You are making a mistake…

In fact, you are all making mistakes. I can’t tell you how many times a day I read something in the comment section of this site and just sigh… Well, perhaps sighing isn’t quite accurate, I think I cringe more than anything. To me, making a mistake is like hearing nails screeching down a chalkboard.

I will say that I understand why you are making mistakes. I get that you are in a very vulnerable and confused state. I also get that you really want your ex boyfriend back and that is the root cause of many of the mistakes you are making. However, there is something that you need to understand now. The more mistakes you make in your campaign to get your ex back the worse your chances become of actually being able to get him back. I like to compare it to a bank account. Any time you do something productive and positive towards getting your boyfriend back you add money into your “relationship bank account.” Of course, every time you make a mistake you are taking money out of that account and if enough mistakes add up the entire account will be gone forever.

What This Page Is About

So, I want to do something special today, something that I have never done before. I am going to be writing about every single mistake I can think of when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back. It is going to be long, in-depth and maybe a little bit hard to hear. I am not going to just stop there though. I am also going to give a “quick fix” to every mistake so you know exactly what to do if you have made that mistake. Here is how the format of this page is going to work:

  • I will tell you the mistake.
  • I will give an in-depth description of the mistake.
  • Then I will give you a “quick fix” for the mistake.

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Mistake #1- You Have Become A Text Gnat

text gnat

Ah the texting GNAT…

One of my funnest little creations that I talk about extensively in The Texting Bible.

When I was about 12 or 13 years old my family took a trip to Big Bend National Park. I remember walking on a trail there and I kept feeling something, almost like a feather, touch my ear. I kept slapping at my ears to get rid of the feeling but it never stopped. I soon realized that, that feeling wasn’t caused by a feather, it was caused by gnats. The persistent bugs never stopped buzzing around and it annoyed the heck out of me.

A text gnat essentially does the same thing except with text messages. The TG (text gnat) has many forms. Allow me to introduce you to some of my favorite TG’s.

The Bulk TG

bulk text gnat

The Send The Message Over Again TG

send message again

The Angry TG

angry tg

The “Quick Fix” For Text Gnats

(If you want the full way to overcome being a text GNAT please check out “The Bible.”

There are a couple of ways you can fix this problem. First off, it is really important to understand that if you have been an excessive text gnat then your ex boyfriend is going to view you as needy and desperate which are not good qualities to have. The only way that you can shake the needy and desperate persona is to enter into a no contact rule for 30 days. This should be enough time for everyone to calm down and for him to view you as a normal human being instead of a “crazy ex girlfriend.”

Another quick fix that you will have to implement is to work on the one text rule. From now on any conversations you enter into via text messages you should have this format:

one text format

This way you ensure that you can’t fall back into your text gnat ways. Notice how clean this format looks and I promise you when it comes to attracting and re-attracting guys, less is more.

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Mistake #2- You Have Become A Call Gnat

call gnat

I don’t have to explain this one do I? A call gnat is essentially the same thing as a text gnat except instead of texting we are dealing with someone who constantly calls their ex. I understand that after a breakup you want answers. I understand that when you want those answers quickly you end up calling and talking to your ex. What I don’t understand is why you feel the need to call him 5 times a day if he is ignoring you.

Ladies I am going to let you in on a little secret here, he got your call and he IS ignoring it on purpose. Quite frankly, I think he has every right to do so because women who call that many times a day are generally not stable at that particular moment. I am a guy and let me tell you that it would really creep me out if an ex did this to me.

A lot of times what I see happening is that text gnats will turn into call gnats after their texts aren’t answered. It is a case where one leads directly to the other.

The main problem that I have with CG (call gnats) is that what they are doing is really verifying the exes decision to not want to be with them. With every call they make their chances drop. Now, if you have been a CG and you are freaking out right now I want you to take a deep breath because it is possible to recover from this.

The “Quick Fix” For Call Gnats

Obviously the quickest fix is to stop calling him so much. However, since I am assuming you have already committed the “call gnat sin” we have a different set of problems we are dealing with here. Since you have already spammed his phone with calls he thinks you are.

  • Crazy
  • Desperate
  • Needy
  • And a tad psycho

Well shucks, that is a lot of headwind to be dealing with huh? The only way to shake these thoughts he is having is to fall off the map for a while. Again, I would like to recommend the no contact rule for 30 days (you will notice that the NC rule can fix a lot of mistakes.) However, eventually there is going to come a time where you are going to want to talk to him again after the no contact rule. When this time comes I recommend leading off with a text message as that will be perceived as less threatening. Using text messages you can work your way up to calling him again.

Mistake #3- The Cardinal Sin Of Showing Up Unannounced

showing up unannounced

Oh boy, where to start with this one…

Ok, how about the fact that it can be extremely creepy for a guy if an ex girlfriend shows up unannounced declaring her love for him in person. I blame this one on Hollywood and all the romantic comedies with happy endings. You know, a few months ago I was dead set on the fact that women understood that all the romantic movies that have happy endings weren’t really realistic. Deep down I figured that women were smart enough to understand this. While I still believe most of you are I had a visitor to this site change my mind a little bit.

She was under the impression that big romantic gestures like showing up, unannounced, and holding a radio over her head playing a love song would actually work. (see mistake #6)

Well, I hate to break it to you but this isn’t Hollywood and rarely does showing up unannounced making a big romantic gesture ever work. In fact, if a girl did that to me I would be completely creeped out. I have had a lot of girls do things like that and every time it creeped me out beyond reason.

Now, I know what you are thinking right now.

