Will I Ever Hear From My Ex Again? - The Definitive Answer

95 thoughts on “Will I Ever Hear From My Ex Again?”

Diana

January 13, 2020 at 6:39 pm

Hi Chris,

My ex dumped me back in the summer, because he said he lost feelings due to personal issues in his own life. We were becoming distant, because he was constantly busy with work or family. He’s 22 and I’m 21, so I understand that this is a rough age frame and we have priorities other than each other. We dated for a year and during this year we saw each other maybe 2-3 times a month. A little before the breakup, I complained that we never got to see each other. Looking back, I feel like I might have made him feel guilty and he felt like the only option he had was to leave.

It’s been over 6 months now and I’ve accepted that he’s gone. I’m still struggling to get past it, and it hurts that he didn’t value me enough to even see me and do the breakup in person. He dumped me over an hour long phone call and told me he couldn’t bear to see me anymore, and he didn’t want to see me upset. He said he no longer had feelings for me and he had contemplated ending it for a month.

He isn’t the kind of ex to reach out, and I stupidly contacted him first a few times throughout the last few months. I did it before I found this blog, and now I regret it. He replied enough to be nice, but he ended each conversation. The one time he started a conversation, he stopped soon and then a few days later he just removed me on social media. Since then, I contacted him once more last month, which I regret now too. I sent him a funny post and said it reminded me of him, but he was so dry about it that I immediately knew it was a bad decision. He ended the conversation and I don’t plan on ever reaching out again. I know that he’s probably hurting too, or maybe he doesn’t wanna lead me on by having conversations with me. He told me during the breakup that he cares for me as a person but he no longer feels in love with me. I guess I should mention we’re both each other’s first loves… it was definitely not easy to let him walk away, but I didn’t want to burden him with my feelings anymore.

With all of this being said… how can I move on from this and forget everything about our relationship, the way he did? I feel so hopeless and I really wish I had found this blog before, so I would have avoided the mistakes I made. And with everything that I’ve said in this comment, is there a chance that we could have each other back? Or should I give up altogether and become an ungettable girl? Please let me know, I await your advice.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 18, 2020 at 11:30 am

Hi Diana, so as you stated you only seen each other 2-3 times a month it is clear that he did not have a lot of investment into the relationship which is why he has found it easier to walk away. Now following this process is going to give you, your best chance at getting him back but it does mean that you are going to have to do some work to get him back. Starting with a longer 45 day No Contact and work on yourself in that time. Becoming the Ungettable girl is not about giving up and walking away. It is about becoming “the girl” he wants

Lucy

January 12, 2020 at 9:14 pm

I understand what you say. I’m in the process of accepting the ‘block’ and not even trying to verify if he has unblocked me.. Even though it still hurts. I think that after these 2 months, things won’t change. Thanks for your support Shaunna.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:13 pm

Anytime Lucy 🙂

Lisa

January 12, 2020 at 6:43 pm

NC worked. He finally texted me after 28 days of NC. We had tried staying friends after he ended the relationship as were good friends before the relationship started. We stayed in regular contact for a couple months which unfortunately turned into him becoming distant and cold. Typical right? So I went into hardcore NC. I didn’t initiate any contact, but sadly neither did he. Now he’s come out of hiding and apologized for being distant and just said he was dealing with alot but is feeling better and hopes we could meet for coffee or a drink. We had a light and cheerful conversation etc. It was great to connect with him again. Good right? But now I haven’t heard from him again. Just silence. Wtf? It’s been about 6 days since he reached out. What happened? I assume I go into NC again? I don’t want to reach out because I don’t want to appear needy or desperate and I think he should follow through with his idea of meeting up again. I want to re-attract him. What do I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 8:56 pm

Hey Lisa, so I would stop talking about meeting up for the short term basis. Just focus on texting dont rush the process as you are not going to get your end goal. Look up the Value chain and Value ladder to fully understand the process

Eela

January 12, 2020 at 4:34 pm

I think my situation is very different from every one else’s. I made every mistake under the sun that you could possibly make when after the break up. My ex and I broke up after 4 months of trying long distance. We would travel up and down once a month to see each other. On his last visit, his attitude changed. From being the person who made him laugh so much I was now the source of his annoyance. The day after I dropped him off back at the airport he dumped me. Telling me that he wasn’t in love with me. I was heart broken, i begged him to try but his only response was we could be friends still. Since then he has flirted, been hot cold, told me his still unsure about me to finally this last week telling me I should move on. We broke up 4 months ago. I started NC since he told me to move on it’s been a week. Have I blown any chances of us getting back together by still talking to him after the break up?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:58 pm

