The Worst Nightmares During No Contact And How To Handle Them

476 thoughts on “Your Worst Nightmares During The No Contact Rule”

Erica

September 7, 2016 at 5:42 am

(P:2 of my comment)
Also, I feel I should add the money issue was me, not him. It actually wasn’t a big issue to me as I do have a a job but not good enough for me to please him as I would like to. And hard time seeing each other is mostly him as he works and stays busy more than me. I never complain and always appreciate time we do spend together but maybe I feel since I have said things I promised to do for me and it’s slowly but not being done still, that that might be why he doesn’t take me seriously… when I try super hard and stress on the things I have been trying to get done, but I don’t know how to prove to him(plus he has no social media). I want to know if there is a possibility he sees a future for us or if he has completely given up on me… My very good friend tells me to just talk to him and communicate but I don’t want to blow my chance when we both are hurt by each other’s words…

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 8:08 am

Hi Erica,

you said he has cut it off with you multiple times before, that can be the reason why he’s not contacting your now, because he’s used to taking a break.

Second, how little you make shouldn’t be an issue for him now because first, I’m assuming you’re both independent and you’re not actually working to support him. Second, you don’t have a child that you both need to support. So, money shouldn’t be an issue right now. Money shouldn’t be something to please your partner.

Even if he doesn’t have social media, you should still be active in social media because he might be checking that to see what you’re doing so make your posts public. I think you should do 30 days, and make the most of the remaining days to improve yourself and continue to do so even after nc.

he has to see that you’re not wallowing to what happened anymore.

Erica

September 7, 2016 at 4:26 am

Hi, there. I am 2 weeks in NC but it is getting tough. So I was with my bf(ex now) since the beginning of the year and he has been so amazing to me. He has told me from the start he is looking to settle down and have a serious relationship and so was I. The only problem was the small fights we would have and it would set him off and he would become so stubborn. (Fyi, we are over 6 years apart in age.) he has cut it off with me before a couple times over little things, then we would get back together like nothing happened. Our last fight( about money and him trying to see me more) he told me he was done trying to make me happy and see if I find a man who does half what he does. I got angry because I was upset that he thought I wasn’t happy with what he’s done for me and I tell him all the time. I am a very loving person and I told him he didn’t see my effort for what I do for him just for him to realize. After that I realized I was a bit angry and that I couldve said something a bit different to not cause the fight, so I just reassured him again how much I I appreciate him but said I guess he’s not ready for what I can give him. He hasn’t talked to me since and I’m worried he really is done with me. I’ve done NC on my other exs and it worked but i realized they weren’t what I wanted in a relationship, aka immature players. My ex right now is complete opposite. I guess that’s why I’m on this site… and I feel what if since he’s a little older and more mature that he does know how to handle things and move on when he says he is and just forget about me… I would very much appreciate any feedback. Thank you
Nina

September 6, 2016 at 3:17 pm

Hi. I dated my ex for almost 4 years. We lived together for 2.5 years. We both ended up moving to different towns and continued the relationship (only 30 minutes apart). After about 5 months of this he started dating a lady and totally ignored me. After a month he came running back. It was all good until I met a man at work and started seeing him. I didn’t completely ignore my ex but it was rocky. He begged me back and I pretty much gave him the silent treatment for a few weeks. The new guy broke up with me and the old ex and I started seeing each other but I insisted it be only as friends. Well that didn’t exactly happen. I did turn into a hermit and stay home to work on myself. We still met once in a while like 1 time every week or every two weeks. We always loved one another. But, I found out he started dating a lady and after 1 month he thinks he is in love! Her husband died from cancer one month prior to their dating. I was crushed and begged pleaded and cried. He told me he still loved me and was calling her to break up. She started begging and crying for him not to leave her and he got off the phone and was very upset. He asked me to leave and I did. I called him and he told me to leave him alone. He ran right to her and told her what had happened between us. (I know because she and I spoke). She did not care that he not only had ‘relations’ with me but that he admitted he still was not over me. He has changed his phone number and blocked me on Facebook. Do I have a chance with him at all? We had just talked about marriage and living together and he said he wanted to. He even asked curious questions such as if we got back together how would it be? He told me that if he stayed with this lady he never had to worry about her leaving. They work together too so this is like torture. I can’t eat or sleep. I have started the NC rule since that day. It has been 10 days. He usually cannot go very long without talking to me. But, he has never said he was in love with someone else. I am so scared he is gone for good.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 8:48 am

