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189 thoughts on “If He Tells You That He Never Loved You Then Do This…”

  1. Ria

    June 18, 2014 at 6:06 pm

    I met my ex on fb exactly one year ago.We used to go in the same school but didn’t know each other in person,though I always had a crush on him.Our last year I had tried to add him again,he accepted me and showed interest but I was too coward to meet him when I had the chance,the he closed his fb and I had forgotten him till last year when I found his NEW PROFILE and decided to add him.Once again,he accepted, he showed interest again,we exchanged phone numbers soon and ever since we talked and texted every day for 3 months.He was working in another city so we only met in last september when he came here for his sister’s wedding.We even have arranged to go to Rome together and he had more than once talked me about marriage!A saw him about 5 times but after 2 weeks or so he started being strange,probably because he has family issues, and I admit I was so terrified I put him a lot of pressure..He left again at some point and since then we talked,then he stopped answering and he same again.When I had lost every hope I found your site, I decide to do NC,it worked,he messaged me once, I didn’t answer, then after 30 days I tried my First text,it went very good!after 3 days he texted me First and so I followed your plan.2 weeks later about xmas,he implied he wanted to see me,and during NEW years eve we were texting each other all the time.He even said he was looking forward to our trip and he liked me etc..After that at some times he again was cold and hot at times,we met once at end of january, at his House were he introduced to his family as his ‘girlfriend’.I tried to talk to him about what is going to happen between us and he kind of didn’t answer.Ever since he was kind neutral and when the time of the trip came, we didn’t go cause he couldn’t leave his job while he said that we can’t be together and we wont be!I didn’t talk to him about 40 days after that.meanwhile he had closed his FB.I tried text him he didn’t reply 2 times.In the third text he started asking me things on his own.For a while we talked,he was friendly,then he never wished me on my birthday,he didn’t reply when I wished him on his.Again I tried after a while talk to him,he was possitive, now he wont answer again..I can’t understand!Do you think it’s worth fighting?is there any hope he might have feelings?
    p.s. meanwhile he owes me the Money for the trip..

    1. admin

      June 20, 2014 at 7:19 pm

      The only way its worth fighting for is if you see a future in this.

    2. Ria

      June 22, 2014 at 6:04 pm

      I don’t know what to beleive..Can you tell me your honest opinion about sth?I found out that he had broke up about 1 month before we met.Considering all the above do you beleive I was a rebound?And this new girl can she be one too?

    3. admin

      June 23, 2014 at 2:08 pm

      You could have been. How long did you date him total? If it was long then you werent a rebound most likely.

    4. Ria

      June 23, 2014 at 6:26 pm

      I’m not sure how to count the ‘dating’,if you read my First comment you’ll understand, but the last time we met was january-february and we ‘met’ last june..do you beleive I have a chance?and what can I do now? wait??

    5. admin

      June 24, 2014 at 6:39 pm

      I think theres a shot sure!

      Do you?

    6. Ria

      June 25, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      I don’t know.But I can’t give up!I beleive there’s a reason we met again after all these years..But I’m not sure what to do..Wait a month before I try talk again? and sth else..I haven’t told him we knew each other in the past..Do you think I should?

    7. Ria

      June 25, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      I don’t know.But I can’t give up!I beleive there’s a reason we met again after all these years..But I’m not sure what to do..Wait a month before I try talk again? and sth else..I haven’t told him we knew each other in the past..Do you think I should?

    8. Ria

      June 19, 2014 at 1:50 pm

      an update;I asked today about the Money and he said he has some difficulties and a girlfriend!I asked him for how long and he said 2 months..I told him I also have a bf and that I’d like to remain friends..but I’m tottaly lost! please help!Considering all the above and that do you think there’s any hope?

  2. karning

    June 16, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    I met my ex from a dating website, and after we dated for two weeks, we started to spend the whole weekends together, cause I opposed that maybe we could try, he showed not really willing to do, but eventurally he accepted and he agreed to no cheating. And in the time he was moving to a new apartment, we even spend three weekends together to bulit up IKEA furnitures and to buy things like dinner set, curtains. We had plans about what to do for he later days also. And I met his friends.

    But after we were together for about a few month, I found out that he is still using the dating website to talk to girls. I told him I don’t like that, eveb though I knew / he told me that he didn’t see them (which I did trust him)

    And then he decided to tell me the cruel fact that: he doesn’t have feelings for me, he said that he likes me and likes to spend time with me , but the feeling is not strong enough, he doesn’t love me. “I tried, but the feelings didn’t come”, he said. Then he told me that he don’t want to stop using the dating website, cause he want to find “the one” who could give him a strong feeling. He suggested that we could have an “open relationship” and suggested that I could do the same thing too.

    I couldn’t accept, and I left. Which was to painful for me, cause he just gave me his second key a week ago, I really think that it could work between us.

    And the same night when we broke up, I can’t control myself and call him and asked him why, of course, cause of an emotional breakdown I cried a lot and something meaningless. He still wants to be friends and wish me well. But I said we should NC and asked him to say no even if I want him back in the future.

    Now I regret and I really like him and want him back. Yet if he never really have strong feelings on me, and I am sure now he talks to others and maybe meet them later. Do I really able to have him back?

    1. admin

      June 17, 2014 at 8:26 pm

      Of course you have a chance to get him back.

      First though, you need to absorb the material on this site.

