Today we are going to talk about if your ex regrets breaking up with you.
It’s pretty obvious that breakups in general are hard. Often most of my personal coaching clients are left reeling and confused.
Often they’ll have the following thoughts.
“Does he regret leaving me?”
“Does he even feel bad for hurting me?”
If it makes you feel a little better, everyone going through a breakup has these exact same thoughts.
In this article I’m going to explore the idea of breakups and regret in a way that I’m not seeing anyone attempt.
I’ll be tackling questions like,
- Is Regret After A Breakup Normal
- Are There Signs That An Ex Will Exhibit If They Regret Their Decision?
- How Often Do Dumpers Actually Regret Leaving?
- What Exactly Is Going Through A Dumpers Mind When They Do Regret Leaving A Relationship?
- Steps You Can Actually Take To Make An Ex Regret Breaking Up With You
Let’s begin.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIs Regret After A Breakup Normal?
So I have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is that regret after a breakup is completely normal.
Often when faced with an emotional situation like a breakup human beings have this tendency to romanticize the past.
I’ve often spoke about the idea of the “peak end rule.”
Essentially it’s a framework that shows how human beings process information.
Take a look at this chart.
You’ll notice immediately that there are two distinct points in which human beings remember most when forced to think back on a memory.
- The peak, which is the most exciting part of the experience.
- And the end, the actual end of the experience.
After a breakup these two points are put under a lot of stress.
Exes who tend to romanticize the past tend to think back fondly on the peaks of their relationships.
They’ll remember those amazing times together and often that romanticization can lead to regret.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizOf course, I started this section by explaining that I had good news and bad news.
The good news was that yes, regret is completely normal after a breakup.
The bad news is that sometimes you’ll never get confirmation if an ex is regretting their decision to break up with you.
This is why I’d like to dive into the rabbit hole even deeper and discuss some of the signs that me and my team have noticed exes express when they regret their decision to break up with you.
Signs That An Ex Regrets Their Decision To Break Up With You
I’ve actually talked a lot about this concept on Ex Boyfriend Recovery before.
I’ve recorded a few podcasts on the subject.
And even was lucky enough to film an entire video dissecting some of the signs that an ex regrets breaking up with you.
But one thing you’ll learn about me is that I am never satisfied. I am constantly taking my theories and trying to disprove them.
My thinking is that the more I do this the more I’ll be able to find the universal truth about a specific subject and provide you with better breakup advice.
So, what has years of internal research yielded when it comes to signs that an ex regrets their decision to break up with you?
In all my team and I have identified 4 signs signs that your ex is having a hard time with the breakup.
- Unfollow/Unfriend
- Deleting Pictures Together But Leaving One Untouched
- Being Quick To Anger
- Obsessive Thoughts And Cravings
I’d like to take a moment to dissect each of these signs.
Let’s start from the top.
Sign #1: They Unfollow Or Unfriend You
Initially this may seem like an odd sign to include but if you really think about it, it does make sense.
I’ve been on record many times stating that human beings tend to react one of two ways after a breakup.
Fight or Flight
Essentially they’ll either run away from the problem or they’ll fight the problem.
That’s what will happen here.
Sometimes an ex who regrets his decision to break up with you will avoid you at all costs.
And all costs includes things like unfriending you or unfollowing you on Facebook.
Why?
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizSimple, they don’t want to be reminded of anything you are up to because it causes them extreme pain.
Sign #2: Deleting All Your Pictures Together But Leaving One Untouched
This may seem like an odd sign to include as well. However, I don’t want you to think of it like that.
I recently filmed a video on the signs your ex is pretending to be over you.
What is interesting about it is that this was one of the signs we noticed exes will exhibit.
Essentially they’l delete all of your pictures together except leave one untouched.
But why?
Well, my theory is that they are trying to get a reaction out of you. They want to see you struggle because it’s a way for them to check and see if you still care.
They want you to react.
Because if you do then it tells them that you still care about the relationship as much as they do.
Sign #3: Being Quick To Anger
Have you ever seen one of those pendulums that swing from one side to the other?
Emotions kind of act in a similar way after a breakup.
I often call this phenomenon the “pendulum swing effect.”
One minute your ex may seem cold and the next the pendulum will swing to hot.
This essentially means they say or do something that makes you think they are interested.
A few days go by and then they jump to being cold.
That means they are quick to anger or just completely fall off the map.
So, what can this hot and cold pendulum swing tell us?
Well, all it will tell us is that your ex is having a hard time processing the emotions that typically come along with a breakup.
Sign #4: Obsessive Thoughts And Cravings
I’m going to touch on this concept a bit later in this article but one of the biggest signs that an ex is regretting their decision to break up with you is if they think about you more than normal.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizNow, I can hear the naysayers out there saying things like,
“Chris, how in the world can we tell what’s going on in our exes heads?”
