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138 thoughts on “EBR 017: The Importance Of The No Contact Rule”

  1. Yvonne

    April 11, 2015 at 9:55 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I met this guy online. We talked for about a week before actually meeting in person (though I had already been crushing on him years back). We each other twice before he decided to end things because he wants more attention than he believes I can give. I emphasized how school is very important to me and probably will be the only thing I’d choose over anything. It’s been less than a week of no contact and he texts me saying that he NEEDS me to know that he hasn’t stopped thinking about me. Because of the NC rule, I didn’t reply back yet. I remembered that there is an exception to your NC rule so long as the things that he texts are positive, but I can’t find it to brush up on it. He’s not my ex, but things were beginning to get to that point, but ended prematurely on his part. HELP! Are there exceptions to the 30 day NC rule?

  2. moomal

    April 6, 2015 at 11:41 am

    Hi chris. Please help me i need your help.

  3. Vicky

    April 3, 2015 at 1:07 pm

    Hi Chris!
    Quick question, minimal details:

    LDR, he broke up, we kept in touch, very positive contact, we even met but he doesn’t want to commit to LDR anymore
    and so after this recent meeting and no getting back together
    I want to implement NC.

    I am however in touch with his little sister. Do I apply the NC rule also with her? What if you and the ex’s family kept in touch? How should they be approached when implementing the NC rule?

    1. admin

      April 7, 2015 at 8:29 pm

      How to deal with her is completely up to you. If it were me though I would not be in touch with her for a while.

  4. mumal

    March 31, 2015 at 3:11 pm

    hi chris. I want your help. I have read all of your pages but stil i want your help chris. Me and my bf had a realtionshp since 8 years and few months ago he scld me on a little thng and said me that stop telng your friends that v are going to marry soon i have a realtionshp with someone else and i love her wil Marry her. I cried alot and was quiet didnt said him anything next day he said me sorry and said evrythng was a lie and then few weks everything was ok then i realized that he is avoidng me rude behavior with me and al the time says me i wil nt mary you or al the tyme i text hm aftr few days he replies me than i saw your Site and i strt nc rule he is textng me cls me daily but whatevr happens i wil complete 30 days nc rule. Chris i realy love him i m mad aftr him but he always hurts me he is in a realtionshp with her and he also wants me but i want my love back i have cried alot but aftr readng your page i have a hope that you wil help me to get him bck..plz its a request you hav helpd evry1 plz help me out i want my love bck. I hope you wil help me.

    1. moomal

      April 17, 2015 at 2:39 pm

      Yeah i did nc rule but i broke my nc rule on 26 day bcoz of his birthday was on 30 day of nc rule. chris my first msg went wel he replied me quickly and was clng me again and again and aftr wards next day he said me do u miss me i replied him no not yet aftrwards he msgd me he mis me and said i want to met you gve me this as a gft and met me i did nt replid hm and did nt pickd his cl. should i do nc rule again or i should tak with hm what should i do i love hm and have tried alot to tak with you for guide but cnt tak with you personaly but i seriously need your help plz help me chris its a request and plz reply me as soon as possible thankyou 🙂

    2. admin

      March 31, 2015 at 10:49 pm

      Have you completed the rule yet?

  5. mumal

    March 29, 2015 at 3:29 pm

    Hi chris, i have read all your ideas but stil i want your help personaly. Me and my bf are in a realtionshp since 8 years 1month ago he tld me that i love sume1 else and is committed with her. I kept queit i thought he is jokng with me then next day he said sorry to me and everything went ok. But one whole month i felt he is rude with me and when ever taks with me when he wants aur when that grl avoids him he said me sorry i knw but he is havng a gf i m dam sure. Then i strt screchng for help i found you. U said strt nc rule and idid he texts me daily and cls me al the time and i have strtd nc rule and im avoiding hm what should i do next i seriously need your help chris you are doing a very good job and helpng ever1 plz help me out what should i do. I knw you are a busy man but really need your help. I realy love my bf i silently cry all the time but have nt break the nc rule and wil nt break til 30 days please guide me Chris only your help can set my life and make him cume bck to me please chris its a humble request

    1. admin

      March 31, 2015 at 9:53 pm

      Did you submit a voicemail on the podcast?

      I can help you in a more personal manner there.

