What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

The 5 Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back (Video)

I’m an idiot!

We have been doing these videos for about half a year now and I am ashamed to admit that we haven’t been giving you the best quality that we possibly can. You see, I was trying to go for that super clean “white background” look but it ended up just looking like this,

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 1.24.57 PM

Pretty crappy, right?

I mean, that’s not even white. It’s more like this whittish grey. Turns out the fix to make it have that super white feel was as simple as editing it post shoot in an editing software.

Check out the gigantic difference,

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 1.28.44 PM

Pretty massive difference, right?

Well, from this point on all of our videos should begin to have a more professional look and feel to them. So, that’s good news for you, right?

Anyways, today’s video is all about mistakes. Particularly the most common mistakes that I see women making when trying to get their ex boyfriends back. Check it out!

Transcript

The other week I was searching the web and I came across the most peculiar story. Apparently a woman was arrested for texting and calling her ex boyfriend in total of 77,000 times. The story got me thinking, “What are some of the most common mistakes that women make when trying to get their ex boyfriends back?” Well, that’s what this video’s about.

Alright, today we’re going to be covering the top 5 mistakes that women make when trying to get their ex boyfriends back. Aright, so what I’d like to do is cover the top 5 mistakes that women tend to make when trying to get their ex boyfriends back. The first mistake is coming in with no plan. The second mistake is being too desperate or needy. The third mistake: gnatting. The fourth mistake is moving too fast and finally the fifth mistake is trying to get an ex boyfriend back in a pretty helpless situation.

So, what I’d like to do now is go right through it with the first mistake: trying to get your ex boyfriend back with no plan.

Mistake #1: Not Having A Plan

One of the things I love to teach women to do on ex boyfriend recovery is trying to get an ex boyfriend back within a plan, within a template. Now, you don’t have to stick to that plan a hundred percent of the time because getting an ex boyfriend back is kind of a complex process. There’s no one plan that you have to stick to a hundred percent of the time. Nevertheless, I have found that having a plan when it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back, raises your chances exponentially. Take a wedding for example, you wouldn’t just go try to get a wedding–a ring–throw in a wedding. You have to have a plan. In fact sometimes, you have to hire wedding planners, same principles applies here. You’re going to fall flat on your face if you try to “wing” trying to get an ex boyfriend back. On the other hand, if you have a plan, well it’s going to raise your chances exponentially. Okay, next up is desperation and neediness.

Mistake #2: Desperation/Neediness

It’s often said that neediness is the opposite of attraction. Therefore, if you are needy towards your ex boyfriend, he’s less likely to find you attractive. One of my wife and I’s favorite shows to watch is The Bachelor. We watch it for “research” purposes of course. But we noticed there was a contestant on there, Lace,  and she was really desperate and needy towards the bachelor when she was trying to win his affection. Now, at first he thought it was cute and liked it.  But after a while, he didn’t like it so much, in fact he found it annoying and he found it unattractive and she got kicked off. Now the last thing you want to do is be desperate, needy and annoying to your ex boyfriend because I guarantee you, if you’re desperate and needy to a point that’s crazy, he’s going to find you annoying and trying to get him back, it’s not going to work if you’re approaching this from a position of weakness. You need to approach this from a position of strength, from a position of attraction.

Mistake #3: Gnatting

Now, you may be wondering what gnatting is. Gnatting is actually an acronym for GNAT-Going Nuts At Texting. I see a lot of situations everyday on ex boyfriend recovery and one of the situations that keeps popping up even now is, women who go a little crazy when it comes to texting and calling their ex boyfriends. I’ve been trying to find a way to put it for women to make them understand how annoying this is and I thought what better way to explain this than having a bunch of gnats fly around your head. Think about it. You’re walking down the street one day, when all of a sudden a bunch of gnats fly around your head and no matter how many times you swat at the gnats to make them go away, they don’t. They just keep buzzing around. You swat they buzz. Nothing gets them to go away. You run around, they follow you, you swat again, they buzz around. Well in this analogy, you’re the gnat and you’re ex boyfriend is trying to swat to get you away. Let’ me give you another example, this is what a gnat looks like when it comes to texting. Do not do this to your ex boyfriend. Trust me. It won’t work out.

Mistake #4: Moving too fast

Moving too fast is a huge mistake. I want you to imagine something for me. Imagine that you have a blind date next week. Well, a week passes and you go along this blind date and you meet this guy for the first time. Pretty good looking guy but he asks you to marry him. Would you say yes? No, of course not. There’s a process to getting married. It takes time. Well, getting your ex back works the same way. There’s a process to getting your ex back and if you move too fast, too soon, you’re going to shoot yourself in the foot and ruin any chance you’ll have of getting him back.

Mistake #5: Trying to get him back in a helpless situation

One of the fun aspects of my job is that I get to see a lot of interesting situations. A lot of interesting relationships, and the one that always sticks to my mind is, a woman who came to ex boyfriend recovery and she wanted her ex boyfriend back more than anything. The problem is, her ex boyfriend was engaged and was about to be married. Well, to me, I kept telling her, this is a pointless situation and you should probably move on but she just went havoc. She just kept trying to get her ex boyfriend back and pretty soon, it got to the point where her ex boyfriend had to file a restraining order against her. The point I’m trying to make here is you shouldn’t waste your time trying to get your ex boyfriend in a pointless situation, a situation where you really have no hope. Now, this bags an interesting question, what kind of chance do you have in your particular situation? Well, that’s why I want to encourage you to visit my website: www.exboyfriendrecovery.com . On there, you’ll be able to find countless articles of me talking about your situation. In fact, we’re even going to have a quiz really soon. That gives you an in depth report on what kind of chance you have in your particular situation.

So, if you haven’t subscribed to our channel or visit our website, now is the time to do so. The link to our website is in the description below. Its www.exboyfriendrecovery.com please like this video and like always, we will have a new video for you every single Monday. We’ll see you next week.

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

134 responses to “The 5 Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back (Video)”

  1. Aaliyah says:

    Hi Chris I am currently in a really difficult situation I have broken up with my ex boyfriend again. We had broken up almost 2 weeks ago. It came out of nowhere he had told me he was not happy with me and that he didn’t see a future with me and didn’t want to be with me however I had seen him just days before and we had been talking about marriage and children he had even admitted he was happier this time around but seems to of changed. I am aware he is having financial difficulties and has been forced to live and cope on his own and away from his parents in this difficult time but I always did my best to help him. We had broke up before for just over 2 months but was due to me as I had become very arguementitve as I was stressed due to college work and a death in my family. We had got back together after 2 months. This time I could not see it coming. I had gone to collect my things of him and he is very angry and aggressive I really love him and it was really serious, I feel as if he isn’t aware of how much he’s throwing away. I’m not sure if he’s just stressed and angry and I should leave him be for a bit or I should let go forever it’s really difficult as I am trying to better my life everyday and become more successful but this is really bringing me down, he said some really extreme things and I don’t know if it was just out of stress or anger. He had also apologised and said how it was all his fault and not mine just after I collected my things. I would really appreciate some help as I really don’t know what to do anymore and I really want to be with him. Seems he hasn’t thought about what he’s done… Please help.

  2. Rachael says:

    The ex and I’s breakup was mutual. We ended on great terms both of us cried. He was moving back home to start school and i needed to stay where I was to finish. Although we were together for 3 years this September. Im not exactly trying to win him back but I dont understand how he has not contacted me at all in the week he has been gone. It has been 7 days and weve been doing he NC and he has added girls on social media like crazy. Is he just over it that quick. Im in despair because I just want to talk to him.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Rachel,

      you said we’ve been doing nc.. you talked that both of you will do it?

  3. Mary says:

    Hi 🙂

    I have a big doubt. Should I break nc to say happy birthday?

    Thanks!

  4. Charlene McKenna says:

    Hi!
    I am super worried that I have made some terrible choice in the month since my ex and I broke up. For starts I broke up with him because he wasn’t show his regular affection and I began to feel like he started to like someone else. After that we didn’t speak for 4 days and at that time he sent me a long message explaining how he felt and I immediately called him. Then I went to hI’m and asked for him to take me back and we’ll work it out. He said yes and I thought everything would get better but later that night he sent a message saying we should only be friends. After the next few days of seeing each other and talking we decide to be friends but I stared to really notice and hear about the other girl he was talking to. So I started to fight with him and bother him and asked if he still wanted me and he said I don’t know and it for confusing. Then I found an article about grass is green syndrome and I believe he has it and bad. A couole days ago i told him that we couldnt be friend and i had to disappear for awhile. He replied with i dont know why and i am always here for you. I know we are just out of high school and we are going to college but no one has ever made me feel like I’m at home and when I do go home it’s like I’m missing a piece that is alwas supposed to be there. I cry alot and constantly sometimes and the thought of him kills me sometimes. I don’t know what to do or if I’ve lost my chances with him completely. Please help a little bit will be nice.

    • Charlene McKenna says:

      Also one time I showed up late at his house and we talked and got no where but me in tears and in his arms. He said he’s here for me and I don’t have to worry about losing him, he kissed my forehead and cheek and made sure I got home safe. We were together for 2 years and planning big things. I really can’t lose him even if it means we just becomes friends for the rest of our lives but I would love to have him.back more than anything.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Charlene,

      that is before you are in active nc right? If it is gigs, then yiu really need to improve yourslef massively

    • Charlene McKenna says:

      Yes, right now I’m in nc, and I’m starting to work out and better myself. I’ve read the love languages and I understand his love language and mine. NC is 30 days right?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      yes 🙂

  5. Confused says:

    Hi!