Put simply, you can’t.
But you can pay attention to their actions. Generally I used to tell my clients to pay attention to what an ex will say when you talk to them.
However, experience has taught me that what an ex says and what an ex does don’t always match up.
I always advise my clients to pay attention to what an ex is doing.
Their actions will tell you what they really think.
So, how can you tell if they are having obsessive thoughts and cravings about you?
Well, how often are they texting you?
Are they trying to see you in person?
These are direct actions that tell us that they are obsessing over you to the point where they have to talk to you or see you.
A very good sign indeed.
But How Often Do Dumpers Actually Regret Leaving?
Regret is a funny thing.
Recently I filmed a video on regret. Specifically how to make an ex regret his decision to break up with you.
Now, normally when I film these videos I jot down a few things that I’d like to cover and just talk organically about them.
The question when I planned out that video that I wanted to answer was,
“What are the things that people regret at the end of their lives?”
Once I went down that rabbit hole that was it.
I couldn’t stop researching and surfaced one of the most fascinating insights about the human psyche that I think I’ve ever encountered.
The biggest regrets human beings have at the end of their lives have to do with not fulfilling their ideal selves.
In other words, it all has to do with opportunities they missed.
How does that connect to a dumper regretting his decision to break up with you?
Well, when he leaves you does he feel like he is missing an opportunity?
Probably not.
In fact, I think an argument can be made that he is leaving you because he feels like being with you would cause him to miss other opportunities with other women.
Don’t take offense to that.
Men are like all human beings, very self interested.
Also, that’s not to say that you can’t make him regret his decision.
From The Mouths Of Babes… Three Men Who Regret Their Decisions To Break Up
Many of you probably don’t realize this but I actually own two of the largest breakup websites on the internet.
This website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is for women who are going through breakups.
My other websites, Ex Girlfriend Recovery is for men going through breakups.
In other words, I have an entire audience of men who are going through breakups and many of them are regretting their decision to actually break up with their girlfriends.
In preparation for this article I compiled three of the best “regret” comments I got from them.
For those wondering there were two prerequisites for me to choose a comment.
- They had to admit they regretted the decision
- They had to be the ones to break up with their exes
I want you to pay attention to some of the common themes at play which I’ll talk about after I get through each of these comments.
Man #1: Cole
“I just broke up with ex-girlfriend a couple days ago. She was falling for me and I believed we lost a connection…that was until she walked out. We dated for two months.
I instantly felt regret when I knew she wouldn’t come back.”
What I find interesting about Cole admitting his regret was that he felt they lost a connection but really didn’t feel regret until she walked out.
Let’s take note of that for later.
Man #2: Will
“Hello, I broke up with ex six months ago. The relationship was great for the first two and a half years but the last few months were full of fighting mostly because she felt like I wasn’t ready to take the relationship to the next level. She is 37 years old with two kids in elementary school. Maybe taking on the responsibility of being a parent played into my decision. I broke it off, moved out and proceeded to travel and teach overseas for a few months. After a two month nc I reached out and poured my heart out explaining that after time for soul searching I realized that I am ready for marriage and to be a step dad. She was obviously still angry and was not interested in me coming back to her. We met through work and now we are back to working together. She has a new bf that she is half moved in with but their relationship has been volatile to say the least. We have worked together for six weeks and there are still hurt feelings on both sides. I will work with her for the next five months before I make the decision to leave the US without her or stay with her. How should I approach getting her back thanks”
So, he broke up with his ex six months ago, took some soul searching time and determined that he wanted her back.
Here’s the problem.
She already moved on and got a new boyfriend.
He regrets his decision clearly and I feel like he started regretting when he had that soul searching time.
Again, let’s take a note of that.
Man #3: Jonas
“I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago. And I already regret it. The worst thing is that we study in the same school and in the same class. It would be much easier to me to not see her almost every day. I broke up with her because I wanted to get better at myself, I tried to explain it to her, but hopeless. She thinks that I broke up with her beacuse I’m tired of her or something. Is there anything that I can do?”
So, Jonas here broke up with his girlfriend and immediately regretted it.
But why?
I think it has to do with how quickly he has to see her after the breakup.
But it probably goes deeper.
It probably also has to do with the fact that she isn’t agonizing over the breakup.
Interesting.
What Can We Learn From These Three Men And Their Regret?
There were three big takeaways I took from this little study.
- One man instantly felt regret when he felt he lost his girl forever.
- Another one needed time before he started realizing his mistake.
- The third man grew upset when he saw how his ex wasn’t as upset as he thought she would be.
What do these three things tell us about some of the triggers of regret?
Well, more than anything I think they show us that they all have a connection to that “missed opportunity.”
With Cole (man one) it was all about when he had to confront the fact that he may have lost his ex forever.
