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Rose
February 6, 2017 at 8:07 am
Really need advice please respond. I dated a guy for five years. From everything we did for one another I can tell u the love was real. We had a lot of good moments we met each other’s families and would always go to each other’s family events.We were there for each other through thick and thin but we always argued because he cheated a few times. A year ago a few months before we broke up I began dancing at a strip club behind his back. I felt guilty for it but would justify myself with the many times he cheated and the fact that it was a job. He noticed I was making good money and would ask questions but never confronted me about it. We began fighting every day about everything and anything. He then posted a Facebook status saying that “he had not been feeling shyt in a while”& I knew it was directed to me so I confronted him and that’s when we broke up. We completely stopped contacting each other for two months. But then I text him to wish him happy birthday. He didn’t reply until I text him again. Two weeks after that we had sex and this continued a few times. Until I got pregnant by him. When I was gonna tell him the news I noticed a hickey on his neck and it devastated me he witnessed me cry for over a hour and then out of anger I told him it was ok he moved on because I was pregnant by someone else. It hurt me to see he was marked up bc I loved him and bc during that time he didn’t have a job so I was the one helping him financially taking him out and doing other stuff for him. We agreed on being friends after that but I feel he only was doing it bc he knew I helped him with anything I could. He would only contact me when he needed something. So eventually we stopped talking.but then began talking again and wen he was drunk he began telling me he wanted to see me and loved hearing my voice and wanted to have sex.so we had sex and the very next day I found posts on Facebook of him and his girl. I was really mad and we had a huge fight and stopped talking again. Then a few months after I confessed to him the truth about the baby but he denied it. He was acting very mean and around that time I found out the girl he had been dating is five years older has 3 kids with two guys, and also happens to be his moms best friend and his little brothers aunt.(his little brother’s dad’s sister). He wasn’t there for my pregnancy but one time only for the gender reveal. And to meet the baby at the hospital. Ever since one day he loves the baby the next he wants a paternity test. I feel that someone influences this change in mind. On New Year’s Eve we got together and drank and out of no where he began acting like my boyfriend trying to hold my hand one thing let to the other. But same story the next day I found out he was still with the girl from before even though he denied it. So we again fought and a lot of things were sad. After that he confessed to someone tht when I told him I was pregnant by someone else he felt he was going crazy and wanted to die from how hurt he was. So again we barely even talked only about the bby. A week ago I told him that I don’t want him in my life and that I need time away from him to get my mind right. And he told me that he just wanted to know if the baby is truly his. We stopped talking and last night ended up drinking again and same story continues. We drink have sex only for me to find out literally the next day he’s still with the same girl even though he denies it all the time. To this point I give up I want him away from me and my son. I feel he plays with me and tries to hurt me or else why would he do those things I really don’t know how to interpret his actions please help.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 6, 2017 at 3:02 pm
Hi Rose,
I think it would be better to have the paternity test, so that he can stop throwing that at you and do minimal contact because you have a child. Follow this one:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together
Emily
February 3, 2017 at 6:13 am
Hi,
My ex boyfriend and I were together almost 2 years. One day, we had a fight and happened to break up. I was devastated during this broke up. And I found out he dated a new girl immediately after the break up which made me think he already cheated on me and make our relationship to be shattered so that he can date that girl. However, it is 8 months since our break up and now, he texted me that he wanted to have a catch up with me, and he said he has no girlfriend. So yes, I accepted his appointment and a night before the appointment, he texted me again like he was not honest that he has a gf and sorry for his stupid request for the meet up with me. He canceled the meet up. To be honest with you, I want him back. But, I can not be tolerate him for giving me no respect me like this. What should I reply him?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2017 at 5:56 pm
Hi Emily,
you can tell him that you’re not happy being disrespected but you appreciate the fact that he had come clean early. And then do you want to start the no contact rule after that? even if you didn’t talk for 8 months, was those 8 months focused in improving yourself?
Ally
February 2, 2017 at 5:37 pm
Hi,
I am at a loss with what to do. My ex-boyfriend keeps talking to me every single day and has a girlfriend. Just last week I hung out with him and he told me that he wants to start building our relationship again but can’t be with me right now. Yet he is still with his girlfriend. He also went out of his way to buy me a $200 jacket for my birthday but he is still hanging out and being with the other girl. In no way have we done anything physical. He keeps telling me he just needs time to figure himself out but says he still has feelings for me and considers me his best friend. What course of action do I take if I want him back? Do I cut off all contact and ask him to only contact me if it is serious or do I continue talking with him? By the way, him and this girl have problems every week and have only been together for 3 months. We were together for 3.5 years.
