Typically, there are three outcomes to a break up, you can initiate the break, he can end it or you can both agree that you need to go your separate ways. This page is going to focus solely on the women who initiated the break up. So, the ideal person for this page would be a woman who wants to get her boyfriend back after breaking up with him.
Or, you might just be considering the prospect, still unsure if your ex boyfriend is worth the trouble.
There are a lot of possible breakup scenarios that can unfold. These situations can involve someone who broke up with their ex boyfriend and now he won’t talk to her, thus making her efforts to make up and move forward nearly impossible. It can involve a girl who says she ended it and now wants him back.
It can also involve situations in which the girl is experiencing great pain and confusion: “I broke up with him, but it hurts and I don’t know what to do.” Or it could involve a woman who is struggling with her ex lashing out at here, “my ex boyfriend hates me because I left him. I never thought it would come to this”.
Broken spirits and broken hearts are things that are not new to the dating scene. Yet when it happens to you and you are struggling with whether your boyfriend still loves you or if he misses you, it can be heartbreaking, particularly if you think you may had made a mistake. You may have acted rashly, too swiftly to end it with him and now the regret of your decision haunts you.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhat Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend To Forgive You For Breaking Up With Him?
Before I get going there are a few things that I feel are really important to mention. First off, while I am going to do my very best to give you a winning strategy for getting your ex back, even if you did the breaking up, I want you to know it is possible your boyfriend will just move on. Sometimes the damage of the being dumped by your girlfriend is so overwhelming, the act of feeling betrayed just becomes too much to overcome.
But most of the time, the pain eventually subsides, the emotions settle down, and cooler heads prevail with a couple finding their way back to each other.
S0 if you are looking for a way to improve your chances, you are in luck as I just updated this page that will literally break everything down for you step by step and teach you how to get your ex boyfriend back. You are going to get the short version and the longer version.
Oh, and FYI, it is going to take you some time to read this post completely from start to finish! Be sure to follow all the links as they will help with those nagging questions you might have about whether you can really convince your ex to forgive you for breaking up with him.
And a Reminder! Make no mistake, your ex boyfriend is going to be pretty hurt. Your ex bf is also going to be awful mad at you too for getting dumped, especially if this sort of thing has never happened to him before. So read up on everything my friend to give yourself the best chance.
Are You Ready To Learn the Latest Tips on How To Get Your Ex Back If You Dumped Him!
9 Proven Steps To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are the One That Caused the Breakup
At this point, I am going to assume you are in a hurry to hear what you should do. Let’s say you broke up (ended it with your ex) and now you want him back. Maybe you acted rashly. Maybe he even has a new girlfriend now Sounds like a near impossible situation, doesn’t it? Well, it’s not. He could be in a rebound. I know it hurts in ways you can’t even describe. And I know you still love him are you wouldn’t be here.
So let’s get right down to it.
1. Allow For Some Time To Go By Before You Try To Make Any Serious Effort To Re-establish Contact With Your Ex.
Chances are that he is upset, angry, and resentful for getting dumped. Whatever the cause, it clearly ended badly and since you are the one that let him go, his predominant feeling will be one of anger and rejection. So you don’t want to walk into a firestorm of your ex boyfriend’s wrath. Some time needs to elapse for things to settle down
2. You Need To Give Yourself a Chance To Reevaluate Whether Your Really Want Him Back
You broke up with your ex boyfriend for a reason. Maybe you ended things with him for good cause. So it’s not unusual for you to have conflicted feelings about what has happened to the relationship. So be careful about fully trusting your judgement at this stage. You might have a panic attack, fearing you made an awful mistake. The sheer pain of separation may be weighing on you, thus creating doubts in your mind if you did the right thing to leave your ex boyfriend. He may have begged and pleaded for you not to go through with breakup and now you are feeling guilty. So you need to allow yourself time to process all of this and make sure you don’t cycle right back into the mess that caused you to leave him in the first place.
3. Even If You Initiated the Breakup, Implement a Brief No Contact Rule Period
In most cases, even if you are the one that precipitated the split up, it is best to observe a No Contact period. I would recommend a shorter No Contact period (2-3 weeks). It will help you to get more centered and experience some healing and allow your ex boyfriend to calm down and potentially become more receptive to your efforts. There is much you can accomplish during the NC period to rebuild attraction. It’s there in your ex boyfriend, but it might need some nurturing to bring out and there are tactics you can use to show him you are out there still available. During this period there is subtle messaging you can use to convey to your ex boyfriend that you may have acted hastily or you have gained a greater appreciation of what he means to you.
