Today we are going to talk about if your ex regrets breaking up with you.

It’s pretty obvious that breakups in general are hard. Often most of my personal coaching clients are left reeling and confused.

Often they’ll have the following thoughts.

“Does he regret leaving me?”

“Does he even feel bad for hurting me?”

If it makes you feel a little better, everyone going through a breakup has these exact same thoughts.

In this article I’m going to explore the idea of breakups and regret in a way that I’m not seeing anyone attempt.

I’ll be tackling questions like,

  1. Is Regret After A Breakup Normal
  2.  Are There Signs That An Ex Will Exhibit If They Regret Their Decision?
  3. How Often Do Dumpers Actually Regret Leaving?
  4. What Exactly Is Going Through A Dumpers Mind When They Do Regret Leaving A Relationship?
  5.  Steps You Can Actually Take To Make An Ex Regret Breaking Up With You

Let’s begin.

Is Regret After A Breakup Normal?

So I have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that regret after a breakup is completely normal.

Often when faced with an emotional situation like a breakup human beings have this tendency to romanticize the past.

I’ve often spoke about the idea of the “peak end rule.”

Essentially it’s a framework that shows how human beings process information.

Take a look at this chart.

You’ll notice immediately that there are two distinct points in which human beings remember most when forced to think back on a memory.

  1. The peak, which is the most exciting part of the experience.
  2. And the end, the actual end of the experience.

After a breakup these two points are put under a lot of stress.

Exes who tend to romanticize the past tend to think back fondly on the peaks of their relationships.

They’ll remember those amazing times together and often that romanticization can lead to regret.

Of course, I started this section by explaining that I had good news and bad news.

The good news was that yes, regret is completely normal after a breakup.

The bad news is that sometimes you’ll never get confirmation if an ex is regretting their decision to break up with you.

This is why I’d like to dive into the rabbit hole even deeper and discuss some of the signs that me and my team have noticed exes express when they regret their decision to break up with you.

Signs That An Ex Regrets Their Decision To Break Up With You

I’ve actually talked a lot about this concept on Ex Boyfriend Recovery before.

I’ve recorded a few podcasts on the subject.

And even was lucky enough to film an entire video dissecting some of the signs that an ex regrets breaking up with you.

But one thing you’ll learn about me is that I am never satisfied. I am constantly taking my theories and trying to disprove them.

My thinking is that the more I do this the more I’ll be able to find the universal truth about a specific subject and provide you with better breakup advice.

So, what has years of internal research yielded when it comes to signs that an ex regrets their decision to break up with you?

In all my team and I have identified 4 signs signs that your ex is having a hard time with the breakup.

  1. Unfollow/Unfriend
  2.  Deleting Pictures Together But Leaving One Untouched
  3. Being Quick To Anger
  4. Obsessive Thoughts And Cravings

I’d like to take a moment to dissect each of these signs.

Let’s start from the top.

Sign #1: They Unfollow Or Unfriend You

Initially this may seem like an odd sign to include but if you really think about it, it does make sense.

I’ve been on record many times stating that human beings tend to react one of two ways after a breakup.

Fight or Flight

Essentially they’ll either run away from the problem or they’ll fight the problem.

That’s what will happen here.

Sometimes an ex who regrets his decision to break up with you will avoid you at all costs.

And all costs includes things like unfriending you or unfollowing you on Facebook.

Why?

Simple, they don’t want to be reminded of anything you are up to because it causes them extreme pain.

Sign #2: Deleting All Your Pictures Together But Leaving One Untouched

This may seem like an odd sign to include as well. However, I don’t want you to think of it like that.

I recently filmed a video on the signs your ex is pretending to be over you.

What is interesting about it is that this was one of the signs we noticed exes will exhibit.

Essentially they’l delete all of your pictures together except leave one untouched.

But why?

Well, my theory is that they are trying to get a reaction out of you. They want to see you struggle because it’s a way for them to check and see if you still care.

They want you to react.

Because if you do then it tells them that you still care about the relationship as much as they do.

Sign #3: Being Quick To Anger

Have you ever seen one of those pendulums that swing from one side to the other?

Emotions kind of act in a similar way after a breakup.

I often call this phenomenon the “pendulum swing effect.”

One minute your ex may seem cold and the next the pendulum will swing to hot.

This essentially means they say or do something that makes you think they are interested.

A few days go by and then they jump to being cold.

That means they are quick to anger or just completely fall off the map.

So, what can this hot and cold pendulum swing tell us?

Well, all it will tell us is that your ex is having a hard time processing the emotions that typically come along with a breakup.

Sign #4: Obsessive Thoughts And Cravings

I’m going to touch on this concept a bit later in this article but one of the biggest signs that an ex is regretting their decision to break up with you is if they think about you more than normal.

Now, I can hear the naysayers out there saying things like,

“Chris, how in the world can we tell what’s going on in our exes heads?”

Put simply, you can’t.

But you can pay attention to their actions. Generally I used to tell my clients to pay attention to what an ex will say when you talk to them.

However, experience has taught me that what an ex says and what an ex does don’t always match up.

I always advise my clients to pay attention to what an ex is doing.

Their actions will tell you what they really think.

So, how can you tell if they are having obsessive thoughts and cravings about you?

Well, how often are they texting you?

Are they trying to see you in person?

These are direct actions that tell us that they are obsessing over you to the point where they have to talk to you or see you.

A very good sign indeed.

But How Often Do Dumpers Actually Regret Leaving?

Regret is a funny thing.

Recently I filmed a video on regret. Specifically how to make an ex regret his decision to break up with you.

Now, normally when I film these videos I jot down a few things that I’d like to cover and just talk organically about them.

The question when I planned out that video that I wanted to answer was,

“What are the things that people regret at the end of their lives?”

Once I went down that rabbit hole that was it.

I couldn’t stop researching and surfaced one of the most fascinating insights about the human psyche that I think I’ve ever encountered.

