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154 thoughts on “What Your Ex Boyfriend Says Vs. What He Actually Meant (Video)”

  1. konfused

    December 20, 2015 at 10:12 am

    Tomorrow is day 12 of my 21 day NC period…and nothing from him. People say 6 weeks isn’t long for a relationship…but he always wanted to see me then we came to a screeching halt..I can’t text him after NC because I deleted his number after we broke up so i wouldn’t text him. Hes blocked on fb but I am afraid of unblocking him after the NC period to find hes in a new relationship…which will make me 10x more depressed. What do I do? My chances are slim at this point right? Each day there is nothing from him i grow more resentful.

  2. Bre

    December 19, 2015 at 1:44 am

    Hello Chris,

    First, I want to thank you for committing yourself to helping people, preserving hope and believing in love. I couldn’t imagine the time and dedication it takes to do this, but I am beyond appreciative that I stumbled across your site!

    Now to my question (s). I’ve encountered tons of stress these past few weeks and, without realizing, allowed that stress to effect my relationship, which caused him to push me away (less affectionate, less texts, not sense of urgency to spend time). I obviously recognized it, and instinctively tried to fill the space. I would ask him questions for reassurance and security then apologize when i realized what I was doing, only to do it again. There’s only so many times someone can apologize for the same thing and there’s only so much patience a man can have. Eventually, I told him he deserved time for himself, and in the 5 days we were apart, he decided he’s happier when he’s alone (which is understandable considering the amount of stree, that he wouldn’t have if we werent together, I caused him) and broke up with me 2 days ago. He indirectly used the “it’s not you, it’s me” by saying, “I don’t want you to think it’s anything you did, I am just better by myself”. I explained to him that it was clearly my behavior that influenced his thoughts, but he kept saying that he just isn’t one for relationships. For some background, he is 31 ( turning 32 next week) and his last committed relationship was 5 years ago. When our relationship first became serious, he told me that he never felt the connection he has for me, and the feelings were ( and are) mutual. He introduced me to his family, even allowed me to buy a plane ticket to join him at his cousins wedding across the country. Every relationship has their difficulties, but his first instinct is to avoid them all together. When he broke up with me, I begged and plead to him for hours to give me another chance, negotiating that we didn’t have to spend as much time (because we seen each other alot, and I’m sure he felt like he was losing himself in the relationship. I know now that’s a big no no, and I’m quite embarrased that I did so). He immediately said no when I explained how things could change for the better. He told me he doesn’t want a relationship, doesn’t want to try, doesn’t feel excited about us anymore and that was his final decision-we are not getting back together. Usually, one can tell if a relationship is actually done. I don’t feel that way at all because we have such a connection, there’s no way we should give up on that. I want to marry this man, and at one point we discussed having a family and made plans for buying a house. I was devastated at firstbecause I seen a future with his and investing myself emotionally and financially, cried for hours and annoyed my friends asking for advice. They told me not to text him, but it Didn’t make sense until I read the many articles found on your website(which gave me some peace of mind and allowed me to have a more positive outlook, no tears. Thank you). I am on day 2 of NC but I have a few issues: its the holiday season. His birthday christmas and new years is coming up in the next 2 weeks, would it be rude or will it come off as inconsiderate if I dont acknowledge these days to him? Also, some of my belongings are at his house, when he comes back from a trip out of the country (in 8 days), I’m supposed to get the rest of my things, how do I approach this matter? He’s already contacted me (probably because I asked the day he broke up with me) informing me that he made it to his destination , and I haven’t responded. I’m afraid he’s going to think I don’t care about him since this is complete opposite of my normal behavior. Lastly, given the information I provided, is there anything I could do to undo the damage? Does he mean the things he said?

    Thank you again!

  3. Sad

    December 18, 2015 at 1:10 pm

    Long time follower of yours. I decided on my last birthday, after a long journey through this with a few possible rekindlings (extinguished by fear/no statements of following through) and ultimately after my ex’s recent lackluster responses to my texting since 2/15 (he’d wait about 30 days to respond and then would respond with 1/2 words or without continuing conversation), I decided to throw in the towel.

