By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 26th, 2021

So, you’re single?


Except it’s not quite as glamorous as Beyonce made it seem with her backup dancers and fancy leotards… is it?

It’s more like…


So… you’ve decided that you want your ex back. Where do you even start?

You want to make him want you back….. and not just want you back… desire you.


I get it. I have been exactly where you are standing and I have wanted nothing more than for my ex to beg me to come back and It took me several failed attempts to realize that I was going about it the wrong way.

You should have seen me chasing him. I was Wile E. Coyote and he was the Road Runner.


Believe it or not, getting your ex to desire you requires no actual interaction between the two of you. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.

I’m going to explain to you how to make this breakup not only work out in your favor, but make getting back together be the easiest decision your ex has ever made.


Let’s Go!

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Embrace the Distance

Well I have to tell you something, and you aren’t going to believe it.

The absolute worst thing you can do if you’re trying to get your Ex back after a breakup is smother him with affection and attention. In fact, you should do the exact opposite.

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Let me put it this way…

Have you ever broken up with someone in the past?

If not, have you ever had a fight with a friend ?

If you answered no to both of those questions, let’s consider something everyone has definitely dealt with, having a disagreement with your parent’s.

I think it’s safe to say EVERYONE has had a disagreement with their parents at some point.

Let’s keep it simple in this scenario. Let’s say you wanted to do something…


and your mom said you couldn’t.

Now, that would be aggravating. right?

This happened to me quite a bit, but over time I realized something. If I continued to bother my mom to let me do whatever it was I wanted to do, not only would the answer still be no, I would get myself in even more trouble.



Maybe you were an angel as a kid and this is completely foreign to you. But for most people this is a pretty common issue.

Pressing them to make a decision or change their mind tends to make it much… much bigger of a problem than it has to be.

The same can be said for fights with friends and issues between in relationships.

Why is it so difficult though?

The answer is simple. Patience is not a common attribute. It’s something you have to work at and we want results RIGHT NOW, not later.

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If you’ve been in any of these situations, you know that pushing won’t get you anywhere but somewhere you don’t want to be.

So, what do you do?

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No Contact

Well, first you need to start No Contact.


No Contact is the most important step towards getting your ex back?


Well, if you are going to build a house, you aren’t doing to do it without a proper foundation and you can’t do that without leveling out the ground beneath it.

No contact is a cooling of period of sorts. It gives you time, not only to level out your emotions, but to get the other aspects of your life leveled out as well.

Read more about No Contact by clicking here!

Set Yourself up for Success

I can’t even begin to tell you how many times we get asked if it’s okay to break No Contact. If I were to guess, it would be 8 out of 10 readers.


Well, No Contact is hard and at the first sign of progress people either think,

“Ah, progress! I’ve done all I have to do!”


“This came up and it will work better than this program that has helped thousands of people get their exes back, because I know better.”

Well, I can tell you one thing for certain. This kind of outlook will keep you from getting your ex back and whining will get you nowhere.


There are very few reasons for cutting No Contact short.

To read more about cutting No Contact short, click here .

Trust me, it will be extremely tempting to quit early and give into that temptation to reach out to your ex. You have to fight that urge.

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In order to set yourself up for success, you need to remove the things that feed into that temptation. The’yll only derail you.


That would mean removing his posts from your social media feeds… ALL OF THEM. You don’t have to delete him, just hide his posts by:

Unfollowing him on Facebook.

Muting Him on Twitter.

Blocking him on Instagram and Snapchat.

Almost every form of social media has made it possible to hide his posts without deleting him all together.

Remove anything that might be an obstacle, anything that might hinder you in this challenge, because it WILL be a challenge.

Be Mindful of Him

When I say be mindful, I mean consider what your ex might be going through along with your own feelings. Whether you broke up with her or she broke up with you, you both will be going through a roller coaster of emotions.


It’s easy to have a bit of tunnel vision after a breakup. Your emotions are all over the place and you aren’t sure where to go from here. Every part of your brain is screaming at you to do a million different things and you’re tempted to go running back to what is familiar even if you know that space is necessary.

How do you know that?

Because I just told you so.

Were you listening?


Take a moment an clear your mind of everything and put yourself in your ex’s shoes. Whether he chose it, or not, he in an unfamiliar situation just like you. Even if he did do the breaking up, eventually it will hit him that you aren’t there and he’ll realize he misses that.


