Today we are going to talk about if your ex regrets breaking up with you.

It’s pretty obvious that breakups in general are hard. Often most of my personal coaching clients are left reeling and confused.

Often they’ll have the following thoughts.

“Does he regret leaving me?”

“Does he even feel bad for hurting me?”

If it makes you feel a little better, everyone going through a breakup has these exact same thoughts.

In this article I’m going to explore the idea of breakups and regret in a way that I’m not seeing anyone attempt.

I’ll be tackling questions like,

  1. Is Regret After A Breakup Normal
  2.  Are There Signs That An Ex Will Exhibit If They Regret Their Decision?
  3. How Often Do Dumpers Actually Regret Leaving?
  4. What Exactly Is Going Through A Dumpers Mind When They Do Regret Leaving A Relationship?
  5.  Steps You Can Actually Take To Make An Ex Regret Breaking Up With You

Let’s begin.

Is Regret After A Breakup Normal?

So I have some good news and some bad news.

The good news is that regret after a breakup is completely normal.

Often when faced with an emotional situation like a breakup human beings have this tendency to romanticize the past.

I’ve often spoke about the idea of the “peak end rule.”

Essentially it’s a framework that shows how human beings process information.

Take a look at this chart.

You’ll notice immediately that there are two distinct points in which human beings remember most when forced to think back on a memory.

  1. The peak, which is the most exciting part of the experience.
  2. And the end, the actual end of the experience.

After a breakup these two points are put under a lot of stress.

Exes who tend to romanticize the past tend to think back fondly on the peaks of their relationships.

They’ll remember those amazing times together and often that romanticization can lead to regret.

Of course, I started this section by explaining that I had good news and bad news.

The good news was that yes, regret is completely normal after a breakup.

The bad news is that sometimes you’ll never get confirmation if an ex is regretting their decision to break up with you.

This is why I’d like to dive into the rabbit hole even deeper and discuss some of the signs that me and my team have noticed exes express when they regret their decision to break up with you.

Signs That An Ex Regrets Their Decision To Break Up With You

I’ve actually talked a lot about this concept on Ex Boyfriend Recovery before.

I’ve recorded a few podcasts on the subject.

And even was lucky enough to film an entire video dissecting some of the signs that an ex regrets breaking up with you.

But one thing you’ll learn about me is that I am never satisfied. I am constantly taking my theories and trying to disprove them.

My thinking is that the more I do this the more I’ll be able to find the universal truth about a specific subject and provide you with better breakup advice.

So, what has years of internal research yielded when it comes to signs that an ex regrets their decision to break up with you?

In all my team and I have identified 4 signs signs that your ex is having a hard time with the breakup.

  1. Unfollow/Unfriend
  2.  Deleting Pictures Together But Leaving One Untouched
  3. Being Quick To Anger
  4. Obsessive Thoughts And Cravings

I’d like to take a moment to dissect each of these signs.

Let’s start from the top.

Sign #1: They Unfollow Or Unfriend You

Initially this may seem like an odd sign to include but if you really think about it, it does make sense.

I’ve been on record many times stating that human beings tend to react one of two ways after a breakup.

Fight or Flight

Essentially they’ll either run away from the problem or they’ll fight the problem.

That’s what will happen here.

Sometimes an ex who regrets his decision to break up with you will avoid you at all costs.

And all costs includes things like unfriending you or unfollowing you on Facebook.


Simple, they don’t want to be reminded of anything you are up to because it causes them extreme pain.

Sign #2: Deleting All Your Pictures Together But Leaving One Untouched

This may seem like an odd sign to include as well. However, I don’t want you to think of it like that.

I recently filmed a video on the signs your ex is pretending to be over you.

What is interesting about it is that this was one of the signs we noticed exes will exhibit.

Essentially they’l delete all of your pictures together except leave one untouched.

But why?

Well, my theory is that they are trying to get a reaction out of you. They want to see you struggle because it’s a way for them to check and see if you still care.

They want you to react.

Because if you do then it tells them that you still care about the relationship as much as they do.

Sign #3: Being Quick To Anger

Have you ever seen one of those pendulums that swing from one side to the other?

Emotions kind of act in a similar way after a breakup.

I often call this phenomenon the “pendulum swing effect.”

One minute your ex may seem cold and the next the pendulum will swing to hot.

This essentially means they say or do something that makes you think they are interested.

A few days go by and then they jump to being cold.

That means they are quick to anger or just completely fall off the map.

So, what can this hot and cold pendulum swing tell us?

Well, all it will tell us is that your ex is having a hard time processing the emotions that typically come along with a breakup.

Sign #4: Obsessive Thoughts And Cravings

I’m going to touch on this concept a bit later in this article but one of the biggest signs that an ex is regretting their decision to break up with you is if they think about you more than normal.

Now, I can hear the naysayers out there saying things like,

“Chris, how in the world can we tell what’s going on in our exes heads?”

Put simply, you can’t.

