I want to do something different with this guide.
I realize that every day there are literally thousands of women searching this website for information on how to get their ex boyfriends back. So, pretty much everything I have ever written for this site has gravitated towards that.
However, I have been thinking a lot lately. I feel every once in a while it is a good idea to take a step back and re-evaluate things.
Getting an ex boyfriend back is not an exact science. In fact, I would say that there are more fails than successes. That is just the way things are. While my advice has helped hundreds get their exes back I have also witnessed some colossal failures and have seen what they have done to people.
In a way I feel responsible for you. I know that is a strange thing to say because we have never met but I genuinely want you to get the best out of the relationships in your life. So, for the first time ever I am going to be covering a topic that can extend beyond an ex.
The things I talk about within this guide can apply to your ex boyfriend, your current boyfriend, the guy you are about to go on a date with or pretty much any guy out there.
What is this topic?
Your Work Starts Before Your Lips Lock
I am a guy so I know what goes through a guys mind when it comes to kissing. Granted, I don’t have as much experience as some guys but that is probably because I am very selective about who I try to kiss. Of all the girls I have kissed there is only one kissing experience that comes to mind that makes me upset. Ironically, it was that kissing experience that taught me to be selective.
I guess the point of me opening up and telling you this is that if a girl can make me want to kiss her she has really done something special because I am ultra selective. So, by that logic if you can make me want to kiss you then you should be able to make any guy want to kiss you.
Luckily, I am going to show you exactly how you can make a super selective kisser want to kiss you.
Ironically, your work is going to start before the kiss is going to happen.
The Two Major Factors You Have To Have
When I really sit down and think about kissing I can easily identify two main factors that every girl needs to have in order to make a guy want to kiss her. Now, I do feel it is important to note that I am going to be very detailed when it comes to these two factors. I am sure that at least one of these factors isn’t going to sit well with some of the women reading this guide. Care to take a guess at which one of these factors I am talking about?
- Your Looks
- The Connection
If you guessed “your looks” then you would be right.
Hmm.. lets just get this out of the way and just talk about looks right now.
Looks matter when it comes to getting a guy to make a move.
I know that sounds so superficial (and it is) but this is literally how guys think. So, lets dive a little bit deeper down the rabbit hole that is a mans mind.
I want to conduct an imaginary experiment for a moment. Lets pretend that we get a Victoria’s Secret model to go on a date with (the guy you are interested in, your ex boyfriend, your boyfriend, etc.)
Hmm… any one of these will do:
Why a VS model?
Well, right now that appears to be what society dictates as beautiful so a model will have to do.
If any one of those models were to tell your guy:
“If you want to kiss me I will let you”
What do you think the chances are that he would take her up on that offer?
Well, I don’t have an exact percentage in front of me but something tells me that it would be high.
Now, lets switch our little experiment up for a moment.
Instead of placing your guy on a date with a Victoria’s Secret model we are going to put him on a date with someone… a little less attractive.
Ok, I lied someone really unattractive..
Now, before you start the hate mail I do want to say that this picture is meant to be a “joke.” It is actually from that funny Ben Stiller movie, Dodgeball. The point of this all is that she is made up to be unattractive. Interestingly, the actual actress is named Missi Pyle and she is drop dead gorgeous.
Anyways, now that I have kind of made you hate me less lets get back to our experiment!
If the ugly girl in the picture were to ask your guy the same question that the model asked him:
“If you want to kiss me I will let you.”
Soemthing tells me the percentage of guys that take her up on her offer will be a lot less.
Essentially I created this experiment to prove that looks do indeed matter to men (SHOCKER RIGHT?)
However, I will say that looks aren’t everything. In fact, they are only half of what it takes to get a guy to make a move on you, kiss wise.
The other thing you need to do a good job at is creating a meaningful connection.
The above factor was all about looks. This factor is all about the emotional side of things.
When I talk about “the connection” what do you think I mean?
It’s kind of hard to pin down isn’t it?
I suppose an argument can be made for the connection having to do with chemistry. However, when I stop and think about it I really don’t think that’s it. The connection I am talking about here is something else. To be quite frank I am not sure I can even explain it.