With Will (man two) he felt regret when he had time to reflect on what he had really lost.
Finally with Jonas (man three) it was having to see his ex every day that probably reinforced his realization that he could have been having fun with her when he wasn’t.
Another missed opportunity.
Remember this, missed opportunities are key.
Three Steps You Can Take To Make Him Regret Breakup Up With You
Thus far we’ve really tapped into the psychology of regret.
Do men regret the breakup?
What has to align for them to regret it?
But one thing that we haven’t really talked about are specific steps that you can take to make an ex regret breaking up with you. Overall there are three main strategies that we see work the best.
- Completing No Contact
- Focusing On Self Improvement
- Do Things To Keep Him Guessing
Let’s talk about those three things.
Step One: Complete No Contact
For women in pain, not talking to their ex is difficult to do. We want to share how we are feeling and we want to know that our exes feel the same way.
However, No Contact is highly effective against men.
Here’s why: Men don’t like to be controlled.
What they do like is power.
When you start blowing up his phone after the breakup, he KNOWS he has power over you.
BUT, when you go silent and say nothing he begins to wonder…
“Where is she?”
“Why isn’t she upset and begging for me back?”
“Is there something wrong with me?”
“Is there someone better?”
“Did she realized she doesn’t need me?!”
This doubt is going to make him think that he doesn’t have as much pull over you as he thought he did.
You’re strong and independent.
You are worthy of his RESPECT.
That’s right!
Holding your own and staying silent is going to make him respect you and in time this will draw him back to you.
We all want what we cannot have. You need to make yourself as unobtainable, or ungettable as possible.
Step Two: Focus On Self Improvement
So, speaking of becoming ungettable… do you know what that is?
It’s an Ex Boyfriend Recovery term.
You can read more about it in this article, The Ungettable Girl.
The absolute best revenge you can take on an ex is to make him regret losing you in the first place.
A lot of women make the mistake of becoming the “crazy” ex girlfriend.
But not you.
You are going to become a glowing, healthy, vibrant version of yourself that is going to make him stop and say,
“Is that really HER?!”
How do you go about doing this?
Well, you focus on the Holy Trinity.
The Holy Trinity is another one of those Ex Boyfriend Recovery terms. It’s a trifecta:
- Health
- Wealth
- Relationships
Here’s a video I put together to explain it:
Let’s tackle the holy trinity step by step.
Health
This is a pretty big one for you as men are upsettingly interested in looks.
After a breakup, exercise is an excellent way to burn off your negative emotions and get an ego boost while your at it. And you do it all while working on improving your overall health and physical appearance.
Get a new haircut and update your wardrobe Do anything you can do that makes you feel goo about yourself. Yes you want to make him stop and take notice as he scrolls through your Instagram, but ultimately the goal should be making yourself feel amazing.
On that note, there is another aspect of health that doesn’t always get as much attention ad your physical health and that is your mental health.
Working on mental health can mean many things:
- Seeing a therapist
- Doing some journaling
- Attending yoga classes
- Just taking some time for yourself
Whatever it is you need to do to rebalance your mind, do it.
Wealth
I don’t know if you have heard or not but now is the time for powerful women.
This means we no longer relying on men.
During your No Contact, work on getting yourself established financially so that the only person you NEED to be successful is you.
This can mean many things.
It can mean getting a new job, it can mean asking for a raise, or it can mean going back to school.
Whatever it means for you to place yourself into better standing financially go forward and start taking the steps needed to get there.
Relationships
After a breakup, women have little to no interest in dating. They want the man they want and that is it.
However… hear me out here… dating is actually going to get your ex interested in getting back together with you.
Like I said earlier, men want what they cannot have and they want what other people want. If he hears you are dating again he is going to start to fear truly losing you and will come running back.
I’m not saying go out and look for love. I am saying go see a movie… have dinner… let someone treat you well for a change.
Outside of just dating, though it is important to cultivate the relationships with your friends and with yourself. It is too easy to get the idea that you need a relationship to be happy.
That is simply is not true!
Become comfortable with yourself and develop a solid support group to surround yourself with. That is the goal of the Holy Trinity and Becoming Ungettable.
Step Three: Do Things To Keep Him Guessing
The final piece of advice that I am going to give you is to keep your ex guessing.
After No Contact, if he asks you about things that you did or people you met after the breakup give vague answers that will make his imagination run wild.
For example, if he asks,
“Have you ever been to this restaurant?”
Smile and say,
“Oh yeah, a couple weeks ago. It’s a fun place!”
and leave it at that.
I personally have been doing this and my ex now thinks I went on twenty times as many dates as I actually went on… It drives him crazy.
Emotions and people change. Your ex may feel a certain way now but that is not going to last forever.
