By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 2nd, 2021

I’m an idiot!

We have been doing these videos for about half a year now and I am ashamed to admit that we haven’t been giving you the best quality that we possibly can. You see, I was trying to go for that super clean “white background” look but it ended up just looking like this,

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 1.24.57 PM

Pretty crappy, right?

I mean, that’s not even white. It’s more like this whittish grey. Turns out the fix to make it have that super white feel was as simple as editing it post shoot in an editing software.

Check out the gigantic difference,

Screen Shot 2016-03-07 at 1.28.44 PM

Pretty massive difference, right?

Well, from this point on all of our videos should begin to have a more professional look and feel to them. So, that’s good news for you, right?

Anyways, today’s video is all about mistakes. Particularly the most common mistakes that I see women making when trying to get their ex boyfriends back. Check it out!


The other week I was searching the web and I came across the most peculiar story. Apparently a woman was arrested for texting and calling her ex boyfriend in total of 77,000 times. The story got me thinking, “What are some of the most common mistakes that women make when trying to get their ex boyfriends back?” Well, that’s what this video’s about.

Alright, today we’re going to be covering the top 5 mistakes that women make when trying to get their ex boyfriends back. Aright, so what I’d like to do is cover the top 5 mistakes that women tend to make when trying to get their ex boyfriends back. The first mistake is coming in with no plan. The second mistake is being too desperate or needy. The third mistake: gnatting. The fourth mistake is moving too fast and finally the fifth mistake is trying to get an ex boyfriend back in a pretty helpless situation.

So, what I’d like to do now is go right through it with the first mistake: trying to get your ex boyfriend back with no plan.

Mistake #1: Not Having A Plan

One of the things I love to teach women to do on ex boyfriend recovery is trying to get an ex boyfriend back within a plan, within a template. Now, you don’t have to stick to that plan a hundred percent of the time because getting an ex boyfriend back is kind of a complex process. There’s no one plan that you have to stick to a hundred percent of the time. Nevertheless, I have found that having a plan when it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back, raises your chances exponentially. Take a wedding for example, you wouldn’t just go try to get a wedding–a ring–throw in a wedding. You have to have a plan. In fact sometimes, you have to hire wedding planners, same principles applies here. You’re going to fall flat on your face if you try to “wing” trying to get an ex boyfriend back. On the other hand, if you have a plan, well it’s going to raise your chances exponentially. Okay, next up is desperation and neediness.

Mistake #2: Desperation/Neediness

It’s often said that neediness is the opposite of attraction. Therefore, if you are needy towards your ex boyfriend, he’s less likely to find you attractive. One of my wife and I’s favorite shows to watch is The Bachelor. We watch it for “research” purposes of course. But we noticed there was a contestant on there, Lace,  and she was really desperate and needy towards the bachelor when she was trying to win his affection. Now, at first he thought it was cute and liked it.  But after a while, he didn’t like it so much, in fact he found it annoying and he found it unattractive and she got kicked off. Now the last thing you want to do is be desperate, needy and annoying to your ex boyfriend because I guarantee you, if you’re desperate and needy to a point that’s crazy, he’s going to find you annoying and trying to get him back, it’s not going to work if you’re approaching this from a position of weakness. You need to approach this from a position of strength, from a position of attraction.

Mistake #3: Gnatting

Now, you may be wondering what gnatting is. Gnatting is actually an acronym for GNAT-Going Nuts At Texting. I see a lot of situations everyday on ex boyfriend recovery and one of the situations that keeps popping up even now is, women who go a little crazy when it comes to texting and calling their ex boyfriends. I’ve been trying to find a way to put it for women to make them understand how annoying this is and I thought what better way to explain this than having a bunch of gnats fly around your head. Think about it. You’re walking down the street one day, when all of a sudden a bunch of gnats fly around your head and no matter how many times you swat at the gnats to make them go away, they don’t. They just keep buzzing around. You swat they buzz. Nothing gets them to go away. You run around, they follow you, you swat again, they buzz around. Well in this analogy, you’re the gnat and you’re ex boyfriend is trying to swat to get you away. Let’ me give you another example, this is what a gnat looks like when it comes to texting. Do not do this to your ex boyfriend. Trust me. It won’t work out.

Mistake #4: Moving too fast

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Moving too fast is a huge mistake. I want you to imagine something for me. Imagine that you have a blind date next week. Well, a week passes and you go along this blind date and you meet this guy for the first time. Pretty good looking guy but he asks you to marry him. Would you say yes? No, of course not. There’s a process to getting married. It takes time. Well, getting your ex back works the same way. There’s a process to getting your ex back and if you move too fast, too soon, you’re going to shoot yourself in the foot and ruin any chance you’ll have of getting him back.

Mistake #5: Trying to get him back in a helpless situation

One of the fun aspects of my job is that I get to see a lot of interesting situations. A lot of interesting relationships, and the one that always sticks to my mind is, a woman who came to ex boyfriend recovery and she wanted her ex boyfriend back more than anything. The problem is, her ex boyfriend was engaged and was about to be married. Well, to me, I kept telling her, this is a pointless situation and you should probably move on but she just went havoc. She just kept trying to get her ex boyfriend back and pretty soon, it got to the point where her ex boyfriend had to file a restraining order against her. The point I’m trying to make here is you shouldn’t waste your time trying to get your ex boyfriend in a pointless situation, a situation where you really have no hope. Now, this bags an interesting question, what kind of chance do you have in your particular situation? Well, that’s why I want to encourage you to visit my website: . On there, you’ll be able to find countless articles of me talking about your situation. In fact, we’re even going to have a quiz really soon. That gives you an in depth report on what kind of chance you have in your particular situation.

