Does The No Contact Rule Work? Yes, Here's Why!

297 thoughts on “Does The No Contact Rule Even Work?”

Heather

December 8, 2016 at 6:03 pm

How do you deal with someone who doesn’t want to talk to you anyhow? My ex is a stubborn, prideful, jerk…(Not even sure why I’d want to get back with him) But, in this case, how is NC effective? More so for improving myself and doing the social media game and showing him what he’s missing out on?? I did the whole begging and all of the mistakes after we broke up, so obviously he made clear that he didn’t want to talk to me for a while. But isn’t it also beneficial to just go silent and leave him alone so that maybe he will realize what he lost?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 3:08 pm

Hi Heather,

The time apart and the improvement is really the only steps you could take that can help. Because if he didn’t want to talk to you because you chased, he has to think you have moved on. He has to think you’re not the old you anymore and there’s something about you or what you do that would make him want to talk to you and build rapport again.

Jurr

December 8, 2016 at 4:28 pm

Hi Chris,

I’m doing no contact right now. It’s been 12 days now and I’m starting to panic a little bit. He first texted me on the 10th day, asking me how i was doing. When I didn’t reply, he texted me again the next day asking how our pet is doing. And the next day (today) again, asking if something is wrong and that he really wants to speak to me if it’s possible. I have always been a loving person to him, so I’m having a really dificult time to hold on not responding to him, just because I’m not like that. Won’t he think negative things about me that hurts my chance to win him back?

Jurr

December 15, 2016 at 7:58 pm

Okay thank you very much Amor! I will try my best doing that!
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 16, 2016 at 8:07 pm

You’re welcome!
Jurr

December 15, 2016 at 11:37 am

Thank you for your advice! Can I assume that this is something I could do if I want to contact him in the no contact period? I was thinking, because he hasn’t contacted me anymore and I’m doing good at self-improvement and I’m already halfway through my no contact period, that it is maybe better to hold on and continue no contact. After that I’ll just use your strategies for the first contact text message. And then if he asks me later “why did you ignore me?”, I’ll explain him that I needed some time and space for myself. Do you think that’s a good way to approach the situation?
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 15, 2016 at 12:25 pm

Yes, that’s even better!
Jurr

December 12, 2016 at 10:16 pm

Hi Amor,

We were together for 3,5 years and he broke up with me in march, so it’s been 9 months now. The reason why he broke up with me was because his feelings for me were gone since he started studying abroad. For me it came out of the blue, because we had a really good and loving relationship. But it was a peaceful breakup and we stayed on speaking terms. After we broke up he went abroad again for his study, and he would stay there for 7 months. From that moment we have been talking through text messages. One time he initiated a conversation, and the other time I did.
During those months after the break up I knew that I still wasn’t over him completely, but when I saw him a month ago (when he came back to town again), I just realised that I want to do everything I possibly can to get back together again. That’s when I discovered your page, and I started my no contact period.
So far so good, I haven’t talked to him for 16 days now and it’s going well, also with my self-improvement. The only two things I’m afraid of are 1 he has negative thoughts or feelings about me because of me ignoring him (just because we always have kept in touch with each other and in our relationship I was very supportive, and now all of a sudden not anymore) and 2 it maybe won’t work, this whole contact rule and stuff, because of his negative thoughts or maybe because of our specific situation…
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 14, 2016 at 10:55 pm

So, he friendzoned you after.. For me, it’s ok to send him a clean slate text but you have to restart the count. Tell him, I know you’vee been wondering why I’m not replying and texting anymore. I apologize if that hurt you or made you worry but I realized I needed space to fully heal. When I’m ready I’ll reconnect. I hope you understand. and then restart the count and massively improve yourself.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 2:40 pm

Hi Jurr,

when and why did you break up? How long was the relationship? How long did you keep talking after the break up?

Julia

December 8, 2016 at 3:53 pm

My boyfriend and I had been dating for 6 month. Last thursday we got into a fight. I told him that sometimes I feel insecure in the relationship, because he hasn´t met any of my friends yet and because of past experiences. He got really upset and told me that he doesn´t of if this is right anymore if he treated me so badly. I told him I am sorry but we hang up and he was in a bad mood. Friday he called and suggested that we meet up saturday to talk. I asked him what it was about. He told me that he just wants to discuss 2-3 things and that he wouldn´t throw away a relationship because of one fight. Saturday 5 minutes before we were supposed to meet he canceled on me with a text, saying that he is sorry but he just can´t, that he is confused and he is not clear about if he sees a future for us. That he is said, but he cannot get that thought out of his head. We texted a little and he said that he would write to me the next day. I asked him if he wants to break up with me. and that was my last question. He hasn´t answered yet. It is like he dissapeared completely. I wrote one text on monday in a weak moment, but that was it. I haven´t heard anythinng and I am going crazy and don´t know what to do. We still have stuff from eachother keys etc..I don´t know if he broke up, if he needs a break. I don´t what to do? No contact rule? I have no idea what is going on…thanks for you help!

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 1:47 pm

Hi Julia,

check this one:
How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

Amber

December 8, 2016 at 2:37 pm

Hi Chris,

My partner and I broke up about 2 and half months ago after a year together. He said be wasnt getting that intense love feeling he thought he should have. We had to speak for a bit after the break up due to living together and handing stuff back. We hadnt spoken for 3 weeks until he text me a few days ago saying he had my mail and asked i wanted to leave it at our mates place. I text after an hour but then i have had no reply. I broke no contact 🙁 now I feel stupid. Do I have to start all over again?

EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 1:44 pm

Hi Amber,

if you only replied about the mail, you didn’t break. If you asked him about how he is, yes you did break it. Are you actively improving yourself? How much? Are you active in posting in social media?

Motivated

December 8, 2016 at 7:45 am

It has been exactly two weeks since we broke up and I initiated no contact. I have not heard a peep out of him..and am beginning to lose hope..I made it clear to him I was deleting his number and if he wants to make an effort he would have to make the contact. It was a general break up but he was also figuring out his visa situation and basically told me to give up on him. Two weeks is a long time coming to still not have heard anything right?

Motivated

December 9, 2016 at 4:57 am

I was only a little bit clingy not too full on clingy. I have been independent and positive. I can’t initiate after NC only he can cos I’ve deleted his number. People think since it’s been two weeks he won’t ever talk to me.
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 12, 2016 at 6:02 pm

That’s good. Maintain that.. so, do this nc more for him to miss you and to think you standards to maintain too..
EBR Team Member: Amor

December 9, 2016 at 1:25 am

If you have been clingy, two weeks is short for him to think you have changed. So, be very active during and after the no contact rule. He has to think, the least, that you are starting to change by the time you initiated contact. He has to see that you have accepted the situation, started moving on and being independent.

Roli

December 7, 2016 at 9:36 pm

How do you deal with a shy guy who’s generally quiet and barely replies to anyone’s texts/messages etc?

Do I just keep chatting him up? Keep talking and asking some questions?

Is time the only thing for this?

Chris Seiter

December 8, 2016 at 5:42 am

I think the key here is getting him to invest.

So, saying something so interesting (AFTER no contact) that he says something back and engages in the conversation is the key for you.

The more you can get HIM to invest his time into the relationship the better.

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297 thoughts on “Does The No Contact Rule Even Work?”