    I’m confused and I need help! My ex and I were together for six months, going on seven. We really loved each other and thought that we were going to be together forever. So my ex and I broke up earlier this month because I was upset about him going to an event with a friend and I wanted time with him. But we were working things out after the break up until I said something that I thought was a joke but he took it seriously. (This happened last week) so he broke up with me officially the next day after I said the stupid thing. He was upset that I didn’t call him right after he hung up on me when I told the joke to him. So I called him in the morning to apologize to him but he was really upset and said that his feelings for me changed when I said that joke. When we broke up, he told me that he still wanted to be with me but then he didn’t. So he broke up with me anyways. I called him the next day and told him that I still loved him and he told me the same. Then I called him the next day to meet up with him, but he didn’t want to and told me that he couldn’t say that he loved me anymore. I became a text/call gnat, and asking him to work things out again so he blocked me. Then the next day he met a girl at the club. Our official break up was only three days! He has been talking to her ever since. I reached out to his friends because I wanted to know if they knew that he was talking to someone new, but they didn’t know either. So my ex found out that I reached out to his friends and he was extremely mad at me because he didn’t want other people to know our business. So because of that, he has completely blocked me from everything. He confessed to me that he was talking to someone new. Then told me to just move on, to give him space and if he wanted to be with me in the future then he’ll reach out to me and fight for me. He also told me that he’s done and that he burned the string between us. Now, I’m just confused. I don’t know what to do. I made a promise to him a long time ago that no matter what happened I would always fight for him. Plus, he’s going to be moving about 5,000 miles away in less than two weeks.

  6. To Nhu says:

    HI AMOR
    I will tell u my story short enough for u to understand, so u can help me darling.
    I am a 26 yrs olds, sensitive, quite good looking, smart doctor.
    I have first met my first love 6 months ago on a duty night shift. He is also a doctor and works together with me in same hospital.
    We felt in love each others so quickly.
    We had so much happy memories, i know that he loves me a lot when he started to chase me at first days
    Iam a classical asian girl, he doesnt have sex with me, and we all wanted to wait till our wedding, in next 1 year.
    But suddenly, after being together like every single day in 4 months, he texted me : ” I think my love has problem”. We met immediately, ive been shocked and cried like rain that day at his house, but he said he still loves me and want to heal his love again. I agreed.
    1 weeks later, after hanging out normally in the morning sunday, he texted me a long message at 9pm to break up with me, the reason was he had no more eager like first days, he had no feelings about me anymore, he is not sure about getting married with me, but iam so serious on this relationship, so we should stop. I came to his house 1 hours later, and begging, crying so much. First he agreed to come back, then he said he needed time. I agreed.
    But 1 weeks later, he officially broke up with me. I mess him i agreed and always loved him unconditionally, so i will let him go. He mess me again he was so lonely and feel like destroying his soul cause he broke my heart.and he will meet me on my birthday future ( cause i said i want to meet him on my birthday in the text).
    I do the no contact rule, but fail and begging him 2 weeks later & he said he couldnt continue cause he dont love me anymore. My birthday, he texted to say happy birthday to me, i said i want to meet him and wait at his house 6 hours & mess him through facebook a lot, but he didnt show up. Last message he texted me is that, he didnt know i would wait him, sorry me, he was not deserved to my love, he was a jerk …..i should forget him.since that days, i do the no contact rule again.

    More things you should know, he is my first love, but Iam his third love.
    He had loved and sex his first lover in 8 years and broke up with her. Now she is married.
    His second lover, she broke up with him after 5months cause she loved someone else (2 years ago)
    Im doubt that he might break up with me to come back with his second lover. Cause my friend saw him going coffee with that girl the same time he said his love with me had problem. I once asked was that the reason for our break up, but he said he didnt cheat me. He & she will never come back again. I dont know he is lyeing to me or telling the truth.

    Im doing the no contact rule again for 2 weeks. And i feel so much better now :). I can move on with another guys, but i love him a lot with all my simple heart. His birthday is next 2 months, i need your advice, should i move on and forget everything, or do things that make him feel touched, like hand made, expensive gifts….and show up suprisely at his house at 0.00 am ? Cause on my birthday, he left me miserable lonely…. And darling, how to know the real reason of our break up ? Will he contact me first ?

    Thank u a lot !!! Hope u reply me as soon as possible

    • To Nhu says:

      Dear Amor, i forgot to mention, he is 31years old, the reason I coundt let it go is that, i feel like i can take him back if i keep trying harder, he had promised me a lot about future…. And at this stage, should I delete his Facebook ? I should wait untill his birthday to text him again, or just 30 days ? Cause it has been 15 days

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi To Nhu,

      I think you became clingy.. And it’s still apparent. Showing up at his door at 12 am? Are you serious or is that a joke? Cause that shows that you want to smother him.. which by this time is not appropriate anymore because you’ve broken up.. That’s chasing him. You have to aim to be the ungettable girl. Read this post so, you can have an idea of how to be an ungettable girl:
      The ungettable girl

    • To Nhu says:

      Dear AMOR, thank for your advice, in last 2 days, Some things has happened, and look liked I have done the stupid thing again. My DAD was ill and had to be checked up in the hospital for serious health problem. Im so worry for him, and in the weak moment, I texted my ex to tell him the situation. He did text me back, but only with really minimum cool answer like strangers, instead of calling me to comfort me, which is normal reaction that normal friend would do!! . Im so disappointed about his attitude, cause when i knew he had hypertension, i ve done so many things to help him, not leaving him like this. So when my dad is ok, i text him a long message, but main contents is i couldnt believe he is that kind of bad person, i told him i deleted all pics of us in my cellphone. Then I unfriended his FB account… (Dont you think I do right things ?)

      And the “showing up” i told you before, i intended to do that for real, because his birthday in next 2 months, so i think that it s ok to do that because i had done the no contact rule for 2 months. ….. But its my thinking from yesterday, now everything is a mess……

      What should I do AMOR …..?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      don’t do that.. he probably thinks you’re still chasing him.. if you’re invited of course you can go.. but it’s better if you build rapport first.. and focus on aiming to be the independent and being the ungettable girl

    • To Nhu says:

      Think about my previous behavior, i feel so ashamed about myself, how can I be blinded that much …. I dont know why I text him that last message with angry and said he was bad person… He is not my boyfiend anymore, he dont have to care about me or my Dad like old days, that s not his mission, right ….?
      Now I feel so awkard …. If i suddenly met him, just dont know how to hide my face… In last 2 months after breaking up, I beg,cry,talk text so much, he might be tired a lot about how to cut me off but dont ruin the friendship cause we work in same hospital …..
      Look likes the chance to have him back is zero now, even though how hard I want to change into ungettable girl, Amor…
      I simply just want him back… Why it is so hard ? No contact rule couldnt help me anymore darling ….

  7. Tina says:

    Hi Chris!

    My husband broke up with me. We have been together for almost 18 months, and maintaining a long distance relationship (different countries) for 7 months. We have a beautiful and strong story together. I was actually preparing to move in with him again, and he was excited! He suffered a lot with the distance and used to beg me everyday to move in, and I just couldn’t at that time. Now that everything was ready, he just started to remember all the difficults moments we faced together and called me to say he felt we should start over or that would be the end. He accused me of not loving and caring enough about him. I got desesperate with the possibility of divorce and did all the wrong things…. I begged, texted him a lot, sent gifts…. He was very upset with all that but still was saying I love you in the end of our calls and texts. Before yesterday he said he felt he gave more into this relationship than me, and that he does not feel that if we work this out I will change (give the attention he needs), and said he deserved better. He removed all of our pictures and status from Facebook and Instagram… and when I asked him why, he said he is tired of people asking him why his wife is not with him.
    What do you think of this situation? He seemed very resentfull with me. I started the NC yesterday, but I still don’t know what to reply in case he asks me what he should do with all my stuff he has at his house, or even if he texts me about divorce papers… How am I suppose to start a nice conversation after 30 days if I don’t reply to that kind of message?
    Don’t you think he could feel more hurt seeing pictures of me having fun?

    • Tina says:

      Should I remove our pictures from social media as well? I know he will be looking at my Facebook, but should I be in the pictures with the wedding ring on?

    • Tina says:

      I think he still loves and wants me, because during one of the times I was begging over Skype I was wearing a dress he really loves on me, and he stared at me with a “desire look”. The problem is: his friends and family come between us a lot, and he only broke up to me after meeting several times with this friend that told him he should build some self respect… and after his mother telling him to take in consideration that one day if we had kids and got divorced, I could come back to my country with the kids and leave him there alone… He even asked me that! His friends and family only have been saying things that make him doubt and be insecure about our relationship! I love him so much! He says he does not trust me anymore.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Tina,

      I don’t get it, what caused him to lose trust in you and why does his friends and family think you’re going to divorce him someday?

    • Tina says:

      Hi Amor,
      He moved to my country with me months ago, but he did not adapt well. So he came back. I could not come back with him at that time because I needed a visa first (what would take months to get), and I had to get my degree first. When he moved with me, he gave up on his car and his job. So when I decided to get my degree first, instead of moving right way, he, his family and friends thought I didn’t love him as much as he did. The thing is, I come from a country where I have seen poverty from very close, and the only way to succeed is is through knowledge. My family has a good financial situation, but since I remember I was told I couldn’t be someone in life without a degree. And it is just how the things are down here. My husband, his family and friends don’t have a degree (which I don’t mind), but they come from a country where you can succeed even without a degree. So education has always been that important to me, they just don’t get it.

      My husband got depressed back there without me. And even with all my family against my decision I dropped my university to go after him, because he needed me. It was the hardest decision for me. He seemed excited about it, and we were planning our life from that, when he broke up with me. He started to blame me for not taking that decision earlier. And because I did not take that decision earlier he, his friends and family think I do not truly him. They think that if I decided now I could have decided earlier.

      I am on day 5 of NC.

    • Tina says:

      I am on day 5 of NC. He did not text me yet, but seems pretty mad I think. First, he unfollowed me on social media, so he couldn’t see my posts… Today he didn’t unfriend me, but protected his posts from me. I remember that in one of my past relationships I got really mad with an ex boyfriend, and blocked him everywhere. When I calmed down days later I unblocked him, since I still liked him at that time. That could be what is happening with my ex husband? (We did not file the divorce yet).