Focus on yourself, become the best version of you that you can be and he will come crawling back to you. You may very well realize you are worth so much more than he could ever offer you.
Lynn
June 12, 2021 at 9:42 pm
My boyfriend of 3 years broke up with me 5 months ago. He blind sided me with the breakup. He never once during our relationship indicated he was having any kind of issue. We never fought or argued. We were always loving and caring with each other and got along great. We loved each other deeply. To this day he still won’t tell me why he broke up. He doesn’t want to talk about us, he’s an avoidant of difficult and uncomfortable issues. He’s an avoider in general. He started dating someone 2 months after he broke up with me. He knew this person while we were together. He is 16 years older than her. My mom passed away 4 months before he broke up. I had pulled away from him while dealing with my grief and I think he didn’t feel like he was getting the attention he needed during that time and used her to get attention. There was no cheating ever from either of us during our relationship. At the beginning of the breakup I was needy and begging constantly. Is it too late to do NC 5 months later and him being with someone else. Is this girl he’s with a rebound?
Lauren
August 18, 2020 at 12:56 am
Hi,
My boyfriend broke up with me 5 days ago Out of the blue said he was thinking about it for a month. But the last month I felt was one of our strongest. I pleaded for us to work out what was actually wrong. He walked out the door and we messaged the next day and he confirmed he stood by his decision. And I haven’t heard from him since.
We just signed a lease together and I moved to be with him.
What is happening? What should I do. I’d love to salvage the relationship.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
September 2, 2020 at 8:38 pm
Hey Lauren, you’re going to have to work the program if you want your ex back. MAke sure you stick to NC now to give him the impression you are not going to plead and beg him to come back. Work the Ungettable information too, to show your ex you are doing great without him in your life
Claire R
July 26, 2020 at 11:59 am
Hi Shaunna, me and my ex were together for a year and on and off for nearly another year, he completely ended things last week telling me he has lost faith that it is going to work , I made the mistake of begging and plead nothing changed his mind , I told him I wanted to do better for him , we never really sat down and got to the core of the issue , I found out that he is now trying thing with another girl that he told me never to worry about while we were together , is there anything I can do or say to get him go change his mind
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 2, 2020 at 10:07 am
Hi Claire, no there is nothing you can say that is going to change his mind. But you can work on yourself, read about the holy trinity and being ungettable. Apply this to yourself while completing a No Contact of 45 days and then start reaching out to him following the being there method. This is something that can take time, it is about working to be the best version of yourself so that your ex is going to realise he made a mistake walking away from you
Roxi
June 19, 2020 at 1:09 am
My BF of almost 2 years broke up with me after I asked him a very insulting question. He made this decision under a great amount of emotion. I immediately went into NC when he walked out the door. Will he back since he wasn’t in his right mind? We had a great relationship. I just know I damaged his ego and shocked him by my question. It’s only been 5 days since he left.
JG
June 6, 2020 at 7:24 pm
I had been talking to and now dating a guy for 5 months, and it was going really well. He recently lost his job (high paying, powerful job, especially for how young he is), and it’s taken a toll on him. He recently told me he just wants to be friends because he needs time to find himself, but he enjoyed the time we spent together so not to as a slight against me. I told him I understood going through uncertain times and would be there for him when he needed me. No contact since he called it off. Almost a week later, he texts that he regrets ending things between us but knows he’s not in the right place for anything. I haven’t replied because I don’t know how to respond, and it also feels like he’s trying to make sure he’s got me on hold while he figures himself out. Should I continue with no contact?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 7, 2020 at 8:09 pm
Hey JG, yes you should continue with your No Contact
Lola
May 21, 2020 at 2:47 am
hi, my ex fiancé broke up with me three weeks ago and when I tried to talk to him in person he said there was nothing to talk about… that was a few days ago. I thought things were good but he went to basic training and came back different (he didn’t pass) and then his uncle committed suicide on Valentines and it really affected him. he said that the last 2.5 years were getting boring to him. the first few days after the breakup he said he wanted to try to get back together when COVID was more controlled and move in together (he practically lived with me anyway) but we got into another argument and it didnt go well. he posts sad breakup songs alot on social media and has been rude the few times we talked about getting some stuff separated (joint Hulu, Netflix and our dog’s insurance). is there any point? or should I focus on self improvement for myself.
Our fight happened because he wanted to go on a double blind date with one of his friends and said I should trust him (his friend said he never went and blew off the girl but it hurt)
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 7, 2020 at 11:21 am
Hi Lola, I suggest that you go into a No Contact and work on yourself for at least 30 days yes. You should also not be talking to him about his dating life as you are broken up and get no say its better to just not know these things. It only upsets you and gets him angry that you are arguing with him. When you have completed your No Contact you need to start preparing for your first reach out text which Chris has put into articles to help you create.
