How to Get a Guy to Stop Ignoring You

55 thoughts on “How to Get a Guy to Stop Ignoring You”

Kat

May 12, 2019 at 2:56 am

Hi Chris,
Firstly I want to say thank you. Thank you for taking the time to write all these articles.

My partner of nearly 2 years came into my room after a rough evening out and told me that things weren’t working and he needed some space.
What hasn’t been working is our different communication styles, we tend to fall short on each other often and have challenges understanding the others perspective and that leads to use getting caught in our own heads and in the end one of us compromises our comfort.

I deal with various mental health challenges, one being dissociation disorder. Meaning when things get overwhelming I shut down and become mental and physically unresponsive. This has taken a toll on him.

I have asked that we go to counselling in the past, but this wasn’t something he was open to. I found myself nitpicking at him, calling him out, and telling him that I felt he wasn’t considering my needs, when reality is we were missing each others needs.

Overall though, I love this human very deeply, they have been there through sooo much hardship, they have been a rock and supporter. since knowing them my spells are shorter and less frequent.

I greatly hope that I haven’t messed our chances given that I got upset when he told me, and i pushed him, which usually he doesn’t budge, but he fell off the bed. this is the only altercation like this we have ever had..

After they left… which was around midnight.. I called them, told them to hang up so I could leave a message to apologize for pushing him and tell him how I felt, then called them again because i ran out of voicemail room begged them not to go.

he held firm to needing space. but I could message him on facebook if i wanted to.

So the following day I did just that, messaged him on facebook. all. day. I think i tried to call him but he did not pick up. though he did respond to some facebook messages.

Today, i messaged him, it was mostly unrelated to us, but casual enough aout an individual on the street, but soon morphed into time moves and how I miss him and hope to see him soon. then i sent him my favorite photos of him ( reading you clingy blog – yah , i know. yikes)

Both days I have been reaching out to others aswell, trying to work through the emotions, but given that he was my to go about raw emotions for nearly two years I was struggling not talking to him about it. So I asked him if I could talk to him for just a minute, as a friend. He called.

We spoke, I told him that I was really struggling because he was my support. and over these years his friend group had become my support too, but i didnt know if I could or should reach out to any of them because I dont want them in the middle, nor cause him discomfort.

My mom came upstairs and I told her I was on the phone, and he suggested I talk to her ( which I did after the phone call ). I though tried to tread lightly the rest of the conversation, which lasted 45 minutes… I asked him not to give up on me. That I’ve put things into motion with my health (booked doctors appointments).

The first day after the breakup he said he needed space and didnt see us being romantic because it’s just not working.

today, he said he needs space and just doesn’t want me to get my hopes up.

I told him I agree, I don’t have my hopes up (but i kind hope down the line..) and that I agree we do need space and I really want to be able to do that.

I told him I loved him and that I want to keep working on it because he did all this time with me ( i started off not wanted monogomy but he did, then I tried, freaked out, left, slept with someone, freaked out, we reconnected, I told him I wasn’t being emotionally met and that’s why I did what I did, and he wanted to work on it, so did I) though it seemed whatever we tried our pickups kept happening, but I don’t think as much or as bad, but because they were happening at all, he feels it wasn’t getting better.

On the first day of the breakup I asked him if he would accept a letter, he said of course.

today, after the phone call (to which I have not reached out to him since, and that was 7 hours ago) I wrote a letter. a letter stating how I felt and how I understand we need space, and that I love and care and respect him. it’s not too long, maybe a third of a page.

His birthday is coming up, and I thought I would spend it to him after so he can go about his week and I will be in no contact, but to then send the letter reaffirming the actions, but thinking to still not be in contact for awhile.

I want this human in my life so bad. not because I don’t want to be alone, but because he lights me up. I’m brighter, determined and hopeful. He’s musical and so loving and supportive. has soo much compassion and we’ve gone through so much together, and I really want to continue to grow, learn and live with this human. for a long long time. He’s one of a kind.

I’m not sure If I am looking for advice, hope, or just telling my story while it is raw and fresh for me.. but, your blogs have been helpful, and the images you through in… REALLY lighten the whole process.
so thank you.