But you can pay attention to their actions. Generally I used to tell my clients to pay attention to what an ex will say when you talk to them.

However, experience has taught me that what an ex says and what an ex does don’t always match up.

I always advise my clients to pay attention to what an ex is doing.

Their actions will tell you what they really think.

So, how can you tell if they are having obsessive thoughts and cravings about you?

Well, how often are they texting you?

Are they trying to see you in person?

These are direct actions that tell us that they are obsessing over you to the point where they have to talk to you or see you.

A very good sign indeed.

But How Often Do Dumpers Actually Regret Leaving?

Regret is a funny thing.

Recently I filmed a video on regret. Specifically how to make an ex regret his decision to break up with you.

Now, normally when I film these videos I jot down a few things that I’d like to cover and just talk organically about them.

The question when I planned out that video that I wanted to answer was,

“What are the things that people regret at the end of their lives?”

Once I went down that rabbit hole that was it.

I couldn’t stop researching and surfaced one of the most fascinating insights about the human psyche that I think I’ve ever encountered.

The biggest regrets human beings have at the end of their lives have to do with not fulfilling their ideal selves.

In other words, it all has to do with opportunities they missed.

How does that connect to a dumper regretting his decision to break up with you?

Well, when he leaves you does he feel like he is missing an opportunity?

Probably not.

In fact, I think an argument can be made that he is leaving you because he feels like being with you would cause him to miss other opportunities with other women.

Don’t take offense to that.

Men are like all human beings, very self interested.

Also, that’s not to say that you can’t make him regret his decision.

From The Mouths Of Babes… Three Men Who Regret Their Decisions To Break Up

Many of you probably don’t realize this but I actually own two of the largest breakup websites on the internet.

This website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is for women who are going through breakups.

My other websites, Ex Girlfriend Recovery is for men going through breakups.

In other words, I have an entire audience of men who are going through breakups and many of them are regretting their decision to actually break up with their girlfriends.

In preparation for this article I compiled three of the best “regret” comments I got from them.

For those wondering there were two prerequisites for me to choose a comment.

  1. They had to admit they regretted the decision
  2. They had to be the ones to break up with their exes

I want you to pay attention to some of the common themes at play which I’ll talk about after I get through each of these comments.

Man #1: Cole

“I just broke up with ex-girlfriend a couple days ago. She was falling for me and I believed we lost a connection…that was until she walked out. We dated for two months.

I instantly felt regret when I knew she wouldn’t come back.”

What I find interesting about Cole admitting his regret was that he felt they lost a connection but really didn’t feel regret until she walked out.

Let’s take note of that for later.

Man #2: Will

“Hello, I broke up with ex six months ago. The relationship was great for the first two and a half years but the last few months were full of fighting mostly because she felt like I wasn’t ready to take the relationship to the next level. She is 37 years old with two kids in elementary school. Maybe taking on the responsibility of being a parent played into my decision. I broke it off, moved out and proceeded to travel and teach overseas for a few months. After a two month nc I reached out and poured my heart out explaining that after time for soul searching I realized that I am ready for marriage and to be a step dad. She was obviously still angry and was not interested in me coming back to her. We met through work and now we are back to working together. She has a new bf that she is half moved in with but their relationship has been volatile to say the least. We have worked together for six weeks and there are still hurt feelings on both sides. I will work with her for the next five months before I make the decision to leave the US without her or stay with her. How should I approach getting her back thanks”

So, he broke up with his ex six months ago, took some soul searching time and determined that he wanted her back.

Here’s the problem.

She already moved on and got a new boyfriend.

He regrets his decision clearly and I feel like he started regretting when he had that soul searching time.

Again, let’s take a note of that.

Man #3: Jonas

“I broke up with my girlfriend about a week ago. And I already regret it. The worst thing is that we study in the same school and in the same class. It would be much easier to me to not see her almost every day. I broke up with her because I wanted to get better at myself, I tried to explain it to her, but hopeless. She thinks that I broke up with her beacuse I’m tired of her or something. Is there anything that I can do?”

So, Jonas here broke up with his girlfriend and immediately regretted it.

But why?

I think it has to do with how quickly he has to see her after the breakup.

But it probably goes deeper.

It probably also has to do with the fact that she isn’t agonizing over the breakup.


What Can We Learn From These Three Men And Their Regret?

There were three big takeaways I took from this little study.

  1. One man instantly felt regret when he felt he lost his girl forever.
  2. Another one needed time before he started realizing his mistake.
  3. The third man grew upset when he saw how his ex wasn’t as upset as he thought she would be.

What do these three things tell us about some of the triggers of regret?

Well, more than anything I think they show us that they all have a connection to that “missed opportunity.”

With Cole (man one) it was all about when he had to confront the fact that he may have lost his ex forever.

With Will (man two) he felt regret when he had time to reflect on what he had really lost.

Finally with Jonas (man three) it was having to see his ex every day that probably reinforced his realization that he could have been having fun with her when he wasn’t.

Another missed opportunity.