Give him that space to come to that conclusion on his own. There is a good reason that it’s a cliché that men don’t like to accept things unless they think they came up with it on their own .

How long do you give him though? The No Contact article I mentioned before can be a great help in deciding that. Generally, we suggest 30 days as a good middle ground, but if you read the article you’ll realize that there are other factors that need to be taken into account if you want it to be more effective.

If you keep reading, I’ll show you how to help him come to that conclusion without him realizing that you had a hand in it.

Make Improvements

During No Contact, you aren’t supposed to just sit and stare at the time on your phone counting down the days till you are allowed to text him again. That would be pointless. There is no resolution on your end that way. If the two of you reconcile with no improvement on either side, statistically speaking you are likely to end up right where you did last time… breaking up, possibly permanently.



That would be a complete waste of time. I mean, clearly something needs to change. What better time to use the 21, 30, or 45 days ahead of you to clean up your side of the road so to speak.

And don’t try and tell me that there is nothing you can do in this aspect. You may not have had actively done something that cause the relationship to come to a screeching halt, but there are plenty of things you can do to make sure that, when your ex returns, you’ll be ready to build a relationship that will last… together.

There are three parts of your life I want you to look at:

  • The Past
  • The Future
  • And The Right Now

Identify Past Shortcomings

When looking at the past, you should look at two very different parts of the life you’ve already lived.

First, look at the commonalities across every relationship you’ve ever had. Every one has bad habits. I’ll give you a couple of personal examples. I have two really bad habits that tend to cause issues, not only in romantic relationships, but in my friendships. One is that when someone used to tell a story or say something interesting, I had this knee jerk reaction to either one up them, or pretend I already knew what they were talking about.

Why? I have no idea. But this habit had a grating effect on most of my interactions with people and they began to wear thin. I was a One-Upper, a Know-It-All. I would hear myself say these things, and would berate myself later for my inability to control what came out of my mouth.

If you have something that you know makes the people around you grate their teeth, even little things, I suggest you do what I did. Make yourself aware of it and make it a goal to overcome it.

It took me a while, but I finally learned to bite my tongue when the urge to One-Up or to be a Know-It-All hit me.


The second thing in your past you need to look at is anything you let slide.

It’s part of life to set dreams aside for a healthy dose of reality. But, a lot of times, reality gets overrun with complacency. I see so many people get into relationships and life becomes a constant travel between going to work, coming home, and spending time with their significant others.

They end up letting friendships, dreams, and hobbies fade simply because they are comfortable.

It’s okay. It happens to everyone. It’s part of why, when a relationship ends, a hollow feeling sets in.


This happens because in a relationship, you find joy in the presence of another person. There are some people who find a healthy balance in their relationship. But the reality is that most people find themselves completely lost without the relationship to hang onto.

Finding solid footing can take a little work. But if you put a little effort into rebuilding friendships, passions, and hobbies, then you are likely to find your footing. This will keep you from treading water until No Contact .

Plan for the Future

Before you hone in on what you need to take action with right now, it’s important you decide where you want to go from here. It’s also important that you create a plan that works for you in two scenarios. The first scenario is the one in which your ex and you get back together. The second is the one in which you don’t.

Now, if you follow the entire plan laid out in ExRecoveryPro, your chances of scenario number one happening are fairly high.

How do I know?

Well, aside from the fact that all but two of my exes has come back or proposed to me at some point after we went our separate ways, I’d say I have a fair idea. And the fact that we have SO MANY success stories. Some of them include wedding invites from happily reunited couples!

I’d say that speaks for itself.

But don’t take my word for it, take the leap and try it for yourself.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Anyways, where was I?

Oh yeah! Figure out what you want to do with your life.

A lot of times, a lot of the sadness that comes after a breakup is not what it seems. I mean, yeah, you might miss your ex, but a lot of that feeling of loss comes from losing out on the perspective future that you had imagined.

Go ahead, let that soak in.


Everyone imagines what the future will be like and when you are with someone and happy, it’s normal to imagine the perfect future with them.

For my mom, it was a beautiful house on a hill with a white picket fence and a porch swing… don’t ask. She had a quiet country life planned for her and my dad and presumably a few kids.