So, if you haven’t subscribed to our channel or visit our website, now is the time to do so. The link to our website is in the description below. Its please like this video and like always, we will have a new video for you every single Monday. We’ll see you next week.

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135 thoughts on “The 5 Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back (Video)”

  1. Deb

    July 23, 2019 at 11:58 am

    Done no contact for 33 days was with him 6 years, ended quite badly the 6 months running up to eventual split was extreme rocky n arguing constant, but got through the no contact and I msgd last night he was relieved to hear from me I apologised for my part so did he, we had about a 2 hour tx convo nothing heavy but he did say how much he struggled and is still hurting losing me and after me not talking and disappeared altho he knew it was prob for the best, he even said he put a status out aiming it at me with our fav band on stage n crying emoji and was disappointed that I ignored it, (I never seen it) we ended on a giggle and night night with him calling me babe n darling. I’m nervous he is just glad I reached out to him to make him feel better n not just rejected etc and iv not tx today n neither has he? I dunno what I’m suppose to do now? Just wait? Have i jist made him feel better rather than making him want me back?

  2. Aaliyah

    September 19, 2016 at 2:07 pm

    Hi Chris I am currently in a really difficult situation I have broken up with my ex boyfriend again. We had broken up almost 2 weeks ago. It came out of nowhere he had told me he was not happy with me and that he didn’t see a future with me and didn’t want to be with me however I had seen him just days before and we had been talking about marriage and children he had even admitted he was happier this time around but seems to of changed. I am aware he is having financial difficulties and has been forced to live and cope on his own and away from his parents in this difficult time but I always did my best to help him. We had broke up before for just over 2 months but was due to me as I had become very arguementitve as I was stressed due to college work and a death in my family. We had got back together after 2 months. This time I could not see it coming. I had gone to collect my things of him and he is very angry and aggressive I really love him and it was really serious, I feel as if he isn’t aware of how much he’s throwing away. I’m not sure if he’s just stressed and angry and I should leave him be for a bit or I should let go forever it’s really difficult as I am trying to better my life everyday and become more successful but this is really bringing me down, he said some really extreme things and I don’t know if it was just out of stress or anger. He had also apologised and said how it was all his fault and not mine just after I collected my things. I would really appreciate some help as I really don’t know what to do anymore and I really want to be with him. Seems he hasn’t thought about what he’s done… Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 1:56 pm

      Hi Aaliyah,
      if hea confused then give him space to think about it and to sort his problems

  3. Rachael

    July 18, 2016 at 8:22 pm

    The ex and I’s breakup was mutual. We ended on great terms both of us cried. He was moving back home to start school and i needed to stay where I was to finish. Although we were together for 3 years this September. Im not exactly trying to win him back but I dont understand how he has not contacted me at all in the week he has been gone. It has been 7 days and weve been doing he NC and he has added girls on social media like crazy. Is he just over it that quick. Im in despair because I just want to talk to him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 20, 2016 at 12:29 pm

      Hi Rachel,

      you said we’ve been doing nc.. you talked that both of you will do it?

  4. Mary

    July 8, 2016 at 11:15 am

    Hi 🙂

    I have a big doubt. Should I break nc to say happy birthday?


    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 8, 2016 at 4:30 pm

      Hi Mary,

      nope..that’s not allowed during nc

  5. Charlene McKenna

    July 1, 2016 at 4:35 am

    I am super worried that I have made some terrible choice in the month since my ex and I broke up. For starts I broke up with him because he wasn’t show his regular affection and I began to feel like he started to like someone else. After that we didn’t speak for 4 days and at that time he sent me a long message explaining how he felt and I immediately called him. Then I went to hI’m and asked for him to take me back and we’ll work it out. He said yes and I thought everything would get better but later that night he sent a message saying we should only be friends. After the next few days of seeing each other and talking we decide to be friends but I stared to really notice and hear about the other girl he was talking to. So I started to fight with him and bother him and asked if he still wanted me and he said I don’t know and it for confusing. Then I found an article about grass is green syndrome and I believe he has it and bad. A couole days ago i told him that we couldnt be friend and i had to disappear for awhile. He replied with i dont know why and i am always here for you. I know we are just out of high school and we are going to college but no one has ever made me feel like I’m at home and when I do go home it’s like I’m missing a piece that is alwas supposed to be there. I cry alot and constantly sometimes and the thought of him kills me sometimes. I don’t know what to do or if I’ve lost my chances with him completely. Please help a little bit will be nice.

    1. Charlene McKenna

      July 1, 2016 at 11:55 pm

      Yes, right now I’m in nc, and I’m starting to work out and better myself. I’ve read the love languages and I understand his love language and mine. NC is 30 days right?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 4, 2016 at 11:19 am

      yes 🙂

    3. Charlene McKenna

      July 1, 2016 at 4:40 am

      Also one time I showed up late at his house and we talked and got no where but me in tears and in his arms. He said he’s here for me and I don’t have to worry about losing him, he kissed my forehead and cheek and made sure I got home safe. We were together for 2 years and planning big things. I really can’t lose him even if it means we just becomes friends for the rest of our lives but I would love to have him.back more than anything.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 1, 2016 at 5:18 pm

      Hi Charlene,

      that is before you are in active nc right? If it is gigs, then yiu really need to improve yourslef massively