4. Test The Waters – Send Your Ex Boyfriend a First Contact Text Message
At some stage, if you have not already heard from your ex boyfriend, then you want to put a plan in place to make first contact with him. This can be accomplished by way of a text. Think of sending him a message that is going to strike a chord because it is friendly and inviting him to respond. Check my website for examples.
5. Rebuild Trust Though Texting Over Time
Remember, your ex boyfriend may still feel quite insecure about talking to you. There will be a part of him that wants to protect his own feelings, avoiding any future disappointment. Your ex may also still be harboring some angry feelings and has yet to work through them. Those resentments may come out in different ways. He may be moody, saying one thing, then later retracing. Texting may be irregular. So for these reasons and more, just think of this as a process and be patient and understanding of any volatile behavior coming from your ex boyfriend. But at some point, you need to graduate from texting to a face to face meeting so you can take the next step of winning over his confidence.
6. Set up a Meetup With Your Ex to Restore and Repair the Relationship Foundation
Try to arrange to meet with your ex someplace public and informal. Keep it casual like a lunch or a coffee. Don’t make it a date or anything that puts pressure on you both to jell. He may not be ready for that. Or he might want to badly talk about the relationship. Just steer him away from it, telling him there will be time for that. Tell him, “lets just enjoy each other now”. Don’t show up with an apology in hand or ask your ex boyfriend to forgive you for breaking up with him. Getting into those discussions starts off the encounter with a negative and swings the conversation to relationship type of talk, and you want to steer away from that. So avoid talking at this stage about the problem that triggered the breakup. Take the time to simply enjoy each other. It could take your ex some time to learn to trust you again, so don’t rush things. I recommend that you both resume the relationship as if you were first dating each other gain, getting to know each other again.
7. Don’t Rush Right Back To Normal Routines
Things are not normal and won’t be for awhile. So don’t pretend that it can all go back to normal. While your ex boyfriend and you may love each other very much, you need to allow for your feelings to be calmed and trust to be restored. Past negative memories and grievances may be ready to spring out as they linger just below the surface.
8. Jointly Discuss What Must Change For You Both To Be a Successful Couple
After some time, it will be evident that the two of you have largely forgiven each other for whatever went on in the past. You and your ex will find joy and comfort in being in each other presence. So when the signs of your connection are consistently positive, then you both need to talk about what you can do to avoid the issues that triggered the breakup from happening again. Jointly come up with a plan and agreement on what you are going to do going forward to prevent conflict, confusion, or misunderstandings. You want to make a vow that you both will do more or less of whatever is needed to keep a breakup from happening again. Write down what you both agree to. Make a vow that you will honor this plan. Do something to symbolize your commitment.
9. Celebrate Your Renewed Commitment
Once you have gotten this far in restoring the vitality back into the relationship with your ex, do something together to celebrate how important it is that you are both back together again. Cement this new commitment with something that symbolizes your new start as a couple.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz5 Common Reasons Why YOU Broke Up With Him
There are a lot of different reasons that women break up with men (some being their fault). I feel it is important to understand these reasons because it will let you know if your ex is really worth trying to get back. I know right after the breakup, your emotions will be pulled in all sorts of directions. Part of you wants to stand by your decision to end it. Another part of you will have this sudden panicky feeling that you have done something awful for which you will never recover.
So you will likely have a bundle of confused thoughts and some of them may lead you right back to a potentially toxic situation. So be aware of that.
I don’t say this to you as a blanket statement that going back to your ex boyfriend will never work out. That is not necessarily true. But I want to help you and sometimes helping someone is telling them that their ex may not worth going back to.
So, here is how this is going to work. I am going to list some of the most common reasons that women break up with their boyfriends and give my thoughts on each of them. Lets take a look at our reasons:
- You believed there is someone else better for you (other fish in the sea)
- You were worried or convinced that your ex was cheating on you (but it turns out he wasn’t)
- He actually did cheat on you.
- As time went on you became less and less attracted to your ex boyfriend
- There was a huge fight that resulted in a breakup.
1. You Thought You Could Do Better.
At some point in your relationship you thought you could do better. However, after the breakup you realized that you didn’t have it so bad and he was a more positive force in your life than you gave him credit for. This is a theme that is all too common among women so it is nothing to be ashamed of. We can’t know all things and sometimes we need to other experiences to put our love lives in perspective.
While certain people might want to make you feel bad for feeling this way, I actually understand where you are coming from. I think everyone deserves to get the best they can in the relationship department. Now, I will say that if your ex treated you poorly (ex: physical abuse, mental abuse) please do not go back to them.
However, if they treated you OK then things are looking up. In fact, your ex boyfriend might welcome you back quite quickly. but don’t expect things to be smooth sailing right out of the gate.
