Without a doubt the number one question that I get every single day is,

Chris, do I have a chance to get my ex back?

And usually I have to give a variation of this answer,

“Well, that depends on a lot of different factors”

Of course, if you are trying to get an ex back that is the last thing that you want to hear. Instead, you want a clear cut answer. Heck, some people have literally harassed me until I gave them an exact percentage of their chances.

And usually I am really careful about NOT doing that because I am not a fortune teller…

No, trust me.

I am not!

But a few days ago someone asked me the inevitable question I am always asked,

How often do exes come back after a breakup?

And I got to thinking…

What if there was a way for me to combine my own independent research (I have had thousands of success stories) with the research of others to come up with an actual generalized percentage?

And that is how this article came into existence.

But coming up with a percentage isn’t going to easy since there isn’t a ton of research to go off of out there.

How We Will Calculate Our Success Percentage

I am a big believer in proof.

Nothing annoys me more than someone making a claim without having proof to back it up.

That is especially true when it comes to calculating the percentage of exes who come back after a breakup.

So, I wanted to find a way to legitimize this calculation so I can give you as accurate a number as possible and I think I came up with a pretty awesome way to do it by looking at two data points.

  1. We are going to look at specific studies that came up with a percentage on exes who come back after a breakup
  2. We are also going to ask professional experts (relationship coaches, psychologists, therapists, etc) what percentage they are experiencing

Now, we are doing it this way to limit the outliers.

Something tells me that your chances of getting an ex back aren’t going to be 80% but if someone professional says that they are and it’s the only data point in the calculation then your chances are going to be significantly inflated.

I think that is a really short sighted way of looking at this.

Instead, we need to be looking at data points from all around and averaging them together so we can come up with an accurate number that seems realistic and that is what we are doing by going this route.

Ok, enough chit chat.

Let’s get right to it.

Part One: What Scientific Studies Had To Say About Exes Coming Back After A Breakup

In this section we are going to be focusing on research studies that I happened to stumble across that gave a percentage calculation on exes coming back after a breakup.

In total I stumbled across 4 studies that I am trusting enough to cite.

Each study came up with an actual percentage.

So, here is how I am going to approach this.

I am going to cite each study, briefly give you my thoughts on it and then average the studies together to come up with one number.

Once I do that I am going to jump into the other section (experts) and repeat the same process.

Sound good?

Let’s begin!

Study #1: Poll Conducted By The Associated Press

If you are a pretty avid reader of Ex Boyfriend Recovery then this study might sound familiar to you because I quote it often.

In late 2015, The Associated Press conducted a poll where they asked 1,240 individuals all kinds of interesting questions about exes. Of course, one of those questions was,

Have you ever gotten back together with an ex after a breakup?

It turns out that 41% of the people being polled had said that they had.

(Source)

Now, I will say that this poll is a little flawed in the fact that the wording of the question doesn’t hit on the exact thing that you are wanting if you are reading this article.

You see, “The Associated Press” asked them if they have ever gotten back with an ex before.

In other words, in your lifetime have you ever gotten back with your ex.

It never specified specifics which is kind of what you want.

Nevertheless, this is a legitimate poll and it’s a great start to our little study here.

Study #1 Percentage: 41%

Study #2: Conducted By Dr. René Dailey of the University of Texas

In 2009 René Dailey thought it would be interesting to take a look at dating in college and she found that around 65% of college students who had broken up with their partners had eventually gotten back together again.

(source)

Now, I want to point out the huge discrepancy in percentages between study #1 and study #2. Why do you think that is?

Well, if I had to guess it’s because Dr Dailey only queried college students in her study whereas study #1 was much more generalized querying people of all ages.

I suppose the big take away from the discrepancy is that college aged students tend to go back to their exes at a higher rate than normal.

But we have only looked at two studies so I can’t say we have found “normal” yet.

Study #2 Percentage: 65%

Study #3: Study In (Relationship Churning in Emerging Adulthood: On/Off Relationships and Sex With an Ex)

In 2012 A study conducted by S. Halpern-Meekin, W. D. Manning, P. C. Giordano and M. A. Longmore found that around 44% of men and women aged 17 – 24 were reported to have broken up and then gotten back together again.

(Source)

So, what can we learn from this study?

Well, the discrepancy between it and study #2 are apparent but I’d like to point out that this study focuses on a few extra ages that study #2 did not.

So far it appears that study #2 is an outlier as the other two studies have had significantly lower percentages.

However, I think there is something to that college ages thing that study #2 hones in on but lets take a look at our last study before we make an assumptions.