Ellen
April 28, 2020 at 12:02 am
My girlfriend and I recently got into an argument where she ended things. The next day she decided she was moving out and back in with her parents, later that week she decided I needed to find a different place to live bc she wasn’t coming back. Within the next week she was reposting things and tagging another girl she had had a history with. She recently had a breakup with her boyfriend. They’ve been posting stuff suggesting their talking and hanging out daily. My ex text me last night saying she thinks she made the right decision but she is sorry for how she talked to me and handled things and she knows it’s a mess. I didn’t respond because I had no idea how to. She text again later with our duplex info and I responded shortly. Idk what to do. She’s unfriended me on social media but made her stuff public so I could see it if I wanted to. She’s constantly tagging this girl. She jumped right into things with her and I don’t understand. She said they’ve talked for the last 3 years every few months apart to catch up. I really believe she left me for her when she knew she was single, and she decided she wasn’t happy enough with me and she wanted to take the chance. Idk what to respond to her apology, or if I should at all because it kind of seems like she just wants confirmation to move on and what she did was ok. I love her despite what she’s done, although I’m not sure I’ll ever trust her again. I’m scared if I don’t talk to her then she’ll forget about me entirely and invest everything into this girl for years like she did me. We dated for 2.5 years and lived together for 1.5 years. I can’t believe she’d want another girl instead of me after everything we’ve been through, I know I don’t.
Heidi
April 15, 2020 at 6:23 pm
So my ex and I were in a fight and in the heat of the moment he broke up with me and disrespected me in front of my neighbors and family members. I was so shocked and confused. Two days later he knocked on my door to return my hydro flask, then he asked me if I still want to be with him. I told him no and he walked away with his head down. He later text me he is so sorry that he will never stop loving me and hating himself for what he did. I told him I forgive him and take care. I blocked him. How does the no contact play into affect in my situation? I read this after our situation happened so now I am confused.
My question is when does the no contact rule begin and will it work on him after the fact I told him I don’t want to be with him.
I am so confused and I need your help.
Thank you
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
April 23, 2020 at 5:26 pm
Hi Heidi, the no contact rule should start the day after you sent him those texts. And stick to it for 30 days. Then reach out after that
Phoebe
March 30, 2020 at 8:39 am
Hi, my fiancee and I were together 3.5 years. Lived together for one year, had a dog together. Was supposed to get married this year. We both had a very stressful year last year and we both lost ourselves in the process and became down and sad towards the end of the year as we were isolated from friends and family. Aside from the stress we have never broken up before, no cheating etc. I am the best partner he has ever had, so he says and I am the most caring loyal loving partner. I lived in his country which is the other side of the world to mine and was happy to settle there for the rest of my life. Since the hardships, he has found it very hard to deal with, has developed a physical rash, and is seeing a therapist. I am a tough cookie and deal with hardships better than him and sometimes have been a little too tough. Because of this he has ended the relationship and said that we both need to go and be whole again, he feels that he cannot be the partner he wants to be. It kind of popped out of the blue for me and I am devastated. He has since moved back to his family’s home and has found a new job elsewhere leaving me totally alone in his country. So because of this I had to sell my little business and leave the country. He has blocked me on everything and refuses to speak to me after I was pleading With him not to do this and we could just have a break or something. We were best friends and had a great relationship up until very recently. Since I left he got angry at me for taking the engagement ring as has said he will never speak to me again. Its very out of character and I don’t know what to do. I just want him and our relationship back. Now I feel like i’ve completely messed up and have lost not just him but my whole life for the past 3.5 years… Completely at a loss?!
