By Shannon

Your relationship has ended. The man you love has left you and you are feeling confused, hopeless and lost. On top of all this you can’t help but think you yourself:

“Does he regret leaving me? Does he even feel bad for hurting me?”

If it makes you feel a little better, everyone going through a break up has similar thoughts.

The good news is there are some pretty solid signs that your ex regrets breaking up with you. We’ll discuss what you can keep an eye out for along with what you can do to influence him and make him regret it even more.

Have you ever heard the phrase, “only human?”

“We’re only human.”
“You’re only human.”

It’s a way to say that we make mistakes and it’s normal.

We spend so much time thinking about things that we could have said or done different. It’s called regret.

Men are strange when it comes to regret. Even when they regret something, they will not always ACT on that feeling. Men have a tendency to ignore those feelings and try to bury them. Frustrating, right?

Not to worry though. Your ex may choose not to act on his regret, but he is still feeling it. Regret leads to doubt and doubt makes men susceptible to being influenced.

Funny how that works. Right?

This means that there is a chance that you can indirectly break down your ex’s stubborn walls and make him want to get back together!

A majority of men are stubborn and that they hate to admit when they have made a mistake. Even more than that, they hate to admit when someone else is right… Your ex is not going to want you to know that he regrets breaking up with you. He may even try to convince himself that he doesn’t regret it!

That’s right, he may not even be willing to admit it to himself. This makes it even more difficult for you to know what he is thinking.

That’s what I’m here for. I’ll show you some signs to look out for that will tell you if he regrets his decision even if he doesn’t know it.

Signs He Regrets Breaking Up With You
Sign 1: Acts of Jealousy
Sign 2: Intense Stalking
Sign 3: His Sphere of Influence
Sign 4: Your Breakup Was Impulsive
Sign 5: Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome

Steps You Can Take To Make Him Regret Breakup Up With You
Step 1: Complete No Contact
Step 2: Self Improvement
Step 3: Keep Him Guessing

That’s a lot, I know. Just stick with me and we’ll make your ex regret ever letting you go.

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Signs He Regrets Breaking Up With You

Like I said there are some things that make it obvious that your ex is not so certain about his decision to breakup. As you make your moves to reinforce his regret, you are going to want to know if you are making any headway.

When you are sick, you look for symptoms to recognize sickness. It’s the same with regret after a breakup. There are symptoms you can look for that will give your ex away. The first might have your ex looking a little green… with envy.

Acts of Jealousy

You know how little kids are with a toy they haven’t played with for months? You even thinks about getting rid of it or letting another kid play with it and suddenly it’s the only toy they want to play with.

Well, men are the same way.

A man who is even slightly regretting the breakup will be consumed with jealousy if you start catching the eye of other men, or begin showing them attention.

He may hide it well, but it is impossible to hide completely.

“You’re going out tonight? Who with? Is it a guy friend?”

Some men will be a little more straight forward about it. Their jealousy may take the form of unexplainable anger.

Try your best to excuse yourself from highly emotional situations like this if they arise. Remind yourself that their response only means that they care. Any response you give will likely excalate the situation even if you try to convince him that he’s imagining things.

As humans, we tend to go with the pack. If everyone wants a new iphone… we have to have it.

If we think that every guy in a 45 mile radius wants to date our ex… we can’t imagine life without them.

So, don’t be afraid to lt him be a little jealous. It’s a good thing.

Intense Stalking

Okay so, I’m not talking about if he’s parked across the stree from your house with binaculars. No. If that’s the case, girl you are probably better off.

I’m talking about the new world we live in… social media.

If your ex is checking up on you online and seems to always know everything that is going on in your life without you telling him, that guy is definitely rethinking his decision.

Now, there is always the friend caveat, where he is trying his darnedest to prove that you are still friends. You can use this to your advantage when you reach Steps 2 and 3. It’ll have this wanna-be friend realize that he doesn’t want to be just your friend anymore.

His Sphere of Influence

Everyone has those people in their life who just KNOW how they are feeling, even when they don’t tell them. It’s a good problem to have.

They can be a kind of support group when you are feeling crummy. And if they are like my friend they’ll take action on your behalf, even if you don’t ask (or even want) them to.

We call that circle of people that you rely on in life a “Circle of Influence.”


Well, you tend to listen to them and care what they think… right?

And you tend to tell them things you wouldn’t tell other people.

While your ex is not going to talk to you about regretting a break up, he may mention it to the friends and family that he is closest with. If he doesn’t mention it to them, they may be able to just TELL.

So, after dating your ex, you probably know who those people are for him, maybe his best friend, brother, or mom. Whoever it is, you can listen to those people when you interact. If they pick up on the fact that your ex is regretting the decision to break up, they will try and push you back together.

“He’ll come around.”

“He’d love to see you I’m sure.”

“He still talks about you all the time.”

No, this doens’t mean you should go running right to him and beg for him back. If he’s only slightly regretting the breakup, pushing too hard could push him into not regretting it at all.

These are just signs to look out for. Don’t use them as an excuse to act impulsively.

So, while this isn’t really an admission that he regrets the breakup, it does mean that his sphere of influence is rooting for things to work out between you.

And there is a reason we call them the Circle of Influence. They have the power to influence him.