Hi Nina

be active. The nc wouldnt have that much effect if you dont improve yourself and have your own life. That’s very important. I think you have a chance but will all this back and forth, you need to complete the 30 days..

D A

September 6, 2016 at 6:32 am

EBR Team, help please.

My ex and I were together 4 years, very great relationship.. except for time of him needing a break because he felt as though he was not ready to entirely commit. When together though, things were very good. We broke up 4.5 months ago for that same reason, with him stating that he doesn’t want to half ass it and ruin it forever and wants to maybe get back together when he is ready, depending on our feelings at that time. From then until now we’ve made a lot of progress, some times he seems like he is almost ready to recommit and sometimes he backs away and will say he’s just not ready yet. But I know he is on tinder and almost positive he talks to other girls. But even the other day he said that he wished i was laying in bed with him because he misses that time with me, a few days later he says that he is worried about seeing me in private because if we are alone in a private intimate setting it could lead to some poor decisions because he doesn’t think he can control himself. I can admit throughout the break up sometimes i have gone overboard and smothered him by trying to hurry things along, but most of the time i think i have held myself appropriately. I am just worried that he will move on from me, and I am also worried that I am being strung along as a back up plan incase he doesn’t find anyone else.

I am working on becoming a kind of ungettable girl by trying to lose weight (I have always been approx. 40lbs overweight) and being really confident which i never really was.

Do you think this will help? And what do I do from here to get him past the hot and cold phase to him really wanting to win me back?

D A

September 7, 2016 at 6:23 pm

Thank you amor, you’re right. How do I go about this though?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 8, 2016 at 3:05 pm

You’re welcome! Do 45 days of nc.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 7, 2016 at 6:32 am

Hi DA,

that’s good..but for me, the key is not chase, not ask. He’s keeping you waiting because you’re there willing to wait.. Once he feels you’re moving on and being amazing, there’s a higher probability that he will think,

“Oh no I’m losing her because she got tired of me. If I dont prove to her that I’m serious now, she’ll move on.”

Mary

September 5, 2016 at 2:40 am

When my ex and I met he had a few sugar mommas and played around a lot. We would meet up 2xs a week for about 3months have fun then go our separate ways. One day he told me he wanted to be my bf. I said oh no I’m the jealous type and you are not ready to be with just one girl. A couple weeks went by and he asked me to marry him. (He’s already married in a diff. Country to get his green card). He begged to live with me. Finally, situations happened and we found a place together and ended up moving in. We had amazing times and down times. During our down times he would call other girls no 2xs. To talk about why he was mad at me. Our good times were amazing, everyone envyed us and complimented us everywhere. We were happy and smiling no matter where we went. He was in love with me and I was in love with him. After 4months of living together he wanted kids. He wanted a family. He didn’t work, I was the only one working and my job was not the best. Made him jealous all the time. He started to see me as someone bad because of my job. At the same time some other girl kept telling him terrible things and how he fell in love with the wrong person. Our amazing relationship came crashing down.. He kept running to her for a night when he was mad at me and she was in his ear talking bad things about me. Finally, After 1yr & 4months he broke up with me saying he didn’t love me anymore, he needed a women and that girl could give him what he needed. Oh also, he said I was the very first person he ever really loved and wanted a family with. I think I lost him to the other girl.