The biggest regrets human beings have at the end of their lives have to do with not fulfilling their ideal selves.

In other words, it all has to do with opportunities they missed.

How does that connect to a dumper regretting his decision to break up with you?

Well, when he leaves you does he feel like he is missing an opportunity?

Probably not.

In fact, I think an argument can be made that he is leaving you because he feels like being with you would cause him to miss other opportunities with other women.

Don’t take offense to that.

Men are like all human beings, very self interested.

Also, that’s not to say that you can’t make him regret his decision.

From The Mouths Of Babes… Three Men Who Regret Their Decisions To Break Up

Many of you probably don’t realize this but I actually own two of the largest breakup websites on the internet.

This website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is for women who are going through breakups.

My other websites, Ex Girlfriend Recovery is for men going through breakups.

In other words, I have an entire audience of men who are going through breakups and many of them are regretting their decision to actually break up with their girlfriends.

In preparation for this article I compiled three of the best “regret” comments I got from them.

For those wondering there were two prerequisites for me to choose a comment.

  1. They had to admit they regretted the decision
  2. They had to be the ones to break up with their exes

I want you to pay attention to some of the common themes at play which I’ll talk about after I get through each of these comments.

Man #1: Cole

“I just broke up with ex-girlfriend a couple days ago. She was falling for me and I believed we lost a connection…that was until she walked out. We dated for two months.

I instantly felt regret when I knew she wouldn’t come back.”

What I find interesting about Cole admitting his regret was that he felt they lost a connection but really didn’t feel regret until she walked out.

Let’s take note of that for later.

Man #2: Will

“Hello, I broke up with ex six months ago. The relationship was great for the first two and a half years but the last few months were full of fighting mostly because she felt like I wasn’t ready to take the relationship to the next level. She is 37 years old with two kids in elementary school. Maybe taking on the responsibility of being a parent played into my decision. I broke it off, moved out and proceeded to travel and teach overseas for a few months. After a two month nc I reached out and poured my heart out explaining that after time for soul searching I realized that I am ready for marriage and to be a step dad. She was obviously still angry and was not interested in me coming back to her. We met through work and now we are back to working together. She has a new bf that she is half moved in with but their relationship has been volatile to say the least. We have worked together for six weeks and there are still hurt feelings on both sides. I will work with her for the next five months before I make the decision to leave the US without her or stay with her. How should I approach getting her back thanks”

So, he broke up with his ex six months ago, took some soul searching time and determined that he wanted her back.

Here’s the problem.

She already moved on and got a new boyfriend.

He regrets his decision clearly and I feel like he started regretting when he had that soul searching time.

Again, let’s take a note of that.

Man #3: Jonas

“I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago. And I already regret it. The worst thing is that we study in the same school and in the same class. It would be much easier to me to not see her almost every day. I broke up with her because I wanted to get better at myself, I tried to explain it to her, but hopeless. She thinks that I broke up with her beacuse I’m tired of her or something. Is there anything that I can do?”

So, Jonas here broke up with his girlfriend and immediately regretted it.

But why?

I think it has to do with how quickly he has to see her after the breakup.

But it probably goes deeper.

It probably also has to do with the fact that she isn’t agonizing over the breakup.

Interesting.

What Can We Learn From These Three Men And Their Regret?

There were three big takeaways I took from this little study.

  1. One man instantly felt regret when he felt he lost his girl forever.
  2. Another one needed time before he started realizing his mistake.
  3. The third man grew upset when he saw how his ex wasn’t as upset as he thought she would be.

What do these three things tell us about some of the triggers of regret?

Well, more than anything I think they show us that they all have a connection to that “missed opportunity.”

With Cole (man one) it was all about when he had to confront the fact that he may have lost his ex forever.

With Will (man two) he felt regret when he had time to reflect on what he had really lost.

Finally with Jonas (man three) it was having to see his ex every day that probably reinforced his realization that he could have been having fun with her when he wasn’t.

Another missed opportunity.

Remember this, missed opportunities are key.

Three Steps You Can Take To Make Him Regret Breakup Up With You

Thus far we’ve really tapped into the psychology of regret.

Do men regret the breakup?

What has to align for them to regret it?

But one thing that we haven’t really talked about are specific steps that you can take to make an ex regret breaking up with you. Overall there are three main strategies that we see work the best.

  1. Completing No Contact
  2. Focusing On Self Improvement
  3. Do Things To Keep Him Guessing

Let’s talk about those three things.

Step One: Complete No Contact

For women in pain, not talking to their ex is difficult to do. We want to share how we are feeling and we want to know that our exes feel the same way.

However, No Contact is highly effective against men.

Here’s why: Men don’t like to be controlled.

What they do like is power.

When you start blowing up his phone after the breakup, he KNOWS he has power over you.

BUT, when you go silent and say nothing he begins to wonder…

“Where is she?”

“Why isn’t she upset and begging for me back?”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

“Is there someone better?”

“Did she realized she doesn’t need me?!”

This doubt is going to make him think that he doesn’t have as much pull over you as he thought he did.

You’re strong and independent.

You are worthy of his RESPECT.

That’s right!

Holding your own and staying silent is going to make him respect you and in time this will draw him back to you.

We all want what we cannot have. You need to make yourself as unobtainable, or ungettable as possible.

Step Two: Focus On Self Improvement

So, speaking of becoming ungettable… do you know what that is?

It’s an Ex Boyfriend Recovery term.

You can read more about it in this article, The Ungettable Girl.

The absolute best revenge you can take on an ex is to make him regret losing you in the first place.

A lot of women make the mistake of becoming the “crazy” ex girlfriend.

But not you.

You are going to become a glowing, healthy, vibrant version of yourself that is going to make him stop and say,

“Is that really HER?!”

How do you go about doing this?

Well, you focus on the Holy Trinity.

The Holy Trinity is another one of those Ex Boyfriend Recovery terms. It’s a trifecta:

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

Here’s a video I put together to explain it:

Let’s tackle the holy trinity step by step.