  6. C

    March 22, 2015 at 10:12 am

    Hi chirs its been over two weeks since the nc and I haven’t heard anything from him yet. But what happens when it gets to 30 days and I still haven’t heard from him?? I’m gonna be honest I don’t wanna go down that road of contacting him so what would you suggest if this does happen ?? Oh and we’re both very stubborn lol I guess this is what you would call the no contact standoff

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 5:50 pm

  7. Debbie

    March 18, 2015 at 2:15 am

    Hey Chris,

    My boyfriend broke up with me 3 weeks ago and I have strictly enforced the no contact rule until about 10 minutes ago. The thing is, I want him back but the reason he broke up with me is because he doesn’t think he’ll fall in love with me. We only dated for 1.5 months though! I really really liked him and could picture myself with him long term so what should I do to make sure we don’t stay as just friends?

    1. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 9:21 pm

      Well, how did you break the no contact rule?

      You mentioned that up until 10 minutes ago you were in NC?

    2. Debbie

      March 19, 2015 at 3:21 pm

      See we had plans right after we broke up, but I asked for a rain check since I needed time. After that I didn’t talk to him for nearly 3 weeks, up until he texted me asking whether the rain check was indefinite (which it wasn’t). I told him that it wasn’t and vaguely said something about maybe hanging out after spring break and then went back to not talking to him again until the 10 minutes ago when I caved and texted him about a band we both like since they released a new album. I honestly think we’re heading towards that friendzone, even though he does still seem to care about what’s going on in my life through our conversations. Is it even possible to make him want to get back together with me if he doesn’t think he’ll love me? I mean our relationship was great! It was full of fun and hardly any downs so I’d really like to get that back.

    3. Debbie

      March 18, 2015 at 4:12 am

      Btw, I just realized that I made it seem like I broke the NC rule, but in truth he broke it first and I just replied. I do really think there’s a chance he’s thinking of me since he broke the rule. However, I don’t know if that means it’s possible for him to maybe reconsider thinking he might not fall in love with me in the future?

  8. Kimmie

    March 16, 2015 at 12:05 pm

    hi chris! i have a question… from what you have been explaining, a no contact rule for a certain time (not too long or not too short) is the ideal time (ex.30 days). But what if i feel that (during the no contact rule) i need more time to mourn. i am trying hard in my nc period but i am on my 20th day and i still find myself “mourning” about it. should i extend my NC period until I am really “okay”? 30 days seem a little too short for me but i am worried this might affect the whole game plan if we extend it.

    1. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 7:16 pm

      Feel free to extend it if that is what you feel.

      All in all you need to do what you feel comfortable with.

  9. Rony

    March 16, 2015 at 9:57 am

    Hi Chris .. Over and over chapue!
    I wonder what’s the purpose of no contact if after passing 30 days im the one who will be pushing after a serious commitment!
    Isn’t that go against the fact that men shud pursue u and eventually they will if they rly deeply want to?
    Besides, What do u think of longer period of NC in some cases?

    1. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 7:10 pm

      Haha but you don’t do that until its a last ditch effort. If you do it right HE will be the one asking for a long term commitment.

    2. Rony

      March 18, 2015 at 7:28 pm

      LOL! 😀
      To ur knowledge im pretty stubborn at this .. it is my 2nd time to apply NC on him .. My 1st time was the last year and it longed for 62 days! (He was blocking me on whatsapp just after being ignored to hurt me and he lost the NC duality around 19 days later and unblocked me and that was all! 😀 .. we got bk together and had an amazing relation but then we went separate ways again as he is afraid of another failure (He is divorced with a kid since 2 yrs ago) .. he just can’t get over his fear of official commitment becoz of his X experience:( )
      my 2nd time is now .. We’ve been ignoring each others since 40 days ago and again he is blocking me on whatsapp! :/

  10. kanary

    March 15, 2015 at 8:13 pm

    after a month of no contact, my deployed husband contacted me via text saying he is not ready to talk to me just yet — it’s going to be two months of no contact on the 27th. His best friend told me a couple days ago that he told her that he just wants to be alone and to find his own happiness and that i should start dating other people. i don’t know what to do. please help.

    1. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 6:43 pm

      I have no problem with you dating other people.

      In fact, in some cases I recommend it.