“But… I made a romantic gesture… are my chances over?”

Actually no they are not. However, you harmed them a lot.

The “Quick Fix” For Showing Up Unannounced

My best friends parents told me a really funny story once. Actually, my best friends dad did but it had to do with him and his wife. So, my buddies parents were high school sweethearts. They went to different schools but they ended up dating for about a year. When senior year came around my friends dad wanted to play the field a little bit so he ended up breaking up with his then girlfriend (later his wife.) He immediately started dating someone else and it drove his ex girlfriend (now his wife) absolutely crazy.

In fact, it drove her so crazy that she followed him around in her car every time he took the new girl on a date. She showed up unannounced on his doorstep a couple of times and did everything that you aren’t supposed to do. He laughs about it now but at the time it really creeped him out.

Now, the moral of this story is that those two not only ended up getting back together but they ended up getting married. I don’t care what you say it is completely possible to rectify a crazy situation with proof like their story.

Of course, that doesn’t mean it will be easy.

Again, I want to suggest no contact to you for about a month and a half. Hopefully this will let enough time go by to shake the “crazy girlfriend” status that you are currently listed under.

Mistake #4- Sleeping With Your Ex Boyfriend

couple in bed

There are really two variations of this mistake.

  1. Breakup sex.
  2. Sleeping with him after the breakup.

I am going to be covering both of these mistakes and giving you in-depth details on why I personally believe they are not a good idea. Lets start with the breakup sex first. I guess I have never understood the concept of breakup sex. Well, I take that back, I understand why people do it but I have never understood why they fail the see the problems with it down the road. First off, if you truly want your ex boyfriend back but you had breakup sex with him then you have some obstacles to face in the future.

One obstacle is the fact that he is going to view you as a booty call from here on out. This is bad because  you are always going to be wondering in the back of your head if what he is saying to you, post-breakup, he really means or is just a line to get you in bed. Another common issue with breakup sex is that it hinders your healing process. I realize that this is a site dedicated to helping women get their exes back. However, sometimes things just don’t work out and if that happens in your case you are going to have a lot more trouble coping with the loss of him if you had breakup sex.

I had a woman contact me the other day detailing her story to me. She told me about all the horrible things that her boyfriend did to her and asked me if she had a chance to get him back.

“Has he shown you any sign that he is interested?” I asked her.

“Yes, we had breakup sex!” she replied.

Ok, I wouldn’t exactly call that a sign because in essence all you are doing is setting yourself up for friends with benefits territory.

This brings us to our next topic of discussion, sleeping with your ex after a breakup. This has many of the same sins as breakup sex except there is one difference. If you do this then you aren’t set up to be in friends with benefits territory, you ARE in friends with benefits territory. You see, after breakup sex the two of you go your separate ways and maybe some day down the road your ex will proposition you to be FWB (friends with benefits.) However, if you end up sleeping with your ex after the initial breakup then technically he has already propositioned you and you have already agreed so welcome to FWB territory.

The “Quick Fix” For Sleeping With Your Ex Boyfriend

Well the quickest fix I can think of is to NOT sleep with your ex boyfriend during/after the breakup. However, I am assuming that if you are reading this and are really interested in this particular section that you have already committed this mistake. Of course, if you haven’t committed this mistake then give yourself a pat on the back and move on to mistake #5. So, how does one approach a situation in which you have essentially been labeled as FWB? Well, the first major change you are going to have to make is to stop sleeping with your ex.

Think of it like a test. If your ex boyfriend is a real scumbag he won’t ever talk to you again and you will know for sure that he was only in it to get laid and doesn’t care about you or your feelings at all. I suggest implementing the NC rule in this case as a way to stop yourself from sleeping with your ex again. It won’t be easy and will take a lot of discipline but hopefully it can shake that FWB label off.

Mistake #5- Begging For Your Ex Boyfriend Back

beggar signs

I want to tell you something about men that you maybe didn’t know. I am going to create a hypothetical situation to prove my point. Lets pretend for a moment that I am put in a room with ten women. Each of these women are absolutely beautiful. Essentially, it is the ultimate male dream to be surrounded by this many drop dead gorgeous women. Nine of these women (all of equal looks) try to win my heart by begging and pleading to be with me. So, I am in paradise right? I mean, I have nine beautiful women crawling on their hands and knees to be with me.

Ah, but what’s that in the corner? Why isn’t that one girl begging like the rest? Why am I drawn to her? She is the same “looks wise” as the other nine but I am drawn to this one.

Men always want what they can’t have. We don’t want the girl that we know we can get. Instead, we want the girl that we know we can’t get.

If you beg for your ex boyfriend back you probably won’t get him back. In fact, I think that the only way that begging ever works is if the ex boyfriend/boyfriend wants you to beg because it makes him feel better and more powerful. However, in my experience dealing with the many visitors to this site begging doesn’t work.

The “Quick Fix” For Begging For Your Ex Back

Stop all those pathetic phone calls and text messages. We aren’t replaying the plot here of When Harry Met Sally here. This is real life remember? So, there is a lot that you have to do. First off, I want you to read this section of the website so you know exactly how you are supposed to text an ex to get him back.

Now, you were the one who begged for him back. He is expecting you to call him and do everything that a crazy ex girlfriend is supposed to do. However, you aren’t going to do any of those things. Once again, I want you to enter into the NC rule as this can shed your crazy ex girlfriend persona.