Health

This is a pretty big one for you as men are upsettingly interested in looks.

After a breakup, exercise is an excellent way to burn off your negative emotions and get an ego boost while your at it. And you do it all while working on improving your overall health and physical appearance.

Get a new haircut and update your wardrobe Do anything you can do that makes you feel goo about yourself. Yes you want to make him stop and take notice as he scrolls through your Instagram, but ultimately the goal should be making yourself feel amazing.

On that note, there is another aspect of health that doesn’t always get as much attention ad your physical health and that is your mental health.

Working on mental health can mean many things:

  • Seeing a therapist
  • Doing some journaling
  • Attending yoga classes
  • Just taking some time for yourself

Whatever it is you need to do to rebalance your mind, do it.

Wealth

I don’t know if you have heard or not but now is the time for powerful women.

This means we no longer relying on men.

During your No Contact, work on getting yourself established financially so that the only person you NEED to be successful is you.

This can mean many things.

It can mean getting a new job, it can mean asking for a raise, or it can mean going back to school.

Whatever it means for you to place yourself into better standing financially go forward and start taking the steps needed to get there.

Relationships

After a breakup, women have little to no interest in dating. They want the man they want and that is it.

However… hear me out here… dating is actually going to get your ex interested in getting back together with you.

Like I said earlier, men want what they cannot have and they want what other people want. If he hears you are dating again he is going to start to fear truly losing you and will come running back.

I’m not saying go out and look for love. I am saying go see a movie… have dinner… let someone treat you well for a change.

Outside of just dating, though it is important to cultivate the relationships with your friends and with yourself. It is too easy to get the idea that you need a relationship to be happy.

That is simply is not true!

Become comfortable with yourself and develop a solid support group to surround yourself with. That is the goal of the Holy Trinity and Becoming Ungettable.

Step Three: Do Things To Keep Him Guessing

The final piece of advice that I am going to give you is to keep your ex guessing.

After No Contact, if he asks you about things that you did or people you met after the breakup give vague answers that will make his imagination run wild.

For example, if he asks,

“Have you ever been to this restaurant?”

Smile and say,

“Oh yeah, a couple weeks ago. It’s a fun place!”

and leave it at that.

I personally have been doing this and my ex now thinks I went on twenty times as many dates as I actually went on… It drives him crazy.

Emotions and people change. Your ex may feel a certain way now but that is not going to last forever.

Focus on yourself, become the best version of you that you can be and he will come crawling back to you. You may very well realize you are worth so much more than he could ever offer you.

80 thoughts on “Will My Ex Regret Breaking Up With Me?”

  1. Avatar

    Fahima

    November 12, 2019 at 4:53 pm

    Hey Chris!
    So my bf of 3 years have been on an on-off relationship. I recently broke up with him, it’s almost a week since I broke up with him. Honestly, I love him so much and I know he loves me too but we’re somehow toxic 🙁 especially when we get mad and start arguing we tend to hurt each other’s feelings and say some rude stuff but at the end of the day we still love each other. It got to a point I was fade up with us arguing and I had to breakup with him, tho I promised him I’ll never ever leave him again but I left again for the 3rd time Now I miss him so much and I wanna get back together but I feel like he’s done and he’s tired of me always giving up on our relationship when it gets tough. What should I do? Cause I texted him a few minutes ago wanting to talk to him on the phone, he said he’ll call later I’m waiting for him to call but I had to pour my feelings here hoping you’ll advice me on this situation. I love him but we tend to hurt each other sometimes

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 8:39 pm

      Fahima, so your issue is that you and he dont communicate the right way when you are having a disagreement about something, so if you are to get back together you need to find couples therapy who is going to help you both learn how to speak to one another when you are not happy with something. On and off relationships tend to get back together again without an issue. The keeping together bit is the problem. This is why you need to seek some counselling for how to communicate as a couple

  2. Avatar

    Taranpreet

    November 11, 2019 at 5:39 pm

    I had a one year relationship. My girlfriend broke up with me because she wasnt able to go deep with her feelings and she said she knew she could go more she wasnt able to do that. Then she said the feelings of her kind of became stable at some point. And then when things were happening somewhere the feelings began to decrease and then she didnt wanted to hurt me as i was providing her with everything and loved her.. and the guilt of not able to reciprocate was eating her. I conviced her a lot, cried everything i did. But she said she didnt want a relationship. But she feels the feelings are increasing or she regrets it she will come back. And also somewhere in her head she thinks i still always there for her. She also said she sometimes felt suffocated and alone at my house when we were together. I really want her back and please tell me what to do.. we hadnt talked from 8 days. But have been snaping.. will she ever realise? Will she ever regret..? Will she ever come back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 8:15 pm

      To give yourself your best chance, you need to follow the program and work on yourself during your NC

  3. Avatar

    Prudentia

    November 8, 2019 at 12:34 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I dated my ex for 8years,we were engaged to be married this December and I broke up with him 2days ago. We have had so much in the relationship the past years,he would cheat,lie and break promises over a countless times and I forgave. We’ve been on an on and off relationship since our engagement this year,I’m talking about 3months without touching each other. I revecently live in town and he lives on the other side of the block, he recently came to me and apologised,that he doesn’t know why he keeps treating me this way.We had agreed to get a new place and stay together again as I had refused to go back to our previous one, I feel neighbors won’t respect me anymore,for what I had put up with in front of them in particular. He promised to get the place 3days ago,and that we would move in together,he asked me not to go to work,so we could do the packing and moving together,I didn’t. That very same day,he didn’t call at the time he said he would so we could move,he didn’t answer my calls and didn’t get back to me, until 4hours later when he left a message on my voicemail to prove he’s in a session and he would call me right after that. It was then that I sent him a message,and told him I couldn’t continue with the relationship anymore,because this is not the first time he make promises and on the day to fulfil them,he disappears,doesn’t call,doesn’t text and keeps ignoring me. His actions always leave me frustrated and very hurt,he says he loves me,he wants to make me his wife but his actions say otherwise. I am really fed up,because all I’ve ever been was being an honest partner to him,and he keeps dissapointing me. We broke up for over a million times since we’ve been together,and it’s because of the things he was doing to me that I always dumped him. The wedding date is around the corner,and I don’t even see it happening because his actions are not as convincing. I asked Him to come with me to church about 4times,he promised and never did,I asked him to go for therapy with me,he indirectly refused,I asked that we talk to someone he’s comfortable talking to then,that he refused too. I have tried all I could,I feel like I’m the only one who wants this relationship,who’s committed to us. Please help,what can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 9:12 pm

