Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

182 thoughts on “Why Your Ex Boyfriend Lied To You”

  1. vicki

    February 12, 2014 at 9:24 pm

    hey chris, im trynna understand wtf my ex was playing at with all the lies he came out with. we have a 1 year old son and he walked out on us when our son was 3 weeks old, i ended up with post natal depression and my ex and his crap was making me worse and he wasnt acting like the sort of father i wanted around my son. anyway i ended up telling him to stay away as my baby boy needed an emotionally stable mum especially bcoz his “dad” had decided that our boy wasnt a priority. so for 3 months it was just me and my son and then the ex crawled back begging for a chance to be a daddy, saying he had changed and that he was desperate to be in my boys life. i let him back a bit for my boys sake, and gradually my ex pretended to want to sort things between me and him…. and then the lies started again… he lied that someone had had a heart attack n that he had to visit him in the hospital and therefore had to cut short his visit with my son and then he lied about 2 months later saying the guy had died and that he couldnt get back from scotland to see our son bcoz the guy had died. i found out 3 months later (last week) that the guy is alive and well and didnt have a heart attack…omg wtf??? also he told me when we first got togther that his step mum used to beat him up as a child and that his ex had a baby with someone else and pretended it was his. what the f*ck is wrong with this asshole??? why would anyone feel the need to lie like that. tbh i think everything he ever said to me was a lie including him telling me he loved me and saying he loved our son.
    and now e hasnt even got the balls to face up to what hes done and is completely blanking me.
    any idea why anyone would do that coz my heads up my ass atm. i dont want him back EVER i just want closure coz i cant get my head round it. ty 🙂

    1. admin

      February 14, 2014 at 2:50 am

      Do you think he is scared of an interaction with you?

    2. Vicki

      February 17, 2014 at 2:29 am

      Hey Chris (again) in response to it question…I don’t see how he could b scared, he caused all this and clearly isn’t feeling even the slightest bit guilty about what he’s done. My ex doesnt do being scared my ex does however do “not giving a f*ck”
      I have even txtd him to say that we can talk about what’s happened calmly and see where we go from there. And he’s not bothered replying and just seems to be getting on with his life as tho we don’t exist. I don’t understand how anyone cud b so ignorant towards their child. I’ve just come to the conclusion that he doesnt care at all about either of us and that he never will. I sorta Pity him coz he will never b a real person, he will always b a fake uncaring unloving tosser.

  2. Why Lie

    February 8, 2014 at 12:00 am

    Hi Chris,

    I also appreciate your article very much. To make a long story short, a guy I was in a long distance relationship with lied to me. We have a connection physically, mentally, and emotionally like I’ve never experienced before with anyone. Friends and family included. The problem started when he mentioned he wanted to move out to my state to be with me. I loved the idea, and encouraged it every time we talked (which was every single night). He always seemed super excited and was even buying stuff to prepare for the move.

    Fast forward to a week before he’s supposed to be coming out, and I find out through a friend that he has a job interview in his town that week. When I confronted him about it, he ignored my texts and calls for several hours. He later confessed the reason he ignored me was because he was scared. And the entire reason he lied to me to begin with was because he didn’t want to lose me. He still wanted to come out, but also wanted the job and didn’t know what to do, so he tried for the job thinking he may not get it anyways.

    Do you think this is an “acceptable” reason to lie? I mean, I know I will never meet anyone with that kind of connection again. But I also respect myself, and know the painful life I would lead if I chose to pursue a total liar. Was this just a small hurdle we have to get over, or is this a big enough deal to cut it off for good? I mean, he allowed me to be excited for a month about his move. That seems sick to me. Is there any hope?

    1. admin

      February 8, 2014 at 4:26 am

      It is a lot to ask a guy to move to your state. It’s a big step. I can understand why he lied but that doesn’t make it right.

      Nevertheless, I think you need to have a big talk with him about this.

  3. Jaemie

    January 27, 2014 at 12:48 am

    Hi,

    My boyfriend lied to me saying he has a job, then I found out he doesn’t have one. He’s been pretending he has a job for 3 months.. He’s texting me all day how he’s doing in the office, lunch break, traffic, etch.

    Then I also found out that he’s going home everyday pass 12 midnight, playing video games in the Internet Cafe.

    I am pregnant, and when I confronted him I knew all of his lies..
    He disappeared, it’s been a month and 1 week since he disappeared..
    No txt, no call, Facebook deactivated (changed his profile pic into pure black) and all social media accounts gone..

    He didn’t talk to me after I told him I know everything and how could you do this to me? I’ve been the best and honest gf.. how can he lie to me like that..