Mistake #6- Making The Grand Gesture

say anything boombox

I am giving you permission to blame Hollywood for this one. Actually, a lot of my favorite movies have a guy at the end making some grand gesture professing his love to the girl. I mean, who can hate “When Harry Met Sally, Say Anything or 10 Things I Hate About You?” In “When Harry Met Sally” (SPOILER ALERT) Billy Crystal races through the city on New Years Eve, finds Sally and delivers one of the most memorable “love speeches” of all time, he ends up getting the girl. In “Say Anything,” John Cuscak holds a boombox over his head (seen in the picture above,) he ends up getting the girl. In “10 Things I Hate About You,” Heath Ledger ends up signing to the girl in front of the whole school and ends up getting her.

I am sorry to break it to you but real life isn’t anything like Hollywood. If you are thinking about making a grand gesture hoping that it will finally be the thing that gets your ex boyfriend running back into your arms then you will probably be really disappointed. First off, in all of the movies I mentioned above it wasn’t the girl that made the grand gesture, IT WAS THE GUY. Now, while girls may find grand gestures fascinating and romantic, guys do not. Let me put it this way if a girl were to make a grand gesture my first thought wouldn’t be “OMG, how sweet and romantic.” Instead, I think it would go something a little more like this, “this girl is psycho.”

Men aren’t wired the same way that women are and that is an important fact that you need to understand. No big romantic gesture is going to bring him back. In the history of running this site I have never heard a case where a big romantic gesture has worked (for a girl.) Do you think you will be any different?

The “Quick Fix” For Making The Grand Gesture

Unfortunately, I have had experience making big gestures personally and I have witnessed countless others do the same. Like I said above, they do not work. One of my friends made the romantic gesture of buying her ex boyfriend a $500 guitar. He ended up accepting the guitar and never talking to her again, talk about cold huh? So, the quick fix to making a grand gesture to your ex boyfriend is to not do it.

However, in the event that you have already done it then I suggest you enter into a no contact rule immediately though the standard 30 days won’t be enough for you. Instead, I am going to be recommending that you enter into a 60 day no contact period and work on contacting him and repairing things after that time frame is up.

Mistake #7- Getting Angry And Starting A Fight

died fighting

When emotions run high, logic runs low. Someone once told me a long time ago that the more you care about the person romantically the angrier you can get over the smallest little things. I don’t think there has ever been a truer statement to be honest. It seems that the more involved with the person you are, the more you care about them and the angrier you can get over the dumbest little things.

I am not going to lie to you, I have been in some shouting matches in my time. At my core I am probably one of the most laid back men on the planet but if you put me in a relationship with a girl I truly care about then I think it would be naive of me to say that I would still be pretty laid back all the time when it comes to every little thing. The ante is upped during a serious relationship and as a result tempers can be upped as well. Getting angry with an ex boyfriend is just going to come with the territory. However, if you want that ex boyfriend back then you are going to have to avoid a fight at all costs.

So, why is it a mistake to get in a fight with an ex boyfriend? Well, for one it is going to make him angry at you and push you farther from your goal of getting him back. But I honestly believe that it is the little comments that can be said during these fights that cause the most damage.

“He really thinks that about my mother?”

“She really thinks I have a small… ”

Ok, you get the picture. Fighting with your ex is bad. Lets take a look at how you can fix this mistake.

The “Quick Fix” For Getting Angry And Starting A Fight

Any time you have ever had a fight with a boyfriend in the past I want you to think real hard about what eventually fixed the fight.

I am betting that it was simply: time.

Sure, he may have apologized and you felt better but it wasn’t until enough time passed that you truly got over it. We are going to apply the same logic here. One thing that we do know is that with enough time tempers will subside. So again, I want you to implement the no contact rule (I sound like a broken record huh?) This time just implement it for 30 days and the time apart should heal all the emotional wounds that you both caused each other during your fights.

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 Mistake #8- Becoming A Recluse

batman retired

Breakups really suck. I have been through enough in my time to know that much. However, it isn’t the actual act of the breakup that hurts the most. It is the time immediately after the breakup that hurts. You sit alone in your room for hours going through what went wrong, how you could have done better and then all of a sudden it hits, the heartbreak. I have found that women have a lot of ways of dealing with this heartbreak. Some will go out on a drinking binge, others will try to sleep with the closest guy they can find and then you have the recluse.

This whole section is about women who have become a recluse after the breakup.

So, lets start by defining what a recluse is. When I hear that word the first thing I think of is someone who is afraid to go out in public, sits inside all day and has no social life. So, from this point on that is how we are going to define a recluse. Ok, if you have yet to leave your room after your breakup with your now ex boyfriend I think it is about time we change some of that behavior. The fact of the matter is that you can’t get him back by being a recluse.

The “Quick Fix” For Becoming A Recluse

This may sound a little harsh but you have to hear it..

“Get off your butt, stop feeling sorry for yourself and start to do something with your life.”

The more pathetic you become (and if you are in recluse mode you are pathetic) the less attracted he will be to you. You want him back, we have established that much, but in order to raise your chances of accomplishing that you are going to have to take matters into your own hands. Again, I would like you to enter into a no contact rule. However, I also want you to go out with your friends, have fun, stop crying, stop whining and by golly stop feeling sorry for yourself. You need to have some actual fun and quit your moping around.

Go out to parties, meet new people, heck even go on a few dates. You will think me for it later trust me!

Mistake #9- Giving Ultimatums

ultimatum

This one is a pretty big mistake in my opinion. I have seen a lot of women try the ultimatum tactic and fall flat on their faces. How this typically works is an ex boyfriend will feel unsure if he wants to come back to his ex girlfriend. The girlfriend, sensing this, creates a deadline or ultimatum by which he has to come back to her by. The idea is to create a sense of urgency within an ex which will hopefully get him running back into your arms.