Hey Eela, your situation is not that different honestly a lot of LDR break ups have been similar. And giving that you stick to No Contact and work on yourself for a while and follow the advice on this website then you give yourself your best chance at getting your ex back

Steph

January 12, 2020 at 8:41 am

I’m not sure what to do. We broke up about a month ago. Right after the break up we went back and forth whether it could be fixed. I said it could and he needed time to think, then said he didn’t want to fix it. There was a lot of fighting in the relationship. The little things became big problems. No cheating or anything major. A few days after the break up he asked me to go somewhere with him, I went. I thought that meant he wanted to get back but he said there was nothing more to it. But that he would think about getting back together. It’s been 3 weeks. No contact on either side. Not sure if I should reach out or leave it alone

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:52 pm

Hey Steph I would do a 45 day NC as there was a lot of arguing during your relationship, allowing those negative feelings to leave both of you. During which time you need to read and follow the advice of becoming Ungettable and then plan your first text to reach out to your ex

Dara

January 11, 2020 at 7:39 am

Hi, My bf broke up with me a month ago, but day before we’re both doing fine while celebrating our 15 month sarry he always says that he’s really damn in love with me, but after that day we had an argument that leads him to break up with me but before we ended our conversation that night he said that he needs me but he also needs to let go of me, After 3days of NC with him I started to chat him but he’s not responding so I decided to call him but he just said to me that he already found his happiness by being alone not being with me I mean he’s happy with me but its not just like before its fading when we’re having arguments? and because of my attitude problem I am so demanding when it comes to his time for me. I beg him and ask for a second chance but he never let me, I was so devastated, confused and angry of what he had done to me he just left me hanging. Yesterday we had our last closure and he said to me that his feelings for me is fading but I can still feel, the way he look at me the way he hold my hand the way he talk to me I know he still in love with me I just don’t know what’s the reason of sudden change I tried to ask but the same answers, and he just want to focus on his studies he don’t like commitment or responsibility. I just don’t get it I don’t get him.
I hope you could help me.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 7:50 pm

Hi Dara sounds like the emotions are running high so I would give your ex some space for not and see what happens when you have completed a No Contact

Lee

January 9, 2020 at 9:12 pm

i tried posting on another page but… Hi, I’m looking for advice. My situation is a little strange and involves some psychological issues, as well as long distance.

My ex and I got together late September, days before his birthday. We’d met on instagram and were hitting it off for a few weeks chatting before we both admitted our feelings. Early October, he drove 8 hours to see me for the weekend. He did it again a few weeks later. In November, he drove to me, picked me up, took me back to his place (another 8 hours!) for Thanksgiving, and I got to meet his family. They loved me!

In between seeing each other, we talked everyday, and we would sleep on the phone together just about every night. However, a situation happened in the beginning of December, where I was feeling depressed, he wasn’t there for me because he was very busy, and I got upset. Since then, he became very reluctant to talk to me, he blamed it on his own mental health, but he insisted for weeks that he still loved me, he didn’t want to break up, but his best friend told me he “was overwhlemed and needed space”.

So, I gave him space. But the situation didn’t change. I broke up with him a few days after New Years because, I’d barely spoken to him since just after Christmas, asking if he even wanted to be together anymore.

I just messaged him yesterday asking why, why did he suddenly stonewall me when everything was going good, and we could’ve worked it out? He told me he had a sort of traumatic, lasting impression from a terrible experience in high school that drives him to push people away in close relationships. He apologized for doing this to me, but I asked if he wanted to overcome it, and I said I didn’t want to turn my back on him and our relationship.

He opened my messages but hasn’t responded. He’s very independent and has openly admitted to avoiding conflict and hard feelings. I want to know how to get him back, because before December, he was so into me and he was always there for me, every day. All of a sudden it dropped, and if it was because of his trauma, it can be worked through..