Remember this, missed opportunities are key.

Three Steps You Can Take To Make Him Regret Breakup Up With You

Thus far we’ve really tapped into the psychology of regret.

Do men regret the breakup?

What has to align for them to regret it?

But one thing that we haven’t really talked about are specific steps that you can take to make an ex regret breaking up with you. Overall there are three main strategies that we see work the best.

  1. Completing No Contact
  2. Focusing On Self Improvement
  3. Do Things To Keep Him Guessing

Let’s talk about those three things.

Step One: Complete No Contact

For women in pain, not talking to their ex is difficult to do. We want to share how we are feeling and we want to know that our exes feel the same way.

However, No Contact is highly effective against men.

Here’s why: Men don’t like to be controlled.

What they do like is power.

When you start blowing up his phone after the breakup, he KNOWS he has power over you.

BUT, when you go silent and say nothing he begins to wonder…

“Where is she?”

“Why isn’t she upset and begging for me back?”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

“Is there someone better?”

“Did she realized she doesn’t need me?!”

This doubt is going to make him think that he doesn’t have as much pull over you as he thought he did.

You’re strong and independent.

You are worthy of his RESPECT.

That’s right!

Holding your own and staying silent is going to make him respect you and in time this will draw him back to you.

We all want what we cannot have. You need to make yourself as unobtainable, or ungettable as possible.

Step Two: Focus On Self Improvement

So, speaking of becoming ungettable… do you know what that is?

It’s an Ex Boyfriend Recovery term.

You can read more about it in this article, The Ungettable Girl.

The absolute best revenge you can take on an ex is to make him regret losing you in the first place.

A lot of women make the mistake of becoming the “crazy” ex girlfriend.

But not you.

You are going to become a glowing, healthy, vibrant version of yourself that is going to make him stop and say,

“Is that really HER?!”

How do you go about doing this?

Well, you focus on the Holy Trinity.

The Holy Trinity is another one of those Ex Boyfriend Recovery terms. It’s a trifecta:

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

Here’s a video I put together to explain it:

Let’s tackle the holy trinity step by step.


This is a pretty big one for you as men are upsettingly interested in looks.

After a breakup, exercise is an excellent way to burn off your negative emotions and get an ego boost while your at it. And you do it all while working on improving your overall health and physical appearance.

Get a new haircut and update your wardrobe Do anything you can do that makes you feel goo about yourself. Yes you want to make him stop and take notice as he scrolls through your Instagram, but ultimately the goal should be making yourself feel amazing.

On that note, there is another aspect of health that doesn’t always get as much attention ad your physical health and that is your mental health.

Working on mental health can mean many things:

  • Seeing a therapist
  • Doing some journaling
  • Attending yoga classes
  • Just taking some time for yourself

Whatever it is you need to do to rebalance your mind, do it.


I don’t know if you have heard or not but now is the time for powerful women.

This means we no longer relying on men.

During your No Contact, work on getting yourself established financially so that the only person you NEED to be successful is you.

This can mean many things.

It can mean getting a new job, it can mean asking for a raise, or it can mean going back to school.

Whatever it means for you to place yourself into better standing financially go forward and start taking the steps needed to get there.


After a breakup, women have little to no interest in dating. They want the man they want and that is it.

However… hear me out here… dating is actually going to get your ex interested in getting back together with you.

Like I said earlier, men want what they cannot have and they want what other people want. If he hears you are dating again he is going to start to fear truly losing you and will come running back.

I’m not saying go out and look for love. I am saying go see a movie… have dinner… let someone treat you well for a change.

Outside of just dating, though it is important to cultivate the relationships with your friends and with yourself. It is too easy to get the idea that you need a relationship to be happy.

That is simply is not true!

Become comfortable with yourself and develop a solid support group to surround yourself with. That is the goal of the Holy Trinity and Becoming Ungettable.

Step Three: Do Things To Keep Him Guessing

The final piece of advice that I am going to give you is to keep your ex guessing.

After No Contact, if he asks you about things that you did or people you met after the breakup give vague answers that will make his imagination run wild.

For example, if he asks,

“Have you ever been to this restaurant?”

Smile and say,

“Oh yeah, a couple weeks ago. It’s a fun place!”

and leave it at that.

I personally have been doing this and my ex now thinks I went on twenty times as many dates as I actually went on… It drives him crazy.

Emotions and people change. Your ex may feel a certain way now but that is not going to last forever.

Focus on yourself, become the best version of you that you can be and he will come crawling back to you. You may very well realize you are worth so much more than he could ever offer you.

95 thoughts on “Will My Ex Regret Breaking Up With Me?”