    I don’t understand..
    I know he loves video games, I can’t believe he lied to me for games..
    Please give me some advice, I’ve been going tru the pregnancy alone..
    At first he was excited about our baby, but when I told him I know everything.. He changed.. and now totally gone..

  4. Leslie

    December 31, 2013 at 5:14 pm

    Chris,
    Thanks for this article. All of your articles for the 13 days I’ve been apart from my boyfriend are really helping me. I wish I would’ve agreed in the beginning I am only on day 3 of no contact. I’ve gone on two dates and was laughing about your beach theme because that was how I felt last night. I told a white lie saying I was going through stuff when I just got turned off with how much he drank, encouraged me to drink which I refused and he tried five different times to make out with me. I couldn’t do it though I miss my boyfriend so much and it took everything I had to not text him last night when I came home crying.
    I have a few questions for you. I know why he broke up with me. He was scared of how I would’ve reacted for me not being able to come over for Christmas. I already had a little reaction when he briefly told me about it the first time. He has broken up over stuff like this before when I tell him I’m not mad my feelings our just hurt but then when he sees how nicely the conversation flows he begins to open up and apologizes for wanting to break up. How do I get him to stop this pattern? For now I feel a 30 day break is best because he still wanted to be friends and I said I can’t, so then he got upset saying we are nothing and had feelings for someone else. I know he said that to hurt me because when he was breaking up he told me he liked me. So how do I slowly get him to open up to me without thinking that breaking up is an easier way to do things? He is a really great guy and I really admire that he doesn’t drink and takes care of himself and is there for his mom and brothers cause his step dad is an alcoholic. I just want this pattern to stop because when we our friends and talk it works out well. lol. I really feel that he and I would benefit from the 30 day no contact. I want to stay strict with that even though it hurts.
    He has also told white lies about not wanting to participate in a drinking even that I go to but he encourages me to have fun so those I just let slide cause I know he is uncomfortable with drinking.
    After we broke up and agreed to not talk for awhile I texted him a few times with a bunch of things to think about and letting him know I understand why he broke up with me. Its easier to break up then tell an embarrassing story of what’s going on with your family life at home. I know cause I had Christmases like that.
    Thanks for the help and the advice. I know he doesn’t handle stress well and I realize that sometimes my insecurities from the past and how I have been treated by men have affected him wanting to open up to me with these types of problems because then I think its me?
    Minus the bad pattern we have he and I do have a lot of fun together and get along really well. How do we break past this?

  5. Ada

    December 12, 2013 at 3:28 am

    Hi Chris!
    Sorry for having to bother you. Just broke up w my bf of almost a year..on and off. He has been unstable due to jobs etc, and the pressure got to us. He said he felt like less of a man when I had to pay for things, or loan him money. He had broken up w his ex whom he lived with a few months before dating me. (He dated someone else before me for a little bit too. )His ex came back in the picture a few months ago, she knew of him dating me but still was trying to be friends w him. She didn’t know of the girl he dated before me so I feel like her mission was to bother our chances of working out. When I found out of him sneaking behind my back to have coffee w her, I ended it. We moved super slow in our relationship because of his bad experiences, and when I found out he was trying to be friends w someone that damaged him I was not ok with that. And I knew she always had feelings for him and wanted to be w him. He showed me texts when he told her to never contact him again. But after 3 months he contacted her. So our last blow out was because I found out he had coffee with her. I know he lied because he thought id leave him if I found out. He also told me he thinks his instability made him feel like less of a man, and seeking attention from needy people like her. He said she was always needy and i never was. He also said I helped him so much that he felt like less of a man asking me for help. Anyway, he said maybe when he gains stability we can try again. But to me that sounded bogus. I am doing NC, he has been texting me everyday. The tone is defensive and basically making me the bad guy for not wanting to be friends. How can I be friends after the deception, after all I did for him? It bothers me that he thinks I should shut off my emotions and be friends. His ex has been able to be at his call no matter what. He cheated on her twice, and they were together for 2 yrs. IDK how she is still around, has no pride whatsoever! I am letting myself heal and clear my mind out. Do you think his angry texts show he wants me back? Why would he always fail to keep his promises but still want me back? If after NC he wants me back, IDK if I can trust him that he will not lie… Can I openly talk about our issues after NC, to see if they are solvable?
    Thank u so much!

    1. admin

      December 12, 2013 at 7:13 pm

      You can but you have to lead up to it. Going from zero to sixty when it comes to this is never a good idea.