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 13, 2020 at 11:41 pm

Hey Lee, so unless he is willing to work on things himself and his issues then there is nothing more you can do about this. He is in control of how he deals with his trauma, all you can really do is follow this program and see if he starts coming back through your efforts of contact

Hannah

January 9, 2020 at 7:11 pm

My ex and I dated for a year and 5 months then he started bringing up breaking up and how his life was about to get busy and he wouldn’t have time for me and he was stressed and what not.. we finally broke up but then a week later he started talking to me again from May to September he would still talk to me then he started getting distant and would only contact me for sex. He then started telling me he didn’t have feelings for me anymore but would always follow it up with I don’t want to get back together anytime soon or someday or I see a future with you.. I’m 19 and he’s 18 so I get we’re pretty young and we’re each others first love but I just don’t know what to do anymore and I haven’t even done no contact because he would always reach out and we would talk. I should also mention from May to a couple weeks ago we were still sleeping with eachother and most of the time that’s the only thing he’d contact me for and I’d always say yes cause I wanted to see him. Up until we saw eachother on the 25th of December and everything was fine and everything was normal then after that day he started ignoring me and I’d reach out cause I didn’t know what I did wrong.. then a week later I found out from a mutual friend that he likes this new year and possibly wants a relationship with her. They’ve only hung out once but I’m sure they talk a lot .. I’m not sure what to do we haven’t talked since I asked if there’s anything at his house I need to get.. I unfollowed him on social media just to spare myself more heartbreak but he still follows me and he still has our pictures up on Instagram .. I know I need to give him space, but it’s hard because I love him and we went through a lot together. Do you think there’s any chance of me getting him back?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 17, 2020 at 2:11 pm

Hi Hannah, this is going maybe appear quite harsh, but I mean it to be helpful and comes from a good place. His hot and cold behavior is a form of keeping you available to him. So the issue with what he is doing is he is treating you as a “safety net” so if he has no one for sex, he will come to you for that, why? Because he knows he can and he knows you are sat there waiting for him regardless if he wants a relationship or just a bit of intimacy. You need to start really working the Ungettable Girl work to your life, as you know he has shown interest in the mutual friend too. Start showing interest in other guys, STOP showing him interest. No Contact him, 30 days at least, and use social media to show him youre happy and doing well. If you go out etc, take some photos with guys he doesnt know and post them, let him see you are not sat at home waiting for him to call you up!

Mary

January 9, 2020 at 4:23 am

What should I do when a guy who I was dating 4 months said that he can’t get involved in relationship (when we start dating he was after 2 years toxic relationship) and break up our relationship saying that he doesn’t love me, he have feelings but it’s not love. I think that I was too involved in this and make some pressure cause he always said that he really like spending time with me but he can’t get involved but I really want to make things official and I was really good for him maybe too good and too caring… He broke up 4 days ago. I think that during his “breaking” I was really calm and only said that I don’t understand cause 5 days ago he said that he fell in love with me too . Day after when he ask me out to have a talk I write to him in message that I agree with his decision but i need some time for me now and start no contact then.I forget about one thing that could be important he said something like “I thinking about my emotions and not being sure about them but since our last meetings I’m sure that it isn’t love” – last three weeks I was really scared because he was really distanced and I try so hard to be carrying and loving.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2020 at 5:45 am

Hey Mary, so your ex told you he had come out of a toxic relationship and told you he was not ready for a new relationship. To then have you pressuring him into one where you tried to justify it because you were good to him. After being in a bad relationship the last thing he needed was pressure. So you need to allow him this time during NC and work on yourself a little so that you are better control of your emotions and learn to understand someone elses too. You can not force him to want to be with you and we have to accept when someone ends a relationship with us, its their choice to walk away. We just have to learn how to deal with the pain that we feel when they do. So during this time, heal, learn to control your emotions, and make sure you are reading about the Ungettable girl before you reach out to you ex

Leah

January 8, 2020 at 11:45 pm

Thank you Shaunna, I understand. I’ll mirror his actions then.
I just feel I’m an “option”, I need to become the only one, this is hard but it os the only way.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2020 at 12:53 am

100% it is the only way and show that you know your worth!

Angela

January 8, 2020 at 7:51 am

Hey Chris,

I met a guy online back in 2018 and after months of chatting online, we decided to meet up. We met up on Feb 2019, and we had been dating regularly. He’s 23 and he works right now, and im a 21 year old college student graduating this year.

Our scenario is this: In his work, he only gets 4 day offs. He takes me out to dates on those four days. He’s the one who always comes to me, because we live far from each other. He is also the one adjusting just to fit in my schedule. Sometimes when my schedule permits it, we meet somewhere halfway. I am always thankful for him because of that.