Chris Seiter

May 12, 2019 at 3:45 pm

Hi Kat…..thanks for you appreciation of the articles I write to help folks. So I do think giving each other some space and time will be positive. It can take a while for emotions to get settled and for perspective to return and appreciation of each other to be fully realized. So take a look my Program (EBR Pro Bundle) as it designed to help you during the No Contact period or even if your are just taking a brief break from each other. The key things is your own healing and recovery. That comes first. Just think in terms of little steps – not rushing through this process as we can easily become overly emotional and stumble along the way.

Artsychick

May 8, 2019 at 7:14 am

Hey Chris! So the dude I have had a huge crush on has been breadcrumbing me so I did No Contact and he reached out to me. When I tried to keep the texts going with tide theory he seemed annoyed of me so I did a mini NC and during that he has been reaching out to me by commenting on my Instagram and I ignored it and stayed in a mini NC. What should I do now? Do I have to do another reach out interesting text?
Nikki

May 6, 2019 at 12:34 am

Hi Chris!

My ex and I were together for a few months and broke up because of external stress and because of my short temper. We were civil at first and he always went to me to help whenever I would get a panic attack. But he cut me off a few weeks ago saying he’s tired. What should I do?

Chris Seiter

May 6, 2019 at 3:58 am

It sounds like to me Nikki that you ought to consider employing No Contact but better yet, take a look at the entirety of my Program so you can take a deeper dive into how to proceed going forward.

Patrick

April 29, 2019 at 1:19 pm

Hi Chris, I broke up with my ex girlfriend of 2 years a month ago after a huge fight… We go to the same college together… she told she needed tym to heal because I was to needy… ND I believe she lost attraction but said she loved me… She then found someone a week after our break up… Since our break up I have started no contact rule it’s been two months now and she contacted me asking why she hasn’t seen me at school… She caught me off guard I replied I do come to sxul ND cutted the conversation short told her my battery is dying….. I don’t know what to do… Any advice?
Zoey

April 26, 2019 at 6:45 pm

Hey Chris!
I had been with my exboyfriend for 5 years and he broke up with me. He said that he still loved me, that he just doesn’t know what he wants with his life or where he is going. He was considering traveling for work. About a week later he came back and said that he still loved me and that he wanted to get married sometime he just need to save up some money first. Then the next day he said we were rushing back into things and we stopped talking. I waited three weeks from this day to try to contact him. He didn’t reply to my text. The next week was his birthday so I didn’t wish him a happy birthday. We haven’t talked at all since. It has almost been two months. He’s been posting on social media and looks happy. Although, that day he said we were rushing back into things he deleted me off everything. We had never broke up before. I’m not sure what to do?
Maddy

April 18, 2019 at 6:32 pm

Hi Chris!
I have a question to ask you. I’ve been on two days with this sweet guy that I met while at uni. We got in touch after not being in touch for 5 years and we went on two days. We slept together and you can say we are mutually attracted to each other. But I havent heard from him for 5 weeks now. Do you think he is still interested? Do I initiate contact? We live in diff cities and we both work (also the weekends.)
denise7

April 17, 2019 at 7:20 pm

Hi Chris, I am a woman but trying to get my exgirlfriend back. We were together for 6 years and she suddenly (to me) broke it off. There was a big decision point coming up about a moving for jobs and she elected to go about 3.5 hours away from where I was moving to instead of coming with me, and wouldn’t let me come with her or do long distance. The move is occuring at the end of summer, but we are living separately right now after the breakup. I think a factor in the breakup is she wanted to prove to herself that she can be independent. I am doing NC right now (except for arranging living logistics since we are splitting time at the apartment), but I don’t know how to approach this issue since 1) the move is quite a few months away and 2) it seems she wants to be ‘independent’ (though at the same time during the breakup she said I wasnt being affectionate enough so??). Anyway, any advice? I have listened to dozens of your podcasts and read through a ton of articles but I am still lost on my specific situation. I can do a call in for the podcast if that is easier.
Ash

April 10, 2019 at 5:57 am

Hey, love your blogs btw!!
So my ex and I were together for 4 years and it’s been 11 months since we broke up. He was the one who broke up with me, said he “needed to find himself”. When we broke up I blocked him for about two months and I didn’t speak. But then it got to the point of him always hitting me up for stupid reasons too.
We’ll fast forward these past three weekends he has been inviting me out to some events/parties with him and his friends. It’s been real fun. I guess it brought up old memories of us in my mind. So this past weekend, we were at a kick back that he invited me too and I got super drunk. I needed to tell him I miss him. (Silly me). All he could say is “this isn’t the time for this conversation, and you know I don’t want a relationship right now, but I got love for you”
But his actions are showing me that he obviously misses me. Am I tripping or is there still something there with us??