2. You Were Worried Your Ex Was Cheating On You – But he Wasn’t
Look, I can massage your ego as much as possible to soften the blow on this one but you messed up. It never feels good to get blamed for something that isn’t true, especially from someone who is supposed to have your back. Nevertheless, you are going to have to work on your jealousy issues. I am not saying that you are wrong for being jealous. Actually, being jealous is natural and everybody who is in a serious relationship will feel it at some time. However, you are going to have to do a better job on dealing with it in the proper way.
3. They Actually Cheated On You.
I am going to be straight with you. A lot of “experts” out there are going to preach forgiveness and I agree with them to a certain extent, but I disagree with the ones who don’t acknowledge that it is likely you aren’t going to have a happy ending with the person who cheated on you. So, I am not going to say anymore about this other than I don’t like cheating, but if you are considering getting back with this person, make sure you figure out if his cheating was an isolated incident or has happened frequently. If he cheated on you with other other girls, that doesn’t bode well. So you are looking for patterns.
4. You Became Less and Less Attracted To Them.
Have you ever heard the phrase, familiarity breeds contempt. That is partly what may have happened here. You were in a relationship so long with a person that everything they did (what they wore, how they talked, how they yawned) just got on your nerves and made them less attractive to you. The newness and excitement may have worn off. So you broke up with them but soon realized that they were the best boyfriend you ever had. Now you want them back ASAP. Just know it is going to take some work, but you can definitely salvage the situation with the right ex recovery plan.
5. There Was a Huge Fight That Resulted in a Breakup.
If you have spent any time reading this site you may have noticed that I put together a page about legitimate reasons for wanting your ex boyfriend back. On that page I noted that one of the best reasons for wanting your ex back is if your relationship ended abruptly or impulsively as the result of a big fight. Fights aren’t ever a fun experience. However, you definitely have a shot at getting him back because with time and space, angry and upset feelings will slowly balance out and you both will start thinking rationally.
Is Your Reasoning For Wanting Your Ex Back Ok?
Now that I have listed some of the most common reasons that caused you to break up with your boyfriend. It is time to do some soul searching and figure out if it is OK for you to actually take steps to getting him back.
In case you are wondering, I would not recommend that every woman visiting this site go back to their boyfriend. In my view, it is all about your happiness and sometimes going back to your ex, while it could make you happy in the short term, isn’t always the best choice. So, the next big step I want you to take is to take out a piece of paper and write a detailed explanation on why you want your ex back.
Writing this explanation down is important for a number of reasons. First off, it might allow you to take a more objective look at yourself. I know that when I write down an explanation like this, then take a break and later come back to read it, it will help me see the bigger picture.
I can sometimes have an epiphany like “what was I thinking.” Secondly, it is going to force you to figure out if you wanting your ex back is just an impulse at this moment or a much deeper feeling. Again, I highly recommend that you check out the legit reasons for wanting your ex back article. That page pretty much sums everything up.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizWhat Are The Frequently Asked Questions About Getting An Ex Back You Dumped?
One thing I have learned is everybody has a story and each person’s is situation is unique. Digging into the details and understanding the facts around the relationship and what led to the breakup blowup is important. But knowing something about the history of the relationship also matters. Let me give you taste of some of the frequently asked questions people have around this topic.
1. I broke up with my ex bf months ago and it still hurts and I regret doing it. Has he moved on?
The real question is whether you have moved on. Dumping your ex for the right or wrong answers will always leave you hurting. You just can’t get away from it. Think about it. The two of you, despite whatever checkered past you may have had together, invested a lot into each other. So in a way, you both are vested in each other and those feelings just don’t go away quickly. So right now, think less about whether your ex has moved on, but focus on answering for yourself if you made the right decision and if you did, then focus on your self recovery.
2. I left my ex boyfriend and now he won’t talk to me.
This is not uncommon and there can be lots of reasons why this is happening. Remind yourself that if it is early in the breakup phase, it is probably best neither of you are talking. Now there are always exceptions depending on the circumstances of the split up and your history together. But you probably left your ex for a good reason and so your focus right now should be on healing and involving yourself in new healthy routines.
3. I had to end it with my ex bf because he was too emotionally abusive. Lately he has been nicer to me. Should I give him another chance?
I say no. It your ex was consistently emotionally abusive, then it should take a lot more than a brief period of him being nice to you. He is probably trying to seduce you back, but it may very well turn out to be a disappointing experience if you take him back.
4. I told my ex that it wasn’t working out for me and we ended the relationship. He wants to start over, clean slate he says. Should I try?