  3. G

    June 14, 2014 at 7:04 pm

    Hey, Thank you for responding to your readers! I have successfully gotten my ex back with most of these suggestions, before I even discovered this website. I can say that you are spot on, it took me years to figure it out. Long story short: I’m 29, ex is 30, we met at 13. Been of and on at least 7 times since then, while I was the other woman in his lady long term relationship. He’s gone through the non committed man personality younger to the egomaniac now. While he was out with other girls, my best guy friend asked me to marry him and my ex never stopped me, although he changed his mind about being happy for me and a little upset. Anyway, I decided to go through with marrying the other when my ex told me he didn’t love me. He had just reconnected with a girl at this point and was in honeymoon stage with her, but he insisted he had no feelings for me. But I had a special place in his heart, but that we will never work. I asked about his future, he said he wasn’t opposed to dating me later but didn’t for see it happening.
    So, believing him, I moved to what was there for me and married. Now Mister ex wants to be friends, and I have my first fight with husband, ex is there. He encourages me to leave, promises to be there for me. At this point, he’s on a break from the girl. After his promise to me, he suddenly is back with her and going strong. He never checks on me, calls or texts again. I tell him he’s not a real friend, he gets very angry and says I’m impatient and he’ll be there for me as soon as he can. I see on Facebook that he’s actually busy with girl. 2 months go by, no message, no cask, nothing. I defriend him.
    I realize his and my relationship is/was toxic and that’s why I took another road, but with all he put me though I just want to feel like I am important to him still, that he did love me. I’ve since blocked him because I can’t handle seeing his relationship. I don’t know if he’s even noticed. I am not going to pursue this again, but I’m dying to know what a guy might think about this situation after 16 years? Thanks for your time!
    G

    1. admin

      June 15, 2014 at 6:15 pm

      Wow!

      I am so glad you got your ex back.

    2. G

      June 24, 2014 at 12:17 pm

      Hi, thanks for responding! I think I wasn’t clear on my question, which was what his going on in his head now that I’m out of the picture? Why was I suddenly not good enough? Like I said, I realize it’s futile, but what could he be possibly thinking/ feeling? What are your insights on this situation?

  4. J

    May 20, 2014 at 1:30 am

    I actually cheated on my ex boyfriend (first love/first boyfriend) the one time at the young age of 17, I am now 20 and he says he doesn’t care about it anymore nor did he care about at the time. He ignored me for a whole year. In that year I wrote him a variety of emails telling him how sorry I was, that I was so stupid, immature, selfish etc. I even wrote him a letter telling him I still loved him. He eventually messaged me a few days after he received the letter. We began talking nicely to one another… But then he kept throwing hints that he still liked me (said he wanted to kiss me again & wanted to meet up with me… But blew me off 3 times). I kept messaging (possibly pestered) him because I felt I owed him a proper explanation and apology in person although he never gave me the opportunity. It was only the other day where I felt I had no other choice but to send my reasoning for cheating and how sorry I was by text, yet he still wouldn’t understand. Then the other day I wanted to ask him the question if he actually ever loved me. I should mention that I told him to respect the fact that I still had feelings for him & that I still cared and his responses were sour and rude… He said that he thought he loved me but realised he didn’t because it was so easy to get over me, and he was apparently happy when i was gone. Does he genuinely mean that? I know he is not a bad person, but to me if said he ‘didn’t care that I cheated now or at the time’ why does he feel the need to be so nasty to me? And will he ever understand that being young and immature was the genuine reason why I did what I did?

    1. admin

      May 20, 2014 at 9:17 pm

      He obviously cared about it.

      Being cheated on is a very dejecting feeling for anyone.

    2. J

      October 17, 2014 at 1:09 am

      Do you think a man can ever forgive a woman for cheating?
      Even if it happened when they were quite young?

    3. admin

      October 27, 2014 at 3:02 pm

      Depends on the man….

    4. J

      May 20, 2014 at 1:36 am

      I should probably mention as well that he said he was ‘in a funny mood’ when he said he wanted to kiss me again and wanted to meet up. It’s just so difficult to comprehend how nasty he is to me now considering how caring he was for me the time we were together. He says I’m still immature, however i feel he is the one being the childish one considering he is being so stubborn and uncooperative by ignoring my attempts to reach out.

  5. Julie

    May 16, 2014 at 10:08 am

    Hi Chris, My ex and I were together for 8 years. We had our ups and downs. He has a temper and at times I used to nag. We broke up around 3 years back when he told me that he loves me but his love is not the same and his feelings changed. Then there was someone else in the middle. After a few months we decided to give things another try. Some more stresses and bitter disappointments for both of us came up in the middle. We took a short break for a couple of months, while still remaining in contact and being friends. Last November, we decided to REALLY work things out and not give up on what we shared. Things were going fine. There were some minor things than hurt me…our schedules are hectic so we both didn’t get much time to spend much time together. We work in the same place so we used to sit at the same lunch table on and off and meet up at times for a walk…but that was it for a while.

    He gradually became more loving towards me and we were making arrangements for better dates and more time together. In the meantime, there was a friend of mine who used to give me a listening ear for some of my concerns. I didn’t want to burden my ex with my fears about things working out between us. So I expressed it to my friend. This made her to start thinking about him. There was a week where my relationship with my ex hit a rough patch with some misunderstandings and work pressure. She knew about it and during that time she started getting closer to him. So when he was in a vulnerable state, he ended up falling for her. I got to know about it a few days later because she told me that she loves my guy and he reciprocated. I obviously lost it and I cut with her and him. He panicked and called me…and then he said that he really loves her, but at the same time he cares about me. And he said that he isn’t in a relationship with her and is only getting to know her and there’s no idea whether things would work out or not. He also said that he had lost his love for me somewhere along the line (he told me that twice before but then later came back on his own and said that he didn’t mean it and said it only out of frustration). And that he tried and tried but couldn’t get the feeling back. and he can’t feel for me like he feels for her. I told him if that’s the case then I don’t want to force him and he’s free. He spent the whole weekend sending me over 200 messages checking up on me to see if I’m okay. I didn’t initiate any of this. Right from the time I woke to the time I slept he was texting me and trying to make me feel better. He kept telling me that I didn’t lose him…but at the same time he was telling me that he didn’t loved me but loved her.

    I need to say at this point that I’ve been handling everything for him to make his life easier – from his bills to his payments to his loans and to much of his work…because he’s going through a rough patch with his parents getting a divorce. So I thought I could be a good partner if I helped him out and made things easier. Now, once he said he didn’t love me, I felt that it doesn’t make sense for me to continue to keep working for him while he draws away from me. I also felt that he needs to learn what life is without me. 8 years is a massive amount of time. And even if initial attraction isn’t there, there is still attachment and we become a part of each others’ lives. And we’ve both been very close so I thought that a bit of time away from me would help him clear his mind and see whether he REALLY doesn’t love me. So I sent him a status of what work I had done for him and what was pending, and wished him all the best.