      Hey Prudentia, I sugget letting him go through therapy and keeping to NC during that time as he needs to work out why he is treating you this way. You need to do the work to be the Ungettable girl and learn your worth and what you are willing to accept from someone and how many times youre going to forgive him. The information about how to be Ungettable is on the website through articles and YouTube videos too

  4. Avatar

    Frigga

    November 3, 2019 at 9:50 pm

    I am very active in social media, so playing the UG is not working as well as it should because he is used to it. I’m starting NC. If I close (temporary) one of my accounts would it be worse or would make him miss me? Because even during the periods we talk less, he sees me so active in social media that the “missing” part doesn’t work, I’m always “there”. So I thought of going off one of my apps for a few weeks (not only for him but for myself, because some things there are killing me and awakening my insecurities and jealously). But I don’t know if that would be worse because “out of sight / out of mind”. But as I said, seeing me there (even as UG) doesn’t help to make him miss me…
    What would you recommend?
    Thank you a lot.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 4:42 pm

      Hi Frigga, so if you are normally a very active person on social media you need to become a less active member, one or two posts a week and they need to be 100% UG so they grab attention. Being UG is not only the social media side of things its a mentality and a way of life so read up on the concept and even plan out the things that you think our life needs working on. And do that. And a break from social media now and again is good for our mental rest too

  5. Avatar

    Ann

    November 2, 2019 at 11:52 am

    He dumped me on the 1st and he was real kind about it. He dumped me seemingly out the blue but he said he had been thinking for a week about all the arguments we had had in our relationship and he realised he never got over them. He said that what I had said 5 days prior to that (that his room was really dirty and he should take more effort when I’m coming because were long distance and when we see each other he should make an effort as I do) made him see that he could no longer be himself around me. He broke up with me the exact same way his best friend broke up with his girlfriend. I asked him if he fell out of love with me before those 5 days he had been thinking of leaving me, and he said no. I was so happy and I wasn’t expecting this. He said he was really sorry and that he never wants to be with me again. He deleted our shared album And began following the girl he was previously flirting with, on social media. I’m contemplating whether I should block and unfollow him from everything. I begged hard. He’s broken up with me 3 times and I always beg and I begged this time too but he didn’t change his mind. I have absolutely no desire to call or text him because I’m simply too humiliated. But should I unfollow him? Is this man purely done with me? Is his best friend influencing him? What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2019 at 10:57 pm

      1 – Only you can decide if you want him back or not so until then I cant tell you what you should do
      2 – There is a chance his friends have influence on how he ended things, but it is not his friend making him do it, this will have been his decision
      3 – At this moment in time it will seem like he is happy its over, but that is very much normal for a newly single guy, his true feelings will show in time. But you need to make sure you are doing a minimum of 30 days No Contact and dont reply to him if he reaches out either
      4 – I wouldn’t recommend unfollowing or unfriending if you want to get him back, if you want to move on then yes i would remove all sight of him while youre working on getting over him.

  6. Avatar

    Anna

    October 10, 2019 at 6:45 am

    My ex and I broke up because I felt him getting distant with me and I heard that he was cheating i confronted him and he got so upset and started spilling out that he has another girl so i left and that was that until I broke down every time I saw him because we have a son together.After a couple weeks after the break up when he comes to check on his son he would be wanting to play with as if we were still great friends I stopped texting him and stopped calling him and just focussed on my school and my son after that I now see him calling often than before saying hes checking if his sons okay.

  7. Avatar

    Stacey

    October 2, 2019 at 4:05 pm

    Hi,
    My ex left me about 4 months ago now. We have 2 kids together were engaged and brought a house last year. He now wants to sell the house. He isn’t interested in reconciliation at all. He tells me he doesn’t love me and we will never get back together. That I should just move on like he is.
    He is seeing a 19 year old who he used to work with, he is 30 in November and I had stuff planned but that’s not gonna happen so am also losing money. He tells me that even if he got feelings back for me he wouldn’t act on them. That we are finished and that is that. He told me he didn’t want anymore kids but yesterday was more than happy to have more in the future. It broke me completely. I don’t know what else to do he isn’t interested in me at all. And from the looks of things is trying to remove me completely from his life. If it wasn’t for the kids I’d say he would have been long gone. He says he wasn’t happy in our relationship but didn’t tell me that until 2 months after the breakup when he was seeing that girl. I’m just so lost, I don’t know what to do or where to turn. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 2, 2019 at 7:27 pm

      Hi Stacey, so you need to work on completing a full limited no contact where you only speak to him about the children and their welfare. So the best thing for you to do is work on making your life better “without him” and where it shows you’re managing without him around etc. I know this is hard. While he has the other woman around you need to do the being there method after your no contact is over. Basically your goal is to become the Ungettable Girl then hell start to regret his decision. He has to say the horrible things he does to you, mainly to prove to himself. So try not to take it personally hes being selfish at this time and will say hurtful things to justify his actions