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 8:47 am

Hi Mary,

is he still unemployed and now living with her? when was the last time you talked and the last time you attempted to?

raisa

September 4, 2016 at 6:25 pm

I just started NC (again) on Friday. I keep restarting the NC but he is the one who keeps contacting me but in a negative way (causing fights) so I needed to stand up for myself. Should I go longer than 30 days because we’ve been broken up since July 19?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 6:01 am

Hi Raisa

the more you do it, the less the effect.. Dont engage in a fight. Ignore it. You’re just going to make your chances less and less with more fights you have with him.. I think you need to do 45 days.

Marina

September 4, 2016 at 5:13 pm

Hi there,

I am on 30 days of NC. My boyfriend and I broke up because he cheated on me with a married girl. I found out, and after that he said that he doesn’t know how our relationship will be for now and also he said that he doesn’t see a future with me anymore. I never cried in front of him, I was very serious and I told him “ok, if this is all you want, that’s fine. I can not push you to be with me”. He asked me if he can call me from time to time and I told him to NOT call me because we don’t have anything to discuss, only if he will need my help. We hugged each other, like a final breakup and I was wishing him good luck.
After that I started NC rule. After 5 day of NC he texted me on Facebook a link about cancer (my mom has cancer). I did not respond, I only “seen” his text. And that was all. He did not send me any text or something.
Question: why do you think he did not say anything? Maybe because he is ashamed because he cheated on me? I mean…. Do you think I will have any chance to be together with him?

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 5, 2016 at 4:35 pm

HI Marina,

maybe he is ashamed. I think you do have a chance. I think you handled the break up well and you conveyed your standards well. Now, you need to be active in improving yourself and in social media. Make him regret leaving you by being your best self and being happy.

Evonne

September 4, 2016 at 3:14 pm

Hey Amor,
Great read! I was wondering if it’s too late to start doing NC if we broke up 4 months ago and have been talking on and off since then (at least 3-4 times a week, he initiates most of the time). Reason being he wanted to be friends (no sex, just texting). Lately I admitted he’s been seeing another girl (they have some kind of misunderstanding and at that point it wasn’t working out, I don’t know if they worked on it or not) and it just devastate me that he has moved on. Would doing NC helps since I didn’t start it the right way and it’s been 4 months? Also, what if he agrees and leave me alone and continue seeing the new girl?

Evonne

September 4, 2016 at 3:19 pm

Also, is it possible he really just wants to be friends and the NC wouldn’t have made any difference since he won’t miss me?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 5, 2016 at 3:30 pm

HI Evonne,

Thank you! I think you’re already friendzoned. We can’t guarantee that the nc will work but what you actually need to do is to get out of the friendzone. You need to attract him again.
These articles will help more on that matter:
EBR 012: HOW TO GET OUT OF THE “FRIEND ZONE” WITH YOUR EX BOYFRIEND
WHAT TO DO IF YOUR EX BOYFRIEND JUST WANTS TO BE FRIENDS

Uncertain Girl

September 4, 2016 at 1:48 am

So, I have commented in a previous article (you answered me a few days ago, actually, Amor (: ), and told me to do the 45 day No Contact (which I am doing, I’m on day 8). However, the portion on here about not implementing the No Contact Rule correctly, has struck a chord. For about 3-ish weeks we went back and forth. In my defense, I’d never actually tried to get an ex back and wasn’t very familiar with the No Contact Rule until AFTER I had made numerous mistakes. I tried to convince him to take me back, begged some, was a complete mess… He seemed to be very conflicted about the breakup, actually. A week after he even considered getting back with me. For the following weeks he showed interest in wanting me again, then would switch and be unsure or not at all. He referred to me as his girlfriend to a teacher during a class trip. He told me he loved me a couple times, implied wanting a relationship again before long (he said he was just too busy with high school right now and wanted to focus and do well, didn’t want to deal with something complicated like LDR (as we were in a long distance one), was a mess, things like that). He’s 17, and it seemed like he’s not sure of what he wants. Finally a few days before I learned and implemented the No Contact Rule, he was trying to stop talking to me completely. “I like you way more than you like me”, he said. Of course, I reacted badly. He followed up with trying to be friendly with me and keep things normal…for a couple days. Then I started the NC. As I said in my prior comment, around the time I started ignoring him, he met someone else and told a good friend of his he liked her and was moving on. It screams rebound to me, not to mention she would also be an LDR. Not sure if they’re in an actual relationship yet, but the implication lies there. This friend also told me he thinks it’s over between my ex and I to my ex, that my ignoring my ex hasn’t helped things, etc… I am wondering if because we were technically at a, “things are okay between us” point, if that was a bad idea to start the NC. And mostly, if I should continue NC still at all. I imagine I should, but wanted to see to be sure.