  6. Confused

    June 25, 2016 at 10:36 pm


    I’m confused and I need help! My ex and I were together for six months, going on seven. We really loved each other and thought that we were going to be together forever. So my ex and I broke up earlier this month because I was upset about him going to an event with a friend and I wanted time with him. But we were working things out after the break up until I said something that I thought was a joke but he took it seriously. (This happened last week) so he broke up with me officially the next day after I said the stupid thing. He was upset that I didn’t call him right after he hung up on me when I told the joke to him. So I called him in the morning to apologize to him but he was really upset and said that his feelings for me changed when I said that joke. When we broke up, he told me that he still wanted to be with me but then he didn’t. So he broke up with me anyways. I called him the next day and told him that I still loved him and he told me the same. Then I called him the next day to meet up with him, but he didn’t want to and told me that he couldn’t say that he loved me anymore. I became a text/call gnat, and asking him to work things out again so he blocked me. Then the next day he met a girl at the club. Our official break up was only three days! He has been talking to her ever since. I reached out to his friends because I wanted to know if they knew that he was talking to someone new, but they didn’t know either. So my ex found out that I reached out to his friends and he was extremely mad at me because he didn’t want other people to know our business. So because of that, he has completely blocked me from everything. He confessed to me that he was talking to someone new. Then told me to just move on, to give him space and if he wanted to be with me in the future then he’ll reach out to me and fight for me. He also told me that he’s done and that he burned the string between us. Now, I’m just confused. I don’t know what to do. I made a promise to him a long time ago that no matter what happened I would always fight for him. Plus, he’s going to be moving about 5,000 miles away in less than two weeks.

    1. Confused

      June 29, 2016 at 12:00 am

      Yes, I’m in nc right now.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 29, 2016 at 1:19 pm

      you need to focus on healing and being more emotionally stronger and independent because when he moves it will be harder

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 28, 2016 at 11:30 am

      HI Confused,

      are you in nc now?

  7. To Nhu

    June 19, 2016 at 11:08 am

    I will tell u my story short enough for u to understand, so u can help me darling.
    I am a 26 yrs olds, sensitive, quite good looking, smart doctor.
    I have first met my first love 6 months ago on a duty night shift. He is also a doctor and works together with me in same hospital.
    We felt in love each others so quickly.
    We had so much happy memories, i know that he loves me a lot when he started to chase me at first days
    Iam a classical asian girl, he doesnt have sex with me, and we all wanted to wait till our wedding, in next 1 year.
    But suddenly, after being together like every single day in 4 months, he texted me : ” I think my love has problem”. We met immediately, ive been shocked and cried like rain that day at his house, but he said he still loves me and want to heal his love again. I agreed.
    1 weeks later, after hanging out normally in the morning sunday, he texted me a long message at 9pm to break up with me, the reason was he had no more eager like first days, he had no feelings about me anymore, he is not sure about getting married with me, but iam so serious on this relationship, so we should stop. I came to his house 1 hours later, and begging, crying so much. First he agreed to come back, then he said he needed time. I agreed.
    But 1 weeks later, he officially broke up with me. I mess him i agreed and always loved him unconditionally, so i will let him go. He mess me again he was so lonely and feel like destroying his soul cause he broke my heart.and he will meet me on my birthday future ( cause i said i want to meet him on my birthday in the text).
    I do the no contact rule, but fail and begging him 2 weeks later & he said he couldnt continue cause he dont love me anymore. My birthday, he texted to say happy birthday to me, i said i want to meet him and wait at his house 6 hours & mess him through facebook a lot, but he didnt show up. Last message he texted me is that, he didnt know i would wait him, sorry me, he was not deserved to my love, he was a jerk …..i should forget him.since that days, i do the no contact rule again.

    More things you should know, he is my first love, but Iam his third love.
    He had loved and sex his first lover in 8 years and broke up with her. Now she is married.
    His second lover, she broke up with him after 5months cause she loved someone else (2 years ago)
    Im doubt that he might break up with me to come back with his second lover. Cause my friend saw him going coffee with that girl the same time he said his love with me had problem. I once asked was that the reason for our break up, but he said he didnt cheat me. He & she will never come back again. I dont know he is lyeing to me or telling the truth.

    Im doing the no contact rule again for 2 weeks. And i feel so much better now :). I can move on with another guys, but i love him a lot with all my simple heart. His birthday is next 2 months, i need your advice, should i move on and forget everything, or do things that make him feel touched, like hand made, expensive gifts….and show up suprisely at his house at 0.00 am ? Cause on my birthday, he left me miserable lonely…. And darling, how to know the real reason of our break up ? Will he contact me first ?

    Thank u a lot !!! Hope u reply me as soon as possible

    1. To Nhu

      June 22, 2016 at 12:36 pm

      Think about my previous behavior, i feel so ashamed about myself, how can I be blinded that much …. I dont know why I text him that last message with angry and said he was bad person… He is not my boyfiend anymore, he dont have to care about me or my Dad like old days, that s not his mission, right ….?
      Now I feel so awkard …. If i suddenly met him, just dont know how to hide my face… In last 2 months after breaking up, I beg,cry,talk text so much, he might be tired a lot about how to cut me off but dont ruin the friendship cause we work in same hospital …..
      Look likes the chance to have him back is zero now, even though how hard I want to change into ungettable girl, Amor…
      I simply just want him back… Why it is so hard ? No contact rule couldnt help me anymore darling ….

    2. To Nhu

      June 21, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Dear AMOR, thank for your advice, in last 2 days, Some things has happened, and look liked I have done the stupid thing again. My DAD was ill and had to be checked up in the hospital for serious health problem. Im so worry for him, and in the weak moment, I texted my ex to tell him the situation. He did text me back, but only with really minimum cool answer like strangers, instead of calling me to comfort me, which is normal reaction that normal friend would do!! . Im so disappointed about his attitude, cause when i knew he had hypertension, i ve done so many things to help him, not leaving him like this. So when my dad is ok, i text him a long message, but main contents is i couldnt believe he is that kind of bad person, i told him i deleted all pics of us in my cellphone. Then I unfriended his FB account… (Dont you think I do right things ?)