      If that is what is happening I completely understand, but I also think he could do that so I wouldn`t see that he is with another woman. (it does not seem something he would do, but I know we can see the other face of people when they are not in love anymore).

      He broke up saying I did not love or cared enough about him… so I’m not sure if updating my social media while he is expecting me to be broken would convince him he is worng.

  8. Jasmine says:

    Me and my Exboyfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago. During the three weeks i was constantly begging and pleading for him to realize what he was doing and the risk he was making and etc. Until i found out he left me because he wanted to mess around and I guess he kind of grew apart from me because of the distance we were facing and how hard it was, since we were so used to seeing eachother everyday. He now has told me rudely that he’s done with me on so many levels, he wants nothing to do with me and i need to move on, he also told my cousin he did love me and that I’m not the girl he once loved anymore when honestly I haven’t changed. He also told my cousin that he moved on, because now he’s with an ex he dated before but it was only for about a week but this time he’s saying he loves her but he’s only been talking to her for a few weeks. I’m not really sure if he feels she can replace me because me and her have sort of the same characteristics but I really do want him back and today I’ve started the NC rule but I really don’t know if he’s really moved on or not because he keeps saying that and ignoring me. We weren’t a bad couple we were great honestly we were extremely happy and I don’t understand what really went wrong. How can someone who loves you so much and wanted to spend the rest of their life with you just start loving someone else if what we had was so real amd i was the only girl you really wanted, how can he now tell another girl the exact same thing as if he’s really over me that fast? We broke up around May/10

  9. Psycho! says:

    Oh boy have I made the biggest mistake and I don’t know how to recover :O

    So my ex basically broke up with me just over 2 months ago and we were together for almost 2 years. We are in our late 20s. After 30 NC and me initiating texts, we got on really good terms and we met up. Hooked up. Mistake I know, but that isn’t the worse thing I did…

    Anyways for 2 weeks he was all about seeing me and hooking up with me. Then I find out another girl is in the picture. He doesn’t tell me but I know from seeing her car when I go to work in the morning next door to his place…(It’s an old friend of his). Anyways we continued to hook up but less often, and well it’s because most of his nights are spent with her….I’m ashamed to say I kept hooking up with him even though I was aware of her in hopes to ruin whatever he is starting with her.

    His behaviour also become quite confusing. One day this week he was super sweet to me and acted like he was my boyfriend, where as before I felt used, and I honestly thought we were on the road to getting back together. However the next time I saw him, a couple days ago, he had the “we are only friends talk.” I really wanted him to come clean about the other girl but he did not mention her. I tried prompting by saying why are we suddenly having this conversation? why were you all about sleeping with me before but suddenly stopped spending time with me? He didn’t mention her.

    He’s spending ALL his time and nights with her recently and I don’t know how to get him back! Now the mistake I made tonight…..I wanted to hang out with him and I was worried 1. He was with her and if I invited him to do something he’d reject me. 2. I wanted to avoid being a “lets hang out nag” by asking him to do something tonight, but he’d be busy, so I’d ask him again tomorrow and be really needy….So I decided to do something I am aware is crazy. I drove by his house to see if her car was over. That way if it was over I wouldn’t send an invite, and ask him to do something tomorrow and not be a nag. Although I work next door to him, I live 20 mins away from him… so a pass by isn’t natural or a coincidence…. So I made the 20 minute drive after supper. However I WAS CAUGHT. I round the bend and sure enough he is outside with his mom and her….I tried to reverse away but was seen! I AM MORTIFIED.

    He didn’t text me or anything about my psycho behaviour….I ended up texting a few minutes later: Do you have plans tonight (a text I should’ve sent in the first place instead of my crazy ex behaviour). He hasn’t answered. BUT it is pretty normal of him to ignore my texts when she is over…..

    I don’t know how to recover! He hasn’t told me about his new squeeze (I have no idea if they are serious. but she spends 2-3 days straight over…) I am beyond mortified. HELP!!!!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      The truh is, he would likely not care or not notice if you nc because he has a new girl.. the goal of the nc is for you to be more emotionally stable and to start establishing that you’ve moved on and to build more attraction by going out more and being more attractive.. it’s like making him miss you not because of your absence but because of your progress

    • Psycho says:

      What tips can you suggest to help get my ex back if he recently has a new girl in his life (less than 2 months after his break up to me, where he said he couldn’t be in a relationship right now because he needs to work on himself and get his life together alone). Keep a texting rapport and try to see him every so often? (without doing drive bys!). It’s been so hard because this week he seems to not want anything to do with me. Where as before he would still text and ask to meet up and well we would hook up….

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      you can’t keep hovering if he knows your intentions. Either he’ll take advantage of you or protect his current relationship. You have to stop for now, and whenever you have an interaction like bumping into each other in town, be nice.. But it’s better if you initiate contact again after some time. If he texts, reply and make it fun again and end the convo, but for now don’t initiate.

  10. Stephanie says:

    Hello,
    My situation is sort of different as we were just “casually dating” or even borderline friends for 4 months. He and I started to text almost on a daily basis and met up only a few times as we were both busy and long distance. He admitted that he was a bit of a loner and had troubles forming friendships. He also opened up about being hurt in a past relationship from 4 years back and having childhood pains when his parents got divorced. Overall, he seemed like a sensitive guy.
    Recently, he started an online course to pursue another career. He is currently working in hard labour with long hours and having serious financial difficulties. The last time I saw him was when he invited me to his place. There was no touching since we were very careful about crossing boundaries. At the end of the meet, he asked if we could see each other again in a week or two. I answered yes and we texted for a few days until one day he was quite late in getting back to me. I called and no answer. A few hours later he called back saying that he was drunk at a buddy’s house and had slept over. I got a little irritated and gave him the cold shoulder over the phone. He then reconfirmed our upcoming meet up. I answered coldly and we ended our conversation. Ever since this phone call, he did not text. Since he was almost always the one to initiate texts, I was quite shocked and texted him a few days later. He did not answer, and out of desperation I called. No answer. One week later from that phone call, I called him. He picked up but I am not sure if he picked up knowing it was me or not since I called from my work phone. He said over the phone that he wasn’t sure about this exclusive relationship anymore and that he was not where he wants to be in life. He said that he had too many things on his plate and was confused about what he wanted. I then said that we could still remain friends and hangout as usual. He agreed and said that he would want to hang out every odd weeks.

    This happened 4 days ago and we have not been contact ever since. So I am wondering if his reasoning is a valid one or he wasn’t really interested even to begin with?
    I am not sure if the no contact rule would apply here since we were not even a couple to begin with. Is there a chance with this person or am I already being friendzoned here?
    Also, if I were to do the no contact, how should I even approach him? I think I have done enough initiating towards the end here (and looking quite desparate) so I am not sure if I should be the one contacting if he is to not contact for 30 days or more.
    Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Stephanie,

      you can still do no contact.. actually that’s what you should because you’re friendzoned… you should check this post out too.
      EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

      yes, he’s not your ex boyfriend but that can still apply.. 🙂

    • Stephanie says:

      Thank you Amor 🙂

      At this point, I am not sure if I should even try. He laid out his long term study plan until next spring – that is when the course is finished. He basically said that he doesn’t have enough time to be committed to another person and that he will go back to being a lonesome guy.

      What are the chances here? pretty low right?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      yeah, it looks like that’s what he is trying to say

  11. Hailey says:

    I have a question on what can be done if you messed up after the no contact period. My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me to work on himself and he doesn’t see a future with us. I went into NC for 30 days, to which he never contacted me. I initiated the contact and all was going well. He began texting me almost every day. It has been about 2 weeks for this.

    But then something happened this week (just over 2 weeks after 30 days of no contact). As were were chatting via text, he invited me out to eat and I told him sure, and was really excited to see him. He said he’ll be at the restaurant nearby in 15 minutes. However, he texted me right after saying on second thought he is low on cash from partying the other night. I was not happy obviously because I felt he was leading me on and it’s rude to make a plan and then ditch. I told him it’s not nice of him to invite me out and then change his mind. He then mentioned how he actually made new plans. To see an old friend who is a girl. I acted jealous and started questioning who she. I knew I shouldn’t have. He kept changing the subject and I kept pushing for answers. He then said think what you won’t I’m done talking.

    I haven’t heard from him since 🙁 I texted him the next day friendly. He did not respond. I know. It’s been 3 days. I don’t know what to do. I know I made a mistake. There isn’t really any advice on what to do when you messed up after NC. Should I go through another NC round? let this incident cool off then re-initiate contact again?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Hailey,

      I don’t know if you’re the same person but you’re story sounds so similar with the other commenter. Actually in those instances, for me it’s ok to point it out that it’s not nice but it’s better if you do in in a way that is humorous, like, “Oh!, too bad I’m all set and ready. Sighs.. I’m soo ready to go out.. ok, have fun staying at home but next time please be more decisive. it’s not nice to make someone do the effort then change your mind. I’m a have fun now! Ciao!
      Something like that.. and then if he invites next, let him go there first.. and let him do the inviting. Go out with other friends but don’t invite him… Let him see, you won’t let that happen again because if you keep agreeing and going in the destination first, he will just keep changing his mind in the last minute. Better yet, if you say you’ll be on his way once he is, and then wait for his text once he’s there.