Uncertain Girl

October 5, 2016 at 6:53 pm

I am officially one of your success stories! Ha ha.

I ended up breaking the No Contact rule at 25 days (was originally just going to at 30 and breaking it early over 45, however after he reached out to me positively, again, I decided to follow my gut and break it. (: He publicly posted on Twitter that he was extremely proud of me and that I had “gotten to where he wanted me to be”). Which, I know I was breaking the rules, however, it ended up turning out well. Also! I only did it after I had the “Rule of 4” – including the “Golden Rule”. This isn’t something I think would always be a good idea to do, however – I think you have to be absolutely sure early No Contact breaking is going to go positively. Honestly, it was scary. I was worried that, no matter how sure I was it was going to go alright, that I would metaphorically shoot myself in the foot. But that’s also why I did it. I’m an avid believe of doing what scares me because it helps me grow. Anywho! First contact went really well. He was very eager, and throughout about a week of texting gave me loooooots of hints (one major being a secret way of saying “I love you” in a status”, which he later confirmed was for me like I thought it was). He told me later he had tried to get my attention for over half a month (apparently his reaching out to me was because he wanted me back) but I ignored him, so he felt like it was my turn to say something. And he noticed my hinting too, said as much. I think I probably did bad at the texting him, honestly. Ha ha. I can be too honest sometimes and I was bad at hiding my interest – but again, it worked in my favor. I think I did acceptably with the whole “Tide Theory” and keeping the messages to a small amount, but staying in control of the conversation I struggled with, as well as keeping my interest modest. But even though I had mess ups, we’re back together! I was actually to the point of moving on. His mixed signals were frustrating me, and on one hand I thought he might actually want me back, but there was that uncertainty. What if he didn’t? And I was concerned I was just falling flat on my face with everything. Two of my friends and close confidants encouraged me to be direct. I finally decided to, but made the decision that if it went badly, I would away and move on. I set my expectations to 0, so that anything more was a good outcome, and was honestly prepared for the worst. I thought it would happen. I messaged him Sunday night, telling him my feelings, and I had…best outcome possible. He told me he had been waiting for me to get up the courage to say something again. He had deliberately been provocative, and he knew I noticed so he didn’t know why I didn’t say anything. I told him that I was afraid of rejection, and it was also because I have to work up a lot of courage to be direct – which he knows, he says. And he told me he noticed me being provocative too. We talked, had some playful, flirty, and affectionate banter, and we got back together. The very next day one of our friends told me he’d already implied we were back together, and that it was cool to see him happy. He’s being nicer to everyone (he seemed to have been less than lately), and is happy. We both are. Mini honeymoon period!

I am not sure what happened with the other girl, and I’m not going to ask, I think, just because I want our fresh start to have as few of our previous issues as possible. But I will say I noticed his interest in her lasted about a little over a week and then, she just kind of stopped being talked about and left our group chat and what not. My friend thinks that maybe my boyfriend realized how crappy he was being to me. Who knows! I’ll let sleeping dogs lie.