  1. Avatar


    January 3, 2020 at 8:26 am

    Hi Chris,

    I’ve been in a relationship with my ex for morethan just a year. And he’s been an amazing person to me and helped me alot in my life. I did all my best to make him happy and satisfied with our relationship and tried my best to be the girl that he needs, being there for him emotionally and physically. He’s a very strong charactered person and very independent. Im just an add-on in his life and I always know he can live on without me. Because of insecurities, i made a mistake of taking a part time job even though he said NO to me when i told him. I still went to check it out because I needed extra income and I don’t want to ask him for money, wanting to be independent as well. And also, i don’t want him to feel used. It made him mad and said that I disrespected him and ignored what he said and that I could have asked for him for the money. He broke up with me. Its been 3 days now. I begged for him to reconsider but he has blocked me in social media and my number. Our only communication is in whatsapp. He said to just contact him if i am in an emergency and if he can he will be there for me to help. I sent him messages begging and explaining why i did what i did but he just sees them and never replied. He said he doesn’t want us anymore. I love this man so much and its so devastating. I feel like he really lost his interest because he is so distant and this is not the first time that we had an argument because I tend to make my own decisions and ignore what he said. In my defense, they’re all not endangering our relationship. Its just small things like the change of wardrobe and this part time job. but he always tells that he feels disrespected. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 5, 2020 at 12:51 am

      Hi Shyla start following the program and spending some time on yourself. Then reach out at the end of your No Contact

  2. Avatar


    January 1, 2020 at 3:53 am

    Hi, me and my ex broke up 9 days ago. We were together for 8 months and had decided we would marry. The first 6 months were amazing but as soon as his 4th year uni started we got distant. We would hardly meet but we would text throughout the day. This caused problems and I became a bit pushy. I’ve dumped him 3 times but each time went back and he accepted. The third time I dumped him was a week before our exams which I admit was awful of me. I went back to him after a few days but this time he said no. That the mental stress of uni and the relationship was too much. But I know he loved me a lot (don’t know if he still does). I did ask him for another chance and begged he wouldn’t budge and got angry stating all cons. It’s now been 5 days I’m doing no contact – we work at the same place in the same team. He’s been off work for 2 months due to uni stress but he will be back next week. How should I behave at work? I really love him a lot and want him back. Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 3, 2020 at 6:46 am

      Hi Isha, so it sounds like you actually could do with a break from each other if only to miss each other. Spending some time following the no contact rule will help give your ex some head space and think about what it is he wants just as much as it will you. It is a stressful time in your career as you are both going through exams in university so take this time to be selfish and focus on yourself and your studies. Reaching out when the exams are over

  3. Avatar


    December 21, 2019 at 10:20 pm

    Dated a guy for 3 months going on 4. Everything was going smoothly. We talked everyday even with our busy/stressful careers. (Physician, social worker) theres a 7 year age gap. Me being younger…if that matters… we hung out atleast once a week and when we did we had an amazing time. Made plans for new years out of town ( 10 days from today) and we had a plan to hang out 2 days after the last time we hung out…..well all of a sudden he cancelled our plans and I was upset and expressed this with him since we planned this weekend to go to this farm a month ago and he just came at me telling me that he doesnt think this will work out, we can be friends but not in a relationship, went on to say I don’t make his heart happy and there will never be a future, he doesnt feel like he can be himself around me, and theres also things about me he doesnt like, and that I should find a manlier man and that he doesnt wanna lead me on anymore.even though he just invited me out of the state 2 days prior! Which I also expressed to him. I even asked if their was anything we can do to try and make it work because I grew to like him and he said he doesn’t want to and no…..I’m so broken and confused. Hes the first man I’ve ever actually been myself with and hes also the first guy to ever leave me. I feel so worthless and like I’m not enough. I havent eaten these past few days. And I cant help but think this is coming from something or somewhere else. But I’ll never know. I’m just hanging on to his harsh last words and it hurts. I made my peace and told him hes amazing and that everything happens for a reason and I wish him well and to take care. But it still doesnt make it easy. I wish when he said it wouldnt work out I would have just said okay and stopped texting and deleted him. Not look like a fool and ask if theres anything we can do, now I feel weak…. .I’m so hurt….beyond words…. not sure why but it hurts worse than my previous 5 year relationship maybe because it came out of the blue with no warning signs from his side….idk anymore.