(Of course, I am going to have to make an attempt.)
We are talking about kissing here so “the connection” argument has to be structured around that. I suppose the best question to ask is:
What kind of connection has to be made to get a guy to kiss you?
The thing that you have to understand about men is that we like to feel wanted. However, we don’t want to feel too wanted. So, I guess I am saying that we have to feel the right amount of “wanted.” This certainly factors into the connection that you have to build with a guy. In other words, you have to make a guy feel admired without triggering any thoughts within him that may make him think you are being too overbearing.
Another factor that goes into this “connection” I keep talking about is comfortability. How comfortable is he around you?
If you really think about it, taking a chance and trying to kiss a girl is a big risk for a guy. In fact, many men worry about it constantly throughout a date.
Is she expecting a kiss? If so, when should I do it? Will she kiss me back? Will she turn away?
You see, for a guy, when it comes to kissing one of two things can happen.
- A girl can accept your kiss.
- A girl can reject it
I would like to talk about option number 2 specifically.
I have been rejected for a kiss two times in my life and let me tell you it embarrasses me to this day. Not because of the rejection I felt afterwards but because of how badly I misread the situation. Though I will say that I also feel shame that I put someone in a situation where they had to reject.
What does any of this have to do with a “connection” or comfort?
Well, in my mind the two go hand in hand.
The more comfortable a man feels around a woman the more likely his connection with her will strengthen. However, it is also true that the more of a connection a guy feels with a girl the more likely it is that he will feel comfortable around her.
Now, I am no dummy and realize I have skirted the issue of explaining the connection “in depth” for far too long. But of all the things I have talked about throughout this site this is the one thing that I can honestly say I have a hard time explaining because in many cases it is unexplainable.
However, I will do my best to explain how you can create this allusive connection because I think that is really what you are after here.
How To Create An Emotional Connection With Someone
(If you would like more information on creating an emotional connection with an ex please learn more about my E-Book.)
For me it all starts when I get in bed and try to go to sleep.
As my eyes shut I am constantly thinking about the day ahead and what I have to get done. However, this time something is different… instead of falling asleep relatively quickly I lie awake thinking about someone.
What do I think about them?
Maybe I daydream a little bit about what a day would be like if I let them into my life. Perhaps, I dissect something they said and how it relates to me. Or maybe I just marvel in how pretty they are. Whatever the case, for me, it starts at the end of the day and ends at the start of it.
Yes, this is what I have found to be my own personal way of discovering if someone has a potential “kissing connection” with me. As I fall asleep I am thinking about them and as I wake up I am still thinking about them. It may sound weird to you but this is literally how romantic feelings have worked for me ever since my first crush in Jr. High.
This is the “feelings” part of the connection I keep going on and on about.
If you can become a mans first and last thought in a day… well, you are doing something right.
So, I guess you are wondering how you can create this type of connection. Well, it is all going to start with the planting of an idea.
Like inception ;).
The Idea Of A Future
What we are trying to do here isn’t going to be necessarily easy. However, if you understand the concept and follow my instructions it can be a very powerful way to be lodged in a mans mind and once you are in there it is only a matter of time before he puts his “kissing moves” on you.
It is all going to start with an idea.
The idea of a future.
Whether we admit it or not, most guys want to see an amazing future with an amazing girl in it. What we are going to be doing here is inserting you in the role of that “amazing girl.” The only question on the table right now is how are we going to do that?
Well, I think the first thing you should do is some daydreaming yourself.
I already know that you are interested in the guy who you want to kiss you because, well, you want him to kiss you. So, what kind of feelings do you get when you daydream about a potential future with him?
(If you are trying to get your ex to kiss you just bear with me I will cover your situation in a moment.)
Are those feelings:
- Butterfly inducing?
- All of the above?
The point of this exercise is so you can understand that the way you feel about this potential future with him is the same way that he has to feel about you for this to work.
So, now we have come upon the million dollar question.
How do we plant this idea of a potential future in the mind of a man?