  12. Broken says:

    Hi team.. My ex and I were together for 8 years and have 3 children.. He is 28 and I’m 27.. He cheated almost 5 years into the relationship.. We were going through a tough and stressful time.. I forgave him and we worked things out. Things improved until a year and a half ago.. I felt unappreciated and alone. Tried talking to him but never seemed to have an impact at least not for long. We started arguing and have been on and off ever since. He’s had a few one night stands/flings and so have I but we always ended up back together until last month. We had both been seeing other people but I told him that I really wanted us to work it out.. I wanted to go to counselling and get everything sorted. He agreed. We both ended things with the other people. He wanted us to move house to get away from all the bad memories and start a fresh.. I understood but I was unsure as I didn’t want to move the kids from their schools etc etc but I never said anything at the time. A few days later, while my ex was at work, his mum asked if we were moving.. I told her my doubts. The next day my ex said it wouldn’t work if we lived in this house and he stopped texting.. He also put a status on Facebook aimed at me which made me think we were over.. Again.. So I stupidly got back in touch with the person I had been seeing previously and that weekend he was at mine.. Then my ex turned up! He hasn’t ended things with me at all! But obviously a massive argument occurred and it carried on the next day. A lot of nasty things were said from both sides. After a week and a half of not talking.. I got back in touch with him hoping to work things out again after all, it had been a misunderstanding… But he had already started seeing someone new. I’ve done all the begging.. Apologising and he said he can’t do this anymore and needs to see where things go for him now with this new women (who is also 10 years older than him) I’ve started minimal contact.. Only respond when its to do with the children. But I’m losing all hope.. Does this new women sound like a rebound or does it seem like too much has gone on for it to be salvaged?? I’m struggling to deal with how its ended. Thanks..

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Broken,

      I think you need space to have a clean slate.. to start over.. let him be with his new girl for now.. But work on yourself so, you won’t be too emotional and be more independent from him.. So, that next time you would be more rational.. Focus and improve yourself because you only got 30 days to do that before trying again.. BUt if you can talk to him before doing nc.. to clear everything out that would be better.

    • Broken says:

      Thanks for the advice. It all happened beginning of last month and we had spoken up until last week when I decided to start minimal contact because we just kept arguing. I told him how it was from my point of view and he did the same. His family get involved alot too which makes things worse for me. He has sent messages asking how I am which I haven’t replied to and I know he checks my Facebook to see what I’m up to. He made excuses not to see the kids too even tho I had asked him to. Im unsure of what to do for the best as I would love my little family back together. Thanks

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      okay take it slow.. give it time and let him think..

    • Broken says:

      Ok I will do. Is 30 day minimal contact best? Or should I do 21 or longer?? Again, thank you very much for your advice

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      the shortest is 21 days…but I think you should do 30

  13. jojo says:

    Hi! Thanks for all the fantastic info!

    I wish i had found out about this sooner.

    Is there any advise on having after break up sex with your ex boyfriend? I know, big mistake.

    : (

    • jojo says:

      OH, god i just read that back and it didn’t come out the way i wanted it to!!

      I meant is there any advise on how to make a way back from having after break up sex with your ex boyfriend.

      When it happened, he was really affectionate after and stayed for a good few hours.
      He said he wanted to stay the night but had to be up early. Whilst arranging the meeting he (in no context with sex) said he was really looking forward seeing me (as we haven’t seen each other in a month). He told me i was gorgeous and gave me a look that said “What the hell was i thinking” when he first saw me. He was giving me cuddles. Its wasn’t all about sex.
      I am so confused and upset that i feel like now maybe he was on the verge of thinking we could be an item again, and now I’ve ruined my chances.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Jojo

      You should check this blog post out 🙂
      How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him

  14. Serena says:

    Hi,
    My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago because he decided he didn’t want to be in a committed relationship. (He is a year younger than me, and I am 19, so he said it was just because he was too young for this…) However, we always got on SO well and I really feel like the relationship shouldn’t have ended. Is there a possibility he could change his mind? After two weeks of No Contact, I caved and called him and even though we argued for a minute, he started a conversation like the ones we used to have with me. I kept saying “I should go”, and he kept saying random and sometimes pointless things to keep the conversation going. Is this a good sign that he might change his mind about the breakup? He seemed firm on it at first, but it sounds like he is starting to miss me. Is there a chance? Is continuing with No Contact the best option if there is a chance?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Serena,

      yeah it looks like he missed you.. if you’re going to continue, be more active for yourself

  15. Ashley says:

    Please help me out at here… I will copy what he wrote me tonight.. What does it realy mean? I beleive that he just wants to take it slow coz i was abit fast but im not sure… This is what he said: “Thank you for your texts and messages. I can see that you have made lots of effort and that you are a really sensitive and nice person. I am not looking for a serious relationship at the moment but don’t want to lead you on or leave you hoping I will be able to be what you deserve and are looking for. I really appreciate you buying that bed. That’s so thoughtful and you really didn’t need to.

    I enjoyed the time we spent together very much but I am not in the right headspace right now to see you again regularly as I don’t want things to get over serious too soon. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to see you again though so if it’s ok I’ll get in touch soon.”

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Ashley

      that means he doesn’t want to get back with you and he sees that that’s what you want..

    • Ashley says:

      Hi again… I didnt explain it very well… We were already together and everything was ok but later i started to txt him a lot, which is my mistake, a few days later that is the message that he wrote… But i believe, he says that he want to take it easy by sayin ‘I enjoyed the time we spent together very much but I am not in the right headspace right now to see you again regularly as I don’t want things to get over serious too soon.That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to see you again though so if it’s ok I’ll get in touch soon.” … Seeing me means continue to meet me at my home and continue to make love and everything lol … So doesnt it mean that he is just scared about getting serious too soon, coz of my behaviour… ???????? Also i couldnt stop txting after all, i was being typical women in that state… But now he says he couldnt come to see me this week coz he had to go far away for a job and he will be at diffrent country for the next a few months, ohh i believe that he says it just because i couldnt stop with the txts and calls, but he doesnt tell me when will he go and he is not being very clear so im hoping he would still come to see me next week if i give him abit space and time… I told him that if he doesnt want me, i can simply move on, but when i ask him to say just yes or no, he doesnt say none, he reads my messages in the same second but now he doesnt response so maybe he is not sure, otherwise he would give a short answer when i asked him that should i move on.. so should i do the no contact rule and give him abit time?? Coz like i said, everything was ok before i went abit crazy… Im waiting for your response, thanx

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If you’re still together try to takw it slow first instead of doing nc.. cut back in texting and let him text you first

  16. Danielle says:

    Hi. I and my ex have break up for 5 month. Since break up I keep begging him to come back. 2 month of begging I decide to start NC rule for 30 days, in this period my ex never call or text me. After 30 days I start to contact him, he told me that he want to be friend with me and I agree. We exchange texting (2 or 3 times a week, and I’m the person who start texting him). But most of the time I keep talk about the past which he don’t like or begging him back again. I love this guy a lot and I have feeling that he have not get over me yet and still love me because he was so emotional whenever he saw me. I don’t want to messy up again, so I decide to start 2nd times NC rule and in the 30 days, I have to work on myself (which he think i’m possessive that the reason he break up with me). I need your advise and will i’m too late for doing 2nd time NC rule after messy everything?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Danielle,.

      I think it’s realky what you need..but don’t do it for him..do it for you because once he doesn’t show the reactions you expect, you will end up being more clingy.. do it because true love is not needy.. the relationship is just an addition to you

  17. Kristen says:

    Hi Chris and Amor,

    I could really use your help. My ex boyfriend and I broke up last fall. After trying everything and failing I did NC. Then I started to text him, it took a while but we finally met up and then we started hanging out regularly for two months. We weren’t back together but when we’re together we acted like a couple. I felt like we were seeing each other. My ex is sick and decided last month to move two hours away to be near family and for treatment. He’s going to be fine but he does have to take medication, etc. So I saw him last week, we hung out like usual and he kept saying how he wants me to visit him after he moves and of course I agreed. But then he moved this weekend and I sent him a text Saturday about good luck with moving… No response. Then I sent a text today wishing him a happy birthday… No response. I’m really confused and upset. I just saw him 3 days ago and we had a really nice time together, laughing and joking and everything was fine. And now it’s like he’s ghosting me or something? It’s not like him to not text back unless he’s mad at me/upset. What can I do to get him to talk to me again? I’m thinking I have to do NC for a little bit. How long? I’m so worried he has moved and completely cut me out of my life. If he is doing that he lied to my face last week when he said he wanted me to stay a part of his life. I’m at a loss. Please help.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Kristen,

      Let’s wait for a week first if he still doesn’t text and then proceed nc

  18. Cortney says:

    This is a long jumbled story but here goes. I met and started dating my now ex in Oct 04. About a year and a half later he put me in a dangerous situation and I left but he stayed so I broke up with him. A few months later we were randomly on the same bus that ended up getting in an accident and we watched a man die on the side of the road. Needless to say we got back together and in January of 07 we moved into an apartment together. Everything was pretty smooth until last summer when while out driving with his mom her and I got in an argument and I was yelling at her. The boyfriend went days without talking to me then said he wouldn’t talk to me til I apologized to his mom. I knew I needed to apologize but wanted to do it on my terms not because he was forcing me to. Well he left to her house and although we were in contact I didn’t see him for 20 days when he randomly walked through the door. He didn’t come home to stay until a week later when I went on vacation and didn’t want to leave the place vacant. I came home and things were going great, I was going to counseling for communication issues. The ex eventually joined me for a few sessions too but then the holidays came up and life happened so we slipped and didn’t keep up with counseling.. Last month (February) was very stressful, we both got sick with the flu, he started a new school program, I tore tendons in my ankle, the list goes on. There then was a week or so where he started to tell these stupid lies and I kept catching him in them. So there were days where we were barely talking and I just got fed up and said you have to apologize so we can move on. He just shouted Im sorry what more do you want and walked out the door. Certainly not the apology I thought I deserved and not at all like the apology him and his mom got from me but whatever. He came home and went in the room, the door had always been unlocked the days previously when we weren’t talking so when I tried to go in there a few hours later to talk and found it locked I was confused and started knocking and when he didn’t answer and then started yelling at me I was furious! Why was he hiding from me then starting another fight when I thought we just got over the other issue and I was trying to forgive him and make up? So I pretty much blew up and he went to his moms again. A few days later he called and said he was coming to get his stuff… He never showed. A few more days later he came over said he was taking some things but never did because we ended up hanging out like it was a normal day so I ask are you coming home? His reply was I don’t know, Im thinking. This went on for a couple weeks where he was coming over, getting along and wouldn’t stay or give me an answer so we went to counseling where the counselor suggested I have an anger management issue, which now I totally realize, accept and Im trying to work on. At the next appointment the ex basically said he wants to be alone, always wanted to be alone in the first place and pretty much had the counselor break up with me for him after that but says he wants to be friends. So now his stuff is moved out, he isn’t alone because he is going between two crowded houses of his moms or uncles and Im searching for a roommate. Yesterday though he comes over and we are getting along fine and for the first time he showed actual emotion by starting to cry but again said he wants to be friends. This morning he texted me from work talking about what he had for breakfast but I didn’t answer because I want to start the no contact rules in hopes of reconciliation and getting back together eventually. Is there hope for us working out?? Any advice??