Your Breakup Was Impulsive

Speaking of impulse, if you broke up because you were having a big fight, it’s likely that he’ll realize he made a mistake soon after.

It’s like getting rid of that jacket that you’ve had in your closet forever on a whim. Then the next day you realize that it would be the perfect finishing touch to the ourtfit you are wearing. Things always tend to work out that way.

Impulse decisions are rarely ever thought through and we tend to overthink them for a long time.

So if your ex dumped you in a moment of heightened emotions, it’s likely that he is thinking about that decision and wondering if he didn’t make a mistake.

You can use this to your advantage too. Stick around and we’ll talk about how.

Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome

If he was willing to leave you for someone else then why would he regret it. He replaced you, right? Eh, not so much. Sometimes people develop what is known as “grass is greener” syndrome. They think a relationship with someone else will be so much better than what they already have.

The “Grass is Always Greener Syndrome” is what happens when your ex dumped you for someone else.

It goes back to that human nature thing we were talking about earlier. We always want what we can’t have.

We only see what people let us see.

That girl that posts all of those healthy picutres of her food and of her working out on Instagram has cheat days and feels fat every now and again.

And that girl your ex left you for… well he didn’t know everything about her when he left you for her. He’s going to get to know her and realize that she has flaws too.

If you work Step 2 right then you can actually MAKE him realize that he had it good with you.

What these men don’t realize is that all the women in all the world come with similar attitudes, wants, and problems. So when your man leaves you for another woman it is only a matter of time before he realizes “wait… no… I want that one back!” This is ESPECIALLY true if you have been working on yourself and improving so that you become leaps and bounds better than his other woman.

Steps You Can Take To Make Him Regret Breakup Up With You

Step 1: Complete No Contact
For women in pain, not talking to their ex is difficult to do. We want to share how we are feeling and we want to know that our exes feel the same way.

However, No Contact is highly effective against men.

Here’s why: Men don’t like to be controlled.

What they do like is power. When you start blowing up his phone after the breakup, he KNOWS he has power over you.

BUT, when you go silent and say nothing he begins to wonder…

“Where is she?”

“Why isn’t she upset and begging for me back?”

“Is there something wrong with me?”

“Is there someone better?”

“Did she realized she doesn’t need me?!”

This doubt is going to make him think that he doesn’t have as much pull over you as he thought he did. You’re strong and independent. You are worthy of his RESPECT. That’s right! Holding your own and staying silent is going to make him respect you and in time this will draw him back to you.

We all want what we cannot have. You need to make yourself as unobtainable, or, for you EBR ladies, ungettable, as possible.

Step 2: Self Improvement

So, speaking of becoming ungettable… do you know what that is?

It’s an Ex Boyfriend Recovery term. You can read more about it in this article, The Ungettable Girl.

The absolute best revenge you can take on an ex is to make him regret losing you in the first place.

A lot of women make the mistake of becoming the “crazy” ex girlfriend.

But not you.

You are going to become a glowing, healthy, vibrant version of yourself that is going to make him stop and say,

“Is that really HER?!”

How do you go about doing this?

Well, you focus on the Holy Trinity.

The Holy Trinity is another one of those Ex Bofyriend Recovery terms. It’s a trifecta:

  1. Health
  2. Wealth
  3. Relationships

Here’s a video Chris put together to explain it:


This is a pretty big one for you as men are upsettingly interested in looks.

After a breakup, exercise is an excellent way to burn off your negative emotions and get an ego boost while your at it. And you do it all while working on improving your overall health and physical appearance.

Get a new haircut and update your wardrobe Do anything you can do that makes you feel goo about yourself. Yes you want to make him stop and take notice as he scrolls through your Instagram, but ultimately the goal should be making yourself feel amazing.

On that note, there is another aspect of health that doesn’t always get as much attention ad your physical health and that is your mental health.

Working on mental health can mean many things:

  • Seeing a therapist
  • Doing some journaling
  • Attending yoga classes
  • Just taking some time for yourself

Whatever it is you need to do to rebalance your mind, do it.


I don’t know if you have heard or not but now is the time for powerful women.

This means we no longer relying on men.

During your No Contact, work on getting yourself established financially so that the only person you NEED to be successful is you.

This can mean many things.

It can mean getting a new job, it can mean asking for a raise, or it can mean going back to school.

Whatever it means for you to place yourself into better standing financially go forward and start taking the steps needed to get there.


After a breakup, women have little to no interest in dating. They want the man they want and that is it.

However… hear me out here… dating is actually going to get your ex interested in getting back together with you.

Like I said earlier, men want what they cannot have and they want what other people want. If he hears you are dating again he is going to start to fear truly losing you and will come running back.

I’m not saying go out and look for love. I am saying go see a movie… have dinner… let someone treat you well for a change.

Outside of just dating, though it is important to cultivate the relationships with your friends and with yourself. It is too easy to get the idea that you need a relationship to be happy.

That is simply is not true!

Become comfortable with yourself and develop a solid support group to surround yourself with. That is the goal of the Holy Trinity and Becoming Ungettable.

Step 3: Keep Him Guessing

The final piece of advice that I am going to give you is to keep your ex guessing.

After No Contact, if he asks you about things that you did or people you met after the breakup give vague answers that will make his imagination run wild.

For example, if he asks,

“Have you ever been to this restaurant?”