      And the “showing up” i told you before, i intended to do that for real, because his birthday in next 2 months, so i think that it s ok to do that because i had done the no contact rule for 2 months. ….. But its my thinking from yesterday, now everything is a mess……

      What should I do AMOR …..?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 22, 2016 at 7:34 am

      don’t do that.. he probably thinks you’re still chasing him.. if you’re invited of course you can go.. but it’s better if you build rapport first.. and focus on aiming to be the independent and being the ungettable girl

    4. To Nhu

      June 19, 2016 at 12:50 pm

      Dear Amor, i forgot to mention, he is 31years old, the reason I coundt let it go is that, i feel like i can take him back if i keep trying harder, he had promised me a lot about future…. And at this stage, should I delete his Facebook ? I should wait untill his birthday to text him again, or just 30 days ? Cause it has been 15 days

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2016 at 4:03 pm

      Hi To Nhu,

      I think you became clingy.. And it’s still apparent. Showing up at his door at 12 am? Are you serious or is that a joke? Cause that shows that you want to smother him.. which by this time is not appropriate anymore because you’ve broken up.. That’s chasing him. You have to aim to be the ungettable girl. Read this post so, you can have an idea of how to be an ungettable girl:
      The ungettable girl

  8. Tina

    June 15, 2016 at 5:41 pm

    Hi Chris!

    My husband broke up with me. We have been together for almost 18 months, and maintaining a long distance relationship (different countries) for 7 months. We have a beautiful and strong story together. I was actually preparing to move in with him again, and he was excited! He suffered a lot with the distance and used to beg me everyday to move in, and I just couldn’t at that time. Now that everything was ready, he just started to remember all the difficults moments we faced together and called me to say he felt we should start over or that would be the end. He accused me of not loving and caring enough about him. I got desesperate with the possibility of divorce and did all the wrong things…. I begged, texted him a lot, sent gifts…. He was very upset with all that but still was saying I love you in the end of our calls and texts. Before yesterday he said he felt he gave more into this relationship than me, and that he does not feel that if we work this out I will change (give the attention he needs), and said he deserved better. He removed all of our pictures and status from Facebook and Instagram… and when I asked him why, he said he is tired of people asking him why his wife is not with him.
    What do you think of this situation? He seemed very resentfull with me. I started the NC yesterday, but I still don’t know what to reply in case he asks me what he should do with all my stuff he has at his house, or even if he texts me about divorce papers… How am I suppose to start a nice conversation after 30 days if I don’t reply to that kind of message?
    Don’t you think he could feel more hurt seeing pictures of me having fun?

    1. Tina

      June 20, 2016 at 3:57 pm

      I am on day 5 of NC. He did not text me yet, but seems pretty mad I think. First, he unfollowed me on social media, so he couldn’t see my posts… Today he didn’t unfriend me, but protected his posts from me. I remember that in one of my past relationships I got really mad with an ex boyfriend, and blocked him everywhere. When I calmed down days later I unblocked him, since I still liked him at that time. That could be what is happening with my ex husband? (We did not file the divorce yet).

      If that is what is happening I completely understand, but I also think he could do that so I wouldn`t see that he is with another woman. (it does not seem something he would do, but I know we can see the other face of people when they are not in love anymore).

      He broke up saying I did not love or cared enough about him… so I’m not sure if updating my social media while he is expecting me to be broken would convince him he is worng.

    2. Tina

      June 20, 2016 at 1:31 pm

      Hi Amor,
      He moved to my country with me months ago, but he did not adapt well. So he came back. I could not come back with him at that time because I needed a visa first (what would take months to get), and I had to get my degree first. When he moved with me, he gave up on his car and his job. So when I decided to get my degree first, instead of moving right way, he, his family and friends thought I didn’t love him as much as he did. The thing is, I come from a country where I have seen poverty from very close, and the only way to succeed is is through knowledge. My family has a good financial situation, but since I remember I was told I couldn’t be someone in life without a degree. And it is just how the things are down here. My husband, his family and friends don’t have a degree (which I don’t mind), but they come from a country where you can succeed even without a degree. So education has always been that important to me, they just don’t get it.

      My husband got depressed back there without me. And even with all my family against my decision I dropped my university to go after him, because he needed me. It was the hardest decision for me. He seemed excited about it, and we were planning our life from that, when he broke up with me. He started to blame me for not taking that decision earlier. And because I did not take that decision earlier he, his friends and family think I do not truly him. They think that if I decided now I could have decided earlier.

      I am on day 5 of NC.

    3. Tina

      June 15, 2016 at 6:28 pm

      I think he still loves and wants me, because during one of the times I was begging over Skype I was wearing a dress he really loves on me, and he stared at me with a “desire look”. The problem is: his friends and family come between us a lot, and he only broke up to me after meeting several times with this friend that told him he should build some self respect… and after his mother telling him to take in consideration that one day if we had kids and got divorced, I could come back to my country with the kids and leave him there alone… He even asked me that! His friends and family only have been saying things that make him doubt and be insecure about our relationship! I love him so much! He says he does not trust me anymore.

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2016 at 8:25 am

      Hi Tina,

      I don’t get it, what caused him to lose trust in you and why does his friends and family think you’re going to divorce him someday?

    5. Tina

      June 15, 2016 at 6:10 pm

      Should I remove our pictures from social media as well? I know he will be looking at my Facebook, but should I be in the pictures with the wedding ring on?