    I’m not too sure if he felt hurt that I was backing off from my support to him. But he called me (and I get weak when I see his call), and he tried to explain things again and tried to make me feel that I was not understanding him. I asked him how he would feel if he loved someone for 8 years and then they told him that they lost love for him. Then he gave me the line that this article says: “I never loved you”. I was shocked. I asked him whether he didn’t love me even when we made love. He said he didn’t..and that he was pushing himself because he wanted to make me happy. I couldnt control my tears. And this made me cry.

    I know he doesn’t mean it because I never asked him to love me. We were good friends and it was almost 2 years into our friendship that we realized that we loved each other. His words may say that he doesn’t love me. But I saw it in his eyes multiple times. It took a lot on his part too to stick on in this relationship. And frankly, until he got into severe depression, things were great between us. He got out of depression, but the repercussions still seem to linger on.

    I know there are two possibilities – either he REALLY doesn’t love me and we don’t have a chance together. Or he does love me but the stresses we’ve had have sort of drowned out his love so he can’t feel it. I also feel that he is infatuated with my friend because he ended up developing feelings for her within just 5 days of association. They haven’t seen each others’ good side or bad side. What they both have strong feelings for is an illusion of each other. And I feel that he is comparing his feelings for her to his feelings for me and assuming that he doesn’t love me.

    It’s been 8 years and I don’t want to give up on him. At the same time I’m proud to say that I haven’t begged him or initiated contact. I’ve just responded politely when he’s contacted me. But after he told me that he never loved me, I think complete NC is needed, at least for a month. That should give him time to sort things out in his head and figure out what he means by “love” and whether what we share is love in his mind or not.

    I’m not going to say that this is easy. I’ve lost 4 pound of weight in one week, although I’ve not been skipping meals. I know that thing hanging at a delicate point right now and I don’t want to do anything that can tip the scales so that I lose him completely. The toughest part is that he is making it quite hard for me to stick to NC. He sends me a message each day asking me how I am, and suffixing it with an endearment (usually ‘dear’). It’s hard not to respond to him and I feel like the lowest b***ch on earth to treat him this way. But I want what’s best for him..and for me. What we shared was quite deep…it wasn’t a fleeting few months. We have been through horrible rough times and come out of it together. After all of this, I don’t want to give up on him, though it might seem to an outside perspective that I deserve better. Yes, maybe I do deserve better. But I’m imperfect and so is he. I wouldn’t want him to give up on me so I don’t want to give up on him, while realizing at the same time that my efforts may fail.

    I’m trying to go with NC for a month. It’s been just a day now :-)) Am I on the right path? Or should I rule out NC and just talk to him and be good to him? I know he did tell me that he never loved me in all these years. But knowing him, I can say that it’s nonsense. I’m sure he loved me at least a bit of that time. I really want to get his love back without pressuring him. At the same time I feel so rotten when he contacts me and I don’t respond. Just need a bit of assurance whether I’m on the right path or not. I’m saving up to buy your book..I’ve read many positive reviews about it. Till then, I’m wondering if I’m on the right path? Help, please…

    1. admin

      May 20, 2014 at 7:02 pm

      Definitely give no contact a try.

      I think that can be extremely helpful in your case.

    2. Susan

      March 3, 2015 at 9:07 pm

      Julie, what ever happened with your relationship? Im in the same situation right now. He hasnt told me he never loved me, just that he doesnt love me enough to marry. Then he got a new girlfriend right away who moved in with him! He jumped right into the sex with her where I waited a while after I got to know him better. I heard from a friend that he said the sex is great with her! I also heard that she wants to marry him. They only been dating 2 months! I worry he will marry her, but I could never get him to commit 100% or even talk about marriage. it makes me sick to my stomache to think Ive invested in him for so long and now it is so eady for him to set me aside. I keep hoping that he will realize that what I was giving him was love. Theres a difference between sex and making love. Im so hurt. I too did so much for him. I hope he will look back and remember that.

  6. S

    April 23, 2014 at 4:24 am

    Hello
    I’m not really sure why i’m sharing this on here but i feel so helpless right now. My boyfriend of a little over 3 years left me a couple months ago. We had a baby last August. We were also staying at his parents home until we were able to find our own place. My boyfriend and i had always gotten along great but his family’s home turned out to be extremely chaotic and it caused so much tension between us on top of taking care of a new baby. One day he just moved out and he said he wanted me to come with him. The day after that he just ended everything. A couple days ago he sent me an email saying that he felt horrible for leaving and said he made the decision because he was angry that i didn’t move with him right away he was just acting like he missed me and might have wanted to get back together. We were talking for an entire day and then he started acting weird again and talking about me “moving on and finding someone who will make me happy it didn’t work out with him” also when he did leave me i had asked if he still loved me and he said no. (And when we first started dating 3 years ago he had cheated on me). So i asked him again this time and he said he hadn’t since he cheated on me. He also said he could never cheat on someone he was in love with. I am just so confused and i feel like i’m in the middle of this huge mind game. Would someone really stay with someone for three years, have a baby and plan a future if they weren’t in love?

    1. admin

      April 23, 2014 at 4:06 pm

      Why didn’t you go with him when he moved out?

    2. S

      April 23, 2014 at 6:24 pm

      Because we didn’t even discuss it. He decided before i even had time to think or plan anything.