    I’ve been obsessive and really pathetic. I want to move on but I can’t. Its been 30 days since my birthday when I told him “ok, i hear the message loud and clear + megaphone emoticon” (to be cheeky). How can I move on? I’ve been driving by and see his car and another parked there. I want to email him (i deleted his phone # on my bday) and ask if he’s dating someone.


    1. Sad

      December 30, 2015 at 4:49 pm

      He finally replied and said, “we need to move on.”

    2. Sad

      December 30, 2015 at 4:02 pm

      I emailed him 2 days ago and h hasn’t replied. What does this mean?
      Me: “Hey, Are you dating someone? And why would you not tell me you knew the girls I lived with during my last year of college?
      I know its none of my business, especially at this point, but it feels like it would help to know”
      Him: “Who did you live with in college? I have no idea.?
      Me: “Based on your response I must be mistaken. Are you dating someone?”
      Him: “Why does it matter?”
      Me: “I’ve realized you’re still an important person to me and knowing would help me to move on.”
      Me this morning: “?? I don’t know what you ignoring me is supposed to mean but I wish you’d just say it.”

  4. Ashlee

    December 17, 2015 at 4:26 am

    Hey Chris,
    Thank you so much for your website and your books. They’ve really helped me feel a little more in control of what’s going on right now. I’m 19 and my ex-fiance is 24. We were engaged for about 2 months before he broke it off and said he didn’t feel good about it and that he didn’t see us being together. He said that he thought we should both move on and that it wouldn’t bother him if he saw me with another guy. I started no contact 8 days ago and slipped up today when I responded to a text he sent yesterday, asking if he could stop by before he went out of town. I responded to ask if it was important, but I didn’t respond until after he left town, so that he wouldn’t come by. Should I start over with 30 days no contact or just pick up with where I left off under the condition not to break it again? Also, what did he really mean when he said the things he did? Is the situation different at all because we were engaged?

  5. Sabrina

    December 15, 2015 at 5:48 pm

    Hey Chris,

    I hope you can help me! I don’t know what the hell to do. Me and my ex were together for 3 years, were both our firsts, we’re a great pair – always solved everything with talking, we never argued. Within 2 weeks he got insecure about what he wants in life, started talking/flirting to this girl. He broke up with me saying he doesn’t know what he wants. He admitted i’m hotter/better/prettier and that he doesn’t want to have anything with her, but he doesn’t know what he wants in life ATM.

    I did no contact for two weeks. I even ignored him when he texted me that he needed help (so proud of that :P). After two weeks I texted him that he could get his stuff back from me. We set a date and time, when he came I was mature, polite, happy.. Greeted him, everything was going good, I gave him the box and he was surprised I didn’t want to talk and hang out. He didn’t want to leave/kept wanting to talk, I told him he could stay 10min then I’ve to go out. He started talking/crying how stupid he is and that he doesn’t know what to do and what he wants. I think he wants to have me just as his ”plan B”. I told him I didn’t want him back. I messed up though and I gave into the ”no meaning sex”, and hell it was probably the best sex we ever had. He ended up sleeping at my place and we talked the whole night. Early morning he left for uni and told me we’ll talk soon. He kept wanting to hug, cuddle and hold me, kiss me. He called me babe/love twice and while he was half asleep he said he loved me.

    I think he thinks I’ll be his fuck buddy now or something. How do I make him stop play games and get his sh@t together? Do I tell him I wont be his fuck buddy or do I just do no contact??

  6. Kemora

    December 14, 2015 at 5:22 am

    Hey Chris I need some advice . My Boyfriend(well ex now)He was having problems with his family who kicked him out the house .he recently quit his job after a heated argument with his boss.he also has two kids ,he needs to take care of.he got really drunk and got hit by a car that night. He didn’t want me to see him and immediately disappeared for 2weeks .ignored all my texts &calls .( mind you his family lives next door to me ,but kicked him out) I seen him a few weeks ago he told me he loved me and has feelings for me .the next morning he texted me “its over ,I hope we can be friends” I asked why? He replied “I’m not in the mood bye” .I told him I love him and I hope he figures himself out soon & that we can be friends .he said “OK thanks bye” .I left it at that. I immediately got so emotional to myself , like I can’t be friends with someone I’m in love with.so I planted NC ,he called my phone 5 days after NC , I didn’t pick up .he only called once . its been 20 days in NC and haven’t heard from him .I seen him about a week ago at his family’s house he just stared at me and didn’t say anything .later that night I made a quick run to the store and caught him watching me ,trying to see where I was going .once he notice me looking at him he speed walked away .I miss him a lot I don’t know what to do .