There is probably a good reason why you ended things in the first place. It is not uncommon to have second thoughts and begin doubting yourself. Take out a sheet of paper and write down all the things that caused you to break up with him. Then write down all the things your ex bf is doing that make you really happy. Be honest with your appraisal of his strengths and weaknesses. For your ex boyfriend to be a keeper, he should have far more positives than negatives.
5. I ended a long relationship with my boyfriend. Now he is seeing another girl, but keeps telling me he wants me back. What should I do?
It can be hard to walk away from a relationship, even if it is not working out. Your mind will churn over all the possibilities about whether you made a mistake or acted too hastily. But trust in yourself. If you have been with a guy for a long time and you finally ended things, then unless it was a rash and impulsive decision, you probably ended things for really good reasons. So honor your decision and recognize that the jealousy you feel about him being with this other girl is natural. But ask yourself, does it change anything about him that you don’t already know. Most likely, you have your ex boyfriend pegged correctly because you have had plenty of time to evaluate the relationship.
The Get Your Ex Back Strategy
A few months ago I had an idea. You see, at that point I was getting a lot of emails from women every single day asking for step by step plans to get their exes back under all kinds of circumstances, just like we are talking about here (i.e. getting him back after you let him go).
While I am always happy to help them out with getting your ex boyfriend back after they ditched their ex, it is such a complicated subject. So there is no way for me to describe, in detail, how to do it correctly in a short email or post . So, I came up with an idea.
I was going to create a step by step guide that I could point to any time someone wanted the exact process of getting an ex back. Well, the Guide took multiple months for me to write but I am so happy I did it because it has helped so many women already (seen here.)
Kayla
August 2, 2022 at 2:22 pm
I broke up with on/off again boyfriend of 11 years back in March. We have a daughter together and were still sort of on and off up until May. I made it clear to him back in March when I ended things that I want is to get ourselves together individually and come back together better for each other and our family. I also made it clear that I wasn’t interested in trying to even establish a connection with anyone else because I only wanted to be with him and I meant it. He has since moved on with someone else and I didn’t find out until June that he was in a relationship. I know I was the one who initiated the break up and I deeply regret it now because I think I’ve lost my family for good now that he’s dating someone else. I’ve tried pleading my case and explaining that I messed up and want him back. I apologized for acting too rash and for all my faults in our relationship because neither one of us were perfect in our relationship. The longest I’ve gone without speaking to him since I found out was two weeks. I’ve blown his phone up and tried to plead my case multiple times. The no contact rule is hard because he does contact me about my daughter but I want to talk to him about more than just her. I don’t think the no contact rule will work because he’s told me that he doesn’t love me anymore and there’s nothing worth fighting for. I really don’t know what to do and how to deal with this. I feel like I’m losing my mind and have lost him and the hope for my family forever.
Coach Shaunna Nicol
September 2, 2022 at 8:42 pm
Hey Kayla, so I would suggest that you spend some time reading this article about the limited no contact when you share children.
As for him telling you he does not love you anymore, there is possibly some truth in this *FOR NOW* as his thoughts are all focused on the negatives from the relationship and the reasons that you ended. I would spend some time working on yourself, showing that you are doing well without him there in the family home and managing by yourself, then start reaching out, being sure that you spend some time reading the materials for NC, ungettable girl, texting and the being there method.
Kelly
May 30, 2022 at 10:15 am
Hi. I broke up with my boyfriend of over a year yesterday. For the most part, we had a very loving, caring relationship. I spent a ton of time with his family and friends whom I love and love me back. I also saws the first person since his divorce 7 years ago to meet his daughters, who I love and we do special things together. I am 42 and he is 56. We have a LDR (NYC & Miami). He came to NYC regularly and I went to Miami regularly. When we weren’t together, we would have dinner over FaceTime together. However, he is very set in his ways and I have been hurt and frustrated lately that I’m the one who tends to compromise on everything. We broke up yesterday. I told him I want to be in a relationship with someone who values me and my happiness as much as I value his and that I’m not expecting him to change, but relationships require compromise from both people. For example, everything revolves around his family and friends. I’d been begging him for months to meet my brother and his family. But he never did. He did meet my mom because she was in Miami where it was convenient for him. And he would FaceTime her. He is currently in Turkey for 3 months where he is from. Communicating with the time difference is nearly impossible. He invited me to come for 2 weeks this summer, which I planned on, but summer is my favorite season too and I want to be with someone who wants to enjoy summers with me. He said I could come to Turkey all summer, but I have a job… We love each other deeply and support each other, but I got sick of it being all about what’s convenient for him. He’s been going to Turkey for the summer for 35 years. So, that’s not changing, but maybe he could come back for a week mid summer, or wait until after Memorial Day weekend and spend that with me and the I can go for August. But he doesn’t want to compromise. At first I told him I needed some time without contact, that I am not planning to see other people and he said the same. But after thinking for some time, I sent him this message.