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 30, 2020 at 10:11 pm
Hi Phoebe so I would spend some time in No Contact and then reach out to him after 30 days minimum 45 if you need to work on your Holy Trinity. Then because you are now in different countries be sure to read the information about how to get an ex back long distance. You are going to need social media to show him what he has lost by not being with you
May
March 27, 2020 at 12:44 am
Hi,
I just broke up and moved out yesterday. My ex is an Iranian and he’s a Narcissist. From the beginning he knew that i am older than him 2 years old, i am divorced with a 14 years old kid but he said he doesn’t care about my past because everyone has their past. So we started our relationship 2 and half year ago. After 1 and half year of our relationship, he told me he won’t have future with me because his parents wont accept me. He will only marry to someone that his parents could accept so all along our relationship his parents doesn’t know about me at all. He said to me we should break up and not wasting our time even i am a good woman and a wife material but because of my past , he feels that i will embarrassing him if he gonna tell his family about me. So after he told me those , i tried to leave him but he pulled me back saying he can’t live without me because i took care of him every single day from head to toe. So, time passes, we keep pulling around, till few months ago he brought up this matter again and asked me to leave. He said to me that i am so selfish because i don’t want to leave, not thinking for his future because already I’ve a son and married before but he hasn’t. He said i will have better future without him because he is just a refugee visa in Aus. He have nothing and couldn’t give me anything, he’s not stable, not happy …..bla..bla…bla (but actually i know he just thinking what benefits him) In our more than 2 years relationship, we fought many times but most of the problems were from him. As he is a narcissist, all the time he only thinks about him he not care about my feeling, my need. Even i know our relationship is not healthy , but i tried my best to make him a better person better life , make our relationship work on , appreciate every single day while i can still see him touch him joke with him , love him unconditionally without blaming or asking anything from him , forgive him for being rude and uneven treated to me . I did all my best to be a perfect gf but he chosen to let go of me. He told me i’ll thank him in the future for letting me go. I don’t want to lose him even many of my friends told me i deserve someone much more better than him. Should i just let him go? Move on? But i really hope one day he’ll regret and come back to me. What should i do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 30, 2020 at 11:54 pm
Hi May, so if you want your ex back then I would suggest that you start the program and focus on the Holy Trinity information first, and then plan your texts. If after your No Contact period of 45 days is over and you think you are not too sure if you want him back anymore then I would extend it. You mention he is a narcissist, so keep that in mind during your time healing and focusing on yourself as these people are not easy to be in relationships with.
Israel
March 26, 2020 at 6:13 pm
Hi! This probably won’t be seen but I want to vent it out and possible see what you all think. I’m a guy that lost my boyfriend. I loved him more than anything, took him traveling, took him to many places and restaurants, and overall a really beautiful experience. After sometime, he started thinking he didn’t love me as much as I love him so he started getting anxious, not thinking about the future, but still tried to stay with me thinking he’d start loving me.
However, after a while he abruptly broke things up, told me he didn’t actually love me and didn’t see me as his partner, however, I’d noticed several, many times, he said “I love you” and in his eyes that he truly loved me. I just think he got overwhelmed with how invested I was in the relationship and him. Because of this, I’m pretty sure he will regret it after a while of not talking/no contact, but I don’t know what to do. What do you think? Will he be regretting it? I’m pretty sure he did love me at some point, he told me he did “feel it sometimes, but sometimes he doubted it” and I could tell in his eyes he really did.
I know I’m a 10/10 person, and he really did admit he wouldn’t find someone else like me anytime. Thanks
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 29, 2020 at 11:49 am
Hi Israel, so by the sounds of things you are in a good place and have emotional control so that is a positive. If you want your ex to regret losing you and possibly come back to you then you need to make sure that you are reading the Ungettable posts and applying this to your life. Use social media to show how great you are and how positive your life is. If you have mutual friends be sure not to talk to them about him, focus on talking about interesting and fun things with them, so they can feed information back to your ex about how great you are doing
Katherine
March 21, 2020 at 7:47 pm
Hi, So I was with my boyfriend for two years and a half. We did distance for a year and then we lived together for a year. I had to come back home for a family health issue. Our relationship was so real and amazing the whole time he always said he really saw himself with me and never felt this way before. He distanced himself during the time I had come back home.. in a time I really needed him. He then started to ask for space and time. But we’d still talk. He came to visit me and it was such an amazing time and then later again he asked for real time apart. Since then he’s messaged me , called me as well he knows he still loves me and misses me he wanted me to go see him or for him to come to me but then it never ended up happening.. he said he wasn’t ready just yet. He said he got scared to commit after realizing how real what we had was and now he’s already with someone else.. i don’t really know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 29, 2020 at 10:21 pm
Hi Katherine so I would say that he had the grass is greener syndrome and took his time about deciding. If you want your ex back then complete a 45 day no contact and then implement the being there method. This information is on this website and there are videos on Chris YouTube channel too
Confused
March 18, 2020 at 9:23 am
Hi there,
I dated my bf for a year he was acting weird and was going to break up with me we spoke and He decided to take a week to think about and then decided messaged me to meet and told me he couldn’t deal with the social pressures and expectations that comes with a relationship so it ended. It was totally out of the blue and just after my 30th birthday. I was devastated, a week later I collected my stuff (he had all my flat stuff in his flat kettle toaster etc etc) anyway it was closure for me to get it and make it reality for him as everytime I said What about my stuff he was like will work it out don’t worry. Also at both times of breaking up first week and second the official week, when asked if he was sure he didn’t want to be my bf he said I can’t answer that question right now.
When I collected my stuff it was slightly tense and sad but I ended up talking to him for about 4 hours and we reflected. He said he needs to sort his issues out (mental health etc) if he didn’t have that we would still be together which is sad.
Anyway I decided no contact since the 9th March when I picked up my stuff (as we had communicated about stuff before then) was that right or should it have been from the date of official brake up even though we messaged about stuff?