  9. Jasmine

    June 3, 2016 at 3:52 pm

    Me and my Exboyfriend broke up about 3 weeks ago. During the three weeks i was constantly begging and pleading for him to realize what he was doing and the risk he was making and etc. Until i found out he left me because he wanted to mess around and I guess he kind of grew apart from me because of the distance we were facing and how hard it was, since we were so used to seeing eachother everyday. He now has told me rudely that he’s done with me on so many levels, he wants nothing to do with me and i need to move on, he also told my cousin he did love me and that I’m not the girl he once loved anymore when honestly I haven’t changed. He also told my cousin that he moved on, because now he’s with an ex he dated before but it was only for about a week but this time he’s saying he loves her but he’s only been talking to her for a few weeks. I’m not really sure if he feels she can replace me because me and her have sort of the same characteristics but I really do want him back and today I’ve started the NC rule but I really don’t know if he’s really moved on or not because he keeps saying that and ignoring me. We weren’t a bad couple we were great honestly we were extremely happy and I don’t understand what really went wrong. How can someone who loves you so much and wanted to spend the rest of their life with you just start loving someone else if what we had was so real amd i was the only girl you really wanted, how can he now tell another girl the exact same thing as if he’s really over me that fast? We broke up around May/10

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 12, 2016 at 11:01 am

      Hi Jasmine,

      I think she’s a rebound. How is your nc doing?

  10. Psycho!

    May 28, 2016 at 3:39 am

    Oh boy have I made the biggest mistake and I don’t know how to recover :O

    So my ex basically broke up with me just over 2 months ago and we were together for almost 2 years. We are in our late 20s. After 30 NC and me initiating texts, we got on really good terms and we met up. Hooked up. Mistake I know, but that isn’t the worse thing I did…

    Anyways for 2 weeks he was all about seeing me and hooking up with me. Then I find out another girl is in the picture. He doesn’t tell me but I know from seeing her car when I go to work in the morning next door to his place…(It’s an old friend of his). Anyways we continued to hook up but less often, and well it’s because most of his nights are spent with her….I’m ashamed to say I kept hooking up with him even though I was aware of her in hopes to ruin whatever he is starting with her.

    His behaviour also become quite confusing. One day this week he was super sweet to me and acted like he was my boyfriend, where as before I felt used, and I honestly thought we were on the road to getting back together. However the next time I saw him, a couple days ago, he had the “we are only friends talk.” I really wanted him to come clean about the other girl but he did not mention her. I tried prompting by saying why are we suddenly having this conversation? why were you all about sleeping with me before but suddenly stopped spending time with me? He didn’t mention her.

    He’s spending ALL his time and nights with her recently and I don’t know how to get him back! Now the mistake I made tonight…..I wanted to hang out with him and I was worried 1. He was with her and if I invited him to do something he’d reject me. 2. I wanted to avoid being a “lets hang out nag” by asking him to do something tonight, but he’d be busy, so I’d ask him again tomorrow and be really needy….So I decided to do something I am aware is crazy. I drove by his house to see if her car was over. That way if it was over I wouldn’t send an invite, and ask him to do something tomorrow and not be a nag. Although I work next door to him, I live 20 mins away from him… so a pass by isn’t natural or a coincidence…. So I made the 20 minute drive after supper. However I WAS CAUGHT. I round the bend and sure enough he is outside with his mom and her….I tried to reverse away but was seen! I AM MORTIFIED.

    He didn’t text me or anything about my psycho behaviour….I ended up texting a few minutes later: Do you have plans tonight (a text I should’ve sent in the first place instead of my crazy ex behaviour). He hasn’t answered. BUT it is pretty normal of him to ignore my texts when she is over…..

    I don’t know how to recover! He hasn’t told me about his new squeeze (I have no idea if they are serious. but she spends 2-3 days straight over…) I am beyond mortified. HELP!!!!

    1. Psycho

      May 30, 2016 at 11:58 am

      What tips can you suggest to help get my ex back if he recently has a new girl in his life (less than 2 months after his break up to me, where he said he couldn’t be in a relationship right now because he needs to work on himself and get his life together alone). Keep a texting rapport and try to see him every so often? (without doing drive bys!). It’s been so hard because this week he seems to not want anything to do with me. Where as before he would still text and ask to meet up and well we would hook up….

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      you can’t keep hovering if he knows your intentions. Either he’ll take advantage of you or protect his current relationship. You have to stop for now, and whenever you have an interaction like bumping into each other in town, be nice.. But it’s better if you initiate contact again after some time. If he texts, reply and make it fun again and end the convo, but for now don’t initiate.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 30, 2016 at 4:10 am

      The truh is, he would likely not care or not notice if you nc because he has a new girl.. the goal of the nc is for you to be more emotionally stable and to start establishing that you’ve moved on and to build more attraction by going out more and being more attractive.. it’s like making him miss you not because of your absence but because of your progress

  11. Stephanie

    May 8, 2016 at 11:32 pm

    My situation is sort of different as we were just “casually dating” or even borderline friends for 4 months. He and I started to text almost on a daily basis and met up only a few times as we were both busy and long distance. He admitted that he was a bit of a loner and had troubles forming friendships. He also opened up about being hurt in a past relationship from 4 years back and having childhood pains when his parents got divorced. Overall, he seemed like a sensitive guy.
    Recently, he started an online course to pursue another career. He is currently working in hard labour with long hours and having serious financial difficulties. The last time I saw him was when he invited me to his place. There was no touching since we were very careful about crossing boundaries. At the end of the meet, he asked if we could see each other again in a week or two. I answered yes and we texted for a few days until one day he was quite late in getting back to me. I called and no answer. A few hours later he called back saying that he was drunk at a buddy’s house and had slept over. I got a little irritated and gave him the cold shoulder over the phone. He then reconfirmed our upcoming meet up. I answered coldly and we ended our conversation. Ever since this phone call, he did not text. Since he was almost always the one to initiate texts, I was quite shocked and texted him a few days later. He did not answer, and out of desperation I called. No answer. One week later from that phone call, I called him. He picked up but I am not sure if he picked up knowing it was me or not since I called from my work phone. He said over the phone that he wasn’t sure about this exclusive relationship anymore and that he was not where he wants to be in life. He said that he had too many things on his plate and was confused about what he wanted. I then said that we could still remain friends and hangout as usual. He agreed and said that he would want to hang out every odd weeks.

