. Luckily it did but I just remember I was a nervous wreck and I remember it was so weird because we moved in together, we figured ok, let’s just give this a try. It was kind of like they don’t recommend it but just going into the hornets nest, we’re just going to live together right off the bat and so, it was so weird for me because we didn’t have furniture other than a desk for me to work at with my iMac. I mean we have like a tv too but I just remember like going grocery shopping for the first time and I remember like literally eating in the apartment on a towel. I made macaroni and cheese and watching HBO or something on the floor and I was just like this is really, really bizarre, like so much drastically different than I what I was used to. My parent’s house which a house that had like furniture. We just have like a bed and some other little stuff but we didn’t have a couch or anything. It was a shell shock for me. So actually for me the hardest part when we actually sort of getting used to that. It wasn’t so much the relationship long distance for me, it was actually living together. Trying to navigate that. I found that to be a little bit more difficult but it’s interesting to hear that you’re kind of in the similar situation. Although I’m sure you’re not going to, it seems like you’re probably a little bit more practiced at stuff like that. It seems like you’ve been relationships before where you’ve lived with people. I’ve never done that before. I imagine it won’t work out as shell shocking as it was for me but who knows, it is something that you have to take into account.

  • Definitely. No matter it’s always a big change.

  • Yeah, it is big a change but for me, it was really, really worth it. Greatest decision I’ve ever made. Big risk, big rewards.

  • With risk, comes rewards. You don’t take the chance and then nothing happens.

  • Yup that’s true. Alright so, you have a really fascinating situation. What would you say–I guess this would be the last question because we’ve talking for almost an hour. We get along really well guys. What would you say was like the most impactful thing you did to get him back in your opinion?

  • Booking a flight in the last minute and flying out to come see him. Being me.

  • You’re strategy is cause him to have a car accident and then book a flight.

  • The universe and I may get along. I don’t think we’ll get along quite that well. For me, it was taking a risk and you know what taking that chance because it’s like if I didn’t go. Like I looked at it in the other side as well. It’s like if I did not go when he actually needed me there, even if he didn’t realize he needed me there, what chance did I stand if I wasn’t there when he was in that situation?

  • I think the interesting thing to also look at is all of the stuff you did leading up to that because if you hadn’t–let’s say you just never talked to him at all and then you should showed up unannounced, you think he still would have taken you back or do you think like all the stuf-?

  • No

  • So, you think that had that to happen in that order for it to work for you?

  • I think it was just this like almost this –I want to say this continued story of just like slowly rebuilding. If I hadn’t become friends with those two particular friends on Facebook and talking to them, I wouldn’t have had them. Like the day I found out about the car accident, I added his mom as a friend on Facebook and I was like how are you doing and just jumped, what happened and then started talking. When I went there, his family, his mom and dad were just like I was the greatest thing to ever happen in his life. Like they were so happy I was there.

  • So, you saw his parents like at the hospital I’m assuming.

  • Oh yeah. Both his parents were there. I think they were shocked to see me but his mom was like instant, do you need a place to stay here. Like you can use the spare room and this, this, this. His dad was like–hey– when he got discharged in the hospital, let’s go for ice cream and everything like that and like so, pick 58:12 for supper so we can like–it was something else. They just full on opened their home too.

  • That’s good. That’s sphere of influence.

  • It was a gamble I took. It was a huge gamble. 58:29

  • I think it was a huge gamble but it worked out for you. It’s probably just the lesson because you knew when to pick the risk. Some other stuff, I don’t know–you’re just pretty bold to do the Cirque du soleil thing as well. It seems like you’re–

  • What part of me is not bold? That’s just me. It’s a part of what he fell for in the first place.

  • That’s right. So, one of the things he fell for in that list that you said you did is boldness.

  • It was more of my charismatic personality.

  • That’s where we’re going. Charismatic personality, got it. Just like I’m talking to myself. I swear to god.

  • The answer is have been a bigger, badder and better looking.

  • I don’t know about better looking. I mean come on, have you seen–just kidding! Alright well–

  • Again, my personality!

  • On that note, anything you want to say before we go bye bye?

  • Nothing that I can really think of but yeah, if you have any other questions, please feel free to ask. If I have a unique perspective and can help you out with anything please feel free to ask.

  • One of the best ways you can ask her is to get into our private support group which I think you’ll say it’s been pretty helpful for you.

  • Fully. I’ve met some amazing people there who I wouldn’t be where I am now and I wouldn’t be doing what I am now without them.

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Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

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