DO NOT DO THIS EVER.

As a guy I know what it feels like to be given an ultimatum by a girl and let me tell you that nothing makes me madder. Oh, and in case you were wondering I am not alone here. Men liken ultimatums to a woman trying to control his life. We can put up with a lot but when it comes to women controlling our lives that is where we draw the line. So, while you may have initially thought that the ultimatum would be a good thing that would get him to crawl back it will likely have the opposite effect and severely damage your chances.

The “Quick Fix” For Giving Ultimatums

How do you take back an ultimatum? I mean, you have already said it, it is already out there. So, how are you supposed to take it back? Well, you really can’t. You said it so it is out there. All you can really do is damage control post ultimatum. I think a good place to start is by sending a text message to your ex like this:

ultimatum text apology

Sending a text message like that still won’t clean up all the damage that was caused by the ultimatum but it is certainly a great start. After you send a variation of the text above I would like you to enter into a no contact period for 30 days. Hopefully that will give you and your ex enough time to look at the situation rationally and be able to recreate a connection with each other.

Mistake #10- Writing A Letter/Email Declaring Your Love

funny letter

I really should have put this one at the beginning because I see a lot of the visitors of this site committing this “sin.” So, why is writing a letter or email bad? Well, the act of writing a letter or email isn’t bad at all. What we are really concerned with here are the contents of that email or letter. If you have written a long sappy letter/email declaring your love to your ex then you may be in trouble. I am going to explain why you may be in trouble in a moment. However, first I do want to say that I understand where your head is at when you were writing this letter. I know exactly what you were feeling because I have been there.

I have written a lot of letters and emails in my time that have gotten pretty sappy. I think anyone who has been dating someone has written letters like that before. What is interesting is how people respond to them. For this section I have divided people up into three different categories.

  1. People who are “talking.”
  2. People who are in a relationship.
  3. People who are exes

I am going to take a moment and quickly describe how the people in the three categories above will perceive an email or letter declaring your love for them.

People Who Are “Talking”

If you send an emotional letter/email to someone you are just “talking” to they will probably be weirded out. Obviously, it would be way too much way too soon.

People Who Are In A Relationship

If you send an emotional letter/email to someone who you are dating then they will be very receptive of it. In fact, the only time I have ever had success sending letters like that are to women who I was dating.

People Who Are Exes

Let me put it to you this way, if you are sending a letter like this to your ex it probably won’t end well. I have had friends that have literally laughed behind their exes back after receiving a letter like this. Please, don’t give your ex ammunition to laugh at you.

The “Quick Fix” To Sending An Email/Letter Declaring Your Love

(Disclaimer: The only time that I condone emails is if your ex has blocked you on all other forms of communication. However, you can only email him after you complete a 30 day NC rule.)

Obviously, the quickest fix is to NOT send an overemotional email or letter trying to fix things with your ex boyfriend. However, I really want to focus on what to do if you have already sent a letter like this. Similar to ultimatums, once you send a letter or email like this there is no taking it back. If you remember above, I recommended that you apologize for sending your ex an ultimatum. I DO NOT recommend apologizing for sending a letter or email. Instead, I want you to distance yourself from it.

How do you distance yourself from something like this?

Simple, we turn to our handy dandy no contact rule! Speaking of the no contact rule…

Mistake #11- Breaking Your NC Period

breaking no contact

I sound like a broken record on this page a bit don’t I? No contract rule this, no contact rule that. The truth is, the no contact rule is probably one of the single most important tactics that you can employ after a breakup. However, in order for the no contact rule to work to it’s fullest extend you are going to have to NOT break it.

Make no mistake about it, completing a 30 day freeze out of your ex is not going to be an easy task. In fact, I would say that most women who have tried the NC rule have made mistake #12. Your ex will test you in ways you cannot imagine. Here are some of the most common scenarios that cause women to break their no contact rules.

  • Their ex contacts them during the 30 days.
  • It is their exes birthday.
  • Their ex hijacks a friends phone and calls them.
  • An ex shows up at their doorstep.
  • Their ex doesn’t contact them (prompting them to get impatient and text their ex.)

The “Quick Fix” To Breaking Your NC Period

This is going to suck but realize that in order to have a good chance at getting your ex boyfriend back you are going to have to prove you can go 30 days without communication. So, in the event that you break the no contact rule you are going to have to start over from day one. That means if you were on day 29 and broke the no contact rule then you are going to have to start all over again.

The end lesson here, don’t break the no contact rule.

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537 thoughts on “Common Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Avatar

    Ember Sargent

    March 10, 2020 at 3:33 pm

    My situation with my ex is that he is my best friends cousin so we do end up around each other a lot either way. We had a long time of him pursuing me and me finally giving in after about 2 years. I then let him take me on “dates” for a year before finally letting him call it a date. To back track I had just left an abusive relationship of 7 years with 3 kids and my ex is the one who helped me leave and get through it but I was super hesitant to try anything with anyone. So after we did officially start a relationship I got pregnant and the baby died so I had to have surgery and was terrified he was going to run afterwards so I was pushy and just ultimately not being myself which lead to pushing him away anyway. The past 6 months however we still have had a few dates or times out with us and his cousin or events at the house and we do still sleep together but he recently got a gf about a month ago. I get conflicting vibes from it all and am left wondering if he really cares and I have a chance or I’m just the booty call. He will say why do I keep doing nice things even though he hasn’t been great, or that he “sees me” as in my efforts. I feel in my heart this man is who I’m supposed to spend my life with but I’m really lost on how to win him back or if I let go.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 20, 2020 at 9:48 pm