But yes! NC worked! It is definitely the most effective method of getting an ex back. I’ve dated only one other ex and that was after years, and more complicated (and we broke up after a month. That whole, best friends for years, and dating, rarely working out thing). But this is new territory for me! It’s exciting, and new, but in a good way. I’m not going to make the same mistakes, I will continue becoming best me, and I think we’re both just, really happy. I intend to see the relationship to become better than the last, definitely! So thank you, EBR! I know I couldn’t have done this without you. (=
EBR Team Member: Amor

October 7, 2016 at 3:42 pm

That’s good to know! Thank you so much for sharing! 🙂
Uncertain Girl

September 13, 2016 at 11:41 pm

Adding: Later, I suppose when he realized I wasn’t going to respond, he Tweeted, “when you wanna talk to someone for ONCE and then get ignored” and “done”, as if he’s ‘done’. I, of course, am still in NC so didn’t respond (I’m on day 18/45), and besides, responding after that would be like rewarding a child after a tantrum, I think… Well, then, a few hours later, he Tweeted again, saying he was the guy in this song… The song is basically about an ex that calls his former girlfriend sometime after the breakup, “And the guilt he’ll say is killing him, He’s wilted in the middle and he knows how bad he acted, Knows he can’t have you back, But the fact is he can’t be happy when you’re angry, And you’re so angry, he says you stayed so mad” (quoting the lyrics), and “He’s been working real hard, he’s trying to make a new start, An honest to God fresh beginning, So maybe you could try to finally find it in your heart to forgive him”. Not entirely sure how I should take the song (there’s more to the lyrics, obviously, but that’s what stuck out to me, as it’s the ‘guy’s part and that’s what he said he was), and as you know, it’s a song, so it could be taken many ways. But I know it’s relevant. He likes to communicate somewhat through music, and although I’m not sure how to interpret the song, I figured it was still information, so yeah! Progress, I guess? It shows he’s thinking of me. (:
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 14, 2016 at 3:27 pm

It is progress.. stay strong girl…. but of course, if he says he wants you back, I mean directly, that’s different
Uncertain Girl

September 12, 2016 at 11:51 pm

So! A little update. I have been utilizing the “Psyche Play” on my Twitter, and I do believe it’s made some progress. Yesterday he actually said something to me via Twitter, which that surprised me already, as I wasn’t sure he would contact me during NC. He said, “Looks like you finally got the point”, in response to my positive posts (to summarize, I posted about how I have and have had wonderful people in my life, how I have a wonderful life in and of itself, and am too a precious person, and that I recognize that now, and also that I intend to hold onto this joy I have chosen to keep). I, of course, did not reply to him. However, later… He actually messaged me, about lyrics I had posted on my Twitter page. It was from an artist he had introduced me to, and he messaged me saying, “Either you’ve scrolled way up are chat log or have randomly been listening to them”. I did not reply. Now today he has messaged me with, adding, “Also, it’d be cool if you replied, because reasons and see it as a birthday present”. His birthday was a few days ago and I didn’t tell him happy birthday, soooo. That is where we are at. I haven’t responded to his messages.
Uncertain Girl

September 5, 2016 at 8:45 pm

(: Exactly what I thought too. If my being near wasn’t changing anything, I figured NC was worth a shot. My ex didn’t like it when I was upset with him. He’s actually vulnerable to my being angry and sad. It gets to him. I think the NC will also do a lot of good for us both in terms of healing too. Breakups are painful and we hurt each other. And I’m already seeing positive effects in myself after only just 10 days. It’s really wonderful for the self-improving aspect. I’m my first and longest commitment – I should treat myself accordingly. I’m worth it!

And I think I’ll like the psyche play too. Definitely utilizing it. Thank you for the feedback, Amor! I’ll try and update again in the future, with what turn of events come, and how everything turns out.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 5:34 pm

Thank you too! 🙂
Uncertain Girl

September 4, 2016 at 6:00 pm

(Apologies for the procession of comments – ha ha, figured I’d update this new turn of events.)