Ally
February 3, 2017 at 8:08 pm
We were in no contact for 3 months until he reached out to me at the beginning of January. And I am not really sure… I usually just say “ok” but I think I should take a more drastic approach maybe and tell him I cannot talk to him until he is serious about a relationship with me?
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 3, 2017 at 9:19 pm
For me you dont need to tell him but to show it more through your actions.. even if you had 3 months nc before,.this time start the nc without explanation and be very active in your life and in posting..show that you’re not a doormat, you’re not going to wait forever and that you have a life..
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 2, 2017 at 9:12 pm
Hi Ally,
what do you tell him everytime he says that? do you want to do the no contact rule?
Shazmina
January 31, 2017 at 5:30 am
I found out my boyfriend was cheating on me and broke up that night, the next morning he wanted us to sort things but he was still lying and I asked him to just say this things in front of me and the other girl…when the girl came he said that I was the ex and the girl was the girlfriend..I was okay with that and just after two days of breaking up yesterday he started borrowing me things and talking to me..
What can I do….
We have been dating for seven years
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 31, 2017 at 3:41 pm
Hi Shazmina,
do you want to try the no contact rule?
rosy
January 29, 2017 at 7:04 am
Its so hard. I want to move on but at the same time i miss him and love him. I wish things were different. its obvious i was just a thought in his head nothing more. He has a girlfriend now. the one he lie to me about in the beginning. He told me there was no one else when we broke up. I guess your right i shouldn’t reply if i am trying to move on. Im scared i get my hopes up for nothing and i get hurt again. His reaching out means nothing.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 29, 2017 at 1:43 pm
check the links below:
How To Get Over An Ex Boyfriend When You’re Still In Love With Him
What To Do When Things With Your Ex Don’t Go According To Plan (With Christine Hassler)
deep
January 26, 2017 at 5:46 pm
Hii
I am so confused now.. ..
I have a relation about which i never told my boyfriend when he got to know about that he left me that was very rude i told him everything about that person but he said its too late.. .
He also love some other girl and now he is in relation with her.. ..
He never contact me for about 1 month but after a month we met and i can’t control my emotions and i start crying for him
After that he talk to me for few day then again he disappear… ..
He did this two times
He said he is very happy with her but he wants me to meet him in alone
I don’t understand what to do at this time
I want him back in my life but not just becouse for physical attachment
He again start talking with me
Pls help me how can i solve it out
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 27, 2017 at 10:52 am
Hi Deep,
he wants to make his friend with benefits? Are you going to do the no contact rule?
rosie
January 24, 2017 at 3:14 pm
i wish it was a drunk call but it wasn’t because it was a weekday and he works after hours at a call center.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 25, 2017 at 11:05 am
ah then he missed you.. if you really want to move on from him..just dont reply
Rosy
January 24, 2017 at 1:15 am
About a year ago my ex reached out 5 months since he broke up with me and i never responded back to his text. He was already talking to some other girl at the time. I figured that since i didn’t respond because my ex was very clear that he wanted to me to date others and fall in love, he was not going to try to contact me ever. Now a year later, he randomly calls me and then sends me a text which i never responded to as well. The reason i didn’t reply back is because i know he is still with the same girl and has introduced her to his family so it must be serious. What disappoints me is that he calls me after midnight and because i did not answer he sends me a text. In the text he said “Hi. I called. I was hoping to reach you. Hope all is well” It is very frustrating that he pops up once a year and he is in another relationship. I thought that he would never try to contact me after the first time of me not responding to him. Why is he doing this? we are in two separate states? what does he want from me? There is really nothing to talk about? He also did tell me i wasn’t going to find any type of friendship there and that i needed to heal.
EBR Team Member: Amor
January 24, 2017 at 1:54 pm
Hi Rosy,
You said it’s after midnight.. It might be a drunk call and text..