  8. Avatar

    Nicolette Yvette Raske

    October 1, 2019 at 5:02 am

    Hi Chris I’ve been reading your blogs listening to your pod casts.
    Along with watching your utube videos they have been very helpful.
    Me and my ex boyfriend live together and have been broken up .
    For 2 months it’s been very hard I have cryed alot .
    On my own at first I was begging crying and pleading for him to come back.
    However I stopped doing that he recently told me .
    That he feels regret for breaking up with me .
    Saying maybe he could have tried harder to make it work.
    He is however dating someone else and has been for 2 months .
    I still love this man very much and want him back.
    I have started making improvements in my life .
    I recently updated my wardrobe got a new style and high lights.
    I have also been posting new pictures of myself .
    On social media and he is liking my pics and is noticing the changes.
    But I still love him and want him to come back to me .
    Can you give me any advice that might be helpful .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 1, 2019 at 8:30 pm

      Hi Nicolette, so you’re doing all the right things and its just about how you start conversations with him that matter now. Reaching out with the texts Chris recommends to get him talking, the hooks, curiosity texts and the self interest types of messages that you need to plan and send strategically to work yourself back up the Value Chain

  9. Avatar

    Kim

    September 22, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    Hi ! My boyfriend left me 2 and a half months ago, by text message, not making anything clear for about 3 weeks. In those 3 weeks, he started seeing another girl and is still with her today. We have been together for over 5 years, we have so much together, we have a 23 month old daughter and…… one on the way. He left me when I was 11 weeks pregnant. (Both our children were conceived through fertility treatments) The girl he is seeing is younger than me, into a lot of things he likes (he met her at a gym) and now he changed his entire circle of friends to be with her friends instead. He’s changed drastically. Obviously living this pregnancy alone, not knowing where I will live (our house is for sale) not knowing what I will do financially (we had plans to open a daycare) I am freaking out and I have been the « crazy ex girlfriend » until now… he shows no signs whatsoever of wanting to get back with me, he’s always with the other girl, she lives with her parents so she’s always at his house (he’s living in the house he bought for the eventual daycare, which is 10 minutes from my house so I pass by all the time and I always see her there) it’s heartbreaking. While he’s with another girl, I’m alone feeling our unborn baby move. I have no idea how to get over this, or how to make him want to come back even though I can’t make him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 23, 2019 at 5:38 pm

      Kim, I am so sorry you’re going through this! So you have to complete a limited NC where you only speak about the well being of the children and shared responsibilities. If I was you, Id focus on getting your living arrangements and financial situation fixed before worrying about them two. Them spending so much time together is not healthy and it will cause problems soon enough. As it is new it will be still in the “honeymoon” phase. So focus on you and your little family having a safe and secure life for now. Thats being a UG Mamma right now!

  10. Avatar

    Marie

    August 31, 2019 at 3:17 pm

    My ex broke up with me 12 days ago, it was an impulse decision on his part, and he suffers from depression. We had been together for 11 months. He was going through one of his low points and he was distancing himself from everyone and only wanted to do things alone.

    A member of his circle of influence convinced him that if he didn’t want to do things with me that he didn’t want to be with me in the long run. The next day he broke up with me impulsively and said he plans on moving (2 hours away)next year when his lease is up and didn’t see me being the girl for him since he was going to move.

    Our relationship had been great, all smiles and laughs and only two fights, so I don’t understand. I immediately started no contact after he returned my things, it’s been 10 days. When we said goodbye he said “If you ever need anything or need to talk, i’ll be around for the next few months.”

    Since this was an impulse decision, is there a chance he’ll regret it?

  11. Avatar

    Jane Smith

    July 30, 2019 at 1:32 pm

    Hi! My relationship of 9 months just ended a few weeks ago. It was the longest relationship my ex ever had. Initially, I did not know it was a breakup because it seemed like we couldn’t come to a decision but apparently to him, he had broken up with me. This was only clear when I talked to him on the following Monday. Even then, his behavior confused me. One minute he would be telling me about how I’m “perfect” then “don’t wait for me” and then finally, “I need to be alone.” Overall, it shook me up and I couldn’t understand why he was acting this way especially when it seemed like we were doing well for our relationship except for one part; intimacy but that could have been easily solved with patience. On Saturday, a mutual friend of ours was having a party in which another friend told me the night before that I should go if I can. The morning of the day of the party, that friend mentioned how he switched shifts with my ex so he could go to the party. Was this his way of trying to contact me? Other than that, there really hasn’t been an attempt to talk to me which is odd considering he told me during the breakup that he didn’t want this to be the last time he ever saw or talked to me. Furthermore, he recently changed his Facebook status to single yet still has many pictures of us on Instagram. I can’t tell if he is beginning to regret the breakup or if he is trying to move on. Should I continue with no contact? Thank you for taking the time to read through so many comments.

  12. Avatar

    Nancy

    June 8, 2019 at 6:40 am

    I took an ex suitor back and we became official until suddenly, things became rocky again. I went into several vacation trips while he competed in several competitions which was why we didn’t get to be together that much. In that short span of time, he became more consumed with the thrill winning gave him and I started feeling neglected-evem jealous because his friends got to be with him more. Not to mention his friends like him too. We fought big time until he decided it’s over.

  13. Avatar

    J

    June 3, 2019 at 3:00 pm

    We met online we are in our 40s we went out I felt tension but didn’t acknowledge it he was complaining I said don’t be an @ hole and he took me back to his house I grabbed ny keys as he left the door open clearly asking me to leave and Since we haven’t had too much contact I apologize sincerely after cooling off we went out one night he still hadn’t excepted my apology I tried explaining my action and took the blame and still nothing I heard from him he would drop my things off and still hasn’t I returned to dating app which I also seen him on and he sent me a message saying he was happy I moved forward.. I didn’t respond but I don’t feel as though I really have I miss him dearly and NC is killing me .. but I feel I lost him for good and not sure if that’s what we really want .. how does one argument change everything I know how we felt about each other but I guess it say a lot and how one can be so stubborn ..