  7. krazy love

    December 13, 2015 at 7:39 pm

    Also his words and actions contradicted each other. He always wanted to be around me, initiated plans then when he breaks it off he says I like him more than he likes me. Wtf? This is someone who asked ‘where are you going?’ When i rolled to other side of bed…yet he makes me feel I was the clingy one? I don’t know how I can ever take a mans actions at face value again…I thought I read the actions perfectly

  8. krazy love

    December 13, 2015 at 5:51 am

    Is less than 2 months of being in a relationship where we reguarly saw each other enough to continue NC? Or not enough emotional rapport? Day 4 and all thats getting me through is reading these articles…i don’t get how someone who spent so much time can just not regret it now

  9. Christy

    December 12, 2015 at 6:13 am

    Okay so this is new and I can’t believe I’m even on this website but anyways…
    I cheated on my boyfriend of a year. He got mad I wouldn’t change my leggings (bc guys look at my butt) I refused to I thought it was absurd he would even suggest. So he ended up not contacting my on thanksgiving and put up his “great thanksgiving” on snapchat , Facebook ,etc. so I felt he was ditching me completely like he didn’t want me there or something so I went over an exes house. I cheated on him needles to say. Two weeks went by and my and my boyfriend were already back together (two days after thanksgiving) and he took my phone and read texts while I was sleeping about me feeling bad about “hickies that I hid” and that I “didn’t want to break my boyfriends heart” when I woke up my boyfriend was acting different and finally just repeated an exact text and started crying. He asked where did it happen, where were the hickies, etc. Is this a hopeless situation. I tried to talk to him. He called me a hoe. Is this fixable ?

  10. Adélaïde

    December 12, 2015 at 12:32 am

    Ok and a bout the never talk to me again because of being flat out annoying, how do we do?
    Thanks ~

  11. Anna

    December 10, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    Hey Chris,

    I read the article hoping it would shed some light for me , but I need a little more… My ex tells people “I will never get back with her.” Now, I know that also falls under the does he mean it or “not right now” heading… But his reasoning seems insane to me. It because I’m “annoying. [i] show up in all the places [he] used to go” and he feels that he has no place to go to escape me. The down side is that we live in a rural county and we established a life together as far as places we frequent and our friends. He blocked me on face book but we still have snap chat and texts. I don’t contact him at all. Does he really mean what he says and how do I give him his space since going to these places and is part of my everyday life and I’m not going to stop living it for him. I would love it if you could post about some of this… Thanks for your help!!

  12. Lindsey

    December 10, 2015 at 11:03 am

    Hey Chris,

    Your website has brought me a lot of comfort in this very difficult time. My live-in boyfriend of one year ended things about 6 days ago today by very coldly telling me “he didn’t love me anymore” and he “just didn’t feel the same” then moved out the same day. I was devastated! Beyond devastated!
    I felt it coming for about two weeks prior, he began ignoring/avoiding me when we were not together in our home and it just caused me to push him more.
    I was doing very well in no contact at first but on day three he sent me frantic texts that he needed his dress suit that he left at my house because his grandmother died and inquired about our dog because he heard he ran away. I called him and calmly explained that our dog was fine and he could come get his suit.. Nothing since then from him. Not even to come pick up his suit..
    I broke no contact myself yesterday by sending him a text saying “things could change” with no response.
    I’ve found out he is already on two dating sites meanwhile I can barely eat and I have to live everyday being reminded of him. How can he so easily move on? Am I able to jump back into no contact? Why didn’t he respond to my text and why hasn’t he contact me?
    We were each others lives for a year and I loved/love him deeply. Should I feel compelled to believe that he truly does not love me anymore?

    Please help!

    1. Lindsey

      December 11, 2015 at 4:41 pm

      Thank you for the advice, Chris. He finally contacted me back yesterday. I chose to ignore his texts and phone calls (2 phone calls and 10 texts within an hour). He was attempting to get his suit for his grandmothers funeral. However, I continued to ignore him. When I came home last night I found that he had been in my house and he took his suit back.
      I chose not to acknowledge it.. I texted him “just got home I’ll leave it outside” then he started calling and texting again. He also said he wanted to leave some things of his grandmothers with me and he could bring it to me today.
      I have not contacted him back AT ALL. I am so incredibly proud of myself, but I can’t help but feeling guilty.
      Would there be any acception to the NC at this point? Or should I continue NC right now.