  7. Juliet

    March 30, 2014 at 6:07 pm

    question for you. I have recently ended things with a man I am very much in love with. It all lasted almost two years and in the beginning he was almost obsessed with me, when we were not seeing each other we were on the phone. He called mutliple times a day (though we did have commitment issues). His mom is battling a very serious disease and he spent the holidays homw to look after her. About in the middle of his stay (a bit over month) I sensed a sudden and huge change. He would sometimes take a week to reply my texts, I ended up initiating all our conversations. When he returned he announced he did not love me any more. There is no other woman involved. He just feels messed up with depression and he can’t do “us” but he wants to continue the relationship on what I understood best friends basis. He still begs me o stay in his life as a friend but I can not do that. So I told him that the best way to go is to end this completely. He refuses to let go, I get texts in the middle of the night etc. I don’t answer unless it is something specific because In a couple of days I have to go to his place and exchange stuff. I will then go complete no contact. Do I tell him that or simply disappear? The shift in his feelings was partly my fault. I grew insecure when he left for so long and I nagged. I became a woman I never was before and I want to be the one he fell in love with (because I kinda like her too not just for his benefit)Do you honestly think there is any hope it might turn around? I mean I am not holding my breath, desperation is obviously the first thing that has to go NOW but if there is a chance I’ll give it a try. Because I know that he loved me, he doesn’t deny it either.
    Thanks for your blog btw, just bumped into it great stuff, keep it up
    Juliet

  8. neaka

    March 8, 2014 at 5:56 am

    Hi me and my ex was together for almost four years…I moved out of his apartment and got my own place.. He was upset that I moved out.. Long story short he is dealing with someone else now..But he doesn’t know that I know he is involved with someone.. He has me so confuse he still tells me he loves and misses me and that he wants to take me..My question this person he is involved with could she be Rebound?

  9. Jen

    March 5, 2014 at 6:50 am

    Hi Chris,
    Oh my goodness, you are my savior Chris! I thank you for exposing the meanings behind a guy’s emotions and thoughts to some extent. It all finally made sense. Although I’m currently at a numbing state like I feel like I’m in the process of forgetting my ex and not having any feelings for him anymore. But whenever we text each other, I feel like my feelings are coming back, secretly strong for him again.

    My last relationship lasted one year and eight months and I hadn’t date since then. Even til this very day I found no interest in any guy but my ex. We both started dating during our junior year in high school.We seemed like a young couple but then I pushed the idea that I was a serious dater. I truly commit to a relationship and I didn’t date for fun. That had us into a committed relationship and to be honest I wasn’t so open with him because of my last relationship, I was scarred and that had left me not wanting to be open. But he initiated the notebook method for us both to communicate. I was more open in the notebook than talking to him. All because I wasn’t comfortable with him yet. We were in the lovey dovey phase and everything all seemed like a perfect relationship.

    There was one incident where he got bored of me and that had left a deep impression of me to how he sees this relationship. That was when I started doubting him. He told me everything about his past flaws in the notebook. I didn’t start using that against him until when I saw more signs of betrayal, signs of him going against his words. What were the signs of betrayal?

    -Flirting with girls
    -Texting other girls about his problems
    -Having change in behaviors that he didn’t have when we first dated
    -Having mix feelings <— I dislike that the most because he didn't even know what he want.
    -Bipolar actions

    Everything about us was in the notebooks we wrote in to one another. He had problems with his dad and I had problems with my parents. Soon his problems became more of an issue and it had affected our relationship. He would always want more time alone even when I was there in attempt to comfort him.

    I remembered in his eyes I seemed obsess. But really all I was trying to do was comfort him and make him happy. I would always find a way to get in contact with him, through my aunties phone, a friend's phone because I gave him my ipod to use it. Until now I guess I was over reacting or over thinking.

    I'm only telling you the beginning of us because I want to know why he was like that, and now, after I tell you the end of us. This relationship has given me a lot to remember for why it has given me a hard time to move on.

    This was last year. How we ended happened in downtown near a huge fountain.We are senior in high school, about to graduate at this time. This was the night before graduation. We argued about "money." It was an ongoing fight about it that I asked him a couple questions "So everything you told me was a lie? Our promises, your "I love you", your trust in me?" He had made assumptions how I will not be the girl of his life because I spend money lavishly. Which wasn't true just because I spent it on my necessities and I treat others who had treated me.He didn't care to answer my questions and I walked away, which I literally regret but he did dare me to walk away when I made a gesture of doing so. While walking across the huge street in downtown, he shouted out to me and called me a "bitch" for the first time. That scarred me deep and I had shouted back calling him one but I didn't mean it. I walk to the other side, went behind this parking building, sat on a curb and cried there for about an hour. It was around 12 am. I had a lot going on in my mind. I decided to walk towards his house. I cried my way there and when I got there I was close to passing out, I knocked on his bedroom window. He freaked out until he saw me. I was crying outside his window. He told me he wouldn't allow me in the house.

    It's so much to explain that I could make a movie out of it, lol, but let me get to the point here. He called my dad and my dad gave him two options 1. To marry me or 2. To never see me again.He chose option two and my dad took me away, before that happened I cried to him "Why are you hurting me like this, this isn't you?" and I even cried "I don't want us to end." He even said some lines that killed me deep. That dawning our graduation, I purposely dropped our promise ring on his front lawn before my dad took me away.

    From then on I had had sleepless nights crying over him and I tried to get him back but he tells everyone that he will not take me back. We even had a severe argument and that cut ties with each other for about 6 months straight. We attend the same college and he started dating, it stung me real bad, but that relationship was short lived after he moved back to the cities and work to earn some money for college.

    Last month he finally talk to me by initiating the conversation and we had a good talk about life here and there. Whenever he play games, or when ever he feels like skyping he would ask me to skype with him or stay up with him. He told me about his short lived relationship he had after the break up with me.He was hurt and the hole he had from me was open again. Then he told me about this girl he's crushing over and that he confessed to her but she didn't return the same feelings back. He told me, he was jealous. And then I finally asked him "I thought I was the last pain for you, why do you keep risking getting hurt?" His answers was "I don't know." I had to act like I was cool and all to be his friends but deep down it kills me to try to see him just as a friend. I wasn't over him and he knows it but somehow whenever I talk to him, we would stay up late until 3 or 4 am in the morning talking. It wasn't like that when we dated. It just doesn't make sense. His feelings doesn't make sense. He even admit that he's so damn stupid because he couldn't do anything about it with the girl he like. Then every time when he goes to work, he would text me about it.

    After all he put me through, I'd still love him unconditionally. Did he really stop loving me? Did he really got over me?

    1. admin

      March 5, 2014 at 5:49 pm

      Do you think you are being friendzoned or you are being used by him for emotional reasons?

    2. Jen

      March 5, 2014 at 7:02 pm

      Lol, obviously friend zoned but it also seem like he’s using me for emotional reasons. He usually text/message me when he’s in good mood and when we chat/text, he usually send me these mix signals. It even got me confuse with him, like what is he trying to do here? I thought our break up would fully lift that weight off of him, but he’s risking it more to find someone to fill the hole he has in his heart.