Smile and say,

“Oh yeah, a couple weeks ago. It’s a fun place!”

and leave it at that.

I personally have been doing this and my ex now thinks I went on twenty times as many dates as I actually went on… It drives him crazy.

Emotions and people change. Your ex may feel a certain way now but that is not going to last forever.

Focus on yourself, become the best version of you that you can be and he will come crawling back to you. You may very well realize you are worth so much more than he could ever offer you.

The Take-Away

What you should come away from this article knowing are the five ways to tell if your ex is regretting the breakup ever happening:

  • Acts of Jealousy
  • Intense Stalking
  • His Sphere of Influence
  • Your Breakup Was Impulsive
  • Grass Is Always Greener Syndrome

…and there are steps you can take to multiply that regret:

  1. Complete No Contact
  2. Self Improvement
  3. Keep Him Guessing

Okay, so, now you have access to all the info, this article and all of the EBR books and material. You even have access to live coaching with out experts.

But, right here, right now, I want you to tell me about your breakup. I want to have a conversation with you in the comments below. Tell me about your breakup and what you have done since then. And our experts will help you decide what steps to take next.

45 thoughts on “Will My Ex Regret Breaking Up With Me?”

  1. Donna

    November 7, 2018 at 3:29 am

    Hi Chris,
    I was dating a guy for a few months (no title, but exclusive and both on the same page about not seeing or sleeping with other people). He’s a bit younger than me and has never had a girlfriend. The longest he’s even kept in contact with the same girl was 3 months.
    I am the first girl he’s ever felt “this way” about, longest in his life, and we speak about marriage, children and the future.
    Our feelings grew quick and strong. When this happened, he freaked and tried to end it. He regretted his decision hours later and came to ME for reassurance. He admitted that he doesn’t know how to handle how strong he feels.
    Things continued to grow (both of us on the same page and communication about NOT being ready for a relationship and just enjoying the flow). And he then decided to take a break. I gave him his complete space and no contact. It lasted 1 week before he came back, saying he really missed me and really knew he liked me. I really continued to go with the flow, not expect “boyfriend/girlfriend” actions, and we spoke every day.
    Lastly, I wasn’t feeling well one night when we were together and I didn’t communicate this with him because I didn’t wanna be a “burden” or girlfriend type asking for help. I was quiet and not myself and he noticed. He kept asking what was wrong but I went home without explanation. We didn’t speak for 2 days and I was sad and confused and selfish thinking “he doesn’t care that I’m not myself”. I finally reached out, he reacted by wanting to “breakup” and I simply told him I didn’t believe him. I finally explained why I wasn’t feeling well 2 nights prior. He completely regretted saying he wanted to end it. He explained that my 2 day silence turned into his insecure assumptions about ME not being interested in HIM anymore, so in order to NOT get hurt he tried to end it first. He was in disbelief about how confident I was when he tried to end it (so was I) and thanked me for continuously fighting for us.
    We progressed, started having phone conversations (this is how SLOW we were really taking things!) and I left for 2 weekends back to back for family vacations. I felt our connection stronger while being away.
    When I came back, he wasn’t initiating to see me yet we spoke every day even on the phone. My anxiety was growing and I was confused. I bottled up these emotions for a few days and then I exploded. I exploded in the sense where I vented to him about his distance and how I deserve 20 mins of his time (just to see him in person and hug him) especially that I don’t ask for anything at all. He was quiet “I didn’t see it from that perspective, I’m sorry”. I was on the verge of tears and fed up. “I guess I’m not doing a good job” he said lastly before I went home.
    I knew I was harsh, I knew I didn’t communicate properly. The next day, I apologized again and he ended it saying “I just need to tell you this is getting too serious for me” and “this is what I meant when I said I didn’t want commitment”. I called him, we spoke and he kept saying he didn’t know, maybe HES screwed up because he never had a girlfriend, he doesn’t know how to care for someone and has never received “caring” from anyone. He tried to casually end the conversation by asking about my day etc. In respect of myself, before hanging up I asked him “is this a yes or a no?” And he said no. Then he said I just wanna be alone. We hung up and it’s been over 3 weeks of no contact.

    We both have never felt this way with other people as we do for each other (I was previously in a 4 year relationship). He’s insecure about what his next career move will be and he’s lost about his direction in life for himself (he’s expressed this to me numerous times). I truly know I was never one to ask for much and our conversations and time spent together have always been amazing. I truly believe in him and in us and I don’t know what to do. I have a hard time believing he may have moved on and has forgotten about me. It’s hard when I didn’t get a concrete answer as to “why”.

    Do I fight for this?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      November 8, 2018 at 3:21 am

      Hi Donna!

      I think you would regret it if you didn’t turn over all the stones. My advice is to take a look at some of my ex recovery eBooks as I crystalline the information such that your game plan is more clear and detailed.

  2. Lisa Fourqurean

    October 24, 2018 at 1:50 am

    Hi Chris I am really going through it
    10 days ago my boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me. He stated that he is not happy with where he is in life and that he feels himself slipping back into depression. He stated he would see counselor but refused to take meds. Hos sister said he is having a hard time. He hasnt contacted me yet.and I have not contacted him either

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 24, 2018 at 3:18 am

      Hi Lisa!

      Hang in there…it will get better with time and with a focus on your own healing. It seems that he needs some space and a counselor to talk with. Meanwhile, you should get up to speed on my program. Visit my home page to tap into resources I offer there.