Well, the first thing you need to understand is that if this guy likes you he is going to be automatically looking to daydream about you. All you have to do is give him a push in the right direction on what to daydream about. One of the things that always seems to work on men is if a girl says the following statement.
“One of my favorite things to do is to go on trips. I love traveling and seeing the world.”
It is a relatively simple statement.
There is nothing controversial about it at all. So, why is it that this statement is the starting point for a daydream for men? Well, lets dissect it for a bit.
“One of my favorite things to do is to go on trips.”
This little statement is really the important part because it does a number of interesting things to a guy. A girl who says she likes to go on trips means that, that girl is willing to travel. Thus, the option of potentially going on a trip with a guy is on the table. I also want you to notice that the statement didn’t specify if this girl likes to go on trips alone, with a group or with a special someone. A guy is going to wonder this after hearing it and that is all its going to take.
Once he begins thinking “hmm.. I wonder if she likes going on trips alone or with a special someone?” you have him.
Why do you have him?
Because, inevitably when his mind wonders about you going on a trip with a significant other he is going to put himself in that role and experience the emotions that go along with it. Like a virus this daydream will spread. It may take a while but it will spread.
Pretty wild huh?
Now, I would like to talk more about this but in the context of a couple who has broken up.
The Idea Of A Future With An Ex
(For more information about getting an ex boyfriend back and planting the idea of a future please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
The rules change a bit in this case (as you have probably already realized.)
Well, it is hard to create a daydream about a future with an ex because your ex already experienced that “future.” To make matters worse the two of you broke up so it’s not likely that he is going to look back very fondly on your time together.
I am sorry but that is just the way it is.
So, I guess the question you are wondering is if this “daydream inception idea of a future” can even work?
The truth is that it can work but it is not going to be as easy to pull off since you are in a very interesting situation. I guess the first thing I have to tell you is that instead of piggy backing off of an unknown daydream where, lets face it, reality usually never compares you are going to be piggy backing off of the most successful aspects of your previous relationship.
In other words, you are going to have to subtly remind your ex about an amazing time you had together where both of you were genuinely happy.
An important thing to note here is that this is not meant to be anything sexual. It needs to be more emotional than physical if that makes any sense.
So, a good example of this would be if a couple had amazing conversations by the water frequently.
In this case you could probably say something like:
“Isn’t it amazing when you can just go for a walk or sit by the water and have a fulfilling conversation?”
There are a few things that I feel need to be noted with the statement/question above. Firstly, I want you to see that the woman who said this statement clearly didn’t specify that walking around the water and having conversations is something that she used to do with her ex. It is almost like it is implied. She didn’t specify it because it is going to force her ex to remember how good it felt to actually do that (be by the water and have those conversations.) The idea is to fill an ex up with the amazing feelings he felt during that time and almost “re-ignite” his connection.
If you do this enough times then he will have no choice but to kiss you.
How To Make Any Man Want To Kiss You
Looks, connection, future… now that we have all that stuff out of the way we can turn our focus to the actual “kissing” part of this guide.
The truth is that making a guy kiss you isn’t as hard as you may initially think. However, I do want to say that since we are dealing with another human being with his own thoughts and feelings this is not a guaranteed science. It is entirely possible that you can do everything “right” and still not see it happen (of course, that is unlikely.)
So, where should we start?
How about with society.
Societal Expectations Of A Kiss
What I am about to talk about in this section is pretty important so listen up!
Society expects a lot out of men on a date.
(I alluded to this in an earlier section of the guide.)
So, when it comes to kissing of course it is the mans job to initiate one. This little fact can cause a lot of stress within guys. I have been on multiple dates where all I could think was:
“Am I supposed to kiss her? Are we to the kissing stage yet?”
Obviously the situation is a little bit different if you want to get an ex boyfriend to kiss you (someone who has no problem kissing you.) However, I think even in that case a certain amount of stress is involved. Instead of an ex thinking “should I kiss her?” it is likely that he is going to think “will it be ok if I kiss her?”
I guess the point I am trying to make here is that societies expectation that it is the mans job to kiss a woman creates stress in all men in one form or another.