“I love you, and I always will. At the same time, I love and respect myself and need to prioritize what makes me happy in life. If you cannot make compromises or value what makes me happy the same way I value you and what makes you happy, then you are forcing me to move on. As of right now, I do not have plans to come to Turkey this summer. I’ll miss you.”
He didn’t respond and I think I may have acted too quickly and just stuck with some time off to let him think more about compromise. I want to spend my life with him, but I need an equal partner. I’m torn and devastated. I want him back, but I want him to value the things that mean a lot to me.
Angie
February 26, 2022 at 10:13 am
Hi. I’ve recently ended more than a year of LDR. I was feeling a bit left out—the lack of communication has fueled the misunderstanding (given that he’s been pretty busy, as he was only starting towards establishing his career, same goes for me) and eventually had led to the breakup. At the time, it seemed like the most sensible thing to do since lately it felt as though I was only in his way (assuming by how seldom we’ve gotten the time to even text), and so I’ve decided I didn’t want to be on the receiving end of this dynamic. Now, I’m a bit over 3 weeks in NC and I’m feeling utterly torn. I feel he’s a nice guy, who just didn’t know how to communicate/express himself properly.
Please give me some insight as to whether or not I’m headed towards the right direction, approaching this the correct way. Should I just sit this out and wait for him to initiate contact, whenever that may be?
I’m at a loss and I would really appreciate your feedback.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 1, 2022 at 11:00 pm
Hey Angie, it sounds as if you are doing the right things, keep going and keep reading the articles that apply to your situation.
Cass
February 2, 2022 at 8:17 pm
I was with my boyfriend for a year and 2 months. The last 3 weeks before I decided to break up was on and off, where he would be great for a few days then suddenly act as if I didn’t exist and I would have to do all the work to make a conversation.
I told him it was making me upset and he never apologized and kind of slid off the radar (didn’t respond), and when I would message him a few days later apologizing for overreacting, he would tell me that he wishes he didn’t hurt me so much. But never did he ever seem to want to talk about whats going on.
He hasn’t really been the type to apologize but he always at least responded, but he seemed to have given up on the relationship completely.
I messaged him one night and said goodnight thinking he fell asleep. the next day he didnt say a word and believed i didnt want to speak to him even tho he never responded after the two texts i sent. I got really upset and decided to end it after that, explained why his actions hurt me. He never responded and its been 3 days. I feel like I made a mistake and I’ve been making mistakes by acting too fast, but I dont even know if he wants to continue to be with me or not and if me constantly going back and forth is annoying him. Everyone I have talked to thinks he’s being rude and that I should just move on but its really hard.
Its his birthday in two weeks, should I try to contact him then?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
March 21, 2022 at 9:15 pm
Hey Cass, no do not reach out on birthdays or holidays. Read and work through the program and be sure to follow the advice. I also suggest that you avoid talking to others if you want to get him back at the moment as their opinions are going to be biased towards you NOT getting hurt again.
Cass
February 2, 2022 at 5:30 pm
I’ve been with my boyfriend for a little more than a year. Lately it seems he wasn’t really initiating or trying so it made me constantly upset. I kept trying to ask what was going on but each time it ended with an argument and the last 3 weeks we have been on and off every weekend. I was always the one to reach out a few days later and he would just say he doesn’t like hurting me.
A few days ago I decided to end things as I was just getting tired of putting in so much effort for someone who seems to care less about the relationship continuing or not.
I feel like I messed up now and he hasn’t responded to my message which explained why I was so hurt, which is not like him at all. I really want to message him and go back but at this point I think he is really tired of me and I’m not prepared to be hurt all over again. I know I shouldn’t keep going back but I really thought he was the one for me.
Should I do NC for 2 weeks and wait for his birthday to try to speak to him again?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 21, 2022 at 10:36 am
Hi Cass, you do not reach out on their birthday. Your NC in your situation needs to be 45 days not two weeks.