Study #3 Percentage: 44%

Study #4: Study Conducted Amber Vennum From Kansas State University

Now, before I dive into this one I want to say that this is probably the least accurate study of the four.

Why?

Well, because it only focuses on a subset of couples who have broken up.

According to a 2013 study conducted by Amber Vennum, an assistant professor of family studies and human services at Kansas State University, about 37% of couples living together who had broken up had reported that they had gotten back together again.

(source)

I wish I could have found more accurate data for you guys for the fourth study.

I looked everywhere and read some of the most boring studies you can imagine but this was the best I could find so we are just going to have to make due!

Study #4 Percentage: 37%

Adding The Studies All Up

So, we looked at a total of four studies in part one.

Their percentages respectively came in at,

  1. 41%
  2. 65%
  3. 44%
  4. 37%

So, overall when you average those four percentages together you get,

46 Percent

Which honestly I think is a pretty solid number considering one of these studies only focused on couples who were living together which always presents it’s own set of unique problems.

Overall, when you look at these studies it seems like you have the best chance if you and your ex are in the college ages,

College Ages = 18-22

Study #2 found a significantly higher success rate when it only focused on couples within that age range.

So, it seems like that is the sweet spot to be.

But we are only looking at half the data here.

Lets move on and ask some experts!

Part Two: What Experts Had To Say About Exes Coming Back After A Breakup

I knew I wanted to get some actual experts take on percentages instead of just relying on studies.

After all, there is something impersonal about studies and sometimes you can learn a bit more by hearing from experts out there.

Overall I was able to bring together four experts to the table for you,

  1. A professional relationship consultant
  2. A sex therapist
  3. A psychic
  4. Marriage and family therapist

Now, one thing I learned very quickly is that experts are a lot like me in the fact that they look at things situation by situation. Sometimes it’s impossible to give an exact percentage when you look at things like that.

So, as I give you the expert take you will notice that I am going to be not counting some of their answers.

Why?

Well, some of them didn’t give percentages.

Overall though I think 3 out of the 4 gave us a percentage to work with!

Lets begin!

Expert Take #1: Chris Seiter (Professional Relationship Consultant)

Hey, that’s me!

Getting people back together is kind of my thing since it’s what I do for a living but putting an actual success percentage behind it is really difficult.

Why?

Well, sometimes people don’t tell me when they get their exes back.

Most people know me through my writing here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery and they never get a chance to introduce themselves to me because they never leave comments.

So, knowing my exact success percentage is difficult to nail down.

What I can focus in on though are the people who I have worked with personally.

Off the top of my head I would say that 45% of those individuals have seen success in some way, shape or form.

However, I will say that, that number significantly increases for those people I work with that actually execute what I tell them to do.

I find that the majority of people who I work with don’t actually implement the things I tell them to and then I often get blamed when things don’t go how they were hoping.

Nevertheless, my number is probably somewhere around 45%.

Expert #1 Percentage: 45%

Expert #2: Sunny Rodgers (Certified Clinical Sexologist)

Sunny runs a pretty popular website and is a Certified Clinical Sexologist, a professional sex coach and an Ambassador for the American Sexual Health Association

I have to say that I found Sunny’s findings really fascinating.

Here is what she had to say,

“With a lot of my clients I find that Exes play a big part in their current lives, whether their in a new relationship or not. I’ve had clients seek tarot card readers and have worn Moonstone because they heard that that stone will help reunite lost loves. With my clients, I find that 20-25% do get back together with their Exes, usually within a few months. Some repeatedly break up just to keep passion and tension alive in their relationship. And for the 20-25% that do get back together, 50% of them will break up again permanently within six months. All of this is just what I’ve seen with the people that I’ve coached.”

The 20-25% success rate doesn’t shock me. What really interested me was her finding that half of them will stay together and half of them will breakup within six months.

Fascinating stuff!

Expert #2 Percentage: 25%

Expert #3: Davida Rappaport (Psychic, Entertainer, Speaker, Tarot Card Reader)

I figure you always need to have a psychic in the mix when you are doing these kinds of calculations so I asked Davida about her findings and she wrote a lot of really fascinating things for me,

“Many of my clients ask me if their Ex is coming back or what they should do if their Ex wants to come back. In some cases, they still love them and would welcome them back in a heartbeat, even if the relationship may have been abusive. Predicting if and when an Ex may return is somewhat unpredictable. Everything depends upon what their relationship was like prior to the breakup and what triggered the breakup. Here are a few possibilities you may want to consider:

1. If the relationship was very steamy – major chemistry and hot, hot, hot, there is a strong chance the Ex will want to come back; he will probably re-establish contact within a few weeks or a few months. When the chemistry is off the chart, even if there are problems in the relationship that were never dealt with, chemistry generally overrides logic. This type of comeback goes both ways. However, if the couple does not work on the relationship, they may break up and reunite more than once. If fact, they can keep doing this for years.