  4. Avatar

    Lynn Bocca

    December 14, 2019 at 8:41 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Ok, here’s a tricky one for you. My ex and I had been living together for almost 3 years. During that time he was going to school and not paying any bills. In August he finally got his first professional job, in October I asked him if he couldnstart contributing to the household now, this request led to an argument where some ugly things were said. The next few days he bought groceries, cooked dinner etc. On day 3 when I thanked him for contributing he said he had moved some things to his parents earlier that day. I apologized but he said he was going. Over the next 4 weeks he was at our house almost all the time and things were good and normal with the exception of spending a few nights at his parents. He seemed to be texting alot, so one night i found his Tinder profile, I took a screenshot, and sent it to him. His response was “I am at a loss after almost 10 years together. The love is there, but the compatibility is not.” However, the next day he we were still texting I love you, went to a movie together etc. Another week goes by and (as I later found out) he went on a Tinder date, which was a disaster. He came to my house that night and spent the next several days there. Day 4 he gets upset because I was busy and could not lend him my car to go to class 50 miles away. He doesnt talk to me for several days but then starts going to a club 50 miles away, every single night til 2 AM. ( when he lived with me he often fell asleep on the couch by 10), but would come sleep with me almost everynight. He was continously hot and cold. On Thanksgiving he came to the house and told me he loved me but couldnt be with me because I was to mean.(It shoild be noted that since his “move out” I did things like beg him to be with me, sent him lists everyday of what I loved about him (since he had said he felt unappreciated) etc. Again he was hot and cold could be days,could be min, I had no idea what he would be any given second and it was dricing me nuts. Last week he again asked to borrow my car for class. I let him. When he returned he ran in calling me a crazy B saying I followed him (I did not). The previous day he had logged onto his email from my computer and I am now wondering if somehow it may look as if I could see his personal info, which is what he meant by following. Anyways after the breakdown of screamig and storming out he blocked me on FB and phone/text. I have now held to the NC for 7 days. Im fairly certain he may still be pursuing women on Tinder. Shoild I just throw in the towel on this one since it seems to have really deteroriated since he initially left?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 15, 2019 at 11:00 pm

      Hey Lynn, it seems like he got comfortable you providing for him financially and not sharing the bills. So the fact that he argued with you when you asked him to start contributing is not fair! So take not of his behavior and do not blame yourself for the way he has not only moved out once you asked him to chip in with the house bills, also been cheating as he has been on tinder and a date while you are still together!

      If you want this guy back then you need to start with a no contact and read as much as you can about your situation on this website and make sure you understand the work you need to put in so that you are following the process properly.

  5. Avatar

    Zahira I Alicea

    December 2, 2019 at 5:46 pm

    My boyfriend and I had an argument and it escalated to a fight were we called my crazy and inmature. We are both 54 years old and this is the first time that we have a big fight like that. I was offended and went to his house and took my belongings and went to my house ( we don’t live together). We havent called or texted each other since then. I would like to have an opportunity to talk and probably get him back. I am confused because there was no “official” breakup. What now? Should I continue with the no contact rule?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 9:14 pm

      Hi Zahira, so yes continue your no contact and reach out to him when its been 30 days in a friendly way the explosive break up is hard to get them open to talking to you at first so it may take a few attempts to get him talking to you again

  6. Avatar


    December 1, 2019 at 8:15 pm

    My ex BF and I broke up one week ago today. We have broken up about 3 other times, and our recent stint was going really well, he would comment on how much happier we seemed and that I was doing really good and then he broke up with me after an argument. He said he doesn’t feel like I want to spend time with him very much. I moved all of my stuff out and I’m assuming he is getting the rest of his stuff in the next few days. We’ve never broken up and went this far as to both moving out. In the past I would beg him back, and after a couple weeks we would try again. I did beg this time for a couple days, he just keeps telling me no, and to stop because he doesn’t want to keep going over and over it again. I am 3 days into no contact and I’m having a very hard time not contacting him. I changed my number also so that I wouldn’t keep looking for him to call or text me. My question is should I ask him nonchalantly about something so he will have my number or wait until NC is over to let him know my number. He doesn’t do social media, and he knows my work schedule so he could call me at work if he wanted to. I’m curious if changing my number signaled to him that I am really done this time or if he is wondering about me, scared it’s really over or glad to not be hearing from me. I’m really hurt and confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 8:07 pm

      Hi Leigh you should stick with your No Contact and wait until it is over before reaching out

  7. Avatar

    Lola mar

    November 28, 2019 at 11:27 pm

    My ex and I broke up 3 months ago. I did no no contact for a months and a half. We were dating 4 years and this is our second broke up. I reach out for his birthday but didn’t got any response. After that he unfollowed me on Instagram. He did a new Facebook and also he deleted my number but he knows it by heart. I saw him pass by and he didnt even said hi. Our broke up wasnt bad even though he broke up with me. After his birthday I decided to do no contact a bit more. I got a new job and confidence is much better because I was needy at the end of the relationship so I feel so much great now. I decide to reach out once again yesterday with a ” I have a confession to make” text to see if he would answer but he didnt once again. I don’t understand why he isnt replying. I feel that he doesn’t wants anything to down me and also that he have moved one. I don’t why how I can get him to speak to me. I’m now confused because it’s like the no contact didnt work towards him talking but yes to make me a better person. I dont know if this is it and just give up and move on. Help need an advice please.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 10:18 pm

      Hi Lola you need to look up what we call Ungettable Girl, and do the work that this explains to do, while in No Contact, if you have reached out 3 times and had no resposne you need to do another no contact.