    2. Ada

      December 13, 2013 at 5:26 pm

      update! He unfriended me from FB and unfollowed me on IG. His last text was angry about why I was ignoring him and we should stay friends. NOT ONCE did he apologize for what he did to me!!! He had said before girls are childish when they unfriend you from social networks, look at that. He is the one to do it. Do u think he is done, should I shorten my NC period? Mind you its been less than two weeks and hes going nuts.

    3. Ada

      December 13, 2013 at 2:25 am

      I understand. Do you think based on what I mentioned that this type of relationship is salvageable or will he always seek attention elsewhere when he’s insecure?

    4. admin

      December 13, 2013 at 7:27 pm

      If he is the type of person that seeks attention elsewhere would you still want to be with him?

  6. Anonymous

    December 9, 2013 at 7:40 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I just want a guy’s opinion on my ex’s actions. I can’t figure him out.

    We broke up about 3 months ago. We were long distance for a year, he lives in the same city as me, but because of work he was out of town. So once September came around we talked and he said he was sure he’d be home again, he thought he might have to work out of town again for another year or so. Understandable, no one wants to do long distance. I wanted him to be home just as much as he did. While we were talking about it he was visibly upset, he didn’t know what to do. I’m fairly certain he was fighting back tears. He kept rubbing his eyes and finally went and took his contacts out saying they were bugging him, yet he’s never complained about them bugging him before, and he sleeps in them all the time. I realize, yeah, they could have been bugging him, but I sort of doubt it.

    Anyways, he really didn’t seem like he wanted to break up at all. So now, because I live near him, I’ve noticed that that past 3 or so weeks, he’s been gone every morning really early, and back every night around 5pm. He’s not working out of town anymore, and I’m just wondering wtf is going on. We broke up because of distance, but now there isn’t any distance. He hasn’t tried contacting me. I’ve texted him twice since being done NC. Both times were positive.

    If he was really so upset about breaking up, why hasn’t he called me now that he knows he’s in town? If it had been me, he’d have been the first person I would have told. Was it just an act? I don’t know if I should text him asking about this? I’m hurt that he hasn’t called me.

    1. admin

      December 10, 2013 at 6:40 pm

      Why would you call someone if you are upset with them?

    2. Anonymous

      December 10, 2013 at 7:11 pm

      I was hoping you could give me an idea of what he was thinking, not about why I want to call him or not.

    3. admin

      December 12, 2013 at 1:17 am

      Ok, no problem but I need a favor from you first. Any chance you can give me the bullet points of what he did so I can dissect it a little bit? It will make my life so much easier.

    4. Anonymous

      December 12, 2013 at 3:26 am

      These are all pretty much when we were breaking up

      1) he looked absolutely miserable
      2) pretty sure he cried. Like I said above he kept rubbing his eyes and then complained about his contacts bugging him, even though he’s never had issues before.
      3) he actually said he didn’t want to break up
      4) he said he’d rather break up on good terms now then keep it going Long Distance and then break up badly. So he basically planted this sense of hope in my mind. I think that’s why I’m so back and forth on wanting to call him and wanting to get over him.

      Maybe I’m reading too much into it all. I do realize he could have just said all that, and acted the part but I don’t know what to believe.

    5. admin

      December 12, 2013 at 7:12 pm

      I always say look at someones actions before their words. What story do his actions tell?

    6. Anonymous

      December 12, 2013 at 10:54 pm

      Well, he hasn’t tried contacting me. And he’s not working out of town anymore, long distance was the reason for breaking up.

      So I guess he just lied about his reason.

    7. admin

      December 13, 2013 at 7:17 pm

      Be a little more patient and if he doesn’t message then re-assess.

    8. Anonymous

      December 13, 2013 at 8:09 pm

      Even though it’s been about 3 months already NC?

      I have already initiated texts twice in that period.