Staci
December 24, 2016 at 6:03 am
Hi,
My ex and I have been on and off for over two years. He has trust issues. We talked about getting married and everything but he eventually ended things back in March. Since then he has changed so much. He has had three “girlfriends”. Throughout each one hes always eventually contacted me. He also has two boys who live with him full time and I have a strong bond with them so I try to stay in touch for their sake. About a week ago he started flirting with me and being his old self again. I went to his house a few days ago to drop Christmas presents off and he seemed really distant (ever since March he’s been hot and cold with me. But when he’s cold he’s really cold and distant). He barley spoke to me while I was at his house (the whole evening). I spent the time with his boys and his mom (his mom and I are very close). She did let it slip that hes seeing yet another girl (this would be the third girlfriend). I was so utterly shocked considering just the week before he was back to his old self with me. I guess this girl comes to the house and hangs out with him and his boys (no other girlfriend besides me has met his kids). However, when I was there,I did get him to talk (didn’t bring up that I know about this other girl) but he said he wants to take things slow with me and then gave me soft sweet kisses. I’m really confused. I feel like his whole personality changed as well. When we were dating he always seemed so happy, and he was kind, loyal, funny, ECT. But he’s not that way anymore (ever since he broke up with me), and it’s not even with just me either, he’s very distant and cold to his mother too. I’m just confused what happened to him? Why did his personality change so much (like I said not just with me either)? Why does he flirt with me and still want me when he’s in a relationship (clearly it’s gotta be serious if he introduced his boys)? I’m so confused. I love him so much. I love his boys so much as if they were my own. It hurts so much to think I’ve been replaced. Why is he giving me mixed signals?
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 28, 2016 at 11:31 am
Hi Staci,
Maybe because you’re just always there and that his mom is close to you.. It’s like when things dont go well, you can be his fall back girl.. let’s say, he’s just going through a crisis, then that can be a reason why he’s being cold sometimes but you cant solve that for him and you have to set a limit on until when you would wait.. if he can see that you’re still friendly even after he treats you badly, then he would continue to treat you the way he treats you…
Dee
December 2, 2016 at 1:30 pm
My ex and I broke up early October. We had a pretty bad breakup. We fought a lot which was mostly due to us being in a LDR. We didn’t see each other as much as we should have but we made it work. After our last fight, he stopped taking my calls and responding to text messages. I was devastated. I didn’t expect him to cut me off like that. It was the wake up call I needed to get my act together.
A few weeks later I sent a text asking for closure. He responded a few days later and agreed we did. He told me he still loved me and after 3 years he wanted to end things the right way. I pretty much begged for him to take me back but he told me he wasn’t the man for me because nothing he did was good enough. After that I went into NC for 30 days. I had no plans to reach out to him. About a week ago I got a text from him that he wanted to see me face to face (in our hometown for the holidays visiting family) and for us to talk. We met up to talk and he said he wanted closure AGAIN! I was surprised because I felt we already had it. He told me how much he loved me and still in love with me but just doesn’t feel he was the one for me. I told him how I felt and that I have made some changes in the past 30 days. Working on my personal issues and focusing on me.
The talk ended with blame from him on me saying I broke up with him and me trying to explain to him how I felt but we couldn’t see eye. Later that night I texted him and told him that I didn’t break up with him. We texted back and forth and he kept telling me how much he loved me. The next day was Thanksgiving and I texted him again and he texted me. We texted all day and it was us back to how we were. He never tried to come to my house or meet up. He said he was torn because he sees that I have changed and it makes him want to be with me but he just can’t.
The night before he was to leave and go back home we hung out at my house (my invitation). It was like old times. We messed around but no sex. He said he just couldn’t do it because he had started detaching himself from me and trying to move on from me. We talked and had a moment. I was emotional and told him I know we both need to move on but it’s hard and the changes I’m making are because of our breakup and how I have been focusing on me. He told me several times he loved me. I did too. Later that night he texted me saying how he wished we could be together and how seeing me change really makes him want to be with me more but he isn’t the man for me and can’t be with me. I asked him why but he didn’t want to tell me. I finally got him to admit he was seeing someone else back in his home town. He said when we broke up he was very angry and met someone. I asked him how they met and did he know her while we were together. He said no but I don’t believe him. He said that it’s not that easy for him because since they have been seeing each other the girl is attached to him which made no sense to me because after a month you don’t get that attached. He told me the girl he is seeing is what he wanted me to be. Slap in the face but I needed answers.
It was very hurtful to hear but I needed to hear it. What bothers me most about this is he is still in contact with me and telling me he loves me. I blocked his number but unblock because I’m still curious and want to know if he still wants me back. He made his choice and he wants to keep seeing this person and I know I have to cut ties but it’s really difficult.