  8. Avatar


    November 18, 2019 at 12:57 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me more than a week ago and we ended on good terms. It was an impulsive decision and he didn’t use the word breakup but insisted on we aren’t right for each other at this moment. I tried the no contact rule but two days after the breakup he reached out to me, in a manner that was even more attentive than before. He checked in more frequently than before, the conversation was more light than before, he tried to bring up lots old memories, he replied more quickly (almost immediately) than before …. I sometimes even received some selfies and what interesting things were going on in his life. However, we haven’t met in person by far after the breakup. I initiated once by saying I want to see you but there was no following up. Does he want us get back together or it’s just a sign we would be just friends?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 12:37 pm

      Hi Andriana, so you need to complete a proper NC and not reply to him when he reaches out all youre doing is reassuring him that you are there if he wants you. You need to make him feel the fear of loss. Stop replying to him for a minimum of 30 days and work on yourself for some time. Be social with your friends but avoid being where he is for some time. Posting to social media about the fun and exciting things you are doing, and even post subtle jealousy posts where he will worry you could be dating someone else. The most important thing. DO NOT REPLY TO HIM FOR 30 DAYS IN TOTAL. NO MATTER WHAT. Unless he direct asks you to get back together, do not answer him.

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    November 12, 2019 at 4:53 pm

    Hey Chris!
    So my bf of 3 years have been on an on-off relationship. I recently broke up with him, it’s almost a week since I broke up with him. Honestly, I love him so much and I know he loves me too but we’re somehow toxic 🙁 especially when we get mad and start arguing we tend to hurt each other’s feelings and say some rude stuff but at the end of the day we still love each other. It got to a point I was fade up with us arguing and I had to breakup with him, tho I promised him I’ll never ever leave him again but I left again for the 3rd time Now I miss him so much and I wanna get back together but I feel like he’s done and he’s tired of me always giving up on our relationship when it gets tough. What should I do? Cause I texted him a few minutes ago wanting to talk to him on the phone, he said he’ll call later I’m waiting for him to call but I had to pour my feelings here hoping you’ll advice me on this situation. I love him but we tend to hurt each other sometimes

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 8:39 pm

      Fahima, so your issue is that you and he dont communicate the right way when you are having a disagreement about something, so if you are to get back together you need to find couples therapy who is going to help you both learn how to speak to one another when you are not happy with something. On and off relationships tend to get back together again without an issue. The keeping together bit is the problem. This is why you need to seek some counselling for how to communicate as a couple

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    November 11, 2019 at 5:39 pm

    I had a one year relationship. My girlfriend broke up with me because she wasnt able to go deep with her feelings and she said she knew she could go more she wasnt able to do that. Then she said the feelings of her kind of became stable at some point. And then when things were happening somewhere the feelings began to decrease and then she didnt wanted to hurt me as i was providing her with everything and loved her.. and the guilt of not able to reciprocate was eating her. I conviced her a lot, cried everything i did. But she said she didnt want a relationship. But she feels the feelings are increasing or she regrets it she will come back. And also somewhere in her head she thinks i still always there for her. She also said she sometimes felt suffocated and alone at my house when we were together. I really want her back and please tell me what to do.. we hadnt talked from 8 days. But have been snaping.. will she ever realise? Will she ever regret..? Will she ever come back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2019 at 8:15 pm

      To give yourself your best chance, you need to follow the program and work on yourself during your NC

  11. Avatar


    November 8, 2019 at 12:34 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I dated my ex for 8years,we were engaged to be married this December and I broke up with him 2days ago. We have had so much in the relationship the past years,he would cheat,lie and break promises over a countless times and I forgave. We’ve been on an on and off relationship since our engagement this year,I’m talking about 3months without touching each other. I revecently live in town and he lives on the other side of the block, he recently came to me and apologised,that he doesn’t know why he keeps treating me this way.We had agreed to get a new place and stay together again as I had refused to go back to our previous one, I feel neighbors won’t respect me anymore,for what I had put up with in front of them in particular. He promised to get the place 3days ago,and that we would move in together,he asked me not to go to work,so we could do the packing and moving together,I didn’t. That very same day,he didn’t call at the time he said he would so we could move,he didn’t answer my calls and didn’t get back to me, until 4hours later when he left a message on my voicemail to prove he’s in a session and he would call me right after that. It was then that I sent him a message,and told him I couldn’t continue with the relationship anymore,because this is not the first time he make promises and on the day to fulfil them,he disappears,doesn’t call,doesn’t text and keeps ignoring me. His actions always leave me frustrated and very hurt,he says he loves me,he wants to make me his wife but his actions say otherwise. I am really fed up,because all I’ve ever been was being an honest partner to him,and he keeps dissapointing me. We broke up for over a million times since we’ve been together,and it’s because of the things he was doing to me that I always dumped him. The wedding date is around the corner,and I don’t even see it happening because his actions are not as convincing. I asked Him to come with me to church about 4times,he promised and never did,I asked him to go for therapy with me,he indirectly refused,I asked that we talk to someone he’s comfortable talking to then,that he refused too. I have tried all I could,I feel like I’m the only one who wants this relationship,who’s committed to us. Please help,what can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2019 at 9:12 pm

