Today I’m going to show you the biggest mistakes that women make when they are trying to win their exes back.
The mistakes that I am going to list here today have been connected to hundreds of situations where men and women have been unsuccessful at salvaging their relationships.
Let’s dive right in.
The Seven Biggest Mistakes That Women Are Making When They Try To Win Their Exes Back
In all there are seven mistakes that I’d like to talk to you about today.
The thinking here is that if you can avoid these seven mistakes you can improve your odds of winning your ex back.
Let’s take a moment and look at what these seven common mistakes are.
- Breaking The No Contact Rule
- Going Too Fast, Too Soon
- Living Together With Your Ex After The Breakup
- Waiting For Them To Text You First
- Being A GNAT
- No Curiosity Hook In Conversations
- Going Through The Process Without Any Kind Of Plan
What I’d like to do now is take some time and describe what each one of these mistakes entails.
Mistake #1: Breaking The No Contact Rule Too Soon
Throughout the history of Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have talked a lot about the no contact rule.
In fact, I’ve talked a lot about it on my YouTube channel too.
So, if you’re wanting a complete run down of what it is and how it should be employed I recommend that you check those resources out.
What I’m here to talk about today is the single biggest mistake that I see people making when they try a no contact rule out on their ex.
The break it far too soon.
In fact, our independent studies have found that close to 80% of our clients who implement a no contact rule will break it prematurely.
Now, what do you think that means?
Breaking it too soon.
Think of it like this.
We are famous here for recommending three different time frames for the no contact rule.
- The 21 Day Rule
- The 30 Day Rule
- The 45 Day Rule
Go here to figure out how long you should be doing your no contact period.
If you determine that you are supposed to be doing the 30 day rule then that means that you need to ignore your ex for 30 straight days.
But so much can happen.
What happens if around day 8 your ex texts you this,
The temptation to talk to them is going to be at an all time high.
You can see why so many exes falter when it comes to “staying true” to their no contact time period.
But why is it a mistake?
Well, contrary to popular belief having to do a no contact rule over and over again will actually hamper your chances of success.
As a general rule of thumb I tell my clients that every time you have to restart a no contact rule it loses effectiveness.
Mistake #2: Going Too Fast, Too Soon
Another thing that I’ve made famous here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is my concept of the value chain.
Essentially it’s the ultimate blueprint for “winning an ex back.”
Something that me and my team have refined over half a decade to help people have a better chance of success when it comes to reconnecting with their exes.
Of course, coming up with something as amazing as “the value chain” is nice but it spawned a very unique problem.
People who would buy my course would learn about how the value chain worked and try to work through it as fast as possible.
Normally a value chain is supposed to be progressed through very slowly like this,
Step by painful step.
However, something we began to notice about our clients is that they would completely disregard the natural progression of the value chain because they were too eager to get to the end.
So, instead of going from the no contact rule phase to the texting phase they’d skip two whole steps and ask for a date right out of the no contact rule.
Imagine how awkward that must be.
Going too fast, too soon is the death of success.
Mistake #3: Living Together With An Ex After A Breakup
Most of the clients that I work with do not live with their exes.
However, every once in a while I’ll work with someone who does live with their ex. This always makes everything more complicated as strategies like the no contact rule become less effective.
In the past I used to tell my clients that it wasn’t that big of a deal but over the years I’ve gotten quite a bit of experience with how to handle this situation.
One of the best things that you can do for yourself if you find yourself in a situation where you live with your ex is to find a way to remove yourself from that situation.
Now, it’s not always possible for everyone but for most it is and it’s something that my team and I highly recommend you do.
Well, a lot of the strategies we teach lean on this idea of absence making the heart grow fonder.
Put more simply,
The fear of loss
It’s very difficult to achieve this fear of loss if you are seeing your ex every single day.
Not to mention it makes an amazing strategy like the no contact rule less effective as you have to alter it into a “limited contact” rule.
Honestly, there isn’t much more I can say to expand on this other than the simple fact that if you live with your ex find a way to get out of that situation.
Mistake #4: Waiting For Them To Text You First
Most of the people who go through my course are women.
And the funny thing about women is that they have this inherent belief that they shouldn’t ever have to make a first move.
And in most cases this inherent belief is a positive thing.