I checked his Twitter last night and his recent Tweets were no doubt because he read my Twitter. We don’t follow each other, however I check his now and then, and I know for fact he checks mine (both because of some of his tweets, as well as because he said and I quote, “I still check up on you because I care”). Anyway, checking up on his Twitter there were Tweets such as, some on wanting to forget some memories but knowing he shouldn’t, “Made decisions, gotta stay up for them”. however, also… “Really glad that having me leave makes things turn out better though”, and, “Ugh, why do people have to be so awfully cheerful at such awful times”. At least I know he’s thinking about me! Success in that department. Also, I wonder if this could possibly imply he misses me and regrets things a little. I’m completely committed to the NC (I’m doing well! Lots of self-improvement, as I said, and I’ve been taking notes and outlining a game plan as I devour the information on this site), and am willingly continuing it. Though I won’t deny his thinking I’m better off without him does worry me a touch, in context of him moving on and losing interest. But at the same time this means the NC is getting results, I think? Anyway! Wanted to update and see if any insight or more advice was given to all three of my comments. Ha ha.

(: Thank you again for all the help!
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 11:24 pm

Hi Uncertain Girl,

I understand. It’s that thought that he was starting to make things normal for a couple days. He was talking to you and then the friend says your no contact worsen the situation.

More likely, in the mind of your common friend, he can see that you ex still has feelings for you and he’s just conflicted and the solution to that confusion is that you stick it out until he realizes your worth or your effort would make him stay..

But would it really make him stay when you’ve already done everything you can? You said, you reacted badly to what he said and then he started to keep normal between you right?

So, that means, that reaction of yours made him think, “Uh oh, she’s angry. I don’t like her angry because it makes me feel I did something bad.” And so he tries to make things normal.

Honestly, after that, there’s a higher probably of him friendzoning you than getting back with you because he’s been back and forth for weeks at that time.

He’s not going to realize of your value if you kept being present after what he did and what he said.

Do you have to be angry always, for him to make things more normal or to maintain a friendship with you?

I know you’re worrying, try to use the psyche play that was mentioned above. I think you’re going to like that.
Uncertain Girl

September 4, 2016 at 2:20 am

Should also restate – my bad for forgetting in the first comment – that he is 17, I’m 20. We dated for about a month, but during the last couple weeks hit a decline. I was super negative, we stopped spending time together regularly, stopped communicating well… Then the breakup and the explanation above. Even though we started be cordial, I never once stated we could be friends. We were friendly but, it should have been clear to him I was still very much desiring a relationship. I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing, my initiating NC with us acting friendly, however him being well-aware of my feelings for him and still wanting something.

I started the NC by flat out ignoring him, not saying I needed space; not saying ANYTHING… His friend heard from him (which said friend told me) my ex couldn’t handle my negativity. “It’s too much”. I was pretty negative and dealing with anxiety and I think I took from him emotionally too much. And I recognize that, and have been correcting it. For the first time in months I’ve been positive and cheerful for a week straight. I’ve been hanging with a girl friend, got new clothes, been exercising, immersing myself in hobbies…and even my friends and family have noticed my steady change, in just a week. I feel emotionally healthier. I’m way more positive and cheerful than I have been in so long and it’s been so awesome. Even if I don’t get back with my ex, I know this whole ordeal has helped shape me for the better – because it led me here. I have just been devouring the content and applying the knowledge to my understanding, finding ways to implement it, and even no matter what happens, I know my future relationships will be impacted for the better. The content fascinates me. It’s been enlightening to learn about the male mind, and relationships, and I’ve garnered so much knowledge, and just-

Aha, yeah. Basically, with all this in mind, I just want to verify that I should still continue the 45 No Contact, as I imagine I should. I’m totally go for it, just want to make sure I’m doing the right thing.

Gwen

September 3, 2016 at 5:56 pm

Hi Amor
I have a question about the “psyche play”. Would it be ok if I post quotes (I mean after NC too or is it a very big difference?) or if I give likes to those quotes knowing that he is going to see them, on facebook, pinterest, insta., etc that say things like “they didn’t have a happy ending but it was worth it because of all the good moments they had” (that’s a pic I found it’s a translation to English I don’t know if it’s ok) but those kind of quotes are going to make him think I am needy or will it be a possitive thing that will keep “the spark” alive??