    3. Jen

      March 5, 2014 at 7:13 pm

      I want him back but my feelings for him are numb to the point where I have to move on but I don’t have the feel to move on either. I’m still waiting for him. What shall I do?

    4. Vanessa

      March 27, 2014 at 2:48 am

      Can I say something? Why don’t you give it time for both of you? Cause maybe both of you are suffocated with relationships. And it feels like you both couldn’t live without love and the more you try to love each other, the more it hurts. So why not let time and fate decide for you both? Let patience take place in every situations. Maybe your guy doesn’t know what he wants and you don’t know either. Actually both of you are into rough situations cause you don’t really know if you love each other. It’s complicated, so just walk away from it and for the meantime leave the problem and enjoy life alone without each other where you both could find your inner self happiness and that you could both recovered and decide right things afterwards. 🙂 just sayin

  10. Elle

    March 4, 2014 at 7:17 am

    My bf just broke up with me, out of the blue said he only sees me as a friend and can’t see himself falling in love with me. He has had 1 ex in the past and he loved her within 3 months. He said there’s no spark or passion, however our relationship was contradictory to that. He always initiated contact (he suffers anxiety so I’ve never wanted to push him), he invited me to his family Christmas after only 5 weeks of dating, introduced me to all his friends, spend every weekend together and have a great time. We even booked an overseas holiday for in 6 months time. On Wednesday he invited me over for dinner, cooked a beautiful dinner, dessert and shared a bottle of wine, then Friday he says he doesn’t feel we have that spark! Everyone including myself is shocked, we never fought, are so similar it just makes no sense to me. He seemed confused and got drunk for 48 hours after we broke up, then I contacted him on the Sunday to ask if he was sure and he said he is 100% sure his feelings won’t change, I tried to ask him to give us a chance to no avail. I’ve now blocked him on Facebook but wondering if that’s a good idea or not as it means he can’t look at my page at all. Is there any chance for this or should I let it go? I really want him back, I know we’re perfect together, he just needs to give it more time I think….please help!!!!

    1. admin

      March 4, 2014 at 7:02 pm

      I think you should let go. Maybe in the future his feelings might change but it doesn’t look like in the immediate future his feelings will change.