  11. Aubrey

    March 15, 2015 at 7:05 pm

    Hi Chris (: I’m about 2 weeks into my no contact period, and my ex has texted me three times! The first was just to basically say “hey I think we should talk” which was sent exactly a week ago, and the second and third he sent this morning. One being “hey” and then 8 minutes later he tells me that he’s been dreaming about me and it happens too often to ignore. And that he misses me “of course” (whatever that means haha) Well obviously No Contact is working (thank you very much!) so I don’t want to quit it altogether, but I remember reading that for some circumstances we could shorten it from 30 to 21 days? I know he hasn’t text-gnatted me 7 times in a row or anything, but I’m honestly surprised he’s folded so quickly. He’s very stubborn. However, although our relationship was a happy one, I always got the impression that he didn’t appreciate me as much as he should have, and this seems like a great opportunity to start fresh. I guess what I’m asking is; what do you think I should do? What he said was so sweet and I feel like he’s going to think I’m angry or upset if I continue to ignore him for another 2 1/2 weeks. Again, thanks for your time and hopefully response (:

    1. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 6:41 pm

      Haha I am super glad you are reading and listening to what I am teaching.

      Yes, your ex boyfriend has folded a bit but he hasn’t sent you those 7 positive texts/calls yet so you can’t shorten it.

      But I will tell you a secret (I wouldn’t criticize you if you did shorten it to 21 days but don’t tell anyone I said that.)

  12. Morgan

    March 13, 2015 at 8:13 pm

    Hey, I really need some advice here. My now-ex broke up with me last night with having said the following message below. I really want him back!
    What do i do? I’ve sent like 4-5 messages about how I don’t mind how busy he is and that I still want it to work out etc., etc. Keep in mind he has never ever before told me he loves me; but in this message of him breaking up with me he did. Why did he wait until now to tell me?

    Here’s his message: However, morgy I’m not happy to say this but I do think we should break up :'( look I really really like you… i might even be enclined to say that I have fallen in love with you. Our schedules just do not work with eachother and I know that you require and desire more attention than I am currently able to give you… i wish we could still be friends (not friends with benefits) I truly do love spending time with you but my schedule make it really difficult. Youre an amazing woman and you deserve someone who has the time to devote to you that you deserve! <3 you will always be special to me! I really hope that we can still be friends and hang out and stuff 🙂 i really enjoy talking with you. I hope that we can still do that. i just want you to be happy and if you love something sometimes you need to set it free. Maybe if youd be willing to give it another try later, like maybe after you graduate I would be up for it in a heartbeat. Morgy please remember that I do love you and that is why I feel that I must do this… its breaking my heart but I think it's for the best (for now). But can we please be friends and hang out and stuff? the time we spent together meant the world to me and I wouldn't trade and second of it! You friend ship is important to me. I hope that we can continue this 🙂 morgan I love you… <3

    1. admin

      March 15, 2015 at 4:19 pm

      He friend zoned you.

      So, I say friend zone him right back. Lets use some reverse psychology on him.

  13. Laura

    March 13, 2015 at 2:24 pm

    Hi Chris!
    I just wanted to say first of all that reading everything on your site has helped me through this difficult time I’m going through. I’ve been in NC for a week exactly now. My ex boyfriend hasn’t contacted me yet. But his best friend sent a snapchat of my ex and himself to me during this time though, and I know he sent it on purpose. My ex is 20 and he told me that he just wanted to be single right now. Im his first serious girlfriend and it scares me that he hasn’t experienced enough. He just wants to have fun, and I know he does. I was wondering what you think my chances might be since he said he wanted to be single right now. I know it’s very obvious what “I want to be single” means, but do you think that he’ll come around if this is his mind set?

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 9:34 pm

      Your welcome!

      Totally sent that snapshot on purpose.

      I think eventually he will be ready to settle. You are going to have to influence him enough so he will want to expedite that process though.

  14. Molly

    March 12, 2015 at 9:26 pm

    Does no contact work when your ex is friend zoning you and you’re pregnant (6 months in my case) with his child? I’m so confused.. We still sleep together and he is totally friend zoning me. Our child is due in 3 months. Help!!

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 8:25 pm

      I think you have to do limited contact in your case.

      It can be effective if you start friend zoning him though.

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