This guide will help you learn if you are making mistakes that will ruin your chances of getting your ex back.
The best part?
Once you understand what these mistakes are you can do everything in your power to avoid them and ultimately improve your odds of reconnecting with your ex.
(In other words, this is the ultimate guide on what NOT to do to get your ex back.)
So without further ado, let’s get started.
6 Mistakes That Can Ruin Your Chances Of Getting Your Ex Back
There are six things that I’d like to talk to you about today.
Now, before I get going on them I do want to say that there are definitely more than seven mistakes that I see people making but I don’t have the time or patience to list out the hundreds of small mistakes that I see some of my clients committing.
Instead, I’m just going to be listing the most popular or “committed” ones,
- Not Positioning Yourself Properly
- Trying To Get Them Back When The Time Isn’t Right
- Being Emotionally Unstable
- Failing To Understand Your Exes Self Interested Nature
- Having Sex With Your Ex
Allow me to explain.
Mistake #1: Being A GNAT
You are familiar with what a GNAT is, right?
And no, it’s not an annoying bug that buzzes around your head and makes you jump like this,
It’s one of my original acronyms designed to explain how you appear to someone if you are annoying the heck out of them when you text them.
This is my first video ever.
As you can see, the quality has improved over time. In it, I explain what a GNAT is.
There’s nothing more unappealing or annoying to someone than an unstable person over texting. You’re familiar with the people who send text messages like this when they don’t get a response right away,
This is a GNAT and it’s extremely annoying to whoever receives the message.
It also happens to be one of the biggest mistakes I see men and women committing when they try to get their ex back.
They get eager and overstep.
Mistake #2: Not Positioning Yourself Properly
Two things are required in almost every successful “get your ex back campaign,”
Without either you are dead in the water.
Let’s talk about positioning for a moment.
Over the past six and a half years I’d say I spend about 75% of my time refining my process for positioning.
Positioning is all about convincing your ex that they made a mistake without making it look forceful.
We aim to show and not tell.
So, after six and a half years here is what I’ve come up with from a positioning perspective,
This little graphic focuses on all the communication I’ve found to be effective with an ex both directly and indirectly.
I explain it to newbies like this.
Pretend you are climbing a ladder. In order to advance up the ladder each step matters. You can’t advance unless you complete each step.
For the record, most of the clients I work with do not take this approach.
Instead, they jump right to trying to meet up with their ex in person and that is a complete mistake.
Before you do something like that you have to position yourself properly.
Of course, positioning isn’t the only thing that is required to be successful with your ex.
Mistake #3: Trying To Get Your Ex Back When The Time Isn’t Right
Timing is just as important as positioning.
Consider for a moment a person who does everything perfect from a positioning perspective but tries to get an ex back when they aren’t ready.
Do you honestly think that is going to play well?
That person will probably fail to get their ex back.
So, while I have been working on positioning for about 75% of the time in the last six and a half years I’d say the last 25% is all about timing.
Here’s what I’ve come up with,
This is the entire process we teach to get an ex back.
It combines everything I know about timing and positioning.
Notice the insertion of the no contact rule.
That’s a strategy mostly informed by timing.
It’s getting your mind right and also getting your exes mind right.
Notice how the graphic won’t allow you to move on to the next level unless the one you are on has already been completed. I talked a little about this in the last section with the ladder.
This is done on purpose because it allows time to go by so that by the time you get to the end your ex is in the right frame of mind.
Now, I’m not going to get too caught up explaining the intricacies of the chart above. That’s what my best selling book is for. So, if you do want that detail make sure you pick it up.
Mistake #4: Being Emotionally Unstable
I am a fan of How I Met Your Mother.
I don’t know why but I find it hilarious and often a lot of the humor can teach us about human dynamics.
There is a scene in How I Met Your Mother where Barney Stinson is explaining something called the “Hot-Crazy Scale,”
The whole idea of this scale is illustrating what a person would have to do to overcome being emotionally unstable or as Barney Stinson so eloquently puts it, crazy.
Now, there are flaws with the idea of the “hot-crazy scale.” However, one thing it does get right is that no one really finds an emotionally unstable person very attractive.
Believe it or not but I actually illustrated this point with a personal story about someone I took on a date a few days ago in this video,
In the video, for those of you who are a little too lazy to watch I tell the story of a girl who had some pretty awful things happen to her which made her pretty emotionally unstable which I found as a major turn off.
In the end, it was very insensitive of me perhaps but it leads us to the next mistake I see people making.
Mistake #5: Failing To Understand The Self Interested Nature Of Your Ex
If you watched the video above and paid attention to the story I told I actually made a very interesting statement.
I tend to be selfish about my own relationships
In other words, I care about how the relationship makes me feel.
I’m not going to be in a relationship unless I’m going to get something out of it.
Hollywood will have you believe in true love.
And the fact that love will conquer all.
I call this the prince charming syndrome,
Human beings tend to be self interested in their relationship decisions.
Consider your break up with your ex.
I know the reasons for breakups can be complicated but if you boil it down to its simplest form you have one person telling another that they think they can do better.
That they can find someone else who will meet their needs better.
Most of the clients I work with seem to forget this fact.
As a result, they get burned when they fail to understand what their ex is looking for.
Because if it’s true that your ex left you because they think someone else can bring something else to the table that you can’t all you have to do is find out what that “something else” is and bring it in spades.
Mistake #6: Having Sex With Your Ex
How can I put this.
Since I’ve started Ex Boyfriend Recovery I have never seen a situation where having sex with an ex will improve your odds of getting your ex back.
Now, think about that for a moment.
To date, I have answered over 100,000 comments,
Which means I’ve seen a lot of situations.
Sex has never improved any of them until a new relationship was formed. Now, I understand the thinking.
You are thinking that if you have sex with your ex it’ll create all of these emotions and cause them to look at you in this new light.
Instead, here’s what ends up happening.
You have sex with your ex while you are broken up and they want to have sex again.
But they don’t want to commit.
Why would they want to do that?
Especially after you’ve already proven to them that it’s possible to have sex without the strings attached.
Most of the people I encounter who have sex with their ex end up in a friends with benefits situation and that is not where you want to be.