  14. Avatar

    Victoria

    May 14, 2019 at 2:52 pm

    Hello my ex of over a decade and after our engagement has left me for someone else. He now seems very happy and has moved on so easily whilst I am still hurt and from the since its only been almost 3 months since the breakup. I believe he was going around with his new babe before he broke up with me so I am assuming its not a rebound relationship. At first we still use to keep in contact and he was still willing to support me financially plus was still willing to sleep with me, it is now 2 weeks that i stopped all contact with him and he only called me once to wish me well in my exams then called after to find out how was the exam after then no other contact was made between us to-date.
    I am trying to move on and sometimes I am ok but yet I tend to relapse. Can you tell me what to you. I had over a decade to love him and plan my future with him so I am finding it difficult to start planning a new future without him. Seeking your help and advice.

  15. Avatar

    Claudia

    April 30, 2019 at 10:56 pm

    Hi, My ex just dumped me and a few months later he had another girl, then he dumped her and now hes back with his ex. he used to mention her while we were dating. Although we has marriage plans. :/ Many things happened and we had an awful breakup. I love him, but he doesn’t talk to me, I deleted his number, accounts and everything because I used to text him on my low days and he always rejected me.
    I would love to know there’s still hope, but at the same time its hard to accept that he just replaced me and moved on.

  16. Avatar

    Rishika

    April 19, 2019 at 4:18 am

    My boyfriend of 6 years and I have been going through a very rough patch recently. He’s been suffering from depression and has been having second thoughts about the relationship. He’s pulled away massively and I’ve tried everything to bring him back. Nothing has worked and he told me he’s considering a breakup as he’s at a point of life where he’s not ready for a relationship as he doesn’t have the mental capacity. He’s 21 and I’m 23. I also found chats between him and a girl who is in love with him and on occasions he has reciprocated with stuff saying he is confused and he wants her too and that his life is a mess and he’s depressed. On most occasions he’s not responded positively to her. When I confronted him about her, he said he didn’t mean anything he said to her, that he’s not in love with her and he didn’t see her as anything but a very good friend and that nothing physical happened between them. I find this hard to believe but he’s maintained his stance. I’ve asked the girl and she’s said yes when I asked her if they’ve been physical, but he immediately texted me after saying that she lied because she thought he was better off without me. The girl was very evading of my questions when I asked her what went down between them and she was very rude to me despite my remaining calm. I don’t know what to believe anymore. One day he says he feels his feelings are going, the next day he says he still loves me but is thoroughly depressed to think about it. I really want this relationship to work out but I don’t know what to do. It’s been over a week that we have barely spoken. yesterday I asked him if he’s coming as he was supposed to, he said he didn’t want to come right now and would have seen me in July. I told him I can’t take the indecisiveness that long and asked him if he wanted to give it a shot or break it off. He said he would prefer to end it. So I said I understand, bye and take care and left it at that. Do you think he’ll ever come back?

  17. Avatar

    Amira

    April 1, 2019 at 8:36 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I broke up with my partner of 16years few months ago Iam currently doing the no contract rule and it’s day 21 and he has not contacted me still. I have started to go gym and obtained a new job and become healthy. I love him and don’t know what to do i thought by now he would miss me and think about me and even send me a text to see how Iam expecially being together for such a long time. He isn’t on any social media so I can’t show him how I have improved as a person and his friends are too scared to speak to me because he would hate it. So I don’t know what to do please help me

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 1, 2019 at 10:25 pm

      Hi Amira.. good job with the work in the gym and the other health activities you are pursuing. I would recommend you track with my Program as it breaks out what you should be doing during NC and how to prepare for the time when you will be reaching out with your first contact efforts.

  18. Avatar

    Alice

    March 12, 2019 at 1:48 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend broke up with me a week ago. It happened very out of the blue.

    It was my first ever proper relationship.. we date for almost three years. we met at the summer ball we were both 22 at the time, two days before I was set to leave university for good. We were both final years. I told him although I liked him a lot, he was moving to home to Southampton and I was moving back to Birmingham. He said it didn’t matter. We went on a date the last day I had at university.

    It went so well. He said goodbye and assured me he would see me again. I wasn’t convinced. That would be too good to be true. But it happened. He travelled on a mega bus coach for 6 hours to see me. He met my family. Staid with us for a week.

    I knew he was different from all the other people I had met. From this we hit it off and started dating long distance. He then got a job and moved to London.

    For about a year and a half he had wanted me to move in with him in london. It had been his idea. I held off moving because I wasnt ready. And I couldn’t get a well enough paid job. He had an economics degree. I had a theatre degree. It was a lot harder for me. I got a job at home as a legal assistant. I knew this career would earn for money and help me move to London to be with him. He works as a financial analyst.

    Anyway, in April last year my grandad died 🙁 I found life incredible difficult. He was like a father to me and it was the first death I had ever experienced. It was very worrying. He struggled in hospital for almost a year before. It was a tough time for me but it didn’t impact our relationship. I didn’t want it to. We still made time for eachother at the weekends and would visit every weekend. When grandad died he was very supportive. Attended the funeral with me. Held me when I cried. He even cried himself. He hates me being upset.
    He even wrote in a valentine’s card once that he wanted to make me the happiest girl ever.

    Anyway. Story goes on. We went about our relationship as normal. Strong as ever. Very in love. Everything was fine.

    In January this year however. I left my job. It was stressful and I was being very badly bullied at work. I had our up with this for a year. And couldn’t do it anymore. I left with no job to go to. But Adam said he fully supported my decision. He was aware of what I had been through at work this entire time and had said I needed a new job.

    Anyway I left. We had a holiday in january. The week after I left my job. It was during my birthday on the 14th. We had had this booked for a while. He had paid for the whole thing up front for us. I hadn’t got the money to afford it. So we agreed I would pay him back once I could. After loosing my job he said not to worry and if be able to pay him back in small chunks when I got a job. We went skiing together. My ex loved skiing. And was so excited to share this with me. I had never been and he had only recently the year before went himself with a friend and loved it.