      Hi Ember, so when we are unsure of what we want for ourselves we suggest going into a No Contact and working the holy trinity so that you can focus on yourself and during that time you will know if you want them back or not. If you dont then you continue with your No Contact. Otherwise you reach out after 30 days with a text that Chris suggests

  2. Avatar

    Renae

    February 25, 2020 at 2:49 am

    My situation rn is that he wanted a break things at work for stressful especially cause we worked together after the break wasn’t giving him space he decided let’s break up but not forever and so we still talked and wanted work through and while I was trying to work through things he was still kissing me and being affectionate but after I truly gave him space he thought about the mess we were in and decided to say he lost feelings for me. It was over and I was heart broken upset and he tried ending things well but I felt used and got my hopes up just to be torn in my face which hurt. However I made a mistake by going to everyone and telling them how he broke my heart because that’s really how it felt and making seem like this horrible guy well I regret that so much because even this happened he still had a place in my heart and I knew I could never have a close bond and friendship with any other guy. Now many people hate him and never want to be with a guy like that again and at the time so did I. But truthfully it felt like a part of me was being ripped out of me the great times we had together we’re still in my mind and I texted him seeing if there was any way we could talk well we did in tears he told me he wanted me back and that he messed up and I said I truly do want to be with but I did say hurtful things about him when I was so angry about the breakup and even tho he said he never wanted to end that way I made it need that way and I hate that I did that and it’s hard to forgive myself and all I want to do is say sorry over and over but that won’t do anything but annoy him. We have to keep us talking a secret we aren’t together just yet but we want to we have to work on our bond and trust again and then worry about our families and friends.

  3. Avatar

    JG

    October 24, 2019 at 8:10 pm

    So I have a unique situation. We were in a relationship for 3 years, and it was amazing. We love each other and were a couple that was happy and had little conflict. However, he has mental health issues, primarily anxiety and of late, severe depression. About a month ago, he said he needed time and space to work on his depression, and that he thinks he needs to be single to work on himself first. Self-harm is a concern and he has asked for support (i.e. discussing concerns about his therapy, anxiety attacks, panic atttacks, thoughts of self-harm). He has contacted a doctor and has booked a psychiatrist, so there is evidence he is serious about making progress. However because of all this, the No Contact Rule is difficult to implement. I am devastated and want him back, but not sure how to apply your methods in this situation. Currently and for the past few weeks, I do not message him unless there is a legitimate concern about his well being; otherwise my messages are limited primarily to responding to his messages. How would I proceed in this situation if I want him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 24, 2019 at 8:35 pm

      Hi JG I would firstly recommend telling someone who is close to him about your concerns for his mental health and the self harm situation, but you also need to know while he is in such a dark place you’re not going to get him back. He needs to get mentally well before he gets into a relationship and if you are suffering from similar issues you need to get help for yourself too. Assuring someone is there for him supporting him (family or friend) and explain to him that you are taking some time to work on yourself so he doesn’t feel you abandoned him during the dark times. THEN when you’ve worked on yourself for at least 30 days ( I would be closer to 45 if you want to make some serious changes) and reach out to him as a friend avoiding emotional or relationship topics at all costs

  4. Avatar

    Amanda

    June 21, 2019 at 4:35 pm

    It’s been 2 months since my ex broke up with me. We were together just shy of 3 years and it was the first time we broke up. It happened the day after he failed his last nursing school exam, so he has to repeat the year. We had an argument the previous weekend (Wednesday was his test, Thursday he dumped me) because my great grandma had just died (day before my birthday) and he’d basically made me feel as if he’d forgotten. He went on about how I didn’t know what he was going through, I didn’t understand the pressure, etc. which made me upset because I just wanted some comfort. Later he said I’d always put myself before him/his needs and I never listened to him. I did become a gnat, so he blocked me. I needed to contact him because I’d found out I was pregnant, but miscarried the next week. So I did show up at his house to tell him all that. I told him that the hormones/my depression did not help how I acted post breakup; that it wasn’t an excuse but it was an explanation. Since then I have been in contact with him but have been a gnat off/on. I still love him deeply despite the fact he’s said “I’ve made my decision, I’m done.” How can you be done so quick and completely? Idk where to start from here; I feel I have done so much damage already.

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    Kisha Reynolds

    June 17, 2019 at 5:00 am

    Hi ms and my ex broke up a couple of months ago because we argued about having a baby he didnt want any kids and i at the time did.. i have a child and i do not want anymore kids. He is now talking to someone else and i really love him and want him back. I just dont know what to do anymore. I dont know if i should leave him alone and let him be happy or try and get him back??? That was just our main issue.