    This happened 4 days ago and we have not been contact ever since. So I am wondering if his reasoning is a valid one or he wasn’t really interested even to begin with?
    I am not sure if the no contact rule would apply here since we were not even a couple to begin with. Is there a chance with this person or am I already being friendzoned here?
    Also, if I were to do the no contact, how should I even approach him? I think I have done enough initiating towards the end here (and looking quite desparate) so I am not sure if I should be the one contacting if he is to not contact for 30 days or more.
    Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! Thank you.

    1. Stephanie

      May 10, 2016 at 2:21 am

      Thank you Amor 🙂

      At this point, I am not sure if I should even try. He laid out his long term study plan until next spring – that is when the course is finished. He basically said that he doesn’t have enough time to be committed to another person and that he will go back to being a lonesome guy.

      What are the chances here? pretty low right?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 10, 2016 at 6:21 am

      yeah, it looks like that’s what he is trying to say

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 9, 2016 at 8:39 am

      Hi Stephanie,

      you can still do no contact.. actually that’s what you should because you’re friendzoned… you should check this post out too.
      EBR 012: How To Get Out Of The “Friend Zone” With Your Ex Boyfriend

      yes, he’s not your ex boyfriend but that can still apply.. 🙂

  12. Hailey

    April 24, 2016 at 4:11 pm

    I have a question on what can be done if you messed up after the no contact period. My boyfriend of over a year broke up with me to work on himself and he doesn’t see a future with us. I went into NC for 30 days, to which he never contacted me. I initiated the contact and all was going well. He began texting me almost every day. It has been about 2 weeks for this.

    But then something happened this week (just over 2 weeks after 30 days of no contact). As were were chatting via text, he invited me out to eat and I told him sure, and was really excited to see him. He said he’ll be at the restaurant nearby in 15 minutes. However, he texted me right after saying on second thought he is low on cash from partying the other night. I was not happy obviously because I felt he was leading me on and it’s rude to make a plan and then ditch. I told him it’s not nice of him to invite me out and then change his mind. He then mentioned how he actually made new plans. To see an old friend who is a girl. I acted jealous and started questioning who she. I knew I shouldn’t have. He kept changing the subject and I kept pushing for answers. He then said think what you won’t I’m done talking.

    I haven’t heard from him since 🙁 I texted him the next day friendly. He did not respond. I know. It’s been 3 days. I don’t know what to do. I know I made a mistake. There isn’t really any advice on what to do when you messed up after NC. Should I go through another NC round? let this incident cool off then re-initiate contact again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 26, 2016 at 3:44 pm

      HI Hailey,

      I don’t know if you’re the same person but you’re story sounds so similar with the other commenter. Actually in those instances, for me it’s ok to point it out that it’s not nice but it’s better if you do in in a way that is humorous, like, “Oh!, too bad I’m all set and ready. Sighs.. I’m soo ready to go out.. ok, have fun staying at home but next time please be more decisive. it’s not nice to make someone do the effort then change your mind. I’m a have fun now! Ciao!
      Something like that.. and then if he invites next, let him go there first.. and let him do the inviting. Go out with other friends but don’t invite him… Let him see, you won’t let that happen again because if you keep agreeing and going in the destination first, he will just keep changing his mind in the last minute. Better yet, if you say you’ll be on his way once he is, and then wait for his text once he’s there.

  13. Broken

    April 19, 2016 at 7:22 pm

    Hi team.. My ex and I were together for 8 years and have 3 children.. He is 28 and I’m 27.. He cheated almost 5 years into the relationship.. We were going through a tough and stressful time.. I forgave him and we worked things out. Things improved until a year and a half ago.. I felt unappreciated and alone. Tried talking to him but never seemed to have an impact at least not for long. We started arguing and have been on and off ever since. He’s had a few one night stands/flings and so have I but we always ended up back together until last month. We had both been seeing other people but I told him that I really wanted us to work it out.. I wanted to go to counselling and get everything sorted. He agreed. We both ended things with the other people. He wanted us to move house to get away from all the bad memories and start a fresh.. I understood but I was unsure as I didn’t want to move the kids from their schools etc etc but I never said anything at the time. A few days later, while my ex was at work, his mum asked if we were moving.. I told her my doubts. The next day my ex said it wouldn’t work if we lived in this house and he stopped texting.. He also put a status on Facebook aimed at me which made me think we were over.. Again.. So I stupidly got back in touch with the person I had been seeing previously and that weekend he was at mine.. Then my ex turned up! He hasn’t ended things with me at all! But obviously a massive argument occurred and it carried on the next day. A lot of nasty things were said from both sides. After a week and a half of not talking.. I got back in touch with him hoping to work things out again after all, it had been a misunderstanding… But he had already started seeing someone new. I’ve done all the begging.. Apologising and he said he can’t do this anymore and needs to see where things go for him now with this new women (who is also 10 years older than him) I’ve started minimal contact.. Only respond when its to do with the children. But I’m losing all hope.. Does this new women sound like a rebound or does it seem like too much has gone on for it to be salvaged?? I’m struggling to deal with how its ended. Thanks..