2. If the relationship was volatile (and ended the same way), I generally tell my clients it would not be a good idea to let their Exes back into their lives because their relationship was unhealthy and/or abusive. Because of the volatility of the personality, it is impossible to predict when their Ex will return. These types of Exes can come back within a month or as far out as a year later, if they are going to come back. I remind my clients they should not expect him to change his behavior – this will still be a volatile relationship. If they take him back, they may end up separating again because the relationship problems are still there.

3. If the relationship was a good one, and your breakup was due to your Ex relocating for a new job or accepting a transfer, why not call him to see how he is doing if he does not contact you after six months? You can always find out if he misses you. The best thing that could happen is he tells you he still loves you and misses you. Who knows, you might end up reconnecting and relocating to be with your former Ex.

4. If you broke up because your Ex suggested you both see other people, that is usually a sign that your Ex wanted out of the relationship. In this case, the chance of him wanting to come back is slim to none. You may never know the real reason why he wanted to break up, and I don’t recommend driving yourself crazy trying to figure it out. It usually has nothing to do with you. If at some point down the road he realizes how wonderful you are wants you to take him back, wouldn’t it be fantastic if you found someone better in the meantime? You could tell your Ex, “You blew it.”

5. If your breakup was because of family obligations (older parents or young children), this type of breakup usually does not lend itself to comebacks. Some Exes have a problem with familial obligations because they want things simple, easy and no drama. In this case, he probably won’t want to come back. That can be a good thing.

6. If your breakup was due to your Ex’s familial interference, more than likely, your Ex will not be making a comeback. Generally if you have an Ex whose parents always pull his strings, even if he wanted to come back, he will always choose his family over you.

7. I saved the most outrageous scenario for last. If your Ex is commitment phobic and broke up with you when you brought up the “C” word, there is a good chance he may turn up again under a future Retrograde Mercury. However, he may also leave again if he doesn’t want to commit. If you want to dismiss the Retrograde Mercury option, remember that a commitment phobic Ex may come back again at any time, and often does. However, if you mention the “C” word again, he will either break up again or become a ghost. Like a ghost, he may haunt you in some way…if you let him.”

See, aren’t her findings really fascinating?

The sense I got from them was that your chances are very situational.

So, with her I don’t think we can come up with an actual percentage but that is ok.

She just cut right to the heart of the matter which I am going to talk about in a second.

Expert #3 Percentage: N/A

Expert Take #4: Lisa Bahar (Marriage And Family Therapist)

And last but certainly not least we have Lisa Bahar a Marriage and Family Therapist!

Here is what she had to say about exes returning,

“Ex’s tend to return more often than not, it is the second question as to why, in many cases, there may be a sense of guilt, attachment, that they need to confirm that the ex is still receptive to them, wanting to seek control even though they are no longer committed, wanting to have attention. 

In other cases perhaps, the individual had time to reflect, explore his or her feelings about the breakup after a period of time and feels inclined to try and reach out and return.  Many times, there is rejection that the ex was not expecting, and returns to one who they feel will be more open and receptive.”

Exes tend to return more often than not…

How do we quantify those words into a percentage?

I wouldn’t ever try to speak for Lisa but it is my understanding that more often than not means more than 50%. So, using that logic 51% would be more often than not and I would like to use that as Lisa’s number.

Why?

Well, I wanted to mimic our research findings with the studies above as closely as possible and 51% is the closest number we can use.

Expert #4 Percentage: 51%

What Percentage Chance Of Getting Your Ex Back That You Actually Have

And now we come to the grand finale.

This is the moment we have all been waiting for as I add everything up and give you one specific number as to what your chances with your ex are.

First things first, I’d like to remind you what the studies number was in case you had forgotten.

  • Studies Found That 46% Of Exes Will Come Back After A Breakup

Ok, now before I give you the final number let’s add up all of the experts opinions.

In total we have four experts who gave us opinions on what percentage of exes came back,

  1. 45%
  2. 25%
  3. N/A
  4. 51%

I am just going to void the N/A and not count it in the average.