  7. Rose

    December 6, 2013 at 4:46 pm

    Hey Chris my situation is about my current boyfriend lying to me. I found out he met some girl online that lives on the other side of the world. He visits there normally once every 2 yrs because it’s his home country. Anyway. I confronted him about it and I think he was more pissed off at the fact that I snooped on him to find out. He told me she was the one after him. Since I really didn’t have any proof that he was after her too I dropped it for sake of peace. Well he traveled to his home country just recently and before he left I told him I knew he was going to see the girl and I really can’t control that. But I would hope he would be mindful and do the right thing. He said I don’t have anything to worry about. I replied I am not worried if the girl is stupid enough to think you really want anything serious with her.
    I couldn’t help myself after he left I snooped again and sure enough not only did he see her on his visit (which didn’t surprise me) he has been talking to her regularly since I initially confronted him (that’s the part that I’m surprised about).
    He has been communicating with me pretty sparingly compared to when he is here. His excuse is the 8 hour lag time. I don’t buy that crap. Anyway since I found out about this I pretty much have not answered all his phone calls or even responded to his texts. Why? Because it’s not the amount of time he calls me that counts to me it’s the content of his message which to me is like he is checking me off his to do list for that day. What do I mean? He will call me at 1am over there which means he went the entire day and waited till bedtime to check on me. So I don’t pick up those calls. I did that for a couple of days and of course he started wondering what was going on.
    I sent him an email because it was late were he is and just said I was busy with my yoga group preparing to take a trip this weekend. (That was a lie on my part because there really isn’t any yoga group) anyway only then did he send me a “nice” text calling telling me to call him in the morning when I wake and he “misses” me. I didn’t call him till it was bedtime here. I can tell by his tone the few times I spoke to him that he senses something is up even though I just tell him I’m really busy.

    What do I do? He will be back in a few days and I don’t know how to address this his ULTIMATE BLACK LIE.

    1. admin

      December 6, 2013 at 8:12 pm

      He lied about a yoga group? How do you know?

    2. Rose

      December 6, 2013 at 8:23 pm

      Lol. I lied about the yoga group. Not him. I told him that because I really don’t want to talk to him this weekend. Also he has been calling me and I won’t pick up. When he asked me why I used the fake yoga group as an excuse that I am busy.

    3. admin

      December 7, 2013 at 7:27 pm

      Well that is bad if you got caught in a lie….

    4. Rose

      December 6, 2013 at 5:10 pm

      I know snooping is wrong. But my intuition was waging a war in my head I had to shut it up. So I don’t want to confront him again because he will lie yet again and we have beaten that horse dead so many times I’m exhausted with it. You are a guy. Please help me. I love this man but I am also prepared to walk away. But that’s drastic and it’s the first time in the year we’ve dated that he has done this

  8. Mary

    December 2, 2013 at 4:44 pm

    Hi Chris! First I want to say thank you for being so involved in your writing. You don’t find many people who take the time to share what they know just with the goodness of wanting to help others. Your articles are therapeutic and help me realize it is very well possible to collect some self-worth after a breakup. I look forward to reading more of your posts, you are truly one of a kind.

    Second part is to explain my situation. I was involved with a guy on a best friend level for two and a half years. Didn’t realize how I felt about him until a year and a half later, and when I admitted how I felt he admitted to feeling the same since the moment he met me. But after this conversation he stopping talking to me and replaced me with new friends.

    Eventually over time we began regaining our lost friendship and it wasn’t until a month and a half ago we started to date and get physical (stritctly 1st base). We ended the relationship a few days ago through text because that’s honestly the only way I could get him to speak about his feelings (he has terrible communication issues). I initiated the conversation but it was in fact a mutual breakup. He said, however, that he is in love with his ex (they broke up three years age because he cheated on her) and that no one would ever come close to comparing to her. He mentioned another girl who was second best which makes me feel very under appreciated because I don’t know what role I even played in his life. Now I can’t help but compare myself to her and feel she is better.

    He said I was the only friend he’s ever had who truly cared for him and kept apologizing for everything, but I let him know his apologies were empty and meant nothing to me. I also said I don’t want to continue the friendship with him anymore, when he wants to.

    I am STRONGLY following the NC rule. There’s a reason why you endorse it so much! I even considered emailing him but then I real that post f yours and I was like LOL! But I’m wondering if he will ever contact me again or at least regret what he did to me. I really did love him I’m hurt to hear that after two and a half years he said he felt nothing was anything there between us. I thought maybe he did love me and when I told him that, he just responded with an “I’m sorry.” It hurts man, especially all this time he sweet talked me and said “I haven’t kissed someone I’ve had this much feelings for in a long time” and so much more. He said he’s used to taking what he can from girls but he wants to give to me and not be selfish. That comment and many others, however, soon came flat.

    I know your responses are usually simple, but any advice would help with someone who has such great insight on these types of things. Do you know what was going on with him and why he couldn’t see me as a great catch? Do you think he will regret this and realize that maybe he did love me? Or maybe he really just didn’t. Any other comment you want to make?

    This was my first love somI’m having a hard time takign this all in. Thank you so much in advance I really appreciate all you do.

    1. admin

      December 2, 2013 at 7:34 pm

      Strongly doing NC hahah I like that.

      Its really hard to say. I wish I knew him better so I could give you insight.