      Hey Prudentia, I sugget letting him go through therapy and keeping to NC during that time as he needs to work out why he is treating you this way. You need to do the work to be the Ungettable girl and learn your worth and what you are willing to accept from someone and how many times youre going to forgive him. The information about how to be Ungettable is on the website through articles and YouTube videos too

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    November 3, 2019 at 9:50 pm

    I am very active in social media, so playing the UG is not working as well as it should because he is used to it. I’m starting NC. If I close (temporary) one of my accounts would it be worse or would make him miss me? Because even during the periods we talk less, he sees me so active in social media that the “missing” part doesn’t work, I’m always “there”. So I thought of going off one of my apps for a few weeks (not only for him but for myself, because some things there are killing me and awakening my insecurities and jealously). But I don’t know if that would be worse because “out of sight / out of mind”. But as I said, seeing me there (even as UG) doesn’t help to make him miss me…
    What would you recommend?
    Thank you a lot.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 4:42 pm

      Hi Frigga, so if you are normally a very active person on social media you need to become a less active member, one or two posts a week and they need to be 100% UG so they grab attention. Being UG is not only the social media side of things its a mentality and a way of life so read up on the concept and even plan out the things that you think our life needs working on. And do that. And a break from social media now and again is good for our mental rest too

  13. Avatar


    November 2, 2019 at 11:52 am

    He dumped me on the 1st and he was real kind about it. He dumped me seemingly out the blue but he said he had been thinking for a week about all the arguments we had had in our relationship and he realised he never got over them. He said that what I had said 5 days prior to that (that his room was really dirty and he should take more effort when I’m coming because were long distance and when we see each other he should make an effort as I do) made him see that he could no longer be himself around me. He broke up with me the exact same way his best friend broke up with his girlfriend. I asked him if he fell out of love with me before those 5 days he had been thinking of leaving me, and he said no. I was so happy and I wasn’t expecting this. He said he was really sorry and that he never wants to be with me again. He deleted our shared album And began following the girl he was previously flirting with, on social media. I’m contemplating whether I should block and unfollow him from everything. I begged hard. He’s broken up with me 3 times and I always beg and I begged this time too but he didn’t change his mind. I have absolutely no desire to call or text him because I’m simply too humiliated. But should I unfollow him? Is this man purely done with me? Is his best friend influencing him? What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2019 at 10:57 pm

      1 – Only you can decide if you want him back or not so until then I cant tell you what you should do
      2 – There is a chance his friends have influence on how he ended things, but it is not his friend making him do it, this will have been his decision
      3 – At this moment in time it will seem like he is happy its over, but that is very much normal for a newly single guy, his true feelings will show in time. But you need to make sure you are doing a minimum of 30 days No Contact and dont reply to him if he reaches out either
      4 – I wouldn’t recommend unfollowing or unfriending if you want to get him back, if you want to move on then yes i would remove all sight of him while youre working on getting over him.

  14. Avatar


    October 10, 2019 at 6:45 am

    My ex and I broke up because I felt him getting distant with me and I heard that he was cheating i confronted him and he got so upset and started spilling out that he has another girl so i left and that was that until I broke down every time I saw him because we have a son together.After a couple weeks after the break up when he comes to check on his son he would be wanting to play with as if we were still great friends I stopped texting him and stopped calling him and just focussed on my school and my son after that I now see him calling often than before saying hes checking if his sons okay.

  15. Avatar


    October 2, 2019 at 4:05 pm

    My ex left me about 4 months ago now. We have 2 kids together were engaged and brought a house last year. He now wants to sell the house. He isn’t interested in reconciliation at all. He tells me he doesn’t love me and we will never get back together. That I should just move on like he is.
    He is seeing a 19 year old who he used to work with, he is 30 in November and I had stuff planned but that’s not gonna happen so am also losing money. He tells me that even if he got feelings back for me he wouldn’t act on them. That we are finished and that is that. He told me he didn’t want anymore kids but yesterday was more than happy to have more in the future. It broke me completely. I don’t know what else to do he isn’t interested in me at all. And from the looks of things is trying to remove me completely from his life. If it wasn’t for the kids I’d say he would have been long gone. He says he wasn’t happy in our relationship but didn’t tell me that until 2 months after the breakup when he was seeing that girl. I’m just so lost, I don’t know what to do or where to turn. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 2, 2019 at 7:27 pm

      Hi Stacey, so you need to work on completing a full limited no contact where you only speak to him about the children and their welfare. So the best thing for you to do is work on making your life better “without him” and where it shows you’re managing without him around etc. I know this is hard. While he has the other woman around you need to do the being there method after your no contact is over. Basically your goal is to become the Ungettable Girl then hell start to regret his decision. He has to say the horrible things he does to you, mainly to prove to himself. So try not to take it personally hes being selfish at this time and will say hurtful things to justify his actions