*S/n on my birthday a couple months ago, he was the first person to tell me happy birthday as soon as it hit 12:00am!!!
Ash

April 10, 2019 at 3:12 am

Hey, Love your blog btw!
So my ex and I were together for 4 years and it’s been 11 months since we broke up. He was the one who broke up with me, said he “needed to find himself”. When we broke up I blocked him for about two months and I didn’t speak. But then it got to the point of him always hitting me up for stupid reasons too.
We’ll fast forward these past three weekends he has been inviting me out to some events/parties with him and his friends. It’s been real fun. I guess it brought up old memories of us in my mind. So this past weekend, we were at a kick back that he invited me too and I got super drunk. I needed to tell him I miss him. (Silly me). All he could say is “this isn’t the time for this conversation, and you know I don’t want a relationship right now, but I got love for you”
But his actions are showing me that he obviously misses me. Am I tripping or is there still something there with us?? It has been two weeks since we’ve talked now.

*S/n on my birthday a couple months ago, he was the first person to tell me happy birthday as soon as it hit 12:00am

Chris Seiter

April 11, 2019 at 3:52 am

Thanks Ash…glad you are enjoying the blog. As long as you have a sensible ex recovery plan, you enhance your chances.

Kari

April 7, 2019 at 11:31 pm

Would you recommend EBR Pro over 1 on 1 coaching?

Chris Seiter

April 8, 2019 at 4:20 am

HI Kari

Honestly, I’d recommend the 1 on 1 coaching because it’s so much more personalized and PRO is included with it as well as access to our private support group!

Hallie

March 31, 2019 at 2:02 pm

Hi Chris!
There is this guy I’ve been flirting for months (we live in different cities so we text and skype). The problem is that he is in love with his best friend (they are friends with benefits, I know he would want more but she’s not monogamous). He is like obsessed with her, sometimes I feel invisible (I’m a bit insecure) and jealous, but I never let him know. I know about his situation because he told me when we started whatever we are having (he considers me his crush and himself as mine). I never let him know but this is killing me. I don’t know how to conquer him for real.
We don’t talk everyday but we have a good balance on who initiates contact each time. I use to give him space (because he needs it for a personal situation he’s living) and he knows it and thanks me for that but never dissappear. I know he likes me a lot but I need to increase it, because I’m “competing” with a person who is like a goddess to him. And distance, distance is complicated. We were going to meet in a city between ours but certain things happened in his life (and mine) and haven’t talked about it in more than a month. But I don’t want to force him. And sometimes I think he will never text again and I am too scared to start conversations (furthermore the last time he was kinda distant, never happened before, so I don’t want to initiate this time).
Can you help me, please??
Thank you
Barbora

March 31, 2019 at 6:59 am

Hi,
I am in really difficult situation. My ex broke up with me about a month ago. Then the next week he came to me saying he wants to try it again, that he really cares about me and he really likes me but is not sure of he still loves me. That the spark is over and that he’s used to me. And that he’s not looking for a serious relationship.
But along the way he always seemed like he’s OK with serious relationships.
I said to him to really think it through, because I can’t function like that. One day he says that it’s over, the next day he wants to be with me and he’s not sure what he wants and what he feels.
Then he definetely broke up with me, but he said he wants to stay friends and I said that I can’t be just his friend. Maybe just for now, that I can’t do it right now.

Well, I applied a NC rule on him. It has been already three weeks, we haven’t written each other and we haven’t spoke.
We see each other every day because we live in the same area.
From the start he seemed like he’s hurting too. That he’s sorry for me. He always looked at me sadly.
But now.. He seems like he’s okay with that. That he’s happy without me. He’s always joking with his friends. He doesn’t even look at me when he’s passing by.
And it really hurts. He didn’t contact me in any way. I want to wait a little longer. But iam really scared that he’s happier that way. I want him to be happy, even if it’s without me. I don’t want him to feel devestated or anything.
But I really love him, I want him back.
And I thought he still cares about me too, that he’s just confused and overwhelmed with work right now.
What shoul I do? Please help.