  9. marcia

    November 15, 2013 at 6:54 am

    My ex boyfriend lied to me he didn’t tell me he ws seeing somebody else he told his new girlfriend that I ws the one sms him and meantime it was vice a versa he lied to her he didn’t want her to know that he ws seeing me and her at the same time he lied to me and told me I couldn’t come to his mom funeral bcause of his sister. But I new he ws lying he thought I ws stupid. But I played. Him at his own game bcause I acted stupid it ws bcause she had the wake at her house and she ws going to be their at the funeral. He lied to her and told her he slept in his car and didn’t want her to know that he ws with me and he did this infront of me he lied in my face when I asked was it her that phoned and he said no it ws his friend he lied to sister in pretoria about what he did. He ws seeing me and his newgirlfriend and he wnted the. Best of both wills he apparently said to me she asked him does he still hve feelings for me and he said yes how can a man love somebody if he lies like that she said he admitted everyt to her what he did he didn’t admit everyt bcause when I told her everyt he denied it I think he minupalated her mind into believing his lies and she forgave him how stupid can a woman be

    1. admin

      November 15, 2013 at 7:30 pm

      Sorry I am kind of confused. What do you need my help on? Just someone to vent to?

  10. anonymous

    November 13, 2013 at 3:34 pm

    I just found out my ex lied to me. He told me that he was going out with two of his guy friends and i happened to bumped into his friends and they said they were not with him. It turned out that he was seeing another woman! Why would he lie anyway? Why can’t he just tell me the truth? I feel like a fool doing NC. And now post NC trying to win him back when he’s looking into dating others. Why cant he just be straight up with me, and not lead me on like this?

    To think that i did the whole texting thing, reminiscing our gd times, throwing him with loads of compliments all just to feed his ego!

    1. admin

      November 13, 2013 at 8:45 pm

      Sorry about the lying. If more people were honest relationships would be so much more honest.

    2. anonymous

      November 13, 2013 at 4:34 pm

      Well okay. When i confronted him abt it. He said he was at home sleeping all along. And honestly i wont think so much if not for the fact that i bumped into his friends by chance. Hahaha. Kinda weird how he would lie abt going out with his friends when he’s home all along eh? Well well.

    3. admin

      November 13, 2013 at 9:08 pm

      Its weird but as a guy I can understand it b/c I have made the same lie before. I did it b/c I didn’t want to feel like my ex was going to get angry at me for going out.

    4. anonymous

      November 13, 2013 at 10:05 pm

      But why wont you want your ex to get angry with you? Its not like you still cared abt her or you want to get back together with her right?

    5. admin

      November 14, 2013 at 6:45 pm

      At one point I did but also I think in general I don’t like it when someone I cared about pretty much hates me and no doubt about it right now if you were to ask her about me she would not have nice things to say.

    6. anonymous

      November 15, 2013 at 5:06 pm

      And so i just went on a second date with him. Not exactly a long date since it was just supper which lasted for an hour plus? He said he may wanna meet me again the day after tmr before he goes on his 5day holiday. 2 dates/meetup (if i’m lucky one more date soon!) in a span of approx 3wks we’ve been in contact since NC. That’s a gd sign i suppose? Haha.

      Okay so i may be in denial of the fact that he could be lying abt being at home when he could be dating someone. I just gotta take his word for it and keep working hard to being his ungettable girl but at the same time not playing too hard to get either. So it shouldn matter if he is seeing other ladies currently. Besides he is slowly starting to show more positive response and opening up to me again. I really need to be patient and not expect results so soon. Heck. Its only been 3wks. Hahaha.

      If there’s one thing i learn is that it takes tons of patience to go through NC and even more patience after NC! And i seriously am still battling trying not to get too insecure and emotional and not force things to happen so soon. Or force him into committing to me.

      Anyway chris, i will keep you updated! All of your guides plus your ebook has really2 helped me a lot! Anyone out there who is still contemplating on getting the bk, should just get it alrdy! Haha. I’m slowly beginning to learn more abt the male species too. And pls don’t stop writing these guides!

      I will probably cont to comment on your guides time and time again, your advice is always very much appreciated! 🙂

    7. admin

      November 16, 2013 at 7:44 pm

      I won’t, I promise they will keep coming.

    8. anonymous

      November 13, 2013 at 3:41 pm

      Honestly i thought we were doing pretty okay after my lunch date with him. He made loads of physical contact and flirted a lot. Before i found out that he lied. I suggested for another lunch outing which he suddenly had to cancel due to work commitments. He suggested meeting up a few days frm now after my zumba class.