  11. Molly

    February 12, 2014 at 10:41 pm

    Hello there!!!! I’m fascinated with this guide soo much 😀 you’re truly amazing, this is a whole blessing fallen from heaven, i’ll tell you my story…right now i’m 15 i’ll be 16 in november, i know i know! i’m young, but if you met me you knew i’m not as inmature as my age, he’s 21, (he got it on january) i met him in a website (yes it was long distance bulls***) like in december of 2012…he was my first love…when i first met him he was cold, even though he thought i was beautiful (i have a pretty face and body tbh) we were meeting from dec 22 to jan 5, alot of stuff happened then, i think those were the happiest moments of my life <3 <3 i liked him everyday more, we talked on fb and skype for HOURS, the warm and the comfort between both of us was intense, he liked me, i liked him too, we were hitting each other and kind of saying hints :3 he was a whole gentleman, that dec 30 we spent on skype from like 4 pm to 7 am 😀 it was amazing! just me and him talking, my tummy couldn't stop feeling butterflies, truly amazing, the moments we lived, (he's a metalhead) i liked metal too, we both shared so much, and on jan 5 i told him i couldn't take it anymore….i loved him, he was lacking air so nervious and he felt absolutly amazing, he fell instantly in love with me, we became official couple right on jan 6th <3…it was amazing he was so happy (I KNOW BECAUSE I READED THE PRIVATE CONVERSATIONS HE HAD WITH HIS BEST FRIEND ON HIS FB ACCOUNT) (I had his password btw xD) it said i was a blessing, he was never so happy, his faith for God was amazing thanks to me 🙂 he always wanted someone like me…<3 i left him a message a short one xD pouring my heart out, and he left me like 6 long ass messages pouring his heart the way he never did before….i was shock….he told me everything…even tho we never met in person..only cam and skype…his feeling for me where truly strong….:') sometimes i don't get tired of reading and re reading those old conversations because they were really beautiful….<3 the best moments of my life…<3 he made promises noone would ever…he spent the time noone could ever…he told me words that i don't think he'd ever say them to anyone else…it was amazing…everything was beautiful and went just right until jan 23rd when i found a dark secret he told me…about hisself…he told me he had a fascination with trannies or something like that..he TOLD MEEEE…because he don't wanted to hide anything from me…i flipped out…:/i told him i don't wanted him to be like that…never…he accepted it and told me that for me he would give up on that part of him he doesn't need, idk what the f*** just happened to me…and later i tld him that i didn't care 😀 that i loved him unconditionally and i accepted it.. (worst mistake of my life)… he started talking with some random girl of his location her name is Laura..she told him stuff…about cosplay and crossdressing…i was frustrated…to the point he started talking more to her than to me…our conversations started to die out (he told me on feb)… he said i was being ''dull'' because we didn't find anything else to talk about…he started to get on that cosplay stuff and he was starting to ignore me and kind of leaving me in the bottom…i tryed to get his attention any way..so i started to create fake dramas (another worst mistake) and made him make crazy promises..he said that he would help me to get a green card or something like that (WHICH WAS IMPOSSIBLE!) i was only trying to get his attention…but the wrong way…i never thought i was only creating pression and tenssion on him…he knew he couldn't accomplish that promise…so he was getting stressed about it…i still loved him tho…on february 14 valentines day…he said he would give me a collar..pendant…i don't know something like that…similar to his own… :)…he WAS GOING TO… he already bought it and stuff…he was going to mail it to me…(btw he lives in miami, i live in colombia south america)but that night i don't know if he felt bad or just wanted to be alone…but his acctitude was cold…and kinda…not romantic…he was being rude and cold to me…i shoulda undertand he only needed some space…but i felt bad…he started to talk more and more to Laura, i got jealous i thought he was going to fall for her later…but he swore me he didn't they were just friends..and it was true.. 🙁 my jealousy was another issue….he was actually planning on coming up to visit me in person…he was about to get the tickets…and stuff…but on feb 22…i flipped out and posted a status on fb saying ''Thanks for staying away…that way you made me realize i really don't need you in my life..'' He saw that…and he sent me a message breaking up…saying he don't wanted to hurt me anymore…that he couldn't help me…that he still loved me…but he don't wanted to cause more harm in me…what??…worst day ever…out of pure rage and confussion i told him i hated him and i don't wanted to see him anymore…he responded that he still loved me…and that he would always love me…no matter what…i said i didn't care..and like on feb 25 we skyped for last time because he wanted to say sorry… i made him feel like shit…i told him he didn't worthed it and that i don't loved him anymore…that he killed my love…(stupid me)..even tho i knew it wasn't true..i just expected him to beg me…but i just pushed him away brutally…later he told me he don't wanted to talk to me…in a cold way…and got gone..next monday he got pissed because i kinda threated him about his secret…he got pissed the way he never did before…and yelled at me..and later he told me something like this ''I don't love you…never did''….we stayed friends…i acted like i i didn't care…i fell into a deep depression the way i never did before…we used to talk daily…and now seeing him on…and then get off…without saying at least a…''Hey'' or .. ''What's up?''…no…and everytime i tried to talk to him he was short or invented a excuse for not talking to me…i felt debasted…like until april 6th…he messaged me for first time like ''Hope you're well Molly''….and i tried to joke with him..but he didn't like it and called me inmature…i left him a letter then unfriended him…cry….cry….cry….all the time..i don't wanted to do anything…i won weight…my forhead seemed like a cob, full of scars and acne…i left myself go…my hair messed…no make up…didn't even shave my eyebrows…i looked hedious…don't even wanted to go to school…i fought with my mom constantly…in other words…my whole life crumbled down last year, i felt like i was going crazy…(IF ONLY I FOUND YOUR POST THEN EVERYTHING WOULD BE DIFFERENT XD) later…like on may i created another account with a different name…i wanted to bitch those cosplay assholes i felt like the fault was all of them…i added them all..like a week later someobe called ''Ignee Kin'' who said was a female…showed up like ''You like municipal waste too?'' (that's a metal band) i was like yesh lol, she told me she wasn't a female…it was actually a he…so..i was confused…didn't care…lol we had alot in common and we started to become closer…even we had like erotic chats (it was random, i was only playing lol) like 3 weeks later…i found something horrible in it…IT WAS MY EXBOYFRIEND….you cannot imagine how shitty i felt…i didn't told him anything i was nervious on the verge of madness…so i kept it up…we became the best friends ever…until july 12 when my mom sent him a message saying who i really was…depressed for over 2 days…didn't stop crying….i watched my facebook page…and it was like..a message from him saying ''Don't you fucking give up on me now…i still want to help you…i still want to go to those shows with you…just don'r throw the towel…don't you leave me now..'' he added my best friend…and we talked on a group chat…you cannot imagine the sweet things he told me…he told me he wasn't gonna come back now..because i didn't feel right…but he still wanted to get a chance with me..maybe when we met in person who knows…BEST DAY EVER! the amount of euphoria i felt was ridiculous! just like one week later i dissapeard and my best friend made a whole drama saying that i ran away then messaged my ex saying that…he went insane…he basically messaged like a bunch of all my friends asking for me…he went depressed about it…and he was worried as fuck…next day i showed up…he was happy to know i was good..and he said he had a pain on his stomach just by imagine me getting hurt…he cared a shitload about me…AMAZING…but the happiness didn't last for too long…we started to get more apart…like never talked…i was my fault because i don't talked to him idk why…but he still liked my photos…and comeneted some of my posts…i posted a depressing post and he showed up asking what was wrong and he helped me out, like with advices..really good advices….i still loved him…but everytime i tryed to be romantic…he didn't care at all (or that seemed)…i think i wasn't doing stuff right…on january of this year i decided that i was going to get him out of my life…forever…i left a message…a very romantic one…he replyed in not romantic way…saying that it was cool and motivating me to move on with my life…and that if that was meant to be..we will find in the future…i cryed…but not like before…i doesn't hurt anymore…i think i've moved on…but…my heart stays faithful to him…and i want to do this Chris…maybe staying away from him for maybe a year or over…then when i finally get to be in miami…in person it would be different…maybe…i don't know…i can't forget Chris…i love him so much…i want him back…right now i'm not in my best conditions tho i raised myself up….now i have my face clean and i use some make up and i comb my hair, i'm GORGEOUS lol…not at 100% but yeah 🙂 i want to become sexier..and use this time apart from him…for getting better in all aspects…:D mmm what do you say..? do i still have a chance..?….REPLY REPLY REPLY!!!

    1. admin

      February 14, 2014 at 2:54 am

      Hahaha

      Im replying!

      I think you actually have the right idea. However, I can tell you are very very emotional about this. You might need to take a step back for a moment and calm down before you try to get him back. Emotions can be helpful but I think in this case it can be really tough.

  12. P-O

    February 6, 2014 at 12:33 am

    Thank you for this article!!!! It helped me confirm that I am correctly interpreting the situation I have been in with a guy. (I really liked him and he was telling me/acting like he really liked me too but we never discussed about being in a relationship). I will leave my story as a reference. He told me that he never loved me right after he had been acting very strange and angrily (passive aggressively) at me at work for a couple of weeks (probably for not texting/contacting him for a while to figure things out with my ex). I didn’t think it was a problem not to contact him because we were not in a relationship or anything and also I warned him ahead of time that I will be isolating myself for a couple of months but I guess that wasn’t the case in his mind. He is much younger than me and it’s been probably his first intense relationship he has had (he was a virgin and got super attached to me after the first sex). After him telling me about not liking me, I still acted friendly but stopped hanging out with him. Now he is in a (probably a rebound) relationship with a girl that looks really like me. He brought her to one of the socializing events we had to go to to show her off to me (I think). He called me right before the event to ask a stupid question even though we hadn’t contacted each other for a long time (I didn’t even have his number saved so I had to ask him who was calling). I could tell he was looking at me (my reaction) during the event. He seemed disappointed that I didn’t react at all and that I was acting happily as usual. He was trying to get my attention/staring at me intensely at work the next day. He’s does all the things a typical guy do, so it’s so easy to read his mind. I am pretty confident that he still likes me :). yay. Thanks again for this article.