    We went skiing and had the best holiday ever. He bought me tickets to a musical theatre show for my birthday. I love musicals and my idol is the lead. The tickets are booked for the 18th march so it’s very soon.

    Anyway he must’ve thought he would still be with me then at that time.

    When we got back from holiday i started looking for jobs. Applying to many every day. I’d get up early and keep working until late at night applying to jobs on London. I decided I would try and get a job I loved doing. I went for theatre talent agency work. I went for interviews. Some bad experiences some lovely. I was visiting London and staying with him for interviews. We were fine. I had four interviews within the space of a month and a half. It was a stressful time being jobless. I had a lot of doubt I was capable of getting a job I loved. My confidence was knocked by my previous job bullies.

    Just less than two weeks before our break up, the last time I visited London for an interview (and the last time I saw him before he broke up with me.) We had an argument about rent. It wasn’t a heated arguement. Just we strongly disagree with eachother. We never shouted at eachother. I was in London staying with him the night and I was going for an interview the next morning. He would be earning double what I was on if I got this job. We were discussing rent. And placed to live. Locations and things. He wanted to split 50/50. That would leave me destitute. And in London it would be very bad. I’d love to work and go to sleep. I wouldn’t have money for lesiure. The places he was looking at were actually sort of out of my price range. But London being London there wasn’t anything that would be in my price range. I said maybe I should take the job or bother going to interview. And he said no and that I should go. So I did. We had a debate about how fairly to split rent.i honestly wish I had just agreed with him. To argue about money was horrible.

    He wanted to split 50/50 but I thought splitting it propritonally to our salaries was the best way. That way it wouldn’t leave me destitute and it would still have him save money. He would be better off still.

    Currently he pays around £700 on rent for just him. However if I had moved in and we paid 50/50 he would be paying £500 and I’d have paid £500.

    If we split it how I wanted to, which was 60/40. He would have paid £600 and me £400. This seemed fairest to me. He was still saving money. And I wasnt going to be left destitute. I didn’t see a problem. He did though. He said it was like him giving me pocket money. And that it was hide responsibility for him to pay more. He didn’t see it as fair or equal.

    We have always been very equal in our relationship. We would split the bill going out to eat. We would take it in turns fairly to pay for meals.

    He was always talking about money. And how to save money and things. Now I look back. He was kind of in love with money.

    After talking it over for ages. We came to the conclusion that it was fairest my way. He said it it makes me happy and it lessens my concerns and worries about moving to London and affording things. He would do it.

    After that I went for the interview in the morning. Everything was normal. He kissed me goodbye and called me beautiful like always and wished me luck.

    I went for the interview. It went super well and I phoned him after he was asking about it. We had a super positive chat.

    He came back from work. We decided I stay for another night because we liked having eachother around.And we went for dinner at dinner we had a talk about moving location. The job I went for an interview for was south London. I suggested we move somewhere in the middle of our places. He works central London. And lives in zone 2. He strongly disagreed we move anywhere near the south of London because of poorer connection. He was very assertive that we stay central. I was saddened as my commute would be atleast an hour if not more.. but when he showed me how poorly connected with tubes and trains were I agreed we should stay in central.

    We are our meal and left. Carried on completely normal. We were fine still. We’ve always been good at communicating and navigating disagreements in a calm and mature way.

    That weekend he was set to go home for his sister’s birthday present that hd been booked. It was gokarting.

    I didn’t see him for a week and a half and we went pretty quiet on me. I said he was very busy at work. I was aware beforehand that there was a big deadline looming and he was working until midnight some nights. This had happened last year and he went quiet then and so i trusted and assumed it was okay. Everything was still fine. I got offered two interviews that week. On the Friday. I asked if I could come down on Thursday night to sleep and wake up early to get to the interviews. He said he would rather I didn’t because his housemates had got angry about me staying so often recently for interviews and auditions.

    I was surprised. But it sounded true because his housemates were always moody about noise and his contract doesn’t actually permit overnight visitors.

    I said okay and just went the Friday to the two interviews. and went home the same day. Both interviews went really well snd I tried to phone him after each one like we usually did to give him an update. But he didn’t pick up. I assumed he was just busy. We hadn’t spoken very much at all. We agreed he would come this weekend and see me in birmingham. I then got offered the job I had interviews for that day at around 6pm they wanted me to start Monday. I messaged him saying so. He didn’t reply and then messaged me around 8pm saying he wasn’t going to get to mine tonight as he was still at work. He said he would come on Saturday instead. This had happened in the past too so I didn’t read into it. I thought maybe he was angry about the rent thing and maybe he wanted to have a serious chat about that again. But I didn’t ever expect he would break up with me. Not at all.

    I wake up Saturday excited to see him and talk about our future together..this weekend was going to be the start of us planning our lives together! I was going to start a dream job in London in two days time.

    He didn’t text me for hours on saturday. It got to half 2 in the afternoon and I tried to phone him. I wondered maybe he had had a late night and he was having a massive lie in. I started to worry soemthing was up but mostly thought he would just be late. He didn’t pick up my call. He texts me at 3pm saying he was now on the train and would be at mine for half 3. The train from London to Birmingham is almost 2hours. So he had been on that train without messaging me all day. Was he just going to turn up unannounced? I was confused and this mad men worry
    he asked what everyone at home was up to. I said Mom was out on a course all day, my sister was at work, it was just me in. I’m at home in my PJ’s. No make up on. Totally unprepared for what is about to go down. He turns up to the door. And I answer all smiles. A big hello to him. He stood there in the doorway. He hadn’t washed. He had a weeks growth of his beard. He looked a mess and he his expression was like no other I had seen before. He looked nervous and sad and worried. Mostly numb though.

    He walks in lifeless. And sits down in my lounge. Saying come on let’s talk about this weekend. I stood at the door.
    “You’ve met someone else” I said.
    He says “come on sit down” I repeat myself. He said no I haven’t. Just come an sit down.
    I said your are scaring me. What’s going on as I sit down.