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      yes, start with no contact because it seems like yiu really need a fresh start each other

  19. Riri says:

    Hi I posted a comment last week and I would really like some help on my situation. I’ve noticed that all the other comments have been answered exactly a day afterwards so I would really appreciate it if my comment could be answered as well.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Riri,

      Sorry for the late reply. I went on Holy week break so, just starting to catch up.. The other recent comments probably has previous comments too, so when filtered their latest comments were answered as well..
      anyways, that means you have to have your own life. To have balance. If he’s being cold or indifferent it depends on the situation. Maybe you’re just used to him being around and you have nothing else to be busy with so, you notice when it’s an off day for him and you get easily affected. But if you’re really busy and he’s still like that, don’t beg, observe and then talk about it. If he does not change, then either continue doing your own thing or just decide to move on. We can’t force somebody to change, if they change because of us, that is still their decision. So, have standards, so you know when enough is enough and others won’t take advantage of you and the right people will stay.

  20. Nina says:

    Hi. I have a huge dilemma. My ex and I started a friendship and it ended up in a serious relationship. But, I had baggage and eventually did get rid of it. I straightened myself up in every way. He also brought baggage. He is going through a divorce and he gets confused and has gone back to her for a week and decided it was me he wanted. He told me he was 100% in and loved me. Over the weekend we spent it together but we both felt tension between us and couldn’t figure out why. We still made love and told each other we loved each other. We talked and text but Sunday night he got mad and went to bed early. Monday we fought a little bit and then around 5 PM he stopped texting me. I called him and he ignored it. He never text me again and it is now Thursday. He text me and told me he wanted to get my house key back to me. He dropped it off in my office. I have no idea what happened or if he went back to her? I am so lost and hurt right now. I didn’t respond to his text about the key. He looked either mad or upset when he dropped it off. Our entire relationship has been up and down but we love one another. Today in the cafeteria he stared at me the entire time and smiled at me. I don’t know what to think. He did admit that he was confused and didn’t know what to do. I don’t want a relationship where I can’t trust him. He lives in the same town as her which is a half hour from where I live. I don’t spy on him or want to be that type of person. But, wondering what he is up to and why I am getting the silent treatment is beyond me. Please help.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      That’s right.. if he really wants you back, let him earn your trust first..don’t give in to the smiles and stares

  21. Olivia says:

    Hello! I am debating on purchasing the package but wanted to get a bit of pre-advice first. My boyfriend’s name is David. We have been together 3 years, and have been living together for a little over a year. We have three dogs together (1 is mine and 2 are his). We got into an explosive fight 3 days ago. I started the fight, I pushed him to the edge, and I recognize it was my fault and apologized profusely. However, now he says he just doesn’t want a girlfriend anymore. He “doesnt want to do it anymore”. Obviously I blew up his phone the first few days but now I am following the no contact rule. I feel like he just needs time away as we live together and I am home literally all of the time. Maybe he was feeling smothered. The thing that scares me is that he has never reacted like this before. We have gotten in maybe 5 of these huge fights over the past three years (all due to me, circling around my period, I have PMDD) and each time we are okay the next day. We live together but I am staying with my parents (I am 21, he is 24) for the time being. Each time I text him he does respond, nothing mean. He just says “I’m sorry” “I dont know what to say” etc. Just to give you an idea. He is NOT a guy who thinks about his feelings, he is very stubborn and hides feelings easily. Any thoughts? Any advice to give? Have you seen good outcomes from a guy like this before? We generally have a fantastic relationship, get along great, spend tons of time together, etc. He also said that if it wasn’t for the fight that he wouldn’t not have broken up with me. So maybe just time will heal the wound. Just wanted to get an outside opinion.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Olivia,

      has he cooled off and have you tried to have a calm convo now?

  22. Nora RoY says:

    Hi Chris,

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me coz of long distance relationship. He wanted to move on but after our break up we are still in touch and sometimes he goes like he still likes me and sometimes he says he don’t and want to move on. He never calls me or text me, I am the one who always texts him or call him 1st. Now there is this girl at his work place and he is interested in that girl. He said he wants to move on and to do that he have to start dating again. Now what should I do, I think If i use No contact rule on him then he will think i have moved on and he will continue dating that girl from his office.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Nora,

      The question is, if you continue talking, do you think you have a greater chance?

  23. Carrie says:

    Hello EBR team
    I had been in a relationship with this guy for 2 months (I no not not very long) however, we had known of eachothwr for years but had both been in relationships etc. So we finally went on a date in December and hit it off immediately, it was amazing, everything I had ever wanted and he wanted it just as much. So we became inseparable, then he went away for a weekend & for some reasons some insecurities I had from a previous relationship crept in and I thought he had been up to stuff I really had no reason to think, anyway I tried to find out some stuff he found out and broke up with me. That was around a month ago no. He was and is understandably angry as he says he cannot trust I will not be sneaky again and I lied to him etc, obviously I can understand these but I have been sincere in my 1000s of apologys so I don’t see what more I can do. So he was ignoring me for a while then he started making contact telling me he missed me and I did the same, then suddenly he would just stop messaging, so I asked if we could meet to talk but he refused, I tried to keep cool as I didn’t want to push him but my usual women crazy ways crept in and I kept pushing for an answer if we could work things out, he kept saying he didn’t no but that wasn’t good enough for me, I had to keep going, sending loads of messages basically everything I shouldn’t have been doing for the last month. I kept asking him to block me so I couldn’t contact him and he kept saying no, Then finally yesterday he said he was done forever coz he couldn’t handle what I was doing and he didn’t want to speak to me, I sent some messages and he ignored me. Now my question is based on all of the above, is there any point in implementing the NC rule now as he has said he never wants to sort this all out or do I still have a shot? I feel like I have pushed him so much no amount of silence is going to erase those bad memories of this past month and make him miss me? Any advice would be great xx

    • Carrie says:

      Can I also add that if we were only together 2 months and have been split for a month obviously with this contact everyday, does that month apart fall into the 66 day break a habit? Or does there have to be complete silence for the habit to break?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Carrie,

      it has to be complete silence. It’s the only better next move. Are you doing it?

    • Carrie says:

      Hi

      I have started it today, I attempted last week but failed miserably which makes me think once again I have ruined it! There was silence for around 5 days then I see some of his family had done the dreaded delete and block from Facebook, so I asked him why as I hadn’t practically did anything nasty to him since the break etc, he said to not take it personally etc, we then started speaking about us and as usuaky he closed off and started ignoring me again. I just have no idea what this means!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      well, it’s not healthy to talk to him now, so just continue no contact

  24. Riri says:

    Hi! I’ve been on this website so many times and even though my boyfriend and I are still together i feel like he takes advantage of me because I’m always so nice to him even when he’s a bit cold and indifferent to things I say or do and I’m not sure what to do or how to make him change that and I was wondering if the no contact rule for a couple of days could help even though he’s still my boyfriend. A lot of people have always told me that guys always want what the can’t have so I have to make myself distant and seem like I don’t care about what he does but it’s very hard and I often forget to be like that especially when he’s being sweet. I would really appreciate some help on this! Thank you!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Riri,

      Sorry for the late reply. I went on Holy week break so, just starting to catch up.. The other recent comments probably has previous comments too, so when filtered their latest comments were answered as well..
      anyways, that means you have to have your own life. To have balance. If he’s being cold or indifferent it depends on the situation. Maybe you’re just used to him being around and you have nothing else to be busy with so, you notice when it’s an off day for him and you get easily affected. But if you’re really busy and he’s still like that, don’t beg, observe and then talk about it. If he does not change, then either continue doing your own thing or just decide to move on. We can’t force somebody to change, if they change because of us, that is still their decision. So, have standards, so you know when enough is enough and others won’t take advantage of you and the right people will stay.

  25. Marie says:

    Hi Chris, or Amor.

    I’ve goofed up multiple times before finding this website. My ex and I broke up at the beginning of February. We were together about eight months, extremely compatible, rarely fought but that may have been because he and I both don’t handle negative confrontation. He said at first it was a lot of issues that in my opinion could have been worked on, then eventually said he didn’t feel romantically towards me anymore. He was the one who wanted this relationship so badly that he would fight with me and cry about it before we started being officially together. The first half was him being in love with me more than I was with him. We were best friends before the relationship and are very compatible. We share the same interests, mannerisms and we get along great aside from when we do things the other doesn’t like. He has a hard time talking about his feelings.

    A few days after he broke up with me, we talked and he wasn’t sure if he was willing to give it another shot. We ended up spending time together a few times, and to him it was “trying to work it out”, and I had no idea. Things got bad one night and we got in a big fight, and a few days after he came over and broke things off with me again. We had sex once before that and went on a date. (This was right before I found EBR. I’m saving up for the book.) I didn’t talk to him for a week, and was posting on snapchat the things I was doing with my friends as well as our mutual friends. He blocked me on snapchat, and had texted me saying he missed me, but I ignored it. We ended up going to dinner about a week after, because we had planned to go with our mutual friends (without directly talking to each other), but they all ditched and it ended up being just us.