    1. Broken

      April 23, 2016 at 5:07 pm

      Ok I will do. Is 30 day minimal contact best? Or should I do 21 or longer?? Again, thank you very much for your advice

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 25, 2016 at 10:21 am

      the shortest is 21 days…but I think you should do 30

    3. Broken

      April 21, 2016 at 7:52 pm

      Thanks for the advice. It all happened beginning of last month and we had spoken up until last week when I decided to start minimal contact because we just kept arguing. I told him how it was from my point of view and he did the same. His family get involved alot too which makes things worse for me. He has sent messages asking how I am which I haven’t replied to and I know he checks my Facebook to see what I’m up to. He made excuses not to see the kids too even tho I had asked him to. Im unsure of what to do for the best as I would love my little family back together. Thanks

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 23, 2016 at 5:47 am

      okay take it slow.. give it time and let him think..

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 21, 2016 at 1:56 pm

      HI Broken,

      I think you need space to have a clean slate.. to start over.. let him be with his new girl for now.. But work on yourself so, you won’t be too emotional and be more independent from him.. So, that next time you would be more rational.. Focus and improve yourself because you only got 30 days to do that before trying again.. BUt if you can talk to him before doing nc.. to clear everything out that would be better.

  14. jojo

    April 10, 2016 at 8:26 pm

    Hi! Thanks for all the fantastic info!

    I wish i had found out about this sooner.

    Is there any advise on having after break up sex with your ex boyfriend? I know, big mistake.

    : (

    1. jojo

      April 10, 2016 at 9:22 pm

      OH, god i just read that back and it didn’t come out the way i wanted it to!!

      I meant is there any advise on how to make a way back from having after break up sex with your ex boyfriend.

      When it happened, he was really affectionate after and stayed for a good few hours.
      He said he wanted to stay the night but had to be up early. Whilst arranging the meeting he (in no context with sex) said he was really looking forward seeing me (as we haven’t seen each other in a month). He told me i was gorgeous and gave me a look that said “What the hell was i thinking” when he first saw me. He was giving me cuddles. Its wasn’t all about sex.
      I am so confused and upset that i feel like now maybe he was on the verge of thinking we could be an item again, and now I’ve ruined my chances.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 11, 2016 at 11:48 am

      Hi Jojo

      You should check this blog post out 🙂
      How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Slept With Him

  15. Serena

    April 8, 2016 at 11:03 pm

    My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago because he decided he didn’t want to be in a committed relationship. (He is a year younger than me, and I am 19, so he said it was just because he was too young for this…) However, we always got on SO well and I really feel like the relationship shouldn’t have ended. Is there a possibility he could change his mind? After two weeks of No Contact, I caved and called him and even though we argued for a minute, he started a conversation like the ones we used to have with me. I kept saying “I should go”, and he kept saying random and sometimes pointless things to keep the conversation going. Is this a good sign that he might change his mind about the breakup? He seemed firm on it at first, but it sounds like he is starting to miss me. Is there a chance? Is continuing with No Contact the best option if there is a chance?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 11:25 am

      Hi Serena,

      yeah it looks like he missed you.. if you’re going to continue, be more active for yourself

  16. Ashley

    April 7, 2016 at 1:42 am

    Please help me out at here… I will copy what he wrote me tonight.. What does it realy mean? I beleive that he just wants to take it slow coz i was abit fast but im not sure… This is what he said: “Thank you for your texts and messages. I can see that you have made lots of effort and that you are a really sensitive and nice person. I am not looking for a serious relationship at the moment but don’t want to lead you on or leave you hoping I will be able to be what you deserve and are looking for. I really appreciate you buying that bed. That’s so thoughtful and you really didn’t need to.

    I enjoyed the time we spent together very much but I am not in the right headspace right now to see you again regularly as I don’t want things to get over serious too soon. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to see you again though so if it’s ok I’ll get in touch soon.”

    1. Ashley

      April 9, 2016 at 2:16 pm

      Hi again… I didnt explain it very well… We were already together and everything was ok but later i started to txt him a lot, which is my mistake, a few days later that is the message that he wrote… But i believe, he says that he want to take it easy by sayin ‘I enjoyed the time we spent together very much but I am not in the right headspace right now to see you again regularly as I don’t want things to get over serious too soon.That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to see you again though so if it’s ok I’ll get in touch soon.” … Seeing me means continue to meet me at my home and continue to make love and everything lol … So doesnt it mean that he is just scared about getting serious too soon, coz of my behaviour… ???????? Also i couldnt stop txting after all, i was being typical women in that state… But now he says he couldnt come to see me this week coz he had to go far away for a job and he will be at diffrent country for the next a few months, ohh i believe that he says it just because i couldnt stop with the txts and calls, but he doesnt tell me when will he go and he is not being very clear so im hoping he would still come to see me next week if i give him abit space and time… I told him that if he doesnt want me, i can simply move on, but when i ask him to say just yes or no, he doesnt say none, he reads my messages in the same second but now he doesnt response so maybe he is not sure, otherwise he would give a short answer when i asked him that should i move on.. so should i do the no contact rule and give him abit time?? Coz like i said, everything was ok before i went abit crazy… Im waiting for your response, thanx

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 3:39 pm

      If you’re still together try to takw it slow first instead of doing nc.. cut back in texting and let him text you first

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 2:25 am

      Hi Ashley

      that means he doesn’t want to get back with you and he sees that that’s what you want..

  17. Danielle

    April 7, 2016 at 1:36 am

    Hi. I and my ex have break up for 5 month. Since break up I keep begging him to come back. 2 month of begging I decide to start NC rule for 30 days, in this period my ex never call or text me. After 30 days I start to contact him, he told me that he want to be friend with me and I agree. We exchange texting (2 or 3 times a week, and I’m the person who start texting him). But most of the time I keep talk about the past which he don’t like or begging him back again. I love this guy a lot and I have feeling that he have not get over me yet and still love me because he was so emotional whenever he saw me. I don’t want to messy up again, so I decide to start 2nd times NC rule and in the 30 days, I have to work on myself (which he think i’m possessive that the reason he break up with me). I need your advise and will i’m too late for doing 2nd time NC rule after messy everything?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 9, 2016 at 2:22 am

      Hi Danielle,.