Well, they did live in the country, just a little more rural than she expected. And her house is NOTHING like what she imagined. And they couldn’t have kids together, so they wound up adopting.

Things rarely work out the way you imagine, but when you have a partner it makes it easier to accept. My mom was perfectly happy with her rewrite .

That feeling you’re dealing with now, you know, the one that feels like there’s a ginormous hole in your chest, it’s temporary. That feeling comes from having your imaginary rug made out of that future you had planned pulled out from under you .

Don’t worry. There is a simple way to keep that from ever happening to you again.

Plan for everything!

Sounds crazy right?

Does that mean you need to have 5,000 plans laid out and ready to set in motion?


You need one plan, just one.

You need to plan for the absolute worst thing that can happen.

Look at your situation and imagine the absolute worst thing that can possibly happen.

For most people, that is simply that they don’t get back together with their ex. But for others this might mean even more drastic outcomes.

It’s okay. Don’t panic just yet.

Take my friend, well call him Brad.

Brad is going through a split with his girlfriend right now. They’ve lived together for several years and he paid for everything. He opted to move out but has nowhere to go.

In this case, my advice to him was to consider the situation coming to a place where he and his ex don’t get back together and make plans based on that. He should look for apartments that he can afford. He needs to talk to his landlord and figure out what he would need to do to transfer the lease from his name to hers. And he needs to talk to his parents and friends to see if someone can take his dog for a month or two till he gets situated in a new place.

It’s not unfeasible to assume that moving would be costly, so I advised him to go ahead and take into account the costs that he might have to deal with and set money aside so if he has to take action it won’t derail his entire life.

See, the thing is, if he wanted to get his ex back, he certainly could. However, if he plans for the absolute worst thing that could happen, then he is ready for anything that could happen.

Right now your heart is telling you that if you don’t get back together, the world will end. But your head knows better and being prepared for the responsibilities that come with reality will make anything that could possibly happen from you getting back together to him completely disappearing from your life into something that you are at least prepared to handle, even if you aren’t ready to deal with it emotionally.

The other thing to take into account are those ambitions and hobbies you may have let slide in the past that we were talking about before. How do you want those to play into the future? Are some of them things that you can reestablish? Take this into account when you make your plans for the future. You’ll thank yourself later for building a life for yourself.


Build that life and then, when your ex comes back into your life, don’t let them take over your focus. Merging lives doesn’t mean completely abandoning your own. It only works if you both work to intertwine both of your lives together while still maintaining your individuality. Make sure that you aren’t the only one putting forth effort to make this work.

The Here and Now

Okay, so we’ve looked at the past and figured out what improvements or adjustments need to be made. We’ve looked at the future and decided what preparations need to be made just in case things don’t go our way. You’ve even taken the life that you’ll build whether he comes back or not and you’ve considered how to make it work so you don’t lose your individuality when he does.

So, what now.

I mean, you have this list of things to do, how do you put them in action?

You don’t just take your list of ideas and flaunt them at him and hope he finds your creativeness attractive.


Well, as to the habits and altering them, take an index card and keep it in your pocket or in your purse. Every time you catch yourself doing the bad habit, make a tally mark on it for a couple of days. Then, come up with something you can do instead of your bad habit and make it a point to replace the original habit with the new one. Keep a tally on one side of the card that is for how many time you successfully replace the old habit with the new one, and on the other side the unsuccessful moments.

For example, in my case I would keep a running tally for a couple days of how many times I One-Up  someone. Then I would decide to replace it with something like congratulating the person on whatever they accomplished or were talking about or simply making a positive statement and keep a tally of my successes and failures.

Continue to do this until the number of successes outweighs the failures immensely. This is how you replace a habit as discovered in a study explained by Charles Duhigg in his book, “The Power of Habit: Why We Do What We Do in Life and in Business.”

Then you have to figure out what actions you need to take to prepare for the plans you came up with for the future. You need to figure out what your next action needs to be.

For examples, the next action steps you’d need to take in *Brad’s case would be to talk to your landlord about transferring the lease and your parents or friends about taking care of your dog for a month or two. You’d also have to look into alternative housing options, just in case things don’t pan out the way you want them to.

I know the thought is probably a bit of a downer, but don’t collapse in tears just yet.