Since Monday my ex messaged me on sat early hour drunk messages (not very nice ones) saying he hates me our relationship was bull**** and I lied to him about everything (loads of rubbish) and then called me 26 times to which I didn’t answer any of them. He left me a voicemail which was accusing me of not answering and being online because I was sleeping with someone else (I mean I was home and he woke me up) I was so hurt by his messages but presumed this was a good sign that he was loosing it over the lack of control!
I haven’t received an apology from him and am continuing to no contact. I saddened he hasn’t apologised and feel that reflects the respect he has of me. I expected more of him.
I suppose I’m confused by what this outburst meant I’ve read all the articles on here and I want to check I started the no contact in the right place. I worry that he will see this as fine she doesn’t want to talk to me so I won’t talk to her. It’s a weird one because he acted like he didn’t want to break up but he did it so he could sort is head out and to not hurt me anymore. But then sends me nasty texts and voicemails accusing me when he broke up with me!!
With this whole world pandemic going on I want to check he’s okay and sort all this drama out and I know we both love and care for each other still. But after sats behaviour I believe he needs to come to me first plus in no contact.
Basically did I start no contact at the right time or should I take it from date of brake up not date of stuff taken and what should I think or do about these drunken nasty texts and voicemail? He doesn’t message me when sober since breaking up unless about collecting stuff etc before.
Thank you so much for all your help I’m one confused cookie! I know in my gut he may come back. I know everyone around him is shocked and surprised by him breaking up with me and literally have no idea why. I don’t even think he truly knows.
I’m dealing with actions speak louder than words right but his words conflict his actions ♀️
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 30, 2020 at 9:56 am
Hi there, so I would watch the actions rather than his words. People say a lot of things when they are emotional. Good and bad. Make sure that you have completed 30 days of No contact before speaking with your ex again and make sure that you are working the Holy Trinity and the Ungettable information so that you are working towards the best for yourself
Noël
March 10, 2020 at 7:44 pm
Hello,
After two years, my bf moved out while I was at work. Our main argument was that he wasn’t intimate with me. Didn’t even compliment me, so when I would bring it to his attention it would turn into a fight. It’s been 2 1/2 weeks of me trying to talk with him and figure out what happened and what we were going to do. He says he is no longer in love with me but wouldn’t stop txting me either. I did the whole blow up via txt and told him off to where now he thinks our relationship was toxic for arguing. He says he is exhausted and enjoys his freedom. My question is, did I ruin the chances of the 30 day no contact working in my favor?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 10, 2020 at 11:10 pm
Hi Noel so you need to start a No contact but you are going to have to go 45 days now not 30 as you have gnatted your ex.
Daria
March 5, 2020 at 8:06 pm
I was dating my ex long distance for six months and he broke up with me a week ago after we had a great weekend together and were super close. I really thought we were great together even though he had a generally distant vibe (he is a bit of a dismissive avoidant). I had told him I love him that weekend (it just came out). He said he doesn’t feel strongly and has never loved (not even his family) and since he’s not developed strong feelings for me he thinks he should end it rather than wasting my time. He said he can’t be the guy I want him to be and I’m too nice so he feels like he’s exploiting me. I really want another chance so we can work on it together but I don’t want to beg. I haven’t contacted him after a nice, emotional long post breakup text and he hasn’t been in touch either. Will he regret it and come back?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 17, 2020 at 8:21 pm
Hi Daria, so from what you have said it sounds like you need to show him you are not a doormat to be walked all over and used because you are nice. Read the posts about being Ungettable and learn to apply that information for your own lifestyles and ways
Tori
February 16, 2020 at 9:46 pm
Hey, so my boyfriend broke up with me two.days before Valentine’s day. The past month has been reckless and he kept being cold to me when I tried to he the best girlfriend ever. Turns out he already found someone new and started going out with her. I kept in touch with him and asked why he left me and he said he’s already tired. I can’t handle myself from being angry and at the same time regretting that I never loved him enough for him to stay. I kept in touch with one of his friends and he told me that he’ll regret it one day. But, will that even happened after both of him and the girl showed that they can love each other even after hurting me? Will he ever comeback to me? Will he regret it? Or Will he continue to ignore me? I only have until March to see him because he’ll graduate so I have a little time to make him suffer or win him again. I just don’t know what to do. Can you help me on how to keep my head up if I saw them together as well?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 26, 2020 at 10:20 pm
Hi Tori, so one thing you need to stop doing is blaming yourself that he ended things with you. Loving him enough was not going to make him stick around! It was because he was looking else where (grass is greener) So… complete a No Contact period where you focus on yourself and work on your self esteem, and then if he is still with the new girl and you want to get back with him you can start following the being there method
Audrey
February 14, 2020 at 6:41 am