  16. Avatar

    Nicolette Yvette Raske

    October 1, 2019 at 5:02 am

    Hi Chris I’ve been reading your blogs listening to your pod casts.
    Along with watching your utube videos they have been very helpful.
    Me and my ex boyfriend live together and have been broken up .
    For 2 months it’s been very hard I have cryed alot .
    On my own at first I was begging crying and pleading for him to come back.
    However I stopped doing that he recently told me .
    That he feels regret for breaking up with me .
    Saying maybe he could have tried harder to make it work.
    He is however dating someone else and has been for 2 months .
    I still love this man very much and want him back.
    I have started making improvements in my life .
    I recently updated my wardrobe got a new style and high lights.
    I have also been posting new pictures of myself .
    On social media and he is liking my pics and is noticing the changes.
    But I still love him and want him to come back to me .
    Can you give me any advice that might be helpful .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 1, 2019 at 8:30 pm

      Hi Nicolette, so you’re doing all the right things and its just about how you start conversations with him that matter now. Reaching out with the texts Chris recommends to get him talking, the hooks, curiosity texts and the self interest types of messages that you need to plan and send strategically to work yourself back up the Value Chain

  17. Avatar


    September 22, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    Hi ! My boyfriend left me 2 and a half months ago, by text message, not making anything clear for about 3 weeks. In those 3 weeks, he started seeing another girl and is still with her today. We have been together for over 5 years, we have so much together, we have a 23 month old daughter and…… one on the way. He left me when I was 11 weeks pregnant. (Both our children were conceived through fertility treatments) The girl he is seeing is younger than me, into a lot of things he likes (he met her at a gym) and now he changed his entire circle of friends to be with her friends instead. He’s changed drastically. Obviously living this pregnancy alone, not knowing where I will live (our house is for sale) not knowing what I will do financially (we had plans to open a daycare) I am freaking out and I have been the « crazy ex girlfriend » until now… he shows no signs whatsoever of wanting to get back with me, he’s always with the other girl, she lives with her parents so she’s always at his house (he’s living in the house he bought for the eventual daycare, which is 10 minutes from my house so I pass by all the time and I always see her there) it’s heartbreaking. While he’s with another girl, I’m alone feeling our unborn baby move. I have no idea how to get over this, or how to make him want to come back even though I can’t make him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 23, 2019 at 5:38 pm

      Kim, I am so sorry you’re going through this! So you have to complete a limited NC where you only speak about the well being of the children and shared responsibilities. If I was you, Id focus on getting your living arrangements and financial situation fixed before worrying about them two. Them spending so much time together is not healthy and it will cause problems soon enough. As it is new it will be still in the “honeymoon” phase. So focus on you and your little family having a safe and secure life for now. Thats being a UG Mamma right now!

  18. Avatar


    August 31, 2019 at 3:17 pm

    My ex broke up with me 12 days ago, it was an impulse decision on his part, and he suffers from depression. We had been together for 11 months. He was going through one of his low points and he was distancing himself from everyone and only wanted to do things alone.

    A member of his circle of influence convinced him that if he didn’t want to do things with me that he didn’t want to be with me in the long run. The next day he broke up with me impulsively and said he plans on moving (2 hours away)next year when his lease is up and didn’t see me being the girl for him since he was going to move.

    Our relationship had been great, all smiles and laughs and only two fights, so I don’t understand. I immediately started no contact after he returned my things, it’s been 10 days. When we said goodbye he said “If you ever need anything or need to talk, i’ll be around for the next few months.”

    Since this was an impulse decision, is there a chance he’ll regret it?

  19. Avatar

    Jane Smith

    July 30, 2019 at 1:32 pm

    Hi! My relationship of 9 months just ended a few weeks ago. It was the longest relationship my ex ever had. Initially, I did not know it was a breakup because it seemed like we couldn’t come to a decision but apparently to him, he had broken up with me. This was only clear when I talked to him on the following Monday. Even then, his behavior confused me. One minute he would be telling me about how I’m “perfect” then “don’t wait for me” and then finally, “I need to be alone.” Overall, it shook me up and I couldn’t understand why he was acting this way especially when it seemed like we were doing well for our relationship except for one part; intimacy but that could have been easily solved with patience. On Saturday, a mutual friend of ours was having a party in which another friend told me the night before that I should go if I can. The morning of the day of the party, that friend mentioned how he switched shifts with my ex so he could go to the party. Was this his way of trying to contact me? Other than that, there really hasn’t been an attempt to talk to me which is odd considering he told me during the breakup that he didn’t want this to be the last time he ever saw or talked to me. Furthermore, he recently changed his Facebook status to single yet still has many pictures of us on Instagram. I can’t tell if he is beginning to regret the breakup or if he is trying to move on. Should I continue with no contact? Thank you for taking the time to read through so many comments.

  20. Avatar


    June 8, 2019 at 6:40 am

    I took an ex suitor back and we became official until suddenly, things became rocky again. I went into several vacation trips while he competed in several competitions which was why we didn’t get to be together that much. In that short span of time, he became more consumed with the thrill winning gave him and I started feeling neglected-evem jealous because his friends got to be with him more. Not to mention his friends like him too. We fought big time until he decided it’s over.

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