It’s just a precautionary method. Believe me, when you have a plan, there is such a weight off your shoulders because that is just one more thing you don’t have to worry about.

Setup up your safety net, so you don’t have to worry.

Eventually, it will sink in that he misses having you around and he will find himself on your social media and listening extra closely when your friends bring you up in conversation. By removing some of the natural worry about what you will do with your future in the worst case scenario will give you a air of Beyonce-confidence that you didn’t even realize you were capable of.


When you come up in conversation, he’ll try to be casual when he asks them,

“Oh yeah? How’s she doing?”

(and he totally will if you’ve stuck to No Contact like you’re supposed to)
and your mutual friend will respond with something like,

“Well, she’s actually doing pretty well. It’s like she’s really come into her own, you know?”

Basically, if you appear to be doing well, that’s great! If you are ACTUALLY doing well, even if you are hurting, then he won’t be able to keep from checking in on your social media to see what you’re up to. So, don’t be afraid to post pictures of your social life and the improvements that you’ve made .


Then when you finally finish with No Contact and move forward to the texting section of the ExRecoveryPro process, he won’t be able to keep himself from jumping at the opportunity to talk to you, because he’ll have imagined every other guy will have realized how awesome you are.

Getting Physical

There is one more thing that everyone thinks they need to take on when they are in no contact.


Not that…

I’m talking about hitting the gym. Don’t get me wrong, going to the gym and getting healthy is something I am all for.

I mean, I’m a gymaholic if that is such a thing. I have a minor obsession with all things Nike and Lululemon. If you were to look in my closet I have more pairs of tennis shoes and yoga pants than I care to admit.

A lot of women get it in their head that they need to look a certain way to get their ex back, and spend the entire time they are doing No Contact in the gym. However, unless you are building a lifestyle that you intend to stick with, this fix isn’t a permanent one. It might get your ex’s attention if you are in better shape and catch his eye. But, unless it’s paired with other overall improvements and effort, it will be pointless. Once you get out of No Contact and your ex is back in your life, it is highly likely that you will lose interest in the gym.


If you are going to put focus into getting in shape, make a point to focus on integrating it into your life and making it into something that you absolutely can’t imagine life without. Explore the other benefits of getting fit and healthy that resonate with you.


Because, if the only reason you are doing it is to catch your ex’s attention, you’ll no longer have a reason or motivation to continue once you get it.

Make your motivation based on you rather than on him and not only will you reap the benefits for life, but you will also find yourself filled with self-worth and confidence that you’ve never felt before. (unless you were already a gymaholic like me… In which case… ignore this section and keep doing what you’re doing.)

If You Build It…


Well, now you have the groundwork to build a wildly desirable presence that is sure to make your ex do a double take. Like I said earlier, the next step is texting, but there is a very specific way to go about it to make him give into that desire you’ve built up and keep from jumping in too fast like we all naturally want to.

You’re not quite in the clear yet, texting is a tricky process. You have to put thought into every single thing you say and end conversations at exactly the right point in the conversation.

For more info on the texting process you can either read this article, or you can get the full program that have resulted in so many successful reconciliations with ExRecoveryPro.

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45 thoughts on “How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Desire You Again”

  1. Jessana

    November 18, 2020 at 9:44 pm

    We were together for 5 years. Our break up was so messy. Cops were called. Parents were involved. It seems like a lot to come back from. We’ve since met up and apologized and agreed to give space. Do I have a chance of getting him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 19, 2020 at 5:28 pm

      Hi Jessana, I would suggest that you consider moving on if things had gotten so bad that you needed police asisstance.

  2. Michelle

    May 3, 2020 at 10:35 am

    I have been with my bf almost two years and he broke up with me a few days ago I realized it was partially my fault as I think I lost myself n focused too much on the relationship.
    It was a really gentle mature break up he said he did it for me because and that he’s always there for me if I need anything n things could change in the future but right now he doesnt think it’s working. but I want to get him back I know we were good together

  3. Mae

    January 15, 2020 at 12:41 pm

    Hi! We broke up 3 months ago, I did no contact for a month and by the end of the month he tries to make contact with me by asking how am I doing. After some time, he asks me to meet up and that goes on 1-2 days a week until today. He acts that he loves me but whenever I open up the topic about us he would say I don’t know to most of my questions but also tells me that he loves me. What do I do? I am so confused with his actions and words 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 10:42 pm

      Hi Mae, so you need to stop the emotional conversations that you are ahving with him as you are just reassuring him you are wanting him and waiting for him, now you can have a conversation with him it needs to be fun, flirty, happy, interesting. No emotions involved at all!