Women often make the mistake of leaving a man out to dry with his stress. I can’t tell you how many dates I have been on where I was at that “kissing crossroads” thinking whether I should kiss a girl or not only to NOT do it because I didn’t feel the girl did a good enough job of de-stressing me.
All it would have taken is a prolonged hug, a soft touch of my face and I would have been ready to initiate.
In other words, men are constantly looking for signs if it is ok to kiss you or not. Lets go over a few of those now.
Showing Signs That You Are Ready For His Kiss
If a man wants to kiss you he isn’t going to do so until he deems it “safe.”
In the end, kissing, for men, all boils down to one simple fact, the fear of rejection.
No man likes the feeling of being rejected. So, most of us won’t take a risk unless we know that we won’t fail. Of course, there are always exceptions to rules but for the most part men look for signs that women give off to say “its ok to kiss me.”
I would like to go through a few of those now.
A Prolonged Hug
I have found that there are two types of hugs.
There are the casual “hey, what’s up” hugs and then there are the prolonged hugs where neither person wants to let go of eachother.
Which one do you think matters more to men?
If you said a prolonged hug then you would be right.
Look, it is easy to hug someone and let go very quickly. In fact, in America it is probably considered rude if you don’t do this with some of your friends. However, when two people hug eachother for a very long time there is something much more meaningful about the hug.
How does the prolonged hug relate to kissing?
Well, it all boils down to touch.
Obviously what we are shooting for here is to get your ex or any guy to make the first move and try to kiss you. However, in order to get him to do that you have to let him know that you are ok with it. In order to do that you have to let him know it is ok to touch you. This way he gets comfortable with the idea of touching you which will inevitably lead him down the path to kissing you.
It is almost like you are leaving these little hints (like breadcrumbs) down the yellow brick road. Except instead of Oz being at the end of it your lips are.
Prolonged hugs are a great way to drop a hint that you are ok with the idea of him kissing you.
Now, the key to a great prolonged hug is to leave a guy wanting more.
One of the hardest things to do is let go or quit something prematurely, especially when you are enjoying. However, that is exactly what has to happen here if you are going to have a chance of leaving him wanting more. So, when you initiate a prolonged hug I want you to hold it until you know you have him hooked into the hug.
How do you know when you have him hooked?
Simple, he will squeeze you tighter or rest his head on your shoulder. Once this happens I want you to pull away and let go of the hug.
If you do this correctly he will actively try to hug you again which is an indicator that he wants more.
The Hair Flip
I don’t know if this is something all girls do or if it is just the select ones that I have experience with.
However, I have noticed this strangely amusing thing that girls do whenever they appear to be interested in someone.
They flip their hair behind their ear.
Sometimes it is really obvious and sometimes it is really subtle.
The “hair flip” that I am talking about in this context is more of a flirty thing. I searched the internet to find a gif that I could use to show you what it looks like but I had a lot of trouble finding exactly what I wanted. The closest I could find was a picture of Kate Middleton laughing and doing the hair flip.
Now, I know what you are thinking.
“It just looks like she is a bit nervous and laughing to me.”
While that may be true you have to remember that what you may perceive as one thing men perceive as something entirely else.
Imagine for a moment that you and your man (your ex or a guy you are interested in) are at a quiet little restaurant. Lets make the restaurant really romantic. So, there is going to be an amazing view of the water and a sunset in the background. The restaurant isn’t very crowded so it’s mostly just you and him sitting there with the odd couple here and there spread throughout the room.
Now, if he were to say something very flattering to you and you reacted just like Kate Middleton did above.
(Doing the sexy hair flip behind the ears with a little awkward giggle or laugh)
Then your guy would perceive it as if you really liked what he said.
In other words, consider it another breadcrumb laid towards your lips ;).
Lets move on to another important aspect of kissing, location!
This may be a weird thing to say because it is usually men that need the “romantic” advice but if you want a guy to kiss you, you need to be romantic too.
This means that you have to put yourself in a romantic location where your chances of him initiating a kiss are raised.
When it comes to location men have two layers.
- The awkward romantic location layer
- The connection within the location layer
Allow me to expand.