      I think it’s realky what you need..but don’t do it for it for you because once he doesn’t show the reactions you expect, you will end up being more clingy.. do it because true love is not needy.. the relationship is just an addition to you

  18. Kristen

    April 4, 2016 at 4:00 am

    Hi Chris and Amor,

    I could really use your help. My ex boyfriend and I broke up last fall. After trying everything and failing I did NC. Then I started to text him, it took a while but we finally met up and then we started hanging out regularly for two months. We weren’t back together but when we’re together we acted like a couple. I felt like we were seeing each other. My ex is sick and decided last month to move two hours away to be near family and for treatment. He’s going to be fine but he does have to take medication, etc. So I saw him last week, we hung out like usual and he kept saying how he wants me to visit him after he moves and of course I agreed. But then he moved this weekend and I sent him a text Saturday about good luck with moving… No response. Then I sent a text today wishing him a happy birthday… No response. I’m really confused and upset. I just saw him 3 days ago and we had a really nice time together, laughing and joking and everything was fine. And now it’s like he’s ghosting me or something? It’s not like him to not text back unless he’s mad at me/upset. What can I do to get him to talk to me again? I’m thinking I have to do NC for a little bit. How long? I’m so worried he has moved and completely cut me out of my life. If he is doing that he lied to my face last week when he said he wanted me to stay a part of his life. I’m at a loss. Please help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2016 at 2:21 pm

      Hi Kristen,

      Let’s wait for a week first if he still doesn’t text and then proceed nc

  19. Cortney

    April 2, 2016 at 9:05 pm

    This is a long jumbled story but here goes. I met and started dating my now ex in Oct 04. About a year and a half later he put me in a dangerous situation and I left but he stayed so I broke up with him. A few months later we were randomly on the same bus that ended up getting in an accident and we watched a man die on the side of the road. Needless to say we got back together and in January of 07 we moved into an apartment together. Everything was pretty smooth until last summer when while out driving with his mom her and I got in an argument and I was yelling at her. The boyfriend went days without talking to me then said he wouldn’t talk to me til I apologized to his mom. I knew I needed to apologize but wanted to do it on my terms not because he was forcing me to. Well he left to her house and although we were in contact I didn’t see him for 20 days when he randomly walked through the door. He didn’t come home to stay until a week later when I went on vacation and didn’t want to leave the place vacant. I came home and things were going great, I was going to counseling for communication issues. The ex eventually joined me for a few sessions too but then the holidays came up and life happened so we slipped and didn’t keep up with counseling.. Last month (February) was very stressful, we both got sick with the flu, he started a new school program, I tore tendons in my ankle, the list goes on. There then was a week or so where he started to tell these stupid lies and I kept catching him in them. So there were days where we were barely talking and I just got fed up and said you have to apologize so we can move on. He just shouted Im sorry what more do you want and walked out the door. Certainly not the apology I thought I deserved and not at all like the apology him and his mom got from me but whatever. He came home and went in the room, the door had always been unlocked the days previously when we weren’t talking so when I tried to go in there a few hours later to talk and found it locked I was confused and started knocking and when he didn’t answer and then started yelling at me I was furious! Why was he hiding from me then starting another fight when I thought we just got over the other issue and I was trying to forgive him and make up? So I pretty much blew up and he went to his moms again. A few days later he called and said he was coming to get his stuff… He never showed. A few more days later he came over said he was taking some things but never did because we ended up hanging out like it was a normal day so I ask are you coming home? His reply was I don’t know, Im thinking. This went on for a couple weeks where he was coming over, getting along and wouldn’t stay or give me an answer so we went to counseling where the counselor suggested I have an anger management issue, which now I totally realize, accept and Im trying to work on. At the next appointment the ex basically said he wants to be alone, always wanted to be alone in the first place and pretty much had the counselor break up with me for him after that but says he wants to be friends. So now his stuff is moved out, he isn’t alone because he is going between two crowded houses of his moms or uncles and Im searching for a roommate. Yesterday though he comes over and we are getting along fine and for the first time he showed actual emotion by starting to cry but again said he wants to be friends. This morning he texted me from work talking about what he had for breakfast but I didn’t answer because I want to start the no contact rules in hopes of reconciliation and getting back together eventually. Is there hope for us working out?? Any advice??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2016 at 7:48 am

      yes, start with no contact because it seems like yiu really need a fresh start each other

  20. Riri

    April 1, 2016 at 8:07 pm

    Hi I posted a comment last week and I would really like some help on my situation. I’ve noticed that all the other comments have been answered exactly a day afterwards so I would really appreciate it if my comment could be answered as well.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 3, 2016 at 2:51 am

      Hi Riri,

      Sorry for the late reply. I went on Holy week break so, just starting to catch up.. The other recent comments probably has previous comments too, so when filtered their latest comments were answered as well..
      anyways, that means you have to have your own life. To have balance. If he’s being cold or indifferent it depends on the situation. Maybe you’re just used to him being around and you have nothing else to be busy with so, you notice when it’s an off day for him and you get easily affected. But if you’re really busy and he’s still like that, don’t beg, observe and then talk about it. If he does not change, then either continue doing your own thing or just decide to move on. We can’t force somebody to change, if they change because of us, that is still their decision. So, have standards, so you know when enough is enough and others won’t take advantage of you and the right people will stay.

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