Maria
January 29, 2022 at 9:39 pm
Hei, first love your videos ☺️
Its been 5 months since he dumpt me now, we are sending snaps, and fore 1month ago he asked me if i want to hang out. I said yes if it was fore the right reason, and not just for sex. Not shore if that was a good idea to say, but i realy want to protect my self from being used for sex. The day after I told him im looking forward too se him, and Then he was just cold and rude, and say oh i didn’t got time thise days…. Maby i cane hang out later if i want… If i have time.. He was realy rude so i back off a little, we are onley sending a few snaps, its always him sending first. So now a month later i decide to ask him to heng out i dont want to have him as a internet friend anymore. He Said yes wel i gues we can hang out and do what? He Said… I say maby we can make some food just to have something too do. So now im confused and scared that he dont reach out to me, because hi didnt get time to see me the first time. We havent plan a dato for us to be hang out, that scares me to, i didnt want too push him more by planing a day, i want him to take next step. So i hope you can understand a little bit of what im writhing, and what can i do? I feel like 5 months its the time he forget about me, and dont miss me
Marti
December 23, 2021 at 8:34 pm
I dumped my ex because he is constantly jealous and accuses me of cheating. Plus he doesnt make time for us. It’s always me, him, and his elderly mother. Not the first time we broke up, but I want to give the NC rule a chance. Will it work?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 27, 2021 at 8:21 pm
Hi Marti, the NC could work but it really depends on what you want to achieve from this. If it’s your ex to trust you then you need to maybe try to understand why he feels that you are cheating, is it something you have been doing or is it something to do with him. Is he insecure? As for his mother, if he is her carer then you need to understand she is part of the package for the time being.
Cheryl
November 22, 2021 at 11:49 am
Hey,
I broke up with my boyfriend around 9 months ago – the main reason was cause I caught feelings for someone else, and there were aspects of our relationship I wasn’t completely happy with. Me and my ex still talked sometimes and hung out, however I mentioned to him some things that happened between me and the other guy because I wanted to be upfront and honest.
I realised soon after that the guy I fell for wasn’t too great of a person, so I’ve cut him off for the past few months.
Ever since I broke up, I can’t stop thinking about my ex. I’ve realised I might have been too rash with my decisions, and was chasing other experiences that weren’t good for me. I’ve been dealing with depression for the past few years and that kinda played a part in everything as well.
I feel like I’m comparing everyone to him, and I feel so detached from everyone and everything it’s like I can’t move on without him in my life.
We’ve messaged here and there over the past few months – although almost all conversations were initiated by me. I’m wondering if the reason he doesn’t reply as much is because he thinks i’ve moved on, or because he’s still trying to heal/cut me out of his life.
I messaged him recently to talk about things however he wasn’t too eager to talk (although we are in the middle of exam season) and we decided to talk after exams (if i still wanted?)
I’ve been in sort of a weird friendship these past 4 months as well, and the entire time I can’t stop thinking about my ex. I’m scared I’ve lost the only person who genuinely cares about me and has all the values I deeply respect. I think about him almost everyday and I’m trying to get out of this cycle but it’s so hard.
Is it wrong for me to want him back?
I feel like my entire situation is so messy and I don’t know what to do.
Catherine
October 14, 2021 at 10:59 am
Hi, me and my boyfriend were together 4 years and lived together about 6 months. I found out he had been cheating on me earlier just before he moved in with me and eventually I broke up with him because he was trying to lie about the truth even I had the evidence. I said many times to him I could not trust a person who won’t tell the truth and made very clear how disrespected he made me feel.
We went no contact for 2 months and after that he started to contact me and now we are friends and had even been intimate with each other. I have been thinking all this time I don’t want him back and every time if we are talking about the past he says he does not even want me back because I can’t trust him, which I have agreed. Now I have started to think again if there would be a chance and have done some reflection why I reacted so furiously and what things in our communication didn’t work before..I think I would be ready to give him another chance but I am not sure if this FWB situation is ruining it. And I am not sure if he wants me back or not. He tells me he loves me and has learned a lesson but he is hurt and afraid because I ended things so furiously and all of a sudden and did not give him a chance to save the relationship. What to do now?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
January 10, 2022 at 7:56 pm
Hi Catherine, so I would suggest that you speak to your ex and explain that you want to get back together but if anything close to the cheating happens again then it is over for good and that there would not be another chance, by getting back with him you are agreeing to put the past behind you and not use it in arguments or hold it against him in the future, otherwise the new relationship will be doomed to fail too. I would also suggest that if he tells you he does not want to get back into a relationship with you, then you stop sleeping with him as friends with benefits does ruin your chances of getting him back into a real relationship.