Dee
December 2, 2016 at 9:04 pm
I actually want more but he doesn’t want to work things out. I feel we should move on because we don’t want the same thing. He said that the way things ended made him very upset and had he known I changed before dating the new girl he would consider it. He wants to keep seeing the new girl and keep an open line of communication with me. I have my own business and he texted me yesterday stating he wanted to support my business. I blocked him and doing another 30 days. I told him to pursue his new interest and see where it goes. I dont want to be his plan b.
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 3, 2016 at 2:40 pm
That’s good dee.. Don’t settle for less
EBR Team Member: Amor
December 2, 2016 at 7:36 pm
Hi Dee,
it is very difficult but keeping on talking to him is giving him what he wants without commitment, which is what you want..
vanessa
November 26, 2016 at 9:53 pm
HI,
My ex and i broke up 6 months ago and we were together for 5 years. He kept calling me for months and i finally found out that he had a gf and decided to do no contact. He then showed up at my job and found out i was having problems at work. He started calling again and texting. He still has a gf and i don’t know what to do. I feel like i am the one who is getting hurt and not him. He seems happy with his gf but is secretly calling me. The problem is i want him back, but i do not want this.
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 28, 2016 at 12:17 pm
HI Vanessa,
Have you asked him why he’s doing what he’s doing?
Dana
November 5, 2016 at 1:49 am
We broke up in August. Bad breakup, he left me for her, I cried and text gnatted. Since then we’ve had sporadic communication, usually at his initiative. I did no contact and he only contacted me a few times about belongings so I had to respond. Today he gmail chatted me at work and said “hey!” and I said “heyy” back, and he said
“im sorry to bother you, but you have been in my head a lot this days!” I sent him a funny meme that reminded me of him and said that it made me think of him. Then he said “i honestly hope that you are doing well! and Im sorry for all that i made you go thru!” I said “thank you I appreciate that. I’m doing well, how are you?” and he said “i dont know, how am I doing! i would say that im doing well
not great not bad just the same me, not drinking much
still not smoking” so I said “did your brother have the baby? all healthy?” and he said “Ohh yes Dana, Im sorry i didnt share that with you! she is a cute little girl” then he told me about her and how he only got to see her once so far and his emotions about it and stuff. Then I told him I had started playing piano, and we had some lighthearted convo about that. All in all about 15 minutes of chat. Then I told him I had a lunch appt and thanks for reaching out 🙂 ttyl. and he said bye. So ??? I saw that his new gf liked his photo on Instagram tonight so I know they must still be together (must be 3 months now). What should I do? Does this mean he misses me at all? He tried once before this to apologize but I was running to a meeting so I had to cut him off.
Dana
November 6, 2016 at 10:20 pm
The convo above was my attempt at building rapport! I was going to contact him but he contacted me first, and that’s our conversation so far. The conversation was him apologizing then us discussing his brother’s baby and my piano and a couple silly things. It was positive. So what next? Should I message him again or wait for him to message me (I think he will)? Also, should I worry about his girlfriend?
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 7, 2016 at 6:23 pm
You have to keep havung postive conversations and interactions to have rapport.. You have to be careful though because he has a gf.. Take it slow, dont be too forward. So that he will not go in protective mode for his gf…
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 6, 2016 at 7:58 pm
Hi Dana,
he can be because you were distant when you did nc.But after no contact, did you try building rapport?