    After this happened, we were hanging out sort of regularly, seeing plays, going out to eat and stuff, and things were okay, except for when we would drink and he would text me things like “I wish you were here in bed with me, I miss cuddling you. I wanted to kiss you and hold you tonight” etc. I told him he was saying those things because he was drunk, and I cut the conversation off to go to sleep. Whenever we would text between us first hanging out again, I would end the conversation at the high points.

    A week ago, we got into a massive fight when I wasn’t handling my alcohol well and I started to yell at him about the things he said about me romantically, and how it contradicted what he had said about not having any romantic feelings about me when we broke up. I said some mean things, and went home, and the next day asked him over so I could apologize for the night before and my behavior, and also to say I didn’t want to see or talk to him for a while. When he came over, he brought it up first and I said I had intended to say it as well, but then he started trying to explain to me why he thought we should have space. When he left, he held me close and tight, and kissed my cheek. He did this when we “broke up” the second time and when we first talked things out. I know space is good because we both agreed we can’t grow when we’re both hurt about everything. He said he’s sad and confused, but didn’t elaborate. I’m still working on myself and trying to grow out my hair (from a pixie cut), plan on joining a gym again and continuing on my portfolio for myself (one thing he loved about me is my art).

    I’m on day 5 of NC with him on a mutual agreement. It would have been six days, but I was at his home for my friend’s birthday last weekend, and he spoke to me a little, used his last bit of film on taking photos of me that he had sitting around for MONTHS on an old fancy camera, and tried to make sure I was getting home okay and watched me leave. I feel like I have the upper hand in that aspect because I shut him down a bit and was short with him and ignored him unless he spoke to me first. He also went out of town with a female mutual friend of ours, but I don’t think it’s romantic because she’s like a sister to all of the males in our friend group.

    I don’t know where to go from here, or what you guys might read from this whole long spiel. I feel like I have a lower hand on this, but I want to get better and be the UG. Do you think if I keep up what I’m doing to work on myself, that he will show interest again or grow to want to be with me again after the multiple negative encounters and fights? We agreed we have a strong bond and are afraid to grow apart, but always want to have each other in our lives. It’s been almost two months now.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Marie,

      Being the ungettable girl means having your own life and walking away even if it hurts when you know you’re not being treated right. It doesn’t mean it won’t hurt, it just means you will fight when you know it’s right but you won’t beg. If you grow apart that means you either have no time or you’re interests are a total mismatch

  26. Completely confused says:

    Hi,
    When he and I met he was with someone else, we didn’t cheat, but and he ended up leaving this woman to be with me. However, they were together for over 8 years prior to him meeting me so as you can imagine it all got pretty messy. He ended up telling me that it was all too much and I needed to move on.

    By this point I hadn’t found your website yet and as you can imagine, like most heartbroken women, I was devastated. So, I picked myself up, and went on a date with the first guy that asked me, and kissed him. Nothing else happened with the guy and I told him I wasn’t interested a few days later.

    Moving forward a month and my ex messaged me saying he was ready to be something… BUT unfortunately for me he finds out about my kiss. Now, I know I did nothing wrong, he ended it, he told me I should move on and I had no ties to anyone. But then arguments happen, lots of “I hate you.. I’ll never trust you” things thrown in my direction and he left it there. By this point I’m still devastated but just so exhausted. The whole process from meeting to now has been almost 8 months and a massive rollercoaster, so I left it there.

    Two weeks later he contacted me apologising and asked if we could start as friends. Luckily for me, I had found your website. I followed all the rules up to the first date, and it was all going so so well! I was visiting my sister who lives in the same city as him, 2 hours away from my home. We went for lunch last week and he paid, he told me over and over how much he missed me, held my hand, he kissed me and asked if he could see me again before I went home. I left thinking, wow this is working! He text me a cute good morning text the next day and everything.. I was amazed how well it went.

    After that I started really following the texting articles, and managed to do the tide theory, and that brings me to the other day…He had been messaging me first every day since we met up. Yesterday the tide theory properly worked when we spoke on and off throughout the whole day. Then suddenly… that evening we are texting about what great of a time we had the week before and he suddenly tells me “that’s because there’s no pressure on us to be together anymore” so I asked him when he meant and he goes “I just don’t want those things… Us being together, i don’t want it anymore… I want to be alone… It’s always me left with nothing at the end”. Obviously I’m a little confused considering how everything had been moving forward, but I try and stay neutral. He gets rude and talks about how I can’t have expected one day together to fix everything between us and asked me what I expected and what I wanted from him. So, I replied “I wanted us to get to know each other as two unattached people, with no expectations of it going either into a relationship or not, then see what happened over time”. (So, I basically described dating without saying the word “dating”). He then suddenly does a full turn around and asks if we can do that.. I say that I thought we were which is why I was so confused, and he says “ok”. I don’t respond.

    I’m sorry for this long message. Honestly, everything was going amazing but now i’m confused! Maybe I rushed the whole process? I know it could be down to loads of things. He might be scared; we moved too fast, he may not actually want anything with me etc. I am finding it strange just because of how great it’s been over the last week. So, where do I go from here?

    Sorry again for the long message, I hope you can help : )

    • Still confused says:

      Since this he became really rude. He called and we got into an argument, I told him I’m not just here for him to pick up and drop whenever he feels, he said he doesn’t trust me, he can never see us together, even though he wants it more than anything, he will never trust me. He said he cares so much about me but asked me to be just “friends” and so I said no. I’m not sure if it was a mistake to say no, but I felt like he expects me to be there for him despite him giving me complete mixed signals. One day he wants this, the next he hates me etc etc etc.

      He has now blocked me on everything.. I’ve been cut out. He contacted me 4 times (all on different messaging things), because someone I know followed him on social media (nothing to do with me at all- complete coincidence) telling me that after what I had said to him I had to stop this.. I didn’t reply.

      I’m doing no contact (again), mainly for myself because I need to get my head straight. But after, I’m not sure what to do.. Did I make a mistake saying no to friendship? He doesn’t trust me, and said that he wants to be with me but because of the lack of trust he never will. But his actions when we spend time together (LDR) say otherwise. I am considering trying to buy your ebook but money is really tight and I can’t really justify it with everything else going on.

      Hope you can help me on here : )

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi,

      Sorry for the late reply.. you did the right thing of saying no.. I think he thinks like that because that’s how he is with his ex.. just cintnue with no contact since you’re also blocked

  27. Lost says:

    Hello,

    I am really interested in purchasing this package to help me. Unfortunately i am in a very hard situation and i want to make sure that i can salvage something or if i should just move on? Basically i have been dating a guy who is older than i am and he has a lot going on in his life ( he lost his job, parents are recently divorced and it took a toll on him, he has not much savings because he used them to py off all his debts) and i think he is going through a depression. He is a very private person and not very emotional and these past couple months we have been fighting a lot. To the point he decided he wanted to stay alone. And we broke up. Hes been very cold with me, i didnt take the breakup very well since i invested so much into us and it hurt me. He wanted to be alone and i couldnt do so. I would text him and call him and cry and basically do all the acts of desperation possible he started ignoring me and blocking my numbers. Telling me such horrible things and that we would never get back together. The longest we have gone without actually seeing each other is maybe a month and a half and speaking is 2 weeks then he would come back and contact me. At first i was ok with him occasionally contacting me but then as he started taking me out for movie dates and i would stay overnight and he admitted he still had feelings for me, he disappeared for a few days again. And i blew it i became emotional trying to beg him back and calling and texting all over again. He then told me i fucked up all my chances and at the moment he wants nothing to do with me and that the ship has sailed and we both should move on. He got angry at me again saying horrible things, telling me he doesnt want to hear from me ever again, that he wants no one around him and that if and when he wants to come back he will, but he finishes by saying the ship has sailed and he hates me, i bring out the worst in him. Yet here i am heartbroken hanging on to the fact that 2 weeks ago he said he still has feelings for me, that when we were hanging out he wasn’t acting like he wasn’t interested in getting back together… And now because I couldn’t help it anymore about being abandoned every 3 days i was feddup and now i lost him for good. He usually always comes back, i would give him 1 day, then 2 then 3 then the longest was 2 weeks. He always says he never wants to hear from me again and then contacts me… But this time i fear it is the last time and i really want to call him again to convince him to open his eyes to remember the good times he keeps telling me to grow up and that i never learn that hes tired of all this and that i bring out the worst in him, but when we are together we laugh and smile and you can tell were good together his expression on his face cannot lie… Because when we were good we were great.. He is the love of my life, i cannot get over him, i have tried and i know at his age the next girl will be his future wife. I cannot bare think that because we were talking about it a while ago…. I know in order to have any remote chance i have to let him go… But i am scared by doing so this time is the last… That he won’t come back…. Do i have any shot left by buying the package?? I CANT LOSE HIM I HAVE DONE LEGITIMATELY EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO GAIN HIM BACK HELP ME

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Lost,

      We don’t guarantee that no contact or any of our products will guarantee you to get him back and frankly I don’t think you should get him back.

      A healthy relationship is something that you can survive when you lose it. You don’t want it and it will hurt of course but it won’t leave you crippled. It looks like yours have become toxic too. Whether he has his own problems or both of you has, you should work on it together. It’s ok to fight, it’s actually healthy but to blame and then ignore each other for longer and longer later on just means the relationship is not growing.

      If he really loves you, he should treat you with respect and you should raise your standards too because you deserve someone like that.

  28. Sandra says:

    Hi Amor
    My husband of 10 years left me with no warning. We were making plans for the future etc and this has come out of the blue for me. He says he has no love for me and that this has been the case for about a year now, however, he never indicated or showed me that anything was wrong, if there were any signs I would totally understand what has happened. He changed from a loving husband to someone I don’t know overnight, he has a habit of pushing people away when the going gets tough but I just never thought he would do this to me. We have two children together so I have to see and communicate with him regarding them. He sees the children once a week at our house and takes them one day at the weekend. After 6 weeks of me trying to find answers etc from him I have only now just implemented the NC rule (I have purchased and downloaded the ex-recovery plan and found this very useful). Can you advise if this is to little to late or is there anything else I should be doing just now. Thanks and look forward to hearing from you.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Sandra,

      No, it’s not too late..Can you remember if something happened before or during that made him decide like that qyickly?