Marie
July 28, 2021 at 9:18 pm
Hi , me and my bf have been together for 7 years , I’m 41 and he is 47, I loved him so much and I gave everything I could into my relationship. In 7 years he never said l love you, his reason was” I’m protecting myself “ , now I realised he cheated on me with different girls and he always makes an excuses to talk to them as a just Friends. I really hurts me so bad and I’ve decided not to answer his calls , it’s been 10 days of NC and he is only living 10 mins away from my house, but he doesn’t even bother to come around my house and ask me why don’t I answer his calls. I’m very angry heartbroken and feel very down . I feel the pain in my heart and can’t stop crying that he even doesn’t care to see what was the reason that I don’t want to talk to him. Should I continue to my silent? I catfish him before and he said to the fake girl that he is single and he tried to meet the girl on the weekend before I decided to do Nc with him. Pls help me
Constance
July 22, 2021 at 11:38 am
I broke up with my boyfriend of 15 months. He’s the love of my life and I want to repair the relationship. We live together but recently moved to a new place. We both struggle with depression and ptsd so we are both pretty emotional and don’t do well without stability in our lives. The move stressed us both out to the point where we argued through the whole move and in an impulsive moment I broke it off. He immediately blocked me. A few days later I emailed him saying I love him and after a break I want to work through this. He answered with “I got your message but don’t reach out to me”. I know he loves me and he always tells me how beautiful I am and that I’m the love of his life. It’s been 8 days of no contact and I am dying to reach out to let him know I made a mistake and that I want to change. Is 2 weeks what you’d recommend here?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
August 6, 2021 at 11:29 pm
Hi Constance no I would suggest 30 days No contact.
Janey
May 18, 2021 at 12:42 pm
My ex and I have been talking for five months but even though I have built tons of value again, it’s not going anywhere. We talk every day but when the conversation of dating comes up he says he is working on finding himself and being happy with himself, and I can date if I want to but he isn’t seeing anyone right now. I’ve apologized for breaking up with him but it feels like I am stuck. What can I do?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 23, 2021 at 10:02 pm
Hi Janey, so as you have asked your ex about getting back and they have told you right now they are not looking for anything I would suggest that you do start dating casually at least.
Amy
May 14, 2021 at 3:19 am
I need your help. I just contacted my ex boyfriend after I broke up with him around 5 months ago. I feel like I made a mistake. The first time I contacted him was 4 months after our breakup and he was still harsh towards me and he refused to talk in person and we just called. He denied and refused to getting back. I contacted once more ( a month later, today) as my final try so see what I can do and he agreed to meet and talk to me in person. As well, I recently discovered he is having a rebound relationship and I do not know what to say or think of it. How do I get him back? I made a mistake. Has he already moved? Do I have a chance of getting back with him? (PLEASE REPLY ASAP)
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 20, 2021 at 4:41 pm
Hi Amy, if you want your ex back then you need to read the materials about the being there method AND how to text your ex.
Anna
May 1, 2021 at 7:20 pm
About 5 weeks ago, I broke up with my boyfriend of ~6 months. It was because 1. He’s moving abroad in a few months time and I felt our relationship couldn’t withstand it, 2. My family suggested I should and 3. I felt insecure – this is really what triggered me to end things.
Almost immediately I missed him terribly and began to envision a life where we’d both live abroad. I even applied for a few jobs over there! Since then, I’ve been working on myself – making new friends, seeing family and seeing a life coach to work on my self esteem etc.
This morning I texted him. He was friendly but said he thinks it was for the best that we broke up. The conversation was positive but not really going anywhere. I feel very conflicted… Do I move on and accept we’re better off apart, or should I try with him? I want what’s best for both of us, but I still have feelings for him.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 6, 2021 at 6:33 pm
Hi Anna, I am sorry I cannot tell you what to do. You need to decide for yourself what you want to do. I can offer advice when you know, but if you want to try again with a LDR it needs to be your call.
Sarah
April 25, 2021 at 8:26 pm
HELP! Ok I broke up with my ex 7 months ago. He started texting me again in 2 months ago, after I stuck to no contact for awhile. (He was really mad about the breakup). Texting went amazing and we rebuilt tons of attraction. He was texting me 20 times per day. But when I asked what he wanted he said “I’m not interested in dating right now I’m working on my wants and needs and putting myself first for a change.” I said I understood. But last week I was on vaca with a girlfriend and he was being distant (maybe jealous) and I texted him I thought I still loved him. He said “I told you what I’m doing I understand if you don’t want to talk to me.” I responded pissy with, “yeah we are done talking.” He wished me the best and I said thanks. 3 days later I apologized and said I was just hurt, and I tried being just friends and it doesn’t work for me. I’ve heard nothing for 3 days, he hasn’t even “read” my message. Also I posted vacation pics and there was a random guy in a pic with his arm around me, it was totally innocent, but maybe he’s mad about that? Should I apologize again or no contact? I feel like an ass for not just being more patient with him.