Tia
November 3, 2016 at 12:28 pm
Hi, I just recently got divorced from my husband of 5 years. We have a 2 year old son together he has a teenage daughter from a previous marriage. He filed for divorce and never really told me why he wanted it in the first place. Well long story short, we had a lot of communication issues we went to counseling almost got back with each other. He filed for divorce and about a month later he tells me that he had a girlfriend. He asked me to stop calling him and showing up by his house without calling ahead of time first. Said he didn’t want to make his company upset. Well I met someone too and he doesn’t live in the same city as us. Well as time went on he says they are not together anymore, and me and him have been sleeping with each other since his break up. They were never intimate says him. He knows I want him back. However he began to brag to me about how great she is and how he hates that things can’t work out between them because they really do like each other she just doesn’t want a man with children. YET he told me the other day that maybe things aren’t really over between us and let’s just see what happens. I’M tired of the mind games and I still love him. BUT what do I do at this point. I feel like maybe he is in love with her and just wants me as back up. OR wants to try and juggle us both. HE has never been a cheater. BUT I don’t know what to think at this point. He will offer to cook for me when I’m sick or injured everything. But tells me he doesn’t know what to do about us. Says he doesn’t want to ruin his relationship with his daughter and she get mad at him for being back with me. Because she is mad with Mr right now. But I don’t feel like she should make his decisions or choices for him. Or its justhe something he is making up to buy him some time
EBR Team Member: Amor
November 5, 2016 at 2:46 pm
Hi Tia,
first stop being friends with him.. Do you want to try doing limited contact? Check this one:
Get Your Boyfriend Back If You Have A Child Together
Mei
October 25, 2016 at 10:18 am
Hi,
So my ex boyfriend and I dated for 6 years and in a few more months 7 years. We had an argument about him moving because he wanted to join the military, but we were fine the day of his flight. We kissed and said I love you, and he promised he would call. He texts me he landed, and I continued to wait for his call which never came. Me being stubborn, I refused to call him until 4 days has passed. He never picked up and ended up completely blocking me off everything. After a week, he texts me it’s over with no explanation. After three weeks, I flew down to see him and realized that a week after he left, he got into a relationship with his coworker (which I assume is a rebound). I returned his stufff that day and gave him a piece of mind, and I was ready to let him go. The day of my flight back he texts me and calls me. He tells me that he still loves me, and he’ll never forget me. And I wanted to make things work between us. But he’s still dating his new gf and he calls me everyday saying he loves me and doesn’t know what to do. He doesn’t say that he loves her and can’t even remember the day they got together. I’m confused, what does this mean? I want him to choose me over her, but I’m scared that he’ll choose her because I’m not physically there and she is. What do I do? He promises to still call me.
Mei
October 30, 2016 at 8:32 am
So does this mean that I still have hope? Since that weekend I’ve cut all contact with him, but I think he blocked me again anyway. More than anything, I’m actually very worried about him. His new gf seems to have a bad reputation of sleeping around and doing drugs. I know that all his family and friends are actually upset about this and don’t particularly like her. But she posts pictures of them together, and he looks happy. I am actually going back for vacation a month from now, what do I do when I get there? Do I see him or continue no contact?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 31, 2016 at 9:27 pm
just continue no contact.. if you see him during no contact, that’s breaking no contact. Yeah, there is a chance, especially if he sees or realizes that you’re better than her.
Mei
October 26, 2016 at 7:46 pm
They met in the summer when he worked there, but at that time he was living with me, and she also had a boyfriend. So they knew each other for two months, then we moved back to Hilo. I’m a college student, so we move back and forth during vacation and school. He left on Oct 2, and broke up with me on Oct 11 and I think they hooked up between this time.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 28, 2016 at 5:53 pm
Ah.. looks like a grass is greener syndrome..check this one:
The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 4:36 pm
Hi Mei,
Truth is, he already chose her when he got together, he’s just not letting you go yet.. When did he meet her?
Naliah
October 25, 2016 at 10:10 am
Hi Chris
My ex boyfriend and I have been separated for just over 4 years now. We’ve known each other since high school which makes it 20 years now. He cheated on me and when I found out we kind of just stayed away from each other and not making contact. Time and again he will just text me out of the blue or he will ask questions about me by people in my circle. If we do talk he will always try and kiss me or tell me how much he miss me or lo that he still love me and that will never change. But he has a girlfriend that’s much younger than him (23yrs)and she moved in with him (36 yrs) Im not sure what to think anymore. He use to rub it in how happy he was but when we have heart to heart talks he tells me that he still want me. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 3:30 pm
Hi Naliah,
You broke up 4 years ago? But you kept in touch as friends or friends with benefits? When was the last time you talked?
Jane
October 23, 2016 at 6:56 pm
My boyfriend and I dated for 5 years through junior high and high school. Our relationship suddenly took a nasty turn (lots of arguments and shutting each other out) He broke up with me suddenly saying that he had found someone else. I was heart broken and I spent months trying to figure out what I did wrong. A mutual friend committed suicide a few months after our break up and I contacted him to talk about it because I was devastated and I knew he was too. Through the sad circumstance, the door to our relationship opened again. While I didn’t want him in my life again and I didn’t want to be with him again, it was nice to have someone to talk to. It was a weak time of my life and I put my guard down. A few weeks after talking he came clean about how he cheated on me. Not with his current girlfriend but with someone else who happened to be a good friend of mine. I was crushed. He had cheated on me for weeks with my friend. This was 2 months prior to breaking up with me. So this explained the sudden change in our relationship. More time went by and we kept talking. His girlfriend wasn’t happy that we were talking and I didn’t blame her. He told me he wanted to be with me but didn’t know what to do and so for months (up to this moment) he has maintained his relationship with his current girlfriend and with me. Though I think the reason he is keeping me around is for sex. I think he misses many aspects of our relationship. But I know the underlining motive is sex. he always needs to be in a relationship with someone and he’ll cheat if he isn’t getting it from his current girlfriend. Thus sex is his top priority and he’s willing to manipulate and lie in order to get what he wants. I know this so why do I stick around? I have no problem with being single but I feel like there’s really something there between us. I have such strong feelings for him and I don’t know how to not think about him or totally be Googly eyes over him. Ive never met someone else that I’ve felt this feeling for. I don’t want to ever be in a relationship with him again because i don’t trust him. But at the same time I don’t want to lose him from my life because he’s been such a close friend through basically my whole life.