  3. Ging ging

    September 28, 2018 at 9:36 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your expertise..I recently discovered that my ex has someone new and they slept together maybe in couples of months. I already had a suspicions . he changed abruptly towards his treatment on me and our relationship. I finally proven his cheating. Without any harsh words after confrontations though he totally denied his cheating but through the defensed he sent in his texts or his messages he also was caught on after I nicely confrontated him I stepped back and applied no contact rule…in my 3 days of implemetations he texted me and frantically called me….his last text seems shows jealousy…but I didnt entertained him because I truly have a goal to complete the no contact rule period. Everytime I feel sad I only pray the Lord…In my 5 days now in my no contact I feel something happening in me …Yes , pain is still there but no contact rule motivates me so much for my healing….recovery …and determination to get my bofriend back.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 29, 2018 at 3:46 am

      Hi Ging!

      I know this is painful, but you will get through this an No Contact principle if practiced properly can do a lot in the healing department for you and the relationship. Consider picking up my very special topic 247 page ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. I cover it all and focus a good deal on the all important personal recovery element as well.

  4. Claire

    August 29, 2018 at 7:49 pm

    This page has helped me a lot I’m 32 and he’s 37 I was in a long term relationship for 5 years and engaged got a house togther last Feb and even a dog last June we’ve never gone through any rough patches just always got on. He would often tell me how much he loves me and looking forward to our future togther. Even told his mum how lucky he was to have found me. He was the one who was keen to get engaged as he was even the main wedding organiser. Our friends (2 couples) wanted to go skiing earlier this year but I opted out due to saving for the wedding and looking after the dog plus not massive fan anyway. One of our friends decided to bring their recently divorced best friend along to the holiday instead. I wasn’t thrilled but 100% trusted him as had no reason not to he wasn’t a ladies man and after all we’d just bought a car togther and planning a wedding and super happy. We were in contact through the holiday and telling me he loved me etc but when I picked him up from the airport he was fine but a bit grumpy. I put this down to travelling. It was valentines and he cooked my favourite meal bought me flowers but was a bit distracted I asked him if he was okay and he said fine but continued to be a bit distracted. 7 days passed and I had a feeling in my stomach so I asked him honestly what was wrong then a admitted he fancied this person and “couldn’t stop thinking about her as she was hot” I was heartbroken – friends told me they flirted on holiday and warned him it wouldnt be happening if I was there etc (she threw herself at him) he assured me nothing happened and even said he wished it had as these feelings were not logical in his head. I moved out to stay with friends but since found out he’s went up to see her 2 weeks later (she lives 3hrs away!) 4 weeks later he took her to a wedding we were supposed to be to be going to. His/our friends and family are completely shocked and no one saw this coming as we were the perfect couple! It’s been 2.5 months now and doing my best to move on she’s just a direct replacement of me! And completely opposite to what he likes – it’s gut wrenching. He’s thrown everything away for a holiday romance he is desperately trying to make work – surely it can’t last once honeymoon period is over?!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 30, 2018 at 1:22 am

      Glad for you Claire…glad its helping you. Lots of content and resources here, so feel feel free to explore. I think your personal healing and recovery should take center stage.

  5. Sarah Matthews

    August 22, 2018 at 7:29 am

    I was with my ex for 4 months and he broke up with me becuase he hasn’t fully dealt with his divorce and is finding it hard to give me what he feels I deserve (I too have gone through a nasty divorce). Our relationship was going well, we got along really well, no arguments, fun nights out etc. We were about to go on a second short holiday and I know he gets grief from his ex about their daughter which he finds incredibly stressful and so he ended things just before we were going. I know he hasn’t handled things well but I had fallen for him and handled the end respecting his wishes and with grace and dignity. Once I did this I immediately had some kind words back from him, an offer to meet for a ‘friendly drink’ down the line and bizarrely a selfie of him with his newborn nephew. I have undergone N.C. since and it has been 3 days. It’s hard to think how to self improve as I had to do a ton of this since divorce anyway and I’m pretty sure nothing I did contributed to the ending. I’m finding it really tough and am obviously wandering if he’s even thinking about me at all. I can see now that I was probably a rebound relationship but I still feel we had so much going for us if the circumstances were different. I’m worried the N.C. scenario might not be right in this case becuase he has a lot of stress in the background and am worried how about how to deal with any further contact from him in the near or distant future which I have a feeling will happen as I really don’t think he was 100% about ending things but couldn’t cope with the extra stress in his life. Any thoughts or help would be appreciated. Thanks

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2018 at 12:15 am

      Hi Sarah!

      You might want to pick up my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. It gets into self improvement and recovery intiatives in some detail as well as how to best implement the no contact rule. Its a pretty extensive book, 247 pages…nothing quite like it on marketplace. It gets into how you can adapt NC and make it work for you and how to modify the period of NC depending on certain developments and past history.

  6. Jasmine Welch

    August 22, 2018 at 1:07 am

    So me and my boyfriend happen to be in the same friendship group and we were best friends before we got together. In the past few months, he’s finished things twice. The first time he was so certain he didn’t want to be in a relationship until he saw me a week later and begged for me back. The second time( which is currently happened) happens after an argument at a party, he decided he couldn’t do it anymore and a few days later went away with his friends to xante (where is he now ) and ended up having sex with someone else. He is still on holiday and claims ‘ if he wanted to be with me he wouldn’t of done it’. Will this change? What can I do to make him want me back? And is he just showing off?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 22, 2018 at 3:17 am

      Hi Jasmine!