    2. Chris Seiter

      December 11, 2015 at 6:56 pm

      Great job!! Don’t feel guilty! He broke up with you right? And he’s trying to make you feel bad by leaving you reminders.

      No continue with no contact until it’s time.

    3. Chris Seiter

      December 10, 2015 at 2:02 pm

      Ah he’s not over you. You were doing fantastic except that slip up on contacting him telling him “things could change.” No need to tell him that.

      Start over with no contact. Only do 21 days. He’s trying to move on but he won’t be able to that quickly. Do not contact before the 21 days.

  13. tamy

    December 10, 2015 at 8:38 am

    Is that your wife in these videos?

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 10, 2015 at 1:55 pm

      Yes it is!

  14. Confused EX BF

    December 9, 2015 at 9:48 pm

    first of i loveee your website!! i literately recommended this to all my girl friends and they all go on this now when they need help with anything. i have done so many of your recommendations and it worked every single time. especially the no contact rule.

    I wanted to tell you about my most recent heartbreak. i was dating this guy for 4 months. it was going good at first. but i was his first gf and he is 31… he was never in a serious relationship. he started having some troubles at work and became depressed and then became confused about me. he told me he needed a break and i did the no contact. a week later he messaged me telling me how he realized he was wrong and he wants me back for real. i think i made a mistake when i answered him too soon and just went back to normal talking like nothing really happened. then a week after that he broke up with me again for the same reason that he still needs to figure out his life and work situation and is confused. he said the its not you its me. he kept saying how much he does want me but how his life is not right… now i just finished a week of no contact and i havent heard from him. i am not sure what to do next. should i keep going with the no contact? should i text him after im done with the NC? why is this time different than the first time when he broke down during the first week of NC?

  15. Christmas Confusion

    December 9, 2015 at 6:45 am

    Hey Chris – I read some of your posts when my boyfriend and I were going through a rough patch. It’s come to a head and he broke up with me tonight, essentially citing “it’s me, not you”. But, immediately following, he said he still wants to do Christmas dinner this weekend to exchange gifts and spend “Christmas” together since we’ve been together the past year (total, it’s been about a year and some change). I told him that would be torture for me because it instills false hope – to which he said I could think about it this week then let him know, but that he wants to give me my gift. As he left, he said he would call me tomorrow – why?? I don’t think he will anyway, but why would he even say something like this?

    The complicating factor: He is not from the country and will be going home next week for 5 weeks. Which is why we had planned to celebrate Christmas early. He said we could talk while he was gone, and when I asked, said we could have tonight’s conversation again when he gets back.

    I feel like this is a special NC situation because I almost feel like the 30 days won’t matter while he’s away? He’ll be surrounded by best friends and family (I am very happy for him because he needs the refresher) – and because of the extreme time difference, we weren’t going to speak that much anyway. His birthday is also in 2 months – do you break NC for that?

    What do you think I should do in this situation? Christmas gift exchange and all? I don’t want to retrieve my things from his place just yet – I feel it’s a rash decision to be making as I’m still having a hard time accepting that he ended it (with a shoddy, wussy reason, imho). Looking forward to your advice…

    1. Christmas Confusion

      December 9, 2015 at 6:50 am

      To clarify, I asked if we could have tonight’s conversation again when he gets back – he said yes. I asked if so, is there any glimmer of hope that he’ll come back feeling openminded and refreshed – he didn’t say yes but didn’t say no. He said he didn’t want to give me false hope. He said things like “it’s dead”, “my mind is made up” – but in a nice, calm, sad tone, and still acted affectionately when he left…

  16. Jen Jen

    December 8, 2015 at 9:07 pm

    The videos are getting better Chris! You’re looking more and more comfortable in front of the camera. Love that videos show your personality.