Thanks in advance for any advise!
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 25, 2016 at 12:51 pm
Hi Jane,
it depends on what you allow.. you said it yourself, he knows how to manipulate, so you’re being manipulated..what’s good is that you’re aware.. it’s up to you on what you will allow him to do with you…
sarah
October 19, 2016 at 11:32 am
Hi,
My boyfriend of 8 months broke up wit me because we were long distance and only saw eachother on weekends. I was heart broken so i did the no contact rule…a month later he got into a new relationship. Its been about 2 months and a half and he posts so many pictures and he looks happy wit his new girlfriend so i never got inbetween but every couple of weeks he texts me that he misses me and that he cries for me still. He keeps telling me that he never wanted to hurt me he just couldnt handle the distance. My question is… Everytime he does this i get emotional and i get sad for a few days…should i just completly cut him off? I dont understand why he keeps telling me this over and over. I wanna be able to communicate wit him but i feel its doing more damage and i dont understand his motive
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 21, 2016 at 1:18 am
Hi Sarah,
seeing once a week is not that bad.. I think the other girl is just a rebound but if he cant find a way to make the distance work..and he prefers his situation now, then yes, cut all contact..
Anna
October 19, 2016 at 4:35 am
Hi this is going to be very long. So my situation feels slightly different than some of the ones I’ve been reading. Basically, me and my ex had started dating November of last year (officially), but together since mid to end of September before we officially started dating. We had an amazing relationship, especially at the beginning. There were tons of butterflies and all of the normal relationship things going on. We were so happy together and to spend time with one another. Then about a month and a half to two months into our official relationship, he had told me he loved me. I had told him from the beginning that I needed to take things slow and cautious because he was my first relationship since my previous boyfriend (who I broke up with a year and a half before I started dating this new guy) who had cheated on me (there is a lot more to the story but that is the main concept behind it) and left me feeling very hurt and heartbroken. So in this new relationship, I was still very guarded of my heart but new that I had real feelings for this guy. So when he told me he loved me, I told him I appreciated it and was on my way there, but I wasn’t ready to open up to that extent yet. He seemed very understanding and I knew it was just because I was scared to open up. Anyway, our relationship continued, we flew to California to vacation and meet his parents and family. We did a bunch of the normal things in a relationship. But I was going through a really tough time. My best friend was in the process of moving across the country, my sister was graduating college and moving to a different state, and the classes I was taking in college were the hardest I’ve ever taken, consuming a lot of my time away from seeing my boyfriend, my best friend, and my sister. I was very stressed and overwhelmed and sometimes I accidentally took that stress on my boyfriend, since he was the one I saw the most. On top of that, I was still very scared to open up completely because of the trauma I went through with my previous ex. So instead of letting my boyfriend in, I pushed him away sometimes. He would bring up some of these issues, and we seemed to talk/argue it out, but we would never go home without seemingly resolving our feelings about the situation. Anyway, in the middle to the end of May (after about 6 and a half months of officially dating, about 8 total together with him), we were having another argument. It was about how I was still not opening up about my feelings (which I do realize how important that is for another person, I guess I just was so terrified of getting heartbroken again) and how he felt that I didn’t really even want to be in the relationship. That hurt me, because I knew how I felt about him, but I was just taking longer than a normal time frame to fully open up. I realized that I was making him unhappy and that maybe we needed time apart so I could focus on my problems and fully heal before I was able to be with him, as I didn’t want to continue to hurt him. I made the rash and unplanned decision to break up right then because I was overwhelmed and didn’t think logically or try to work things out. So we broke up. That night, he also told me that he would be enlisting in the army sometime this year (something he had been planning on doing throughout our entire relationship). We had about two or three conversations in the following week and I told him I didn’t know what would happen between us but that I needed to work on myself before I could fully commit to him, but I told him that it’s not that my feelings had gone away. He was very upset but acting kind and understanding about the whole thing. Then about 2-3 weeks had gone by. I realized how miserable I was without him and I was constantly regretting my decision because I hadn’t thought it through. I was so back and forth on if I should try to talk to him again, but I was scared about getting rejected or heartbroken again. Then one day, about 3 weeks after our breakup, he texted me. We caught up (through text) and it sounded like he was about to say goodbye. And I didn’t