      Your ex sounds a bit immature in how he is managing things in the relationship. I think implementing no contact would be the best medicine and having an ex recovery plan so you understand all the ins and outs will be helpful as well. You can go to my site’s home page to learn more about some of my resources.

  7. Megan

    August 21, 2018 at 4:30 pm

    I am going through a really tough breakup at the moment. My ex and I broke up almost a month ago now after a few explosive arguments, I just couldn’t take it anymore and asked ‘is this it?’ We kept in contact for 2 weeks, we met for dinner and he basically said he wants to work on himself and his growing business. I then asked for no contact as it was all too hard for me. He wasn’t willing to fight or try and work on what we had, he said he didn’t feel any emotion. My ex suffers from depression, he stopped taking his medication around 5 months ago. In the last few months of our relationship, he became an unrecognisable person to me. He showed no interest in me, he was always irritable, low mood and wouldn’t look me in the face for the majority of our conversations. I often suggested he go back to his GP and get medication for his depression and he would fly off the handle and tell me to stop moaning. I’m the only person who knows about his depression, any time we were out in company he would act like a completely different person than the person I always got to see. He has now however went back on his medication since our split. I have stuck to no contact, which I know will be a shock to him as I was the one who was willing fighting for us. He blocked me off Instagram the other day, which I didn’t react to either. I’m just curious as to what he’s actually thinking? Was it just the case that he didn’t want to be a with me and didn’t know how to end it? Or is he genuinely just lost and overwhelmed by his work and depression? Any kind of help to ease my mind would grateful.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 21, 2018 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Megan!

      I am so sorry you are going thu tough times, but time will help mitigate this along with a strategy to focus on your personal recovery. That is key. I think sticking with No Contact will benefit you and optimize your chances going forward. Having an ex recovery plan is important so go to my home page and look at the resources I have there!

  8. Soledad

    April 6, 2018 at 10:33 am

    SO, per Chris’ request, here goes a shortened version:
    I was wih my bf a little over two years, we clicked instantly, had great chemistry and connection in every aspect, we fell deeply in love, I’m 34 he’s 29. He has a very unhealthy relationship wih his mother, she smothers him 24/7, sends him texts constantly, even though he lives alone, she goes by his house almost everyday and cooks for him, buys him clothes, etc. Sometimes he doesn’t like her invading him but mostly it doesn’t bother him. She intrferes in every aspect of his life, he cannot make a decision without asking her, he tells her absolutely everything and in his eyes she can do no wrong, but she tretas him as if he where a 5 year old, its a case of enmeshment (I believe that’s what its called), as a result, he’s super insecure about everything in his life and has low self esteem.
    So at first I got along with her fine (Aforgot to mention she’s seriusly delusional, she has psychiatric issues), but the whole relationship with my now ex bf bothered me, eventhough I never asked him to change that. End of last year, she meddled with something very important of mine, private, lied to her son about it and he sided with her. I knew I would loose him to her the moment I confronted him about it and thats what happend, after a few arguments, and several tries, he broke up with me; our connection and chemistry were intact until the end.
    Its been a month since the breakup, I’ve been doing NC for about two weeks, but I am afraid he will take it as a rejection, since he has a very sensible and sensitive personality. He said he didn’t want to stop talking to me…recently he told his father that he is really confused and needs time, but what I wanna know is: does he miss me, does he think of me, is there a chance for us? It could never be whatnit was, but I dont’t want to not have him in my life…I thought I had found the one, despite everything…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:54 am

      I think the best bet here is to kind of not give in to your fears and give the nc rule a try.

      I know you are scared he’ll take it as rejection but you know what…

      That’s how I want him to feel.

      We need to create a sense of urgency and a fear of loss.

      This will be a great starting point to do that.

    2. Soledad

      April 7, 2018 at 3:30 pm

      Thank you Chris! I know I’m doing the right thing doing NC, specially since a few days after the break up I texted hiim “I miss u” and he lashed out at me, telling me absolutely everything I had done wrong, and several times I asked him to admit that he too had been wrong, his response? “I know I’m not perfect but enough is enough”. His disturbing relationship with his mother has completely destroyed him and his self esteem, if you so much as raise your voice at him, he thinks you are attacking him, but he has a kind soul (I’m not idealising him, dont worry!)
      Again, withthose last few texts we exchanged, I was the last one to write, so the ball is in his court, so to speak. And I’m trying to convince myself that those angry texts he sent are better than nothing, if he’s angry, he must feel something…maybe I’m wrong, dont know really.

      Thank you for answering personally to my post!

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 9:48 pm

      One thing I hear almost no one out there talking about is the important of timing.

      Sometimes if the timing isn’t right you can do everything right and still fail. The no contact rule kind of helps that process along.