    So your plan worked great in the beginning with very slow results, but then new gf made him block my # & personal email several months ago. He & I never talked about the breakup, he said he didn’t want to & we basically stopped talking but we were in good terms.
    So after a few months I reached out via my work email only once w/ no response & then ran into him a week later. He was hot and cold….eye contact good, no hug, but he braught up the breakup was slightly resentful & against me for causing the breakup. I stayed upbeat & changed the conversation. I looked so good, down 25 lbs & he was like wow, u look good. Surprise, surprise….2 weeks later I tried email again & he started responding to my emails within minutes….but neutral responses. He had been ignoring me for months, so I was excited. I tried a memory text via email & he called me instantly on my work line & got angry & basically told me I know why we can’t talk (gf). I was nice & calm which I think made him more mad. I couldn’t get a word in. He told me the emails were tedious, lose his email & hung up on me.

    So even tho I was not emotional or gnat, 1 email a week was enough for him to reach his limit…even tho he was no longer ignoring them. Before that I reached out only once a month & would go back into NC when he ignores me. Now he is more emotional sad/angry then he was at the initial breakup 7 + months ago.

    So I def fall under the “don’t talk to me again – annoyed” category where I think he means it. Any suggestions to recovering from this. Can a longer NC, like 60-90 days help cool him down?

  17. Elin

    December 8, 2015 at 8:19 pm

    It’s not you it’s me… that’s what happened here. We lived together for 2,5 years and we planned to have a family in the future. We’ve now been broken up for 2 months.. He told me his feelings were not there anymore. We lived apart the whole time we were broken up but kept contact cause of practical stuff. I moved out a week ago.
    Should I implement the NC? Has it been too long? I’m afraid he’s got other girls… He’s told people we both know that he’s happy without me and that this was the best decision. I’m heartbroken.

  18. Michelle

    December 8, 2015 at 5:28 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Its me again. Thank you for your advice on the other comment. I have started the NC and it is almost done. Before the NC i thanked him with a letter, and went NC right away, and he replied me with a long text with some textbook breakup lines, “thanks for what u have done for me, sorry i still reply to your texts, i shouldnt be but i thought that wud make u feel better, but in fact u r getting wrong signals, i hope u can take care of yourself. Thank you. ” and i didnt reply. I thought he was not going to text me any more but he did around half month during NC, saying thank you again. Given me n him were both polite kinda person i replied with a simple word two days later, and then two days later he texted me again saying thanks and i only replied a smiley face on day after. He never texted me anything after. Then he updated a couple new posts and i noticed a girl i really dislike has liked his post, and then i realized how he was actually liking a lot of her posts from before. I dont know what that means but i took that quite negatively. I should mention he is away for a holiday and NC will end one week before he comes back, just before Christmas. He will definitely go to a party with a nice girl. I still dont know what to do and what to text after NC. His frd told me he never devoted much into this relationship, and he saw no emotional connection from me, but i am just a bit different from the type of girls he used to date, as i have experienced more and am a bit more hidden. Also things were too fast and again, i was way too available. What concerns me is that he is the stubborn type and no matter how gorgeous i become and how my social media reveals how my life has changed and all that, he wud think that we dont click anyways, and given he has me already, he wud have less interest and wud be more interested in new young girls, like the ones he is going to meet at the party. So what would be your best advice for me to re attract him and to get him back under this situation and word vs action?

  19. Emily

    December 8, 2015 at 5:23 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I’m im a situation that seems helpless. I am so very confused by his actions. I was in a very serious relationship with this man. We wanted to get married, have a life together then he ended things and I was a wreck. He said he doesn’t know what he wants. I’ve been trying very hard to not talk to him but I did give in a few times when he wanted to see me I went and saw him. It’s weird, because sometimes he will text me and say i love you and say he misses me and wants to see me and be with me.. Then other times he will completely ignore me and be a total jerk!! I miss him so much and I miss the way things were before all this happened.. Chris what do I do?

  20. Yumi

    December 8, 2015 at 3:50 pm

    Hi Sir Chris, my ex (who currently has a girlfriend) contacted me on my birthday saying he has a gift, but he never followed up or showed up. I replied in a short, simple, yet nice way (with a few smileys) and said just tell me when he can pass (to which he didn’t reply) by but nothing happened for two months since October. What does that mean? (I chose the walk away path after so many get ex back methods but I got tired and realized what’s good for mes o I ignored him for a year. But hey, contact is some sort of sign right? Help!)

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