So, when I tally it all up we get,

  • Experts Say 40% Of Exes Come Back After a Breakup

So, experts are definitely a bit lower than studies but that doesn’t really matter since we still need to average everything together.

Are you ready?

Drumroll please!

….

…..

…..

…..

……

According to my research there is a 43% Chance That Your Ex Will Come Back After A Breakup

But I personally think that you can move that number up if you know what you are doing.

How many of the men and women in these calculations actually knew what they were doing?

The answer = not many of them.

Just saying!

77 thoughts on “How Often Do Exes Come Back After A Breakup?”

  1. Avatar

    Anon

    November 5, 2019 at 3:15 pm

    My boyfriend left me 4 months ago, but for the first 2 months we talked a few times. We are both in college, he just turned 22 and I turned 21. Do we still have a chance to be together, even if it seems like he is completely done and moved on? Neither of us are dating anyone else, but he left because he lost feelings for me and now he wants to be alone to focus on himself. He doesn’t see a future for us and said I deserve the best and he hopes I’m happy. The breakup made him seem cold and distant, and I think it’s because he has an avoidant personality and I have an anxious one. He deleted me from social media and we don’t have any mutual friends, but he seems to be doing good, from what I can tell. Maybe guys don’t miss us like we miss them, but it just seems like my chances to get him back are low. We are already in no contact, and I already post cool stuff to my social media, but he has no way of seeing it. I feel like I’m the lowest I’ve ever been, but I was fine just a month ago. What else can I do? How long does it take to get back an ex who seems avoidant?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 1:43 am

      Hi there, so yes you do but oyu need to work on being the Ungettable girl and show your ex how youre so worth his time and wanting you back. Live your life, enjoy college and be social with friends.

  2. Avatar

    Ingrid

    November 2, 2019 at 9:55 pm

    My ex and I broke up on April. We had 0 contact for 2 months. Tried to reconcile but didn’t truly happened. At the end on July he blocked me on Whattsapp. We were not friends on facebook or IG. Yesterday, after almost 3 months of no contact, he unblocked me. He has not written to me. Yes! I do check every week if I am still blocked because I do send him messages I know he wouldn’t receive…

    I know that being unblocked means nothing. He never reached out for me. But the feelings came back. Truth be told …It’s eating me alive.

  3. Avatar

    Tasha

    November 2, 2019 at 3:34 pm

    Hi there, I’ve posted this couple of times because I hadn’t gotten a response and I wasn’t really sure what category this fits.
    I dated my boyfriend for right at a year and we were starting to get closer (taking trips and going to family weddings, etc). He always said that this was the happiest he’s been. Suddenly, he started pulling away. Next thing I know he was breaking up with me, telling me that he didn’t want kids or to get married. I was devastated and didn’t understand why, especially since we never really had those conversations before. At the time he told me that it was because he wanted to focus on his career but he said that he loved me tremendously… he just couldn’t give me what he felt I deserved. I was confused. I thought we were in a great place. I couldn’t implement NCR. 1. I didn’t know what it was. 2. It was too hard, I would proudly try not to contact but I’d always cave (I did this for roughly about 7 days after the break up). But whenever I’d text or call he’d always respond. The last time we met in person, he revealed that the “real” reason for the break up is because he didn’t agree with my family (who have been nothing, but nice to him but he’s morally conflicted due to differences in beliefs). He felt that we were getting closer to marriage and he knew this would be a conflict and he didn’t want to put be in a position to have to choose. This was like a knife to my heart. He also admitted he felt like he was making a mistake and he’d probably never find anyone he’d love as much as me. He admitted that he was having doubts. This gave me hope that he could change his mind. So I began calling & texting more for about 3 more days, thinking that we could work on this, and of course he always responded… with long texts explaining how he loves me but he doesn’t know how we can move forward. I never gave him the space he needed. We had one last meeting, after which, he pretty much said his mind was fixed and he wouldn’t budge on his feelings for my family. Again, still stating that I’m perfect for him, telling me I deserve the world and professing his love for me but washing his hands with it and not wanting to prolong the “inevitable.” I didn’t want him to leave. He stayed. We laughed. We cried but eventually he said I had to let him go. I love him and I feel that he’s the one. And I know that he loves me and I don’t think there’s anyone else. He basically gave me 4 different reasons for the breakup. Regardless of the true reason, the inevitable could be that he just doesn’t want to be with me. On the other hand he could be just scared. Do you think that we can be restored or should I just move on? I’m really hoping to gain some insight on this. Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 12:54 am

      Hi Tasha, if you can find one of your previous posts I do remember replying to you myself.