    4. Soledad

      April 9, 2018 at 8:44 pm

      It´s me again…I´ve been going crazy, really, today marks one month since the break up, a little over two weeks since no contact. My ex father in law texted me and said my ex had told him he´s confused and needs time (don´t remember if I had already mentioned this)
      The thing is, and again I cannot emphazise enough that my ex is not like any other guy, his sensitivity is through the roof, that´s both what makes him a wonderful guy, but it´s also one of his biggest flaws combined with the low self esteem. Just wanted to comment that he did not break up with me once, but three times, first one I begged him and he agreed, a week later he broke up with me again, but the following day asked me for time, because he didn´t know what to do, until he finally broke it up for good four days later (every time HE bawled his eyes out, cried non stop). And then he wrote those angry texts I mentioned earlier. Am I naive to think his feelings haven´t changed eventhough he said they had? The way the break up unfolded was weird, he seemed to go back and forth not knowing what to do, now he tells my father in law he is confused….am I reading too much into things? I cannot stop thinking about him, thinking all we could have done differently (hindsight is 20/20 I know) and I keep obsessing over everything! should I just give up, accept that it´s over and move on? Because I don´t want to keep holding on when maybe nothing changes…(I am working on myself, therapy and group therapy, excercise, work)
      I´m determined to maintain NC though…but like I said in my previous post, don´t know how he will take it…I do know it will give him time to process everything.
      I´m going nuts Chris, really…

    5. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 12:25 am

      Hi again. I know if feels crazy for you now, but it will get better. This may not be over yet! You just need a blueprint of some kind to help you along. Consider my ebook, “Ex Recovery Pro” which you can find in this website’s “Product” section. Just click on my Menu to find your way there! It is chalk full of strategies and tactics!

    6. Soledad

      April 8, 2018 at 2:09 am

      Yeah, I’m determined to maintain NC…..and in the meantime work on myself, getting stronger emotionally.
      Thank you again, Chris!

  9. Soledad

    April 5, 2018 at 7:22 pm

    Forgot to mention, I was with my bf for a little over two years.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 6, 2018 at 12:08 am

      I don’t mean to delete your comment but do you think you can shorten it a bit for me. I’m almost out of gas answering today and you said something in there that I’m not allowed to let be on this site.

      Emotional In… you get the picture.

    2. Soledad

      April 6, 2018 at 7:27 pm

      Chris, thanks! I wrote the comment again this morning from my ipad and it said it was awaiting moderation, but now from a pc the comment is not showing, any way that you have it somehow on your records? I dont want to have to type it again.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:57 am

      I got you all taken care of!

    4. Soledad

      April 6, 2018 at 10:17 am

      Ah, ok! Sorry about that.

  10. Shelby

    March 23, 2018 at 2:09 am

    Hey there! So my boyfriend broke up with me about a month and a half ago. It was very unexpected and a little messy because we had been drinking the night it happened. We were pretty serious to have only been dating four months. I really thought he was it for me, we just got along so well and had so much in common. Both of our families thought so too. He had invited me to go on vacation with his family in April and taken me to look at a house he was thinking about buying. Even asking me if I could see myself living there! He had told me he loved me (drunkenly, I will admit). His reason for the breakup was that “he didn’t feel like he should about me”. I personally think he got cold feet because he slowly started acting weird after we saw the house(his idea). He always talked about the future and then BAM, it was like a switch was flipped and he changed his mind. I did really well with no contact and didn’t talk to him at all until after the 30 days. Even though it almost killed me. We actually had a fairly friendly short texting conversation last night when discussing him coming to get his things but I don’t want to get my hopes up at all. I still want him back after a month and a half of being apart. I will be seeing him in two days for the first time to give him some things back and I just don’t know how he will act. How will I really know if he is interested in getting back together? He’s the quiet thinker type, not one to express his emotions much…I truly think he got scared. If it is just fear of commitment, is there anything I can do to get past that wall? I feel like he just wouldn’t let himself love me completely. We had a real connection. The type you don’t just find every day. And I’m not just saying that because I’m heartbroken. NC has really given me time to get it all into perspective and improve myself and my frame of mind. I’m at peace with the breakup but that doesn’t mean I don’t think we were great together and could be again. Thanks for your help in advance!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2018 at 6:19 pm

  11. Ashley

    March 14, 2018 at 5:52 am

    My boyfriend and I dated for 6 months and broke up. Well I did the no contact and over 6 months of us being broken up he came back. It was everything I ever wanted. We forgave each other and worked through things. This time we’ve been together 8 months and we started arguing over past things. But finally found common ground… so I thought. He gave me a card saying how he was so sorry for our rough times and he loves me so much and hopes we figure life out together. Well days later we got in a dumb fight. Said hurtful things. I left to cool off and not even an hour later he moved everything out of our home including his sons things. And he refuses to speak to me. It’s been almost a month since he left and only 2 weeks since we haven’t spoken a word. I’m trying no contact but I’m not sure what to do. Please help me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2018 at 2:47 pm

      Hi Ashley,

      That means you have to take it that he broke up with you and start the count of nc from the last time you initiated and replied. How active are you in improving yourself?

  12. Danielle Spradbury

    March 12, 2018 at 9:44 pm

    Its been nearly 3 weeks since he broke up with me and at first i was devastated but now i am getting my finances sorted i can see light at the end of the tunnel we had a phone call today and he was telling me hes dating other woman and i said thats ok now cos i dont want to be back with you and said i will be going out myself and he said be careful cos there are idiots out there which made me feel that he did care

  13. Hallie

    March 9, 2018 at 8:59 am

    Me and my depressed unemployed ex Fiancé broke up a month and half ago. The day we broke up he close off himself and told me he wants to die and I feel helpless. He also said that he has no affection for me anymore. Hence, I broke up as I gave up after trying so hard to support him. But later regretted bcos I love him so much.