  4. Pennie

    March 15, 2019 at 1:30 pm

    I was very emotional after my breakup so I unfriended my ex on Facebook. I think I could add him back and he would accept but I’m not sure if that would make me look desperate.
    There was also an incident where I accidentally called my ex while I was deciding whether to or not to delete his number. I just wanted to delete temporarily to help with no contact. I ended up not deleting and changed his name.The next day my ex called me back but I didn’t answer. I saw him later and he apologized for missing my call and when I realized what happened and I said “sorry I accidentally hit call while deleting your number” I think I just panicked and wasn’t sure what to say.
    This incident really pushed him away and since then we have mostly been avoiding each other when we do see each other. He also once tried hitting on another girl while I was there (this happened shortly after the phone call incident) later he paid no attention to this girl so I think it was either to make me jealous or raise his ego.
    I see my ex often and have slowly started to be more friendly but it is still hard for me to approach him. It’s been about a month and a half since the breakup and maybe about a month since starting no contact excluding when we have to talk to each other when we see each other.
    We see each other probably around 1-3 times a week so I could use this to initiate some contact since I don’t think he will as it probably appears that I have cut off contact due to the unfriending and his belief that I have deleted his number.
    What can I do about me unintentionally cutting him off so that we can at least start being more friendly again?

    1. Chris Seiter

      March 15, 2019 at 4:00 pm

      Hi Pennie….sorry you had such an emotional breakup. I am a fan of keeping the social media lines of contact open. As some time passes, I think he will come to understand what happened with regard to the phone incident.

  5. Comfort

    December 22, 2018 at 6:18 am

    My boyfriend and I recently broke up, I am the one who ended the relationship after he told me that he has been cheating on me with his ex. He further mentioned that he doesn’t want to lose me but he is confused about her, I decided to break up with him so he can have time to figure out what exactly it is that he wants because he was dragging me into his confusion and it hurt me. I really want him back but I feel as though he doesn’t really love me the way I thought he did especially since he went crawling back to his ex after just one month and a few days of dating him, should I really appreciate his honesty, overlook this whole situation and work on getting him back or will the ex always be there

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 23, 2018 at 4:19 am

      Hi Comfort!

      Obviously, he made an awful decision to cheat and will need to demonstrate that he trustworthy going forward. That takes time and you will need some time to begin your own healing before you can decide you own future path.

  6. Julia D.

    February 19, 2018 at 1:06 pm

    My ex is currently in a rebound relationship he started almost right after we split up 3 months ago. I didn’t know that at that time. He claimed he couldn’t love me and split up with me out of the blue even though we were happy and getting quite serious. I did the mistake of writing him a letter after the break up asking to meet up and talk things through, which he declined almost a week later by sending me an email at work. I’ve done no contact for almost two months after that. He never contacted me during this time. According to our work colleagues (we work for the same company but in different buildings) he is moving extremely fast in this new relationship, even wanting to go on holiday together and apparently discussing him converting his religion to hers. She is nothing like me and he is not acting like himself. I also have it on good authority he is not being faithful to his new gf as he is in contact with another ex of his who visited him during one weekend (she lives in another city). I tried texting him a few times using the tips in the book, but he’s been very neutral in his responses and the last time he didn’t even answer. I unfriemded him a while back on FB and unfollowed him on Instagram but he keeps checking every story I post and checking my profile. I was considering doing NC again and blocking him on Instagram so he can’t see what I’m doing all the time like he is now. Do you think it best to wait out his rebound and continue posting my progress on Instagram or blocking him for a while so he can see how it is without me in his life?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 21, 2018 at 12:02 pm

      Hi Julia,

      If he met her before breaking up with you, she’s a grass is greener case. Actually it is more effective if you post, because that way he will miss you more because he can see your posts but cannot talk to you. In your case, when did you send the text? What text did you send?