  4. Avatar

    Jessica

    September 8, 2019 at 10:13 pm

    My boyfriend ended it 3 months ago after 8 years. We never broke up before and only fought in the first 3 years over little things. We dont really speak as much anymore and he does have someone new. Was with her same month we broke up. What are chance of getting back together?

    1. Shaunna

      Shaunna

      September 12, 2019 at 9:35 pm

      Hi Jessica, if he has got with someone quickly its likely to be a rebound so follow the program complete your NC and make sure you’re the best version of yourself so he sees that you are the better woman.

  5. Avatar

    Christopher

    September 3, 2019 at 1:06 am

    I once had a very special relationship with an unforgettable girl whom I grew very attached to. She ended it because I was too clingy, simple as that. I gave her very sentimental gifts such as paintings and letters. During the relationship, she said that she never felt this way about anyone else and I hadn’t either. Thing is that we are both young and odd people. But I know that what we felt was real. We never argued yet we talked so so much. We shared so many special moments and I felt that if true love was real that that was my counterpart. She ended off saying that my clinginess made her sick. Any chance at all?

  6. Avatar

    Elodie

    July 1, 2019 at 10:28 pm

    My ex and I broke up a month ago, after being together for 5 months, and we didn’t talk for 25 days, the longest we’ve ever gone not talking since the day we met. A few days ago I messaged him to see how he was and we had a good conversation. He was angry that his friends had been messaging me but the conversation was generally positive. And we’ve spoken twice more since then.
    I used the information in another of your article when in regards to texting an ex, by using rapport texts, and every time the response was positive. I’m just not sure what this means in regards to getting back together? Is he just being friendly or does he still love me?
    He never gave me a reason for the breakup, he had said a week before he was struggling with his depression, but didn’t say this was why he broke up with me. Since the break up he’s been sleeping around, so I don’t know if this was what he wanted all along because if he has depression why would he do this?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 1, 2019 at 10:38 pm

      Hi Elodie…just keeping moving forward with the teachings of my Plan- Ex boyfriend Recovery Pro Bundle – and remember to think in terms of small steps. No rush here. Avoid relationship topics if he continues to respond, but don’t over communicate. Leave room for him to reach out and continue to do things to reinforce your value via social media and your friend’s network.

  7. Avatar

    Deedee

    May 21, 2019 at 6:07 pm

    Hi – you mentioned a point in this article about couples who live together and it being a whole different set of problems in the likelihood of getting back together. Can you elaborate a little bit more on this, please?
    My boyfriend and I broke up yesterday. We live together, but he owns the place. I packed a bag and am staying with a friend until I can get all my stuff out this weekend.
    I know he loves me and didn’t want this, but he said he needed some time and that he wasn’t sure we were meant for each other.
    Regardless, can you please touch upon the living together likelihood?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 21, 2019 at 8:12 pm

      Hi Deedee…..so it seems to me that a good way forward to to adopt the No Contact Rule in the way I teach it in my Program. There are many facets to the ex recovery process so its hard to cover it all offer here. But that is why I put together a comprehensive Program (EBR PRO Bundle) that helps with all this.

  8. Avatar

    Nick

    May 19, 2019 at 3:54 am

    So, my girlfriend and i have been together four years but I sent her home. She broke up with me last month , that lasted two weeks, then we broke up again two weeks later. Now, we still see each other almost every day and talk every day. With as little information possible do y’all think we are going to get back together or why would she agree or want to see me or go on dates . She just has setup boundaries with good reason .

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 19, 2019 at 2:36 pm

      Hi Nick…its usually best to have a sensible ex recovery plan as that will improve your chances of getting your ex back. So take a look at my Program to get a better read on how you should proceed.

  9. Avatar

    Lindsey

    May 13, 2019 at 1:28 pm

    My my ex and I were together for 2 years it wasn’t perfect, we had normal problems but overall the relationship was good. We have been apart for 2 months however the no contact was never implemented because I had someone telling me to keep communication open and going.. will no contact work now and do I still have a chance of getting him back?

  10. Avatar

    Pauline

    April 13, 2019 at 3:15 pm

    My boyfriend and I had a lot of fights after he moved to my city nine months ago (after a 1.5-year long distance relationship). Two weeks ago, we had two huge fights and I asked to break up. A week later I asked him if he wanted to fix our issues, and he insisted that we don’t work as a couple and should stay friends for good. We had quite many small fights from time to time, but I love him a lot.