The Awkward Romantic Location Layer
Men have a secret that they don’t want you to know…
We like being in romantic places too.
It’s just that we are really really really bad about showing it. I mean, how often have you been on a date before where a guy has asked you “where would you like to go” rather than actually choosing a romantic place himself?
The truth is that we want to be romantic but we don’t want to lose our “man cards.”
It is already common sense that being kissed in McDonald’s isn’t going to be the same as being kissed at the top of a ferris wheel. So, whenever a guy asks you “what would you like to do” for a date instead of being stupid (yes I called you stupid) and giving back the generic “I don’t know, you choose” response why don’t you suggest something that is actually romantic? Something that will drastically improve your chances of getting kissed.
Now, I do feel it is important to note to not go all full blown romantic here.
What do I mean by that?
Well, for one thing I don’t think its a good idea if you recommend going on a big expensive trip to some super romantic place. That is a lot of pressure and the poor guy doesn’t need any more of that. No, suggest something like going to a place with a romantic view.
A walk on the beach during a sunset. A nice little picnic.
You get the idea.
The Connection Within The Location Layer
Pretty much a huge theme within this guide is connection.
So it makes sense that the location of your kiss should be one where you can establish a meaningful emotional connection.
Probably the best insight I can give you into this has to do with other people. It can be a mood killer if there are other people around.
Imagine for a moment that you are at a nice romantic restaurant watching the sun go down on the water. Both you and your guy are sitting next to each other holding hands. You look into his eyes as he looks into yours. The two of you start inching closer together. This is it. The moment is finally here. He is about to kiss you…. and then the waiter comes over.
“Can I get anything for you two?”
“Yes, you can go to h***” you think to yourself.
First off, you have a bit of a potty mouth don’t you?
Secondly, it can be a total mood killer if you put yourself in a place where an emotional connection can constantly be interrupted by other people.
I guess the moral of this small section is to choose a place where an emotional connection can be rebuilt or established and make sure other people are limited so there are no interruptions.
Making Him Kiss You
(Want to put all the stuff you are learning into practice with your ex boyfriend? Here is how!)
We are almost there!
This is the part of the guide where I talk about what you need to do specifically to actually get him to initiate a kiss.
Before I get into the good stuff lets do a quick recap at the things you were supposed to do up until this point:
- You have to make sure you look amazing.
- You have to have established an emotional connection with him.
- Create the idea of a future with him.
- Show him signs that you are ready for him to kiss you (a la breadcrumbs.)
- Understand that location matters to men too.
The very first thing I want you to do has a lot to do with touching.
I want you to go back to the breadcrumbs section and read about the prolonged hug. The prolonged hug is great because it allows you to get close to your man and it also allows him the ability to do this:
Now, while the couple in this drawing are probably kissing (which is good for them I guess) the thing that I want you to take note of is where the males hands are in this drawing.
If a guy puts his hands on your hips it is a really good sign. It could mean that he is just about ready to initiate a kiss. Of course, like any guy out there he is going to have to have the woman tell him it’s ok.
So, lets imagine for a moment that you and your guy are in a position where you are very close and his hands are on your hips and your hands are on his. How in the world are you going to tell him that it is ok to kiss you without actually telling him?
Simple, it all has to do with eye contact.
Instead of looking at his chest or something else I want you to look him right in the eye.
This is the really important part because you cannot break eye contact at all.
Are you supposed to say anything when you do this “no breaking eye contact thing?”
No, I seriously just want you to be really close to him and look him right in the eye.
What is supposed to happen is that an awkward silence will occur (or maybe an awkward eye contact is more accurate.) Whatever the case, that little head in his voice is going to turn on and he is going to have a quick debate with himself.
“Do I kiss her? What if she rejects me? Hmm… well, she did do the hair flip and she gave me that really long hug at the beginning of the date. But what if she rejects me?”
This is when you move a little bit closer (but not so close that it’s you who initiates the kiss.)
“Wow, is this happening? Does she want me to kiss her? Oh what the heck, I am going to go for it.”
Congratulations! You just got him to initiate a kiss.
Now I guess the ultimate decision on whether you should accept it or not is up to you.