      But what i dont understand is why he lied to me? Does it mean that he may wanna date me again and considering other ladies as well? Or is it with me is just nothing? Plain flirting and using me just to feed his ego.

    9. admin

      November 13, 2013 at 8:51 pm

      Yes I think thats it. He wants you but he also wants other women as well.

  11. Confusedme

    October 25, 2013 at 4:59 am

    Hi Chris,

    I have a question. When my ex and I broke up, he said that it was because it was too early to have a commitmented relationship. All he wanted to do was date. We broke up the 2nd week of June. I recently talked to a mutual friend that sees him at least twice a week and he told me that my ex said he doesn’t want to be with me or doesn’t see himself with me. That contradicts everything he said. I can’t seem to trust my friend because that guy friend has been known to not really treasure his relationships. He kinda just goes with the flow and if it doesn’t work out, he moves on. My ex is the opposite and fights for it, but at the stage of his life he has to juggle graduating from college and taking care of his mom (no dad). I was wondering if guys tell their guy friends the WHOLE truth and if I still have a chance? I heard guys typically don’t tell their guy friends everything and sometimes mask it up. PLUS the guy friend said “if he really wanted you back he would’ve talked to you” which I don’t agree with because I know a guy’s ego gets in the way. Thank you for helping me and all the other people out there! You have the best guide out there.

    1. admin

      October 26, 2013 at 5:08 pm

      They MOSTLY tell their guy friends the whole truth. They do leave out things that can make them look weak though.

    2. Confusedme

      October 26, 2013 at 7:23 pm

      So does that mean I don’t stand a chance since he told my friend he can’t see himself with me?

    3. admin

      October 27, 2013 at 10:02 pm

      I guess it depends on his emotional state when he said that comment.

  12. Sofy

    October 22, 2013 at 2:36 pm

    Hi Chris, I am writing you from southamerica, I’ve been reading your blog since my boyfriend broke up with me, and has been a great help in this time of sadness, before ending he turn cold and distant so I made many mistakes and I couldn’t stop calling and texting him many times, sometime i got response but also he ignored me completely , I just wanted an answer, one day he wrote to me that his ex ( a woman very problematic ) knows that we are together and that has threatened to give us problems if we kept together, he already had experience with it when he left her before , he asked me to forgive him and maybe give him some time to improve things , that he loves me, it turns out that my sixth sense did not believe anything , and rather I think he came back with his ex-girlfriend , not the problematic one , but other girl with whom he had a relationship online , she lives in another country, and I think he is back with her so he can go to that country because he is like he wants to runaway, he is also unemployed and very unstable, but we had plans to get married and start everything from scratch, we planned to buy a house and have babies. But I say about that maybe he is back with that girl bc He put me restricted access on facebook and deleted my comments and pics together. I checked her wall, and she posted messages about songs and about being back with someone, Chris ‘m desperate, I try to improve myself, but i really can’t, I fel sad all the time and I don’t know how to avoid it, I feel so neglected and invisible, I did the nc rule but I feel that he doesn’t even care, I don’t want to lose him, Tell me what do you think, do I have any chance?, I feel that I can’t no more , what is my next step please tell me Chris I trust you…

    1. admin

      October 23, 2013 at 7:56 pm

      Sure you have a chance. Have you done NC yet though?

    2. Sofy

      October 23, 2013 at 9:28 pm

      Thanks for writing me back, i am not finishing the nc rule yet, he broke up with me october 8 =(, but i just feel that he doesnt miis me because he doesnt show, and what about the facebook thing?

    3. admin

      October 24, 2013 at 7:24 pm

      You are still very early in NC though. Give it some time.

    4. Sofy

      October 24, 2013 at 9:29 pm

      I will thanks!!. Today I start zumba classes =) and working on my chakras lol, Chris how can I get your book without using credit card, and living and a foreign country??

    5. admin

      October 26, 2013 at 1:00 am

      Do you have a Paypal account?

    6. Sofy

      November 6, 2013 at 3:25 pm

      No I don’t have a Papypal account, I really need to get your e-book

    7. admin

      November 6, 2013 at 5:44 pm

      Creating one is pretty easy.

  13. Anonymous

    October 16, 2013 at 6:40 pm

    My boyfriend and I are currently taking a break to think about our relationship because we were fighting all the time. I had been hurt by a previous relationship so I was always suspicious of him from the beginning, which I know was wrong of me to do. However, recently, he lied to me about hanging out with a girl friend of his at her house. When we talked about it he told me he just did it because he wanted to talk to her about us and didn’t want to cause a fight by telling me where he was actually going, since I was always getting jealous. He asked me if there was anything we could do to move past it and trust him again which is what this break is spent thinking about.