However, breakups tend to be one particular situation where this “wait for them to text me first” rule isn’t that effective.
If there’s one thing I want to leave you with today it’s the fact that what matters the most isn’t who starts the conversation but who ends it.
I’ve talked about that in depth in this particular video.
Obsessing about who texts who first is all about your own personal pride.
Let me ask you a question.
If you are intent on getting your ex back but are unable to do so because you refuse to take a chance and reach out to them first can you live with yourself?
At the end of the day are you ok with missing that opportunity.
I feel like there is this dangerous narrative where people believe who starts a conversation is indicative of who cares more.
Sometimes that logic holds but I’ve found that what makes a more lasting impression is who ends the conversation and more important where the conversation is ended.
Memory experts often cite this idea of the peak end rule.
Peak End Rule: Human beings often remember experiences based on the peak of the experience and the end of the experience.
Notice how it says nothing about the start of the experience.
Stop obsessing about having your ex reach out to you first.
Start obsessing about ending the conversation first.
Mistake #5: You Are Too Much Of A GNAT
No, I’m not talking about those annoying bugs that fly around your head and never leave you alone.
Actually I am talking about that.
Think for a moment of how annoying and disgusting you find it when gnats swarm around you. It seems that no matter how fast you run or hard you swat they don’t go away.
That’s how it can sometimes feel to an ex who becomes annoyed with you during conversations.
Being a “GNAT” is one of the most common behaviors I see men and women making after a breakup.
Oh, by the way GNAT is an acronym that stands for,
The important thing I want to leave you with here is the fact that this isn’t just about “going crazy in your texting conversations” being a GNAT can have many different applications.
It’s sort of the acronym my students use to describe all kinds of desperate behaviors when it comes to breakups.
Here are some of the most popular GNATTY behaviors.
- Texting an ex non stop
- Begging for an ex back
- Acting very desperate
- Giving an ex an ultimatum
- Not getting the hint of when a conversation should be over
If you’ve engaged in any of these types of behaviors then you have exhibited GNAT behavior and that isn’t a good thing.
Mistake #6: No Curiosity Hook In Conversations
One of the coolest parts of going through the course here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery is the fact that it gives you access to an amazing Facebook Group full of individuals who are going through breakups themselves.
The Facebook group has fast become one of the staples of our program.
It’s a place where women can go to get support and learn about what’s working.
Anyways, one of the most interesting aspects of the whole group are some of the collection of text messages they have utilized to get responses from their exes.
In fact, in the facebook group you can see there is an entire album dedicated to successful first text messages.
One look at that album and it becomes clear that there is a common theme among the successful text messages.
Each one has an inherent curiosity hook embedded within it.
What’s a curiosity hook?
I’m glad you asked.
Curiosity Hook – It’s an element of a conversation that is so intriguing your ex can’t help but respond or ask about it.
One of the biggest challenges that most of my clients face is figuring out exactly how to get an ex to respond to them.
Most of the time the text messages they come up with to do just that are awful.
Isn’t going to cut it.
There’s no incentive for your ex to even respond to that.
Now, let’s compare that to one of the text messages in the facebook group album.
What’s the first thought that is probably going to come into an exes head upon receiving this text message?
This creates enough of a hook to get them to bite.
Texting an ex is a lot like fishing. You just need to figure out what will make them bite and that’s when you have them right where you want them.
Mistake #7: Going Through The Process Without Any Kind Of Plan
Look, I’m going to level with you.
I’m aware of the fact that most of the people who read this article that want their exes back will disregard my advice and do things their way.
I get that.
However, let me tell you why that is a major mistake.
Most of the people who try to get their exes back in general fail.
Your relationship ended for a reason and you are embarking on a journey to convince someone to do something they don’t want to do.
If you don’t have any kind of plan for success you probably won’t succeed.
I’m not saying that to be rude I’m saying that because I’ve seen so many people try and fail and without any kind of plan your chances of success are much lower.
There’s also the people who on the opposite end of the spectrum who spend all their time searching for a plan and stumble across all these great ideas that they think will work but in the end get information overload and can’t stick to just one core plan.
That’s a mistake too because with this kind of scenario all that really matters is having a plan and sticking to it.
Not having a plan is a mistake.
And having more than one plan that you are implementing at once is a mistake as well.
Pick one plan and stick to it.