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    Camomile17

    April 26, 2019 at 6:43 am

    Hey! So..my story is a little long so please bare with me! I had been with my ex for 3 years as of this past March. In January, I had to move to another country due to some personal issues and so since the end of January, we were in a long distance relationship. We’ve done the distance thing before; when I used to come visit home and while he was deployed (6 months). When I came back home this time around, we had an argument mid February and during this argument he told me that if I didn’t stay awake (it was late for me) and hear his side of the fight, he’d be done. The basis of the argument was that I was not comfortable with his best friends girlfriend and we argued about it. Out of anger, I went to bed instead. He ended up blocking me and I didn’t hear from him for a week. During this time, I had asked mutual friends to pass messages to him and eventually, after the week was up, he ended up unblocking me and messaging me again. We worked through things and everything was going great until about 2-3 weeks ago when he went home for vacation. We had decided to call each other one of the days he was home but literally 2 minutes before the call was supposed to happen, his parents came home and they decided to go get brunch. I was upset because I was very excited to call and talk to him. I know, sounds silly! This ended up in us fighting..again. Anyways, i didn’t hear from him all day the next day and at the end of the day, he msgd me saying that he didn’t want to be with me anymore, love me anymore or that we should even talk anymore. Instead, if I was fine with being friends, he’d be okay with it. Now, I admit, I’m guilty as I did turn into psycho ex girlfriend and wouldn’t leave him alone even tho he asked for space. I kept calling and texting etc. All of this happened on a Tuesday so..at the end of the week, when he was back from vacation, he ended up blocking me on Snapchat and Facebook. He hasn’t blocked my number or me from WhatsApp and email but I am not contacting him as I am worried he will block me and there goes my chances of having any contact with him. I am currently doing the no contact rule but I’m extremely worried that he won’t ever unblock me or talk to me again- also because we are currently in the state of long distance. I will be going back in a few months but he might have moved on by then (I believe). I’m really hoping for some good advice as I don’t have much money currently to purchase any of the ebooks etc. but I’m hoping you can help me in some way! He is not a cheater or a liar. Not even a week before he dumped me, he sent me a whole essay almost about how much he loved me and how he can’t wait to have a future and kids with me, etc! Even five minutes before the fight happened, he was telling me how he loved me and calling me baby and such! This is the longest that we have gone without talking to each other. When he dumped me, it also seemed that he was scared for some reason as after saying ‘I don’t want to be together anymore’ he also said ‘everyone leaves anyway. I need you to let me go’. It sounds to me like there’s more to the story of him dumping me but I don’t know. Please help and advice as to what to do! Sorry for this being so long!!

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    Tracey

    January 3, 2019 at 4:33 pm

    My boyfriend of 6 years took all his things and left without saying goodbye. I gave him an ultimatum that if he spends another New Years with his friends, I’m done. He told me it’s not working and he just wants to be alone and wants a fresh start. I asked him to reconsider but he wouldn’t. I sent him a text saying that I never should have done that, I miss him and to have a wonderful New Year. He responded 2 days later saying thank you for the text, Abd he really appreciates it. I began no contact after that. We have broken up once 5 years before and he came back and now again. Do I have a chance? Or is it hopeless?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 3, 2019 at 11:10 pm

      Hi Tracey!

      I know that must of hurt a lot given the amount of time you both have invested in the relationship. I do think NC is the right approach. Some guys just end up doing foolish things and it takes them a while to figure it out. Not hopeless it all.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 3, 2019 at 11:10 pm

      Hi Tracey!

      I know that must of hurt a lot given the amount of time you both have invested in the relationship. I do think NC is the right approach. Some guys just end up doing foolish things and it takes them a while to figure it out. Not hopeless it all.

  8. Avatar

    Jane

    December 20, 2018 at 9:13 am

    My ex and I had been together for 6 months we never once had an argument he always treated me like a princess and would tell me how I’m his life he can’t live without me we had plans for our future we were gonna do college and move together and then his birthday came up and I showered him in presents he was so happy he almost cried too me. 2 days later he ghosted me I assumed his phone was messing up he told me it acts weird sometimes. Bc it didn’t make any sense I mean why would he? But I decided on day 3 to get a texting app I texted him and just as I was going to delete it Bc I knew it was silly he wouldn’t text back Bc his phone was messed up he texted that number back my heart sank into my stomach I immediately started crying and asking him why would he do this to me it doesn’t make any sense. He told me he has to focus on his future didn’t know how to tell me he doesn’t have time for the love stuff anymore he actually said that. I didn’t believe him bc we already had this all planned he always tells me how much he loves me and everything we’re foibg now will be for our future and one day we’ll be married etc so what changed over 2 nights after 6 months? I began to wonder had his mom convinced him to break it off with me Bc she duesnt want him dating she just wants him to do college and after he went home with all of that stuff maybe she realized we were serious. Either way if you love someone you don’t just turn it off and then he kept telling me to just stop contacting him to leave him alone for good and he’s made up his mind and has nothing more to say. I went crazy Bc this was the man I love but it didn’t seem like him anymore and he was just walking away and throwing me away and kept talking to me so rudely I started texting from like 6 different apps I went to his job he didn’t come outside tho. I turned into a lunatic Bc he was my whole world we were suppose to be getting an apt in July and everything he would always tell me how he can’t live without me and he was literally throwing me away. He eventually told me he doesn’t want me and wants me gone forever this was after I texted him from 6 different apps and kept calling to make him respond. It’s so crazy Bc we never once had any problems at all it was an actual perfect relationship and then bam he just completely 360’d me out of no where I really don’t know what happened. He was so sweet and happy the days before on his bday he read his card and cried and told me his much he loved me with all of his heart and then 2 days later he wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. He blocked my number completely Bc I wouldn’t stop calling and texting, I did it religiously like from morning to night. All hours 3am and whatever time I woke up crying. I lve read about no contact rules but at this point I don’t think that something like that will have any effect in this situation I just really love him I can’t turn my live off the way he did. &I find it so hard to believe him when he told me he doesn’t love me Bc that’s not him that’s not the man I’d been with for 6 months. I’m just so broken and want him back. He told me after seeing me like this he really can’t be with someone like me. I did everything wrong, everything

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 21, 2018 at 1:03 am

      Hi Jane! So there is a lot going on. Far too many points than I can make here in this comment section. You would benefit from having my 485 page epic eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”.