    After a month of no contact, he texted me “Hey.. How are you doing” and then he said he still wants and love me and took him long to straight himself out. He also ask “If I want you back.. U want it? Just asking” and I told him we can discuss together if we want to talk about r/s. He said should meet up soon but not now because he is in lost mood? No idea what that means.. Then he ask if i was sleeping with anyone and I told him that it is none of his business. And he got mad. I don’t know if I should put my hopes up. I was ready to move on and this is holding me back.

    Will be seeing him on Monday as he has a short class at my training center where I work. Not sure what to do. Should I just ignore him throughout or approach him to talk abt our r/s?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 12, 2018 at 5:11 pm

      Hi Hallie,

      If he didn’t change, do you still want him back?

  14. Catherine

    March 9, 2018 at 8:19 am

    I recently was in a 1.5yr long relationship where my ex and I did everything together. I am a very strong and independent woman and he has been hurt by past ex’s, but also he cheated on his previous relationships. During our relationship I never once stayed at his home without invitation. At the time we finally broke I was staying 4-5 days per week, doing all the cooking, cleaning, laundry and making sure he was happy every night after work. I massaged him several times per week and pampered him to the hilt. Throughout our relationship he indicated that he would never tell another woman that he loved her, but he would show it. He truly did show it our entire relationship. He had a new house built and I shopped for all his furniture with him, I decorated his home, I purchased items that he has all over his home. We shopped together, spent massive amount of time with his family and had an incredible sex life whenever he wanted it. He asked me to bring my clothes over and had a drawer setup for me. This was not an act and I truly loved giving him this treatment. One day I had an incredible feeling that I needed to look at his phone. Never in all the time we were together did I ever do this and I trusted him 100%. I found a girls name on facebook that he was looking at. Within the next week or so we had a very minor disagreement that I felt we needed to talk about. I always walked on egg shells with him and this was the first time I stood my ground with wanting to discuss this. He immediately said he wanted to take a break and I immediately responded,”I think we should”. I then left his key and took my belongings and left a note with my feelings of love for him and wishing the best for him. This was 12/28, note that he broke up with me the year prior on the same day. Later that week was New Years Eve and he changed him profile to single 30 minutes before midnight. I immediately unfriended him. We went a whole month with no contact, then I started texting him. I was completely hurt by his coldness and he would not respond, but would always read them very quickly. One day I had to stop and pay a bill at his work and drop off his items and I made a point of talking with him. He seemed very depressed, but after our talk he seemed in excellent spirits. I msg him that it was nice to see him and he said the same thing. Then he went cold again. After several days of txting him I told him that it was not right for a woman to pursuit a man and that I would let him be. One day I called him after several days and we had an excellent conversation. Then I asked if we could possibly have a chance again. He said he did not love me. I thought that was so strange because his actions were nothing but of love. I ended the conversation and did not send anymore messages. 1.5 months went by I realized that I had left several items at his home. I asked if he would bring the rest of my items to his work and he responded. He brought them to his work and I went and picked them up and made a payment and left a check for money that he loaned me (he never thought it a loan) and I sent a msg to make sure he got it. We started talking and he said that he would contact me later because he was with someone. This was on 2/15. He made a point of telling me that we would talk soon. I told him no problem. I actually needed to ask him something so two days later I sent him a txt saying that I needed to ask him the question about a bill we shared. He started talking to me and we had a great discussion. I thought that was awesome. So the next week I had a devastating day found out that I have to have a surgery immediately that would put me out of commission for close to a year. Plus my engine in my new car just took a tits up when I was parked at the park. I asked if he would come during his lunch and talk with me. He agreed and we had a wonderful conversation that was supportive and uplifting. He also inquired about a guy that I was talking with and the status. I really thought we would get back together after that. The next day I txt him and asked if we could talk that night over the phone, he asked,”what do you want to talk about”. I said that I wanted to talk about having a friendship, but by his response he seemed hesitant and I was wondering if he was pursuing another woman? And that I did not want to be a wedge between them. He indicated that he was hesitant because he is seeing someone. I immediately figured that’s what happened when we broke up and responded with, “Oh ok, that kinda shitty”. He immediately responded with that he never was with anyone but me during the whole relationship and he wanted me to know that, and that he knew I wasn’t with anyone. He said they had only been together 2 weeks. I apologized and immediately was crushed. I then responded with why he would move on so quickly when he said we should take a break. I then sent him a lengthy message about everything I thought about our breakup and how his acts of love did not match up to his words that he did not love me. I told him that was the last communication I’d send him, said I was sorry for my part and wished him luck. The next day he went to my friends work and told his close friend that he was dating another woman, knowing his bragging was going to get back to me. 2 days went by and I was walking my dog and out of the blue I thought of the name I saw on his facebook search and knew where she worked. I walked in and asked for a haircut appt. Later that day that girl contacted me and grilled me about him and wouldn’t leave me alone, she knew everything about me. I told her that I connected the two and that I knew he was a cheat, which made everything make sense. She swore that they were not together when we were together and she seemed worried about me wanting to get back together with him. I told her about the meeting at the park and how he cheated in the past. I was pissed. I txt him and called him a fucking cheat and to never have his women call me again. I told him, “NEVER EVER FUCKING CONTACT ME AGAIN”. She bugged me till 3:30am and read all the txt that him and I shared and informed me of that. I blocked her from msg’ing and facebook. Now I love this man deeply and I believe that he is scared to commit and found the first girl that seemed greener. He is 54 and she is 37. I am 44. She does not seem too intelligent while conversing with her, I am highly intelligent as is he. I am wondering why he would be conversing with me while in this relationship with her and I am wondering how his little relationship is going now that she is paranoid about me and his other infidelities. I am now going to do the “no contact” approach with him. He has always told me how much he looks up to me, how smart I am and that I didn’t do anything wrong in the relationship and that he really liked me a lot, he just doesn’t love me. That never sat well with me and seemed like a hokey response full of holes that didn’t match his actions. Suggestions are very welcome here.