Suddenly on Dec 2019 he asked for time for himself. I was shocked because everything was going well actually. The last time we saw each other, we were both sweet and affectionate. One reason he told me why he needed time on his own was that he wasnt fully ready to be commited in a relationship. I mean why would he go through all the trouble of courting me and taking me out on dates for 10 months if he wasnt ready to commit? Still, I agreed to give him some time alone. I told him i would be waiting for him until he’s ready. And also i told him to tell me when i should no longer wait for him and he promised he would.

Help me! Will he come back? What can i do? Should i still wait for him? if yes, how long? or should i move on and open doors for other guys instead?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 14, 2020 at 5:46 pm

Hey Angela, I can not tell you to wait for some one that is going to be your decision. I am assuming you have each other on social media by now and would be able to follow the advice for Ungettable girl to show him what hes missed out on. You work on this during your No Contact, at the end of that you reach out through text with a message that Chris suggests, known as a hook. And then see what sort of response you get going forward to that first conversation. Read as many articles as you can on this website, and even consider looking into the books that will help you through each stage of this program if you want to try to get your ex back

Lyds

January 7, 2020 at 8:26 am

Hi Chris,
I recently hurt my bf hitting him because of misunderstanding and I thought he was cheating… He knows though that I’m getting therapy to manage emotions. We have broken up and got back several times before in 3 years. This time he was hurt and gave me a long text saying he couldn’t stay anymore.
Do you think I still get a chance? He blocked my phone number and he doesn’t use social media. Will he text me one day? Or am I doomed this time.

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 7, 2020 at 10:45 pm

Hi Lyds eventually you will see that they will reach out to you, but it does take time for emotions to come down enough to unblock you. So keep working on yourself in that time so that when they do start getting curious about you, you are ready to wow them

Emily

January 7, 2020 at 4:47 am

My ex broke up with me a couple of weeks ago, the next day he insisted that he helps me to move my stuff and that I keep my belongings (as my new apartment will be available only in a week) at his house. He was all nice and sweet and gave me a kiss on my forehead like saying goodbye. I didn’t go in NC right away, I told him this breaks my heart and he said I know but it’s for the best long term. He never wished me merry Christmas or New Years, I contacted him with minor things 2x after which he deleted all my friends (but not me) from Instagram (it wasn’t friend related contact) and only responded with a yes or no and left me hanging the last time I contacted him (I didn’t beg or write long texts). After that I realized that I should do the NC and stop contacting him. The problem is – I have my belongings at his house, I could wait some time before collecting them, but I am pretty sure that he will ask in the near future – when am I taking my stuff out of his house. What should I do in this situation, I want to have the NC and want to have my stuff back sooner or later. If he asks when am I collecting my things – should I respond, what should I do in this case? Also, if he doesn’t say anything and let’s my stuff to be there, but I want to get it back, should I wait still at least 30 days and only then ask for my stuff back? Thanks!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2020 at 4:29 am

Hi Emily so I would reach out and ask for your things giving that you are ready to take them all now and then complete a no contact form that! Working on yourself and showing that you are not sat around waiting for him like he expects you to be right now. Being happy and full of life is the last thing he expects so make sure you are sounding happy when you ask for your things

Dee

January 6, 2020 at 2:23 pm

My ex and I have been apart for 2 months now. After being in no contact for a little over a month, I reached out to him because he was viewing my LinkedIn daily and not communicating. after asking him if he was try to communicate he said no. So I went back into NC for 7 days until i just decided to ask him to meet me for coffee to catch up. He replied by asking why and stating that we aren’t together anymore and how he thought I would never be friends with an ex. I responded by saying it’s just coffee to catch up. He gave me a date he would be back in town from traveling. I then said ok happy new year and merry Christmas and the contact me when he returns to which he simply liked on messenger. He knows I’m not capable of friendship with an ex and neither is he. Is this meeting worth it if he is making it difficult. I want to a new relationship with him not a friendship. What do you advise ? Is there a chance ?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2020 at 2:33 am

Hi Dee, so everyone has a chance, giving that they follow the advice given in this program and follow it. Applying it to your lifestyle and implementing the changes needed to cultivate a new image of yourself, and also so that your exes image of you changes too. So if you want to get your ex back, you need to do the work and this gives you, your best chance at getting your ex back