Gwen

September 10, 2016 at 1:51 pm

Yes that was my question! thank you Amor!! 🙂
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 12, 2016 at 7:39 am

You’re welcome!
Gwen

September 9, 2016 at 5:49 pm

Ok Amor thank u so much
One more question please is it alright if I mention him on pinterest or facebook?? I mean on random posts not romantic ones or would that be like text gnating?? For example if I am in the “funny text” part of the plan where I am just supposed to write 4 text but appart of those 4 text I mention him on pinterest would I be breaking the plan?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 10, 2016 at 1:01 pm

no worries! Just ask away..wait, I don’t understand. You said, when in the funny text part of the plan, that means that’s after nc, so that means that’s not breaking nc anymore. In the texting phase, it’s ok to mention him in posts too.
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 6:44 pm

Hi Gwen,
that’s a good one.. I dont think it will make you look needy because it avknowledged that the relationship ended..so, go for it! like or post it after nc 🙂

Lyndi

September 3, 2016 at 3:00 pm

Making it as short as possible… LDR for three months plus, BF broke up with me last month because of a few uncontrollable problems struck him (mainly about his career) and caused him to be unable to fulfill his promises to me (our promised end date for LDR). He was too stressed out and felt like he doesn’t deserve me… I knew it was a rash decision as we both love each other very much. We didn’t have any problems or arguments… The only problem was the distance. We talked every single day and felt so difficult that we couldn’t touch each other physically… Anyway, I cried and begged him on the first two days, he didn’t want to talk as he was really depressed and couldn’t face me. I found this website and immediately went complete NC for 30 days. He deleted me on FB, but I’m still able to stalk his other social media…and from there I can tell how upset he is and he still can’t let go of me. So after 30 days, I popped him a message, similar to those shared by Chris… His response was quick and super apologetic. I kept telling him I’ve forgiven him and I’m all good blabla.. Smiley faces. He’s still blaming himself and say things like he doesn’t deserve but God is having mercy on him that we can still be friends at least. So…. I’m not sure how should I respond now…how long should I keep him waiting…? I went up and down during the nc period. I must say, I have improved myself in a lot of aspects during this time, but I do still miss him very much! I don’t expect us to be back together soon, but…. I would be lying to say I don’t wish we will get back together. Can’t stop thinking about him since day one 🙁

EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 4:29 pm

Hi Lyndi,

at least I know you wouldnt rush things. How long will he still be far away?