want that because I had just gotten him back. So we continued texting every single day, our conversation just continuing from one to the next. That started in June. So from June to August, we talked every day, about what was going on, what we were doing, inside jokes, funny or happy memories, etc. He would occasionally say things like calling me cute or whatever. In June, he had also asked me to hangout once or twice. I realize now that I should have, but I was scared to say yes in fear of what he expected from me. Were we hanging out as friends, as possibly getting back together, or was he expecting it to be exactly like old times? I had no idea, and he didn’t say anything further, so I said I was nervous and we didn’t hangout. Anyway, we continued our conversation every day and he would even ask a few questions about me and him, comparing him and my old ex boyfriend. Then in the beginning of August, I went to California with a few of my girl friends. The day I left, I hadn’t received a text from him, which I thought was strange (turns out he never received the text I sent). But anyway, halfway through our trip, he had posted a picture of him kissing another girl. This really confused me and hurt me because I was very confused by his actions of wanting to constantly talk to me and act how he did when we were in a relationship, but be kissing someone else. So when I confronted him about it, he had said she was just a friend (sure) and besides, I was the one that wanted to break up. Anyway, we started talking again every day and a few days later I had told him that I still had a lot of feelings towards him. He didn’t say he did back, but we had a long conversation through text about how I had felt it the whole time, how I was confused by his actions, etc. He was asking me a bunch of questions and what not about how I had felt but he never mentioned anything about anyone else or this girl. He just said “I think it was a good idea we broke up, we just weren’t happy together in a relationship”. Which I do not agree with, but anyway. He also told me around this time that he was officially enlisting into the army in less than two months. About two days after that, I saw another picture of them somewhere of them holding hands, ensuring that she was still in the picture, and not just a friend. He continued to talk to me every day (maybe I shouldn’t have done that, but he was leaving shortly for the army and I was scared to lose him already). He ended up continuing to talk to me every day, but he started posting pictures on his snapchat of him and her, or just pictures of her, all the time it felt like. It felt rubbed in my face. I noticed he seemed to stop talking to me when he was currently with her in the moment, but continued to text me all the time when he wasn’t with her. I saw on Facebook that they were officially in a relationship in the beginning of September. Sometimes our past relationship or questions about my feelings about him got brought up again. He eventually stated that he wanted to be friends with me, how he had moved on from me and how he didn’t have feelings for me anymore. He still continued to text me every single day when he was officially with her, an action I find strange, especially since he made clear to me that he doesn’t like any of his other ex’s and how he went out of his way if one of them tried to contact him back when me and him were still together. He likes a few of my Facebook/instagram posts by the way. Skipping some not as important parts of the story, we get closer to when he is leaving for the army. The prior week, he would talk to me about how nervous he was and about his feelings towards it and how sad he was. I gave him advice on how to cope with it and he told me how he really appreciated everything I’ve done for him in his life. I was gaining the courage to ask to meet with him to say goodbye, when 3 days before he left, I ran into him in Target. My first time officially seeing him since the breakup actually. So we had a good talk throughout Target, mostly talking about what we were up to and a bunch of old good memories and inside jokes we had. He even brought up a (probably inappropriate since he has a girlfriend) memory of a time when we had fooled around together. But I also noticed that he talked about his girlfriend a few times and specifically called her his “girlfriend”, not her name, multiple times that we were in target. He even mentioned to me how they were talking about going to California to see his family when he gets out of basic training. And that hurt, because that’s what we did together and I don’t know why he needs to tell me this. When we were leaving, I asked if I could see him briefly before he left just to have a more meaningful goodbye. He apologized and said he would if he could but he doesn’t have time to since he was so busy packing and spending time with his family and such before he left. So I left. And he texted me asking if I was ok. I asked him if he had time to talk on the phone for a few minutes sometime before he left. He said sure that sounds good 🙂 So later that night we talked on the phone. He brought up how he never meant to get a girlfriend but that they just connected. I asked him for insight on why I felt lead on by him then and he said he doesn’t “get in past relationships because we broke up for a reason” and I told him that I didn’t break up with him because I didn’t feel anything for him or because I wanted to, but because it was bad timing. I told him I believe in second chances and I