Daniel

January 6, 2020 at 11:16 am

Hi, My bf and I were in a long-distance relationship for over 2 years and it was very deep and intense.
He called off the wedding at the last minute (when we had almost booked a marriage venue and families were involved). His response to ‘calling off’ the marriage was he needs more time (reasons unknown though i tried asking him multiple times). Also, to note he had postponed marriage dates in the past however, he was a very very committed kinda guy and deeply happy about his relaitonship with me. He also mentioned the last day with teary eyes that I am the women he loved the most in his life and not sure why he Is doing this!
I initiated NC for 3 months however, the first message after 2 months was he is moving to a new house and if i wish to return any of his stuff then this is the new address…. (to which i responded – certainly i will send over if someone is visiting since I live in a diff. country. The ‘engagement ring’!!). After a few days, I sent him a picture of his favourite fruit which reminded me of him and he resposnded sweetly to that. Thereafter he has not taken any initiative to contact me or wish me over new years…..
I did heal myself during NC and went out on a few dates but as time passes by, i feel more confused and miss our friendship.
What’s confusing is –
1) Moving on with a new person means i miss that bond with my ex even more while i am with a new person i sound dis-interested in learning about them….
2) The memories created while travelling or other events were so intense that replacing them with new ones seems a lot of effort with a new person?
3) Should I reach out to him or wait for him to reach out first? Because when I did reach out the conversations were pretty transnational and for what he has done to me and my family as a whole its difficult to initiate contact first, else he thinks he is the best or what if i don’t see an improvement in his behavior?
I horribly feel stuck and i don’t know if i should give time to new things or think over what i had and fix it?
(I tried my best to summarize the break-up in the above sentences but in reality its much more…)

Any help or suggestion will be much appreciated

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 11, 2020 at 1:05 am

Hey there so I can not really tell you what to do, this is your life. You want your ex back I can advise you further, you choose to move on I can try to help there too. As for reaching out to him first, I think that it is a good idea for you to reach out first a few times, as long as you are ending the conversations first not your ex. If you choose to move on and you are finding that the person you are on a date with, you are not interested in what they have to say then it is not someone you will want to have a romantic relationship with anyway. If you are open to getting to know them and are still not interested then at least you are dating and trying to live your life. But life is not all about being with someone, make sure you are working on your relationships with friends and family during this time too

Bea

January 5, 2020 at 5:59 pm

Hi so my bf and I broke up somewhat mutually In November after he had asked for some space. I contacted him following the break up with a clean slate message and he responded with a brief thank you hope all is well for you. I deleted him off of my social media and he continued watching on and off several stories etc. Shortly after some of my family members contacted him about me (without my knowledge) and he angrily texted me to handle it and stopped responding to me. I did 30 days no. After 30 days I texted a second clean slate message covering the helicopter family and got no response so I deleted the number. I noticed he was talking to one girl pretty frequently and tagging her in lots of girlfriend posts. He texted me 2 days ago but I asked who it was. When I realized I said happy new year and sent a meme, overstayed the welcome. Will he ever contact me again ‍♀️ Am I doomed?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 5, 2020 at 11:08 pm

Hey Bea, so no, but you do need to read the being there method on this website and make sure you know exactly what to do when you reach out next time. As you had a no reply you need to wait 10 days NC again and try with a message that Chris suggests instead

Ana

January 5, 2020 at 10:59 am

My ex and I broke up in November. I initiated but he had previously asked for space. So I proceeded to go out and have a great time looking like an ungettable girl. I contacted him with a clean slate message and he responded. When family members became aware of the situation the bombarded him with messages about how sad I was ‍♀️. He very angrily texted me to handle it and left me on read. This was all within a week. I wished him a happy thanksgiving and then decided I’d stop all contact completely and deleted him from my social media accounts. After 30 days I reached out and attempted a second clean slate message ( to cover for the helicopter family) and received no reply. New Years he reached out and said happy New Years at this point I had scrubbed his number from my phone so first I asked who it was. After realizing it was him I said happy new year. I am seeing on Facebook he is now in a relationship and I’m not coping well. Please help!