Reatletsoe
February 4, 2021 at 4:03 pm
I broke up with my boyfriend because I feel he was not being supportive of my emotions and how I feel about certain things in our relationship. Instead he kept on saying my emotions are all over the place, I need to calm down and stop with all this stupidity because he is giving my all. I wish for a second he could try to understand and listen to what I say in regards to how I feel and responds with empathy and understanding than insulting My vulnerability. What to do to get him back? I love him nd he loves me too he said but I need him to understand where I’m coming from.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
February 4, 2021 at 5:13 pm
Hi there, so if you have been quite emotional recently then you need to spend some time working on yourself and the holy trinity, understand while you feel that you are being completely rational, when we say things during high emotions it can easily come across wrong. Spend some time working on yourself during your 30 day No Contact and read articles that are going to help you understand how you need to communicate to your ex calmly.
Tish
December 21, 2020 at 2:54 am
I met my guy online and we hit it off for about two months. I really have no complaints although I am fully aware that it was too early to tell. The backstory: he was severly hurt in a previous relationship and had been single for two years before meeting me. Now we meet, everything is great, he tells me our interaction is the closest experience he has had to normal while dating someone. Then, one night he tries to make a joke but it turns out to be a racially charged macro aggression. Following this comment which he did at the time apologize for, he makes another comment later on that evening that simply proved to me that he was very ignorant in the matter and not cultured. The racial comment literally messed me up. And in that moment, I reacted the best way I knew how by saying ‘Don’t ever say that again’ and pulling a way. I genuinely felt it couldn’t work especially because I was convinced this was his mentality and he wouldn’t have my back while facing micro/macro aggressions as an interracial couple. The next day I broke up with him by text which I know was bad. I just couldn’t bring myself to speak to him. The worst part was that after reflecting, I realized that my response was an emotional trigger for him because his ex broke up with him that way too. I felt horrible. I messaged four days later saying I missed him and that we should meet to talk. No answer. A week later I called no answer then I called back and he answered. I apologized for hurting him and he apologized to me but broke down crying and said the situation brought up bad memories from his ex, he couldn’t handle the interaction at that moment and he didn’t know how to feel. Now it has been two weeks since that convo. I was thinking about dropping off the Xmas gift I bought before all of this went down, but I don’t know if I should.
BEETS
November 23, 2020 at 7:37 am
I was angry because of him being always nervous and criticising everything I do, so I broke up with him, then reacted you r amazing but i can’t accept your rejection and the way u treat me with lately.
After two weeks I asked to talk to him, he replied immediately and asked why?. I told him we had enough space to think and let’s discuss what happened because I know what I did was wrong and I regreted it. I won’t justify it, It was just emotional reaction.
He was calm and told me you rejecte me, and dumped me back.
Melissa Norris
November 15, 2020 at 12:55 am
I have been dating a guy I met online since mid September. We have a lot in common and we really hit it off. He lives about 50 min from me. We met and he said he wanted to have a second date. We didn’t make that happen until a couple weeks ago. He is busy with his job. He Works long hours 4 days a week. I work during the day and I was packing to move into an apartment. At first he was texting me throughout the day which we were still getting to know each other but after a couple of weeks it died down because it’s hard to talk by phone and drive. So I understood. But It bothered me and I would mention it to him. He would try for A day or two to do better and it would go back to a few messages per day. I stated having insecurities thinking he was seeing another woman or he wasn’t interested in me. Then last week i would have to contact him to say goodnight. I finally got upset last Friday night and told him something was up. Either he wasn’t interested in me anymore or seeing or talking to someone else. So I told him i was putting my profile back on dating site. Well next day no word. The day after I regretted what I did and texted him and told him I missed him. Well no word. Then yesterday I texted him and apologized and he replied back they the text from last week was bad but he accepted my apology. He then told me he was going to have to start working Saturdays until the end of the year. He also asked what I had been up to and I told him. Well after that text didn’t hear from him anymore since then. We have so much in common and that’s what hurts the most. He’s a lot of fun too. Don’t know what to do.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
December 18, 2020 at 10:03 pm
Hi Melissa, I think part of the issue here is that you are not making him work for your time or attention you are always available to him. Read Chris’ articles about being Ungettable and apply this to yourself, stop being so available to talk to your guy when he feels that he has time for you, make it about him waiting to hear from you.
Jane
November 5, 2020 at 12:20 pm
A week ago I broke up with my boyfriend because i thought i wasnt good enough and i was too emotionally closed off, i thought it was unblanced and unfair to him. Its only been a week but i feel like i want him back and also our friend group situation is quite strange. Am i a bad person for being that kind of person in our relationship? What can i do to get him back if, or at least be able to talk to him? What should i do
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 5, 2020 at 2:23 pm
Hi Jane, you need to consider do you want him back or is this you missing the relationship? It does not make you a bad person for feeling you are not good enough – I would suggest that you work on your self esteem so that you no longer feel this way when you are in a relationship with anyone. You need to tell him you want to get back together, if he says no then you follow the program.