  7. Sara

    January 3, 2018 at 1:32 am

    My bf and I broke up because he liked someone in his office and didn’t know how to handle it. (They were very good friends before that)
    During no contact he kept seeing her. When we started talking I knew he was still flirting with her and probably partying and making out.
    I saw him and we had an amazing day, we went back to his house and started making out, so I pulled back and said we needed to talk because I couldn’t see him while he was seeing her.
    He told me he doesn’t want anything with her, that he made it clear with her that they were just friends (still made out and flirted), so I guess from his side they are friends with benefits, of course she wants something more.
    He said he wants to get back with me and will do everything necessary and close every door with her. However I can notice he’s very sad from ending things with her and I don’t know I he’ll be able to really put her in the past, it’s harder since they work together and have lots of friends in common.
    Yesterday I heard from one of his friends that he told another friend he had to “break up with two girls this weekend and start the year fresh”. I talked to him about not feeling him very sure of being with me (didn’t mention what I heard), just said I felt him weird, we kind of fought a bit and he lost his patience. He sated he wants to start the year and make things good with me but I know he’s sad and confused and this makes it very hard for me to trust him and don’t feel anxious. I’m afraid he’ll never get over her. Also, he hates fighting and even more over the phone so I’m fearing this fight will make him even more confused and less eagered to fight for us.
    We had broken up before because of her, he made the same promises he did know so I’m not sure anything has changed on his side. His texts are still kind of forced, I don’t feel any happiness on his side from having me back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2018 at 6:59 pm

  8. AM

    April 26, 2017 at 2:49 pm

    I broke up with my ex 3 months ago in a good term. We loved each other. We were in ldr but everything was perfect until one day he decided to come to my place and end things with me. He pulled the its not you its me card and said that he wanted to focus on his life. He even cried and keeps on telling me how much he loves me but the distance and timezone is taking its toll on him. We had a great last day together and we contacted each other like usual for couple of weeks. I tried no contact for 10 days after 2 months and the next thing I knew he’s seeing someone and when I confronted him. He admitted it. I was so heartbroken but he told me that he’s having a hard time too and he tried to keep himself busy and so on. But a week later the girl flaunt their relationship but earlier he still contacted me. It has been 3 months since we broke up and a month after I knew he’s actually seeing someone who is nothing like me. I am in NC period with him but he saw my instastory everyday without fail. I think he’s already dating the girl but I really love him. What should I do. My ldr is only 4 hours away and I have to go to his state every month anyway because my parents live there. I want him back but it seems like he has made up his mind about ending the relationship. And what if his new relationship is real. I sent him a text saying I respect his decision to be with that girl and I wont cross the line but he knows exactly what I feel and what I want. He did nothing to fix us. I stopped texting him hoping that he’ll come back. Idk what should I do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 29, 2017 at 10:23 pm

      do you want to restart nc?

  9. Ilse

    March 10, 2017 at 10:30 am

    Hi Chris,

    Your website was really helpful when my husband and I were courting. Now we are already married for almost 9 months. If you offer help or suggestion with detailed explanation why men behave in such a manner and how to manage a situation when he and I argue. Its puzzling to understand the way men talk.

    It would be a really big thank you.

    1. Ilse

      March 26, 2017 at 3:11 am

      My hubby wants me to agree with him, even to the most littlest thing. For example, during our convo, he shared with me that his friend is getting married soon. He’s young, graduated from uni and will be getting a job from his father. He said he’s lucky. I told him that the appropriate word is benefit. The term lucky is when u receive something out of the ordinary, like u strike a million in a lottery. And then, I mentioned that he shouldn’t compare himself with other ppl. What I got back was “What’s wrong with you?” and followed with a loooooong cold silence. I would have loved to have him say to him that its not a big deal.

      The next time around when the same situation arises, I should let him talk and I have to keep quiet?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 26, 2017 at 4:23 pm

      he just felt offended because he was corrected..Just shrug it off, answer in a cheeky way like, “I think I was a dictionary in my past life haha!”

    3. Ilse

      March 20, 2017 at 1:21 pm

      I read so much about how Chris sees highly of his wife. N I also envy what other relationships or couples are having. I would like to be that confident wife too. The strategies that Chris used are mostly for relationships before marriage. Now that I’m married for abt 9 months, I can’t just get out from a marriage n date someone else. In fact, dating seems so easy than marriage. But I love my husband dearly.