Therese Lopez

September 3, 2016 at 10:50 am

Hello Amor

I want to share with you the relationship I had with my ex. My ex and I met in a dating app and we’re together after a month of texting our relationship lasted for 14 months and we plan to meet this year but I broke up with him on my birthday last May. I ended my relationship with him because I feel that I was too choke up by him being too jealous and suspicious I can’t blame him doing that since our set up is quite unconventional and I also did something that made him mad but I already apologized him about it. I lived in the Philippines and he lives in the US. Btw I’m already employed as a nurse and he’s a computer science graduate. So after I broke up with him last May, he told me he don’t want to break up and say sorry but I initiate no contact with him for a month and started to contact with him last June, we did talk but things didn’t turned out well so I decided to gave him time again and last July I did contact him again I told him that I still love him and wants us to be together but he seemed to be aloof with me, so I decided to tell him that I would stop loving him, forget him and will not contact him since I felt that it was a one sided love. He told me that even if I’m already in a next relationship he will still care for me and help me the best thing he could. I decided not to reply on his text but last August I don’t know if that was fate but I saw his name tagged by a woman in a Facebook page. I was so scared that time my heart was beating fast for the first time my instinct told me that it was his new girl. I called him immediately gladly he pick up. I ask her about the girl (Btw the girl also live here in the Philippines and a Filipino) he told me they’re only friends and there’s no relationship going on but yes they also talk over the phone and do Skype. I asked him if he already liked the girl he told me there was something with her that catches his interest. Upon hearing this, all I did was begged him to stay, I cried he also cried, I told him I love him he told me he still loves me but when I say I love you he won’t respond. I did message the girl on Facebook telling her to stop talking to my ex because were reconciling things but I didn’t received any reply from her instead she blocked me and passed my message directly to my ex and he apologized to her on my behalf. My ex asked me why I kept doing this things just now he told me maybe I keep doing it because I already knew he was talking to that girl, I told him no I was away for some time because we need both ourselves to think and cool down. After 2 days of consistently putting down my pride, begging him, nonstop crying I decided to just stop to contact him. I was already on a point that I pity myself I noticed the more I beg the more he keep himself away from me acting too rude. A day after me implementing no contact with him, he sent me a message saying sorry for his actions and told me that we need to talk about the problem. He called 3 days after my no contact with him. I did picked up the call telling myself that if this is the time he will tell me to stop chasing him, if he will tell me to just let them both be happy, I will just let him so that I could move forward and at last we’ll have a closure. But to my surprise my ex just ask me situational questions like “If ever given a chance I’ll achieve a goal that I really wanted what will I do to sustain about it”, “for me what is confidence”, “if there are any chances I encounter problem in my workplace and what did I do to solve the problem”. It was really an odd conversation, I did answer his questions and he was the first one who dropped the call telling me he will call back. The call lasted for an hour and 4 days have passed by up until now he didn’t call back I was also firm on my decision about the no contact rule because I want him back badly even though we have a lot of differences I already learn how to work on it, embrace it and accept it. I would like to ask if what was probably in his mind after our last conversation? and should I still pursue the no contact rule? I was so tempted to call him back I noticed he’s always online on Facebook and on Skype (Btw me and my ex are still friends on Facebook) I just discover today that my ex and that girl was following both on Instagram. In my heart and my strong gut feeling I know both of them are still talking. By the way during the no contact rule, I engaged myself to go to the gym for 2 hours. I want to be healthy and be the best version of myself during this time period.

Thanks Amor hoping a feedback from you

Therese Lopez

September 5, 2016 at 1:44 pm

Hello Amor,

For update my ex sent me a message on whatsapp last Sept 4 (5 days since we last talk) asking how am I doing, he told me he wasn’t able to call me back after the last call because of his busy work schedule and he noticed that there’s something change in me the way we last talk (Actually I was reading exboyfriendrecovery that time and Chris was telling to just stay calm during phone calls and never demand). I didn’t make any response just yet up until now with his message since I’m still on the process of my 30 day no contact rule. I noticed that he also hit the like button in every facebook post I make. I am really glad I look into this site asap, I know this is a good sign. I still go the gym everyday and I feel so good about myself now I feel like I’m a better person already.

Thanks a lot Amor and yes I’ll take your advice for the 45 day no contact rule. More power on your site
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 6, 2016 at 1:46 pm

That’s good Therese! Keep it up! We’re happy for you
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 3:51 pm

Hi Therese,

It’s hard to read on it but it looks like he just needed an opinion to a problem.. We’re not sure if you’re the only one that he asked about it.

You had a good start with nc and although we cant guarantee that it will work, I still recommend you do it because it can increase your chances.

You have to restart the count though. Start with the day after that talk.. continue your improvements and do 45 days because you begged him and be active in social media

J

September 3, 2016 at 7:41 am

Amor!!
This was so great! And with perfect timing too. U know I’ve been getting anxious about all of this lately going into my final leg of NC and this kind of helped a little. THE FAIRY HAS SPRINKLED HER DUST ONCE AGAIN! 😀

J

September 3, 2016 at 7:55 am

One question tho. What do we do if our ex says he misses us when we start talking after NC? Like do we say it back or do we kind of play it off?
EBR Team Member: Amor

September 4, 2016 at 10:19 am

lol!!

both.. you can say it and use it to your adavantage..like saying “Aww thank you.. I missed you too! Let’s catch up doing something one of these days!”

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