    • Sandra says:

      Hi Amor,
      Thanks for your response. If something had happened I’d be able to understand this whole situation or maybe even deal with it a bit better There was absolutely no indication of anything wrong at all, far from it, he was telling me only a matter of weeks before that I was everything to him, he couldn’t explain how much I meant to him and that he would always be in my life as long as I wanted him!! Very confusing! I honestly do not think the NC is going to work to get him back, but it may be something I have to do for my own sanity. It is also very difficult to do NC when we have the children to communicate about, almost daily at the moment.
      Again thanks for any advice.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Sandra,

      sorry for the late rep.. Did you proceed to nc?

  29. Michelle says:

    Hi Chris, its been a long time since i last wrote u a comment.. i bet u dont remember me but yah i was the annoying one haha. Anyways i have completed a 2 month NC as i think things were quite bad and i was way too clingy. I started contacting him by passing him a piece of info thts helpful to him n will remind him of my good. It went ok. We texted back n forth for abt a week but mainly we were just talking abt work and I was chill n always wait for a bit to respond. The last day he finally started ti talk abt sth else n i didnt do very well in respondinf. Yes i texted too much and sound stupid again.. he is all indifferent again. I waited for a few days now and i texted him again last night, but he’s still not giving very positive response. Will u say I have failed or what? What u suggest for my next step? Oh beside, the actively end the conversation strategy works really well! He wud initiate convo, although still work related, afterward. Oh oh and by the way, I have ur ebr pro book and I now want to buy the texting Bible alone but I see that u r only selling it in a bundle? Sorry to flood u with so many questions at once but I look forward to ur reply! And I am happy to see the expand of ur team!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Michelle,

      I hope you don’t me answering but I can ask him if you want.. I think it just got boring because you only had one topic, work. Although I understabd that he’s the one initiating that. Next time, you can try to change the topic right after he had gotten his work related stuff out of his system, maybe that’s after 2 texts from him..

      Research of a current event on the day that you would text that is interesting for him so it would look like a more natural start off topic..

    • Michelle says:

      Hi Amor,
      Wow thank u for u timely response!! I think u are quite right about the boring part. But actually i did try to talk abt sth else but he will either switch back to work, or just simply reply: yeah, okay, haha, etc. . What do i do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      hahaha, what’s with his work? Is it suoer stressful and he’s venting out?

    • Michelle says:

      Hi Amor,
      no it was just becuz i was doing a similar project and mine is getting good results. And i initiated a more personal subject and hes just lol, yeah, nope, haha.
      Do u think he hates me? What shud i do? I tried to stop for a couple days n re initiate sth else but hes just not giving good response. I wud say he is pretty insecuted n stubborn, but he also like to hunt around. And i feel like hes either having someone of interest, or he just hate me.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      if he’s talking to you, I don’t think he hates you… but why do you think he hates you?

    • Michelle says:

      I think he is the polite type, he respond to all msgs no matter what it is about. He replies me 12 hrs later, always. And it was all lol, yeah, ok, nope, that kinda responses. I can feel his inner voice: omg shes so annoying!! But i have to reply otherwise i wud ne the bad guy!!
      But anyways, i also read abt the stopping at climaxes post, but since hes only replying after 12 hrs or so, theres really no climaxes at all. How shud i deal with this situation Amor?

    • Michelle says:

      And he stopped replying yesterday…. our topics r very boring i admit, theres really nth i can talk tk hjm abt.. i just dont know how i shud proceed.. i feel like j may have screwed the effectof nc….

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      But you tried right? He just leads it back to work.. but later on, yeah it may have become boring…That’s the main thin you have to solve first..topics to talk about that.. either you talk about the interesting things you’re doing, what’s current that could be interesting for him.. jobs that he would want to transfer to, or anything that could help him in job..

      But I think if you just go do your own thing, and he sees it and finds it interesting, he’ll be the one to ask about it.. So, that’s means you’re going to do nc again before trying, if you still want to..
      Make it busy again, and continue to do that when you start texting

    • Michelle says:

      Hi Amor, thank you for your advice, i think they are really good. However I think i m facing a stubborn piece of stone here. I did try to tell him abt really good job opportunities he wud like to transfer to, but he was not intersted, i tried to talk sports, but he went cold again, i tried to be funny, but what topic can wait foe 12 hrs n still be funny? I mean the main issue is that he always leave my msg hanging for hours n hours. Well it is not that hes busy, cuz hes very active in othet social media during the wait time. And all those one or two word responses? I just dont feel i have any control at all. Not even to end the convo.
      As for going into nc again and make myself busy n make him wonder? It didnt work. I posted so many activities and all that, and i am sure that he wud be interested and he wud see, but i heard absolutely nth from him. At all.

      So help me, Amor, what shud i do, to get gim reply fast, to keep topic still refreshing even its hours after.. i means i told a joke, leaving an open ending question like “guess whar happened after, u wont believe it!!”, and he didnt answer till days after, and say “lol seems like u had a good time. ” i mean,how r u suppose to carry on? And the wait time is really long.
      I am just thinking, this is his way, polite way, to tell me to back off, u think? How do i approach?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      If you already did everything, it looks loke it is his way of saying that he doesn’t want to be back together.. you can only do so much and you have..

    • Michelle says:

      Well yah of course he is not intersted in getting back together at the moment lol, otherwise thing will go a lot smoother and i probably dont need to come for help lol. I just dont know what i can do to bring his interest n all that, thats why i need some professional opinion from u n chris haha. Please tell me what else i can do.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      hahahaha! I meant the nc wasn’t effective in him.. Either it was short and not enough to establish that you’re not clingy anymore or there wasn’t enough attraction ..

      and because you’ve done almkst everything to keep the convo interesting but he’s still not engaging, that means you have to stop because you’ll appear to be chasing again

    • Michelle says:

      Hi Amor, i tried to make funn it worked! Although he was cold again bht at least thars sth right? His frd got a new gf, shud i be worried that this may make him want even more to get a girl? Beside the NC was on n off for a while and then eventually dead silence for 2 months.

    • Michelle says:

      Hi Amor….
      So after the good convo he was cold again.. abt a couple days later i sent him a link thats work related..and he didnt reply till one day after, and i explained to him how to use it wih some long textss, and joke abt him shud treat me dessert, and he didnt reply at all.. please give me some advice…..

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Michelle,
      sorry for the late reply.. Maybe he’s busy. Rest for 3 days and then time to send the text on the usual times he replies.

    • Michelle says:

      Hi Amor, so glad to see ur reply!! He actually did reply yesterday, two days after i texted.. his reply was a couple lines but not replying to the dessert request. Seems like hes trying to waive off the topic. I haven’t replied.. is it rude? For me not replying? Or can i just leave it. Its been a whole day now.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Nope it’s not.. tre to build more rapport in texts first..if you can transition to calls before asking him again

  30. Unsure says:

    I had completed a 45 day NCR that ended by mid February, and my ex actually started responding (before he wouldn’t reply no matter what) but his response doesn’t seem positive or enthusiastic.
    Now it’s pretty much that he responds with just single words no matter what I say..sometimes he just reads my messages and doesn’t say anything.
    I’ve sent the kind of messages as advised by Chris, but I’m not getting anywhere. The maximum I get from him is “okay.” Or “yeah.”
    This one time he actually called me, because I had messaged a mutual friend saying that I really wanted someone to talk to..so when my ex called me about that, he asked me not to talk like that to his friends because it makes him look bad. I was so taken aback that I started crying on the phone..and I didn’t want him to hear me cry(first time he called in about 3 months) so I told him that I couldn’t talk and I cut the call..he called once more after that and I didn’t pick up. Next day he messages me saying that “I just wanted to talk to you. And what did you do? You cut the call. This is why you and I will never get back together.”
    I tried explaining myself, but it only made him angrier and he asked me to stop making excuses.. I’m scared to say anything anymore, but I still want him back..
    Do I go ahead and try NCR for another 45 days?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Unsure,

      I think it’s best if the next step for you is to heal. Forget about him for now. I’m not saying you can’t try later on but for now heal. Don’t try to reconnect until there’s the feeling of needing him. Build your own life first and happiness.

    • Unsure says:

      Yes, I guess you’re right. But is there a chance that If I take too long to heal, that he’ll move on or start dating someone? What then?
      (Sorry by mistake I I started a new thread instead of replying to this)

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      it’s okay! 🙂 In a way that’s good because that means you have to start over with a clean slate.. if he was talkig to you even though things aren’t well, what more if both of you are happy?

  31. Grace says:

    Hi Chris, my fiance and I broke up recently, before that Ive been depressed and acting unlike myself, ive said some hurtful things to him over the course of the past 3 months (since being unwell) and acted a bit off the rails and self destructive. This is because he cheated on me when I was pregnant with our son and Ive never gotten over it, he also acted hot and cold most of the first part of our relationship, then soon as our baby was born, he seemed to calm down and had been making an effort to fix things (like proposing/ not hanging out with negative social people). We had a trial seperation about a month ago but were still in contact, aiming to make things work, its since fizzled out as I need time to heal and access therapy. Last week we called it quits (he gave up). Before then he was literally begging for my forgiveness. He is now back on facebook, going out with friends and adding loads of girls on social media. I started no contact yesterday. Ive posted a picture to facebook of myself and some guys liked and commented. Today he attempted to log onto my facebook, and immediately blocked me soon after, and unfollowed me on Instagram and blocked me on whatsapp. Im a bit confused to say the least and trying not to obsess over what he is thinking about me now. What is the best course of action for me now? And what can I expect? I really want an amazing future with this man and I am willing to go through whatever it may take NOW to have that THEN. Thankyou so much for your advice, this site is great 🙂

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Grace,

      He’s being stubborn and I think he didn’t expect you to post that pic and get hurt by likes of other men. So now he blocked you to not see more of it.. Just continue on being silent post your activities but don’t post things that he can use against you like jealousy posts. Just casual activities of being happy, or your activities with your son, coz even if you’re blocked he may still be checking that through a friend. So, let him cool off while you’re making the nc time for yourself.