    Do you think this was a white lie, or something more serious? I don’t think he would cheat on me (he told me he physically can’t haha) but I am wondering if this is a red flag for something more serious or if he really was just avoiding a fight and I should really think about trying to make it work with him. I love him and I want to make things work, but I am scared that he’s going to lie again if he did it once.

    1. admin

      October 17, 2013 at 2:51 am

      Well, look at his history. Has he usually been trustworthy? If so, I think there is no red flag needed.

  14. Stephanie

    October 13, 2013 at 8:09 pm

    I contacted you on October 12 about a possible collaboration project. I received an auto-response back due to the volume of emails you receive. However, if you’re interested in reading it, let me know. I can re-send.

    1. admin

      October 15, 2013 at 1:17 am

      Yea I get like 50=100 emails a day.

      Contact me via [email protected] with the details of the collaboration and I will get back to you.

    2. Stephanie

      October 19, 2013 at 10:56 pm

      Just re-sent. Sorry for the delay.

    3. Stephanie

      October 19, 2013 at 7:07 pm

      Okay I am resending it now.

  15. Sarah

    October 11, 2013 at 2:31 am

    I’ve written on here before…thanks for this post…..i’m day 37 NC. felt like contacting him today but I just feel like I gotta leave him alone. After we broke up, my ex and i were on good terms until i found out he lied lied lied lied lied up and down…it was sad. he was so scared when i caught him in his lies voice shaking and crying. he said he lied bc he wanted to spare my feelings, didn’t want me to think the shit i was thinking now which was YOU CHEATED. It was like he was downplaying it. He didnt want me to find out either bc of how i would react too. bc he knows who he cheated on me with is NOT attractive in the slightest. I finally realized that he is a compulsive liar, he’s a master at little lies but he told some big ones at the end of our relationship….he already lied twice to the rebound girl who moved in. He needs help.

    1. admin

      October 11, 2013 at 6:15 pm

      Compulsive liars suck…

      I really feel for you because you seem like an honest person that got mixed up with someone like that. You deserve better.

    2. Sarah

      October 12, 2013 at 5:21 am

      Thank you, Chris, I appreciate it, you’re right I didn’t deserve it I devoted a lot of time and energy into this relationship and I still am experiencing a lot of anger…and when it comes down to it I don’t regret the relationship, bc I’ve learned a hell of a lot of lessons!

    3. admin

      October 13, 2013 at 8:24 pm

      That is the right attitude to have.

      No matter what you are progressing as a human being.

  16. Elizabeth

    October 11, 2013 at 12:31 am

    Chris,
    Can you talk about how a dudes friends and relatives may influence his opinion of you? I’m just worried that his friends are all encouraging him to stay single because they are all single or recently dumped, etc. we had a strong healthy relationship for most of our four years so I have that on my side. Anyway thanks! I’m on day 21 of no contact! 21 days clean! Haha

    1. admin

      October 11, 2013 at 6:08 pm

      The influence opinion a lot.

      Friends hating a girl knocks her “hotness” down a notch.
      Family hating a girl knocker her “hotness” down two notches.

      Of course, with all this in mind most guys take great offense when they don’t like someone he does. And in the end the guy usually does what HE wants

  17. Maria

    October 10, 2013 at 3:28 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My ex boyfriend (31) used to have some drug addicting problems before we started dating about 1 and a half year ago. When we started dating he cut all the stuff he used to take. He is a very social guy. Although he had some drug problems I knew that he was a good man and he was always there for me, he treated me always like I was the only one that changed his life and used to say nice words to me. On the other hand, I am completely different than him, I dont have many friends and when they tell me to hang out with them I try to not go. I think I do it because I d rather spend the night with him than with my friends. Ok so here s the thing last saturday I was working (12 hours) I was whole day looking forward to meet my boyfriend and go and order some chinese takeout because I knew how much he loves it. When I got home he came and I saw him acting different, I asked him “did you take cocaine” he was like “Are you serious? of course I didn’t” after some time I was not talking to him and he confessed that he went to help his friend who owns a bar and there were some friends and he just had some cocaine. I was really angry about it and we spent a whole week fighting about it. The next Sunday we were at his parents and his friend text him to go to the bar to help him and again I was really angry because I thought that he might do it again. He went and I waited for him to come home. When he came he was arguing with me because i am controlling his life and he said that bc of me he can’t do anything he likes. He left me because he said that he cant change and if I try to change for him I will be fed up instead of him. Yesterday I sent him a msg after 3 days that I miss him and he said that he missed me too but he cant do anything about it because if he comes back to me we will start fighting again. All of a sudden I realised that I made a mistake that I sent that msg and I told him excuse me for sending the msg I will not txt you again.bye. and he was like no no its ok you can text me. but it didnt feel right so I didn’t text him anymore. I dont know what to do if I try to get him back or not. I am confused because I dont want a boyfriend that when I am working he is having drugs with his friends!! What do you think about this?! Sorry for this long msg and sorry about my english its not so good 🙂

    1. admin

      October 10, 2013 at 7:07 pm

      I think you should drop him tbh….