    The issue that I mentioned is living together. I really wanted to but he never wanted to. He also changed his mind before the fights about going back to his hometown for Christmas – he said he doesn’t think it’s a good idea. I have a feeling that he’s not ready to do any sort of commitment other than being exclusive.

    He treats me quite well day to day though, and I think we had a pretty good connection. I have been in NC for two weeks now, but I bumped into him accidentally and we didn’t greet each other.

    He texted me everyday for the first week and asked to meet, but I refused because I was an emotional wreck. I told him I need some time and space and I don’t want to stay friends. He replied he misses me and is worried to lose me. But after that he didn’t text me anything.

    This week our mutual friend told me that although they didn’t talk about this explicitly, he didn’t seem interested in getting back together with me and is working towards moving on.

    Do I still have a chance to get him back? I miss him a lot and I value our connection. I know that he’s on Tinder again, and I am worried that he will be in a relationship before my 60-day NC ends.

  11. Avatar

    Raymond

    December 16, 2018 at 2:35 am

    I am one of the few who got back with there ex. We broke up due to (we are both in middle school) people hating are relationship. I was back in my hellhole of depression. Then, in band (which is how we met each other) we had a consert. On the second rehearsal I gave her my discord name. She sent me a friend request and then we chatted(cough flirted cough). Now we are back in a now private relationship. This article made my day finding we are one of the few who got back together. Thank you.

  12. Avatar

    Marie

    December 12, 2018 at 11:46 pm

    About 3 weeks ago I came home to a typed letter from my boyfriend stating he was unhappy and that he wanted things to be over. He did not come home for four days afterward. We were suppose to go out of town for his holiday Xmas party which he went on his own. This completely blindsided me.

    I’m going to give you a small back story or at least try! We’ve been together almost two years living together 1.5 years. The first 8-10 months were great. Then he got a job offer in Chicago, we’re from MI. I hesitated but realized this was the man I wanted to be with and we moved to Chicago. I tried desperately to like it there, but after four months we moved home. He gave up his job and everything. It really showed me he was committed. We moved back to MI in dec of 2017.

    Fast forward to April of 2018, we got into a fight and I left our apt for a few days bc we both needed space. He wrote me a long email stating things that needed to change to make our relationship work for him and I. A lot of these changes I made and since April I felt as though we were making strides in our relationship. We’ve been on so many wonderful trips and done so much together.
    Back to 3 weeks ago, the letter completely mirrored what was said in April except how unhappy he is and that it makes him sick to break up with me and loves me still. But he doesn’t think it’ll work. I’m blinded sided bc that same week he told me how much he loved me and and how happy he was I was in his life, he even bought me a present?

    I agreed to move out four days later, that week I slept on the couch and was nothing but kind and courteous. He was cold and distant. After I moved out he texted me “goodbye”, I thought I wouldn’t hear from him again. I chose to follow the no contact rule. He texted me 3 days later about an expensive bike I left at the apt (that he had bought me), how apparently it never meant anything.

    I told him it did, I just didn’t know how he felt about me taking it bc we didn’t discuss it. Then I said I would come get it, he never responded. So much for the NC rule.

    My questions are; how can he break up with me like that when a few days before he was professing his love?
    Since then I’ve implemented the NC for almost a month now.
    I know he’s on tinder and recently unfriended me on fb but didn’t block.
    I’m trying to focus on myself.

    Just heartbroken.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 13, 2018 at 12:29 am

      Hi Marie….some guys can be all over the place with their words and actions not matching up. I am really happy to see you have turned your focus to your yourself..your healing and full recovery. You can do this. There are many activities you can embrace to accelerate your recovery. Check our my Program if you have not already as it gives you full view of how to implement an ex recovery plan.

  13. Avatar

    Ina

    December 8, 2018 at 6:09 pm

    Hi!
    My boyfriend of an year broke up with me via text out of the blue. He was away at that time. A little after that he came back and i arranged for a meet up. He was crying and emotional but gave me no reason for breaking up. He had vague reasons like it wont work out and it isnt working for him. But the fact is everything was fine and his mind had changed suddenly. I tried to explain him a lot but nothing seemed to be working. He stated as being unsure. There has been no communication since. We are colleagues and see each other almost everyday . He seems happy in front of me but people tell me thst he has withdrawn and looks unhappy. I dont know what is on with him.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 9, 2018 at 2:17 am

      Hi Ina… I hope you are implementing NC or following an ex recovery plan as you will get the most out of that approach.