  32. Violet says:

    Hi EBR team

    I’m on day 5 of texting and I’m ending the conversations after the suggested amount of texts. But if I’m always the one starting the conversation every day, does it look like I’m desperate or trying too hard? What do I do if he never initiates the text conversation? Do I continue as planned?

    • Violet says:

      Damn. Today I’m meant to get 4 texts from him but I only got one. The funny texts are challenging for me to continue the conversation. Is it a bad sign that he didn’t reply? He’s never not replied before.

    • Violet says:

      Another day of little response from him. Do I stop messaging him? How long for?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Sorry for the late reply Violet. It’s okay that you’re starting, it depends more on how the convo went and how it ended. If he’s not reply or giving neutral replies you have to give it a week apart before texting again, if he still doesn’t reply positively, you can go for two weeks and do a like a little nc.. but if he still doesn’t reply positively at that time, that means either you do a month of no contact or don’t contact him the circumstance is perfect(like his birthday) or until he initiates.

  33. KR says:

    Hi Chris and Amor,

    My boyfriend and I broke up last September. I completed NC and started to contact him, I got varying degrees of positive responses and no responses. It took about 3 months but we eventually got back on speaking terms. Then he asked me to hang out. We started hanging out about once a week and talking regularly. He also told me he was diagnosed with cancer in December and I have been there for him through surgery and treatment. The last month I have seen him 3 or 4 days a week and he has really relied on me for support. I felt like we were starting to get on track towards reconciliation. But then he decided for the rest of his cancer treatment he is going to move back home about two hours away from the city we both currently live in. I cried when he told me wabout his possibility, I couldn’t hold back tears but I did tell him I think he should what’s best for him. He told me about three days ago that it’s a official, he’s moving back home for at least a year. He wants to be near family and life long friends and I can’t blame him. I just don’t want to lose him in my life. I haven’t talked to him since he told me who’s moving at the end of this month and I’m worried he’s not going to reach out again because goodbyes are hard. I still want him back and I still want to be a part of his life even though he’s going to live a couple hours away. I don’t know what to do at this point. I know he needs to focus on his health right now and that’s what I want for him too. But I want to be there for him through this like I have the last two months and I still hope for the chance that maybe we can reconcile one day. Maybe I’m too much of a dreamer. What can I do at this point? How can I tell him I still want us to talk and visit each other after he moves? I just really don’t want to lose him, he truly means a lot to me.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Kr,

      Why not show up? Even just as a friend. If I were in your position, I would because he would need support and if he asks just tell him you like being with him and no pressure.. Just doing what makes you happy. That way, he doesn’t feel pitied.

    • KR says:

      That’s a good idea. Talk to him more about how I like spending time with him in general. I just hope he doesn’t shut me out when he moves away in a few weeks. This long distance support is going to be hard to navigate. Even if it is only two hours.

    • KR says:

      What do I do for he keeps intimidating conversations and then disappearing on them shortly after they start (text convos)? He asked me about my day last night and then disappeared when I started asking about his. He’s been disappearing every day for the last 3 days. I don’t know what to do.. I literally asked him a question last night and he has yet to reply. I don’t want to become a gnat but something is up. He initiates and ghosts. Advice?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      although he’s ghosting, it’s good that he’s initiating Next time he initiates, react and then in the same text ask him, I want to share something I experienced recently, wanna hear it?

  34. May says:

    Hello Ms. Amor,

    I’m the highschooler who’s been trying to get her ex boyfriend back for a while now.
    (He broke up with me in November)
    I’ve already completed no contact, and also started texting him, and we’ve been texting on and off for a couple weeks now.
    I managed to hang out with him once in February with in a small group of friends (there were two other people)
    I think I’ve made progress: escaping the awkward exgirlfriend label, and managed to become at least a friend. I hope.
    Our conversations have always been positive so that’s good as well.
    He texted me first once: on Thursday morning, and I think that’s a big accomplishment as well.

    Here is my next problem:
    I’ve managed to get on good terms with him.
    However, our text conversations never seem to go on with no effort. (They seem boring)
    It’s hard to make the convo just flow.

    Do you have any advice on how to make our conversations more interesting and worthwhile?
    I’ve tried talking about his hobbies and it worked great. However, our conversation got really boring and he only answered with “lol” and eventually ended up leaving my text unanswered on Friday night.
    Should I conduct a short no contact, and try again?

    Thankyou.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi May,

      that’s good! at least he’s on speaking terms again… either, you’re not ending it in high point, the topic is’nt really interesting for him even though it’s about him, maybe there’s nothing new about that topic? or he still thinks you’re trying to win him back and he friendzoned you..

      So, it’s either you stop for two weeks and continue beung the ungettable girl whilr being present in his sight or do no contact and focus more on yourself

  35. Relentless says:

    I want to share my progress with you. I am over my ex boyfriend, have been for over 6 weeks. He never contacted me during NC but I did get a private number calling me before Valentine’s Day, maybe it was him? I didn’t pick up so I never found out. Anyway for the last 6 weeks I have been dating another guy. He is Kurdish and very sweet, sometimes there is a language barrier though. Overall his English is very good and he’s been here over 3 years. I can be insecure, for a new relationship he’s handled this very well and puts my mind at ease. The issue is he has two phones, he has never tried to hide this fact. He has said twice now when I’ve asked that he uses the second phone because it is cheaper to call his mother overseas, he might have mentioned more but I forgot if he did. However my insecurity is getting the better of me, cos I’ve read about cheaters who use two phones. I know it’s early days but does his reasons and the fact he doesn’t hide it seem plausible enough?

    Please Chris, I know this is not very relevant but I figured it would be helpful to get another males opinion.

    Cheers

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi relentless,
      I can forward to Chris your comment if you’d like but in my opinion his reason is plausible..Just observe him more but don’t accuse him..

    • Relentless says:

      Thanks Amor, that’s okay your opinion is just as good. Thankyou :)!

  36. Heartbroken says:

    What makes an ex want to back after a while of NC? I’ve been doing NC and I’ve actually been feeling like I don’t need him anymore. What makes you so sure that he won’t be feeling the same way? I think my feelings are sort of “hidden” until I see him. I broke NC and spent the night with him and all the love came back again. He told me he still cared about me but he doesn’t have any love feelings for me left. I kinda don’t believe because he didn’t treat me like he didn’t love me at all. But, if that’s what he believes, what makes it change after a while of NC? I did tell him that I’m never messaging/visiting him again and he didn’t seem to believe that I was capable of that. So that’s good. I can “surprise him” like you said but how are you so sure that’s even enough to make him come back?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Heartbroken,

      we can’t guaranter that he will after nc.. but afyer nc you should build up rapport and attraction firat..nc should be like a reset..that’s why there should be no talk at all cost.. to make him think you’re moving on and miss you and br rebuilding mode after nc

  37. Violet says:

    I don’t think my first contact message went very well. I mentioned a fun time we had. He replied with “yeah that’s a good memory to have”. I didn’t reply.

    Is he being dismissive? Do I send a text tomorrow or do I wait?

    • Violet says:

      Okay I re-read parts of the books (I bought all 3) and I realise that I used the wrong kind of message for first contact. I referred to a date we went on. But I’m struggling to think up first contact message ideas because we were only together for 3 months. I’m not sure what kind of references to make that don’t mention the relationship.

    • Violet says:

      Update: while I was brainstorming better first contact messages he sent another text. Asked me how I’ve been. He seems cautious but friendly. I’m going to say I’m awesome etc and then use a conversation ending.

      Do you think he’s being cautious or is this how guys friendzone a girl?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Violet,

      it’s too early to say he’ s friendzoning you.. even though he took time at least he initiated a convo right?

  38. Lorna says:

    Hi Chris!
    I’m so glad I’ve found your website. My boyfriend dumped me – we had only been together for three months and the relationship was not very intense (we were seeing each other usually once a week and we had our own separate lives) but it was really important for me and it had a huge impact on me. He broke up with me because he had figured out that he feels the best when he’s on his own and although he is attracted to me, he doesn’t love me and he believes that we cannot fulfill each other’s emotional needs, that we cannot be partners in life and that we will always feel lonely in a relationship. He has never had a relationship longer than ours so maybe that’s just how his inner insecurity works. What’s important, he truly wanted to remain friends with me because we share an intellectual and spiritual bond and I agreed to this. The breakup was pretty quiet and civil – no shouting, no harsh words, no begging, i didn’t even cry in front of him. Is it possible for me to get him back? And should I go through no contact for a month, even though we agreed on being friends?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Lorna,

      I think so.. because you were the longest and he was honest with his feelings..how do you bond? how do you date? I think you can try to build the relationship instead.. I mean instead of pushing to get back.. be interesting by being the ungettable girl and presenting value

  39. I'll be okay says:

    Hey Chris! I just wanted to say, thank you. I did not get my ex lover back, but after taking time to improve myself, i realized that i didnt need him. He was emotionally abusive and he led me on and treated me terribly. But this second rejection doesnt hurt nearly as bad. Im now in the best shape of my life, i have a strong group of friends that love me and want the best for me, and I talk to a counseler regularly. The world doesnt seem like its crumbling in fact it feels so very much brighter. I deserve only the best and he was no good for me, we both could admit to that. I wanted to say, the advice in your books and emails truly did work, and had i executed them better, perhaps he wouldve fell for me. I dont know. But now i no longer care. Because the recovery process was more for me than for him. I just wanna say, thanks again.

    • Chris Seiter says:

      I am so glad that you were able to come to this conclusion.

      That’s kind of why I recommend self improvement during NC. Because no matter what happens with him you always have the strength of yourself to fall back on.

      You are so welcome and if you need anything else please don’t hesitate to ask.

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