  15. rose

    March 8, 2018 at 8:25 am

    My ex broke up with me 2 weeks ago and since then I keep begging. I was toxic in our relationship and he has his faults as well. Our trust is completely broken. My last message to him was he is going to regret what he did to me. I am so angry at him for dumping me but I want him back. I need your help.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 11, 2018 at 11:00 am

  16. Alex

    March 6, 2018 at 10:34 pm

    Hi,so i got my ex back ,but not When i tried to do so(it didn’t exactly worked out,we got together but very quickly he said that he stands by his previous decision) but when I tried to recover and move on.He told me what a mistake he made and he wants to rebuild our relationship.I agreed.Its have been 2 months but I have a major trust issues that he is going to leave me again and I can’t really engage in our relationship,I can find myself trying to not be so attached to him anymore.Sometimes I have a little breakdowns that he wants to leave me and it’s all in my head because he is not giving me any reasons for that.There are times that this situation is making me feel very anxious.What can I do?I know that this behavior is destroying what we want to build.I’d love to hear your advice.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 6:49 pm

      Hi Alex,

      Have couples therapy and your own personal therapy. What new personal routines have you started since you got back together? Like going out with your friends once a week, or volunteering alone or joining a workshop?

  17. Tara

    March 5, 2018 at 3:50 pm

    My ex and I️ broke up about ten days a ago. When we parted he said he was extremely depressed and needed time for life to kind of fall into place for him. He also texted me and told me he loved me and this wasn’t forever. Then he texted me again and sent a bunch of mixed signals. I️ stopped replying because he said he needed time and I️ agreed to I️t. I️ was very positive and tried not to act desperate while still letting him know I️ cared and would rather be together but that I️ understood. He started to be resistant so I️ just stopped responding. He texted me a couple more times and I️ did not respond. Finally he asked for one of his items and was slightly snappy about I️t. However, I️ have a ton of his stuff and he only asked for one thing. So do I️ take him all of his stuff or just the one thing? I️ don’t want to come off as harsh or to be mean or seem uninterested in any chance of being together in the future.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 1:07 pm

      Hi Tara,
      You can ask him of he would like to get other items too..

  18. Karen

    March 5, 2018 at 1:34 pm

    This is totally my ex boyfriend who after months stalks my social media, acts jealous and when I tell him to stop and start living his own life, he tries to prove me he is only friendly and care for me as a friend and that is why he is interesed in my life without him. What a lame lie. Well maybe he believes it but he is lying to himself. But be aware – it is also a sign of a controlling ex boyfriend who still doesn’t want you but also doesn’t want you to move on. Egocentrics.

  19. Ai

    March 4, 2018 at 6:16 am

    Hi, I just broke up with my ex one week ago. The problem started when he began ghosting me during christmas and decided to ignore me (during our 5 years together, every weekend or holiday we always spend our time together) but suddenly he went and disappear on me. Furious, i confronted him about it and he turned to angry at me for being controlling, dominating, you name it. And so two months of fights, begging and whatnot, he turned colder every time passes, and seemed to be enjoying his ‘first win’ because during our five years I would somehow always win our argument. During those 2 months I had improved on myself, but he still wont forgive me (he also asked to breakup numerous times). Thinking I’ve done everything I could, I decided to let him go and say it to his face. Not long after he was bursting in tears, saying sorry numerous times but did not say anything about not wanting to break up with me. Then the day after he sent me text in the morning saying that he did not expect that this day would come, and stating that maybe both of us needed time. Since the breakup I havent contacted him and today is day 7 of NC and since that last text he hasnt contacted me yet. What should I do? Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 8, 2018 at 11:56 am

      Hi Ai,

      keep being active in your life and focus in yourself and don’t try to convince him again. That’s chasing. If he wants to be in your life, he should be the one working to get you back.

  20. Lexi

    March 3, 2018 at 8:28 pm

    My ex told me that he broke up with me because of another guy, people were telling him that i was flirting with the other guy but it wasn’t true so now he is back to dating his ex which is my best friend and I’m dating my exes best friend and I just don’t know what to do Can you please help me into getting my ex back!!!??

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 7, 2018 at 12:10 pm

      Hi Lexi,

      Why are you dating your ex’s best friend? That’s just adding on to the rumors of you flirting with somebody else when you were together.

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