      I have trust issues. Sometimes things would creep into my mind and I start to conjure the worst scenarios that my husband will do to me.

      How do I keep my mind healthily of my husband?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 24, 2017 at 8:21 pm

      how is your communication with you hubby?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 13, 2017 at 2:03 pm

      Hi Ilse,

      I’ll forward this to Chris 🙂 Thank you!

  10. Ellie

    March 6, 2017 at 3:41 pm

    The guy I was dating (who was a close friend of mine for years) broke up with me 6 weeks ago because he wasn’t sure he wanted a relationship but he wanted to stay close friends. We didn’t talk until last week, when I got back from a holiday and he texted to ask how it was. We had coffee that weekend which turned into dinner and a movie (which he suggested and paid for.) he texted me that night to say what a lovely time he had. Can I swing this to get him back?

    1. Ellie

      March 10, 2017 at 10:33 am

      We were together for about 2 months, friends for over a year before that. I did no contact for a month, and then he initiated contact when I got back from a work trip. When we were out, he mentioned things like us having kissed and stuff and still acts very much like he’s interested.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 12:02 pm

      ok, that’s good.. continue building up rapport.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 9, 2017 at 4:33 pm

      Hi Ellie,

      how long were you together? Have you done the no contact rule? if yes, are you building up rapport now? who initiated the meet up? But since he said he just wanted to be friends, you have to be careful that he’s just friendzoning you now

  11. Casey B

    February 27, 2017 at 6:52 pm

    My ex redownloaded Instagram and is following porn accounts, the chive and random naked girls. I’m assuming he’s watching porn as well. He’s also looking up random girls. This is something that bothered me ALOT in the relationship. If I don’t watch porn I don’t understand why you have to. And no matter what I do or what I did he still would every now and again. He also was liking photos of naked girls at the beginning of our relationship. So when I was falling so danm hard for him that’s what he was doing behind my back. I tried to control this aspect and I think I did. He didn’t go looking for that stuff specifically. I have a feeling he’s going to go right back into doing that. At the beginning of our relationship, I found his computer pictures were ONLY naked girls. He had 6 girls he knew as well. I wanted to break up with him then because I couldn’t believe it. We dated for over two years and I had difficulty trusting him. Are you going to say this is my issue that I can’t not let these things bother me? I think society is so normalized to it and it bothers me. Oh and the last time we broke up he added some naked girl on his snapchat.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2017 at 8:47 pm

      Hi Casey B,

      Nope, it’s not your issue. That’s not normal for a guy. If it bothers you, that means it’s because it’s part of values which is good.

  12. LL

    February 17, 2017 at 9:33 pm


    My ex broke up with me because of a fight, the distance, bad timing. It was an ldr. This was 3,5 months ago. I made the mistake of trying to convince him to get back together , get angry or telling the fight was a misunderstanding, I did that for 3 weeks or so , which of course didn’t work , he got angrier , then I left him alone until Christmas, we started talking again and decided we would meet again but on his terms, I said yes, but wasn’t sure after and it pissed him of that I changed my mind, eventually we did meet. But the thing is he said he had fun, it was nice but he doesn’t have the same feelings for me anymore. He doesn’t really seem to have a reason for it and when I say something about it he gets pissed off again saying I should change the subject or he’ll block me. I stopped talking after that and it’s almost 2 weeks ago. I do like to maybe have him back but I feel like it’s useless, I was wondering what you would think ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 17, 2017 at 10:10 pm

      Hi LL,

      try the no contact rule first.. even if you stopped 2 weeks ago, if it was not focused in improving yourself restart the count, and then do at least 30 days.. after that slowly rebuild rapport.

  13. Faith

    February 16, 2017 at 8:05 pm

    Do you think it’s possible for my ex to want me back after 3 and a half years? He had a rebound relationship after we broke up.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 16, 2017 at 9:48 pm

      HI Faith,

      the rebound relationship is going 3 years now? Hmm.. if it’s that long, it’s less likely that it’s still a rebound now..

  14. Anon

    February 13, 2017 at 10:12 pm


    During NC, should I delete all traces of our relationship from social media? So if he looks it’ll appear I’m over it?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 6:09 pm

      Hi Anon,

      Its ok if you want to but it’s not necessary..