    He says ” I don’t want you to live with me anymore.” He croaks this out. And says it in a lifeless and sad way. Like he could cry.

    I’m in shock. I ask him what brought this on. And he said he hadn’t been enjoying our relationship these past few weeks.

    My heart sank. I cried a lot. I went to get. Glass of water

    We talked. I can’t really remember. I think I want asking what I had done. I said he had met someone clearly. And I begged him to just tell me if that was it because it would make things easier for me to understand. I guessed at what it was that had caused this a lot.

    He said he knew I was trying to work it all out but it wasn’t any of that. He just didn’t love me anymore.

    A side note to this story… When he first moved to London he had done this before. He was all stressed about all the change. Hi mother smothering him as he left home. I had spent a few days with him and I think it all overwhelmed him. He said he didn’t know if our relationship would work out then. But he quickly changed his mind that time and we never broke up. He said that he would’ve regretted it had he have broken up with me then.

    I brought this up. I said to him. Remember you almost did this before. Are you just stressed out at work, overwhelmed with change and pressure. Is it the rent? He said no. He said it just wasn’t going to work out. He said sorry a lot.

    After a while he asked for his spare keys to his place in London. We went up to my room and I got them for him I gave him a few other things in my room.

    He went downstairs to put his shoes on and I cried and cried silently.
    He could see I was pained.

    I went downstairs and he said he should go. I said I didn’t know what was worse. Someone falling out of love with you or someone meeting someone new. He didn’t say anything. He looked so sad.

    We both were. He came up to me and gave me a hug as i stood there lifeless. I looked at him and said “we will never see eachother again will we”. He hugged me close and cried on my shoulder. I said please don’t cry I don’t want you to be sad. I don’t want you to be in pain. He cried and I cried and we were both very sad. Crying and holding eachother tight.

    He then went to the door. I said goodbye. Stood in disbelief. He said sorry and shut the door.

    As he walked away down my road he was crying hysterically.

    We didn’t talk again. The next day (Sunday) I came across the tickets he had bought me for the 18th march. I cried and cried. I decided to text him in the evening asking if I could still go. I dropped in that I was going to France on Wednesday so to please let me know. He text back immediately saying “Of course you should go. I really hope you are ok, I’m sorry with the way everything turned out. I hope you enjoy France .”

    I didn’t reply. I was going to France with my sister because she had planed to go ages ago and she booked me flights to go with her as soon as he broke up with me on that Saturday.

    It’s been over a week since he broke up with me. I got back from France yesterday. I expected he would’ve contacted me. Regretting it. Especially at the weekend as he used to spend every weekend with me. That’s when I thought he would miss me most.

    I’ve heard nothing from him since that ext about the tickets.

    What’s worse is he doesn’t have social media. So he can’t see what I’m doing and I can’t see what he’s doing. We didn’t have mutual friendship groups. So I can’t ask.

    It’s like he never existed and all I have as proof is photos, gifts and cards written by him.

    My heart is broken. I don’t know how to move on. I wish I knew why this happened.

    The longer time goes by the more with think mage he did meet someone.

    But I sway everyday between he met someone !! To… it was money (rent disagreements) and living together pressures and the sudden job offer immediately.

    I don’t know what it was. I can’t get over it.

    Can you offer me your opinion? Do you think he has someone new?
    Why did he break up with me?
    Does he regret it?
    🙁 What happened.
    Do you think he will come back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 12, 2019 at 8:39 pm

      Hi Alice….I offered you some thoughts in some previous messages!

  19. Avatar

    Monika

    February 19, 2019 at 3:38 pm

    I met a guy 2 years ago and when that happened I instantly heard from our mutual friend that he liked me. But I was in a long-term relationship back then. After I ended that relationship I wanted to be alone for a while and so I was. I went abroad for 3 months and I travelled a lot, I focused on my dreams. When I came back I was a different person, I was healed, self-confident and happy. I guess he noticed me again cause he invited me for a New Years Eve party. And we started to date. It was him who initiated all of our dates and he seemed like he cared a lot. After a month he introduced me to his entire family, not to mention the fact that we hung out really often at his place. And then, all of the sudden he stopped texting me. I thought that maybe he needed some space so I let him. I texted him once and I sensed that he is different and distant so I didn’t want to push him, I patiently waited for him to come back to me. But he didn’t. After a week of silence, we met and he told me that it’s over because he had no feelings for me anymore. I was really understanding and thanked him for honesty. But I really care about this man. Is there any chance that he will come back to me?

  20. Avatar

    Jejju

    February 18, 2019 at 6:05 pm

    Hi Chris
    I have read your blog every time we separate and then he came back I also accept… this time I need your advice… he abused me with bad words for doing nothing. He always assumes I have a new guy or flirting or someone is having crush on me. We are in long distance. I cannot keep proving him always and I was so pissed this time when he abused me with bad words. I stopped contacting and said I am done with you. Then after a month he comes and says sorry for doing this I will never abuse or tak bad words, he said I can live anyway I want but he needs me. He is not a person of sorry and regrets, so when he did that I was scared to accept and still spoke to him but just vague answers. I still damn love him chirs. When I ignored him more he lost it and again started telling bad words and told he never wants me back in his life and he knew my character and he left me. Now it’s been 2 weeks and no sign of him at all. I did not want this breakup. I want him to trust me 100 percent and believe me. Stay with me. I wanted him to realize but not leave… I know his ego and attitude will not let him come back to me. I want to know will he come back someday and realize my love… I will not allow anyone in my life Chris, I will love him always no matter what happens but I will still improve my life. I am a photography student and planning o start my business and be bold enough to handle everything… but this part of love life is making me numb… I use to get so many dreams about him when ever we have huge fight and separate… it’s been so many days I dnt feel any emotions and I am so numb and feel Pale dead … I don’t have words to explain this feeling… I dnt even get dreams about him anymore. Will he never come back to me?

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