      The first order of business should be a focus on your own recovery and healing and there are lots of activities for that. Much to learn and do.

  9. Avatar

    Honey

    October 22, 2018 at 11:30 pm

    My long distance boyfriend broke up with me last Wednesday over the phone. This is the second time in 2.5 years that we have broken up.

    I went to see him the day after and we were having a really nice evening and he was saying how he can’t imagine being with anyone we but me, that he loves me and still sexually finds me attractive however the arguing means he can’t live that way and doesn’t think it will change (we also slept together). I thought we would give it another go and that the break up was more of an argument as we had been arguing recently.

    During the evening he invited me up for another weekend to watch a movie we had been chatting about and he had to remind himself we were broken up and said actually no i cant make plans with you as we are broken up. However again when we said bye it was loving and warm and I thought we would be fine and not broken up.

    However the next day he went cold when i txt and asked me not to txt him again as it wasn’t healthy for us and Bye. I didn’t contact him until today when I had to let him know about things I am posting to him and he replied with a kiss but didn’t engage in anymore conversation.

    I really want him back however I don’t know if it is a lost cause.

    Any advice appreciated..

    Thanks

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 24, 2018 at 3:32 am

      Hi Honey!

      I am sorry you are going thru a 2nd breakup. Best to get started with your ex recovery plan. Pulling back and giving each other some space may be appropriate. He seems a bit mixed up. Tap into all the tools and resources I offer here.

  10. Avatar

    Yoga

    January 14, 2018 at 3:10 am

    Hey I just broke up 2 days back. I couldn’t forget him at all. I felt regretting for letting him go. During the relationship moment, he was there for me all the time although long distance but myself because of my ego and anger at the peak, I would just throw words. I would always make up fight and in the term on solving, I would said “let’s just breakup, let’s search for other people, our thinking are not the same”. He really being patient with me till last week one part I told him “You’re my biggest mistake” yet, he texted me and I still fought with him. And few days back, he let me go. He says that I wanted this so, he said he really cannot and I have kill his feelings. Now, we’re just being friends but it’s hard for me. I really want to change and in the process . I want him back in my life. What should I do? Will he back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 12:21 pm

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    Sarah

    December 10, 2017 at 8:26 am

    So my ex broke up with me again three weeks ago the third time in a year and a half saying he wasn’t as into their as me and that he doesn’t see a future as he used to and blamed being busy at work for not talking. I rarely get calls and when he’s aroused is the only time he’d be into talking. I see him constantly online and he says he still wants to see me to sleep with me and hang out cause he loved that side of us but said at this point he doesn’t think there will be anything Else. He calls me when he’s turned on and sends text messages of that nature but apart from that doesn’t really show an interest in me. I really lost my cook and sent him a few successive long messages explaining it and how hurt it’s making me. I don’t know what to do I feel like my rants may have pushed him away for good this time but I just want him to show me he wants me. What Can I do please help? i purchased both the texting bible and the pro bible but I feel this time I just don’t think it’s goonf to work

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 4:37 am

      Hi Sarah,

      That means if you’re going to do nc again, make it the last attempt and do 45 days.

  12. Avatar

    Sara

    December 1, 2017 at 2:20 am

    Hi, it’s me again,

    I’m in day 21 of NC. While we were having problems he kept saying things like “I was all week-end waiting for you to magically appear in my apartment” or “I was waiting for you all night looking at the door hoping you’d come and surprise me” (he was playing at a party and we were half broken up so he didn’t invite me).
    Time to contact him is getting close and I think that he needs a big gesture so he can trust again that my love for him is real.
    Should I listen to what he was begging for me to do before the breakup and do something like that? I feel it’s the only way he’ll feel safe enough to be with me.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 3, 2017 at 3:50 pm

      He said that before or during nc? If yes on either, dont do it…because you would like you’re chasing him..just slowly build rapport

  13. Avatar

    Roses

    November 21, 2017 at 3:24 pm

    Hello

    My ex and I broke up a week ago. I started the no contact rule on Thursday last week. I was doing well until I found my ex was asking about me at work again agondnd worrying about me. On Sunday I called him once just to say I was sorry for being selfish and that’s all.
    I restarted my NC again on Monday again. And been doing okay so far.

    Any advice?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 24, 2017 at 12:50 am

      That’s good that you restarted nc.. be active in improving yourself now and in posting in social media where the posts just stay until you remove them

  14. Avatar

    Keshi

    August 22, 2017 at 8:54 pm

    Hey! Just broke up with my boyfriend of 5 years past 1 week .
    He is a very quiet and socially not active kinda guy
    I’m his first girlfriend
    im his only friend and best friend. I love and cared about him so much.
    He really cared about me and also loved me but I expect too much… I get really upset when he doesn’t answer my call and I keep calling him but I wasn’t nasty at all.
    We have broken up couple times before but this
    Time we didn’t have any fights ..I was just on vacation for couple months but after I came back he just wanted to break up with me. He told me that he just doesn’t have feelings for me anymore and doesn’t wanna see me anymore, he also told me we have been together for so long cause of me but still he gives me so many advices to be good and do what I gotta do. what should I do now? Does he really not love me anymore.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 22, 2017 at 10:32 pm

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    Jessie

    August 3, 2017 at 8:10 pm

    Thank you so much for the advice. He contacted me and he said he’s going to break up with his current girlfriend, but first he said all the cheating I’ve done with him will take time and healing. Then he wants to be on good terms with his girlfriend and at the right time he will break up with her as soon as she finds a place and when the right time comes for both of them. Thanks so much for all the advice, I have learned so much by just reading all these articles!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 5:50 am