Hi my ex boyfriend broke up with me TWICE for the same reason; he has the Grass Is Greener Syndrome. I read all about it and I know for sure that i am a 10/10 girlfriend probably the best he ever had. Now we have been together 1year and 3 months. Last time i did the NC for three weeks and he had to run to get to me. I got him back but he broke up with me a second time for the same reason. I think he has issues to commit for sure but I know he is making a mistake. I haven’t cried or begged the second time and I’m on my first week of NC. I’m not even sure I would want him back but I would like to have the opportunity to chose. He left me saying that we’re bestfriends he loves me care about me blabla that whole thing and I know he loves me and the only reason that we broke it off was to see if the grass is greener. Last time the grass was definitely not greener. Lol what’s your advices on this situation?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 17, 2020 at 8:50 pm
Hey Audrey, so if he has done this before and this is the second time around I ask are you willing to take him back a third time when there is a chance he is going to take you for granted again and leave you when the grass seems greener a third time? I suggest that you start dating other guys and make him THINK that he has lost you. That way he is going to realise your worth and then regret leaving you. If he comes back to you then I suggest you make him work for it because it does not seem like he sees you as a 10/10 girl as he is willing to walk away from you a second time
Mariam
February 3, 2020 at 2:32 pm
Hey , so me and my bf which is now my ex dated for 2 months one together same town and then long distance for one year , he went for christams to his town and i did too so our connection was bit weak since we were busy , his grandma died but had time to get drunk party and flirt online which he promised not to do again , i was so pissed i said i want break up , i apologized right after but e didnt contact me for a week and then he said again he needs space for 2 weeks , then he called me and talked and said he forgives me but has no feeling towards me anymore , and that he feels empty and still affected from his grandmas death and he also apologized to me , he also sent alot of red flags in social media during the break and he is saying all kind of excuses such as LDR or marriage and that hes lost and not sure, I let him go , hes my only love , and Im devostated , and its our both fault that we were disconnected at some point. Is there any hope , what should i do , should i not build my hopes up ?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 15, 2020 at 4:04 pm
Hey Mariam, so by the sounds of things your ex is looking for something different in a relationship to what you were, as he thinks its acceptable to flirt online with other girls and you do not think that is acceptable in a relationship. So you firstly need to assess if that is what you want from someone because he does not sound apologetic for doing this, even worse he is getting you to apologise to him!? Look up the term Narcissistic personality. If you want to get your ex back however, make sure you work on yourself to become Ungettable and then reach out to him after you have spent 30 days with on contact, this includes watching any of his social media action
Dinma
February 2, 2020 at 9:00 pm
I had a relationship of 3 yrs in the Second year I went visiting a guy who took advantage of me I told my bf after some months we settled after he got angry saying I cheated purposely but I apologized and since then I haven’t visited any guy but I noticed the trust was gone,and he brokeup up last yr dec15 and since then I begged even with gifts he said he’s done with love he wants to be a play boy I don’t know what else to do..and recently he’s asking my friend out I don’t know if it’s for a serious relationship tho…what should I do ?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 5, 2020 at 10:16 pm
Hi Dinma, so you need to stop sending gifts and begging!! You need to go into a No Contact and stick with it for minimum 30 days and if in that time he does get into a relationship extend to 45 days. And read about the being there method and prepare yourself for the chance of him meeting someone else in that time and make yourself aware of how to reach out to your ex for the first time and how to develop conversations building up the value ladder
shyla
January 3, 2020 at 8:26 am
Hi Chris,
I’ve been in a relationship with my ex for morethan just a year. And he’s been an amazing person to me and helped me alot in my life. I did all my best to make him happy and satisfied with our relationship and tried my best to be the girl that he needs, being there for him emotionally and physically. He’s a very strong charactered person and very independent. Im just an add-on in his life and I always know he can live on without me. Because of insecurities, i made a mistake of taking a part time job even though he said NO to me when i told him. I still went to check it out because I needed extra income and I don’t want to ask him for money, wanting to be independent as well. And also, i don’t want him to feel used. It made him mad and said that I disrespected him and ignored what he said and that I could have asked for him for the money. He broke up with me. Its been 3 days now. I begged for him to reconsider but he has blocked me in social media and my number. Our only communication is in whatsapp. He said to just contact him if i am in an emergency and if he can he will be there for me to help. I sent him messages begging and explaining why i did what i did but he just sees them and never replied. He said he doesn’t want us anymore. I love this man so much and its so devastating. I feel like he really lost his interest because he is so distant and this is not the first time that we had an argument because I tend to make my own decisions and ignore what he said. In my defense, they’re all not endangering our relationship. Its just small things like the change of wardrobe and this part time job. but he always tells that he feels disrespected. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 5, 2020 at 12:51 am
Hi Shyla start following the program and spending some time on yourself. Then reach out at the end of your No Contact