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 8, 2020 at 9:40 pm

Hey Ana, it is really a typical response from family to try to “help” when a break up happens. With him being in a new relationship now you need to read and understand the being there method, as you had not been doing the No Contact properly the first time around you need to learn about the being there method

Leah

January 5, 2020 at 10:51 am

Thank you a lot Shaunna. I’ll do that. The thing is that I’ve always been there before (I really find that method useful). I don’t know if he’s gonna be with this girl for real or not, or if he decided to become a playboy or… I don’t even know, e’s not being “himself” right now.
I need to become the best UG,, prepare myself and all. And yes, that NC. The problem is… We weren’t a couple. I shouldn’t be mad at him, I can’t act angry or jealous or “punish” him. But I’m hurt because after being there, with patience, affection and more, just when he was starting to get closer than ever, this happens. He even stopped watching my snapchat and instagram (last 24 hours, but he ALWAYS watched it and usually replied). He is hurting me a lot and I guess he will realize, for himself or with my NC.
If he texted me or replied to something on my social media (I doubt it but who knows) what should I do? Just ignore him? Not texting first is easy for me but not responding… Would be easy too because I’m hurt but, as said, am I sending a wrong “message” demonstrating with that that I’m angry and jealous?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 8, 2020 at 4:55 pm

Once you have completed your No Contact, I would reply based on quality of his message. So if its basic and boring I wouldn’t reply, if hes put some effort, match the effort…

If he would text you “Hey” .. reply “Hi”, if you understand what I mean by matching his efforts?

Leah

January 4, 2020 at 11:38 am

My situation is a bit different than usual.
This guy and me had a mutual crush. We met in a students event but we live in opposite sides of the country and lately I’ve been abroad too. He has depression after a kinda break up (he was in love, she wasn’t, she didn’t want more than being friends with benefits). He suffered a lot and he was slowly moving on, while we kept knowing each other. We couldn’t met in a middle city because the situation was complicated but recently he proposed it. It was about to happen but for a money thing, he told me that we should put it off. Ok. He had bad times but he always trusted me and was very attracted to me. He kept getting closer and closer and recently he started to be closer emotionally too, at last. But two weeks ago he met a girl online, different city, and he just went to her city to spend a day with her. She is not even rebound relationship material. She has nothing to do with him, she is superficial, childish, attention w… and more. This is so not him… But it happened.
I don’t know what to do. I still love him but I’m hurt. Very hurt. We weren’t “anything” so this is not cheating or anything, but after a year getting closer, being patient and him trusting me, wanting to know me more, demonstrating me that he liked me and, every time he got distant, coming back after a few days and explaining his feelings, now this girl in two weeks gets it all.

What can I do? Of course NC should be the first but what type of NC? He wasn’t my boyfriend, being mad or jealous for this would make me look clingy. I want to get his attention again, just like before, just like DAYS ago. Everything changed so fast. I don’t know what to do but I know I want to get him back. Can you help me, please?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 5, 2020 at 1:06 am

Hey Leah I would still do a full 30 days No Contact and spend some time to create mystery around you so that your crush will wonder why you have gone quiet on him, even if there is another woman around him you just need to read about the being there method so that you can show how amazing you are and how you are the better option

Maria

January 3, 2020 at 3:52 pm

Hi, Chris! I’ve been reading all kinds of blogs and forums, but your blog seems to be the most helpful one so I will ask for your opinion and advice. I am in a relationship for about 2,5 years now and I love him very much, always did. I am a very difficult person and we were constantly fighting because of that and I know that it was hard for him to put up with me, but last month he wanted to break up with me, firatly he told me that the fights are the reasons and at the time I could not understand why he would just give up, because we always found a way to get through the fights. I tried everything to make him forgive me untill he broke and told me that he has another reason. He has a colleague at work who he fancies and finda interesting and he told me that its not her, but the thought of being with someone else. I was so broken when i heard this and didn’t know what to do. We decided to try to fix things, i am trying very hard to fix my attitude and stop fighting over anything but I can’t stop thinking about this. So everything was prettt good while we tried to act normal but I had to ask him how he feels like just after Christmas. And he told me that he felt good with me while we were at home, but when he is at work he gets those thoughts again. We had a fight that night and he told me that he loves me but not like before. He wanted to go on a break at first, but after a few hours he came to my place and told me that he did not want to take a break and that we should let time fix the situation. I agreed, but it doesn’t seem like it will be good. I don’t want to break up with him, I love him so much and I can’t see the future without him. And it breaks my heart to know that he is thinking about being with someone else, other than me. The most annoying thing is that he tells me that he doesn’t know what he wants. What should I do?

EBR Team Member: Shaunna

January 3, 2020 at 10:23 pm

Hey Maria, so I would say that you need to go into a no contact and work on yourself in that time, and then when you are done with no contact you avoid these emotional conversations as you are just letting your ex know that you still want to be with them, which then changes the dynamics of trying to get an ex back if they know they can have you, there is not chase or challenge to get you back

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