      You’re welcome..if I was in your place, I wouldn’t talk to him until he cuts all ties with the other girl.. He’s obviously stringing you along

  16. Avatar

    Jessie

    August 2, 2017 at 6:15 am

    So as I was on my Facebook, I went to a friend’s page and I noticed that my ex boyfriend unblocked me. I’m not going to send him a friend request or message him. I’m going to do the NC rule through Facebook. But since my ex boyfriend is reading and looking at everything I post on my page, I was wondering what should I post on my Facebook page to make my ex believe everything I say to be true? And is there anything I do not need to post on my Facebook to, for example a picture I took when I was in a relationship with him. (I do tend to share some of my memories on Facebook of when my ex and I were together). Thanks for your help so much! Also I am trying and willing to do anything I can do and say to let my ex boyfriend know that if he gives me another we chance a time a friendship, I’m not going to say something and then not act upon what I kept a promise in.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 3, 2017 at 6:13 pm

      If you can work and have somebody else look over your child while you work, that would be better.. You need to know and cultivate your self worth.

      You cheated on him before but right now you’re chasing him. You’re accepting that you’re the one who has to prove something even though he’s telling you he wants to be with you while he’s in a relationship.

      Hanging out with other guys especially his friend is like proving to him he’s right about you..

      Staying friends with him now is lowering your self worth too because first, you’re putting yourself in the friendzone. Second, it’s starting to look like you’ve been making up for a mistake that was a long time ago and both of you should have moved on from it since he’s in a relationship now too.

      You’re showing him you’re just there, always waiting for his forgiveness..

      The better approach is to talk to him about what happened calmly. Tell him you’re sorry about what happened before but you’ve forgiven yourself and that’s not you now and it’s up to him whether he forgives you or not but you’re moving on from that for your self respect and for your child.

      If he wants to get back with you, he has to do the right thing first, break up with his current gf. If he says it’s just because he doesn’t trust you, tell him, that’s for him to work out for himself because that was a mistake years ago. Thank him for eveything and tell him you hope that he understands and respect the space you need for yourself.

      And then do at least 30 days of nc.. Don’t tell him you’re doing nc. Don’t tell him you’re going to contact him after 30 days. If he asks if you will contact him again, tell him as of now you don’t know yet. If he asks if you’re still friends, tell him as of now that’s not workable.

      Improve yourself. Have a new routine for yourself and your child. Have your own life. Prepare your life in a way that if you don’t get him back, it will hurt but it’s his loss, not yours. You have a lot in store for yourself and in your child’s future.

  17. Avatar

    Joanna

    August 1, 2017 at 5:07 am

    My on/off ex of two years broke up with me over text two weeks ago. I never responded to his last text message so I’m on day 14 of no contact. Tonight I got home and the stuff I left at his house was on my porch. What does this mean? Do I still have a chance?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 1, 2017 at 5:07 pm

      Why did he broke up with you?

  18. Avatar

    Madison

    July 18, 2017 at 9:48 pm

    Hey! My ex broke up with me in 2015 and we reconnected in the summer of 2016. He reached out telling me all the things I wanted to hear. How he missed me and how beautiful I was. I didn’t fall for it. We went out and hung out many times. Eventually we ended up sleeping together (biggest mistake) because I started catching feelings. I didn’t let him know. It’s been a year since we have been basically friends with benefits. Recently I joinkingly posted something on my IG that made him think he thought we were together. He got upset and said don’t waste my time with him. He’s been really distant. He’s been distant before but always comes around. I started no contact for a week now. How long should I do it for?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 18, 2017 at 10:24 pm

      do at least 45 days.

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    Bee

    July 13, 2017 at 9:16 pm

    I just implied the no contact rule after breaking up with my boyfriend of 3 yrs . Afterwards he put all the blame on me , told me he loved me then said he didnt , he also was viscious with his words . It has only been 5 days of no contact and he has been texting me with apologizing and that he understands we both need to move on . Now he started sexting me . Although i love him and miss him i am still angry at his words but dont want to lose him by not responding but i also dont want to be used for sex . Is that why he is sexting me ? What do i do ? Im not so convinved nc will bring him back . Im afraid he will move on to someone else and will forget about me after not responding . I need help !!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 14, 2017 at 6:57 pm

      If you don’t want to be treated that way, don’t allow it.. What you allow, you get.. If you really want to be treated a different way, don’t engage in activities that you dont want to experience.. Nc is more for you, not for your ex.. It’s for you to heal, improve and be more rational before slowly rebuilding rapport..

  20. Avatar

    Sarah

    July 5, 2017 at 9:39 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me a few days ago. We were together for just a little over a year, but we loved each other very much. I’ve always had a problem of expecting too much from people, and getting upset if they don’t live up to my expectations. I know I need to fix this. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but he tried so hard to make me happy, and was constantly being nagged by me. Like I said, I know I have to work on this, not just for him, but myself so that I’m happier in life. He told me he’d be open to trying things again in the future if the timing is right. I am using this time to improve myself, I’ve started meditating already and am looking into meeting with a counselor about my issues. I had sent him an email after we broke up telling him how much I love him, and that I can’t wait to get better so we can possibly try again. He never responded. I’ve started NC, hoping this will work. But I’m worried my crazy behavior and constant nagging will always be what he remembers about our relationship. Besides NC and working on improving myself, do you suggest anything else?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 6, 2017 at 7:31 pm

      be active in posting in social media, and continue doing that even after nc.

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