    2. Maria

      October 14, 2013 at 8:24 pm

      Hi Chris,

      I like your blog and the way you describe every little detail. I tried to follow your advice but after 4 days I missed him so much and I texted him. At first he seemed really interested in the conversation and he was very nice. We kept texting for 3 days and on the 3 day he was ignoring my messages. He didnt reply back and the more he didn’t send me msgs the more I was getting obsessed!! I told him that we should meet and at first he told me that on sunday we can meet. On sunday he texted me saying goodmorning. He was flirting with me like he used to do before we broke up. I was really happy. When I asked him what time we will meet he told me that he has a headache and that he is not sure if he want to meet me. I was really looking forward to meet him so I got sad and disapointed. I think he noticed and he told me that I was forcing him to meet me and that he is still confused. He said that he still loves me and he misses me but he is scared that if we get back together we will start fighting again and instead of ending it now we will end it in another 2 years and it will hurt more. I told him to stop flirting with me and make me thing that we will be together again if he thinks that this will not happen, because It was really hurting me. So I decided that its better to stop texting eachother and he agreed and his final msg was that he don’t want to hurt me but it wasn’t all his fault and that i did not loose him in just one day. anyway, today my bestfriend which is also his friend sent me a msg saying that he texted her to make sure that she takes care of me. He told her that he still loves me and that he thinks that one day he will regret his decision but for now he can’t be with me. I can’t understand why he is so confused and why he is so scared!! I wish we just could go back to that time when all we did was love eachother we were so happy together and he was so romantic. now he is so cold. Do you think that I still have the chance to get him back? should I start nc??

      Thanks chris

    3. admin

      October 15, 2013 at 2:33 am

      Problem is there are literally millions of details and I can’t cover them all even if I wanted to.

      I think I do a pretty decent job though.

      Definitely start NC and you do have a shot 🙂

  18. Leah

    October 9, 2013 at 4:55 am

    Would you consider omission a lie?

    I recently found out my ex didn’t tell me that one of the girls he is tight ith is actually his ex girlfriend and all this time I was becoming close to her. Everyone I assumed I knew amd was a suck up then in fact I had no clue! I know he didn’t tell me so then I either wouldn’t feel uncomfortable around her – but I told him that one my best guy friend and I have a history – so wouldn’t it show that I would have been ok with it? He also neglected to tell me that the girl who introduced us – he has has a crush on her for years but never did anything since she has had a boyfriend all this time…

    If I am to successfully reattract him – would u recommend me confronting him about it? For sure after NC but before (if) we get back together ? I’m not angry about it now (though I was annoyed when I found out) but I just want to know if it is a rumour and to let him know I rather know (and I’m cool with it) than not in the future?

    Thanks Chris!

    1. admin

      October 10, 2013 at 2:05 am

      Now that is an interesting question.

      Technically an omission is not a lie

      BUT

      In my opinion some omissions can be as bad as lies. Now, in your case I think he ommited that information because he was scared about how you would react.

    2. Leah

      October 10, 2013 at 8:20 am

      Should I confront him about it? Or is it unnecessary? – I know about it now and I feel that something in the back of my head is going to wonder if he omitted that – what else did he omit? How do you think he will respond to it… Poorly? Since it shows a level of distrust.

      Also if I suspect if he is with someone else – should I discuss how intimate he was with her if I am able to successfully reattract him?

    3. admin

      October 10, 2013 at 6:33 pm

      I think at this point it is unecessary. What makes you suspect him?

    4. Leah

      October 11, 2013 at 3:45 am

      He went on a trip with another couple (also assumed since I know for a fact the other guy in the “couple” also broke up with his long term girlfriend of 2 years ~2 months ago but in the posted fb pictures the girls were both leaning on the respective guys shoulders) with her and based on Facebook photos they looked like they were cozy.

    5. admin

      October 11, 2013 at 6:20 pm

      That totally sucks :(.

      Maybe they were just two guys taking two rebounds on a trip.

1 2 3