told him that I regretted the breakup and I just wanted him to know that. He was very nice and didn’t say much back to that. He texted me after in relation to what we talked about on the phone. He also mentioned that I would probably see him the next day since there was a tailgate for our school’s football game the following day that we were both planning on attending. Anyway, he stopped replying. The next day he was with his girlfriend all day (documented by him on snapchat as usual – something he never did with me actually). Later that day one of his snapchats of her said “I love you”. So apparently after a month of dating and talking to me every day, they were in love i guess……?? Lastly, he was with her the next day and the day after that is the day he was leaving for the army. He was with her the whole time til he left, and we hadn’t talked in two days (not really normal by the way). Then as soon as he left, I got a text from him. Which is so crazy to me because I seem to be on his mind as soon as he is not with his girlfriend. Is that not weird?! I feel crazy in this whole situation. I thought no contact would have been smart but I didn’t do it because he was leaving anyway and wouldn’t get to contact me when he’s gone anyway. Is there any insight you have to my situation? Clearly I am still in love with him and ruined every chance I have with him, but I thank you for your help
Anna
October 25, 2016 at 5:25 pm
The thing is though, he’s away in basic training and he won’t be able to contact anyway…Does that change things
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 26, 2016 at 6:58 pm
yeah.. That means your only chance is when he gets back from training.. but in the mean time, keep improving yourself.
Anna
October 21, 2016 at 3:58 pm
Yeah…so is there anything else I can do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 23, 2016 at 10:27 am
try doing the no contact rule..make it seem like you’ve had enough and chose to move on or at least moving on, so when you’ve initiated contact, he might think you’re just being friendly
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 20, 2016 at 10:35 pm
Hi Anna,
ANd he knows that you still have feelings for him.. and it looks like he’s trying to keep you at arm’s length because he’s not sure with you.. He’s not sure if you’re really serious now.. His current gf probably is the safer choice for him, so maybe even if he still has feelings for you, he just chose to friendzone you.
Heart
October 12, 2016 at 5:01 am
My bf of 3 years broke up with me 3 weeks ago. He denied there was another girl and that he simply fell out of love with me. He is now dating his bff’s friend whom used to hangout with us all the time. A mutual friend said they are together, but he still denies having feelings for her when I ask him. I tried doing NC, but he texts me about our bills all the time. A mutual friend said he says he misses me because I was his best friend. Also, that he feels guilty for talking to this new girl. He told me he wants to friends and doesn’t want to lose me. I’m still in love with him. I want him back and have been trying to do the NC and working on myself. I’m not sure what to do because I’m still in the fresh heart broken state. Every time he texts me and makes jokes even when I try to keep it simple, I miss him. I also tried blocking his number, but he had his sister text me on his behalf! It’s like a cycle. Idk what to do.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 12, 2016 at 12:36 pm
Hi Heart,
Try to restart the count.. This time stick to no contact.. It’s ok to talk to him about the bills but keep it about the bills only. No feelings, relationship or friendly talk. And check this out too for what to do during no contact:
EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant
Tanya
October 6, 2016 at 9:09 am
Hi so my ex boyfriend and I broke up for the second time 4 months ago but continued to see each other for the following 2 months and slept together. He left me be with the girl he got pregnant and she has since had the baby. We were LDR but even now he has insisted we stay friends. I did the NC on him (he kept texting me during NC) then after I never texted him unless he texted first. I have never mentioned wanting him back and have played hard to get except I have done a few favours for him. He split up with his gf, for a week and contacted me straight away after hearing I was going to be in his town within the next month. I told him he should go back to her, and make it work. He has since then, and when I deactivated my Facebook account for a day he thought I had blocked him and got upset, even writing a Facebook status talking about how sad he was that a friend didn’t know how important she is to him. I am sick of the emotions I feel, most of the time I am strong but lately I have started missing him. It has been playing with my mind so I told him not to contact me for a month because I have a lot on this month and need to focus. Am I on the right track? I felt I started being a little too available to him again so I am trying to gain some value while at the same time concentrating on improving myself. We were together for 1.5 years and he just gets upset at the mention of me not being friends with him.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 8, 2016 at 6:59 pm
Hi Tanya,
I think it has stretched for too long now.. if he really wanted you back, he has to work for you, and he has to prove it. So, that’s good that you’re taking the time off again to put yourself first..