  14. Avatar

    Annette

    March 19, 2018 at 10:28 am

    I am 22 and my ex is 20 , last night he broke up with via text. In the beginning everything was i came on weekends to see him from college and he stopped by my schools a few times. As the relationship progressed I stayed at his home i few times , ( he lives with his parents). The family situation started getting bad due to money problems at home , his family started getting violent and did want him in a relationship and they did everything posible to keep us apart. This was going on for two months , my boyfriend promised me after graudtion we would move in together and I had an apartment ready and everything. Now almost a month from moving in he tells me he wants to break up because all the problems at home are causing a lot of issues in the relationship and he wants to make sure wveything is okay for his family. He told he wanted me to do whatever I wanted and live happy and said that he would come back but he doesn’t know when , I don’t know what to think about this

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 24, 2018 at 5:17 pm

  15. Avatar

    Jess

    February 25, 2018 at 10:30 am

    I broke up with my ex because he said he could not marry me. I’m 35 and my ex is 38.

    He had avoidant attachment style and very closed off. It was hard for me to in a relationship where affection was rarely displayed. When I brought up marriage he started opening up himself how he believes that he can never be happy and his life is very boring. He did not want to break up with me and was very distressed about the fact that we are splitting up. I could tell that he genuinely did not want to break up but made it clear that he doesn’t want to marry (me, possibly).

    But these are what he said,
    “I cannot see together with you long term like marriage.”
    “He likes me but not in love with me.”
    “He does like me as much as I love him.”

    I did not need to have another discussion. Even after he said it, he did not want to break with me. Wtf, seriously. I did not make a mud fight or anything. I said I want to end because we will have to break up at some point if we are not marrying. I know I made a right decision, but I do love him and want him back.
    He sent me a msg asking how I am 4 days after break up but I blocked him because i knew nothing will change. So, he is a commitment phobic, emotionally unavailable man with avoidant attachment. In this case, is there a chance that he might change his mind and come back?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 12:27 pm

      Hi Jess,

      Honestly, we can’t control other people, that’s why it’s important to have standards. So, that we know what kind of people we allow to stay in our lives.

  16. Avatar

    Jessica

    February 13, 2018 at 7:56 pm

    My ex just broke up with me this last week. I have finished my BA and we did long distance for two of them we have been dating for almost 6 years. I am now getting my teaching credential and I have pushed him to pursue his BA degree and he moved up to college with me. He has now decided to join a fraternity at 23 and just broke up with me. He said it was because our relationship has its ups and downs and gets good than hard again. I tried to tell him it’s just been hard because we have been at different times of our lives our whole relationship and we definitely have had hard things to get through such as long distance and his moms cancer diagnosis. He wanted a break a couple weeks ago and I had a hard time giving him his space because I was scared of what was happening and loosing him He came back and wanted to lay in the other room together and then the next night he slept in our room again and he initiated sex. I felt like it fooled me. And the following Friday when I planned a date night he ended it. Anyway he said he thinks I’m his best friend and he still loves me so much as a person just not our relationship right now he was angry and crying when he ended it. I can’t help but think he just needs his independence and his immature fraternity brothers of 6 months have influenced him and he believes everything they say. I know it’s hard to live with a girlfriend who is more responsible while he is trying to experience college. Do you think he just needs his independence and will eventually come back. I’m trying not to communicate with him but I love him
    More than anything and we had planned our lives together. I’m really close with his family and they are all so upset about the breakup as well. He is my best friend and I’m having a hard time accepting this. Do you think chances are good of him returning after a month or so apart?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 11:40 am

      Hi Jessica,
      It looks like a grass is greener..have you taken our quiz? Check the link below too:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

  17. Avatar

    Lucy

    January 29, 2018 at 12:05 am

    My boyfriend of two years recently broke up with me pretty out of the blue about a month ago. He has always treated me very well and was a very loving boyfriend. I have been stressed trying to find work and been holding out for a job within my industry for about a year and trying to see where I really want to be in my field. He has been supportive of this and has always been generous with paying for things since he makes good money and recently been promoted twice in the past two years. I always offer to pay though but he always insists I can pay when I have my feet back on the ground with work. Along with this, there has been an issue with his dad the last six months. Long story short his dad made some inappropriate comments to me and others that were around and it really bothered me, and I kinda haven’t let it go. which in turn has made him feel like i don’t trust him to stick up for me in the future if need be (since he didn’t initially). I think I have made him feel bad about it or made him feel like i’m not happy about certain things when he’s tried and I can see where I have come across with a bad attitude at time, which in turn has a lot of frustration due to my job situation and feeling uncomfortable with that. I know I took i have made non issues into issues due to this.