  13. Marissa J

    February 3, 2014 at 6:30 pm

    Hey,

    So me and my ex have been broken up for 6 months and for 4 months we weren’t talking(we were together for 2.5 years). I took the initiative to hit him up and want to be FWB bc at the time I was in a very good place in life. Now the more I hangout with him it’s starting to feel like normal again and when were not, he doesn’t act like how he does in person which is all over me and cute. We have only been hooking up for a little over a month and it’s starting to make me wonder if anything could come out of it. He told me that after 2.5 years he doesn’t have any feelings for me anymore and it’s really hard to believe bc the way he acts when were together . I was wondering how I could make him see me in a different light other than FWB bc I have changed a whole lot since the breakup and he notices it. One minute he could be really cute with me through text then the next really distant. I think I’m starting to have feelings again which would defeat the purpose of FWB, I know I should stop but I don’t want to lose him again.

    1. admin

      February 4, 2014 at 5:27 pm

      I don’t think friends with benefits is a good idea at all personally.

    2. Marissa J

      February 5, 2014 at 1:55 am

      What do you think is a good idea for me to do for him to consider me as girlfriend material again?

    3. admin

      February 5, 2014 at 6:48 pm

      Find a way to get him super emotionally invested in you.

  14. tashi

    January 31, 2014 at 2:51 pm

    I loved your article. I was with someone for a year, and I was his first girlfriend. We broke up 3 months ago.and in the month of December he got a new girlfriend.I sometimes feel really bad and wonder if I really made a difference in his life. His girlfriend is only 16 years old it goes to high school.well a week ago I found out I was pregnant with his kid and his girlfriend sent me nasty messages say in the form of him. Say that he never love me and that his new girlfriend and have his relationship is better than ours. Devastated I didn’t want to believe anything she said and even my called me and told me it wasn’t him. His gf sentthose messages to me while he was sleeping. But why would you say those things if he did he’d never said it? Is it as a jealousy or is it out of immaturity? Does the first relationship really impact a guy?

    1. admin

      January 31, 2014 at 6:51 pm

      16 years old = immature.

      Generally speaking.

  15. Erin

    January 25, 2014 at 4:56 am

    Hi!

    I have found your website extremely helpful.

    I have a little bit of a unique situation though so it’s hard to apply all your insights.
    By boyfriend and i have been on and off for a year, every time we get to the 3 month mark he breaks it off again.

    When we started seeing each other he did not want a relationship at all ever again, due to his ex hurting him so badly 3 years prior, and in that time he had been with no one. In our relationship we have made some really good emotional progress together.

    Each time we break up he says he’s not in love with me and there is no spark, but there is! everyone can see it, he just thinks because it’s not the same feelings as his ex then it’s not real love, he has called me his best friend and talks to me about everything, and he tells me he loves me all the time when he’s drunk.

    Not to mention, his ex and him were together for six years long distance the whole time, so no wonder he is always looking for this “spark” because that one time a yr he would have seen her would have been so exciting.

    Anyway, we are broken up at the moment (again) and he’s msging me everyday and calling saying he is missing me and regretting it, but he isn’t doing anything about it. Also, he has just moved interstate, so we had been doing long distance for the last two months. NC is working, i just don’t know what my next step is.

    He’s told me that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me, and he wants to be in love with me, he just doesn’t think he will fall in love with me. He is 30. Care to provide some insight?

    Thanks!

    1. admin

      January 27, 2014 at 6:46 pm

      So, you are done with NC?

  16. Sue

    January 6, 2014 at 1:49 am

    Hi Chris!

    Well I gotta admit you sound like you know what you’re talking about. I’m 43 and highly skeptical about what someone so much younger than me could tell me what I didn’t already know. Turns out there’s a lot.

    My ex and I literally broke up New Year’s Eve morning. I can’t say I didn’t see this coming. When someone says they don’t feel as strongly as you do in the relationship, you kinda hear the bells tolling. Well it finally finished tolling about a month later. I felt him pull away from me. He usually texts me often and then one day he totally ignores me. I was upset and let him know it. When I calmed down and discussed it with him the next day (more like 1am). He was so understanding. He told me I wasn’t crazy or being a bitch. He told me he wasn’t in love with me but that he cared about me and wanted me to be happy. There was no yelling, no tears, just two mature adults having a convo about ending a relationship. I was pretty stoic about the whole thing to the point where I thought I’d get through it okay…I was a complete mess a day later.

    When we had a final goodbye over the phone I deleted his name, number and history from my phone. I deleted all emails he sent to me, all to keep me from temptation. Its been a week and I haven’t had any contact whatsoever…and then I came across your site. You have no idea how your posts kept me from going crazy and even gave me a sliver of hope. So I’m sticking with the NC no matter how difficult it gets.

    I should mention when we broke up he wasn’t actually trying to break up with me and even asked me to “sleep on it” but when you tell someone that you don’t love them and a breakup’s in the future there’s really no reason to keep going with the charade is there?

    The post I’ve been reading so far come from the perspective of the guy having been in love at some point. So my question is, how do I have a shot if he was never in love in the first place?

    Sorry this was so long.

    1. admin

      January 6, 2014 at 6:30 pm

      Well, in that case you have to make him fall in love with you I suppose.

      BUT I am going to tell you straight up this is going to be really hard to do. Sometimes things just don’t work out.

    2. Sue

      January 6, 2014 at 9:43 pm

      Thanks for the quick reply. We’ll see what happens.

    3. Sue

      January 6, 2014 at 1:58 am

      I forgot to mention we were only together 7 months.

  17. Krystal

    December 14, 2013 at 10:57 am

    So after being together for 3 months, he proposed. We got married 4 months later and then I moved to a different country to be with him (he is European). The transition was extreme on both if us. We fought alot. Fast forward to 1.5 years later, he bailed on me. Said he didn’t love me anymore and asked me to move out. I did. 3 months later we divorced. On the day of the divorce he said that he never loved me. Could this be so? If so, then why did he marry me? If not, then why is he saying that now? To make himself believe that it was just a fluke? I have a hard time buying it, but at the same time am questioning what he means by it.