  15. Casey

    February 12, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    Hi! My ex boyfriend and I broke up around 5 months ago and I still have feelings for him but I usually don’t show it to him or my friends who are actually close to him. But when it comes to my best friends, I tend to break down a lot because I’m very emotional and hold in my emotions until everything just spills. We do have a class together in Psychology and when our professor talk about touchy subjects such as depression and anxiety (since I do suffer from that shortly after the breakup because other personal things were going on forcing me to go to counseling every week, and he knows) my friend usually observes him and says he would look at me and put his head down without me noticing, or I would catch him looking at me and he would look away after. What could this possibly mean? The way my friend describes his look is like he wants the say something but can’t find the words to say it. Sometimes it just leaves me confused. Hope you can help me out! Thanks!

    1. Casey

      February 18, 2017 at 4:44 am

      Hey! I talked to him today and he apologized about everything he had done to me before. He’s asking to get back but I said I can’t do it right now because of all the problems I have and my depression getting in the way and I didn’t want that to affect the relationship. Did I make the right choice? So far we are friends.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2017 at 3:16 pm

      well, that’s for you well being..and you didn’t really say no to him.. you said you need to work in yourself first..

    3. Casey

      February 14, 2017 at 3:44 am

      I try to, but once I come up to him, he avoids me. I would rather talk to him in person than text but how can I do that?

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 14, 2017 at 7:35 pm

      wait for a time that he’s alone and then sit beside him and talk calmly, light and fun..

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 13, 2017 at 11:26 pm

      Hi Casey,

      why not talk to him? Ask him if he wanted to say something

  16. Esther

    February 12, 2017 at 3:36 am

    hi how can i get my fiance back, when o brought alot of baggage from my first relationship? i brought alot of undealt baggage from my first relationship into my second relationship. i think my ex fiance is engaged. i am scared to contact my ex fiance because im scared he might block my cellphone. My ex fiance contacted me in the begining of November of 2016 said: Hey on snapchat, im not sure if he is in a relationship or not. i love him. i bought the texting bible by chris seiter. 1 year and 2 months

    im working on getting a job- Wealth
    my health is good- Health
    far as i know my friendships are good- Relationship

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 13, 2017 at 7:43 pm

      Hi Esther,

      when did you actually broke up? I think it would be better if you have professional help by seeing a counselor.

  17. Em

    February 9, 2017 at 5:48 pm

    Hey there, so this question isn’t really related to the article but I’ve always wondered in a certain break up situation and maybe you guys would be able to answer it.
    So if a boyfriend of 1 year and 6 months breaks it off is it better to beg your way with him or is it better to just agree with the break up?
    Basically saying if that’s your decision and if that’s what you want. My relationship is going well I just was always curious what would be more effective for girls on the other end.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2017 at 9:03 pm

      Hi Em,

      it’s never ok to beg.. It’s not as if you made a heinous mistake.. So, don’t beg..

  18. Zoey

    February 8, 2017 at 4:59 pm

    I’ve been dating this guy for 4 months and on Sunday we had an argument and he then said he wanted to go on a break. He said he doesn’t know if he loves me and can’t have a relationship with school and stuff (bullshit as we had been doing fine and he had asked to see me loads last week). On Monday he messaged me saying he wants to break up and that he still wants to be friends and to take me to prom etc which I said no we break up we can’t be friends. He then messages me an hour later saying I still love you which I responded mm. We were meant to be going on a drive to speak yesterday but I was ill and he messaged me saying are you not seeing me then which I replied no I can’t. He then messages me later saying he thinks he’s made a mistake which k say yeah you have to. He then goes on to he doesn’t understand why I don’t want to speak to him and be friends whic I the. Say stop messaging me unless you want to be with me and he said and he said he said he made a mistake but I said well that’s not good enough. He then told me to take it or leave it and then I said if he really wants to be with me he would prove it and that I’m too ill and tired to speak so well speak another time, which he then ignored. What does he want? I want him back but I don’t know what to do, please help!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2017 at 6:08 pm

      Hi Zoey,

      he wants to be friends because he’s still used to talking to you.. It’s the nature of habit.. I think you need to stick to no contact, which you actually started great.. You just have to stick to it now and make him regret by focusing in yourself.. I think you know what to do. Get your balance back, be active and be productive.