Chris Seiter

March 31, 2019 at 7:50 pm

Hi Barb….so I think you continue with your NC, but be sure to do it the way I teach it in my Program. One big part of NC is the self recovery piece, so that is important for you make some inroads in. I hope you have EBR PRO as it can go into more of all this, than I can here given my limited time.

SOS

March 30, 2019 at 8:05 pm

Can you create a blog maybe how stuff guys do or say to make you upset after a break up?
My ex “claimed” to have a new gf two hours after we had an argument and ended things officially
I don’t buy it since we were discussing getting back together days before and he said he still loves me and cares and we were slowly working on our issues.
I think it’s a ploy to get a rise out of me and make me upset and or jealous. All it did actually was make me go into strict NC.
Thoughts?
Marissa

March 19, 2019 at 10:40 pm

Does the NC rule apply if you discussed a break and not a break up. Some space for my bf to find out what its like being an adult on his own and figure his own stuff out. He initiated it – so I am obviously waiting for him to get into contact. This came 6 months before we were going to move in together and he moved into the apartment first and now wants space – but says he still loves me and wants to eventually live together he just needs to be 100% sure and not regret not having some time to himself. We agreed upon some contact to be initiated by him and dinner once a month until we figured it out.

Chris Seiter

March 20, 2019 at 1:38 am

Hi Marissa….so I think NC has some practical applications if he does not come around to realizing he is not doing himself any favors. So give your current strategy some time and see how you feel about it and if things are improving. But know that you can always employ NC for probably a better effect. Pick up my epic eBook, “PRO” as it can help you going forward.
Chris Seiter

March 20, 2019 at 1:07 am

I think its similar in many ways, except with a break, you leave open the possibility for some communication if you feel it will be positive and move things in the right direction, otherwise, moving more toward a full application of No Contact may be the right medicine. Go check out my epic 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” so you have all the tools you need going forward.

Alice

March 16, 2019 at 7:46 pm

My ex has blocked me out on everything except email and will barely respond to those. The only times that he has was to tell me that he’s not ready to talk. I asked him if he was done with us and if I should just move on, he said yes and that he just wasn’t ready to talk. After that period of being a GNAT, I’ve ceased all communication, even though he’s been basically ignoring me since we broke up. Will he ever come around and miss me? We’ve been through a lot and it was on/off for almost 5 yrs and could be draining at times. We have a situation that leaves us tethered forever and I just want to be cordial at least, but he won’t even have a conversation with me, he said “he can’t”. There’s no true clarity. Should I just forget him and truly move on and let go?
Karuna

March 16, 2019 at 1:44 pm

Hi Chris

My ex and I broke up in January, I have started no contact. He says he lost interest in me and I bored him… Things he once loved now changed. He hardly opens up in fear that people will judge him… He has trust issues. Soon after we broke up he has a gf and puts her as his profile picture and unblocks me on WhatsApp. I was the only girl that met his family, he had intentions of marrying me but he now says I deserve better because he is a very shitty person. He said we can be friends but as usual I was needy and begged him not to break up with me. He’s so mean to me with his words it brings me to tears, it’s like he’s a whole different person. He contacted me once after the break up for his email password and that was it. He still visits two family members since we broke up when I’m not around. I don’t want to be the one that speaks first… I’ve always been the peacemaker and apologizing for things that aren’t my fault and I’m tired of being so desperate (he mentioned this) . I love him more than anything and I just wish he would contact me.
Kari

March 14, 2019 at 8:00 pm

my ex is not over me (his words) but he wants to be (also, his words) and he’s in a rebound relationship and absolutely refuses to speak to me. Helpppppppppp. Also, he does little things to seemingly get my attention despite claiming he wants nothing to do with me (like constantly checking/deleting messages on a shared e-mail account we both have access to)

Chris Seiter

March 15, 2019 at 1:20 am

HI Kari! Rebounds happen, so give it some space and time as it appears he is still vying for your attention. I hope you are utilizing my EBR Pro Program!

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55 thoughts on “How to Get a Guy to Stop Ignoring You”