    1. admin

      December 14, 2013 at 10:35 pm

      Have you read my guide on getting an ex husband back?

  18. Elisa

    December 4, 2013 at 8:00 pm

    Hi,
    My relationship was for 4 months and we were having like a lot of plans together … We were going to celebrate Christiana’s together with his family; he was possible going next year to my country .. Etc…
    He started to say that we were not having good communications .. That we were not compatible maybe bcos culture… He said a lot of things … When he decided to break up with me he was also angry… He said I don’t see this relationship going any further… And when I said you probably fall out of love… He said that he never loved me… And I don’t know why I said this but I said: but we don’t have still that much time for you to be sure… And he answered but it feels like a lot more time… ( we live 3 mins away of each other and we use to see each other everyday) for some reason I believe he got bored but still that hurt me a lot when he said those words to me… And the worse part is that when I asked what he wants in a relationship he answered was he doesn’t know …

    1. admin

      December 5, 2013 at 1:29 am

      Well lets start at the beginning. Have you been able to implement any of the ideas I talk about on this site?

    2. Elisa

      December 5, 2013 at 9:24 am

      My broke up was on thanksgiving day! After that I did something wrong I called him… But in those days I’m just trying to ignore the situation and doing my own things… :/ but in the same time I’m just losing hope…

    3. admin

      December 5, 2013 at 7:03 pm

      On Thanksgiving? Really?

  19. Erin

    November 19, 2013 at 6:08 am

    My boyfriend of a year broke up with me three weeks ago. He said those words and said that he didn’t know if he could ever love again. We spent so much time together that it seemed we lost touch with each other. I made the point that it felt like we were more like best friends, and he realized my point was valid and broke up with me the next night.

    Over the course of the three weeks, I have tried to keep my distance, however he still talks to me practically every day. He has made moves toward me because in his words “its exciting.” He says that he still cares about me but has moved past our relationship and can never feel the same way again. I keep on catching these looks in his eyes that I feel that he does love me, I think he just doesn’t know what he wants at the moment.

    He texts me if we don’t see each other and tells me that he has dreams of me, or is jealous of another guy who could have me. Im trying to move on and reshape my own life, but I’m also still confused. We are best friends and will be always, but I don’t know if I should hope for anything more

    1. admin

      November 19, 2013 at 7:08 pm

      Only keep going if you want to.

  20. Nicole

    November 7, 2013 at 8:02 pm

    So my ex told me he loves me but not like before..not sure what that all means. We were together for 3 years and the last year I lived 3 hours away back home to get my life back on track and go back to school but I was planning on returning back over there. He showed me love he visited me and always took me out to places and paid and even bought me pandora charms for my bracelet he got me for Christmas. He said this the night of the break up through a Facebook message he couldn’t even call me or anyrhing like that. He did sound kind of angry on the phone when I finally was able to call him up. But I know we got into fights and the distance and all but that’s why I always made him feel loved bein away sending him cards and buying him some things to surprise him when he came and saw me. That’s why I don’t think what he said is true. I think he really does or he wouldn’t have drove to see me and go to a concert together and tell me he loves me everyday and even when he was with me. I’m his first everything, kiss, sex, love, gf, everything. So I have to be special right? It took us a year and a half to wen do stuff too. So you think when he said he loves me but not the same is just him thinking that?

    1. admin

      November 8, 2013 at 6:01 pm

      You have to be yes. You will be unforgettable for him!

      He will remember you until the day he dies. No one forgets their first.

    2. Nicole

      November 9, 2013 at 1:18 am

      So is that a good thing that things can possibly work out again?

    3. admin

      November 10, 2013 at 12:27 am

      I don’t think its a bad thing hahaha.

    4. Nicole

      November 25, 2013 at 1:00 am

      I think you should do a post about a guy when he says he wants space and like says he doesn’t want a relationship right now and what to do about it???!!!!! Good idea?

    5. Karina

      December 10, 2013 at 6:37 am

      I agree 🙂

    6. admin

      November 25, 2013 at 7:42 pm

      Yes a great one! I will have to put that on my list haha.

    7. Nicole

      November 26, 2013 at 2:54 pm

      Awesome!! That’s my situation so idk what to do or how to even come by it. Ill be over there soon where he lives in less than a month so hopefully something comes up either from him. What you think I should do?

    8. Nicole

      November 27, 2013 at 5:06 am

      Hopefully the guide is great like the others!! Cuz I read all the posts you put and none really mentions about whet to do about when a guy just wants space and has no time for a relationship cuz he has more important things to worry about..in a guys opinion is thdt being really selfish! ?

    9. admin

      November 27, 2013 at 8:10 pm

      Hmm I will maybe have to write about that.

      Any more guide recommendations?

    10. Nicole

      December 5, 2013 at 5:21 pm

      Def still work on what if a guy says he just wants space and to be independent and how can you approach him since he’s the one wanting to be alone for swhile. But I know some guys want to go out and date but others want to get their life I’m order like mine said. You should write about nth those cases! 🙂

    11. Nicole

      December 1, 2013 at 4:17 am

      I hope you do a post about that I told you! But I’m starting to realize that I don’t need him anymore. He’s just an ass and always will be one. He’s not gonna change. He will always talk to me mean for no reason at all cuz of his insecurities. He’s changed into a person I never thought he would turn into. I’m changing my life around without him and apparently he’s happier being alone and not having someone who would always love him for who he is? He wanted me to change who I am after 3 years? Just cuz I text him and like talking to him he wants me to change, really? Then he must never loved me. I won’t change for anyone.

    12. Nicole

      November 28, 2013 at 1:10 am

      I will think about some and get back to you 😀

    13. Nicole

      November 10, 2013 at 9:37 pm

      Oh man i worded that wrong haha

      I meant as since its a good thing there is a chance for things to happen again like you rekindle what used to be there in a sense. I know he loves me and is being stubborn and doesnt want to talk which I dont understand why he has to be some what selfish in a way if it makes him sad to do this.

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