    I have been in no contact for one month tomorrow. A month and a half ago he told me he wanted a break bc of a conversation he had with his dad and being stressed with that situation, and said I should have time to focus on work. Also mentioned how money was stressing him out. I also know that this recent job promotion has made him extremely stressed because it is a higher up important job that he wasn’t used to having prior. I know he hasn’t been enjoying it and had to recently reach out for help. He also is worried about his moms living situation since she was living with his grandma and she recently passed. He has told mutual friends that he missed me and one point was apparently upset about what he did and thought he jumped the gun. But two weeks after the initial conversation that didn’t go well because I was so blindsided and upset and left crying, I asked to talk to clear the air and to take accountability for things I felt were happening (money, dad, his stress with work, my stress with mine) he asked if the trust was broken with his dad or with our relationship since he handled it poorly and deleted our pics off of his instagram. I told him no and then asked if I could respect giving him more time to think about things, not just with us but with everything else going on in his life right now, and I agreed and said ok. He said he wouldn’t leave me hanging but he clearly has because he hasn’t reached out during the no contact.

    How do I go about reaching out since the ball is still left in his court but he hasn’t made a move?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 31, 2018 at 11:46 am

  18. Avatar

    Bea

    January 8, 2018 at 9:23 pm

    Recently my boyfriend of 1.5 years has broken up with me because he “fell out of love” over the phone during our university’s winter break. We have been together since high school and unexpectedly ended up at the same university too. He lives in the same residence hall as me and will be for the next year as well. Even if I want to avoid him, I work at the residence hall so I will have to see him regardless. This whole break up came completely out of nowhere, he had even gone to my family’s new year’s eve party and taken me on a very expensive date just two days before he broke up with me on the phone. He was crying and talking about how I would be okay and find someone better when he did it. Nevertheless, it all just feels so off. Even his best friend of 7+ years had no idea he was planning to do it, my ex only talked to his mom about this plan. He’s very shy and isn’t the best with his emotions so I am very worried about how he’s going to be doing without me. Everyone I know has been unanimously telling me that I’m going to be doing much better but I just want to have my best friend and boyfriend back. I managed to have no contact with him for a day, then broke it for two. During that time he didn’t seem angry at me but rather dismissive and said that he just fell out of love cause he wasn’t happy. Nevertheless, he keeps saying that maybe I’d get a second chance in the future. I am back to no contact with him and absolutely am planning to stay that way. I know I sound crazy but do you think I am even sane to think I’ll be able to get him back? We’re both barely adults, only 19…so maybe I’m just too wild.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 10, 2018 at 1:40 am

      Hi Bea,

      you can use the advice on this one:
      EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

  19. Avatar

    Younglove

    December 10, 2017 at 2:34 pm

    Hello, so I am going through a break up of over 3 years in a relationship with this person. For 2.5 years we were amazing, minimal fights and loved each other so much. Than he joined a fraternity, gave up a hobby he loved, and slowly began to change. He began wanting to party more, be more with friends, and show signs of regret of missing out on the party life style since he came into college dating me and is now about to graduate next semester. He also began claiming he wasn’t happy with anything in his life anymore, was stressing over school, stressing over his choices, and just wasn’t in a good place in his head. His family has a history of depression so I’m not sure if that has anything to do with this. We live together and have for over a year, we have a dog together, he even told family/friends over the summer that he was going to propose. Then suddenly, after within 6 months he had asked for week long breaks twice since he “didn’t know how he felt or what he wanted,” we went out together and ended up in a huge agreement where he basically drunkenly ended things. We have been broken up for just over a month now, in the beginning I tried spilling my heart out to him and talking to him but it seemed to make him more distant. He was avoiding ever coming back to our home, he tried to bring home a girl within a week of us ending, and he has been drinking more and partying more. Lately I have started trying the NC rule and now when we have to talk he’s becoming much nicer to me..but still not initiating anything in regards of getting back together. He’s the love of my life, I thought wed spend our lives together. I am his first girlfriend so I’m unsure if that plays a role, and I’m not sure if theres still a chance of getting him back. He hasn’t even deleted any of our pictures off of social media or deleted me from any of his accounts. What should I do? Is there a chance?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 4:51 am

      Hi Young love,

      what do you have to talk about during nc?

  20. Avatar

    That Girl

    December 6, 2017 at 7:36 pm

    Hi Amor

    We have known each other for 17 years but were together as a couple only for one

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 4:26 am

      Maybe it was too soon for him…you were just a year together..how old are you both?

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